Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Chapter 8: I've Lost My Head

Chapter Summary

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding.

Chapter Notes

Oh no. Not a spoiler in the title! *RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

'Stars..' Luigi shrunk under their looks of consternation. He had told his brother that he wanted to take over, that he had a sure way to corner 'Phantom' and learn more about the Mushroom Flu. It was all so cerebral until now though, rarely given the reins to do anything. Was he ready?

After a second's hesitation, he stepped forward. "Are we ready everyone? If we do this right-"

Bowser's humongous feet slammed down, knocking over iron chairs. "No! It's stupid!"

Dr. Toadley kicked open his lab doors, smoke billowing behind him from in-progress experiments. "Will you regret wrecking my clinic? Yes you will!"

Bowser gave the toad a glare that sent him and Birdley retreating.

"Save that attitude. YOU conspired this!" Peach snapped.

Bowser gave a start. "I DIDN'T MAKE HIM QUIT!"

Mario eased between them. "Princess, there's more to it than-"

"You don't have to explain everything to her, Plumber. What, she rings a bell and summons ya? Are you gonna start wearing a collar too like me?! Er.. not that I wear mine for THAT reason but-"

"Enough enough!" Peach cried, holding her head.

"Cut this crap out. I'm done with the freakin tears! You were a big enough girl to kick your dad out of office, you can stand-"

"Bowser! Break time." Mario tugged on the Koopa King by that collar, dragging him out before he leveled the city block.

Now the princess was a tense mess among the morass of flipped seating, Yoshi stunned at more than one thing, and Boo- They thumbed up or close enough.

"So as I was trying to say," Luigi spoke up. "If we do this right, we'll have everything under control by the end of the day.."

...

Bowser cooled off in the alley between the Toadley Clinic and a recreational center. Mario took his hands off after he was convinced he wasn't about to commit arson or anything, but ultimately left him. He better not be back with that sneaky Peach. There was a reason he hired Kammy, 'best in kidnapping business' to deal with her way back. Thinking about Mario and- and her and.. it made him see red all over again. His fist froze in the air, inches away from punching through a wall as someone crossed by.

"Yes darling, it'll be another six hours to be conservative... Then I'd sleepover with them. You know how I'm not so picky over a little clutter..." The dino stopped with his back towards the alley. "-Regardless of any treaties, this is happening, and it's my job to support Mario by keeping an eye on our boy... Hm? Luigi, dear, he's like a son to me with the green thing and..."

Bowser's left eye twitched, the needle flinging its way into the danger zone.

"Yosh, you dropped YoshiMobile, didn't you?" His 'boy' asked from out of view.

He adroitly hung up before answering, "Yes, being married to a regional carrier is always a wash."

"-But what do you use now?"

"IslandMobile. Why?"

"Because us YoshiMobile users are up the creek.." Luigi showed him the empty signal bars. "I asked three people on the street too. Same story. We have to report the outage. My plan requires a phone."

"So you must visit the mall Mr. Luigi?" Toadette asked. "Umm, I'm unsure I should-"

"Peach said you could take the Birthday Kart on errands sometimes. She doesn't care about it like her kit builds. ...Please?"

Bowser stepped out in time to see the Birthday Girl speeding off from the parking meter. So he was deserted! He stomped back into the clinic, about to give Peach a mouthful. What right did she have to be even six feet away from the plumber, engaged in casual conversation with Mary- well, not anymore at the sight of him, the intern slipping on the headphones again and Peach abruptly walking off, so quickly he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing her pouty face.

"Feel better?" Mario asked, next to a conspicuous styrofoam container on the intern's counter.

"No!"

"What about now?" He opened the lid a tad.

The pleasant, scrumptious scent striking his nostrils was familiar, like something they'd baked before. "Hey..i-is this..?"

Mario kept his paw from unleashing the surprise, teasing, "Can't eat it alone, so don't even get tempted, Koopa!"

The noki detective Jelectro Bond, now intern of a hospital-bound quasi-celebrity, felt he divined his troubles by rushing back to the Mushroom Kingdom while jetlagged. This wasn't a sophisticated mission, yet it was like he was on a looping athletic stage, running the paces and getting nowhere.

"Why'd you move the car again? You got something against Hotfoot Locker?"

"No no," the agent cruised them around the block. "I.. don't like shoes in general." Or fathers with that name, not that she needed to know that.

"..Like I said those fragments are all we got. Mitch and I were outta the museum in a New Donk minute and still Tutankoopa's necklace had us going nuts."

"To forfeit is not ace reporter behavior, madame."

"This ain't like our normal 'book reports', Bond," the reporter wagged a finger. "Special Objects are real and can kill."

"Ah. Understood." He stopped going for the jugular politely, an ex-Maple Treeway citizen after all. Still, she was clammy over the subject and he'd get to a point where he'd have to use his interrogation tools-

-On the radio, Snifit Patrol announced that he had a 'flat' and would appreciate it if a good neighbor stopped by Peach's Castle, just to say hi. His ability to sound conciliatory yet perspicacious was a rare skill Jelectro had to credit to him. As only three people officially held the unofficial badges, there was little separating him from any other 'vigilante' save for a uniform, a somewhat professional-looking station, and a few cool cars.

"Gotta be something going down to announce that the speeders can have their way. Can we just get there and tell them already?"

"Absolutely." They became one of those opportunists.

Lilies lined the sides of the ramp to castle grounds. Whenever Kylie strolled by on daily business she would admire the gardener's dedication. She'd met the pink toad once. A solid stud, if never speaking, only waving. Now all of the flowers drooped at the stalks or were withered and brown, a motley dilapidated sight. Sacrilege, she felt. They were grown like that to commemorate Peach taking the throne from her father.

"They said the tower is online. Something above the cloud layer is blocking the signal."

"Oh.. wow.."

"Yoshi will let me use his. Don't worry about it, Buddy."

The perpetual darkness and crepuscular creatures of Forever Forest, east of Toad Town, made it daunting for most, though Luigi hardly thought about it while traveling through. Their walk stopped at the last junction before their cabin.

"-I'm sorry to bail like this.."

"A curfew is a curfew. We'll be fine."

The boo stared at the overgrown path ahead. "A-are you sure?"

Luigi faced the darkness himself, as easy as it was to get pulled into it he resisted. "With what I know about our perp, this is going to be scary. More than my first solo mission. Maybe more than King Boo even, because we've never dealt with a guy like this. I'm going to try this anyway, for Toad and Daisy and everyone else's sake. If I fail no one will be able to say that I didn't give it my all, and.. I guess, that matters more than having my name lauded. See ya around, hopefully.."

Boo especially cherished that hug.

...

Later, the derelict cabin was successfully de-cobwebbed. Boo never questioned how it got like that every other day, but the broken windows allowing critters in might have had something to do with it. It wasn't that bad. The Scuttlebugs were nice and once a tanooki nested in the antic... Actually, that was a nightmare when in the dead of winter, they decided they were legally a tenant and wanted to kick them out.

Putting away the supplies into a closet, they found a box of stuff that hadn't been organized yet. Boo was confused by the dusty family album at the bottom, probably swiped from a relative that swiped it from another that swiped it from an uncle that lost it while in those notoriously long barber shop waiting rooms, because it should have been pointless. This one wasn't. Photos, a decade old at most, showed off Donut Plains. One was inside a big tent, where a dark boo in a top hat trained happily. With no whip or chairs he tamed a herd of wild red chomps, dino rhinos, and rexes by pointing at them. Flipping the photo over revealed a handwritten message.

'Dear Drew, I know you have left the art galleries to pursue that doctorate, but please catch up on your wayward older (or younger? it was scratched out, like he couldn't decide) brother. With my worsening health and (he struggled again with the name) Sue, your mother leaving work to care for me, we cannot keep up. Remind him that he can use his talents more productively with this. -Love, Lou Diddley'

The boo blushed as memories surged back. They were thinking Drew, a TOAD was that cousin in town. Instead, they stumbled upon his younger brother 'Susie' aka Zoo Sue Diddley, who was known for diatribes and the ability to...

Boo snatched the photo and bolted for the city.

~The sepia view, riddled with scratches and distortion, panned around rows of corpses lined up in a barren field, only a wiry mushroom spotted about divulging its location as the Mushroom Kingdom. The carefully preserved WW63 stock footage showcased scenes of the Mushroom World's last global war, spearheaded by tensions between King Morton Koopa Sr. of Dark Land and King [redacted] of the Mushroom Kingdom. As history went, the stars were favorable to the human king and K. Morton was cornered in Water Land and diced to pieces by allied forces.

That was a poor choice, though the in-flight entertainment system didn't have better options than a few unmarked reels from the castle archives. Their spirits recovered at the aerial view of the Waffle Kingdom, where the rivers were made of syrup and the hills of pancakes. They laid back on the high-calorie soil, watching the pink cotton candy clouds drift about until something mundane they were chatting about escalated into debate. Bowser thought he always dominated these. He was louder, scarier, stronger, but a well-timed shove sent him spinning on his shell anyway, downhill, and splashing into a soda lake. Cherry cola.~

Bowser rose from the cot, screaming and swiping at Dr. Toadley. "THAT WAS CHEATING YOU-... I mean .. I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! ...I just- It's useless.." he tacked on, coughing.

The doctor grumbled as he lowered the invention, a zapper with a dish on the end with a swirl pattern etched on it. "Did I have the switch flipped to 'happy place' and not 'sad place'? Yes I did."

Bowser irritably slung his feet out of the bed. In the lab space, he took up the sixth spot next to the others, including Toad and Daisy, remaining unconscious and now chained down, just in case either wanted to get up and fight. "You sent me back to a memory of watching a film about the first Mushroom Flu, not the actual experience.." And in a way, he was sorta glad.

"We might just have to have faith that those other doctors will help you, Houdini," Mario said, observing from the bookshelf he sat on. "I can't stand to watch Bowser mumble about food in his sleep anymore."

"What a creep!"

"It was for science, jeez! And you're adorable."

Bowser laughed dryly. "... Wait, what did you just say?"

Meanwhile, the loud squeak of a cart meant that the intern was finishing up. The plumber jumped down, removed his hat, and swapped it for a worn black leather jacket with assorted patches hanging on the coat rack. He slipped it on, just a half size too large. Machine oil and beer struck his nose.

"Oh! Sir?" The intern fumbled with the last remaining vials on the rack. "That's mine. I mean-"

"-Yeah, your boyfriend or someone. I'm just borrowing it for a sec. Peach is still in Dave and Broozers and I doubt it's because she's having a blast." He heard Bowser groaning already. So clingy, he thought playfully. "Stick here, but since you gave this a fair shot you can open that box I gave you," he said on the way out.

Inside was a slice of yellow cake with white frosting, red and blue candies adorning the top. A couple's cake.

Jelectro slammed the brakes, spinning the car ninety degrees where Royal Raceway terminated. A deep crater with pipes gushing water marked where Peach Castle should have been. Kylie Koopa stumbled out of the car, towards the toads in disarray.

"Help!" Chef Tim cried, apron stained red. A lime-green toad in the lawn whimpered while holding one of his legs, clothes sparkling from broken glass. A golden yellow toad was sprawled across the lake shore, front of body coated in sand where he'd laid face flat earlier. Blood was everywhere and a mature purple toad worked busily to resuscitate him.

"What? He's. But the-" she sputtered.

"-We sent a steward out," Mr. Zeror explained.

Kylie shook herself out of it. "Start at the beginning!"

Les slowly stood up from Ala-Gold. "Phantom."

The reporter trembled. "... Where's the princess?...With Mario? We'll find them and get you help." After snapping a picture, she retreated to the car, surprised to find the noki glued in his seat. She bent down, finding him as unreadable as ever, though in a cold sweat.

"Bond, what's happening?"

"Mitch.."

The Airship One exuded noxious black smoke as it flew, and while eco-terrorism wasn't on Ludwig Von Koopa's plate at all, the imagery was integral, communicating their message with exactness, and the commander was certainly a proponent of that. Of course, lacking a Doppler radar, yaw dampeners, and cup holders, it wasn't the latest or most comfortable ship. When they hit a hurricane over Water Land, forcing everyone below deck, he never heard enough of it.

Larry's wooden bench squeaked as he stood up to peek over his older brother's phone. The MP3 player driving his red BATES by Dr. Greg headphones at full blast had run out of juice moments ago.

Iggy quickly flipped it screen down. "Oh, Larry-chan, haha just texting Sam and Slam. They're luh-olded they keep bragging online. Err, think they misplaced a decimal though on their paycheck. Puzzling when they are the top math wizards in college. "

Boring. Everyone breathed on each other among a concoction of gunpowder, soot, and toe jam. No electricity or charging ports, just wooden splintery seating. Larry checked out a foggy porthole window, still unable to see much. Wendy detached Roy and Morton to seek out Iggy. They were discussing some video games until Lemmy joined them. Until that point, he'd had been mostly hovering their 'supreme commander' and all that.

"Excuse me sis. Sup, Iggy! How much did you pay them?" Lemmy cringed at Iggy's answer. "Leeet's not tell Luddy about that."

Larry snickered quietly. 'Yeah, squirm goody two-shoes!' Sam and Slam weren't Bowser Minions, but the mischief they sparked could rival any. Once at a party they triple dared Lemmy to kiss a girl. The chain-chompette was flattered and a good sport about the obvious prank, but it was so awkward due to Lemmy's reactions that it wasn't even funny and she was definitely pregnant because of that too. Psyche! (In the spirit of 'childish' Lem.)

The doors above opened, letting fresh air roll in. A drenched Ludwig stood at the top of the stairs. "The Mushroom Kingdom welcomes us-"

They trampled him completely. The threat of suffocation gone, everyone found their vices once more on the breezy slippery deck.

Iggy leaned over the railing, virtual-reality goggles strapped to his face to enhance the signature green hills jutting upwards. Kamek sailed them cautiously high. Somehow he snuck onto the manifest, but Ludwig allowed it, as gramps didn't know anything going on really. They left the outskirts for Goomba Village, Flower Fields, then the dense capital city.

"-Luddy, could you show me that concert hall?"

He dusted himself off and stepped over. "The Royal Toadstool Opera? Direct your attention there.."

The younger brother beamed upon locating its golden dome.

"..And why do you ask, General Lemmy? I am only aware from an acquaintance of an acquaintance who is a tenor in composer Bise's acapella brigade. You would not know, unless of course YOU are invited to perform at that beautiful, glorious- tell no one I compliment it so- theater."

"- Interesting," Lemmy giggled forcibly. "...What if someone with a high position in Dark Land was invited and wanted to perform, but not disassociate themselves from the Troop or anything?"

"-Than he must never grace our homeland with his presence again! To partake at the table of the princess for any reason is a renegade maneuver. Must I explain their pedagogy?!" Ludwig ranted. "They are unable to eschew their speciest trite about non-mushroom people."

"I knew all that.. Psyche! Ha ha.."

All along, Larry was sneaking around, beyond them and snoring Kamek, rolling the wheel subtly to hide the banked turn. The seemingly listless and bored teen had been planning this since the moment their dad called them down, and seeing it work out was more exciting than finding a wallet on the ground full of cash. They'd drift north and in a few moments beach catastrophically on Star Hill. He climbed into a lookout post to bide time. He wondered what his online friends were doing in town and how they may react if they knew he was above their city about to do what they were about to do.

...

Bang! A violent stop ejected Larry into the air. When he came to, he was back on deck with a headache. Everything not nailed down was missing and their sails were shredded. Even more bizarre, they were at Peach Castle, suspended in the air. The windows were shattered, bricks missing, and the hollow darkened structure was plucked from the ground imperfectly, creating an eerie left tilt on the impenetrable floating platform they'd crashed into.

"-Come back here, please. Is it not enough that you allowed us to get blown off course?" Ludwig fussed at the geriatric magikoopa shuffling around, covered in small bandages like the others.

Kamek muttered something about being innocent, continuing to circle the deck, short of the bow that caved in from the impact. Morton hurled himself overboard to explore without looking down, smacking flat against a low point of elevation. 'I'm okay' he yelled back. Roy and Wendy decided they were accompanying him, too curious to resist. That left Iggy with a broken and loose but fully armed and operational VR headset on his face.

"Since 28.57 percent of us have deviated, how much would it upset you if it rose to 33.333? My x-ray feature might reveal the location of those rumored sealed copies of Super Mario 64."

As Ludwig sent him off with a groan, Larry fought his vertigo to stand. The trouble they were to avoid had found them, and he was desperate.

'Yo, stars above. Confuse the speech of my enemies!' He opened his eyes-

"-General Lemmy, I concern myself not with those unaccounted for delinquents! Do not covertly whisper such to me again. After I destroy the Mushroom Kingdom they will effectively be back home anyway. It is obvious that Sam and Slam accomplished their mission and we've already won!"

"Wow." Lemmy eye rolled. "You don't even realize that we've screwed up so much King Dad won't care about your 'brilliant' plan."

"He will when I have the princess!"

He sighed, very unlike himself. "What princess, Luddy? Now look!"

Wendy led the mad dash, taking her heels off to ensure it, with Morton, Iggy, and Roy, who carried an extra person under his arm in the rear. All had some sort of black 'soot' on them, though by the time they reached the ship, the wind had blown it off. Wendy climbed aboard to be pushed aside by Morton, before he collapsed under the snapped and torn rigging. Iggy had a weird, or weirder gait before the same occurred, tumbling like a stiff plank downstairs. Roy panted, the best off of the boys it seemed, though he could not speak, clawing at his throat. The extra person was a beaten black and blue Chancellor Toadsworth.

Lemmy slipped from his ball. "Ahhhh! What happened?"

Wendy slowly looked around. "I'm totes confused too! I never went beyond the first big room. It was so hazy and trashed and there was this weird thunderous voice I kept hearing. I almost wanted to bounce, but y'all know I don't just bail on folks.."

Ludwig nodded rapidly, eyes wide as he turned to the rest. "Secure everyone below deck. All of you!.. And clear your mind."

"W-what?" Lemmy questioned.

"Do as I say!" Ludwig jumped on the controls, spinning their airship into a deep starboard turn. Debris broke off from their superstructure as he pushed the ship to full power in a spontaneous direction.

Stuck below deck again, Larry didn't know how to feel about this new complication. He wished he remembered to be... careful of what he wished for!

Toadette had a problem. She'd gotten distracted by temptations too strong for her, and now things were getting damp and she couldn't get Peach's top on- on her convertible rather. She would press the electric switch and nothing would happen aside from a faint mechanical buzz. Why did she let Mr. Luigi talk her into this? In the mild precipitation, she barely caught the royal blue spots and vest of her boyfriend on the sidewalk.

She swerved over. "Blue! Oh my goodness, this is random but great. I've come up with an alibi. Get in."

He made the suspension creak when he jumped in the waterlogged kart.

"Where's?!- Let's go! To Peach, Mario, all of them! The police already know."

Frowning, she pulled off. "Did I miss something?"

He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. Aside from that, he was unrecognizable. "Just go," he breathed. "Just go just- ARRRG!" He slugged the side view mirror, making it snap and dangle by a wire. "..Sorry baby.."

She blanched further. "..I'll take the fall for that if you can get the top on without breaking it."

Bucken-Berry snapped only one cheap plastic tab in his effort to pull it over manually, freeing them from the rain. That might have been a bad deal she'd just made.

"Hi there. Is this a fun place?" A man with a shy soft voice seated himself on the stool next to a blonde woman in a white doctor's coat.

Peach crossed a leg over the other, idly watching the dark laser tag room. There weren't any kids playing arcade games, skeeball, ice-hockey, and other activities today. "It seems wholesome if empty for reasons."

He refused a beverage from the bartender, turning to her again. "-Like what, doll?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do."

She stirred her hot tea, almost laughing. "These matters are too grave to bare!"

"-Not for Mario," Mario replied.

She faced him, flustered to heck and back. "-I told you that I cannot contribute to the investigation any further! Leave me be."

His gaze bore into her as he returned to her tea, drumming his fingers on the counter. "You can't get over Bowser. He didn't do anything to me! Besides, you should have gotten the gist of what I was doing with the pact above everyone else. I didn't know you had an ego like that Peach-"

"My!" She pushed away from the bar table with a screech. "You claim you haven't changed and yet you are so shocking!"

"I'm sorry that the truth shocks you!"

"Your truths Mario, and that is subjective.." Before leaving she tried to sip from a cup she'd emptied already. The bartender stayed away during that spat, and still wouldn't get her next order.

Bucken-Berry and Toadette burst inside, dodged the ticket booth, trampled velvet ropes, and tugged Peach into the private party rooms, right under Mario's nose. Startled, he waited at the door. Peach was highly upset by their news and to avoid fanning the flames, Mario didn't try to barge in. It'd be best to ring up Toadsworth with the castle landline.

Mario crept into the Dave and Broozer's back office when no staff were around. He closed the door, accidentally locking himself in. He pressed on, determined to deal with that later as he approached a grungy beige wall phone. While it rang he noticed the old promotional ads taped to the wall and some stale french fries and pizza on the counter.

"HELLO?"

He flinched. "I-is this Peach Castle?"

"YES, IT IS."

A particle-like appendage seeped from the speaker, coiling around his neck to lift and slam him against the water dispenser, toppling the stacks of paper cups, then across the counter, knocking off the microwave. His consciousness faded as he heard a distant thud of the door being kicked open. Bigger rough hands were suddenly helping him tear the entity off. After a threatening, light flickering roar of anguish, it phased away. Blue in the face, only his rescuer's support was holding him up.

"Well, say somethin'!"

"B-Bowser?!" The plumber struggled to see through the black spots in his vision. "Oh God. -A monster or something at her castle attacked over the line. I don't know what's going on!"

He sighed, wryly. "Like was was gonna let some other villain best ya. Only I get to do that."

"What? Cut it out.." He laughed weakly. "And, thanks. You.. had my back."

When Mario closed in, nestling his face against his collarbone, the king inwardly panicked. The brush of that mustache against his thick scale plates, and then his warmth in general, rare and weird but exciting, because.. wasn't this the sorta thing that.. friends did or something? With a small gasp he pushed back. "S-stop. We can't."

"Sorry."

"Nah. I- What you think I'm scared or something?" He pulled Mario closer, smothering him nearly. "Guess it went pretty bad with Peach for you to be hiding back here."

"Our little thing that never was is extra never gonna be," he droned, fighting to stay upright. He accepted that for that moment he didn't want to face the adversities waiting out there.

"I barely got that, but.. more bad news. There was another 'breakup' just now. Peach's Castle, yeah, with the Earth."

Darn it.

A little boo belched and swayed as they emerged from Club Gamecube, Club 64's competitor. They'd gotten so parched they had to drink something, and with the sodas off limits pending investigation and water costing twenty bucks, Boo thought they were being prudent to accept the Japan-imported Chuckola Cola, which didn't count as a soda curiously. Well, as the stomach began to rumble and once the buzz settled in, they learned that regional differences mattered. Trying to keep right side up on the street, they spotted an ugly spot in the sky, a Doomship diving beneath a cloud. They rubbed their reddened eyes and it was still there, going north.

The rumors were true. Bowser forces were attacking!

Boo followed it into a more rural part of town until they walked into a metal road sign. 'Watch for crossing Ostros.' Holding the throbbing spot on their forehead, they simmered. Why couldn't they stick with anything? Why did they botch it too?

Why couldn't they avoid getting run over by a truck?

A medical van honked as it swerved and slid to a stop next to them, covering them in dirt from the trail. The passenger's window rolled down. "Partner, this ain't the place to hit the sack!"

"Let's goooooo, Billy," whined the ansty toad girl in the back. "I gotta tell my King something and we can't miss him!"

"Yeah. It's just a drunk, shorty," Richard added.

Sobered from the adrenaline, Boo impetuously distanced themselves from the MKDCU, back on track. Their cousin had a weakness and only they knew it. They had to find Luigi.

"I never took an eye off of him, but disabled one of my thrusters anyway. I hit a coffee shop and got stranded. He might be a super genius."

Luigi accompanied the snufit towards his newly repaired silver patrol car, hovering near the flower bed. "In one definition of that word. I agree. We got it here, sir."

"Gotcha, Mr. Luigi!" Snifit Patrol put away his taser, convinced the area was cleared. "We'll remain on full alert for Phantom. Meanwhile, my sergeant will drop the toads off at Hotel Mario...That a problem, sir?"

"Uh. No.. Thanks for everything."

Luigi hurried back to the picnic area of Toad Town Park. Waiting for him was an agitated dinosaur sitting on a tree stump.

"Now what?"

"I'm concerned over that mingle advert."

"Your number remained anonymous, Yoshi. You know I would have used mine if-"

"Not that part, the Darklandian you interspersed and the emojis you said represent Bowser affiliation."

"What about that? It led to results like this!" He waved to a fire bro named Flare, a spike named Chuck, and Gloomba at the table, as if they weren't obvious. "Our guy will either track them or follow my bait and we covered both. Please do what I asked and don't engage him if you see him.

...

The park was a donut-shaped plot of green, the center with tightly packed shade trees and the surrounding lush grass, walking paths, resting areas, and monuments. Yoshi stiffly patrolled the weathered brickwork around the statues of patriarchs erected here and there. No pedestrians were encountered, leaving him alone with his turbulent thoughts. His old lady wasn't letting up, forgetting how hero work worked, and then Mario's little brother was baiting the bad guy to come to them against tradition. Besides that, he was being given simple orders, like he was some toad!

A sports car skidded to a stop at the Mushroom Press a block down. A short noki and a koopa girl argued before he left her behind. As he sped away, the girl recklessly hopped into the trunk.

Yoshi ventured inside the office building, shivering from the air-conditioned space. Birdo worked at a place like this before becoming a model and influencer. While some of his contemporaries, usually those living at the castle, didn't care for their bothersome and less-than-dutiful nature, Yoshi thought he could glean something from their diligent coverage. If Luigi didn't want him to wander off and educate himself, he should have been straight with him!

"I'll try."

He stopped outside the cubicle. "Oh, I didn't notice... Yes call me Yoshi, sorry to intrude. Will I be a bother?"

The 'yuppie' stared, his beady black eyes narrowing suspiciously behind tortoiseshell horn-rimmed prescription lenses. His desk was tidy if kitsch, though the framed abstract painting was in surprisingly decent taste. Posted up were detailed lists, sometimes photos, covering current events like everyone else was.

"Whatever," he finally answered, dry and impersonal. "This is exactly where you should be."

"Thank you. I am assuming you are referring to the topic of Phantom. I was pursuing them too."

The yuppie's lips curved just a tad. "Him."

Dang it. The old dino thought he'd gotten that down. "Ah, it's Mr. Phantom. My apologies."

"None taken. I oughta put that on a business card one day."

"Ha.. What was that?"

"-Are you stupid bro?" The boo lifted his glasses, deep black eyes connecting with wizened blue ones.

Like a veil lifted, Yoshi registered he was face to face with 'Phantom', at his throat in an instant.

"Shhhh! No screaming in the office." Zoo shoved Yoshi through the wall, phasing them both outdoors, and the dinosaur stunned on his butt. "Not so clever now are ya, T. Yoshisaur? Hahahah.."

Yoshi climbed to his feet, sprinting on instinct through the park. The grass sprouted ten feet tall, making him scale over. The statutes animated and chased him, firing off musket rounds that hummed past his ear. The trees stretched their limbs to entrap him. A sand castle in the lot rose to scale, becoming a labyrinth.

Luigi rushed to where Yoshi collapsed, eyes dilated and babbling incoherently. "Yoshi?"

Zoo appeared beside him with a whoosh. "Forget em. I'm on the clock you see, so hurry up."

Luigi's back hit the table, the baddies there recoiling and fleeing. "F-fine. First, what's the password?"

Zoo's lack of response confirmed a few things. This deep down the pipe, there was no backtracking now for the green plumber.

"You couldn't read the Darklandian in the ad, because you aren't a minion, 'Susie'. You were covering the game, then when the Mushroom Flu happened and everyone funneled their frustrations to the Koopa Troop that dodged the plague, you decided to take them out. You investigated your own murders, not leaving a mark, and using that same power, some sorta psionic one, to make sure that there were never witnesses. This never spawned from any patriotism. You probably like to hurt people, so why not the dregs? Plus there was a void in our society for a 'Punisher' type. If you don't know who that was by the way.. read my mind. Can't you?" he asked, riding high from the serial killer's barely perceivable blush.

Suddenly, Zoo's laughter scared away the goonies in the trees. "I'll give you B+ on that assessment, Sherlock. You totally missed the snitch part."

"Hm?"

"Forget it bro! I hardly have anyone else left to kill, so split."

Luigi folded his arms. "Whether you have one or a hundred, I will not."

"I will make you," Zoo said evenly. "And this will leave a mark."

The plumber felt a piercing sensation across his midsection, like a cleaver chopped him there. His vantage rose upwards by a couple of inches, but his boots remained planted. Tilting his head down, his face twisted in agony, peering into the lower half of his lungs where his body was abruptly severed, into his stomach, liver, and upper large intestine, pockets of bile in exposed sections. He didn't bleed, the force ripping him apart holding it back, but he could still feel every bit of traumatic damage.

He was losing his body, but if he could speak he'd say he'd lost his head.

Yoshi picked himself up and trod closer, though he could barely process it. A nerve rattling noise made him twist around. He couldn't believe who it was new on the scene.

Meanwhile, Zoo caught slow sluggish Chuck right away, wedged in place after trying to hide in a tube slide. The dark boo detected that when the spike was done with that nervous breakdown, he was going to live with his mom in Ice Land and never talk about this again. Those others were the problem then.

Flare and Gloomba tore across the field, almost out of the park. The fire bro was getting left behind constantly despite his protests. They came upon a portapotty and Gloomba dove in first, shutting out Flare.

He banged a fist against it. "Soldier, you will let me in!"

"Tough!"

Zoo benignly brushed Flare aside to point and make the locking mechanism disassemble into pieces on the ground. "GET OUT!"

"Hey buddy!" Gloomba stumbled into the open. "I'm on your side, for real.. Uh. That guy stinks. Kill him instead!" Flare gave him a poignant look.

"Nah. Don't tell me what to do."

The solder appeared to perspire heavily after Zoo snapped his fingers, and maybe he was somewhat, though seconds later he was not okay. Gloomba released a short wail before falling over, gasping for air as the psychic forces crushed him, shortly becoming a shriveled corpse bleeding out into the grass.

The fire brother stopped squeezing his eyes shut just as Zoo's attention returned to him. All of the tropes he'd seen from movies with psychos didn't seem to apply here. No handsome (or beautiful) hero was going to drop in with a super scope to save him. In the end, he stood his ground in resignation.

"If this is my punishment, so be it. I came to support King Bowser's tennis game. Not to desert or quit. I've always loved the sport."

Zoo tilted his head analytically, revealing a green Bowser racket. "Prove it. Give me your best serve."

"I volunteer for him. Swap," someone said, voice clogged and gritty. They had a huge purple knot on their forehead and faintly reeked of a bar, but they were simultaneously alert and intimidating.

Zoo whipped around. "That loser Diddley Boo?"

"-Booigi. Now look at your housewarming gift."

Zoo noticed the photo of his first performance on tour. "W-where did you find this?"

"Doesn't matter. Unfortunately for you, I remember everything. I. Remember. Everything." Booigi the Second rose the racket into the sky. "By the power of Eldstar, this will be the last day you bully me."

Lightning flashed above. Yoshi was heading over when he dove under the jungle gym. Upon finding that it was nothing, his brain was screaming to get out there and do something, underpowered or not. His energy-sapped body said otherwise..

"Showing off for your plumber crush back there? Which half of em?" Zoo cooed, making kissy faces. "Ha, dweeb. Where have you been anyway? You reek. Smoking kills you know."

"I didn't-"

"Good, I kill better." He fired his death ray against his older cousin to little effect, short of inducing a nosebleed and angering Booigi more. He could only mutilate living things, so that wasn't the issue. He identified that his focus was off just as a fist smashed his face in.

The dark boo skidded backwards into a concrete base. The bust of Princess Mush IV shattered from impact. Dazed, he realized that he'd lost his glasses and his father's bell, lying between him and his cousin, racing at him.

"No!" Zoo scrambled to hover protectively over the antique.. "That's the last thing I still have from dad and I-"

Booigi teleported behind him and snatched it. "I'm gonna bat it outta here!"

Zoo chased them around the park. Even tipsy, Boo was faster, and Zoo got dozens of cuts and scrapes from bumping solid objects. Finally, his cousin held the bell hostage over a fountain.

Zoo froze. "Listen cuz. I'll leave if I can keep that. It'll be like a body under the bridge. I mean water, haha."

Booigi lowered the antique. "Tell me everything."

Their cousin trembled in rage, yet relented, barking at them, "Look, we were told that the game wouldn't have newspaper coverage so don't bother. I went for fun. I was gonna sell the proofs on the black market. There were some people in a truck there early, Sam and Slam dropping off Fungus UP. I was retarded enough to take a few and use em as an excuse to get close up to the stars. I kinda liked that Mr. Toad guy. But one of those nerds was psychic too and tricked me. I had no clue they were villains and when I caught on I realized that every minion at the game saw me give a Fungus Up to Mr. Toad and Daisy. I couldn't have that catch up with me!"

"Hm. Why were you calling MK East?"

"That was legit work. Everybody at the Press pretends to be from Isla Falsa as a pseudonym. I had enough of the hospital acting like they were. Again, I had nothing to do with the Mushroom Flu and I wanted to know what was up! Now hand it back!"

With a sly grin, Booigi shook their head. "No. I didn't show you my swing."

The dark boo roared as Booigi tossed the mysterious glowing bell into the air and whacked the antique up and away. Like a madman, Zoo bolted after it, out of the park.

Back at the picnic tables, Luigi fell to the ground whole. Numbly he kept patting where the cut was. Under his shirt, he found an ugly scar circling his midsection. That was the last he remembered. Yoshi saw him fall out and caught him. A mild earthquake lasted for a second, originating from the north. Then silence.

Then not, the air congested with the rings of citizens. Peach's Castle no longer blocked the tower of YoshiMobile, proudly, until today perhaps, Toad Town's largest wireless provider.

Lemmy dropped down a ladder at their dad's last known location, bafflingly Mario's house. Wendy came down to break in, 'cat burglar' style with a sharp nail. Empty. On the way out a toad neighbor, an overweight dude in a robe with coffee, spotted her. Not the type they'd think to own a Bullet Blaster kart, but whatever. The seventeen-year-old vaporized him on impulse with Iggy's laser gun. Once the smoke cleared, all that was left of him were his slippers.

The koopaling teen freaked. The commercials claimed it only had 'play' laser action! Before they left, a van stopped under their airship. Some toad girl was kicked out and waved desperately for them.

"What do you want? Also you totally didn't see us here or anything!" Lemmy called down.

"I'm tight with King. I've made up my mind and I will join you. A toad is your best weapon. Trust me!" she yelled upwards.

Lemmy tried to consult Ludwig, but he disallowed his concentration to be broken, going on about a 'phenomena unexplainable by accepted scientific principles, leaving only the 'unaccepted' ones'.. Wendy and Lemmy glanced at each other and allowed her on.

Emery T. hopped around excitedly, disregarding the ship's deplorable condition. She told them Bowser must still be at the Toadley Clinic then. Duh. Why didn't they call? They were too afraid Lemmy in particular explained. Larry cooperated with whatever little task, like handing the ropes, but was otherwise elsewhere in mindset until he saw an object launch from the center of the town and blast out of the city, soon just a distant twinkle.

Eldstar's gray mustache kept twitching as he searched for a pen. He ducked beneath furniture, leaned around collums, and cleared dust bunnies high and low. No blasted pen to be found. Now he could not fold a SOS message into a paper plane and fly it out of a window. His enemies had found a way to discombobulate him. The only greater question was how.

With great detail and conviction, all of Mushroomy background could explain that he primarily worked to keep the world in balance by imparting his power. There is a caveat. There is a perpetual struggle within the celestial barriers. The reason why stars fall, or even die. Eldstar detested such conflict, but as the epitome of fairness, those unsightly realities had their place on the board, the image incomplete without the unquestionable presence of stars of all dispositions.

Did that make any sense?

He wasn't sure anymore.

At last, a golden pen was freed from under some cushions. *sighs* The ancient star's arm etched something on its own, scrawled spidery on the sheet.

'I beseech you dare to leave, my dear fellow. -Z.A.S'

Chapter 9: Love and War I (Reflection)

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo

To get back on track, enjoy this two part dealio.
*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

~BREAKING NEWS! Renegade 'Zoo S. Diddley'. confirmed to attack Princess Peach's toads, was vanquished by Luigi Mario and his team, however known conspirators 'Sam and Slam' escaped the city and the castle is in total ruins. Two toads are unaccounted for, beloved Chancellor Toadsworth and an unknown steward. Multiple toads injured, one serious.~

A red-haired human languidly purged the dark boo's belongings into a white garbage bag.

"That reads like a scattered synopsis, doll." Steve the Bullet Bill lowered the rough draft from his face. "Listen. Erase this and that. Say a Mario brother saved the day instead of Luigi. See? You've been here long enough to know that you gotta emphasize the MARIO."

"Yes sir.."

She filed that to memory and then continued working, lamenting how she wound up here, one of five humans in the kingdom and yet a receptionist to anthropomorphic folks. She missed Mitch despite the spicy take or two, at minimum keeping Steve at bay by being the one to bicker with instead.

Jessie lingered on a painting Zoo had in his office. Drew L. D.'s "Assimilation" - red and black colors spiraling towards the center. She felt drawn into the vortex unwittingly. If Steve hadn't gotten curious and yanked it away, dunking it into Snifit Patrol's evidence pile after he couldn't tell what he was looking at without his glasses on, she might have been stuck there all night.

The way everyone gathered around his phone reading the latest Toad Town bulletin reminded Larry Koopa of his current freshman year. Considered antisocial by the administration of Badlands High, his milking incited brawls, fragmented cliques, and triggered after-school warfare. Hold fire! He was just the messenger.

"So clueless, foolish, naive and.. devoid of Morton's flare unfortunately, what would YOU add to it, Lawrence?" Ludwig asked, jolting the teen.

He had a ton, most offensive, though the most honest one would be plain 'depressing'. The stars had aligned diabolically and Ludwig was prevailing, in spite of complications on an astronomical scale. No Mushroomite had a clue they were about to invade, Iggy's friends the intended bait. Assuming they caught up before the day elapsed, they'd get nowhere. Mayor Koton of Neo Bowser City was so stubborn their dad couldn't force him to do anything, including change the misleading city name, let alone give up the 'deets' on profitable business owners. Toadsworth being with them was difficult to explain, but they had one regardless.

"I mistook him for my grandpa and we abducted him. Done," Emery answered, also annoyingly sticking around.

He had to stop thinking out loud.

"Can I man a cannon, just in case?"

"You?" Ludwig quirked an eyebrow at Emery.

"I meet the fitness requirements, General. I airlifted. Do you know how heavy patients are these days?" She blabbered as Ludwig tried to ignore her. "..Hello? King will get me trained on the artillery at least. I've always dreamed of setting fire to those corny mushroom houses some of us have-"

Ludwig shooed her off, strenuously navigating their humongous doomship, a symbol of evil and oppression, through Toad Town's dark evening skies. Their destination was the park, a great place for an unwieldy contraption to land, and a better place to corrupt first by inviting the princess there and-

"I'm King's best weapon, sir! Don't ignore me-"

"-Toady, we have only gotten here from MY careful planning and diligence!" Ludwig snapped, accidentally making them bank starboard side. A few more pieces fell off too, meaning the percentage of the ship left was officially about sixtyish percent. Sheepishly, he leveled them off, continuing-

"I adore thy enthusiasm and spirit, but circulation that a 'Toad has turned to the dark side' or some such drivel will detract from our purpose. Their peace was an illusion, so we shattered it. We took their disgusting and insidious decree, burnt it, and scattered it into the wind. Of course, despite their confusion, our goals are not elliptical. They used peace- a cease-fire in actuality, to continue to subjugate and malign our kind. Just see the appalling response to that Phantom rapscallion lacerating our innocent minions!"

Recovering from the blunt impact of his words, the goosebumps-ridden toad girl nodded in understanding of his 'lecture'.

"Good, Miss Emery," he smiled, for a flash. "For this attack, I used nothing they haven't seen before. The first Mushroom Flu outbreak occurred twenty-two years ago, wreaking havoc upon us. In due time, these Mushroom Freaks will be plunged into the same abject horror, with no simple fix like they are accustomed to, no one to save them. Stuck with their own company, their eyes will finally be opened to how ugly and contemptible they are!"

She saluted. "You have my support all the way, Commander."

"Start here. Shoot me now," Larry muttered, sitting with his feet dangling over a part of the ship that was missing entirely, the dark city with dotted lights scrolling below.

"Don't be so emo!" Lemmy said, coming up from below deck with Wendy. Neither seemed worn out from wrestling with Roy, Morton, and Iggy, which didn't bode well. "Think of this like one of your pranks and stuff and then it's fun! By the way, Luddy, everybody's just.. you know."

"Yeah," Wendy mentioned, immediately finding a spot to lean on a barrel and tap on her phone like a cool kid. "Like they're okay as they can be I guess.."

Lemmy changed the subject, "What was the buzz around town?"

"Oh right, so here's what the news doesn't know yet, I guess 'cause they didn't interview King," Emery mentioned, "Mario retired!"

"Oooh, they're gonna hate him for this screwup, lol. Didn't you just meet King Dad today? How'd you get him to drop all of these secrets about Mario? Ludwig kept a journal, set up cameras, and tried to bug his throne room once and didn't get anywhere close!"

As the commander at the controls flushed, the toad girl waved it off. "Easy. I asked."

Larry hopped back on his feet. Checkmate. Maybe. "Forget about Mario. Luigi saved the day as they think. What's stopping him from stopping us?" He laughed at their uncertain and anxious faces.

Deep within Dr. Toadley's clinic, the lights were dimmed once the beeps of the computers monitoring the body grew steady. X-ray scans were resoundingly normal, leaving the scar and the shock Luigi was in the only proof anything ever happened. He was on involuntary bed rest for twelve hours.

"Feeling better?"

Mario bit the inside of his cheek at the lack of response, wishing Yoshi and Boo were around. Nobody could hang at the clinic because 'coma walking' was a possibility, and his recovering brother would be alone for a few hours. Outside of his joint, Mario would have to watch his back. The people of Toad Town knew every sordid detail that got them to this point short of his admission of retirement, even of the part where he was 'harboring and protecting Bowser for some nutty reason' as the commentators gracefully put it. He was just surprised they weren't scapegoating that poor 'Nintendo' thing for his sake.

Mario gently sat on the bed's edge. "Gotta go, but you did great. I can't say it enough. When you spring right up from here you're gonna be unstoppable, I guarantee. A hero with an undivided heart always is."

He left a note: "To Luigi: Long ago, Bowser had to deal with this. His doc at the time, yes that Dr. Prof. creep, discovered the containment in food. Dr. Mario helped him back then. Houdini says some help will arrive tomorrow with our cousin's notes and a cure will be here by the end of that day. Will discuss more later."

Mario pulled the white covers up to his brother's neck and was out of there, bumping into a very agitated guest in the lobby. Holding some power tools, he didn't want to know what he was planning on doing with those he if delayed any longer.

"Well, let's get this going. I can call Toadette and get her to bring the cart down. She'll drive us a block, then we'll relay with rides so no Lakitu Bros or random fans on the streets can take god-awful pictures of us in public again."

"I looked great in that, plumber," Bowser corrected.

"Whatever. Don't worry, despite the hate mob I'm starting to gather, I found some sympathetic friends to help us get to the park, Parakarry, Eric- or you might know him as Goombario, and-"

"Beardy, nuffa that. Follow me."

Confused, Mario let Bowser walk him around back. He gasped at the reappearance of his Mach Bike, propped up against a wall. The repairs were crude and it was still leaking a little, but it was his baby for sure.

"How!?"

The Koopa King folded his arms proudly, "While you were dealing with that emergency stuff, I was busy too, duh! One of my minions on the ground, a real trooper, knew where that Zoo kid had your bike so I had em bring it here. Didya know I was a mechanic?"

Mario eyed his work closer. It wasn't any prettier, but the sentiment was making up for it. "Not really?"

"Good. Cause I ain't." Bowser dropped the cordless power drill. "Least it's running again."

The red plumber kicked it on, confirming such when the loud motor's purr became deafening in the cramped alley. "Thanks!" he yelled over it.

"Yeah yeah.."

Shutting it off then and approaching Bowser with that warm smile, the king stiffened some, fearing a hug was incoming to psyche him out and unearth strange emotions he wasn't ready for. (Un)fortunately though, Mario stopped short, eyeing him like he was a spectacle or clown.

".. Are ya alright? Come on. We can take the back roads. Should be meeting your folks at the park in fifteen minutes now."

Somehow Bowser forgot about that. He nodded awkwardly. Not having time for extra time, they crudely hacked up a spare helmet to fit over Bowser's horns and took off, tearing down bumpier secluded Toad Town streets.

Away from so many lamps, only a sliver of fuchsia left on the horizon, the stars and constellations were unmissable. Mario remembered it being just as vast and staggeringly impressive years ago, before gradually losing their luster. Now it was back, even greater. Fate had hurled a lot of misery and heartache at him, but good could resurge from the most rotten, and he was oddly content, knowing more about himself and his friends than he ever had before.

Swerving around Toad Town, Agent 0064, Jelectro Bond indulged in his spy car's utilities, starting up a hacking program built into the console.

"Research 22 Flower Lane," he ordered. After a quick search, the screen brought up an unsecured server for the Mushroom Press. He was able to peek into the inbox of computer #15, Zoo's. He played a saved voice message.

*Beep* "This is Nass Toad, head nurse and secretary of Dr. Prof. Koopa, responding to 'Mr. Z' of Isle Falsa. Due to HIPPA guidelines, we can not release information about our recent patients over the phone. Please visit in person and be sure to be on the approved visitor's list for your friend. That shall be no issue if you are a civilian and not secretly from that Mushroom Press.."*Beep*

Not enough to prosecute them for conspiracy. Since they knew what they were doing, he would indeed have to return to that bastion, if not over that crime, to at least see what Mitch was telepathically pinging him over and over for. He commanded the car to contact his friend and programmer Agent 999, but he was out of range, likely kingdoms away and undercover. Agent 0064 had to settle for his other friend, if only due to going through basic training together, agent 0069.

"~Whatup, J. Back already?"

"I'll explain later. Meet me at MK East, mon ami. Espionage. Don't tell Jeremy of course."

The purple bandit had the rhythmic thump of a club in the background, his local turf. "Fo what?"

"Est-ce que je ne parle pas anglais? You heard me, Andrew," Jelectro sighed.

"K. Fifty coins."

"No!.. Fine. Aye aye aye."

Meanwhile, Kylie Koopa snapped a latch to crawl into the cabin from the trunk. She had dibs on this MK East investigation, so what was he thinking leaving her in the lurch like this?

Jelectro calmly adjusted his mirror, making eye contact she supposed, because he abruptly accelerated, pinning Kylie against the seats. No matter. Those Snifit Patrol speed traps were waiting and ready for him.

"What products did you use? I did not see a list." Doctor Professor Koopa jabbed the paratroopa with a clipboard. "If certain allergens are present-"

"Only natural stuff. Now don't be lookin' like that. This works better than the overpriced junk with a label slapped on it. You'd know if you got out more."

"Forget it. Give our regards to the South hospital." Gritting his teeth, Dr. Prof. held open his office door for Probabilly, hissing as he crossed by, "We know your brother owns that 'MKDCU' gang."

The paratroopa janitor shuffled on, seemingly unaffected."...I reckon he does. I'll holler for ya."

True to his word, Probabilly made the facility like new in a 'jiffy'. He'd tidied up and fixed the entrance doors, even the wobbly furniture. Dr. Prof. had other issues anyway. Since expunging Mario and co, the competence of his doctors plunged deeper than the Underwhere. He could twirl his fingers in front of some of them without reaction. Fortunately for him, he needed no assistance for operation room one. Before him on the table was a huge lump under a blue towel. The koopa got suited and gloved up.

Patient: Male. Pianta. 57. Name, so and so... He glossed over the chart, too old a habit to drop despite his ticklishness and excitement. Any information it contained didn't matter for this Mushroom Flu patient experiment.

"Code blue!"

He paused, scalpel inches away from the patient's sternum. Dr. Prof. decided to deal with cleaning that spill behind the desk up front. He kept his green shell turned as Toadette, a servant of Peach showed up in their lobby. They always come back...

"Excuse me, ma'am." Her voice trembled. "We can't locate Mr. Toadsworth. He wasn't checked in here, was he?"

Mariam fumbled around on the computer. "-No dearie. Sorry." She could inform her that Kinopio was stable and Ala-Gold not at all, in fact needing to be sent down South just so that the overflow might not delay care. In the end, Toadette left the premises an incoherent mess.

Pitifully the receptionist wrote on a sticky note to herself, as if a reminder. 'Pray for those castle toads'. Dr. Prof. wasn't going to do that, but it did remind him of an earlier patient. Mitch Toad was famous for being 'banned' from the castle. Why? Because he possessed the ability to...

Ah. Dr. Prof. decisively left the office. Getting out of your comfort zone WAS worth it sometimes..

…

Toadette rushed into the shuttle driven by Sergeant Howie, officer #2 of Snifit Patrol.

"He wasn't, princess!" she exclaimed to Peach, who held her steady. The stewardess was embarrassed enough over flooding the Birthday Girl and ranting at YoshiMobile when it was their own castle blocking the cell towers, so she just wanted to do something right for once. For Peach to know that she didn't make a mistake with her.. Or to look at her, cup her face and simply go 'job well done, dear'. That would be acceptable too.

"Can we get outta here?" Bucken-Berry, the only other toad on the bus remarked.

The sergeant placed down his radio receiver. "Sounds good, 'cause Inspector Douglas got an anonymous tip about our Chancellor and another missing toad."

The princess jumped up and joined him up front. "Thank the stars!"

Toadette was sobbing too hard for the mood to flip so abruptly, nonetheless she blinked in astonishment. Bucken-Berry plopped down on the other side of the bus, countenance dark.

"Good for Tom if that is him. If only that bastard wasn't the one that brought this on us."

Jelectro skidded behind MK East, running onto the curb and bouncing onto the lawn in between the dumpsters. It was pitch black and the next Kylie knew, she was thrown around, bashing her face against the middle console.

The pursuing officer they'd picked up along the way parked behind them, blowing a loud whistle. "This is Snifit Patrol. Stop!"

Jelectro eased himself out, flashing his own agency's badge. "You waste your time, mon ami. Madame might warrant your attention however. No seat belt."

Kylie spat out a tooth and glared from inside the luxury car. "No, that noki ditched me! ..Well I did climb in his trunk but..."

Snifit Patrol enthusiastically pulled out a thick ticket book. "Tell me more!"

As Kylie tried to avoid incriminating herself further, a purple bandit sporting fancy black Air Koopa sneakers and a boombox jaywalked onto the scene. He got close and deliberately blasted hip hop, distracting and drawing away the snufit. Jelectro winked at Kylie and tossed her his keys.

"It's all yours. Just avoid so and so. That's my civil partner and I's condo."

"What in blazes?! Is this some elaborate way to frame me for grand theft?"

"Only if you auction off parts or hide it from me in a garage in another kingdom. Until then that is your insurance that I will find you again. Oui?"

She hopped in, stalled for a second before muscle memory from her dad's old farm Dragonfly kicked in, and soon zoomed onto Starman lane. Snifit Patrol terminated the pursuit a block later. She thought he knew he wouldn't win. The officer on the other hand knew he'd better follow that large, airship-shaped, shadow moving around town instead.

The flags that survived were raised as Ludwig rode low and slow. As easy as he located Toad Town Park, lit by tiny mushroom-shaped lights on the walking paths, his best landing attempt lopped off the head of a statue, crushed a jungle gym, and tipped over all portable toilets.

As the dirt cloud cleared, the Koopa King stomped alongside the hull and strained to examine every broken rivet. His eyes bulged at the extent of the damage, especially since it wasn't from this landing.

"Vater, we were buffeted by a severe storm on the way with precipitation, a tornado, hail.. Other things.. My apologies."

Bowser's palm covered his face. "Did you at least pack the fresh hot lunches for the minions?"

"We did King Dad," Lemmy answered. ".. But the part where the pantry was is kinda.. missing now?"

"Ugh! Just get your butts up there, soldiers." Bowser let Flare, and a handful of other mostly vacant or skittish minions hurry onboard from a bottom hatch.

Mario stood back in the dark with fighter flies for company, heavy-hearted by how few baddies there were left, all simply wanting to watch tennis. At the same time, it was suspicious how Ludwig and Lemmy glanced at each other so often.

"Hey kids.." He drew closer. "Both of you are how old already? Huh. I remember when you two outgrew your first shell."

"Yeah, Mr. Mario. Time suuure files," Lemmy laughed with the plumber in a mutual game of feigned cordiality. "So where is Luigi?"

Mario cleared his throat. "You know he doesn't like meet n greets," he dodged aptly. "I'll tell him you asked, kid."

"Umm. Well there's another storm on the coast. I guess we'd better drop off these toads!"

Mario gave a start. "Wait, what? I didn't hear about.. Does Peach know?"

A moment later, said princess gasped. Apparently so. She and a pink toad distanced from the shuttle, advancing on the warship all while behaving like Mario was invisible. "Is Toadsworth and the other toad really here?"

"Yep. Come on!" Lemmy kindly offered his hand.

Mario fought against interjecting. She wouldn't care for his insight at the moment anyway, though like it or not he was going to follow the pink duo, unable to ignore how his hairs were standing up.

Then Bucken-Berry crossed his path out of nowhere. "-Mr. Mario, can we talk about something?"

The noki adopted a wandering tourist act and traversed the West ring, updating Agent 0069 with his smartwatch. Upon reaching Room 26, he was greeted by Mitch's full face this time. He was vitriolic, thick graying eyebrows downturned, with beady black eyes like his own, only mildly glazed from painkillers.

"What's the excuse? Why is he gone who knows where instead of vaporized by your gun or somethin?"

"Because he was a boo, full-blooded or not," Jelectro came right up on him, undaunted. "Also, no I don't have a vaporizing weapon. I might have a freeze gun, but that is experimental. That pistol that is on me now? It's a non-lethal, as those are the only sort we can reliably acquire that contains no metal parts to be detected-"

"Oh my God, shut up with the gun talk. You know what I meant, Jelectro. I gave you everything you needed."

"-Too much, like what you'd like to do to him if not for the age gap. Bleh!"

"Oh my..grrrr!" The way the journalist squirmed in his fit, the noki wondered if he might pull a miracle and rise up to fight him. "Alright whatever... And that was BEFORE did this to me btw. For now, we gotta keep that sow Peach from shooing out the clowns."

Jelectro shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Explain this advancement."

"I can't read her, so I don't got specifics, but she must feel scorned by something. Rumor has it that she called extra security to come in and take it back over. Theo and his gang will purge anything nasty and get away scott-free. You know, like she did. We can't allow-"

"What did she get away with?" Jelectro couldn't help but to question, regretting it.

"A heap. Toads had to be 'pure' once. Hypocritical little...!" He muffled some venomous words. "Anyway, Samuel Toadsworth was her secret cousin for a while. Yeah, I'm why that's known now and that's just the surface French Boy. Enough of this. You gotta act."

"Aye aye aye!" Jelectro exclaimed.

On cue, someone was jangling the door handle outside. Dr. Professor lingered before entering, dealing with a very persistent caller that routed to his personal cell somehow. "I am not interested, now hang up and stop tying up my line!"

"K. Whattabout this offer?" The bandit agent dropped the phone from the rooftop workstation to browse on the internet for something believable enough. His boombox was on the opposite side of the helipads, currently occupying the ems workers as they danced to the drill beats. "Tell ya what. We'll give you twenty-thou if you stop what chu doin and-"

"-Goodbye prankster." Dr. Professor cut the device off entirely as he entered room 26. Hand on chin, he verified the vitals on the monitors, cross-referencing with a clipboard.

Jelectro spied from the closet, behind bundles of white towels. The doctor came to the bed. "Mr. Mitch, how about I perform your scheduled operations tonight? Alright? Alright."

When he edited Mitch's procedure chart to have 'Lobotomy', that was all Jelectro needed to jump out and blindside the doctor, slamming him into the wall. The bump knocked tacked papers to the ground.

"I am Detective Bond and you are under arrest for conspiracy and unlawful procedures. Hands up!"

Doctor Professor shot his arms upwards.

"Why are you using the victims as test subjects?"

The doctor's visage contorted into a smug smile. "My, what are the odds of meeting two magikoopa-like freaks in a day, boy? If you can't pick it from my brain, give up. I can wait aaaall day."

Jelectro checked his watch, then whipped the gun out, barrel against the old doctor's temple. "You can not in fact, mon ami, so last chance-"

The intercom screeched, filled with static and distant screams from some conflict happening in the lobby. "We have another invasion! All doctors on guard!" Nass blared.

The stomp of heavy boots bounced off the hall outside. While the noki's head was turned, the doctor slipped out of Jelectro's grip, wasting not one second to hurl himself shell first against the glass and out the window to escape. The spy checked outside, groaning at the dark outlines of armored vehicles, and the sea of burly Mushroom Royal squad agents surrounding the hospital.

"Under the bed, dude!"

Jelectro rushed to prop the door closed with a steel fold-out chair that was down there. A half second later, there was a heavy thunk as a guard failed to kick it in. The noki backed away, then removed the chair, so that the guard's next shove sent them careening in. He used that to climb over the pileup and dart to the nearest empty hall. He rode an elevator to the roof, finding helipads, a boombox, and Agent 0069 peering over the edge of the parapet.

"Screw that money, Jelectro. I'm outta here."

Andrew was 'gangsta' enough to jump without scaling gear. Jelectro wasn't though, call it vanity to protect his pretty face, or call it trepidation from the crunch of the bandit a few seconds later. He let the black-spotted, armor-wearing toads snatch him without further resistance. He'd broken out of the local jail countless times. After his sunglasses were taken, he saw the writing on their tanks better. The noki gulped. He was about to take a trip instead.

Toadette was eager to escape the cramped staircase leading up the airship's four decks. She kept on Peach's heels until muted by thick walls, she heard the clamor of baddies. She almost wished she stuck with Mario, as unloyal as that sounded from her, because making up to the observation deck, the conditions were terrible. Debris littered the deck along with holes where she might plummet through to the orlop. Only Peach's steely energy at that moment held her together, the princess marching around the treacherous areas and to a rusty compartment door leading deeper into the ship.

"Would you please help me?"

Wendy had it already unlocked. Out came a young toad in a wrinkled nurse uniform, orange-spotted, dorky, and sorta cute, or at least that was an intrusive thought of Toadette, semi hiding behind a broken barrel.

"Emery? ..You joined my castle today?" Peach asked animatedly.

Emery did a curtsy. "Uh, sure!"

Peach brimmed with questions, considering her other staff purported that the new recruit was 'male', but she had to press another matter. "And Toadsworth?"

"His case is kinda sensitive. Some privacy?" Lemmy made Toadette jump from her hiding spot. "Wait down there, okay?"

The so-called childish koopaling towered over her while on his green ball and ran her off deck, back into the spooky staircase. She protested as the door slammed shut in her face. The handle wouldn't budge.

…

Mario led the blue toad off to the wooden picnic tables. Bucken-Berry was with no embellishment his friend, student, and bravest warrior. Now he sat across from him, hallow, the flame almost always lit behind his eyes extinguished.

"What happened's not your fault," he went preemptively. "Even that stuff about a new toad that showed up? Les must had phoned Gill T. and he phoned me over it, so I know that story."

The toad wiped his nose with his sleeve. "No it is, because I hated him. I still do for drawing Zoo over, but most of all I hate myself. I want to throw in the towel."

"Yvan, that's.. Why?"

"What's the point? You know how my origin story goes, the whole sole survivor in Toadwood Forest thing. Growing up in the orphanage, I decided that I was going to be so strong that I'd never lose anyone again, yet it happened. Wolley's not gonna make it. He's not gonna, and in the Overthere his last memory of me will be acting like a complete dick. How can I stay on his hero stuff if I couldn't protect one of my only friends? If I was frozen there like a statue while Zoo slipped away, where we'll never see him again?"

Mario held his broad shoulder firmly. "It's not that this kind of work can hurt, it will hurt at some point. Fearing another failure doesn't mean you should give it up. This is all you ever wanted to do."

The blue toad looked up at him. "What did you always want to do, if it wasn't being an action star, Curtis?"

Mario released him, rattled enough to divert to the black jagged outline of the airship nearby. It had been years since he heard his other name. "I wanted to.. Well.. you know how I coach you guys? Basically that. If I'm gifted at something, I just want to share it with others. I never wanted.. you know, to be the super star." Mario began to stand. "Now let's both see that new kid together."

Bucken-Berry remained slouched, his glance withering. "Thomas isn't on that ship. Let's just say I'm the reason why he ran away before we were dumped at that gross hotel, so I'd know."

Mario didn't have a chance to parse that before being blinded as someone in the park shined torch all over. The beam settled on their picnic table like a figure of authority catching rascally teens at night. The red plumber supposed their moment just then was intimate, but not like that..

Panting, Snifit Patrol lowered the beam. "Bad news, sir. I was tracking that airship all over town, I even let my quota drop to keep up."

"In peace, Sumeet. Now could you please.."

"Peace? Not with the Bowser Flag they have raised!"

…

"Noooo!" Peach dropped to her knees before Toadsworth's bruised, bloodied, and unconscious body. A tattered Bowser Flag was draped over him, symbolizing that the Koopa Troop, fractured as it was, succeeded in claiming him.

"That was my touch. I'm Bowser's new toad actually!" Emery announced over her former princess's whimpering form.

"-Affirmative, she contributed greatly, one of our many pawns as we terrorized you and your society all day!" Ludwig declared maniacally, also looming over the princess. "Now here's a synopsis as scattered as your newspapers might put it: Sam and Slam drove into town to infect the participants of your tennis game. The Koopa Troop thus takes full responsibility for all of the following tragedies, the rapid illness of your friends, the mushroom citizens, AND the destruction of your hideous castle! Say goodbye to your backward kingdom, because you WILL come with us. Shall a plumber rescue you in a day, it will be of no matter. You are already playing an unwinnable game, with no continues!"

Bowser whipped around. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Ludwig's hand hovered over the takeoff button. "Vater, all I do is for YOUR central purpose, I promise you. Forget go-karting with that Mario." He slapped it, starting up the airship's machinery with violent vibrations. "Besides, the princess is just. Right. There!"

No, not anymore. Peach jumped into the part of the ship torn off, landing on a lower level. She dashed out and down a deck, into a cramped corridor for ammo storage. It had occupants among the cannons lining the walls, big goombas, koopas, and like.. Pale, she turned back, losing her footing when strong g-forces knocked her around and threw her against the nearest porthole- and into Toadette's screaming face on the other side. The airship lifting launched the steward out of the stair shaft and outside, where she clung to the flapped open exit door for dear life.

Peach spotted a rivet tool hung up in the room. Clash! The princess shielded herself amidst the shower of glass shards. She brushed off the cuts on her arms and lunged half her body out, dropping her personal items to do so. Their hands graced for a fraction of a second. Screaming, she watched her toad plunge. They were so high up, she was staring at the entirety of the park below. A sudden roll slung her out of the exterior room into an adjacent one with wooden crates, clashing into a stack. Someone tugged her out of the way before she was pinned and tumbled into the koopaling, Larry. She barely registered it, leaping onto her feet again and running blindly down a corridor. He stopped her again.

"Unless the stars are about to help us, we're done," he murmured.

That was it. They were done then.

…

On the ground, Mario pointed to a pink toad hanging precariously from an unsecured ground-level door. The decrepit Doomship had an ear-piercing backfire and shook the person off.

Bucken-Berry dove forward and caught Toadette before she spat on the ground. She continued to weep in his sturdy grasp as he repeated, "Baby, I got you.."

Peach's parcel shed its contents in the sky, white papers like confetti around the city block. Snifit Patrol commanded his sergeant to collect whatever they were and then opened a metal gun case with a super scope inside.

"No!" The plumber shut it with his boot. "That type of ship explodes just by looking at it wrong. I'll do something else."

Snifit Patrol leaned up. "Will you, sir?" The officer spun towards the encroaching crowd.

Mario found his mouth dry. "W-what's going on?"

"You tell us," spat one random and very angry Mushroomite.

They were armed with torches and phones that had just browsed the message boards. They didn't even need that though, high above, Lemmy hung a colorful crayon etched banner in 'celebration': Happy Retirement, Mario and thanks for the princess!

Chapter 10: Love and War II

Chapter Summary

Koopaling time!

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"Gah! Forget it." Bowser snapped the dumbphone shut. Mario had to be in a heap of trouble. Miles away now, flying in a void where there were no location markers save for the occasional glint of moonlight on a water body, it was his fault.

When a TO/GA button was hit on an airship, there was no turning around due to design philosophies of the past. He wasn't getting back to the Mushroom Kingdom unless he wanted to jump suicidally. At least fresher air away from the cities let him reflect.

-On how he was gonna kill everybody once the autopilot landed!

Kamek shuffled away from the controls, giving a start. "Lord Bowser, you should cut out that deranged psycho look. Girls hate that."

"I don't care what girls like or not! -Erm, I don't like Peach, so why would I want her at my castle tonight?!" he just out and admitted. The entire ship must have heard that, getting so quiet, even down to the bottom decks, that all he heard was his heavy breathing and the flaps of the ship's feathered wings.

"L-lord Bowser-"

Bowser shoved the magikoopa out of the way. "Everyone get up here and listen!" He waited, pent up and about to explode until all of them did, almost. "Where's Peach? And her grandpa?"

Emery raised her hand. "Hiding, King. And Toadsworth's her cousin btw. There was a stupid scandal over that way back. Anyway I can use a special toad wailing thing we do that tugs on the heartstrings of princesses if you want."

"No need Fangirl. We'll pretend we didn't know she was onboard and arrange a way to get her outta here tomorrow."

Many minions collectively cried in disappointment. To Bowser's surprise though, Ludwig was as cool as a freezie.

If there wasn't going to be a bunch of strife for once in his life, he'd take it. Their sputtery, smoky, barely airworthy ship limped across the six kingdoms between the Mushroom Kingdom and Dark Land. Upon landing the hull gave out and dumped them all onto the dirt, no need for a formal deboarding and all that..

There was much to do, collect witness statements, contact the family of the deceased, etc, plus investigate what went wrong with his own. Bowser detected no deceit when they claimed to be mystified by Iggy, Morton, and Roy after crashing into Peach's Castle. He might have gotten better answers regarding the preceding events, but he was tired and that was behind them now. Toadsworth appeared to be in some sort of stasis until Emery mentioned in a dispassionate hush that 'it's a lost cause'. Bowser decided that he'd rest in the dungeon till he figured out how to go over the.. delicate or 'sensitive' as Lemmy put it, matter with Peach, who screamed and kicked when a minion laid a paw on her. Typical stuff.

Besides that though, everything WAS under control!

"A few invites would fan delectable flames, even if there are no intentions to betroth."

"I was just gonna humiliate by making her THINK she'll be living in our dungeon forever. Make her forget about that Mario.."

"..Fair, Vater." Though Ludwig hadn't a clue why Mario was in this conversation all a sudden, he was pleased that his father hadn't forgotten who he was. "Either way, by the morrow those Mushroomites will be unrecoverable."

Reluctantly agreeing, Bowser marched up and down the red-carpeted stone corridors filled with statues and portraits. Prisoners were secured, their family were scattered about, likely rummaging in a kitchen, and his Troop, aside from dedicated watchers, were settled in bed if they knew what was good for them. Father and son had no current destination, simply a shared or inherited habit of pacing aimlessly after busy days.

"Ludwig.. You know they had a plan to cure that flu on the morrow or however you said it. That won't make yer scheme fall apart?"

His son took position beside him, a foot shorter and likely to never make it up at this point. He'd inherited his voice and absolute viciousness, but Clawdia's brain, fluffy stature, and messy hair. "You are perceiving my plan one-dimensionally yet again. It will not because I am the tool to dismantle the Mushroomites once and for all. Upon this realization, this urge, this burning within my bones, I could not dither."

"Like a destiny?"

"Eh.. exactly, Vater."

Bowser felt himself shudder, facing the big scary lapis lazuli bust of someone else who felt a little like that..

'Bowser's Brother', that's all the designation he tended to get if burdened to be remembered at all. King Morton Koopa Sr.'s surviving generals removed all artifacts of the old religions off royal property after Bowser's Brother deserted them, only allowing Kingly Law to propagate. This allowed peons on the fringes to trade with the 'refuse' and fast forward thirty years, Neo Bowser City was the fruitage of their investments. In a kingdom with an average ambient temp of 100 degrees F, why did everything have to snowball?

Ludwig raised an eyebrow at the silent treatment. "I shall retreat to bed, Vater." He saluted and excused himself.

"That boy ain't right," an elite minion muttered to himself, watching as the koopaling passed by. The balaclava-wearing lakitu on a shady cloud caught Bowser before he slipped into his bedroom. "Senry 11 reporting, Boss. We can have body recovery 00:40 in the morning."

"Alright," Bowser sighed in relief.

"Oh and whatta bout that Zoo Diddley? Want minions lookin' out?"

Slapped awake, Bowser shook his head. "He wouldn't be so stupid as to come to our castle looking for trouble. Mario told me that-"

"Did you say Mario, Boss?" The lakitu gave him a look not unlike a child embarrassed by their father.

"N-nuthin. Go on and lift both bridges tonight, just in case." Bowser stumbled into his room, shutting the door tight.

Larry spoofed an instant message from one of Kammy's girlfriends in the Hags Anonymous group to distract her from guarding a special room. Unlike the dungeon underground, it had a real bed with a canopy, a vanity set, and a barred window with a great view of the lava outdoors. He tip-toed around in the warm candlelight, evading the usual tattletales stationed around his royal home. He gave Ludwig his laptop to be busy on with nerd stuff, so he'd not be an issue either. He needed to check on Peach. To see that she was fine, genuinely, and not from hormone-enranged reasons. No seriously. Seeing her world crumble in a day, he'd never felt so bad for somebody that didn't do nuthin but try her best.

"-Hi, I'm Tanner. Pleased to meet you miss."

Larry ducked back, almost tripping on his own feet. He recovered, peeping around at the two dorks camping the spiral staircase.

"It's Emery T. I think my mom was going for some cringe play on 'emergency' or something.. I guess it'll be fitting when she finds out I'm a minion now. Do you guard the princesses we catch?"

"Gates usually, my dorm is just near here, ha ha."

"Gates are cool.."

"Yeah!.. Not to be confused with *gate movements. Hahaha."

"Got that right. Hey.. is it weird that I'm a toad?"

"Course not. Sorry about what happened in Toad Town. That Phantom guy, he's.. I...know Zoo. It's crazy what he can do with his mind, like a movie but real. Blames his family curse. I know I know. I knew those grunts and I'm shocked too, but he doesn't hate Bowser, he's neutral to a fault. What am I saying?" the lanky koopatrol babbled. "He's not out to be bad Miss Emery, it's his extreme pragmatism that leads to such clusters."

A shiver went through the girl. "Sounds like a sociopath, and I mean that Mr. Tanner. I hated when we gossiped about diagnoses at my old job, but I'm serious. Be careful. Whatever his effed-up reasons were he'd get sent to the gallows back home."

"Would he?" he asked, seemingly genuinely. "I don't think your people really cared much."

She chuckled grimly. "Yeah they suck like that. I guess if he makes like a boo and disappears, he'll be okay."

The koopatrol struggled with something, twiddling the spear he was armed with. "He's not. Some video game sellers? -I don't know them, but they started the whole thing and stole an heirloom, or a piece of it from him. He'll 'die'- hopefully not literally, but sometimes I don't know, if he doesn't get it back. Maybe.. I'll get into why I know somebody like that someday. When mooks whisper too much-" The gangly koopatrol made a chopping gesture across his exposed neck. "Did they set you up?"

"Yeah, but the room reeks."

"They all do. Umm. Miss Emery?" He reached out a gauntlet-covered hand. Blushing, she held it back. "Wanna... stay at my mom's place?"

She never thought any tall attractive dude would ask. "Totally!... Wait.. who's house again?"

"-Attention please, this is a secured area UNFIT for tours!" Ludwig ran up on both with an electronic torch illuminating their stunned faces.

Larry decided to back off for then, grumbling...

Meanwhile, Tanner saluted, letting his spear clash to the ground like a klutz.. "Sir! Sorry for breaching a sector.. I got carried away welcoming our guest into the troop."

Ludwig mellowed, if only because he didn't have energy to spare for this. "Miss Emery, you may accept your assigned room or you may find alternative accommodations in the city. Or take up Junior's empty dog house, it's up to you... Very well. Good night."

The commander entered the sanctuary of his bedroom, plopped down at his writing desk, crossed one leg over the other, and selected a gold pen. It was about time he did something with this journal, always etching meticulous diagrams for dangerous machinery or complex battle formations, or leaving notes to inhabitants of the castle to not touch his guilty pleasure, Yoshi Fruit in the fridge when his name was clearly stamped on it, but never for himself.

What defined 'Ludwig Von Koopa'? What was his purpose?

Love and War.

Love: Or passion to be more specific, though from a dictionary perspective, love worked just fine, as he treasured many things, his family, music, science, art, history, culture, technology.. From his literacy, he became aware of a greater issue affecting all of mankind, leading to-

War: An ugly necessity as long as the Mushroom Kingdom held dominance, and it was his duty to dismantle it. He'd repeat his reasons ad nauseam (though it should not be, as this was a reality they were living too!), but in short, the mushroom folk were the true 'villains', full of apathy towards anyone dissimilar, or downright vile ones empowered by eviler forces, some of which he was about to delve into right now.

Peach's Castle destroyed their precious Airship One this evening because of a surge of 'dark' star energy, and by combing over all the yellowed pages of the "Ex Spatio Obiecti Specialem Lexicon" from his library, he might discern which. That it affected his siblings with zero faith only reaffirmed his belief that the speciest and nationalistic concept of Mushroomy star worship was a destructive force. Per his book, the effects depended on the star's essence or 'virtue'. The star triggered there could be related to geography or weather, though nothing beyond that was conclusive. Iggy recorded from his headset during his ill-fated trip inside, and he was reviewing it right then, though identifying the Special Object responsible was as daunting if possible with the fuzzy quality. He fiddled with a few settings when-

'BZZT!' the laptop groaned, startling the commander to roll off the king-sized bed.

"Ouch! Blöder Dell X-'POS'…"

He climbed back up just as something pitch black spilled from the computer's screen, all over his bed. "Ah!" he gasped, backing up as loads of goop poured out, rolling onto ornate rud, solidifying and clumping in spots that writhed. It happened so rapidly that his shell bumped his huge trophy and medal case, cornered as the room was inundated. It was cold yet stung his flesh and the scent was pungent and nauseating. The commander took a deep breath before swimming across it to his window. It wouldn't budge! With the thickening goop near the ceiling, he tried to reach the shut door some distance away in his deluxe-sized accommodations, but he would never make it.

Y OU WA NT TO BE AN INS TRUM EN T? BE MINE.

…

"Yippee, found out why he didn't answer when I threatened to eat his Yoshi Fruit…" Someone said. "...Ugh, Oh my God, I forgot he's fat now. Help!"

Rough hands began to tug on his extremities very hard. Ludwig wiggled and groaned deliriously, deathly afraid for a split second that he might lose an arm or a leg.. Shortly he felt something plush and soft give under him. He slowly opened his eyes, his spotless bed and living space coming into focus. Leaning up, his first inclination, besides spouting German swears, was to be quite hot witnessing his trusted adjutants sneaking out at 11:55 PM, however a partition of his memory was blotted out. Why was it wrong that they were up? Why should he be upset?

The two koopalings chatted in his doorway, oblivious to his crisis and whatnot, "We should have used my Movematic2000 v.4 Alpha, Lemmy-sama. Her built-in gravitational distortion can lift anything."

Lemmy massaged his sprang wrist. "Sorry Hop, but your toys and props have already killed someone today. ..And how is it a 'she'?"

"Because she told me herself and she'd know!" Iggy giggled. "Mrs. Mover ain't dangerous- if I remember to set her on less than medium power."

Lemmy pivoted around on his ball. "-Oh, whoops. Hey, Luddy your door was wide open and stuff-"

What?

"-And you were all strung out next to this exploded thingy." He rolled in to drop a corroded aluminum shell next to Ludwig. If not for the blackened skull and crossbones decal, it would be unrecognizable as Larry's notebook computer.

So something had happened.. But..

Iggy hastily strapped on a flat backpack. He had a two-wheel balance scooter waiting for him outside. "We gotta skedaddle in approximately one minute and twenty-four.. thee.. two.. one seconds if we're going to be one of the fifty people that can buy a midnight release of Princess Parlor 8. Just saying!"

"Halt."

They froze in his doorway.

"I will accompany you." Ludwig slid out of bed, wobbly and light-headed. Perhaps a Turtle Tea from the 24-hour bistro across from Play-N-Tirade would do some good.

He struggled back and forth on whether to turn back when, as his feet left the bridge of Bowser Castle, there was a loud grinding noise. The drawbridge raised behind him, leaving the lava-filled crevice.

It was 12 AM then, the decision made for him.

Three young adult koopalings traversed on foot through the thick brambles of the woodlands between their stronghold and Neo Bowser City. Ludwig enforced this inadvertently when he left without keys to any of the army's vehicles, and/or Lemmy's sports car that he wasn't slightly jealous of or anything.

"-King Dad would love this new series. Most of the epic battle arenas have lava, ya know, you saw episode #4 with me, except less monotonous than his sense of level design. Hehehe, he might get motivated to switch things up and stop speedrunners from trumping him so easily with memorized button presses."

"Hop, there's no imaginary videogame logic making that happen. Clearly the frame-perfect folks are CPUs.. you know like cyborgs and stuff. Hey," Lemmy nudged him. "You didn't forget your credit card did you?"

Iggy dug in the backpack, making a sour face.

"..Can't you write a check?"

"Sam and Slam caused an overdraft. ~Uh. Kuyashii desu!" Both cautiously glanced over their shoulders, where Ludwig trailed grumpily and got whacked repeatedly by twigs.

He didn't know what that meant at the end and no, they certainly weren't going to 'finesse a check' out of him. He would give them a piece of his mind though, inserting himself between them.

"That is absurd, Ignatius. Their favor for us today was worth 500 coins, and your balance was greater than that, was it not?!"

Iggy shrugged it off with equanimity. "Yes, just uh, I'm sure it's like, just a misunderstanding, hahaha.."

"No no no. I knew they were criminals when billed me for a terabyte NVMe module, but substituted it with a cheap SATA based chip. Had I not in a dream reexamined the specifications on Lawrence's laptop, I-"

"Why were you on his, erm, kinda gross laptop anyway?" Lemmy cut in. "I'm pretty sure that was real if it melted down like that."

"Was I? No. No! It wasn't me."

"So someone else in the dream did it?"

"Yes. All I recall..instruments. So.. music I.. suppose," Ludwig explained in a woozy drawl.

"Aww.." Lemmy poked his chest teasingly. "Tuckered out already? Instead of Midnight Warrior are you more of a Quarter Till?"

Ludwig irritably marched ahead. "I'd prefer that to Philistine. I suspect whatever activity I was engaged in related to the stars those smug Mushroom freaks are indoctrinated to believe they have unequal value regarding, not that I am no longer a proponent to secular King Law either, Ian, but-"

Lemmy rolled his eyes. "In other news, we made it yay!"

The commander shook himself out of it, and rather on time, as he would have been splashed by a dirty puddle by a speeding car if not. Deeper into the Badlands, territories not under KT control flourished into smaller villages and modern cities. Neo Bowser City was dazzlingly lit despite the cruddy wet weather, high rises sprouting from every block, and armored vehicles whipping and gliding around tight curves. Ludwig felt like he had whiplash with his two feet planted on the ground. Play-N-Tirade was a small dome-shaped shop on the street corner of Dossun Road, windows stuffed with merch and posters, and soporific nerds as he'd say if in his right mind, ready to ravage once the staff inside stopped pretending to not notice the time. His brothers slipped on oversized space helmets, Cowboy Boom Boom merch, to shroud their identity, ready to become one of them. The commander covered his blue hair with a promotional flier, sprinting across the street where 'Eat. Drink. WiiConnect24' was.

The threshold of the little shop seemed impossible to cross as he stared at his miserable reflection in the glass, a ring in the back of his mind warning him not to enter. He let the sunk cost fallacy win over and stepped in. It was mostly vacant, though warm and cozy. Fresh bread and pastries filled glass cases, they had hand-carved wooden furniture, a spot with bean bags in the corner, and even as frequently occurring in those coffee shop AU fanfictions he didn't read or anything, a dark and mysterious bespectacled guy sitting alone at a table.

Ludwig asked the beanbean waiter for one Turtle Tea, changing his mind last moment and splurging for the Gadd Teeheespresso. His wait time was so short the call for his order made him jump. He carried the steaming cup across the store, facing the absolute downpour outdoors, skies flashing with lightning, dreading that he ever left the castle, and sat instead near the window, trying to blink the spots out of his eyes from orthostatic hypotension.

"Even the weather's against me. God!"

The commander craned over to the mysterious gentleman, squeezing a spoon as he bored into the gaming shop across the street. It seemed so intense that anything wandering into the beam of sight would kill over instantly. Much like-

The koopaling crushed his cup, scalding coffee leaking on the sides. Unmöglich!

Censuses said there were so and so dark boos in Dark Land... It was unremarkable... Mr. Phantom, a confirmed Mushroomite, wouldn't be here after such a massacre... Again.. Unmöglich!

The guy left a tip on his empty plate, grabbed a faux leather messenger bag, and floated outside, leaving the utensil warped beyond recognition. Ludwig dabbed at the mess he'd made with a napkin, decided to drink what was left of the expensive coffee when-

F O LL OW H I M

He spewed it everywhere.

…

"It's sucky that they weren't in there. Ugh.." Lemmy was heated from head to toe, fuming. Sam and Slam resided on the other side of the Bowser Badlands, so there was no way they were catching up tonight. Of course, what he would do in a confrontation with two sumo bros that could easily sit on him he didn't know, but..

"It's okay, Lemmy-sama. I'll just...Unfriend …them on.. Playstation Network. And.. that'll midgate most of.. the damage.."

"That's not enough! Please use this before that shorts out by the way." Lemmy inverted the inverted by the wind umbrella, or reverted it, or whatever, -either way passed it to his little brother. Iggy had to rely on that scooter now. He used up his strength fighting for two Princess Parlor copies after the 180 IQ clerk clocked that Lemmy was purchasing both and therefore the one-per-customer rule was being exploited.

"So, I'm sorry I missed their abuse while juggling Koopa Troop stuff and practice at the circus, but I'm stopping it now. Not just cause of the money. It's-"

"-Is that Luddy-sama? Bet he went for the Teeheespresso."

The green-haired koopaling spotted him speed-walking in the raging storm, away from civilization.

"Huh. If his sleepwalking makes us late, we're gonna be in so much more trouble than we already are!"

"...Don't worry... we can sneak in.. This Springo Candy will.. get us over the castle's moat," Iggy answered, pushing the scooter into turbo mode.

Lemmy was hoping it wouldn't come to that! Not after last time! The stilted commander led them on a slick and grimy wild chase through the dense forest, Iggy's two wheels getting stuck on every mud pile and tree root and Lemmy bouncing all over the place, head banging into low branches. They tried to call for him, even chucking some rocks and such, never able to bring him out of the trance. So sudden that they nearly ran him over, the commander froze at an abandoned mini-fortress for a second, then he dashed through the the entrance.

Forced to turn around he wanted to send a fist through a wall. Considering he was dealing with Kammy, their 'meshimazu' chef as the Iggster put it, the kitchen might be his best bet. White light bled from underneath the door already. Messing around in there secretly was impossible even for a master like him. It was located in the center of the castle, and the jumbo walk-in refrigerator was immediately right there when someone walked in.

"-GET IN HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF."

Larry dragged himself inside as Bowser was kicking the fridge shut. Besides being busted, his father was eating leftovers super late again, a bad sign. "So.. my CD went missing and-"

"-Whatever, son. Old Hag was expecting this so give it to her and then GET TO BED."

Cleaning out his ears, Larry toted the document along, beaming from a newly hatched plan. He diverted to what was collectively called the 'hall of koopalings except for Junior', who roomed on the other side of the castle. A clunky name if apt, the bedroom doors ordered by age:

Larry's room was, well, his own, with no theme. Quite tidy, made bed, no dirty clothes, school work completed and packed up neat for the summer. Actually sterile nearly aside from his stereo, turntables, and a poster of a movie he liked or two, and not even R rated ones or anything, because he couldn't even be a teenage boy right.

Morton's door was wooden with steel bolted on it to be 'hardcore'. Inside, where the bookworm was snoring and hopefully recovering from Peach's evil castle, he had a mini office to write his zines, wanting to be a publisher after graduating. Otherwise he didn't have a theme either, both trying to figure themselves out.

Wendy's door was gold trimmed and smoky glass, the latest if most fragile trend. He really didn't know what was going on in there, as she never let anyone in, though he knew she kept tons of shoes despite sticking with her pretty pink pumps perpetually and chic clothes despite cherishing the way of the cupid. So naked.

Iggy's door was skewed on the hinge, something he meant to fix at some point, with a 'Koopa Ball Z' banner taped to it. It was a mad lab that happened to contain a bed to crash in and a computer AI assistant 'Way Awesome Intelligent Futuristic Utility', tolerated as long as he didn't cause another nuclear melt down.

Roy's door was made of dull iron too heavy for most of them to push, with five chains and locks shut up for the night. Like Wendy, it was unknown to him what it looked like in there. He just knew it wasn't a mini gym some assumed, because Roy exclusively went to those paid ones in the city for online clout and distinctly said once that he didn't want his bedroom smelling like the college locker rooms.

Lemmy had outside his door a welcome mat that looked like an upside-down rated Mature symbol. Content warnings were: overabundant fun, fantasy violence, and suggestive themes. He kept colorful kid-sized furniture, toys and Nintendo games, and wacky knick-knacks that he would invite any inside to borrow.

This would have been Larry's destination, for an art kit with a calligraphy pen that wrote just like Bowser's, and not any games, (Though Legos slapped he had to admit), but the rainbow-haired koopaling wasn't in. Furthermore, Ludwig's bronze palace door at the end of the hall was wide open.

Larry inched his way over, glancing in. "No way!"

His laptop, toast! Of all the siblings Ludwig was the only one he trusted with his electronics and then this happens! Did he overclock it or some crap!? He snatched what was left of it and stomped out of there, grabbing the pen too from Lemmy and going on with his plan.

He struggled to articulate what he needed to with all the empty space on the page, not even bothering to read Bowser's neat little cursive towards the bottom. He was about to mark out Kammy's name and whip up an excuse to bring the letter straight to Peach when he realized Kammy at her station in body only, engrossed in conversation.

"Shh! Sonny.. I am STILL straightening Agatha out after those dreadful words she shared with the club. ..What? A letter for me? Lord Bowser probably just wants to check on the princess. You do that for me. Shoo shoo!"

The teenager was shoved up the stairs by the crone. He recalled what some of those flagrant fake messages of his said and preened a bit. Yaah that was pretty smooth of him. He could do something right.

"Go away, please!" Peach begged from her chamber.

"D-don't freak out. It's me again." Kammy had a way to teleport into the Hags Anonymous chairman's in the Badlands swamp, so if she did that and smacked a wrinkly hoe she might be shuffling back up in moments. He hurried up. "Doing alright?"

After a long while, to him at least, "I'm worried most over Toadsworth. I got one glimpse of him before they carried me here and no one will tell me what has happened to him!"

"I can check. See, I had to get to ya soon cause both Dad and Luddy's got it in for ya. For Luddy, it ain't personal. He ain't even into princesses, but you represent everything he's hating about Mushroom folks. Tell me.. is.. some of it true?"

Another long pause. Larry was sweating by then, but as long as the catty croak of a crone kept curving up the staircase, he was safe. "Larry.. Yes. That is why, for a time I was determined to approach nothing the way my predecessors did. Eventually, the short-sightedness of that caught up with me. That time is now," the princess explained so matter-of-factly, he would have wondered if she was a robot back there. Wouldn't be too crazy of a scheme.

Those fears were alleviated when, more like her waifish self, Peach tacked on. "And.. what was it about Bowser? He hadn't seemed particularly.. interested in me."

"You right on that. He's jealous. Am I on point you think or not-"

He thought he heard a rattly thunk in there. She must have been leaning on that old vanity set close to the door. Welp, that tacky thing was long overdue for the dump anyway. "Heavens!" she squeaked. "He will never take Mario from me!"

He was on point. "Umm. Well, besides that. I wanna.." He pressed his face against the door, whispering. "Help you get out of here pronto. Like tonight. If we wait for whatever they wanna do, I just know it'll be a disaster."

"Yes.. thank the stars. Yes."

"Good." Larry stepped off a bit, trying to puff his chest out. "...Just go with the flow from now on, k? Larry's got it."

The teen slipped away, a faint beep meaning that a magikoopa downstairs had hung up. His rescue, or more like distraction plan wasn't sophisticated, but it had no reason to be ineffective. All he needed to confirm was if he could drag Toadsworth out of the dungeon. Some rumors implied that he wouldn't be able to remove himself in a fire emergency..

"Halt, punk!" Tanner ordered, holding his spear across the opening into the dungeon. Guards wouldn't dare be so uncouth typically, but they were told that they could treat Larry in particular like the sneaky crook he was. "Hehe. Sorry, uh, sir. What is your business here?"

"I have some of that dank flower flower and don't wanna get caught. That's my business."

He brusquely slid on past him, easing it into a cool walk between rows of cages. He found Toadsworth in the rear, just lying there on a bench. Larry strained his eyes in the dark. The old man was off in color and stiff as a board, demonstrated starkly when the castle shook and he rolled off the bench, maintaining that position. Volcanic activity did this a lot, it was nothing to worry about until it happened again, and the ceiling began to crack.

"Yo, what's up?!" Larry yelled across the dungeon.

The koopatrol wouldn't answer right away. Larry had dropped a note from his pocket, and the contents turned him into stone.

"This is an official declaration from King Bowser Koopa to Castle Aide Kammy Baba, regarding Princess Peach Toadstool.

...

...

...

I'm kidding. The formal stuff was to ward off snoopers. Something is wrong with my brain. Don't tell your husband. Kamek wouldn't get it and doesn't know Peach like we do. I could have done more before we got to this point and I'm realizing- I wanted to snatch Peach all along! I think I thought somehow she'd worm her way into Mario's business and ruin stuff, but why do I care and what stuff is she ruining? Have I forgotten what the question was? Make a potion or something to fix me. Or make one so that I can know what the heck it is I need to fix. Don't purge your old ingredients like you do every weekend, you might need them all for this basket case."

"Luddy, stop! What are you-"

Their brother barged into the dilapidated structure, someone inside screeching incoherently. Lemmy and Iggy rushed into the square concrete room, the roof leaking in one corner and the person Ludwig was confronting in the other. The only source of light was a curious thing on the floor next to a glasses case, a bell that glowed yellow.

"I c om ma nd yo u to han d me o ver," Ludwig sputtered in a low guttural tone.

Zoo lost what little bit of shock was holding him there. "Why do you want my family property!? Aren't you rich enough? Tell your fat nerd friends to not do this either." He raised the luminous object, rotating it to show where the loop had been bent so that the solid gold chain could be stolen. "I oughta seek legal action," Zoo kept ranting. "Do you think I want it on my record that I got tied up with you reta-"

Ludwig swiftly reached for a holster hidden under his jacket and fired from a ray gun, a replica firearm from 'Cowboy Boom Boom'. Pew pew pew! Bright flashes made Lemmy and Iggy fall back on their shells.

Iggy patted around for his glasses. "Careful, Luddy-sama. That's another one with real laser action!"

"Too late." Lemmy coughed, fanning the dust. He yelped and scrambled backward, away from a bloodied stubby arm on the ground, still grasping the bell.

"YOU CRAZY BISH!" Zoo screamed, grabbing his disembodied arm with the bell, and phasing through the structure.

Ludwig wordlessly blasted the rest of the fortress wall to smithereens, stepping unflinchingly through the opening.

...

His ears were ringing, his wounds were excruciating as the rain pelted him, and he was blind, glasses fogged up from the humidity outside. He found a fork in the road and picked at random. Lasers were flying over his head, shredding the canopy of trees like he was transported into Star Slammers. Zoo tore through the deep forest area, nipper plants chewing on him until he reached a clearing where the rain let up. The dark boo collapsed at the lip of the cliff. There was a long drop down onto the ocean of neighboring Pipe Land. It was a dead end, and he'd dropped his other arm. He spun as Ludwig marched up to his served appendage, ripping his bell from its weak grasp. Without hesitation, Zoo pointed, sending over a death ray blast that would break the prince down to his atoms. It didn't matter if he started World War 64, he had to protect Lou Diddley's Doom Reverb. If the wrong person got ahold of it... The commander paused and grunted while hunched over, struck with a moderate headache at most.

Zoo's scowl faded as he trembled, watching Ludwig stand upright and shake the bell in wild motions. The dark boo couldn't remember a moment in his life when he couldn't hurt anyone he wanted, or escape so that he might not have to, but now his goose cooked because he never taught himself to be ambidextrous at summoning his powers.

"-Luddy, son of a biscuit! Stop right there! Just stop." Lemmy forcibly spun his brother around. As he did so, the Doom Reverb abruptly dimmed like a blown light bulb. What was special about that? That criminal was right, they could buy their own. "What got into you?"

Iggy snuck up on them, the low whirr of his ailing scooter imperceptible. "Y-yeah.. Luddy.. and.. when.. did you.. even .. snatch my.. replica?" He inhaled. "Andpleasedon'tputascratchonit!"

"No, forget that part. I mean yeah! I mean the everything part! And-" Lemmy got a good look at his brother as lightning picked up. He gasped, losing his grip on him. His pupils were blacker than the sky and irregularly shaped, starry. "Oh my God.. W-what's wrong with your eyes?"

Ludwig pushed away, smiling in a wide if broken way as the antique disintegrated in his palms, some sort of particle or smoke releasing into the air. The gale forces kicked up as Zoo shrieked, rushing forward until he was zapped by a bolt lightning, his crispy body tumbling downhill. His eyes undiluted and blue, Ludwig speechlessly staggered towards Lemmy, who tried to catch him, though both collapsed into the high grass. Stormy clouds were shifting overhead, blanking out the stars one by one. Thunder shook the ground so strongly, Lemmy thought it might swallow them up on the spot.

"Heeeeelp!"

"S-should I use the Springo Candy now?" Iggy asked, standing over them.

He couldn't hear him over the rumble of- Actually it was a voice all along!

TH ANK YO U F OR FR E EING ME A T LAST. AS Y OUR R EW ARD, THE W IN DS THAT CRE AT ED YOU R W ORLD WILL NOW DE STR OY IT!

Hurricane strength forces carried away the four on the hill, those with spiked shells inland, the one without towards the water. As the sentient storm began its search for a missing recipient of its award, the dark boo continuously flailed. There was a very long drop into the choppy seas of Pipe Land.

Chapter 11: Statutes

Chapter Summary

More event horizons, now from the other side. *RR24*

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The pink toad became exasperated by the looks received by the princess's other pink toad, his pig-tailed manager up on the second-story balcony. Was attempting to garnish the lot, spending his dawn hours carefully freeing the lilies from choking thorny weeds one by one, futile? Probably he admitted, slipping in longing over-the-shoulder glances as he drew away from the planter in the middle of the concrete lot. He was latching onto any fragment of normality to be had. Currently in the custody of Hotel Mario, under siege like all others in southwest Toad Town, there would be little more of that as the day dragged on.

Their trio of chaperons, black spotted toads chatted behind the smudged glass entrance doors. The gardener passed them by uneventfully, stopping at the receptionist's desk. At some point he bent the card key in his pocket, a terrible mistake when he was caked in mud and in need of a shower. He tapped the bell.

The bellhop goomba swiveled away from CRT tv, revealing a ridiculous amount of 'Wanted: Mario' posters tacked up behind him. "What do ya want?! Name?"

The toad signed 'Joseph'.

"I don't know what you're on about. I'm missing my strikers game and you expect me to sit here and read your mind? Speak up!" the goomba fussed belligerently, at least according to his lip movements.

Joe produced the green, newly bi-folded card and sat it down, certain that translated. He'd dealt with a lot of this 'sheepish stranger yelling at a deaf person' shtick, especially before joining Peach.

"He needs another card," one of those guards spoke up, stepping over. "I remember him. He's another Peach Castle refugee."

'Benedict T., Poshley Royal Officer' as the lanyard tag identified, was a foot and a half taller than the gardener and maybe one in a half times as wide- and Joe was no wimp or anything. The guard's jaw jutted out a bit and he needed a haircut under his helmet, but he was decidedly handsome overall with a kindness evident in his dark brown eyes towards Jospeh, not so much the clerk when he stepped to him.

Begrudgingly the goomba shoved a replacement key under the plexiglass shield. The gardener signed 'thank you' to the guard and went on his way, deeper into the hotel.

"-Don't stick up for these dummies," another guard ribbed Ben the moment he returned. He was the middle height of the three there, weaselly and of average build.

"Jon, he was just hearing impaired," Ben replied through his teeth.

"As opposed to mentally? Like this ting?" Jon nudged his elbow at the most stout guard, whose back was turned as she watched a Jumpman pinball machine set to attract mode.

She grabbed his shirt. "Wanna knuckle sandwich?"

"That's not too exemplary of ya, mate," he hissed, alluding to something Ben didn't get.

She relaxed a little. "I'm just saying you claimed you'd find that Mario guy by sunrise, eh. Who's a fool now?"

"Yeah. Shoulda been on that, stead of bossing us around!" Ben added.

"Eldstar doesn't even know where that freak is. With the surveillance cameras I drilled up on the balconies, I do know he ain't here. We'd see it on these screens!" Jon slung open the door of the arcade room they'd taken over as a base of sorts. "If you wanna be useful, stuff yourselves in there and stare at the-" he apologized when he almost slammed face-first into someone leaving.

"You're alright," the guest grunted.

The three guards straightened up their act in a flash, standing shoulder to shoulder, or approximately enough, as the portly middle-aged fellow with a short recently grown beard strolled on by. The guest smirked. A wardrobe change, white t-shirt, black pants, was all it took to fool those amateurs, Mario thought.

He rounded a corner, strategically avoided another, and proceeded down an adjacent path that he knew was unmonitored. Once the pump of adrenalin faded from the close call, he was crushed by despair all over again, for he was losing the bigger battle.

He dreaded what would have happened if Parakarry hadn't banged his door down last night, warning that the same fan club he barely escaped from while Airship One was but a twinkle in the sky, was about to arrive for a bonus round. With items this time. Besides whatever their plans were, the Mushroom King unilaterally declared him a traitor that early morning, Bowser's successful abduction of his daughter while Mario was 'standing right there the entire time' invalidating all evidence contrarily. Once humorous and largely vacuous photos of him and Bowser were now dissected with the scrutiny of some priceless relic. 'Notice the way Mario's upper sleeve brushes up against the more sparsely layered scales of Bowser's, the way he minutely overtakes the Koopa King on the sidewalk, as if to shield him from OUR PRYING EYES,' and etcetera online posts said. Peach explicitly asked for her father's toads to whip MK East Hospital into shape, but while they were here and she couldn't give further orders, they deferred to their king, and the king wanted Mario's head on a platter!

He wondered at first if he should oblige. Kill off Mario himself and continue to be the plain unassuming person he was at the moment. In other words, unironically retire, but...

Luigi was recovering in the clinic, unbeknownst to them. Mario and Luigi, the Mario Brothers. Always accompanying each other. He could kill Mario and make them redirect to his brother. He had to fight this battle with the care of crossing Bob-omb Battlefield. He'd been spying on the castle toads and only the blue-capped one he expected brought his name up. Dealing with a loyalty crisis or not, he couldn't abandon them either. After a kickstart from some off-colored orange juice the hotel served, he reached out to a highly skilled if aloof acquaintance.

A short noki stood on his stiff bed to look outside. Sunlight steadily rolled over the rooftops within Poshley Heights, a magnificent city from what little he could scope out. With three iron bars between him and it, it might stay that way indefinitely. This was certainly no cardboard prison like he was accustomed to.

"Aye aye aye.."

Jelectro had one rope out of here, though he'd have to seek it telepathically. With a complex mixture of embarrassment and consolation, he couldn't use the technique with precision. He'd tried all his life to escape his parent's shadow, to eschew the way of the scammer or psionic voyeur. His eventual alternative left him with less guilt, tacking up a psychic 'memo' for his target to pick up.

...

"Yep. I.. huh? What? You can't.. get enough of.. me can ya?" A voice faded in, maybe thirty minutes later by the advancement of the sun. "Took your watch?.. Call.. your sister, dude?.. I'm sorta in a.. bind... Good news.. the King's men.. don't.. wanna.. kill me.. let alone know.. who.. I am.. Bad news... can't.. discharge myself.. but.. help ya.. out. Describe her..."

The noki completed the picture. In serendipity, his sister should be in the town he was trapped in now, it just happened that he couldn't risk reeling her in himself.

"Got it... uh.. h-hey" Mitch chuckled somewhere far off, the noki could feel. "French Boy.. you're older than.. you.. tell people.. ha.. ha.. ha. No shame about.. being.. a..ripe-"

"Enough, mon ami!" he cried, grateful he was a solitary case.

"Haaa, fine.. Listen up.. Jelectro.." he went darkly, "I expect something.. I mean..My.. talents... have a price.. you know. K. Bye. Stay pretty.."

The noki plopped back down on the bench and signed out, staring at the brick wall. Agent 0069's daring escape broke a rib, but he still hobbled back to base, or either way wasn't here. The noki should have just jumped and endured bed rest and his partner's beratement over sneaking from vacation, because being a vacillating idiot wasn't working out any better.

Two hours later- there they were! A gentleman with a lady on his arm weaved around the stone garden leading to the jailhouse, carrying a metal-covered platter. The human male wore a tuxedo and his lady, a purple noki a red ball gown. The couple dropped off the platter and then left. After no one at the gates was looking, Agent W and Maria separated from each other, pinching their noses in visible disgust. The saddest part to Jelectro was that they weren't faking the marriage part. Right after that, a group of correctional officers for the noon shift arrived. All toads, except for one strollin' stu. Jelectro was panged with some anxiety at the sight of Agent 0088, a known buddy of Agent M, but he bit it back for then.

Shortly, that stu officer stuffed the delivery carelessly into the one-way reception cubby, ruining the succulent presentation. Jelectro placed the messy treat on the bench, a Couple's Cake he'd have to save until he found someone to share with. Meanwhile, his lack of respect for 0088 had him sapping any information he could, manners be darned. What did he miss back home?

The noki fell off his seat, giving the strollin' stu something else to smirk at. They'd turned on Mario.

A ninji porter who dreamed of being some entertainer read off numbers for their audience, anyone left in the Hotel Mario lounge. Mr. Zeror and Chef Tim played along. For the Toadsworth's odd friend, it was mostly to distract himself from bleaker matters, and for Zess T's son, he seemed to be trying to win. Either way, the paltry prizes meant little when they'd salvaged plenty of valuables from the castle. Ajar shutter doors lead to the pool deck where a purple toad, Les huddled up under the patio trying in vain to get his old bandmate Gill T. on the phone. Additional décor included couches, low tables, and potted plastic trees, the last of which concealed Mario as he tiptoed through the lounge and into the darkened bar.

He dunked under the counter, avoided tipping glasses, and slipped into a back room with boxed ingredients and a broken ice machine hooked to the wall. Bucken-Berry had pried out the water line with his bare hands a while ago, creating an opening through the cheap sheetrock. Dropping to his knees, dew-coated grass and the hotel's rusty dumpsters were in view.

Little feet dropped down, inches from his nose.. "Greetings sir!"

Mario kicked over an empty beer keg with a clang.

"Sorry, sir. Ready for adventure?" The red-spotted toad bent to level and flashed him a picture-perfect smile.

"I wish.." Mario answered. "I can hide for another hour I think max. Give my brother his phone I've been holding and his favorite morning snack." He handed off a banana and a YoshiMobile.

The red-spotted adventurer lingered after accepting the items. "-Lionel Kinopio is blogging about this situation from the hospital. It's a travesty."

"..I knew it wouldn't be long until.." Mario tried to shake those thoughts away. "Get my brother and return, Stan. We'll deal with that later.."

"Of course. Adieu," the toad replied, his clammy hand patting Mario's.

Luigi rolled to his left, expecting to reach over and touch the console between his bed and Mario's. His arm instead thrust around in empty space. His abrupt pull of the partition curtain revealed Dr. Toadley's ransacked and patient-free lab. Sheets from cots were piled in the corners. Hay, dirt, and hoof prints also marred the floors, the intern in slippers and a night bonnet sweeping and cleaning around to the best of her ability.

With a burst of energy, he leaped off his cot and dashed out, not making it farther than the lobby when he collapsed. Heart thumping in his ears, he made out the character analog clock above the intern desk, a cartoony representation of his brother. He wasn't sure what time it was when he encountered Zoo in the park, but it appeared to be evening now, so everything turned out fine?...

He regathered his strength and tried to rise again as a half-shaven, barefoot toad in a purple sleeping robe ran onto the scene. "Has my Miracle Toadley Cure worked? Yes it has!" he exclaimed, poking and prodding.

Luigi gently pried his hands off. "Thank you.. H-houdini.. W-where is everyone?"

The doctor retrieved a memo pad from Mary's desk and jotted a few things down from right to left for some reason.. "Did I transfer the patients for their safety? Yes I did. Here is the address."

The 'address' was a crude drawing of their area with a dotted line. He tried to trace it with his finger and couldn't, only able to tell it was going south. "I'm n-not following.."

"On that note, am I giving you a quick follow-up? Yes I am." He shoved a thermometer in the green plumber's mouth and made a face at the results, a rather younger-than-expected face without the usual coverings, but painted with deep sympathy no less. He raised a hand. "Right or left?"

"Right?"

"What time is it?"

Luigi glanced at it again, squinting. "Four o-two?"

"Is Mirror Mode a temporary side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes it is."

"It doesn't matter!" Luigi scrambled to get up. "I have to coalesce with my brother, so why are they in the Southern Mushroom Kingdom?"

"My patients are, Mario, I do not know. There's a manhunt for him right now. Yes, making this an atypical Saturday morning, even for I-"

He had to grip the chairs again for stability, his digits shaking. "Saturday!?"

"Yes. The Mushroom King and many Mario fans, a few of which sent bricks through my window, are upset that he quit," the doc explained. "Is it that simple? It is. I am sorry."

He spat out the thermometer, fainting as haunting memories wrackled his brain, right into the doc's arms. Dr. Toadley sat with him in his lap for a while, and after confirming he was stable he called out to his intern to take his place, figuring the green plumber would rather wake up to someone like her rubbing the small of his back. She was coming up as a visitor arrived, a red toad.

"Blessings unto you, doctor, ma'am, and Mr. Luigi!"

Luigi jolted awake somewhat at the familiarish raspy voice. He shifted away from Dr. Toadley's lap (Why the heck was he there? He'd rather be in Mary's grasp to be honest, and he wasn't even into blondes, but he digressed), standing on wobbly feet as his 'friend' confidently strode closer, only for his vision to clear up more. This toad merely resembled his best friend on a couple of parameters. That's all they had in common actually.

"You may prefer to make a call." Captain Toad offered his YoshiMobile. "Do not bother to contact Mr. Mario however. He destroyed his phone to prevent tracking and he wants me to take you back to him."

"They wouldn't bother to hack my phone?"

"For now they have forgotten about you."

"Figures, Captain Toad." Luigi set himself up for that, but it was kinda funny. His laugh sent him to the hard floor again, gasping for air next to their feet.

Dr. Toadley had his intern dash for some ice packs. "Was there an additional side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes there was! My bad."

Luigi shivered from a blast of cold. Half awake, ripped that soggy ice pack off of his face, blinking at his surroundings. They were zipping around town in a wide-bodied kart, finished pale beige by what he saw on the hood, and older modeled by the wood panels, tarnished silver instruments on the dash, and plush burst orange interior package.

In a haze as he reclined, he observed the city scrolling by. He couldn't see who were on the sidewalks if any, but the big tanks were hard to miss, along with 'wanted' posters of Mario high on buildings. He was prepared for that now- well not really, but it did not surprise him the way this particular sign did, crossed as they approached a steep incline.

'yaW ecaR layoR'

Eyebrows furrowing, the plumber rearranged that out in his mind. "Mario is here?" he muttered. He tilted to the driver, who was biting his lip, either jumbled or dealing with something internally. "Captain? Where are we going?"

"-Not much farther, Mr. Luigi. Have you seen Kinopio-Kun's recent ramblings? He is on King Toadstool's side."

A subject change, but a doozy of one. "H-he quit?"

He shrugged. "All I can share is that he has an assortment of posts regarding Mario and his apparent inclination all along to go rogue. My favorite is blog #4563 Month ( X) Day (Circle), where apparently him having a visible budge in that Aces tennis game was an indicator of-"

"People from Japan, Water Land can fixate on some weird stuff. Secondly, our dryer went haywire and shrunk our shorts that morning."

"-Your's was better anyway." He winked. "And I mean that with no romantic implications."

"Thank God, now change the subject, Stan." Luigi flushed. "Mixed up emotions, the erosion of boundaries between friends and pseudo couples and fan-preferred couples, and ships and ugh.. all that stuff got us to this point." He hadn't seen The Captain loosen up this much before, like a fun-house mirror version of Mr. Toad, though in all fairness he was a tad older now and never seen him without his brigade. "Hey, where are your buddies?"

"Occupied!"

Luigi waited and the cart dodged an increasing amount of debris at the threshold of Castle Grounds. "What about my earlier inquiry?"

"See." The Captain drove them over the crest of the hill.

The green plumber was hoping the Mirror Mode was distorting this, but the scene across the glassy lake was real. The first level of Peach Castle had disintegrated, so that the crumbling brick on the ground level currently, intruding on the basement and being flooded by the moat water was her second floor. The roof's pink tiles were spread more on the ground than attached to the building, and all the grass and vegetation were dead, the earth murky dark brown. Because the land had sunk from this, the upward slope to Star Hill was steeper than ever, clouds settling up there.

"They weren't embellishing.." The Captain remarked, his knuckles white around the steering wheel.

Luigi snapped back to the driver. "Tell me what you know, already!"

"In due time." They cruised down the sandy driveway that used to curve to the bridge. King's guards were patrolling up here a lot, none the less people were on the property mourning in sizable groups or cuddling with a companion. There was a tendency for citizens to gather or camp out around Peach's castle when she was kidnapped, so it was happening now, more tragically.

"Captain, turn around already. Obviously you are trolling me- Oww!"

The Captain slammed on the brakes, making Luigi's face smack against the dashboard. A few around spared a glance at the kart screeching in sand, before ignoring them again.

"What was that?!" he demanded.

The Captain's eyes were.. glimmering as he sat rigidly. "I know of the forces play.. Golly, in fact I've been the curator of such."

"And?"

"You are correct, Mr. Luigi. It is expedient we depart." He shifted into reverse and floored it, honking as Mushroomites dove out of his way.

Luigi held on tight, shrieking at the innumerable near misses. The Captain careened them downhill, relying solely on the jiggling cracked in the center rear-view mirror. "Captain! Watch out for that pianta to the right! I mean left! Watch that kid too!"

A young toad tried to flag them down by standing directly in their path and waving his arms. Luigi tugged the steering wheel, avoiding them by a hair. An ejected marble column from the castle launched the kart ten feet into the sky. The landing popped off their interior panels, made sun shields flop down, the radio slide out, and the glove compartment pour its contents at Luigi's boots. For some solace, it was a first aid kit..

The two spilled out of the kart, noticing some slimy dark stuff leaking from it, rolling into the lake. Resisting the urge to wring his neck, Luigi cooperated with The Captain for a little longer. They dropped belly first into the grit of the shore, groping around the many parts shaken loose in vain for the source. Shortly someone approached, their worn-out shoes stopping on the other side of the vehicle.

"Sorry," Luigi grunted. "We are a little busy.."

"I see... Umm. You are Mr. Luigi are you?" they asked.

Captain Toad rose to look at him, not finding anything unusual about the ragged young red toad besides his dialect. "Who are you, sir?"

"I'm... That's Luigi isn't it?"

The green plumber dropped the wrench, a new fear rippling through him. People had turned on Mario, and he'd taken the Captain's word that no one would care about him. What if they'd begun to, or The Captain was negging and they had been all along? "Why.. do you want him?"

Then the toad came scuttling over, the plumber turning white. He steeled himself to slide away from under the kart and face him. He was just a kid it appeared, with torn clothes and a decidedly, now that he'd heard it more, Darklandian accent.

"I was that missing toad. Thomas... Thomas.. Kekler."

Luigi stared. "...I'm sorry, I probably missed those events while.. I.." He squeezed his eyes shut, the eidetic memories making him lightheaded. "Got injured on the job. If you're not a screwball against my brother, you should probably come with us."

"Thank you thank you.." The toad hopped up and down in a display of excitement, if affected Luigi thought.

The Captain rolled his eyes. "-After we fix the vehicle that Mr. Luigi damaged, that is."

Luigi glared. "You were the one driving the wrong way!"

"I took the correct path, thank you."

"I mean driving in reverse, you smartarse-"

"Is this the problem?" Thomas pointed to the oil slick. Without waiting for a response, he dove for one of the ejected jumbo bandages and spray adhesive bottles and disappeared under the cart for a few seconds.

"Be careful, child!" The Captain fussed, crawling to see what he was doing. "This is a rental."

That explained it.

"Try it now," the kid droned.

Luigi slipped into the driver's seat quickly, cranking it up. It worked. And he wasn't getting out of the driver's seat this time. Reversing his inputs would be awkward, but it was still safer than the alternative.

"Babe, it's nothing. Okay? Just go back to our room."

…

"Why you gotta do this? Stop looking for.."

…

"You listening to me?"

…

Toadette ducked under his arm, thwarting his attempt to block the bar's storage room. "As the manager, you must listen to ME, Blue."

She slipped into the dark room, rife with a stale beer smell and cheaply stored food, with an unsightly hole in the wall. The crumbly plaster matched what her boyfriend tracked into their room's carpet, incurring an extra charge. (Shortly to be waived, as their shower only had cold water working and it evened out). She'd been fed up with how secretive he'd been suddenly, though if all it was was sneaking out, it could be much worse. She spun from the property damage, folding her arms.

"Blue," she lectured playfully, "I can agree that a place like this needs demolishing, but please wait until we check out!"

He kept his head down, unnerving her. "Baby. I'm done playing around." He shuffled to the side where, behind his sneakers, she could see a red duffle bag hidden being some kegs.

Her face slowly dropped, trickling towards him. "Is that..!? Oh my gosh, do you know w-where... where 'he' is?"

"You wouldn't turn on him too, would ja?" he accused, meeting her halfway.

"Of course not! But we have an allegiance to all Toadstools and.. It's best for us and him if he leaves us out of it."

His wide stare of disbelief impaled her. "Baby, do you hear yourself? You're taking the side of guards we've never met over Mario who used to save our lives every week, just because the new freaks on the block happen to work for Peach's dad?! The same dad she kicked to the curb for a good reason probably?!"

She collected herself. "..I know it appears that way, but as the manager now I'm trying to be.. I'm trying to match the spirit of the princess's proclamation. To put sentiment aside and do whatever is best for the greater-"

"Freaking what?! There's no way those stupid pieces of paper the cops picked up tell you to betray Mario!" Something snapping, he blurted everything he'd been thinking lately. "Know what? To be so smart, you're a hypocritical brat!"

She cast him a dark look, rearing to slap him. "Illustrate, please!"

"-You get annoyed that I'm 'obsessed' with Mario, but you're more so with those weirdos minus Peach. Like you think if you capitulate- I used it right this time- enough these new guys will pick you up and make you their new head toad or something. No act right now will bring Peach back or make those folks give 'low quality' toads like freaking us that adulation you're addicted to!"

She fell back on a supply box, incredulous. "What's got you so pissed?"

He thawed, facing away. "Princess school. Ring a bell? Thought so. Parakarry must have had a late night out. He knocked on my window with the invite. It was me that dropped it on your nightstand, not Toadsworth."

Toadette could have sworn a launch star shot her into space, directly into a black hole.

~The Princess School in Jewelry Land was an elective for budding princesses and or their stewardesses of exceptional rapport. One was instructed all the ends and outs of aristocracy and stewardesses often returned to their kingdom with such elevated status, that they were eligible to be betrothed by a baron, perhaps even an earl, leaving behind all peasant-like, ordinary, or estranged. -Like Yvan 'Bucken-Berry' Toad.

She broke down, crying into her palms. The boxed Nintendo Cereal System under the toad girl popped and crackled from the tears. Did he have to bat down, one by one all the statutes she'd branded into her heart like that?

"..I'd never compare my past to yours, but I was hopeless in Shroom City, that other toad capital, as a toadette named Toadette. I was invisible, no matter what I did. The library became a refuge, both.. from authorities after I began to cheat the lottery, but also where I could place myself on the pages and be anyone traveling anywhere. Then.. Mr. Toad picked my entry letter to race at the Double Dash!, all over something as insignificant as my banal moniker, changing everything.." She looked up at him, sniffling. "I know we aren't owed exactly what we want in life, but when it happens, and you're convinced the stars did it, you can't just shun it like that."

"Babe." He dried her tears with a linen. "If your goals start to steer you on a bad course, are they really behind it? You can keep managing and stuff, but you gotta help me help Mario out. That's the only way we'll get Peach back, ya know? -And sorry for screaming at ya too. I know I get jerkish but- are we good now?"

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, she shot up to wrap her arms around him. He melted in the embrace. As stalwartly as he'd gotten towards the end, he was grateful he didn't have to do this alone.

Benedict concluded his walk-around at the reception office. Only the clerk was around, watching a super sluggers game behind the glass. He expected his squad, or at least Bridget to wait so they could take a break together. So much for that. He let that frustration go as a delicious aroma made his stomach rumble, originating from a monty-mole munching on a muku cookie crossing by with a food cart. Like a cheep cheep on a line, he followed him deeper into Hotel Mario, before getting lost in the windy layout.

…

"Guys, I can't thank you enough. No toad can resist that stuff." The man plopped onto a couch, every muscle in his body easing up. There was a low table between him and the two others on a parallel couch. A ceramic plate of pastries were stacked high, though his appetite hadn't returned.

"You are welcome, sir, hehe." Toadette hadn't gotten over being face to face with this plain human, totally unremarkable in appearance save for the spark behind his blue eyes, twice incidentally, none the wiser on who 'Curtis' really was. "Those promos Greedy Eats spams me with had to come in handy one of these days."

"As if you aren't using them for yourself every other weekend," Bucken-Berry toyed, making her flush.

"What works works, Blue!" Toadette countered. "This lounge has been dead since piling the food up in the other one, pfft!"

Curtis combed his fingers through his oily hair. "Not to bring ants to the picnic, but let's not celebrate too soon. I'm deadlocked by lunchtime happening in five minutes and Stan not showing up yet-"

Words died on his tongue as Ben strolled in, hungered and glazed over before snapping out of it. He distinguished himself. "Greetings. Do you mind?"

He gingerly sat next to that Curtis guy, depressing the couch with his huge figure as he judiciously reached for a Coco Candy. Ben choked on it a little as he swallowed, everyone looking at him like he was some hideous freak, or a Yux from the moon about to eat them.

"-O-oh, officer, good thing you swung on by! A mouser is loose in my room, you see. Could you help?"

"Ah. Well, I- uh well.."

Of course. He wasn't 'Mario'. If he asked someone to jump he wasn't going to get a 'how high and can you please teach me to do it the way you do'...

"I'm sure you can do it. Let's go!" he encouraged. To layer some extra on, he pulled the toad up with him. His bet that the young guy wouldn't fight worked out, and he didn't all the way to the elevator.

The human selected floor four and waited alongside the square-shouldered sentry while some old-school elevator music buzzed from a dusty speaker. He wasn't sure if he should slump or fix his posture more to obfuscate his identity better. Thankfully Benedict seemed too awkward to look at him. He even did that cough thing once. Mario was almost feeling sorry for the lad.

Back in the lounge, Bucken-Berry broke into a sprint with Toadette, retreating to the suite. They jumped on one of the twin beds. "Mario's trick won't hold too long." He started to call a number.

"Not even with the power of his beard?"

He faced her, phone pressed to his ear. "No. Not even that." When he didn't get anyone on the line, she thought he might toss it out the window. He typed an extremely inflammatory message to The Captain instead, enough to make her blush from what she saw of it.

"You'd do WHAT to him in a fight?"

He smirked. "You know it, babe."

"Considering he invited me on an adventure only to ignore me for treasure, he'd deserve it!" She pressed her lips into his, falling back together.

The nonchalant human led the guard to room 404. Mr. Zeror wasn't superstitious of the number four, and preferred being roomed away from the rest from what he'd discerned. He knew he was a diabetic too, so he would have to be downstairs somewhere for lunch. All the human had to do to stall the guard out and get the slip was pretend this was his suite and-

"Here, sir?"

"Yes. -Wait don't!"

The guard kicked the door in with a thunderously loud bang. Curtis winched as Ben erratically swept around the twin bedroom with his super scope drawn. Salvaged items from Peach Castle were stacked along the walls in crates and boxes.

Ben lowered the gun. "Quite a haystack to find a little mouser, eh? Hmm." The guard skeptically considered a stack of goods. "Why does this say 'Property of Peach Castle'?"

Beads of sweat formed on Curtis' hatless head. "From a private auction," he guessed, unable to see what Ben was staring at a foot or so above his eye level.

"The princess would vend those precious jewels? I am not stupid, sir. She is not strapped for cash!" Ben pushed Curtis into the crate stack, pinning him tightly in place with his forearm. Some crates toppled to the floor, hoards of beautiful gems and old bronze artifacts spilling out. "You went to the disaster sight, to loot!"

"No!"

"Why did you think you'd get away with it?"

"I- didn't, son. Now-"

"Everyone in the eight continental kingdoms knows your name and reputation for shady behavior, Mr-."

"Fine, I'm Mario."

"-Waluigi!"

"...What?"

"What?" the guard echoed.

The radio strapped on the burly toad went off. "-Geez, hardly anyone owns a kart in this podunk town and they still can't find a parking spot!" That lioness with them cackled. "I just made somebody move away from the dumpster and use the lot like civilized people."

Ben fumbled to click the call button under his shirt. Before he could reply the other guard buzzed in.

"Why is this news, mate?" Jon replied.

"I dunno, I thought Luigi had a bigger IQ than that," Bridget said.

"Does he?" Ben asked Mario, lowing the radio.

"Yes. For instance, he wouldn't take his eyes and hands off the perpetrator."

Mario socked him in the jaw, then slung the stunned toad by the lanyard into the crate stack, collapsing the hoard. With the exit barricaded by the mess everywhere, Mario pressed against the sealed window. Beyond the balcony he spotted The Captain's kart, one of several junkers in front of Hotel Mario. Not a great rendezvous spot, but if old paint wasn't sealing the window shut, he'd taken it right away. Mario smashed some giant paper-wrapped pictures over the guard's head as he stirred, and then took his super scope, ramming the stock against the glass. After the second bump, the gun discharged on him, sending over his shoulder yellow energy beams at the bed. Its heavy comforter lit up in an instant, with dense smoke filling the room. Mario didn't see that he was about to be rammed until the wind was knocked out of him and he burst back first through the window, sliding on the balcony. Crash!

Stars in his vision still, he was pummeled by the giant for a moment. The second Ben's energy was expelled though, he slapped him with the barrel of the super scope, and used the momentum of his recoil to shove him onto the ground instead. Bruised and bloodied, Mario staggered up, keeping one foot on his chest and aiming the weapon at his face. Ben didn't grovel, retaliate, or anything, he stared hauntingly at the disgraced hero.

Appalled at himself, Mario chucked the gun away, leaping off the balcony and onto a camera drilled into some gutter drain pipes. Guests were evacuating beneath. Steadily, the pipe began to flex under the plumber's weight. He was sure he was about to be in trouble until out of the group he saw his angel. He dropped four stories down into the arms of Bucken-Berry, bridal style.

"Thanks, Cool Blue."

"Yeah, heh. Don't mention it." The toad carried him at a semi-brisk pace.

"-You can put me down now." Mario went, wryly. "Might be quicker."

Jon twisted as they passed by him, finding their mad dash strange and the familiarity stranger when others impatiently waited for the fire department to show up. Then some prankster toad girl with pigtails pulled a pillowcase over him, making him trip over a parking block and swear.

Meanwhile, "Come on! I know we dropped the ball at the end. Sorry! I was trying to evade that chick but left was right and- and-!" A panicky Luigi was in the driver's seat, a tense-lipped Captain Toad was his passenger, and the entire kart had the valor of surviving all sixty-three Mushroom World wars at once. Mario heard a nerve-racking grind as his brother cranked it up.

"Uh oh. It's the-"

"No, Mario. I was turning the key the wrong way. Er. Yeah, everything I see is- Oh no."

Being sitting ducks too long, here came the zapper, that 'chick' back with an ice cream cone from the parlor across the block.

Luigi faced her, hiding his grimace. "Uh. Hi again."

"What's this, eh?" Bridget's smile revealed a childish tooth gap, another way she was a little less cookie-cutter than the rest, besides her ruddy complexion and sandy hair visible under the black spotted toad cap. "You're even worse at this parking thing now. Well, at least I found Mario, hahaha."

The green plumber compulsively laughed with her, more and more, his seat giving way and kicking back. She froze, confused but flattered as he cracked apart.

"-Uh, what's happening?" Mario asked.

"Beats me. Listen, I was gonna shoot you, but I like that guy so I'll give you a five-second head start. Okay go."

"What?! O-okay! Yvan, help!"

The blue toad that had vanished into the crowd expertly barreled out with zero subtlety to help. The rear wheels hit the parking brick, getting stuck.

"You too, young lady!"

So authoritatively Mario sounded, the guard impulsively pushed the kart for a head start. Captain Toad caught on and slid over to the driver's spot, sitting on Luigi to steer as Mario jumped onto the hood. The plumber and blue toad locking eyes, both made the split decision to join each other. Mario pulled him on as the kart accelerated off the curb and onto Starman Land in reverse. Mario flashed the guard a v sign, and entered the kart with Bucken-Berry through the (shattered) open sunroof.

"You can turn around in that open driveway other there-"

"No need, sir." Captain Toad catapulted them through many red lights.

Mario side eyed. "Okay, then at least get off my brother."

"But this is comfortable!"

Mario ripped him off his brother's lap and tossed him into the back seat so that HE could do the driving by reaching for the wheel. They continued to be honked at, though the bigger concern was mushroom tanks began to track them. Trying to keep his composure, Mario made a sharp turn onto an exit to leave downtown. The ramp dumped them over bumpier terrain with barbed wire fencing lining the road. The tanks did not let up and in fact doubled in quantity on him.

"Thought I'd shake them by now," he groaned. "-Any ideas guys?"

Captain Toad all too eagerly hurled Luigi's banana out of the window, forcing the leading tanks to veer off-road and plow over cacti.

"He mighta wanted that!" Bucken-Berry punched The Captain's arm.

"He informed Mr. Kekler that he wasn't hungry, Yvan."

"...Who the heck is that?-"

"Don't let him hurt me!" someone squeaked from the station wagon's trunk. The blue toad checked back there, gaping at the young Darklandian. Before he could process it, bombs went off yards away, hurling him to the cabin floor and rattling the teeth in their heads.

Luigi recovered from his delirium as another bullet bill flew by. The tanks had stopped moving, but only to fire everything they had as the fugitives drove into the desert. Mt. Rugged and mesas, light and hazy were in the background, a taste of the inhospitable territory beyond, though what kept the heavy weaponry at bay was a single painted white line in the road, the Toad Town to Southern Mushroom Kingdom border.

"They.. they really want him dead. Oh my God," Luigi breathed, unable to stop shaking even as they escaped the missile's range.

Ludwig drifted about in the aether, where his outer layers shed piece by piece, until he was lucent, uncolored, down to his most scrupulous bits.

The future had always been his main interest, called an old koopa in a child's body, his spirit rarely blithe beyond short bursts, as there was so much wrong in the world and it was so evident to young him that his brethren's methodology was flawed..

An army could pillage a kingdom in days, and its progress may be undone just as quickly by toad subjects, 'toady' nature deeply engrained. Ludwig's purpose therefore was not chaotic endeavors, destruction for destruction's sake like the rite of his ancestors, but rather to strategically dismantle their institutions, force them to become cognizant of the true nature of their enslavement- not the whims of human monarchs and toad nobels as a few are scholarly enough to notice and even question, but the non-toad defaming culture they had created in spite of those influences. Like a beautiful orchestra, only then would all the diverse sections blend with true harmony.

Too bad he never had a chance! This was the woeful 'him' ultimately presented for judgment, approaching the gate that enclosed a square sapphire platform in space. There were white fields on it, sparkling rivers, and a stupendous golden castle, Star Temple towering high above.

The Koopaling's eyes, or whatever physical embodiment was left of them narrowed, focusing on a holographic scroll posted to the gate with a crooked nail.

'Attention, Star Temple is closed f'rev'r and f'rev'r, ya undes'rving mutts!'

-Z. A. S

Chapter 12: Pain, Unspecified

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Trepidation crept into the caravan. After fifteen minutes of driving on the fringe of Dry Dry Desert to avoid tweesters, every part of the vehicle was turning brittle from heat or glowing like a stovetop. Luigi drove he supposed though that largely involved mashing one pedal and keeping the wheel steady. With his palms fused onto the melted plastics, he had no choice as everything faded to white. Side effects rearing or not, he had faith that soon... he'd... be...

…

He glanced at his brother periodically in their tidy den, containing only what it was supposed to, a large screen entertainment system, a few portraits on the walls, and comfy recliner chairs stationed side by side. Bob-omb Ross was on the public access station, the afro artist enthusiastically painting a tropical paradise scene. It was with guilt then that he had to shatter this illusion, make the surroundings fall away like jigsaw puzzle pieces, until only a small floating cut out of the living room remained in the dreamy void.

"Mario. How are you holding up?"

His brother's fingers curled on the armrest. On TV, the artist began to paint darker skies on the edges of the canvas. "So many things are running through me, I can barely put it into words. Are people with the Mushroom Flu taken care of, what if our friends don't listen to my warnings and get roped into this, if we can rescue Peach or not, if she'll ever speak to me again, and why did I trust Bowser? Why'd I get infatuated with that 'mysterious' doofus? The narrative's right. This IS my fault." By then he'd had clawed through the fabric, facing his younger brother with a flush.

"...I'm not going to go 'here here it's okay', because it's not. I wouldn't be hallucinating, or dying of heat stroke, whatever is happening right now if things were." Luigi collected his thoughts. "..You're only a portion of the equation here though. Bowser betrayed you by rubber stamping his son's attack on innocent citizens, and Peach betrayed herself by reaching out to a father she hates."

Mario's teary eyes also brimmed with confusion.

"-I know their conflict was before we moved here, but read between the lines. Does she ever mention her pop? Same for Toad and his relatives up there? Anyway, everyone had a part somewhere, and yours was as innocent as- and I'm obviously not saying this to suck up to you when this conversation isn't real, but you trusted too much and worried about offending others to the point where you couldn't be honest anymore."

"-I.. I guess."

"I can't speculate on what might happen between you guys, just help you save the day. Whether you'll be enemies or frenemies or more or after this, I'm out of my league."

"Why would you say that?" Mario asked humoredly.

He hesitated, "..When I was with Daisy, we were mutually just good friends, so I've never felt that intense about anyone yet. If I was incapable I think I'd found peace with that already, but.. I-I'm just not sure."

"Now, that's not all bad." Mario slapped his shoulder. "Spared for now from the heartache."

Luigi smiled back. "There are pros and cons to everything... Except the country station. Change it, please!"

"It's not from this." Mario hunted for the remote regardless. "Besides MKTV wouldn't play anything that girls in swimsuits can't dance to."

Luigi blankly scanned around. The television hadn't switched programs, so where was that coming from?

The banjo and 'geetar' duel was broadcasted over the shanty town with powerful pedal steel amplifiers. The work boots of koopa and shy guy ranchers and herders marked fresh tracks as they did business, trying to ignore it. After a slew of dissonant counter-melodies from the guitar, the tune concluded because no strings were left on it. At least that 'soothing' tactic worked, and the Mushroom Flu patients within the flat rural-style infirmary had stopped banging on the doors. Without frequent motor traffic, and with most 'round those parts being the strong silent type, the Southern Mushroom Kingdom got as quiet as the mousers in the fields.

"-What key was that 'sposed to be in, Junior?" the ptooie plant in the straw hat asked.

The koopa in the adjacent rocking chair, Jr. Troopa tilted up his black ten gallon. "I dunno. You asked me to improvise, pard!"

"Just go, chile. -And leave my geetar, please!"

Troopa would have sworn he was in charge, but the triage nurse wasn't the biggest thug on the block either in the south, so he fluttered along on his small awkward wings. An ostro rider zoomed by, sweeping his hat off with a cloud of dust. The twenty-year-old grumbled while snatching it back, the only thing hiding his untamable curly brown hair. The rider made a u-turn, managing to not piss him off as much the second time.

"Sir, my bad!" A nurse, a normal one, not a countrified version, skidded to a stop, sending the occupant in the back, a red toad in a white doctor's coat sliding off the leather saddle and face first into the dirt.

Troopa pulled him up, feeling sorry for the stranger before he noticed the toad wasn't at all. The noki nurse, Laki, noticed how oddly they stared at each other, so he excused himself quickly.

"You?! What are you doing here?" Troopa gasped, dropping the cowpoke act.

Dr. Toad brushed the dirt off his jacket, easing into aloofness. "Dr. Houdini Toadley's formal request had an encounter with a shredder, nonetheless one of my associates had a 'mangled fiber assembler' and I learned of your Mushroom Flu predicament this morning. I am a busy but flexible man as you well know."

"Mhm." Troopa was as red as the sun. Just as he remembered, lanky, passive-faced, with blond hair properly tucked under the red cap, except more successful now. Way more. "You doing this on your own?"

"-No, my crew are on the way. Now, why couldn't Nurse Laki contain your good rapport?" Dr. Toad smirked. "He snitched, but I admit it is wonderful to see my ex-partner level up. Finally."

Jr. Troopa seized the toad by his bony upper arm. "Get in there. Now!"

He dragged him into the closest building out of the heatwave and prying passerby, the empty Ruff Parlor. A ruff puff waitress noticed them and shuffled away to grab an apron. They slid into the bench close to the western swing door.

"Okay, help us out then. Stars know we need it. It's like trying to stop a stampede with one lasso. Just don't be funny about it!"

Dr. Toad drummed his skinny fingers against the table, looking at a pda in his left hand. "Funny? I am serious as Carroboscis. All I need from you is your office space."

"My office space?!"

Some modulation- was that playfulness- snuck into his low dryish voice. "That is your fait accompli, Jackson. I researched everything on the way, and yes I might share some of the credit with you once this is all done."

'Jackson' Troopa Jr. narrowed his eyes. "Everything, Drew?" He recounted all the different ways the world had fallen apart in one day, concluding with Mr. Phantom, aka Zoo Diddley. He intended to knock that smugness from the doctor's visage and that worked.

The expert in douchebaggery however, Dr. 'Drew' Toad sat his phone down, cold as ice once more. "I will be careful, and it appears I moved away at a great time."

There was the punch back. The waitress sat a mug of creme soda down and Jr. Troopa took a big swig of it immediately, if just so that he didn't retaliate and scare off their best bet at helping folks down here. He wiped away the fizz mustache. "I'm sure Special World is soooo much better!" he snapped.

"-Hey Hon, your radio with cha?" asked the waitress. "Vick wants ya."

Troopa shot her a look. "I told him I don't care about reading sheet music-"

"Naw, spotters saw this smoked-out kart roll'n long. Mario's in it!"

'So yeah you can uh, leave your name and number and I'll call back when I can! Seeya!'

Boo moped around in their cabin for a while, the only number on their phone, beside their mom's, routing to voicemail. In actuality though, they didn't need Luigi to know what was happening. Not even their migraine and spotty memory since leaving Club Gamecube yesterday was a detriment, as it was all over the television, radio, and messageboards. The boo scraped up some courage to venture into town, trying to avoid anyone that might point them out as a friend of Mario. These blackbelt kids outside of Tayce T.'s might not. Believe it or not the red plumber's biggest fans- or perhaps enemies now were grown-ups with lots of disposable income for his merch and games.

'I'm gonna be picked!'

'No me! I just got the third-degree card!'

A third retorted, 'Actually both of you have low probability.' *snorts* 'They prefer toads...'.

Some shadows crept over Boo from behind. They spun around, face to face with a group of scary, heavily armed toads. Boo shot back home, under the covers. A part of them was seething to find so many complacent or silent when they knew Mario had saved their lives countless times, but the boo diddly could do nothing with those emotions but perseverate until they felt sick to the stomach. As it became literal they ran outside, making a b-line for the bushes when-

"Excuse me buddy!"

The paratoopa brushed beyond Boo and sprint hopped to their neighbor, slipping a news bulletin in the door. He scuttled off before Boo could correct them. Boo was of the diddly tribe. The red boo in that pretty little oak cabin was a 'boo buddy', or at least a rejected one according to the tale he told Boo once. Might have had something to do with being a male red boo. Or him being creepy. Maybe both.. Boo followed the mailman like the lost chain chomplet they were, grabbing something to protect themselves from rogue toads. Green Bowser emblem racket in hand (no memory how they acquired it), they caught up with Parakarry as he delivered to an office building. The cubby was recessed, hiding what he was doing until Boo approached slowly. He appeared to have stacks of pink flyers.

"H-oh! Hey there. Here you go." He handed Boo a thin advert bundle. "What's that long face for? Junk mail means they know you're still alive! ..You don't get it? So somebody's always thinking about cha if you look at it that way."

"..Right. I think. Why'd you skip me the first time?"

The paratroopa's smile stretched, struggling with the locks. "Hm?"

"I-I thought I saw you deliver for Trevor Buddy?"

Parakarry secured the box with a metallic clang. "-If you'll excuse me.."

Overtaken, they snatched the paratoopa as he shimmied by, denting the metal box by shoving the koopa against it.

"STOP LYING TO MY FACE!" Booigi the Second growled. Their pressure against his scale plates chilled him to the bone. "I. Saw. You. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!"

"EElldssttar, hhholld up! Heeree!" Parakarry's shakily held out a photocopied version of the bulletin.

'To: M.'

'From: S.G. to M '

'Something funky is going on with half of our team here, man and I'm getting cabin fever stuck with with that Andrew idiot. I can't mention this to N because I bet it's got something to do with 0064. I can't stand this anymore. Pipsqueak gets sent to vacation while I slave away for N and get nothing! If you come across 0064 just kill him while you're at it.'

Booigi's eyebrows furrowed. The mail carrier winched as folded it up impatiently.

"Ddddoon't. I'm bbbeeiing bblackmmmailed!"

Booigi let him go. "Go on."

Parakarry desperately rubbed his arms together for warmth. "Does a sovereign ruler of healthy body and mind retire? Maybe that's on the record, but us old-timers know how it actually went. Why then wouldn't the Mushroom King reclaim his kingdom again with the usurper out?"

"The p-princess? O-oh no.." Boo mewled.

A heavily loaded yellow school bus rocked and squeaked on its way from Bowser Badlands, a remote portion of Dark Land abandoned by the Koopa Troop and claimed cheaply by The National Koopa Scouts of Dark Land. They provided a wholesome community and taught their scouts how to survive away from modern amenities. Being a swamp, rain was common, though the severe storm that swept through last night was unusually great. Evidence remained on the roads they were on, extra muddy and cluttered with branches, bricks, and other debris.

'Ain't No Fly Guys on Us' blared in the ears of one broody scout as he kicked his feet and mumbled along. The prince dropped his gaze to his sash covered with weighty badges, finding it futile. Freedom to be like any other kid never lasted long at all, and once he was home again he'd be babied, watched, disallowed to get dirty, and the source of hushed talk behind his back and junk.

Their Scoutmaster faced the kids. "Wow! That was our best rendition yet!" Also the twentieth in a row, the boomerang bro muttered, borrowing the GPS from the drowsy buzzy beetle driver. To his concern, there was heavy damage even as they crawled closer to urbanization. On some plots, only foundations remained. "Stay in your seats kids, this is nothing we haven't learned about. Remember that weather lesson?"

"The rain clouds get angry and then dance around in a circle!" a spiny scout way in the back answered.

"Thaaaat's right! It's called a tornado. Oh and here's.." The scoutmaster blinked at it again. "..Scout Junior's stop coming up."

Bowser Junior strapped his oversized backpack on and loitered out, staring at his toes, not wanting to face what he dreaded. Suddenly his left foot was dangling over the edge of a deep crevasse. The tyke staggered backward from the empty moat. Junior gaped at the huge pile of rubble that used to be his home until someone swept him off his feet.

"Careful, son! Are you alright? Good!"

A battle tank was flipped upside down and wedged over the moat, creating a bridge for the father and son to cross. They went down some stairs. The thick iron cages of the dungeon were swung wide open and standing around were Morton, Larry, Roy, Wendy, also some guardians, Kamek and Kammy, and some castle staff, lastly 'momma' Peach. Sheets and flipped mattresses were leaning against the walls in a tent formation.

Bowser's pointer claw darted around, doing a count while Junior remained in his other arm, his questions ignored. "Okay. Er. Right. Let's start the search!"

"Daddy?" Wendy inched over, kneading some pink sleeping wrap in her hands. "Without Ludwig how are gonna.. you know?"

Bowser didn't bother to hide his consternation at the reminder. "We just wing it like a paratroopa running late. K? We'll find everybody out there, but only if we KEEP MOVING! Go go go!"

He scanned the dungeon one last time for stragglers. Suddenly the princess was upon him. She was baggy-eyed, otherwise normal considering she was on the top floor of a collapsing lair a few hours ago. Must be that pretty armor.

"You have my condolences for this disaster and I hope you locate everyone. Sincerely. But it will be easier for my rescuers if I remain where they expect me to be. Here," she prodded gently.

"Nah, you come along, Hotness."

"-You cannot hold us captive until you locate each and every soldier! How long will that take?"

"As long as it needs!" He slung her over his shoulder. "We all get to suffer together! Least your old man is spared, sorry about that!"

"-He can hear that, you brute!" she fussed.

"Whatever you wanna believe." They'd checked him earlier, and he was stiff and moldy. There was no way he was alive.

-Or was there, judging by chest moments of the body on the mattress.

"Release me. I will handle him." Peach kicked to drop from Bowser and his head spun too much to protest.

The Koopa King let her pick a koopaling to watch her. She picked Larry and that was it. They were gone. Bowser and his minions had been in this scenario countless times, it was even a tradition for the enemy to bring their castle down after defeat, but who was the enemy? He couldn't let his liege know, devoid of his script. Lost.

…

Later, in another sense as well, traveling around disorienting without landmarks. They didn't have much to help out. No maps, heck no weapons if some trouble started. His magikoopas lacked their scepters, his hammer bros their hammers, his koopas and goombas their Mario-brother-obliterating-on-contact force fields. Eventually a baddie volunteered, or Roy rather volunteered the paragoomba named Hippty Hop by slinging him into the air. The screaming nervous flyer eventually flew in an erratic pattern towards something over the horizon.

They followed the dot in the sky to a semi-rural neighborhood that might have been surrounded by trees, now uprooted and tossed about. The air was redolent of recently stirred dust and nothing else. No pungent whiffs of burnt materials, no sickening odor of death in the empty stone homes. Movement from a surviving purple bloodwood tree attracted them over, ragged scraps of cloth winging limply from its branches. Hippity landed at the base of it.

"King! (Darn I was tryina run from you lunatics..) I found a guy!" he straightened up and reported.

"Please let me help, assist, aid you!" Morton barged ahead, shaking the trunk. Roy kept trying to warn him about his bad technique until a body splat on the ground. Morton was pleased with himself anyway, pulled muscle aside. They gathered around the lakitu in a weathered balaclava, J.D. otherwise known as Bowser's eleventh sentry.

"Another casualty, Lord Bowser," Kamek muttered.

Sentry 11 rolled himself over, flashing a broken smile. "Not yet. Always of service.. Boss. And give.. that one.. a medal for... for never leaving.. his p-post, least.. in spirit." His twitchy thumb pointed left.

Very familiar debris was over there, parts torn straight out of their castle. Many minions found some items with their names on it, or at least that they claimed it did, and combed through it while the rest were drawn to a section yanked from the entrance to the dungeon. The doors were still upright and stationed at it was a suit of stuffed armor they thought, before remembering that they weren't that kind of medieval castle. Bowser whipped from that to a dorky koopa in his lineup a few times.

"Sir, I uh, don't know how that happened either," Tanner explained, in his white tanktop only. "All I remember is.." On cue from his armor's gauntlet, a paper whished from it towards Junior. Though the tyke couldn't read cursive yet, it didn't matter. Bowser always used the typewriter for the headers!

"Grandma, a letter!" The six-year-old gave it to Kammy before his father could stop him.

The crone fell on her butt, eyes rolling back. They crowded around her then. "Lord Bowser.. no.. no.. no.."

Kamek parted his way through. "Speak, my dear!"

"Do you know what this means?" she croaked, weakly handing over the paper. Bowser wanted to torch it, but he couldn't with all of those bozos in the way.

The blue magikoopa poured over the memo. "Hmf. ...Yes, I do."

"Good cause I don't. Lost my specs. 'Super Husband mind reading power, go!'" She held her temples, humming. Kamek's head began to sparkle and it was over before he could counter with this 'Super anti-wife snooping power'.

"Oh no! My precious Lord Bowser, what's gotten into you-!" she blurted out.

"Stoooooop!" Bowser interrupted, breathing heavily. The ground didn't swallow him up, so he had to press on. "Alright, I'll tell everybody. Old Hag had it on this TV station and.. they were advertising these vacation homes and, well, that's what we're doing. We're all moving! Surprise!"

Larry dropped onto a granite rock for a breather. The neighboring Sky Land was lush and cheery, a facsimile of the Mushroom Kingdom and fitting since it once held lots of toads, just with low clouds and abstract onyx monuments planted around randomly. He knew why the princess insisted on this route. It beat Pipe Land and its mazes and man-eating plant inhabitants, and Ice Land's perpetual blizzards and bob-omb villagers with big bazookas any day.

The princess got to moving again without him, so he followed in the knee-high grass. The Chancellor wasn't getting any lighter as Larry carried him over his shoulder, but he wasn't worried too much about his future chiropractic issues. Outside of asking to assist him, Peach had the silent treatment going on. He refused to make her work as he was too much a gentleman see, at least for now, but she certainly was being no lady in return. The teen got that this was abnormal, a different Ouroboros than they were used to, but it was a new start either way and she didn't need to be all rude now.

His old junky phone rang. The caller id that appeared to be a jumbled URL.

"Hey it's L4rry if you're a cute girl, nonyabusiness if you ain't!"

"Lol, you'll make an exception for me won't cha? It's Lemmy. We can talk because your hand-me-down had this high technical sciencey thing!"

"-The Darklandian space communications protocol, SCPS-SP, using voice-over IP," the other person stridently filled in, "fully operational because I helped development it in middle school! Dang, I should have earned royalties by now.."

Lemmy and Iggy were never so pleasant to hear, though it was funny about that network coming in clutch. People at school would clown you for using that. Meant you couldn't afford the Mushroom centric brands..

Lemmy jumped back on. "Are you okay? Crazy stuff happened last night."

Larry checked for Peach. She was reading the lettering on a white obelisk ahead. "I'm alright. Where you all at?"

"We're up in a tower using Iggy's headset to see you from like a million miles away. Where's King Dad and everyone else?"

"Umm.. Trying to settle down back home I guess. Is Luddy with y'all? Cause that'll be the last of the family missing."

"Yep!"

"Thank you.." Larry mouthed silently.

"So, I'll tell you more soon. Keep going north. Bye."

"Yo, don't hang up on me! Only cute girls get to do that."

"To save battery you'll have to make an exception again!" Lemmy sang. "Hop hasn't completed the solar charger yet."

Before Larry could snap Peach out of her staring contest with the obelisk, he was called back.

"-King Dad's dumbphone had this feature too! Plus Luddy woke up."

"Lem, he was unconscious?"

"Uh- so yeah. Turns out King Dad wanted to come here in Sky Land forever anyway. That's a shock for me too but... Larry?... Hello?"

Parakarry and Boo took to the streets for a while before the mailman confessed that if he didn't grab a bite quickly he was going to collapse, working nonstop since the early hours. The boo trusted him enough to buy the excuse but didn't know him enough to realize that it was a fib and that the paratroopa ran solely on the fuel of productivity. After he disappeared inside Harry's shop to get an 'overpriced Whacka Bump', the boo waited outdoors. Tanks and guards in pipe frame karts passed by, keeping an eye on citizens, either navigating the world silently or in stilted conversation. Boo would say they felt like they were stuck in a simulation if they knew what that meant. They'd only seen Mario Matrix once-

"Hello, Boo," an older blue toad greeted as he left the store. He had the baggy bohemian drab of an undercover celebrity ostensibly, long ponytail swinging, and even those reusable totes for the environment and all, filled with super shrooms.

"Eeek!.. Hi. I mean.. H-how do you know me?"

"I know everyone. I'm Russ. I was something of an off-site consultant and human encyclopedia for the princess before retirement, and if you haven't heard of me since," he chuckled. "Modern technology fills that gap."

"Oh. Then, d-do you know what's.. umm.."

"What's up? Well, the facts are as so, the King is 'representing' his daughter and his word is law, our law," he explained, quite professionally, or perhaps with machine-like disinterest, scaring the boo. Making something weird stir up in them again.. "This might be perturbing for many who have no amity for him, but from a legal standpoint, his charges against Mario are not libel. He did allow the princess to be abducted-"

"Gahhh!" Booigi raised the racket, readying to strike. "You fracking traitor!"

Russ T. glanced up, though he did not flinch as Parakarry burst outside, screaming and pulling the rabid boo away. Before the commotion attracted guards, he slipped with Booigi through an alleyway. The mailman understood having some sort of breakdown and was hoping their help came swiftly. There were some crazy things he'd dealt through today, unrelated to the monarchical drama and he should have called in sick. Or not, because his mental health would have suffered more. Soon they reached the marked building west of town, the source of those other unfortunate events he'd suffered.

"It's here. I never get an address wrong, Boo."

"Uh, r-right." Gosh, Boo had a headache.

They entered a dark square room. The wood floor was hollow, evident when the paratoopa dropped to his feet and knocked on one of the blank walls.

A hidden panel at eye level slid to the side. "Password?"

"It's me," the mailman answered.

"Sure is.." the person groaned.

"Tell me your aim. Now."

"You do what I say and the King's men don't find out that you helped a fugitive skip town. Now get this to so and so by 14:45. Scram." From the slot he tossed a wrapped conical package out, plunking to the floor. "And if you want to be decommissioned, I can help with that." A bamboo dart gun aimed at him.

"Don't you get it? I'm done being blackmailed." Parakarry had the intrepidity that only came from being an ex-Mario adventuring buddy and that was infectious. That 'thing' came over the boo whimpering in the corner and the next they knew, they were yanking the dart gun away, snapping it, and then phasing through the wall to pull the spy agent out into the decoy room.

"Grrrr! ANSWER HIM ARSEHOLE!"

The green camouflage shy guy was unreadable behind his mask. "It's complicated."

Booigi was SICK of hearing that! They wanted to- they wanted to-

"-This shouldn't be, considering you wrote it, Mr. S.G." Parakarry showed S.G. the duplication of the telegram.

"It's Spy Guy," Spy Guy sighed. "Here at base we don't like what happening either. Think we want these black toads around?.. That sounded worse than I meant.. It's like this. We're short-staffed and I have to clear the plate for the public address."

Parakarry lowered the document. "What should we do?"

"Not miss what the King's rep says soon. What else do you want?"

"To be replacement fetch person," Booigi declared dapperly.

…

Around the Lil Oink farm were posted more ominous pink banners, two things they didn't know could go together until then. The boo tore one down to read it while floating over all the little uncollected eggs. It said nothing helpful or gave hints of the King's plans, though that made some old memories spark for the boo. They DID make an additional friend yesterday.

….

"-Hello Mr. or Mrs. Unknown Number. I'm cautious about number sharing so I must know you from somewhere." The caller's voice was phlegmed up, heavily accented even like an old Mushroomite from the more rural locations where well-to-do citizens lived in classical mushroom homes on hilly plains, contently alienated from the urbanization of Toad Town. On Booig's part, they realized they'd better try to sound like Boo more. Needed more ellipses in there. And more 'likes'.

"Why.. aren't you here, Mr. Munchakoopas?"

"-I've never heard you over the line before, Boo!" he laughed.

"Answer the question! ..I mean.. the princess was k-kidnapped."

Yoshi's gasp was followed by the clash of a shattered dish in the background and animal barking. "Excuse me.." The barking subsided. "I don't find such jokes amusing. Mario told me to stay home, meaning everything must be fine-" There was a brushing sound. More distantly, Booigi heard the dinosaur mutter, "She's back already? Oh what the he-"

"What's Poochy doing indoors again!?" someone husky yet feminine shrieked.

"-Honey, had a nice stroll out there?" Click.

The boo decided not to be babysat after all. Their thoughts bouncing back and forth between the duality were comforting even, because for once it was like someone was listening.

The dislodged consciousness flew beyond the stars, through the unfathomably vast heavens, withstanding the pelt of star bits, escaping the tug of black holes, thoroughly scanning galaxies for sentient activity, until he could find assistance. A school of lumas were encountered around a prankster comet. One had mercy, even seeming to know who he was judging by their unintelligible but squeaky and playful imitation of his father's signature 'bwa ha ha' laugh, before spinning rapidly on its axis. The newly created sling star did that just for him, through the rest of the galaxy. He landed hard on a grey mass the size of a small meteor, oblong with jagged giant bones jutting the ground. Maybe that luma wasn't humoring him. Maybe he was just now trolled!

Startled to his feet again, he crossed embedded plaques and graveyard stones, a nearby sun bleaching it all in red. He found a body laying against one, a dark boo intact except for their right arm severed from the elbow down. An inch above where the sinew was broken was an orange armband, marked as 'Mushroom Press'.

The boo jolted upright. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the visitor replied for a solid minute.

"-AHHH!... Ludwig?" Zoo Diddley questioned.

"The one and only- Erk!"

Zoo squeezed his throat. "You had to ruin everything! I could have found the Sam and Slam brothers the next day and fixed my Doom Reverb before all the evil leaked out, but no, you had to meddle bro, and make it leak ON US." He shoved the disembodied koopaling away. Ludwig tripped over a tombstone, actually feeling the hurt.

"Agh.. You mustn't-" He coughed. "See it that way!" Ludwig sprung, titling the tomb back too. He couldn't read the swiggly inscription so he better not bring on more trouble. "Though your actions were wanton, I was utterly compromised during our encounter. Fear not. If the Star Temple opens up-"

"Forget that then. Earth's screwed."

Ludwig studied him as he stared irritably into dark space. "A war is lost mentally before the armistice. Is there no comrade you long for- platonically or else back home?"

"..Oh God. You actually surprised a telepath," he chuckled. "But for me, a guy wearing a skin suit all day, yeah I had someone I guess. I even wanted to do good for him, plus it would show the rest of my paranoid family that they didn't need to lock me away from the world. I'm cool if nobody gets in my way. The only difference between me and others is that I have- or had the power to remove any obstacles in my way." He pointed at the same tomb Ludwig had just fixed and, making a strained face, it cracked in the center.

Ludwig gulped hard, a vestige reflex given his lack of a body. "I respect your honesty."

"Whatever. Go join Sam already over there. The Earth's a goner and I don't wanna be there for the howls of despair if I'm not the one causing em."

He located the Chancellor behind a column of bones at the more pointed edge of the planetoid. 'Samuel' Toadsworth appeared as himself, dressed spiffily, waiting patiently as if his Sunday morning ride would show anytime soon to pluck him away from this horrible place.

"Bygones are bygones, young man," he preemptively told him.

"Though you may be a proponent of all that I despise, fair," Ludwig nodded.

Suddenly, there was dazzling light. "Roger. Oh, scratch that, we got three now," the being spoke into a phone. Ludwig fixed his eyes a certain way to perceive his form. He was a himbo-looking star warrior in gold armor, just hanging up. "I need to get ya'll to the Grandmaster Galaxy by 893:033. C'mon."

"Pass!" Zoo yelled from the other side.

"Think that over, Zoo. I'm 250 and I ain't never heard of this. I'm gonna get my girl Rosie on the case. Don't worry."

"Hullo! Why might we need Miss Rosalina?" Toadsworth inquired.

"Some star force dissected you from your bodies. So you should be dead, but you ain't yet, instead you're empty vessels if that makes sense," he tried to explain at least, calling a number. "Good news is ♡♪!?, me's on the mission. Bad, maybe you'd still better worry. Rosie's acting like she don't know how to use a smartphone again.."

"Need another round of 'Hillbilly Hail' on the double, pard!" yelled one nurse to the other. Shortly more buckets of ice water were passed along.

Dr. Toad watched the drenched half-naked Mario brothers to get a feel of how things operated here. Only the green plumber needed it, but to be sure the locals dragged the red one over too.

"Are we acquainted? Never mind," went Captain Toad. While red toads, they couldn't appear more different, The Captain with the classic ubiquitous build, and the doctor some other taller, near hybrid sort. "Well, seeing as you are not a cowboy, you cannot belong here."

"I do in fact, and they work for me." Dr. Toad marked a diagnosis cpt code on his chart, if obligatory under The Captain's scrutiny. R52. Pain, unspecified.

Chapter 13: Journey of a Black Star

Chapter Summary

Unlike some previous edits, this one is switched up quite a bit. *RR24*

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding again.

"Welcome, and thanks. You're a lifesaver," Dr. Toad greeted his associate on arrival, thankfully one of the few that wouldn't get them shot at.

"No problem, Drew." The hammer brother in the loose tie-dye doctor's coat gave him a thumbs up.

He proceeded to the stage, bales of hay stacked three high with wooden boards on top, plucked fresh from Nintendo Depot, while his taciturn boss trailed with his hands tucked into deep pockets.

"Greetings everyone. I'm Dr. John Topper, psychologist but call me Dr. T." The background jabber silenced at his captivatingly excitable tone. "-Dr. Toad and I are from the International Medical University of Special World and with the help of Dr. Mario's case study on the first outbreak of the Mushroom Flu, we -Yeah- uh huh? ..No, you heard me. With that, we can assist you-"

The crowd erupted in praise and many took off, giddy to spread the news.

"-As soon as possible! It might take four or more hours to formulate a new cure!" Dr. Topper yelled at the dust in their wake. "-Assuming we had the notes with us at the moment..."

In the scuttle, they bumped the rearmost observant off the stack of books he was using to see over the cowboy hats. He would have loved to retaliate, but a koopa or a shy guy was faster than a toad with a backpack on, so he dusted himself off and fixed his scowl. Under the baking sun and the gossamer clouds that did little to combat it, he took his books and relocated to the public bench, preferring to be outdoors the majority of the time like a proper adventurer. One chapter was of particular interest...

~Once upon a time, Sky Land featured the most marvelous view of the stars. One fateful day, the composition of the atmosphere changed, clouds continually blotting out the canopy. Depression and despair prevailed until a star calling themselves'...' beckoned the Skylandians to ascend. After one hundred laborious years, a spiraling limestone tower graced the astral realm they revered. The King and his domestics from greatest to least discarded their terrene life and have continued in the clouds since.

From another altitudinous tower, likely one that didn't hold a candle to that legendary one, Lemmy used a coin-operated telescope to locate the subject of that informational plaque. It ran out of credits before he could. Just then, 'Super Plumber Sonata', a ringtone from Koopa Ball Z went off behind him.

"Not this time!" His younger brother launched the phone off the roof.

Lemmy rushed to the parapet, not even able to see the impact I the fog. "I don't know if that was a good call, Hop.."

"It's totally okay Lemmy-sama. Sam kept spamming me and long distance too, which woulda charged me instead of him due to this contract service agreement they talked me into, plus I had an intemperate glass installed."

"You mean temperate glass?"

"No."

"Is your head still feeling funny?"

"Unfortunately yes," Iggy continued to slave away with inventions, dropping an IC chip from his chopsticks, or improvised tweezer rather. "Ooh darn it! My brain is like a scratched DVD, sputtering right before the best part."

Besides his puffy face and the dark bruising, making him resemble a Big Urchin, Lemmy knew things were bad with his brother, who was vocally all for that Blu-Ray these days!

"Hey, where were we on that phone recharger thingy?" There was nothing but light gray and white as far as he could see. "Since the last time we spoke to anyone, the visibility's gone to heck."

Iggy limped over to where Ludwig was propped up and ruffled his hair, generating a tiny bit of static that a metal probe strapped to his head picked up. "If I do this enough Lemmy-sama, my portable Way Awesome Intelligent Futuristic Utility will wake up. She's even more productive than a cellular device."

Lemmy couldn't stop himself from sighing. "Iggy, it, or she or whatever isn't want you were supposed to be working on all this time!"

"Just believe in me," he laughed. "W.A.I.F.U is great! Also.." he tacked on, as if a casual thought. "You have been on attached to phones a lot since working part-time at the circus."

Lemmy replied tersely, "Let's not fight over career choices right now, Iggy. Please. I'm leaving the tower to search."

"What?"

Lemmy paused on the stairwell down. "Yes. So plus that'll keep the peace."

"Si.. vis.. pacem..para.. bellum."

Iggy froze with his claws still on Ludwig's scalp. The eldest brother knocked him off.

"Enough..imbecile," Ludwig snapped, almost sounding like himself if not for that guttural tone. "You.. want.. to..expedite?.. Your.. wish.. has.. been..granted.."

"Are you okay, Jackson?"

"No. You have Dr. Mario's notes? We're talking the same guy that boards at Smash Mansion? When? How was that case study not in a museum?"

"That's not where they go. Morris thinks museums are secret laboratories and such, which is irrational even for him when we ourselves are the best of all secret laboratories, (No one heard that right? Good.) so he'd know. Anyway, it was salvaged during his previous job with Sir Grodus."

"Drew, your hiring's-"

"Dicey? Indeed," he beamed, playfully poking the triage nurse. "It is a good thing we both believe in second chances."

Troopa opened his office door, letting a few boxes spring out over their heads and clash on the ground. "Fine. Here's your second chance to explain this before I hit ya!"

"I hadn't organized yet! ..Besides my therapist told me if the pathways are clear I'm not a hoarder." he trailed, the door shutting behind them.

The toad on the bench was about to yell for them to get a room. Now that they had, something else tore his attention away from his green-bound book, 'Ex spatio obiecti specialem lexicon'.

"-Ouch! No need to push, gentlemen ...No, I don't keep coins on me… Oh that was a rental from the airport!.. Look, all I have is boring medical stuff stacked here, see-?"

"QUIT, BEFORE WE FOLD YA INTO A SWAN!" The aggressor had an eerily robotic timbre, though with southern affection like the rest.

After a hollow pop, glass shattered, prompting the toad to rush toward the commotion. Blocking the entirety of the alley space were humongous amalgamations of paper and metal scaffolding, an effigy of a goomba and a snifit in an outlaw getup. Dr. Topper was sprawled on top of sparkly glass shards and the hybrid electricity coup kart had a dent in the front matching his shell. The Paper Macho gang members spun at the onlooker with a hollow emotionless gape.

"STAY OUTTA THIS." Barked the snifit.

Captain Toad pretended to take a step back, then launched his heavy backpack at the Macho Snifit. It fired- 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' his way, the high-velocity cork plugs bouncing off that one-ton object instead. The Captain was upon him after the six shots, ripping away the weapon and sending a punch that broke through the paper baddie's body, snapped the metal skeleton, and struck the inside of the weak point on its back. Its form exploded with a blast that shot the toad back against the shanty metal tiles of the adjacent office. The macho goomba outlaw had no reaction short of fleeing the alley.

"Hey, I-" Dr. Topper began, only to be bypassed entirely by his savior.

The Captain pursued the outlaw into a prairie as the skies darkened and the air grew heavy with the scent of rain. It barged through a wooden fence and vanished temporarily behind high stalks. The adventurer unsheathed his knife to chop his way through at a steady, not even jogging pace. When he cleared his way to a red barn with the metal sliding door jaggedly breached, as if eaten through, he knew he was on the mark. He used his bare strength to rise it up, finding inside the dusty place some six-foot-tall dinosaur robots lining the wall, a multimonitor gaming PC set up, cowboy hats hung on a rack, and a heap of rusty mechanical parts with teeth marks on them, if the outlaw caught red handed in the middle of the pile wasn't conclusive enough.

The Captain spun the snifit's pop gun around his finger, cocked and ready to go again. The outlaw's final expression as it ate cork was, again, nothing.

"Yikes, sir. This is gonna turn into something gnarly." The blue pianta bellhop dropped his binoculars.

Hotel Delfino's day supervisor waddled under the palm tree with him. Beyond the shimmering Dolphin Ocean was some darkness on the horizon. "Gettin old enough to start feeling it in the bones, brah."

"Besides the forecast, I mean those people, sir."

About a nautical mile away, two sumo bros drifted on an inflatable raft, trailed by the dorsal fins of sushi. Both eccentrically clothed, one steadily scooped out water with a bucket and the other performed the essential task of being a counterweight on one far side of the wounded vessel. Otherwise the mound of objects covered in a tarp would have capsized them hours ago.

…

Waking from a half nap Sammy, removed his Darth Koopa helmet to rub his eyes. "Wowzers.. We haven't made it yet?"

"Nay. Thy math was erroneous as usual," the younger dragon/koopa Slamondon, groaned. He held the hem of his magikoopa robe to tiptoe towards their luggage, preparing to dump a CIB NES Classic when his brother, dressed as an iconic Star Slammers villain wrestled with him over it, more exercise occurring in that moment than all week perhaps.

"Don't! Let go and let me try my thing!"

Slam released the 'overpriced' reissue. "As thee wisheth.."

His precious collectible secured, Sam squeezed his eyelids shut and hummed, holding his temples.

Slam's stomach sunk at a quicker rate than their raft. Even being a net beneficiary, monitoring that menace occupied his entire life, keeping him from what he wanted to do, like take his forty percent share of their Play-N-Tirade franchise to open a 24-hour renaissance park. They barely got out of Neo Bowser City because fooling around instead of paying a moderate toll was too tantalizing for Sammy the 'mastermind'.

A jet ski ripped through the waters, shaking him from those thoughts. "Aloha." She waved, a cute gal in a purple bikini, with a white flower necklace draped loosely over her shoulders. Her harpoon scared away the sharks. "Need help?"

"Aye f-fair madame," Slam stammered, red as the cheep cheeps in her backdrop, gracefully leaping into the air. "Saveth us! W-we have bountiful treasures aboard this ship!"

Sam peeped one eye open with a smug grin. "-Oh hello, totally hot lifeguard I summoned."

"~Actually Hotel Delfino called me on you two, hehe." She dropped the charade and murmured, "(Cause if it was YOU calling me on you, I wouldna shown up.)"

Sam gave her a tauntingly dorkish laugh. "Suuure? I dunno, I had a vision just now of being rescued by a 'Valerie'. 27. Born in a winter month like Rebmeced? Who studies finance abroad at Mushroom Collage and just bought a B-Dasher in red and whose boyfriend just got arrested for..."

Her jaw dropped expression mirrored Slam's, at least until she slumped off the watercraft, into the drink.

"Yeah, I-I just tell em I screwed up." Jr. Troopa paced around, paranoid. "These freaks always roll into town on the weekends and I forget. I'm so sorry!"

"I'm okay, Nurse Troopa. I've been knocked around way more in the animal rescue business. You too, miss." Dr. Topper sent away the ukiki nurse checking on him. "I should have watched my back more anyway. The integrity of our equipment is perfect and nothing is missing... Huh?... I don't know who that belongs to."

A Pidgit nurse bent at a rugged backpack. "Sir it's filled with bricks." She checked again. "I mean books.. Lost and found, Nurse Troopa?"

"Sure I guess." Lividly he lifted his head to the the most clandestine of those lingering around. "I'm trying my best, so don't rub it in, hear?"

Dr. Toad stepped out in the open. "Of course I wasn't. Special World is susceptible to a foray as well, fuzzies that want to steal our documents for nesting purposes, lil sparkies that want to torch file cabinets full of records, and munchers that grow overnight outside the entrances, who don't give up until we stuff their faces with the notebooks we keep on us-"

"Going digital would fix half of that," Troopa muttered.

"Ha ha. Contingencies happen so proceed accordingly. A bigger fence might help."

"Whoa brother," Troopa paused brushing glass to the sides of the alley. "The locals just might run me outta town. They said my height was the max for those little picket things we got already."

"Well that isn't much, but Morris has an experiment that can make you six feet tall."

Troopa punched him in the abs, which he knew wouldn't actually hurt too much- not that he'd felt the toad up or anything since seeing him again.

"-Oof. Jackson!"

"Payback man. Look, thanks for the support, in your own funny way. I guess I'll show my gratitude now, also in a 'funny' way."

…

"-Oh. Blessings unto you gentlemen."

By the time The Captain returned to the scene, what was left was mostly multicolored confetti, the kart, and those two again. While the doctor and koopa separated from that hug, The Captain scanned around, flushing.

"Was that backpack yours?" Troopa asked. "Sent to lost and found. Check the edge of town. Wait.. didn't you save Dr. T?"

The Captain softened his features with great difficulty. "Yes. May I borrow this? Grand." He slipped into the eco-kart and rather angrily slung it out of the alleyway.

Task list:

'Sweep cafeteria ( )'

'Restock restroom ( )'

'Hillbilly Hail -fun I promise. Seriously help! ( )'

"Why do we use this junk?" the junior assistant asked another. They shrugged and tossed the useless checklists from Jr. Troopa. Considering one was a hot foot and another a podoboo, they didn't feel like joining the gaiety of the ice bucketing procedure anyway.

Other spectators leaned over the thin, way too short, picket fence surrounding a spot with hay fiber substrate, crowing as if they were watching a petting zoo.

"Ain't that there Mario fella wanted up North?" they'd say.

Mario realized they'd better go, half-naked or not, getting more than they bargained for when the precipice led to a steep metal pipe. They were ejected miles away on damp clay, rolling to a stop against a copper-colored wall of Mt. Rugged.

…

A locomotive horn jolted Luigi awake, everything shaking for a while from the K64 station above them. However long it had been, it was raining now, casting alien dull gray hues on the fields to the north and desert to the south. Eventually, his gaze settled on his brother, holding a discolored spot on his forehead.

"Mario?"

"Eh.." he groaned. "Still worth it..."

"Worth what?"

Mario stood up. On closer inspection he was okay aside from being coated in clay and tattered, thankfully not lost, red undergarments. "It's best they know as little as possible. They might get themselves in trouble by talking to much or the King might have a way to spy on us. It's just too risky, and the sooner we rescue Peach the sooner this mess is over. Let's go now."

Luigi tried to keep up with him and play hopscotch at the same time with the rough terrain. "Now being, after we get dressed I hope."

Mario winched as he stomped on a sharp rock. "Er, yeah, after that. Though, I'd love to see Bowser's reaction to 'beach party' us."

As they used the zigzagging deathtrap drainage pipe as a guide to trek toward town, Mario briefed them. The plan was simple, take a warp pipe at the Water Land to Desert Land coast to skip to Dark Land, thus when they came upon a fractured concrete podium in the middle of nowhere, labeled ostro stop, they'd veered off topic considerably.

"-But I don't get it. Once I booked a room over King Boo's casino to get that out of my system (and lost coins because I didn't trust Toadette's advice, but that's neither here nor there) and I didn't get obsessed or anything. What made Bowser that forbidden fruit?"

Mario stopped tapping the buzzer, eyes crinkling in delight. "Strength. Ambition. Esteem for family. Cooking. Believe it or not he's super fair. His bottom line is that you can do what he wants you to do, not who or what you are. He's pretty active too.. For an old man."

"He's only seventeen years older than us. Don't talk like he's geriatric."

"Well for koopas maybe not. But I'm feeling the mid-life thing lately."

"That explains how you ride that Mach Bike."

Though his brother was ahead, a visibly melancholic nature slipped into his motions. "When Bowser tried to fix it up for me.. I was convinced that meant he'd dropped his not-so-endearing qualities." He glanced over his shoulder. "-Thanks for listening by the way. I deserved a lot of flack for lying and trusting the wrong people."

Luigi felt a lump in his throat. Had they really spoken about that? Or...

"-I heard it the first time, dern it! It's busted."

Mario lifted his finger from the buzzer as the paratroopa janitor flew down. Going 'shoot' he staggered in recognition and dropped his broom to shake their hands.

"-Howdy, Probabilly K. here. Member me? Oh well, Vick, bless his heart, forgets that any of us that ain't a plant don't like getting soak n wet. I can help ya out tho, specially this un." He lifted his right arm's sleeve to the elbow, revealing a faded L emblem tattoo. "Us less popular siblings gotta stick for one nuther. Whatcha need Mr. Hero?..."

"...Oh, right, me. We appreciate it," Luigi spoke up, awkwardly. "Here's what we're doing..."

~When he and his brother took over the plumbing shop, Mario was given both sets of brass keys, further dividing the brothers. They stopped sharing shifts, even lived on opposite sides of Brooklyn, and that wasn't easy then. Luigi never meant to be Mario's backup at a decrepit home with a massive underground leak, but both showed up and worked at it, teeth clinched until a rogue vortex snatched them out of that world. Fast forward many years and adventures, molding over problems they forgot they ever had with each other, Luigi had gotten that brass key, and there was nothing holding him back.

'Pubic address from King's representative- Today at Peach Castle, 64 Royal Raceway, Toad Town'. Feeling like she might be in a pit deeper than Glitzville's, the reporter folded it up and left it inside the borrowed Aston Mushroom. Gathering her wits, she pranced casually across the hotel's lot, approaching the guards at the door. This would be more important than a Star Festival so she had to make it there, and the castle toads would be her best bet that she hadn't burnt bridges with yet. Not that she tended to do that or anything.

"Manager said he didn't want any reporters around here, eh," the taller one greeted her.

"The manager is a woman," the shorter guard added. "But she did say that."

Jon whacked Bridget in the back of her head, skewing her combat helmet. "Who cares?"

"I wasn't interviewing, fellas!" Kylie Koopa corrected. "See? I don't have the armband and the castle toads are my crew. I just wanna know what's up!.. In a non-interviewy way."

"Lady. Whether you're full of it or not, they wouldn't wanna fraternize anyway. They're in mourning cause of an injured staff or whatever." Bridget said.

"Stop telling her their business-" Jon's second dope slap was blocked, then he was smashed against the brick exterior wall.

"Don't Jon," she hissed over his shoulder. "If was Ben was still here, you'd been through the wall with your sorry a-"

"-Hessh on dissshciplinary achiion."

She got off him. "W-what?"

He fixed his tactical vest. "-Tardette!"

"Dick!.. No seriously, what?"

"I don't know why they're putting him through a humiliation ritual when we all failed, but it's legit. Reginald let that slip on the radio, eh," he said, somewhat seriously.

"H-oh crap.. Anyway..."

Getting nowhere, Kylie slammed the door of the sports car, remembering after the fact that Jelectro might bill her for that. She took to the streets as a popup rain shower settled over Toad Town, half blind from her inability to toggle the windshield whipper speed. If she didn't have the route to MK East memorized she'd be screwed, and even when she made it, she might still be. All she had left was Kinopio-Kun!

The old leaky staple was overfilled with restless birds clinging to any dryish spot they could find, which meant crowding out the moo moos who owned the place, though they were easygoing enough to remain in the fields. In the sea of dark gray plumage, the red spots of a toad stuck out like a bullseye.

"Kid-"

Thomas bolted out of there, making the rancher turn and look at who remained, Bucken-Berry, like he was some freak. The blue toad fought his pavlovian urge to scream or smash something and followed the teenager. It was a short chase that the blue toad could have ended in a few seconds if he wanted, but he let it last until they were on the other side of the prairie, eventually cornering him in a muddy area where he curled up behind some stacks of metal buckets.

"Chill it, kid. I wasn't gonna... Did I look like I was gonna? Well I wasn't. Okay? Now follow me before we end up with the flu too!"

Thomas slowly inched away from his hiding spot. They traveled a short distance into the country hospital's wings. The lobby was cozy, with a real hide rug, stuffed heads on the walls, fishing trophies, and comfy-looking chairs. Bucken-Berry spoke to the receptionist cowgirl chick, then marched down a hall without prompt. Thomas followed him into a mildly chilly hospital room of a more expected and plain sterile appearance.

The tanned islander he recognized as Ala-Gold lay in the bed, glazed over and breathing softly. Bucken-Berry stood at the bed, but didn't appear to be looking directly at the yellow steward. "He doesn't know anything going on, but say whatever. Miracles happen."

Ignoring how sardonic that came off, intended or not, the teenager reached within. "Mr. Ala-Gold was an amazing person from what I saw. And kind."

"Duh he was!..If he dreamed of doing something he did it. He came to the Mushroom Kingdom in a canoe he carved from a tree in his backyard, with a homemade compass and the stars alone, cause he was smart like that. He'd memorize level maps and let our timer run out finding hidden blocks because he thought it was a net gain. Mario would be pissed about losing a life and I'd clown him like an idiot, but after the fact we'd realize he was right."

The blue toad was sniffling and voice wavering through that, though before Thomas could reply, he broke down entirely.

"Truth is.. He was better at the hero thing than I was and that's why I hated him.. sometimes.. When I really loved him…"

"I'm-"

"Enough being sorry." Bucken-Berry remained crouched at the bedside, head down. "Scram if you want now. Already told the other staff."

Thomas lingered a little longer before obeying. He was considered a staffer. Interesting.

"You don't know why five lifeguards in a row fainted like that? Musta been some bad food, brah. Welcome to Hotel Delfino!"

The bellhop held the door open for the sumo bros, just in time as thunder boomed and a squall was incoming. Hotel Delfino was inundated with waiting vacationers of all sorts. At twelve island time, the previous guests had checked out and even more were ready to pounce on a vacancy. The sumo bros were prompted to utilize the ticket dispenser.

'444444', and on, bleed off the receipt paper in red ink.

Sam slid up his glasses at the apparent glitch, allowing Slam to catch a devious gleam in his eyes. Trouble was about to start, redux!

"Wait for your number, brah," warned the receptionist stamping documents.

Sam leaned on the desk, spontaneously flashing a shiny gold chain. "We already got our reservations. We're with Goldbobbington's. You know. He's not sure if it's worth investing here and we gotta test the best rooms you got. Our bodies are ready."

The stamp slipped from the pianta's mits.. "My apologies sir." He cradled a landline phone between his shoulder and neck to clack on his computer. "One presidential suite coming right up, brah. Uh, help yourself to the bar in the meantime. On the house. Mention my name."

Sam broke off to the tiki bar, taking up two stools as he flashed the jewelry and ordered one of everything. As the bartender worked the ticket, Slam sat beside him.

"Don't screweth this up!" he whispered in his ear.

Shortly he refused a 'dizzying elixir' of his own, simply wanting to wind down. This plot was tolerable enough to save his nagging for once, much like the one where they tricked that dark boo in Toad Town into doing their jobs. Due to that shortcut, they were in and out so quickly it was like they'd dropped a potion at their feet and went 'poof'.

Sam slammed his empty glass down. *Belch* ".. Hey, psst. Just in case stuff goes wrong, I'll have our shop wire our profits over." His fat fingers dialed their Play-N-Tirade number as additional fruity cocktails were lined up for him. "No answer, but coolio I'll leave a message. Now, to spam our great friend Iggy again!"

Thomas didn't want to be needy or a complainer, he just wanted to be somewhere that was dry besides the hospital, that wasn't a place where barn animals stayed, nor too many of the non-animals either to be honest. He eventually wandered to a small building that the western font claimed was a library. He wouldn't verify, it was closed, and a Bob-omb Buddy in a sombrero was perched outside the RV next door, arguing with a Ptooie plant.

"No habla!"

"Yes you do 'habla' Bobberto. What's all them books fer ova yander?! I know five languages."

"I presume English is not one of them, señor. I must be vigilant for a larcenist!"

"-And that's why you won't get this Mecha-Yoshi. Can't waste em on some bookworm vermin when those Macho outlaws are eating some of us outta house and home!"

"You had better care, señor," Bob countered. "I'm not missing romance novels again. It is the texts of an erudite sort. Si?"

Thomas meanwhile stranded himself on the library's porch, wanting to stay clear of the tall robotic dinosaur accompanying Vick, red eyes like beams that cut through the rainfall. He sat on the lost and found trunk, collecting his thoughts in a journal, or what he had left of it...

...

"-Mr. Kekler!"

His pen went off the page.

"-Could you retrieve that backpack for me?"

He noticed a kart parked on the side of the building. Captain Toad cracked the window a tad and waved, smiling so friendly. Consequently, Thomas dragged over a big rugged backpack.

"Thank you. Come with me. The weather is nicer over here."

After he climbed in, the eco-friendly kart rolled out of city limits and tried to tackle the dunes with its 'moderate but sufficient for daily urban driving horsepower'. Thomas knew how to sound like a commercial because he'd seen a million while chained up in Mayor Koton's office. He also could tell that The Captain was struggling with those constraints by the way he was flooring it constantly.

"-The stars are truly aligning lately," he remarked to himself, his grip on the wheel no less rigid, and his blush reaching the tips of his ears. "Mr. Kekler, I recall you left something in my other rental. Check in the backpack. Go ahead."

Thomas didn't hesitate, mostly because he was bored eager to see where 'over here' was, and the backpack cut off his circulation. He pulled out books, examining one with a green spine and a title in Latin, though the bright tag on it wasn't. 'NO QUITAR DE LA BIBLIOTECA'.

"Oh, my mistake. I kept your article on me to keep it safe, as it's obviously important.." Gathering speed they drove downhill, The Captain retrieved a small leather cover from his inner vest pocket. "Everything's still in it. Everything."

Thomas's mouth filled with bile. He mashed the window switch and leaned his head out of the car, as The Captain slammed on the brakes. During the swift spin-out he was launched out of his seat, slamming face first into damp sand. His dazed body rolled the rest of the way, bowling into a pack of pokeys and sending the segments flying, scraping himself up in tumbleweeds, and settling in a dike. By the time the teen could begin to pull himself right side up, The Captain was standing over him.

"That was quite an overreaction, Mr. Kekler." Captain Toad held the leather cover out. "Are you hiding something?"

Even if he wasn't gagging uncontrollably while his wobbly arms and legs barely held him above the foot of runoff, Thomas couldn't answer. Both red toads knew why. The outer cover to his journal had Mayor Koton's instructions, ordering 'Mr. Kekler' to prepare a full report on Peach Castle and if Mr. Toad K. Toad was partnering with Princess Daisy or the game indicated that he was seeking new alliances.

Growing impatient, Captain Toad threw a lasso over the teenager and dragged him out of the dike. He picked him up and whacked him on the back hard, enough it felt to break his spine, though more immediately that made him upchuck all the rest of the water and mud filling his lungs. "Let's cut to the chase. You did not visit as a refugee, you were a spy for Mayor Koton, a renowned rebel and toad bigot that even King Bowser looks down upon." He dropped the teenager, holding him in place with his boot on his chest. "Is that correct?"

"S-sir, I don't." *cough* "Mr. Toad was- was a frequent ambassador around Mayor Koton's fortress and he thought he- thought it was suspicious.. But I did have a desire to- to work for Peach. Almost everybody was so nice so..-"

"Why do you have notes dating from this morning then, sir? Couldn't decide?"

He squirmed as the pressure increased, vision filling with tears. "I..I just.. Okay. I just wanted- I I WANT to.. survive. Wherever that has to be!"

Captain Toad's countenance became brittle, removing his foot. "Elaborate."

Thomas leaned up, gulping for air. Aware the kart parked behind him trapped him, he blurted. "It was never personal, it's- it's just that." He quickly drew a Prism Island crest in the dirt with his finger. "I was taken from there by independent militia who settled in Neo Bowser City. I've never had a day off. I didn't know toads could have different color spots until recently. I'm not with the kayfabe. If I can get treated decently I'll go there. That's it."

The patter of the rain shower was deafening. Captain Toad studied him emotionlessly, which Thomas found to be the most horrifying face he could make.

"...I'm late for an appointment, Mr. Kekler." Captain Toad flattened out his shirt and slid in the vehicle. "I'd suggest you disappear. I have been all over the Mushroom World, and one universal truth is that no one likes a fence sitter."

Reaching the Desert Land peninsula, the plumbers thanked the paratroopa for the ride and hopped off the Dragonfly. The sky flashed with lightning, but the waters were calm on the beach, the temperature mild, and they knew they'd be drying out soon enough. The brothers searched around the pier for a golden pipe. As feared, the gold ring was just noticeable under shallow water. If the tides had done that or diligent toads from the toad homes they didn't know, either way, Luigi gingerly placed his hat, shoes, and socks in a watertight shoulder bag.

"Geronimo!" He made a running start off the pier.

Mario chuckled to himself before splashing in behind him. The older brother was swept into the metal tube for a wild, chaotic, and cold trip across five kingdoms. He had three more bruises and was frozen stiff by the time the pipe respawned in mid-air to dump him into some red-dyed water. Mario defrosted, swimming to the surface-

"Momma mia!" he exclaimed at the Koopa King's humongous mug. It was the dislodged entrance to Bowser Castle, the sea level to the statue's nostrils.

"Up here!"

Luigi pulled Mario onto the structure. The red plumber rolled on his back, chest heaving. The sky was red with purple clouds, light shower burning their skin a little. There were some higher elevations here and there, a volcano peak, tips of trees, otherwise nothing else but murky waters. They had to be in the right place.

"-Ugh!" groaned an orange toad girl, floating on a painting and using a street sign as a paddle. Through the discoloration it was a forgery of Peach's 'Lethal Lava Land', the sort of junk sold in Neo Bowser City.

Mario leaned, eyebrow quirking. "..That's Bowser's fan girl! (What her name?).. Emery!"

While he watched the girl turn around, Luigi was worried more about their pipe sprouting from the aether. He wasn't in the mood to be marooned on an ugly replica of Bowser.

"Mario? Luigi?" She rowed over, with a gleam in her eye like they were a mirage.

"I'll tell you a secret Bowser fact if you help us out for a sec."

"No thanks. We're enemies now, and I just dealt with the weirdest flash flood in my life. "

Mario scrupled. "What if I tell you about Bowser's brother?"

"...I don't believe you."

Smart girl, Mario thought, noticing that she was too far for them to jump. They wouldn't throw her overboard or anything, but he would readily give her the 'plumber whack' if she acted up. All Bowser minions signed up for it and he was all for that equality.

Luigi said something to her in a harsh language, Darklandian.

She stood agape, making the raft tilt. "You know that?"

"From a good friend, yes. Now if you ignore us Bowser will hear about it. Minions are supposed to engage in combat with plumbers on sight.

Mario shot up next to him. "You'd bet! Get up here girl and brawl, or help us and we'll conveniently forget we saw ya."

She squeezed her sign, bending the metal. "Ugh! This is why I was begging for the handbook last night!"

…

Mario brothers had major reformulating to do, but they didn't know where to start. They were in the right place, the wrong time. Or something-

"-Mr. Mario, Mr. Luigi.. Weren't you missing something on that expedition?"

Captain Toad smiled, leaning against the hood of the bubble-shaped kart. They stood still, puzzled. The toad used that opportunity to stroll past them left and right like a little sergeant, hands clasped behind his back.

"..Did something go awry? If only you had an extra partner to accompany you."

Mario pushed past, unperturbed. "Stan, Luigi and I can handle it. Thanks though!"

The Captain stared with unbridled rage before he caught himself. "But an adventurer needs a brigade! Besides (spreading the blame during mishaps) allowing all talents to shine, extra eyes and ears are a protection!"

Then Luigi began to leave.

The Captain followed hectically. "I am studying a technique to teleport directly to wherever we need to be! Including the princess's location!"

Luigi blanched, turning as the red toad overtook him. "And how is that possible, Stan?"

He smirked. "With your linguistic capabilities. And it's Captain Toad to you, Mr. Hero."

Peach's knees briefly buckled after the first row of stairs, speckled steadily from rain. It led to the entrance of a tall tower, rising into stormy clouds. The koopaling quickened his pace, though with Toadsworth over his sore shoulders, she recovered before he reached her.

"I am well, dear.. I've had these dizzy spells all my life."

"Hey, hold up. You sure this the right one? Can we please just go somewhere else?"

"Not in a tempest. We are on foot." She kept tapping with the knocker on the large medieval door.

"But.. God dang! There's towers everywhere, man! " Larry looked around. He found something weird, a cloud wall steadily rolling over the hills. "... And what's that?"

"Larry? Umm- I don't know either. This way! Our's is even higher than this one!"

He whipped towards the squeaky voice, just able to see the rainbow hair in the fog.

"Peach!" he called, once then twice, but she was stuck in a cycle, like her life depended on what was on the other side of that door. "Lem, help me out! She's messed up by somethin!"

"Uh.. alright." As Larry descended, Lemmy emerged from the fog to scamper up the stairs and pull the pink princess down. The grassy terrane was so soggy by then that Larry thought he was going to sink, and didn't know where to start until reuniting with Lemmy, Peach so large over his shoulders that he was buried under her.

"We're over here."

Larry barely heard that with the wind howling. They ran that way, the elevation slowly inclining and giving the fifteen-year-old a new scare when checked over his shell. A wave of water was advancing, and it had already reached the false tower, disintegrating it before his eyes.

"Ahhhhhhh!" he shrieked.

"On it!" Lemmy was messing with something under Peach's dress. That didn't come out right. Wait, he didn't care. They were gonna die. The ground was quaking, the mist was soaking them to the shell!

Flash! A dizzy sensation hit him, and lights shined in his face, followed by cherry blossom pedals, lens flare, and a poppy soundtrack. He was certain he'd perished in the flood and was sent to some sort of weeb afterlife until the holographic fairly flew overhead, waving her little star rod and sending the four crashing out of the dimension to the rooftop of another tower, where Iggy, W.A.I.F.U's creator stood waiting.

"How?" Lemmy gasped, flattened under the princess.

The nerd folded his arms. "I charged it up enough, Ian."

At the Hotel Defino tiki bar, Sammy won coins in bets over guessing stranger's underwear colors. The room was ready and Slam, off to the side with the hood over his head, drowning in secondhand embarrassment had been trying to rip him away from these games for thirty minutes now. For some nebulous reason, Sam wanted to get through to their paypig- er prince of Dark Land friend from college.

"Useth the phone here!" Slam slid aside empty glasses between them to whisper. "Ignatius has obviously blocked thy number." Hearing some heavy thunder and the creaks of the gale forces against the windows, he reconsidered. It was storming and staff were chaining down the chairs outside. "Nevermind. T's dangerous right now."

"No way!" Sam stood up, a tiny bit tipsy. "I'll do it!

As a big group of beachgoers were rushing in, Sam thought against the flow to get to a landline behind the bar.

"High…ground man…high ground.. NOW!" a yoshi with a surfboard panted.

The waiter felt her way around, lights flickering and blanketing everyone in darkness. "Alright. Bar closed."

Slam obediently slid off the stool. "Sammy. T's dangerous, come on!"

Sam eye rolled, receiver pressed against his head. His brother was shuffled out by big Chucksters who didn't notice or think someone would be dumb enough to hide behind the bar. "What's wrong with people?" he laughed. "This worked and I think it's picking up-"

"FIN ALLY I AM DO N E, " stabbed through one ear and exited the other.

Whoosh! A strong tide burst through the glass, ocean rushing into the ground-level bar, washing away stools and tables. As it rose to the sumo bro's knees and beyond, he remained drooped over the counter, a crimson trail from his nose rolling off into shot glasses he'd emptied moments before, and the gold bell's chain he'd used to obtain so many evaporated from his wrist.

That essence joined with another and traveled very far into the cosmos, landing on a planetoid of rock, dust, and organic matter, allowing it to animate, to be truly alive.

The journey of the black star was complete.

Chapter 14: Split

Chapter Summary

*RR24*

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belongs to Nintendo

See the end of the chapter for more notes

~Behold! At 893:044 galactic time; Grandmaster Galaxy court emerges from interstellar clouds of dust and gas. Pillars lead to it, staggering higher in elevation: the first of emerald, the second chalcedony, the third sapphire, the fourth jasper, the fifth-

-Or what once was the fifth sardonyx pillar of millennia. The star warrior braked his lightspeed travel hard at the base of the disintegrated support, eaten at by acidic dark matter. The golden gate of the court was ajar with a holographic scroll attached: 'The Galaxy Courthouse is closed. Thanketh thee.'

He read it again, as if he might bend the words to state something else. "You gotta tell me stuff like this, Rosie! Get on in here!" He opened the protective bubble of his passengers, dumping Ludwig and Toadsworth.

They took a rough tumble on the glassy translucent platform the coliseum rested on. A threatening rumble from the vastness of space sobered them up. Clumps of stars engaged in combat, star warriors against macabre creatures, seafoam five-pointed stars with sunken black eyes. They were the source of a wispy dark matter, all but invisible unless some happened to overlay, from their perspective, a lighter-colored planet or galaxy. Dozens of star warriors were sizzling to nothing- and the wicked forces were advancing..

Ludwing careened inside, running over Toadsworth in the process. The koopaling picked himself up and sprinted through the wide twisting and turning hallways, all lit from a mysterious source under the chatoyant hard floors, only to circle back and-

"So Ein Mist!"

"Tut tut." Toadsworth leaned on his stick, where he'd always been. "Considering time does not appear to work as we are accustomed to, I hazard we should slow down."

"We must get home again Samuel, or whatever your true alias is. If this is the end of my corporeal journey so be it, but I have unfinished business. My spirit is literally restless! Everything I promised to meine Mutter before her passing.. futile! I could not even pass the baton to the successor I'd chosen to rid that rotten delusional world we once occupied of injustices in my absence! I am not done! This cannot be! I cannot have my life stripped away from me, not yet! Scheiße. Scheiße! Scheiße!"

Toadsworth listened patiently to his passionate conniption. "I left much unsaid. I understand."

Ludwig rose from his knees, glaring. "Prove it, Toady."

"Koopaling guy. Yo, you give the confessionals in the stands. Ova here!"

Ludwig and Toadsworth were snatched by the wrist by the star warrior, and dragged into a radiant open courtroom.

Hamstrung, Ludwig plopped down in the stands. Rows of vacant seating scaled as high as he could crane his neck. The war had yet to tarnish the upper echelons of the transparent roof and he could see some twinkling distance stars through them, if too far to wish to.

Nothing mattered.

Meanwhile, Toadsworth ventured, "I do hope this does not offend, erm-"

"Call me Geno."

"Grand. Have you attempted to contract Rosalina cellularly?"

The star warrior jumped from the judge's podium, slapping himself. "..Righto! They just gave us service up here. Cut me a break." He dialed a number on a brand new-looking iPhone X. "Hey…Oh! Right on.." Geno hung up after some fiddling. "Both of y'all hold still.. And.. voila." He snapped his fingers.

After a flash of light, the three landed on a patch of grass on one of the islands that branched off from a solar reactor-powered observatory structure. Other paths lead to living areas and structures, lumas placidly spread about. The Comet Observatory's owner detached from the console.

"I intended to inform you when the battles broke ♡♪!? , but I held down on the contracts app icon and deleted it somehow." The goddess bashfully tucked the rose gold iPhone away, giving up. While she spoke like any other dignified if ordinarily pusillanimous woman, she was like a living jewel to everyone, (well, except for Ludwig..) statuesque and aglow in mature beauty and grace. Her blue gown extended to the floor and her platinum hair to her waist.

"It's a'ight, but we all gotta step it up. If I didn't write your number on my bicep the other day I'd been screwed too." Geno gave a worrying sweep of the area. "Where the rest? Including Milly?"

"Millennium Star wants to imperil himself alone. There was no one else."

Geno groaned, turning to his guests. "So we WON'T be rolling up on 'em gangsta style. Rosalina's Gravitational Pull will have to channel you to your bodies. During this mission you both need to learn what you can about a fated 'heroic' star sealed on Earth, all on the down low. Itsa ongoing investigation!"

"Good show!" Toadsworth exclaimed. He pat Ludwig, whose eyebrows furrowed more.

"-But there might be glitches my man, from space attenuation- that's a thing. Plus since you hijacking your own body back, you gotta do your utmost to keep dark stars from intruding again. An attack on Earth is imminent. This serious, k?

It was only through enduring so many harrowing situations that Toadsworth, bursting with consternation, didn't jump out and seize the star warrior going-

"You have lost your mind, Gomer," Ludwig spat.

Geno was about to respond in kind when Rosalina, who'd spent most of the discussion trained on their shoes, stepped in with a hushed message just for him.

"This is difficult I know. You can succeed. You already had the interest and dedication necessary. Besides that, you must reunite with your Special One."

…

The general coughed up murky, mouth and throat-stinging water, a gray sky above. Frightening sounds and voices bombarded his ears.

"Ahhh! I know I had a Torpedo Castle once but can't swim!" Larry held on to the brick wall, the tower continually trashed by high wave after wave.

A ship was sailing over the horizon, followed by additional smaller boats or whatever possessed buoyancy. Spontaneously a pontoon broke off from the others and someone plunged into the ocean, swimming to that lead ship.

Iggy W.A.I.F.U's started to ping that someone nearby knew Japanese. (Highly specific, but he didn't have a driver's license and in the past, it'd helped him locate fellow weebs to carpool to the Nerd-con with, so..) He 'enhanced' the image with the freshly repaired VR headset strapped to his head. "Omg. It's Wendy-chan!"

Lemmy materialized next to his little brother. "Can I see?"

He was ignored as Ludwig managed to crawl over to the parapet and lift himself to scan over the waters. Any movement felt like wading in concrete and his headspace was only clear enough to recognize that his nightmares were only beginning.

The princess was drawn to a cage no one else dared approach. The Muta sector was known to be the crazy magnet, just what she was seeing at the beachside fair. The bottom of the chimera was leafy like a piranha plant, and at the end of the drooping stalk was a hard black head with two dark eyes and closely aligned fangs. The creature appeared to be in distress, not even chomping idly in the air like everything in its chop suey DNA were known for. She stomped away from the freakshow and weeded through the villagers, looking desperately for her gang, or in reality just her pops.

She found him behind the surfboard planted in dark sand, watching the amber sunset, standing barefoot where white waters rolled on the shore. A pipe hanging from his mouth, he was a little taller and more tan than her, in a green polo and white shorts. Few would know he was the king of the quad kingdom at casual glance, lacking the beard even in exchange for a greying goatee.

"The Heebie-jeebies?" He puffed a bit, contemplative. "Why don't you call it out? Practice being more assertive... That's right, baby girl. You're.. er.. 'ghosting' Princess Peach on that app. Nah I didn't snoop baby, you left your phone in the gym yesterday."

His daughter used a promotional flyer to cover her blush. "I get.. I dunno, shy if Mario's not organizing stuff. Plus what if they remember that time I forgot to nail down the tables on my cruise ship? I'm stuck."

"Figures. But look." He adopted an air of seriousness. "We don't mind you being a thirty-something princess living with us, but we won't rule forever and you know that. Gotta practice someday."

She sighed her grievances out over the shimmering ocean. King B. Bloom was right, and a moment later she was snapping a lock, releasing hoards of chimeras all over the beach. A gunion mixed with a yurarin spat flames in the air, scattering anyone that wasn't dragged away in the stampede of emancipated lab experiments. King Bloom gave his daughter a thumbs up in the distance before cooly surfing away from the danger zone.

She made her own getaway before the keffiyeh-wearing merchants with the whips tracked her down. She hopped on the back of gao-honen hybrid, except the other way around, so it flopped on the sand and bucked the princess off, landing on top of a sand castle. The gunion chimera crawled over to the dazed girl, embers raining in the sky, and slapped her flat with a giant tentacle.

She was piledriven through the planet, ending up somewhere that wasn't Sarsaland anymore, a stiff hospital bed in a dark room. Her mouth dry and limbs heavy, she was awoken significantly by the vicious open gape of a may-ray head mounted the wall. She rolled out of bed with a loud thunk, stirring a lump on another bed in the room. Daisy's first conscious thought, besides that she was in a hospital and probably didn't win her tennis game, was that a rabid yoshi girl was jumping on her, beating the crap out of her.

A toad girl observed traffic from Hotel Mario's tallest balcony, karts zooming down Starman Land, splashing through big puddles. Everything appeared perfect when she'd only get to see Toad Town during summer breaks. Now, much like the wallpaper around there, that peeled away, revealing what was under that and under that and.. Not colored through the lens of a steward or devoted follower, she wasn't sure where her boundaries were anymore.

Floorboards creaking behind her, she lowered the magazine she was never really reading anyway.

"What's up?" signed another pink toad.

Toadette plastered on a smile. "Just coolin off."

Joseph sat in the folding chair next to her. "Must be hard to do in direct sunlight!" He laughed with a hoarse husky voice.

"I like fresh air, Joe. Can't help it!"

"There'll be plenty at the lake. Since the weather's cleared up, the meeting's still on and our ride will be here in ten minutes. Let's go!"

She hadn't done her hair yet, she wanted to say, but his grabbing of her arm and a brain fart in general stopped her from protesting such in sign language.

Joe brought her down to the dingy carpet of the ground floor, where Les yawned to the side with the arcade and Mr. Zeror was using the light bleeding in from outside to examine a document with a loupe. She noticed a mushroom seal at the bottom and was immediately intrigued.

"May I see that?"

As he didn't respond, she tugged on one end and that slight resistance from his trance-like state made the fragile parchment tear across a preexisting seam middle line.

"-Huh? Ma'am, you ruined it!" he gasped.

She covered her mouth. "I'm sorry! What was it?"

"Yeah, what's it say, doll?" Les asked, super enthused.

Toadette felt a frog in her throat. Sure, she could decipher the Shroomish list of items and herbs, the mention of a 'Teeowed' and a verb for 'consume' standing out, but so could Mr. Zeror. Maybe if she hadn't isolated herself she'd know what the heck was happening.

"There are more relics at our house, and we have to collect them before they do," Joe reappeared out of nowhere and expedited, as if he read her mind.

Her face probably told him, so close. Finding her voice, she folded that document up and slid it into a pocket, like it was any old receipt from a store. "I'm aware that we didn't comb for every valuable. I saw the manifest yesterday and had a mini heart attack, but it's unfeasible at this point. We should coalesce down South, where we can support Bucken-Berry, and Ala-Gold-"

"And Tom?" Les asked.

She hadn't realized until then that she never met him. "..Sure. My point is, we shouldn't support the King's men."

"We are not, Miss Toadette," Mr. Zeror spoke lowly. "It's a merely opportunistic endeavor."

"Well I.. I.."

"Enough of this. Oh Tim?!" Les yelled. "Tempt her with the Chocolate Cake already!"

The b-list chef waltzed in with a plate of fresh, prepared and impressively so on the spot, Jelly Ultra. Toadette politely refused.

"What an imbecile!" Joe complained to Les and Zeror.

"Excuse me Flower Boy," Tim snapped. He dropped the plate down on the receptionist's desk with a clang. "Face me so I can see what you're saying!"

"I said this, Timothy," after signing the chef's name, Joe swung and clocked him across the jaw.

The rotund chef tripped backward out the door, rolling to a stop at a parking brick outside. He propelled himself up as Joe and Les barged out brandishing a fire extinguisher and a vase, and Mr. Zeror followed, blanched and embarrassed for everybody's sake. The chef whipped out a long silver butcher's knife and held them off with it.

"You're all on drugs! Especially Flower Boy! We all know you grow more than those!"

"Stoooooop!" Toadette ran out between him. "What would Mr. Toadsworth say?"

"That a 'row' is all uncalled for and junk," Les answered, eye rolling. "You mighta went it college unlike most of us doll, but we aren't stupid."

"Exactly. She's the foremost of the princess's subsidiaries, so she'd better start acting like it! We'll wish we didn't miss the Public Address!" Joe argued.

"Ugh, fine!" she acquiesced, pulling on her pigtails. "Mr. Zeror, Mr. Toadsworth would probably delegate to you in my absence, so.. You are in charge until that event or whatever. Happy?"

She was choked out by dark exhaust from a van pulling up, stamped with the Mushroom King's insignia. She demoted herself just in time.

Nurse Laki stopped Jr. Troopa in the middle of business, gesturing over to a yoshi in a tux down the hall, outside a Mushroom Flu patient room.

"...Yeah, Mushroom Flu, Charles," he spoke through a hand's free device. "It's all over the mainstream media so don't get cute... Yes Ashley is one of them. Enough of this wait and see. I'm suspending operations at our old base..."

Laki ducked behind his medical cart. "He was the YoshiMobile guy. Got sick of being reamed and switched to IslandMobile for a bit before fading into obscurity. One Festive Tree Day themed commercial featured my second cousin thrice removed, but having their fingerprints surgically removed caused too many complications and heaven knows what they do now."

Jr. Troopa stared, weirdly uncomfortable. "I vaguely remember that 'can you hear me now' hipster, but unless it's a really small world you're tripping."

"You'd be surprised."

Suddenly it hit the paratroopa like a loaded wagon that there was no visitation there, but he turned around and the hipster had faded in a different way, nowhere to be found. Troopa left a note to Rou T. to guard it better and then retreated to his office where his things were shoved to the walls in favor of a testbed and tables with bubbling chemicals. As he entered, someone was knocking for Dr. Topper.

"Doc, it hurts when I do this," a janitor said, holding his elbow.

The hammer bro smiled. "Stop doing that, sir. Also, I'm just-"

"A psychologist, I know. That's why I need ya because I keep telling myself not to and I do it anyway."

"Maybe I can help you later," Topper backed up.

Probabilly blocked him from shutting the door with a broom handle.. "Wait. I was jokin. Mostly. Now real talk. You need to come with me for a sec. You rented this hi-techy kart to come down, right? Well, we found it at the bottom of a..."

Meanwhile, "Welcome. How do you like it, Jackson?" Dr. Toad was at the rearmost wall, in a spot he'd carved out as his atelier.

Troopa paused before the earthly-toned homestead portrait. "It's nice. Whatever.. Wait I own this, so I better be welcoming you!"

"Do you?"

"No! .. I mean.. Who's holding us up again?"

"Prof. X-Naut. Don't send a search party, he's incorrigible. A crop drawing, perhaps with an arrow pointing here would work. Extraterrestrials do take their cultural art seriously."

"-As Carroboscis? I know some lawns that need mowing, so let's get to it, Drew." Troopa yanked his sketching arm again. "We'll bond like old times."

Dr. Toad sighed as he dropped the pastels into a cubby. He slid off his white coat too. Under he wore a light blue button-up shirt with a shine sprite pattern. The sun was out like the kingdom was never hit with four inches of precipitation, though that's not why the paratroopa's gaze lingered.

"…First of all I'm jealous you ain't gotten fatter since the pact like most of us, but-"

Dr. Toad seemed as if he didn't remember at all, though he was spared from the jaded rage bubbling up by a rap at the thin tin door.

"Um. Hi. Sorry." Outside, Dr. Toadley's intern was waiting with a medical bag with what appeared to be multicolored starbits inside.

"We arrive to assist.. not subjugate. I present.. A new and improved..Miracle Toadley Cure!" The exhausted purple clad doctor collapsed, Birdley leaving his shoulder just in time to perch on the office's rooftop.

Jr. Troopa scanned around. "Did you run here?"

The winded intern nodded sadly.

Dr. Toad stepped away, stoic and arms folded. "I appreciate it, Houdini, however at a twenty-four hours infection duration, it's unlikely that anything so extreme will occur that will necessitate-"

A wall of the Southern Mushroom hospital was utterly demolished, releasing a crazed Mushroom Flu-infected yoshi girl, dragging a human woman by the legs. Rou T. was hopeless with the tranquilizer, short of forcing everyone to dive to the ground as she fired over their heads and blew out every window on the block. From the ground, Troopa threw a lasso over the yoshi. She let go of the girl to squirm and drag the triage nurse all over the place.

"I got iiiiiit!" he yelled, disappearing.

Laki arrived and decided that he didn't, roping, figuratively this time, the gun-toting toad girl into his ostro to chase them down, making it safe for the doctors to approach the princess. She was sprawled out in the red soil with her eyes rolled back, hair frizzled, clothes torn, and writhing occasionally from mental disturbances they could only imagine..

While Dr. Toad checked her pulse, she suddenly clamped over his hand, making his blood run cold. "Don't'!.. This is real me dawg. Hear me out."

Jon didn't bother with a tally of toads for Peach Castle, because as far as he saw it, they didn't even know. After he scooped them up, Toadette discovered that he'd left his partner behind when she stumbled upon her in the hotel still. The pink toad hid behind a fake plant at the last moment.

Bridget mostly played Donkey Kong in a bored fashion or pretended to monitor the hall, fidgeting mostly with the intricacies of her uniform. "Dude I see you."

"Just checking out this garland!" Toadette pinched a dust-coated leaf.

The guard gave her a pitying look. "Right… Think it's fake, eh."

The pink toad flushed. "Oh. That was my conclusion too as a botanist. -And polymer scientist!"

"-Thought you were more famous as the princess's chauffeur?"

"That too."

She came even closer. "Hey, that's an honor! Being paid to speed around? Anyway since it's just us, will ya come with me for an errand? I don't wanna get lost."

Moments later Toadette sqeed. Around back was a shiny B-Dasher, a privately owned kart used for the job, Mushroom insignias juxtaposed on it. Still gorgeous.

Bridget nudged her. "Don't drool on my seat covers."

"I won't!"

The guard loaded in the back some boxed army supplies that looked suspiciously like junk food while Toadette carried a large purse that was mostly empty, for then at least. They drove off in the convertible, relaxing in the breeze. While directing the guard towards Pleasant Path for some secret drop off, she retrieved a cassette from the legendary mushroom rock band 'The Pizzas'. Trying to find her own way was new and kicky, not to be confused with another word, though the speed, comfort, and low, not overly obnoxious and try-hard but just right purr of the kart's engine was pretty sexy. Not tied down, she could stop being a manager and behave like a boss.

Mario wiggled his toes out of falling asleep, checking his watch. He was never going to extenuate again if his hairs were rising, and they were around these seemingly innocuous parts. The plot of land had horse pens, chicken pens, a lonely mysteriously unlocked camper, and a lonelier even more mysteriously boarded up library on it. Captain Toad couldn't decipher the first book he'd teased in their faces, not even with the help of additional books with Spanish warning labels on them. Everything inside the camper was spotless and well preserved for its older model, and Mario detected no scent of lunch being prepared in the living space, so he didn't assume the worst, just a notch above that, because he knew they still shouldn't be here.

"Thanks bud. Don't worry about it right now." Mario checked a replacement phone he was loaned, a brick GoomPCS. There were a lot of missed calls to clear away, as guilty as it made him feel. "I gotta check something out with my brother and after that we have to go. Okay?"

"Of course." The Captain massaged his stained eyes. Opening them again, finding himself alone, something snapped. He flipped the table with a roar of anguish, books flying up and into cupboards and knickknacks.

That beast had been simmering since Luigi had the audacity to quip that it sounded like The Captain was trying to recite the Mushroomcractic Oath with a brick in his mouth. He would have happily demonstrated on the green plumber if one was within arm's reach. Now, Mario was dismissing him? He stood in the middle of the mess, breathing heavily, trying to control his trembling. Lifting a curtain revealed a flurry of white, brown and black fur coats and feathers, the startled animals running around the perimeter of their pens. With that, the red faded from his vision and he righted the table. Picking up the books, he noticed a silver-plated locket. It was not very valuable he appraised with proficiency, nonetheless he couldn't have such a trinket connecting him to the scene.

He slipped into the bedroom where a bob-bomb buddy was bound and gagged on the floor. The Captain loomed over for a second, before dropping it on his dresser and getting out of dodge. It was starting to smell bad in there anyway. He left the outskirts of town on foot, regretting discarding his ride for a little moment, but there were no takebacks now, much like the abhorrent treatment from the Mario brothers.

Yoshi waved to neighbors when he wasn't tossing a stick for Poochy or rescuing said neighbors when the dog charged them. A Dino Rhino and Ukiki from the berry farm nearby reminded the dinosaur that his growing son habitually played rough. A quirk of the breed, but nothing he couldn't mitigate!

Exercise over, he rallied Poochy to his side. Tall sumac buffeted him along the way. He'd meant to tame the land around his treehouse more. It was covering the 'For sale' sign..

Yoshi collapsed on his striped hammock. He had a dresser to the right, an icebox, and nothing else that wasn't packed in boxes. He couldn't keep busy, but he couldn't rest either, not when he knew there was a crisis happening. Mario texted from a new number that he couldn't risk involving him, and he couldn't accept that answer no matter how hard he tried.

"-Hello?... Yoshi, not now?!"

"What kind of greeting is that, Mario? Be straight with me!"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

Luigi got on the line. "Yosh. This 'misunderstanding' with Bowser is going to be settled soon."

"Sooner if I'm there. Don't worry, I won't visit your kingdom, I can meet you along the way." The dinosaur paced around, causing Poochy to drop a plush chew toy and watch his dad uneasily. "I'll even book a flight."

"~But he hates flying!" Mario retorted distantly.. "Tell him..We don't know the particulars. We don't know our route, or even where Bowser is! Until we know for sure, sit tight. Relax. You deserve it. Kiss his 'darlin' and tell her he loves her so she doesn't blow up like usual-"

"-She WILL be supportive!"

"When's the wedding?" Luigi asked, genuinely. "This isn't a diatribe. You're on thin ice all of the time and everyone notices."

He was in stunned silence as the line cut, air thinning in the room. "No…" he whispered. "No!"

When he heard the squeaks of the ladder outside, he dashed to have the door open for his fiancée, dolled up in a hot pink dress coat and matching church hat. Slightly taken back by his initiative, she blew a kiss (eh, close enough?) and continued in, placing a Bronze Egg on the mantelpiece. Poochy aggressively snarled at the prop from Authentic Restorations Inc. Yoshi sighed lightly, securing the locks. She was supposed to hide it. Heck he wanted to hide it forever, because if gave off an odd energy, but his fiancée was enraptured with that tacky effigy, insisting the modeling agencies booked her two-fold with it.

"Honey, get comfortable please." He watched her lounge on her red love sofa, flicking around on her smartphone with an idle 'I'm listening' disposition. He took one more breath. "I feel that to lessen the burden on all of us, we should relocate to somewhere more opportune, closer to Toad Town-"

She snapped in his direction, glaring dangerously. "T. Yoshisaur, half the treehouse is in a box marked 'Subcon'! We were just about to deposit on the condo!"

"Listen! With our rapport we'd have no issues finding a home!.. Okay, fine, what's going to make you happy? My current trajectory clearly isn't."

"You run away," She listed, counting fingers with plenty of diamond rings. "You'll answer a call from Mario quicker than from me. I know because I attended one of your parties in secret. While you're gone I'm stuck here where I hate it. On the blue moon that you are home, you want to strip from me possessions I hold dear!"

He lifted his gaze from his orange booties across the wooden boards and onto her longing expression at… a number of her packed things, one of them the Bronze Egg! A flash of anger came upon him. He ran over and launched it through the window.

"YOSHI!" she exploded, rushing to the window sill.

"-That was uncalled for and I'll rectify that-"

"Arrrrg!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Yoshi approached her side. The sun made the shiny pieces of the artifact glint among the ragweed and sumac. "However, we need to be straight-"

"I will punch you with my ring hand if you use that phrase."

"Understood!" he said conciliatory. "But.. If our goals and incompatible, we can't ignore that anymore."

Birdo slowly faced him, tears glistening in her eyes. Then- "Whew!... And since you broke up with me, they'll drag you online instead."

Yoshi wasn't even upset about that. If they were giving unsolicited commentary on other people's romantic life like that, the jokes were on them! "Will you need any help?"

"I can get movers. Save your back, old man."

He smiled. "Fitting, I'm about to 'retire' to my own personal paradise too, darlin."

They laughed together, softly rather.

The rhythmic shuffling of tracks meant there was a slumbering dinosaur for a multicolored dog to lick in the face, having escaped from a bulky luggage bag thirty minutes ago. His master was mumbling about that person again.

Poochy was a good boy.

He was learning phrases.

He understood 'stop', 'go', 'fetch', and 'Here's money for a shopping spree, honey'.

He also purported what 'Mario' meant.

That name seemed to connect with elation in general for Master.

Therefore… Mario must be food. See? Poochy smart boy.

A loud steam whistle jolted Yoshi awake. "No boy," he addressed the canine nuzzling him. "Get back in!"

Another yoshi, the ticket checker that had been pestering everyone in that section with a katana, came up. "I knew my allergies weren't lying, Larry. Found him."

"The Koopaling?" Yoshi tossed a blanket over Poochy way too late.

A stern uniformed toad came up. "No sir, I'm the conductor. The Toad Town 101 does not allow pets in the passenger compartments." He presented a pen and pad for an autograph. "But for the famous Mr. Munchakoopas, we can pretend we didn't see it, can't we Peter? Use the rearmost carriage if there are any 'accidents'."

...

Soon enough, the ride meandering, Poochy needed a break before one could happen. They entered a pure storage area for bales of hay, illuminated by a precariously half-open sliding door. The jungle scrolled by in a jade blur outside. As Poochy sniffed around, Yoshi noticed an Emerald Circus poster, shortly perplexed to find Lemmy on the billing.

"I prefer the Cirque du Angry Solei."

He turned over his shoulder, eyes widening. "How did you-"

"Teleportation."

"I'm not in the mood for games, Dr. Professor," he replied, teeth clenched.

Doctor Professor Koopa chuckled, continuing to hold his shoulder. Stubble spotted the corners of his face, but was otherwise just as Friday. "I'm not at my practice so you may address me as Theo."

"How about not."

"That's really my name."

"Whatever. What happened to your havoc-wreaking crew?"

"I suppose apprehension," he expressed, not particularly concerned.

"Well, we aren't heading back to Toad Town."

"Gee willikers, thanks for the heads up!" With a burst of energy, Dr. Prof. threw himself into another train passing in the opposite direction. Yoshi made a lightning decision, scooped his dog up and followed. They landed in a pile of red clay. This sketchier train was a rough ride and with no covering over each car he could view the ocean and the bridge stretching into the unknown, but he'd made his bed already. Or again rather. The dino carefully made his way over the coupler and into the next car, rewarded with satisfaction from that criminal's dumb stare from atop the gravel pile.

"Surprise, Theodore." Yoshi found his hands around the doctor's throat.

"ERk! ...You… have a tenacity most don't at our age, boy! …Mario… for a certainty sent you to hunt me down and stomp my face… I propose… an information exchange."

Maybe, just a tiny bit, pumped up by that compliment, he released him, folding his arms. "Don't waste my time."

He rubbed his prickly throat, going, "When my 'Sweet Pea' was a grammar school age I was the castle medic, but you know that, right? Alright. One day her father and a toad noble made me want to quit over a biological theory, the anthropomorphs Toads were compatible with. That's all. Both basketcases flipped out. When I found work at Castle Koopa, it was a great gig until the Mushroom Flu broke out. Its title is erroneous. It's not a virus or contagious, it's food poisoning from a bad mushroom….FROM SPACE!"

"...What are you saying?"

The wrinkles around Dr. Prof. Koopa's eyes creased. "That was my end of the bargain. Now please enlighten me on.. the touch of a human, since that is just so controversial."

Yoshi shoved him against the sloped wall of the cart, half burying both in gravel. "I warned you about wasting my time. The cops will be asking you for a check-up soon."

He whistled for Poochy and dove into the blue ocean waters.

Sounded like such a cool exit in his head. In reality, he dropped in the middle of nowhere, especially once he strayed from the concrete pillars of the bridge. That's when a strong whirlpool snuck up on him. Poochy immediately left his saddle and swam away, disappearing over a rolling wave. The dinosaur reluctantly accepted his fate. The canine was only preserving his life.

The water broke, and he noticed a fluorescent orange object. He encouraged his companion with the life preserver ring in his teeth until he could grab on. Some rope tethered to it swiftly towed them towards a white fishing boat so miniature, the billows obscured it.

…

"No problem. That's why I joined the s- the Coast Guard. Need another towel?" Sonny, as he introduced himself, asked his passengers. He was a youngish red toad wearing all black, with a tactical vest as large as him.

"No thanks."

"Good. That was my only one."

The resilient dinosaur let the dog have it, chatting with that coast guard for a bit, neither prying as they entered Pipe Land waters. Sonny reduced their speed with all of the pipes sticking up from the ocean, soon spotting something bobbing around. He released a ragged sigh when it turned out to be a body. And Yoshi thought this was about to be a happy ending…

A silver Aston Mushroom pulled up to Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, stealthily hidden behind all the tanks taking up the closest spots. As Kylie Koopa snuck around, she checked if they'd illegally taken up some handicapped spots. She'd have loved to snap a photo and tip Snifit Patrol on it later, alas they didn't take the bait..

The reporter entered as any other visitor, hiding the camera and the freeze gun she found in the car. Things could get hostile. They said half or more of the MK East staff were replaced with folks from up north, easily identifiable because they were only toads.

Kinopio-Kun's room was on level two. As she was climbing the steps, two piantas in suits and bulging suitcases left from there, going the other way. Paling, she knocked twice then stepped into the fray.

The lime green toad was up in his bed with a laptop. A table to his left held Starmanbucks coffee cups, and a stack of sympathy cards. High-end personal luggage occupied the guest recliners. Beady eyes rose from the bright screen. He waved impatiently, making her sweat through her shell.

"-Hey. It's Kylie Koopa, ace reporter.. And a fan of your work! .. So you've heard of the event happening? Well if you could give a good word for me, I'd appreciate it."

His jaw shifted from side to side. "I don't think so, lady. Where did you think this was going? I should blog about you next. I mean.. How old are you even? Seems like after a point you stopped aging. Might you be connected to the Pionpi?"

"Cut it out, fella!" she cried, recoiling as if he'd brought out garlic… Which wouldn't work by the way because she wasn't one!

She rushed out, back downstairs.

"Kylie!"

"Mitch?! What happened?"

Smack in the middle of the hall, she blanketed a toad in a hug. He winced, making her reluctantly ease up. He sat in a wheelchair, dressed in the same clothes he had yesterday, just dingier and stained.

"Got hit by a bus," he informed bluntly, presenting a paper. "You're still on my power of attorney. Sign this and I can leave. Answers'll come later babe."

Kylie read over the document in faded transfer paper ink. "Irregularities in the frontal cortex?" That explained his slurred words and strabismus.. "..And your nose keeps bleeding."

He sluggishly wheeled away. "Why do you think? I need to get home and start working. This is big, Kylie. Bigger than some little public address."

She hesitated, then signed the document and flung it to a nurse. "Done, Mitch.. But I gotta get the scoop on that! Who else will?"

"I owe you so here.." He gave her a pass a coworker at their job had emailed him during his stay. "I'm warning ya babe. It'll be regrettable."

Kylie wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. She settled for thanking him and he watched her go off wherever she was hiding her probably stolen kart..

As the automatic doors were shutting, he muttered, "Though. A matter of perspective."

"Why are you here instead of spying around the castle for me? Yes I'm monitoring you wiseguy."

Booigi threatened to pop out and send his head through the wall, but the nagging voice was from an earpiece they didn't know was on them until then. They supposed they could still do that to themselves. They didn't know why they were there either. With a less diverse staff, they stuck out like that one unfortunate goomba who attended a 'fungi' party, when the unspoken rule was that those were for TOADS only. Yes, they were feeling spicy today. When Parakarry mentioned that they needed a doctor, Boo might have believed him, but Booigi II didn't, marching right back out.

At a help desk, a belligerent stout alien gave the clerk an earful.

"-It is legit, the most reliable paraphernalia there is!" The X-Naut PhD shook around a pink sticky note from a medical bag. It stated: 'Get out of bed and help us out today at the hospital, associate! -Dr. Toad'. "Check a seventeenth time. Morris has two Rs, like the original spelling of R.O.B before the underground robot league visited him and rewrote all the books."

The receptionist flipped a 'temporarily out of service' sign up and closed the shutter over the glass. In a huff he was about to leave, when- "You there. Stop. I beckon you."

Booigi didn't intend to leave with the weirdo, but they were walking side by side suddenly.

"I come in peace, don't worry. Now, yoink, as the kids say!" He plucked a tiny tracking device from behind the boo's invisible ear, further exaggerating their stupefied look. "Mr. Charles thought he could hide, recruiting the uninitiated to do his bidding. Hmph. Until they learn to hide the red blinking lights, Super Spy HQ will continue to be one of five million secret organizations I'll document soon. I'm gone." He rubbed his mittens together rapidly taking to the sidewalks.

The boo stared, then ran after him. "Who the heck are you!?"

"Professor Morris Cosmo X-naut, Dr. Toad's best scientist. Drew once told me that my intelligence scares him.. or was it my resume?"

What the what?

Luigi said in his private fan club chat that Dr. Toad wanted to help the sick.

They had to smack some sense into Prof. X-Naut then, to save their friends! Or maybe help him take down 'SS HQ' quicker!

But this Public Address thing seemed important too.

They wanted to be a hero.

And.. What if King's people decided to hunt down Luigi?

"Boo? What's the odds? Come with me. We can do something cool."

In a blink they were Boo again, swiveling at the silver Aston Mushroom. "Miss Kylie. I'm kinda."

How to put it?

Split.

"It'll be alright. Please? I'll let cha hold this to feel cool!" She held up a funky silver freeze ray, like out of a movie.

The twenty-five-year-old hopped in so quickly they phased right on in.

"Wow!" Kylie scratched the back of her neck, getting an idea. Nothing stopped an ace reporter. "Do your thang and hold the dash, fella."

Soon they sped off, an apparitional entity unimpeded by all solid objects.

"With this trick- Whoa-" The reporter flushed at how dark and echoey she sounded in the shadow realms. "-We're gonna get real close. Might even end up immortalized during this historic occasion. Famous!"

Booigi the Second revolved to face her with a half smile. "I know I will."

Saul Toad verified the order of his cheat cards one last time, then tucked them under the cuff of his military uniform. The orange-capped toad official public speaker for the Mushroom King gracelessly arrived only an hour ago, and with a misbuttoned jacket, so he was itching to get out there and leave them speechless. From proletarian aide into where he'd advanced now, this was the culmination of his career, finally in a position to put the idiots in his old podunk hometown in their place! If that failed, he'd just imagine everyone in their underwear. Worked every time.

Psyched up, left the transport vehicle at the base of Star Hill. The intruders were pushed away from the wreck site, barriers were installed, and a PA system was set up. Two guards escorted him to a raised area of the lawn, previously where the cannon was mounted. They said it was now lodged somewhere in a tree.. Off to the side was a local police officer, relegated to the sidelines.

"Godspeed, sir," chirped his guard on the left. Their name escaped Saul, some average-height toad of intermediate gender, but that was the spirit!

"Uh. Yeah. Eh," mumbled the other one, a bigger toad securing his right. Saul did not know why Benedict was assigned to him, but the big doofus's rosy face meant that he was in hot water. The Mushroom King's philosophy is that well-bred toads did not need to be babysat, and if so they'd be relegated to some job with constant monitoring. He tested the mic, a satisfying buzz projecting over the lake. Monitored they would be.

The representative began with the pleasantries and then rolled right into it.

"...Our standings at the moment are so: We have suspended search efforts for Mario Mario, who we know to have fled out of our jurisdiction, specifically to the Southern Mushroom Kingdom, but he is still under investigation for conspiracy to abduct your princess." He paused for all the little quiet gasps, so low he still heard cicadas from Star Hill's wilderness. "Currently, our focus is our wonderful Princess Peach. Upon her rescue from the enemy's clutches, I am pleased to declare that our King will rebuild his daughter's castle in all its splendor and beauty!… On a plot of land from our King's estate in Poshley Heights!… Questions?"

The thunderstruck audience released their cries, a schizophrenic mix of emotions. He was well aware of course that only the handful in the front could shout something intelligible, and most of them were folks the Poshley guards planted. One exception, likely because he pragmatically flew over enough heads, was a Lakitu Bro with an extensive history with Mario and co's sports.

"Yeah. Where is this desire to move coming from? Not Peach!"

"-Perhaps you don't know her. Why wouldn't she cherish safety and want her castle closer to our King? The stars aren't favoring this place. Spree killers, a resurgence of a deadly epidemic? Ah, and had she been with our King, she'd have never been kidnapped. Try and deny that!"

Franticness arose anew in the crowd, starting at the front and rolling back. As a few more expressed their views, a boo brought Kylie Koopa to the front. The ritzy reporter was nauseous from being phased through body after body, though she fought it for 'the scoop', preparing her DSLR. The backdrop was striking. Click click click. The jagged ruins of the castle.. Star Hill's purple elevations beyond that ..the aristocrats in their midst lined up.. Snifit Patrol wagging a finger at her from his car parked by the withered tree..

Kylie ducked then and tried to pop up somewhere else. By the time she did, Boo was crossing the prohibited tape in a semi-visible state, and only she could see it. She called them back too late, they were beyond Snifit Patrol, none the wiser, and right up on Saul in the middle of bickering with a Sarasaland roketon diplomat. To be fair that was strange, but not as much as Boo solidifying and revealing the freeze gun.

The representative's mouth hung.

"Open. Your. Freaking. Ears," Booigi growled, standing in place as the two closest guards charged. "This is what the millions the back who you refuse to hear really think." The boo fired as the first yellow blobs of super scope blasts swept the air.

With a frosty poof, there was a huge block of ice where Saul once was. The energy blasts hit that with Saul trapped inside, suspended in his open palmed pose of terror. As quickly as it appeared, so much so that the audience hadn't fathomed what they were witnessing, it was breaking up into diced chunks and rolling downhill, against the feet of onlookers or bobbing around in the lake.

Booigi II dropped the prototype and spun to the aftermath. With so many eyes upon them a ticklish sensation was in the back of their throat, leaving it as a chuckle.