Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

1. Go-Karting With Bowser

Chapter Notes

*edited* Fits the quality of the rest of the story better.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Zoom! A mushroom powered racer takes the ramp. Thousands of feet up, their cart soars in the sky, creating a picture perfect sweep of their silhouette across the moon. Screech! The racer in eighth overshoots a tight curve. Sparks fly from the metal rails separating them from death. The racer directly behind, not so fortunate, is flung off the edge. On the opposite side of the track, the first place racer has their moment of peace shattered when the second placer relentlessly fires heat seeking red shells.~

A Mario Kart kicked off the recreation weekend, for the uninitiated, a long running and profitable extravaganza the famous plumber hosted. Groups of heroes, villains, and everyone in-between had a chance to compete fiercely on streets, dirt tracks, underwater, through sand, snow, and whatever Cheese Land was supposed to be, to vouch for prizes. Recently among Mario and co, there'd been a lull in activity, so he wanted to set the mood by starting them on the infamous Rainbow Road. Fit for a Special Cup circuit, the track was a vivid and colorful ribbon-like band, perpetually suspended in the stratosphere. Only the occasional rail and Lakitu's diligence separated the racers from certain doom. For Mario frontrunning however, the soundtrack from hidden boomboxes was crystal clear, almost making the race leisurely- Not exactly what he was going for.

"Finally I caught up with ya, moustache!" Followed by the nagging alarm of red shells, that was more like it, the plumber thought.

Though those projectiles couldn't handle the tight twists of the anti-gravity section, King Bowser Koopa could. Mario watched from the mirrors his rival's red eyes boring into the back of his head, and how his claws were about to snap the steering wheel in half. Bowser's lean pipe frame kart was riddled with dents and scrapes marring the orange paint, no doubt from fighting his way up from his seventh starting position. Mario had to wonder if that was in response to him borrowing his neighbor's Bullet Blaster cart and being dumb enough to inform Bowser of that during a totally innocent phone conversation. In exchange for the bulk Bowser could terrify most racers with, sans Donkey Kong possibly, he could actually recover from obstacles and catch up, superbly in that moment, side by side with Mario and smirking.

"You're slacking!" he teased.

Mario rolled his eyes. His foot had fallen asleep is all, and- the shooting stars distracted him! ..Indeed that's why via his map, all those blips representing the rest of the crew were right on him.

"This'll wake you up."

After Bowser slapped a bob-omb in his face, Mario had to swerve for a trick ramp. Exhilarating as they were on a joy ride, time trial specializing racers resisted temptation for a reason. He landed a few microseconds behind, the bouncy rubber tires wasting more time before an item box section. Mario grumbled over the single banana. Thankfully Bowser was a combination of arrogant as always but narrower, driving right in-between the boxes. Ha, he laughed, now in the position where he saw Bowser eyeing him in the mirrors. Mario used some quick mini turbos as they traversed through a zero gravity loop, descended down a spiral, outwitted a blue shell twice, and crossed the finish line to start the final lap. Just as the music sped up-

"Woohoo!"

From golden mushrooms, Toad zoomed past Mario and Bowser's stunned faces, traveling far until he spun out on stray bananas. A green dinosaur, a remarkably fine racer to be the only participant that didn't grow up around karts, took a mushroom-less shortcut to insert himself in the top three slots. Mario and him made a pact to not abuse each other too much during games, but when his oldest and best friend had that sort of gleam in his eyes, he had to watch out regardless. He shot triple green shells to force Mario and Bowser to separate, but Yoshi wouldn't get further, someone barreling beyond him while encapsulated by a bullet-bill. With a smoky poof Bowser Junior emerged. Mario checked the map. That one item had propelled Junior from eleventh to third, leaving him sandwiched between Bowsers!

The red plumber audibly huffed through his nose. His only way out of this might be whoever that was on the radar, a thundercloud victim weaving around Koopa, who was typically a local jogger, Toadette of Peach castle, Luigi his brother, Donkey Kong a rare VIP guest, and Birdo all the way from across the globe, to hone in on.. him specifically?! Toad was nuts, or feigned it enough to make even his stomach sink a bit.

Mario spun out 360 degrees and bang against a fake music playing asteroid as his chaotic friend was zapped by the item, taking out Junior as collateral. After the red plumber recovered, boosting with the ejected mushroom on the road, he was in arms reach of Bowser and for a few moments, it was only them again.

"Phew!" Bowser went first, surprising him.

"What?"

"Good riddance. Those losers were stealing the spotlight when these events are all about us and OUR rivalry!"

Well.. yes and no, Mario corrected inwardly. Of course that could be clarified later. He was mini-turboing, the closest to 'snaking' allowed in this tournament to cut barrierless corners and overtake the Koopa King. Gill T. next door might complain about the worn tires, again that could be dealt with later. His hairs were rising under his long sleeves, so anxious and close to the finish line.

Thunder crackled, now he needed to beat the rain too! Hm.. Except there should be none of that in space.

ZAP! Rainbow road was shrouded by a flash that could be seen into the heavens.

...

"Lightning Strike? Y/N?"

The Great Eldstar replied yes from his pager, one of several ways he relayed information from the Mushroom World below.

"Wow!"

The Great star dropped to his white marble floors, hastily closing his door half way.

"Can I change my bet?" chimed a star kid at work today, Twink.

"Too late. Misstar will most likely let it go instead of bereaving you of your allowance, but you should know better. Karting is volatile," Klevar warned.

He watched the pair stroll past his doorway. At least that added context. Some racer well versed in the stars really wanted to win..

...

A miniaturized Mario came too, afterimages blotting out all but the peripherals of his vision. He bolted from the checkpoint, bumping into Bowser, plopped right in front of him from Lakitu. Who's side was he on? Bowser bared his sharp white teeth, smug to be in front. When a confetti cannon went off near the finish line that was quickly replaced with a scowl.

Jaw hanging, Mario spun to the large display. First place was...

"Oh, thank you dear!" Princess Peach accepted the gold medal from Mario, suited for racing and pristine, unlike the rest of the scorched racers..

Without the typical audience, he figured he'd be the awards presenter too. If he'd placed he could have made up a skit for it, pretended to not know where the person in his own slot was. Alas not today. He helped Peach down first, then Toad, the second place spot quite high up for him. The lowest third place position was unoccupied and he knew why. Post race, the eleven racers concluded their gathering in the garage, scattering quickly. Most of them lived a considerable distance away, and the bigger event that would have live spectators was tomorrow. Sliding shut and locking up the metal doors of the garage, Mario was eager to get home himself. Though he did like to win, it was less about his abysmal placement and more about why he was such a mess.

"Get over 'ere!" Bowser ambushed Mario as he pocketed the key. "Where is it?"

Mario faced his rival on the rocky Star Road landscape. "Oh you mean this?" He untucked the bronze medal from within his shirt.

"Well? You gonna hand it over?

Mario swung the ribbon around his finger. "No. You forgot to introduce someone."

Bowser Jr. waved from behind his father's leg, who shrugged. "Do I need to? Gimme!" He snatched the bronze anyway.

"Sorta! Also, ouch." Mario held his fingers almost yanked off. "Really needed to occupy that empty trophy shelf of yours, didn't you? Will he be at the tennis game?"

Suddenly Bowser gave the koopa kid a few coins to run over to the snack machines, which he eagerly did. They were close by, illuminated by one amber lamp above. "No, and I'm not even gonna bother. Now, tell me plumber. What's your issue with Junior?"

Mario supervised with Bowser for a moment. ".. It has zero to do with the tyke. Ever since you sent him to Koopa Scouts instead of having your kooky grandpa, no offense- Kamek watch him, his behavior is almost normal."

"Great!" he beamed.

"Almost. I guess that, besides my sports being dangerous for a six year old, him tagging along with us adds another layer of danger."

Bowser faced Mario vexingly, the medal swinging from his neck. "Wait. So we have this Peace Pact thing. You stop blowing up my castles and no adventures means we can only call a lot instead of hang out. So now we get a chance and.. you act all insecure?"

Mario flushed. As Junior returned with sugary Morel Moxie and questionably dated chips, he puffed up for show. "No way, Koopa. Just keep your distance.. And your eyes off the princess!" he tacked on.

"Yeah right, bwahahaha!" Bowser winked as a dark object loomed overhead, his airship ride out.

Without a proper good-bye, they never really did that, Mario slipped away for his own snack. He was so late already, he didn't want to annoy his roommate and brother by rummaging in the kitchen at midnight. He pressed the half busted button for FungusUp and nothing happened. Out of stock. When he settled for some Jelly Candy next, he realized the entire thing was busted, unlike the adjacent one Junior went for. Blocking out commotion around him, the loud horn of the airship drifting off course, and Bowser screaming at the operators, he scoped it out. If he could carry this home he could fix it. It would be any more complicated than repairing his Mach Bike-

"Move!" screeched the onboard intercom.

Swaying on the port side, the doomship was going down. Mario backflipped as the machines and part of the garage was smashed into by the heavy anchor, the plumber landing on the steep edge of the floating island, tumbling off and splatting on the Rainbow Road below. He thought he was in the clear until, rolling on his back, he saw the stern of the ship backing into him. It missed that time, breaking the rainbow road. He'd always wondered if it would shatter like glass. It did, with him on it.

...

Keep your friends close, enemies closer. To Mario that seemed natural, too much so, and no matter how many catastrophes spawned from such, like whatever that was, he never saw himself changing it.

After a two hour visit to the Star Road ER, the fishing line burn from Lakitu's timely rescue not that bad afterall, Mario was discharged. He left with a mega-vitamin prescription in hand he'd likely not pick up, (he didn't trust that distant Dr. Mario relative) and was stopped by a traumatized looking nurse handing him a scratchy letter.

To Mario only (OR ELSE): This is 'You know who'. Yeah I think we hit something! You! Whoops! Was it that obvious I was training new minions with the airships? I'll make it up to you. How? I'll be your tennis partner tomorrow! Genius right? We can trash those other losers and the money I win can fix whatever. Or I'll just keep it. Anyway I changed the forms and everything already by [the word 'threatening' is scratched out] 'explaining' the situation to Lakitu. Get ready!

PS. This isn't a ploy to expand my totally not empty trophy case or anything..

Mario folded the letter up, blanching. Now he'd really have some explaining to do. His tennis partner was supposed to be Luigi!

2. Bros Before Koopas

Chapter Summary

The day after...

Chapter Notes

*Again, edited to fit the quality of later chapters*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luigi groggily leaned up in bed and stretched, awake early. Mario had materialized in the opposite side as he expected, tucked under the covers, and snoring. The sleep mask snuggly strapped to his hairy face was supposed to make him sleep soundly so that at 6 AM he wouldn't immediately be lucid enough to slap the alarm silent. Just as Luigi rose, Mario's basic Yoshimobile rung, the unknown caller id rattling his bones. Besides the odd hour, Mario's number was used for emergencies sometimes.

He jumped to Mario's bed, shaking him violently. "Brother, wake up!"

'You have one new message.' *Beep*

Mario's eyelids slowly opened as the voicemail began to play:

"Hey loser, wake up call from: 'You Know Who'!" ~Loud orchestral music was in the background of the gravelly voice. "Friendly reminder for ya: we gotta win, or the Special Cup's gonna be incomplete! That's a problem, because my castles in that cup. Alright? Oh, and I got another surprise when I show up. Bwa ha ha!"

Mario shuddered, bumping Luigi off as he scrambled out of bed, searching for the the black phone on the black table.

"-Lastly.. What's the recipe for that Couples Cake again?... The one you can't eat alone?" *Mumbling heard*"- Gramps, no this ain't-" *mumbling * "Gotta go. Keep that touchscreen smokin'!"

*Beep* 'End of message. You have no new messages.'

"Looking for this?" Luigi effortlessly located the phone and dropped it in his brother's lap. "Better check that 'stranger' out."

Mario yawned, avoiding eye contact. "Let's consider it spam."

"Then what do we consider this?" Luigi reached over and tugged on the neon green medical bracelet showing under the long sleeve of Mario's red pajamas.

He snapped it off, sheepishly. "After the race I was locking everything down then Rainbow Road fell!"

Luigi gave a start. "Mario, at terminal velocity it could take out a city way larger than Toad Town!"

"No worries." Mario slapped him playfully. "Only a portion, and it's handled. It was Bowser's fault anyway, but.."

Luigi exasperatedly left. Mario anticipated that reaction, albeit after he saw the astronomical bill from that short hospital visit, waived of course because of who he was, or- He gulped. Right. He had to discuss his rival's immodest proposal with him.

...

"What is that thing?"

Luigi settled on a memory foam seat cushion. "One of your gifts. Found it underneath your sealed in box copy of Wind Waker."

"-I have that?" Mario dragged an iron chair over, seating himself on the other side of the kitchen table.

Their little wooden cottage was warm and cozy already from the morning sun. Birds chirped outside and grass in the yard was covered in dew. The kitchen was frequently their place to chat and the only clear area. From being the sole heroes of an entire kingdom, sometimes other ones too, they had a multitude of gifts hoarding them out of their home, or at least Mario did in particular. While it was a problem they saw years in advance, it snuck up on them somehow anyway, and now they were in the acceptance phase, stagnant and complacent, sandwiched innocuously in a suburb West of downtown Toad Town, because the spectacle of moving wasn't worth it. Mario was often out and about , not his way of ignoring the problem he assured people, but Luigi knew otherwise. He chose to be a homebody, creating paths that didn't create avalanches, and using the hazardous home base to wind down, relax. It just happened that it allowed him to be privy to the letters addressed to the brothers. Or the phone.

"Yes, that's in your assemblage and more." Luigi lowered his morning Toad Town news, eyebrows furrowing. "Are you prepared to discuss the Elle in the room now?"

Mario almost stalled with the orange juice, his plate emptied moments ago, but his bother's deductive reasoning could be classified as a lethal weapon. No point. "So, 'You Know Who' is trying to replace you as my tennis partner."

"And?"

"Well, he wrecked a bunch of anti-gravity panels. Those aren't cheap."

"I mean-"

"Then yeah." Mario leaned back, uneasily. "That's it."

His younger brother tossed the articles away. "I'll give Bowser that victory today. Have fun out there."

Mario watched him clean up his dishes. "..We are at the top of the leaderboards! ..And it'll mess up our streak!"

"Mario, I'm with you all of the time. No worries," he echoed wryly, loading up the dishwasher, after sliding away boxes of mini-marios in the way.

His older brother waited all the way until they were cranking up the Mach Bike for Luigi to change his mind. He never did. Mario fancied himself a great biker. He was his own mechanic, so he'd better not get into too many accidents. Nonetheless on the route he'd taken countless times, he target fixated and scuffed the chrome accents on curbs dozens of times. Luigi offered to handle the rest of the way there and they arrived in slightly more pieces than they should have, safely regardless.

---

It was a sunny day in Toad Town, Mushroomites and visitors gathering for the upcoming match at the stadium. Citizens crammed their way in, passing by many sidewalk vendors. The green plumber leaving the parking lot stopped for one of them.

"...Bowser kicked you off the team?"

He checked around discreetly, pulling his carry-on back up on his shoulder. "Don't shout from the rooftops or act suspicious, but yes. Bowser left a voicemail this morning, very atypically. Something made him comfortable.."

While Toad listened closely, his pitcher full of blue liquid overfilled a plastic cup.

"..During the confrontation I made it clear that - Toad! That's suspicious!"

"Hahaha whoops." He wiped the spill with a towel. "Guess this'll be a challenge then if it's Bowser instead of you."

"Oh shut up.. I do think this will be an epic match though, and I'll capture all the carnage, believe me."

"I was just kidding!" Toad looked at him seriously for a second. "Don't take this wrong, but I am relieved. Don't gotta get in between you and Daisy like I was dreading."

"That would have been nothing," Luigi assured, pulling down his cap. As earnest as that sentence seemed in his head, saying it he wasn't so sure anymore. She mysteriously couldn't take her cruise liner over for the race after all.

"Eh. If you say so. Here."

Toad gave him a beverage on the house, not that he needed compensation with a tip jar full of gold coins . Actually he still wouldn't need it as a toad of noble background and a subordinate of the princess. He bothered to read the sign and then it made more sense. Still the point stood. It was easy to forget Toad's stature when he was simultaneously his bud and exclusive confidant over Mario's and that 'other guy's' erratic behavior.

Anyway, Luigi gulped the chalky drink down, suspecting his friend concocted himself instead of allowing their qualified castle chef to assist. While his head was tilted up, he got poked in the back. Luigi ended up spraying juice all over himself and the stand.

"Dummy.." Luigi grumbled, pulling his carry bag away from his brother.

Mario stepped back like nothing happened, all innocently. "Just checking up on ya, little bro. Hey Toad." He waved. "Or 'Toadette'. You're still playing aren't you?"

With zero problems manning a stand with a bold and glittery pink banner, he retrieved a megaphone. "I was covering for my homegirl is all. CLOSE OUT SALE! SHROOM SHAKES HALF OFF!"

The Mario brothers covered their ears, side stepping as passerby were galvanized to crowd in and support Toad's or Toadette's or whoever's 'Install more monuments of indigenous Fungi' fund. Once Mario was off the into the grass, Princess Peach, ruler of the Kingdom unceremoniously arrived and whisked him away in small talk. Luigi instead went closer to the street, tentatively scoping out the regal sports coliseum. Thanks to his latest study project, he was admiring it as more than a big building for outdoors sports events, that would be deserted in a few hours and left with footprints or the occasional wrappers under the bleacher.. The jagged shape of the battlement against the blue sky was striking to him. -It's large and imposing nature, one of the tallest down town. -It's aged yellow brickwork, the foundation laid long before the rest of the modern city sprung up around it. It was surely as old as Peach's Castle. He retrieved from his bag an expensive camera he'd been training with, not that his brother noticed. He snapped a few pictures and then rushed to get the kind of seat integral to the rest of his plans.

...

Soon a bus pulled up to the curb, dumping more attendees. A dinosaur rubbed his heavy eyes, elbowed a couple times for being too slow. Spectating this game would be the first time he'd sit still in a few days. Besides the race yesterday, he was always traveling from Yoshi's Island to the Mushroom Kingdom via ferries or train, and once in town using the modern bus system. If not for cell towers, another invention that wasn't around decades ago, it'd be an even more arduous task to support anything Mario was involved in.

Of course, when the famous hero was on his mind, Yoshi's fiancée was too. He'd convinced Birdo to race sure, but from her dissatisfactory commentary afterwards while they were at his treehouse, always when it stung the worse to be honest, he knew she wasn't showing to this event. Should he incur a roaming charge to call her before entering a loud environment, or settle for a text? Dithering allowed a third option to present itself and he did neither, sprinting around a ransacked drink stand to rescue someone burred under a giant pile of paper cups.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks Yosh," Toad woozily stood up. "More people care about about unappreciated Mushroom history than I thought. -Or my last minute sale was fire. I'll imagine both."

"No problem?" Yoshi muttered, scanning the signs. "Aren't you playing against Mario and Luigi?"

Toad secured the proceeds, handing over a special pass. "About that... Just grab a good seat, okay?"

Yoshi checked that ticket shortly afterwards. It was hand drawn! Nonetheless the organizers checking, not any administration of the facility, rather zealous Mario fans willing to volunteer, let him get a low lettered row, courtesy of the Earl of the kingdom. Call the dinosaur paranoid from experience, even crotchety, but entering the bustling place, it just didn't appear a robust system. They were letting just about anyone in seemed like..

---

Accurate communication was the cornerstone of advanced civilization, why Ludwig Von Koopa believed he was so successful in his princely and Koopa Troop commandeering duties. Hearing 'Reprisal in A minor' halls before he reached the auditorium however, someone wasn't keeping up with the program. He ushered the reserve pilots to fly the airship instead of koopalings for a purposeful reason. Now that vessel had an infraction on its license, and costly hull damage, but no matter. The result should have been his henchmen and siblings in tip top shape today, not a door whacking him in the face.

"Oh my gosh! Sorry Luddy." The rainbow haired koopaling, younger by a year, exited on his star branded ball, toting five bowling pins.

Ludwig held the discolored blotch on his snout. "You are my secretary, General Lemmy. You especially cannot afford to dawdle on decision day!"

Lemmy kept nimbly rolling around Bowser Castle, forcing Ludwig to speed walk to keep up. "I thought you said practice for a gig doesn't count as goofing off or anything?"

"Then explain the music! My music."

"Gets me into the zone," he laughed. "You didn't tell me your hit was on the comedy station. Yeah, the 'Delusional Artist Happy Hour'."

"So ein mist.." They hit steps, Lemmy able to bounce down them while Ludwig was rail holding and lagging behind. "I told the record company it wasn't a parody and- Oh disregard such. Give me that old boombox..." He caught it clumsily. "-Oof. Thank you.. And don't expend all your energy with that routine!" he yelled down the long dusty spiraling stairwell.

The commander sat on the empty stage, tuning in to WMUSH for local Toad Town news. The sports coverage was due up.

---

Bowser threw another dart at 'Mario'. The metal tipped barb dug in an inch deep, straight in the nose. That much was clear in the dim locker room, to the man watching in the doorway. Mario in a bizarre lapse of judgement, they weren't even super aquainted back then, gifted his rival that large poster of himself doing a 'v' sign. He'd always hoped Bowser framed it or something, but no. It was tattered and crudely taped up to a corkboard, speckled with tiny holes.

Mario unexpectedly watched him abuse his effigy for a little longer. How put together the impulsive, barely organized (he let his son run the army for a reason) villain was must have been the 'surprise'. His red hair was gelled back and held down by a black and red sports visor with a dark sweat band underneath. He also wore a loosely fitting red tank top, actual clothes.

"Uh. Close the dang door?!" Bowser roared, jolting Mario.

The plumber split in. "Yeah, yeah..."

"I said hurry up! I've been in here forever and-" The Koopa King spun around dramatically. "I'm working with ya! Surprise!"

"...That's the su-?.. Forget it. Why are you all dressed up over tennis?"

He spun his purple racket around, stamped with a red menacing emblem. "To freaking look good, moustache! It's technically for the princess to notice, not you by the way."

Mario dropped his huge duffle bag onto the benches, flushed. "You know that'll only cause a bigger scene. How'd you sneak in here?"

Bowser yawned, testing out his powerful and impressive 200+ mph swings, not that he was scrutinizing. "Super early. That's how."

"Momma-mia.." Mario stood up from the unwieldy duffle bag, full of equipment from every sport they played and a few they didn't, just not the one he needed. "I left the racket 'cause of you!"

Bowser whipped his way. "You are so weak."

"I'm serious." Mario stepped up, arms folded. "You got me sleeping all crazy now, or definitely snoring- I can tell by Luigi's expressions in the morning. You know why."

"You're the weirdo that asks for a peace pact and then wants to avoid me like I'm the freaking Koopapox, Goombola, Blorbs- insert some other plague!"

"What the?! The only thing more extreme than you just went, would be the consequences of us hanging out. It's not what enemies do. At the same time you just assaulted a poster of me that would be collectable by now, so I don't think friend covers it either."

"Come on!" he groaned. "I might as well kidnap Peach again! This crap was less complicated then."

Mario punched his shoulder. "Don't. Do. That."

"Why?"

"There's no such thing as an invasion that doesn't harm people, no matter how much 'acting' is going on."

"..So?"

When the plumber swung again, Bowser caught it and raised him up swiftly. Mario could only flail and kick the air, his boots dangling. Who would be daft enough to pulverize their own tennis partner? Him apparently! "Listen moustache, whatever's going on with you, you need to spill it or get over it. It was strange for me too for the first week, but now I'm loving not having you, that Luigi, or those toad boys, rip my fortresses and castles part for NO REASON!.. Ah hm. And most of all I like how easily I can mess with you by doing almost nothing." He increased his pressure on the plumber's wrist a little bit. "Like right now, you are bothered!" he said low and dangerously, his warm breath tickling Mario's ear.

Mario's struggle paused, fighting more against the grin creeping up. Was that it? What fiend would torture him then? Or was it torture if it wasn't unpleasant? Some sudden outdoors light bleeding in blinded the Koopa King, sending Mario to the concrete flooring.

"Yo! Heads up." Toad poked his head inside the room. "There's a lotta dicey rep out here now. That's good for me, beating Bowser in front of his own people, maybe not for you tho. -Whoa!"

Toad got out of dodge when Bowser flung a spare racket at him. It bashed against the door instead.

'These Kingdoms may never quarrel again' is all the pact stated, nowhere forbidding active KT to attend entertainment venues. "Bowser.." he began.

"Nothing. You take that. There, problem solved. And don't break it! We just really really REALLY can't lose now, alright?"

Mario flusteredly gave the green Bowser emblem racket a few test swings. It had a totally different flex than he was used to. With the Mushroom Anthem playing, he had to roll with it.

Or to match the Air Koopa shoe advert taped to the locker, just 'do it'. If it was working for Bowser so far.. At the same time, he had to keep an eye on the enemy. Luigi would be watching, and it was always 'bros before koopas'.

---

Toad crossed the field to enter his team's locker room.

"Yo, Daze?" he greeted the princess.

The flower princess was still planted on the benches, jabbing at a touchscreen with hints of frustration. Princess Daisy wore an orange tank-top and shorts and her hair was tied back with a hair band, so she looked ready to go. That couldn't be the issue then, Toad reasoned.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just remember the formation thing I sent"

"That pdf was upside down, homegirl. You flubbed up something."

As she abruptly lifted, he got a glimpse of her wide pretty blue eyes, if unfortunately living up to her street name. "Fo real? I mean," She uncrossed her legs, stretching. "I knew it, but thought you could, ya know, flip the phone."

"No, the accelerometer will keep adjusting."

"What?"

"Nevermind," Toad went, inching closer. "We're gonna beat em. I just wanna know if everything's alright."

Daisy dropped the phone in her messenger bag, staring at the poorly drained floor. "It's political stuff from back home, dawg. Nothing more."

"Really?"

"I've been excavating and blowing stuff up, so basically."

"…Isn't Sarasaland full of ancient treasures and rich resources?"

She faced him again, brightening. "I had some outta this world reasons…" She explained on quickly. They weren't mega close, not even when she still dated Luigi, yet she picked up his non-judgy vibe right away. The truth of why she was a loner that people were spreading rumors about, ignoring Mario's Facebook scheduled events lately, was about to burst put of her chest otherwise.

"I get it," he fist bumped. "Make sure the 'house' is in order before fun… Not that I'm setting a bad example."

"That surprises me." Daisy stood up, gathering her gear. "Peachy's always saying, mean, when she messages back, that you're such a lifesaver and junk."

"Well if she's happy I guess we're okay," Toad went, modestly. He and Chancellor Toadsworth, a distant relative to the princess, had a different eye for certain issues was the reality, but if Daisy was wrapped up in her politics, there was no need theirs too. "Now, funny story about Lakitu out here-"

He was interrupted by the loud reverberation of the anthem, ceiling bits falling overhead.

"I'll tell ya after we win!"

Daisy threw her items into a locker and retrieved her racket, orange with her royal flower emblem in the middle. She ran onto the field after he did, finding the toad all over the place, like a hyper spritely toad, and not a dude way older than her. The right side of the stadium had lots of toads, bob-omb buddies, nokis, piantas, and other friendly species. On the left however were more of the same with 'enemy' species, bandits, thwomps, and other folks likely to root for Bowser sprinkled in. Fans were cheering in the stands and promotional agents were on the prowl. One haunted the tanned princess down, a dark boo in a baseball cap. So that made sense… He gifted her a paper bag with a soda in it, Fungus Up.

When Toad stopped lapping up all that attention and saw his partner chugging that, he felt a little sick. Discontinued, they had a soda machine in the castle and verified, all surviving cans had to be mildly to completely stale. Still he reached out to the promoter he'd successfully evaded to get his own can for solidarity, even if he had to hold his nose to stand it. He didn't see Mario or Bowser getting hand outs over there.

"Ladies and gentlemen...and Bowser!" Lakitu and Bowser exchanged nasty looks. "In this doubles match we have Mario and, er, his arch rival King Bowser verses Princess Daisy and Mr. Toad who.. why didn't I cut this out? Ready to rumble! Or something!"

The crowds cheered, working into a frenzy. All tennis players were into position. Toad and Bowser were hugging the net and Daisy and Mario stood farther back. To Mario the competition seemed capable and both Toad and Daisy had developed a twitch from an unknown source, foaming at the mouth.

Thwak!

Faster than his eyes could pick up, Mario felt punched in the gut. Blinking, it was the ball, bouncing off to the sidelines. Laughter could be heard from some of the crowd.

"I don't care how bad you sleep now, plumber boy! Freaking wake up!" Bowser growled.

"For the LAST time, first serve Mario!" Lakitu shot with a cannon another ball out there.

Mario could have sworn it was never said a first time.

3. 'Shiver'

Chapter Summary

Get ready to rumble!

Chapter Notes

*Edited, and a unique situation where I thought trimming enhanced quality.*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luigi settled in the nosebleed section and observed everything below. About two-hundred feet up, the bright green court seemed like their foosball table, the one buried under the junk at their home rather.. Most of the audience attempted to get as close as possible to the playing, endlessly bumping and knocking against each other. Luigi by contrast had the space to stretch his arms, or even his long body across the benches up there. A wave started in the audience as he snapped his first wide lens pictures. He heard a faint noise to the right of him then, the unmistakable sound of the air being stirred unnaturally by some spectral entity. He dropped his camera and whipped his head to the side.

"Oh, sorry!" said the milquetoast form, a little boo diddly.

Luigi quickly calmed his palpitations. "Oh, Boo. No I was just... So buddy, how have you been?" His gaze darted down to the concrete floors, unable to eye his acquaintance directly.

"Great. I thought you were playing?" Boo Diddley asked.

"I was, but you see-" He was drowned out by the Mushroom Anthem starting to blast over the stadium. Thankfully Luigi had his out. He was rather guilty for 'ghosting' his buddy months ago where they'd swapped numbers and said they'd keep in touch. Then the surprise Peace Pact and the ennui that followed happened, culminating into where they were now, where Mario dragged them into activities for the sake of there being something going on in their lives.

"Oh, it's starting!" Boo said, squinting down. "Wait, is that- Oh no it's Bowser!"

Luigi's attention drifted to the players getting into position, nodding. In his viewfinder he noticed Mario had a Bowser racket. He impetuously lowered the camera with an odd feeling. "-Boo, I'm getting into photography now, long story, and I need to find a seat closer. -I've gotten the footage I need from this angle," he tacked on. "..Wanna come too?"

Boo's smile faltered. "I think some of those people work for Bowser!"

"Exactly," Luigi replied with some irritation.

---

Everyone watching, including radio and news reporters, the song concluded and the game was on. Mario's reservations had ebbed away by then basking in the attention of thousands. This would be an invidious situation, but now it was happening. The thing he'd longed for..

He served a topspin towards Toad, who sprinted up and returned the ball. Bowser intercepted at the net and sliced hard in Daisy's direction. The ball bounced beyond her until she did a back-flip into its path again and managed to connect. The ball was but a green blur slipping in the gap between Mario and Bowser.

"Love-15." Lakitu announced.

Mario was left scratching his head at whatever just happened. He refocused, serving again towards Toad who curved the ball around Bowser at the net. Mario rushed behind his partner to counter. Daisy however met him and lobbed the ball back to their side. Bowser did a mad dash to center. He smacked the ball backhanded and so misaimed, someone in row F got a free souvenir.

"Out. Love-30!"

The audience thundered, an increase in camera flashes twinkling. Okay, maybe this wasn't as Mario daydreamed, not with Bowser impossible to control. They didn't stand a chance with Toad and Daisy in perfect, suspiciously silent even, synchrony.

"Bowser!" he half whispered. "If you wanna stick to the front so bad, stay up there. Let me clean up."

He grunted in acknowledgment, glaring at their rivals.

Mario hit lightly towards Daisy. As expected the ball was returned, flying back. He aimed middle then to test them. It was Toad who sprung ahead that time. This resulted in several volleys between him and Bowser close to the net. That was a start, at least they weren't bleeding points all over the place. Mario paced from side to side in case the ball escaped Bowser. Eventually it did from Daisy with the meanest topspin he'd ever seen, red flames from the ball as it bounced out of his reach.

"Game point!"

The hemorrhage resumed and the first set was won by 'Team Daioad' according to the poster boards held by some in the audience. Head hanging low, Mario obeyed the call to switch sides. Bowser was about to snap his racket in half, or anybody that got too close, especially if he wore goggles and rode a cloud, but he lumbered over eventually.

On the defensive side, the difficulty dropped a notch at first, the both of them having more time to react. Return volleys didn't end exactly in their favor however, Bowser, a power character, exerting himself extra to keep up with the speed and technique rivals. The Koopa King was drenched in sweat, soaking through his clothes, making them stick to his chest and muscles. His visor had gotten flung off ages ago, and only the black sweat band held his scarlet hair together somewhat, so that with every clumsy but earnest lunge for the ball it flicked around. Mario tried to search around for Peach. She wasn't in the other umpire chair, so the 'show' was for him after all. Somehow he knew it all along..

How would he deal with it when moment the game was over, people would flood onto the court and open fire. 'How did Bowser replace Luigi? How awful was it working with him? He DID force you right? He won't return, won't he? What about all these Bowser Freaks?' The latter sometimes ironically spat by Mushroomites that looked identical to such 'freaks'. Then there would be Peach whenever she reappeared, who'd masked her views on her ex-abductor since the pact. Her sly, calculated quips made him shiver sometimes.

-Or that was from Bowser stomping so hard, the huge jug of Yoshi-Ade on the sideline spilt over.

"GHAAAAAA! I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE LOSERS!"

Mario's attention snapped towards the net. They were back at another game point and Bowser was committing a forbidden Power Shot technique, turning the ball into a speeding bullet bill. Daisy finally dropped her game face in shock, before a last ditch back-flip brought her to the corner of the white line. She reflected the projectile, burning to a crisp her racket in the process. The regular again ball flew upwards, far enough to make a tiny shadow on the ground.

Bowser followed the shadow. "I got it! I got it!"

The shadow moved over Mario's head. He shook himself out of it. "No, wait, you- I'll get it!"

Bowser pushed him aside. "You'll screw it up. Move!"

Mario shoved back. "What the heck? I'm already here, dummy!"

Someone spewed loud gibberish then, first dismissed as a deranged fan, then starkly recognized. On the other side of the court Toad was making strange noises while Daisy did an impromptu handstand. The ball fell in between Mario and Bowser with a 'thunk'. Automatically both swung for it, clashing their two iron rackets and launching them out of their grasp and into the box stands. They could only then watch the ball make an additional sad little bounce.

"Game, Daisy and Toad," Lakitu announced. He ducked as cabbages and rotten cheese soared over his head. The audience again roared at Daisy spinning on her head like a breakdance move and Toad shaking violently on the astroturf.

Peach broke into a sprint onto the field. "Call the medics!" she cried.

"Just in time! I quit!" Lakitu flew away as medics scurried on the field. Some attended to Daisy after she collapsed while others attempted to stabilize Toad. It seemed neither could explain what happened.

"We need space people!" sputtered one magikoopa nurse checking Daisy's pulse.

"Could have used a pause after 'space'," remarked his Kong assistant. Just then however, they spotted whom they thought was Tatanga the Space Alien in the crowds, so they began to pack up and evacuate Toad and Daisy out of the tennis court before any baddie got any ideas.

Bowser stomped after some of the medical staff. "How dare they quit! It was a three game match! Hey! Yeah you!"

Mario gripped the back of his shirt. "Who quits while they're ahead? Leave them alone!"

He sharply faced Mario, smoke pouring from his nostrils. "Whatever." He leaned against the stone wall of the arch shaped tunnel. "We woulda made a friggin comeback! We woulda! ...Where's my extra green racket?"

Mario shrugged. "I don't know. Probably somebody's consolation prize."

He punched the bricks, crumbling them. Mario inched backwards, pale.

"-Uh.. or I could look for it maybe."

"No no no.." Bowser shook his head. "Just my duffle bag. It has a disguise for me and, in case you didn't notice, I can't just walk around!"

Dang, alright. Mario dug in his ears.

---

Luigi, located as low as row C caught Mario and Bowser losing the first set spectacularly. Crowds screaming and their gesticulations nearly knocked him over. He hoped they would be a little more behaved for the second set. Toad and Daisy were 'on fleek'. Eh, no need to go there just because Boo was so young. Anyway, the Sarasaland Princess had for a certainty made use of the fitness equipment he helped her set up in her basement, shortly before they.. He didn't want to go there either, taking some arbitrary close ups of her and then her maniac partner Toad, zipping all over. Even Bowser flailed around being a tryhard for some admittingly nice pics. He couldn't help but to snap pictures of his brother with his head in the clouds. The sides switched, the game a game and not a massacre. Next he knew the game suspended and medics were entering the scene. He shot out his seat.

"What's going on?"

Boo froze up "We'd better get out of here!"

Luigi packed his camera away. "Clearly, but I already see pileups at the exits."

Boo startled him by grabbing his hand. The green plumber's vision went dark for a second or two before he felt his feet on the ground again. They were outside the stadium once one, phasing through the thick walls of the building.

Luigi looked around, astonished. "Thanks buddy," He said, checking his phone. "Mario texted to go ahead and rush to the hospital."

".. It's serious?"

Luigi dug in his pocket for the keys. "If he's telling me to leave him behind, I'm afraid so. Sorry it's goodbye so soon. Where are you staying now?"

Boo plastered on a smile. "Forever Forest. I inherited a cabin from my mom. She's not dead dead, just living super far away with relatives in Gloomy Gulch. Since I was out of school I was a big kid and could watch it and keep the moss off, and protect the antiques inside that's where I've been all spring-"

Through all that nervous babble, Luigi shifted uncomfortably. "Ever rode a bike?"

Boo saw his parked out there. "..Aren't those scary?"

"Factually yes, but the statistics are skewed by people like my brother." He brought out his helmet. "If you tag along, I could simply drop you off home later," he offered. "Better than being a curator of a museum right?"

"Y-yeah. I would!" they responded.

Soon Luigi was cranking up the Mach Bike in a rarely held driver's position for the second time that day. Could he regret drawing someone like Boo into their mischief and drama? It was possible. More optimistically, if Mario and co got more used to seeing Boo, maybe they'd would be invited out more. Seemed like a risk worth taking, the magnificent coliseum scrolling out of view.

---

Mario waded through the dense crowd, slipped into the locker room, and returned to the open with Bowser's army tan duffle bag on one shoulder and his own on the other. A few steps in he decided he'd leave his own heavier bag behind. Peach called security, not so subtly for the Bowser supporters and adjacent in the crowd, then whisked herself away with Toad and Daisy via medical helicopters. He could not help but feel the unceremonious disappearance was intentional. There were no barriers to the court and every sort, locals, reporters, outsiders, and obvious Koopa Troop could prance about. Mario ignored a random fan, a reporter, and a Bowser minion giving him a stink eye, and where the net was-

"Mario!"

He couldn't ignore this one.

"Mario, I have enough for the bus. Come on," said his dinosaur friend. Yoshi strolled alongside him, studying his confused expression. "Well, ready to go?"

"S-sure!"

Who knew the Mushroom Bus was a Pinna Park tier experience in his own city, mashing the riders into the well worn seats as it swung around Toad Town's tight corners, or bouncing several feet in the air when the deepest potholes were hit full speed. It was like the driver weren't afraid of being reported from the helpful 'How is my driving' sticker on the coin collector box. A touch petty, Mario was preparing to write that number down, when Yoshi snatched his arm.

"Was anything peculiar about Bowser?" he asked sharply.

Mario felt himself flush. "No," he managed.

The dino sat his home décor magazine on his lap, still securing the plumber. "So you planned the substitution?"

"Okay yes, that was weird. Other than that-"

"Hmm.." Yoshi returned to the magazine, concentrating.

The unfamiliar duffle bag Mario cradled didn't have 'Property of Bowser' stamped on it anywhere, and no one witnessed Bowser using it, but it was obviously not Mario's and it smelt like the cologne Bowser was known to spray too much of... Or at least Mario knew that was the kind he wore too much of..

He held his breath until they arrived at Mushroom Kingdom Hospital, a three story building made of whitewashed stone on the Eastern side of Toad Town. It consisted of a center tower connected to a left and right wing. A mushroom flagpole was atop the roof which also was the spot for their airlift services. The waiting room bustled. After pardoning themselves they made it to the darkened reception office where the head nurse named 'Nassir Toad.' was stationed, an orange cap toad with long straight black hair and purple designer prescription glasses. Nass T. did not greet them, facing her glowing computer screen, mouse darting around the mouse pad frequently.

"Excuse me. Hi, it's me Mario. We were checking if Toad and Daisy are in?"

"Room 444," she droned without thought, then her thin eyebrows rose sharply. "-They will be there soon Mr. Mario, I mean. So please wait until we call you."

Mario and Yoshi eased themselves back to the front lobby.

Waiting around, keeping the bag on the shoulder away from Yoshi when he could, Mario believed he recognized some faces from the tennis match, toads, nokis, bob-omb buddies, piantas, other friendly species.. Then peering out the large glass windows he saw his brother in the parking lot. One quirk only he'd notice as an expat, the modern architecture was ready for an influx of personal vehicles, yet the actual citizens weren't, predominantly using the buses, walking, or flying with power up.. Peach's spiciest take ever once was that Mario Karts scared many straight. And she wasn't complaining either.

Luigi and a guest came in, blanched upon ripping off their helmets. Everyone gathered before a wall of tourist vouchers.

"How did we beat you?"

Luigi glared at his brother. "The buses, yours because I saw you in it, speed everywhere. We almost got ran over five times! I was so scared!"

"Aww, come over here!" Mario grabbed him, ruffling his hair to his dismay. "It's worse onboard, trust me!"

"Mario, cut it out. It's serious." Yoshi admonished lightly.

"Sorry. They have them but we have to wait," Mario explained, attempting to gel Luigi's hair back to how it was.

Luigi slapped his hand away. "Fine. Mario and Yoshi? This is Boo."

Boo shyly revealed themselves "Hello, hehe.."

Mario offered a hand. "Hey, I'm- nevermind you know who I am. You seem like a swell guy."

"-Actually," Boo began.

"-Girl?"

"-Well.."

"I should stop, shouldn't I? Cool to have you here. Now, where's the cafeteria?"

Yoshi lightened up, sniffing the air. "Great idea!"

Luigi took the new friend's arm. "We'll be back. Not hungry."

---

"I was sorta hungry."

"Oh really? Sorry about that." He turned to the boo with him in the grass lot in front of the hospital, watching as the double doors continually swiveled open to devour more occupied cots. Flipping through the contents of his camera's memory card hadn't revealed anything like he was desperately hoping. "It was a quick excuse. I didn't want my brother or 'Detective Yoshi' to see any of this. You can go back if you want."

"No, I was hungry. Now I'm not.."

The green plumber stood up. "This next place I want to check out is calmer. You might like it."

...

They parked on the sidewalk before the Mushroom Press, office space in the heart of the city. In a perfect version of this day, Luigi would have donated his best photos to whoever was bored enough to want to write about the zero stakes tennis match. Did he ever wish he was right. On the way in, Luigi noticed the boo shaking. They quickly assured him it was nothing but a tick. The press had an open floor plan, office cubicle walls sectioning it off. Luigi scanned around for Kylie Koopa, ace reporter and writer of Koopa Kronicles, a newspaper detailing events and happenings with a less stringent, 'allied enemy species' leaning than the unregulated Toad Town message boards. She'd responded on the nearly dead forum, and recommended the camera Luigi ultimately bought. He spotted the back of her pink shell in a cubicle and approached while Boo remained behind.

"Hey Kylie. It's Luigi," he greeted.

"Sup!" A female koopa in a green hat stumbled out, sending paper everywhere. Others around her eyed her exasperatedly.

She'd initially planned to skip covering it, but two superstars needing to be airlifted in the middle of the match piqued her interest again.

"Wow!" She pulled him into her space, lowering her tone with great effort. "Maybe we gotta dig deeper for a clue. Cameras don't lie."

"That's what I kept telling myself." Luigi unhooked his lanyard. He just wished he'd developed the eye better. "Would you like all I have?"

Kylie plopped into her chair, digging around in a drawer for a card reader. "Thanks fella, finally some exclusives! Phew! To keep us from fighting, Steve just hired some Susie Que over there to do it. He has this bonkers ideal that us journalists are a team." She swiveled around, unamused. "He's a great boss, keeping this a neutral place. Let's just say we let him wishful think."

Luigi watched over her shoulder while clicking through the photos from the computer. The gallery started from most recent, medics on the field, to hovering over Daisy, a powerful woman who didn't faint even in one-hundred degree weather sprawled out in agony. Queasy, the green plumber realized how much he was suppressing his panic. That was his girl friend, spacing intentional, and his best friend possibly dying. Kylie kept it moving to his relief, to the less macabre content, but that wasn't enough. He actually small talked for once.

"I noticed that new plaque at the entrance. Is that the 'Mitch Toad', the other guy that get's called Weegee sometimes, I think?"

From the reflection in her other shut off monitor, he saw Kylie roll her eyes. "Yep. Superseded me a month ago, and sly as ever. He's right there by the way."

He twisted around to the cubical across. A green toad in a suit was seated in an more furnished space. A steaming coffee mug sat next to a gold name plate with his name on it. Detecting his eyes it seemed, the toad paused whatever he was doing and rolled his chair partially into the hallway, thick black eyebrows down turned.

"Don't waste that guy's time, babe." Mitch antagonized out of nowhere. He had a deep voice and a thick Mushroomy accent, unanticipated for such a small time villain.

Yeah, toad or not Luigi remembered. That was Peach's old heckler, weaponizing his free speech protected newsletters against her. He had a bike route the old school way, highly successful. There was no phone or internet competing then, so why not pour over his rumors with an unsettling amount of truth to them. Luigi wished he knew what made the switch flip, why he went to targeting random celebrities and 'influencers' for the entertainment block. Either way his work now was more scrupulous... Well by the way Kylie chucked a pink eraser at Mitch, starting a shouting match, maybe not.

…

Boo was getting some water from a dispenser beneath the cork board, clipped articles pinned, some awards, and an emergency post-it. Signed by Mario himself, it had his personal number and another for Peach's Castle, only for the purpose of contacting him if the other failed. Boo couldn't fathom being that open. A contact list that fit on one screen gave them anxiety when one actually called, and yet Mario invited anyone. Boo spun around, startled an other boo entered the Press.

The blonde stringy wig bounced as they floated across Boo's vantage point. Locking on to them, the dark boo smirked. "Hey, bro. Long time no see, hahaha.."

The cup of water slipped from the little boo's hand as they bolted outside.

Luigi ran up, catching the front door clack against the stopper and made his egress, leaving behind his memory card.

"Darn," Kylie grumbled, picking up her papers and newspaper clips crumbled during their quarrel.

"Darn indeed, babe." Mitch kept taking up space in the hall, fixed on the side with the photographer. "Don't mess with Susie," he warned spontaneously.

She huffed, dropping them on her desk. "Can't be worse than you!"

---

"Pssst!"

Yoshi turned to his red plumber friend, inches from the helpful map of the hospital's layout tacked to the wall. "What?"

"I've found the room."

"Mario, we... Can we?" Yoshi replied with some hesitance.

Mario chuckled, wrapping his arm around the dinosaur. "We can. Relax. We won't enter, only wait closer. It's efficient!"

Placated, Yoshi allowed himself to be nudged along. Room 444 was on the opposite wing of the hospital and it was hectic everywhere. Codes kept blaring over the intercom and so many patients were being wheeled around. Yoshi waited until they reached the West wing's gray painted walls and a pale beige textured floor, then he bite the bullet and held the phone to his hear.

"Hey baby. I know you're worried sick. I'm okay."

"Worried about what?" Birdo answered impatiently. "It's over already?"

Yoshi stumbled a bit. "Yes, canceled," he explained, detailing all the bits up to where they were now, waiting outside the rooms Toad and Daisy were purportedly in. He waited anxiously for her response.

"I... Need to process this." She hung up, gaining some inflection before she did, but he wished she gave him more.

Mario glanced at Yoshi and then away, whistling idly. Door 444 was before them, no light leaking from underneath, and Luigi wasn't texting that he was back yet.

"-Sorry, Mario. Couldn't delay calling the missus."

"...Oh… It's okay to not tag along sometime."

"-Nonsense. Not when Bowser is forcing you to play with him, potentially riling up supporters to break the peace pact! Just think of how much debt they put the Kingdom in, and it only takes one of the KT scum to usurp a hotel sized facility. Remember that scheme of Bowser that nominal fans of yours like to forget about or discredit to this day?.. Well I do!"

Mario exhaled. "You do all my adventures. You're the best, pal. Ha ha." His phone made a sound. "(Oh thank God..) Luigi's back!" Mario ran to meet his brother, carrying around a small admissions ticket.

"They just gave me this when I came in and asked about Daisy or Toad."

Ignoring that episode, Yoshi examined it, stamped 'visitor room 444'. He handed it back, a flicker of fear on his normally reserved face. "The volume must be out of control, and staff overwhelmed to resort to this archaic system."

"So that golden ticket equals permission?"

"It's Princess Peach pink."

"It's an expression, Yosh, you smartarse," he laughed. "I'm going." Mario knocked before they could say otherwise and pushed himself in.

Inside the room were Toad and Daisy in beds, white blankets up to their necks. There were numerous iv and medical instruments attached to them, displaying readings rapidly fluctuating.

"Nurse Azul, I told you!-" The koopa doctor exploded. He noticed Mario's stunned face and staggered back from Daisy's bed. His disposition changed in an instant. "Ah hem. Hello, I am Doctor Professor Koopa. If you received a visitation pass, I'm afraid that might have been preemptive." His dark black eyes locked Mario in place, so that the koopa doctor met him in the doorway.

"..Oh, whoops! Sorry doc. We'll let you do your thing."

"Perfect," the doctor replied, thin fingers curling around the door handle. "Give us half an hour. Alright? Alright." The door shut in their faces.

Mario made a show of pulling up his sleeve, aggressively clicking the timer on his digital watch. "And now!"

"Doubly so." Yoshi said, starting his. "Where is Boo?"

"At the food court." Luigi stifled his laugh. With Mario still and simmering, what was wrong was clear. "Earth to bone head brother, that's not your bag!"

Mario switched the strap to the opposite shoulder. "Whaaaaaat? Guess I'll have to deal with it on the way to Peach.. waiting for us."

Way to change the subject, Luigi plainly saw as they continued through the West wing. With a blue shy guy nurse almost running them over with his cart, he chose to see it as a blessing. Outside were tables for luncheons and where fundraisers or other activities may occur. They were drawn towards a blue tent furthest back, a 'Make a wish on a star foundation' booth where Princess Peach was seated and engrossed in conversation with someone else.

"I'll take that, plumber-breath. Thanks for holdn' it!"

Mario's mouth went dry as Bowser snatched his duffle bag away.

"Bowser, I suggest you get back before someone sees you!" Peach warned.

"How'd he get here?" Luigi demanded. "And with you, Princess?"

"He bullied his way onto one of the last medical helicopters from the stadium, justifying it because 'Mario stranded him'."

"Conjecture. Besides, if so it would only even the score." Yoshi nodded to Mario. "Would it not?"

"Don't start this!" Peach said, visibly strung out. "I wanted to inform you all that I know Dr. Professor Koopa is on the situation. He once worked at my castle and I'd have none other than the best for Toad and Daisy."

"Hey, he was with me too!" Bowser boisterously added. "I remember that wacko. He was a mad scientist at my castle for a while."

Mario wasn't sure what to make of those two sharing a hiring choice, or Bowser lingering around. "Bowser, whatever. Get out of there!"

Bowser jumped out of his seat again. "Our tennis rivals are here!"

"Unconscious!"

Bowser marched in his face. "Duh! That's why I have this!" He jut out before Mario a yellowed tattered scroll, the official Darklandian decree of defeat. "Those losers left the court first, so they forfeit and WE WIN!.. Don't look at me like that, moustache. I was the other half of your team, why can't I be here too?"

Mario turned to his friends. "Hey.. Is it really that worse than at the stadium? At least in here it too busy to notice a Koopa King is shuffling around."

Peach's countenance was covered by a brochure. Why wasn't she surprised?

---

Boo hovered around in the bathroom following the last panic attack. The relative at the press was one of their cruelest, not that they could articulate it much to Luigi. Exact details seemed blotted out in their mind. Boo tried to relax in the food court until the lunch time rush made it too loud, leading to this moment.

"Shake yourself out of it. How are you going to help Luigi when a random relative and crowd of people do this to you?"

Squeaks of shoes traveled past the door.

"Yes sixty at this point. Why?.." a person said.

Someone else mumbled something.

"Well, I just got a call from that partner. I've decided we will do things different- Hold on, we have a code blue on floor three. You answer my calls only while I'm gone, and if it is who I told you about just now, put it on hold and tell Nass."

"Yes sir. I won't leave here. Even for lunch..."

…

A minute later. "Lunch break! Guess I'm leaving," the same voice as the last said.

Boo pressed open the bathroom door. No one was around the section of rooms: room 441, 442, 443, 444.

Boo crept out slowly when the strangest coincidence occurred, an older modeled cellphone identical to theirs went off with the same 'Ashley's Theme' ringtone Boo had for years. Without thinking they answered it, picking it up from on the medical cart.

"Hey this is Isle Falsa Hospital again. I just called my bank and the funds will totally be on your way tomorrow. You can do what we agreed now." Beeps and blips of a computer game was in the background along with some clacking of a typewriter.

Boo let out an exclamation, trying to hang up and shove the phone back where it belonged.

"Hey! Transfer me to your boss!" the person on the line hissed. "If you try something funny, you'll regret it. You'll be found in a freaking puddle of blood and brain matter!"

With a loud shriek, Boo dropped the phone.

4. Keep Your Friends Close

Chapter Notes

*Edited*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kylie Koopa circled in red ink a particular spot on her fold out map of Toad Town, specifically where the tennis stadium was. Since Luigi informed her about the illness many were stricken with, including Toad and Daisy, she had to pinpoint the source of infection. Scanning over his photos the only curious details were the unusual representation of Koopa Troop in the crowds and little lime green objects reflecting the sun’s glare, ostensibly something edible like a beverage. This food object was predominantly found on one side of the stadium where mostly Toad Town locals were. Upon zooming in on Toad and Daisy’s court, their trash cans even had that object in it.

She pondered, idly tapping her pen against her notebook. That thing could have originated from any vendor outside the stadium. Furthermore Susie Que’s snapshots of the same match predominantly omitted the object, along with care and skill befitting the professional photographer they claimed to be, but that was another matter.. Clinging to that flicker of a lead, she grabbed her purse and slipped on her walking shoes from under the desk.

Strolling out, her gaze wandered towards the other main row of cubicles, the one that eventually led to her boss Steve the Bullet Bill’s office. Susie appeared to be flagrantly goofing off on the office computer yet again, but she didn’t want to lay it down on their first day and earn a nickname like ‘Karen Koopa’. Something caught her one foot out the door, a small buzzing sensation. She rolled her eyes hard, knowing the source instantly.

"Whaddya want, Mitch?" She forcibly swiveled Mitch's chair around to face her.

"I need to speak to you, babe. That new guy down there-"

"I don’t wanna hear it.” This was the toad that told her he got a headache the moment Susie stepped in. Maybe the photos were lackluster but that was plain rude. “Just worry about yourself, greeney."

"I don't think you understand," he replied chillingly. "If you have to go to the stadium, be careful. That's all."

After Kylie departed, Mitch kept watch over Susie's space until the lunch bell rang. Everyone working made their way out in one group. When the dust settled, as predicted, Susie was missing.

---

For the people of Sirena Beach, the only worries on their mind was if their sunscreen would be up to par against the rays of the tropical sun. Tourists dotted the golden shore, lounging in chairs or under umbrellas to soak up the last of the daylight hours, some even intending to hop on the short ferry to Pinna Park later for the after dark parties. No one paid attention to the dark blue shelled noki passing them by on the trail to Hotel Delfino. The most average tourist imaginable, he had sunglasses and wore a red loose fitting Hawaiian shirt. The hotel's lobby was moodily lit, tropical and tiki styling all around, along with the ubiquitous fresh fruit.

A bemused pianta clerk quickly glanced over and stamped his documents. Filled out legibly, he was certainly not local despite species, nor had a sip of Chuckola Cola. "So, here's the card key. Enjoy your stay, brah."

"Merci." The guest climbed the stairs. Less traffic than the elevators. On the top floor was his single bed room with all of the usual furnishings, and a great view of the shore from the patio. Just one issue… The guest corrected the slightly crooked watercolor painting showing off Noki Bay. Alluring, and surely more so in person. It would have been his travel destination if maintaining his identity wouldn't be near impossible around so many of his own. He slung his giant suitcase onto the bed, free to do so vacationing alone. He packed flowery shirts of all colors, a wet suit, a wallet with a badge, and a silenced handgun…

After settling in his phone vibrated. He answered. "Here safely. No interference."

"Glad to hear, Agent 0064," Agent N, the voice on the other line replied.

"Oh," becoming casual, "I think I packed some of your neckties by mistake."

"Ah! No wonder I had to settle for the bows today."

"Those look good on you, Jeremy!"

"No one else at HQ thinks so. Anyway, an issue sprung up just as your plane left," the normally monotone agent ventured uneasily. "My niece saw some 'Mario game'- don't know which, and got sick."

"Mon dieu!"

"-I know, Jelectro. Don't come rushing home yet. With the counter-terrorist operation you were just on, too much movement might alert enemies. Alright? I'll call later, babe. Don't have too much of that cola stuff until then. Over."

The line disconnected before enemy spies could trace the call. Watching the beach from the high vantage point, Jelectro found his inner peace as fleeting as the light on the horizon. He had to do something, and not that 'cola stuff', not that he drunk without his partner N anyway, and packed right back up. He knew without needing to physically look, that the desk guy was away from his stations drinking some durian tea, and he could sneak right out. He also knew some lifeguards were picturing some beach goers with less clothing, and they really needed to not do that with a telepath around.

---

Five people re-entered the hospital from the employee back door. They bypassed bundles of inventory on way into the large kitchen. In the middle of the noon lunch rush, the brigade of cooks were busily preparing a variety of meals. Peach darted to the head chef, a toad with a brown twirly mustache and a tall white hat, whispering something in his ear. He nodded just as the others spotted Bowser in the rear. A chain reaction of screaming, pots clanging, white flour clouding the air, and eggs cracking to the floor resulted.

The chef clapped two pans together. "Ze Princess has spoken! Ignore Big Koopa!" he ordered.

Peach scoped out into the cafeteria through some round windows. "I am afraid we will have issues beyond here."

Bowser gave out a frivolous laugh to their annoyance.

"I have to catch up Boo," Luigi said, stepping beside the princess. "You see them anywhere? Especially since we're tolerating King Koopa now."

Mario wasn't even doing this for 'that' reason. It was only fair, he screamed inside. "Luigi!"

"Luigi what, Mario?" He marched up to him, their noses almost bumping. "It's enough wondering what the heck's happened to our friends. Now we also have to chaperone him??"

"I-" Mario noticed something. "Everyone follow me real quick! Except for Bowser.."

The red plumber shuffled them into the closest secure place.

"M-mario," Peach wrapped her arms around herself, shivering. "W-why d-did you p-push us into the f-freezer?"

"Just for a sec Peach," he turned to his brother. "Luigi, did you snap pictures of the game?"

Luigi's deep sigh fogged the space, holding the camera. "I was still learning and I didn't want to be pigeonholed as your photographer by revealing this too soon. This is also the second time you've avoided the subject."

"Make it a third, because what did you notice?"

He shifted his weight. "..It's a reach isn't it? There was a green soda going around for anyone without a Koopa Troop stamp. Typical to exclude them."

"Of course, Bowser people don't deserve freebies like what the message boards were advertising in the park this morning," Yoshi added, scrolling on his phone.

The princess was officially intrigued. "That reminds me of FungusUp, though it's long gone and the factory shut down ages ago."

"Darn.." Luigi muttered. He wasn't sure if the road he was going down was terminated or if that was his cue to divert. Either way, Peach spoke his mind.

"-And, can we leave the walk-in freezer now, Mario? Frozen peaches are not a menu item here!"

Mario relented to her. "Okay, just, let's keep our eyes peeled. I'll keep Bowser in check, don't worry, until we can see Toad and Daisy."

They emerged, the warmth from the kitchen blasting their faces. Promptly they split from Mario. Bowser was leaning around against the back wall when Mario walked up to him, tapping his foot.

"Don't get too comfortable, Koopa. If we're gonna take up space back here, we're gonna be useful. What size apron will fit around your giant-?"

Bowser looked at him crazy. "-What?"

---

Peach went through the entire building to the front, surreptitiously using side passages. Her passive outer face hid many nerves. An emergency like this during peace times? How fortunate for her that Dr. Prof. Koopa worked in her sanctioned health facility. He was a little too conciliatory on the helicopter pad, but she could forgive that with wicked Bowser there and spreading fan-fiction about his reputation. That's why she sought to speak to him again and clear it all up immediately, not play Sherlock like the men. The sterile, brightly lit lobby was quiet now; a patient in a cot had not shot through those double doors for a quarter hour.

"May I ask, where is Theodore?"

Nass filed freshly spat out by a printer records. So dense of a stack, Peach prayed they didn't represent every new patient. "Wait at his office," the head nurse answered.

Peach power walked there, finding the door locked and the lights out. "How wonderful.."

She resisted the urge to fuss. Back in the day when it was only staffed toads, they'd stumble over themselves to accommodate her. Alas that was outdated and not particularly relevant thinking..

"-Don't they know I got a bad leg? Screw the weight limit," mumbled a whomp at the end of the hall, suited in a wrinkled white doctor's coat. Back facing her, he trudged to the elevator.

Peach ignored the cautious voice in the back of her mind. Mr. Toad was everything to her, and poor Daisy.. It made no sense to be mere acquaintances with another princess like they were. There was always a divide, especially when Peach was reminded of how much of a well oiled machine Sarasaland comparatively was, and it got to the point where she didn't even return all of her messages. It couldn't end like this, and she didn't need more regrets.. She sprinted up to the third floor, exploring the seemingly deserted area where 'Board room #6' drew her attention. Out spilled some staff, an elderly toad woman, the whomp from before, a blue shy guy nurse, a first responder, several junior assistants, and lastly Doctor Professor Koopa, slipping something into his pocket.

She quickly came up. "Dr. Professor?" she called softly.

He spun to her slowly. "Hello again. What is the matter, 'Sweet Pea'?"

"Not to interrupt, but is there a prognosis now?" She hesitated before adding on, "For my friends and any others?"

The corners of his mouth stretched into an even wider smile, not exactly the response she expected. "My dear, what 'others'? You know your hospital is the superior option to that Dr. Toadley locally, or those hillbillies down South. Logically we're swamped with sufferers of various ailments." He gently lay a hand on her shoulder, scanning a pda. "Your folks need a little extra time. Precisely five minutes."

"Very well, Doctor. Thank you." Peach blushed. The first thing she swore to do after taking over the kingdom was to be more patient and listen compared to her predecessor, and she had to exercise that now.

"Good girl."

The princess departed with one elevator while the second next to it opened. A nurse, a toad girl resembling a shorter version of Nass T. rushed out, colliding and collapsing with the koopa doctor.

"Sorry!" She pulled him up, snapping his joints. "I'm Emery T., roof top emergency services dude. Did I miss the big vote?"

Doctor Professor slapped away the girl's hands and climbed up on his own. "Miss Emery, your ballot wouldn't have counted anyway. Keep your butt out of private matters!"

As he yelled the pipe above rattled, the main water line leading below. Someone on ground level was flushing over and over to make a dinosaur deterring ruckus.

Yoshi tapped repeatedly on the stall door anyway. There didn't need to be any feet to spot underneath, he'd heard the sniffling. "I know you are in there. Luigi is searching everywhere, worried. Again what's wrong?" he reiterated as comforting as he could.

"Y-you wouldn't understand."

"Can I try?"

"...It's a lot of things. T-the game, the chaos, and.. some people I saw.. and.. Bowser and.."

Yoshi carefully found his words. "Boo, if you don't mind, how old are you?.. Twenty-five? I experienced many troubling events even younger than that. No the trauma doesn't magically go away, especially by steeling yourself through it and nothing more. Who else do you have besides Luigi? ...No one? Well we can all support each other. Take Mario for instance. He was going to be prominent and successful, maybe president in the Real World before had to start from scratch here."

The stall door unlocked and crept open with one beady eye looking out. "Was he?.."

Yoshi leaned away, thinking back. Some of that were inference rather than from the plumber's mouth, not that he was trying to be some Sherlock or anything, but he believed in it. "Er, basically. My point is the greatest, flawless seeming people had been though difficult things too, so there's nothing wrong with you-"

"There is something with...my cousin."

"Huh?"

The door was kicked open, Luigi panting heavily and gripping a plunger tightly in the doorway. Their stunned faces and no pipe bursting catastrophe to be found, dropped his stance, understanding then that he'd been trolled by a nurse. "Never mind this, guys. What's up?"

Yoshi held his tongue, letting them handle it.

"N-nothing. I mean, I didn't want to sound like a weirdo at first but.. I changed my name to Booigi the Second.."

Luigi stepped up, studying his friend. "That's why you were here?"

"Yeah. Just practicing saying it outloud, hehe.. Also the first Booigi name was taken," Boo clarified nervously.

"Nothing else happened?"

"Umm." The boo circled slowly. "I have vintage style phone and this nurse did too, so I picked it up accidentally and heard some weird stuff." They relayed some of it.

Yoshi slapped himself. "Quick, put that down so we can show Mario."

Luigi did so, hiding his attitude. Wasn't the onus on him? "While didn't want to be pigeonholed as Mario's photographer OR Boswell, that doesn't sound like normal procedure. Since it's time, let share this at the room.."

---

A koopaling yanked off his headphones, springing up from the couch in a huff. The den of Bowser's castle was here he and his siblings hung out often, spacious and full of lounging furniture and entertainment, and no pesky military influence. For the teen with the blue mohawk, the issue was that it was never concurrently. Everybody navigated their day differently when school was out. This should have been his time. Instead he was needing to confront the 'Wendy Menace' as some of them were calling her now that she was seventeen and an adult *almost*. Well just Iggy said that, but for once the nerd came up with something cool-

"Pause whatever you're downloading. We're out of bandwidth!"

The ocean princess remained stomach down on the carpet, playing the Playstation 4, and the wide projection tv didn't change from the account setup screen either. If only Dark Land didn't have lame ISPs, even for literal royalty...

She scowled. "Hold on, gosh! It's just an update."

Larry turned to the screen. "Why are you making a new account anyway? Iggster's not good enough?"

"Indeed it isn't. It was one thing when I played casually. Now I'm gonna scream if I have to explain to my friends one more time why I have all of these cringy, thirsty, avatars and achievements."

"Thought the problem was that yo friends and his beefed?"

"What friends of Iggy? Sam Koopa and.. something? Their usernames are in l33t, whatever don't care. No. I gotta credit card and I'm gonna use it."

"No more freeload'n."

She tossed a spare controller at the fifteen-year old, making him dive on the couch. "Hush. I have privileges to use this TV and you don't anyway. ~Buh-bye!"

Larry groaned, punching a pillow over and over. Yeah, because he was caught doing the worst thing ever according to Kamek. ..Speak with Mushroomites online. Such a sin.. Meanwhile Wendy and Iggy had unbridled Sony supremacy up in here and Lemmy in the other smaller rec room with Nintendo (which was for babies). He grabbed his beat up laptop, hinges getting looser by the moment. A present from last year, the teen had already worn it out. It was his only outlet for music production and web activities, forbidden or not.

"Attention! All koopalings meet in 'the room', now!" a text went to all of the koopalings simultaneously.

"Nope!" Larry replied.

"Now you sound smart, sugar!" Wendy's bejeweled phone sat aside, she proceeded to download 'Princess Parlor 7'.

---

After checking for prying eyes, Ludwig reentered 'the room' and seated himself on an upside down mop bucket under the single flickering light bulb. Their secret meeting location frequently shifted, and this dusty broom closet certainly wasn't the most luxurious of them, but more Koopa Troop in the castle than ever necessitated it. Only Roy, Lemmy, and Morton showed up to the cramped space.

"I got koopaball practice, Luddy. Make it quick."

"Roy, I told you to cancel that. You cannot be present for it today."

Roy shot up and gave his eldest brother a noogie, completely ruining his styled hair.

"Stop it!" Ludwig struggled with him.

"Psst," went Lemmy, twirling a broom handle between his fingers. "We're doing like, a thingy today Roy. It's not Luddy being Luddy."

The large koopaling let him go, sheepishly. "Oh yeah!"

"Will I have time to send off the draft for my 'Bestest, Most Superior, Most Exquisite Thesaurus Ever'?" Morton asked. "It was funded, subsidized, sponsored!"

"Yes, Morton, if soon!"

"Can I call King Dad about something unrelated to our plans?" Lemmy revealed a cellphone with different colored buttons and a pink plastic shell, a gift from turning twenty-two last month.

Somewhat concerned, Ludwig remarked bluntly, "I thought Vater purchased you a real cellular phone?"

Lemmy did a sort of 'trick' and uncovered his hand again, revealing a different one with a giant FHD touch screen, unused and still covered in plastic. "Psych! I knew that."

Ludwig parted away some blinds, viewing the airship field. Why the closet had that feature, he was unaware, but it was why it made the potential secret hideout list. "You know what? If discreetly, brother mine. You are all dismissed. Our preferred ride isn't present anyway."

"Airship one?" Morton piped up, excited. "Kammy took it on her spending sprees, her flea market rummaging, her marketing massacring..."

On the way out, before tapping his father's contact, Lemmy savored the protective plastic peel off. The budding circus star was certain that was how they got people to annually camp outside the Yoshi-Apple store for the new model. It was just that satisfying!

---

"Do you want to deliver koopasta?" the chef asked, poking the biggest baddest 'cook' with a rolling pin.

"DO I LOOK LIKE A DANG WAITER?" Bowser bellowed. With a puff of smoke he returned to the one task the red plumber supervising from across the large salad table could convince him to do without blowing up.

Lunch proceeded at breakneck pace. Most of the patients weren't eating, but the extra staff called in to handle the surge were starving, along with visitors. Mario must have prepared fifty bundles of hand made pasta, so much even he was almost getting sick of it. Routinely he'd check on Bowser as he'd promised, in fact it was hard to look away, not that he was enamored or anything. Bowser fumbled basic measurements and boiled water wrong somehow, yet perfectly slice the Gorgeous Steak on the grain. Due to the Koopa King, the protein station with meat, bone-In Cut, and hamburgers was on point, ahead of the other stations. Only one Mistake early on to boot. Mario had a feeling that was only the fringes of Bowser's culinary skills..

"Zat ist it for now!" the chef declared, hanging up his hat. "Good job on zat last ticket."

"Phew!" Bowser went, stabbing the sharp butcher's knife deep into the cutting board cathartically.

Mario, rather bravely after witnessing that, approached behind him. "We still have time to help with the ala carte and the buffet menu items. It'll be fun. Get over here. Hear me? Let's go!"

"Paws off, Moustache!" he growled, foreignly being tugged along by his rival.

Miserable and having his guts squeezed up by that tight apron, he was tasked to stay cooped up out of direct view, serving scoops of green peas through a small window to presumably whatever staff and visitors couldn't afford the fancier menu items, like what he'd grilled for the mushroom brats. Meanwhile Mario was free to run around in the open like an idiot, delivering dishes to some of the tables who would predictably fawn over his presence. What doofuses. He bet they knew little about Mario, especially not the small stuff: That his favorite levels are the water ones contrary to popular belief, that he created Mario Kart based being a cabbie for a week, that he's allergic specifically to the orange chocolate candies, or that in the Real World he was called, instead of 'Mario'-

"Hello?"

Waking up, Bowser gave the toad girl two giant helpings of peas. "There. Get your vitamins in."

Emery T. glanced up from her tray. "But I hate peas, Bowser… Wait it's BOWSER?!"

"Nope! I'm uh, a fake one!" Bowser ducked out of the window, only the spikes on his green shell visible.

"Dude, your sprite has the exact colorization. I would know, I've dressed up as a Fake Bowser a few times. It's really you!" Emery gushed, holding up the line. "I'm your biggest fan!"

Bowser leaned up, baffled. He was used to some desperate koopa chick going through this spell before he let them down, not so gently. Was that mean, yeah, but everyone, at least that was old enough to be a contender, knew that Clawdia was going to be his last.

"Okay, I get that look when talking about you alot. Lemme prove it." Emery raised a gold Bowser brooch necklace. "See? Only you can save this hospital."

Someone impatiently tapped her shoulder. "Excuse me ma'am-"

"Go around me then!" she barked at the panser ambulance driver. "-But anyway, doctors are being ordered to administer some 'sedative'. I missed an important meeting so I don't know who to complain to anymore. You're not Koopra Wenphry, I get it. Great show by the way, but people still listen to you. Help, please!"

"Whoa! Slow down, gal. What's that to do with me?"

Emery paused. "..King, I'm talking about Mr. Toad and Princess Daisy!"

"Oh.." Bowser showed himself too much, as angry staff waiting for Emery to move her behind noticed him. They ran, dropping their trays and shrieking for Mario. Bowser quickly shoved the serving spoon to the nearest cook. "Take this. Uh, I left my clown car's lights on!"

"I have no handsssssss!" the fire snake complained in his wake.

Bowser scrambled through the kitchen and rolled through the back doors. Catching his breath, he expected a mob to pour out after him any moment, then he felt absurd for getting spooked so soon.

His phone rung, shocking him twice. Now he really hated life. "Hey, this is Bowser. Who is it???"

...

"Hi King Dad," Lemmy greeted, bouncing down a long red carpeted hallway with Ludwig watching him close. "Remember those minions who left to the Mushroom Kingdom to see your tennis game?"

"That thing I didn't ask for anyone to do? They came back didn't they?"

"-Most, why I needed to talk to you. The tally is-" He began mumbling, "Mmm mm mm!..."

Ludwig kept his arm around Lemmy's face. "Give me the phone! Hello, Vater?...Never mind those absent Koopa Troop operatives. We will handle the matter so do not hurry your way home."

"You sick of me?"

"No!"

"Great. I wanna go home anyway."

"I mean, we are. It's terrible here.. And a 'slow' internet day. Stay there."
Well Ludwig rarely lied, so Bowser considered it seriously. "Fine, go away." He hung up.

"You didn't have to lie," Lemmy said, the moment he wasn't being strangled. He didn't sustain any injury or scratches, but wore his mean face, making Ludwig lose some confidence. "King Dad has more than enough incentive to say there. He's definitely sticking close to Mario."

"Why?"

"Do I have to say it?" Lemmy rolled away.

Now Ludwig was really freaked out.

...

When Bowser dragged himself back in, as unsuspecting as possible, he found no hysteria in the cafeteria anymore. Peeking further out the window, the crowd had thinned out and only a few were still eating at tables . As he ripped his hair net and apron off, he noticed a little note near his station with a number scribbled on it. He pocketed that, not knowing what else to do right then.

"Is every first day gonna be like this?"

"As long as we're at max," replied an older hammer bro, washing dishes.

The young dorky lakitu that inquired seemed pretty disappointed wiping down the stainless steel pass, which is where Mario appeared, motioning for Bowser.

"Thanks for making me have to convince a dozen terrified people that they imagined Bowser serving peas."

Bowser tried to shrug it off. "Least I did what cha said!"

Mario smiled then. "You did good. Better than I anticipated, frankly. Peach says it's go time. Wait a sec."

"Moustache? I can just walk out of here?" He watched Mario retrieved something scarlet from the storeroom, tossing it over.

"Yes you can, grandmother."

Bowser untangled himself from it. "The heck?" He slipped his arms through the thick woven fabric of the hooded cloak. Mario added two accessories, a medical face mask and a silver walker.

"There, we'll come around and reenter from the front with you as an old grandma I'm helping in." He encouragingly draped his arm around him, a little too comfortable with this plan already, Bowser felt.

He went along with it anyway, strolling onto the sidewalk together and rounding to the front double doors. How did Mario lure him this far down the trail of stupid? They retained the semi embrace too, when it wasn't needed for sure. A lot of folks mean mugged him, even ostensibly as a koopa that needed help. Okay, Mario being so close to him, enough for his body heat to spread over- koopas were sensitive to that, was possibly needed. A little.

5. Ludwig's Schemes

Chapter Notes

Minor edits.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kylie Koopa departed from the bus a block down from the tennis stadium. There were yellow banners blocking the entrances but no competing reporters or police. The latter not in the traditional sense, but there were entities out there aside from Mario and she'd dread to end up in their cruddy clutches for trespassing. She sleuthed the area, camera hanging from her neck, starting with the rear of the colosseum-like structure facing away from busy Starman lane.

Her spine was then rattled by a frigid sensation, mistaken at first for a cool breeze but dismissed just as quickly. It felt like it came from the inside. In seconds her fingers were too stiff to handle the buttons on her camera. Rubbing her hands together desperately, she trekked through the dark tunnels into the tennis court, quickening her steps when she heard a motorcycle purr coming closer from the streets. Trash and other items blemished the court, redolent of a rapid deterioration of order. Crestfallen, she rationalized that the green object she was after would now be like a needle in a haystack.

She couldn’t give up however. Looking around, she was jolted by a shadow moving in the corner of her eye. The source of such evaded her despite her efforts. She found nothing out of place in one locker room, but upon leaving she stumbled over a red duffle bag laying round. Kylie gleamed, it was Mario’s, proving further the audience were abruptly dumped outside after the tragedy.

Before she could check the other locker rooms the chill went away and now her skin smoldered, like she was melting. She was stumped at what was psyching her out during routine reporting. Stubbornly pressing on, she took note of the orange hair band on the ground and- bingo! There stood the waste baskets, well used since Luigi’s photo was taken, and filled to the brim. She prepared to dig in as gross is it would be when-

Ding ding ding..

Those chimes seemed distant yet frighteningly in her ear simultaneously. Woosily she lost her balance in that moment, bumping and tilting over the can. Emerging from that brain fog, she was startled again by the gruff voices of two men in an altercation. Cursing and yelling, their voices bounced around from somewhere under the stands. It could be guards, civilians, anything, she feared. The koopa reporter hurriedly photographed the contents that had spilled out of the trash can and sprinted out, picking up Mario's bag on the way. If this was indicative of her performance when she skipped lunch for 'the scoop', she vowed to never do it again.

…

‘Grandma’ Bowser took up three seats and scowled behind his mask at anyone who crossed the ‘bizarrely intimidating old koopa lady’. He didn’t want company of Mario, or specifically his mushroom freak friends, but that was better than the alternative. Whether he liked it or not his brain was on a different mode when things were casual and not in a ‘game’ so he couldn’t help but acknowledge that he was, dare he say, ‘vulnerable’ in enemy territory. To bat those thoughts away he grabbed the closest magazine, something rather suggestive and unexpected for Peach’s hospital to have on hand, an old ‘Play Koopa’.

…Far down the West hospital wing, Mario abruptly stopped before room 444, making the others step on his heels. Not meaning to get caught up in himself like that, he apologized and let the others trickle in ahead of him. On edge like this, having Bowser stay back was definitely the right choice. Inside the dim room stood a whomp doctor, his large blocky form hiding whatever the monitors stationed in between Toad and Daisy’s bed displayed. Unceremoniously, he spun to face Mario and crew.

“Just checking records,” he droned, waddling around them.

“Excuse me, doctor?" The door slammed shut behind Peach. She had not done hiring here for ages but she knew that one was an oldie, an expat from some land, ‘Isle Falsa’ or something or another. That matter slipped her mind when she ventured closer to Toad’s bed. She gasped and covered her mouth, unable to speak.

Yoshi’s older but discerning eyes caught something on Daisy as well. “..Mario, do they look green to you too?”

Luigi bolted forward. The bed squeaked as he leaned against Daisy’s bed in shock. "Oh man! Bro, getta look at this!"

Mario flicked on the light switch located near the door, brushing past Boo who had remained frozen since they’d come in. When their eyes adjusted to the bright sterile lighting, it was obvious what petrified the boo diddly. Toad and Daisy lay stiff as a board in the bed, skin hued sicky putrid green, the computers continually flashing foreboding yet uninterpretable readings. There were no sounds in the room, not even the beep of a heart monitor.

“…This room looks..more..like..” Boo choked up at what came next. “A morgue.”

That caused the princess and Luigi to wail sharply. She latched onto Mario. “Eldstar, it cannot be!!!”

“I-It’s not!” Yoshi corrected, struggling to keep his voice steady. He brought his ear up from Toad’s chest first and then Daisy’s. “They're still alive- for now.”

As his own palpitations clashed against her’s, Mario gently eased out of the princess’s embrace, holding her upper sleeves. “Look, Peach. It’ll be alright. We’ll get them help, okay? I need to update ‘You Know Who’. Probably better in person than texting. In the meantime please, PLEASE drag one of those sorry white coats back in here. If they can’t give a real explanation I will personally give them the ‘plumber whack’…”

Bowser in the lobby had one leg crossed over the other, flipping through the second crinkly magazine he found laying around, ‘Kart and Driver’. That previous one wasn’t to his taste he realized quickly, but this last one captivated him enough to convince him to try to sound out the bigger words. He could use a new kart or two whenever they got back to doing that sort of thing again. Eventually there was only one other thing to read within arm's reach, the short note from that nurse. Scrawled on it was a number with a Town Town area code..

"Hey. I'm.. ‘You know Who’. This is Fangirl chick, right?"

On the roof at the hospital's airlift station, Emery hopped up and down squealing.

"Yeah yeah..." He asked her to recount her story..

She eagerly did. “...And the staff here aren’t helping the patients, King. When I first started I had a few people I was cool with, but they got steadily replaced with these weirdos. I need your help!" "Okay chick, I mean.. sure but watch out yourself."

“Don’t worry about it. No one pays attention to me up here. Oh, and thank you thank you thank you! You know, when I was young my mom Nass, a total trip, would try to tell me scary stories about you, but I just thought they made you sound cooler and I was a fan ever since. I'm kinda still a social outcast because of that… or maybe because I don't mind seeing blood and guts and stuff... Sorry I’m rambling. I have an old coworker who can help me out I think if I call his- Gotta go, King. Bye!" She hung up as an helicopter was approaching for landing.

Back inside, the Koopa King remained skeptical of the narrative, but she had a point. What was so complicated about letting him walk into a patient room? He suspected this wasn’t a big deal anyway, just theatrics that he’d be able to suss out in record time. Mario was just imposing extra rules to flex, to revel in holding the power. Safe in his home turf, this contrasted their typical out of town secret meetups where the plumber had to watch over his back warily..

He stood up, yanking his mask off figuratively and literally. Next he ripped off the scarlet cloak, allowing its frayed remains to bundle at his feet. Someone noticed his presence in the lobby and screamed, causing a chorus of alarm. Their terror reignited Bowser and he belted out a maniacal laugh involuntarily, unceasing until someone stood before him. The red plumber dropped his head towards the disguise reduced to shreds, confused and horrified alike.

Bowser snapped shut his dumbphone, staring his rival down with extra intensity. “I’m seeing our tennis rivals whether ya like it or not!”

Mario leaped acrobatically to Bowser’s side and pulled his spiked collar down to his level, flipping into character in the blink of an eye. “I don't think so, Koopa! Time to take out the trash!”

Underneath the spontaneous applause from the grateful dozen eavesdropping, hidden behind the heavy double doors that partitioned the lobby from the East and West wings, Mario dragged Bowser through the automatic doors with him. The moment they were outside and out of ear shot he crossed his arms.

“Why’d you do that??”

“I just wanted to see 'em.” His frenemy smirked again. As infatuating as they were, they simultaneously made Mario’s blood boil.

“I was just about to let you. Jerk.." He seized the koopa’s arm. "I’m serious. It’s awful in there so let’s go. We can sneak in the window.”

“Sure..” Bowser replied airily as they walked along at a leisurely pace.

When a bob-omb on the public sidewalk looked at them puzzlingly and turned the opposite direction, something dawned on the plumber and his face flushed. “Crap! Hurry!!"

He started to tug Bowser down the sidewalk then, even as sparks threatened to fly from the koopa’s dry hardly moving feet scraping across concrete. Next a bemused birdo on a bike spotted them hand in hand from across the street and was so distracted she smacked into a stop sign.

Cringing, Mario looked back. "You can try lifting those things, you know!!"

“I freakin know that!!” Snapping out of a daze, enwrapped by seeing Toad Town somewhere other than from the vantage of an invading Doomship, Bowser cooperated somewhat and they briskly made it around the block to the West wing. There were a few camera flashes Mario noticed from some passing cars. He guessed he didn’t have to be holding on to Bowser publicly like this, but how else would he make sure the most feared enemy of the kingdom couldn’t bounce? Bowser must have taken sick delight in this, or at least Mario thought so with how much the Koopa King kept giggling at nothing.

“Enough, dummy!”

Toad and Daisy’s window was partially obscured by bushes and shrubs that they wasted no time diving in. Mario heard some sort of alarm blaring over raised voices, all muffled by glass. He felt in vain around the sides for a latch.

“Of course a plumber can't operate a window..” Bowser carefully applied pressure to the entire pane, making something creak. “Whoops!”

“Bowser!!” Mario jut his arms out to catch the glass. It then slid off his gloves and inside the room, shattering on impact with the floor. It bumped one of the computer status monitors and it went out of the dummy mode it was in, displaying a standard Mushroomsoft 10 OS screen.

Peach gasped, spinning away from the blue shy guy nurse she was speaking with at the door. “What was that?”

Yoshi lifted up the blinds, revealing Mario and Bowser. When Bowser leaned his big head in, his smile dropped abruptly, stomach churning at Toad and Daisy’s state. How affected he was all a sudden surprised even himself.

"So it wasn't a false alarm after all. Like, I gotta tell someone, bye.” The nurse swiftly left, sneakers squeaking down the hall.

Yoshi, Luigi and Peach collectively groaned or close enough as the only nurse around willing to talk to them slipped away.

“Did you learn anything?” Mario asked, climbing inside.

“No,” Peach responded curtly. “And the alarms mean some sort of security is showing up. Dare I ask what prompted such?”

Mario pinched between his eyes. They had no choice but to do the unthinkable. Explain the situation.

---

Dark Land had a diversity of environment seldom recognized, super stormy in some urban areas, swampy in others, and dry and parched around Bowser Castle. That soil became the cushion for an out of control airship, sending an enormous dust cloud in the sky.

Larry yanked off his headphones after he felt a particularly large quake in the floor. "Sis! That's too much bass from the stereo!" he yelled over the TV. "Even for me!"

Without diverting her attention away from her dating simulator, Wendy flung an extra extra controller at him. "That's Morton's craptastic CD that still plays even after I've scratched it five times on purpose!"

The music cut as Morton spun around from the trio of 18 inch stereo cabinets, suspicion in his grey eyes. "Did you just say that you damaged, defaced, vandalized, my limited edition, rare, compact disc from DJ Deadbone5?"

Lemmy was in the opposite corner of the room scooping up the multicolored blocks from his life sized structure that was rattled apart by that same thud. He was adapted to ignoring most of the fuss going around, but getting a whiff of smoke in the air made him second guess. "Anybody smell smoke?"

Iggy's head snapped up from the green translucent Gameboy he was buried in. With a lanky shape, and lime green hair gelled to sprout from his head, he didn't need that collectable to be unmissable. "My radioactive microwave downstairs!... Hahaha, no that blew up last week because of Roy's burrito."

"Shuddup," Roy griped from the other more ragged couch, one of the older and larger koopalings.
All the while, trying to drown it all out, Larry kept feeling more anxious. He knew why when they got a group text.

"Attention! Mandatory meeting behind the castle!" the message stated. Unanimously, his sister even pausing her game which she would never otherwise do, the koopalings filed out.

"F!" Larry whispered.

Behind the castle, their primary airship was embedded bow first. Orangey red dirt mounds from the impact were littered up to a mile away, some even making it onto the rooftop of the castle. Despite all of that, Kammy Koopa was able to squeeze out of the emergency hatch on the top and slid down from the hull to the ground like nothing had happened, arms full of bags. Evidently, she'd shopped till she dropped.

"~Dearies, I got something for you!" Kammy sang, shuffling across the field.

The crone, their 'cool grandma' was cheered for. Larry compartmentalized it, having nothing else to do as the last to come up: Kamek was the 'koopalings are ordained warlords', Kammy was the 'you're just kids!' and Bowser in the middle. Sheesh.

Meanwhile a particularly Ludwig sized dirt mound started to jiggle, scaring him.

"Freaking what is that?" he gasped.

Bloodshot eyes appeared from the mound, followed by a red hot face and then the rest of the body. "What in Eldstar's name is wrong with you crazy woman?!" Ludwig screamed.

Kammy coyly strolled up, her head poking around the stacks of shopping bags. "Luddy-dear, you know how I have lil problem reaching the brake pedal sometimes, ee hee hee! Now chill out, boy!" She tossed a yellow Banana Bird Republic bag full of hair spray his way.

The eldest koopaling caught it on reflex then dropped it to the ground. "Everyone focus!" He snapped his fingers. "Time?"

Lemmy checked his artsy 'wrist watch'. "There's been exactly zero minutes and no seconds since we've been standing here."

"Lemmy, your watch is drawn on your wrist with crayon. Ooh, I should invent a watch that can freeze time like yours!" Iggy giggled.

With a loud aggravated huff, Ludwig went ahead and dashed inside the airship so fast Kammy spun in place, shopping bags flinging off. They waited awkwardly until Ludwig emerged from the hatch. Using a thick colorful quilt, likely as-seen-on-tv at some point, to shield his nose and mouth from dust, he sat there instead of sliding down and seemed to be busy dialing a number on his phone in an irritated manner. They all knew who it was, and that it wasn't to call anything off either.

Larry squeezed his eyes shut. Most of Ludwig's schemes didn't make it off the ground. How did this crazy one? He was almost desperate enough to approach Roy, Morton, and Wendy rummaging through Kammy's outlet mall treasures. They didn't really want this did they? Then again they were such Koopa Troop supporters.. He diverted his attention to Iggy, hoping the eighteen year old would even get it. He was outsiderish too.

"Hey, Iggster!"

"-Hands off, sonny! I need that to keep up with the sock, cauldron, and cooking ware collection," the elderly magikoopa slapped Iggy with her broom.

Iggy held the pocket calculator over her short stature. "And I'll totally trade you another, but first let me borrow this and harvest the proprietary and out of production CPU microchip. Sam and Slam took my other one before they left this morning in the trucks!..."

Larry's conniption had him kicking dirt and getting his foot stuck. All that was left was Lemmy, Ludwig's secretary if only due to strict hierarchical rules, patiently balancing on his ball and drawing a new minute hand for his watch. Larry knew he was screwed, as embedded in this mess as their airship was in their rotting backyard.

"-Very good, we may proceed on our trip," Ludwig said upon returning.

"Yeah right." Wendy pouted. "Daddy's gonna freak."

He dropped a bundle of shovels before their three toed feet. "Are you certain? Riddle me this, sister mine. What has two thumbs, a shell on its back, and Ludwig Von Koopa as their supreme commander?"

Iggy quickly answered, "About 432,283,432 nearby organisms, Luddy-sama!"

"That's larger than the Koopa Troop today. And under the last regime. And the previous. Combined!"

"He was complementing you," Lemmy snuck in there. "Basically, you'll rule the world?"

"Oh... Well the answer is you all. Get to work!" Ludwig ordered, tying that quilt around his neck. Coastal breezes made it unexpectedly cold if no volcanos were erupting. That was his maneuver, not hiding his blush.

---

Mitch Toad’s black luxury sedan skidded to a stop at one of Starman Lane's many red lights. Scratch papers rolled up in his lap contained interview questions for a movie star, among other appointments for the day. The glove compartment was unsuccessfully ravaged for more facial tissues and aspirin for the searing pain behind his eyes, and his nosebleed continually stained his expensive suit. Despite this he was glad he braved venturing from his hidey hole at the Press. That ‘creep’ knew better than to target his ex and coworker, fully aware Mitch knew what they were capable of the moment they walked through the Press’s doors.. The light changed green so he mashed that pedal. Traffic was thin except for a bus about to pass on the opposite side.

~Ding ding ding.

Fingers curling around the leather covered steering wheel rigidly, the toad’s blood ran cold. Ringing behind his head was the sound of- Then before he could react, a mushroom bus was veering into his lane head on. The vehicles collided with a terrible metallic clash. His car’s aluminum frame warped and compressed, shards of glass from the windshield spraying Mitch as it flipped into the air and somersault off the street into the park. The public transportation vehicle kept rolling for some time, the driver a warm corpse in the seat before the crash occurred. The ghost bus came to a grinding halt when it overran a brick hedge down the block. Back in the park, within the mangled remains of the Lexus, an airbag deployed at last. This partially awoke Mitch buried inside, conscious just enough to realize that he could neither move nor scream…

The first person to notice the accident was Koopa from the park. Jogging in place he began to call emergency services and remained on the line until he was whacked in the back of the head with an object, a green Bowser racket a number of people might have caught a glimpse of at a certain tennis game. The unconscious fitness junkie collapsed at the feet of a dark figure with no feet at all. Surveying the carnage, the attacker's eyes squinted slightly due to astigmatism, but their lips curled upwards in satisfaction.

"Write a story on this, bro," the person mocked, leering into Mitch's driver window. Then they vanished like the boo they were…

---

Back in Room 444, Yoshi, Luigi, and Boo remained with their friends for the moment to watch out for that security to roll down the main street and hopefully give the others a heads up. When Yoshi excused himself to make a call to his fiancé, Luigi shyly glanced over to see how his friend was holding up.

"Are you okay?" Boo asked him first, catching him off guard.

"Not really. It feels like for every step forward it's two back."

Boo kept their focus unwaveringly on the highway, the bright shiny colors from the occasional vehicle sweeping by mesmerizing. It wasn't new to them, but living in Forever Forrest for that short time had made it feel so. "I think I'm used to that," they said vaguely as a more vibrant than usual work van was crossing…

Up front Peach concluded, "-So you did not need to raise alarms. Bowser is roaming I must admit, but 'civilly' I suppose you can say. A more important matter is that- let me just say we highly suspect the staff of squandering time." While the ringing alarms were disabled in the lobby, they were still faintly audible in other parts of the hospital and red lights continually flashed as well.

"We are still determining their condition," Nass answered.

"-These people giving you-? Ah, uh, nevermind. Hmm hmm hmm.." the whomp doctor hummed in passing from the East wing to the West.

Peach forced herself to ignore that. “Very well,” she lied. “You stated that the call for security came from within this facility, so would you know who authorized that unnecessary measure?”

“We do not know that either.”

“...Oh why did I ever hire you back then as the receptionist!” the princess blurted, immediately regretting it.

Nass stared blankly before shooting up from her chair. "If you have a problem with how I do my job, take it up with Dr. Professor for crying out loud! Don't complain to me! I’m following orders!"

This sent Mario over the edge. He’d stood beside his princess for support, letting her handle the matter to add credence to the fact that she owned the place. It was obvious now the staff were just messing with them.

"Oh of course you don't know. Just like how our friends are changing colors and you think we're stupid enough to believe that none of you have a single clue of what's wrong with them!" Mario slammed his fists down on the desk. Meanwhile Bowser entered as 'himself' and remained near the door, unnaturally silent and downcast.

The defiance visibly drained from Nass as she collapsed into her seat, holding down a button. "D-Dr. Terrace, please come to the front again, thank you!"

“Is he willing to be honest for once?” Peach cut in, emboldened by Mario. “Because so far I am wholly unsatisfied with your care, organization, husbandry, and communication!”

“Ahh, well that’s too bad,” the whomp, Dr. Terrace, said behind their backs. “Nass, you knew better to rope me back up here. This lady don’t own the place anymore as of the big vote this morning. Just kick her out.”

Mario pulled the rock baddie closer by the stereoscope. “Sure you wanna try???”

“Watch it, freak!” Bowser exclaimed, followed by a thud.

He was flat on his spiked back, bowled over by a yellow blur that was barreling inside and zoning on the front desk. Mario dropped Dr. Terrace and scooped Peach into his arms, launching them both out of the way just in time.

The dust cloud settled- "Dis is Jimmy M. of the Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit!" announced a short monty mole in a bright yellow hazmat suit.

Nass peeked over her desk, familiar with the agent’s round furry face. "There must be some mistake, James. We were expecting- No, you cannot- Stop! You are not authorized to-"

James had the temerity to jump into her office and the file cabinet next to her computer, sending papers flying around. As Mario was helping Peach to her feet, both dazed at whatever just happened, they heard tinny chatter from a radio.

"I got somethin," James said into a walkie talkie, choice documents spread on Nass’s desk before him.

“No!” Nass repeated, sliding her crooked glasses back up. She drop to her knees attempting to retrieve her data files spread about the marble floors. “Terrace, someone help me!”

“Do I look like I can bend ninety degrees? Ha! Guess again!” Dr. Terrace shrugged, standing amongst her papers. “Be useful, will ya?” He nudged the shy guy nurse ‘Azul’ rolling up in a food cart. The younger nurse flashed a rude gesture but obeyed, albeit begrudgingly, picking up a pink slip that Peach suddenly identified.

“Young man. May I see?” she asked him, before boldly snatching it out of his hands anyway and retreating to the safety of Mario. The document James had plucked was procedure guideline for ‘T-Virus’, the unofficial name coined for the disease. Strikingly there was a pencil mark ‘X’ over the entire list of recommended steps. She nearly lost her balance, and not just because one of her heels had broken a second ago.

Mario quickly steadied her as she was on the verge of tears. “Peach, I think these jerks are sabotaging your hospital!”

Then the alarms everywhere totally silenced and the red lights became neutral, eerie silence punctuating his revelation. A somewhat strung out Dr. Prof. Koopa made his entrance into the lobby, clothes and lab coat mysteriously ruffled. As he strolled towards Mario and Peach they subconsciously backed up until they were pinned against the automatic front doors.

“My Dear ‘Sweet Pea’,” he began petulantly, “I must inform you that the rumors are true. You are no longer the director here. Now, I have made it clear that we are handling this case so I suggest that you do not chide my staff or interfere with our new methods.”

“-Wait a minute. Who the heck is in charge?” Bowser demanded.

Dr. Prof. turned to the Koopa King, pausing with an air of recognition. “That would be I, dear old Bowser..”

“Great! Just needed the owner present according to protocol. Get on in here boys!” James said into his receiver.

This prompted a mega goomba, a koopa paratroopa, and a wiggler to rush in from outside, stepping around Mario, Peach, and Bowser. They split up and went down all of the halls, shaking the entire building in moments, banging down doors. Every nurse and patient that could was shoved outside during their emergency. They were soon swarmed by a stampede of folks and ejected on the grey asphalt of the parking lot. Mario woozily leaned up. Countless others were displaced, blocking his view partially of the huge vibrant 'MKDCU' truck parked in front of the entrance. On autopilot he was trying to rush back in when he caught sight of some of the health inspectors wheeling patients out. There was a yoshi, a koopa, then a toad- Toad Toad, and a girl- Daisy!
"Waaaait!" Mario shouted as the snifit driving the truck shifted into gear. The MKDCU sped off into the distance with his friends. Panting, he slung his hat to the ground. Then there was another layer to this catastrophe. His Mach Bike appeared to have been stolen from the park lot, leaving an oil puddle only.

---

Four people regrouped at Club 64, a landmark diner in Toad Town known for its cozy atmosphere over the decades, a notable distinguisher against sleeker and larger competitors like Club Gamecube across the street. Mario got his friends a seat far in the back of the restaurant, near the often therapeutic fish tank. He kept her arm around the princess's quivering form, the tears that once marred her face long dried. The spinning ceiling fans and the bubbling of the tanks projecting blue light on them were the only sound. Yoshi's attention remained on the bulky old television screens usually set to closed caption only, no reports pertaining to them found among the mix of miscellaneous news…

"That Bowser…" Luigi spat all a sudden.

Yoshi swiveled his chair around and nodded.

The implications were clear and with some guilt, Mario faced the princess. "Nobody knew about Bowser until those alarms I thought, and the hospital was acting crazy WAY before then. There is just no way!"

"Don't be so certain.." Peach answered. "When we were searching for answers I couldn't help but feel that some of the unconscious patients were familiar. They were. They were sitting near me during the tennis game drinking that soda!"

Yoshi eyed the princess sympathetically before returning to Mario. "We know the source of the disease is the tennis game. It was a mixed crowd yet is a single koopa scum on the mends? No, only people like us, coincidentally the only partakers of that soda. It's a targeted attack, Mario! Of course we all disagree with the scummy hospital's ways, and this does not explain why they're not treating our friends, but I can't think of any other reason why they would kick the princess off the board like that except for permitting our worst enemy Bowser to stick around. "

Mario remained silent. Yoshi seemed so logical as usual, and the rousing conviction in his voice, the way he pieced it all together with proficiency.. He'd successfully thrown Bowser under the bus, not a Mushroom Bus however as they had suddenly ceased to run in the last hour, but he was six feet below regardless and Mario didn't know how to dig him out. -Or if he should.

Luigi checked a message. "Oh Boo got my text to meet here. Good cause they know how to get into some of the private chat rooms on the Toad Town message boards. They have some 'juicy' info on Bowser."

Mario sprang up from his seat. "Lemme go to the bathroom real quick."

Mario slipped out a back door, rounding the block on the lookout. He craned his neck upwards occasionally, pacing back and forth in the shaded alley next to Club 64. When he spotted at last a Clown Copter in the sky, he was anxious, so much he was shaking. Somewhat ashamed of that emotion, it quickly morphed into rage.

"Bowser, because you can't ever be patient for five seconds now everyone is freaking out thinking about conspiracy theories and!!!.."

Bowser yawned under Mario's rant, his parked clown car barely squeezing in the alley. "Done, Mario? What they're blabbering about is wrong! It's the hospital that's dirty, I had a lil toad fangirl rat on 'em to me. I was think'n at first maybe those losers staged their own fallout so that they could force a reschedule- Let me finish! - but I threw that out when I saw em. I bet not treating them is some experiment from that Dr. Professor creep runnin the place, slithering back to his old ways!"

Mario slowly fizzled out. "Huh?"

"Way back the dude was a mad scientist with me. You don't walk back form that."

"People don't change?"

"Bleh." He prepared to get back into his clown car. "We can talk about that on the phone. Ya know, the only thing you like now."

"Hold on!" Mario rolled his eyes. "Eldstar, you're annoying. But to clear it up: You have nothing to do with anything, right? Nothing involving sodas? Nothing with your soldiers?"

"Of course not!" he explained vehemently.

"I believe you, but I'll be the only one in the entire Kingdom who does- aside from your fangirl I guess. Problem is every new piece of evidence rounds back to you, Bowser. I guess what I'm saying is.."

Bowser stepped closer, his red eyes flashing with intrigue. "Spit it out!"

"You don't want to just read about how we solved this mystery in the paper instead of doing something about it, right? ..Besides it's kind of neat seeing you.. Here. In town for once. " He detected a smile creeping onto his rival and consequently himself. "If they're the bad guys , what if we return to the hospital and teach them a lesson? I'll plan it out and in the meantime I know somewhere you can stay where no angry mobs would ever look." He presented his house keys from his pocket.

Bowser's demeanor lit up like he was in a steakhouse. "I finally get to see your old shack in person? This IS a Boo Moon!" he said, a Darklandian calendar period where inhibitions were vanquished. "By the way…been meaning to say.. Is 'Moustache' gonna be a name I can use anymore or something else?"

"What are you talking about?" Mario laughed. "I need to not scare them into thinking I fell into the toilet. Again. Don't let anyone or anything see you, or break anything, or order too much pay-per-view, or break the TV when you can't beat my high scores…

His keys clank softly as they fell into the calloused open palm of his nemesis. That sealed it in his mind. He'd made a mistake, and worryingly he didn't want to turn back!

When Mario snuck back into Club 64, he learned that the message boards predictably pinned the epidemic on the Koopa Troop. Boo looked nervous and uncomfortable about that 'juicy' detail on Bowser and wouldn't share it, even after Luigi and Yoshi plead.

No matter, Mario knew what he wanted to do next, but it wouldn't be easy. Not with his friend's unanimous next plan of action.

---

Kylie Koopa made it back to the Mushroom Press and returned to her cubicle, tossing her notebook on her desk and dropping Mario’s heavy bag in her chair as she checked her task organizer. Across from her space, Mitch’s area was vacant and his items unguarded she noticed. Aware of his obsessive compulsive tendencies this concerned the reporter, more so when she found his lunch box under his table with uneaten sandwiches in it.

"Jessie, have ya heard from that ol' Mitch since this afternoon? Just curious.”

The desk lady shook her head so Kylie returned to her space, trying to reign in her erratic mind. Before she had that unexplained episode back at the stadium, she had enough wit to take photos. At the bottom of Toad and Daisy’s trash was a can. Fungus Up! She just needed a way to prove a person shown drinking one is also checked into the hospital and vola! She didn’t like the pattern. Bowser bad guys were there, Bowser was in the city, Bowser was still in the city.. This wasn’t her first rodeo.

A roadblock was that MK East ignored her calls. She could not skip on over right away because for some reason the buses suspended all routes due to an ongoing investigation. That would be a scoop for some other reporter. Anyway she still had Mario’s bag picked from the scene of the crime. Her hand rested on her chin. The Kingdom’s hero shared a locker room with the Koopa King, could there be a clue within? But then again, she couldn’t bring herself to snoop on their greatest hero out of respect. Anyone else was fair game though..

She left a voicemail for Mario, then went back to blowing up MK East’s lines. Office phone pressed against her ear, she overheard someone entering the press for a paper.

"Right here, sir," Jessie said. Kylie rolled her computer chair back slightly so she could see the customer, a noki in a Hawaiian shirt and black sunglasses scan the newspaper nearly as tall as him and nod his head.

"See your stories?"

The noki rolled it up under his arm and handed over coins to Jessie. "Merci." He waltzed out and through the windows she saw him get into an Aston Mushroom sports car, a fancy 'thang' as she'd put it, at a parking meter. The Toad Town license plate didn't fool her. She clocked him as a tourist.

6. Dying Inside

Chapter Summary

Things get real. Things get personal. Things get strange…

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Bowser heard a snap as the bouncy beige colored couch's legs broke beneath him. Idly switching through pay-per-view, the Koopa King had to admit this was unanticipated, no not that, rather the state of the Mario brother's house. Gift boxes labeled 'Mario' lined the walls in high wobbly stacks, resembling a storage area instead of a living space. Décor was mostly absent, with unsightly recreational items taking its place, video games, a weight set, etc.

Bowser wondered how the younger brother was allowing such an inelegant home. He always got a neat freak vibe from Luigi, but then again.. Anyway, Mario letting him stay here was more calculated than he'd realized at the time. The plumber knew Bowser's bulky shell would prohibit him from getting anywhere beyond this point, like to the bedrooms. Not that he was curious or anything. Whenever they met up again Mario would probably play good cop while he delivered the beat downs at the hospital. There would certainly be a brawl. He caught a number of those doctors trying to suppress their Darklandian accents.

When the doorbell rang, he checked through the peephole.

"Sup. Sorry this is late, bro. Also it's old but whatever. Here ya go." It was a paperboy squinting as he looked all around, his bike farther back on the curve. "Hey, you home?"

"Grrrrr..." Bowser leaned against the frame, thinking it over. "-Oh hello," he answered, opening the door a hair and trying to lighten his voice. "I'm.. a maid. (What? No. Wrong word, dumbo.) I mean housekeeper, heh heh. Mario's not in! Just leave it there."

The dark boo in an orange ball cap tilted down dropped the paper in a jumpy fashion. This suburb's quaint picture perfect houses had that goody-two-shoes thing going on, like out of a princess-approved real estate magazine.

"Oh right. Here's the dough!" Bowser flicked some gold coins out the door, hearing them bounce everywhere.

"...For real bro? One day Imma be a CEO. You'll regret that!"

Bowser sighed heavily.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you!" The paperboy swung the door wide open before Bowser could react. In the stand off they both got a better look at each other and knew they'd made a mistake.

"Get in!" Bowser growled, snatching the dark boo inside and closing up the door before neighbors could see, and pressed him against the wall. "What's yer name again?!"

"Y-yah, uh… Z, sir," he stammered.

"-Say the Mushroomcratic oath!...Gotcha! You're.. Huh? Are you my soldier or not? You said both versions."

The dark boo relaxed. Bowser could see no light reflecting back from his dark glassy eyes, sorta eerily. "I'm a temp for you, boss. Had to switch stuff up, like you."

Bowser stepped back, feeling exposed all a sudden. "What? Me?? No!! And what makes you think you can?!"

"What makes you think I can't? It's like this 'Boss', you're lukewarm. I know things like this. You should try being full on liberal and gay like I do. Then you'll get what you want in life. See ya, haha. You got me monologuing." Z dashed out, phasing through the door. "I'll just be, ya know, covering my tracks. With less talking!!!"

Confused out of his mind, Bowser watched the 'paperboy' or mook or whatever he was with that fake name leave on that oil leaky red painted Mach Bike.

Wait a minute. Oh, never mind, he backtracked as one of his sons picked up the gosh darn phone finally. That weirdo was... but he was right. He had to get out there and do something!

---

Mario scanned the dreary faces of Peach, Yoshi, his brother, and Booigi as they stood before or sat on the bench outside of Club 64.

Yoshi raised a fist. "Mario, together we could pummel that old man. I could even take him alone if we squared off, and you know I'm no spring huffin' puffin.."

Luigi seemed to be holding his breath. Booigi quietly listened, watching whoever was speaking- Unless it was Mario.

Peach's thin eyebrows furrowed, seated moodily. "It should not have to come to violence, but I admit I'm losing respect for everyone there. No I will not grovel for my position back. It's not about that anymore Mario! I can just build another hospital. It's about the patients, it's about Mr. Toad and Daisy, and we must do something about their schemes."

"So we agree on the sabotage angle, not Bowser."

"Yes Bowser!"

"They aren't contradictory," Yoshi tacked on. "Where's the last sighting?"

Booigi checked their phone. "No more KT since.. Somewhere near Pleasant Path."

Luigi remarked, "Where we live??"

Mario bit his tongue so much he could taste metallic traces.. "Here's the plan. I need somebody to get my duffle bag from this reporter, Kylie Koopa at the newspaper press. She left a voicemail. It has my deodorant in it!"

"That's not an emergency is it?" Peach asked.

He seated and reassuringly held her. "Well, we have to be careful. Shouldn't we confront them AFTER they find out where Toad and Daisy were taken?-"

Luigi gave a start. "-You didn't tell us that, Mario! That kinda changes everything!"

"My bad! 'MKDCU' can be researched from your castle, Peach. You have been gone since this morning, now aren't your toads worried? They need to see your pretty face to know you're okay. Once we've settled that, then we talk bashing skulls together."

Peach remained unhappy looking, though her blush hinted otherwise. "All right Mario! Gosh.."

Luigi thought for a moment, checking his camera. "Fine fine fine. I'll get your bag." He stretched his legs, preparing for the walk. As anticipated, no one offered to call a ride.

---

Several minutes and blocks away, Luigi and companion Booigi were still winding around town under the beating heat. He'd never missed their motorbike so much until now. The pavement was melting his boots and foot traffic was thick enough for there to be traffic jams at some spots, in front of item shops, or restaurants he'd never bothered to visit, or games stores, some with headlines tacked on to the window fronts. Booigi loitered in front of "Tennis game of Terror", and then sped forward to catch back up, tugging on the green plumber.

"Weegee, hold on! I have to show you something. It's sensitive I guess." Booigi slipped inside the empty Toad Town cleaners and Luigi followed. "So... Check your phone."

When clicking the link, Luigi's heart stopped. Courtesy of an anonymous message boards user with a simple yet enigmatic caption of 'lol it's like fanfiction or something', a photo showed Mario and Bowser walking on the sidewalks casually holding hands. Mario appeared henpecked yet content while Bowser had a face of glee he'd never seen before, captured today very close to the hospital. With his keen eyes there were no traces of editing, manipulation, or any other photo trickery.

Luigi kept his nose down at the bright screen, eyes shut and watery. The only sounds were the low whirl of the washing machines.

Booigi inched closer. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Toad and I were.. reluctantly in on it I g-guess. Mario became a squeaky wheel to Peach about introducing a Peace Pact for a reason including, but not limited to ceasing princess kidnapping adventures. This sucks."

"Luigi, I don't know what to say.."

"You couldn't." Luigi folded his arms, sniffling, letting the tears roll off. "People in this world don't realize that a 'Mario' was created to be the champion of the Mushroom Kingdom. Ripping that purpose away, well intentioned or not, made him go haywire. Let's go."

?Boo swiveled as he marched out. "Huh?"

"Let's go."

---

Mario plopped down in between Peach and Yoshi as Peach was making a call. By her light casual tone it had to be a distaff subordinate. Or the only. Well, toads were technically.. Eh, anyway Toadette rose to the rank of personal assistant recently. Peach scooped her up straight after college, and would have sooner if the toad girl wanted. Next he knew, Peach was eyeing him covertly. He checked with Yoshi who winked in return.

The princess caught herself. "Oh nothing."

Mario saw his reflection in the windows of the building across the street from them, Club Gamecube. Forgetting to shave this morning, his finely trimmed facial hair style was accompanied by thick black stubble heavily spotting his chin and cheeks. Why didn't anyone say something? Soon a fancy pink Birthday Girl kart picked them up.

"Should we post a wanted ad for your bike?" Yoshi asked.

Mario drummed his fingers on the leathery armrest. "I almost feel like that would ensure I never see it again. You know how my fans are..." he trailed off as he noticed they were taking a detour.

Toadette made a stop at a northern cultured market not far from Royal Raceway. Mario empirically knew that If Toadette wasn't there Peach would conveniently snag fresh whatever from any common merchant on the street and they'd be none the wiser at the castle. Yoshi read the descriptions of mundane produce inscribed in old Shroomish, though he'd evidently learned via a book, so the pronunciation was butchered in spots. Still, he made it thoroughly known that he wasn't too old a dino to learn new tricks.

Peach's Castle had banners in support of Toad winning the tennis game hung high, beyond even what a ladder would reach. With that sobering reminder of their predicament, Mario couldn't wait to storm that hospital with Bowser and- he took this one step at a time..

...

"Too many of you are speaking. Where did it start?" Mario asked the toads standing around. Another road block, they stepped into a front room filled with ankle high water. Others in the background were dragging water logged furniture from the inner rooms to the dry mezzanine.

"The kitchen. The basement. Upstairs. Outside. Inside," they all answered at once.

"Enough excuses!" grumbled Toadsworth at the top of the red carpeted staircase. The older brown spotted mushroom man shuffled down each step, walking stick in tote. The other toads tensed up or pretended to be aloof. He slid up his glasses one more time upon reaching the bottom, with a little start. "-Master Mario! I did not know you were arriving so soon to help us with this predicament. The pipe downstairs burst today. My Princess," he added gravely. "Your castle has been in a deluge for hours now. We were trying to handle the matter, for we knew you were dealing with other ordeals."

"Yeah, like the tennis game and the bus driver murderer on the loose!" a blue toad added.

Toadsworth directed his glare his way. "Bucken-Berry, the latter is only hearsay at this time!"

"Oh, stars help us," Peach mumbled, slumping somewhat.

Mario wrapped an arm around her. "I got it, remember? Just look up that MKDCU."

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Some of the toads watching cooed and Peach herself flushed bright red. As Mario left her side to tread downstairs, she felt flustered. While inseparable, they weren't together together, and mutually confirmed that, yet he repeatedly and successfully did things like that to crowd out other reservations. Thousands of coins worth of damage was happening before her eyes, their friends were in peril, and no matter how much his bravado was especially attractive today, that didn't change it.

Batting distracting feelings aside, she brought Yoshi higher into the castle and through corridors where it was quiet and undamaged.

"Mario's great, isn't he?"

Then he had to say that. Yes, the fade style he sported with his dark hair instead of that old comb over. Then his stubble, and the was his biceps were getting large enough to stretch the fabric of his red long sleeve shirt...

But Yoshi probably wasn't going for that angle. A simple, 'He is, Yoshi," sufficed.

Along the way, Yoshi's eyes glossed familiar artwork until the nature prints. He favored the sunset at Dinosaur Land's Vanilla Dome. Leaning in, the photo credit was 'Luigi Mario'..

The castle's library, tucked away down a lonely section, was unlike any other room in the castle. Always unoccupied and books consisted mostly of antique children's story tales or dry historical documents. Creepy wasn't the word the dinosaur would use, more like neglected, everything organized yet covered in a thin layer of dust. The only standout was a desk that consisted of the 'computer lab' with out of place looking desktop.

He took a seat beside her, lightening the mood. "Here's another reason I need to convince Birdo to move with me down here. Computers cost a billion dragon coins on the island, yet each of your toads had one in their back pocket. If she doesn't budge again, this might do it."

That was a little surprising to hear. She thought there were calm waters over there. "I'm sure it will." She clicked on some sort of search box on the screen and pulled up a page on the Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit.

Ran by James Monty and 'Parabilly Koopa' a co-founder, with additional agents 'Richard G.', 'Wiggletron B.', and 'Sebastian B.' , they were strictly commission based health inspectors. The snifit, Sebastian Bullet, seemed familiar. Maybe he was a friend of one of her toads in the past. Or not. Their office was stationed outside of Toad Town city limits, but the affiliate drop off was that crazed Dr. Toadley's clinic..

She jolted when Yoshi touched her shoulder, losing herself in thought for a while. "Oh my!"

"-No, I'm sorry, Princess. Let's update Mario. Are you alright? Come on."

She nodded to the dinosaur. Silently she pleaded to the stars that a clear path revealed itself soon. Her intuition told her that this web of misunderstandings, terrible coincidences, and strange decisions were darker than imagined.

---

"-For instance, this one's outta date, Steve! Just muddling the case!" Kylie Koopa ripped a paper from the wall mounted cork board and crumpled it in her hands.

"My mistake, doll. Lost my reading glasses yesterday. Jessie, c'mere. You verify new submissions for now. Rest of ya, if the police tells us of another homicide, we're gonna hafta tell somebody inclined to do somethin'. Like Mario."

The green plumber lingered at the Mushroom Press's front door when Steve, a bullet bill with a graying mustache, removed another slew of false clues down from the board. Other reporters were standing with him eagerly pacing, waiting, or reading clues. Jessie the receptionist, a red headed human in a blue dress suit, hid her face further with a newspaper. Another co-worker, a Big Bertha, glanced at her and consolingly patted her back with a fin. Kylie was discretely noticing that when she caught the guests at the door. She motioned towards her office.

Luigi and Booigi followed, both fearing what they'd stepped into. "I see it's busy here. We'll get my brother's stuff and my memory card and skedaddle."

Kylie with a sigh collapsed into her chair. "I do think the soda is the key. Good tip, fella. I got through to the hospital finally and hounded 'em until the receptionist admitted that the patients are who you have on film with it."

"No doubt a Bowser scum setup..." He almost never disparaged the mooks Bowser roped into his party out loud. Now it was flowing like the bitter waves of agitation within him. "Erm, so Toad and Daisy were taken by the MKDCU, Kylie. Heard of them?"

She paused, clearly weighed by something. "Mitch might, but he's still missing. Besides that problem, we're trying to solve homicides."

Booigi gave a start. "Ms. Kylie?!"

"You heard me, lil buddy. Within the last hour or two somebody's killing folks around town. Murder method's so distinct we're pretty sure this 'Phantom' as we're calling them began the spree with the Mushroom bus driver."

Luigi's stomach churned. "We hadn't heard.."

"Give it till evening news. They're unidentified 'enemy species', hate to use that term, with weird stamps on their appendages. I'm just afraid.. You know darn well some folk will stick their nose up and say good riddance!"

Luigi loathed that slip up even more. The Koopa King was the crux of their Kingdom's issues, not his Troop. He pined for them to have a decent life ever since Mr. Toad got him on that wavelength years ago. "Eldstar help us."

"Amen," she continued with her head low. "There are some crime scene photos. You are a Mario brother so you might notice stuff we didn't if you wanna take a peek…"

Luigi was caught off guard for a second. "-Yes. I-I'd better."

"Excuse me." Booigi backed out of the cubical before corpses were visible. They briefly caught Jessie spying from down the hallway. The woman withdrew.

Finding that strange, the boo followed stealthy. In a back area Jessie finished guzzling down fountain water and spun around.

"-O-oh, I didn't mean to- You are Mr. Luigi's sidekick, correct?" She clasped her hands behind her back, hazel eyes darting to the floor, ankles pressed side to side. "I was just seeing how Ms. Kylie was fairing. Such a workaholic. Heh."

The boo wasn't used to people being more afraid of them than they were of the other person. They asked extra nice, "Oh. Okay. Umm. How well do you know Mr. Mitch?"

"He's great! ..His work. He writes Mushroom Enquirer. Big time guy. Wouldn't normally be out of office at this time. And his phone- "

"Wait, you have his personal cell?-"

"... Okay I give up! Please don't sic Luigi on me! On my break I heard some gossip at the bus stop that was out. Then I recalled that Mitch said he might go missing after he took care of something. He wants a parcel delivered to him, but I don't know where that is or if he's alive. They were talking about this 'crushed' black car and a crowbar being needed to pry a guy out."

"..The office doesn't know..?"

"No, no." She shook her head. "His work is volatile, just ask Kylie. They have history. Actually don't, please! I'm only the desk girl and if I get wrapped up in what he's into-"

"Oh.. Thank you, Miss. Can I.. tell Luigi? You won't get in trouble, I promise. He's not like that."

"O-okay. Just him."

"S-sure."

The shaky duo split, Boo totally understanding freezing up because of unasked for burdens.

Meanwhile, Luigi revealed to the reporters the little gems they'd overlooked regarding the victims. He drew from two sets of photos for each body, no one able to definitely prove which was taken first. One set was donated by Chief Inspector Douglas, a Snifit Patrol partner, grainy from an older camera (thanking his new skills), but proficiently done, and the other set courtesy of the new photographer Susie Que, in HD resolution but not framed property, also bodies in slightly shifted positions. The discrepancy was that Susie's tended to obscure the marking Luigi identified as Koopa Troop tattoos. Odd, like how all bodies were all found near places seeking extra hired help.

Luigi afterwards, carefully considered Booigi's discreet lead on the toad who was considered their best reporter. Remembering Mitch's antagonistic past, why should they mind that matter, and behind Kylie's back. Then, the possibility hit him. What if he knew about this tennis disaster, and that's why he'd vanished?

---

After handling the two minute repair job with ease, Mario exchanged his waterlogged boots for a spare pair. He wondered if Peach had replaced her soggy high heels. The ideal of her prancing around in pastel fuzzy slippers entertained him while he laced the boots up and tucked his pant legs in. Climbing up from the basement he expected the soaking wet main room to be clear. Instead, Toadsworth stood in the door frame looking out, as if a guard. He was once a soldier, most wouldn't believe, but this was a new habit..

"Master Mario! Yes, come here for a moment, if you would be so kind."

He jumped. "-Oh. Sure."

"We appreciate your selfless efforts as usual. You are a paragon Mushroom citizen, but I must caution you on a matter."

Mario kept listening apprehensively. "...Mmhm?"

The old mushroom cast him an impish glance. "Just pulling your leg, old sport! I say, will you grow that out? Or is that 'grizzled 90s action hero' style what you are going for, Master Mario?"

Mario took that in and then laughed. By tomorrow, he might have a beard. "Ah… not sure yet," he answered honestly. "Hey, I just gotta run real quick and get something. Keep everyone away from the wet areas till I'm back."

While he was working in the basement he texted Bowser to prepare to meet him. He checked his watch, cleared out the stopwatch he forgot to before, and broke into a sprint. As he was tearing down the castle's green front yard he heard hushed voices. Over to the side Peach had a mini bridge with a shallow stream underneath. Bending his head under, he found two young toads.

Toadette stepped away from Bucken-Berry, waving and flushing. "We totally weren't goofing off or anything, hehe!"

"What's up?" the blue toad went, far more naturally. "Mario, I need to tell you-"

"Don't bright that up now," She tugged on his dark blue vest.

The blue toad pulled it back onto his shoulders. "Sorry baby, I gotta. Not being funny with Mr. Toad in the hospital, but if it has to do with Bowser Freaks it makes sense. He has connections with bad guys ya know."

"Diplomatically. Would you apply that to Princess Daisy too?" she fired back.

He shrugged. "I mean, we don't know her like that. Maybe. That'd be Daisy's perigynous. She has no Koopa Troop history-"

"Prerogative?"

"That. -Unlike Mr. Toad, who knows all about Princess Mush IV in 444 AD, having a secret relationship with a koopa prince and starting a huge bloody war." He teased her with a smirk. "See, I do pay attention in history class like you're always moaning about!"

She rolled her eyes. "Try the rest of them sometime, Blue."

Mario backed up slowly. "Thanks for the heads up, Cool Blue. Lots to consider, ha ha. Talk to you later." He loosened up the collar around his neck. "...Eldstar…" he mumbled a distance away, off of castle grounds.

When he made it to the city, he was drawing close to Snifit Patrol's station. Painted silver, it used to be a fast food joint. A whomp officer, Sergeant Howie, leaned idly out the drive through window. The garage was empty, the others likely patrolling. Mario diverted to another block. There was an unwritten rule that none of the Mushroom Kingdom vigilantes stepped on each other's toes, influenced somewhat by how distrustful the princess was of those other guys. Too bad, Mario thought as he came upon MK Hospital East. In some alternate universe he would have loved to be part of a team even bigger than his brother and maybe a blue and yellow toad…

---

Following the unwelcome MKDCU intrusion, Mushroom Kingdom Hospital struggled to recover rather blatantly. The automatic door was permanently stuck open and leaves and dust from outside piled up. Doctor Professor Koopa, after attrition, invited a janitor from their sister hospital in Southern Mushroom Kingdom to assist.

Nass T. returned to her desk, freshened up. A minute in, she was glued to the clock already. Combing her long black hair down, she was convinced she appeared sound, aside from the discolored oblong bruise on her wrist. For one call-in her brevity failed her and now that injury was her penalty.. She drearily reflected on how it got to this. She connected with 'Theodore' over some shared experience in royal medical service. She would later find out some of his was from the OTHER side. Now here came that help..

"Howdy, Mr. Probabilly Koopa here," greeted a mature koopa paratroopa in a blue janitor outfit. A gray pony tail reached his winged shell. Unceremoniously he began tidying up the debris without further instructions.

Meanwhile, Mario climbed into room 444, predicting they wouldn't notice the missing window pane. He couldn't locate Bowser anywhere, even peeking down the halls. Then he thought he heard commotion up front. When he marched there however, the disturbance involved someone else near and dear.. Luigi moments ago slipped up on the wet floor and knocked down a stand of traveling pamphlets and ads. As the janitor was helping his brother and apologizing repeatedly, Mario felt a wave of nausea, unable to move his feet. Nass's hand hovered over the intercom, but then she simply ducked under her desk. Probabilly laid down a wet floor sign and gestured for the brothers to scatter. The Marios dodged the approaching doctors, not saying a word until they hit a secluded alcove down the East hall.

"Well," Mario squeaked. "You first."

"I'm trying to help with a murder case."

Mario whipped his way. "..?!"

"-And you?..." Luigi impetuously leaned towards his ear, venomously stating, "You were gonna meet 'him' here again, weren't you, just like in your little photoshoot before?!" He turned away. "How can you live like this? Lying to all of us?"

"Living like this??" Mario whispered, gently facing him around again. "..I was dying inside for a long time brother. Yes, BEFORE the pact, okay? Believe me when I say that with all my heart, I think Bowser is innocent. We were supposed to meet here and bust this place, now we just need to scram. Will you come with me? I'll get into it more, I promise!"

Mario's pleading eyes were rare. At this stage in their well established lives, Mario didn't really 'need' him like that. In exigent circumstances, hoards would help the hero. Of course he was his brother and a good person, so naturally he 'wanted' Luigi to be involved. This was different. He needed him to listen, and Luigi's well mortared defenses were cracking by the moment.

“Take his word for now and get outta here!”

Luigi checked over his shoulder.

“Go to the Toadley Clinic. Tell him the disease is so and so..”

Mario reached out and stabilized him as he held his temples.

“Oww. Toadley Clinic. Oww my head!” Luigi groaned.

Mario’s attention snapped to a thin red line running down Luigi’s left nostril. It was time to go…

Back up front, an older toad woman in a pink outfit, Mariam approached Nass after someone tipped her off. “-And you saw those brutish Mario brothers? Girlfriend, report them as Dr. Prof said.”

“N-no. I was mistaken!” Nass replied. “The wind blew that junk over, but while you cover my break you can call security if you insist. Not that ‘fake’ MKDCU security like before…”

As they spoke, the janitor leaned up from vigorous mopping he did near the seats. "That 'splains it,” he laughed to himself.

A few moments later, in walked a noki with sunglasses and a red Hawaiian shirt. He weaved around the wet floor signs and still drying bleach, even picking up one of the travel brochures Luigi knocked over along the way.

“Visitation is suspended, dearie," Mariam informed him.

"I understand,” he replied, flashing his white teeth and holding up a pamphlet. “Are there more of these somewhere? I am just a tourist.”

"From somewhere exotic I see.." she murmured mischievously. "Ah hem. Down the hall to the left."

He shortly ignored magazine rack, a visitor's station rising to the ceiling, diverting as soon as he wasn't being watched. All he knew was that Agent N's niece, Ashley was somewhere. He scanned a directory of the room numbers.

"Try room 26, Mr. Bond."

The noki froze in his tracks, hands reaching to see if the inconspicuous ear plugs were in place.

"If you weren't so handsome, Jelectro, I'd call you stupid. You really think those things stop your powers??"

"No one asked you!" Jelectro said out loud by mistake. The detective covered his mouth.

"Just get to my room already."

The last thing he expected, the noki calmed himself and pressed on for Agent N's sake. He navigated to the room of a toad with a green cap, under covers resting. Bandages were all over his face and his monitors indicated a sluggish heart rate and strained breathing.

"I know you but you don’t know me," the toad communicated without looking, or moving his mouth. "But long story. Not just showing off. If I jabber they’ll realize I ain’t half dead. Did you like Sirena Beach, French boy?"

Trying to mask his jitters under a stony composure, Jelectro stood beside the bed. "I am sorry something happened to you, but it does not appear you have the same medical problem as the others."

"Uh, you think?? Got hit by a bus ‘cause of the freak that has something to do with it though. Plus there’s a conspiracy here but only Theodore knows some of the details and that wacko can keep me out of his head somehow."

"Who?"

"Doctor Professor Koopa. Just focus on the thug that works for Bowser-” Then his body stirred ever so slightly. “Friggin.. He’s gettin close. It’s a problem. His mind.. So fascinating. I’d love to mentor him if he wasn’t a psycho. You gotta distract him. He’ll finish me off.”

“What am I looking for??”

“Oh right. Here's some details about literally everything I need you to do, including my research material at the office. Don’t tell Kylie I’m on the mends. Alright dude?- go!-"

With a grunt as the info was hot wired to him, Jelectro felt like a Bowser bomb went off in his skull. He stumbled backwards and into a recliner in the room, knocking it over and then out into the hallway, disoriented by the cacophony of the thoughts around him until he remembered how to lower the volume mentally. Just in time, as splotches of red dripped onto the white tiles. He pressed a handkerchief to his nose. Quel Salaud! The toad was at an impressive level he didn't expect.. Heading out he found someone making a fuss at the service desk, the type Jelectro had knocked around a million times, a young punk.

"No exception to the visitation restrictions I'm afraid," the nurse told the dark boo, forcing a smile.

"Aww! But he's my favorite coworker!"

"I.. thought you were just hired today? Dearie?"

The dark boo snatched her lanyard, snarling, "Listen 'bro', you're gonna tell me which room my 'pal' is in!!!!"

"Yes..I..will..tell..you…" she replied robotically.

Jelectro dashed up. "There you are, mon ami!" He wedged himself between the dark boo and the nurse, severing their eye contact. "Don't you recognize me.. 'Zoo Diddley'? Hm?" The noki briskly flashed his Super Spy HQ badge so that only Zoo could see it, then he got amiable again. "Mon ami, let us converse as we depart. Oui?"

Blindsided, Zoo allowed himself to be dragged outside by the detective. Then like a switch went off on him, he dropped down and begged pathetically- "Wait! The others broke the rules first! Boss would do the same if he found out."

Jelectro tightened his grasp on the thug's stubby arm. "Hm? Which 'others', which 'boss'? You refer to your journalist gig or King Bowser?"

"It's complicated, see.." Zoo replied vaguely. "Anyway I can always come back. Not like this guy's going anywhere soon, Bond."

"Hey! Don't you-"

Zoo phased through him and away, towards a motorbike parked illegally on the sidewalk. The detective slid his sunglasses up and gave chase, reaching for the anti-boo gas. More French cursing ensued, the canister empty. He just happened to have a fellow agent boo that he didn't particularly gel with..

---

“Princess, for the fourth time, Master Mario said he will be back! You aren’t thinking of traveling without his protection are you? There have been additional homicides now!”

The toads listening in behind closed doors recoiled, particularly Toadette. Yoshi had just reentered, needing to step outside to get a signal to call Birdo. Peach Castle was a dead zone for 4G, something about the concrete.. His fiancé was patient upon learning how things kept escalating, but he still detected frustration in her tone when he confirmed, carefully wording it, that he intended to stay the rest of the day. She’d understand later.

“-But Toadsworth dear, I saw where Mario fixed the problem with the pipes. He only needed tape so it should not take this long!” The pink princess huffed. “Toad and Daisy must be at the Toadley Clinic and- I’m just trapped in my own home!!”

“-Stars in heaven! So no hope of recovery soon? ..Do not give me that petulant look, Princess. I feared you were censoring yourself to spare us the most severe details. Well, do not do that!”

“I am sorry..” she groused.

“Regardless, I will allow it,” he continued warmly. He rang a bell. “All we need is a chauffeur for you, Princess. My sincere apologies, Master Yoshi, but there are regulations on who may transport our princess. Ah hem!... Yes, thank you Bucken-Berry, but alas you have not a license. Tut tut. Since you are present you may take down the banners for Mr. Toad however.”

“About time,” Buckenberry said, making Toadette who accompanied him give him a light slap.

“Mr. Toadsworth, I know I’ve already been out today but may I take them again?” she volunteered, seeming eager to distance.

---

"Welcome, do you have an appointment?" the receptionist asked right away, a younger toad woman with blonde medium length hair.

Luigi and Mario approached the desk. The brothers nor Booigi spoke on the way there, which made the hitchhiking they did with a random fan of Mario’s somewhat awkward. Booigi in particular felt a little bit of revulsion towards Mario. They just couldn’t erase that sickening image of the hero and villain crossing the line.

"-No we don’t, but it’s me, Mario. Tell him that,’" Mario spoke up.

The intern pressed a buzzer. “Doctor, I’m sending some in without an appointment. They’re pretty important people, so..”

"Am I ready? No I am not!" A voice boomed from behind large double doors walling off the waiting area from the rest of the Toadley Clinic.

The three were permitted through and into Dr. Toadley’s lab, a dimly lit larger room partitioned into two halves. One side had beds with five patents in them. The recognized Toad and Daisy spontaneously, tinted green as before, but also connected to proper looking equipment. Booigi remained over there. On the other side of the room was Dr. Toadley’s shrine, library, and desk space all at once. The titular doctor dressed in purple was his table, surrounded by shelves of various herbs and powders.

"Am I working day and night to find out what is wrong with my patients here? Yes I am. Reluctantly, can I answer anything else? Yes I can." Toadley asked impatiently.

Luigi stepped forward. "..Actually this isn’t a question and I can’t explain how I know this, but they have the.. Mushroom Flu."

When he said that the world seemed to stop, especially for Mario. “..Luigi, they can’t! That only ever broke out in Dark Land!”

“I know.”

“Brilliant! Did I suspect such? Yes I did!” Dr. Toadley exclaimed, animated and less cantankerous as he jumped onto his laptop with research.

Over his mad clacking of keys, Mario heard someone sparing off with Mary. “L-Luigi. Please see about that. I-I need to check something,” Mario panicked, fiddling with his cellphone.

Numbly Luigi obeyed, unable to discern what implications Mario saw in that that he didn’t. A dry bones was at the desk while Toadley’s intern shielded herself with a clipboard. “I said, no! We’re not really hiring, Phil!”

“Yo, but imma chemist. Got connections with Reggie J. business bro. He runs Fungus Up.”

“That’s been discontinued. For years.”

“Fo real? I saw people drankin em though today.”

“That’s enough. Let’s go,” Luigi said, forcibly escorting the baddie out onto the sidewalk.

“Aww, man!”

“Shut up and go back to where you belong.” He watched until the baddie was down the block.

Luigi took in the fresh air, the scorching heat lessened by a haze in the sky. He was only broken out of his musings by the mirage-like sight of his Mach Bike pulling up in front of the clinic. Aside from a bunch of extra dirt and grime it was exactly like it, down to the ‘I heart Sarasaland’ sticker on the back, the vanity Toad Town license plate that spelled ‘644evar’ even though long outdated, and the oil leak Mario was supposed to fix last week. The stranger riding it shook his head like he’d just missed someone he was trying to meet. With a pang of anxiety, Luigi clocked him as yet another Bowser mook- they really were everywhere, and of course one of them would be their bike thief!

Luigi firmly held onto the handlebar. It occurred to him that he actually had to speak now.. "Hey. This belongs to my brother and I. Piss off and there's no trouble beyond this. Something else is taking precedent now."

Up close, this guy was around Booigi's age, maybe a tad younger. The plumber getting light headed, he hoped he wouldn't spar off. The dark boo was handsome, putatively sophisticated beyond the bikejacking part, but laced underneath..

"Really bro?.."

"Really." Luigi warned, shaking out of it. "I'd skip town if I were you. Somebody out there's taking you guys out. No, It's not Mario and I. We'd never. (I hope)."

Eyeing him impressively, or at least Luigi thought it kind of looked like that, the dark boo abandoned the stolen property without protest. "Tell my cuz in there I said hi," he remarked before vanishing.

---

After following around that bike until it went off road, through parks, and even through the Toad Town dump, Jelectro had to cease giving chase. If he irreparably damaged the car for the sake of a mission he wasn’t sure he was going to accept yet, he’d never hear the end of it at home.. He pursued the other part of his lead, returning to the Mushroom Press. Walking in, he had a foolproof idea on how to access the items of Mitch Jamerson Toad, ‘Mushroom Enquirer’ author, aged forty-one, technically 'single', living in a complex around Pleasant Path.. He kept reciting those facts, just in case he was quizzed. He wouldn’t need them. He strolled beyond Jessie at the front desk, patting her eyes repeatedly with tissues, no questions asked. Jelectro found the cubicle with the ‘Mitch Toad’ gold plate. Before he could try the lock, a koopa blocked him.

“What’s up sir? This stuff over here’s private, alright?” Kylie told him, crossing her arms. “And locked behind a password.”

“Ah, but I am Mitch’s intern, mon ami. He was involuntarily relocated and needs me to retrieve his items. If I may..” He eased around her and she responded by not bulging.

“No offense sir, but I know ‘em a little too well to believe that. You only got this far because half the office went home early.”

“On this busy day, madam?” He effortlessly input Mitch’s password, unlocking his cubicle space.

She started blankly at first and then rubbed the back of her neck tiredly. “Okay so maybe you do work with that ol Mitch. Gee whiz!”

“Why is this building empty?” Jelectro reiterated, locating a folder titled ‘Stars’ and then ‘Chimes’.

“Paranoid they’ll be mistaken for a Bowser freak. Since you're an associate I guess, I can tell you that it’s only Susie, Steve, Jessie, Betty and me sticking around. I can’t drop the tennis game investigation going on.”

Behind is dark sunglasses, the nokis beady eyes sparkled with interest. “Perfect. The tennis game is my topic as well! I know what they are sick with.” He revealed the answer under his breath.

Kylie nearly flipped out of her shell. “Get whatever ya need from ‘em. We gotta tell the Princess!!”

---

Eldstar, high above in his great and awe-inspiring temple, found it too insurmountable to leave. Yes. It had finally occurred. Simplify the layout his celestial companions begged. There's only us living here and a few star kids. Never! Star Temple had been sculped before the strands of time were woven by the Lord he appointed. How dare he alter it, even now with a haze settling in the upper chambers. If he only located the source, for there were many in space, the issue could be handled. He wandered continuously, even as the time passed for future appointments.

To be continued:

7. Transparent

Chapter Notes

This took forever sorry, but I think it is worth.. *Edited*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The sharp ticks of the wall clock rattled Luigi's soul as he waited. However the conversation with Peach went as Mario hid in that storage room, it didn't bode well. Ear against the door, Luigi captured a few defensive responses on his brother's end, followed as quickly by an obsequious apology.

"Let me talk to you," he said as Mario was leaving. He shut them back inside, leaving a sliver for light to bleed in. The dark square shaped room housed bird feed, a sack of potatoes, emergency bags of stardust, and a hair dryer to list some. "I had contact with Kylie Koopa because we suspected 'You Know Who'. I was only back at the hospital because another guy from her office, long story not relevant, might have other clues. So."

"Huh?"

"Make your case," Luigi clarified sternly.

The cornered older brother absorbed the question wearily. "..Bowser wouldn't stomp all over the pact like this. I don't have to be super cerebral with this. We've known him for exactly the same amount of time. It's not from Bowser, it's from someone worse."

Luigi had to support himself with that box of test tubes. "Oh why did you just say that??"

Mario faced the opposite corner, shadows shrouding his guilt-ridden form. "I know, I could have communicated that way sooner, but my head was in a mess. Over several things- not just Bowser's involvement," he corrected, not well enough...

Luigi remained on his feet, yet the blow was like that of a bob-omb. No, it would have been a lesser betrayal he felt if Mario pulled out a fire flower and shot him point blank in the face. "Mario, it's plain to see that this secret relationship with Bowser is just an extension of your known trill-seeking habits! I'm out of here. I heard something-"

"Waitaminute!" Mario dove for the door handle just as Luigi was about to slip out. A struggle ensued. "You really.. wanna know why.. it's because I can be myself.." he grunted. "Firstly, he's not terrible.. it's just an image he has to keep up! Don't forget that he went against his entire board to accept our conciliatory treaties. He doesn't care what other people think and I like that. Sometimes.. sometimes I wish I was that immune to scrutiny!"

Forfeiting the tug o'war, Luigi let his brother slam the door, the sound like a clap of thunder. "-Sensitivity's no blemish for a HERO, what you are and what Bowser IS'NT! "

Mario leaned against the door, winded. "Not arguing that. I said sometimes. What's turned me into a npc or a nervous wreck- with no in-between- is that I'm on thin ice constantly. Remember the riots when I added that car to Mario Party?"

Luigi shivered. "They can be capricious but-"

"And I haven't exactly helped by letting them see me, just some doofy plumber, like some deity for this long. Luigi, there was little to no thrill-seeking with Bowser. All he had to do, besides not kill me, was treat me like a normal guy and he did. Then I'd return home, and it was back to this mutual game of charades where they know I'm not immortal and perfect but don't want to believe it, and I know that half of my 'super-fans' barely know anything about me, and if I did the wrong thing the world might implode. I'll be blunt. The pact was for us to all be cool so I could take the mask off and retire."

"A-and do what?" Luigi muttered, heart plunging into an untraceable pit.

That was dumb to ask. He'd caught on. Long ago in fact. Mario didn't need to settle, somberly yet distantly on one of those fifty-pound feed bags and ask him to think back to their Brooklyn shop, to the way they kept the bunny ears on the black and white TV crooked just right so that the static would be tamed enough to make out the games. Mario knew of and could play them all if he wanted to, even 'Calcio Fiorentino'- which only their Italian grandparents could pronounce correctly.

He felt steaded by a strong grip on the forearm, raising his gaze to meet his brother. Somehow, Mario appeared worse, more flushed, eyes not merely glistening, but running.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

The younger brother let his own fall then. "I know... And I know you're scared more."

...

Dr. Toadley's intern thought she might have to contend with a white songbird flying and diving around in the room erratically, the XL cup of spilled mocha on the floor she had to clean with one towel, and that boo hiding under a chair, squeaking over and over about the 'disturbing' phase Birdley was repeating, but then the Mario bros scrambled back onto the scene.

"What happened?" Mario repeated.

"That bird is mimicking 'Susie', my bully cousin from the press!!" Boo cried. "Miss Intern, make it stop!"

The intern was able to sneak away to a clicker to attract Birdley. He preened silently then from a wooden perch near Mary.

Luigi pressed against the windows outside. "What do they look like?" He was told. "But.. that matches.. Oh God.."

---

Toadsworth manned the castle entrance, eyelids growing heavy as a white haze obscured the sun gradually. He snapped awake, straightening his posture. With a yawn he accepted defeat moments later, and rang his special gold bell for assistance. Since peace time began three months ago there was a chronic deficit of labor on weekends, Peach refusing to task too many to clean up her home all day when they could be 'out there, enjoying life' in her words.

As if there was more to a Mushroomite's life than serving their princess, Toadsworth scoffed.

Someone put away their dust pan and approached, leaner and taller than most. "I'm free, Mr. Toadsworth brah."

The elder masked his apprehension at the golden yellow toad with tanned skin. With a newly miniscule workforce he knew everyone intimately.. "Thank you Ala-Gold. I will return after a brief recess."

Using wifi Ala-Gold messaged another staffer. A shorter, more muscular blue toad soon raced down the steps. Having an identical track record for accompanying the Mario bros to fight the Koopa Troop in wars long past, they gave each other their secret handshake and laughed.

Later Ala-Gold leaned lazily against the castle's white outside walls. "Hate I was stuck on laundry. What's up again?"

Bucken-Berry sat on the bridge's edge, feet dangling down. "'A boat load' as you'd say, Gold. I was thinking about hunting the killer down myself. I have this grappling technique now and.." he went on, loving to talk about fighting.

"-Whatta bout the virus that got Mr. Toad?"

He could faintly see heat radiate as Bucken-Berry grew silent, balling his fists. "..Look, I don't want him to die or anything, but he's freaking overrated. He hasn't helped Mario on an adventure in decades so why people get googly eyed over that guy I never know."

"It's just bout that, bruh?"

"Yes." He swiveled his way. "Or else we're one in a million toads. Get it?"

The yellow toad dropped that argument for then. Besides, someone was walking towards the castle. The stranger's exposed skin was marred with old abrasions and holes in his shoes were visible from a mile away.

"Greetings. I have arrived at Princess Peach Toadstool's request for additional servants." The lightly speaking toad held a withered pink invitation they recognized from the princess- if five years out of date!

Ala-Gold approached with some caution. "Nobody said nuthin bout interviews, but-"

"-But, get over here!!" Bucken-Berry commanded.

The stranger scurried closer. "Umm. Hi, I'm Thomas." He held out his hand and received an awkward shake in return from both. "So, I can do literally whatever for Princess Peach Toadstool. I'm ready to start now."

"-You sound funny, man. I can hardly understand you!"

Bucken-Berry shook his head exasperatedly. "Listen better, Gold. This 'Thomas' has a foreign kingdom accent, kinda like your island one. Speaking of.. You sound Darklandian!" Thomas yelped as Bucken-Berry twisted his wrist around. "-Ah ha, a Koopa Troop tattoo!" He seized the toad, lifting him over his head.

"Chill out!" Ala-Gold repeated as Toadsworth and two others, the cook in an apron and a banker with crumbs in his mustache, shuffled outside and onto the bridge.

Toadsworth barged between them. "Are you having a row out here? Cease that, I say! What is the matter?"

Bucken-Berry dropped the miniscule toad. "A cretin from Dark Land wanted to say hi."

"-But I don't know rotten Bowser! The tattoo was just to get past a checkpoint and I hitched a ride here with some others. I saw an opportunity and took it. I promise!" Thomas dropped to his scarred knees before the elder. " I only survived this long because I moved up to Mayor Koton's office in Neo Bowser City. Just about every civilian works for a warlord. Please!"

Toadsworth's scowl faded. "Goodness… You are a Dark Land citizen? Oh, you were kidnapped rather. When?.. Too painful to remember?.. I won't distress you further. We shall see how your onboarding unfolds."

Now, he anticipated the grunt of derision from Chef Tim. Mr. Zeror the financier in turn, watched expectantly, the thirtish green toad begging for more on the payroll lately..

Thomas bounced back to his feet. "Thank you thank you thank you!" and so on…

Toads and humans from allied kingdoms were the exemplary servants of the royal Toadstool line. Neutral kingdoms, territories, and of course other species, were qualifiable too, only subject to more thorough checks. Since the Peace Pact, Dark Land was pointedly in the latter category, and there was nothing the chancellor could do about it. Not when he signed the documents himself.

Bucken-Berry pinched between his dark eyebrows. "No. Friggin. Way I just heard that." He inhaled deeply. "We haven't verified crap!! Excuse the language, Mr. Toadsworth, but we've never done this before!!!"

Tolerating his attitude by a taut thread, Toadsworth replied, "We've never had these circumstances either. Until the Princess returns, there is no obligation or desire to repel our guest. Now Thomas, who would you prefer as chaperone?"

Thomas studied them acutely. "..Yeah, that one. Thank you again, Mr. Toadswell."

"-Ah-hem, Toadsworth. Much appreciated volunteer spirit, Ala-Gold. I will return with refreshment for you both. Tally ho!" And they went back indoors.

Ala-Gold, standing back the entire time, shuddered. A first for him, he was picked. Bucken-Berry leaned into his ear. "Have fun.." he said, brushing past his shoulder. Sometimes Ala-Gold wondered why Mario coined him 'Cool Blue' in the past except to be ironic.

Once the coast was clear, Thomas dove down into the trimmed green grass, combing the blades between his fingers. "Can't believe it's real!" He rolled onto his back. "And a blue-ish sky. Oh my God!"

"Who? And how old are you, bruh?"

"Just an expression. I'm Seventeen."

Ala-Gold asked if he wanted to experience the opulence of the castle, which was refused for some reason. He absently watched the younger red toad prance around, skipping, hopping, doing cartwheels and more. Bothered, he stepped up to him hesitantly. "Hey, I don't think the forty hour work week will be too gnarly, but it's something else.. This job is super serious, brah. You ain't hiding nothing, right?"

Thomas landed from an acrobatic leap. "Of course not."

---

Bowser continued to wear track marks on the beige carpet. "No no no! Check again!"

At Bowser Castle, the koopa that was wandering around with a tool box and dragged along to act as impromptu accountant, ransacked the small room in the northernmost spire.

Lemmy bite his nails watching the guy fling documents around. "-King Dad, no one sent an airship.."

Bowser almost crushed his dumbphone, mortified. "There's no way the runts WALKED into town! Ahhhhhgg! I need you kids to come down and round them all up for the dungeons. 'Peacefully' I mean! And I'm not sure where I want you to meet me yet, so stand by when you get here."

"S-sure King Dad…" Lemmy gulped after the call ended. "..He wants us to come down and do something about our missing minions. I warned this might be a problem."

Ludwig nodded with a brilliant if mischievous glint in his eyes. "Vater has spoken and we shall comply!" He spun to the others, rubbing his claws together. "Iggy, configure the systems. Wendy and Larry, please prepare the ropes and chains for bondage. Stop laughing. Roy and Morton, prepare the artillery. General Lemmy and I must prepare a flight plan. We can wake up Kamek to come along as well."

"Excuse me, Luddy-sama. Did I hear something about missing minions ?" Iggy lingered as the others scattered.

"Affirmative, if suspect. The only vehicle that departed this morning was Vater's Clown Copter and your friend's shipping truck. I am certain as I was watching."

"Oooh. Okay okay, hehe." Iggy dithered as the others squeezed into the old undersized elevator. He darted for the stairway instead.

Ludwig brushed that odd behavior off. Perhaps Iggy had wised up to the idea that he should use deodorant in the mornings AND afternoon AND evenings. He pressed the ground floor button for them all and the steel doors shut. "Yes?" Ludwig groaned after catching Larry giving him the stink eye.

Larry childishly puffed and faced the elevator back wall like a weirdo. "Nuthin!"

Morton poked Larry's blue shell. "Cheer up, rejoice, celebrate! We will get to see the city!"

"And ya only hafta be 21 to get the Japanese version of Chuckola Cola in dat Kingdom!" Roy chest bumped with Morton, making the elevator wobble and lights flicker.

"Roy, you're not even twenty-one though."

"You weren't gonna card for us, Lem? Sheesh!"

Lemmy rolled his eyes.

"Yer too lame!"

Wendy and Morton giggled senselessly. Eventually, as the elevator screeched towards the ground floor, Ludwig gave Lemmy a pat of condolence. He didn't feel any better.

---

Bowser had to leave and start fixing problems now. He frantically moved junk out of the way, tripping over a stack of 200lb weights before flopping into the bedroom. How impressive it was if Mario was deadlifting that stuff, was a random intrusive thought of his while rummaging around. Inside were two made-up red and green beds with a black dresser in-between. The two wooden drawers are what he targeted for some disguise, flinging about shirts and overalls until he reached the lowest one on Mario's side. A robe was folded around an old album. One photo slipped out featuring someone, face obscured, cradling Bowser Junior, a helpless baby koopa belonging to a newly widowed father.

Not what he was expecting..

~Bowser Junior was Junior because Queen Clawdia didn't get a chance to settle on one name for him. When Bowser as asked, he stated 'Junior', giving the eighth and final child his name as assumed. The funeral afterwards was for himself as much as his wife. As the event dragged along, a stealthy cloaked figure drew close to him, evading his guards. The 'magikoopa' reached out and touched him. Bowser stiffened, opening his crusted-over eyes, he realized he was being eased into a hug. He recognized the face of the so-called stranger and didn't resist. He wasn't sure why at the time, just glad he didn't. He needed what his subjects wouldn't dare do at the tense moment. The 'stranger's' words of encouragement still echoed in his mind to this day.~

Back in reality, Bowser kneeled at the drawer long enough for his back to hurt. He cleared up his runny nose. "Stupid Mario you.. Why do you still have that?" He shoved the items back where they were. He had a better way out of this joint anyway.

---

"-No I mean not like together together, just to hang out at the mall?"

Dave tossed his army jacket off and onto the coat rack, just completing the last helicopter landing for the day. "Thanks, maybe later," replied the first responder, a handsome Boom Boom about three years Emery's senior. She had a cute face to him but he'd been dodging her crush forever. He knew workmate romances were like petting an untamed chain chomp. You could only get away with it so many times.

Tail between her legs, Emery T. retreated to her workstation on the opposite side of the landing pad when her personal phone rang.

"-Hey, fangirl…No, just allergies. So how ya doing? ..Good. I know it's crazy but I need a hand. Could ya send a wagon over for an 'emergency' at so and so?"

"Whatever you say, King. I'm on it!" That area code seemed oddly close to Pleasant Path, the last place her favorite villain would be, but she dismissed those concerns. Emery caught up with the boom boom at the timekeeping terminal.

"Dave, I got one more call!"

"Let the next shift get it." He rolled his eyes, walking off.

Doctor Professor Koopa waited at the stairs, appearing out of nowhere. "Miss Emery? Report to my office please."

Emery followed him down into the doctor's office. Doctor Professor closed the heavy door behind her and then took a seat at his desk. Every time she was sent here for 'behavior' she despised it more, full of old furniture, wall high cases of thick dusty books in old languages, and shelves presenting as trophies rusty barbaric medical equipment fit for a dungeon.

"Do you know Sebastian Bullet?"

"Sir? I- in the past I guess."

Satisfied, Doctor Professor clasped his hands. "You are a smart girl. You know unscrupulous service reports, such as those courtesy of Mr. Bullet, harm this facility greatly. If only we could determine who incited them.."

Turning into stone, she sputtered, "Check with my mom. She ran the phone lines."

Doctor Professor leaned closer, adopting a challenging glare. "Nurse Nass was indeed, but I think that's irrelevant my dear, since those cellular doohickeys exist. -Like the ones we've caught you on all day!"

She blushed. "Sir, I'm sorry!"

He opened a manila folder on his desk, containing perfectly intact original documents for the MKDCU's patient discharge. Emery was unquestionably the nurse that had signed it off. "Not enough. You are fired."

Her termination did not register for a moment, as she was certain, as certain as Peach hating Bowser, that she had burnt those papers hours ago and scattered the ashes into the wind.

---

Peach's shimmering lake awed the young toad. It was ages since he'd seen any large body of liquid that wasn't lava. Like a mirror, it reflected the sky, the vibrant pink roof of the castle, and his rather scrawny self. Every other toad he'd encountered, even old Chancellor whatchamacallit, was taller and or more filled out. That might be a problem..

He took the last slip of the herb tea, keeping the ceramic cup in his paws while questioning. Ala-Gold, reticent at first, proved to be a trove of information. Apparently he got hired when his only previous experience was at a Ricco Harbor inn. Thomas learned if Mario lived at the castle, and why not, if Princess Toadstool still had family around, how life was in Toad Town, the coin conversion rate, and the hardest one yet, if everyone was nice here..

Ala-Gold didn't answer, standing from the bank. "-Giving ya a crash course is fun an all, but I gotta ask, what do you know?"

"Nothing."

"At all brah? No offense but I've met all sorts. Unless ya from Vortex Island, you should know this stuff."

Thomas dropped his cup, backing from the broken pieces. "I am! Or near enough."

"Brah... Then the paradox should make you fifty by now, not a teen-" Ala-Gold's naturally low voice was buried under a rocket like engine.

Snifit Patrol's signature spacey hover car dropped off a dark boo in an orange ball cap on the edge of Peach's lawn. The snufit had heard of 'Susie' via his chief inspector, and picked them up to get a read on them. Unfortunately he had to let him go here, the princess not liking his squad on her territory to avoid inciting panic. Not a decision he agreed with, but 'Susie' wasn't a Bowser minion and there was no need to ruffle feathers with other events going on. He'd adjust his patrolling route to sweep by another thirty minutes from now. Not much should happen until then.

Meanwhile, the dark boo's jagged sharp teeth were on display, smiling. "Just investigating! There's no Bowser people around here, right?!"

After motioning for Thomas to go inside, the yellow toad ran up to hold him off in the middle of the field. "They call me Ala-Gold brah. Steward here. The Princess doesn't let people snoop."

The boo produced a laminated card. "But I'm a local and it'll be super quick."

Ala-Gold stifled a laugh at 'Zoo S. Diddley's' Mushroom identification photo. Besides it expiring on this very day, he made the most unnecessary dumb face with an oversized pink polka dot bow tie in the pic. Legit was legit though. They already had a weird reputation with the Press and that didn't make it easier. "You gotta get that renewed real quick. Not sure how you miss that unless you forget your reading glasses or something, man."

"I did, in fact."

"Oh, no offense, so if you work for the paper come on I guess. We're cool, just make it quick like you said."

The dark boo licked his lips. "Certainly."

Ala-Gold tepidly followed him towards the castle. There was something about the photographer's eyes, black instead of yellow like most dark boos, bottomless pits that held him captive until Zoo voluntarily broke the contact. Sometimes at his old job a sailor would stagger into the inn like that, but only after treasure hunting and finding a Black Chest. Otherwise-

"While I got ya, can I ask something brah?"

"..."

"-Mr. Toadsworth keeps finding our paper tossed into the moat. Who do we complain to in the office?"

"..."

"-And when does that subscriber promotion kick in?"

Zoo stopped abruptly. "Here's your promotion, Wolley. Say cheese." He snapped a dazzlingly bright photo in Alagold's face and stuffed the polaroid in his shirt pocket. When the stars cleared from the toad's vision, he was stuck like a statue, muscles completely locked.

...

Thomas leaned on his tiptoes to see through the peephole. "Mr. Toadsworks, there's a-"

"I have it!" Toadsworth descended from upstairs briskly. "And it's Chancellor- Never mind." He chuckled wryly as he answered the door. "Oh, a representative of the Press are you? Due to our circumstances we cannot accept presently, thank you."

Zoo phased through the closed door. "Rude bastard." He glided closer as Toadsworth stumbled backwards. Thomas fled into the closest inner room. "Is there a Bowser baddie here or not?"

Toadsworth grumbled, leaning on his stick to stand up. "Tut tut! This is Peach Castle innit? So of course not! Be warned, belonging to that meddlesome Press downtown, and not on the good side of it, does not afford pests like you impunity to trespass! This will teach you-"

With a ferocious growl Zoo teleported right on him and snatched the weightly bell out of his grasp. "Typical Toady. Embolded long as you know someone else'll fight your battles." Zoo stepped off, examining further. "My dad collected antiques ya know. He and the rest of the boo clans knew they were powerful. Funny when people believe the same thing for different reasons, ain't it?"

A bead of sweat rolled off Toadsworth's forehead. "Why, sure.. Informative.. demonstration. I have that back?" He ventured as benignly as possible.

Zoo sighed out, smirking. "Yes good sir, you may! Catch." Zoo bashed the old mushroom in the forehead with the bell. Toadsworth collapsed, dropping his cane, and his pince-nez cracked when his face smacked the checker tiled floor…

Thomas thought he heard a distant, nasty scuffle while lost in the castle. After crossing by the Wet-Dry World painting twice, he accepted that the map he'd memorized was more outdated than his recruitment pamphlet. He rounded another corner, towards the nearest fire ax in a glass casing. He smashed it with his callused fist and called it a day. He'd bolt to help Toadsworth, he got it right that time, with that and take a shortcut by smashing out a window, that is if the weapon's weight didn't have him swaying all over the tiled hallways, through a star marked door and into another servant-

The tray of clean plates and cups Bucken-Berry carried crashed everywhere. "What the?!- It's you again, you little... What are you doing with that, psycho!?"

"No! I wasn't gonna- There's a guy up there and-!"

"Shut up, kid." Bucken-Berry pinched Thomas's lips closed as some ringing became clear. "That's Mr. Toadsworth calling for something." The blue toad piled into the corner the broken china with his foot. "Gimme that. Go.. MARCH kid!!!!"

He forced Thomas down a long brick hallway to the front where they joined all of the other toads working today in the lobby, no one having a clue what was going on until Bucken-Berry in particular noticed a shadow blending in with the busy floor pattern. He tilted his head upwards and cries rippled through the crowd soon after. Their chancellor was suspended by his vest on the high glass chandelier, pale and limp like a doll discarded by a bored child. A line of blood ran from his bruised temple.

Zoo materialized above the sun pattern ornate rug in the center. He tossed aside Toadsworth's bell, marred by dry blood. "I don't do monologues, so listen the first time. Someone here works for Bowser. Which?"

"Definitely a hobo, and likely on drugs," Chef Tim remarked snidely. "He's lost either way."

Zoo adjusted his cap. "Really? This is the 350 year old Peach Castle on 64 Royal Lane, inherited by Princess Peach Toadstool from her dad eighteen years ago. Hm what else? Oh, you brats. It's staffed by chancellor 'Samuel' Toadsworth, Earl of the kingdom Mr. Toad Toad, junior manager Toadette, steward Bucken-Berry, steward Ala-Gold, banker Mr. Zeror, tour guide Lester, Chef Timothy- whose cooking sucks, gardener Joseph, PR/correspondent Lionel Kinopio-"

"-How did he do that? Someone call Mario!" the chef bellowed.

"Tell me Timothy, does he respond to this too like some pet?" Zoo rang a bell from his reporter's bag, not Toadsworth's gold one like he intended, but something similarly shaped in his bag, another bell so worn it created only dull thud with each jostle.

Bucken-Berry shook himself out of that stupor and charged the distracted boo. He rammed Zoo into the nearest wall with a thunk that shook everything in the lobby. Amongst the rain of paint chips, Zoo faded away and reappeared behind him, slapping the blue toad into the bricks. Dazed, spots in his vision, he threw out a few punches, some hitting. Zoo grappled with the maniac and actually losing ground, evened it up by going intangible, phasing both through the wall and outdoors.

Like their wildest nightmare, their fiercest enemy and warrior had vanished. A purple toad, Les lumbered over to the ax, picking it up while fixated on the wispy smoke lingering in that corner. "They gotta be in the drink. No time to call for help. We gotta back em up, 'aight?"

A long sleeves wearing lime green toad, Peach's public relations advisor, went to Les's podium and began to operate the clunky rotary phone anyway.

"Kinopio, you little... Nevermind that spoilsport. Tim, use your pan to beat his brains. Joe, your pruning shears will do. Everyone else improvise, including the new guy. This your first day? Name?"

Thomas discovered that hiding behind one of Peach's house plants didn't work. "Uh, my n-name is.."

"-And why do you sound Darklandian?"

Outside, Bucken-Berry peddled around in the deep blue lake. He was inches from the surface when a debilitatingly painful sensation, stuck him, a burn on every inch of his body, worse than one hundred angry suns. At the shore Zoo was inclined to yawn, it so trivial to blast from his fingertips an invisible beam on the pest, currently sinking like a rock. That was when something with the speed of K64 running late tackled Zoo from his blind side. Both bodies rolled around on the lakeshore. Getting the leg up, this person delightfully slammed the dark boo down.

"Get my good side next time, brah." Ala-Gold slapped the photo from before into Zoo's face as the others burst outside and began to cross the yard, following the commotion. They carried whatever dangerous object they could, including pieces that would get them yelled at later, like everyone's favorite garden gnome.

"Ugh, these guys," Zoo snarled. "You know you're defending your slave house right? I freaking know. I'm half toad."

The castle began to rumble from the foundation, the work of the invader's telekinesis. Bricks cracked and pink roof tiles fell off, the windows warped and wobbled before shattering, and their shards sprayed out and rained over the yard.

Ala-Gold pulled Zoo aside. "Don't matter, you baiting troll. We work here cause we wanna. You've wiped out. Bounce!"

The staff circled around, jostled yet steadfast with their makeshift arms. Hyperventilating from the ordeal and his anger alike, Bucken-Berry emerged from the lake, a cough punctuating each stomp. The water on his skin and clothing began to sizzle.

"Friggin kill him!" he managed.

"NO BRAH!"

The world stopped for the yellow toad at least.

"N-no?" Bucken-Berry stammered.

"No?" Zoo repeated, intrigued..

That was the loudest Ala-Gold had rose his voice in years maybe, so for once he understood people looking at him funny. Trying to hold the blue toad back, his friend was so tense, he was getting a little scared. In the deepest recesses of his mind however, it was moreso to have someone die on castle grounds, an anathema in fact. He didn't know why nor needed to. As some skeletal-looking sailors told him once, the urge to pry was part of the trap.

Jolting him from those thoughts, Bucken-Berry pushed away from the yellow toad effortlessly. "-Actually, yeah Gold's right. New kid should see this. Get a taste of what happens to freaks when they... Where did that pipsqueak run off to?-"

Zoo rose his hand as Bucken-Berry ran off, firing that ray. Ala-Gold gasped and made his next move automatically. His tackle that bumped the dark boo into Joe's new Super Happy bush made him intercept the invisible deathly waves. Eviscerated internally, the yellow toad's body collapsed face-first into the sandy shore, a dark pool forming from under his head. That was pretty quick, even in Zoo's opinion, and he had a chance to linger too, the little creatures he despised gathering around and wailing and screaming and whatever.

Drifting off finally, Zoo almost regretted using his strength up on Wolley instead of that other guy. Almost. Anyway, he found who he sought hiding under the miniature stone bridge, holey socks soggy from the gently flowing stream and shaking like a leaf.

Zoo curled his lip at the scamp. "Bro. I woulda spared you, random citizen from Neo Bowser City #idon'tcare and not the Troops I'm looking for.... Mayor Koton? Hmmm.. If I ever head back maybe I'll tell him to leave a slot open. Sayonara-"

He paused during the next bout of tremors, not of his origin this time. Following that psionic tug, Zoo raced down the outskirts of Peach's driveway and track, jaw dropping momentarily. Getting over that shock, he chuckled while snapping a headliner photo of the property. Screwing around with his dad's antiques always had weird effects, but this one took the cake. Fitting, since this involved Peach Castle.

---

Bowser sat back on the couch, repeating the cycle of checking behind the blinds every thirty seconds. Mario texted him 'Toadley Clinic' but otherwise wasn't answering calls, which was quite common, the plumber having a way to rig his phone for stealthy communication. Bowser wished his had such features, but he had to use a brand subsidized from his kingdom, lead by example and all that. (Meanwhile everyone else were using imports..)

Some funky ambulance, a multicolored truck stamped 'MKDCU' pulled up. Bowser threw a bed sheet over himself and rushed out to it.

"Can I have an autograph?" gushed Sebastian in the driver's seat.

The passenger, an older red shelled parakoopa troopa in a straw hat, slapped the younger man lightly. "Quit, this is s'pposed to be secret! Howdy, pard."

The back doors opened for Bowser. Dreading this all a sudden, he stuffed himself into what suspiciously looked like a cage regardless. The truck pulled off quickly, bumping him around. He could see into the middle and back rows of the car, which seated three other people.

"Hey King!"

Bowser detected something off in Emery's tone. "Hey, chick. You alright?"

She shook her head. "I covered all my tracks and that old coot caught me. I still don't get it."

"Such a creep," Sebastian added, tapping the wheel in beat to some Brittney Spearguy song blasting as they tore down a rural path.

"Dang… Sorry gal. Wait, I gotta change something. I need to go to some 'Toadley Clinic' place instead of the hospital." Bowser strained his eyes to see out the tiny slit shaped windows.

"Well Mr. Bowza, it's your day 'cause we only deliver to the Toadley Clinic per contract," said the monty mole, James. His hazmat suit from before was replaced with a formal white shirt and black slacks with a fedora.

His day? Not even close. Bowser shot him daggers for body checking him earlier, succeeding somehow, and then having the nerve to look snazzy later. "Whatever, thanks I guess," he mumbled begrudgingly.

The mega goomba agent decked out in armor, taking up the entire middle row of seating, twisted around, revealing his sour face and bushy goatee. "Is this a favor shorty, or are ya sick? We ain't villain affiliated!"

"I agree, for once, with Richard." A wiggler agent, a glasses wearing lanky guy was sandwiched in between Emery and James.. "Bowser owes five-thousand coins for four units of mileage forward and back, plus two-hundred for each additional red light-"

"Two-hundred fifty per red light Wiggletron, jeez," corrected James, busily clacking on a laptop. "We'll go broke cause of you!"

"I don't have a check book!" Bowser fussed. "Why is this so complicated?"

"It's not.." Emery piped up. "We'll figure it out later. Guys, King Bowser has to get there for the sake of the world!"

James rolled his eyes. "Pffft. Fine. We'll waive the fee AGAIN.."

Parabilly switched 'WMUSH' to 'WYMSD?' a folk gospel station. Acoustic instruments blared in the truck. The only thing louder was Bowser's stomach. Something about the ride made his appetite return with a vengeance. He'd been too nervous he guessed in the Mario's home. Like they'd read his mind, the van hopped on the mushroom interstate and got off on Starman Lane.

"That place got NO vegan options for me," Richard griped as Club 64 appeared over the horizon.

Parabilly reduced the radio. "We're actually head'n to Club Gamecube over yonder, Dick. Probabilly gave me a coupon that went bad Hcram, but they won't check I reckon if Wigg's can keep his trap shut this time!"

The wiggler however seemed as though he might compulsively tell the truth anyway, making them argue in the drive-thru. Bowser tolerated this only because it might save him from ravenously eating a spare tire back there.

"Bzzt. This just in, partners," the radio host said in a thick, near unintelligible drawl. "The total body count is twenty-five baddies wrangled for good by that there killer. All up north in Toad Town. If yer totin a KT tattoo, stay cooped up somewhere safe, hear? We'll hollar at you for the Hootenanny hour in.."

"Wait wait wait… WHAT?" Bowser leaned up, bumping his head and embedding his sharp horns in roof. "Yow! What the heck is going on now!?"

---

A princess bum rushed the service desk. "We don't care about appointments! Where are they?"

"Over here, princess!" Yoshi scuttled beyond her into the lab with Toadette.

Moments later, Peach clung onto one of Dr. Toadley's spice racks for support. "There must be some mistake!"

"Is it? No it is not." Dr. Toadley ran some sort of calculation on his computers. "Did I suspect as such? Yes I did, so I have spoken with partners. They will assist us tomorrow to create a cure!"

After the frenzy settled, they gathered again in the waiting area. As Mario scanned their faces, his mental cue cards ineptly scattered in the wind so he made it simple. "It's not Bowser."

Eyebrows raising, Mary the intern retrieved some earphones and put them on.

Peach shot out of her seat, hands on hips. "The Mushroom Flu is from Dark Land and it only affected my people today! Why must you insult my intelligence? If my enemy is just so innocent, he can tell me that to my face!"

"He can. That's why I told him to come."

The outside doors swung open and in stomped Bowser, the dark bags under his eyes giving them a slightly different than usual, menacing no less image to quake at. "Darn right I'm here!! You've drove me nuts, Mario! Don't you dare do this to me again or I'll pulverize ya!"

"We didn't leave enough in the fridge?" Mario teased dryly.

"Ha ha ha.. I only learned from the radio what's going on with my hookie-playing minions. I told my kids to come here and take care of my mooks, what's left of them."

Mario's smile waned. "Yeah, sorry. I just.. preferred you be here first.."

Bowser pointed in his face. "You betcha- Wait- When did y'all sneak in??"

Suddenly Mario's stiff awkward demeanor clicked to the Koopa King. All he had to do was blink a few times and the five others materialized, eyes boring into him. Bowser's panic fizzled as soon as it flared up and his jaw clenched, set up and humiliated yet again.

"Listen, losers. I didn't attack anyone today. I wanted a nice clean match. Minus the clean part. THAT'S IT! We'd be to the bottom of it by now if Mario let me do stuff MY way!" He nudged the red plumber hard, almost off his feet. "Mr. Hero, you suck today. Why else would you do nothing but shove me out of the way and force me to have to rely on people I've just met to get from point A to freaking B?"

Wavering, Peach's hands raced to cover her mouth. Bowser, nor Mario really, could act this well. "Mario, what in star heaven is he talking about? I declare this clinic my new sanctioned facility. I will tolerate no more secrecy!"

Mario hadn't scintillated like he did then since the game his morning. "Perfect, I'm ready to be transparent. Finally. Bowser can insult me just this once because it's true, I have been terrible at handling this so far. See.. I'd already mentally retired before this disaster. You know I'd never abandon you all and I'm not, but to keep my compromised work from ruining us further- I nominate: That tall guy right there. Yeah, you know, my brother, Luigi…"

8. I've Lost My Head

Chapter Summary

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding.

Chapter Notes

Oh no, not a spoiler in the title! *Edited*
Content warning: harsh language at end.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

When Bowser's humongous feet slammed down, iron chairs rattled, plaster sprinkled from the ceiling, and the tinted outside windows fissured.

Dr. Toadley kicked open his lab doors, smoke pillowing behind him from in-progress experiments. "Will you regret that? Yes you will!"

Bowser gave the toad glare that sent him scurrying away.

"Save that attitude. YOU conspired this!" Peach snapped.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

They ran up on each other like magnets, screaming accusations.

"Alright, that's it! I'm outta here!" Bowser stomped off, shoving aside whoever was in his way.

"Who saw this coming.." Mario excused himself as well. Couldn't let him level a city block.

That left Luigi in charge sooner than he anticipated. He accepted the awkward situation as the first test. Would he crumple now? -Or would Peach blow up first?

"Princess.. You too Yoshi. I'm in alliance with Mario on this. Messing with Bowser is bleeding stones. We need to refocus and I think I know where. If we all do this right, by the end of today we will get to the bottom of the Mushroom Flu.."

...

Bowser had leaned against the window at first, but it began to crack some more. He instead settled for standing around in the alley between the Toadley Clinic and a recreational center next door. He expected any minute for the red plumber to rope him back and convince him that Peach wasn't sneaky. She was and he knew it. Think of line she came from! It's why he initially hired 'old hag' Kammy to attend to her. His smartest ideal ever, except the part where she met Kamek, they fell in love and..

Bleh, he plunged that out of his mind. So Mario and co could at any time crawl back and he'd maybe listen, maybe leave forever. Either way, Bowser wins.

Yoshi busily crossed by, "You heard me. We are after a purported 'Zoo'…" The dino stopped with his back towards the alley. "-Honey, regardless of any treaties, the central purpose of the Koopa Troop is to disrupt the Mushroom Kingdom. Why, doctrinally can't anyone, whether they carry a KT tat or not, attack us on their own volition? …There's no danger of me getting killed!… Hm, maybe a little, this is still a Bowser related thing.."

Bowser's left eye twitched. That shtick yet again..

"Yosh, hold up. Who's your carrier?" Luigi asked from out of view.

"Just switched to IslandMobile. Why?"

"All of us YoshiMobile users are up the creek.." He'd checked their cellular signal bars. "Toadette, you have Peach's keys and this could throw a wrench into things before we've even started. Can you verify the outage at their mall kiosk? It's close."

The young servant clearly fought between her nice obedient reputation. "Me? Umm, yes, but the Princess-"

"Peach is too pouty to go anywhere, so what else would she do with her car?...Please?"

Bowser couldn't help but to step out from the alley in time to see the Birthday Girl Kart and a Mach Bike speeding off from parking meters. Wait, so Mario deserted him! The next time he saw him, there would be violence…

Seconds later, "For me?" Bowser accepted a scrumptious smelling styrofoam container. "Mmm!" His hand was slapped as gripped the lid.

"Not yet."

Mario walked him back into the Toadley Clinic. Mary the intern flinched upon spotting Bowser back indoors. The toad woman cut off her conversation with the princess by slipping on earphones and covering her face with a Mushroom Inquirer magazine. Mario made sure to stuff the receipt from the Dave and Broozers next door deep into his pocket and away from the sapphire blue eyes of the princess spinning around. A jolt went through her at the way Bowser smirked at Mario's side.

---

The perpetual darkness and crepuscular creatures of Forever Forest, east of Toad Town, gave it a gutter level reputation to the masses. Luigi suspended his unease at first, Boo would know the safe paths and Yoshi an outdoorsman, however the dinosaur couldn't follow them down the trail leading in. Trees would block coverage and apparently his fiancé felt she was hung up on earlier. While he got an earful, Luigi remained with Boo for a few more moments at the first junction.

"-I can't remember how, I just know my cousin's not normal."

Luigi slipped a hand around them. "We'll be careful. I'll be honest," he continued shakily. "This is about to be the most terrifying thing I've ever done. More than rescuing my brother from King Boo. More than the first time I even went adventuring in this world. If I brought you and things went wrong-"

"Luigi!" The boo went for a hug.

The green plumber hugged back. "Don't fret, I got caught up in myself. We'll chat later. Okay?"

Tense and anxious, Boo unlocked their small inherited cabin. They bypassed the web filled pantry and marched straight to a back room filled to the brim with miscellaneous objects. Just like the stereotype, Boo was well aware they were overly sentimental, for them specifically manifesting in a kepto-like habit. They thought to tidy up for once and clear their mind.

A dusty family album was beneath one pile, probably swiped from a relative that swiped it from another and so on.. A few pages in were newer photos a decade old at most. It showed a huge outdoor arena, and then a dark boo in a top hat too large for his head training in a red tent. With no whip or chairs he 'tamed', or reduced to a stupefied expression a herd of wild red chomps, dino rhinos, and rexes by pointing at them only. The youngster smiled at the camera gleefully, ostensibly like a parent was snapping that photo. Flipping it over revealed a curious handwritten message.

'Dear Drew, I know you are more distant now, and have left the art galleries to pursue that doctorate degree, but if you have the chance, check up on your older brother more. With our health we cannot keep up with his wayward ways. He will listen to you. Remind him of older times with this. -Love, Lou'

Boo ripped it out and bolted for the city.

---

The noki detective, now as of this afternoon the temporary intern of a hospital bound quasi celebrity, divined his troubles by rushing back to the Mushroom Kingdom completely jetlagged. His shoes were on the wrong feet! He was masquerading as a tourist yes, but not from some backwards place like the Beanbean Kingdom or anything. He mentally apologized right afterwards, as an ex-Maple Treeway citizen.

Kylie Koopa turned up his radio unsolicitedly: Snifit Patrol was tied up, unable to swing by a famous location. Three people officially held the unofficial badges, so as he was technically a vigilante that was a call for any other 'vigilantes' step up.

"Instead of sitting here, we can go there, right? Right, Bond? Besides, the princess would want to be up on this."

The noki his the push button. "Indeed, madame.." He drove off, if mostly because they were next to a Hotfoot Locker, and he hated to see the first half of that name anywhere with who it reminded him of..

"By the way, no way that 'ol Mitch sent ya out the doors empty handed." Kylie unsubtly kept a bulging portfolio on her person as they drove along.

"Joyeux anniversaire!" Jelectro tossed a thin floppy folder to her.

She flipped it open in her lap, scanning the yellowed stapled pages in a New Donk minute. "This connects to MF? It's his case study. We'd hunt down auctions. Once Tutankoopa's necklace was up. We had to monitor. Could be 'Special', just a general way we describe any kind of object 'blessed' or 'cursed'- don't matter which for sake of argument. Either messes people up. A museum can be iffy if okay if it's not interacted with much. Some grabby private collector tho was a heap of trouble."

Jelectro divided his attention between her unexpectedly interesting rambling and squinting at street signs. Using the car's hi-tech guidance systems would reveal private information, and Toad Town developments sprung up overnight. He was getting lost and he legitimately lived there. Guess it looked different from his usual passenger seat.

The koopa reporter closed the report on cue. "Aww raspberries, I let cha drive in circles! Royal Raceway is thataway." She jabbed a finger to her far right. "C'mon now! You prolly heard that Toad Town doesn't have violent crimes much, but when it happens its like a clap of thunder. And then it's done."

"Hm!" Jelectro smiled to shroud irritation at himself.

Lilies lined the sides of the ramp to Peach Castle grounds. Whenever Kylie strolled by on errands she would think about how dedicated her gardener was. She'd met the pink toad once. A solid stud, if never speaking, only waving. Was he off today? They all drooped at the stalks or were withered and brown, creating a motley dilapidated sight. Sacrilege, she felt. They were grown like that to commemorate Peach taking the throne from her father.

---

~The sepia view, riddled with scratches and distortion, panned around rows of corpses lined up in a barren field, only a wiry mushroom spotted about divulging its location as the Mushroom Kingdom. The carefully preserved WW63 stock footage showcased scenes of the Mushroom World's last global war, spearheaded by tensions between King Morton Koopa Sr. of Dark Land and King [redacted] of the Mushroom Kingdom. As history went, the stars were favorable to the human king and K. Morton was cornered in Water Land and diced to pieces by allied forces.

A hand made a firm grip on Bowser's forearm. That's what his 'friend' got for nagging to watch those old reels in the attic. With that out of the way, they share the buzz of excitement. They planned to travel far to the Waffle Kingdom and back before dark, a location neither had seen outside of Luigi's writings. They learned while ambling around that he had not embellished one bit. There was a syrup river and hills made of pancake. They laid back on the high calorie soil, watching the pink cotton candy clouds drift about. Like usual, something mundane they were chatting about escalated into debate. Bowser thought he always dominated these. He was louder, scarier, stronger. His friend on the other hand more observant, unfortunately for him. A well timed shove sent him spinning on his shell uncontrollably down hill, and splashing into a soda lake. Cherry cola.~

Bowser rose up from the cot and swung at Dr. Toadley, missing by a hair. "AHH! THAT WAS CHEATING YOU-... I mean .. I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! ...I just.. It's useless.." he tacked on, coughing.

The doctor grumbled as he lowered the invention, a zapper with a dish on the end with a swirl pattern etched on it. "Did I have the switch flipped to 'happy place' and not 'sad place'? Yes I did."

Bowser irritably slung his feet out of the bed. In the lab space he took up the sixth spot next to the others, including Toad and Daisy, remaining unconscious. "You didn't send me far into the past during the first Mushroom Flu. You sent me 'kinda' in the past, during a moment when I was watching something that predated the flu. .. I don't feel like explaining it. When is Peach's turn?"

"When she's back. Sure you didn't see anything that might help?" Mario asked. "You kept mumbling."

Blushing, "You were watchin' me??"

"For science, jeez!! You've seen me sleep. How else would you know the brand of my sleeping mask?"

Bowser laughed dryly. "I didn't know that Mini Bowser had a record feature. Scary to put that in children's toys, ain't it?"

Meanwhile, the loud squeak of a cart the intern was pushing around was verging on unbearable. She hurried to get away from Bowser, Mario suspected. The plumber removed his hat and swapped it for a worn in black leather jacket with assorted patches hanging on a coat rack. He slipped it on, just a half size too large. Machine oil and beer struck his nose.

"Oh! Sir?" The intern fumbled with the vials on the rack. "That's mine. I mean-"

“-Yeah, your boyfriend or someone. I’m just borrowing it for a sec. Peach is still in Dave and Broozers and I doubt it’s because she’s having a ball. I need to be less recognizable.” He heard Bowser groaning already. So clingy, he thought with alacrity. “Stick here, but since you gave this a fair shot and you were dreaming about food, you can open that box I gave you,” he said on the way out.

Inside was a slice of yellow cake with white frosting, red and blue candies adorning the top. A couple’s cake.

---

Jelectro slammed the brakes, spinning the car ninety degrees where Royal Raceway terminated. Peach's Castle was no longer there, only a deep crater with pipes gushing water. All the vegetation, the grass, trees, garden in the back, were dead.

"Help!!" Chef Tim saw the car first, apron stained red. A lime-green toad in the lawn whimpered while holding one of his legs, clothes sparkling from broken glass. He kept complaining it was broken, and that he’d never get to travel with Peach and pretend to be a rich socialite again. A golden yellow toad was sprawled across the lake shore, darkened by his blood. A mature purple toad worked busily to resuscitate him.

Kylie Koopa stumbled out of the car, agape.

“-One of our stewards ran for help because phones are dead,” Zeror explained.

“Start at the beginning for crying out loud! What’s the straight dope??”

Les slowly stood up from Alagold. “It happened in a blink. A so called reporter came by, a boo-”

Kylie trembled. “No,” she whispered.

“-And tried to start a witch hunt for Darklandians. Now our latest toad is missing, along with the castle, and Old Toadsworth. Got your story??”

“Where’s the princess?...With Mario? We’ll find them and get you help. Hold on-” Kylie retreated to the car, appalled that the noki was glued in his seat. When she sat down she began to worry. He was pale and in a cold sweat, grimacing. “Bond, what’s happening?”

“Mitch..”

---

The Airship One vibrated and exuded noxious black smoke in places not thought possible the longer it flew, a harsh reminder to Ludwig Von Koopa that he hadn’t personally taken the menacing beast, the oldest flying machine in Bowser’s fleet, on a proper expedition in years. Newer aircraft were at his disposal, but this one had a history central to his objective, enough to make him overlook the lack of doppler radar, yaw dampeners, and cup holders. Scratch the doppler part. Because of that, they’d hit a hurricane over Water Land, forcing most of them below deck…

Larry’s wooden bench squeaked as he stood up on it to peek over his older brother’s phone. The MP3 player that was driving his red BATES by Dr. Greg headphones at full blast had died moments ago.

Iggy quickly flipped it screen down. “Oh, Larry-chan, haha just texting Sam and Slam. They’re luh-olded they keep bragging online. Err, think they misplaced a decimal though on their paycheck. Puzzling when they are the top math wizards in college. ”

Boring. Everyone breathed on each other among a concoction of gunpowder, soot, and toejam. No electricity or charging ports, just wooden splinter filled seating. Larry checked out a foggy porthole window, unable to see much. Wendy detached from the ‘cool’ bunch, Roy, her, and Morton, the latter if just for a prop, to seek out Iggy. They were discussing some game until Lemmy joined them. On the trip until now, Larry only saw his face in a training manual.

“Excuse me sis. Sup, Iggy! How much did you pay them?” Lemmy cringed at Iggy’s answer, more so upon getting a technical explanation involving extra drag from the weight they took on. "Leeet's not tell Luddy about that."

Pretending to be occupied, Larry snickered. ‘Yeah, squirm goody two-shoes!’ Sam and Slam didn’t work for their dad, but the mischief they sparked at times rivaled any koopaling. Once at a party they triple dared Lemmy to kiss a girl. The chain-chompette was flattered and a good sport about the spectacle, but it was so awkward it wasn’t even funny and she was definitely pregnant because of that. Psyche! (In the spirit of Lem.)

The doors above opened, letting wind roll in. A drenched Ludwig stood at the top of stairs. “We have arrived-”

They trampled him completely in the chaotic rush for fresh air. Flattened, Ludwig checked his watch. Only an hour or two later than the estimated arrival.

Iggy bent all the way over the railing, virtual-reality goggles strapped to his face to enhance the signature green hills of the Mushroom Kingdom jutting upwards. First the outskirts, Goomba Village, Flower Fields, then the dense capital city. Kamek cruised them cautiously high. After the threat of suffocation subsided, everyone found their vices once more on the breezy slippery deck. Roy never hung up with the new name compared to two days ago. Morton and Wendy clung around him in mutual interest of who girl #282,938 was, etc..

“-Umm. Luddy, could you show me that concert hall?”

He dusted himself off and stepped over. “The Royal Toadstool Opera? Direct your attention there..”

The younger brother beamed upon locating its golden dome. He got to see it for a moment before clouds rolled in.

“..And why do you ask, General Lemmy? Only I am aware due to being an acquaintance of an acquaintance who is a tenor in composer Bise’s acapella brigade. Astronomically exclusive, unless of course YOU are invited to perform in it. Then you are bestowed indisputable permission to occupy that beautiful, glorious- tell no one I complement it so- theater.”

With everyone busy and the town hidden, Larry snuck over to their snoring driver. He knew how to time Kamek's power naps.

“- Interesting,” Lemmy giggled forcibly. “...What if someone with a high position in Dark Land was invited and wanted to perform, but not disassociate themselves from the Troop or anything?”

Checking over his shoulders, Larry rolled the wheel subtly enough to hide the banked turn.

“-That poor soul must never grace our homeland with their presence again! To partake at the table of the princess for any reason is a renegade maneuver. Must I explain their pedagogy?!” Ludwig ranted. “They are unable to eschew their speciest trite about non-mushroom people.”

“I know I know.. Psyche! Ha ha..”

Larry matched with the longitude his app told him too. Thank Boogle Maps. It cheered him up better than finding a wallet on the ground full of cash. On their new course they’d head north, rise in altitude, and beach catastrophically on Star Hill, ending their trip. He climbed into a lookout post to bide time. He wondered what his online friends were doing in town. How they may react if they knew he was above their city about to -almost- invade?

...

Bang! They violently came to a stop, ejecting Larry into the air. When he came to, he was back on deck with a headache. Everything not nailed down was knocked overboard and their sails were shredded. Even more bizarre, he was starting at Peach Castle, suspended in the air with them. The windows were shattered, the paint chipped, and the hollow darkened structure was plucked from the ground imperfectly, creating an eerie left tilt on the impenetrable floating platform they’d crashed into.

Behind him lots were being drawn.

“Come back here, please. Is it not enough that you allowed us to get blown off course??” Ludwig fussed at the geriatric magikoopa shuffling around, covered in small bandages like the others.

Kamek muttered something about being innocent, continuing to circle the deck except for the bow that caved in from the impact. The results were in. Morton was chosen. He eagerly accepted and hurled himself overboard without looking down, smacking flat against a low point of elevation. ‘I’m okay’ he yelled back. Roy and Wendy immediately decided they were accompanying him. It was too frosty out here for their blood and they wanted either action or to snatch a goodie or two. That left Iggy with a broken and loose but fully armed and operational VR headset on his face.

“Since 28.57 percent of us have deviated, how much would it upset you if it rose to 33.333? I’m tempted to go in and use my x-ray feature to scan the castle’s interior and find those rumored sealed copies of SM64.”

Ludwig waved him off with a groan.

Larry fought his vertigo to stand up. What a sick joke. That was his best con he felt. What was left? He wracked his brain. Ludwig owned theology books that he'd skimmed through for a pop quiz. One thing Larry remembered was that star heaven had disturbing parallels to his high school. Maybe they'd dip their divine toes in this mess.

’Yo, stars above. Confuse the speech of my enemies!’ He opened his eyes and saw a fight.

“General Lemmy, I concern myself not with those unaccounted for delinquents! Do not covertly whisper such to me again. After I destroy the Mushroom Kingdom they will effectively be back home anyway. It is obvious that the two we actually sent here, Sam and Slam, accomplished their mission. Last I checked the hospitals are full.”

“But we've screwed up so much King Dad's not gonna care about how ‘brilliant’ your plan was!!!”

“He will when I have the princess!”

“What princess? Look!”

Wendy was in the front, she’d even taken her shoes off in the mad dash. Roy, Morton, and Iggy were behind her and Roy had a body tucked under his arm. Wendy took the ladder while her brothers ascended the hull with their bare claws, beating her pace. Morton flopped down like a dead cheep cheep on the deck, under the snapped and torn rigging. A weird gait was normal from Iggy, not exactly the king, prince, duke, or earl, of good posture. Now however he slithered low to the ground and hid below deck. Roy was over exerted but sound it seemed until it was discovered he was mute. The extra person toted along was a beaten black and blue Chancellor Toadsworth.

“Ahhhh! What happened??” Lemmy lost balance with his ball.

Wendy made it onboard. “I don’t know!!!! OMGOMGOMG-"

"Sister mine, English!" Ludwig begged.

"I only got as far as the first big room. It’s ruined and everything is hazy inside. So crazy. Part of upstairs collapsed too. I was gonna go deeper with them, but there was this weird rumble thing I kept hearing. I thought maybe not, but y'all know I don't just bail on folks..”

Flustered, Ludwig nodded. “General Lemmy, Wendy, even Kamek, secure everyone below deck. Larry, bypass Iggy’s password and try to use that application he has to trace the location of Vater’s last communication. I will distance us." Working in some sort of automatic mode, he spun their airship into a deep starboard turn. Debris broke off from their superstructure as he pushed the ship to full power in a spontaneous direction.

Larry didn’t know to be afraid or giddy as he traced the location of their father. Everything moved turbo fast then. He wished he remembered to be... careful of what he wished for!

---

Toadette had a problem. She'd gotten sidetracked, took too long, and now things were getting damp and she couldn't get Peach's top on- on her convertible rather. She would press the electric switch and nothing would happen aside from a faint mechanical buzz. Why did she let Mr. Luigi talk her into this? In the mild precipitation, she barely caught the royal blue spots and vest of her boyfriend dragging his feet on the side of the street.

She swerved over. "Blue! Oh my goodness, this is random but great. I've come up with an alibi. Get in."

He perked up somewhat, making the suspension creak when he got in the waterlogged kart. Though he disguised it under his ordinary steely mask, she could tell he'd shed tears very recently.

"Where's Mario and Peach? I gotta see them now! I told the police."

Frowning, she pulled off. "I'm missing something?"

He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. "Thank Eldstar you're safe. Some batsh- some.. crazy dude attacked us and the castle and-" In a sudden fit he slugged the side view mirror. The enclosure snapped and dangled by a wire. "Oh stars.. Sorry baby.."

She blanched. "..I'll take the fall for that if you get the hood on with minimum destruction."

Buckenberry broke only one cheap plastic tab pulling it over them manually, freeing them from the rain. That might have been a bad deal she'd just made.

---

"Hi there. Is this a fun place?" A man with a shy soft voice seated himself on the stool next to a blonde woman in a white doctor's coat.

Peach crossed leg over the other, training her eyes across the bar where there was a dark laser tag room. While there weren't many kids playing arcade games, skeeball, ice-hockey, and other activities today, she remained hesitant to explore or remove the half baked disguise. "It seems wholesome, but I hazard I'd never known it existed if not for unfortunate events today."

He refused a beverage from the bartender. "-Like what, doll?"

She stirred her hot tea. "You would think I'm hysterical! No need to weigh you down," she remarked playfully.

"-Surely not too heavy for Mario," Mario replied.

She faced him, dumbstruck. In that less signature state he possessed more of a glow if anything, the jacket, hair, short stubble. In aggregate though, it was another person, and she wasn't so obtuse to refuse to see it. "-I told you my contributions about that tragedy won't get us a fraction closer to the cure. Leave me be."

His gaze bore into her as he returned to her tea, drumming his fingers on the counter. "You can't get over Bowser. Is it because he's so different or because you can't see it?

"Neither of those. I'm processing matters."

"So am I, but none of us can control the pace now. Least you could do is not be another-"

"What, Mario?" Her cup clank against the table. "Excuse me for not being able to change overnight!"

"Overnight?! Am I not tolerable if I'm not stomping bad guys for you?"

"You are intolerable when you pester me, Mario. That is what." She sipped an empty cup, flushing. The bartender had not so subtly stayed away during that spat, and still wouldn't get her next order.

Two adult toads burst inside. Bucken-Berry and Toadette dodged the ticket booth, trampled velvet ropes, and tugged Peach into the private party rooms, right under Mario's nose. Startled he waited outside the room. Peach sobbed something about the castle and.. Mario was missing pieces and shouldn't try to pry information now. He decided to simply ring up Toadsworth with the castle landline.

Mario crept into the Dave and Broozers back office when no staff were looking. He closed the door, inadvertently locking himself in a tiny room. He'd deal with that later. He picked up the grungy beige wall phone. While it rang he noticed the old newspaper clips taped to the wall and some stale french fries and pizza on the counter.

"HELLO?"

He flinched. That was louder than any motorcycle. Louder than a jet! "I-is this Peach Castle?"

"YES, IT IS."

A particle-like appendage seeped from the speaker, coiling around his neck. The strangled plumber was lifted up and slammed against the water dispenser, toppling the stacks of paper cups, then across the counter, knocking off the food and microwave. He couldn't pull it off, consciousness fading. Last he recognized was a thud, the door kicked open. Someone stomped over frantically and helped him tear the entity off. With a threatening roar it phased away from their palms with no trace. Mario would have passed out, blue faced, if his rescuer didn't support him by both shoulders.

"Well, say somethin'!"

The black spots in his vision cleared. "Bowser, oh God. You must of followed me and- A monster or something at her castle attacked over the line.." He laughed weakly at how he sounded. "Anyway, you had my back. Thank you." He closed the distance, nestling his face against Bowser's collarbone.

The warmth of a human Bowser had become accustomed to, especially today, but the brush of that mustache against his thick scale plates in that particular way was new, exciting. With a small gasp he pushed back. "S-stop. We can't."

"Sorry."

Bowser fidgeted. "Nah. I don't know why I said that.." He pulled Mario closer, smothering him all over again.

"Peach's and I's thing that never was is.. extra never gonna be," he droned, lulled by their embrace.

"I barely got that."

"Yeah.. I.. know." Mario accepted that didn't want to return to the countless adversities waiting outside.

"Well, believe that I'm not dazed and confused when I say this. Peach's castle just broke up with- the Earth!"

Darn it.

---

A little boo belched and swayed as they emerged from Club Gamecube, Club 64's competitor. It was the happy hour, and Boo took advantage of a half price Morel Moxie to not faint from exhaustion running ragged around Toad Town. Too worried to think straight, they’d had an additional sip of another beverage at steep discount, a Chuckola cola, the Japanese version. That was quite stupid they understood once the stomach began to rumble. Trying to keep right side up on the street, they thought they hallucinated a low Bowser Doomship, an ugly spot in the sky, diving beneath a cloud. They rubbed their reddened eyes and it was still there, going north.

Bowser forces were attacking!

Boo followed the trail into a more rural part of town. Few buildings and no high rises, just mushroom fields. Blind sided, they walked into a metal road sign, 'Watch for crossing Ostros.’ Dealing with that throbbing on their forehead, they anguished. Why did they botch everything? Why couldn’t they follow instructions?

Why couldn’t they avoid getting ran over by a truck?

HONK. A colorful medical van swerved around the body on the dirt path. It braked and went into reverse, parking beside Boo. The paratroopa passenger’s window rolled down. “Partner, now you KNOW that’s not the place to hit the sack!”

“ Let’s goooooo,” whined the ansty toad girl in the back. “I gotta tell my King something and we can’t miss him!!”

“Yeah. It’s just a drunk, shorty,” Richard added.

Offended and more sober, Boo impetuously distanced themselves from the MKDCU and returned to town. Glancing at Zoo’s photo ever so often, the main reason they’d ventured out renewed in their mind. This was why the phone thing sucked so much. Their cousin had a weakness and only they knew it. They had to get to the park.

---

"We'll handle it. Have a good day." Luigi eased the snufit towards his silver patrol car parked in a flower bed.

"Gotcha!" Snifit Patrol put away his taser, the area cleared. "We're on full alert for Zoo. My sergeant will get the toads and drop them off at Hotel Mario... What's the issue with it?"

Luigi didn't have time to explain, retreating to the picnic area of Toad Town park. "Now what's wrong, Yoshi?"

The dino sat on a tree stump agitatedly. "It's the mingle advert you made with my phone. Typing it in Darklandian? Including some kind of 'emojis' you said represent Bowser affiliation? I'm lost."

Luigi rolled his eyes, then waved to the four others with him at the table. "Flare, Gloomba, and Chuck weren't. Yoshi, please scout for us again. It's important."

The Toad Town park was a donut shaped plot of green, the center tightly packed shade trees overgrowing the garden that was once there. Yoshi absently patrolled the weathered brickwork of the walking paths and around the statues of old patriarchs erected here and there. No pedestrians were encountered unless he tread to the street's edge. Since the meeting at the Toadley Clinic, he kept waiting in vain for Luigi to reveal the extent of his plan. Being given simple orders, like he was just some toad and not someone with more experience arguably than Mario, embittered him in a way he couldn't hide anymore.

A sports car skidded to a stop at the Mushroom Press a block down. A short noki and a koopa girl argued before he left her behind. As he sped away off, the girl recklessly hopped into the trunk.

Yoshi ventured inside a quiet office building, the Press. Cold air condition blast hit him right away. Birdo worked in a place like this before becoming an influencer, so he knew the layout. This was ground zero for their target. If Luigi didn't want him to wander off and educate himself, be straight with him!

"I'll try."

"Oh, I didn't notice... Yes it's Yoshi, sorry to intrude. A reporter here is one of my suspects you may say. Am I allowed to browse?"

The guy Yoshi stumbled upon in the cubical nodded slowly, his youthful beady black eyes narrowing suspiciously behind tortoiseshell horn rimmed prescription lenses. He seemed like the archetypical yuppie with a dry impersonal tone. His desk was tidy and a touch bougie with the fake gold plated office décor, including a framed abstract painting. Work related, this person had posted detailed lists. Due to the jumbo font they were deliberately printed and the fact that his computer displayed the local message boards, Yoshi sleuthed he'd been following current events.

"Thank you. Since you are here, do you have any details on Susie, aka Zoo Diddley?"

One of the man's thick black eyebrows arched in amusement. "This is his space."

Beaming, the dino swept the area again. Yoshi anticipated squalor, but apparently not. "Wonderful. What were you doing here?"

"Are you stupid bro?" The boo removed his glasses.

Like a veil lifted, Yoshi registered he was face to face with Zoo, at his throat in an instant.

"Shhhh! No screaming in the office." Zoo shoved Yoshi through the wall, phasing them both outdoors, the dinosaur specifically stunned on his butt. "I HATE THAT FREAKING LUIGI!

Yoshi climbed to his feet, flabbergasted. Zoo hiding in plain sight? How could he be so naïve? He sprinted as fast he could through the park. The grass sprouted ten feet tall, making him scale over. The statutes animated and chased him, firing off musket rounds that hummed past his ear. The trees stretched their limbs to entrap him. A sand castle in the lot rose to scale, becoming a labyrinth.

Luigi rushed to where Yoshi collapsed, yards away from the tables. "Yoshi? What happened?"

Zoo appeared beside him with a whoosh. Luigi jumped back and the baddies at the picnic table recoiled. "Me. If you didn't cut me slack with the bike I swear I'd.. So why are you luring me here?"

Luigi hesitated for a second. "W-what's the password?"

Zoo held a blank expression.

"You found the ad but you can't read Darklandian. Why did you blend in with baddies to try to kill them off later? Without leaving a mark?" As the dark boo flushed, he knew his theories were hitting the mark. "Regardless, you have something to do with this virus plot. You were at the game with the sodas. You've been around the hospital. You've been where every dead soldier was. Yet, it's not your scheme. Who's is it?"

Zoo leered at the baddies, making them screech and scatter chaotically, then composed himself. "I give ya a B+ on that assessment, Sherlock Mario." He laughed cryptically, Luigi standing his ground. Like he hadn't heard a million boos cackle by then. "Bro, the press job wasn't even to watch that boring game. I've been trying to be an office worker forever. Better than that the entertainment biz. I got caught up in something that led to another thing and another thing and on it snowballs. That's all you need to hear. Split bro. Or else."

Luigi folded his arms. "I will not."

"I will make you," Zoo said deliberately. "And this will leave a mark."

There was a piercing sensation across Luigi midsection, like a cleaver chopped him. His vantage rose upwards by a couple of inches, but his boots were still planted on the ground. Looking down, his face twisted in agony. Like a medical diagram, he saw into the lower half of his lungs where his body was abruptly severed, into his stomach, liver, and upper large intestine, pockets of bile in exposed sections. He didn't bleed, like the force splitting and suspending him holding it back, but he could still feel every bit of his skin and organs ripped apart.

He was losing his body, but if he could speak he'd be saying I've lost my head.

Yoshi jolted upwards in hysteria that only lessened when he noticed eye movements from the still alive green plumber, trained to something. The dino twisted around. He couldn't believe who it was.

Meanwhile, Zoo caught slow sluggish Chuck right away, wedged in place after trying to hide in a tube slide. The dark boo detected however that when the spike was done with that nervous breakdown, he was going to live with his mom in Ice Land and never talk about this again. Those others were the problem then.

Flare and Gloomba tore across the field, almost out of the park. Flare was an older koopa, getting left behind constantly despite his protests. They came upon a portapotty and Gloomba dove in first, shutting out Flare.

He banged the plastic panel. "Soldier, you will let me in!"

"Tough!"

Zoo benignly walked up behind Flare and snapped the lock. "GET OUT!"

"Hey buddy!" Gloomba, younger stubbly faced foot soldier, stumbled into the open. "I'm on your side, for real.. That guy stinks. Kill him instead!" Flare gave him a poignant look.

Zoo clicked his tongue. "Don't tell me what to do."

Gloomba wailed, his dark grey flesh glistening and expelling from pores moisture. The invisible force crushed him and his shriveled corpse flopped into the grass.

The fire brother stopped squeezing his eyes shut. He was still alive, but with that sadistic look on Zoo's face, he knew the mercy was fleeting. He calmly remained there, no resistance.

"If this is my punishment, so be it. I came to support King Bowser's tennis game and not to desert or quit. I've always loved the sport."

"Hmm." Zoo chuckled dryly, revealing a green Bowser racket. "Prove it. Give me your best serve."

"I volunteer for him. Swap," someone said, voice somewhat clogged and gritty. They had a huge purple knot on their forehead and faintly reeked of a bar, but they were simultaneously alert and shifty eyed.

Zoo whipped around. "Cuz?" He saw what was slid into his hands in exchange. A photo of his first performance on tour with his immediate family, taken in Donut Plains. "Where did you find this?"

"Doesn't matter. Unfortunately for you, I remember everything. I. Remember. Everything." Booigi the Second rose the racket into the sky. "By the power of Eldstar, this will be the last day you bully me."

Lightning flashed above. Yoshi was heading over when he dove under the jungle gym. Upon finding that it was nothing, he brain was screaming to get out there, do something, underpowered or not. His sixty-four year old, engergy sapped body said otherwise..

"You showing off for your plumber crush back there? Which half of em?" Zoo cooed, making kissy faces. "Ha, dweeb." He fired his death ray against his older cousin to no effect, short of angering Booigi more. He remembered he could only mutilate living things, and even worse he got his teeth bashed in by the racket.

The dark boo skid backwards until a concrete base stopped him. The bust of Princess Mush IV, frequently defaced for being so controversial as a ruler, shattered from impact. Dazed, he felt lighter. To his horror, the impact dislodged his father's bell from his pockets and it lay in the grass between him and his cousin, racing at him.

"No!" Zoo scrambled to hover protectively over it.. "Back off! My old apartment burned! That's the last thing I still have from dad and I-"

Booigi teleported behind him and snatched it. "I'm gonna bat it outta here!"

Zoo chased them around the field. Even tipsy, Boo was faster and more experienced in teleportation Zoo learned infuriatingly. It didn't help that Zoo had left behind his eyewear at the office. He's gotten dozens of scrapes and cuts from bumping solid objects around the park. Finally his cousin held the bell precariously over a fountain.

Zoo abruptly froze. "Listen cuz. I'll leave if I can keep that. It'll be like a body under the bridge. I mean water, haha."

Booigi lowered the antique. "Tell me everything."

"No, I'm not a minion, but Ludwig let's outside help do menial jobs sometimes. I clean up Bowser's Castle on weekends. That's how I knew some scheduled stuff. That's all. Here is where I wanted to work, not there. Then at the stadium I was r worded enough to pass around sodas from Iggy's nerd friends. I didn't know they were with the KT, one had some mental block, or that the soda was poisoned and I don't freaking care! Less to compete against me when I'm making six figures!"

"And the murders??"

"Can't have this ordeal on a resume, bro."

"Don't call me that by the way."

"Yeah, shut up."

With a sly grin, Booigi shook their head. "But, I didn't show you my swing."

The dark boo's jaw dropped when Booigi tossed the bell into the air and sliced it with the racket, seeing it up up and away, into the sky and out of view. Like a mad man, Zoo bolted after it, out of the park.

Back at the picnic tables Luigi fell to the ground whole. Numbly he kept patting where the cut was. Under his shirt, he found an ugly scar circling his midsection. That was the last he remembered. Yoshi saw him fall out, caught him in fact. A mild earthquake lasted for a second, originating from something a great distance away. Then silence.

Then not because YoshiMoblie, proudly Toad Towns largest wireless provider, began to work again.

---

Lemmy dropped down a ladder at the location Iggy's cell directed, Mario's house. Wendy personally went down to break in. Empty. On the way out a toad neighbor, an overweight dude in a robe with coffee, spotted her. Not the type they'd think to own a Bullet Blaster kart, but whatever. The seventeen year old in a panic vaporized him with Iggy's laser gun from an anime. Once the smoke cleared, all that was left of him were his slippers.

The koopaling teen raced to cover her mouth. She'd seen the commercials. They claimed it only had 'play' laser action! Before they left, a van stopped under their airship. Some toad girl was kicked out and waved desperately for them.

"What do you want? Also you totally didn't see us here or anything!" Lemmy called down.

"I'm tight with King. I've made up my mind and I will join you. A toad is your best weapon. Trust me!" she yelled upwards.

Lemmy tried to consult Ludwig, but he disallowed his concentration to be broken, going on about a 'phenomena unexplainable by accepted scientific principles, leaving only the 'unaccepted' ones'.. Wendy and Lemmy glanced at each other and allowed her on.

Emery T. hopped around excitedly, disregarding the ship's deplorable condition. She told them Bowser must still be at the Toadley Clinic then. Duh. Why didn't they call? They were too afraid Lemmy in particular explained. Larry cooperated with whatever little task, like handing the ropes, but was otherwise elsewhere in mindset until he saw a shooting star seem to emerge from the center of the town and blast out of the city, soon just a distant twinkle.

---

Eldstar would be late for the first time in eons. He put aside all reservations and forced himself off his throne. He’d leave a note. Now where was the pen? His grey mustache kept twitching as he searched high and low, clearing dust bunnies. Those ‘others’ had found a way to mess with him, but who and where? All he knew, his power was being tapped.

With great detail and conviction, all of Mushroomy background could explain that he primarily worked to keep the world in balance by imparting his power. There is a caveat. There is perpetual struggle within the celestial barriers. The reason why stars fall, or even die. This remains shrouded from other realms for their protection, to not even expose them to that of which only leads to destruction. Eldstar detested such conflict, but as the epitome of fairness those unsightly realities had their place on the board, the image incomplete without the unquestionable presence of all stars of all dispositions.

Did that make any sense?

He wasn’t sure anymore.

At last, a golden pen was located. Sandwiched in the cushions.*sighs* The ancient star’s arm etches something on its own, scrawled spidery on the tablet.

‘I beseech you dare to leave, my dear fellow. -Z.A.S’

9. Love and War 1

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo

To get back on track, enjoy this two part dealio.
*edited*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

~BREAKING NEWS!!! Approximately this afternoon our princess’s servants were attacked in her absence by renegade ‘Zoo S. Diddley’. The castle is in total ruins. Two toads are unaccounted for, beloved Chanslor Toadsworth and an unknown steward. Multiple toads injured, and one very serious. Luigi Mario and his team vanquished Zoo from town. It’s suspected he and his conspirators known as ‘Sam and Slam’ may have been behind the latest epidemic- and the influx of off duty Koopa Troop homicides on our streets~

Working in the dark, as the Press was closed now, red haired human languidly purged the dark boo's belongings into a white garbage bag.

"Too.. reads like a scattered synopsis, doll," her boss lowered the rough draft from his face. "How long you been here?"

"Since the 00s."

Steve shook his body exasperatedly. "Hm. You know better then. Erase the part about the koopa scum. Say a Mario brother instead of Luigi. See? Emphasize the MARIO. What brought you anyway? Always meant to ask. Don't see too many humans.."

Because they tend to be unwillingly warped here, kinda like their 'gods' the Mario Bros. She didn't have super human abilities nor a coincidental run in with the princess leading to a decades long partnership, so she wound up here, a receptionist to anthropomorphs and else, like the talking bullet bill hovering around her. She starting to miss Mitch despite his hot kingdom takes, usually keeping her company late into the evening and also Steve at bay.

Jessie hesitated with a small painting Zoo owned. By artist 'Drew L. D.', it was titled "Assemblation" - a bunch of random colors spiraling. Too bad it'd be given up to Snifit Patrol, who classed the belonging as 'evidence'.

---

The way everyone gathered around his phone reading the latest Toad Town bulletin reminded Larry Koopa of his current freshman year. Considered antisocial by the administration of Badlands High, his milking incited brawls, fragmented cliques, and triggered after-school warfare. Hold fire! He was just the messenger.

The fifteen year old lingered above deck to watch the trainwreck unfold. How would Ludwig shroud their mishaps? Disappointingly Larry discerned an easy out for Luddy. They had scapegoats, acknowledged by the news media’s coverage. Bowser orbiters, not soldiers, easily distanced from. That only left explaining why they were in possession of Toadsworth..

“I mistook him for my grandpa and we abducted him. Done,” Emery answered, also annoyingly sticking around.

He had to stop thinking out loud.

“-Anyway, I meet the fitness requirements, General. I airlifted. Do you know how heavy patients are these days?” She blabbered over the shoulder of the vessel’s captain. “..Hello? Well when I bring it up to King, I’m sure he’ll get me trained on the artillery. I’ve always dreamed of blowing stuff up…”

Ludwig’s eye twitched, aggravated enough from the daunting task of navigating their humongous doomship, a symbol of evil and oppression to Mushroomites, through Toad Town’s dark evening skies. Their destination was going to be the park, as traditional, quiet, and family friendly as it went. Maybe so, but because it was usually vacant Larry knew. According to online friends, everyone under the age of 65 ignored it and its high grass, mosquitoes, and creepy statues in favor of malls and clubs.

“What are you so worried about? I’m King’s best weapon. If we’re spotted I’ll have another excuse!”

Ludwig whipped around and snapped “-You may smarm a witless citizen, Miss Toady, but I doubt the princess and Mario.”

“Peach can’t tell me anything! Mario even quit today, King texted me earlier, so all of this hero villain stuff isn’t his business anymore.”

He stared blankly. “Emery, am I being toyed with?!” He shook himself out of it. “Implausible. General Larry, please verify.”

Larry swiped around the message boards. “…People were moaning and groning online about how Luigi will be in the news now. That doesn't prove nothing!”

A smirk was etched on his brilliant face. “Negatory. We are not amateurs are we? The Mushroomites reverence of Mario Mario is so great, they would never question his heroic integrity or status wantonly. So ein mist. It was obvious. Mario, not a politician, was a major proponent in the Peace Pact. Why? To prepare his kingdom for his retirement. Therefore…”

Larry’s stomach dropped. “Oh no.”

“-There will be no one in position to stop our father, who will unquestionably be on board with us, no pun intended, once I present my scheme in a delectably different light.”

The younger brother staggered backwards. "Y-you can't be freaking serious!" Impulsively he bolted down the observation deck, so blindly he forgot a third of the ship was ripped off. His feet screeched to a stop on the jagged edge. Looking down he saw the city hundreds of feet below, wavering as vertigo hit.

Hands of a toad girl latched to his shell, pulling him back.

"Don't be a baby! Come on."

Thanks, but he still hated her, hopelessly grappling as she dragged him back. While Ludwig had a consultation with everyone conscious to hear it, she managed to push him below deck and secure the door with a spare oar. Lemmy noticed this, his face dropping.

“I like your new plan, but was that necessary?” he fumed. “..And I just thought of something. I know we aren’t worrying about Mario, but what about Luigi?”

---

In a private spot in Dr. Toadley’s clinic, the lights were dimmed once the beeps and blips of the computers monitoring the body grew steady. X-ray scans were resoundingly normal, leaving the scar and the shock Luigi was in the only proof anything ever happened. He was on involuntary bed rest for twenty-four hours minimum.

"Feeling better? Just a bit?"

"Mmfm."

So no, he likely meant. Mario felt even worse. He was going to be alone here when he left.

Yoshi and Boo weren't around because Mario made it so for their protection. Peach castle attacks wasn't unheard of to residents, it was the eerie method and the person responsible , whose convoluted involvement was unexplainable without unraveling sordid details, screw ups and more, everything they'd been through since the game. All they'd kept manage to conceal was that Bowser was STILL in town freely and that Luigi didn't 'defeat' Zoo unscathed.

Mario gently sat on the bed's edge. "If by any chance you hear me, don't worry little bro. I'm a broken record with that in my hubris, but this time I mean it. I think people are accepting that I can't control everything, friend or foe. It's not over and heck, it might get worse. When you spring right up from here though, you're going to be unstoppable, and I will guarantee that. A hero with an undivided heart always is."

He made the rest of it a note: Mushroom Flu- Read Luigi. Long ago, after all of Bowser's cupbears were run through, his in-house doc discovered the containment in food, like now. Only a stateless human doctor was willing to help. Doc might have notes on it. Couldn't get a name. We can discuss later.

Mario pulled the white covers up to his brother's neck and was out of there, bumping into a very impatient guest out in the lobby. Dr. Toadley allowed the red plumber to borrow some power tools, or whatever was close enough, and slap a couple of repairs on the Mach Bike. It was ready to go for him and-

Mario handed over his hacked up helmet creation.. "Wear this so you don't crack your skull open. Now where to?"

Huffing derisively, Bowser tried the basic white commuter style headgear on. It was snug over his fat head, but the spots carved out for his horns lined up fine, and Mario was inwardly a little too proud of his guess work. "The park.. Since when do I need a stupid helmet?"

Mario poked his scaled chest. "Since people like me make the bike safety statistics so scary, dummy. Didn't you ask in the first place?"

"I thought cha would whip up a cool one! -Uhg.. Thanks.. I guess!" he groaned teasingly. His calloused hands slid across the nape of Mario's neck, settling on the shoulder opposite to him with a slightly heavy if thrilling weight. "But seriously. Thanks. You could have had me in a pillory five times over by now, but you believed me right off."

Mario ignored the flash of heat on his face. Why his touch was psyching him out so much.. "No problem."

"Since when you can do that mechanic junk by the way? Forgot you're so handy!"

"Since always, not that you'd see it much. Heh. I'm not gonna repair enemy contraptions," he stuttered.

Bowser stood off from him- finally. "Duh. Guess I am a dummy.. SOMETIMES! Keep that tool box smokin'!"

That odd interaction over, they took a longer, bumpier, secluded route to the destination. Away from so many lamps, the stars and constellations stuck out, even though the fuchsia hadn't faded from the horizon. Mario remembered them regularly appearing so vast and staggeringly impressive years ago, before gradually losing it's luster. Now he was realizing what had actually changed during that time.

---

Speeding through Toad Town alone, Agent 0064, Jelectro Bond was free to use his spy car's computers. He clicked the experimental hacking program a friend installed recently.

"22 Flower Lane," he voice commanded. The screen brought up an unsecured server for the Mushroom Press. He was able to see into the inbox of computer #15, Zoo's. There was a voice message originating from MK East Hospital.

*Beep* "This is Nass Toad, head nurse and secretary of Dr. Prof. Koopa, responding to 'Mr. Z' of Isle Falsa regarding your proposal to not publicize sufferers of today's T-Virus. We just want clarification on what that entails exactly. Yes, our superior is forcing us to be pedantic. Thank you."*Beep*

Just what he needed to prosecute the hospital for conspiracy. If that easy, why was Mitch sending him that relentless pinging sensation, like telepathically drilling into the back of his brain? Unable to get Agent 999, the aforementioned friend to back him up, he had to settle for the only other friend at HQ that wouldn't rat to N that he was back in town. 0069, recruited five spots after him.

"~Whatup, J? Why you back??"

"Meet me at MK East, mon ami. Espionage. I'll explain once we're there."

There were city noises in the background, the purple bandit's shtick being to keep an eye on the streets. "Fo what? We ain't leaving the murders to the police?"

"Est-ce que je ne parle pas anglais? You heard me, Andrew," Jelectro sighed.

"Fifty coins."

"No!.. Okay fine. Aye aye aye."

Meanwhile, Kylie Koopa snapped a latch to crawl into the cabin from the trunk. So he had a secret mission? She did too, and Mitch was their common denominator. Jelectro calmly adjusted his mirror, making eye, she supposed, contact, because he abruptly accelerated, pinning Kylie against the seats No matter. He'd have to stop or slow down eventually, if due to those Snifit Patrol speed traps, the people he would try to defer half the case to.

---

"What products were used?" Doctor Professor Koopa jabbed the paratroopa with a clipboard. "If certain allergens are present-"

"The natural stuff. Get outside more. Do some hard labor. It'll help."

".. Give our regards to the South hospital." Gritting his teeth, Dr. Prof. held open his office door for Probabilly Koopa, hissing as he crossed by, "We know it was your brother who infiltrated us this morning with his 'MKDCU' gang."

The paratroopa janitor froze in the doorway, eyeing him back and matching his intensity."...I reckon so. I'll hollar for ya."

True to his word, Probabilly made the facility like new in a 'jiffy'. He'd cleaned, fixed the entrance doors, and even the wobbly furniture. Dr. Prof. had other issues anyway. Since expunging Mario and co, the competence of his doctors plunged deeper than the Underwhere. He could twirl his fingers in front of some of them without reaction. Fortunately for him, he needed no assistance for operation room one. Before him on the table was a huge lump under a blue towel. The koopa got suited and gloved up.

Patient: Male. Pianta. 57. Name, so and so... He glossed over the chart, too old a habit to drop, though the information didn't matter for this Mushroom Flu patient experiment. So he dropped it, ticklish as he was reminded of the arcane sciences he used to dabble in in the 'good old days'.

"Code blue!"

He paused, scalpel inches away from the patients sternum. Apparently an old toad lady brought a bee mushroom, busy out there. Dr. Prof. decided to abet her by cleaning that spill behind the desk. He kept his green shell turned as Peach showed up in their lobby. They always come back... Upon request, Mariam electronically transferred the records of Ala-Gold to the South hospital. When she left with a blue and pink toad, one lingered behind.

"Excuse me, ma'am," she whispered. "We can't locate Mr. Toadsworth. He wasn't checked in here, was he?"

Mariam fumbled on the computer. "-With HIPPA guidelines dearie, all I can say is that one patient today might have had connections to the-"

Toadette pressed against the counter's glass. "Could I have a hint? Pleeease!"

Pitifully the receptionist wrote on a sticky note, folded it, and passed it on to Toadette. She smiled to the receptionist before catching up.

Dr. Prof. casually asked for that pad. She was so heavy handed as usual, he saw the imprint of 'Mitch Jamerson Toad' on next note. Mariam misremembered, or was going stupid like the rest finally. Mitch's connection was being 'banned' from Peach Castle. He messed with peoples...

Ah. Dr. Prof. decisively left the office. Menial work WAS worth it sometimes..

...
Toadette rushed outside to board the bus-like shuttle driven by Sergeant Howie, officer #2 of Snifit Patrol, uncharacteristically allowed to escort them around. She was embarrassed enough over flooding the Birthday kart, and not realizing that Peach's at the time floating castle was blocking the cell towers, making her ranting at YoshiMobile useless, so she just wanted to do something right for once. For Peach to believe she was precocious again. ..Or look at her, cup her face and simply go 'job well done, dear'. That would be acceptable too.

"Here it is, princess."

Peach examined the note, paling and unsubtly not letting Toadette see what that nurse wrote She almost wished she'd peeped. "No. That is someone unrelated."

Darn. Toadette slumped beside Bucken-Berry in the same row, glued to the window as they zipped around town, about as freaked out.

The whomp driver placed down his radio receiver. "Inspector Douglas got an anonymous tip. The missing toads have been found!"

The princess jumped up and joined him on the bench. "Thank the stars!"

Toadette wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. "Yes!"

He kept his forehead against glass, staring at his faint reflection. "If we got Toadsworth and Thomas right now, we'd still be missing a toad, baby.."

---

Jelectro skidded behind MK East hospital, running onto the curb and bouncing onto the lawn in between the dumpsters. It was pitch black and next Kylie knew, she was thrown around, bashing her face against the middle console.

The pursuing officer they'd picked up along the way parked behind them, blowing a loud whistle. "This is Snifit Patrol. Stop!"

Jelectro eased himself out, flashing his own agency's badge. "You waste your time, mon ami. Madame might warrant your attention however. No seat belt."

Kylie spat out a tooth and glared from inside the luxury car. "No, that noki ditched me! ..Well I did climb in his trunk but..."

Snifit Patrol enthusiastically pulled out a thick ticket book. "Tell me more!"

As Kylie tried to avoid incriminating herself further, a purple bandit sporting fancy black Air Koopa sneakers and a boombox jaywalked onto the scene. He got close and deliberately blasted hip hop, distracting and drawing away the snufit. Jelectro winked at Kylie and tossed her his keys.

"It's all yours."

"So you can frame me for grand theft?"

"Only if you conceal it from me. Or auction off parts. As it stands, that is your insurance that we'll have to rendezvous soon. Oui?"

She hopped in, stalled for a second before muscle memory from her dad's old farm kicked in, and soon tore down Starman lane. Snifit Patrol terminated the pursuit quickly. He knew he wouldn't win. Or he was following that large, Bowser ship shaped, shadow moving around town.

---

The flags that survived were raised as Ludwig rode low and slow, creating a perfect view of their invasion. As easy as he located Toad Town park, lit by tiny mushroom shaped lights on the walking paths, his best landing attempt lopped off the head of a statue, crushed a jungle gym, and tipped over all portable toilets.

The Koopa King watching the entire thing was glad that was all they broke. As the dirt cloud cleared, he stomped alongside the hull and strained to examine every broken rivet. His eyes bulged at the extent of the damage, especially since it wasn't from this landing.

"Vater, we were buffeted by a severe storm on the way, precipitation, a tornado, hail.. Other things.. It soars acceptably, I assure you! Additionally we are familiar with all events today. No need to recount."

Bowser grumpily walked forward, forcing Ludwig and Lemmy to split. "Good, cause I wasn't in the mood."

Mario in the darker fighterfly filled background caught Ludwig and Lemmy glancing at each other, mischievously. Iffy as it was starting to look, their presence was slapping him out of it. He rolled the bike over, introducing himself.

"Hey kids.. Both of you are how old already? Wow. I remember when you were crawling and.."

"Totally.. Time files, ha ha," Lemmy said, bothering to chat back, unlike his brother. "Can we wait a bit before takeoff? Think there's another storm on the coast."

Mario stood the bike. "No worries. I'll watch for trouble."

"And I'll be on deck.." From slightly farther away than they all thought Bowser would be listening, he climbed aboard via a bottom hatch, Ludwig trailing.

A moment later Peach gasped. The shuttle had arrived unannounced. Though she calmed over the warship, she behaved like Mario was invisible. "We received a tip that our toads are here. Is there a mistake?"

"No, we DID. Come on!" Lemmy kindly offered his hand.

Mario fought against interjecting there. Why wasn't he told? Just as he was about to follow Peach and Toadette, like it or not, Bucken-Berry crossed his path.
"Mr. Mario, can we talk about something?"

---

The noki adopted a wandering tourist act and traversed the West ring, updating Agent 0069 with his smart watch. Upon reaching Room 26 he was greeted by Mitch's middle aged, tanned, slightly bloated, face. He had beady black eyes like his own, only mildly glazed from painkillers, vitriolic, and thick graying downturned eyebrows.

"Why. Didn't. You. Catch. Him?? Did I not give you enough info?"

"He's a boo, full blooded or not." Jelectro came right up on him, undaunted. "And you shared too much information, like what you'd like to do to him if not for the age-gap. Bleh!"

"Oh, shut up. That was before he paralyzed me. He'll be back some way or another, but never mind. That sow, Peach asked for extra security and they'll be here any minute. Big mistake. Dr. Prof. will purge and get away scott free, like she did."

Jelectro shifted his weight uncomfortably. "What is this nonsense?"

"Toads had to be 'pure' once. Know how messed up that is? How is she related to Toadsworth then? Course it was a secret until I revealed it way back. Look, I know she's gradually changed stuff but, ha, I know what she's stock from. Really, everything here is built on so many lies, I've never even gotten to the bottom of it, dude.."

Gripping the door handle, Dr. Professor paused outside, speaking what the noki was thinking. "I don't think this was worth the hold up, and I'm doubting everything."

"It's legit. Lemme put ya on hold." The bandit agent dropped the phone from the rooftop workstation to text Jelectro for an answer. His boombox was on the opposite side of the helipads, currently occupying the ems workers as they danced to the drill beats. "Tell ya what. We'll give you twenty-thou if you stop what chu doin and-"

"-Goodbye prankster." Dr. Professor hung up and entered room 26. Hand on chin, he verified the vitals on the monitors, cross checking with a clipboard.

Jelectro spied from the closet, behind bundles of white towels. The doctor cleared his throat. "Mr. Mitch, how about I perform your scheduled operations tonight? Alright? Alright."

When he edited Mitch's procedure chart to have 'Lobotomy', that was all Jelectro needed to jump out and blindsid the doctor, slamming him into the wall. The bump knocked tacked papers to the ground.

"I am Detective Bond and you are under arrest for conspiracy, bribery, and unlawful procedures. Hands up!"

Doctor Professor shot his arms upwards.

"You accepted a deal from a scoundrel posing as another hospital Why?"

The doctor's visage contorted into a self satisfied smile. "My, what are the odds of meeting two magikoopa-like-freaks in a day, boy? If you can't pick it from my brain, give up. I can wait aaaall day. Can you?"

Jelectro checked his watch. About that..

The intercom screeched for a moment, filled with static and distant screams from some conflict happening in the lobby. "We have another invasion! All doctors on guard!" Nass blared.

The stomp of heavy boots bounced off the hall outside. While his head was turned, the doctor slipped out of Jelectro's grip, wasting not one second to hurl himself shell first against the glass and out the window to escape. Baffled, the noki peered outside. He shuddered at the dark outlines, armored vehicles of the burly Mushroom Royal squad surrounding the hospital.

"Under the bed, dude!"

Jelectro rushed to prop the door closed with a steel fold out chair that was down there. That is what he meant wasn't it. A half second later, there was a heavy thunk as a guard failed to kick it in. The noki backed away.

"No, you coulda hid. They don't have poochys with em- oh forget.. Unprop it again on one. The elevator will be clear. Good luck. Don't die. Now swing it open in five.. Four..."

On 'one' Jelectro pulled the chair away, allowing three guards to charge in and trip over each other. Jelectro climbed over the pile up and found the way clear as Mitch cued. He rode up three floors to the helipads and found 0069 peering over the edge of the parapet.

"Screw that money, 0064. I'm outta here."

Andrew was 'gangsta' enough to jump without scaling gear. He was HQ's street guy for a reason. Jelectro wasn't though, call it vanity to protect his pretty face, or call it him hearing the crunch of the bandit a few seconds later. He let the black spotted, armor wearing toads get him with no worries. He'd broken out of the local jail countless times. His sunglasses were taken, and he saw the writing on the tanks better. The noki worried then.

---

Toadette was eager to break free from the cramped spiral staircase leading up the airship’s four decks. She kept on Peach’s heels until, muffled by thick walls, she thought she heard someone cackling. She had it. She would beg Peach to go back, stop being prickly and just send Mario in. Just as a friend, not a hero thing. She ran out of time. The observation deck was in appalling condition. Debris was hurled everywhere, the ship had no sails left, and the floorboards had treacherous gaps to avoid. The poor condition ran all the way to the control panels at the helm. Bowser, Ludwig, and Kamek, with much grumbling involved, were busy tinkering with sparkling wires sprouting from the tarnished metal boxes.

Toadette looked to her left. The princess was missing! Her palpitations resided. Peach had traveled with familiarity to a rusty compartment door leading deeper into the ship where Wendy stood around. The koopaling princess pushed it open, bored like. Out came a young toad, orange, dorky, and sorta cute, also in a wrinkled nurse outfit.

"Nass Toad's daughter? You joined my castle today?" Peach asked.

Emery did a curtsy. "Yep!"

Peach obviously had much more to inquire about, considering her other staff purported that the new recruit was 'male', but she had to press another matter. "And Toadsworth?"

“His case is kinda sensitive. Some privacy?” Lemmy made Toadette jump. “Maybe wait off board.”

The so-called childish koopaling towered over her while on his green ball and ran her off deck, back into the spooky spiral staircase. She protested as the door slammed shut in her face. She pulled on the handle. It didn’t bulge.

…

Mario led the blue toad off to the wooden picnic tables, keeping within view of the airship. Bucken-Berry was, with no embellishment, his bravest warrior in adventures, his biggest fan, and in general not a typical blue toad. Now he sat across from him, the flame behind his eyes gone.

"What happened at the castle's not your fault."

He wiped his nose with his sleeve. "You know how my origin story goes. I was a sole survivor in Toadwood Forest, so while in orphanage, I thought- this has to mean something. -Or I going to make it mean something. I already survived that alien stuff, so if I train and get strong enough, not only would I survive more impossible stuff, I'd never lose anyone again. I was still a kid then. I know that's not realistic, but.. they were saying Ala-Gold has serious brain damage. This might have been my last day with him around, and I was a complete dick. Nothing I did mattered far as the other stuff. Why am I still doing this?"

Mario held his shoulder firmly. "Bucken-Berry, the things you love will hurt at some point. Fearing failure doesn't mean you should quit."

The blue toad looked at him frankly. "But why did you?"

Mario let go, rattled enough to divert to the black jagged outline of the airship, detecting his own tears welling up.

"It wasn't what you wanted to do...?" Bucken-Berry then tacked on, the red plumber's actual name few knew.

Mario's gaze snapped back. "..It's technically never what I wanted to do. It was what someone needed to do. We still need that. So, whatever you decide, be sure about it."

They squinted as someone in the park shined a dazzlingly bright torch all over. The beam settled on their picnic table, like a figure of authority catching rascally teens at night. The red plumber supposed their moment just then was 'intimate', but not like that..

Panting, Snifit Patrol lowered the beam. "I was tracking that airship all over town, I even let my quota drop to keep up."

"In peace, Sumeet. Now could you please.."

"Peace? Mr. Mario, they had their Bowser Flag raised the entire time!"

…

"Noooo!" Peach dropped to her knees before Toadsworth's bruised, bloodied, and unconscious body. A tattered Bowser Flag was draped over him, as if symbolically claiming that the Koopa Troop, fractured as it was, succeeded in claiming him. She was in a terrible position, and she placed herself there!

"That was my touch. I'm Bowser's new toad actually!" Emery didn't know why she hadn't done this sooner. Watching Peach squirm was fun.

"-Do not get ahead Miss Toady, but affirmative, she contributed greatly, one of our many pawns as we terrorized you and your society all day!" Ludwig declared maniacally, looming over the princess. "No here's a synopsis as scattered as your plebeian newspapers. Sam and Slam drove into town to infect the participants of your tennis game. The Koopa Troop thus take full responsibility for the tragedies of today: the rapid illness of your friends, the mushroom citizens, AND the destruction of your hideous castle! Say good bye to your backwards kingdom, because you WILL come with us."

Bowser whipped around so quickly the wheel spun, rotating the ship on the ground and into adjacent trees. "What??"

Ludwig gave a salute. "Vater, I concocted this scheme for your central purpose. (Mostly) Forget go-karting with that Mario. The princess is just. Right. There!"

No, not anymore. Peach jumped into the part of the ship torn off, knowing she'd land in an open room with bench seating. She dashed out and down a deck, into a cramped corridor for ammo storage. It had occupants among the cannons lining the walls, like unsightly things stuffed away, demented koopalings, spinning in place, laughing, drooling.. Pale, she turned back, losing her footing when abrupt g-forces knocked her around and threw her against the nearest porthole- and into Toadette's screaming face on the other side. The airship lifting launched the steward out of the stair shaft and outside, where she clung to the flapped open exit door for dear life.

Peach spotted a rivet tool hung up in the room for the barrels within. Clash! The princess shielded herself amidst the shower of glass shards. She brushed off the cuts on her arms and lunged half her body out, dropping her personal items to do so. Their hands graced for a fraction of a second. Breathlessly she watched her toad plunge.

-Thank the stars.. Mario and her guard Bucken-Berry were directly below. She could scope out the entire park though with their altitude. A sudden roll stopped her thoughts, the barrels about to crush her. Someone tugged her out of the way before she was pinned. She tumbled into a koopaling, Larry. She barely registered it, leaping onto her feet again and running down a corridor. He stopped her again.

"Give it up," he muttered.

…

Low to the ground, the fiery blasts from the engines held them at bay. As the ship rose with difficulty, it was safe to gather beneath. Mario pointed to a pink toad hanging precariously from an unsecured ground level door. The decrepit Doomship had an ear piercing backfire and shook the person off.

Bucken-Berry dove forward and caught Toadette before she spat on the ground. She continued to hyperventilate in his sturdy grasp as he repeated, "Baby, I got you.."

Peach's parcel plummeted as well, shedding its contents in the sky, her white papers like confetti around the city block. Snifit Patrol commanded his sergeant to collect whatever they were, and then opened a metal gun case with a super scope in it.

"No!" The plumber shut it with his boot. "That type of ship explodes very easy. I'll do something else."

He tried to call Bowser. That's how it started, it's how it would end if he could swipe his pattern lock with his nerves. It took ten tries. The lawn sprinkler system had cut on next to him and he hadn't noticed until the wind hit his drenched body.

Then the phone rang him first.

To be continued!

10. Love and War, part 2

Chapter Summary

Koopaling time!

Chapter Notes

*Very mild edits*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“No, I wasn’t tryina.. once ya hit the TO/GA button, you can’t stop… yeah yeah It’s super old tech whatcha gonna do about..What?? We’re hitting some clouds. Gotta go, can’t hear ya.” The Koopa King shut his dumbphone. A bead of sweat rolled off his forehead onto the barrage of controls in front of him, a high voltage wire left exposed from their patch-up job sparking a few times before another fuse popped.

Kamek, co navigator, reset the circuit, glaring warily at his step-son. “Why waste time with that pest, Lord Bowser?”

“Lay off, gramps. I got this… Get!”

Following the northerly pointed needle on the compass, Bowser cruised along. There were no markers anywhere, only the glint of water bodies as they sailed over sparsely populated kingdoms, tantamount to flying in a void at moments. He’d coaxed the airship to be steady, but the Koopa King felt his stomach churn despite that. Fresher air away from the cities really let him reflect. It smacked him bluntly that an impulsive primitive side got him to this point, running off with captives after breaking a sworn oath.

Or.. like his eldest son, he could play the plausible deniability game! He stopped slumping for the first time. Peach was tucked away somewhere in the maze-like layout, so they just didn’t see her onboard until they’d crossed the six kingdoms between the Mushroom Kingdom and Dark Land. What if he did go through with it? His union with Peach wouldn't ‘mean’ anything, it was just part of tyranny. Bowser could cure her citizens too since that part of the scheme was already fulfilled. See? He wasn't heartless. Once he made her kingdom and her allies fold under his will, he and that plumber would be free to do whatever they wanted.

There, everything WAS under control!

…

That high wore off with the sheer uneventfulness of the rest of the journey. Bowser was half asleep crossing his kingdom’s border. Was his castle not the sole structure on the property for acres, he might have missed it honestly. He only fully awoke after the rough touch down and forty degree roll, followed by the stampede of occupants hopping overboard.

“Stop stop stop!!” From the railings he watched one by one their spiked shells tremble, yards away from the castle's back door. “Forgetting something???”

After an arduous search they weren’t, repossessing Peach from her pantry hiding spot. How she’d discovered a section of the doomship even they’d forgotten about, they didn’t know. Wendy and Lemmy together took her in, typically reserved for Roy or Morton, but they were ‘feeling better, but still not well’ along with Iggy. Upon asking why, lips sealed. The princess wailed the entire time, putting on a show that would have attracted a crowd at any other hour in their stone castle corridors, gratingly wishing for the stars to save her.

Walking alongside as she was escorted to her deluxe holding room, Bowser stuffed his ears. That was the problem with them, sitting around waiting for providence to do it all! Everything handed over on silver platters! At least Toadsworth was tolerable, his barely conscious body carried down to the dungeon without incident..

---

“Please hire a professional planner for once, Vater. I shall elaborate in due time, but I fear I may be unable to conduct the orchestra."

“I didn’t want cha to.”

“Excuse me??”

“I love your tunes but who wants a migraine on their wedding day?? If I really do this thing...”

Bowser marched up and down the red carpeted stone corridors. Prisoners were secured, their family were scattered about, likely rummaging in a kitchen, and his Troop, aside from dedicated watchers, were settled in bed if they knew what was good for them. Father and son had no destination at the moment, simply a shared or inherited habit of pacing aimlessly.

“You cannot hold the princess for very long without a formal decision,” Ludwig replied vaguely. “Why do you dither?”

“Because!” Bowser paused and huffed coincidentally at the dusty lapis lazuli bust of his brother, the fleshly version of him unseen since the assassination of father King Morton. His departure was so ill-timed and repugnant, no one dared to utter his name anymore. “Just lemme figure it out. I’ll have an answer by tomorrow, okay?? Why Mushroom Flu anyway? Was it just to scare them or..” he trailed.

Ludwig benignly planted himself at the other side of the seven foot tall structure. “A tool to force submission firstly, and to establish a ransome arrangement, that is if the princess did not voluntarily place herself in our clutches. I discovered detailed notes on it while cleaning out old chests and filed it away until a time when I needed to transcend our basic kidnapping plots.”

“And why did ya?”

“To impress the… never mind, I beg. It is purposeless to enmesh you or anyone else when nothing is solidified,” he explained stiffly. “By the way, the author of the notebook was Dr. Mario.”

His father stared blankly. Ludwig followed his gaze to the opposite wall of the hall, where dozens of hand painted portraits of notable Darklandian figures were hung.

“...Vater? There is no relevance to your rival. ‘Mario’ is a surname.”

…

Still nothing.

Ludwig estimated he could be staring intensely at Princess Keuxis reigning 50 B.C.E to only 35, primadonna who conscripted soldiers for stage plays, dying from laughter at their abominable acting skills. Or Keschylus 1604 to 1612, his reign terminating when a paratroopa made an emergency landing- on his head. That didn’t bode well… Or glutinous Koopa A. Frederick, king from 1300 to 1336, whose digestive system failed after too many.. mushrooms.

“...Vater!!” His echo bounced around the room.

Bowser snapped his way. “G-good night. Alright?...Get!”

Ludwig saluted and left him to trek to his bedroom alone.

…

A sentry hovered outside the giant iron throne room door, a lakitu with balaclava atop a darkened cloud. “Sentry #11 reporting. Your time cards are in order now. We’ve accounted for all minions that deserted this morning, deceased or not. We can send undercover goons to recover the bodies by 00:40 in the morning. We haven’t yet nailed the freak responsible, but we made sure he ain’t returning home, boss..”

Bowser groggily nodded along. “For security, lift both bridges tonight. That’s an order.” He brushed past him, eager to jump in bed.

---

Larry spoofed an instant message from one of Kammy’s girlfriends to draw the crone away from the special room. Designated for holding princesses, it differed from the dungeons in that it had a real bed with a canopy, a vanity set, and a barred window with a great view of all of the lava outdoors. He tip-toeed around in the warm candle light, evading the usual tattletales stationed around his royal home. After peeking around the last corner before the staircase that led up the spire, he ducked back-

The girl cupped her hand over her mouth. “Tanner, right? Dude, you won’t report that?”

“Pro tip: We don’t tell King Bowser every little thing. When somebody’s wanted for ‘questioning’ it really means-” The gangly koopatrol did a chopping gesture across his exposed tanned neck. “This guy is outta this world. He’s like the best illusionist, only better because it’s real. He’s just hiding for tonight at so and so..”

“Yeah well I was smack in Toad Town all day. He tenderized a bunch of people’s brains!”

“-Wait how many?..O-oh, jeez. I didn’t know he got into that much trouble..”

Larry kneeled over, nauseated overhearing them talk about the guy the Troop were hunting for tonight, burning down his cabin in the village next door over in the process. Larry could spill this new intel and rebuild his sullied reputation, but heck-to-the-no!! The janitor had done some bad things to their soldiers unabashedly, but by destroying the castle and displacing the princess he was blatantly the only reason his brother could salvage the kidnap. To him it was no different than when the koopalings were tasked to throw hoards of baddies at the Mario Bros on any given day, knowing full well some might not make it back. No one was mourning losses. The acceptance of collateral was so ingrained in their culture, the real problem the Troop, specifically Ludwig, had with that guy was revolting.

Tanner continued, “Oh I forgot ha ha.. here.”

Emery accepted the travel voucher, blushing. "Thanks. Yeah, enough of that stuff. I can stay anywhere in Neo Bowser City with this?"

“If not owned by the warlords, totally. My friend and I did it a lot before I was promoted full time. Ha ha.."

“-Attention please, this is a secured area UNFIT for tours on behalf of uninitiated operatives such as Miss Toady!” Ludwig ran up on both with an electronic torch illuminating their stunned faces.

Larry cursed silently. Ludwig had already pardoned his earlier rebellion in exchange for his computer. Another infraction might take away something else dear, like his headphones. He backed off, for then..

Meanwhile. Tanner saluted, letting his spear clash to the ground in a klutzy manner.. “Sir! Sorry for breaching a sector.. I umm, got carried away welcoming our guest into the troop and providing accommodation in the city.”

Ludwig mellowed somewhat. That saved him from the tears that would likely erupt from her if he disclosed that the castle had no vacancy outside the dungeons and Junior’s empty pet pens. “Very well. Good night.”

---

The commander entered his sanctuary, plopped down at his writing desk, twiddled his gold pen, and crossed one leg over the other. The journal destined to contain his manifesto remained empty, the same one that had to be completed to impress the Elders of the National Villain Counsel. What defined ‘Ludwig Von Koopa’? What was his purpose?

He decided on Love and War.

Love: Not a fabrication, genuinely! -Also not of a romantic sort as he supposed he wasn't ‘attracted’ to anyone at the moment, not lasciviously. Intellectually he may have crushed on a few professors at college, but.. So anyway familial love was real too, but he digressed. It was more aptly described as a passion for music, science, technology- also the grittier ones, history, politics, and social studies, leading to-

War: An ugly necessity, for there was much to fight for. As long as the Mushroom Kingdom held dominance, people like him had a duty to dismantle it. Facing his bed, so that it was the first thing he saw every morning, was a wall filled with his stockpile of battle metals, a spot in the middle cleared for what could soon hold the most prestigious yet if he reported his success to the Counsel.

Five pages in, it was time for a stretch and diversion to other projects. Better late than never combing over all the yellowed pages of the “Ex Spatio Obiecti Specialem Lexicon” from his library. The Mushoomy star centered faith was a 'speciest and nationalistic concept' for a certainty, but there was validity he could not deny in recognizing and respecting their power, as their unwitting utilization ranged from bizarre effects. Portals to other realms, reality-warping.. There was another ‘R’ thing it did, but he’d need to locate his bookmark on it again. After straining a while over small text, he remembered he had something else less bookish but far more conclusive to study. Iggy’s video capture was saved on Larry’s laptop!

The battery was drained. He found himself awkwardly tethered to the outlet behind his piano when the wide screen snapped down on his fingers.

"Ouch! Blöder Dell X-’POS’…" He readjusted the broken hinge.

The footage was fuzzy and unrecognizable. He leaned in until the computer buzzed and powered off. He sneezed. An influx of particles he dismissed as dust agitated from under the keys. A coughing fit overtook him as the air grew dense. No telling what crud Larry...This wasn’t normal.. Something very dark and acidic steadily spilled from the battery compartment , pooling on top of his ornate rug, solidifying and clumping in spots that writhed. He scrambled to his feet, tripping over his bench. It covered his entire room now, molding over each and every shape He was surrounded and seared as some of it inched onto his toes.

…

“Yippee..We found out why he didn’t answer… Oh God, I forget he weighs as much as a thwomp.. Help!”

Two people close by grunted for a while. Ludwig felt something plush-like give under him. His crusted over eyelids cracked open and he lay on his made up king sized bed. Leaning up, the first inclination was to be quite hot witnessing his trusted adjutants sneaking out at 11:55 PM, but a partition of his memory was blotted out completely and that was far more unsettling.

The two koopalings continued obliviously, “We should have used my Movematic2000 v.4 Alpha. Up to four tons of lift with her built-in gravitational distortion.”

“The last toy of yours we used killed somebody today, even though you swore it was just a prop! And how is that a ‘she’?”

"Lemmy-sama, because she told me herself and she'd know!" Iggy giggled. "Besides prop and nonlethal are not mutual. Mrs. Mover however is never dangerous- if set at less than medium power."

Lemmy pivoted around on his ball. “-Oh, whoops. Hey your door was open and you were all strung out next to this exploded thingy.” He dropped the corroded aluminum shell of the notebook next to Ludwig.

Iggy hastily strapped on a flat backpack. It was apparent then he was paler and rolling around atypically on a two wheel balance scooter. “Annnd we gotta bounce. When I blacked out today I missed the reminder on my phone for the limited midnight release of Princess Parlor 8 from Play-N-Tirade downtown. Wendy-chan wants it as a graduation gift..”

“Halt.”

They shuddered in his doorway.

“I will accompany you all,” Ludwig slid out of bed, light headed. Maybe a Turtle Tea from the 24-hour bistro not far from there would help him through the rest of the night. He struggled back and forth on whether to turn back when, as his feet left the bridge of Bowser Castle, there was a loud grinding noise. The drawbridge raised behind him, leaving the crevice that contained lava.

It was 12 AM and the decision was made for him.

---

Deep in the forest, under the canopy of the hardwood trees, items plunked on the soft dirt. The floating figure scanned the various shapes partially hidden under the brush the best he could, adjusting his glasses repeatedly as they slid downwards. If he wasn’t so prone to dissipation and wasting his talents, culminating into being run off everytime he settled somewhere, he may have seen an optometrist by now.

There was a letter to his brother living his boring life somewhere in Special World, goaded on by what his father said on the back of that old photo. There was a map of Neo Bowser City, not living here long enough to know the layout. His prized antique bell was glowing in the corner of his eye, mildly worrisome-like. There was one other time when it had done that. He was a teen, used it for some sick fun for a spat, then some ‘Evil Artifact Busters’ or something raided his family’s home and said they’d dispose of it off in another kingdom…

Last on the checklist was an envelope postmarked Bowser Castle, ATTN: 'Guard Tanner', containing a short message and a morbid souvenir from his adventures like the only friend liked so much, a Lexus emblem from a certain crash today. He sniffed a bit. He'd miss him for a while. Or miss pulling the koopatrol into trouble rather. Great (fall) guy.

Securing the items in a knapsack, the only thing he was able to grab before those losers surrounded his cabin, he was ready to go hunt down two sumo bros.

---

Three young adult koopalings traversed on foot through the thick brambles of the woodlands between them and Neo Bowser City. Ludwig inadvertently made it so when he siphoned all the fuel from the Troop’s vehicles this morning when the minions first snuck off. He would suppose their plebeian method could be for stealth, but his brothers did not appear to be worried so-

“-We should get King Dad into that series! He’ll love the locations they use for the epic battles. What if he’s motivated to switch the castle layout sometimes? He won’t be defeated so much due to players memorizing their button presses and speeding through his levels in record times!”

"Quit that 'life is a videogame' fan-theory stuff," Lemmy laughed. "So, you brought the credit card, right?" He cautiously glanced over his shoulder, where Ludwig trailed grumpily and got whacked repeatedly by branches and twigs.

They didn't think he would pay for such drivel, did they?

Iggy dug in the backpack. "I'll write a check!.. Or not because. Darn it. Sam and Slam made an overdraft and I knew that.. Gosh, I'm just so thrown off since that blackout thing.."

Ludwig quickly inserted himself in between them. "Their work today was worth 500 coins. You did not deplete your account, did you Ignatius? Are you in competition with Wendy?!"

Iggy shrugged it off with equanimity. "More like, I have sniffling friends, hahaha..'"

"We cannot permit that! I knew they were mendacious when they overcharged for services the last time. Larry's hard drive upgrade last month was not a terabyte NVMe module as billed, but an antediluvian SATA based chip, a ruse that would mislead and placate anyone but I, who reexamined the specifications tonight, before it malfunctioned that is, sometime before your intrusion-"

"Why were you on Larry's, erm, kinda gross laptop anyway?" Lemmy cut in over the gobbledygook.

"For the footage from Peach's castle. Some mythical object is hypothetically the origin of what we encountered there."

"Oh boy. Luddy…"

"Indeed I am a proponent of secular Kingly Law Lemmy, but not a Philistine either. This matter should be distinguished as what I seek may NOT concern the particular stars those smug Mushroom freaks are indoctrinated to believe they have unequal value regarding, but a seedier sort-"

Lemmy rolled his eyes.

He sighed and gestured ahead in an overly dramatic way. "Fine! Class is dismissed. There is your destination, ravaged by soporific nerds!"

Deeper into the Badlands, territories not under KT control flourished into smaller villages and in this case 'respectable' modern cities. Play-N-Tirade was a small dome shaped shop on the street corner of road #673, koopas crowding into it and leaving with shopping bags. The chaotic city beyond it was dazzlingly lit, sky rises sprouting from otherwise barren red soil and armored vehicles whipping and gliding around tight curves.

His brothers slipped on oversized space helmets, Cowboy Boom Boom merch, to shroud their identity. Ludwig had no such preparation, and upon seeing the crowd he knew squeezing inside among the grease and various body odors and trying to confront the Sumo Bros over money was unideal anyway.. Since he knew where to find them another day, the commander bypassed the storefront, windows stuffed with lively colorful merch from popular video-games and shows. He covered his blue hair with a promotional flier, walking a block to the ‘Eat.Drink.WiiConnect24’ shop. The pedestrians and migrants were rougher than he remembered, but he was armed.. He made it in and out with some tea. Traveling back to the game store someone stopped him on the slippery sidewalk.

“The owner’s in?”

Ludwig blinked a few times. “Unaware.”

The stranger wiped the rain off his glasses. During that split second Ludwig found them familiar. That person and entered the Play-N-Tirade, leaving near instantaneously and vanishing into the fog. Enlivened by caffeine, the commander became more aware of what had subtly been an irritant since waking up on his bed. It started with dizziness, then he saw something inside the moodily lit bistro. A persistent afterimage was burnt in his vision, a faint geometric shape, very erratic, with an uncountable amount of angles to it, sharp in every direction. He stopped sipping the beverage as his vision blacked out, as if suffering from orthostatic hypotension, which he was not susceptible to normally. He feared he would collapse in the street when-

F O L LO W H I M

…

“So whenever they show up in town, you’re gonna..”

“..Unfriend …them on.. Playstation Network?”

“And?” Lemmy’s smile flattened, adjusting the cheap umbrella that kept turning inside out. “Okay we’ll save it for later.”

He knew it shouldn’t have taken Ludwig popping off over this to get him to notice Iggy’s problem, guilty he’d absently juggled, sometimes literally, his Troop secretary duties, his performances at the Emerald Circus, and what little personal time he had left until now. His little brother had also exuded all of his enthusiasm during their brawl for a copy of Princess Parlor, so now, despite not using his legs, he was plainly exhausted.

“Iggy. We gotta get him up somehow. He’s sleepwalked a million miles away and we’re gonna get in like so much more trouble than we already are!!”

“...Don’t worry about that... This Springo Candy will.. get us over the castle’s moat.”

“That’s not what I mean. Oh wait, maybe he’s done?”

Ludwig’s body ceased its stilted gait before what appeared to be an abandoned mini-fortress, imperturbably soaking wet from the storm that raged since Lemmy and Iggy left the shop in time to spot him wandering off. He would walk and not speak crossing over all terrain, and even a shallow stream. He went on the move again, approaching the entrance.

---

The teenager stalking the tallest spire of Bowser Castle wanted to send his fist through a wall. Kammy was stationed once again outside the deluxe holding room. When he snuck back downstairs a white light bled from underneath the kitchen door. Digging in the refrigerator secretly was impossible even for him, for this room in the center of the castle was minuscule, perhaps even by commoner’s standards, to discourage goofing off. He poked his head in.

“I see ya, son..” Bowser kicked it shut, sipping from a glass of milk. His jagged shadow flickered on the wall of spices and other materials from the candle light.

Larry dragged himself in.

“Hand this to old hag for me, then GET TO BED!!!”

Cleaning out his ears, Larry examined the document addressed to Peach. He diverted swiftly to his room to grab from under his bed a pad of stationary that matched his father’s. He wondered when the trade he’d made with Morton for it, in exchange for a record player, would pay off. He was missing the correct writing utensil and knew where to acquire one, walking down the corridor of koopaling bedrooms:

Morton’s door appeared solid steel, only he knew it was actually wooden with mismatched plates glued on the outside. Being such, sound went right through it, only tonight there was none. Wendy’s door was gold-trimmed smoky glass, the latest trend. One could not spy however, due to her layout and the various weaved dividers she shifted around during redecorations. Iggy’s was skewed, something he meant to fix at some point, with a ‘Koopa Ball Z’ banner taped to it. No chemical smell, so they were safe- for now. Roy’s was legitimately made of dull iron too heavy for most of them to push, sound proof with five chains and locks shut up for the night. Lemmy’s was bare and plain, almost too much, though the zany interior made up for it. At last, he reached Ludwig’s room, with an old expertly restored bronze palace door plucked from the first fortress he ever conquered.

Picking the lock and stepping in, he blew a gasket at what was left of his laptop. He angrily snatched a fountain pen from the writing drawer and stomped out. Since the drawbridge was raised, Ludwig must be hanging around somewhere, ready to make his life miserable. -Okay, make an adjustment.

“Psst,” he called to Tanner, guarding the hall that lead to the stairs. When the koopatrol came over he whispered. “Yo, dad made me a fetch boy but I’m tired. You do it. Pass whatever I give ya on to granny-janny, and give me whatever she hands back. I know you know about a certain dark boo. I ain’t gonna rat if you help me out.”

He flushed. “Sir!”

“Shhh!!! Just do it.” He shoved the rolled note into his gauntlet and watched the koopatrol hustle up the long spiral staircase up.

Larry waited at the bottom. Beneath that bravado just then, he was about to suffocate, wondering if the princess would be receptive. He’d copied his father’s signature headers for formal documents, just in case they peeped, but in the rest of the note, written meticulously in cursive (as Bowser wrote contrary to popular belief. Proper cursive was in fact how he picked up the English language way back when) he told her everything he couldn’t when he saved her from the barrels in the airship. Basically he vented about everything so far, especially how if Mario was living his ‘truth’ with a billion people watching him, he could too.

…

“Sir!” Tanner handed over another note. It was in the thin rule paper kept in the holding room.

“Thanks. Whatever.” Larry cooly strolled far enough before checking it. She thanked him. Called him a kind soul, knowing he had something like that to say when he’d choked up earlier and cried with her. The stars were with her- and him. She was calm now, more worried for Toadsworth. She’d dread this, suspecting Bowser couldn’t change his tune even for Mario. She also told him to not be so rigid and think more about his principles, mystifying him.

He wrote back, compelled to even if it cast suspicion, and passed it to Tanner, hiding his sweating. The koopatrol had a flash of weariness before obeying the order and sending another note up the spire again.

Even quicker than last time, Tanner returned with a reply. This went on a few times, Larry imploring her to clarify which she refused. On the sixth round Tanner was worn but amiable, and Kammy’s faint giggles seemed to curl down the staircase and reach them both.

Well that was confirmation their imagination was dancing wildly at what Peach and ‘Bowser’ might be saying. Larry flushed, more so when he discovered he’d worn her down.

She said verbatim, “You, dear, remind me of a point in my life where I was determined to evolve from the sort of ‘thinking’ my predecessor had, only I had no precedent. I settled for ‘completely opposite of everything I knew’. I cannot speak for you, but for me, that was not the wisest choice, for I learned that that person’ in my life who was wrong about many things was not about everything. Sorting through that will take longer than one night.”

It was far past early morning now, so if he slept on it maybe he’d get her point.. The koopaling swiped the junk off his bed and slid under the covers, hearing some paper crinkle. For fun, he brought out the original note from Bowser and unfolded it.

“This is an official declaration from King Bowser Koopa to Princess Peach Toadstool. I was going to wait until Junior was home from camp for this announcement, but it’s no use. He can’t read this anyway. They don’t teach this style in school anymore. We both know that Mario forfeit his obligation to save you and Luigi is on the mends so, I have decided that, since you’re stuck here anyway, we might as well get hitched!”

---

“Luddy, stop!! What are you-”

Their brother barged into the dilapidated stone structure. A scratchy low voice from inside yelled incoherently, a person awakening inside. The brothers rushed into the arch of the doorway and into the square concrete room, roof leaking in one corner and the person Ludwig was confronting in the other. Lemmy’s jaw dropped a little, knowing Zoo Diddley- at least professionally. If this is what his brother was after, he deserved to be caught. He used their shared profession to get hired quickly this summer, only to turn out to be a mook murderer. The only source of light was a curious thing on the floor next to a glasses case, a bell that glowed a yellow color.

“Bro, I was leaving- I wasn’t uh- those guys weren’t that loyal to you anyway-” the dark boo sputtered. “Really, almost every one of them hated your guts. Why you think they skipped-”

“I command you to hand over the bell,” Ludwig droned.

“That's what this about?? No way!!!” The boo took a deep breath, bridling himself. “Listen bro. I know you’re a rich prick- okay sorry, but.. It’s the only thing left from my childhood home and it was stolen from me before. Last week, I dunno how, it just showed up in a thrift store while I was traveling. So-”

Ludwig repeated the command, same cadence and all. Lemmy stared a hole in the back of his head, finding that material thing odious to focus on. A lump however formed in his throat as Ludwig reached for a holster on his side. He revealed a borrowed replica firearm from the anime show ‘Cowboy Boom Boom’.

Iggy lurched forward, taking wobbly steps off his scooter., “Careful!!! That’s another one with real laser action!”

Before the lanky nerd reached for his right arm, the ‘toy’ triggered, blasting the wall spectacularly. Bricks crumbled, revealing a hole outside. Zoo fled, phasing through the walls. His ears rang. His left side stung severely as the rain pelted him. He knew he was nicked by the laser or shrapnel, stumbling around in the forest. He’d mailed his letters so there should be two things on him now, but there was only one. He’d left his glasses.

Zoo paused at a fork in the road. Squinting, both were labeled…screw it, he couldn't tell.. Lemmy and Iggy kept wailing after Ludwig behind him. He made a choice down the right path, bumping into trees and getting snipped by nipper plants along the way. The rain let up as it led into a clearing overlooking the neighboring kingdom. The dark boo collapsed at the lip of the cliff. There was a long drop down onto the islands of Pipe Land. He was lighter again. Dreadfully, he knew what that meant..

“-Luddy, son of a biscuit! First you sleepwalk for like an hour, then whatever you call this?!? Put that down and look at me!!” Lemmy rolled up to Ludwig and forcibly spun him his way, right after Ludwig bent to pick up the bell. Its glow abruptly died, like a busted light bulb. Was that the mythical object?

So what?

Lemmy peered closely at Ludwig’s countenance for the first time since their voyage into town. Some lightning flashed and Lemmy gasped, rolling back. “W-what’s wrong with your eyes?”

His pupils were blacker than the sky and irregularly shaped, starry.

Ludwig did an odd uncanny smile, like a non-humanoid entity attempting it for the first time. He then rang the bell in wild motions. Zoo was about to pick himself up, wring a koopaling neck and snatch it out of his paws when he froze at the taste of blood in his mouth, streaming from his nose. He didn't make it off the summit, his strength eroding in an instant. Using that bell for a rare neat effect always gave him a pang of weakness, but the way Ludwig abused it-

Iggy began to grimace, debilitated on his knees. The circus performer was beyond freaked out, because he never heard a proper ring under the thunder. Shortly the antique gave up the ghost and disintegrated in his brother's palms, some sort of particle or smoke releasing upwards into the air. Ludwig, his pupils blue once more, speechlessly staggered into Lemmy's arms, and they both collapsed into the high grass. The younger brother slid away from under him and craned his head upwards. The stormy clouds were shifting over to them. He could track it as the stars blanked out one by one and heavy gusty winds knocked him off his ball, and onto his knees, scabbing them up. The thunder seemed directly above them. He listened again. It was a voice all along!

"TH AN K YO U F OR FR E EING ME A T LA ST. AS Y OU R R EW A RD, THE W IN DS THAT CRE AT ED YOU R W ORLD WILL NOW DE STR OY IT!"

A hurricane-like gale flicked the four bodies on the hill away like fleas. Those with spiked shells back into the woods, the one without the opposite direction. It was a very long drop down into the choppy seas of Pipe Land.

11. Statutes

Chapter Summary

More event horizons, now from the other side. *mild edits*

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The pink toad became exasperated by the looks received by his ‘manager’, watching him from the second-story balcony. Was attempting to garnish the lot, spending his dawn hours strenuously freeing the daisies from the choking snare of thorny weeds one by one, futile? He silently disagreed, slipping in longing over-the-shoulder glances as he drew away from the ten-by-ten planter in the middle of the concrete parking lot. Unlike most of his fellow displaced castle staff, he had had the equanimity to seek and latch on to and cherish any fragment of normality to be had. The gardener did not imagine there would be any other opportunities to do his job at the seven-story inn tucked in urban southwest Toad Town, known as Hotel Mario if the buzzing red neon lights were to be believed. Many didn’t however!

A persistent trio of chaperones, black spotted toads chatted behind the smudged glass entrance doors. The gardener passed them by uneventfully, needing service at the receptionist desk. He was so occupied he forgot to secure a room last night, a grave oversight when he was sweaty, caked with mud, and in dire need of a shower.

The bellhop goomba swiveled away from CRT tv with a loud screech, disinterest written all over him. “Didn’t I take care of all you castle runts?”

The toad signed ‘Joseph’.

“What?? Com'on, I’m missing my strikers game and you expect me to sit here and read your mind? What do you want then??” the goomba said belligerently, at least according to his lip movements.

Joe sighed, certain that at least translated. He pointed to the bold print placard ‘CHECK IN HERE’ on the desk. Anything but to incur the same old platitudes he’d heard his entire life when strangers sheepishly realized they were yelling at a deaf person.

“He needs a lodge,” someone with a northern tone spoke up, stepping over.

Shrinking somewhat, Joe looked up at the mushroom guard, a foot and a half taller and maybe one in a half times as wide. The guard’s jaw jutted out a bit and he needed a haircut under his hat, but was decidedly handsome overall. His lanyard tag stated ‘Benedict T., Poshley Royal Officer’, and as hamstrung as he appeared, there was kindness evident in his dark brown eyes that tipped Joe that he meant well, even if he did not see what Ben just said.

The guard continued, “I remember this one. He wasn’t inside all night so there’s no way he was given a key, eh.”

Begrudgingly the goomba shoved a room key under the plexiglass shield for Joe. The gardener signed ‘thank you’ to the guard and went on his way deeper into the hotel.

“-You sticking up for dummies?” another guard ribbed Ben the moment he returned. He was the middle height of the three.

“...Jon, I think he was disabled,” Ben replied through his teeth.

“Oh, sure. Much like-” Jon nudged his elbow at the most stout guard whose back was turned as she watched a Jumpman themed gambling machine set to attract mode. He did not account for the fact that she saw that in the reflection.

She whipped around. “You said you’d locate that Mario guy by sunrise, haha. Who’s stupid now?”

“Shut up Bridget! Nobody knows where that freak is!”

“Cause you’re bossing us around instead of trying!” Ben shouted back.

“Is leaning from those thin balconies drilling in cameras not trying? Is wiring up surveillance by myself not trying?” Jon slung open the door of the arcade room they’d taken over as a base of sorts. “You go in there and stare at the footage all day and then- Oh, sorry mate,” he apologized when he almost slammed face first into someone leaving.

“You’re alright,” the guest grunted.

The three guards straightened up their act in a flash, standing shoulder to shoulder, or approximately enough, as the portly middle aged fellow with a short recently grown beard, in a plain t-shirt and pants, strolled on by. To himself he smirked. That’s really all it took to fool those amateurs, Mario thought!

The plumber rounded a corner, strategically avoided another, and proceeded down an adjacent path that he knew was unmonitored, based on what the guard’s computers showed. That elation faded just as soon, for the truth was, he was losing the bigger battle at hand.

He’d thrown in the towel just in time for Bowser to kidnap their beloved ruler in the most insultingly effortless way. Being bereaved in the middle of an epidemic lead to confusion, confusion to mourning, and mourning into resentment, all compounded by scandalous images circulating of Mario and Bowser ‘frollicking’ around town yesterday. He’d in fact had it thrown in his face a dozen times. With every viewing of that abhorrent image, Mario picked up an additional detail- the way his upper sleeve brushed up against the more sparsely layered scales of Bowser’s, the way he minutely overtook the Koopa King on the sidewalk, as if he’d be the one to shield him, how comfortable they seemed.. That last part made Mario’s insides twirl and twist. No matter how propitiatory his explanations it was an anathema, punctuated by Bowser’s treachery.

Consequently, the Mushroom King advanced beyond the mere invitation his daughter gave him before her kidnapping, and exerted himself into every aspect of Toad Town short of physical presence. Parakarry rushing to his front door at an unusual late hour with a declaration for his ‘questioning’ plunged the most recognizable person in the kingdom into a near inescapable nightmare. Under the moonlight Mario packed and fled his house, altered his appearance, and took refuge in the most seedy area of town, intending to retrieve his brother the next morning and get out of dodge.

He’d only forgotten in his haste that this was where Snifit Patrol dropped off Peach’s toads!

After that mini heart attack, it was still salvageable- maybe. One of those castle toads was a true friend, with vital connections even.

---

As well practiced, a prisoner bounced off his bed for the height he needed to cling to the iron bars high up. Light steadily rolled over the shanty roofs in the village. Some distance away, the more magnificent structures and spires of Poshley Heights were already soaking the sun.

“Aye aye aye..”

The noki plopped back down on the bench and simmered, staring at the brick wall. Agent 0069’s daring escape broke a rib, but he still hobbled back to base unidentified. Consequently, Andrew got to recover at the Toad Town Super Spy HQ and the noki in turn spent the night thousands of miles away in a high-security fortress.

A few more checks later and- there they were! A gentleman with a lady on his arm weaved around the stone garden leading to the jailhouse. The human male wore a tuxedo and his partner, a purple noki was adorned in a red ball gown. The only part of their spectacle the prisoner cared about however was the metal-covered platter in the madam's free hand, shining brightly.

Now he had something to smile about on the bench, kicking his legs that didn’t quite reach the floor. Shortly, an officer was waddling down to his cell with the platter, uncovered to reveal a white cake with red and blue candies around the top. The ruse over, the couple that delivered it scurried away from the fortress while keeping a ten foot separation constantly, Agent W’s arms crossed, Agent Maria pinching her nose in disgust..

The officer stuffed the cake carelessly into the one way reception cubby and ruined the succulent presentation. Agent 0064, known as Jelectro, eyed the strollin' stu indignantly yet Agent 0088, disguised as a Poshley Heights correctional officer, smirked in response.

“Any news, mon ami?” Jelectro whispered.

“They want the red plumber in here.”

In a rare moment Jelectro was dumbstruck. Eventually he placed the messy delicacy on his bench, a couple’s cake, of vital importance for his escape. There was one issue. How the mechanic worked he did not understand, but they were impossible to eat alone.

---

The economy lounge, the more drab and smaller of the two in Hotel Mario: A ninji porter who thought he was some sort of performer, sat on the counter of the closed bar, reading off numbers for the after breakfast bingo games. Zeror and Chef Tim played along, if ironically, for the paltry prizes, aware that they’d salvaged more than enough from the castle and had it secured upstairs. Ajar shutter doors lead to the pool deck where a purple toad, Les huddled up under the patio in a foreignly antisocial manner. Additional décor included couches, low tables, and potted plastic trees, that last of which became Mario’s cover and he tiptoed through the lounge and into the darkened bar.

Careful to not tip glasses, he stooped lower than the counter and slipped into a back room with boxed ingredients and a broken ice machine hooked to the wall. Bucken-Berry had pried out the water line with his bare hands a while ago, creating an opening through the cheap sheetrock. He had to crawl to see out of it, but encouragingly dew coated grass and the hotel's rusty dumpsters were plain view.

Mario eagerly awaited his second ally, purportedly acquiring some inconspicuous transport out. Too paranoid to wander off, his knees became numb without the padding of his signature overalls…

Little feet dropped down inches from his nose.. "Greetings sir!"

Mario jolted, kicking over an empty beer can with a clang.

The red spotted toad bent to level and flashed him a picture perfect smile. "Sorry, sir. Ready for adventure?"

"No. I'm not.." Mario pant, fuming. "I can hide for another hour I think maximum. Can you check on Luigi at the Toadley Clinic and come straight back? Here's his phone I've been holding, and this. It's his favorite in the morning, the only fresh fruit in this place funny enough." He handed off a ripe banana and Luigi's YoshiMobile.

While his buddy took the items, he lingered. "Mr. Lionel Kinopio is blogging about this entire matter from his limited perspective at MK East. What a travesty.

"..Seriously, Stan??.. Look, get my brother and then me. We'll talk."
"Of course. Adieu," his helper replied, gently patting Mario's gloveless hand.

---

Luigi rolled to his left, expecting to reach over and touch the console between his bed and Mario’s. His arm instead thrust around into empty space, save for a metal pole that jangled. He slowly leaned up. Pulling back the partition curtain revealed Dr. Toadley’s lab, devoid of patients and ransacked. Sheets from cots were piled in the corners. Hay, dirt, and hoof prints also marred the floors, the intern sweeping and cleaning around to the best of her ability in some unexpectedly casual wear, like slippers and a night bonnet.

With a burst of energy, he leaped off his cot and dashed out of the lab, not making it farther than the lobby when he collapsed, just catching a chair before he smacked the floor. Heart thumping in his ears, the first thing he made out was the character analog clock above the intern desk, a cartoony representation of his brother. He wasn’t sure what time it was when he encountered Zoo in the park, but it appeared to be a Friday evening now. Maybe that clock was a little slow, or he was lightning quick in defeating the bad guy. Now where was Mario and the gang?

He regathered his strength and rolled over as Dr. Toadley waltzed into the lobby, barefoot and wearing a purple sleeping robe, gasping upon the sight of the green plumber. He rushed over. “Has my Miracle Toadley Cure worked? Yes it has!” he exclaimed, poking and prodding intrusively.

Luigi gently pried his hands off. “Thank you?”

The doctor flushed, retrieving a memo pad and jotting a few things from right to left, Luigi found strange. “All medical establishments rejected my special Miracle Toadley Cure. Did I think I would ever have an opportunity to revitalize someone with it? No I did not. If I may?”

“That’s definitely unfair-” Luigi had a thermometer shoved into his mouth. Where did it just come from?.. Anyway, he began to perceive a surge of energy from within, as if he guzzled too much coffee. His digits quaked. Was it that or something more? He often had extra senses for a variety of things. Sometimes it was skittishness for nothing, other times something.. “If I was split in half and this fixed me, what’s the problem?”

The toad doctor lifted from his notes, wariness sweeping across his features. “Is Mirror Mode a temporary side effect? Yes, it is.” He raised a hand. “Right or left?”

“Right?”

“...Secondary test. What time is it?”

“Four o-two?”

“Eight-fifty. On an atypical Saturday morning!”

“Where’s Mario?” he begged.

“The Mushroom King believes the red plumber had a ploy to get the princess kidnapped by King Bowser!”

Luigi spat out the thermometer. He shuddered from the sudden warmth on his shoulder from the toad doctor's palm. He rose to meet Dr. Toadley’s gaze, his bare face, deceivingly more youthful than he sounded and behaved, painted with deep sympathy.

"Am I still on your brother's side? Yes, I assure you. Our local hospital was taken over by the King as so I had some cowboys- long story, evacuate my patients before they were snatched away." Someone outside the clinic tapped on the glass front. Dr. Toadley chose to ignore it as his intern left the lab to deal with it. He continued, "Is Southern Mushroom Kingdom a location where the King's laws do not hold precedent? Yes. My MKDCU affiliate Parabilly resides there."

Luigi's eyes watered from the headache, endeavoring to think logically. It was the only way to help Mario. Bowser betrayed them. He might have been innocent at some point, but it didn't matter now. Why would the King, knowing his word was the law in the absence of their princess, adopt the drastic line of thinking that his brother planned this? Why did Peach even call on him yesterday when she never mentioned her father ever? So many pieces were missing from the puzzle.

“Let me make a call.”

A toad that the intern had just let in handed Luigi his YoshiMobile on cue. Astonished, the green plumber rose to his wobbly feet. He couldn't believe who he was seeing, at least without the brigade he was typically glued to.

“I have a hunch your first call will be to your brother. Do not bother. Mr. Mario destroyed his phone to prevent tracking and he wants me to take you back to him before he expediently vacates.”

“They wouldn’t bother to do that hacking stuff to mine?”

“No.”

“Thanks, Captain Toad.” Luigi set himself up for that, but it was kinda funny, enough to make him light headed as he laughed and laughed, continuing until he found himself on the hard tiled floor again, gasping for air next to their feet.

Dr. Toadley slapped his forehead. “Was there an additional side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes there was!”

---

Luigi shivered from a blast of cold. Half awake, he buttoned up a leather jacket that smelt pungent and manish, yet also faintly like his brother for some reason. He opened his eyes. He rode in the passenger spot of a wide bodied kart with three rows of seats. He could tell by the hood it was finished pale beige. Older modeled by the tarnished silver instruments on the dash, the plush burst orange interior package, and the wood grain panels. Remaining lazily reclined, he observed the city scrolling by. Toad Town seemed busy as normal, yet it became a spot the difference puzzle. Some block corners featured an armored Dry Bomber kart, repurposed for Mushroom forces. A gaggle of black spotted toads patrolled the sidewalks among the Mushroomite pedestrians, covered in body armor and carrying various spears and firearms. Yoshis using morph bubbles to transform into helicopters swooped around in aerial reconnaissance patterns. Promotionals tacked to some storefronts featured Mario, now defaced in various ways.. He was roused most by a large sign that passed by as they pulled onto a road with a steep incline.

‘yaW ecaR layoR’

Eyebrows furrowing, the plumber respelled that out in his mind. "Mario is here?" he asked raspily. He tilted to the driver, who was biting his lip, visibly jumbled by the simple question. He knew he'd have this problem with Stan. He uncannily resembled Toad in skin only. "Captain!!! Where are we going??"

The Captain began to exude a different energy. "Not much farther, Mr. Luigi. Have you seen Kinopio's recent ramblings?"

"No and I don't care. He was brought on for the pact. Seems reasonable, but Peach looked at follower numbers and went with that. Never mind he's the only toad to conspicuously dodge Mario and I. No, we didn't get a chance to sniff him out, so nothing is conclusive. We just know he's from Japan, Water Land."

"You have a problem with the Japanese?"

"That's not what I!... Good to know his injuries weren't that bad if he's feeling up to his blogging ways."

"His legs are broken and there's a crack in his spine. He might have partial paralysis from now on," The Captain volunteered matter of factly, swinging their kart left and right to avoid the increasing amount of debris in the road as they entered official Castle Grounds.

The green plumber dropped that topic, horrified at the sight just across the glassy lake.

The first level of Peach Castle was totally disintegrated so that the crumbling brick on ground level currently, intruding on the basement and being flooded by the moat water was her second floor. The roof's pink tiles were spread more on the ground than attached to the building, and all the grass and vegetation was dead, the earthy surroundings a sea of murky dark brown. The land in general sloped upwards despite Star Hill being located a mile away.

"It's different," The Captain remarked in a lower, more real tone.

"Huh?" Luigi snapped back to the driver. Captain Toad's knuckles were revealingly white around the steering wheel.

"Nothing!..." They cruised down the sandy driveway that used to curve to the bridge. That only revealed more distressing sights.

Citizens, toads, some koopas, bob-omb buddies, etc spotted the property, mourning in sizable groups, often cuddling with a companion. For what had stood sacredly as the capitol building for hundreds of years, that was its unceremonious end. Bowser was not the blame for once. Some literal no-body, some 'Zoo' guy with a bell did it. It didn't seem right. Splitting him in half was one thing, King Boo for instance could mutilate a single target if he pleased, but warping the environment?

"Captain, just turn around already! We gotta report this."

The Captain slammed on the brakes, making the right side of Luigi's face smack against the dashboard. The kart screeched and kicked up sand. A few around spared a glance before ignoring them again.

"Ouch! What was that?!" Luigi demanded as they reversed the way they'd come, driving backwards.

"I complied! My goodness! Hahaha.." The Captain honked as a few mushroomites dove out of the way. The kart careened down hill and the driver appeared to rely solely on the jiggling cracked in the center rear view mirror.

Luigi revolved in his seat, shrieking at the innumerable near misses. Everything rattled and squeaked like they would break up. "Captain! Watch out for that pianta to the right! I mean left! I mean- Why?!"

The Captain's beady eyes glimmered. "I know of the forces at play.. Golly, in fact I've been the curator of such."
"You've what?! Forget it. Move!"

A young toad was trying to flag them down by standing directly in their path and flailing his arms. Luigi tugged the steering wheel, avoiding the dude by a hair. An ejected marble column from the castle launched the kart ten feet into the sky. The landing shook them like an earthquake, interior panels popping off, the sun shields flopping down, the radio sliding out, the rear view mirror detaching, and the glove compartment spilling its contents, mockingly of medical supplies into Luigi's lap.

They slowly faced each other.. Before one could wring the neck of the other- guess which was which, a liquid sploshing noise alerted them from under the car. Whatever was running from their kart, the slimy dark stuff proceeded to roll into the nearby lake and pollute the environment. They got out and dropped belly first into the grit of the shore, groping around the many parts and pipes shaken loose in vain for the source of the growing leak. They stood again eventually.

"This is a rental. Let me study the manual." The Captain pulled out a magnifying glass.

Luigi tapped his foot, wishing he was his more mechanically inclined brother. …Or not. “Don’t take forever. We need to tell Mario we can regroup safely down south.”

“Ah, a treasure hotspot.”

“Focus on that book!”

“This will ease you.” He tossed him a banana.

Luigi munched on it angrily- at first. “...Oh hey, you’re right.”

Just out of their view, the teenager that was almost tenderized kept inching closer. If he wasn't Darklandian, he'd be sure the stars were smiting him. No matter what he did since hopping on that baddie shipping truck into town, it spiraled into something horrific. This was it, he thought stoically. He’d fess up.

…

“I’M SORRY!!!” he cried hysterically, barging into Luigi and Captain Toad. The haggard teen threw himself down before their boots. “It was all me. Oh my God, I’m sorry again! I was new here, yesterday, and then- the castle- went- it- did a thing and- the sky and-!”

Luigi turned to the Captain. "He's lost it, and we can't even drive him to get some help!"

Thomas perked up. “Just patch the synthol tank. The rock pierced it. Here. Use something like this,” he reached for some of the first aid patches and spray adhesive that had tumbled out the car. He crawled under the vehicle for only a few seconds and returned to the plumber’s side. The oil or gas or whatever it was dried up in seconds.

Luigi pat him on the back appreciatively, hiding how unsettled he was when the teen felt so scrawny. "You're pretty good-"

"Thomas." To his dismay, the teen welled up. "Mr. Zoo was looking for me and so…I-I caused this!"

"You didn't," The Captain spoke up first, surprising Luigi. "I am sure you contributed however.."

Nevermind.

---

"Babe don't! See? It's nothing. Okay? Just go back to our room."

…

"Why you gotta do this? Stop scrambling around looking for.."

…

"You listening to me??"

…

"WAIT! It's closed sweetheart, what do you want in there?"

Behind the lounge's bar, Bucken-Berry pressed his hand over her's once she placed it on the storage room handle.

Toadette furiously spun into him. "Back off Blue." She ducked under his arm and slipped into the totally icky and musty dark room, rife with a stale beer smell, and cheaply stored food, with an unsightly hole in the wall. The crumbly plaster matched the stuff her boyfriend struggled to brush off his clothes and shower from his skin.

"Why are you destroying the property? It doesn't need you to do that," she teased at first. In the corner of her eye however, behind Bucken-Berry's sneakers as he shuffled in was a red duffle bag hidden behind kegs.

"Is that Mario's?" She blushed. "Oh my gosh, he's been here and you knew it?"

The blue toad kept his head down. "Is this situation fair to him?"

"Of course not! But we have an allegiance to all Toadstools and.. I'm sure they'll handle... So you've met with him?" Her accusatory glare impaled him.

"Toadette, it ain't a fanboy thing. It's screwed up."

"The decree-"

"-You a freaking robot or something?" he snapped. "Blind following's why we're stuck in this hotel!! Where I can't even visit Ala-Gold during his last hours on Earth!!!"
Her scowl faded away. "I understand.."

"And now you're about to backpedal.." he growled. "It's how these conversations always go. Toadette, you're supposed to be smart. We're listening to Peach's dad who sent his agents on us instead of getting his daughter back. What, if you capitulate- I used it right this time- enough it'll work out?"

"Blue, oh my gosh," she exclaimed, sitting stuffily on a supply box. "All of this is unideal to me too. Why are you so pissed at me?!"

"Why are you stringing me along?"

She stared incredulously, flushing. "I'm not!"

He thawed, facing away. "Princess school. Ring a bell? Thought so. Parakarry must have had a late night out. He knocked on my window with the invite. It was me that dropped it on your night stand, not Toadsworth."

Toadette could have sworn a launch star shot her into space, directly into a black hole.

~The Princess School in Jewelry Land was an elective for budding princesses and or their stewardesses of extra exemplary rapport. One was instructed all the ends and outs of aristocracy and stewardesses often returned to their kingdom with such elevated status, they were eligible to be betrothed by a baron, perhaps even an earl, leaving behind those peasant like, ordinary, or estranged. -Like Bucken-Berry 'Yvan' Kingpin Toad.

"That class was for experience!" She broke down, crying into her palms. "And how was I going to refuse? That's all I ever wanted to do!!"

"Yeah, well being Mario's sidekick was all I ever wanted to do, so WHY ARE YOU FREAKING JUDGING YOU HYPOCRITICAL BRAT! One more lofty than the other or what?? That's why you gave up yoshi cookies so you wouldn't appear so 'vapid'? Why you run yourself ragged and follow orders you know are wrong? Forget it. You'd never get that gold star from the King. Not the right pedigree. Besides, he's nothing to us. Our princess took over. She still rules."

"Okay okay!" she begged. He'd lowered his voice by then, but it didn't matter. The boxed Nintendo Cereal System under her was popping and crackling, engulfed with her tears. Did he have to bat down, one by one all the statutes she'd branded into her heart like that? Worse yet, did he have to be so right? "... I just thought I was doing the right thing.." she mewled.

"Me too last night, when I was about to quit. Come here." Softening even more, he wrapped his arms around her. "Don't help me out here for me. I know I'm a jerk sometimes. Help because Mario has to get away from these goons first of all, second it's the only way we'll get Peach back."

"How?" She pulled back, concerned. "We're minuscule against them."

"Doesn't matter," he replied, more stalwartly than she'd ever heard. "Anywhere there's a need, Good arises."

---

Benedict concluded his walk-around at the reception office where there was no one but the clerk watching a super sluggers game behind the glass. His squad promised to wait and leave for break together.. He let that frustration go as a delicious scent struck his nostrils. A monty-mole porter crossed by, munching on a Muku cookie while pushing that cleaning cart. Ben's stomach rumbled, and like a cheep cheep on a line, he followed deeper into Hotel Mario. Getting lost in the windy layout, he asked the nearest staff doing room service where the heck the food was coming from.

…

"Great idea," the man said. He sat on a couch with a low table in between him and the two others on a parallel couch. A ceramic plate of pastries were stacked high, though he retained no appetite.

"Thank you, er, Curtis.." It had blown Toadette's mind that she'd been face to face with that human twice incidentally, none the wiser. "It was time I used that 'Greedy Eats' app promo."

"I never doubted that you'd use food to distract," Bucken-Berry said, toying with her.

"Because it works exceptionally!" Toadette countered. "This lounge has been dead since piling the food up in the other one, pfft!"

Curtis combed his fingers through his oily brown hair. "Not to bring ants to the picnic, but 'shhh'. If my help takes too long, heck, the bar back there might actually open for business by then. Goodbye short cut-"

Words died on his tongue as Ben strolled in, glazed over and hungered before distinguishing himself in their presence. He became aware that he was directed to the wrong location. Still, there was at least some substance here. "Greetings. Do you mind?"

He gingerly sat next to that Curtis guy, depressing the couch with his huge figure as he judiciously reached for a Coco Candy. Ben choked on it a little as he swallowed, everyone was looking at him like he was some hideous freak, or a Yux from the moon about to eat them.

"Officer, a mouser is loose in my room and I can't get anyone to shoo it out. You'll help me won't you?" Curtis tapped the guard's square shoulders.

"I'm no pest control, sir."

"I'm not picky. Let's go," he replied brusquely.

This seemed to work and they rose together to the elevator, crossing the bar counter and the slightly ajar back room door.. He selected floor four and waited alongside the sentry while some old school elevator music buzzed from a dusty speaker. He wasn't sure if he should slump or stand more erect to obfuscate his identity better. Benedict was no half-pint, and then there was the matter of that lethal super scope he carried…

Back in the lounge the blue and pink toad were on their feet. "Crud!" Bucken-Berry broke into a sprint with Toadette on his heels. They retreated to their sorta junky and messy suite and jumped on the most clear of the twin beds. "That won't hold up." He called someone.

"Not even with the power of his beard?"

He faced her, phone pressed to his ear. "No. Not even that." He groaned, not getting anyone. He tapped an extremely inflammatory message to The Captain then.
She peeked over his phone, blushing. "You'd do WHAT to him in a fight??"

He smirked. "You know it, babe."

"Good. He chose treasure over me multiple times on an adventure once. I have never liked him since." She pressed her lips into his, making them fall back.

---

Curtis led the guard as nonchalantly as he could toward room 404. Zeror, Peach's worldly banker and treasure curator, wasn't superstitious of the number four and in fact relished being roomed away from the rest. Diabetic, he would have to be downstairs somewhere for lunch. All the human had to do was pretend this was his suit and-

"Here, sir?"

"Yes. -Wait don't!"

The guard kicked the door in with a thunderously loud bang. Curtis winched as Ben erratically swept around the twin bedroom with his super scope drawn. Salvaged items of Peach Castle stacked along all four walls in crates and boxes.

Ben lowered the gun, unenthused. "Quite a haystack to find a little mouser, eh?"

"You have to start somewhere."

Ben froze before one particular stack of goods. "Yeah, like this one. Why does this say 'Property of Peach Castle'?" he asked with suspicion.

Beads of sweat formed on Curtis' hatless head. "From a private auction I'm sure," he guessed, unable to see what Ben was staring at a foot or so above his eye level.

"The princess would vend those precious jewels? I am not stupid, sir. She is not strapped for cash!" Ben abruptly pushed Curtis into the crate stack, pinning him tightly in place with his forearm. Some crates toppled to the floor, hoards of beautiful gems and old bronze artifacts spilling out. "Everyone in the eight continental kingdoms knows your name and to think, you've hurt our princess so wantonly! You're the wanted thief..."

"Fine, I'm Mario."

"-Waluigi!"

"...What?"

Then the radio strapped to the guard's hip beeped and went off.

"-Would you believe people down here don't know how to park?" That lioness with them cackled. "When they pulled up near the back dumpster, I made them use the parking lot like civilized people."

Ben scrambled to click the call button, having to find it under his shirt. Before he could reply the other guard responded.

"Why is this news, mate?" Jon replied vexingly.

"Well, you'd think Luigi would know better than that!" Bridget said.

"Would he?" Ben asked Mario.

"Maybe. Would you know better than to take your eyes and hands off the perpetrator?"

Mario socked him in the jaw, stunning the toad. He grabbed Ben by the lanyard and slung him backwards into the crate stack collapsing the rest of the hoard. With the exit barricaded, Mario pressed against the sealed window. Beyond the balcony he spotted The Captain's kart, one of several run down ones parked in the front of Hotel Mario. What were they doing? They were identified! Mario felt around antsy for a latch, stuck from old paint layered on. He needed a blunt object. As Ben was stirring under the pile of antiques, Mario hauled some giant paper wrapped picture frames over his head, trapping him. He picked up Ben's discarded super scope and rammed the stock of it against the glass. With mounting frustration his fingers pressed something they shouldn't have and he accidentally shot a yellow energy beam behind him at the heavy down bed comforter. Smoke billowed as alarms blared, both obscuring the sound and vision of the one charging at him.

Wham! They burst through the window, sliding on the balcony outside. Mario squeezed his eyes shut as he was pummeled by the once docile giant, and inch from the edge. The second Ben's energy was expelled, Mario used that opportunity to whip him with the barrel of the super scope. Ben flew backwards with a groan. Bruised and bloodied, Mario staggered to his feet, aiming the weapon in between the toad's brown eyes. Ben jut his hands into the air, speechless.

Mario wouldn't blast his head off, but the guard didn't believe that. What lies had the King spread? It made him appalled he'd made the threatening display, chucking the super scope away to leap off the balcony and onto a camera drilled into some gutter drain pipes. Below Hotel Mario had more guests than imagined evacuating. Steadily, the pipe began to flex under the plumber's weight. The drop was just higher than he knew he could take without injury. Then out of the sea of folks, his angel was revealed. He dropped four stories down into the arms of Bucken-Berry, bridal style.

"Thanks buddy."

"Heh. Whatever." The toad carried him a semi brisk pace.

"You can put me down." Mario went, wryly. "Might be quicker."

One scattered in the lot never smelt smoke or saw any flames. Jon twisted in time to see a human and toad heading for a Kart parked in the rear of the lot. Something seemed odd about it, the way they were making a mad dash when others impatiently waited for the fire department to show and allow them in. Then some prankster toad girl with pigtails pulled a pillowcase over him, making him trip over a parking block and curse.

By then Mario and Bucken-Berry reached the kart, swinging in. "Go!"

"You wish is my command." The Captain turned the key a couple of times. "Or a suggestion rather."

As sitting ducks, here came the 'zapper' as Bridget popped up in the passenger window, ice cream cone in hand.

She was a cute little thing if ruddy, sandy hair hanging limp under the black spotted toad cap, smiling and displaying a childish tooth gap. "Oh wow, ha ha, I did something right! I found Luigi AND Mario, hahaha."

Luigi compulsively laughed with her, more and more, his seat giving way and kicking back. She froze, confused but flattered as he cracked apart.

"Alright, I was gonna send a bunch of copters over to vaporize you, but I'll give you a five second head start. Okay go."

"How about a five second push? With me?" So authoritatively Mario spoke then, the guard lady obeyed. They rolled the kart backwards, giving it a push start. "Thanks." Mario winked and hopped on the hood, leaving her and Hotel Mario behind as they rolled onto Starman Lane in reverse. Mario dropped back in from the sun roof.

"You can turn around in that open driveway other there-"

"No need." Captain Toad mashed the gas, catapulting them down the street and through many red lights. Cars honking was a wall of noise from every direction. Some mushroom tanks spotted and chased them preparing to fire. Chill as a freezie, The Captain made a sharp turn onto an exit away from the city. The ramp dumped them over bumpier paths with barbed wire fencing lining the street banks.

"I know that Mario Kart race was two days ago, but anyone held on to an item?" Mario asked.

The fifth passenger, tucked away in the third row the entire time, hurled Luigi's garbage banana peel out from the sunroof, forcing the tanks to veer off road and plow over cacti.

"Who did that?" Bucken-Berry's blood ran cold finding Thomas, the new guy in the thrid row.

As for the rest of the occupants, including Luigi deliriously recovering from the laughing fit, they wondered why the hunt was abruptly cut off, the tanks shrinking with distance.

A quarter mile back, some guards scrambled out their armored vehicles and beat their fists into the red soil. Mt. Rugged and mesas, light and hazy were in the background, a hint of the inhospitable territory beyond, yet the barrier keeping them at bay was a single painted white line in the road, the Toad Town to Southern Mushroom Kingdom border.

---

Ludwig felt his soul drift about in the aether, awaiting it’s final destination. His outer layers shed piece by piece, the side of him that desired more badges than a trophy case could hold, the part that held his own musical pieces in the same regard as Kchaikovsky, the part that cackled like a maniac during lab experiments- until he was lucent, uncolored, down to the scrupulous bits.

He used to worry about his future, what might be left of his role as his siblings, one in particular grew older. If he could really make a difference for his koopa brethren in that short span. An army could pillage a kingdom in days, yet its progress may be undone just as quickly by toads and their worker bee ways. His purpose therefore was not destruction for destruction’s sake, chaotic sadistic endeavors, though that may have been the rite of his ancestors, but rather to dismantle their institutions and free its members from an enslavement they may not be cognizant of. Like a beautiful orchestra, only then would all the diverse ‘sections’ blend with true harmony.

Too bad he never had a chance! This was the woeful ‘him’ ultimately presented for judgment, approaching the gate that enclosed a suspended sapphire colored perfectly square platform in space. There were white fields, sparkling rivers, and of course a stupendous golden castle towering high above.

The Koopaling’s eyes, or whatever physical embodiment was left of them narrowed, focusing on a holographic scroll posted to the gate with a crooked nail.

‘Attention, Star Temple is closed f'rev'r and f'rev'r, ya undes'rving mutts!’
-Z. A. S

12. Pain, Unspecified

Chapter Notes

Again a title with multiple implications. *Edited*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The beige paint on the hood of the car bubbled. The wood paneling delaminated and flaked off. The exposed metal parts developed a glow like a stove top. That was after a mere fifteen minutes driving on the fringe of Dry Dry Desert. A tweester shorty after bombarded them and plopped the kart smack in the middle of the parched land. That was when trepidation crept into the caravan. A sandstorm forced the windows up in the kart, making temperatures rise astronomically. The three toads present, all hardy in their own way, were able to tolerate it, but for the humans it all went white.
…

Mario and Luigi glanced at each other periodically in the tided up den, containing only what it was supposed to, the large screen entertainment system, a portrait or two on the walls, and comfy recliner chairs stationed side by side. There was no conflict, aside from over the remote. The television was fixed to Luigi's favored Bob-omb Ross program. The afroed artist delicately crafted a scene of a tropical paradise, fitting as it was a perfect day in the roofless cutout of their living room floating in the foggy dreamscape.

Consequently, it was with guilt that discontentment swept across the younger brother's features. "I can't sit here and pretend anymore. Why can't I get Yoshi? This isn't like him."

"It's still better he's removed from this situation."

"I understand why you say that, but.." He stared downwards at the starman pattern blanket laying across his lap, considering jabbing the off button on the remote. "Know what? I'll trust you again."

His brother's fingers curled on the armrest. On tv, the tranquil masterpiece took a swerve. On the edges of the canvas darker skies encroached. "Good. -I mean, good I can still invoke that- 'trust me' reverence," he said pithily.

Luigi straightened his posture, kicking the leg rest down. "...So is this a bad time to mention that Kinopio-Kun is blogging against you? That you're a wanted suspect? That all but five Mushroom Flu patients are still at MK East? That-"

Mario squeezed his hand lightly. "I knew already."

"..Good! Or.. Sorry bro. What good is this fantasy? I'm supposed to be alert, aloof-"

"This is your first day in my shoes alright-"

Luigi slapped him with his 'L' emblem pillow. "Not overly so. Besides I think I know work and life balance more than you.. Tell me something you wouldn't in the real world then."

"When I had to use Cappy on Bowser, there wasn't anything I learned that he hadn't told me at some point. With Peach, she's always holding back."

"Well, you two were never 'official'."

"That's the key? No. One didn't want to be caged by the past and another isn't willing to leave that cage yet. Simple."

Luigi retrieved a thick dusty book wedged in the magazine rack, why he didn't know when it was some V8 engine manual. That might had been true, but unlike Mario content to note the quirks of the alien environment, he liked to properly document it, research, journal, sometimes even write a story out of it.

Alright, so he was susceptible to some fantasy. Now he was imagining some music for instance, and neither of their preferred genres.

---

The banjo and 'geetar' dueled with an intricate folksy melody. High powered pedal steel amplifiers with fifteen inch speakers broadcast from the wooden covered porch of the Southern Mushroom Kingdom Hospital. There were no cell phones, radios, or cars speeding in the shanty town, just a distant rumble from the tweesters of the desert fenced off 'round back. Ranchers and herders, most of the koopa or shy guy variety, crossed by, their work boots and the prancing feet of ostros marking fresh tracks as they did business.

After a slew of off-tuned counter-melodies from the country guitar, the tune came to a close with a pop.

"-Dang it, Junior. Whole thang ruined!" The straw hat wearing ptooie plant smacked the koopa in the rocking chair beside him.

Jr. Troopa readjusted his black ten gallon hat. "Thought I nailed that verse, pard!"

Protégé of the reclusive CEO 'Mr. X' as of a few months ago, Troopa remained unconvinced if antics like this were some kind of hillbilly hazing or simply how things worked down in this backwards offshoot of the Mushroom Kingdom. Tomorrow it could be moo moo wrangling, or harvesting wiggler silk, or being the target for cork gun quickdraws. -None of which had to do with his actual occupation as a triage nurse. Then again, dysfunction was exciting compared to the lonely Toad Town apartment the twenty year old had to look forward to every night at twelve..

Troopa placed the acoustic guitar into his hard case and stood, stretching his legs. "Head'n to the can, partner."

"Again?"

"Umm. Yep!" Jr. Troopa scoot away, aware Victor P. had some venus fire trap genes.

The koopa's awkward wings that never quite developed fully carried him pitifully low over unpaved streets, aiming for his office down the block. If there was one thing he enjoyed it was how he could wear a hat all the time and hide his untamable messy brown hair. If there was a thing he hated, it was how messages were sent. Here came one now, dirt flying high in their wake.

"Sir, hold a sec!" A nurse, a normal one not a countrified version, skidded his ostro a stop at Troopa's side, sending the second occupant on the back, a red toad in a white doctor's coat sliding off the leather saddle and face first into the dirt.

Troopa automatically pulled him up. They locked eye to eye in an intensity Laki the nurse picked up on. He nodded and left the scene quickly.

"Doc? You're back?" Troopa spoke at last, dropping the cowpoke act.

Dr. Toad brushed the dirt off his jacket, all dignified like. "Dr. Toadley's formal inquiry found its way into my shredder, but I got word of your Mushroom Flu predicament regardless," he explained. "I had no plans, but you know how I am flexible, don't you?-"

"Mhm." Troopa flushed harder. Meddlesome as usual, still lanky, pompous.. Also just as tall and successful as ever, with blonde hair longer than last time he'd seen him, tucked under the red cap. By the way he couldn't stand him...

"-A crew will be joining me later. Now, will you explain why your associate spotted me, swung me on that animal, and gushed about your tremendously good rapport during the entire trip?" Dr. Toad folded his arms, smirking. "You are the secretary of this facility, I've already been told. Wonderful to see my ex-partner level up. Finally."

Jr. Troopa seized the toad by his upper shoulder. "In there. Now!"

He dragged him into the closest building out of the rays of the sun and prying passerby, the empty saloon. A ruff puff waitress noticed them and shuffled away to grab an apron. They slid into the bench close to the western swing door. Why'd it have to be Ruff Parlor, one of the few eateries around they'd been to before together? Dr. Toad was a food scientist starting out, so there was some educational motivation besides the two of them hanging out, soon to realize it wasn't 'bout to work.

"I don't care if you're helping us out with the five we got." Troopa crossed his arms. "Just don't be funny about it!"

Dr. Toad drummed his skinny fingers against the table, simultaneously viewing chart or pdf on his phone. "All I need is two two-acre sized area for parking and your vacant office space."

“My office space?!”

“Correct. Yours,” Dr. Toad emphasized, some modulation- was that playfulness- sneaking into his low dryish voice. “That is your fait accompli, Jackson.”

‘Jackson’ Troopa Jr. narrowed his eyes. “What’s the real reason you’re here, Drew?”

“Because the only other Mushroom Flu patents are in Toad Town, which is too outdated for my advanced procedures and remedies. That was why I had to move out.”

The waitress sat a mug of creme soda down. Troopa Jr. took a long overly loud sip, wiping away the fizz mustache after. “Sure that was the only reason??” he snapped.

Obliviously, Dr. ‘Drew’ Toad lifted one eyebrow..

“Hon, your radio with cha?” asked the waitress lingering with the two men. “Vick’s blowing the staff up!”

Troopa shot her a look. “What miss, for an encore?!?”

“Naw, spotters saw this smoked-out kart roll’n along. Mr. Mario, Mr. Luigi, and three cute lil toads are in it!”

---

‘So yeah you can uh, leave your name and number and I’ll, uh, call back when I can! Seeya!’

Boo’s empty stomach rumbled as the only number they had saved on their phone, aside from their mother, routed to voicemail repeatedly. Another worrisome thing to top the pile of this strange day so far. They’d woken up super late with a migraine and no recollection of what occurred since stumbling into that Club Gamecube place they shouldn't have yesterday. Their compulsive habit of browsing the Toad Town message boards was a bust as well, making them reflect on ‘back in the day’- actually just a year ago or so when all they had courage to do was passively watch and swoon at Mario and company, particularly the younger Mario brother, during games and public events and romps with Bowser. They couldn’t go back to that!

Boo scraped up some courage and ventured out into Toad Town. They made it as far as Tayce T.’s shop on the East side where local kids from the Dojo were waiting at the corner’s bus stop. ‘I’m gonna be picked!’ And another would go, ‘No me! I’m third-degree level!’ and the third, ‘Actually both of you have low probability. *snorts* They prefer toads. Said so in the fine print of the-’.

Some shadows crept over Boo from behind. They spun around, face to face with a group of rugged, scary, heavily armed.. toads? Boo shot back home, beginning to understand just how much of the confidence on display yesterday, or what they remembered of it, was a contact high- Boo stopped there, too square for such a simile.

“Excuse me buddy!”

The parakoopa brushed beyond Boo and sprint hopped up the cabin steps of the neighbor, slipping a one page news bulletin partially into the door and scuttling off before Boo could correct them. Boo was a diddly. The pink boo in that conspicuous picture-estique oak wood cabin was a ‘boo buddy’ however, or at least a rejected one according to the tale he told Boo once, recounted in his bouncy cadence and punctuated by a creepy giggle. Those hibbie-jibbies sped Boo along subconsciously because they were already back in town, just in time to catch Parakarry crossing the bridge and delivering mail to an office building on the street. Modern, it was not of Mushroomy architecture but sleeker, more boxy and efficient with a single cubby on the ground floor, tucked away in a recess to keep it out of the sun.

Boo approached as Parakarry steadily filled it up with pink flyers.

“Mail call!” he sang, handing Boo a thin advert bundle. “No long face. Junk mail means they know you’re still alive, so somebody's always thinking about cha, if you want to see it like that.”

“..Right. I think. Why’d you skip my house the first time?” Boo thought to ask.

The paratroopa’s smile stretched, hovering his key outside the cubby lock. “Hm?”

"I thought I saw you drop something off for Trevor Buddy?”

Parakarry secured the box with a metallic clang. “Nope nope nope.. Now I’m a little busy, if you’ll excuse me.”

Something overtook Boo. They reached for the parakoopa as he shimmied by, pressing him shell first against the metal box.

“DID YOU JUST LIE TO MY FACE?!? I saw you with my own freaking eyes!!” Booigi the Second growled. Their pressure against his scale plates chilled him to the touch. “I. Saw. You. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!?”

“EElldssttar, hhholld up! Heeree!” Parakarry’s teeth clacked in his head and his fingers trembled, holding a photocopied version of the bulletin.

To: M.’
‘From: S.G. ‘
‘You’re the only free agent that can head up North with W and Maria. I’ll wire you coins for gas. Must monitor King or we’re letting go of the home base says a little birdy..’

'P.S. The way N is overlooking me now, I can't take it anymore. Meanwhile people like 0064 get sent to Sirena Beach after a single mission! I slave as his secretary, and what do I get??? While you're there, verify 0064 is cooped where he belongs.'

Booigi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The mail carrier winched as they balled it up and tossed it aside.

“II nneedded thhaaatt!” he begged. “I’m bbbeeiing bblackmmmailed bby S.G.!”

Booigi let him go and cocked their head to the side. “Go on.”

Parakarry desperately rubbed his arms together for warmth. “It started when.” He took a deep breath, then sneezed. “I started.. Okay here is a better way to put it. In a monarchy, does the sovereign ruler, the king who was perfectly healthy and of good mind retire? No, that oddity was always our kingdom’s quirk. Well, the Mushroom King is seeking to rectify that.”

---

A heavily loaded yellow school bus rocked and squeaked on its way from 'Bowser' Badlands, a remote portion of Dark Land abandoned by the Koopa Troop since their last blunder of a complete Mushroom World takeover. The National Koopa Scouts of Dark Land claimed it cheaply, prime territory for little Darklandians to be taught the ways of survival away from modern amenities. Climate change brought rain there a lot, swamping it up for the boys and girls, though the severe storm that ripped through last night was a little out of the ordinary, making the rural stretch of road from there to Neo Bowser City extra muddy and cluttered with debris.

The classic campfire song 'Ain't No Fly Guys on Us' blared in the ears of one particularly broody scout as he kicked his feet and mumbled along. The prince dropped his gaze to his sash covered with weighty badges, wondering what was the point. His father signed a waiver so that he could be as any other scout, free to run and scream and get dirty and gross. The problem was that camp only lasted overnight when school was in. After those precious few hours, some of which were 'wasted' during the sleepover aspect as staying up late was not permitted, he was heading back home, back to being babied all day, back to being the source of gossip and hushed talk behind his back and junk..

Their Scoutmaster stationed behind the driver twisted around.. "Wow! That was our best rendition yet!" Also the twentieth in a row, the boomerang bro muttered, borrowing the GPS from the red eyed buzzy beetle driver. To his concern there was heavy damage even as they crawled closer to urbanization. In some spots there were only foundations left! "Kids stay in your seats, we're almost to our first stops. Remember what we learned about weather?"

"The rain clouds get angry and then dance around in a circle!" a spiny scout way in the back answered.

"Thaaaat's right! It's called a tornado. Oh and here's.." The scoutmaster blinked at it again. "..Here's Scout Junior's stop coming up."

Bowser Junior strapped his oversized backpack on and loitered out, staring at his toes the entire time. Suddenly his left foot was dangling over the edge of a deep crevasse in the ground. The tyke staggered backward before he plunged into Bowser Castle's empty moat. Across from where the draw bridge would connect was a huge pile of stone and brick rubble. Junior gaped speechlessly until something swept him off his feet.

"Careful over there son! Are you alright? Good!"

A battle tank was flipped upside down and wedged over the moat, creating a bridge for the father and son to cross. Amidst the pile were exposed stairs going down. The thick iron cages of the dungeon were swung wide open and standing in the walkways in between them were Morton, Larry, Roy, Wendy, also some guardians, Kamek and Kammy, and some castle staff, lastly 'momma' Peach. Sheets and flipped mattresses were leaning against the walls in a tent formation.

Bowser's pointer claw darted around, doing a count while Junior remained in his other arm, his questions ignored. "Okay. Er, right. We're rolling out. Once we find everybody we're sending Peach back!" Their murmurs of concertation made him growl. "What's the problem? We're supposed to sit here and wait for them to find US? We gotta regroup, find a new castle, other stuff, you know the drill!"

"Wait a minute daddy!" Wendy skipped over. "If we split up, can I lead a group and communicate with codes and stuffs?-"

Morton joined his big sister. "So that we may be informed, harmonious, on the same page."

Bowser soured more. Bereaved of his commander Ludwig, this was a hot mess. Larry and Roy shared an exasperated look over their sibling's showy behavior, particularly Wendy. Just an hour ago she was sobbing hysterically over her 'precious' things trashed and what her school friends might say.

"We're sticking together! No!" Bowser declared. "Now get out!!!" He scanned the dungeon one last time for stragglers, jolting a little at how suddenly the princess was upon him inches away. She was baggy-eyed, otherwise normal considering how far she fell. Must be that pretty armor.

"You have my condolences for this natural disaster and I hope you locate everyone. Sincerely. Now if I am free, why don't I remain here with Toadsworth for rescue?" she prodded gently.

"I'd rather you stick with me too, Hotness."

Her polite façade evaporated. "You cannot hold us captive until you locate each and every soldier! How long will that take?"

"..As long as it needs!" He slung her over his shoulder before. "We all get to suffer together! If your old man needed some attention, I might change my mind, but he didn't make it. Sorry!"

"-He did , you brute!" she fussed up the stairs.

"Whatever you wanna believe."

The King's bedroom was the first to sway, forces dumping him off his bed. He smashed an alarm to send everyone to the lowest elevation possible, assuming it was a volcanic eruption. With all the occupants of the castle at that time stumbling paces behind him, Bowser lit the oil lamps with his fire breath. One revealed the prisoner that had been there already. There was no helping him. That person was Toadsworth, and he had expired.

-Or not anymore judging by chest moments of the body on the mattress. What the?

Now he had to do it. When she requested Larry accompany her, he worried a lot less. He was as sneaky as her, making them evenly matched. She didn't know what she was up against.

…

Bowser reunited with his tawdry Troop in the front lawn, diminished by three. Kammy picked her robe up by the hem and performed a dance, holding them up for five minutes. Kamek would not allow them to leave her behind.

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS?!" Bowser exploded.

Kammy concluded, patting the sweat off her forehead with a stank face. "Bring rain, Lord Bowser. It will be a wash out. It takes time for effect but it will come ROLLING in and it will bring your minions with it!"

Bowser yawned, highly skeptical. The magikoopas didn't have their scepters anymore than his hammer bros their hammers, or his koopas and goombas their Mario-brother-obliterating-on-contact force fields. They were pretty darn sad wandering around, disoriented without landmarks. Eventually the only arial baddie present volunteered. The paragoomba Hippity Hop was a nervous flier, but Roy inventively used his Koopa Ball winning throws to launch him in the air. The baddie wailed on the way up and down. After many rounds he regretted signing up for, Hippity flew erratically in a northerly direction. They followed the dot in the sky all the way to a village.

Some of the Troop cheered prematurely as they dispersed into the semi-rural neighborhood, air redolent of recently stirred dust and nothing else. No pungent whiffs of burnt materials, no sickening odor of death. The stone construction homes were empty, no movement until reaching a tall purple bloodwood tree, ragged scraps of cloth and other unrecognizable strings swinging limply from its branches. Hippity landed at the base of it.

"King! (Darn it, I was tryina get away from you lunatics..) I found someone up there!" he straightened up and reported.

"Ooh ooh ooh I can assist!" Morton barged ahead, knocking Hippity aside. He gripped the trunk and shook the tree out its roots. Roy griped something about the wrong technique until a body splat on the floor. The koopas gathered at the lakitu in a weathered balaclava, J.D. otherwise known as Bowser's eleventh sentry.

"We have another casualty, Lord Bowser," Kamek lamented.

Weakly, Sentry 11 rolled himself over, flashing them a smile with a tooth missing. "Not yet. Always of service.. Boss. And good thing you sent.. Prince Lawrence… away." He unballed his fist and a paper tumbled out, bumping Junior's toe.

The six-year-old couldn't read it; they didn't teach that style in school anymore. Bowser however pored over the cursive easily, especially since he wasn't the one who scribbled it.

---

Larry dropped onto a granite rock for a breather, his head spinning so wildly he was amazed it remained attached. The trio made it uneventfully one of three bordering kingdoms of Dark Land. Sky Land was lush and cheery, a facsimile of the Mushroom Kingdom, only less developed and with an extra abundance of thick clouds and lots of monuments in seemingly random spots. He knew why the princess insisted on this route. Pipe Land and Ice Land with their oceans and chilling weather or tricky navigation, possessed complications not worth adopting. At all.

The way the princess paced nervously ahead, he knew it was time to move again. The Chancellor was proving to be extra baggage, literally as Larry carried him over his shoulder. The princess would offer to help but he was too much a gentleman, see. At least he was for today..

He followed her downhill through knee high grass. The terrain consisted of identical hills, like they were stuck in a looping auto scroller, the only references indicating otherwise being the valley areas where clouds dipped and created foggy white barriers impenetrable to the eye. All Peach did was march along. Any of his questions beget an abashed or somber response. He didn't know what had went down from their letters back and forth to now. Well, the castle went down, but what did she care? What did Larry even care? His physical belongings were gone which sucked hard, but he already had an online friend to crash with later. It'd be great to be away from their old Koopa Dynasty artifacts and treasures, like the dragon koopa eating its own tail. That Ouroboros was his least favorite for sure, not to mention he just plain didn't get it.

A buzz went off from within his shell. It was his old junky phone ringing from a weird caller id that appeared to be a jumbled up URL.

"Hey it's.. uh.. L4rry if you're a cute girl, nonyabusiness if you ain't."

"Lol, you'll make an exception for me won't you? It's Lemmy. We can talk because your handmedown had this high technical sciencey thing!"

"-The Darklandian space communications protocol, SCPS-SP, using voice over IP as instituted when Mayor Koton was elected in Neo Bowser City," the other person stridently filled in, "fully operational because I assisted in the development! Dang, I should have earned royalties by now.."

Never before were Lemmy and Iggy so pleasant to hear, though it was funny about that network coming in clutch. People at school would clown you for using that. Meant you couldn't afford the Mushroom centric brands..

Lemmy retrieved the phone. "Anyway, Larry are you okay? Crazy stuff happened last night."

Larry checked for Peach. She'd left him behind somewhat, reading a stone obelisk or monument ahead. "I'm alright. Where you all at?"

"We're way up in a tower using Iggy's headset to see you from like a million miles away. Okay not that much. Where's King Dad and everyone else?"

Larry hesitated. "Finding folks. Is Luddy with y'all? Cause that'll be the last of the family missing."

"Yep! We'll explain it all. Keep going north. K. Bye."

"Yo, don't hang up on me!"

"-Did you bring an ac adapter?"

"..No."

"Gotta conserve batteries!" Lemmy concluded wryly. "Iggy hasn't completed the solar charger yet."

Larry eagerly ran forth to rejoin Peach, zoned out. The koopaling felt some of his hairs rise, about to shake her out of it when he was called again.

"-Update! King Dad's dumbphone had this feature too! Good thing it was from a local brand. Plus Luddy woke up."

"He was unconscious?"

"Uh- so yeah. And we, or he, told King Dad to settle in Sky Land. Isn't that great?... Larry?... Hello?"

---

Parakarry and Booigi hovered before an unmarked building East of Toad Town. Pedestrian and mushroom guard alike passed them by many times. Many seemed to be heading to Royal Raceway for a reason the mail carrier couldn't fathom. This entire scenario was pretty cursed from the start. To think that the public would turn on Mario? To think that Parakarry's resistance to that would get him noticed by a third party that he'd never known existed in Toad Town despite living here his entire life? That he'd get stuffed into a trunk at least twice? Should have called in sick..

"Yes here, Boo."

"Booigi."

"Oh, of course. You know I never get an address wrong."

They entered a dark square room. The wood floor was hollow, evident when the parakoopa dropped to his feet and knocked on one of the blank walls.

A hidden panel slid to the side. "Password? -Ugh it's you. Forget the rules? You temporalily replace the jobs of two or three of my spies that are out of action, and I don't tell the King's guards that you helped Mario escape. Your next task isn't until 16:05 unless, actually.." The man rummaged around in the void behind the wall. "There you go. Get it to so and so by 14:45. Scram." He tossed a wrapped conical package Parakarry's way, bopping off of him and plunking to the floor.

"I'm done being blackmailed. What's the aim of your organization?"

A bamboo shaped dart gun appeared in his window. "Classified. I can always decommission you instead."

Immediately it was yanked out of his hands by an invisible force. "You are more in danger of that."

"What the?!"

"I tend to have that effect." Booigi reappeared, phasing their arm through the wall to snatch the spy agent out into the main room.

Within their grasp, the person, revealed as a green camouflage shy guy, death stared behind his mask. "Do all the parlor tricks you want. You and the flaky mailman."

"What is this?" For effect, Parakarry showed S.G. the duplication of the secret telegram.

Spy Guy shrugged them off. "Internal matters. Nothing to do with your orders. The King taking over affects us too you know."

"He-" Parakarry brought the paper back. "He's definitely doing that?"

"He's definitely sending one of his best reps. Investigation's pending. You got what you wanted??"

"No. I'm not your new fetchperson yet," Booigi declared dapperly.

…

Booigi's first task was just a bit daunting if they were themselves, but trivial in their current state. The guards that once left them cowering were mere obstacles to phase through now. Booigi in fact did that a couple of times which left the victim dazed, not that they ever turned back to revel. Around the Lil Oink farm were posted pink banners from before, recruitments for upcoming 'palace' service. Odd. There were a lot of little eggs gathered behind the pens, the farmer not collecting yet. That ignited a spark for the boo, a clash of memories from both halves of the duality. They did make an additional friend yesterday. Also famously green.

….

"-Hello. Who is this? ..Well, Mr. or Mrs. Unknown Number, I'm judicious about sharing mine so I certainly know you?" The caller's voice was professional if a little phlegmed up, heavily accented even like an old Mushroomite from the more rural locations where well-to-do citizens lived in classical mushroom homes on large forestry plains, contently alienated from the urbanization of Toad Town.

"Why aren't you here, Mr. Munchakoopas?" Booigi realized they'd better try to speak like Boo more. Needed more ellipses in there. And more 'likes'.

"Ah. I've never heard you over the line before, Boo!" he laughed.

"Answer the question! ..I mean.. the princess is k-kidnapped."

Yoshi's gasp was followed by the clash of a shattered dish in the background and animal barking. "Excuse me.." The barking subsided. "I refused to believe that was the culmination of our adventure yesterday! Don't pull my leg. I know I was told to leave and I've been here on the Island disconnected from-" The speaker made a brushing sound. More distantly, Booigi heard the dinosaur mutter, "What is she doing back already? Oh hel-"

"I thought we agreed to not let Poochy indoors?" It was husky yet feminine, Birdo's.

Rustling noises from Yoshi.. "Hahahahaha. Honey, nice stroll out there?" Click.

Alirght, they'd sort that out later. On to Hotel Mario, and in a hurry. That trailing silver Aston Mushroom wasn't covert at all.

---

Stars whizzed by the lost dislodged consciousness, driven by the desire to become reunited with his physical manifestation. That was improbable- he knew that, but the only thing propelling him through the unfathomably vast heavens, withstanding the pelt of star bits, escaping the tug of black holes, thoroughly scanning galaxies for sentient activity, until he could find ANYONE of assistance.

The school of lumas traveling in dense formations were likely not, bless their little hearts though for tying.. He encountered them around some prankster comet and they bustled like busy children chattering. A purple luma presented him with unintelligible squeaks, doing what appeared to be an imitation of his bombastic father to bemuse him. It spun rapidly on its axis and transformed into a sling star, shooting him through the galaxy.

He landed hard on a grey mass the size of a small meteor, oblong with jagged giant bones jutting the ground. That startled him to his feet. Plaques and graveyard stones were embedded, a near sun bleaching it all in red, including a body laying against one of them, a boo intact except for one of their arms severed from the elbow down. An inch above where the sinew was broken was a marking, a Koopa Troop tattoo, except the temporary ones they gave to temps.

The boo jolted upright. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the other shrieked in return for a solid minute.

"-AHHH!... Ludwig?" Zoo Diddley questions.

"The one and only- Oof!"

Zoo wrung him by the neck and dragged him down to his level. "Your soldiers burnt down my home! Your brothers scared Sam and Slam out of their shop so I couldn't even get revenge on them for roping me into your crap! Then YOU followed me out of the kingdom, shot at me, and stole my most prized possession! Now we're here. This isn't even limbo, bro. We're space junk!" He shoved the disembodied koopaling away. Ludwig tripped over a stone and fell on his butt, amazed and frightened at once at how Zoo succeeded at giving him a pain response, or any response when nothing conclusively had until this point.

"You mustn't see it that way! I summoned you with the intention of acquiring your account. In the chance-medley I was mentally compromised and lost track of the team I sent to catch you..." he trailed. "Did you locate Star Temple?" he sprung forth.

The dark boo stared off into space irritably. "Nah. I don't wear a skin suit to scrub marble floors! I remember when my family moved from some awesome big house to a backwoods cabin to keep weirdos like me away from everybody!" he crudely laughed at himself. "I always vowed I'd be back to that standard someday. Drew did after all."

"I'm not seeking it for occupation!"

"Good. I need something full-time that'll give me weekends. How else will I find time to kill people, and or co-workers?"

"Uh."

"Go join Sam already. When ♡♪!? comes patrolling around again, he can piss off too."

Ludwig gulped hard, a vestige reflex when he was literally not in mortal danger. Thank whatever stars were still watching that he got out of the entertainment business where he might encounter people like Lemmy. He found that 'Sam' person, noticing movement behind a column of bones. Ludwig located the Chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom soon enough at the more pointed edge of the planetoid. 'Samuel' Toadsworth appeared as himself, dressed spiffily, with his cane standing and even waiting patiently as if his Sunday morning ride would show anytime soon to pluck him from this icky deathly place and shuttle him down to the quaint little market.

"Bygones are bygones, young man," he preemptively told Ludwig as there was a dazzling light at the far corner of the planetoid.

"Roger. Yeah, oh, scratch that, we have three lost souls now," droned the being into his receiver. Ludwig had to remember to fix his eyes a certain way, so as to perceive his form. It was a star warrior larger than any of the little stars he'd encountered until now. "I need to get you cats to the Grandmaster Galaxy by 893:033."

"Screw you!" Zoo yelled from the other side.

The star warrior shook his head in pity. “Think that dealio over. Your physical bodies aren’t empty vessels out there like they’re supposed to be. ‘Miss Rosie’ said she’ll show up and discuss-”

“Hullo! C-could we revisit that earlier point?” Toadsworth inquired.

“Don’t care!” Zoo yelled again.

“Something or someone meddled with you all before you three-” the star warrior (♡♪!?) made a chopping motion. “And that’s as far as I can tell you now. Don’t worry about that one. We can leave him. He has forever to get over that attitude. In this sector of space, time is loopy.”

---

"Need another round of 'Hillbilly Hail' on the double, pard!" yelled one nurse to the other. Shortly more buckets of ice water were passed along.

Dr. Toad watched the half-naked Mario brothers get drenched to cool their body temperatures. Both were shivering, hating every moment.

"Do I know you? No, never mind," went Captain Toad, watching the spectacle beside him. While red toads, they couldn't appear more different, The Captain with the classic ubiquitous build, and the doctor some other, near hybrid sort.

"What is he doing here?" Bucken-Berry suddenly piped over his shoulder.

"I am in charge now." Dr. Toad had a double take at the unit of a blue toad he was, flushing before stepping away and etching a diagnosis cpt code, if obligatory on his chart. Pain, unspecified.

13. Deluge

Chapter Summary

Guess the motif.

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding again.

Wow, this was something. It has been some time since a chapter got away from me like this one did. *Very mild edits*

Content warning: It’s long. Does that count as one?

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“NO you can’t see him!!!” Spit from the black spotted toad flew at the reporter.

“..The manager is a woman, hehe,” the other guard added.

Jon whacked Bridget in the back of her head, skewing her combat helmet. “Who tf cares?”

Karen Koo- rather Kylie Koopa spun on her heels with an air of unbotherness, at least until she took her seat behind the wheel again. The typically spunky reporter retrieved the pink flier from where it lay on the passenger seat and reread it over: ‘Pubic address from King’s representative- Today at Peach Castle, 64 Royal Raceway, Toad Town’ . Feeling like she was in a pit deeper than Glitzville’s, she let it slip to the floor.

That event was going to have a turnout surpassing a Star Festival! It was conjecture that the Mushroom King wanted to bring fresh faces to his palace at Poshley Heights, spooked by how easily the Koopa Troop could snatch his daughter from under Mario’s nose practically, but she wasn’t going to be there to document any official proceedings it if she couldn’t even beg Peach’s castle toads for permission while they were cooped up in that hideous Hotel Mario. She was forbidden by Snifit Patrol and league. The snufit even threatened that if he wasn’t stationed to guard the castle grounds, he’d do something about that ‘stolen’ kart she was driving.

That left- Well she wasn’t so keen on Kinopio-Kun’s blog. Digital territory was uncharted. She had dyslexia, that is how she obtained her reputation for daringly jumping into the middle of everything. Way easier to write about it if you were there compared to skimming through other sap’s experience. Poor excuse.. That didn’t stop her writing her Koopa Kronicle or a whole gosh darn novel.

It was time to hunt around for the web browser icon on her phone and check it out. Kinopio was a PR person whose content as an ‘influencer’ was flagrantly monitored by the Toadstools. How could Kylie forget when a person she was dating at the time- regrettably, was the reason that contemporary position was invented in a place as hoary as the Mushroom Kingdom.

…

“NO you can’t see her!!” Jon shouted down another visitor.

“But it’s just a package. That’s too much to accept?”

Jon rolled his eyes at the woman. “Could be dangerous, eh,” he said, twirling the yellow flattish bubble mailer around. It was addressed to the ‘Castle Manager’ in cut and glued newspaper letters..

Just like a psycho would do! The deliverer, Boo, anxiously followed every movement as they didn’t even know its contents.

“It woulda blown up by now, haha..” Bridget quipped. She got whacked again. “I wish Ben was still here. You suck!” she shot back.

He pressed the packet onto her. “Then leave me alone and take care of that.”

Kylie was about ready to jump out and hurt somebody when Boo ran off down the sidewalk. Instead she struck the push button ignition and pulled off. The boo twisted around as Kylie cracked her window.

“Psst. Some of those King’s guards make ya wanna commit treason, don’t they? You okay? Hop in.”

“Thank you, Miss Kylie.” Boo thought the sleek Aston Mushroom interior was ‘off the chain’! Or did people still say that? Kylie drove off again in the slowest gear.

“Let me cut to the chase. Kinopio-Kun has his ‘pms’ or whatever disabled ‘n I NEED executive admission to that public address. Weegee said you were a tech wiz yesterday. Any ideas?”

-Luigi what?! He.. bragged on Boo?

Boo pretended to look out the window as their face heated up. “Just speak to Mr. Kinopio. He’s at MK East. I know because Parakarry had a few sympathy cards for him.”

---

The blue toad marked on his little task list from Jr. Troopa(?), he didn't pay attention to the RPG folk too much, that he snagged from a counter at the S. hospital. You could take a toad out of the castle, but not the castle out of a toad. Here he was occupying himself with anything to not go crazy, including volunteer nursing duties. He escorted Dr. Toad to an overgrown plot of land with a wooden barn painted deep red. And unexpectedly large metal shutter door took up the entire front wall. Despite that the doctor beside him, cityboy as he appeared made no comment- or eye contact. The gate rose by six inches, bushy green leaves rustling against it.

“Howdy. Hold it. I don’t know yer smell..” the hoarse leafy person said.

Dr. Toad suspiciously turned to the nurse who shrugged and answered, “Umm. I’m wearing new cologne? So here is Dr. Toad. You know. The guy. On the list.”

“...Nailed it pard!” they laughed knowingly. Their shaking branches activated something inside the barn that was close to the door. A shrill noise and flash went off causing something to explode in there. Smoke billowed from under the gate.

“Whoa, what the freaking heck??” the nurse laughed as well.

“Don’t mind it. A Mecha-Yoshi needs a tweak.” Vick slid a beige old looking telephone under the door.

The nurse smirked at the doctor that had leapt high in the air and landed in his arms after the blast. “..Can I put you down now?”

From the first magnanimous greeting from ‘Mr. X’, the nurse knew he was someone that wasn’t always a Mushroomite, but was now. Dr. Toad stuttered through simple stuff like his name, which he blurted out initially as Drew L. Diddley-

~Where had that been seen before?

-The doctor swiftly corrected that his professional title was Dr. Toad and the CEO remained patient and kind through the rest of that stilted call.

A coldish hand surprised the nurse on his shoulder. “Complete.”

The ‘nurse’ lifted his head, having tuned out. “Y-yeah? Yeah. What time is it?”

Dr. Toad raised his right wrist, raising one eyebrow. “Three-Twenty Eight. Did I loiter?”

He gasped. “No, just take two lefts, a right, a left again, right right left, backwards, forwards. Then you’re there. Bye!” The blue toad broke into a sprint, his medical mask flying off. The round face of Bucken-Berry flushed deeply. If he didn’t reach the ICU in two minutes he wouldn’t be able to see his friend Ala-Gold again before the planned last-ditch surgery.

Even if it worked of course, he'd not hear his shy low voice for a while, if ever.

---

Task list:
‘Sweep cafeteria ( )’
‘Restock restroom ( )’
‘Hillbilly Hail -fun I promise. Seriously help! ( )’

Now that was something the junior assistant could check on the lists secretary Jr. Troopa habitually passed out. She joined the gaiety of the unorthodox ice bucketing procedure for the Mario brothers. The supervising Jr. Troopa was mindful of the spectators that weren’t his staff, leaning over the thin picket fence surrounding a small spot with hay fiber substrate and crowing as if they were watching a petting zoo at that. This was serious! Luigi silently endured his shivering. Mario was more distracted at how Jr. Troopa had matured since the last time he’d seen him, now a stretched out adult, brown coily hair instead of that egg shell..

A perfectly normal looking, and thus out of place here, nurse named Laki scampered to Troopa. “Yo. Those crazy paper things were spotted again!”

Jr. Troopa paled. He wrote a note on scrap paper, handed it to the nearest nurse, and departed with the noki. His absence brought on an immediate shift, especially when the podoboo toting the note scorched it by mistake. The ranchers and villagers began to press inwards on the Marios in curiosity.

"Ain’t that there Mario fella wanted up North?” they’d say.

The air stirred next to Luigi. His brother bolted and he did too. Unfortunately the fence wasn’t just for hecklers, but a barrier from all sorts of dangers, like the thing that made Mario ten paces ahead vanish. Luigi stopped just in time and leaned over the precipice. His brother uncontrollably tumbled down a metal drainage half pipe. Without thinking he plunged with him. They were ejected miles away on damp clay like soil. They rolled to a stop against a copper colored wall.
…

A locomotive horn jolted Luigi awake. The next thing Luigi remembered was a tall metal water tower glinting in the sunlight. He rolled and saw a jagged rock of Mt. Rugged. The K64 station was known to be up there somewhere. Something else ensnared his attention then, his brother quivering next to him.

“M-mario!?”

Remaining curled up, he held a discolored spot on his forehead. “Ouch.”

Luigi crawled over, ignoring the painful rocks. “Bro. This is so bad. I mean I’ll get you help but- oh man. I wanted us to get to Bowser Castle before dark!”

Mario lifted upwards. On closer inspection he was otherwise okay, aside from tattered clothes. “You can be there pronto with The Captain. Cool Blue is busy.”

Luigi woefully plopped beside him. "Scratch that proposition. Weren't you coming??" At his brother's silence, he scooped up and slung a rock hard against the mountain face. It made a faint thunk. "Mario, a shortcut to World 8 isn't even that far from here. Come on, we made it out of Toad Town against all odds. Don't you see? Everyone will see you're helping and -Oh look so you aren't secretly villainous like the stupid tabloids say! PR disaster averted and you can finally retire in peace. I'm supposed to be doing the legwork right? So." He choked up. "Go with me. Please. I don't want to do this without you.."

Luigi expected to turn and see something ugly. Instead Mario's palm was on his forehead. "Yep.. Everything you're thinking, yep. The message-boards, the commentators, they're also right on one thing. In the midst of this, I was infatuated with my rival!"

The world seemed to melt around the green plumber, muttering to himself, "Mio fratello mi ha detto."

"-Yeah, and it's over. Or- er, it's not going to cloud my judgement ever again."

Luigi stood up, face to face with him.

"-Bowser not caring.. sometimes it's admirable, but he doesn't know limits. We do, and he's seventeen years older than us. Bout time he learns this lesson."

Luigi smiled cathartically. "Of course."

"Need a moment?"

"Nah, big bro."

As they retraced their path using that deathtrap drainage thing as a zigzagging guide, Mario as usual filled the air primarily, though something was different about his dryish humor and definitely the topic. Luigi assumed he was purging the senselessness he could during this half time- the sort of episodes their games skipped. They came upon a fractured concrete podium in the middle of nowhere, labeled ostro stop in a western font. It seemed to be targeting citizens departing the K64 as a pole with a wire from it leading to a powerline was stamped with bulletins and flyers from businesses and events in town.

"-Hey, what was the draw?" Luigi asked as Mario spammed a buzzer for service.

Mario brightened in recollection. "Strength. Ambition. Esteem for family. Cooking.. I know.. And if you're in that narrow range that he cares about he's super fair. His bottom line is that you can do what he wants you to do, not who or what you are."

"I see."

"Yeah. ...Luigi, thank you for listening. You coulda reacted a lotta ways and I'd deserve it, so thanks for your patience too. You had yourself figured out way before me..."

A great feeling in turn waft over the younger brother. "Mario, no. Thank you for letting me."

~He'd promised he'd never get resentful long ago, and it wasn't going to change now, whether over a trivial or mountain sized dispute. It wasn't like anything in this life would top their Papa giving Mario both brass keys to their plumbing shop. If they were Cain and Abel before then, that sealed it- he thought at least. They never shared a shift. They lived on opposite sides of Brooklyn even. And that wasn't easy then. Luigi just happened to pick up the phone and come over like his brother begged when 'something freaky was going on with the pipes'. Mario wasn't usually that humble to admit he couldn't fix things. Well, through all they'd been to get here, on the cusp of forty and each other's best friend, he'd gotten that brass key, and there was nothing holding him back.

"-I heard it the first time, dern it! It's busted."

Mario sheepishly lifted his finger from the buzzer. Staring at the back of the red shelled koopa in a blue janitorial jumper, dithering over which broom to reach for in his service cart, it was clear how he'd appeared on the spot so stealthily.

"They made you fly out here to tell us? Cabbie or not, I almost feel I should compensate you anyway."

He peeped over his shoulder again, staggering in recognition. "Shoot.." He dropped the broom. "Howdy, I'm Probabilly K. Listen here, our local wacko Vick, bless his heart, sprout these here stops evrywhere' without using high speed cabling to the signal box. I can help ya out anyway, specially this un." He lifted his right arm's sleeve to the elbow, revealing a faded with age L emblem tattoo. "Us less popular siblings gotta stick for one nuther. Whatcha need Mr. Hero?..."

"...Oh, right, me. We appreciate it," Luigi spoke up, awkwardly. "Here's what we're doing..."

As his brother spoke to the old parakoopa, Mario processed how light his chest felt. Asthma be darned, it was easier to breathe if all of these invisible problems weren't like a millstone around his neck.

---

The blue pianta bellhop rose from the binocular stand. “Yikes. It’ll be gnarly, sir.”

The other pianta, Hotel Delfino’s day supervisor, waddled over to the parapet with him, squinting and shielding his face from the sun partially. The shimmering Dolphin Ocean stretched out as far as one could see, marred only by some darkness on the horizon. “Feel it in the bones too, brah.”

“Not that, sir.”

About a nautical mile away, there were two sumo bros drifting in a leaking foam inflatable raft surrounded by hungry sushi. One of the eccentrically clothed twins was a bump on a log while the other steadily pumped out water. Behind them was a mound of objects covered by a black tarp, strapped to the raft with cords. Unambiguously to the piantas, that was what weighed them down.

…

Sammy snapped out of his half nap and rubbed his eyes under his plastic helmet, sweat rolling down his black shell and onto his matching cape. "Wowzers. Are there yet?"

The younger dragon/koopa Slamondon chored himself to acknowledge him. “Nay. Not enough drag accounted for in thy math as usual,” he groaned. He held the hem of his magikoopa robe to tip toe towards their luggage. He was also a hardcore enthusiast, much like Sam was of sci-fi supervillain Darth Koopa from Star Slammers, and apparently video games too, the reason why Sam slapped his paw away before he could discard a CIB NES Classic.

“No no no bro, don’t do that! Lemme do my thing. Ommmmmm!” Sam squeezed his eyelids shut and plugged both ears.

The milquetoast younger brother sat his uncomfortably wet tush down and bide. The trip from Neo Bowser City so so-called paradise vacation was in complete turmoil. At this stage in life, a semester away from graduation, Slam despised his role as his brother’s sitter. While Sam could divine the most absurd and find the hypotenuse in a blink, he had not mastered tasks of an elementary sort, like paying light bills on time. Otherwise, Slam could have taken his forty percent share of their Play-N-Tirade franchise and ran off to open the renaissance park he always wanted.

A jet ski tore through the waters, tearing him from that reverie. The rider aimed around a handheld harpoon to scare away the sharks. “Aloha.” She waved, a cute gal in a purple patterned bikini, white flowery necklace draped loosely over her shoulders. “Need help?”

“Aye f-fair madame,” Slam stammered, blushing. “Saveth us, we have bountiful treasures aboard this ship!”

Sam peeped one eye open with a smug grin. “-Oh hi totally hot lifeguard I summoned.”

“~Actually Hotel Delfino called me on you two, hehe.” She dropped the charade and murmur. “(Cause if it was YOU calling me on you, I wouldna shown up.)”

Sam gave her a tauntingly dorkish laugh. “Suuure? I dunno, I just felt like being rescued by a ‘Valerie’. 27. Born in a winter month like Rebmeced? Who studies finance abroad at Mushroom Collage and just bought a B-Dasher in red and whose boyfriend just got arrested for...”

Her jaw dropped expression mirrored Slam’s. His brother’s hubris never led to anything easily undone.

…

“What happened, brah??”

…

“Oh you don’t know why five of our lifeguards fainted like that? Eh, whatever, brah. I have a backup on call. Welcome to Hotel Delfino!”

The bellhop held the door open for the dripping wet sumo bros, inviting them into the moodily lit lobby inundated with waiting vacationers of all sorts. Slam got them onto land in the first place by stuffing his brother’s mouth with one of those body pillows so that he couldn’t freak out the six rescuer in a row. By then however, the twelve o’clock checkouts were out and these innumerable other folk were ready to pounce. The sumo bros were prompted to utilize the ticket dispenser.

‘#444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444’, and on, bleeding off the receipt paper in red ink.

Sam slid up his glasses, too adept at calculations to fathom that number waiting in here, let alone the entire hemisphere. It had to be a glitch. Slam caught a devious gleam behind his brother’s naturally cloudish eyes and detected trouble, redux!

The desk receptionist stamped documents in a tray. "Hey. Don’t come up brah, unless your number-”

Sam slapped down the error ticket, puffing out his thick chest. “But we’re reserved for sho. Prospectors straight outta Goldbobbington's. We gotta comb the beach and our bodies are ready.”

The stamp slipped from the pianta’s mits.. “Ooooh that, my apologies sir, I remember everything you are talking about.” He cradled a landline phone between his shoulder and neck while simultaneously clacking on his computer. “I will find space, sir. Uh, please in the meantime help yourself to the bar. On the house. Mention my name.”

Sam broke off to the adjacent tiki bar, taking up two stools as he ordered one of everything. As the bartender worked away Slam sat beside him, struggling to find the stool with the neon lights everywhere.

“I dare say you dazzle even me now,” he whispered in his ear. He cherished these magical moments when that giant gob of Sam’s actually did something favorable. -Like when Sam manipulated that dark boo reporter into passing around Fungus Up yesterday. They were out that wretched Toad Town so quickly it was like they’d dropped a potion at their feet and they went ‘poof’. Slam propped his elbow on the bar and leaned on it, not a partaker of the ‘dizzying elixirs’ as he put it, watching the sports bar tv on MKNN. On the bottom banner, intertwined with stalk market data, it mentioned ‘Public Address’ at Toad Town today. Blech!

Sam slammed his empty glass down. “Urp! .. Hey, lemme have our shop wire our Princess Parlor profits over.” His fat fingers dialed their Play-N-Tirade number as additional fruity looking cocktails were lined up for him. “No answer, but coolio I’ll leave a message. Now, let’s catch up with Iggster!”

---

Once upon a time, Sky Land was known as the kingdom with the most marvelous view of the stars. As the composition of the atmosphere changed, those celestial bodies were blotted gradually. Increasingly common cloud coverage draped their land and their spirits. One day the people channeled all their might, one-hundred laborious years, to reach the astral realm they revered and contain it for themselves with a spiraling limestone tower taller than any before. The King and his domestics from greatest to least discarded their terrene life. The tower was thus made inaccessible from intruders and the land at its base to go rural, though it could still be seen near the coast. It was known as an impervious but awesome sight.

Lemmy Koopa brought it into focus from another altitudinous, but not nearly as much, tower of enemy origin a few miles away with a coin-operated telescope. Iggy’s VR headset ran out of power. The lankier younger brother would know, because he swapped the battery from it to his cellphone to keep it running a little longer. It paid off when it chimed suddenly of ‘Super Plumber Sonata’, his ringtone from Koopa Ball Z.

He took one step- and forgot his leg was sprung. He tripped forward, knocking the cellular phone off of the rail and down the very long staircase below. It flumped around for what felt like five minutes.

Lemmy stared down the shaft long enough to get vertigo.

“It’s totally okay Lemmy-sama. I had an intemperate glass installed.”

“You mean temperate glass?”

“No.”

Lemmy turned to him with concern. “Is your head still feeling funny?”

“Yep. Still a scratched DVD suffering loss of data integrity and sputtering right before the best part.”

“..Maybe Ludwig on the ground floor is doing better..” The rainbow hair koopaling shrunk another inch. He was praying he wouldn’t have to be the sole one to break it to Larry, Bowser, virtually everyone about last night.

…

At the Hotel Defino tiki bar, there was nothing going on except for Sammy winning coins in bets over guessing stranger’s underwear colors.
Embarrassed second hand, Slam lifted his hood over his head. Thunder was rumbling and through one window he saw staff chaining down the beach chairs outside. Solar sensing night lights were scattered on the beach. Meanwhile, Sam’s phone buzzed on the counter from Iggy’s number. He picked it up.

“Y O U R P U N I S H MENT I S IM M I N E NT,” stabbed through one ear and exited the other.

With a deafening thunder crack everything went completely dark.

Palm trees were twisting, rain was beating on the windows, and a group of petrified beach goers clambered indoors as the building moaned and creaked under high winds. The last of which, a yoshi flopped to the floor panting.

“High…ground man…high ground.. NOW!”

The waiter felt her way around. “Alright. Bar closed.”

Slam obediently slid off the stool, heart thumping. He played the classics. Bad things happened in the Pitch Dark. He reached for Sam who remained slumped over the counter. Thinking he was intoxicated, Slam hunkered down, ready to carry him off when the emergency lights kicked on. The robed brother emitted a high pitched noise. From Sam’s snout flowed deep crimson blood. The glimmer in his wide open eyes had extinguished.

---

...

“Great to see you. My plans have evolved from wishful thinking to reality and your timing is impeccable.” Dr. Toad’s words flowed smoothly, eased in the presence of the associate, fire forged to be a pseudo ‘friend’..maybe. This one had been a member of the Special World Hospital from the outset, ironically as a detractor and somewhat benighted at that. Presently however, he was the only of three Dr. Toad invited that had shown up.

“That’s amazing, Drew.”

“You will do the talking, will you?”

The hammer brother gave the toad a thumbs up.

They proceeded to the stage, bales of hay stacked three high with rickety wooden boards on top, plucked fresh from Nintendo Depot. The hammer brother garnered an expected reaction with his loose fitting doctor’s coat that he clearly rarely wore, and his attempt at hiding his hippyish stringy long hair in a ponytail, but he didn’t combat anything. A taciturn Dr. Toad trailed with his head down, hands tucked into deep pockets.

“Greetings everyone. I’m Dr. John Topper, but you can call me Dr. T.” The jabber silenced quickly at his captivatingly excitable tone. “- So I’m with Dr. Toad here from the International Medical University of Special World. Our institution is lucky enough to have a fragment of Dr. Mario’s case study on the first outbreak of the Mushroom Flu. -Yeah- uh huh? ..No, you heard me. So, in light of that tragic Bowser attack, we have chosen to assist you the best we can with that matter!”

That previously critical snickering bunch erupted in praise. Without a proper announcement that it adjourned, many took off right away giddy with news.

“By the way it should only take forty-four hours maximum to formulate a new cure!” Dr. Topper yelled at their backs essentially.

In the scuttle, they bumped the rearmost observant off the stack of library books he was using to watch over the cowboy hats in the crowd. Getting up, cursing, he would have severely hurt a few if they weren’t whisked away on an ostro by now. Instead, he dusted himself off and snapped back to his picture perfect presentation. Shoving the books into his backpack he dragged it to the nearest public bench. The longish trip back to the library was unattractive and the heat of direct sunlight did not bother him.

…

“What, Jackson?”

“You didn’t tell me you have that Dr. Mario thing! Why ain’t that in a museum? How? Where?”

“An associate yet to arrive has it. He found it in his previous job with Sir Grodus.”

Troopa gasped. “Drew, your hiring is.. Questionable.”

“Yes,” he beamed proudly, hooking his arm through the koopa’s. “And I will tell you more about it inside.”

Troopa seemed to play along until they reached his office door. He swung it open, letting a few boxes spring out over their heads. “Oops. We gotta problem. No room with all your junk!”

"I have not set the lab up yet! Geez! ..Besides my therapist told me if the pathways are clear I'm not a hoarder." he trailed, the door shutting behind them.

The toad watching on the bench was just about to toss a heavy book to make them get a room. Thankfully they had, but now there was something else keeping him from diving into a green bound book.

“Oww! Hey no need to push me like that…. I don’t keep coins on me if that’s … Oh that was a rental for the airport.. All I have is boring medical stuff stacked here, see-?”

“Quit, before we fold ya a couple times over!” They had a southern affection, yet an eerily robotic timbre. After a hollow pop lots of glass shattered.

The toad hopped off the bench and rushed toward the commotion, exhilarated by the call of action. Blocking the entirety of the back alley space were humongous amalgamations paper and metal scaffolding, one an effigy of a goomba and a snifit in outlaw getup. Dr. Topper, bleached white, was laying on top of sparkly glass shards. The hybrid electricity coup kart had a dent in the front matching his shell. The Paper Macho gang members spun at the onlooker.

“Stay outta this.” Barked the other one, the snifit. In spite of their hollow emotionless gape the malice and severity was apparent. The observer should back off and get some help.

-No way! Captain Toad pretended to take a step back, then launched his heavy backpack at the Macho Snifit. It fired- 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' his way, the high velocity cork plugs bouncing off the walls. It was too late, The Captain was upon him grabbing and ripping the weapon carrying arm from the socket. The paper pieces disintegrated in his palm, leaving the cap gun. The Captain fired it back at the paper soldier, piercing holes in through its body, snapping the metal skeleton and striking the 'weak point' on his back. Its form exploded with a blast that shot the toad backwards against the shanty metal tiles of the office building. The macho goomba outlaw standing in its partner's wake had no reaction short of fleeing the opposite way.

In the excitement of chasing, the Captain stepped over the downed hammer bro absently. The outlaw barged through a wooden fence and towards a red barn with a breach in the sliding door from being jaggedly eaten into. He found inside it six foot tall dinosaur robots against the wall deactivated, a gaming pc with multi-monitor setup, and in the far rear mechanical parts from vehicles, computers, farm equipment, and radios in rusty piles. Matching teeth marks were all of those, if the outlaw discovered in the middle of the pile wasn't conclusive enough.

The Captain spun the pop gun around his finger. The outlaw's final expression as it ate cork was, again, nothing at least on the outside.

…

Jr. Troopa was the foremost scuttling around paranoid, paw hovering over his own pop gun like thing in a holster on his hip, obviously too late. “Laki and I didn’t see anything conclusive at the first warning man. I'm so sorry!”

“It’s only the wind knocked out of me. I used to, well, be adventurous. I’ll be fine.” Dr. Topper sent away the ukiki nurse. “Thank you. I should have watched my back more. It’s my fault really and I’m ready to get back on track. The integrity of our equipment is perfect and they never touched it. I don’t know who that belongs to, however.”

A Pidgit nurse bent at a rugged backpack. “Sir it’s filled with bricks. I mean books.. Lost and found it is!”

Troopa’s disquietude got the best of him and decided to clean up the glass and paper himself, rather than try to cajole anyone else. He dropped the pan to the ground and got to sweeping stiffly, when he felt eyes on him. Lividly he lifted his head..

“I get it, Drew. I suck at this.”

The doctor stepped closer. "Those gangs are common are they not? How did you err?"

"Mismanagement. Between keeping this job with Mr. X and you- who's obviously doing something right in Special World here, I had to get my junior assistants on track, watching the gates, on the roads, keeping up on patients- it ain't working! Do I need to scream more? Make more checklists? What? I can take em on in a fight, but then I really know they won't work with me."

"You do have that surly old reputation."

Troopa felt slapped recalling that. "Yeah, I know it takes time. Look I'm not hanging the saddle up Drew, just calling this day what it is. Bluesy."

"Issue two, you are laterally challenged."

"Short?!? But I'm still taller than I was!"

"We can't control people's biases, unless you allow Morris to see you. He has an experiment that can make you six feet tall."

Troopa punched him.

"Oww!"

"Fine. Sorry!" He koopa gave the toad doctor a big- overdue given the distance, bear hug, snout pressed against his pocket protector from that- ah hem, height distance. Also trying to feel him up. Not like that like that.. mostly, but from the lack of advancement there, he could indeed take Drew on too! Ha! Besides that could see through the white coat, and the doctor's undershirt had *gasp* some sort of bright pattern and color? Such progress from the old days..

"-Jackson, if this is your holistic approach I believe it might work!"

…

By the time The Captain returned to the scene, what was left was mostly multicolored confetti, the kart, and-

"-Oh. Hello… Blessings unto you gentlemen."

While the doctor and koopa separated quickly, his face hardened at what wasn't there.

"That, uh, that was your backpack?" Troopa asked. "Sent to lost and found. Probabilly can let you into the lockbox after his back from the coast with Mario and-"

Captain Toad wavered. "The Marios have left?!"

"Yeah.." Jr. Troopa glanced over him, worriedly. "You saved Dr. T, just now didn't ya?"

The Captain locked onto a particular detail of the kart near the alley. "And I ask only for this as compensation." He slipped into the driver's seat and slung that kart out of the alleyway.

---

"In the good ol days, Billy usta drive 'round with Jimmy M. like this.." Probabilly chattered as the tractor-like Dragonfly vehicle putt at its max speed. "Then the coins from the inspections came rollin in. They upgraded in a jiffy."

Old mushroom rock buzzed from the AM radio. The Keptos' 'Darkness in the Light' got the plumbers tapping to the beat. Everyone knew Les from the castle recorded that solo. A lesser known fun fact, well sorta, Gill T. their neighbor was the bassist, a super sheltered toad these days.

After one more dune, they were at the Desert Land peninsula. They thanked the paratroopa and ran the rest of the way into Water Land. The sky was cloudless and blue, waters calm, temperature mild.

They searched around the pier for a bit, hunting down a golden pipe. Toads manning the toad houses were ordered to move them ever once in a while. These versions went much further than normal, a five kingdom stretch, and weren't meant for recreational use. Just what the brothers feared, there was a gold ring below the depths of the ocean. If the coast had simply shifted over it, or if a toad was very diligent one day they couldn't determine. Either way, they'd better get ready to hold their breaths.

Luigi gingerly placed his hat, shoes, and socks in a watertight shoulder bag. "...Geronimo!" He made a running start off the edge.

Mario caught up, rolling his eyes playfully. Splashing in behind him, he was funneled into the metal tube as well. The trip wasn't completely submerged, still wild and chaotic, also quite cold. He was frozen stiff by the time it dumped them into another red-dyed body of water. He defrosted, swimming to the surface-

"Ah!" he exclaimed at the Koopa King's humongous mug- in statue form. It was the dislodged entrance to Bowser Castle, the sea level to the statue's nostrils.

"Up here!"

Luigi pulled Mario onto the structure. The red plumber rolled on his back, chest heaving. The sky was red with purple clouds and it rained in a mildly acidic way that didn't feel too great. It was Dark Land for sure. There were some higher elevations here and there, a volcano peak, tips of trees, otherwise nothing else but murky waters.

"-Ugh!" groaned an orange toad girl paddling around on a floating painting with a street sign. Through the discoloration it was a forgery of Peach's 'Lethal Lava Land', the sort of junk sold in Neo Bowser City.

"Luigi, that's Bowser's fan girl! If we got on her raft, we could take the pipe outta here."

"We want to leave?"

Mario shrugged. "Whatever happened here, Bowser's not around. I know it. Hey! (What was it?).. Emery!!!"

Luigi anxiously watched the girl turn around. Their golden pipe sprout from a dark cloud in the sky, ending about ten feet above the water, ready to time out and fade any moment. If Mario couldn't reason with this toad crazy enough to become a KT minion, they'd be stranded on that ugly replica of Bowser.

"Mario?? Luigi??"

"Yeah. Let us ride with you. I'll tell you a secret Bowser fact."

"No thanks. We're like enemies now, and King can tell me whatever!"

Mario hesitated. "He wouldn't tell you about his brother.."

And he almost had her. He saw that twinkle in the eye. Too bad, he suspected he'd offered too quickly. "I don't believe you," She giggled, remaining just too far for them to jump over.

Afraid they'd push her off the makeshift raft? No they wouldn't, but Mario would readily give her the 'plumber whack' if she acted up. She did sign up for it. Nonetheless, she held onto self-preservation unlike most baddies, and there wasn't a thing they could do to her except reason some more.

Luigi proceeded to in a harsh guttural language, Darklandian.

She flushed. "Oh.. You know that?"

"Toad taught me in the past. Yes."

"The Mr. Toad? He was once with the bad guys?"

"No, but you cannot understand what you cannot communicate with. If he was in better health, he'd tell you a lot about the culture here. He might even tell you that it's in your best interest to help us leave. You don't want to be caught letting us go, do you?"

"Are you implying you'd snitch?"

Mario shot up next to him. "You'd bet! Minions are supposed to fight us on sight, so get up here girl and brawl, or let us leave and conveniently forget we saw ya."

She squeezed her oars, glaring. "I hate you and you'll so game over at my hands someday."

While she rowed closer, Luigi subtly nudged his brother. "We'd better watch for her..."

…

When the Mario brothers returned to Water Land, they knew they had major reformulating to do. That must have been the wetter and sloppy Bowser Badlands they'd visited by mistake. A screw-up somewhere in the warp system, or-

"-Mr. Mario, Mr. Luigi.. Weren't you missing something on that expedition?"

Captain Toad leaned against the hood of an eco-friendly bubble-shaped kart, his glimmering smile only making its heavy damage more suspicious. They stood still, puzzled. The Captain used that opportunity to stroll past them left and right like a little sergeant, hands clasped behind his back.

"..Did something go awry? If only you had an extra partner to accompany you."

Mario pushed past, unperturbed. "Stan, Luigi and I can handle it. Thanks though!"

The Captain stared with unbridled rage before he caught himself. "But an adventurer needs a brigade! Besides for (spreading the blame during mishaps) allowing all talents to shine, extra eyes and ears are a protection!!"

Then Luigi began to leave.

The Captain followed hectically. "I know a way to teleport, straight to wherever we need to be! Including the princess!"

Luigi found his words, turning as the red toad overtook him. "And how is that possible, Stan?"

He smirked. "With your linguistic capabilities. And it's Captain Toad to you, Mr. Hero."

---

He folded the paper up once, then again, then several more times until it was a tiny square in the pocket of the husk in the waiting room. The wait was over, and nothing could be done for Ala-Gold like he thought he was prepared for. The talk with his family was pleasant at least. Saddened, seeking to travel over Monday, the soonest they could, they were proud their son went down in the war against that evil Bowser man..

Funny, he used to always be jealous that Gold had a big family back at Ricco Harbor, and Gold in turn would tell him not to be too much. He moved abroad for a reason. Maybe he was onto something. Bucken-Berry's family never had to be stabbed by the pain of losing him.

"Hey. You know Mr. Toad? Yes?" A stern stranger, an orange yoshi in a tux, gave Bucken-Berry's hand a perfunctory shake, holding roses in his other. "Where? I think my niece is close by," he mentioned grittily.

Bucken-Berry pointed down a hallway, where that guy shortly went. Another visitor for Mr. Toad. Did anyone care about Gold like he did though? Boiling inside, Blue fought against the pavlovian urge to smash something. He should be telling the castle staff, being active. Instead he rose to his feet, lifted the metal chair over his head and-

"Sir I- Nevermind! Eeeekkk!"

Thomas screamed and ran out of the hospital entirely, which made some others turn and look at who remained, Bucken-Berry, like he was some freak. The blue toad dropped the chair and rushed outdoors as well. His vision blacked out from the bright sun, so that he collided face first into the metal sheet siding of the adjacent building. He fell backward into a puddle of viscous mud, toppling over a high stack of metal buckets with him. Many water lines were there, evident by the large pipes going underground and a leaky faucet.

Thomas stepped up slowly. "I was going to say something but.. I f-forgot..."

Bucken-Berry leaned upwards and glared. "Chill it, kid. I wasn't gonna... Did I look like I was gonna? Well I wasn't. Okay? Now piss off!"

"Doesn't sound like it…. Sorry again sir." Thomas quickly backed off, and then changed his mind. He drew something in the soil with his heel. "I came from there and was taken by Dark Land militia when I was about five. It's been tough I suppose, though it did not dawn how much until I came here and compared my life to your kind."

Bucken-Berry was standing by then. There was once a such thing as sanctioned nomads, the reason why toads could be the exceeding demographic nonnative areas. Etched down there was Prism Island's crest. Talk about remote. "I'll be frank kid. I'm not in a state to get into toad politics, as privileged as I still am despite my tragedies. More so when one of them is in that building behind us."

"Mr. Ala-Gold, for the short time I knew him, was a cool guy."

"Kid, duh he was! He crossed over from the harbor in a canoe he carved, using his homemade compass too and the stars alone. He'd memorize level maps and let our timer run out finding hidden blocks. Mario would be pissed! He had this weird thing against screaming, so how we clicked it off I don't know…" His gaze remained on his muddy boots. "And don't regret. Look, enough yapping. Where's The Captain? I got beef with him, not gonna lie, but he's kinda meek and quiet without his brigade. He'd probably freak you out less to hang with."

"Oh, right. That was his name, I'm bad with those sir. I was with him before, at the public library but, he was too passionate about the subject."

That's not a real criticism according to Toadette, Bucken-Berry thought. Anyway, "Uh huh?"

"Yeah so, I haven't seen him in a while, but his backpack is right here."

Probabilly had returned and the lost and found items were openly displayed under the hospital's front porch. Bucken-Berry ogled at several books, an 'Ex spatio obiecti specialem lexicon', a snapping Bookend, a Dark Prognosticus reproduction, and an emerald green book on Magikoopa rites in authentic Darklandian. They were lined up like- evidence!

A memory rushed back to Blue, taking his breath away.

Snifit Patrol’s Evidence on Zoo #5, small painting, Assemblation by artist Drew L. D.”

Their saving grace was Zoo’s brother.

---

Peach's knees briefly buckled after the first row of stairs, speckled steadily from rain, leading to the entrance of a tall tower, rising into the darkening clouds even. The kooapling quickened his pace to reach her but with Toadsworth over his sore shoulders, by the time he’d gotten there she was already scraping herself back up.

“I am well, dear..” she spoke preemptively. “I've had these dizzy spells all my life.”

"Hey, hold up. Can we please just go somewhere else?”

“It seems inclined to storm rather badly. We are on foot.”

“But dad is coming here too!”

“I may persuade him again is all.”

Did she not realize that he WANTED to get away from them and this could ‘out’ him?

The teenager bit back that rush of fear. The princess was already at the large medieval door, tapping with the knocker.

“Peach,” he tried one more time. “Umm. I lost our, you know, letters from last night in that twister or whatever. What did you mean in that last one?”

The princess ceased the tapping. Larry’s breath was bated as she stood very still, so intensely when the tower’s door moved open with a loud creek, he almost lost his footing.

Ludwig stood in the arch. He was a little pallid, but he must have thought he felt great. His arms were folded and his nose raised. “Why did you come here?“

Except that voice wasn't his!

Ludwig’s head lowered, revealing his smirk, “You will soon wish you were swept away by the deluge.”

14. Split

Chapter Summary

I'm torn *Slight edits*

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belongs to Nintendo

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Without the doctor who held Dr. Mario’s case study, there was little to do but roll in a Mushroom Flu patient one by one, look them up and down and return them where they came from in the same condition. For the Special World Hospital doctors, that was perhaps the closest they’d been to “traditional” in ages. Locals began to murmur ‘something something quack, pard’ner’, and a closely listening triage nurse suspected they weren’t referring to the cataquack population. Jr. Troopa marched into the temporary tin shed lab, weaving and squeezing around the testbeds, tables with bubbling chemicals, and the hammer brother clacking at an old looking computer. Dr. Toad was found at the rearmost wall, at a clear spot he’d carved out as his atelier. A six by four canvas hung at his eye level.

“-Jackson, I should recruit your blue toad nurse. I have never seen a more expedient associate who had yet only had the work experience of five minutes,” Dr. Toad droned, etching Vick's homestead with a tan pastel. His right hand held the rubber band bound remainder of the set.

That didn't used to be his style. “Erm. These are enemy species parts, Drew. You're the only toad. Also folks starting to gossip bout.. Forget it. What he look like?”

"Tormented, weathered for his age, rivaling the intensity of a Pablo Pizzacaso portrait, a slight unibrow, almost always downward…But reasonably attractive, with muscles- large ones."

Before Troopa could react, there was a cacophony. He jumped around at people barging in and barring the door closed with a spade. "Nevermind, there's a toad right there!"

Dr. Toad's playful side evaporated as Dr. Toadley and his intern invaded, glistening from what part of their exposed skin didn't have dirt stuck to it. In panic Dr. Toad barreled past Troopa and Dr. Topper to cut them off halfway.

"Stop!"

"Was my arrival unexpected? Yes it was! We hastened, even directly through villager's backyards and crops. Some had shotguns."

"An anonymous.. delivery person has given.. us a.. Mushroom Flu virus sample," the intern added in between breaths.

Dr. Toad felt the ground swallow him. "This was not a group effort, Houdini."

Jr. Troopa came up modestly. "Uh.. I can have the boys drag em out if it bothers you that much."

Dr. Toadley chuckled. "We arrive to assist, not subjugate." But first to assert that he was no joke either, Toadley opened his palm to prove the impossible. The object within scintillate.

---

Behold! At 893:044; the courthouse of Grandmaster Galaxy emerges from interstellar clouds of dust and gas, stationed above pillars staggering higher in elevation: the first of emerald, the second chalcedony, the third sapphire, the fourth jasper, the fifth-

The star warrior careened then into the sardonyx pillar of millennia, bouncing off like a Micro-Goomba against a Banzai Bill. Dizzyingly he identified that the obscuring fog was an organic material, eating it away. He bustled to the golden gate of the court, ajar with a holographic scroll attached: ‘The Galaxy Courthouse is closed at this moment. Thanketh thee.'

(♡♪!?) reread in disbelief, as if he might bend the words with his will power to state something else. “Drats.. only thirteen minutes late!” His further acceleration released his passengers from the suspended state they were in during his lightspeed travels.

Ludwig and Toadsworth took a rough tumble against the glass plane the golden Greek style coliseum rested on. The koopaling had not fully regained his bearings when a threatening rumble from the vastness of space tore his attention from his bruises. Clumps of stars engaged in combat, some star warriors, others macabre seafoam colored stars, five pointed, flatter with sunken black eyes, the source of a wispy particle like material all but invisible unless if overlay a lighter colored planet or galaxy that revealed it as pure black and corrosive. It made dozens of star warriors sizzle to nothing- and the wicked forces were advancing!

Ludwig spun to take flight, colliding with Toadsworth. They split all over the place, that time into the interior. The koopaling was on his feet in seconds and sprinted blindly for miles down narrow twisting and turning halls of some light emitting yellow stone like material. Enigmatically, he met up with a familiar face who had obviously never moved. The gasp that escaped his lips was the koopaling’s last breath as he collapsed from exhaustion.

“See what rash decisions just got you?” Toadsworth strolled up to his snout. “Tut tut. The rules of our old reality don’t apply. Preceding forward we must locate our guardian and get the gist of things in an orderly way.”

A low growl emitted from the back of the koopaling’s throat as he peeled his face from the floor. “And why would someone of my caliber be frazzled, Samuel??”

“I was not meddling,” the elder replied, leading off in a random direction to Ludwig. “After all, I cannot fathom how it feels to be snuffed out so young.”

The Koopaling growled once more. That geriatric little.. And the emotion settled into his stomach, exhuming a poignant memory from six years ago: the arrival of the final sibling and the rapid sickness and death of their mother following. How Junior is given that very unique name and heired successor unprecedentedly. Ludwig slowly approached his father post funeral, the second that red cloaked stranger detached from his side, pleading for some explanation. He was more than old enough. He deserved it. As Bowser broke apart into wheezes and sniffles, he never got it. That was the impetus making the Koopa Troop his full time job, even over musical education. If he was militant enough, had grandiose enough strategies, had outside villain organizations recognize his efforts- could that make his father view him as worthy to govern his kingdom some day?

Apparently not.

“Ludwig. Yo, your feet are making sparks. Pick it up!”

Ludwig was roused to (♡♪!?) securing him and Toadsworth by the wrist into a radiant open courtroom. Hamstrung, Ludwig plopped down in the stands, unnoticed by Toadsworth surveying with the star warrior for the missing goddess. Rows of vacant seating scaled as high as Toadsworth could crane his neck. The war had yet to tarnish the upper echelons of the transparent roof. He could still see twinkling distant stars through them, too far to wish to. The devout man reached inwards instead..

“I do hope this does not offend sir,” he ventured. “But have you attempted to call her?”

The star warrior bent upwards from the judge's podium, slapping himself. “..Call me Geno and duh! We just got ‘em. Cut me a break.” He dialed a number on a brand new looking iPhone X. “Hey girl…Oh! Right on..”

Geno readdressed the two, pausing only a moment at the koopaling’s zonked out disposition. “Hold still and, voila!”

After a flash of light, the three were on a patch of grass on one of the islands that branched off from a central hi tech observatory structure with a reactor powering it. Other paths lead to living areas, buildings, and even schools from which lumas placidly carried on normal business. The sector of space here was dark blue, and eclectic galaxies were plainly visible in the distance. From Luigi’s photos, Toadsworth registered it as the Comet Observatory, and here was its owner, strolling up from the center console and fumbling on an identical to Geno’s phone in a way he might back on Earth, the elder toad was reminded ticklishly.

“I intended to inform you of the new arrangements when the battles broke out over there (♡♪!?) , but could not locate the contacts app,” the goddess admitted sheepishly. She tucked the rose gold iPhone away, giving up. She was like a living jewel before them, statuesque and aglow in mature beauty and grace, from her long platinum hair to her flawless skin, to the dazzlingly vibrant blue gown that extended to the floor. Despite that she sounded ordinary, dignified, but as any other shyish woman.

“Hey no biggie Rosie. I only remembered your digits cause I wrote in on my bicep the other day! Where’s the others?” Geno gave a worrying sweep of the area.

“Millennium Star insisted on imperiling himself without specifics.” The goddess explained in a hush so as to not alert lumas in proximity. “There was no one else.”

Geno groaned, reluctantly turning to his guests. “Alright, so us star beings WON’T be rolling up on ‘em gangsta style. Rosalina’s Gravitational Pull will have to channel you to your bodies.”

“Good show!” Toadsworth exclaimed. He pat Ludwig, who’s eyebrows furrowed, unreadable otherwise.

“-But there might be glitches. Could be distance, attenuation, we dunno. It’s experimental, so do ya utmost to find the dark star’s leader quickly and discreetly. It gets wind of us on the case and it’ll switch from games to complete annihilation. We can’t afford to swoop in and miss..”

Toadsworth burst with consternation. It was only through being so well bred that he didn’t jump out and seize the star warrior going, “What are you mad???” Outwardly he steely accepted like he was a Mushroom soldier once more, agreeing to one of the serious missions whose success endeared him to the Toadstool dynasty.

“Coolio. And we’ll watch from here..?” Geno gave a side glance to Rosalina. “Oh one more thing. A good start might be to watch out for ‘Special Objects’. The Dark Star had to be connected to one and anybody using it. It takes arcane knowledge to discern which are connected to good or bad stars so just don’t mess with them. ..Wait a second thing actually, don’t tell other people what you’re doing because if they’re connected to an ‘evil’ Special Object they might like, try to kill you and we can’t exactly prevent that! ..Alright, anything to add, Rosie?”

The goddess shuddered. She’d spent most of that time with her sapphire eyes trained on the koopaling. She paced over with a message just for him and leaned beyond his wild blue hair.

“It’s not too late. Remember you are someone’s ‘Special One.’”

…
…
…

The sensation of choking woke Ludwig up- for real this time. The general coughed up murky tongue stinging water.

“How can BOTH of them pass out like that?! I hate everything!”

“Larry!” Princess Peach rebuked. “Stop fussing. We made it to the level we needed!”

They hauled Toadsworth and Ludwig into the center of the tower. There was a shaft with a manual powered elevator waiting for them. Just in time. They could hear the foaming waters sloshing on the floor below, even up creeping from the stairs. They hurried inside and spotted Lemmy far at the top. His rainbow mohawk disappeared and then they were shot up like a rocket, so much the basket broke at the top of the shaft, flinging everyone out onto the roof.

“Whoops…” Lemmy saw his brother continually spinning the winch. “Iggy, you can stop!..”

Larry rubbed his head, knocked against the parapet. “Ouch. Thanks I freakin’ think..” The flooded over landscape below sent a shiver down his spine. The waters were high enough to obscure the pillar thing in the field Peach was mesmerized by before. An airship sailed over the horizon, followed by additional smaller boats or whatever possessed buoyancy. Spontaneously a pontoon broke off from the others and raced up to the front ship. It had a hand weaved flag waving from it. A passenger from the lead ship plunged into the ocean.

“What’s Wendy thinking??” Lemmy said, materializing next to his little brother. “And I can’t place where I’ve seen that symbol before..”

Larry couldn’t cross his eyes enough to see whatever Lem could somehow. “Doesn’t Iggster have service? Boogle it.”

Lemmy cringed, avoiding eye contact, digging his foot on the stone tile.. “Iggy IS Boogle now. Kinda. He got impatient and replaced his brain with a robot.”

Larry took another look around. Peach was okay if disarranged, Toadsworth and Ludwig.. They were moving, but morbid or ‘off’ in a way he couldn’t articulate right then. What overshadowed that even was.. Iggy was a cyborg!

…

---

A lounging toad girl observed traffic from Hotel Mario’s tallest balcony. Sometimes a citizen would race down Starman Lane on foot, like in times past she could faintly remember. Before motor karts were the norm in Toad Town, everyone accordingly had less on the agenda and time in general felt slower. Toadette wished, just for today, she was shot back to those days.

She lowered the magazine after floorboards creaked.

“What’s up?” signed another more tanned pink toad, with inverted spots compared to her.

Toadette plastered on a smile for the gardener. “Just coolin off.”

Joseph sat gingerly in the beach chair next to her. “You’re in direct sunlight!” He laughed with a hoarse husky voice. “There’s air conditioning indoors where we’re all waiting for you. We leave in ten minutes. It’s at four pm..”

“Oh I haven’t done my hair yet! So many are already at Royal Raceway and there’s..” Dang it. She forgot the sign language for ‘too many cameras and news people’ at the worst time!

“You look beautiful, darling.”

“Thanks but I can’t go-”

Joe conveniently feigned ignorance of her verbalization, taking her hand and lifting her out of the seat. Toadette didn’t want to behave rudely, indecision that roped her to the ground floor reception desk. She had to admit it being lit orange from the evening sun was an improvement, hiding the dinginess of the carpet and making the game machines look cool, but she wasn’t happy to be there regardless, not with three more co-workers hanging around. She dread how they might try to cajole her.

Les yawned, back against the wall, Chef Tim chat on the phone off to the side with a pan in his other hand, and Zeror, made up spiffily and directly blocking the door, held a loupe to a yellow packet that had been ripped open and was currently a back board for a document.

Waitaminute. Toadette squinted, closing on the green capped banker and treasure curator none the wiser. “If that’s addressed to the manager only, why haven’t I seen it?” When she tried to take it from him, there was resistance on his end from his trance like state that tore it across a preexisting seam middle line.

“Ma’am oh heavens I've ruined it!!”

Hearing Zeror's light voice for once was as surprising as the weathered hand written document in an antiquated Shroomish dialect. The official mushroom seal adorned the bottom from their castle, Mushroom King reign era.

“What’s it say, doll?” Les asked enthusiastically.

Well Toadette’s interest was piqued knowing legalese from collage, enough to forget that Zeror should have deciphered the list of items and herbs forever ago. “What sticks out to me is ’Teeowed’ and a verb for ‘consume’ and ‘mushroom’...So like we left behind this recipe thing and somebody found it for us? So what?”

Zeror’s crafty simper to Les and Joe revealed his gold teeth. Toadette gulped, rolling up her half of the paper.

“What else of the princess’s priceless possessions might we have missed?” Joe asked.

“Uh, Joseph, Lester, even Mr. Zeror, there’s no way we can recomb the area. Not with that event going on,” she rebutted. There was something very strange and over elaborate with this trap they’d set, but she wasn’t falling for it. They hadn’t even tried her true weakness-

“Oh Tim,” Les began. “Show her the Chocolate Cake!”

The chef removed the cover from the pan, a fresh Jelly Ultra. Toadette could thankfully refuse, temptation free. She disliked the jelly derivatives. Too sticky, much like the situation was getting.

“If only that guy would listen!” Joe complained to Les and Zeror.

“Excuse me flower boy,” Tim snapped. “Face me so I can see what you're saying!”

“I said this, Timothy,” after signing the chef’s name, Joe swung at him.

The rotund chef slipped backward and through the entrance door and rolled to a stop at a parking brick outside. He propelled himself up as the other three staff barged out brandishing a fire extinguisher, a vase, or surprisingly nothing as far as Zeror was concerned. The chef exposed from under his apron a long silver butcher's knife and held them off with it.

“You're all on drugs!!”

“Stoooooop!” Toadette ran out between him. “All this just because I don’t want to go down there??”

They were all daunted, Joe broadly.. “You are the foremost of the princess’s subsidiaries and we cannot attend without you. What if officials organize a plan to rescue the princess?”

Not likely according to flyers, Toadette mused, in uncharted waters. Weird phrasing, Toad Town hadn’t had rain in weeks, also- not a homicide since fifteen years ago if the baddie influx yesterday didn’t count, yet Peach’s staff were prepared to hurt each other. What was happening to people?

“What are you thinking?”

She blinked. “That…You are now castle manager. There, now you can all attend.”

Another first, she saw Zeror’s bottom lip under his bushy mustache while he gaped. “How am I qualified, ma’am?”

“You were Mr. Toadsworth’s friend, has decades of history with the Toadstools, and you didn’t pack a weapon just now. Done. Oh look,” she added, under the other three’s disappointments of the missed promotion. A dark tented van was pulling up. “Totally just in time.”

…

Guard Jon didn’t bother with a tally of toads for Peach Castle. It only surprised Toadette that he did not bring along his partner. Bridget paced at the hotel slot machines, fidgeting constantly with the intricacies of her uniform or giggling at her reflections. Toadette wasn’t sure what drove her desire to formally introduce herself. Toadettes were rarer and she was lonely now, and the irony wasn’t lost on her that after pining for promotion she’d just demoted herself. There was nothing to lose.

“Hi.”

Bridget stood straight on high alert, super scope on hand. She was a tad shorter, with entirely different and darker features and sportier, a tough one. Maybe this was a bad idea..

“Uh, nothing..” Toadette bit her lip, backing away.

“Wait. So you’re, haha, good with the city, eh?

“..Sure. I chauffeur the princess sometimes.”

The guard’s smile widened. “I’m sooo jealous! Since that dick Jon is gone will you ride with me on some errands?”

Moments later Toadette sqeed. Around back was a shiny B-Dasher, a privately owned kart used for the job, Mushroom insignias juxtaposed on it, and still gorgeous.

“Don’t drool on my seat covers,” Bridget joshed, nudging the enamored ex-manager.

“I won’t!” Toadette blushed.

The guard loaded in the back some boxed army supplies that looked suspiciously like junk food while Toadette loaded a heavier larger neutral colored purse full of many objects and that Ultra Jelly. They drove off in the convertible, loving the breeze.

“I have a ton of friends stationed around.. Pleasant Path. Know there?”

“Sure do!”

“Doesn’t a pocketbook like that break your back?”

Toadette readjusted her seat belt. “You get used to it.. Now take that right down Turtlely Road,” she said to switch the topic. Those items were what she thought was the most valuable of Zeror’s treasure stash, no longer trusting entirely any staff but her boyfriend, though even he freaked her out by ominously texting if she could bring some of Zoo’s evidence from Snifit Patrol precinct down South. How did he know that’s where she needed to get to as well? The cops more pertinently were holding Peach’s Parcel from yesterday which would surely demystify much of the commotion in town..

For step one, Toadette grabbed a well worn cassette from her pocket. This other girl was about to love the mushroom rock band ‘The Pizza’s’ whether she knew it or not. They’d gotten heat over it in later years, but none could deny they were the masters of subliminal messages.

---

Mario wiggled his toes that had fallen asleep in his boots. He was genuinely intrigued at the outset. Too bad the pile of books on the wooden counter proved to be insipid at best, even with that bright warning tag on them stating 'DO NOT REMOVE FROM LIBRARY'. Mario dismissed the nagging detail. Considering they were in the local librarian's trailer home while they were out on business, The Captain must have obtained permission.

"Stuck?"

"Um. Yes," The Captain replied, voice leaking with embarrassment. He massaged his strained eyes. On the page characters went backwards and forwards at random, and at times 'stylistically' spiraling to the center of the page. His attempt to read it was such a trainwreck, Luigi felt uncomfortable, left, and never came back.

Mario without prompt, had a device in his hands. "Break time. Jr. Troopa's blowing me up about something at the lab just now."

The Captain bore into the brick-like GoomPCS, a rudimentary model for species with no appendages. He'd mistook it for someone else's, but the next correct realization was equally worrisome. "You've acquired a new cellular phone, and distributed your new number, and didn't inform me?"

The mildly bewildered plumber slid it back into his pocket. "It wasn't that long ago. It's just a cheap thing from the drugstore that I used a prepaid card on. Not a big deal okay?-.."

"...I'll meet you there. Sir."

The moment the plumber was out, he flipped the entire table of books with a roar of anguish, making them fly up and into cupboards and knickknacks. That beast had been simmering since Luigi left practically LAUGHING in his face- now that humiliation in front of Mario? The Captain trembled and hyperventilated. If only he could cram enough knowledge to interpret the Darklandian in the magikoopa book… The red faded from his vision enough to notice something shiny on the floor, retrieving a silver-plated locket. Not very valuable he appraised with proficiency, nonetheless someone might want to see it.

He waltzed into the previously shut up disarrayed bedroom and opened a chest under tangled covers. The bob-omb buddy bound tightly inside mumbled through the pillowcase stuffed in his mouth and squirmed at the toad's cheeky face as he loomed over. A bad smell struck his nose from the fear-stricken victim. Miffed with him, The Captain plunked the heirloom down there and shut the trunk tight again. He wasn't planning on returning. It would be wise at this point to ask his brigade down. He had a way to insure it actually.

---

Yoshi played fetch with Poochy, occasionally waving to neighbors, or being forced to rescue them as the Dino Rhino and Ukiki couple that owned the berry farm down the jungle path discovered. Poochy was growing and inclined to play rough with things or people with certain scents. A quirk of the breed, but Yoshi was managing it- more or less rather.

He rallied over the dog to escape the elements for a while. Tall sumac buffeted him along the way. He'd meant to tame the land around his treehouse more. It was covering the 'For sale' sign..

Yoshi later collapsed on his striped hammock, watching nostalgically at the little leaf spinning fan. He had a dresser to the right, an icebox and nothing else that wasn't packed in boxes. The rest of the space was racks of trendy clothing and additional boxes. Even before plans to emigrate the dino tread light for less complications when crossing between Yoshi's Island and the Mushroom Kingdom. At this point he could pass as a Mushroomite by accent.

His IslandMobile ringing frightened him. He was in the midst of such a.. delicate situation involving telecommunication.

"Yoshi. Still alive? Luigi wanted to thank you for the help yesterday."

Yoshi sat up from the hammock, feeling like a thwomp hit him. That deplorable work of his in the park against Zoo? Not listening, behaving like a rookie.. What did Luigi see in that? Well, he'd make up for it double.

"Mario, you want me over now. Right???"

"Uh. Better hear what happened since from me than the news." He told him, never interrupted once, which made Mario uneasy.

"Great. I'll get over there however it takes. Train, boat, plane. -And I hate flying but I'll do it!" The dino was already pacing around, causing Poochy to drop a plush chew toy and watch.
"Didn't you hear me? You said you were about to get married didn't you? Maybe move further inland? Always talking about how your buddies on Dino island started families forever ago? With grandchildren now? Don't get yourself killed."

He froze. "What."

"I'm giving you at ticket to normalcy Yosh. Hold on." Mario seemed to move somewhere, probably secluded. "I wanted to tell you this long ago. Your old lady is sick of you crossing over all the time. We both know that."

The dinosaur plopped back down. "Mario I.. Yes, but no matter what I do, short of 'nothing', Birdo has an issue. I keep her informed every literal hour I'm out. I'm with her if I'm not with you, and of course she's not somewhere, where ever that is these days. I'm mystified."

"No you're not."

He sighed, glancing over his home emptily. "Of course. I'm not. Either I'll surprise you later, or you can surprise me with how it went down in a day or two. Good bye.."

Yoshi surprised himself by resisting the urge to move, all the way until he heard the squeaks of the ladder outside. Someone was returning to the tree home. He stood then and had the door already open for his fiancée, dolled up in a hot pink dress coat and matching church hat. Slightly taken back by his initiative, she blew a kiss at him and continued in, placing the Bronze Egg on the mantelpiece. Poochy aggressively snarled at it like he always did. Yoshi rolled his eyes a little, securing the locks. She was supposed to hide that 'prop' from 'Authentic Restorations Inc.' knowing it triggered the pet like that. Disposing of it wasn't going to fly either, not without a fight. His fiancée was enraptured with that tacky thing, insisting the modeling agencies booked her two-fold with it.

“Honey, get comfortable please,” he led off, remaining standing. He watched her casually lounge on her red love sofa without alarm, already flicking around on her smartphone. He took one more breath. “It’s about that location you want us to move to.”

She snapped in his direction. “T. Yoshisaur, half the treehouse is in a box!”

“Indeed, but we haven’t deposited yet on that Donut Plains condo and I would like to, if I can, present my argument differently: Prices are up and this land is paid for. If we aren’t going to worry about money, the Mushroom Kingdom would be a more appropriate fit for us. All of your highest paying agencies are based there and I’ve seen some of the letters where they ask for you to move closer. With our rapport we’d have zero issues finding a home. Just something to consider. Just trying to make you happy.” He lifted his gaze from his orange booties across the carpet and onto her longing expression at...the Bronze Egg!! A flash of anger came upon him. He’d tried so arduous, for that? He knew what she loved and it wasn’t him.

He launched it through the window.

“YOSHI!!” she exploded.

He thought she might follow it, but remained at the window seal.

"-That was uncalled for and I'll rectify that." Yoshi slowly approached her side. The sun made three objects glint among the ragweed and sumac, including the cracked egg. "However, I have no better way to say this.. Birdo, there's a dagger in me and I've bled for a long time. Going forward it would be wise for us to take a break. Our lifestyles aren't compatible."

Birdo slowly faced him. He almost recoiled, not sure what to expect. "I agree and- Whew! There's too much chaos in these parts. I really wanted to move back to Subcon anyway," she mentioned about as casually as one would the weather.

"I thought Mario and crew..dreamed up.. Nevermind. Will you need help?"

"No. I'll hire movers. Old man," she teased. "And since you've ended it officially, I won't be dragged on social media."

"Who gives unsolicited commentary on other people's romantic life online?"

"I thought you were adept with technology."

"Sarcasm honey."

They laughed together, softly rather. Realization of the Abilene paradox was bittersweet at best for both of them.

…

The rhythmic shuffling of tracks meant there was a slumbering dinosaur for a multicolored dog to lick in the face, having escaped from a partially sized luggage bag thirty minutes ago. Soon his master mumbled about that person again.

Poochy was a good boy.

He was learning phrases.

He understood 'stop', 'go', 'fetch', and 'Here's money for a shopping spree, honey'.

He also purported what 'Mario' meant.

That name seemed to connect with elation in general for Master.

Therefore… Mario must be food. See? Poochy smart boy.

A loud steam whistle jolted Yoshi awake. He flushed at the canine nuzzling him. "No boy. Get back in quick. Quick!"

Another yoshi, the ticket checker that had been pestering everyone in that section, and with a katana too, came up. "I knew my allergies weren't lying, Larry. Found him."

"The Koopaling?"

A uniformed toad came up. "No sir, I'm the conductor. The Toad Town 101 does not allow pets in the passenger compartments," he warned sternly. Then he presented a pen and pad for an autograph. "But for the famous Mr. Munchakoopas, we'll pretend we didn't see it. We only request that you go to the rear most carriage if there's any 'accidents'."

That was a great deal as moments later, Poochy was indicating one of those were waiting to happen. That rear unmonitored room was a storage area for hay bails, the only source of light the sliding door precariously half open. Trees and jungle scrolled by in a jade blur outside. As Poochy sniffed around, Yoshi had last minute reservations. What if those belonged to someone? He chose to not think about it too hard, looking away for the dog's privacy at the adjacent wall with an Emerald Circus poster. One of Bowser's sons were on the bill. Oh yeah.. He'd seen Lemmy perform by accident about a year ago. He bounced around the stage like he had a blast. Adorable thing.

"I prefer the Cirque du Angry Solei."

His jaw dropped at the one next to him. "How did you get here?"

"Teleportation."

"Be serious or-" Yoshi grit his teeth. "Just forget it, Dr. Professor."

Doctor Professor Koopa smiled at him, continuing to hold his shoulder. Stubble spotted the corners of his face, but was otherwise just as Friday. "I'm not at my practice obviously so you may address me Theo."

"How about not."

"That's really my name."

"Look, what happened to your havok wreaking crew?"

He didn't seem particularly concerned. "I suppose apprehended while we were fleeing town."

"You are aware we're heading back to Toad Town."

"You are. I'm not." Dr. Prof checked his cracked watch and with a burst of energy threw himself into another train passing the opposite direction. Yoshi made a lightning decision, scooped his dog up and did the same. They landed in a pile of red clay. This train was rickety and vibrated like an earthquake compared to the last. Worse, he feared he was already lost. With no covering over each car he could see water on either side and the bridge ahead stretching into the unknown. He pressed on. The dino carefully made his way over the coupler and into the next car, rewarded with satisfaction from that criminal's dumb stare from atop the gravel pile.

"Surprise, Theodore."

"...You have a tenacity most don't at our age, boy! Mario for a certainty sent you to hunt me down and stomp my face. I propose an information exchange?

The dino nodded at the willingness to bargain. He might have also been, just a tiny bit, pumped up by that complement. "Fair."

"When my 'Sweet Pea' was a grammar school age I was the castle medic. One day her father and one of his high ranking red toads, can't remember the name but it's unoriginal, flipped out on me over a scientific theory that toads and humans favoring is more than a mere coincidence.... So I followed where there was a need, at a rapidly flourishing Castle Koopa. Great gig until Mushroom Flu broke out. You must understand that, while we refer to is as a 'virus' it is abstruse, from a mushroom that does not grow on Earth. Yes, those bastards sent it as an intentional attack from their evil stars. Dr. Mario confirmed it."

Yoshi blinked at him. "What are you saying??"

The wrinkles around Dr. Prof. Koopa's eyes creased. "That was my end of the bargain. Now please enlighten me on.. the touch of a human. -Oh my apologies. You never found out with him."

"Him?! I.. w-who??"

"Mario."

Yoshi had another bout of.. "That's not how 'that' works. What are you trying to leverage against me?"

"Ah ah ah." The doctor wagged a finger. "If I went there, you'd react poorly-"

Yoshi found his hands crushing the doctor's throat, demonstrating in real time. He shoved the koopa back against the sloped wall of the cart, shifting around and half burying both in gravel and powder. It shook the dinosaur out of it, stepping back, in fact wanting to be as far from the giggling, wheezing fiend as possible.

"The cops will deal with you!" He whistled for Poochy and flung himself off board and into the blue ocean waters.

A belated realization rippled through him that he was in the middle of nowhere, the suspension bridge his only aid. He counted concrete pillars as some way to track progress. His arms burned by number thirty, where a whirlpool began to pulling him. Poochy immediately left his saddle and swam away, disappearing over a rolling wave. The dinosaur accepted his fate then with equanimity. The canine was only preserving his life.

The water broke, and he refocused on the fluorescent orange object, a life preserver. For him! He encouraged his companion with the ring in his teeth until he could grab on. Some rope tethered to it swiftly towed them towards a white fishing boat so miniature, the billows obscured it easily. The toad reeling them in lauded at the bonus extra soul saved.

…

"No problem. That's why I pretend to be a- I mean I AM definitely a coast guard. Need another towel?" Sonny, as he introduced himself, asked his passengers. He was a youngish red toad wearing all black, with a tactical vest as large as him.

"No. Thank you again."

"Good. That was, um, my only one."

Yoshi wrapped the dog with it at the moment, being the furry creature of the two. Yoshis were resilient anyway and he didn't want Poochy getting another sinus infection. Yoshi and the coast guard chat readily for a bit, neither prying. Soon Sonny mentioned they were near Pipe Land. He reduced speed to not beach on any underground pipes, in the process acutely spotting something bobbing around. The coast guard released a ragged sigh as he reeled it in. Yoshi soon understood. It was a decaying baddie. Sonny had a different procedure for that one and it soon was respectfully stored away in a large tackle box.

Life was too fragile to leave loose ends. Yoshi thought back to the Bronze Egg pieces he'd packed with him. It was petty to take that. Best he repair or replace, and mail it back to her. Just as a way to say maturely, 'sorry it didn't work out, but here'.

---

"Really?" Boo eyed the heavy gift in the black carrying case.

"Yeah, lil fella. The owner of this kart doesn't deserve cool toys like that. Display only now. For safety."

Kylie Koopa was the type to make them comfortable with, well, people. Giving them the shiny ray gun found under the seat was a little jarring, and Boo had zero experience or want in such, but the implications filled them with joy. They were considered grown up, capable, cool, trustworthy. Attributes Luigi might like… Further demonstrated when Kylie made a detour for Boo to deliver ‘S.G.’s other delivery to the Toadley Clinic.

Pulling into the lot of Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, the boo found some fringes of their old diffident mood returning. Scattered around were karts like the guards drove. Boo braved following Kylie inside. The species diverse staff from yesterday were replaced with unfamiliar toads either at a desk or seated leisurely in the lobby with reading material. While in civilian clothing mostly, their black spots hinted otherwise. Boo reached the end of a hallway and noticed Kylie was missing.

…

“Kylie, finally you show up!!”

Smack in the middle of the previous hall, the koopa reporter blanketed the toad with a hug. He winced, making her ease up. He was bloated, felt quite warm, and was dressed in the same suit he had the last time she’d seen him, now with dark stains blotting it. His lap was filled with old facial tissues stained identically.

“Mitch, what are ya doing here? Does this name ring a bell? Jelectro Bond. He called himself your-”

“Sign this first babe. I never took you off my power of attorney. It’s good.” Mitch jut a clipboard at her. He never did that, not even in the office when he was supposed to hand her things at times. Furthermore these sorts of ‘life matters’ were arranged back when they still dated decades ago!

Kylie read over the document in faded hard to read transfer paper ink. He could not be presently released due to- Her eyes widened. “Irregularities in frontal cortex.” That explained his slurred words, some strabismus.. “Mitch. You’re busted up. What happened to you?”

He wheeled away, sluggishly, weakly. “Just sign it, hurry.. I need to get outta here. Lay down. In my bed. Don’t worry. The docs don’t understand my nose bleed problem is normal-”

“Mitch-”

“For the love of God, please sign the thing!”

…Was the second floor colder, or was it just her? The reporter remained unnerved proceeding towards Kinopio-Kun’s room. She had to remind herself, repeatedly, that her co-worker had to deal with his own problems. Had he ticked off someone again? Had a hit on him? She could only speculate as two piantas in black suits left the room before she entered. Weird. She slipped in.

Boo wasn’t waiting inside. Uh oh.

The lime green toad was up and awake in his bed with a laptop. A table to his left held Starmanbucks coffee cups, and a stack of sympathy cards. High end personal luggage occupied the guest recliners. Beady eyes rose from the bright screen.

“- Oh Hey. It’s Kylie Koopa, ace reporter. I love your work," she fibbed. "Now as ya know there's an event today and-”

He waved ‘go on’ impatiently. Kylie’s smile tightened. Little twerp. “-In short. Could ya give the word to the ‘authorities’ that I really wanna be there and won’t cause any trouble?”

His jaw shifted from side to side, thinking it over she guessed. Seemed like an inopportune time for other burning questions, such as why he’d dragged Mario through the wringer this morning with his postings..

He flashed a symbol, and not the one she expected.

…

Deja vu. Boo had gotten lost again, finding their way into the cafeteria. The air was heavy of various foods and up ahead at the tables staff tidied up, discouraging Boo from bothering them. With their head down and rosey cheeks, Boo whipped around.

“Where’s the packet?”

Boo froze in the café doorway, quivering at S.G.’s voice from nowhere. “I- I.. delivered it s-sir..”

There was a sound like someone banging their head against a desk. “You were supposed to deliver the soda can, but get the paper translated and returned,” he hissed. “Ahhhg…What it contained *could* have blown away everyone at the Public Address!!”

“Noooooo,” they groveled. “I can get it back. I have a helper, and a ride and I won’t screw up again!”

They zoomed to the lobby, not locating Kylie. Boo went to the help desk, in line behind the belligerent, wildly gesticulating X-naut Phd.

“-Because computers are untrustworthy paraphernalia compared to this!” The stout alien in white doctor coat and thick glasses, shook around a pink sticky note from his black tattered medical bag. It stated: ‘Get out of bed and help us out today at the hospital, associate!!!! -Dr. Toad’. “See? I am supposed to be here. Check for the seventeenth time. Morris has two Rs you see, like the original spelling of R.O.B before the underground robot league visited him and rewrote all the books.”

The irritated receptionist flipped a ‘temporarily out of service’ sign up and closed the shutter over the glass. Boo was backing away when the doctor sniffed the air, impressively through the scarf around his lower face. He spun, giddily, “You there. Stop. I beckon you. You won’t regret it.”

Boo almost choked on their own spit. Everyone could sense they were weirdos anyway, and gave them space outdoors. “I promise I'm not who you think-”

"Cut it out. Now, yoink, as the kids say!" He plucked a tiny tracking device from behind the boo's invisible ear, further exaggerating their stupefied look. "Mr. Charles or Spy Guy is a crafty scoundrel for this, recruiting the uninitiated so that I cannot snuff him out upon my arrival in town. Until they learn to hide the red blinking lights, Super Spy HQ will continue to be one of five million secret organizations I know of and will document one day with a best seller to shut up those naysayers," he explained importantly, simultaneously revealing an out of date atlas. "Oh, and are there any alternative hospitals in the area?"

Boo hesitantly pointed down South.

"Splendid. Hahaha." He rubbed his mittens together rapidly.

"..But who are you?"

"Professor Morris Cosmo X-naut, Dr. Toad's best scientist. The fellow once told me my intelligence scares him.. or was it my resume? Anyway I own documents from Dr. Mario, essential for curing MF safely. Did I mention we're mad scientists at the Special World Hospital?"

Sweat rolled off Boo's forehead. Were they doing something wrong all along? It all seemed like too much then.. They were split.

Kylie burst out quicker than the automatic doors could open for her. “I’m in, woot woot!“ she cheered. “Drop whatever ya doing cause we got permission. It’s gonna be the biggest thing since the Star Festival. And yes if you come, you're gonna be popular!” she sang.

Booigi the Second revolved to face her with a half smile. "I know I will.”

---

Saul Toad verified the order of his cheat cards one last time, then tucked them under his cuff. A roar was deafening outside the tent set up, emanating from onlookers at the bank. Any closer was prohibited and the prayer circles or whatever they were at the castle wreckage site were broken up so a PA system could be planted and some order restored. The orange capped toad in military uniform, official public speaker for the Mushroom King, had only flown down an hour ago and with a misbuttoned jacket. He was intent on making up for that graceless arrival. He’d blow them away. When it was over, they’d be speechless. Toad Town was only peasants and vagrants. Just imagine everyone at the lakefront in their underwear, worked every time!

Heading up to the mic stands on the raised area of the lawn with the cannon, he was escorted by his choice of guard on each side. The local police offered previously, however he relegated those freaks to the sidelines.

"It's gonna be good,” squeaked the left one. Their name escaped Saul, some average height toad of intermediate gender. That's the spirit.

The other more imposing one kept silent and hazily secured his right side. Saul would have delivered a lashing if not in full view of the crowd at that point. That was Benedict’s thanks for being pardoned and not sent to the gallows?

Saul began with the pleasantries and credentials and then rolled right into it. "… Pleased to declare, our King will rebuild his daughter's castle in all its splendor and beauty!" He allowed applause to reside. "-On a plot of land graciously bestowed from his estate in Poshley Heights!… Questions?”

Intentional trick question, rather. Only the handful in the front could shout something intelligible, and most of them were ‘citizens’ the Poshley guards planted. Lakitu raised his hand nervously. It was ‘the’ Lakitu, of the Lakitu Bros with a film camera running and extensive history with Mario and co’s sports.

“Hm. Interesting. It’s just that the princess never expressed that desire.”

“Perhaps not to you. Why wouldn’t she want her Castle closer to her father and in a ‘safer’ nicer area?” Some murmuring arose anew in the crowd, starting at the front and rolling back. About as expected.

A few more citizens expressed their views as a boo brought Kylie Koopa to the front. The ritzy reporter was nauseous from being phased through body after body, but the excitement of the destination helped her battle it. She prepared her DSLR. The backdrop was striking. Click click click. The jagged ruins of the castle.. Star Hill’s purple elevations beyond that ..the aristocrats in their midst lined up all intimidating like.. Snifit Patrol wagging a finger at her from his silver car parked by the tree..

Kylie lowered the camera and waved frivolously. Her eye wandered in the process to a semi-visible Boo crossing the prohibited tape. It must have been some residual power from before, as she noticed she was the only one who could see the boo go uphill and towards- They were NOT heading for pesky Snifit Patrol, but Saul in the middle of answering something from a Sarasaland roketon diplomat. Kylie watched in slow motion the boo solidify, reveal, and aim her gift, the ray gun, point blank at the King’s representative.

“Open. Your. Ears. This is what the millions the back who you refuse to hear really think.” Booigi fired.

On instinct, the guards pivoted around at the giant, quickly evaporating poof of smoke from the barrel and into the freezie in between them. Saul was trapped inside, suspended in his wide mouthed open palmed pose of terror, and in moving, the dull iron super scope both guards held had tapped against the ice. It eerily creaked, audible to many with the surreal silence that draped over the audience, and crumbled into dozens of pieces containing his diced chunks. Some slipped down the hill and against the feet of the onlookers and others into the lake where they floated.

Not the way Booigi the Second intended to make it a wash out, but it worked.

To be continued:

Afterword

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