Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Chapter 8: I've Lost My Head

Chapter Summary

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding.

Chapter Notes

Oh no. Not a spoiler in the title! *RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

'Stars..' Luigi shrunk under their looks of consternation. He had told his brother that he wanted to take over, that he had a sure way to corner 'Phantom' and learn more about the Mushroom Flu. It was all so cerebral until now though, rarely given the reins to do anything. Was he ready?

After a second's hesitation, he stepped forward. "Are we ready everyone? If we do this right-"

Bowser's humongous feet slammed down, knocking over iron chairs. "No! It's stupid!"

Dr. Toadley kicked open his lab doors, smoke billowing behind him from in-progress experiments. "Will you regret wrecking my clinic? Yes you will!"

Bowser gave the toad a glare that sent him and Birdley retreating.

"Save that attitude. YOU conspired this!" Peach snapped.

Bowser gave a start. "I DIDN'T MAKE HIM QUIT!"

Mario eased between them. "Princess, there's more to it than-"

"You don't have to explain everything to her, Plumber. What, she rings a bell and summons ya? Are you gonna start wearing a collar too like me?! Er.. not that I wear mine for THAT reason but-"

"Enough enough!" Peach cried, holding her head.

"Cut this crap out. I'm done with the freakin tears! You were a big enough girl to kick your dad out of office, you can stand-"

"Bowser! Break time." Mario tugged on the Koopa King by that collar, dragging him out before he leveled the city block.

Now the princess was a tense mess among the morass of flipped seating, Yoshi stunned at more than one thing, and Boo- They thumbed up or close enough.

"So as I was trying to say," Luigi spoke up. "If we do this right, we'll have everything under control by the end of the day.."

...

Bowser cooled off in the alley between the Toadley Clinic and a recreational center. Mario took his hands off after he was convinced he wasn't about to commit arson or anything, but ultimately left him. He better not be back with that sneaky Peach. There was a reason he hired Kammy, 'best in kidnapping business' to deal with her way back. Thinking about Mario and- and her and.. it made him see red all over again. His fist froze in the air, inches away from punching through a wall as someone crossed by.

"Yes darling, it'll be another six hours to be conservative... Then I'd sleepover with them. You know how I'm not so picky over a little clutter..." The dino stopped with his back towards the alley. "-Regardless of any treaties, this is happening, and it's my job to support Mario by keeping an eye on our boy... Hm? Luigi, dear, he's like a son to me with the green thing and..."

Bowser's left eye twitched, the needle flinging its way into the danger zone.

"Yosh, you dropped YoshiMobile, didn't you?" His 'boy' asked from out of view.

He adroitly hung up before answering, "Yes, being married to a regional carrier is always a wash."

"-But what do you use now?"

"IslandMobile. Why?"

"Because us YoshiMobile users are up the creek.." Luigi showed him the empty signal bars. "I asked three people on the street too. Same story. We have to report the outage. My plan requires a phone."

"So you must visit the mall Mr. Luigi?" Toadette asked. "Umm, I'm unsure I should-"

"Peach said you could take the Birthday Kart on errands sometimes. She doesn't care about it like her kit builds. ...Please?"

Bowser stepped out in time to see the Birthday Girl speeding off from the parking meter. So he was deserted! He stomped back into the clinic, about to give Peach a mouthful. What right did she have to be even six feet away from the plumber, engaged in casual conversation with Mary- well, not anymore at the sight of him, the intern slipping on the headphones again and Peach abruptly walking off, so quickly he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing her pouty face.

"Feel better?" Mario asked, next to a conspicuous styrofoam container on the intern's counter.

"No!"

"What about now?" He opened the lid a tad.

The pleasant, scrumptious scent striking his nostrils was familiar, like something they'd baked before. "Hey..i-is this..?"

Mario kept his paw from unleashing the surprise, teasing, "Can't eat it alone, so don't even get tempted, Koopa!"

The noki detective Jelectro Bond, now intern of a hospital-bound quasi-celebrity, felt he divined his troubles by rushing back to the Mushroom Kingdom while jetlagged. This wasn't a sophisticated mission, yet it was like he was on a looping athletic stage, running the paces and getting nowhere.

"Why'd you move the car again? You got something against Hotfoot Locker?"

"No no," the agent cruised them around the block. "I.. don't like shoes in general." Or fathers with that name, not that she needed to know that.

"..Like I said those fragments are all we got. Mitch and I were outta the museum in a New Donk minute and still Tutankoopa's necklace had us going nuts."

"To forfeit is not ace reporter behavior, madame."

"This ain't like our normal 'book reports', Bond," the reporter wagged a finger. "Special Objects are real and can kill."

"Ah. Understood." He stopped going for the jugular politely, an ex-Maple Treeway citizen after all. Still, she was clammy over the subject and he'd get to a point where he'd have to use his interrogation tools-

-On the radio, Snifit Patrol announced that he had a 'flat' and would appreciate it if a good neighbor stopped by Peach's Castle, just to say hi. His ability to sound conciliatory yet perspicacious was a rare skill Jelectro had to credit to him. As only three people officially held the unofficial badges, there was little separating him from any other 'vigilante' save for a uniform, a somewhat professional-looking station, and a few cool cars.

"Gotta be something going down to announce that the speeders can have their way. Can we just get there and tell them already?"

"Absolutely." They became one of those opportunists.

Lilies lined the sides of the ramp to castle grounds. Whenever Kylie strolled by on daily business she would admire the gardener's dedication. She'd met the pink toad once. A solid stud, if never speaking, only waving. Now all of the flowers drooped at the stalks or were withered and brown, a motley dilapidated sight. Sacrilege, she felt. They were grown like that to commemorate Peach taking the throne from her father.

"They said the tower is online. Something above the cloud layer is blocking the signal."

"Oh.. wow.."

"Yoshi will let me use his. Don't worry about it, Buddy."

The perpetual darkness and crepuscular creatures of Forever Forest, east of Toad Town, made it daunting for most, though Luigi hardly thought about it while traveling through. Their walk stopped at the last junction before their cabin.

"-I'm sorry to bail like this.."

"A curfew is a curfew. We'll be fine."

The boo stared at the overgrown path ahead. "A-are you sure?"

Luigi faced the darkness himself, as easy as it was to get pulled into it he resisted. "With what I know about our perp, this is going to be scary. More than my first solo mission. Maybe more than King Boo even, because we've never dealt with a guy like this. I'm going to try this anyway, for Toad and Daisy and everyone else's sake. If I fail no one will be able to say that I didn't give it my all, and.. I guess, that matters more than having my name lauded. See ya around, hopefully.."

Boo especially cherished that hug.

...

Later, the derelict cabin was successfully de-cobwebbed. Boo never questioned how it got like that every other day, but the broken windows allowing critters in might have had something to do with it. It wasn't that bad. The Scuttlebugs were nice and once a tanooki nested in the antic... Actually, that was a nightmare when in the dead of winter, they decided they were legally a tenant and wanted to kick them out.

Putting away the supplies into a closet, they found a box of stuff that hadn't been organized yet. Boo was confused by the dusty family album at the bottom, probably swiped from a relative that swiped it from another that swiped it from an uncle that lost it while in those notoriously long barber shop waiting rooms, because it should have been pointless. This one wasn't. Photos, a decade old at most, showed off Donut Plains. One was inside a big tent, where a dark boo in a top hat trained happily. With no whip or chairs he tamed a herd of wild red chomps, dino rhinos, and rexes by pointing at them. Flipping the photo over revealed a handwritten message.

'Dear Drew, I know you have left the art galleries to pursue that doctorate, but please catch up on your wayward older (or younger? it was scratched out, like he couldn't decide) brother. With my worsening health and (he struggled again with the name) Sue, your mother leaving work to care for me, we cannot keep up. Remind him that he can use his talents more productively with this. -Love, Lou Diddley'

The boo blushed as memories surged back. They were thinking Drew, a TOAD was that cousin in town. Instead, they stumbled upon his younger brother 'Susie' aka Zoo Sue Diddley, who was known for diatribes and the ability to...

Boo snatched the photo and bolted for the city.

~The sepia view, riddled with scratches and distortion, panned around rows of corpses lined up in a barren field, only a wiry mushroom spotted about divulging its location as the Mushroom Kingdom. The carefully preserved WW63 stock footage showcased scenes of the Mushroom World's last global war, spearheaded by tensions between King Morton Koopa Sr. of Dark Land and King [redacted] of the Mushroom Kingdom. As history went, the stars were favorable to the human king and K. Morton was cornered in Water Land and diced to pieces by allied forces.

That was a poor choice, though the in-flight entertainment system didn't have better options than a few unmarked reels from the castle archives. Their spirits recovered at the aerial view of the Waffle Kingdom, where the rivers were made of syrup and the hills of pancakes. They laid back on the high-calorie soil, watching the pink cotton candy clouds drift about until something mundane they were chatting about escalated into debate. Bowser thought he always dominated these. He was louder, scarier, stronger, but a well-timed shove sent him spinning on his shell anyway, downhill, and splashing into a soda lake. Cherry cola.~

Bowser rose from the cot, screaming and swiping at Dr. Toadley. "THAT WAS CHEATING YOU-... I mean .. I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! ...I just- It's useless.." he tacked on, coughing.

The doctor grumbled as he lowered the invention, a zapper with a dish on the end with a swirl pattern etched on it. "Did I have the switch flipped to 'happy place' and not 'sad place'? Yes I did."

Bowser irritably slung his feet out of the bed. In the lab space, he took up the sixth spot next to the others, including Toad and Daisy, remaining unconscious and now chained down, just in case either wanted to get up and fight. "You sent me back to a memory of watching a film about the first Mushroom Flu, not the actual experience.." And in a way, he was sorta glad.

"We might just have to have faith that those other doctors will help you, Houdini," Mario said, observing from the bookshelf he sat on. "I can't stand to watch Bowser mumble about food in his sleep anymore."

"What a creep!"

"It was for science, jeez! And you're adorable."

Bowser laughed dryly. "Ha ha ha... Wait, what did you just say?"

Meanwhile, the loud squeak of a cart meant that the intern was finishing up. The plumber jumped down, removed his hat, and swapped it for a worn black leather jacket with assorted patches hanging on the coat rack. He slipped it on, just a half size too large. Machine oil and beer struck his nose.

"Oh! Sir?" The intern fumbled with the last remaining vials on the rack. "That's mine. I mean-"

"-Yeah, your boyfriend or someone. I'm just borrowing it for a sec. Peach is still in Dave and Broozers and I doubt it's because she's having a blast." He heard Bowser groaning already. So clingy, he thought playfully. "Stick here, but since you gave this a fair shot you can open that box I gave you," he said on the way out.

Inside was a slice of yellow cake with white frosting, red and blue candies adorning the top. A couple's cake.

Jelectro slammed the brakes, spinning the car ninety degrees where Royal Raceway terminated. A deep crater with pipes gushing water marked where Peach Castle should have been. Kylie Koopa stumbled out of the car, towards the toads in disarray.

"Help!" Chef Tim cried, apron stained red. A lime-green toad in the lawn whimpered while holding one of his legs, clothes sparkling from broken glass. A golden yellow toad was sprawled across the lake shore, front of body coated in sand where he'd laid face flat earlier. Blood was everywhere and a mature purple toad worked busily to resuscitate him.

"What? He's. But the-" she sputtered.

"-We sent a steward out," Mr. Zeror explained.

Kylie shook herself out of it. "Start at the beginning!"

Les slowly stood up from Ala-Gold. "Phantom."

The reporter trembled. "... Where's the princess?...With Mario? We'll find them and get you help." After snapping a picture, she retreated to the car, surprised to find the noki glued in his seat. She bent down, finding him as unreadable as ever, though in a cold sweat.

"Bond, what's happening?"

"Mitch.."

The Airship One exuded noxious black smoke as it flew, and while eco-terrorism wasn't on Ludwig Von Koopa's plate at all, the imagery was integral, communicating their message with exactness, and the commander was certainly a proponent of that. Of course, lacking a Doppler radar, yaw dampeners, and cup holders, it wasn't the latest or most comfortable ship. When they hit a hurricane over Water Land, forcing everyone below deck, he never heard enough of it.

Larry's wooden bench squeaked as he stood up to peek over his older brother's phone. The MP3 player driving his red BATES by Dr. Greg headphones at full blast had run out of juice moments ago.

Iggy quickly flipped it screen down. "Oh, Larry-chan, haha just texting Sam and Slam. They're luh-olded they keep bragging online. Err, think they misplaced a decimal though on their paycheck. Puzzling when they are the top math wizards in college. "

Boring. Everyone breathed on each other among a concoction of gunpowder, soot, and toe jam. No electricity or charging ports, just wooden splintery seating. Larry checked out a foggy porthole window, still unable to see much. Wendy detached Roy and Morton to seek out Iggy. They were discussing some video games until Lemmy joined them. Until that point, he'd had been mostly hovering their 'supreme commander' and all that.

"Excuse me sis. Sup, Iggy! How much did you pay them?" Lemmy cringed at Iggy's answer. "Leeet's not tell Luddy about that."

Larry snickered quietly. 'Yeah, squirm goody two-shoes!' Sam and Slam weren't Bowser Minions, but the mischief they sparked could rival any. Once at a party they triple dared Lemmy to kiss a girl. The chain-chompette was flattered and a good sport about the obvious prank, but it was so awkward due to Lemmy's reactions that it wasn't even funny and she was definitely pregnant because of that too. Psyche! (In the spirit of 'childish' Lem.)

The doors above opened, letting fresh air roll in. A drenched Ludwig stood at the top of the stairs. "The Mushroom Kingdom welcomes us-"

They trampled him completely. The threat of suffocation gone, everyone found their vices once more on the breezy slippery deck.

Iggy leaned over the railing, virtual-reality goggles strapped to his face to enhance the signature green hills jutting upwards. Kamek sailed them cautiously high. Somehow he snuck onto the manifest, but Ludwig allowed it, as gramps didn't know anything going on really. They left the outskirts for Goomba Village, Flower Fields, then the dense capital city.

"-Luddy, could you show me that concert hall?"

He dusted himself off and stepped over. "The Royal Toadstool Opera? Direct your attention there.."

The younger brother beamed upon locating its golden dome.

"..And why do you ask, General Lemmy? I am only aware from an acquaintance of an acquaintance who is a tenor in composer Bise's acapella brigade. You would not know, unless of course YOU are invited to perform at that beautiful, glorious- tell no one I compliment it so- theater."

"- Interesting," Lemmy giggled forcibly. "...What if someone with a high position in Dark Land was invited and wanted to perform, but not disassociate themselves from the Troop or anything?"

"-Than he must never grace our homeland with his presence again! To partake at the table of the princess for any reason is a renegade maneuver. Must I explain their pedagogy?!" Ludwig ranted. "They are unable to eschew their speciest trite about non-mushroom people."

"I knew all that.. Psyche! Ha ha.."

All along, Larry was sneaking around, beyond them and snoring Kamek, rolling the wheel subtly to hide the banked turn. The seemingly listless and bored teen had been planning this since the moment their dad called them down, and seeing it work out was more exciting than finding a wallet on the ground full of cash. They'd drift north and in a few moments beach catastrophically on Star Hill. He climbed into a lookout post to bide time. He wondered what his online friends were doing in town and how they may react if they knew he was above their city about to do what they were about to do.

...

Bang! A violent stop ejected Larry into the air. When he came to, he was back on deck with a headache. Everything not nailed down was missing and their sails were shredded. Even more bizarre, they were at Peach Castle, suspended in the air. The windows were shattered, bricks missing, and the hollow darkened structure was plucked from the ground imperfectly, creating an eerie left tilt on the impenetrable floating platform they'd crashed into.

"-Come back here, please. Is it not enough that you allowed us to get blown off course?" Ludwig fussed at the geriatric magikoopa shuffling around, covered in small bandages like the others.

Kamek muttered something about being innocent, continuing to circle the deck, short of the bow that caved in from the impact. Morton hurled himself overboard to explore without looking down, smacking flat against a low point of elevation. 'I'm okay' he yelled back. Roy and Wendy decided they were accompanying him, too curious to resist. That left Iggy with a broken and loose but fully armed and operational VR headset on his face.

"Since 28.57 percent of us have deviated, how much would it upset you if it rose to 33.333? My x-ray feature might reveal the location of those rumored sealed copies of Super Mario 64."

As Ludwig sent him off with a groan, Larry fought his vertigo to stand. The trouble they were to avoid had found them, and he was desperate.

'Yo, stars above. Confuse the speech of my enemies!' He opened his eyes-

"-General Lemmy, I concern myself not with those unaccounted for delinquents! Do not covertly whisper such to me again. After I destroy the Mushroom Kingdom they will effectively be back home anyway. It is obvious that Sam and Slam accomplished their mission and we've already won!"

"Wow." Lemmy eye rolled. "You don't even realize that we've screwed up so much King Dad won't care about your 'brilliant' plan."

"He will when I have the princess!"

He sighed, very unlike himself. "What princess, Luddy? Now look!"

Wendy led the mad dash, taking her heels off to ensure it, with Morton, Iggy, and Roy, who carried an extra person under his arm in the rear. All had some sort of black 'soot' on them, though by the time they reached the ship, the wind had blown it off. Wendy climbed aboard to be pushed aside by Morton, before he collapsed under the snapped and torn rigging. Iggy had a weird, or weirder gait before the same occurred, tumbling like a stiff plank downstairs. Roy panted, the best off of the boys it seemed, though he could not speak, clawing at his throat. The extra person was a beaten black and blue Chancellor Toadsworth.

Lemmy slipped from his ball."Ahhhh! What happened?"

Wendy slowly looked around. "I'm totes confused too! I never went beyond the first big room. It was so hazy and trashed and there was this weird thunderous voice I kept hearing. I almost wanted to bounce, but y'all know I don't just bail on folks.."

Ludwig nodded rapidly, eyes wide as he turned to the rest. "Secure everyone below deck. All of you!.. And clear your mind."

"W-what?" Lemmy questioned.

"Do as I say!" Ludwig jumped on the controls, spinning their airship into a deep starboard turn. Debris broke off from their superstructure as he pushed the ship to full power in a spontaneous direction.

Stuck below deck again, Larry didn't know how to feel about this new complication. He wished he remembered to be... careful of what he wished for!

Toadette had a problem. She'd gotten distracted by temptations too strong for her, and now things were getting damp and she couldn't get Peach's top on- on her convertible rather. She would press the electric switch and nothing would happen aside from a faint mechanical buzz. Why did she let Mr. Luigi talk her into this? In the mild precipitation, she barely caught the royal blue spots and vest of her boyfriend on the sidewalk.

She swerved over. "Blue! Oh my goodness, this is random but great. I've come up with an alibi. Get in."

He made the suspension creak when he jumped in the waterlogged kart.

"Where's?!- Let's go! To Peach, Mario, all of them! The police already know."

Frowning, she pulled off. "Did I miss something?"

He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. Aside from that, he was unrecognizable. "Just go," he breathed. "Just go just- ARRRG!" He slugged the side view mirror, making it snap and dangle by a wire. "..Sorry baby.."

She blanched further. "..I'll take the fall for that if you can get the top on without breaking it."

Bucken-Berry snapped only one cheap plastic tab in his effort to pull it over manually, freeing them from the rain. That might have been a bad deal she'd just made.

"Hi there. Is this a fun place?" A man with a shy soft voice seated himself on the stool next to a blonde woman in a white doctor's coat.

Peach crossed a leg over the other, idly watching the dark laser tag room. There weren't any kids playing arcade games, skeeball, ice-hockey, and other activities today. "It seems wholesome if empty for reasons."

He refused a beverage from the bartender, turning to her again. "-Like what, doll?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do."

She stirred her hot tea, almost laughing. "These matters are too grave to bear!"

"-Not for Mario," Mario replied.

She faced him, flustered to heck and back. "-I told you that I cannot contribute to the investigation any further! Leave me be."

His gaze bore into her as he returned to her tea, drumming his fingers on the counter. "You can't get over Bowser. He didn't do anything to me! Besides, you should have gotten the gist of what I was doing with the pact above everyone else. I didn't know you had an ego like that Peach-"

"My!" She pushed away from the bar table with a screech. "You claim you haven't changed and yet you are so shocking!"

"I'm sorry that the truth shocks you!"

"Your truths Mario, and that is subjective.." Before leaving she tried to sip from a cup she'd emptied already. The bartender stayed away during that spat, and still wouldn't get her next order.

Bucken-Berry and Toadette burst inside, dodged the ticket booth, trampled velvet ropes, and tugged Peach into the private party rooms, right under Mario's nose. Startled, he waited at the door. Peach was highly upset by their news and to avoid fanning the flames, Mario didn't try to barge in. It'd be best to ring up Toadsworth with the castle landline.

Mario crept into the Dave and Broozer's back office when no staff were around. He closed the door, accidentally locking himself in. He pressed on, determined to deal with that later as he approached a grungy beige wall phone. While it rang he noticed the old promotional ads taped to the wall and some stale french fries and pizza on the counter.

"HELLO?"

He flinched. "I-is this Peach Castle?"

"YES, IT IS."

A particle-like appendage seeped from the speaker, coiling around his neck to lift and slam him against the water dispenser, toppling the stacks of paper cups, then across the counter, knocking off the microwave. His consciousness faded as he heard a distant thud of the door being kicked open. Bigger rough hands were suddenly helping him tear the entity off. After a threatening, light flickering roar of anguish, it phased away. Blue in the face, only his rescuer's support was holding him up.

"Well, say somethin'!"

"B-Bowser?!" The plumber struggled to see through the black spots in his vision. "Oh God. -A monster or something at her castle attacked over the line. I don't know what's going on!"

He sighed, wryly. "Like was was gonna let some other villain best ya. Only I get to do that."

"What? Cut it out.." He laughed weakly. "And, thanks. You.. had my back."

When Mario closed in, nestling his face against his collarbone, the king inwardly panicked. The brush of that mustache against his thick scale plates, and then his warmth in general, rare and weird but exciting, because.. wasn't this the sorta thing that.. friends did or something? With a small gasp he pushed back. "S-stop. We can't."

"Sorry."

"Nah. I- What you think I'm scared or something?" He pulled Mario closer, smothering him nearly. "Guess it went pretty bad with Peach for you to be hiding back here."

"Our little thing that never was is extra never gonna be," he droned, fighting to stay upright. He accepted that for that moment he didn't want to face the adversities waiting out there.

"I barely got that, but.. more bad news. There was another 'breakup' just now. Peach's Castle, yeah, with the Earth."

Darn it.

A little boo belched and swayed as they emerged from Club Gamecube, Club 64's competitor. They'd gotten so parched they had to drink something, and with the sodas off limits pending investigation and water costing twenty bucks, Boo thought they were being prudent to accept the Japan-imported Chuckola Cola, which didn't count as a soda curiously. Well, as the stomach began to rumble and once the buzz settled in, they learned that regional differences mattered. Trying to keep right side up on the street, they spotted an ugly spot in the sky, a Doomship diving beneath a cloud. They rubbed their reddened eyes and it was still there, going north.

The rumors were true. Bowser forces were attacking!

Boo followed it into a more rural part of town until they walked into a metal road sign. 'Watch for crossing Ostros.' Holding the throbbing spot on their forehead, they simmered. Why couldn't they stick with anything? Why did they botch it too?

Why couldn't they avoid getting run over by a truck?

A medical van honked as it swerved and slid to a stop next to them, covering them in dirt from the trail. The passenger's window rolled down. "Partner, this ain't the place to hit the sack!"

"Let's goooooo, Billy," whined the ansty toad girl in the back. "I gotta tell my King something and we can't miss him!"

"Yeah. It's just a drunk, shorty," Richard added.

Sobered from the adrenaline, Boo impetuously distanced themselves from the MKDCU, back on track. Their cousin had a weakness and only they knew it. They had to find Luigi.

"I never took an eye off of him, but disabled one of my thrusters anyway. I hit a coffee shop and got stranded. He might be a super genius."

Luigi accompanied the snufit towards his newly repaired silver patrol car, hovering near the flower bed. "In one definition of that word. I agree. We got it here, sir."

"Gotcha, Mr. Luigi!" Snifit Patrol put away his taser, convinced the area was cleared. "We'll remain on full alert for Phantom. Meanwhile, my sergeant will drop the toads off at Hotel Mario...That a problem, sir?"

"Uh. No.. Thanks for everything."

Luigi hurried back to the picnic area of Toad Town Park. Waiting for him was an agitated dinosaur sitting on a tree stump.

"Now what?"

"I'm concerned over that mingle advert."

"Your number remained anonymous, Yoshi. You know I would have used mine if-"

"Not that part, the Darklandian you interspersed and the emojis you said represent Bowser affiliation."

"What about that? It led to results like this!" He waved to a fire bro named Flare, a spike named Chuck, and Gloomba at the table, as if they weren't obvious. "Our guy will either track them or follow my bait and we covered both. Please do what I asked and don't engage him if you see him.

...

The park was a donut-shaped plot of green, the center with tightly packed shade trees and the surrounding lush grass, walking paths, resting areas, and monuments. Yoshi stiffly patrolled the weathered brickwork around the statues of patriarchs erected here and there. No pedestrians were encountered, leaving him alone with his turbulent thoughts. He was beyond peeved, first at this old lady for forgetting how hero work worked to put it less than gracefully, and then at Mario's little brother, baiting the bad guy to come to them against tradition. Besides that, he was being given simple orders, like he was some toad!

A sports car skidded to a stop at the Mushroom Press a block down. A short noki and a koopa girl argued before he left her behind. As he sped away, the girl recklessly hopped into the trunk.

Yoshi ventured inside the office building, shivering from the air-conditioned space. Birdo worked at a place like this before becoming a model and influencer. While some of his contemporaries, usually those living at the castle, didn't care for their bothersome and less-than-dutiful nature, Yoshi thought he could glean something from their diligent coverage. If Luigi didn't want him to wander off and educate himself, he should have been straight with him!

"I'll try."

He stopped outside the cubicle. "Oh, I didn't notice... Yes call me Yoshi, sorry to intrude. Will I be a bother?"

The 'yuppie' stared, his beady black eyes narrowing suspiciously behind tortoiseshell horn-rimmed prescription lenses. His desk was tidy if kitsch, though the framed abstract painting was in surprisingly decent taste. Posted up were detailed lists, sometimes photos, covering current events like everyone else was.

"Whatever," he finally answered, dry and impersonal. "This is exactly where you should be."

"Thank you. I am assuming you are referring to the topic of Phantom. I was pursuing them too."

The yuppie's lips curved just a tad. "Him."

Dang it. The old dino thought he'd gotten that down. "Ah, it's Mr. Phantom. My apologies."

"None taken. I oughta put that on a business card one day."

"Ha.. What was that?"

"-Are you stupid bro?" The boo lifted his glasses, deep black eyes connecting with wizened blue ones.

Like a veil lifted, Yoshi registered he was face to face with 'Phantom', at his throat in an instant.

"Shhhh! No screaming in the office." Zoo shoved Yoshi through the wall, phasing them both outdoors, and the dinosaur stunned on his butt. "Not so clever now are ya, T. Yoshisaur? Hahahah.."

Yoshi climbed to his feet, sprinting on instinct through the park. The grass sprouted ten feet tall, making him scale over. The statutes animated and chased him, firing off musket rounds that hummed past his ear. The trees stretched their limbs to entrap him. A sand castle in the lot rose to scale, becoming a labyrinth.

Luigi rushed to where Yoshi collapsed, eyes dilated and babbling incoherently. "Yoshi?"

Zoo appeared beside him with a whoosh. "Forget em. I'm on the clock you see, so hurry up."

Luigi's back hit the table, the baddies there recoiling and fleeing. "F-fine. First, what's the password?"

Zoo's lack of response confirmed a few things. This deep down the pipe, there was no backtracking now for the green plumber.

"You couldn't read the Darklandian in the ad, because you aren't a minion, 'Susie'. You were covering the game, then when the Mushroom Flu happened and everyone funneled their frustrations to the Koopa Troop that dodged the plague, so you decided to take them out. You investigated your own murders, not leaving a mark, and using that same power, some sorta psionic one, to make sure that there were never witnesses. This never spawned from any patriotism. You probably like to hurt people, so why not the dregs? Plus there was a void in our society for a 'Punisher' type. If you don't know who that was by the way.. read my mind. Can't you?" he asked, riding high from the serial killer's barely perceivable blush.

Suddenly, Zoo's laughter scared away the goonies in the trees. "I'll give you B+ on that assessment, Sherlock. You totally missed the snitch part."

"Hm?"

"Forget it bro! I hardly have anyone else left to kill, so split."

Luigi folded his arms. "Whether you have one or a hundred, I will not."

"I will make you," Zoo said evenly. "And this will leave a mark."

The plumber felt a piercing sensation across his midsection, like a cleaver chopped him there. His vantage rose upwards by a couple of inches, but his boots remained planted. Tilting his head down, his face twisted in agony, peering into the lower half of his lungs where his body was abruptly severed, into his stomach, liver, and upper large intestine, pockets of bile in exposed sections. He didn't bleed, the force ripping him apart holding it back, but he could still feel every bit of traumatic damage.

He was losing his body, but if he could speak he'd say he'd lost his head.

Yoshi picked himself up and trod closer, though he could barely process it. A nerve rattling noise made him twist around. He couldn't believe who it was new on the scene.

Meanwhile, Zoo caught slow sluggish Chuck right away, wedged in place after trying to hide in a tube slide. The dark boo detected that when the spike was done with that nervous breakdown, he was going to live with his mom in Ice Land and never talk about this again. Those others were the problem then.

Flare and Gloomba tore across the field, almost out of the park. The fire bro was getting left behind constantly despite his protests. They came upon a portapotty and Gloomba dove in first, shutting out Flare.

He banged a fist against it. "Soldier, you will let me in!"

"Tough!"

Zoo benignly brushed Flare aside to point and make the locking mechanism disassemble into pieces on the ground. "GET OUT!"

"Hey buddy!" Gloomba stumbled into the open. "I'm on your side, for real.. Uh. That guy stinks. Kill him instead!" Flare gave him a poignant look.

"Nah. Don't tell me what to do."

The solder appeared to perspire heavily after Zoo snapped his fingers, and maybe he was somewhat, though seconds later he was not okay. Gloomba released a short wail before falling over, gasping for air as the psychic forces crushed him, shortly becoming a shriveled corpse bleeding out into the grass.

The fire brother stopped squeezing his eyes shut just as Zoo's attention returned to him. All of the tropes he'd seen from movies with psychos didn't seem to apply here. No handsome (or beautiful) hero was going to drop in with a super scope to save him. In the end, he stood his ground in resignation.

"If this is my punishment, so be it. I came to support King Bowser's tennis game. Not to desert or quit. I've always loved the sport."

Zoo tilted his head analytically, revealing a green Bowser racket. "Prove it. Give me your best serve."

"I volunteer for him. Swap," someone said, voice clogged and gritty. They had a huge purple knot on their forehead and faintly reeked of a bar, but they were simultaneously alert and intimidating.

Zoo whipped around. "That loser Diddley Boo?"

"-Booigi. Now look at your housewarming gift."

Zoo noticed the photo of his first performance on tour. "W-where did you find this?"

"Doesn't matter. Unfortunately for you, I remember everything. I. Remember. Everything." Booigi the Second rose the racket into the sky. "By the power of Eldstar, this will be the last day you bully me."

Lightning flashed above. Yoshi was heading over when he dove under the jungle gym. Upon finding that it was nothing, his brain was screaming to get out there and do something, underpowered or not. His energy-sapped body said otherwise..

"Showing off for your plumber crush back there? Which half of em?" Zoo cooed, making kissy faces. "Ha, dweeb. Where have you been anyway? You reek. Smoking kills you know."

"I didn't-"

"Good, I kill better." He fired his death ray against his older cousin to little effect, short of inducing a nosebleed and angering Booigi more. He could only mutilate living things, so that wasn't the issue. He identified that his focus was off just as a fist smashed his face in.

The dark boo skidded backwards into a concrete base. The bust of Princess Mush IV shattered from impact. Dazed, he realized that he'd lost his glasses and his father's bell, lying between him and his cousin, racing at him.

"No!" Zoo scrambled to hover protectively over the antique.. "That's the last thing I still have from dad and I-"

Booigi teleported behind him and snatched it. "I'm gonna bat it outta here!"

Zoo chased them around the park. Even tipsy, Boo was faster, and Zoo got dozens of cuts and scrapes from bumping solid objects. Finally, his cousin held the bell hostage over a fountain.

Zoo froze. "Listen cuz. I'll leave if I can keep that. It'll be like a body under the bridge. I mean water, haha."

Booigi lowered the antique. "Tell me everything."

Their cousin trembled in rage, yet relented, barking at them, "Look, we were told that the game wouldn't have newspaper coverage so don't bother. I went for fun. I was gonna sell the proofs on the black market. There were some people in a truck there early, Sam and Slam dropping off Fungus UP. I was retarded enough to take a few and use em as an excuse to get close up to the stars. I kinda liked that Mr. Toad guy. But one of those nerds was psychic too and tricked me. I had no clue they were villains and when I caught on I realized that every minion at the game saw me give a Fungus Up to Mr. Toad and Daisy. I couldn't have that catch up with me!"

"Hm. Why were you calling MK East?"

"That was legit work. Everybody at the Press pretends to be from Isla Falsa as a pseudonym. I had enough of the hospital acting like they were. Again, I had nothing to do with the Mushroom Flu and I wanted to know what was up! Now hand it back!"

With a sly grin, Booigi shook their head. "No. I didn't show you my swing."

The dark boo roared as Booigi tossed the mysterious glowing bell into the air and whacked the antique up and away. Like a madman, Zoo bolted after it, out of the park.

Back at the picnic tables, Luigi fell to the ground whole. Numbly he kept patting where the cut was. Under his shirt, he found an ugly scar circling his midsection. That was the last he remembered. Yoshi saw him fall out and caught him. A mild earthquake lasted for a second, originating from the north. Then silence.

Then not, the air congested with the rings of citizens. Peach's Castle no longer blocked the tower of YoshiMobile, proudly, until today perhaps, Toad Town's largest wireless provider.

Lemmy dropped down a ladder at their dad's last known location, bafflingly Mario's house. Wendy came down to break in, 'cat burglar' style with a sharp nail. Empty. On the way out a toad neighbor, an overweight dude in a robe with coffee, spotted her. Not the type they'd think to own a Bullet Blaster kart, but whatever. The seventeen-year-old vaporized him on impulse with Iggy's laser gun. Once the smoke cleared, all that was left of him were his slippers.

The koopaling teen freaked. The commercials claimed it only had 'play' laser action! Before they left, a van stopped under their airship. Some toad girl was kicked out and waved desperately for them.

"What do you want? Also you totally didn't see us here or anything!" Lemmy called down.

"I'm tight with King. I've made up my mind and I will join you. A toad is your best weapon. Trust me!" she yelled upwards.

Lemmy tried to consult Ludwig, but he disallowed his concentration to be broken, going on about a 'phenomena unexplainable by accepted scientific principles, leaving only the 'unaccepted' ones'.. Wendy and Lemmy glanced at each other and allowed her on.

Emery T. hopped around excitedly, disregarding the ship's deplorable condition. She told them Bowser must still be at the Toadley Clinic then. Duh. Why didn't they call? They were too afraid Lemmy in particular explained. Larry cooperated with whatever little task, like handing the ropes, but was otherwise elsewhere in mindset until he saw an object launch from the center of the town and blast out of the city, soon just a distant twinkle.

Eldstar's gray mustache kept twitching as he searched for a pen. He ducked beneath furniture, leaned around collums, and cleared dust bunnies high and low. No blasted pen to be found. Now he could not fold a SOS message into a paper plane and fly it out of a window. His enemies had found a way to discombobulate him. The only greater question was how.

With great detail and conviction, all of Mushroomy background could explain that he primarily worked to keep the world in balance by imparting his power. There is a caveat. There is a perpetual struggle within the celestial barriers. The reason why stars fall, or even die. Eldstar detested such conflict, but as the epitome of fairness, those unsightly realities had their place on the board, the image incomplete without the unquestionable presence of stars of all dispositions.

Did that make any sense?

He wasn't sure anymore.

At last, a golden pen was freed from under some cushions. *sighs* The ancient star's arm etched something on its own, scrawled spidery on the sheet.

'I beseech you dare to leave, my dear fellow. -Z.A.S'

Chapter 9: Love and War I (Reflection)

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo

To get back on track, enjoy this two part dealio.
*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

~BREAKING NEWS! Renegade 'Zoo S. Diddley'. confirmed to attack Princess Peach's toads, was vanquished by Luigi Mario and his team, however known conspirators 'Sam and Slam' escaped the city and the castle is in total ruins. Two toads are unaccounted for, beloved Chancellor Toadsworth and an unknown steward. Multiple toads injured, one serious.~

A red-haired human languidly purged the dark boo's belongings into a white garbage bag.

"That reads like a scattered synopsis, doll." Steve the Bullet Bill lowered the rough draft from his face. "Listen. Erase this and that. Say a Mario brother saved the day instead of Luigi. See? You've been here long enough to know that you gotta emphasize the MARIO."

"Yes sir.."

She filed that to memory and then continued working, lamenting how she wound up here, one of five humans in the kingdom and yet a receptionist to anthropomorphic folks. She missed Mitch despite the spicy take or two, at minimum keeping Steve at bay by being the one to bicker with instead.

Jessie lingered on a painting Zoo had in his office. Drew L. D.'s "Assimilation" - red and black colors spiraling towards the center. She felt drawn into the vortex unwittingly. If Steve hadn't gotten curious and yanked it away, dunking it into Snifit Patrol's evidence pile after he couldn't tell what he was looking at without his glasses on, she might have been stuck there all night.

The way everyone gathered around his phone reading the latest Toad Town bulletin reminded Larry Koopa of his current freshman year. Considered antisocial by the administration of Badlands High, his milking incited brawls, fragmented cliques, and triggered after-school warfare. Hold fire! He was just the messenger.

"So clueless, foolish, naive and.. devoid of Morton's flare unfortunately, what would YOU add to it, Lawrence?" Ludwig asked, jolting the teen.

He had a ton, most offensive, though the most honest one would be plain 'depressing'. The stars had aligned diabolically and Ludwig was prevailing, in spite of complications on an astronomical scale. No Mushroomite had a clue they were about to invade, Iggy's friends the intended bait. Assuming they caught up before the day elapsed, they'd get nowhere. Mayor Koton of Neo Bowser City was so stubborn their dad couldn't force him to do anything, including change the misleading city name, let alone give up the 'deets' on profitable business owners. Toadsworth being with them was difficult to explain, but they had one regardless.

"I mistook him for my grandpa and we abducted him. Done," Emery answered, also annoyingly sticking around.

He had to stop thinking out loud.

"Can I man a cannon, just in case?"

"You?" Ludwig quirked an eyebrow at Emery.

"I meet the fitness requirements, General. I airlifted. Do you know how heavy patients are these days?" She blabbered as Ludwig tried to ignore her. "..Hello? King will get me trained on the artillery at least. I've always dreamed of setting fire to those corny mushroom houses some of us have-"

Ludwig shooed her off, strenuously navigating their humongous doomship, a symbol of evil and oppression, through Toad Town's dark evening skies. Their destination was the park, a great place for an unwieldy contraption to land, and a better place to corrupt first by inviting the princess there and-

"I'm King's best weapon, sir! Don't ignore me-"

"-Toady, we have only gotten here from MY careful planning and diligence!" Ludwig snapped, accidentally making them bank starboard side. A few more pieces fell off too, meaning the percentage of the ship left was officially about sixtyish percent. Sheepishly, he leveled them off, continuing-

"I adore thy enthusiasm and spirit, but circulation that a 'Toad has turned to the dark side' or some such drivel will detract from our purpose. Their peace was an illusion, so we shattered it. We took their disgusting and insidious decree, burnt it, and scattered it into the wind. Of course, despite their confusion, our goals are not elliptical. They used peace- a cease-fire in actuality, to continue to subjugate and malign our kind. Just see the appalling response to that Phantom rapscallion lacerating our innocent minions!"

Recovering from the blunt impact of his words, the goosebumps-ridden toad girl nodded in understanding of his 'lecture'.

"Good, Miss Emery," he smiled, for a flash. "For this attack, I used nothing they haven't seen before. The first Mushroom Flu outbreak occurred twenty-two years ago, wreaking havoc upon us. In due time, these Mushroom Freaks will be plunged into the same abject horror, with no simple fix like they are accustomed to, no one to save them. Stuck with their own company, their eyes will finally be opened to how ugly and contemptible they are!"

She saluted. "You have my support all the way, Commander."

"Start here. Shoot me now," Larry muttered, sitting with his feet dangling over a part of the ship that was missing entirely, the dark city with dotted lights scrolling below.

"Don't be so emo!" Lemmy said, coming up from below deck with Wendy. Neither seemed worn out from wrestling with Roy, Morton, and Iggy, which didn't bode well. "Think of this like one of your pranks and stuff and then it's fun! By the way, Luddy, everybody's just.. you know."

"Yeah," Wendy mentioned, immediately finding a spot to lean on a barrel and tap on her phone like a cool kid. "Like they're okay as they can be I guess.."

Lemmy changed the subject, "What was the buzz around town?"

"Oh right, so here's what the news doesn't know yet, I guess 'cause they didn't interview King," Emery mentioned, "Mario retired!"

"Oooh, they're gonna hate him for this screwup, lol. Didn't you just meet King Dad today? How'd you get him to drop all of these secrets about Mario? Ludwig kept a journal, set up cameras, and tried to bug his throne room once and didn't get anywhere close!"

As the commander at the controls flushed, the toad girl waved it off. "Easy. I asked."

Larry hopped back on his feet. Checkmate. Maybe. "Forget about Mario. Luigi saved the day as they think. What's stopping him from stopping us?" He laughed at their uncertain and anxious faces.

Deep within Dr. Toadley's clinic, the lights were dimmed once the beeps of the computers monitoring the body grew steady. X-ray scans were resoundingly normal, leaving the scar and the shock Luigi was in the only proof anything ever happened. He was on involuntary bed rest for twelve hours.

"Feeling better?"

Mario bit the inside of his cheek at the lack of response, wishing Yoshi and Boo were around. Nobody could hang at the clinic because 'coma walking' was a possibility, and his recovering brother would be alone for a few hours. Outside of his joint, Mario would have to watch his back. The people of Toad Town knew every sordid detail that got them to this point short of his admission of retirement, even of the part where he was 'harboring and protecting Bowser for some nutty reason' as the commentators gracefully put it. He was just surprised they weren't scapegoating that poor 'Nintendo' thing for his sake.

Mario gently sat on the bed's edge. "Gotta go, but you did great. I can't say it enough. When you spring right up from here you're gonna be unstoppable, I guarantee. A hero with an undivided heart always is."

He left a note: "To Luigi: Long ago, Bowser had to deal with this. His doc at the time, yes that Dr. Prof. creep, discovered the containment in food. Dr. Mario helped him back then. Houdini says some help will arrive tomorrow with our cousin's notes and a cure will be here by the end of that day. Will discuss more later."

Mario pulled the white covers up to his brother's neck and was out of there, bumping into a very agitated guest in the lobby. Holding some power tools, he didn't want to know what he was planning on doing with those he if delayed any longer.

"Well, let's get this going. I can call Toadette and get her to bring the cart down. She'll drive us a block, then we'll relay with rides so no Lakitu Bros or random fans on the streets can take god-awful pictures of us in public again."

"I looked great in that, plumber," Bowser corrected.

"Whatever. Don't worry, despite the hate mob I'm starting to gather, I found some sympathetic friends to help us get to the park, Parakarry, Eric- or you might know him as Goombario, and-"

"Beardy, nuffa that. Follow me."

Confused, Mario let Bowser walk him around back. He gasped at the reappearance of his Mach Bike, propped up against a wall. The repairs were crude and it was still leaking a little, but it was his baby for sure.

"How!?"

The Koopa King folded his arms proudly, "While you were dealing with that emergency stuff, I was busy too, duh! One of my minions on the ground, a real trooper, knew where that Zoo kid had your bike so I had em bring it here. Didya know I was a mechanic?"

Mario eyed his work closer. It wasn't any prettier, but the sentiment was making up for it. "Not really?"

"Good. Cause I ain't." Bowser dropped the cordless power drill. "Least it's running again."

The red plumber kicked it on, confirming such when the loud motor's purr became deafening in the cramped alley. "Thanks!" he yelled over it.

"Yeah yeah.."

Shutting it off then and approaching Bowser with that warm smile, the king stiffened some, fearing a hug was incoming to psyche him out and unearth strange emotions he wasn't ready for. (Un)fortunately though, Mario stopped short, eyeing him like he was a spectacle or clown.

".. Are ya alright? Come on. We can take the back roads. Should be meeting your folks at the park in fifteen minutes now."

Somehow Bowser forgot about that. He nodded awkwardly. Not having time for extra time, they crudely hacked up a spare helmet to fit over Bowser's horns and took off, tearing down bumpier secluded Toad Town streets.

Away from so many lamps, only a sliver of fuchsia left on the horizon, the stars and constellations were unmissable. Mario remembered it being just as vast and staggeringly impressive years ago, before gradually losing their luster. Now it was back, even greater. Fate had hurled a lot of misery and heartache at him, but good could resurge from the most rotten, and he was oddly content, knowing more about himself and his friends than he ever had before.

Swerving around Toad Town, Agent 0064, Jelectro Bond indulged in his spy car's utilities, starting up a hacking program built into the console.

"Research 22 Flower Lane," he ordered. After a quick search, the screen brought up an unsecured server for the Mushroom Press. He was able to peek into the inbox of computer #15, Zoo's. He played a saved voice message.

*Beep* "This is Nass Toad, head nurse and secretary of Dr. Prof. Koopa, responding to 'Mr. Z' of Isle Falsa. Due to HIPPA guidelines, we can not release information about our recent patients over the phone. Please visit in person and be sure to be on the approved visitor's list for your friend. That shall be no issue if you are a civilian and not secretly from that Mushroom Press.."*Beep*

Not enough to prosecute them for conspiracy. Since they knew what they were doing, he would indeed have to return to that bastion, if not over that crime, to at least see what Mitch was telepathically pinging him over and over for. He commanded the car to contact his friend and programmer Agent 999, but he was out of range, likely kingdoms away and undercover. Agent 0064 had to settle for his other friend, if only due to going through basic training together, agent 0069.

"~Whatup, J. Back already?"

"I'll explain later. Meet me at MK East, mon ami. Espionage. Don't tell Jeremy of course."

The purple bandit had the rhythmic thump of a club in the background, his local turf. "Fo what?"

"Est-ce que je ne parle pas anglais? You heard me, Andrew," Jelectro sighed.

"K. Fifty coins."

"No!.. Fine. Aye aye aye."

Meanwhile, Kylie Koopa snapped a latch to crawl into the cabin from the trunk. She had dibs on this MK East investigation, so what was he thinking leaving her in the lurch like this?

Jelectro calmly adjusted his mirror, making eye contact she supposed, because he abruptly accelerated, pinning Kylie against the seats. No matter. Those Snifit Patrol speed traps were waiting and ready for him.

"What products did you use? I did not see a list." Doctor Professor Koopa jabbed the paratroopa with a clipboard. "If certain allergens are present-"

"Only natural stuff. Now don't be lookin' like that. This works better than the overpriced junk with a label slapped on it. You'd know if you got out more."

"Forget it. Give our regards to the South hospital." Gritting his teeth, Dr. Prof. held open his office door for Probabilly, hissing as he crossed by, "We know your brother owns that 'MKDCU' gang."

The paratroopa janitor shuffled on, seemingly unaffected."...I reckon he does. I'll holler for ya."

True to his word, Probabilly made the facility like new in a 'jiffy'. He'd tidied up and fixed the entrance doors, even the wobbly furniture. Dr. Prof. had other issues anyway. Since expunging Mario and co, the competence of his doctors plunged deeper than the Underwhere. He could twirl his fingers in front of some of them without reaction. Fortunately for him, he needed no assistance for operation room one. Before him on the table was a huge lump under a blue towel. The koopa got suited and gloved up.

Patient: Male. Pianta. 57. Name, so and so... He glossed over the chart, too old a habit to drop despite his ticklishness and excitement. Any information it contained didn't matter for this Mushroom Flu patient experiment.

"Code blue!"

He paused, scalpel inches away from the patient's sternum. Dr. Prof. decided to deal with cleaning that spill behind the desk up front. He kept his green shell turned as Toadette, a servant of Peach showed up in their lobby. They always come back...

"Excuse me, ma'am." Her voice trembled. "We can't locate Mr. Toadsworth. He wasn't checked in here, was he?"

Mariam fumbled around on the computer. "-No dearie. Sorry." She could inform her that Kinopio was stable and Ala-Gold not at all, in fact needing to be sent down South just so that the overflow might not delay care. In the end, Toadetter left the premises an incoherent mess.

Pitifully the receptionist wrote on a sticky note to herself, as if a reminder. 'Pray for those castle toads'. Dr. Prof. wasn't going to do that, but it did remind him of an earlier patient. Mitch Toad was famous for being 'banned' from the castle. Why? Because he possessed the ability to...

Ah. Dr. Prof. decisively left the office. Getting out of your comfort zone WAS worth it sometimes..

…

Toadette rushed into the shuttle driven by Sergeant Howie, officer #2 of Snifit Patrol.

"He wasn't, princess!" she exclaimed to Peach, who held her steady. The stewardess was embarrassed enough over flooding the Birthday Girl and ranting at YoshiMobile when it was their own castle blocking the cell towers, so she just wanted to do something right for once. For Peach to know that she didn't make a mistake with her.. Or to look at her, cup her face and simply go 'job well done, dear'. That would be acceptable too.

"Can we get outta here?" Bucken-Berry, the only other toad on the bus remarked.

The sergeant placed down his radio receiver. "Sounds good, 'cause Inspector Douglas got an anonymous tip about our Chancellor and another missing toad."

The princess jumped up and joined him up front. "Thank the stars!"

Toadette was sobbing too hard for the mood to flip so abruptly, nonetheless she blinked in astonishment. Bucken-Berry plopped down on the other side of the bus, countenance dark.

"Good for Tom if that is him. If only that bastard wasn't the one that brought this on us."

Jelectro skidded behind MK East, running onto the curb and bouncing onto the lawn in between the dumpsters. It was pitch black and the next Kylie knew, she was thrown around, bashing her face against the middle console.

The pursuing officer they'd picked up along the way parked behind them, blowing a loud whistle. "This is Snifit Patrol. Stop!"

Jelectro eased himself out, flashing his own agency's badge. "You waste your time, mon ami. Madame might warrant your attention however. No seat belt."

Kylie spat out a tooth and glared from inside the luxury car. "No, that noki ditched me! ..Well I did climb in his trunk but..."

Snifit Patrol enthusiastically pulled out a thick ticket book. "Tell me more!"

As Kylie tried to avoid incriminating herself further, a purple bandit sporting fancy black Air Koopa sneakers and a boombox jaywalked onto the scene. He got close and deliberately blasted hip hop, distracting and drawing away the snufit. Jelectro winked at Kylie and tossed her his keys.

"It's all yours. Just avoid so and so. That's my civil partner and I's condo."

"What in blazes?! Is this some elaborate way to frame me for grand theft?"

"Only if you auction off parts or hide it from me in a garage in another kingdom. Until then that is your insurance that I will find you again. Oui?"

She hopped in, stalled for a second before muscle memory from her dad's old farm Dragonfly kicked in, and soon zoomed onto Starman lane. Snifit Patrol terminated the pursuit a block later. She thought he knew he wouldn't win. The officer on the other hand knew he'd better follow that large, airship-shaped, shadow moving around town instead.

The flags that survived were raised as Ludwig rode low and slow. As easy as he located Toad Town Park, lit by tiny mushroom-shaped lights on the walking paths, his best landing attempt lopped off the head of a statue, crushed a jungle gym, and tipped over all portable toilets.

As the dirt cloud cleared, the Koopa King stomped alongside the hull and strained to examine every broken rivet. His eyes bulged at the extent of the damage, especially since it wasn't from this landing.

"Vater, we were buffeted by a severe storm on the way with precipitation, a tornado, hail.. Other things.. My apologies."

Bowser's palm covered his face. "Did you at least pack the fresh hot lunches for the minions?"

"We did King Dad," Lemmy answered. ".. But the part where the pantry was is kinda.. missing now?"

"Ugh! Just get your butts up there, soldiers." Bowser let Flare, and a handful of other mostly vacant or skittish minions hurry onboard from a bottom hatch.

Mario stood back in the dark with fighter flies for company, heavy-hearted by how few baddies there were left, all simply wanting to watch tennis. At the same time, it was suspicious how Ludwig and Lemmy glanced at each other so often.

"Hey kids.." He drew closer. "Both of you are how old already? Huh. I remember when you two outgrew your first shell."

"Yeah, Mr. Mario. Time suuure files," Lemmy laughed with the plumber in a mutual game of feigned cordiality. "So where is Luigi?"

Mario cleared his throat. "You know he doesn't like meet n greets," he dodged aptly. "I'll tell him you asked, kid."

"Umm. Well there's another storm on the coast. I guess we'd better drop off these toads!"

Mario gave a start. "Wait, what? I didn't hear about.. Does Peach know?"

A moment later, said princess gasped. Apparently so. She and a pink toad distanced from the shuttle, advancing on the warship all while behaving like Mario was invisible. "Is Toadsworth and the other toad really here?"

"Yep. Come on!" Lemmy kindly offered his hand.

Mario fought against interjecting. She wouldn't care for his insight at the moment anyway, though like it or not he was going to follow the pink duo, unable to ignore how his hairs were standing up.

Then Bucken-Berry crossed his path out of nowhere. "-Mr. Mario, can we talk about something?"

The noki adopted a wandering tourist act and traversed the West ring, updating Agent 0069 with his smartwatch. Upon reaching Room 26, he was greeted by Mitch's full face this time. He was vitriolic, thick graying eyebrows downturned, with beady black eyes like his own, only mildly glazed from painkillers.

"What's the excuse? Why is he gone who knows where instead of vaporized by your gun or somethin?"

"Because he was a boo, full-blooded or not," Jelectro came right up on him, undaunted. "Also, no I don't have a vaporizing weapon. I might have a freeze gun, but that is experimental. That pistol that is on me now? It's a non-lethal, as those are the only sort we can reliably acquire that contains no metal parts to be detected-"

"Oh my God, shut up with the gun talk. You know what I meant, Jelectro. I gave you everything you needed."

"-Too much, like what you'd like to do to him if not for the age gap. Bleh!"

"Oh my..grrrr!" The way the journalist squirmed in his fit, the noki wondered if he might pull a miracle and rise up to fight him. "Alright whatever... And that was BEFORE did this to me btw. For now, we gotta keep that sow Peach from shooing out the clowns."

Jelectro shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Explain this advancement."

"I can't read her, so I don't got specifics, but she must feel scorned by something. Rumor has it that she called extra security to come in and take it back over. Theo and his gang will purge anything nasty and get away scott-free. You know, like she did. We can't allow-"

"What did she get away with?" Jelectro couldn't help but to question, regretting it.

"A heap. Toads had to be 'pure' once. Hypocritical little...!" He muffled some venomous words. "Anyway, Samuel Toadsworth was her secret cousin for a while. Yeah, I'm why that's known now and that's just the surface French Boy. Enough of this. You gotta act."

"Aye aye aye!" Jelectro exclaimed.

On cue, someone was jangling the door handle outside. Dr. Professor lingered before entering, dealing with a very persistent caller that routed to his personal cell somehow. "I am not interested, now hang up and stop tying up my line!"

"K. Whattabout this offer?" The bandit agent dropped the phone from the rooftop workstation to browse on the internet for something believable enough. His boombox was on the opposite side of the helipads, currently occupying the ems workers as they danced to the drill beats. "Tell ya what. We'll give you twenty-thou if you stop what chu doin and-"

"-Goodbye prankster." Dr. Professor cut the device off entirely as he entered room 26. Hand on chin, he verified the vitals on the monitors, cross-referencing with a clipboard.

Jelectro spied from the closet, behind bundles of white towels. The doctor came to the bed. "Mr. Mitch, how about I perform your scheduled operations tonight? Alright? Alright."

When he edited Mitch's procedure chart to have 'Lobotomy', that was all Jelectro needed to jump out and blindside the doctor, slamming him into the wall. The bump knocked tacked papers to the ground.

"I am Detective Bond and you are under arrest for conspiracy and unlawful procedures. Hands up!"

Doctor Professor shot his arms upwards.

"Why are you using the victims as test subjects?"

The doctor's visage contorted into a smug smile. "My, what are the odds of meeting two magikoopa-like freaks in a day, boy? If you can't pick it from my brain, give up. I can wait aaaall day."

Jelectro checked his watch, then whipped the gun out, barrel against the old doctor's temple. "You can not in fact, mon ami, so last chance-"

The intercom screeched, filled with static and distant screams from some conflict happening in the lobby. "We have another invasion! All doctors on guard!" Nass blared.

The stomp of heavy boots bounced off the hall outside. While the noki's head was turned, the doctor slipped out of Jelectro's grip, wasting not one second to hurl himself shell first against the glass and out the window to escape. The spy checked outside, groaning at the dark outlines of armored vehicles, and the sea of burly Mushroom Royal squad agents surrounding the hospital.

"Under the bed, dude!"

Jelectro rushed to prop the door closed with a steel fold-out chair that was down there. A half second later, there was a heavy thunk as a guard failed to kick it in. The noki backed away, then removed the chair, so that the guard's next shove sent them careening in. He used that to climb over the pileup and dart to the nearest empty hall. He rode an elevator to the roof, finding helipads, a boombox, and Agent 0069 peering over the edge of the parapet.

"Screw that money, Jelectro. I'm outta here."

Andrew was 'gangsta' enough to jump without scaling gear. Jelectro wasn't though, call it vanity to protect his pretty face, or call it trepidation from the crunch of the bandit a few seconds later. He let the black-spotted, armor-wearing toads snatch him without further resistance. He'd broken out of the local jail countless times. After his sunglasses were taken, he saw the writing on their tanks better. The noki gulped. He was about to take a trip instead.

Toadette was eager to escape the cramped staircase leading up the airship's four decks. She kept on Peach's heels until muted by thick walls, she heard the clamor of baddies. She almost wished she stuck with Mario, as unloyal as that sounded from her, because making up to the observation deck, the conditions were terrible. Debris littered the deck along with holes where she might plummet through to the orlop. Only Peach's steely energy at that moment held her together, the princess marching around the treacherous areas and to a rusty compartment door leading deeper into the ship.

"Would you please help me?"

Wendy had already unlocked. Out came a young toad in a wrinkled nurse uniform, orange-spotted, dorky, and sorta cute, or at least that was an intrusive thought of Toadette, semi hiding behind a broken barrel.

"Emery? ..You joined my castle today?" Peach asked animatedly.

Emery did a curtsy. "Uh, sure!"

Peach brimmed with questions, considering her other staff purported that the new recruit was 'male', but she had to press another matter. "And Toadsworth?"

"His case is kinda sensitive. Some privacy?" Lemmy made Toadette jump from her hiding spot. "Wait down there, okay?"

The so-called childish koopaling towered over her while on his green ball and ran her off deck, back into the spooky staircase. She protested as the door slammed shut in her face. The handle wouldn't budge.

…

Mario led the blue toad off to the wooden picnic tables. Bucken-Berry was with no embellishment his friend, student, and bravest warrior. Now he sat across from him, hallow, the flame almost always lit behind his eyes extinguished.

"What happened's not your fault," he went preemptively. "Even that stuff about a new toad that showed up? Les must had phoned Gill T. and he phoned me over it, so I know that story."

The toad wiped his nose with his sleeve. "No it is, because I hated him. I still do for drawing Zoo over, but most of all I hate myself. I want to throw in the towel."

"Yvan, that's.. Why?"

"What's the point? You know how my origin story goes, the whole sole survivor in Toadwood Forest thing. Growing up in the orphanage, I decided that I was going to be so strong that I'd never lose anyone again, yet it happened. Wolley's not gonna make it. He's not gonna, and in the Overthere his last memory of me will be acting like a complete dick. How can I stay on his hero stuff if I couldn't protect one of my only friends? If I was frozen there like a statue while Zoo slipped away, where we'll never see him again?"

Mario held his broad shoulder firmly. "It's not that this kind of work can hurt, it will hurt at some point. Fearing another failure doesn't mean you should give it up. This is all you ever wanted to do."

The blue toad looked up at him. "What did you always want to do, if it wasn't being an action star, Curtis?"

Mario released him, rattled enough to divert to the black jagged outline of the airship nearby. It had been years since he heard his other name. "I wanted to.. Well.. you know how I coach you guys? Basically that. If I'm gifted at something, I just want to share it with others. I never wanted.. you know, to be the super star." Mario began to stand. "Now let's both see that new kid together."

Bucken-Berry remained slouched, his glance withering. "Thomas isn't on that ship. Let's just say I'm the reason why he ran away before we were dumped at that gross hotel, so I'd know."

Mario didn't have a chance to parse that before being blinded as someone in the park shined torch all over. The beam settled on their picnic table like a figure of authority catching rascally teens at night. The red plumber supposed their moment just then was intimate, but not like that..

Panting, Snifit Patrol lowered the beam. "Bad news, sir. I was tracking that airship all over town, I even let my quota drop to keep up."

"In peace, Sumeet. Now could you please.."

"Peace? Not with the Bowser Flag they have raised!"

…

"Noooo!" Peach dropped to her knees before Toadsworth's bruised, bloodied, and unconscious body. A tattered Bowser Flag was draped over him, claiming that the Koopa Troop, fractured as it was, succeeded in claiming him.

"That was my touch. I'm Bowser's new toad actually!" Emery announced over her former princess's whimpering form.

"-Affirmative, she contributed greatly, one of our many pawns as we terrorized you and your society all day!" Ludwig declared maniacally, also looming over the princess. "Now here's a synopsis as scattered as your newspapers might put it: Sam and Slam drove into town to infect the participants of your tennis game. The Koopa Troop thus takes full responsibility for all of the following tragedies, the rapid illness of your friends, the mushroom citizens, AND the destruction of your hideous castle! Say goodbye to your backward kingdom, because you WILL come with us. Shall a plumber rescue you in a day, it will be of no matter. You are already playing an unwinnable game, with no continues!"

Bowser whipped around. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Ludwig's hand hovered over the takeoff button. "Vater, all I do is for YOUR central purpose, I promise you. Forget go-karting with that Mario." He slapped it, starting up the airship's machinery with violent vibrations. "Besides, the princess is just. Right. There!"

No, not anymore. Peach jumped into the part of the ship torn off, landing on a lower level. She dashed out and down a deck, into a cramped corridor for ammo storage. It had occupants among the cannons lining the walls, big goombas, koopas, and like.. Pale, she turned back, losing her footing when strong g-forces knocked her around and threw her against the nearest porthole- and into Toadette's screaming face on the other side. The airship lifting launched the steward out of the stair shaft and outside, where she clung to the flapped open exit door for dear life.

Peach spotted a rivet tool hung up in the room. Clash! The princess shielded herself amidst the shower of glass shards. She brushed off the cuts on her arms and lunged half her body out, dropping her personal items to do so. Their hands graced for a fraction of a second. Screaming, she watched her toad plunge. They were so high up, she was staring at the entirety of the park below. A sudden roll slung her out of the exterior room into an adjacent one with wooden crates, clashing into a stack. Someone tugged her out of the way before she was pinned and tumbled into the koopaling, Larry. She barely registered it, leaping onto her feet again and running blindly down a corridor. He stopped her again.

"Unless the stars are about to help us, we're done," he murmured.

That was it. They were done then.

…

On the ground, Mario pointed to a pink toad hanging precariously from an unsecured ground-level door. The decrepit Doomship had an ear-piercing backfire and shook the person off.

Bucken-Berry dove forward and caught Toadette before she spat on the ground. She continued to weep in his sturdy grasp as he repeated, "Baby, I got you.."

Peach's parcel shed its contents in the sky, white papers like confetti around the city block. Snifit Patrol commanded his sergeant to collect whatever they were and then opened a metal gun case with a super scope inside.

"No!" The plumber shut it with his boot. "That type of ship explodes just by looking at it wrong. I'll do something else."

Snifit Patrol leaned up. "Will you, sir?" The officer spun towards the encroaching crowd.

Mario found his mouth dry. "W-what's going on?"

"You tell us," spat one random and very angry Mushroomite.

They were armed with torches and phones that had just browsed the message boards. They didn't even need that though, high above, Lemmy hung a colorful crayon etched banner in 'celebration': Happy Retirement, Mario and thanks for the princess!

Chapter 10: Love and War II

Chapter Summary

Koopaling time!

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"Gah! Forget it." Bowser snapped the dumbphone shut. Mario had to be in a heap of trouble. Miles away now, flying in a void where there were no location markers save for the occasional glint of moonlight on a water body, it was his fault.

When a TO/GA button was hit on an airship, there was no turning around due to design philosophies of the past. He wasn't getting back to the Mushroom Kingdom unless he wanted to jump suicidally. At least fresher air away from the cities let him reflect.

-On how he was gonna kill everybody once the autopilot landed!

Kamek shuffled away from the controls, giving a start. "Lord Bowser, you should cut out that deranged psycho look. Girls hate that."

"I don't care what girls like or not! -Erm, I don't like Peach, so why would I want her at my castle tonight?!" he just out and admitted. The entire ship must have heard that, getting so quiet, even down to the bottom decks, that all he heard was his heavy breathing and the flaps of the ship's feathered wings.

"L-lord Bowser-"

Bowser shoved the magikoopa out of the way. "Everyone get up here and listen!" He waited, pent up and about to explode until all of them did, almost. "Where's Peach? And her grandpa?"

Emery raised her hand. "Hiding, King. And Toadsworth's her cousin btw. There was a stupid scandal over that way back. Anyway I can use a special toad wailing thing we do that tugs on the heartstrings of princesses if you want."

"No need Fangirl. We'll pretend we didn't know she was onboard and arrange a way to get her outta here tomorrow."

Many minions collectively cried in disappointment. To Bowser's surprise though, Ludwig was as cool as a freezie.

If there wasn't going to be a bunch of strife for once in his life, he'd take it. Their sputtery, smoky, barely airworthy ship limped across the six kingdoms between the Mushroom Kingdom and Dark Land. Upon landing the hull gave out and dumped them all onto the dirt, no need for a formal deboarding and all that..

There was much to do, collect witness statements, contact the family of the deceased, etc, plus investigate what went wrong with his own. Bowser detected no deceit when they claimed to be mystified by Iggy, Morton, and Roy after crashing into Peach's Castle. He might have gotten better answers regarding the preceding events, but he was tired and that was behind them now. Toadsworth appeared to be in some sort of stasis until Emery mentioned in a dispassionate hush that 'it's a lost cause'. Bowser decided that he'd rest in the dungeon till he figured out how to go over the.. delicate or 'sensitive' as Lemmy put it, matter with Peach, who screamed and kicked when a minion laid a paw on her. Typical stuff.

Besides that though, everything WAS under control!

"A few invites would fan delectable flames, even if there are no intentions to betroth."

"I was just gonna humiliate by making her THINK she'll be living in our dungeon forever. Make her forget about that Mario.."

"..Fair, Vater." Though Ludwig hadn't a clue why Mario was in this conversation all a sudden, he was pleased that his father hadn't forgotten who he was. "Either way, by the morrow those Mushroomites will be unrecoverable."

Reluctantly agreeing, Bowser marched up and down the red-carpeted stone corridors filled with statues and portraits. Prisoners were secured, their family were scattered about, likely rummaging in a kitchen, and his Troop, aside from dedicated watchers, were settled in bed if they knew what was good for them. Father and son had no current destination, simply a shared or inherited habit of pacing aimlessly after busy days.

"Ludwig.. You know they had a plan to cure that flu on the morrow or however you said it. That won't make yer scheme fall apart?"

His son took position beside him, a foot shorter and likely to never make it up at this point. He'd inherited his voice and absolute viciousness, but Clawdia's brain, fluffy stature, and messy hair. "You are perceiving my plan one-dimensionally yet again. It will not because I am the tool to dismantle the Mushroomites once and for all. Upon this realization, this urge, this burning within my bones, I could not dither."

"Like a destiny?"

"Eh.. exactly, Vater."

Bowser felt himself shudder, facing the big scary lapis lazuli bust of someone else who felt a little like that..

'Bowser's Brother', that's all the designation he tended to get if burdened to be remembered at all. King Morton Koopa Sr.'s surviving generals removed all artifacts of the old religions off royal property after Bowser's Brother deserted them, only allowing Kingly Law to propagate. This allowed peons on the fringes to trade with the 'refuse' and fast forward thirty years, Neo Bowser City was the fruitage of their investments. In a kingdom with an average ambient temp of 100 degrees F, why did everything have to snowball?

Ludwig raised an eyebrow at the silent treatment. "I shall retreat to bed, Vater." He saluted and excused himself.

"That boy ain't right," an elite minion muttered to himself, watching as the koopaling passed by. The balaclava-wearing lakitu on a shady cloud caught Bowser before he slipped into his bedroom. "Senry 11 reporting, Boss. We can have body recovery 00:40 in the morning."

"Alright," Bowser sighed in relief.

"Oh and whatta bout that Zoo Diddley? Want minions lookin' out?"

Slapped awake, Bowser shook his head. "He wouldn't be so stupid as to come to our castle looking for trouble. Mario told me that-"

"Did you say Mario, Boss?" The lakitu gave him a look not unlike a child embarrassed by their father.

"N-nuthin. Go on and lift both bridges tonight, just in case." Bowser stumbled into his room, shutting the door tight.

Larry spoofed an instant message from one of Kammy's girlfriends in the Hags Anonymous group to distract her from guarding a special room. Unlike the dungeon underground, it had a real bed with a canopy, a vanity set, and a barred window with a great view of the lava outdoors. He tip-toed around in the warm candlelight, evading the usual tattletales stationed around his royal home. He gave Ludwig his laptop to be busy on with nerd stuff, so he'd not be an issue either. He needed to check on Peach. To see that she was fine, genuinely, and not from hormone-enranged reasons. No seriously. Seeing her world crumble in a day, he'd never felt so bad for somebody that didn't do nuthin but try her best.

"-Hi, I'm Tanner. Pleased to meet you miss."

Larry ducked back, almost tripping on his own feet. He recovered, peeping around at the two dorks camping the spiral staircase.

"It's Emery T. I think my mom was going for some cringe play on 'emergency' or something.. I guess it'll be fitting when she finds out I'm a minion now. Do you guard the princesses we catch?"

"Gates usually, my dorm is just near here, ha ha."

"Gates are cool.."

"Yeah!.. Not to be confused with *gate movements. Hahaha."

"Got that right. Hey.. is it weird that I'm a toad?"

"Course not. Sorry about what happened in Toad Town. That Phantom guy, he's.. I...know Zoo. It's crazy what he can do with his mind, like a movie but real. Blames his family curse. I know I know. I knew those grunts and I'm shocked too, but he doesn't hate Bowser, he's neutral to a fault. What am I saying?" the lanky koopatrol babbled. "He's not out to be bad Miss Emery, it's his extreme pragmatism that leads to such clusters."

A shiver went through the girl. "Sounds like a sociopath, and I mean that Mr. Tanner. I hated when we gossiped about diagnoses at my old job, but I'm serious. Be careful. Whatever his effed-up reasons were he'd get sent to the gallows back home."

"Would he?" he asked, seemingly genuinely. "I don't think your people really cared much."

She chuckled grimly. "Yeah they suck like that. I guess if he makes like a boo and disappears, he'll be okay."

The koopatrol struggled with something, twiddling the spear he was armed with. "He's not. Some video game sellers? -I don't know them, but they started the whole thing and stole an heirloom, or a piece of it from him. He'll 'die'- hopefully not literally, but sometimes I don't know, if he doesn't get it back. Maybe.. I'll get into why I know somebody like that someday. When mooks whisper too much-" The gangly koopatrol made a chopping gesture across his exposed neck. "Did they set you up?"

"Yeah, but the room reeks."

"They all do. Umm. Miss Emery?" He reached out a gauntlet-covered hand. Blushing, she held it back. "Wanna... stay at my mom's place?"

She never thought any tall attractive dude would ask. "Totally!... Wait.. who's house again?"

"-Attention please, this is a secured area UNFIT for tours!" Ludwig ran up on both with an electronic torch illuminating their stunned faces.

Larry decided to back off for then, grumbling...

Meanwhile, Tanner saluted, letting his spear clash to the ground like a klutz.. "Sir! Sorry for breaching a sector.. I got carried away welcoming our guest into the troop."

Ludwig mellowed, if only because he didn't have energy to spare for this. "Miss Emery, you may accept your assigned room or you may find alternative accommodations in the city. Or take up Junior's empty dog house, it's up to you... Very well. Good night."

The commander entered the sanctuary of his bedroom, plopped down at his writing desk, crossed one leg over the other, and selected a gold pen. It was about time he did something with this journal, always etching meticulous diagrams for dangerous machinery or complex battle formations, or leaving notes to inhabitants of the castle to not touch his guilty pleasure, Yoshi Fruit in the fridge when his name was clearly stamped on it, but never for himself.

What defined 'Ludwig Von Koopa'? What was his purpose?

Love and War.

Love: Or passion to be more specific, though from a dictionary perspective, love worked just fine, as he treasured many things, his family, music, science, art, history, culture, technology.. From his literacy, he became aware of a greater issue affecting all of mankind, leading to-

War: An ugly necessity as long as the Mushroom Kingdom held dominance, and it was his duty to dismantle it. He'd repeat his reasons ad nauseam (though it should not be, as this was a reality they were living too!), but in short, the mushroom folk were the true 'villains', full of apathy towards anyone dissimilar, or downright vile ones empowered by eviler forces, some of which he was about to delve into right now.

Peach's Castle destroyed their precious Airship One this evening because of a surge of 'dark' star energy, and by combing over all the yellowed pages of the "Ex Spatio Obiecti Specialem Lexicon" from his library, he might discern which. That it affected his siblings with zero faith only reaffirmed his belief that the speciest and nationalistic concept of Mushroomy star worship was a destructive force. Per his book, the effects depended on the star's essence or 'virtue'. The star triggered there could be related to geography or weather, though nothing beyond that was conclusive. Iggy recorded from his headset during his ill-fated trip inside, and he was reviewing it right then, though identifying the Special Object responsible was as daunting if possible with the fuzzy quality. He fiddled with a few settings when-

'BZZT!' the laptop groaned, startling the commander to roll off the king-sized bed.

"Ouch! Blöder Dell X-'POS'…"

He climbed back up just as something pitch black spilled from the computer's screen, all over his bed. "Ah!" he gasped, backing up as loads of goop poured out, rolling onto ornate rud, solidifying and clumping in spots that writhed. It happened so rapidly that his shell bumped his huge trophy and medal case, cornered as the room was inundated. It was cold yet stung his flesh and the scent was pungent and nauseating. The commander took a deep breath before swimming across it to his window. It wouldn't budge! With the thickening goop near the ceiling, he tried to reach the shut door some distance away in his deluxe-sized accommodations, but he would never make it.

Y OU WA NT TO BE AN INS TRUM EN T? BE MINE.

…

"Yippee, found out why he didn't answer when I threatened to eat his Yoshi Fruit…" Someone said. "...Ugh, Oh my God, I forgot he's fat now. Help!"

Rough hands began to tug on his extremities very hard. Ludwig wiggled and groaned deliriously, deathly afraid for a split second that he might lose an arm or a leg.. Shortly he felt something plush and soft give under him. He slowly opened his eyes, his spotless bed and living space coming into focus. Leaning up, his first inclination, besides spouting German swears, was to be quite hot witnessing his trusted adjutants sneaking out at 11:55 PM, however a partition of his memory was blotted out. Why was it wrong that they were up? Why should he be upset?

The two koopalings chatted in his doorway, oblivious to his crisis and whatnot, "We should have used my Movematic2000 v.4 Alpha, Lemmy-sama. Her built-in gravitational distortion can lift anything."

Lemmy massaged his sprang wrist. "Sorry Hop, but your toys and props have already killed someone today. ..And how is it a 'she'?"

"Because she told me herself and she'd know!" Iggy giggled. "Mrs. Mover ain't dangerous- if I remember to set her on less than medium power."

Lemmy pivoted around on his ball. "-Oh, whoops. Hey, Luddy your door was wide open and stuff-"

What?

"-And you were all strung out next to this exploded thingy." He rolled in to drop a corroded aluminum shell next to Ludwig. If not for the blackened skull and crossbones decal, it would be unrecognizable as Larry's notebook computer.

So something had happened.. But..

Iggy hastily strapped on a flat backpack. He was pale hand a two-wheel balance scooter waiting for him outside. "We gotta skedaddle in approximately one minute and twenty-four.. thee.. two.. one seconds if we're going to be one of the fifty people that can buy a midnight release of Princess Parlor 8. Just saying!"

"Halt."

They froze in his doorway.

"I will accompany you." Ludwig slid out of bed, wobbly and light-headed. Perhaps a Turtle Tea from the 24-hour bistro across from Play-N-Tirade would do some good.

He struggled back and forth on whether to turn back when, as his feet left the bridge of Bowser Castle, there was a loud grinding noise. The drawbridge raised behind him, leaving the lava-filled crevice.

It was 12 AM then, the decision made for him.

Three young adult koopalings traversed on foot through the thick brambles of the woodlands between their stronghold and Neo Bowser City. Ludwig enforced this inadvertently when he left without keys to any of the army's vehicles, and/or Lemmy's sports car that he wasn't slightly jealous of or anything.

"-King Dad would love this new series. Most of the epic battle arenas have lava, ya know, you saw episode #4 with me, except less monotonous than his sense of level design. Hehehe, he might get motivated to switch things up and stop speedrunners from trumping him so easily with memorized button presses."

"Hop, there's no imaginary videogame logic making that happen. Clearly the frame-perfect folks are CPUs.. you know like cyborgs and stuff. Hey," Lemmy nudged him. "You didn't forget your credit card did you?"

Iggy dug in the backpack, making a sour face.

"..Can't you write a check?"

"Sam and Slam caused an overdraft. ~Uh. Kuyashii desu!" Both cautiously glanced over their shoulders, where Ludwig trailed grumpily and got whacked repeatedly by twigs.

He didn't know what that meant at the end and no, they certainly weren't going to 'finesse a check' out of him. He would give them a piece of his mind though, inserting himself between them.

"That is absurd, Ignatius. Their favor for us today was worth 500 coins, and your balance was greater than that, was it not?!"

Iggy shrugged it off with equanimity. "Yes, just uh, I'm sure it's like, just a misunderstanding, hahaha.."

"No no no. I knew they were criminals when billed me for a terabyte NVMe module, but substituted it with a cheap SATA based chip. Had I not in a dream reexamined the specifications on Lawrence's laptop, I-"

"Why were you on his, erm, kinda gross laptop anyway?" Lemmy cut in. "I'm pretty sure that was real if it melted down like that."

"Was I? No. No! It wasn't me."

"So someone else in the dream did it?"

"Yes. All I recall..instruments. So.. music I.. suppose," Ludwig explained in a woozy drawl.

"Aww.." Lemmy poked his chest teasingly. "Tuckered out already? Instead of Midnight Warrior are you more of a Quarter Till?"

Ludwig irritably marched ahead. "I'd prefer that to Philistine. I suspect whatever activity I was engaged in related to the stars those smug Mushroom freaks are indoctrinated to believe they have unequal value regarding, not that I am no longer a proponent to secular King Law either, Ian, but-"

Lemmy rolled his eyes. "In other news, we made it yay!"

The commander shook himself out of it, and rather on time, as he would have been splashed by a dirty puddle by a speeding car if not. Deeper into the Badlands, territories not under KT control flourished into smaller villages and modern cities. Neo Bowser City was dazzlingly lit despite the cruddy wet weather, high rises sprouting from every block, and armored vehicles whipping and gliding around tight curves. Ludwig felt like he had whiplash with his two feet planted on the ground. Play-N-Tirade was a small dome-shaped shop on the street corner of Dossun Road, windows stuffed with merch and posters, and soporific nerds as he'd say if in his right mind, ready to ravage once the staff inside stopped pretending to not notice the time. His brothers slipped on oversized space helmets, Cowboy Boom Boom merch, to shroud their identity, ready to become one of them. The commander covered his blue hair with a promotional flier, sprinting across the street where 'Eat. Drink. WiiConnect24' was.

The threshold of the little shop seemed impossible to cross as he stared at his miserable reflection in the glass, a ring in the back of his mind warning him not to enter. He let the sunk cost fallacy win over and stepped in. It was mostly vacant, though warm and cozy. Fresh bread and pastries filled glass cases, they had hand-carved wooden furniture, a spot with bean bags in the corner, and even as frequently occurring in those coffee shop AU fanfictions he didn't read or anything, a dark and mysterious bespectacled guy sitting alone at a table.

Ludwig asked the beanbean waiter for one Turtle Tea, changing his mind last moment and splurging for the Gadd Teeheespresso. His wait time was so short the call for his order made him jump. He carried the steaming cup across the store, facing the absolute downpour outdoors, skies flashing with lightning, dreading that he ever left the castle, and sat instead near the window, trying to blink the spots out of his eyes from orthostatic hypotension.

"Even the weather's against me. God!"

The commander craned over to the mysterious gentleman, squeezing a spoon as he bored into the gaming shop across the street. It seemed so intense that anything wandering into the beam of sight would kill over instantly. Much like-

The koopaling crushed his cup, scalding coffee leaking on the sides. Unmöglich!

Censuses said there were so and so dark boos in Dark Land... It was unremarkable... Mr. Phantom, a confirmed Mushroomite, wouldn't be here after such a massacre... Again.. Unmöglich!

The guy left a tip on his empty plate, grabbed a faux leather messenger bag, and floated outside, leaving the utensil warped beyond recognition. Ludwig dabbed at the mess he'd made with a napkin, decided to drink what was left of the expensive coffee when-

F O LL OW H I M

He spewed it everywhere.

…

"It's sucky that they weren't in there. Ugh.." Lemmy was heated from head to toe, fuming. Sam and Slam resided on the other side of the Bowser Badlands, so there was no way they were catching up tonight. Of course, what he would do in a confrontation with two sumo bros that could easily sit on him he didn't know, but..

"It's okay, Lemmy-sama. I'll just...Unfriend …them on.. Playstation Network. And.. that'll midgate most of.. the damage.."

"That's not enough! Please use this before that shorts out by the way." Lemmy inverted the inverted by the wind umbrella, or reverted it, or whatever, -either way passed it to his little brother. Iggy had to rely on that scooter now. He used up his strength fighting for two Princess Parlor copies after the 180 IQ clerk clocked that Lemmy was purchasing both and therefore the one-per-customer rule was being exploited.

"So, I'm sorry I missed their abuse while juggling Koopa Troop stuff and practice at the circus, but I'm stopping it now. Not just cause of the money. It's-"

"-Is that Luddy-sama? Bet he went for the Teeheespresso."

The green-haired koopaling spotted him speed-walking in the raging storm, away from civilization.

"Huh. If his sleepwalking makes us late, we're gonna be in so much more trouble than we already are!"

"...Don't worry... we can sneak in.. This Springo Candy will.. get us over the castle's moat," Iggy answered, pushing the scooter into turbo mode.

Lemmy was hoping it wouldn't come to that! Not after last time! The stilted commander led them on a slick and grimy wild chase through the dense forest, Iggy's two wheels getting stuck on every mud pile and tree root and Lemmy bouncing all over the place, head banging into low branches. They tried to call for him, even chucking some rocks and such, never able to bring him out of the trance. So sudden that they nearly ran him over, the commander froze at an abandoned mini-fortress for a second, then he dashed through the the entrance.

Forced to turn around he wanted to send a fist through a wall. Considering he was dealing with Kammy, their 'meshimazu' chef as the Iggster put it, the kitchen might be his best bet. White light bled from underneath the door already. Messing around in there secretly was impossible even for a master like him. It was located in the center of the castle, and the jumbo walk-in refrigerator was immediately right there when someone walked in.

"-GET IN HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF."

Larry dragged himself inside as Bowser was kicking the fridge shut. Besides being busted, his father was eating leftovers super late again, a bad sign. "So.. my CD went missing and-"

"-Whatever, son. Old Hag was expecting this so give it to her and then GET TO BED."

Cleaning out his ears, Larry toted the document along, beaming from a newly hatched plan. He diverted to what was collectively called the 'hall of koopalings except for Junior', who roomed on the other side of the castle. A clunky name if apt, the bedroom doors ordered by age:

Larry's room was, well, his own, with no theme. Quite tidy, made bed, no dirty clothes, school work completed and packed up neat for the summer. Actually sterile nearly aside from his stereo, turntables, and a poster of a movie he liked or two, and not even R rated one or anything, because he couldn't even be a teenage boy right.

Morton's door was wooden with steel bolted on it to be 'hardcore'. Inside, where the bookworm was snoring and hopefully recovering from Peach's evil castle, he had a mini office to write his zines, wanting to be a publisher after graduating. Otherwise he didn't have a theme either, both trying to figure themselves out.

Wendy's door was gold trimmed and smoky glass, the latest if most fragile trend. He really didn't know what was going on in there, as she never anyone in, though he knew she kept tons of shoes despite sticking with her pretty pink pumps perpetually and chic clothes despite cherishing the way of the cupid. So naked.

Iggy's door was skewed on the hinge, something he meant to fix at some point, with a 'Koopa Ball Z' banner taped to it. It was a mad lab that happened to contain a bed to crash in and a computer AI assistant 'Way Awesome Intelligent Futuristic Utility', tolerated as long as he didn't cause another nuclear melt down.

Roy's door was made of dull iron too heavy for most of them to push, with five chains and locks shut up for the night. Like Wendy, it was unknown to him what it looked like in there. He just knew it wasn't a mini gym some assumed, because Roy exclusively went to those paid ones in the city for online clout and distinctly said once that he didn't want his bedroom smelling like the college locker rooms.

Lemmy had outside his door a welcome mat that looked like an upside-down rated Mature symbol. Content warnings were: overabundant fun, fantasy violence, and suggestive themes. He kept colorful kid-sized furniture, toys and Nintendo games, and wacky knick-knacks that he would invite any inside to borrow.

This would have been Larry's destination, for an art kit with a calligraphy pen that wrote just like Bowser's, and not any games, (Though Legos slapped he had to admit), but the rainbow-haired koopaling wasn't in. Furthermore, Ludwig's bronze palace door at the end of the hall was wide open.

Larry inched his way over, glancing in. "No way!"

His laptop, toast! Of all the siblings Ludwig was the only one he trusted with his electronics and then this happens! Did he overclock it or some crap!? He snatched what was left of it and stomped out of there, grabbing the pen too from Lemmy and going on with his plan.

He struggled to articulate what he needed to with all the empty space on the page, not even bothering to read Bowser's neat little cursive towards the bottom. He was about to mark out Kammy's name and whip up an excuse to bring the letter straight to Peach when he realized Kammy at her station in body only, engrossed in conversation.

"Shh! Sonny.. I am STILL straightening Agatha out after those dreadful words she shared with the club. ..What? A letter for me? Lord Bowser probably just wants to check on the princess. You do that for me. Shoo shoo!"

The teenager was shoved up the stairs by the crone. He recalled what some of those flagrant fake messages of his said and preened a bit. Yaah that was pretty smooth of him. He could do something right.

"Go away, please!" Peach begged from her chamber.

"D-don't freak out. It's me again." Kammy had a way to teleport into the Hags Anonymus chairman's in the Badlands swamp, so if she did that and smacked a wrinkly hoe she might be shuffling back up in moments. He hurried up. "Doing alright?"

After a long while, to him at least, "I'm worried most over Toadsworth. I got one glimpse of him before they carried me here and no one will tell me what has happened to him!"

"I can check. See, I had to get to ya soon cause both Dad and Luddy's got it in for ya. For Luddy, it ain't personal. He ain't even into princesses, but you represent everything he's hating about Mushroom folks. Tell me.. is.. some of it true?"

Another long pause. Larry was sweating by then, but as long as the catty croak of a crone kept curving up the staircase, he was safe. "Larry.. Yes. That is why, for a time I was determined to approach nothing the way my predecessors did. Eventually, the short-sightedness of that caught up with me. That time is now," the princess explained so matter-of-factly, he would have wondered if she was a robot back there. Wouldn't be too crazy of a scheme.

Those fears were alleviated when, more like her waifish self, Peach tacked on. "And.. what was it about Bowser? He hadn't seemed particularly.. interested in me."

"You right on that. He's jealous. Am I on point you think or not-"

He thought he heard a rattly thunk in there. She must have been leaning on that old vanity set close to the door. Welp, that tacky thing was long overdue for the dump anyway. "Heavens!" she squeaked. "He will never take Mario from me!"

He was on point. "Umm. Well, besides that. I wanna.." He pressed his face against the door, whispering. "Help you get out of here pronto. Like tonight. If we wait for whatever they wanna do, I just know it'll be a disaster."

"Yes.. thank the stars. Yes."

"Good." Larry stepped off a bit, trying to puff his chest out. "...Just go with the flow from now on, k? Larry's got it."

The teen slipped away, a faint beep meaning that a magikoopa downstairs had hung up. His rescue, or more like distraction plan wasn't sophisticated, but it had no reason to be ineffective. All he needed to confirm was if he could drag Toadsworth out of the dungeon. Some rumors implied that he wouldn't be able to remove himself in a fire emergency..

"Halt, punk!" Tanner ordered, holding his spear across the opening into the dungeon. Guards wouldn't dare be so uncouth typically, but they were told that they could treat Larry in particular like the sneaky crook he was. "Hehe. Sorry, uh, sir. What is your business here?"

"I have some of that dank flower flower and don't wanna get caught. That's my business."

He brusquely slid on past him, easing it into a cool walk between rows of cages. He found Toadsworth in the rear, just lying there on a bench. Larry strained his eyes in the dark. The old man was off in color and stiff as a board, demonstrated starkly when the castle shook and he rolled off the bench, maintaining that position. Volcanic activity did this a lot, it was nothing to worry about until it happened again, and the ceiling began to crack.

"Yo, what's up?!" Larry yelled across the dungeon.

The koopatrol wouldn't answer right away. Larry had dropped a note from his pocket, and the contents turned him into stone.

"This is an official declaration from King Bowser Koopa to Castle Aide Kammy Baba, regarding Princess Peach Toadstool.

...

...

...

I'm kidding. The formal stuff was to ward off snoopers. Something is wrong with my brain. Don't tell your husband. Kamek wouldn't get it and doesn't know Peach like we do. I could have done more before we got to this point and I'm realizing- I wanted to snatch Peach all along! I think I thought somehow she'd worm her way into Mario's business and ruin stuff, but why do I care and what stuff is she ruining? Have I forgotten what the question was? Make a potion or something to fix me. Or make one so that I can know what the heck it is I need to fix. Don't purge your old ingredients like you do every weekend, you might need them all for this basket case."

"Luddy, stop! What are you-"

Their brother barged into the dilapidated structure, someone inside screeching incoherently. Lemmy and Iggy rushed into the square concrete room, the roof leaking in one corner and the person Ludwig was confronting in the other. The only source of light was a curious thing on the floor next to a glasses case, a bell that glowed yellow.

"I c om ma nd yo u to than d me o ver," Ludwig sputtered in a low guttural tone.

Zoo lost what little bit of shock was holding him there. "Why do you want my family property!? Aren't you rich enough? Tell your fat nerd friends to not do this either." He raised the luminous object, rotating it to show where the loop had been bent so that the solid gold chain could be stolen. "I oughta seek legal action," Zoo kept ranting. "Do you think I want it on my record that I got tied up with you reta-"

Ludwig swiftly reached for a holster hidden under his jacket and fired from a ray gun, a replica firearm from 'Cowboy Boom Boom'. Pew pew pew! Bright flashes made Lemmy and Iggy fall back on their shells.

Iggy patted around for his glasses. "Careful, Luddy-sama. That's another one with real laser action!"

"Too late." Lemmy coughed, fanning the dust. He yelped and scrambled backward, away from a bloodied stubby arm on the ground, still grasping the bell.

"YOU CRAZY BISH!" Zoo screamed, grabbing his disembodied arm with the bell, and phasing through the structure.

Ludwig wordlessly blasted the rest of the fortress wall to smithereens, stepping unflinchingly through the opening.

...

His ears were ringing, his wounds were excruciating as the rain pelted him, and he was blind, glasses fogged up from the humidity outside. He found a fork in the road and picked at random. Lasers were flying over his head, shredding the canopy of trees like he was transported into Star Slammers. Zoo tore through the deep forest area, nipper plants chewing on him until he reached a clearing where the rain let up. The dark boo collapsed at the lip of the cliff. There was a long drop down onto the ocean of neighboring Pipe Land. It was a dead end, and he'd dropped his other arm. He spun as Ludwig marched up to his served appendage, ripping his bell from its weak grasp. Without hesitation, Zoo pointed, sending over a death ray blast that would break the prince down to his atoms. It didn't matter if he started World War 64, he had to protect Lou Diddley's Doom Reverb. If the wrong person got ahold of it... The commander paused and grunted while hunched over, struck with a moderate headache at most.

Zoo's scowl faded as he trembled, finding it hard to breathe as he watched Ludwig stand upright and shake the bell in wild motions. The dark boo couldn't remember a moment in his life when he couldn't hurt anyone he wanted, or escape so that he might not have to, but now his goose cooked because he never taught himself to be ambidextrous at summoning his powers.

"-Luddy, son of a biscuit! Stop right there! Just stop." Lemmy forcibly spun his brother around. As he did so, the Doom Reverb abruptly dimmed like a blown light bulb. What was special about that? That criminal was right, they could buy their own. "What got into you?"

Iggy snuck up on them, the low whirr of his ailing scooter imperceptible. "Y-yeah.. Luddy.. and.. when.. did you.. even .. snatch my.. replica?" He inhaled. "Andpleasedon'tputascratchonit!"

"No, forget that part. I mean yeah! I mean the everything part! And-" Lemmy got a good look at his brother as lightning picked up. He gasped, losing his grip on him. His pupils were blacker than the sky and irregularly shaped, starry. "Oh my God.. W-what's wrong with your eyes?"

Ludwig pushed away, smiling in a wide if broken way as the antique disintegrated in his palms, some sort of particle or smoke releasing into the air. The gale forces kicked up as Zoo shrieked, rushing forward until he was zapped by a bolt lightning, his crispy body tumbling downhill. His eyes undiluted and blue, Ludwig speechlessly staggered towards Lemmy, who tried to catch him, though both collapsed into the high grass. Stormy clouds were shifting overhead, blanking out the stars one by one. Thunder shook the ground so strongly, Lemmy thought it might swallow them up on the spot.

"Heeeeelp!"

"S-should I use the Springo Candy now?" Iggy asked, standing over them.

He couldn't hear him over the rumble of- Actually it was a voice all along!

TH ANK YO U F OR FR E EING ME A T LAST. AS Y OUR R EW ARD, THE W IN DS THAT CRE AT ED YOU R W ORLD WILL NOW DE STR OY IT!

Hurricane strength forces carried away the four on the hill, those with spiked shells inland, the one without towards the water. As the sentient storm began its search for a missing recipient of its award, the dark boo continuously flailed. There was a very long drop into the choppy seas of Pipe Land.

Chapter 11: Statutes

Chapter Summary

More event horizons, now from the other side. *RR24*

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The pink toad became exasperated by the looks received by the princess's other pink toad, his pig-tailed manager up on the second-story balcony. Was attempting to garnish the lot, spending his dawn hours carefully freeing the lilies from choking thorny weeds one by one, futile? Probably he admitted, slipping in longing over-the-shoulder glances as he drew away from the planter in the middle of the concrete lot. He was latching onto any fragment of normality to be had. Currently in the custody of Hotel Mario, under siege like all others in southwest Toad Town, there would be little more of that as the day dragged on.

Their trio of chaperons, black spotted toads chatted behind the smudged glass entrance doors. The gardener passed them by uneventfully, stopping at the receptionist's desk. At some point he bent the card key in his pocket, a terrible mistake when he was caked in mud and in need of a shower. He tapped the bell.

The bellhop goomba swiveled away from CRT tv, revealing a ridiculous amount of 'Wanted: Mario' posters tacked up behind him. "What do ya want?! Name?"

The toad signed 'Joseph'.

"I don't know what you're on about. I'm missing my strikers game and you expect me to sit here and read your mind? Speak up!" the goomba fussed belligerently, at least according to his lip movements.

Joe produced the green, newly bi-folded card and sat it down, certain that translated. He'd dealt with a lot of this 'sheepish stranger yelling at a deaf person' shtick, especially before joining Peach.

"He needs another card," one of those guards spoke up, stepping over. "I remember him. He's another Peach Castle refugee."

'Benedict T., Poshley Royal Officer' as the lanyard tag identified, was a foot and a half taller than the gardener and maybe one in a half times as wide- and Joe was no wimp or anything. The guard's jaw jutted out a bit and he needed a haircut under his helmet, but he was decidedly handsome overall with a kindness evident in his dark brown eyes towards Jospeh, not so much the clerk when he stepped to him.

Begrudgingly the goomba shoved a replacement key under the plexiglass shield. The gardener signed 'thank you' to the guard and went on his way, deeper into the hotel.

"-Don't stick up for these dummies," another guard ribbed Ben the moment he returned. He was the middle height of the three there, weaselly and of average build.

"Jon, he was just hearing impaired," Ben replied through his teeth.

"As opposed to mentally? Like this ting?" Jon nudged his elbow at the most stout guard, whose back was turned as she watched a Jumpman pinball machine set to attract mode.

She grabbed his shirt. "Wanna knuckle sandwich?"

"That's not too exemplary of ya, mate," he hissed, alluding to something Ben didn't get.

She relaxed a little. "I'm just saying you claimed you'd find that Mario guy by sunrise, eh. Who's a fool now?"

"Yeah. Shoulda been on that, stead of bossing us around!" Ben added.

"Eldstar doesn't even know where that freak is. With the surveillance cameras I drilled up on the balconies, I do know he ain't here. We'd see it on these screens!" Jon slung open the door of the arcade room they'd taken over as a base of sorts. "If you wanna be useful, stuff yourselves in there and stare at the-" he apologized when he almost slammed face-first into someone leaving.

"You're alright," the guest grunted.

The three guards straightened up their act in a flash, standing shoulder to shoulder, or approximately enough, as the portly middle-aged fellow with a short recently grown beard strolled on by. The guest smirked. A wardrobe change, white t-shirt, black pants, was all it took to fool those amateurs, Mario thought.

He rounded a corner, strategically avoided another, and proceeded down an adjacent path that he knew was unmonitored. Once the pump of adrenalin faded from the close call, he was crushed by despair all over again, for he was losing the bigger battle.

He dreaded what would have happened if Parakarry hadn't banged his door down last night, warning that the same fan club he barely escaped from while Airship One was but a twinkle in the sky, was about to arrive for a bonus round. With items this time. Besides whatever their plans were, the Mushroom King unilaterally declared him a traitor that early morning, Bowser's successful abduction of his daughter while Mario was 'standing right there the entire time' invalidating all evidence contrarily. Once humorous and largely vacuous photos of him and Bowser were now dissected with the scrutiny of some priceless relic. 'Notice the way Mario's upper sleeve brushes up against the more sparsely layered scales of Bowser's, the way he minutely overtakes the Koopa King on the sidewalk, as if to shield him from OUR PRYING EYES,' and etcetera online posts said. Peach explicitly asked for her father's toads to whip MK East Hospital into shape, but while they were here and she couldn't give further orders, they deferred to their king, and the king wanted Mario's head on a platter!

He wondered at first if he should oblige. Kill off Mario himself and continue to be the plain unassuming person he was at the moment. In other words, unironically retire, but...

Luigi was recovering in the clinic, unbeknownst to them. Mario and Luigi, the Mario Brothers. Always accompanying each other. He could kill Mario and make them redirect to his brother. He had to fight this battle with the care of crossing Bob-omb Battlefield. He'd been spying on the castle toads and only the blue-capped one he expected brought his name up. Dealing with a loyalty crisis or not, he couldn't abandon them either. After a kickstart from some off-colored orange juice the hotel served, he reached out to a highly skilled if aloof acquaintance.

A short noki stood on his stiff bed to look outside. Sunlight steadily rolled over the rooftops within Poshley Heights, a magnificent city from what little he could scope out. With three iron bars between him and it, it might stay that way indefinitely. This was certainly no cardboard prison like he was accustomed to.

"Aye aye aye.."

Jelectro had one rope out of here, though he'd have to seek it telepathically. With a complex mixture of embarrassment and consolation, he couldn't use the technique with precision. He'd tried all his life to escape his parent's shadow, to eschew the way of the scammer or psionic voyeur. His eventual alternative left him with less guilt, tacking up a psychic 'memo' for his target to pick up.

...

"Yep. I.. huh? What? You can't.. get enough of.. me can ya?" A voice faded in, maybe thirty minutes later by the advancement of the sun. "Took your watch?.. Call.. your sister, dude?.. I'm sorta in a.. bind... Good news.. the King's men.. don't.. wanna.. kill me.. let alone know.. who.. I am.. Bad news... can't.. discharge myself.. but.. help ya.. out. Describe her..."

The noki completed the picture. In serendipity, his sister should be in the town he was trapped in now, it just happened that he couldn't risk reeling her in himself.

"Got it... uh.. h-hey" Mitch chuckled somewhere far off, the noki could feel. "French Boy.. you're older than.. you.. tell people.. ha.. ha.. ha. No shame about.. being.. a..ripe-"

"Enough, mon ami!" he cried, grateful he was a solitary case.

"Haaa, fine.. Listen up.. Jelectro.." he went darkly, "I expect something.. I mean..My.. talents... have a price.. you know. K. Bye. Stay pretty.."

The noki plopped back down on the bench and signed out, staring at the brick wall. Agent 0069's daring escape broke a rib, but he still hobbled back to base, or either way wasn't here. The noki should have just jumped and endured bed rest and his partner's beratement over sneaking from vacation, because being a vacillating idiot wasn't working out any better.

Two hours later- there they were! A gentleman with a lady on his arm weaved around the stone garden leading to the jailhouse, carrying a metal-covered platter. The human male wore a tuxedo and his lady, a purple noki a red ball gown. The couple dropped off the platter and then left. After no one at the gates was looking, Agent W and Maria separated from each other, pinching their noses in visible disgust. The saddest part to Jelectro was that they weren't faking the marriage part. Right after that, a group of correctional officers for the noon shift arrived. All toads, except for one strollin' stu. Jelectro was panged with some anxiety at the sight of Agent 0088, a known buddy of Agent M, but he bit it back for then.

Shortly, that stu officer stuffed the delivery carelessly into the one-way reception cubby, ruining the succulent presentation. Jelectro placed the messy treat on the bench, a Couple's Cake he'd have to save until he found someone to share with. Meanwhile, his lack of respect for 0088 had him sapping any information he could, manners be darned. What did he miss back home?

The noki fell off his seat, giving the strollin' stu something else to smirk at. They'd turned on Mario.

A ninji porter who dreamed of being some entertainer read off numbers for their audience, anyone left in the Hotel Mario lounge. Mr. Zeror and Chef Tim played along. For the Toadsworth's odd friend, it was mostly to distract himself from bleaker matters, and for Zess T's son, he seemed to be trying to win. Either way, the paltry prizes meant little when they'd salvaged plenty of valuables from the castle. Ajar shutter doors lead to the pool deck where a purple toad, Les huddled up under the patio trying in vain to get his old bandmate Gill T. on the phone. Additional décor included couches, low tables, and potted plastic trees, the last of which concealed Mario as he tiptoed through the lounge and into the darkened bar.

He dunked under the counter, avoided tipping glasses, and slipped into a back room with boxed ingredients and a broken ice machine hooked to the wall. Bucken-Berry had pried out the water line with his bare hands a while ago, creating an opening through the cheap sheetrock. Dropping to his knees, dew-coated grass and the hotel's rusty dumpsters were in view.

Little feet dropped down, inches from his nose.. "Greetings sir!"

Mario kicked over an empty beer keg with a clang.

"Sorry, sir. Ready for adventure?" The red-spotted toad bent to level and flashed him a picture-perfect smile.

"I wish.." Mario answered. "I can hide for another hour I think max. Give my brother his phone I've been holding and his favorite morning snack." He handed off a banana and a YoshiMobile.

The red-spotted adventurer lingered after accepting the items. "-Lionel Kinopio is blogging about this situation from the hospital. It's a travesty."

"..I knew it wouldn't be long until.." Mario tried to shake those thoughts away. "Get my brother and return, Stan. We'll deal with that later.."

"Of course. Adieu," the toad replied, his clammy hand patting Mario's.

Luigi rolled to his left, expecting to reach over and touch the console between his bed and Mario's. His arm instead thrust around in empty space. His abrupt pull of the partition curtain revealed Dr. Toadley's ransacked and patient-free lab. Sheets from cots were piled in the corners. Hay, dirt, and hoof prints also marred the floors, the intern in slippers and a night bonnet sweeping and cleaning around to the best of her ability.

With a burst of energy, he leaped off his cot and dashed out, not making it farther than the lobby when he collapsed. Heart thumping in his ears, he made out the character analog clock above the intern desk, a cartoony representation of his brother. He wasn't sure what time it was when he encountered Zoo in the park, but it appeared to be evening now, so everything turned out fine?...

He regathered his strength and tried to rise again as a half-shaven, barefoot toad in a purple sleeping robe ran onto the scene. "Has my Miracle Toadley Cure worked? Yes it has!" he exclaimed, poking and prodding.

Luigi gently pried his hands off. "Thank you.. H-houdini.. W-where is everyone?"

The doctor retrieved a memo pad from Mary's desk and jotted a few things down from right to left for some reason.. "Did I transfer the patients for their safety? Yes I did. Here is the address."

The 'address' was a crude drawing of their area with a dotted line. He tried to trace it with his finger and couldn't, only able to tell it was going south. "I'm n-not following.."

"On that note, am I giving you a quick follow-up? Yes I am." He shoved a thermometer in the green plumber's mouth and made a face at the results, a rather younger-than-expected face without the usual coverings, but painted with deep sympathy one no less. He raised a hand. "Right or left?"

"Right?"

"What time is it?"

Luigi glanced at it again, squinting. "Four o-two?"

"Is Mirror Mode a temporary side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes it is."

"It doesn't matter!" Luigis scrambled to get up. "I have to coalesce with my brother, so why are they in the Southern Mushroom Kingdom?"

"My patients are, Mario, I do not know. There's a manhunt for him right now. Yes, making this an atypical Saturday morning, even for I-"

He had to grip the chairs again for stability, his digits shaking. "Saturday!?"

"Yes. The Mushroom King and many Mario fans, a few of which sent bricks through my window, are upset that he quit," the doc explained. "Is it that simple? It is. I am sorry."

He spat out the thermometer, fainting as haunting memories wrackled his brain, right into the doc's arms. Dr. Toadley sat with him in his lap for a while, and after confirming he was stable he called out to his intern to take his place, figuring the green plumber would rather wake up to someone like her rubbing the small of his back. She was coming up as a visitor arrived, a red toad.

"Blessings unto you, doctor, ma'am, and Mr. Luigi!"

Luigi jolted awake somewhat at the familiarish raspy voice. He shifted away from Dr. Toadley's lap (Why the heck was he there? He'd rather be in Mary's grasp to be honest, and he wasn't even into blondes, but he digressed), standing on wobbly feet as his 'friend' confidently strode closer, only for his vision to clear up more. This toad merely resembled his best friend on a couple of parameters. That's all they had in common actually.

"You may prefer to make a call." Captain Toad offered his YoshiMobile. "Do not bother to contact Mr. Mario however. He destroyed his phone to prevent tracking and he wants me to take you back to him."

"They wouldn't bother to hack my phone?"

"For now they have forgotten about you."

"Figures, Captain Toad." Luigi set himself up for that, but it was kinda funny. His laugh sent him to the hard floor again, gasping for air next to their feet.

Dr. Toadley had his intern dash for some ice packs. "Was there an additional side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes there was! My bad."

Luigi shivered from a blast of cold. Half awake, ripped that soggy ice pack off of his face, blinking at his surroundings. They were zipping around town in a wide-bodied kart, finished pale beige by what he saw on the hood, and older modeled by the wood panels, tarnished silver instruments on the dash, and plush burst orange interior package.

In a haze as he reclined, he observed the city scrolling by. He couldn't see who were on the sidewalks if any, but the big tanks were hard to miss, along with 'wanted' posters of Mario high on buildings. He was prepared for that now- well not really, but it did not surprise him the way this particular sign did, crossed as they approached a steep incline.

'yaW ecaR layoR'

Eyebrows furrowing, the plumber rearranged that out in his mind. "Mario is here?" he muttered. He tilted to the driver, who was biting his lip, either jumbled or dealing with something internally. "Captain? Where are we going?"

"-Not much farther, Mr. Luigi. Have you seen Kinopio-Kun's recent ramblings? He is on King Toadstool's side."

A subject change, but a doozy of one. "H-he quit?"

He shrugged. "All I can share is that he has an assortment of posts regarding Mario and his apparent inclination all along to go rogue. My favorite is blog #4563 Month ( X) Day (Circle), where apparently him having a visible budge in that Aces tennis game was an indicator of-"

"People from Japan, Water Land can fixate on some weird stuff. Secondly, our dryer went haywire and shrunk our shorts that morning."

"-Your's was better anyway." He winked. "And I mean that with no romantic implications."

"Thank God, now change the subject, Stan." Luigi flushed. "Mixed up emotions, the erosion of boundaries between friends and pseudo couples and fan-preferred couples, and ships and ugh.. all that stuff got us to this point." He hadn't seen The Captain loosen up this much before, like a fun-house mirror version of Mr. Toad, though in all fairness he was a tad older now and never seen him without his brigade. "Hey, where are your buddies?"

"Occupied!"

Luigi waited and the cart dodged an increasing amount of debris at the threshold of Castle Grounds. "What about my earlier inquiry?"

"See." The Captain drove them over the crest of the hill.

The green plumber was hoping the Mirror Mode was distorting this, but the scene across the glassy lake was real. The first level of Peach Castle had disintegrated, so that the crumbling brick on the ground level currently, intruding on the basement and being flooded by the moat water was her second floor. The roof's pink tiles were spread more on the ground than attached to the building, and all the grass and vegetation were dead, the earth murky dark brown. Because the land had sunk from this, the upward slope to Star Hill was stepper than ever, clouds settling up there.

"They weren't embellishing.." The Captain remarked, his knuckles white around the steering wheel.

Luigi snapped back to the driver. "Tell me what you know, already!"

"In due time." They cruised down the sandy driveway that used to curve to the bridge. King's guards were patrolling up here a lot, none the less people were on the property mourning in sizable groups or cuddling with a companion. There was a tendency for citizens to gather or camp out around Peach's castle when she was kidnapped, so it was happening now, more tragically.

"Captain, turn around already. Obviously you are trolling me- Oww!"

The Captain slammed on the brakes, making Luigi's face smack against the dashboard. A few around spared a glance at the kart screeching in sand, before ignoring them again.

"What was that?!" he demanded.

The Captain's eyes were.. glimmering as he sat rigidly. "I know of the forces play.. Golly, in fact I've been the curator of such."

"And?"

"You are correct, Mr. Luigi. It is expedient we depart." He shifted into reverse and floored it, honking as Mushroomites dove out of his way.

Luigi held on tight, shrieking at the innumerable near misses. The Captain careened them downhill, relying solely on the jiggling cracked in the center rear-view mirror. "Captain! Watch out for that pianta to the right! I mean left! Watch that kid too!"

A young toad tried to flag them down by standing directly in their path and waving his arms. Luigi tugged the steering wheel, avoiding them by a hair. An ejected marble column from the castle launched the kart ten feet into the sky. The landing popped off their interior panels, made sun shields flop down, the radio slide out, and the glove compartment pour its contents at Luigi's boots. For some solace, it was a first aid kit..

The two spilled out of the kart, noticing some slimy dark stuff leaking from it, rolling into the lake. Resisting the urge to wring his neck, Luigi cooperated with The Captain for a little longer. They dropped belly first into the grit of the shore, groping around the many parts shaken loose in vain for the source. Shortly someone approached, their worn-out shoes stopping on the other side of the vehicle.

"Sorry," Luigi grunted. "We are a little busy.."

"I see... Umm. You are Mr. Luigi are you?" they asked.

Captain Toad rose to look at him, not finding anything unusual about the ragged young red toad besides his dialect. "Who are you, sir?"

"I'm... That's Luigi isn't it?"

The green plumber dropped the wrench, a new fear rippling through him. People had turned on Mario, and he'd taken the Captain's word that no one would care about him. What if they'd begun to, or The Captain was negging and they had been all along? "Why.. do you want him?"

Then the toad came scuttling over, the plumber turning white. He steeled himself to slide away from under the kart and face him. He was just a kid it appeared, with torn clothes and a decidedly, now that he'd heard it more, Darklandian accent.

"I was that missing toad. Thomas... Thomas.. Kekler."

Luigi stared. "...I'm sorry, I probably missed those events while.. I.." He squeezed his eyes shut, the eidetic memories making him lightheaded. "Got injured on the job. If you're not a screwball against my brother, you should probably come with us."

"Thank you thank you.." The toad hopped up and down in a display of excitement, if affected Luigi thought.

The Captain rolled his eyes. "-After we fix the vehicle that Mr. Luigi damaged, that is."

Luigi glared. "You were the one driving the wrong way!"

"I took the correct path, thank you."

"I mean driving in reverse, you smartarse-"

"Is this the problem?" Thomas pointed to the oil slick. Without waiting for a response, he dove for one of the ejected jumbo bandages and spray adhesive bottles and disappeared under the cart for a few seconds.

"Be careful, child!" The Captain fussed, crawling to see what he was doing. "This is a rental."

That explained it.

"Try it now," the kid droned.

Luigi slipped into the driver's seat quickly, cranking it up. It worked. And he wasn't getting out of the driver's seat this time. Reversing his inputs would be awkward, but it was still safer than the alternative.

"Babe, it's nothing. Okay? Just go back to our room."

…

"Why you gotta do this? Stop looking for.."

…

"You listening to me?"

…

Toadette ducked under his arm, thwarting his attempt to block the bar's storage room. "As the manager, you must listen to ME, Blue."

She slipped into the dark room, rife with a stale beer smell and cheaply stored food, with an unsightly hole in the wall. The crumbly plaster matched what her boyfriend tracked into their room's carpet, incurring an extra charge. (Shortly to be waived, as their shower only had cold water working and it evened out). She'd been fed up with how secretive he'd been suddenly, though if all it was was sneaking out, it could be much worse. She spun from the property damage, folding her arms.

"Blue," she lectured playfully, "I can agree that a place like this needs demolishing, but please wait until we check out!"

He kept his head down, unnerving her. "Baby. I'm done playing around." He shuffled to the side where, behind his sneakers, she could see a red duffle bag hidden being some kegs.

Her face slowly dropped, trickling towards him. "Is that..!? Oh my gosh, do you know w-where... where 'he' is?"

"You wouldn't turn on him too, would ja?" he accused, meeting her halfway.

"Of course not! But we have an allegiance to all Toadstools and.. It's best for us and him if he leaves us out of it."

His wide stare of disbelief impaled her. "Baby, do you hear yourself? You're taking the side of guards we've never met over Mario who used to save our lives every week, just because the new freaks on the block happen to work for Peach's dad?! The same dad she kicked to the curb for a good reason probably?!"

She collected herself. "..I know it appears that way, but as the manager now I'm trying to be.. I'm trying to match the spirit of the princess's proclamation. To put sentiment aside and do whatever is best for the greater-"

"Freaking what?! There's no way those stupid pieces of paper the cops picked up tell you to betray Mario!" Something snapping, he blurted everything he'd been thinking lately. "Know what? To be so smart, you're a hypocritical brat!"

She cast him a dark look, rearing to slap him. "Illustrate, please!"

"-You get annoyed that I'm 'obsessed' with Mario, but you're more so with those weirdos minus Peach. Like you think if you capitulate- I used it right this time- enough these new guys will pick you up and make you their new head toad or something. No act right now will bring Peach back or make those folks give 'low quality' toads like freaking us that adulation you're addicted to!"

She fell back on a supply box, incredulous. "What's got you so pissed?"

He thawed, facing away. "Princess school. Ring a bell? Thought so. Parakarry must have had a late night out. He knocked on my window with the invite. It was me that dropped it on your nightstand, not Toadsworth."

Toadette could have sworn a launch star shot her into space, directly into a black hole.

~The Princess School in Jewelry Land was an elective for budding princesses and or their stewardesses of exceptional rapport. One was instructed all the ends and outs of aristocracy and stewardesses often returned to their kingdom with such elevated status, that they were eligible to be betrothed by a baron, perhaps even an earl, leaving behind all peasant-like, ordinary, or estranged. -Like Yvan 'Bucken-Berry' Toad.

She broke down, crying into her palms. The boxed Nintendo Cereal System under the toad girl popped and crackled from the tears. Did he have to bat down, one by one all the statutes she'd branded into her heart like that?

"..I'd never compare my past to yours, but I was hopeless in Shroom City, that other toad capital, as a toadette named Toadette. I was invisible, no matter what I did. The library became a refuge, both.. from authorities after I began to cheat the lottery, but also where I could place myself on the pages and be anyone traveling anywhere. Then.. Mr. Toad picked my entry letter to race at the Double Dash!, all over something as insignificant as my banal moniker, changing everything.." She looked up at him, sniffling. "I know we aren't owed exactly what we want in life, but when it happens, and you're convinced the stars did it, you can't just shun it like that."

"Babe." He dried her tears with a linen. "If your goals start to steer you on a bad course, are they really behind it? You can keep managing and stuff, but you gotta help me help Mario out. That's the only way we'll get Peach back, ya know? -And sorry for screaming at ya too. I know I get jerkish but- are we good now?"

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, she shot up to wrap her arms around him. He melted in the embrace. As stalwartly as he'd gotten towards the end, he was grateful he didn't have to do this alone.

Benedict concluded his walk-around at the reception office. Only the clerk was around, watching a super sluggers game behind the glass. He expected his squad, or at least Bridget to wait so they could take a break together. So much for that. He let that frustration go as a delicious aroma made his stomach rumble, originating from a monty-mole munching on a muku cookie crossed by with a food cart. Like a cheep cheep on a line, he followed him deeper into Hotel Mario, before getting lost in the windy layout.

…

"Guys, I can't thank you enough. No toad can resist that stuff." The man plopped onto a couch, every muscle in his body easing up. There was a low table between him and the two others on a parallel couch. A ceramic plate of pastries were stacked high, though his appetite hadn't returned.

"You are welcome, sir, hehe." Toadette hadn't gotten over being face to face with this plain human, totally unremarkable in appearance save for the spark behind his blue eyes, twice incidentally, none the wiser on who 'Curtis' really was. "Those promos Greedy Eats spams me with had to come in handy one of these days."

"As if you aren't using them for yourself every other weekend," Bucken-Berry toyed, making her flush.

"What works works, Blue!" Toadette countered. "This lounge has been dead since piling the food up in the other one, pfft!"

Curtis combed his fingers through his oily hair. "Not to bring ants to the picnic, but let's not celebrate too soon. I'm deadlocked by lunchtime happening in five minutes and Stan not showing up yet-"

Words died on his tongue as Ben strolled in, hungered and glazed over before snapping out of it. He distinguished himself. "Greetings. Do you mind?"

He gingerly sat next to that Curtis guy, depressing the couch with his huge figure as he judiciously reached for a Coco Candy. Ben choked on it a little as he swallowed, everyone looking at him like he was some hideous freak, or a Yux from the moon about to eat them.

"-O-oh, officer, good thing you swung on by! A mouser is loose in my room, you see. Could you help?"

"Ah. Well, I- uh well.."

Of course. He wasn't 'Mario'. If he asked someone to jump he wasn't going to get a 'how high and can you please teach me to do it the way you do'...

"I'm sure you can do it. Let's go!" he encouraged. To layer some extra on, he pulled the toad up with him. His bet that the young guy wouldn't fight worked out, and he didn't all the way to the elevator.

The human selected floor four and waited alongside the square-shouldered sentry while some old-school elevator music buzzed from a dusty speaker. He wasn't sure if he should slump or fix his posture more to obfuscate his identity better. Thankfully Benedict seemed too awkward to look at him once. He even did that cough thing once. Mario was almost feeling sorry for the lad.

Back in the lounge, Bucken-Berry broke into a sprint with Toadette, retreating to the suite. They jumped on one of the twin beds. "Mario's trick won't hold too long." He started to call a number.

"Not even with the power of his beard?"

He faced her, phone pressed to his ear. "No. Not even that." When he didn't get anyone on the line, she thought he might toss it out the window. He typed an extremely inflammatory message to The Captain instead, enough to make her blush from what she saw of it.

"You'd do WHAT to him in a fight?"

He smirked. "You know it, babe."

"Considering he invited me on an adventure only to ignore me for treasure, he'd deserve it!" She pressed her lips into his, falling back together.

The nonchalant human led the guard to room 404. Mr. Zeror wasn't superstitious of the number four, and preferred being roomed away from the rest from what he'd discerned. He knew he was a diabetic too, so he would have to be downstairs somewhere for lunch. All the human had to do to stall the guard out and get the slip was pretend this was his suite and-

"Here, sir?"

"Yes. -Wait don't!"

The guard kicked the door in with a thunderously loud bang. Curtis winched as Ben erratically swept around the twin bedroom with his super scope drawn. Salvaged items from Peach Castle were stacked along the walls in crates and boxes.

Ben lowered the gun. "Quite a haystack to find a little mouser, eh? Hmm." The guard skeptically considered a stack of goods. "Why does this say 'Property of Peach Castle'?"

Beads of sweat formed on Curtis' hatless head. "From a private auction," he guessed, unable to see what Ben was staring at a foot or so above his eye level.

"The princess would vend those precious jewels? I am not stupid, sir. She is not strapped for cash!" Ben pushed Curtis into the crate stack, pinning him tightly in place with his forearm. Some crates toppled to the floor, hoards of beautiful gems and old bronze artifacts spilling out. "You went to the disaster sight, to loot!"

"No!"

"Why did you think you'd get away with it?"

"I- didn't, son. Now-"

"Everyone in the eight continental kingdoms knows your name and reputation for shady behavior, Mr-."

"Fine, I'm Mario."

"-Waluigi!"

"...What?"

"What?" the guard echoed.

The radio strapped on the burly toad went off. "-Geez, hardly anyone owns a kart in this podunk town and they still can't find a parking spot!" That lioness with them cackled. "I just made somebody move away from the dumpster and use the lot like civilized people."

Ben fumbled to click the call button under his shirt. Before he could reply the other guard buzzed in.

"Why is this news, mate?" Jon replied.

"I dunno, I thought Luigi had a bigger IQ than that," Bridget said.

"Does he?" Ben asked Mario, lowing the radio.

"Yes. For instance, he wouldn't take his eyes and hands off the perpetrator."

Mario socked him in the jaw, then slung the stunned toad by the lanyard into the crate stack, collapsing the hoard. With the exit barricaded by the mess everywhere, Mario pressed against the sealed window. Beyond the balcony he spotted The Captain's kart, one of several junkers in front of Hotel Mario. Not a great rendezvous spot, but if old paint wasn't sealing the window shut, he'd taken it right away. Mario smashed some giant paper-wrapped pictures over the guard's head as he stirred, and then took his super scope, ramming the stock against the glass. After the second bump, the gun discharged on him, sending over his shoulder yellow energy beams at the bed. Its heavy comforter lit up in an instant, with dense smoke filling the room. Mario didn't see that he was about to be rammed until the wind was knocked out of him and he burst back first through the window, sliding on the balcony. Crash!

Stars in his vision still, he was pummeled by the giant for a moment. The second Ben's energy was expelled though, he slapped him with the barrel of the super scope, and used the momentum of his recoil to shove him onto the ground instead. Bruised and bloodied, Mario staggered up, keeping one foot on his chest and aiming the weapon at his face. Ben didn't grovel, retaliate, or anything, he stared hauntingly at the disgraced hero.

Appalled at himself, Mario chucked the gun away, leaping off the balcony and onto a camera drilled into some gutter drain pipes. Guests were evacuating beneath. Steadily, the pipe began to flex under the plumber's weight. He was sure he was about to be in trouble until out of the group he saw his angel. He dropped four stories down into the arms of Bucken-Berry, bridal style.

"Thanks, Cool Blue."

"Yeah, heh. Don't mention it." The toad carried him at a semi-brisk pace.

"-You can put me down now." Mario went, wryly. "Might be quicker."

Jon twisted as they passed by him, finding their mad dash strange and the familiarity stranger when others impatiently waited for the fire department to show up. Then some prankster toad girl with pigtails pulled a pillowcase over him, making him trip over a parking block and swear.

Meanwhile, "Come on! I know we dropped the ball at the end. Sorry! I was trying to evade that chick but left was right and- and-!" A panicky Luigi was in the driver's seat, a tense-lipped Captain Toad was his passenger, and the entire kart had the valor of surviving all sixty-three Mushroom World wars at once. Mario heard a nerve-racking grind as his brother cranked it up.

"Uh oh. It's the-"

"No, Mario. I was turning the key the wrong way. Er. Yeah, everything I see is- Oh no."

Being sitting ducks too long, here came the zapper, that 'chick' back with an ice cream cone from the parlor across the block.

Luigi faced her, hiding his grimace. "Uh. Hi again."

"What's this, eh?" Bridget's smile revealed a childish tooth gap, another way she was a little less cookie-cutter than the rest, besides her ruddy complexion and sandy hair visible under the black spotted toad cap. "You're even worse at this parking thing now. Well, at least I found Mario, hahaha."

The green plumber compulsively laughed with her, more and more, his seat giving way and kicking back. She froze, confused but flattered as he cracked apart.

"-Uh, what's happening?" Mario asked.

"Beats me. Listen, I was gonna shoot you, but I like that guy so I'll give you a five-second head start. Okay go."

"What?! O-okay! Yvan, help!"

The blue toad that had vanished into the crowd expertly barreled out with zero subtlety to help. The rear wheels hit the parking brick, getting stuck.

"You too, young lady!"

So authoritatively Mario sounded, the guard impulsively pushed the kart for a head start. Captain Toad caught on and slid over to the driver's spot, sitting on Luigi to steer as Mario jumped onto the hood. The plumber and blue toad locking eyes, both made the split decision to join each other. Mario pulled him on as the kart accelerated off the curb and onto Starman Land in reverse. Mario flashed the guard a v sign to the guard, and entered the kart with Bucken-Berry through the (shattered) open sunroof.

"You can turn around in that open driveway other there-"

"No need, sir." Captain Toad catapulted them through many red lights.

Mario side eyed. "Okay, then at least get off my brother."

"But this is comfortable!"

Mario ripped him off his brother's lap and tossed him into the back seat so that HE could do the driving by reaching for the wheel. They continued to be honked at, though the bigger concern was mushroom tanks began to track them. Trying to keep his composure, Mario made a sharp turn onto an exit to leave downtown. The ramp dumped them over bumpier terrain with barbed wire fencing lining the road. The tanks did not let up and in fact doubled in quantity on him.

"Thought I'd shake them by now," he groaned. "-Any ideas guys?"

Captain Toad all too eagerly hurled Luigi's banana out of the window, forcing the leading tanks to veer off-road and plow over cacti.

"He mighta wanted that!" Bucken-Berry punched The Captain's arm.

"He informed Mr. Kekler that he wasn't hungry, Yvan."

"...Who the heck is that?-"

"Don't let him hurt me!" someone squeaked from the station wagon's trunk. The blue toad checked back there, gaping at the young Darklandian. Before he could process it, bombs went off yards away, hurling him to the cabin floor and rattling the teeth in their heads.

Luigi recovered from his delirium as another bullet bill flew by. The tanks had stopped moving, but only to firing everything they had as the fugitives drove into the desert. Mt. Rugged and mesas, light and hazy were in the background, a taste of the inhospitable territory beyond, though what kept the heavy weaponry at bay was a single painted white line in the road, the Toad Town to Southern Mushroom Kingdom border.

"They.. they really want him dead. Oh my God," Luigi breathed, unable to stop shaking even as they escaped the missile's range.

Ludwig drifted about in the aether, where his outer layers shed piece by piece, until he was lucent, uncolored, down to his most scrupulous bits.

The future had always been his main interest, called an old koopa in a child's body, his spirit rarely blithe beyond short bursts, as there was so much wrong in the world and it was so evident to young him that his brethren's methodology was flawed..

An army could pillage a kingdom in days, and its progress may be undone just as quickly by toad subjects, 'toady' nature deeply engrained. Ludwig's purpose therefore was not chaotic endeavors, destruction for destruction's sake like the rite of his ancestors, but rather to strategically dismantle their institutions, force them to become cognizant of the true nature of their enslavement- not the whims of human monarchs and toad nobels as a few are scholarly enough to notice and even question, but the non-toad defaming culture they had created in spite of those influences. Like a beautiful orchestra, only then would all the diverse sections blend with true harmony.

Too bad he never had a chance! This was the woeful 'him' ultimately presented for judgment, approaching the gate that enclosed a square sapphire platform in space. There were white fields on it, sparkling rivers, and a stupendous golden castle, Star Temple towering high above.

The Koopaling's eyes, or whatever physical embodiment was left of them narrowed, focusing on a holographic scroll posted to the gate with a crooked nail.

'Attention, Star Temple is closed f'rev'r and f'rev'r, ya undes'rving mutts!'

-Z. A. S

Chapter 12: Pain, Unspecified

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Trepidation crept into the caravan. After fifteen minutes of driving on the fringe of Dry Dry Desert to avoid tweesters, every part of the vehicle was turning brittle from heat or glowing like a stovetop. Luigi drove he supposed though that largely involved mashing one pedal and keeping the wheel steady. With his palms fused onto the melted plastics, he had no choice as everything faded to white. Side effects rearing or not, he had faith that soon... he'd... be...

…

He glanced at his brother periodically in their tidy den, containing only what it was supposed to, a large screen entertainment system, a few portraits on the walls, and comfy recliner chairs stationed side by side. Bob-omb Ross was on the public access station, the afro artist enthusiastically painting a tropical paradise scene. It was with guilt then that he had to shatter this illusion, make the surroundings fall away like jigsaw puzzle pieces, until only a small floating cut out of the living room remained in the dreamy void.

"Mario. How are you holding up?"

His brother's fingers curled on the armrest. On TV, the artist began to paint darker skies on the edges of the canvas. "So many things are running through me, I can barely put it into words. Are people with the Mushroom Flu taken care of, what if our friends don't listen to my warnings and get roped into this, if we can rescue Peach or not, if she'll ever speak to me again, and why did I trust Bowser? Why'd I get infatuated with that 'mysterious' doofus? The narrative's right. This IS my fault." By then he'd had clawed through the fabric, facing his younger brother with a flush.

"...I'm not going to go 'here here it's okay', because it's not. I wouldn't be hallucinating, or dying of heat stroke, whatever is happening right now if things were." Luigi collected his thoughts. "..You're only a portion of the equation here though. Bowser betrayed you by rubber stamping his son's attack on innocent citizens, and Peach betrayed herself by reaching out to a father she hates."

Mario's teary eyes also brimmed with confusion.

"-I know their conflict was before we moved here, but read between the lines. Does she ever mention her pop? Same for Toad and his relatives up there? Anyway, everyone had a part somewhere, and yours was as innocent as- and I'm obviously not saying this to suck up to you when this conversation isn't real, but you trusted too much and worried about offending others to the point where you couldn't be honest anymore."

"-I.. I guess."

"I can't speculate on what might happen between you guys, just help you save the day. Whether you'll be enemies or frenemies or more or after this, I'm out of my league."

"Why would you say that?" Mario asked humoredly.

He hesitated, "..When I was with Daisy, we were mutually just good friends, so I've never felt that intense about anyone yet. If I was incapable I think I'd found peace with that already, but.. I-I'm just not sure."

"Now, that's not all bad." Mario slapped his shoulder. "Spared for now from the heartache."

Luigi smiled back. "There are pros and cons to everything... Except the country station. Change it, please!"

"It's not from this." Mario hunted for the remote regardless. "Besides MKTV wouldn't play anything that girls in swimsuits can't dance to."

Luigi blankly scanned around. The television hadn't switched programs, so where was that coming from?

The banjo and 'geetar' duel was broadcasted over the shanty town with powerful pedal steel amplifiers. The work boots of koopa and shy guy ranchers and herders marked fresh tracks as they did business, trying to ignore it. After a slew of dissonant counter-melodies from the guitar, the tune concluded because no strings were left on it. At least that 'soothing' tactic worked, and the Mushroom Flu patients within the flat rural-style infirmary had stopped banging on the doors. Without frequent motor traffic, and with most 'round those parts being the strong silent type, the Southern Mushroom Kingdom got as quiet as the mousers in the fields.

"-What key was that 'sposed to be in, Junior?" the ptooie plant in the straw hat asked.

The koopa in the adjacent rocking chair, Jr. Troopa tilted up his black ten gallon. "I dunno. You asked me to improvise, pard!"

"Just go, chile. -And leave my geetar, please!"

As the protégé of the reclusive CEO 'Mr. X' as of a few months ago, Troopa would have sworn he was in charge, but the triage nurse wasn't the biggest thug on the block either in the brought south, so he fluttered along on his small awkward wings. An ostro rider zoomed by, sweeping his hat off with a cloud of dust. The twenty-year-old grumbled while snatching it back, the only thing hiding his untamable curly brown hair. The rider made a u-turn, managing to not piss him off as much the second time.

"Sir, my bad!" A nurse, a normal one, not a countrified version, skidded to a stop, sending the occupant in the back, a red toad in a white doctor's coat sliding off the leather saddle and face first into the dirt.

Troopa pulled him up, feeling sorry for the stranger before he noticed the toad wasn't at all. The noki nurse, Laki, noticed how oddly they stared at each other, so he excused himself quickly.

"You?! What are you doing here?" Troopa gasped, dropping the cowpoke act.

Dr. Toad brushed the dirt off his jacket, easing into aloofness. "Dr. Houdini Toadley's formal request had an encounter with a shredder, nonetheless one of my associates had a 'mangled fiber assembler' and I learned of your Mushroom Flu predicament this morning. I am a busy but flexible man as you well know."

"Mhm." Troopa was as red as the sun. Just as he remembered, lanky, passive-faced, with blond hair properly tucked under the red cap, except more successful now. Way more. "You doing this on your own?"

"-No, my crew are on the way. Now, why couldn't Nurse Laki contain your good rapport?" Dr. Toad smirked. "He snitched, but I admit it is wonderful to see my ex-partner level up. Finally."

Jr. Troopa seized the toad by his bony upper arm. "Get in there. Now!"

He dragged him into the closest building out of the heatwave and prying passerby, the empty Ruff Parlor. A ruff puff waitress noticed them and shuffled away to grab an apron. They slid into the bench close to the western swing door.

"Okay, help us out then. Stars know we need it. It's like trying to stop a stampede with one lasso. Just don't be funny about it!"

Dr. Toad drummed his skinny fingers against the table, looking at a pda in his left hand. "Funny? I am serious as Carroboscis. All I need from you is your office space."

"My office space?!"

Some modulation- was that playfulness- snuck into his low dryish voice. "That is your fait accompli, Jackson. I researched everything on the way, and yes I might share some of the credit with you once this is all done."

'Jackson' Troopa Jr. narrowed his eyes. "Everything, Drew?" He recounted all the different ways the world had fallen apart in one day, concluding with Mr. Phantom, aka Zoo Diddley. He intended to knock that smugness from the doctor's visage and that worked.

The expert in douchebaggery however, Dr. 'Drew' Toad sat his phone down, cold as ice once more. "I will be careful, and it appears I moved away at a great time."

There was the punch back. The waitress sat a mug of creme soda down and Jr. Troopa took a big swig of it immediately, if just so that he didn't retaliate and scare off their best bet at helping folks down here. He wiped away the fizz mustache. "I'm sure Special World is soooo much better!" he snapped.

"-Hey Hon, your radio with cha?" asked the waitress. "Vick wants ya."

Troopa shot her a look. "I told him I don't care about reading sheet music-"

"Naw, spotters saw this smoked-out kart roll'n long. Mario's in it!"

'So yeah you can uh, leave your name and number and I'll call back when I can! Seeya!'

Boo moped around in their cabin for a while, the only number on their phone, beside their mom's, routing to voicemail. In actuality though, they didn't need Luigi to know what was happening. Not even their migraine and spotty memory since leaving Club Gamecube yesterday was a detriment, as it was all over the television, radio, and messageboards. The boo scraped up some courage to venture into town, trying to avoid anyone that might point them out as a friend of Mario. These blackbelt kids outside of Tayce T.'s might not. Believe it or not the red plumber's biggest fans- or perhaps enemies now were grown-ups with lots of disposable income for his merch and games.

'I'm gonna be picked!'

'No me! I just got the third-degree card!'

A third retorted, 'Actually both of you have low probability.' *snorts* 'They prefer toads...'.

Some shadows crept over Boo from behind. They spun around, face to face with a group of scary, heavily armed toads. Boo shot back home, under the covers. A part of them was seething to find so many complacent or silent when they knew Mario had saved their lives countless times, but the boo diddly could do nothing with those emotions but perseverate until they felt sick to the stomach. As it became literal they ran outside, making a b-line for the bushes when-

"Excuse me buddy!"

The paratoopa brushed beyond Boo and sprint hopped to their neighbor, slipping a news bulletin in the door. He scuttled off before Boo could correct them. Boo was of the diddly tribe. The red boo in that pretty little oak cabin was a 'boo buddy', or at least a rejected one according to the tale he told Boo once. Might have had something to do with being a male red boo. Or him being creepy. Maybe both.. Boo followed the mailman like the lost chain chomplet they were, grabbing something to protect themselves from rogue toads. Green Bowser emblem racket in hand (no memory how they acquired it), they caught up with Parakarry as he delivered to an office building. The cubby was recessed, hiding what he was doing until Boo approached slowly. He appeared to have stacks of pink flyers.

"H-oh! Hey there. Here you go." He handed Boo a thin advert bundle. "What's that long face for? Junk mail means they know you're still alive! ..You don't get it? So somebody's always thinking about cha if you look at it that way."

"..Right. I think. Why'd you skip me the first time?"

The paratroopa's smile stretched, struggling with the locks. "Hm?"

"I-I thought I saw you deliver for Trevor Buddy?"

Parakarry secured the box with a metallic clang. "-If you'll excuse me.."

Overtaken, they snatched the paratoopa as he shimmied by, denting the metal box by shoving the koopa against it.

"STOP LYING TO MY FACE!" Booigi the Second growled. Their pressure against his scale plates chilled him to the bone. "I. Saw. You. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!"

"EElldssttar, hhholld up! Heeree!" Parakarry's shakily held out a photocopied version of the bulletin.

'To: M.'

'From: S.G. to M '

'Something funky is going on with half of our team here, man and I'm getting cabin fever stuck with with that Andrew idiot. I can't mention this to N because I bet it's got something to do with 0064. I can't stand this anymore. Pipsqueak gets sent to vacation while I slave away for N and get nothing! If you come across 0064 just kill him while you're at it.'

Booigi's eyebrows furrowed. The mail carrier winched as folded it up impatiently.

"Ddddoon't. I'm bbbeeiing bblackmmmailed!"

Booigi let him go. "Go on."

Parakarry desperately rubbed his arms together for warmth. "Does a sovereign ruler of healthy body and mind retire? Maybe that's on the record, but us old-timers know how it actually went. Why then wouldn't the Mushroom King reclaim his kingdom again with the usurper out?"

"The p-princess? O-oh no.." Boo mewled.

A heavily loaded yellow school bus rocked and squeaked on its way from Bowser Badlands, a remote portion of Dark Land abandoned by the Koopa Troop and claimed cheaply by The National Koopa Scouts of Dark Land. They provided a wholesome community and taught their scouts how to survive away from modern amenities. Being a swamp, rain was common, though the severe storm that swept through last night was unusually great. Evidence remained on the roads they were on, extra muddy and cluttered with branches, bricks, and other debris.

'Ain't No Fly Guys on Us' blared in the ears of one broody scout as he kicked his feet and mumbled along. The prince dropped his gaze to his sash covered with weighty badges, finding it futile. Freedom to be like any other kid never lasted long at all, and once he was home again he'd be babied, watched, disallowed to get dirty, and the source of hushed talk behind his back and junk.

Their Scoutmaster faced the kids. "Wow! That was our best rendition yet!" Also the twentieth in a row, the boomerang bro muttered, borrowing the GPS from the drowsy buzzy beetle driver. To his concern, there was heavy damage even as they crawled closer to urbanization. On some plots, only foundations remained. "Stay in your seats kids, this is nothing we haven't learned about. Remember that weather lesson?"

"The rain clouds get angry and then dance around in a circle!" a spiny scout way in the back answered.

"Thaaaat's right! It's called a tornado. Oh and here's.." The scoutmaster blinked at it again. "..Scout Junior's stop coming up."

Bowser Junior strapped his oversized backpack on and loitered out, staring at his toes, not wanting to face what he dreaded. Suddenly his left foot was dangling over the edge of a deep crevasse. The tyke staggered backward from the empty moat. Junior gaped at the huge pile of rubble that used to be his home until someone swept him off his feet.

"Careful, son! Are you alright? Good!"

A battle tank was flipped upside down and wedged over the moat, creating a bridge for the father and son to cross. They went down some stairs. The thick iron cages of the dungeon were swung wide open and standing around were Morton, Larry, Roy, Wendy, also some guardians, Kamek and Kammy, and some castle staff, lastly 'momma' Peach. Sheets and flipped mattresses were leaning against the walls in a tent formation.

Bowser's pointer claw darted around, doing a count while Junior remained in his other arm, his questions ignored. "Okay. Er. Right. Let's start the search!"

"Daddy?" Wendy inched over, kneading some pink sleeping wrap in her hands. "Without Ludwig how are gonna.. you know?"

Bowser didn't bother to hide his consternation at the reminder. "We just wing it like a paratroopa running late. K? We'll find everybody out there, but only if we KEEP MOVING! Go go go!"

He scanned the dungeon one last time for stragglers. Suddenly the princess was upon him. She was baggy-eyed, otherwise normal considering she was on the top floor of a collapsing lair a few hours ago. Must be that pretty armor.

"You have my condolences for this disaster and I hope you locate everyone. Sincerely. But it will be easier for my rescuers if I remain where they expect me to be. Here," she prodded gently.

"Nah, you come along, Hotness."

"-You cannot hold us captive until you locate each and every soldier! How long will that take?"

"As long as it needs!" He slung her over his shoulder. "We all get to suffer together! Least your old man is spared, sorry about that!"

"-He can hear that, you brute!" she fussed.

"Whatever you wanna believe." They'd checked him earlier, and he was stiff and moldy. There was no way he was alive.

-Or was there, judging by chest moments of the body on the mattress.

"Release me. I will handle him." Peach kicked to drop from Bowser and his head spun too much to protest.

The Koopa King let her pick a koopaling to watch her. She picked Larry and that was it. They were gone. Bowser and his minions had been in this scenario countless times, it was even a tradition for the enemy to bring their castle down after defeat, but who was the enemy? He couldn't let his liege know, but devoid of his script. Lost.

…

Later, in another sense as well, traveling around disorienting without landmarks. They didn't have much to help out. No maps, heck no weapons if some trouble started. His magikoopas lacked their scepters, his hammer bros their hammers, his koopas and goombas their Mario-brother-obliterating-on-contact force fields. Eventually a baddie volunteered, or Roy rather volunteered the paragoomba named Hippty Hop by slinging him into the air. The screaming nervous flyer eventually flew in an erratic pattern towards something over the horizon.

They followed the dot in the sky to a semi-rural neighborhood that might have been surrounded by trees, now uprooted and tossed about. The air was redolent of recently stirred dust and nothing else. No pungent whiffs of burnt materials, no sickening odor of death in the empty stone homes. Movement from a surviving purple bloodwood tree attracted them over, ragged scraps of cloth winging limply from its branches. Hippity landed at the base of it.

"King! (Darn I was tryina run from you lunatics..) I found a guy!" he straightened up and reported.

"Please let me help, assist, aid you!" Morton barged ahead, shaking the trunk. Roy kept trying to warn him about his bad technique until a body splat on the ground. Morton was pleased with himself anyway, pulled muscle aside. They gathered around the lakitu in a weathered balaclava, J.D. otherwise known as Bowser's eleventh sentry.

"Another casualty, Lord Bowser," Kamek muttered.

Sentry 11 rolled himself over, flashing a broken smile. "Not yet. Always of service.. Boss. And give.. that one.. a medal for... for never leaving.. his p-post, least.. in spirit." His twitchy thumb pointed left.

Very familiar debris was over there, parts torn straight out of their castle. Many minions found some items with their names on it, or at least that they claimed it did, and combed through it while the rest were drawn to a section yanked from the entrance to the dungeon. The doors were still upright and stationed at it was a suit of stuffed armor they thought, before remembering that they weren't that kind of medieval castle. Bowser whipped from that to a dorky koopa in his lineup a few times.

"Sir, I uh, don't know how that happened either," Tanner explained, in his white tanktop only. "All I remember is.." On cue from his armor's gauntlet, a paper whished from it towards Junior. Though the tyke couldn't read cursive yet, it didn't matter. Bowser always used the typewriter for the headers!

"Grandma, a letter!" The six-year-old gave it to Kammy before his father could stop him.

The crone fell on her butt, eyes rolling back. They crowded around her then. "Lord Bowser.. no.. no.. no.."

Kamek parted his way through. "Speak, my dear!"

"Do you know what this means?" she croaked, weakly handing over the paper. Bowser wanted to torch it, but he couldn't with all of those bozos in the way.

The blue magikoopa poured over the memo. "Hmf. ...Yes, I do."

"Good cause I don't. Lost my specs. 'Super Husband mind reading power, go!'" She held her temples, humming. Kamek's head began to sparkle and it was over before he could counter with this 'Super anti-wife snooping power'.

"Oh no! My precious Lord Bowser, what's gotten into you-!" she blurted out.

"Stoooooop!" Bowser interrupted, breathing heavily. The ground didn't swallow him up, so he had to press on. "Alright, I'll tell everybody. Old Hag had it on this TV station and.. they were advertising these vacation homes and, well, that's what we're doing. We're all moving! Surprise!"

Larry dropped onto a granite rock for a breather. The neighboring Sky Land was lush and cheery, a facsimile of the Mushroom Kingdom and fitting since it once held lots of toads, just with low clouds and abstract onyx monuments planted around randomly. He knew why the princess insisted on this route. It beat Pipe Land and its mazes and man-eating plant inhabitants, and Ice Land's perpetual blizzards and bob-omb villagers with big bazookas any day.

The princess got to moving again without him, so he followed in the knee-high grass. The Chancellor wasn't getting any lighter as Larry carried him over his shoulder, but he wasn't worried too much about his future chiropractic issues. Outside of asking to assist him, Peach had the silent treatment going on. He refused to make her work as he was too much a gentleman see, at least for now, but she certainly was being no lady in return. The teen got that this was abnormal, a different Ouroboros than they were used to, but it was a new start either way and she didn't need to be all rude now.

His old junky phone rang. The caller id that appeared to be a jumbled URL.

"Hey it's L4rry if you're a cute girl, nonyabusiness if you ain't!"

"Lol, you'll make an exception for me won't cha? It's Lemmy. We can talk because your hand-me-down had this high technical sciencey thing!"

"-The Darklandian space communications protocol, SCPS-SP, using voice-over IP," the other person stridently filled in, "fully operational because I helped development it in middle school! Dang, I should have earned royalties by now.."

Lemmy and Iggy were never so pleasant to hear, though it was funny about that network coming in clutch. People at school would clown you for using that. Meant you couldn't afford the Mushroom centric brands..

Lemmy jumped back on. "Are you okay? Crazy stuff happened last night."

Larry checked for Peach. She was reading the lettering on a white obelisk ahead. "I'm alright. Where you all at?"

"We're up in a tower using Iggy's headset to see you from like a million miles away. Where's King Dad and everyone else?"

"Umm.. Trying to settle down back home I guess. Is Luddy with y'all? Cause that'll be the last of the family missing."

"Yep!"

"Thank you.." Larry mouthed silently.

"So, I'll tell you more soon. Keep going north. Bye."

"Yo, don't hang up on me! Only cute girls get to do that."

"To save battery you'll have to make an exception again!" Lemmy sang. "Hop hasn't completed the solar charger yet."

Before Larry could snap Peach out of her staring contest with the obelisk, he was called back.

"-King Dad's dumbphone had this feature too! Plus Luddy woke up."

"Lem, he was unconscious?"

"Uh- so yeah. Turns out King Dad wanted to come here in Sky Land forever anyway. That's a shock for me too but... Larry?... Hello?"

Parakarry and Boo took to the streets for a while before the mailman confessed that if he didn't grab a bite quickly he was going to collapse, working nonstop since the early hours. The boo trusted him enough to buy the excuse but didn't know him enough to realize that it was a fib and that the paratroopa ran solely on the fuel of productivity. After he disappeared inside Harry's shop to get an 'overpriced Whacka Bump', the boo waited outdoors. Tanks and guards in pipe frame karts passed by, keeping an eye on citizens, either navigating the world silently or in stilted conversation. Boo would say they felt like they were stuck in a simulation if they knew what that meant. They'd only seen Mario Matrix once-

"Hello, Boo," an older blue toad greatted as he left the store. He had the baggy bohemian drab of an undercover celebrity ostensibly, long ponytail swinging, and even those reusable totes for the environment and all, filled with super shrooms.

"Eeek!.. Hi. I mean.. H-how do you know me?"

"I know everyone. I'm Russ. I was something of an off-site consultant and human encyclopedia for the princess before retirement, and if you haven't heard of me since," he chuckled. "Modern technology fills that gap."

"Oh. Then, d-do you know what's.. umm.."

"What's up? Well, the facts are as so, the King is 'representing' his daughter and his word is law, our law," he explained, quite professionally, or perhaps with machine-like disinterest, scaring the boo. Making something weird stir up in them again.. "This might be perturbing for many who have no amity for him, but from a legal standpoint, his charges against Mario are not libel. He did allow the princess to be abducted-"

"Gahhh!" Booigi raised the racket, readying to strike. "You fracking traitor!"

Russ T. glanced up, though he did not flinch as Parakarry burst outside, screaming and pulling the rabid boo away. Before the commotion attracted guards, he slipped with Booigi through an alleyway. The mailman understood having some sort of breakdown and was hoping their help came swiftly. There were some crazy things he'd dealt through today, unrelated to the monarchical drama and he should have called in sick. Or not, because his mental health would have suffered more. Soon they reached the marked building west of town the source of those other unfortunate events he'd suffered.

"It's here. I never get an address wrong, Boo."

"Uh, r-right." Gosh, Boo had a headache.

They entered a dark square room. The wood floor was hollow, evident when the paratoopa dropped to his feet and knocked on one of the blank walls.

A hidden panel at eye level slid to the side. "Password?"

"It's me," the mailman answered.

"Sure is.." the person groaned.

"Tell me your aim. Now."

"You do what I say and the King's men don't find out that you helped a fugitive skip town. Now get this to so and so by 14:45. Scram." From the slot he tossed a wrapped conical package out, plunking to the floor. "And if you want to be decommissioned, I can help with that." A bamboo dart gun aimed at him.

"Don't you get it? I'm done being blackmailed." Parakarry had the intrepidity that only came from being an ex-Mario adventuring buddy and that was infectious. That 'thing' came over the boo whimpering in the corner and the next they knew, they were yanking the dart gun away, snapping it, and then phasing through the wall to pull the spy agent out into the decoy room.

"Grrrr! ANSWER HIM ARSEHOLE!"

The green camouflage shy guy was unreadable behind his mask. "It's complicated."

Booigi was SICK of hearing that! They wanted to- they wanted to-

"-This shouldn't be, considering you wrote it, Mr. S.G." Parakarry showed S.G. the duplication of the telegram.

"It's Spy Guy," Spy Guy sighed. "Here at base we don't like what happening either. Think we want these black toads around?.. That sounded worse than I meant.. It's like this. We're short-staffed and I have to clear the plate for the public address."

Parakarry lowered the document. "What should we do?"

"Not miss what the King's rep says soon. What else do you want?"

"To be replacement fetch person," Booigi declared dapperly.

…

Around the Lil Oink farm were posted more ominous pink banners, two things they didn't know could go together until then. The boo tore one down to read it while floating over all the little uncollected eggs. It said nothing helpful or gave hints of the King's plans, though that made some old memories spark for the boo. They DID make an additional friend yesterday.

….

"-Hello Mr. or Mrs. Unknown Number. I'm cautious about number sharing so I must know you from somewhere." The caller's voice was phlegmed up, heavily accented even like an old Mushroomite from the more rural locations where well-to-do citizens lived in classical mushroom homes on hilly plains, contently alienated from the urbanization of Toad Town. On Booig's part, they realized they'd better try to sound like Boo more. Needed more ellipses in there. And more 'likes'.

"Why.. aren't you here, Mr. Munchakoopas?"

"-I've never heard you over the line before, Boo!" he laughed.

"Answer the question! ..I mean.. the princess was k-kidnapped."

Yoshi's gasp was followed by the clash of a shattered dish in the background and animal barking. "Excuse me.." The barking subsided. "I don't find such jokes amusing. Mario told me to stay home, meaning everything must be fine-" There was a brushing sound. More distantly, Booigi heard the dinosaur mutter, "She's back already? Oh what the he-"

"What's Poochy doing indoors again!?" someone husky yet feminine shrieked.

"-Honey, had a nice stroll out there?" Click.

The boo decided not to be babysat after all. Their thoughts bouncing back and forth between the duality were comforting even, because for once it was like someone was listening.

The dislodged consciousness flew beyond the stars, through the unfathomably vast heavens, withstanding the pelt of star bits, escaping the tug of black holes, thoroughly scanning galaxies for sentient activity, until he could find assistance. A school of lumas were encountered around a prankster comet. One had mercy, even seeming to know who he was judging by their unintelligible but squeaky and playful imitation of his father's signature 'bwa ha ha' laugh, before spinning rapidly on its axis. The newly created sling star did that just for him, through the rest of the galaxy. He landed hard on a grey mass the size of a small meteor, oblong with jagged giant bones jutting the ground. Maybe that luma wasn't humoring him. Maybe he was just now trolled!

Startled to his feet again, he crossed embedded plaques and graveyard stones, a nearby sun bleaching it all in red. He found a body laying against one, a dark boo intact except for their right arm severed from the elbow down. An inch above where the sinew was broken was an orange armband, marked as 'Mushroom Press'.

The boo jolted upright. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the visitor replied for a solid minute.

"-AHHH!... Ludwig?" Zoo Diddley questioned.

"The one and only- Erk!"

Zoo squeezed his throat. "You had to ruin everything! I could have found the Sam and Slam brothers the next day and fixed my Doom Reverb before all the evil leaked out, but no, you had to meddle bro, and make it leak ON US." He shoved the disembodied koopaling away. Ludwig tripped over a tombstone, actually feeling the hurt.

"Agh.. You mustn't-" He coughed. "See it that way!" Ludwig sprung, titling the tomb back too. He couldn't read the swiggly inscription so he better not bring on more trouble. "Though your actions were wanton, I was utterly compromised during our encounter. Fear not. If the Star Temple opens up-"

"Forget that then. Earth's screwed."

Ludwig studied him as he stared irritably into dark space. "A war is lost mentally before the armistice. Is there no comrade you long for- platonically or else back home?"

"..Oh God. You actually surprised a telepath," he chuckled. "But for me, a guy wearing a skin suit all day, yeah I had someone I guess. I even wanted to do good for him, plus it would show the rest of my paranoid family that they didn't need to lock me away from the world. I'm cool if nobody gets in my way. The only difference between me and others is that I have- or had the power to remove any obstacles in my way." He pointed at the same tomb Ludwig had just fixed and, making a strained face, it cracked in the center.

Ludwig gulped hard, a vestige reflex given his lack of a body. "I respect your honesty."

"Whatever. Go join Sam already over there. The Earth's a goner and I don't wanna be there for the howls of despair if I'm not the one causing em."

He located the Chancellor behind a column of bones at the more pointed edge of the planetoid. 'Samuel' Toadsworth appeared as himself, dressed spiffily, waiting patiently as if his Sunday morning ride would show anytime soon to pluck him away form this horrible place.

"Bygones are bygones, young man," he preemptively told him.

"Though you may be a proponent of all that I despise, fair," Ludwig nodded.

Suddenly, there was dazzling light. "Roger. Oh, scratch that, we got three now," the being spoke into a phone. Ludwig fixed his eyes a certain way to perceive his form. He was a himbo-looking star warrior in gold armor, just hanging up. "I need to get ya'll to the Grandmaster Galaxy by 893:033. C'mon."

"Pass!" Zoo yelled from the other side.

"Think that over, Zoo. I'm 250 and I ain't never heard of this. I'm gonna get my girl Rosie on the case. Don't worry."

"Hullo! Why might we need Miss Rosalina?" Toadsworth inquired.

"Some star force dissected you from your bodies. So you should be dead, but you ain't yet, instead you're empty vessels if that makes sense," he tried to explain at least, calling a number. "Good news is ♡♪!?, me's on the mission. Bad, maybe you'd still better worry. Rosie's acting like she don't know how to use a smartphone again.."

"Need another round of 'Hillbilly Hail' on the double, pard!" yelled one nurse to the other. Shortly more buckets of ice water were passed along.

Dr. Toad watched the drenched half-naked Mario brothers to get a feel of how things operated here. Only the green plumber needed it, but to be sure the locals dragged the red one over too.

"Are we acquainted? Never mind," went Captain Toad. While red toads, they couldn't appear more different, The Captain with the classic ubiquitous build, and the doctor some other taller, near hybrid sort. "Well, seeing as you are not a cowboy, you cannot belong here."

"I do in fact, and they work for me." Dr. Toad marked a diagnosis cpt code on his chart, if obligatory under The Captain's scrutiny. R52. Pain, unspecified.

13. Deluge

Chapter Summary

Guess the motif.

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding again.

Wow, this was something. It has been some time since a chapter got away from me like this one did. *Very mild edits*

Content warning: It’s long. Does that count as one?

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“NO you can’t see him!!!” Spit from the black spotted toad flew at the reporter.

“..The manager is a woman, hehe,” the other guard added.

Jon whacked Bridget in the back of her head, skewing her combat helmet. “Who tf cares?”

Karen Koo- rather Kylie Koopa spun on her heels with an air of unbotherness, at least until she took her seat behind the wheel again. The typically spunky reporter retrieved the pink flier from where it lay on the passenger seat and reread it over: ‘Pubic address from King’s representative- Today at Peach Castle, 64 Royal Raceway, Toad Town’ . Feeling like she was in a pit deeper than Glitzville’s, she let it slip to the floor.

That event was going to have a turnout surpassing a Star Festival! It was conjecture that the Mushroom King wanted to bring fresh faces to his palace at Poshley Heights, spooked by how easily the Koopa Troop could snatch his daughter from under Mario’s nose practically, but she wasn’t going to be there to document any official proceedings it if she couldn’t even beg Peach’s castle toads for permission while they were cooped up in that hideous Hotel Mario. She was forbidden by Snifit Patrol and league. The snufit even threatened that if he wasn’t stationed to guard the castle grounds, he’d do something about that ‘stolen’ kart she was driving.

That left- Well she wasn’t so keen on Kinopio-Kun’s blog. Digital territory was uncharted. She had dyslexia, that is how she obtained her reputation for daringly jumping into the middle of everything. Way easier to write about it if you were there compared to skimming through other sap’s experience. Poor excuse.. That didn’t stop her writing her Koopa Kronicle or a whole gosh darn novel.

It was time to hunt around for the web browser icon on her phone and check it out. Kinopio was a PR person whose content as an ‘influencer’ was flagrantly monitored by the Toadstools. How could Kylie forget when a person she was dating at the time- regrettably, was the reason that contemporary position was invented in a place as hoary as the Mushroom Kingdom.

…

“NO you can’t see her!!” Jon shouted down another visitor.

“But it’s just a package. That’s too much to accept?”

Jon rolled his eyes at the woman. “Could be dangerous, eh,” he said, twirling the yellow flattish bubble mailer around. It was addressed to the ‘Castle Manager’ in cut and glued newspaper letters..

Just like a psycho would do! The deliverer, Boo, anxiously followed every movement as they didn’t even know its contents.

“It woulda blown up by now, haha..” Bridget quipped. She got whacked again. “I wish Ben was still here. You suck!” she shot back.

He pressed the packet onto her. “Then leave me alone and take care of that.”

Kylie was about ready to jump out and hurt somebody when Boo ran off down the sidewalk. Instead she struck the push button ignition and pulled off. The boo twisted around as Kylie cracked her window.

“Psst. Some of those King’s guards make ya wanna commit treason, don’t they? You okay? Hop in.”

“Thank you, Miss Kylie.” Boo thought the sleek Aston Mushroom interior was ‘off the chain’! Or did people still say that? Kylie drove off again in the slowest gear.

“Let me cut to the chase. Kinopio-Kun has his ‘pms’ or whatever disabled ‘n I NEED executive admission to that public address. Weegee said you were a tech wiz yesterday. Any ideas?”

-Luigi what?! He.. bragged on Boo?

Boo pretended to look out the window as their face heated up. “Just speak to Mr. Kinopio. He’s at MK East. I know because Parakarry had a few sympathy cards for him.”

The blue toad marked on his little task list from Jr. Troopa(?), he didn't pay attention to the RPG folk too much, that he snagged from a counter at the S. hospital. You could take a toad out of the castle, but not the castle out of a toad. Here he was occupying himself with anything to not go crazy, including volunteer nursing duties. He escorted Dr. Toad to an overgrown plot of land with a wooden barn painted deep red. And unexpectedly large metal shutter door took up the entire front wall. Despite that the doctor beside him, cityboy as he appeared made no comment- or eye contact. The gate rose by six inches, bushy green leaves rustling against it.

“Howdy. Hold it. I don’t know yer smell..” the hoarse leafy person said.

Dr. Toad suspiciously turned to the nurse who shrugged and answered, “Umm. I’m wearing new cologne? So here is Dr. Toad. You know. The guy. On the list.”

“...Nailed it pard!” they laughed knowingly. Their shaking branches activated something inside the barn that was close to the door. A shrill noise and flash went off causing something to explode in there. Smoke billowed from under the gate.

“Whoa, what the freaking heck??” the nurse laughed as well.

“Don’t mind it. A Mecha-Yoshi needs a tweak.” Vick slid a beige old looking telephone under the door.

The nurse smirked at the doctor that had leapt high in the air and landed in his arms after the blast. “..Can I put you down now?”

From the first magnanimous greeting from ‘Mr. X’, the nurse knew he was someone that wasn’t always a Mushroomite, but was now. Dr. Toad stuttered through simple stuff like his name, which he blurted out initially as Drew L. Diddley-

~Where had that been seen before?

-The doctor swiftly corrected that his professional title was Dr. Toad and the CEO remained patient and kind through the rest of that stilted call.

A coldish hand surprised the nurse on his shoulder. “Complete.”

The ‘nurse’ lifted his head, having tuned out. “Y-yeah? Yeah. What time is it?”

Dr. Toad raised his right wrist, raising one eyebrow. “Three-Twenty Eight. Did I loiter?”

He gasped. “No, just take two lefts, a right, a left again, right right left, backwards, forwards. Then you’re there. Bye!” The blue toad broke into a sprint, his medical mask flying off. The round face of Bucken-Berry flushed deeply. If he didn’t reach the ICU in two minutes he wouldn’t be able to see his friend Ala-Gold again before the planned last-ditch surgery.

Even if it worked of course, he'd not hear his shy low voice for a while, if ever.

Task list:
‘Sweep cafeteria ( )’
‘Restock restroom ( )’
‘Hillbilly Hail -fun I promise. Seriously help! ( )’

Now that was something the junior assistant could check on the lists secretary Jr. Troopa habitually passed out. She joined the gaiety of the unorthodox ice bucketing procedure for the Mario brothers. The supervising Jr. Troopa was mindful of the spectators that weren’t his staff, leaning over the thin picket fence surrounding a small spot with hay fiber substrate and crowing as if they were watching a petting zoo at that. This was serious! Luigi silently endured his shivering. Mario was more distracted at how Jr. Troopa had matured since the last time he’d seen him, now a stretched out adult, brown coily hair instead of that egg shell..

A perfectly normal looking, and thus out of place here, nurse named Laki scampered to Troopa. “Yo. Those crazy paper things were spotted again!”

Jr. Troopa paled. He wrote a note on scrap paper, handed it to the nearest nurse, and departed with the noki. His absence brought on an immediate shift, especially when the podoboo toting the note scorched it by mistake. The ranchers and villagers began to press inwards on the Marios in curiosity.

"Ain’t that there Mario fella wanted up North?” they’d say.

The air stirred next to Luigi. His brother bolted and he did too. Unfortunately the fence wasn’t just for hecklers, but a barrier from all sorts of dangers, like the thing that made Mario ten paces ahead vanish. Luigi stopped just in time and leaned over the precipice. His brother uncontrollably tumbled down a metal drainage half pipe. Without thinking he plunged with him. They were ejected miles away on damp clay like soil. They rolled to a stop against a copper colored wall.
…

A locomotive horn jolted Luigi awake. The next thing Luigi remembered was a tall metal water tower glinting in the sunlight. He rolled and saw a jagged rock of Mt. Rugged. The K64 station was known to be up there somewhere. Something else ensnared his attention then, his brother quivering next to him.

“M-mario!?”

Remaining curled up, he held a discolored spot on his forehead. “Ouch.”

Luigi crawled over, ignoring the painful rocks. “Bro. This is so bad. I mean I’ll get you help but- oh man. I wanted us to get to Bowser Castle before dark!”

Mario lifted upwards. On closer inspection he was otherwise okay, aside from tattered clothes. “You can be there pronto with The Captain. Cool Blue is busy.”

Luigi woefully plopped beside him. "Scratch that proposition. Weren't you coming??" At his brother's silence, he scooped up and slung a rock hard against the mountain face. It made a faint thunk. "Mario, a shortcut to World 8 isn't even that far from here. Come on, we made it out of Toad Town against all odds. Don't you see? Everyone will see you're helping and -Oh look so you aren't secretly villainous like the stupid tabloids say! PR disaster averted and you can finally retire in peace. I'm supposed to be doing the legwork right? So." He choked up. "Go with me. Please. I don't want to do this without you.."

Luigi expected to turn and see something ugly. Instead Mario's palm was on his forehead. "Yep.. Everything you're thinking, yep. The message-boards, the commentators, they're also right on one thing. In the midst of this, I was infatuated with my rival!"

The world seemed to melt around the green plumber, muttering to himself, "Mio fratello mi ha detto."

"-Yeah, and it's over. Or- er, it's not going to cloud my judgement ever again."

Luigi stood up, face to face with him.

"-Bowser not caring.. sometimes it's admirable, but he doesn't know limits. We do, and he's seventeen years older than us. Bout time he learns this lesson."

Luigi smiled cathartically. "Of course."

"Need a moment?"

"Nah, big bro."

As they retraced their path using that deathtrap drainage thing as a zigzagging guide, Mario as usual filled the air primarily, though something was different about his dryish humor and definitely the topic. Luigi assumed he was purging the senselessness he could during this half time- the sort of episodes their games skipped. They came upon a fractured concrete podium in the middle of nowhere, labeled ostro stop in a western font. It seemed to be targeting citizens departing the K64 as a pole with a wire from it leading to a powerline was stamped with bulletins and flyers from businesses and events in town.

"-Hey, what was the draw?" Luigi asked as Mario spammed a buzzer for service.

Mario brightened in recollection. "Strength. Ambition. Esteem for family. Cooking.. I know.. And if you're in that narrow range that he cares about he's super fair. His bottom line is that you can do what he wants you to do, not who or what you are."

"I see."

"Yeah. ...Luigi, thank you for listening. You coulda reacted a lotta ways and I'd deserve it, so thanks for your patience too. You had yourself figured out way before me..."

A great feeling in turn waft over the younger brother. "Mario, no. Thank you for letting me."

~He'd promised he'd never get resentful long ago, and it wasn't going to change now, whether over a trivial or mountain sized dispute. It wasn't like anything in this life would top their Papa giving Mario both brass keys to their plumbing shop. If they were Cain and Abel before then, that sealed it- he thought at least. They never shared a shift. They lived on opposite sides of Brooklyn even. And that wasn't easy then. Luigi just happened to pick up the phone and come over like his brother begged when 'something freaky was going on with the pipes'. Mario wasn't usually that humble to admit he couldn't fix things. Well, through all they'd been to get here, on the cusp of forty and each other's best friend, he'd gotten that brass key, and there was nothing holding him back.

"-I heard it the first time, dern it! It's busted."

Mario sheepishly lifted his finger from the buzzer. Staring at the back of the red shelled koopa in a blue janitorial jumper, dithering over which broom to reach for in his service cart, it was clear how he'd appeared on the spot so stealthily.

"They made you fly out here to tell us? Cabbie or not, I almost feel I should compensate you anyway."

He peeped over his shoulder again, staggering in recognition. "Shoot.." He dropped the broom. "Howdy, I'm Probabilly K. Listen here, our local wacko Vick, bless his heart, sprout these here stops evrywhere' without using high speed cabling to the signal box. I can help ya out anyway, specially this un." He lifted his right arm's sleeve to the elbow, revealing a faded with age L emblem tattoo. "Us less popular siblings gotta stick for one nuther. Whatcha need Mr. Hero?..."

"...Oh, right, me. We appreciate it," Luigi spoke up, awkwardly. "Here's what we're doing..."

As his brother spoke to the old parakoopa, Mario processed how light his chest felt. Asthma be darned, it was easier to breathe if all of these invisible problems weren't like a millstone around his neck.

The blue pianta bellhop rose from the binocular stand. “Yikes. It’ll be gnarly, sir.”

The other pianta, Hotel Delfino’s day supervisor, waddled over to the parapet with him, squinting and shielding his face from the sun partially. The shimmering Dolphin Ocean stretched out as far as one could see, marred only by some darkness on the horizon. “Feel it in the bones too, brah.”

“Not that, sir.”

About a nautical mile away, there were two sumo bros drifting in a leaking foam inflatable raft surrounded by hungry sushi. One of the eccentrically clothed twins was a bump on a log while the other steadily pumped out water. Behind them was a mound of objects covered by a black tarp, strapped to the raft with cords. Unambiguously to the piantas, that was what weighed them down.

…

Sammy snapped out of his half nap and rubbed his eyes under his plastic helmet, sweat rolling down his black shell and onto his matching cape. "Wowzers. Are there yet?"

The younger dragon/koopa Slamondon chored himself to acknowledge him. “Nay. Not enough drag accounted for in thy math as usual,” he groaned. He held the hem of his magikoopa robe to tip toe towards their luggage. He was also a hardcore enthusiast, much like Sam was of sci-fi supervillain Darth Koopa from Star Slammers, and apparently video games too, the reason why Sam slapped his paw away before he could discard a CIB NES Classic.

“No no no bro, don’t do that! Lemme do my thing. Ommmmmm!” Sam squeezed his eyelids shut and plugged both ears.

The milquetoast younger brother sat his uncomfortably wet tush down and bide. The trip from Neo Bowser City so so-called paradise vacation was in complete turmoil. At this stage in life, a semester away from graduation, Slam despised his role as his brother’s sitter. While Sam could divine the most absurd and find the hypotenuse in a blink, he had not mastered tasks of an elementary sort, like paying light bills on time. Otherwise, Slam could have taken his forty percent share of their Play-N-Tirade franchise and ran off to open the renaissance park he always wanted.

A jet ski tore through the waters, tearing him from that reverie. The rider aimed around a handheld harpoon to scare away the sharks. “Aloha.” She waved, a cute gal in a purple patterned bikini, white flowery necklace draped loosely over her shoulders. “Need help?”

“Aye f-fair madame,” Slam stammered, blushing. “Saveth us, we have bountiful treasures aboard this ship!”

Sam peeped one eye open with a smug grin. “-Oh hi totally hot lifeguard I summoned.”

“~Actually Hotel Delfino called me on you two, hehe.” She dropped the charade and murmur. “(Cause if it was YOU calling me on you, I wouldna shown up.)”

Sam gave her a tauntingly dorkish laugh. “Suuure? I dunno, I just felt like being rescued by a ‘Valerie’. 27. Born in a winter month like Rebmeced? Who studies finance abroad at Mushroom Collage and just bought a B-Dasher in red and whose boyfriend just got arrested for...”

Her jaw dropped expression mirrored Slam’s. His brother’s hubris never led to anything easily undone.

…

“What happened, brah??”

…

“Oh you don’t know why five of our lifeguards fainted like that? Eh, whatever, brah. I have a backup on call. Welcome to Hotel Delfino!”

The bellhop held the door open for the dripping wet sumo bros, inviting them into the moodily lit lobby inundated with waiting vacationers of all sorts. Slam got them onto land in the first place by stuffing his brother’s mouth with one of those body pillows so that he couldn’t freak out the six rescuer in a row. By then however, the twelve o’clock checkouts were out and these innumerable other folk were ready to pounce. The sumo bros were prompted to utilize the ticket dispenser.

‘#444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444’, and on, bleeding off the receipt paper in red ink.

Sam slid up his glasses, too adept at calculations to fathom that number waiting in here, let alone the entire hemisphere. It had to be a glitch. Slam caught a devious gleam behind his brother’s naturally cloudish eyes and detected trouble, redux!

The desk receptionist stamped documents in a tray. "Hey. Don’t come up brah, unless your number-”

Sam slapped down the error ticket, puffing out his thick chest. “But we’re reserved for sho. Prospectors straight outta Goldbobbington's. We gotta comb the beach and our bodies are ready.”

The stamp slipped from the pianta’s mits.. “Ooooh that, my apologies sir, I remember everything you are talking about.” He cradled a landline phone between his shoulder and neck while simultaneously clacking on his computer. “I will find space, sir. Uh, please in the meantime help yourself to the bar. On the house. Mention my name.”

Sam broke off to the adjacent tiki bar, taking up two stools as he ordered one of everything. As the bartender worked away Slam sat beside him, struggling to find the stool with the neon lights everywhere.

“I dare say you dazzle even me now,” he whispered in his ear. He cherished these magical moments when that giant gob of Sam’s actually did something favorable. -Like when Sam manipulated that dark boo reporter into passing around Fungus Up yesterday. They were out that wretched Toad Town so quickly it was like they’d dropped a potion at their feet and they went ‘poof’. Slam propped his elbow on the bar and leaned on it, not a partaker of the ‘dizzying elixirs’ as he put it, watching the sports bar tv on MKNN. On the bottom banner, intertwined with stalk market data, it mentioned ‘Public Address’ at Toad Town today. Blech!

Sam slammed his empty glass down. “Urp! .. Hey, lemme have our shop wire our Princess Parlor profits over.” His fat fingers dialed their Play-N-Tirade number as additional fruity looking cocktails were lined up for him. “No answer, but coolio I’ll leave a message. Now, let’s catch up with Iggster!”

Once upon a time, Sky Land was known as the kingdom with the most marvelous view of the stars. As the composition of the atmosphere changed, those celestial bodies were blotted gradually. Increasingly common cloud coverage draped their land and their spirits. One day the people channeled all their might, one-hundred laborious years, to reach the astral realm they revered and contain it for themselves with a spiraling limestone tower taller than any before. The King and his domestics from greatest to least discarded their terrene life. The tower was thus made inaccessible from intruders and the land at its base to go rural, though it could still be seen near the coast. It was known as an impervious but awesome sight.

Lemmy Koopa brought it into focus from another altitudinous, but not nearly as much, tower of enemy origin a few miles away with a coin-operated telescope. Iggy’s VR headset ran out of power. The lankier younger brother would know, because he swapped the battery from it to his cellphone to keep it running a little longer. It paid off when it chimed suddenly of ‘Super Plumber Sonata’, his ringtone from Koopa Ball Z.

He took one step- and forgot his leg was sprung. He tripped forward, knocking the cellular phone off of the rail and down the very long staircase below. It flumped around for what felt like five minutes.

Lemmy stared down the shaft long enough to get vertigo.

“It’s totally okay Lemmy-sama. I had an intemperate glass installed.”

“You mean temperate glass?”

“No.”

Lemmy turned to him with concern. “Is your head still feeling funny?”

“Yep. Still a scratched DVD suffering loss of data integrity and sputtering right before the best part.”

“..Maybe Ludwig on the ground floor is doing better..” The rainbow hair koopaling shrunk another inch. He was praying he wouldn’t have to be the sole one to break it to Larry, Bowser, virtually everyone about last night.

…

At the Hotel Defino tiki bar, there was nothing going on except for Sammy winning coins in bets over guessing stranger’s underwear colors.
Embarrassed second hand, Slam lifted his hood over his head. Thunder was rumbling and through one window he saw staff chaining down the beach chairs outside. Solar sensing night lights were scattered on the beach. Meanwhile, Sam’s phone buzzed on the counter from Iggy’s number. He picked it up.

“Y O U R P U N I S H MENT I S IM M I N E NT,” stabbed through one ear and exited the other.

With a deafening thunder crack everything went completely dark.

Palm trees were twisting, rain was beating on the windows, and a group of petrified beach goers clambered indoors as the building moaned and creaked under high winds. The last of which, a yoshi flopped to the floor panting.

“High…ground man…high ground.. NOW!”

The waiter felt her way around. “Alright. Bar closed.”

Slam obediently slid off the stool, heart thumping. He played the classics. Bad things happened in the Pitch Dark. He reached for Sam who remained slumped over the counter. Thinking he was intoxicated, Slam hunkered down, ready to carry him off when the emergency lights kicked on. The robed brother emitted a high pitched noise. From Sam’s snout flowed deep crimson blood. The glimmer in his wide open eyes had extinguished.

...

“Great to see you. My plans have evolved from wishful thinking to reality and your timing is impeccable.” Dr. Toad’s words flowed smoothly, eased in the presence of the associate, fire forged to be a pseudo ‘friend’..maybe. This one had been a member of the Special World Hospital from the outset, ironically as a detractor and somewhat benighted at that. Presently however, he was the only of three Dr. Toad invited that had shown up.

“That’s amazing, Drew.”

“You will do the talking, will you?”

The hammer brother gave the toad a thumbs up.

They proceeded to the stage, bales of hay stacked three high with rickety wooden boards on top, plucked fresh from Nintendo Depot. The hammer brother garnered an expected reaction with his loose fitting doctor’s coat that he clearly rarely wore, and his attempt at hiding his hippyish stringy long hair in a ponytail, but he didn’t combat anything. A taciturn Dr. Toad trailed with his head down, hands tucked into deep pockets.

“Greetings everyone. I’m Dr. John Topper, but you can call me Dr. T.” The jabber silenced quickly at his captivatingly excitable tone. “- So I’m with Dr. Toad here from the International Medical University of Special World. Our institution is lucky enough to have a fragment of Dr. Mario’s case study on the first outbreak of the Mushroom Flu. -Yeah- uh huh? ..No, you heard me. So, in light of that tragic Bowser attack, we have chosen to assist you the best we can with that matter!”

That previously critical snickering bunch erupted in praise. Without a proper announcement that it adjourned, many took off right away giddy with news.

“By the way it should only take forty-four hours maximum to formulate a new cure!” Dr. Topper yelled at their backs essentially.

In the scuttle, they bumped the rearmost observant off the stack of library books he was using to watch over the cowboy hats in the crowd. Getting up, cursing, he would have severely hurt a few if they weren’t whisked away on an ostro by now. Instead, he dusted himself off and snapped back to his picture perfect presentation. Shoving the books into his backpack he dragged it to the nearest public bench. The longish trip back to the library was unattractive and the heat of direct sunlight did not bother him.

…

“What, Jackson?”

“You didn’t tell me you have that Dr. Mario thing! Why ain’t that in a museum? How? Where?”

“An associate yet to arrive has it. He found it in his previous job with Sir Grodus.”

Troopa gasped. “Drew, your hiring is.. Questionable.”

“Yes,” he beamed proudly, hooking his arm through the koopa’s. “And I will tell you more about it inside.”

Troopa seemed to play along until they reached his office door. He swung it open, letting a few boxes spring out over their heads. “Oops. We gotta problem. No room with all your junk!”

"I have not set the lab up yet! Geez! ..Besides my therapist told me if the pathways are clear I'm not a hoarder." he trailed, the door shutting behind them.

The toad watching on the bench was just about to toss a heavy book to make them get a room. Thankfully they had, but now there was something else keeping him from diving into a green bound book.

“Oww! Hey no need to push me like that…. I don’t keep coins on me if that’s … Oh that was a rental for the airport.. All I have is boring medical stuff stacked here, see-?”

“Quit, before we fold ya a couple times over!” They had a southern affection, yet an eerily robotic timbre. After a hollow pop lots of glass shattered.

The toad hopped off the bench and rushed toward the commotion, exhilarated by the call of action. Blocking the entirety of the back alley space were humongous amalgamations paper and metal scaffolding, one an effigy of a goomba and a snifit in outlaw getup. Dr. Topper, bleached white, was laying on top of sparkly glass shards. The hybrid electricity coup kart had a dent in the front matching his shell. The Paper Macho gang members spun at the onlooker.

“Stay outta this.” Barked the other one, the snifit. In spite of their hollow emotionless gape the malice and severity was apparent. The observer should back off and get some help.

-No way! Captain Toad pretended to take a step back, then launched his heavy backpack at the Macho Snifit. It fired- 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' his way, the high velocity cork plugs bouncing off the walls. It was too late, The Captain was upon him grabbing and ripping the weapon carrying arm from the socket. The paper pieces disintegrated in his palm, leaving the cap gun. The Captain fired it back at the paper soldier, piercing holes in through its body, snapping the metal skeleton and striking the 'weak point' on his back. Its form exploded with a blast that shot the toad backwards against the shanty metal tiles of the office building. The macho goomba outlaw standing in its partner's wake had no reaction short of fleeing the opposite way.

In the excitement of chasing, the Captain stepped over the downed hammer bro absently. The outlaw barged through a wooden fence and towards a red barn with a breach in the sliding door from being jaggedly eaten into. He found inside it six foot tall dinosaur robots against the wall deactivated, a gaming pc with multi-monitor setup, and in the far rear mechanical parts from vehicles, computers, farm equipment, and radios in rusty piles. Matching teeth marks were all of those, if the outlaw discovered in the middle of the pile wasn't conclusive enough.

The Captain spun the pop gun around his finger. The outlaw's final expression as it ate cork was, again, nothing at least on the outside.

…

Jr. Troopa was the foremost scuttling around paranoid, paw hovering over his own pop gun like thing in a holster on his hip, obviously too late. “Laki and I didn’t see anything conclusive at the first warning man. I'm so sorry!”

“It’s only the wind knocked out of me. I used to, well, be adventurous. I’ll be fine.” Dr. Topper sent away the ukiki nurse. “Thank you. I should have watched my back more. It’s my fault really and I’m ready to get back on track. The integrity of our equipment is perfect and they never touched it. I don’t know who that belongs to, however.”

A Pidgit nurse bent at a rugged backpack. “Sir it’s filled with bricks. I mean books.. Lost and found it is!”

Troopa’s disquietude got the best of him and decided to clean up the glass and paper himself, rather than try to cajole anyone else. He dropped the pan to the ground and got to sweeping stiffly, when he felt eyes on him. Lividly he lifted his head..

“I get it, Drew. I suck at this.”

The doctor stepped closer. "Those gangs are common are they not? How did you err?"

"Mismanagement. Between keeping this job with Mr. X and you- who's obviously doing something right in Special World here, I had to get my junior assistants on track, watching the gates, on the roads, keeping up on patients- it ain't working! Do I need to scream more? Make more checklists? What? I can take em on in a fight, but then I really know they won't work with me."

"You do have that surly old reputation."

Troopa felt slapped recalling that. "Yeah, I know it takes time. Look I'm not hanging the saddle up Drew, just calling this day what it is. Bluesy."

"Issue two, you are laterally challenged."

"Short?!? But I'm still taller than I was!"

"We can't control people's biases, unless you allow Morris to see you. He has an experiment that can make you six feet tall."

Troopa punched him.

"Oww!"

"Fine. Sorry!" He koopa gave the toad doctor a big- overdue given the distance, bear hug, snout pressed against his pocket protector from that- ah hem, height distance. Also trying to feel him up. Not like that like that.. mostly, but from the lack of advancement there, he could indeed take Drew on too! Ha! Besides that could see through the white coat, and the doctor's undershirt had *gasp* some sort of bright pattern and color? Such progress from the old days..

"-Jackson, if this is your holistic approach I believe it might work!"

…

By the time The Captain returned to the scene, what was left was mostly multicolored confetti, the kart, and-

"-Oh. Hello… Blessings unto you gentlemen."

While the doctor and koopa separated quickly, his face hardened at what wasn't there.

"That, uh, that was your backpack?" Troopa asked. "Sent to lost and found. Probabilly can let you into the lockbox after his back from the coast with Mario and-"

Captain Toad wavered. "The Marios have left?!"

"Yeah.." Jr. Troopa glanced over him, worriedly. "You saved Dr. T, just now didn't ya?"

The Captain locked onto a particular detail of the kart near the alley. "And I ask only for this as compensation." He slipped into the driver's seat and slung that kart out of the alleyway.

"In the good ol days, Billy usta drive 'round with Jimmy M. like this.." Probabilly chattered as the tractor-like Dragonfly vehicle putt at its max speed. "Then the coins from the inspections came rollin in. They upgraded in a jiffy."

Old mushroom rock buzzed from the AM radio. The Keptos' 'Darkness in the Light' got the plumbers tapping to the beat. Everyone knew Les from the castle recorded that solo. A lesser known fun fact, well sorta, Gill T. their neighbor was the bassist, a super sheltered toad these days.

After one more dune, they were at the Desert Land peninsula. They thanked the paratroopa and ran the rest of the way into Water Land. The sky was cloudless and blue, waters calm, temperature mild.

They searched around the pier for a bit, hunting down a golden pipe. Toads manning the toad houses were ordered to move them ever once in a while. These versions went much further than normal, a five kingdom stretch, and weren't meant for recreational use. Just what the brothers feared, there was a gold ring below the depths of the ocean. If the coast had simply shifted over it, or if a toad was very diligent one day they couldn't determine. Either way, they'd better get ready to hold their breaths.

Luigi gingerly placed his hat, shoes, and socks in a watertight shoulder bag. "...Geronimo!" He made a running start off the edge.

Mario caught up, rolling his eyes playfully. Splashing in behind him, he was funneled into the metal tube as well. The trip wasn't completely submerged, still wild and chaotic, also quite cold. He was frozen stiff by the time it dumped them into another red-dyed body of water. He defrosted, swimming to the surface-

"Ah!" he exclaimed at the Koopa King's humongous mug- in statue form. It was the dislodged entrance to Bowser Castle, the sea level to the statue's nostrils.

"Up here!"

Luigi pulled Mario onto the structure. The red plumber rolled on his back, chest heaving. The sky was red with purple clouds and it rained in a mildly acidic way that didn't feel too great. It was Dark Land for sure. There were some higher elevations here and there, a volcano peak, tips of trees, otherwise nothing else but murky waters.

"-Ugh!" groaned an orange toad girl paddling around on a floating painting with a street sign. Through the discoloration it was a forgery of Peach's 'Lethal Lava Land', the sort of junk sold in Neo Bowser City.

"Luigi, that's Bowser's fan girl! If we got on her raft, we could take the pipe outta here."

"We want to leave?"

Mario shrugged. "Whatever happened here, Bowser's not around. I know it. Hey! (What was it?).. Emery!!!"

Luigi anxiously watched the girl turn around. Their golden pipe sprout from a dark cloud in the sky, ending about ten feet above the water, ready to time out and fade any moment. If Mario couldn't reason with this toad crazy enough to become a KT minion, they'd be stranded on that ugly replica of Bowser.

"Mario?? Luigi??"

"Yeah. Let us ride with you. I'll tell you a secret Bowser fact."

"No thanks. We're like enemies now, and King can tell me whatever!"

Mario hesitated. "He wouldn't tell you about his brother.."

And he almost had her. He saw that twinkle in the eye. Too bad, he suspected he'd offered too quickly. "I don't believe you," She giggled, remaining just too far for them to jump over.

Afraid they'd push her off the makeshift raft? No they wouldn't, but Mario would readily give her the 'plumber whack' if she acted up. She did sign up for it. Nonetheless, she held onto self-preservation unlike most baddies, and there wasn't a thing they could do to her except reason some more.

Luigi proceeded to in a harsh guttural language, Darklandian.

She flushed. "Oh.. You know that?"

"Toad taught me in the past. Yes."

"The Mr. Toad? He was once with the bad guys?"

"No, but you cannot understand what you cannot communicate with. If he was in better health, he'd tell you a lot about the culture here. He might even tell you that it's in your best interest to help us leave. You don't want to be caught letting us go, do you?"

"Are you implying you'd snitch?"

Mario shot up next to him. "You'd bet! Minions are supposed to fight us on sight, so get up here girl and brawl, or let us leave and conveniently forget we saw ya."

She squeezed her oars, glaring. "I hate you and you'll so game over at my hands someday."

While she rowed closer, Luigi subtly nudged his brother. "We'd better watch for her..."

…

When the Mario brothers returned to Water Land, they knew they had major reformulating to do. That must have been the wetter and sloppy Bowser Badlands they'd visited by mistake. A screw-up somewhere in the warp system, or-

"-Mr. Mario, Mr. Luigi.. Weren't you missing something on that expedition?"

Captain Toad leaned against the hood of an eco-friendly bubble-shaped kart, his glimmering smile only making its heavy damage more suspicious. They stood still, puzzled. The Captain used that opportunity to stroll past them left and right like a little sergeant, hands clasped behind his back.

"..Did something go awry? If only you had an extra partner to accompany you."

Mario pushed past, unperturbed. "Stan, Luigi and I can handle it. Thanks though!"

The Captain stared with unbridled rage before he caught himself. "But an adventurer needs a brigade! Besides for (spreading the blame during mishaps) allowing all talents to shine, extra eyes and ears are a protection!!"

Then Luigi began to leave.

The Captain followed hectically. "I know a way to teleport, straight to wherever we need to be! Including the princess!"

Luigi found his words, turning as the red toad overtook him. "And how is that possible, Stan?"

He smirked. "With your linguistic capabilities. And it's Captain Toad to you, Mr. Hero."

He folded the paper up once, then again, then several more times until it was a tiny square in the pocket of the husk in the waiting room. The wait was over, and nothing could be done for Ala-Gold like he thought he was prepared for. The talk with his family was pleasant at least. Saddened, seeking to travel over Monday, the soonest they could, they were proud their son went down in the war against that evil Bowser man..

Funny, he used to always be jealous that Gold had a big family back at Ricco Harbor, and Gold in turn would tell him not to be too much. He moved abroad for a reason. Maybe he was onto something. Bucken-Berry's family never had to be stabbed by the pain of losing him.

"Hey. You know Mr. Toad? Yes?" A stern stranger, an orange yoshi in a tux, gave Bucken-Berry's hand a perfunctory shake, holding roses in his other. "Where? I think my niece is close by," he mentioned grittily.

Bucken-Berry pointed down a hallway, where that guy shortly went. Another visitor for Mr. Toad. Did anyone care about Gold like he did though? Boiling inside, Blue fought against the pavlovian urge to smash something. He should be telling the castle staff, being active. Instead he rose to his feet, lifted the metal chair over his head and-

"Sir I- Nevermind! Eeeekkk!"

Thomas screamed and ran out of the hospital entirely, which made some others turn and look at who remained, Bucken-Berry, like he was some freak. The blue toad dropped the chair and rushed outdoors as well. His vision blacked out from the bright sun, so that he collided face first into the metal sheet siding of the adjacent building. He fell backward into a puddle of viscous mud, toppling over a high stack of metal buckets with him. Many water lines were there, evident by the large pipes going underground and a leaky faucet.

Thomas stepped up slowly. "I was going to say something but.. I f-forgot..."

Bucken-Berry leaned upwards and glared. "Chill it, kid. I wasn't gonna... Did I look like I was gonna? Well I wasn't. Okay? Now piss off!"

"Doesn't sound like it…. Sorry again sir." Thomas quickly backed off, and then changed his mind. He drew something in the soil with his heel. "I came from there and was taken by Dark Land militia when I was about five. It's been tough I suppose, though it did not dawn how much until I came here and compared my life to your kind."

Bucken-Berry was standing by then. There was once a such thing as sanctioned nomads, the reason why toads could be the exceeding demographic nonnative areas. Etched down there was Prism Island's crest. Talk about remote. "I'll be frank kid. I'm not in a state to get into toad politics, as privileged as I still am despite my tragedies. More so when one of them is in that building behind us."

"Mr. Ala-Gold, for the short time I knew him, was a cool guy."

"Kid, duh he was! He crossed over from the harbor in a canoe he carved, using his homemade compass too and the stars alone. He'd memorize level maps and let our timer run out finding hidden blocks. Mario would be pissed! He had this weird thing against screaming, so how we clicked it off I don't know…" His gaze remained on his muddy boots. "And don't regret. Look, enough yapping. Where's The Captain? I got beef with him, not gonna lie, but he's kinda meek and quiet without his brigade. He'd probably freak you out less to hang with."

"Oh, right. That was his name, I'm bad with those sir. I was with him before, at the public library but, he was too passionate about the subject."

That's not a real criticism according to Toadette, Bucken-Berry thought. Anyway, "Uh huh?"

"Yeah so, I haven't seen him in a while, but his backpack is right here."

Probabilly had returned and the lost and found items were openly displayed under the hospital's front porch. Bucken-Berry ogled at several books, an 'Ex spatio obiecti specialem lexicon', a snapping Bookend, a Dark Prognosticus reproduction, and an emerald green book on Magikoopa rites in authentic Darklandian. They were lined up like- evidence!

A memory rushed back to Blue, taking his breath away.

Snifit Patrol’s Evidence on Zoo #5, small painting, Assemblation by artist Drew L. D.”

Their saving grace was Zoo’s brother.

Peach's knees briefly buckled after the first row of stairs, speckled steadily from rain, leading to the entrance of a tall tower, rising into the darkening clouds even. The kooapling quickened his pace to reach her but with Toadsworth over his sore shoulders, by the time he’d gotten there she was already scraping herself back up.

“I am well, dear..” she spoke preemptively. “I've had these dizzy spells all my life.”

"Hey, hold up. Can we please just go somewhere else?”

“It seems inclined to storm rather badly. We are on foot.”

“But dad is coming here too!”

“I may persuade him again is all.”

Did she not realize that he WANTED to get away from them and this could ‘out’ him?

The teenager bit back that rush of fear. The princess was already at the large medieval door, tapping with the knocker.

“Peach,” he tried one more time. “Umm. I lost our, you know, letters from last night in that twister or whatever. What did you mean in that last one?”

The princess ceased the tapping. Larry’s breath was bated as she stood very still, so intensely when the tower’s door moved open with a loud creek, he almost lost his footing.

Ludwig stood in the arch. He was a little pallid, but he must have thought he felt great. His arms were folded and his nose raised. “Why did you come here?“

Except that voice wasn't his!

Ludwig’s head lowered, revealing his smirk, “You will soon wish you were swept away by the deluge.”

14. Split

Chapter Summary

I'm torn *Slight edits*

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belongs to Nintendo

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Without the doctor who held Dr. Mario’s case study, there was little to do but roll in a Mushroom Flu patient one by one, look them up and down and return them where they came from in the same condition. For the Special World Hospital doctors, that was perhaps the closest they’d been to “traditional” in ages. Locals began to murmur ‘something something quack, pard’ner’, and a closely listening triage nurse suspected they weren’t referring to the cataquack population. Jr. Troopa marched into the temporary tin shed lab, weaving and squeezing around the testbeds, tables with bubbling chemicals, and the hammer brother clacking at an old looking computer. Dr. Toad was found at the rearmost wall, at a clear spot he’d carved out as his atelier. A six by four canvas hung at his eye level.

“-Jackson, I should recruit your blue toad nurse. I have never seen a more expedient associate who had yet only had the work experience of five minutes,” Dr. Toad droned, etching Vick's homestead with a tan pastel. His right hand held the rubber band bound remainder of the set.

That didn't used to be his style. “Erm. These are enemy species parts, Drew. You're the only toad. Also folks starting to gossip bout.. Forget it. What he look like?”

"Tormented, weathered for his age, rivaling the intensity of a Pablo Pizzacaso portrait, a slight unibrow, almost always downward…But reasonably attractive, with muscles- large ones."

Before Troopa could react, there was a cacophony. He jumped around at people barging in and barring the door closed with a spade. "Nevermind, there's a toad right there!"

Dr. Toad's playful side evaporated as Dr. Toadley and his intern invaded, glistening from what part of their exposed skin didn't have dirt stuck to it. In panic Dr. Toad barreled past Troopa and Dr. Topper to cut them off halfway.

"Stop!"

"Was my arrival unexpected? Yes it was! We hastened, even directly through villager's backyards and crops. Some had shotguns."

"An anonymous.. delivery person has given.. us a.. Mushroom Flu virus sample," the intern added in between breaths.

Dr. Toad felt the ground swallow him. "This was not a group effort, Houdini."

Jr. Troopa came up modestly. "Uh.. I can have the boys drag em out if it bothers you that much."

Dr. Toadley chuckled. "We arrive to assist, not subjugate." But first to assert that he was no joke either, Toadley opened his palm to prove the impossible. The object within scintillate.

Behold! At 893:044; the courthouse of Grandmaster Galaxy emerges from interstellar clouds of dust and gas, stationed above pillars staggering higher in elevation: the first of emerald, the second chalcedony, the third sapphire, the fourth jasper, the fifth-

The star warrior careened then into the sardonyx pillar of millennia, bouncing off like a Micro-Goomba against a Banzai Bill. Dizzyingly he identified that the obscuring fog was an organic material, eating it away. He bustled to the golden gate of the court, ajar with a holographic scroll attached: ‘The Galaxy Courthouse is closed at this moment. Thanketh thee.'

(♡♪!?) reread in disbelief, as if he might bend the words with his will power to state something else. “Drats.. only thirteen minutes late!” His further acceleration released his passengers from the suspended state they were in during his lightspeed travels.

Ludwig and Toadsworth took a rough tumble against the glass plane the golden Greek style coliseum rested on. The koopaling had not fully regained his bearings when a threatening rumble from the vastness of space tore his attention from his bruises. Clumps of stars engaged in combat, some star warriors, others macabre seafoam colored stars, five pointed, flatter with sunken black eyes, the source of a wispy particle like material all but invisible unless if overlay a lighter colored planet or galaxy that revealed it as pure black and corrosive. It made dozens of star warriors sizzle to nothing- and the wicked forces were advancing!

Ludwig spun to take flight, colliding with Toadsworth. They split all over the place, that time into the interior. The koopaling was on his feet in seconds and sprinted blindly for miles down narrow twisting and turning halls of some light emitting yellow stone like material. Enigmatically, he met up with a familiar face who had obviously never moved. The gasp that escaped his lips was the koopaling’s last breath as he collapsed from exhaustion.

“See what rash decisions just got you?” Toadsworth strolled up to his snout. “Tut tut. The rules of our old reality don’t apply. Preceding forward we must locate our guardian and get the gist of things in an orderly way.”

A low growl emitted from the back of the koopaling’s throat as he peeled his face from the floor. “And why would someone of my caliber be frazzled, Samuel??”

“I was not meddling,” the elder replied, leading off in a random direction to Ludwig. “After all, I cannot fathom how it feels to be snuffed out so young.”

The Koopaling growled once more. That geriatric little.. And the emotion settled into his stomach, exhuming a poignant memory from six years ago: the arrival of the final sibling and the rapid sickness and death of their mother following. How Junior is given that very unique name and heired successor unprecedentedly. Ludwig slowly approached his father post funeral, the second that red cloaked stranger detached from his side, pleading for some explanation. He was more than old enough. He deserved it. As Bowser broke apart into wheezes and sniffles, he never got it. That was the impetus making the Koopa Troop his full time job, even over musical education. If he was militant enough, had grandiose enough strategies, had outside villain organizations recognize his efforts- could that make his father view him as worthy to govern his kingdom some day?

Apparently not.

“Ludwig. Yo, your feet are making sparks. Pick it up!”

Ludwig was roused to (♡♪!?) securing him and Toadsworth by the wrist into a radiant open courtroom. Hamstrung, Ludwig plopped down in the stands, unnoticed by Toadsworth surveying with the star warrior for the missing goddess. Rows of vacant seating scaled as high as Toadsworth could crane his neck. The war had yet to tarnish the upper echelons of the transparent roof. He could still see twinkling distant stars through them, too far to wish to. The devout man reached inwards instead..

“I do hope this does not offend sir,” he ventured. “But have you attempted to call her?”

The star warrior bent upwards from the judge's podium, slapping himself. “..Call me Geno and duh! We just got ‘em. Cut me a break.” He dialed a number on a brand new looking iPhone X. “Hey girl…Oh! Right on..”

Geno readdressed the two, pausing only a moment at the koopaling’s zonked out disposition. “Hold still and, voila!”

After a flash of light, the three were on a patch of grass on one of the islands that branched off from a central hi tech observatory structure with a reactor powering it. Other paths lead to living areas, buildings, and even schools from which lumas placidly carried on normal business. The sector of space here was dark blue, and eclectic galaxies were plainly visible in the distance. From Luigi’s photos, Toadsworth registered it as the Comet Observatory, and here was its owner, strolling up from the center console and fumbling on an identical to Geno’s phone in a way he might back on Earth, the elder toad was reminded ticklishly.

“I intended to inform you of the new arrangements when the battles broke out over there (♡♪!?) , but could not locate the contacts app,” the goddess admitted sheepishly. She tucked the rose gold iPhone away, giving up. She was like a living jewel before them, statuesque and aglow in mature beauty and grace, from her long platinum hair to her flawless skin, to the dazzlingly vibrant blue gown that extended to the floor. Despite that she sounded ordinary, dignified, but as any other shyish woman.

“Hey no biggie Rosie. I only remembered your digits cause I wrote in on my bicep the other day! Where’s the others?” Geno gave a worrying sweep of the area.

“Millennium Star insisted on imperiling himself without specifics.” The goddess explained in a hush so as to not alert lumas in proximity. “There was no one else.”

Geno groaned, reluctantly turning to his guests. “Alright, so us star beings WON’T be rolling up on ‘em gangsta style. Rosalina’s Gravitational Pull will have to channel you to your bodies.”

“Good show!” Toadsworth exclaimed. He pat Ludwig, who’s eyebrows furrowed, unreadable otherwise.

“-But there might be glitches. Could be distance, attenuation, we dunno. It’s experimental, so do ya utmost to find the dark star’s leader quickly and discreetly. It gets wind of us on the case and it’ll switch from games to complete annihilation. We can’t afford to swoop in and miss..”

Toadsworth burst with consternation. It was only through being so well bred that he didn’t jump out and seize the star warrior going, “What are you mad???” Outwardly he steely accepted like he was a Mushroom soldier once more, agreeing to one of the serious missions whose success endeared him to the Toadstool dynasty.

“Coolio. And we’ll watch from here..?” Geno gave a side glance to Rosalina. “Oh one more thing. A good start might be to watch out for ‘Special Objects’. The Dark Star had to be connected to one and anybody using it. It takes arcane knowledge to discern which are connected to good or bad stars so just don’t mess with them. ..Wait a second thing actually, don’t tell other people what you’re doing because if they’re connected to an ‘evil’ Special Object they might like, try to kill you and we can’t exactly prevent that! ..Alright, anything to add, Rosie?”

The goddess shuddered. She’d spent most of that time with her sapphire eyes trained on the koopaling. She paced over with a message just for him and leaned beyond his wild blue hair.

“It’s not too late. Remember you are someone’s ‘Special One.’”

…
…
…

The sensation of choking woke Ludwig up- for real this time. The general coughed up murky tongue stinging water.

“How can BOTH of them pass out like that?! I hate everything!”

“Larry!” Princess Peach rebuked. “Stop fussing. We made it to the level we needed!”

They hauled Toadsworth and Ludwig into the center of the tower. There was a shaft with a manual powered elevator waiting for them. Just in time. They could hear the foaming waters sloshing on the floor below, even up creeping from the stairs. They hurried inside and spotted Lemmy far at the top. His rainbow mohawk disappeared and then they were shot up like a rocket, so much the basket broke at the top of the shaft, flinging everyone out onto the roof.

“Whoops…” Lemmy saw his brother continually spinning the winch. “Iggy, you can stop!..”

Larry rubbed his head, knocked against the parapet. “Ouch. Thanks I freakin’ think..” The flooded over landscape below sent a shiver down his spine. The waters were high enough to obscure the pillar thing in the field Peach was mesmerized by before. An airship sailed over the horizon, followed by additional smaller boats or whatever possessed buoyancy. Spontaneously a pontoon broke off from the others and raced up to the front ship. It had a hand weaved flag waving from it. A passenger from the lead ship plunged into the ocean.

“What’s Wendy thinking??” Lemmy said, materializing next to his little brother. “And I can’t place where I’ve seen that symbol before..”

Larry couldn’t cross his eyes enough to see whatever Lem could somehow. “Doesn’t Iggster have service? Boogle it.”

Lemmy cringed, avoiding eye contact, digging his foot on the stone tile.. “Iggy IS Boogle now. Kinda. He got impatient and replaced his brain with a robot.”

Larry took another look around. Peach was okay if disarranged, Toadsworth and Ludwig.. They were moving, but morbid or ‘off’ in a way he couldn’t articulate right then. What overshadowed that even was.. Iggy was a cyborg!

…

A lounging toad girl observed traffic from Hotel Mario’s tallest balcony. Sometimes a citizen would race down Starman Lane on foot, like in times past she could faintly remember. Before motor karts were the norm in Toad Town, everyone accordingly had less on the agenda and time in general felt slower. Toadette wished, just for today, she was shot back to those days.

She lowered the magazine after floorboards creaked.

“What’s up?” signed another more tanned pink toad, with inverted spots compared to her.

Toadette plastered on a smile for the gardener. “Just coolin off.”

Joseph sat gingerly in the beach chair next to her. “You’re in direct sunlight!” He laughed with a hoarse husky voice. “There’s air conditioning indoors where we’re all waiting for you. We leave in ten minutes. It’s at four pm..”

“Oh I haven’t done my hair yet! So many are already at Royal Raceway and there’s..” Dang it. She forgot the sign language for ‘too many cameras and news people’ at the worst time!

“You look beautiful, darling.”

“Thanks but I can’t go-”

Joe conveniently feigned ignorance of her verbalization, taking her hand and lifting her out of the seat. Toadette didn’t want to behave rudely, indecision that roped her to the ground floor reception desk. She had to admit it being lit orange from the evening sun was an improvement, hiding the dinginess of the carpet and making the game machines look cool, but she wasn’t happy to be there regardless, not with three more co-workers hanging around. She dread how they might try to cajole her.

Les yawned, back against the wall, Chef Tim chat on the phone off to the side with a pan in his other hand, and Zeror, made up spiffily and directly blocking the door, held a loupe to a yellow packet that had been ripped open and was currently a back board for a document.

Waitaminute. Toadette squinted, closing on the green capped banker and treasure curator none the wiser. “If that’s addressed to the manager only, why haven’t I seen it?” When she tried to take it from him, there was resistance on his end from his trance like state that tore it across a preexisting seam middle line.

“Ma’am oh heavens I've ruined it!!”

Hearing Zeror's light voice for once was as surprising as the weathered hand written document in an antiquated Shroomish dialect. The official mushroom seal adorned the bottom from their castle, Mushroom King reign era.

“What’s it say, doll?” Les asked enthusiastically.

Well Toadette’s interest was piqued knowing legalese from collage, enough to forget that Zeror should have deciphered the list of items and herbs forever ago. “What sticks out to me is ’Teeowed’ and a verb for ‘consume’ and ‘mushroom’...So like we left behind this recipe thing and somebody found it for us? So what?”

Zeror’s crafty simper to Les and Joe revealed his gold teeth. Toadette gulped, rolling up her half of the paper.

“What else of the princess’s priceless possessions might we have missed?” Joe asked.

“Uh, Joseph, Lester, even Mr. Zeror, there’s no way we can recomb the area. Not with that event going on,” she rebutted. There was something very strange and over elaborate with this trap they’d set, but she wasn’t falling for it. They hadn’t even tried her true weakness-

“Oh Tim,” Les began. “Show her the Chocolate Cake!”

The chef removed the cover from the pan, a fresh Jelly Ultra. Toadette could thankfully refuse, temptation free. She disliked the jelly derivatives. Too sticky, much like the situation was getting.

“If only that guy would listen!” Joe complained to Les and Zeror.

“Excuse me flower boy,” Tim snapped. “Face me so I can see what you're saying!”

“I said this, Timothy,” after signing the chef’s name, Joe swung at him.

The rotund chef slipped backward and through the entrance door and rolled to a stop at a parking brick outside. He propelled himself up as the other three staff barged out brandishing a fire extinguisher, a vase, or surprisingly nothing as far as Zeror was concerned. The chef exposed from under his apron a long silver butcher's knife and held them off with it.

“You're all on drugs!!”

“Stoooooop!” Toadette ran out between him. “All this just because I don’t want to go down there??”

They were all daunted, Joe broadly.. “You are the foremost of the princess’s subsidiaries and we cannot attend without you. What if officials organize a plan to rescue the princess?”

Not likely according to flyers, Toadette mused, in uncharted waters. Weird phrasing, Toad Town hadn’t had rain in weeks, also- not a homicide since fifteen years ago if the baddie influx yesterday didn’t count, yet Peach’s staff were prepared to hurt each other. What was happening to people?

“What are you thinking?”

She blinked. “That…You are now castle manager. There, now you can all attend.”

Another first, she saw Zeror’s bottom lip under his bushy mustache while he gaped. “How am I qualified, ma’am?”

“You were Mr. Toadsworth’s friend, has decades of history with the Toadstools, and you didn’t pack a weapon just now. Done. Oh look,” she added, under the other three’s disappointments of the missed promotion. A dark tented van was pulling up. “Totally just in time.”

…

Guard Jon didn’t bother with a tally of toads for Peach Castle. It only surprised Toadette that he did not bring along his partner. Bridget paced at the hotel slot machines, fidgeting constantly with the intricacies of her uniform or giggling at her reflections. Toadette wasn’t sure what drove her desire to formally introduce herself. Toadettes were rarer and she was lonely now, and the irony wasn’t lost on her that after pining for promotion she’d just demoted herself. There was nothing to lose.

“Hi.”

Bridget stood straight on high alert, super scope on hand. She was a tad shorter, with entirely different and darker features and sportier, a tough one. Maybe this was a bad idea..

“Uh, nothing..” Toadette bit her lip, backing away.

“Wait. So you’re, haha, good with the city, eh?

“..Sure. I chauffeur the princess sometimes.”

The guard’s smile widened. “I’m sooo jealous! Since that dick Jon is gone will you ride with me on some errands?”

Moments later Toadette sqeed. Around back was a shiny B-Dasher, a privately owned kart used for the job, Mushroom insignias juxtaposed on it, and still gorgeous.

“Don’t drool on my seat covers,” Bridget joshed, nudging the enamored ex-manager.

“I won’t!” Toadette blushed.

The guard loaded in the back some boxed army supplies that looked suspiciously like junk food while Toadette loaded a heavier larger neutral colored purse full of many objects and that Ultra Jelly. They drove off in the convertible, loving the breeze.

“I have a ton of friends stationed around.. Pleasant Path. Know there?”

“Sure do!”

“Doesn’t a pocketbook like that break your back?”

Toadette readjusted her seat belt. “You get used to it.. Now take that right down Turtlely Road,” she said to switch the topic. Those items were what she thought was the most valuable of Zeror’s treasure stash, no longer trusting entirely any staff but her boyfriend, though even he freaked her out by ominously texting if she could bring some of Zoo’s evidence from Snifit Patrol precinct down South. How did he know that’s where she needed to get to as well? The cops more pertinently were holding Peach’s Parcel from yesterday which would surely demystify much of the commotion in town..

For step one, Toadette grabbed a well worn cassette from her pocket. This other girl was about to love the mushroom rock band ‘The Pizza’s’ whether she knew it or not. They’d gotten heat over it in later years, but none could deny they were the masters of subliminal messages.

Mario wiggled his toes that had fallen asleep in his boots. He was genuinely intrigued at the outset. Too bad the pile of books on the wooden counter proved to be insipid at best, even with that bright warning tag on them stating 'DO NOT REMOVE FROM LIBRARY'. Mario dismissed the nagging detail. Considering they were in the local librarian's trailer home while they were out on business, The Captain must have obtained permission.

"Stuck?"

"Um. Yes," The Captain replied, voice leaking with embarrassment. He massaged his strained eyes. On the page characters went backwards and forwards at random, and at times 'stylistically' spiraling to the center of the page. His attempt to read it was such a trainwreck, Luigi felt uncomfortable, left, and never came back.

Mario without prompt, had a device in his hands. "Break time. Jr. Troopa's blowing me up about something at the lab just now."

The Captain bore into the brick-like GoomPCS, a rudimentary model for species with no appendages. He'd mistook it for someone else's, but the next correct realization was equally worrisome. "You've acquired a new cellular phone, and distributed your new number, and didn't inform me?"

The mildly bewildered plumber slid it back into his pocket. "It wasn't that long ago. It's just a cheap thing from the drugstore that I used a prepaid card on. Not a big deal okay?-.."

"...I'll meet you there. Sir."

The moment the plumber was out, he flipped the entire table of books with a roar of anguish, making them fly up and into cupboards and knickknacks. That beast had been simmering since Luigi left practically LAUGHING in his face- now that humiliation in front of Mario? The Captain trembled and hyperventilated. If only he could cram enough knowledge to interpret the Darklandian in the magikoopa book… The red faded from his vision enough to notice something shiny on the floor, retrieving a silver-plated locket. Not very valuable he appraised with proficiency, nonetheless someone might want to see it.

He waltzed into the previously shut up disarrayed bedroom and opened a chest under tangled covers. The bob-omb buddy bound tightly inside mumbled through the pillowcase stuffed in his mouth and squirmed at the toad's cheeky face as he loomed over. A bad smell struck his nose from the fear-stricken victim. Miffed with him, The Captain plunked the heirloom down there and shut the trunk tight again. He wasn't planning on returning. It would be wise at this point to ask his brigade down. He had a way to insure it actually.

Yoshi played fetch with Poochy, occasionally waving to neighbors, or being forced to rescue them as the Dino Rhino and Ukiki couple that owned the berry farm down the jungle path discovered. Poochy was growing and inclined to play rough with things or people with certain scents. A quirk of the breed, but Yoshi was managing it- more or less rather.

He rallied over the dog to escape the elements for a while. Tall sumac buffeted him along the way. He'd meant to tame the land around his treehouse more. It was covering the 'For sale' sign..

Yoshi later collapsed on his striped hammock, watching nostalgically at the little leaf spinning fan. He had a dresser to the right, an icebox and nothing else that wasn't packed in boxes. The rest of the space was racks of trendy clothing and additional boxes. Even before plans to emigrate the dino tread light for less complications when crossing between Yoshi's Island and the Mushroom Kingdom. At this point he could pass as a Mushroomite by accent.

His IslandMobile ringing frightened him. He was in the midst of such a.. delicate situation involving telecommunication.

"Yoshi. Still alive? Luigi wanted to thank you for the help yesterday."

Yoshi sat up from the hammock, feeling like a thwomp hit him. That deplorable work of his in the park against Zoo? Not listening, behaving like a rookie.. What did Luigi see in that? Well, he'd make up for it double.

"Mario, you want me over now. Right???"

"Uh. Better hear what happened since from me than the news." He told him, never interrupted once, which made Mario uneasy.

"Great. I'll get over there however it takes. Train, boat, plane. -And I hate flying but I'll do it!" The dino was already pacing around, causing Poochy to drop a plush chew toy and watch.
"Didn't you hear me? You said you were about to get married didn't you? Maybe move further inland? Always talking about how your buddies on Dino island started families forever ago? With grandchildren now? Don't get yourself killed."

He froze. "What."

"I'm giving you at ticket to normalcy Yosh. Hold on." Mario seemed to move somewhere, probably secluded. "I wanted to tell you this long ago. Your old lady is sick of you crossing over all the time. We both know that."

The dinosaur plopped back down. "Mario I.. Yes, but no matter what I do, short of 'nothing', Birdo has an issue. I keep her informed every literal hour I'm out. I'm with her if I'm not with you, and of course she's not somewhere, where ever that is these days. I'm mystified."

"No you're not."

He sighed, glancing over his home emptily. "Of course. I'm not. Either I'll surprise you later, or you can surprise me with how it went down in a day or two. Good bye.."

Yoshi surprised himself by resisting the urge to move, all the way until he heard the squeaks of the ladder outside. Someone was returning to the tree home. He stood then and had the door already open for his fiancée, dolled up in a hot pink dress coat and matching church hat. Slightly taken back by his initiative, she blew a kiss at him and continued in, placing the Bronze Egg on the mantelpiece. Poochy aggressively snarled at it like he always did. Yoshi rolled his eyes a little, securing the locks. She was supposed to hide that 'prop' from 'Authentic Restorations Inc.' knowing it triggered the pet like that. Disposing of it wasn't going to fly either, not without a fight. His fiancée was enraptured with that tacky thing, insisting the modeling agencies booked her two-fold with it.

“Honey, get comfortable please,” he led off, remaining standing. He watched her casually lounge on her red love sofa without alarm, already flicking around on her smartphone. He took one more breath. “It’s about that location you want us to move to.”

She snapped in his direction. “T. Yoshisaur, half the treehouse is in a box!”

“Indeed, but we haven’t deposited yet on that Donut Plains condo and I would like to, if I can, present my argument differently: Prices are up and this land is paid for. If we aren’t going to worry about money, the Mushroom Kingdom would be a more appropriate fit for us. All of your highest paying agencies are based there and I’ve seen some of the letters where they ask for you to move closer. With our rapport we’d have zero issues finding a home. Just something to consider. Just trying to make you happy.” He lifted his gaze from his orange booties across the carpet and onto her longing expression at...the Bronze Egg!! A flash of anger came upon him. He’d tried so arduous, for that? He knew what she loved and it wasn’t him.

He launched it through the window.

“YOSHI!!” she exploded.

He thought she might follow it, but remained at the window seal.

"-That was uncalled for and I'll rectify that." Yoshi slowly approached her side. The sun made three objects glint among the ragweed and sumac, including the cracked egg. "However, I have no better way to say this.. Birdo, there's a dagger in me and I've bled for a long time. Going forward it would be wise for us to take a break. Our lifestyles aren't compatible."

Birdo slowly faced him. He almost recoiled, not sure what to expect. "I agree and- Whew! There's too much chaos in these parts. I really wanted to move back to Subcon anyway," she mentioned about as casually as one would the weather.

"I thought Mario and crew..dreamed up.. Nevermind. Will you need help?"

"No. I'll hire movers. Old man," she teased. "And since you've ended it officially, I won't be dragged on social media."

"Who gives unsolicited commentary on other people's romantic life online?"

"I thought you were adept with technology."

"Sarcasm honey."

They laughed together, softly rather. Realization of the Abilene paradox was bittersweet at best for both of them.

…

The rhythmic shuffling of tracks meant there was a slumbering dinosaur for a multicolored dog to lick in the face, having escaped from a partially sized luggage bag thirty minutes ago. Soon his master mumbled about that person again.

Poochy was a good boy.

He was learning phrases.

He understood 'stop', 'go', 'fetch', and 'Here's money for a shopping spree, honey'.

He also purported what 'Mario' meant.

That name seemed to connect with elation in general for Master.

Therefore… Mario must be food. See? Poochy smart boy.

A loud steam whistle jolted Yoshi awake. He flushed at the canine nuzzling him. "No boy. Get back in quick. Quick!"

Another yoshi, the ticket checker that had been pestering everyone in that section, and with a katana too, came up. "I knew my allergies weren't lying, Larry. Found him."

"The Koopaling?"

A uniformed toad came up. "No sir, I'm the conductor. The Toad Town 101 does not allow pets in the passenger compartments," he warned sternly. Then he presented a pen and pad for an autograph. "But for the famous Mr. Munchakoopas, we'll pretend we didn't see it. We only request that you go to the rear most carriage if there's any 'accidents'."

That was a great deal as moments later, Poochy was indicating one of those were waiting to happen. That rear unmonitored room was a storage area for hay bails, the only source of light the sliding door precariously half open. Trees and jungle scrolled by in a jade blur outside. As Poochy sniffed around, Yoshi had last minute reservations. What if those belonged to someone? He chose to not think about it too hard, looking away for the dog's privacy at the adjacent wall with an Emerald Circus poster. One of Bowser's sons were on the bill. Oh yeah.. He'd seen Lemmy perform by accident about a year ago. He bounced around the stage like he had a blast. Adorable thing.

"I prefer the Cirque du Angry Solei."

His jaw dropped at the one next to him. "How did you get here?"

"Teleportation."

"Be serious or-" Yoshi grit his teeth. "Just forget it, Dr. Professor."

Doctor Professor Koopa smiled at him, continuing to hold his shoulder. Stubble spotted the corners of his face, but was otherwise just as Friday. "I'm not at my practice obviously so you may address me Theo."

"How about not."

"That's really my name."

"Look, what happened to your havok wreaking crew?"

He didn't seem particularly concerned. "I suppose apprehended while we were fleeing town."

"You are aware we're heading back to Toad Town."

"You are. I'm not." Dr. Prof checked his cracked watch and with a burst of energy threw himself into another train passing the opposite direction. Yoshi made a lightning decision, scooped his dog up and did the same. They landed in a pile of red clay. This train was rickety and vibrated like an earthquake compared to the last. Worse, he feared he was already lost. With no covering over each car he could see water on either side and the bridge ahead stretching into the unknown. He pressed on. The dino carefully made his way over the coupler and into the next car, rewarded with satisfaction from that criminal's dumb stare from atop the gravel pile.

"Surprise, Theodore."

"...You have a tenacity most don't at our age, boy! Mario for a certainty sent you to hunt me down and stomp my face. I propose an information exchange?

The dino nodded at the willingness to bargain. He might have also been, just a tiny bit, pumped up by that complement. "Fair."

"When my 'Sweet Pea' was a grammar school age I was the castle medic. One day her father and one of his high ranking red toads, can't remember the name but it's unoriginal, flipped out on me over a scientific theory that toads and humans favoring is more than a mere coincidence.... So I followed where there was a need, at a rapidly flourishing Castle Koopa. Great gig until Mushroom Flu broke out. You must understand that, while we refer to is as a 'virus' it is abstruse, from a mushroom that does not grow on Earth. Yes, those bastards sent it as an intentional attack from their evil stars. Dr. Mario confirmed it."

Yoshi blinked at him. "What are you saying??"

The wrinkles around Dr. Prof. Koopa's eyes creased. "That was my end of the bargain. Now please enlighten me on.. the touch of a human. -Oh my apologies. You never found out with him."

"Him?! I.. w-who??"

"Mario."

Yoshi had another bout of.. "That's not how 'that' works. What are you trying to leverage against me?"

"Ah ah ah." The doctor wagged a finger. "If I went there, you'd react poorly-"

Yoshi found his hands crushing the doctor's throat, demonstrating in real time. He shoved the koopa back against the sloped wall of the cart, shifting around and half burying both in gravel and powder. It shook the dinosaur out of it, stepping back, in fact wanting to be as far from the giggling, wheezing fiend as possible.

"The cops will deal with you!" He whistled for Poochy and flung himself off board and into the blue ocean waters.

A belated realization rippled through him that he was in the middle of nowhere, the suspension bridge his only aid. He counted concrete pillars as some way to track progress. His arms burned by number thirty, where a whirlpool began to pulling him. Poochy immediately left his saddle and swam away, disappearing over a rolling wave. The dinosaur accepted his fate then with equanimity. The canine was only preserving his life.

The water broke, and he refocused on the fluorescent orange object, a life preserver. For him! He encouraged his companion with the ring in his teeth until he could grab on. Some rope tethered to it swiftly towed them towards a white fishing boat so miniature, the billows obscured it easily. The toad reeling them in lauded at the bonus extra soul saved.

…

"No problem. That's why I pretend to be a- I mean I AM definitely a coast guard. Need another towel?" Sonny, as he introduced himself, asked his passengers. He was a youngish red toad wearing all black, with a tactical vest as large as him.

"No. Thank you again."

"Good. That was, um, my only one."

Yoshi wrapped the dog with it at the moment, being the furry creature of the two. Yoshis were resilient anyway and he didn't want Poochy getting another sinus infection. Yoshi and the coast guard chat readily for a bit, neither prying. Soon Sonny mentioned they were near Pipe Land. He reduced speed to not beach on any underground pipes, in the process acutely spotting something bobbing around. The coast guard released a ragged sigh as he reeled it in. Yoshi soon understood. It was a decaying baddie. Sonny had a different procedure for that one and it soon was respectfully stored away in a large tackle box.

Life was too fragile to leave loose ends. Yoshi thought back to the Bronze Egg pieces he'd packed with him. It was petty to take that. Best he repair or replace, and mail it back to her. Just as a way to say maturely, 'sorry it didn't work out, but here'.

"Really?" Boo eyed the heavy gift in the black carrying case.

"Yeah, lil fella. The owner of this kart doesn't deserve cool toys like that. Display only now. For safety."

Kylie Koopa was the type to make them comfortable with, well, people. Giving them the shiny ray gun found under the seat was a little jarring, and Boo had zero experience or want in such, but the implications filled them with joy. They were considered grown up, capable, cool, trustworthy. Attributes Luigi might like… Further demonstrated when Kylie made a detour for Boo to deliver ‘S.G.’s other delivery to the Toadley Clinic.

Pulling into the lot of Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, the boo found some fringes of their old diffident mood returning. Scattered around were karts like the guards drove. Boo braved following Kylie inside. The species diverse staff from yesterday were replaced with unfamiliar toads either at a desk or seated leisurely in the lobby with reading material. While in civilian clothing mostly, their black spots hinted otherwise. Boo reached the end of a hallway and noticed Kylie was missing.

…

“Kylie, finally you show up!!”

Smack in the middle of the previous hall, the koopa reporter blanketed the toad with a hug. He winced, making her ease up. He was bloated, felt quite warm, and was dressed in the same suit he had the last time she’d seen him, now with dark stains blotting it. His lap was filled with old facial tissues stained identically.

“Mitch, what are ya doing here? Does this name ring a bell? Jelectro Bond. He called himself your-”

“Sign this first babe. I never took you off my power of attorney. It’s good.” Mitch jut a clipboard at her. He never did that, not even in the office when he was supposed to hand her things at times. Furthermore these sorts of ‘life matters’ were arranged back when they still dated decades ago!

Kylie read over the document in faded hard to read transfer paper ink. He could not be presently released due to- Her eyes widened. “Irregularities in frontal cortex.” That explained his slurred words, some strabismus.. “Mitch. You’re busted up. What happened to you?”

He wheeled away, sluggishly, weakly. “Just sign it, hurry.. I need to get outta here. Lay down. In my bed. Don’t worry. The docs don’t understand my nose bleed problem is normal-”

“Mitch-”

“For the love of God, please sign the thing!”

…Was the second floor colder, or was it just her? The reporter remained unnerved proceeding towards Kinopio-Kun’s room. She had to remind herself, repeatedly, that her co-worker had to deal with his own problems. Had he ticked off someone again? Had a hit on him? She could only speculate as two piantas in black suits left the room before she entered. Weird. She slipped in.

Boo wasn’t waiting inside. Uh oh.

The lime green toad was up and awake in his bed with a laptop. A table to his left held Starmanbucks coffee cups, and a stack of sympathy cards. High end personal luggage occupied the guest recliners. Beady eyes rose from the bright screen.

“- Oh Hey. It’s Kylie Koopa, ace reporter. I love your work," she fibbed. "Now as ya know there's an event today and-”

He waved ‘go on’ impatiently. Kylie’s smile tightened. Little twerp. “-In short. Could ya give the word to the ‘authorities’ that I really wanna be there and won’t cause any trouble?”

His jaw shifted from side to side, thinking it over she guessed. Seemed like an inopportune time for other burning questions, such as why he’d dragged Mario through the wringer this morning with his postings..

He flashed a symbol, and not the one she expected.

…

Deja vu. Boo had gotten lost again, finding their way into the cafeteria. The air was heavy of various foods and up ahead at the tables staff tidied up, discouraging Boo from bothering them. With their head down and rosey cheeks, Boo whipped around.

“Where’s the packet?”

Boo froze in the café doorway, quivering at S.G.’s voice from nowhere. “I- I.. delivered it s-sir..”

There was a sound like someone banging their head against a desk. “You were supposed to deliver the soda can, but get the paper translated and returned,” he hissed. “Ahhhg…What it contained *could* have blown away everyone at the Public Address!!”

“Noooooo,” they groveled. “I can get it back. I have a helper, and a ride and I won’t screw up again!”

They zoomed to the lobby, not locating Kylie. Boo went to the help desk, in line behind the belligerent, wildly gesticulating X-naut Phd.

“-Because computers are untrustworthy paraphernalia compared to this!” The stout alien in white doctor coat and thick glasses, shook around a pink sticky note from his black tattered medical bag. It stated: ‘Get out of bed and help us out today at the hospital, associate!!!! -Dr. Toad’. “See? I am supposed to be here. Check for the seventeenth time. Morris has two Rs you see, like the original spelling of R.O.B before the underground robot league visited him and rewrote all the books.”

The irritated receptionist flipped a ‘temporarily out of service’ sign up and closed the shutter over the glass. Boo was backing away when the doctor sniffed the air, impressively through the scarf around his lower face. He spun, giddily, “You there. Stop. I beckon you. You won’t regret it.”

Boo almost choked on their own spit. Everyone could sense they were weirdos anyway, and gave them space outdoors. “I promise I'm not who you think-”

"Cut it out. Now, yoink, as the kids say!" He plucked a tiny tracking device from behind the boo's invisible ear, further exaggerating their stupefied look. "Mr. Charles or Spy Guy is a crafty scoundrel for this, recruiting the uninitiated so that I cannot snuff him out upon my arrival in town. Until they learn to hide the red blinking lights, Super Spy HQ will continue to be one of five million secret organizations I know of and will document one day with a best seller to shut up those naysayers," he explained importantly, simultaneously revealing an out of date atlas. "Oh, and are there any alternative hospitals in the area?"

Boo hesitantly pointed down South.

"Splendid. Hahaha." He rubbed his mittens together rapidly.

"..But who are you?"

"Professor Morris Cosmo X-naut, Dr. Toad's best scientist. The fellow once told me my intelligence scares him.. or was it my resume? Anyway I own documents from Dr. Mario, essential for curing MF safely. Did I mention we're mad scientists at the Special World Hospital?"

Sweat rolled off Boo's forehead. Were they doing something wrong all along? It all seemed like too much then.. They were split.

Kylie burst out quicker than the automatic doors could open for her. “I’m in, woot woot!“ she cheered. “Drop whatever ya doing cause we got permission. It’s gonna be the biggest thing since the Star Festival. And yes if you come, you're gonna be popular!” she sang.

Booigi the Second revolved to face her with a half smile. "I know I will.”

Saul Toad verified the order of his cheat cards one last time, then tucked them under his cuff. A roar was deafening outside the tent set up, emanating from onlookers at the bank. Any closer was prohibited and the prayer circles or whatever they were at the castle wreckage site were broken up so a PA system could be planted and some order restored. The orange capped toad in military uniform, official public speaker for the Mushroom King, had only flown down an hour ago and with a misbuttoned jacket. He was intent on making up for that graceless arrival. He’d blow them away. When it was over, they’d be speechless. Toad Town was only peasants and vagrants. Just imagine everyone at the lakefront in their underwear, worked every time!

Heading up to the mic stands on the raised area of the lawn with the cannon, he was escorted by his choice of guard on each side. The local police offered previously, however he relegated those freaks to the sidelines.

"It's gonna be good,” squeaked the left one. Their name escaped Saul, some average height toad of intermediate gender. That's the spirit.

The other more imposing one kept silent and hazily secured his right side. Saul would have delivered a lashing if not in full view of the crowd at that point. That was Benedict’s thanks for being pardoned and not sent to the gallows?

Saul began with the pleasantries and credentials and then rolled right into it. "… Pleased to declare, our King will rebuild his daughter's castle in all its splendor and beauty!" He allowed applause to reside. "-On a plot of land graciously bestowed from his estate in Poshley Heights!… Questions?”

Intentional trick question, rather. Only the handful in the front could shout something intelligible, and most of them were ‘citizens’ the Poshley guards planted. Lakitu raised his hand nervously. It was ‘the’ Lakitu, of the Lakitu Bros with a film camera running and extensive history with Mario and co’s sports.

“Hm. Interesting. It’s just that the princess never expressed that desire.”

“Perhaps not to you. Why wouldn’t she want her Castle closer to her father and in a ‘safer’ nicer area?” Some murmuring arose anew in the crowd, starting at the front and rolling back. About as expected.

A few more citizens expressed their views as a boo brought Kylie Koopa to the front. The ritzy reporter was nauseous from being phased through body after body, but the excitement of the destination helped her battle it. She prepared her DSLR. The backdrop was striking. Click click click. The jagged ruins of the castle.. Star Hill’s purple elevations beyond that ..the aristocrats in their midst lined up all intimidating like.. Snifit Patrol wagging a finger at her from his silver car parked by the tree..

Kylie lowered the camera and waved frivolously. Her eye wandered in the process to a semi-visible Boo crossing the prohibited tape. It must have been some residual power from before, as she noticed she was the only one who could see the boo go uphill and towards- They were NOT heading for pesky Snifit Patrol, but Saul in the middle of answering something from a Sarasaland roketon diplomat. Kylie watched in slow motion the boo solidify, reveal, and aim her gift, the ray gun, point blank at the King’s representative.

“Open. Your. Ears. This is what the millions the back who you refuse to hear really think.” Booigi fired.

On instinct, the guards pivoted around at the giant, quickly evaporating poof of smoke from the barrel and into the freezie in between them. Saul was trapped inside, suspended in his wide mouthed open palmed pose of terror, and in moving, the dull iron super scope both guards held had tapped against the ice. It eerily creaked, audible to many with the surreal silence that draped over the audience, and crumbled into dozens of pieces containing his diced chunks. Some slipped down the hill and against the feet of the onlookers and others into the lake where they floated.

Not the way Booigi the Second intended to make it a wash out, but it worked.

To be continued: