Weird and Rude conversation: Flare meets Bowserman?
Originally completed 12/1/15
Summary: (AU) Bowserman is an entertainer and Bowser impersonator. Flare the podoboo is a plumber. What will happen when they are put in a room together? -Along with with a bit of "help" from a Boo, of course. (Contains OCs)
Disclaimer: I don't own "Bowser", "podoboo", "boo" or anything else Mario related here. I especially don't own that 'let the bodies hit the floor' song.
Bowserman entered from stage left. And by that we mean a random door into blank white room.
Bowserman (who will be called 'Bowser' for short) is a six foot Koopa wearing a black tank top with designer jeans and sunglasses. He has prominent horns and a large spiky shell, giving him an uncanny resemblance to the Koopa King Bowser, no doubt influencing his stage name. The only difference is that Bowserman has a large unkempt black beard. 'Bowser' and his sister Destructo own BM+DK, a fashion accessory line and talk show aimed at super villains. With their products and show being a huge hit, Bowser has much fame in the area.
"The one and only Bowserman is here!" he loudly announced as he approached Flare. She was sweeping with a broom around the two chairs and table in the otherwise empty room.
Flare is a podoboo with a typical podoboo appearance, that being a flaming fireball with eyes. She also co-owner of the publishing and plumbing company, Red Plum that she owns with her husband and family. They are a direct competitor with the 'Mario bros' plumbing shop. Flare is basically a nobody and far from famous.
"What are you? Some celebrity?" Flare said without looking away from the broom.
"Uh yeah! I'm the host of the Bowserman and Distructo Koopa show," Bowserman said as if it was common knowledge.
"So you are some entertainer, huh?" Flare asked sharply.
"Yo, only the best in town. BM+DK, yeah!" he replied, leaning on the tabletop.
"If you say so," Flare said as she finally took a glance at Bowserman. A flash of disgust came across her face and she returned to her self imposed chores.
"So umm, you're a plumber right?"
"Uh hmm," she mumbled fully engrossed in her work.
Sweeping was Flare's favorite necessary chore. Once her family had to stage an intervention over it. Flare was no longer 'obsessed' with it but she'd take it over interacting any farther with Bowserman. Bowser took a seat in one of the chairs. He was a true entertainer and loved meeting new people so he was determined to get to know Flare better.
"Yeah yeah. I can respect that girl," he said while simultaneously tapping his chest in an "urban" sign of respect. Flare didn't see the kindly gesture but did take offense to his comment.
"I'm old enough to be your mother," she stated matter of factly.
"Oh, I dig that."
"You dug up what?"
"No, I like your uh, age and beauty?"
"I'm married too."
He had no intention of appearing to hit on Flare. She was definitely not his type. However unlike his more charismatic sister, Destructo, Bowser often played on the responses of others; in situations where he wasn't getting much response from the other person, he was suddenly awkward. Just before he could think of a way to change the conversation Flare suddenly dropped her broom and stared upward. Bowserman also looked upwards towards the plain white ceiling and saw no source of the light. This instantly freaked him out.
"Flare, you alright?" Bowser said as he got up from the chair and made his way towards Flare.
Suddenly a beam of light appeared over her. Bowser was knocked back by an invisible force and a blinding light obscured his view of anything else.
"Hey kid, now are you alright?" Bowserman heard a familiar voice say. His vision cleared and he saw Flare standing in in front of him with a quizzical look.
"Girl, what was that?"
"What was what, hon?"
"That- that light thing. From the ceiling and? I- nevermind..." Bowser trailed off starting to believe he was more sleep deprived than he thought.
"Oh well then. I'm pleased to meet you Mr. Bowserman. Your talk show is wonderful," Flare said in an uncharacteristically sweet way. She walked to the chair on her side of the table, not giving the broom on the floor a glance. This instantly made Bowser suspicious.
"Don't you want to take a seat?" Flare suggested. Bowser complied hesitantly.
"Again, I think your show has helped improve hero villain relations."
"Yeah it has. We're all people too," He said starting to get comfortable again.
"Yes wonderful. So what's your workout routine?" Flare said now in a lower voice while staring him down.
Bowser did indeed work out. It wasn't something he's serious about but he had to keep up appearances being a male celebrity and all.
"Uh, a bit of cardio, some laps, a bit of swimming. Wait, why?"
"Let's just say if someone theoretically had a husband that's picked up a few pounds and refused to go to the gym despite the pleas of his loving, beautiful wife and blames the weight on my- I mean the wife's cooking which can't be the case because I- I mean the wife only uses low fat products and he says the gym is a ripoff but it isn't if you use a coupon that she could print if only he bothered to change the ink.-"
"-But he doesn't trust the print store because they ruined our- I mean their sales posters so basically you need to order it online but the office computer has viruses from my- I mean his, her, whatever cousins playing on it a week before. So basically this wife just wants a ripped husband to stick it to her neighborhood club leader's wife and prove he's not a loser. So, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THIS THIS THEORETICAL WIFE?" She screamed with a crazed look.
"D-dude…" Bowser was debating at this point if he should just run. All hope was lost for a normal conversation in his mind. "You don't have to make friends with everyone," he reasoned, especially the crazies. After glancing around he started to panic more when he couldn't find an door. Not even the one he entered through.
"I gotta go..." he said while getting up and backing away.
"Listen kid," she pouted "hey listen! Don't move!" she suddenly shouted. Bowserman obeyed as Flare's authoritative tone was oddly effective.
"I'm fine okay?" She continued, "I have to be like this because the plot demands so."
Then the camera dramatically zoomed in on Flare's face...
"Guess what son," she said plainly, "That light beam was a message from beyond and I tell you, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR-"
Bowserman freaked out. He ran toward one of the walls and frantically beat on it.
"Let me out let me out let me out-!"
"Just kidding. That was Amia communicating with me. She's my daughter. And that weird thing was lyrics from a song my little cousins were listening to."
Bowserman looked back unsure. Flare seemed nice if not defensive at first. Flare tilted her head.
"Hey, kids these days do have strange music tastes…"
"Okay then but, why the heel turn?" he said as he turned around.
"I just told you. We weren't engaged."
"But you said you were married right?"
"Not that kind of engage. Uhg, just whatever!" She got up from the chair and looked above. "I'm done here," she said to the ceiling.
"But MOM?!" a monstrous yet whiny voice thundered, appearing to come from nowhere.
"No 'buts' Missy. We are done here. He's just like the rest of our entertainers these days. All cheese, no ham. You know what I mean?"
Flare and the voice broke out in laughter. However the voice's laughter shook the room freaking Bowser out again.
"That voice is your daughter's? You people are crazy!" By this point, Bowser's fake urban accent was long gone and he now sounded vaguely European.
"Mr. Bowserman, you lasted a while-" the voice replied, "People usually say that about us in the first five minutes."
"C-can I just leave?!"
"Sure dude. Oh and pleased to meet you. I'm Amia, we've met before."
In a poof, Amia appeared in the middle of the room. She was a shifty eyed Boo wearing only a sergeant hat labeled "S". The force of her arrival knocked over the nearby table and chairs but it was otherwise less spectacular than the situation before with Flare. She stood stoically near the mess she made and after a quick glance around the room simply shrugged.
"Meh. Nothing is broken at least…" Her was voice no longer monstrous but monotonous.
"Who are you again?" Bowserman said now more confused than frightened.
"So you don't remember? Season 5 episode 3 during your 'call a guest' special. I was called on stage and you even shook my hand come on, dude!" Amia suddenly whined.
"Amia! He's older than you, but most importantly he's rich. You'd better respect him," Flare said in her signature authoritative tone.
"Yes ma'am," Amia instantly calmed down, presumably for her own good. Flare's tone worked again.
"So that thing before with the light," Bowser started again.
"Oh Amia just likes to show off," Flare said.
"I do not, mom."
"So like how is she your mother? You being a podoboo and her being a boo?... I mean uh, no offense?" Bowser realized he'd made a big mistake.
"What?" Amia and Flare said with distraught face.
Okay so Amia is Flare's stepdaughter. Still, that's probably something that one shouldn't bring up.
"Please I- I just want to go. Is this a hostage situation? There's no doors- do you want money? Just- just LET ME OUT!" Bowserman shrieked.
Amia pulled out an electronic device and pressed a button. The door Bowser and Flare entered in appeared once more.
"Heh, I just hid the door to 'encourage' discussion."
Bowser looked towards the door and then back to Amia with suspicion.
"So, how can you get away with that? The BM+DK show doesn't even get away with kidnapping guests, and we get away with a lot of other things"
The show indeed does. Highlights include staging a "wear no pants day", using dangerous chemicals see which one melts metal bars the quickest on stage, and hosting an unofficial Death Machine parade. Kidnapping guests however is going way too far for BM+DK.
"Hey like, don't even think about suing. It's in the contract, dude."
"Amia! Let him go!" Flare interrupted.
"Mom, I'm just establishing our legal standings here."
"Whatever, later. BM is out, yo yo!" His urban accent was back in full force as he took his leave.
Amia and Flare followed. Outside the room, they were in a Park the middle of the city park. The room they had just exited was gone, leaving only a door. The room didn't actually exist in this dimension, it was just a conference room literally in the middle of nowhere Amia could access with her own otherworldly powers.
"I think it went alright, mom"
"Never again, sweety."
"Uh, but you liked my effects right?"
Amia was deeply sensitive about her theatrics, ever since she got booed (no pun intended) off of the stage of a high school talent show. That however is another story...
"No. Oh and watch yourself with these blank white rooms. You can make people crazy with your tricks. I just- oh look at the time!"
Flare had to run off. She took her leave in a hurry towards her family plumbing shop just two blocks away from the park to attend to business. She was already a few minutes pass her break time so for once, she was the late one. Her workmates would be sure to make fun of her for that. Amia, understanding Flare's sudden leave, felt slightly guilty for making her late. She then teleported to Super Flat Zone, where she frequently hung out with her friend Mr. Game &Watch.
But what about Bowserman? He had fled to the other side of the Park and hid in a bush, an effort to avoid being seen until an special vehicle could pick him up. After hiding for twenty minutes, the car arrived. Bowser noticed it took a mad dash towards it before too many park goers could spot him and take pictures. Once inside he was greeted by his sister.
"Hey, bro h- whoa! Are you well?" Distructo asked in a European accent. The siblings didn't even bother with the fake urban accent with each other.
"Too much," he huffed.
"Well did you meet Flare? Was was this whole thing?"
"One weird and rude conversation…"
Author note: This is my first submission here, but far from my first story ever written (not that I'm saying I'm really good or anything). That being said, this is alternate universe as most of my work is. Hopefully you won't find the pace too slow. Often with my original fiction I have inside jokes and whatnot that only me and and closer acquaintances would get, but I've tried to eliminate a lot of that here, for the sake of having something that the general public can enjoy. So, if something does not make sense, please pm me or mention it in a review.
Oh, and 'Amia' is not a self insert. You'll only realize why I'm saying that if you visit my bio though. Lastly, feel free to give any feedback you deem necessary. I won't bite!