My Works

Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Mario and Bowser Redux


Note: rewrites underway

by Compsognathus_Mechayoshi

Chapter 1: Go-Karting With Bowser

~Zoom! A mushroom-powered racer in fourth makes a detour for a trick ramp, soaring across the sky, a picture-perfect sweep of their silhouette across the moon. Snap! A photo was taken. Then- Screech! The camera pans. The racer in eighth overshoots a tight curve, sparks flying from the impact against sturdy rails, just separating them from death. The racer aft of them, not so fortunate, simply falls right off. The view swivels quickly. Many meters ahead, the first-place racer is alerted by a shrill ping of heat-seeking red shells. Expertly, all are dodged~

All par for the course of 'Mario Kart'. Heroes, villains, and everyone in between invited by the famous plumber competed on streets, dirt trails, underwater, through sand, snow, and whatever Cheese Land was supposed to be for arbitrary prizes. It was more about the stakes-free association, where those labels were inconsequential. Mario let everyone think the infamous track of Rainbow Road had no significance, but he wanted to leave Earth for a bit, where ironically he was breathing better. A Special Cup circuit, the track was as intimidating as it was a sight to behold, a 2,000m ribbon-like band perpetually suspended high in the stratosphere, no extra charge for the starry light show in the background. Only the occasional rail and Lakitu's diligence separated the racers from certain doom! Or that was what Mario and co told MKTV at least. As for the racer in the Bullet Blaster front running, the danger was real. -And that danger was the lack of it.

Mario sat up a little straighter in the paddled leather seat, wondering if he should sandbag. Checking his map, there was a blip breaking from the pack, zoning in. He peeped at their face from the mirror, scrunched up and knotty, red eyes narrowed, gripping so tightly on the wheel it might snap in half. Mario never knew zippy little Pipe Frame karts could withstand the abuse of King Bowser Koopa, and that would be the least of his surprises.

Hearing the alarm of red shells, there was that trouble the red plumber pined for. Dealing with an anti-gravity section simultaneously, his snaking technique to outwit the shells went awry, brakes locking up as he skidded out of the spiral. Hitting the normal track again, the red missile struck a banana instead of him and he was unscathed after all, just with company revving up parallel.

"Thanks for keeping first place warm for me, Mustache! Ha ha!" Bowser held position, wafting dark smoke on him, and losing a few bolts. In exchange for the ability to slam everyone around, though collisions had occurred judging by the scrapes in the orange paint job, the king had the acceleration to recover from mistakes and balanced stats elsewhere to be strategic.

"Be careful what you wish for," Mario chuckled. "Wouldn't wanna overheat." He tossed over a fireball he'd been saving. Bowser's mug was priceless as he spun out. Catching a break though, a booster panel caught him right back up, or close enough to ogle Mario's choice of vehicle suddenly.

"-Did you rent that thang from the hangar? I was stalking that place ALL DAY and I never saw ya," he approached casually.

No wonder there were complaints about that.. "A local friend," the plumber answered on his shoulder. "You wouldn't know him."

"What?!" Bowser must have slammed against the wheel, making a brief honk. "I know all of your pals- you know, to use against you at some point obviously, so who's this friend of yours that I don't know?!"

Mario pretended to be too focused on racing. The 'friend' was Gill T. Their neighbor back home had a famous way back when anti-koopa single out and it might get awkward.

"Fine! This'll help ya remember."

After Bowser slapped a bob-omb in his way, Mario swerved for a trick ramp. Bouncing off of it and winning a single banana from an item box, he realized all of his buffoonery had allowed more racers to catch up for the final lap.

"Woohoo!"

Boosted by golden mushrooms, Toad zoomed past Mario and Bowser's stunned faces, traveling far until he spun out on stray bananas. A green dinosaur, also green at operating motored karts and yet a natural at it anyway, took a mushroom-less shortcut to insert himself in the top three slots. Mario kept an eye on his best friend, aft and to the left of him in a Wild Wing with the hazard lights unintentionally flashing. Yes unintentionally. T. Yoshisaur was like their grandpa, except one that 'crept' at 90 mph instead of 9. He and Mario tended to not target each other, so it was the other encroaching racer to worry about. Hitching a free ride beyond most with a bullet bill item and barreling beyond Yoshi, if poofed into Bowser Junior in a Rally Romper.

Dreading being sandwiched between two Bowsers, Mario took the longer path of the fork in the road on purpose. He needed better items to cut through this dense bunch on the narrowing vivid roads. A hyper-speed thundercloud victim ignored Koopa, a local jogger, Toadette of Peach Castle, Luigi Mario who was.. Mario hoped everyone knew by then, Donkey Kong a rare VIP guest, and Birdo from the mysterious Subcon, to hunt him down specifically. Mario shuddered. Some said he had the floor of the castle all to himself to contain his crazy! Mario wildly weaved around to shake him before executing a last-ditch maneuver. He darted off the side and plopped down on a lower section of the track, rear tires barely making it.

"Phew!"

Mario craned over to Bowser.

"I mean, good riddance," he ranted at his side. "Those losers were stealing the spotlight! It's all about OUR rivalry ain't it?"

The plumber felt his hair rise. What a profound statement. Or maybe-

Thunder clapped. ZAP! Rainbow Road was shrouded by a flash so bright it was seen deep into the heavens.

...

"Lightning Strike? Y/N?"

The Great Eldstar tapped 'yes' on the pager and tossed it into a cubby near the throne, missing horrendously and sending the thing clacking on his white marbled floors, batteries rolling. Groaning, more from the headache than that mishap no one saw anyway, the star dropped to his feet.

"This is so exciting!" chimed from behind his half-ajar door. A star kid at work today, Twink. "But, can I change my bet?"

"Hm. What did you wager?" replied one of the ancients, Klevar, arms filled with formidable books.

A pause. "My allowance."

"Oof, you gotta be! -Ah hem, oh dear. Hold this will you?... Thank you. I'll ensure Misstar won't leave you penniless, but let this be a lession."

"Yay thanks! ..Wait we don't use pennies up here.."

Eldstar watched the pair stroll past his doorway, armed with more context. The racer that requested such divine assistance was unusually versed in the stars...

A miniaturized Mario came too, afterimages blotting out all but the peripherals of his vision. Blindly he overtook Bowser and remained lead-footed, remembering that there was one last curve before the finish line when weightlessness followed by a hard tug startled him. His vision was returning as Lakitu's rod hauled him back on track. Bowser's smug grin, baring sharp white teeth as he drove by was infuriating, though as solace no confetti erupted for him seconds later. The racer in the experimental, unregistered, not even finished pink yet like it was inevitably going to be, kart was all but forgotten in the back of the pack, a true sandbagger. Mario knew he should have just gone for that.

...

Princess Peach blew kisses at the crowd, especially Mario, heading over the medal. She was suited for racing and pristine, unlike the rest of the scorched racers packing up as MKTV sidestepped them and circled the sovereign of the Mushroom Kingdom and blurted out questions.

"...I have no secrets I suppose." She flipped her hair, a little tense, and summed it up. "I simply, try my best."

They moved on to Mr. Toad, sporting a silver medallion. Mario couldn't spot him anymore behind those Jugem's clouds, though he understood why he was the next victim of the paparazzo gang. The Toad of Toads was seen more as a celebrity than a saint like Peach, though in a poorly elaborated way, Mario recalled that his stature was so lothly half the kingdom was his ancestral property. Or someone made that up. Anyway, the third-place winner was not exactly a no-show, more like a not-yet. Sliding shut and locking up the metal doors of the garage, baking under those bright stadium lights, Mario was eager to skip out of there, an agitated and ambivalent at once feeling settling in his stomach. Luigi was carpooling with some others to meet up with Daisy, due to arrive early morning in Toad Town, so he'd have to drive home with only worn cassette tapes as his company.

"There you freaking are!" The ambusher's huge spiky shadow enveloped the plumber.

Mario spun into the Koopa King, with another future one on his shoulders, the child distracted at the moment with a bag of lemon candy from the nearest snack machine, otherwise filled with stale space food or soda. This domestic imagery on display was another way Bowser was breaking trends these days. That facet of him was intriguing. Too much.

"Well?"

Mario scrambled to untuck the trinket from within his shirt. "Ease up! I can't play tomorrow if you pulverize me first."

"Did I yell then? Thought I didn't." Bowser appeared to genuinely mean that as he snatched the medal away, handing it to Junior to play around with. Mario could have sworn his trophy case was filled with cobwebs lately. "So 'bout that game. What is it?"

"Tennis."

"-Well you play a million. Hard to keep up. Anyway, I wanted to talk to ya about that. Come on." Bowser made his way off into the rocky Star Road landscape. The plumber stared for a second then ran up.

"H-huh?"

"This pact thing was perfect, obviously 'cause it came from me and my ideas are great!"

"-The pact was my idea, Bowser."

"Whatever. I really like this hanging around ya and terrifying your folks in person instead of you crushing my castles or us having to resort to those secret phone conversations-"

Mario tripped on his own feet in that moment, kicking in the process a big rock that went 'ouch!'

"Why I oughta.." The Moon Cleft charged, shuffling under Mario's boots as he lept over them.

Disappearing behind the lip of a crater, Mario landed with a roll and scoped around rapidly- at least until someone broke the tension.

"Ha! Where was that reaction time during the race?"

Mario rolled his eyes, swatting at the moon dust on his kneecaps. "Good question.."

"Can I try that too?" Junior hopped off of his papa's shell, slipping away from him to chase the baddie. At least Mario got a laugh in return as Bowser tried to scoop him up and missed, falling flat on his face.

"You know, since you sent that tyke to Koopa Scouts instead of having your evil grandpa, no offense- Kamek watch him, his behavior was almost normal. Maybe not."

"Grrr..." Bowser crawled back up. "Shut your trap before I decide to send you home via cannon."

The drone of an airship approaching masked Mario's quip. Huge Doomships, dreadnoughts with propellers, cacophonic, with a tendency to list erratically, they hadn't been spotted in ages.

"Get on!" Bowser yelled in his ear, waving over as an anchor was lowered and promptly smashed into the roof of one of the auxiliary garages. Lakitu and space toads scurried out screaming for their lives. "Whoops!.. I got the rookies driving this one, not my kids. You understand right?"

"I don't!"

"What?"

"I don't!!!!"

"What????" Bowser secured the plumber by both sides and raised him to his level. "Now what?"

"Don't do this!" Mario squirmed, flushing.

"Well I couldn't catch what cha was sayin!"

"Not the hugging part. I mean- yeah this part too, but I can't let people see me in your airship!"

Bowser dropped him with a flash of offense, folding his arms. "What was the point of YOUR Peace Pact then? Mr. Hero is scared of people spottin ya with your old enemy?... Point is- why can't we just hang out?!"

Mario's gaze slid over to the stretch of land devoid of development, where lunar terrain met twinkling stars and there were no clefts or yux or other aliens patrolling. If he was to have an unfettered walk that way, forgetting everything he was up until now, the zen just might overshadow his regrets, and that sent a shiver through him.

Bowser snapped his fingers in his face, staring at him funny. Mario stared harder though, because beyond the Koopa King was a roaring inferno. The doomship scrapped across the tin roof and the sparks lit the gasoline stored around. Maybe that wasn't a best practice in retrospect, but it wasn't exactly easy to start a fire in an oxygen-deprived area either. Bowser and minions were special like that. Following impact the ship plunged into the ground, shook them off their feet, and careened off a cliff, bow stabbing a corner of Rainbow Road, which shattered like glass. Propellers broke and the engines were cut, everything silent.

"This is why." Sighing, Mario brushed beyond Bowser to rush over and help in any way he could.

Bowser watched for a moment and then knew what to do. He whipped over to his child, moon jumping with a toy K64 replica in hand. "Junior, quick! Gimme your sketch pad."

...

Keep your friends close and enemies closer. Merely some stock quote in the past, when having a romp across enemy-filled kingdoms was so exhilarating he refused salary until the Mushroom folks forced him to and built the brothers a fantastic house in a prestigious sector of the town, it was a reality now and the sword of Damocles swung inches above his head. He was the 'flawless' paragon of one side and the 'irredeemable' enemy of the other. 'These nations shall never quarrel again', the pact stated and technically they weren't, but Mario forgot about another war, raging intensely in a hidden place.

Leaving the Star Road ER late, thankful to the stars that the smoke didn't make the MK staff croak too badly or make him hit the ground blue in the face from asthma, a skittish nurse flagged him down on the way out, passing along a letter. The written in crayon part is what really made it deranged:

"To Mario only (OR ELSE): This is 'You know who'. I really didn't mean to screw with those no-name extra losers. You know I only do that with people that are special to me! I'll make it up to you with this genius plan. I'll be your tennis partner tomorrow and when we win, I'll say I'm donating the proceeds or some crap. You get to look good, cause you even got someone like me to do something nice. (Note: I'm not doing something nice. I'm JUST pretending) and I get a [this part scratched out] trophy for once.- MORE trophies for my overfilled case. I've already threatened all the organizers to switch it around, don't worry about that. Get ready!"

Blanched, Mario folded the letter up. His original- no Bowser wasn't about to railroad him. His real tennis partner was-


Chapter 2: Bros Before Koopas

'You have one new message.' *Beep*

Mario's eyelids slowly opened as the voicemail buzzed from the Yoshimobile on the stand between the beds, the tiredness raking through him not enough to shut out his Pavlovian response to wake up when his phone did anything. It was distributed widely for emergencies after all:

"Hey loser, wake up call from: 'You Know Who'!" ~Loud orchestral music was in the background of the gravelly voice. "Friendly reminder for ya: we gotta win, or the Special Cup's gonna be incomplete. You know my castles in that cup right? Oh, and that charity thing or whatever. There will be more surprises when I show up, kay? Bwa ha ha!"

Mario sprang up, white covers flying.

"-Last thing before I run outta time. What's the recipe for that dessert you can't eat alone? Huh? Uh.. Oh the Couples Cake- Gramps, get lost, this ain't him on the line again.." *mumbling * "Gotta go. Keep that touchscreen smokin'!"

*Beep* 'End of message. You have no new messages.'

Some white blanket-covered monster hummed. It slid to the ground, Mario shrinking under a disappointed little brother's gaze. "Why did I beat you to the house last night again?"

"Daisy made it safe?" Mario yawned, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He had a plan and if done right he might not earn a slap upside the head.

"Y-yeah. Sure. Or barely, because Daze insisted on being the helicopter pilot and she merely landed on top of us.." The other plumber in the green pajamas leaned against the door frame, paling. "And then to compound it, you stumbled in and collapsed in bed without a word, tossing and turning for the rest of the morning."

Mario stood, rolling his shoulders. "Snore like a jet engine too?"

Luigi sighed. "Remarkably not, without your mask."

"So that nebulizer as the ER worked.." he thought out loud.

Luigi dropped the blanket. "You were hospitalized?!"

"No. Outpatient. -It's Bowser's fault, and he's gonna get an earful when he arrives-"

"Bowser's coming?!"

"No!" Mario squeezed by, or tried to. "Well, yes, but no I have it under control. Sure, he threatened the organizers and sponsors but-"

"Bureaucratic corruption too?!"

"NO! I mean- But it's fine. He's not replacing you as my tennis partner."

Luigi's trepidation ebbed away, eyeing him blankly. "That's what this was about?"

...

"It's worth how much?"

Luigi settled on a memory foam seat cushion. "I found it underneath your complete-in-box copy of Wind Waker. Guess."

"-Eh, value's moot for us anyway. I'll just donate it." Mario dragged an iron ornate chair over, seating himself on the other side of the kitchen table.

Their little wooden cottage was warm and cozy already from the morning sun. Birds chirped outside and the thick green grass of the yard was coated in dew. Any time other than breakfast they loved to eat out there, because indoors the picturesque model home image fell apart at the seams. Such a great house, possibly the best single-story one in the Western suburb of Toad Town, with four bedrooms and a large basement, yet a terrible problem snuck up on the two. There was no room for guests to sleep over anymore because various gifts to the hero of the kingdom occupied that space. None of the hoard was dead, dying, or moldy, most often than not new in packaging, but neither knew how to rectify this without a huge spectacle, short of their mirrored avoidance tactics. Luigi visited the castle enough for it to be a second home, often in the study rooms or elsewhere within the chambers where the relative vacancy was almost eerie, and Mario took their Mach Bike and offroaded a ton.

While Mario was certainly getting more fresh air than he was, Luigi was certain he had a clearer head at the moment. He didn't pretend their overfilling on occasion mailbox was invisible, privy to all letters, including ones with the return address of-

He lowered his morning Toad Town news, eyebrows furrowing. "Are you prepared to discuss the Elle in the room now? Does Bowser really think he's your.. friend or- something?"

Mario took his plate to the sink. "He's fixing everything he messed up, including those expensive anti-gravity panels on Rainbow Road-"

Luigi face palmed.

"I didn't mention that either?.." Mario muttered curses under his breath. "Alright. New new plan. We-"

"Hold on." Luigi took the dish away, opting for the dishwasher. "I'll clean up here. Just pack for the game."

Mario nodded, wandering off into one of the pathways they'd carved. "I know. A fan just gave me a new Lazy Shell and-"

"Not to fight Bowser. I mean, I know you could and win but you'll get a pyrrhic victory at best and he'll walk with the satisfaction of ruining the day. Bowser has infiltrated your head and you have to return the favor by not falling into his trap," he explained like a tactician. "Pull the rug from him, even if..." Luigi bumped the dishwasher door close, locking eyes with him. "That means that I don't play after all."

Mario backed against a wall of boxed Mini-Marios, not entirely on purpose, but he made it look that way. "-We had a winning streak going in doubles! Sure?"

"Affirmative, and when Bowser looks like a fool, it will be immortalized. Trust me." Luigi slipped away, down another corridor.

Mario fancied himself a great biker, just not so much within city limits. Traffic was light, though he dinged the chrome accents a few times by whipping around corners too tight. They made it in one piece ultimately, in typical uniform and ready for the day to start. Luigi never revealed what he was going to do and Mario wasn't sure if he should be more alarmed by his twin holding secrets or the prospect of playing along with Bowser's latest scheme.

It was a sunny day in Toad Town, Mushroomites and visitors gathering for the upcoming match at the stadium. Citizens crammed their way in, passing by sidewalk vendors. The green plumber leaving the parking lot paused for the red toad at one of them. The blue drink offered on the house was chalky, likely not concocted by the castle's trained chef, though refreshing overall.

"...Bowser kicked you off the team?"

Luigi checked around discreetly, pulling his carry-on bag up on his shoulder. "Don't shout from the rooftops or act suspicious, but yes. He's way too comfortable around us now, specifically my brother. Sure I suppose that was in part the purpose of the..."

While Toad listened closely, his pitcher full of blue liquid overfilled a plastic cup, rolling over the edge.

"..And I ask Toadia, 'what? a polar bear in this region? You'd better ring Smash Mansion, where our cousin Dr. Mario is, and ask for Popo'- Hey, Toad! That's suspicious!"

"Hahaha. Dang." He wiped the spill with a towel. "Guess I might break a sweat for once if I'm against Bowser instead of you. Kidding! Wow. What will you do again from the bleachers?"

The green plumber tapped carry-on. "Capture the carnage of you and Daze smoking them! We all know Mario can take a loss with stride, but Bowser?"

"I'm betting on nuclear reaction. Evacuate the premises!"

"It's a possibility," Luigi laughed with his conspirator. They'd been in on this Mario and Bowser thing before the pact, tight like glue, only not too loud about it. Mr. Toad wasn't in his little fan club. He'd asked about that once, not out of pretentiousness or to reach some quota, genuine curiosity, and the toad merely mentioned a 'conflict of interest'. That was sound. He was the Earl of the kingdom, one humble enough to stand at a shroom shake stand in place of Toadette, who actually owned it based on the pink glittery signage and the cup of coins meant to fund the 'installation of more monuments based on indigenous fungi', but a noble the same. If Peach and Mario were never official, he could expect Mr. Toad to be his official.. Where was he going with this?..

"Boo!"

Randomly jabbed in the back, Luigi dropped his cup, spilling juice everywhere. He swung around and got that overdue slap in.

Mario adjusted his crooked cap. "Reflex test! Hey Toad." He waved. "Covering for your 'homegirl' eh? Does Toadette know all the participants need to be in the locker rooms in five minutes?"

"Shoot, yeah man." Toad dug under the stand for a megaphone. "CLOSE OUT SALE! SHROOM SHAKES HALF OFF!"

The Mario brothers covered their ears, sidestepping as passersby were galvanized to support Toad's or Toadette's or whoever's good cause. Once Mario was off into the grass, Princess Peach materialized to unceremoniously whisk him away in small talk. Luigi drifted closer to the street, tentatively scoping out the regal coliseum. Despite his agoraphobic tendencies at times, he respected it as more than a space for commercial and outdoor events, abandoned and trashed by nightfall. The yellow-aged brickwork commanded attention, bright from the sun, luminous in the dark, and the foundation laid long before the rest of the city sprung up around it. The jagged shape of the battlement against the blue sky was a relic of the land's feudal past, barely chipped at by enemies unlike contemporaries like Peach Castle. He retrieved from his bag a digital camera he'd been training with, snapped a few pictures, and then sprinted on for a seat as a bus pulled up to the curb and dumped more attendees.

...

A dinosaur rubbed his heavy eyes, shoved around until he was tossed off into some flutter bushes. The inconvenience of traveling from Yoshi's Island to the Mushroom Kingdom by ferries, trains, and buses hardly registered to him. No matter how arduous to some commentators.. like his fiancé unfortunately.. it was worth it to support whatever Mario did.

On that note, he texted Birdo, staying in. According to her the best part about it was getting to ride a real wooden Gilded Prancer and of course the copious amount of rainbows, but no mention of her getting fourth. That was respectable, Yoshi preached that night. Back in Mario Kart 64, a racer could get a rare cutscene by finishing a cup at that rank! Firing off that he'd made it safe to the missus, he crossed a ransacked drink stand. From a giant pile of paper cups, a pale arm was sticking out.

"Sir or ma'am, are you okay?" He rushed over, tugging them out.

"One of those and neither at the same time. Ha. Thanks Yosh," Toad found his legs again. "More people care about unappreciated Mushroom history than I thought. -Or my last minute sale was fire. I'll imagine both."

Yoshi scanned the signs. "Grand. You are late, aren't you?"

Toad secured the proceeds, handing over a pass. "Got that right. Show this and say I said you can get a front row."

Yoshi was skeptical at first, nonetheless the organizers, zealous Mario fans willing to cater to any whim of the plumber's for free, didn't have a robust system and let him get a premium spot on that note alone. The clamor of the audience was unusually deafening for a reason. His old eyes were sharp as ever, and in addition to locals, plenty of 'others' were filling the bleachers opposite of his side.

Accurate communication was the cornerstone of advanced civilization, so logically theirs was lightyears beyond their enemy's. Ludwig Von Koopa ensured such; it was a technical marvel to receive radio signals in a region inundated with volcanoes. The Koopa Troop could relay information from one squad to dozens of others in moments, no gossiping allowed because they didn't host a forum and no one cared about anyone's opinions anyway. The dearth of sentimentality kept them focused and efficient.

Well, do as he said and not what he did and such jazz, because in Ludwig's opinion, the non-denominational sentient celestial bodies above sang in praise, when his music was performed or played. 'Reprisal in A minor' to be exact was playing as he shuffled closer to the auditorium. He was born that way. And by that way he meant talented.

"That sure was a stinker!" snorted the DJ host.

"The worst yet. You catch those trumpets at the end?" said another.

"When I wasn't dry heaving over the can!"

"-And that ends the 'Delusional Artist Happy Hour', your favorite comedy show on WMUSH."

Ludwig banged a fist against the giant golden sealed auditorium doors. "Who is in here?! Shut that blasphemous station off!" It flew open, whacking him in the face.

"Oh my gosh! Sorry Luddy." The rainbow-haired koopaling, younger by a year, exited on his star-branded ball, toting five bowling pins. "When I practice, I honestly don't hear the lyrics. It was background noise for me."

Ludwig held the discolored blotch on his snout. "General Lemmy, you cannot afford to dawdle at any moment as my secretary. I know I've warned you five-hundred and seventy-six times, but I do hope you take this five-hundred and seventy-seven one seriously. Where are the others?"

Lemmy kept nimbly rolling around Bowser Castle, forcing Ludwig to speedwalk to keep up. "Sleeping in late! It's a Saaaturday!~"

"Correct. Did I convince a particularly dull platoon to substitute for us on that doomship for nothing?"

Lemmy bounced down a spiraling stairwell while Ludwig lagged even more. "I'll wake em up. Oh, or get Kammy to cook that stinky thing she baked last Thursday. That'll do it!"

"So ein mist.." The blue-haired koopaling massaged his temple, looking down from the top. "You leave the boombox, correct?"

"Yeah!" the budding performer yelled up the shaft.

"Good!.." Ludwig stomped off, then ran back. "And remind me to track down the location of that WMUSH later! I want to bomb it. Particularly when those critics are in the building. "

As for now, the sports coverage was due up.


In the dimmed locker room, Bowser threw another dart at that plumber. The metal-tipped barb dug in an inch deep, straight in the nose of the poster, crudely taped over an Air Koopa 'Just Press A' advert. Mario kept watching. It was a gag Koopsmas gift to Bowser a long time ago, so whether it was an effigy to be abused or not, it was an honor in a way that he'd held on to it. He tended to blow Bowser's castles up a lot, making his insurance premiums as high as Sky Lands' hidden village--

"Uh. Close the dang door?!"

Jolted, Mario slung his duffle bag on a bench and approached the maniac with the metal darts. Bowser's red hair was gelled back and held down by a black and red sports visor with a dark sweatband underneath. There was some color coordination somewhat, as his loosely fitting tank top was the same red of Mario's normal shirts.

"Bout time. Was waiting forever. Worth it though." The Koopa King spun his purple racket around, stamped with a menacing emblem. "Think we'd get this far?! Me neither. This is it. Let's get out there and win."

Mario nodded along, biding time. "How'd you sneak in? There hasn't been a single natural security alert."

Bowser tested out his powerful and impressive 200+ mph swings in the air, the purr heard even across the room where Mario sorted his equipment. "Super early. That's how."

Mario almost retrieved his signature racket, frozen by a strange thought. Devious even. The sort he'd dismiss if it wasn't aligned with Luigi's idea in principle. Thousands of people might see him play with Bowser, but so what? They'd been put together on teams before and the world kept spinning. What if-

Mario zipped it back, rouging. "Hey, got a spare racket? I.. forgot mine 'cause of you!"

Bowser whipped his way, visibly buffeted. "Come on. That's weak."

"I'm serious!" Mario threw his weight around, believably enough he hoped. "I sleep terribly in general because of you calling me at crazy times of day to go hang out somewhere kingdoms away!"

"Because you are the weirdo who asks for a peace pact and then avoids me in public like I'm the freaking Koopapox! I might as well kidnap Peach again! Everything thing was less complicated then!"

Mario punched his shoulder. "Don't. Do. That."

"Come on!" he whined. "It's all a larp anyway."

"Not to 99 percent of the folks out there. Trust me. Can I use yours or not?"

"Sure," he grunt, looking elsewhere.

Mario stretched a hand out, promptly snatched by the Koopa King.

"Psyche, Mustache!"

Mario's boots dangled above the ground as Bowser raised him high; the tables turning on him harder than they did on Daisy's Cruiser. Despite this, his heart was beating in a good way for once, particularly when the Koopa King leaned in, and said low and dangerously, breath tickling his ear-

"But if you were to fight me for it I MIGHT change my mind."

Before the plumber could sock him in the face for making him blush so much, some sudden outdoors light bled in. Blinded, Bowser sent Mario to the concrete flooring.

"Yo! Heads up." Toad poked his head inside the room. "I was super late and Mario was only like thirty seconds ahead of me so if we take into account the Isle Delfino time zone that judge over there is using and how the dicey rep out there is making them wanna get this going sooner-"

Mario climbed up. "Toad, get to the point!"

"...GG guys!"

Toad got out of dodge as Bowser flung a spare racket at him. It bashed against the wall and Mario supposed that was his spare, green, with an older style logo and a different flex than he was used to. He didn't hate it though, and Bowser didn't react to him scooping it up, so with the Mushroom Anthem started, this was what they were rolling with.

Bowser paused halfway out, glaring. "You owe me that fight."

"Even if we win?"

"Duh. We ain't losing." He winked. "...What ya smilin' for?"


Toad crossed the field to return to his team's locker room. The flower princess was still planted on the benches, jabbing at a touchscreen with hints of frustration. Princess Daisy wore an orange tank-top and shorts and her hair was tied back with a hair band, so she looked ready to go. That couldn't be the issue then, Toad reasoned as he dropped his intel.

"You're right, they're going for a wacky strat of not having one. Man, we shoulda tried that."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. That formation thing I sent's gotta beat that," she droned.

"The one you flubbed up, homegirl? The pdf was upside down and inverted."

As she abruptly lifted, he got a glimpse of her wide pretty blue eyes, if unfortunately living up to her street name. "Fo real? And flipping the phone doesn't help?"

"No, the accelerometer will keep compensating."

She uncrossed her legs, groaning, "That's what I get for finding Adobe in Nairobi and not translating the manual."

Toad inched closer. "Forget this stuff. I just wanna know if everything's alright."

Daisy dropped the phone in her messenger bag, staring at the poorly drained floor. "It's eco-political stuff from back home, dawg. Know all the treasure and excavators and junk back home?"

"Sorta?"

She hesitated. Toad was chill, because if not Luigi wouldn't be his bud, and these rumors of what she was up to since ignoring most of Mario's Facebook schedule events were getting annoying, even for someone like her who avoided the mainstream sites and stuck with the NEETs on digibutter.nerr. "So.. there's these artifacts, right and..." She explained.

"I get it," he fist-bumped at the conclusion, keeping a straight face otherwise. "A guy I'm.. familiar with, The Captain deals with.. Nevermind. Let's go over that more later."

Daisy rose, gathering her gear tepidly. "So I don't sound nuts? I almost told Peachy once. Figured she might know about old stuff-"

"Thank Eldstar you didn't," he sighed.

"Huh-" She was interrupted by the loud reverberation of the anthem, ceiling bits falling overhead.

"GG!" The toad ran out.

Daisy threw her items into a locker and retrieved her racket, orange with her royal flower emblem in the middle. Spilling out onto the field kickstarted her for sure. The right side of the stadium had lots of toads, bob-omb buddies, nokis, piantas, and other friendly species. On the left were more of the same with 'enemy' species, bandits, thwomps, and other folks likely to root for Bowser sprinkled in. Fans were cheering in the stands and promotional agents were on the prowl. One haunted the tanned princess down, a dark boo in a baseball cap. So that made sense… He gifted her a paper bag with a soda in it, Fungus Up.

When Toad stopped lapping up all that attention and saw his partner chugging that, he felt a little sick. Having a soda machine in the castle is how he learned quickly that he hated carbonation. Regardless he reached out to the promoter he'd successfully evaded to get one for solidarity, holding his nose to sip the beverage. He didn't see Mario or Bowser getting handouts over there, so early score for them.

"Ladies and gentlemen...and Bowser!" Lakitu and Bowser exchanged nasty looks. "In this doubles match we have Mario Mario and, er, his arch rival King Bowser Koopa versus Princess Daisy Bloom and Mr. Toad K. Toad!"

The crowds cheered, working into a frenzy. All tennis players were in position. Toad and Bowser hugged the net and Daisy and Mario stood farther back. Both Toad and Daisy had developed a twitch from an unknown source, foaming at the mouth. A little extreme much, Mario thought, this early in the-

Thwack!

Mario wavered from the gut punch. Blinking, it was the green ball, bouncing off to the sidelines, a low murmur of laughter from a few accompanying it.

"I don't care how bad you sleep now, plumber boy! Freaking wake up!" Bowser growled.

"For the LAST time, first serve Mario!" Lakitu shot with a cannon another ball out there.

Mario could have sworn it was never said a first time.

To be continued… "Author note: Get Ready To Rumble! Next chapter at least." -taken from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 3 Dates: 1/13, 1/15/22, 1/16/22. Edited: 11/13/23 RR: 9/9/24


Chapter 3: Reprisal

Get ready to rumble!

Luigi settled in the nosebleed section, where he could stretch his arms and legs and the bright green court blow resembled the foosball table they had, now irretrievable under other possessions. Up close where it was packed, must have felt like being tumbled around in a Washing Machine Thing, the replicas that ran rough.

A wave started in the audience as he snapped his first wide-lens pictures. There was a faint 'whoosh' behind him, followed by a cold breeze. He dropped his camera and whipped his head to the side.

"S-sorry!" said the milquetoast form, a little boo diddly.

Luigi quickly calmed his palpitations in the face of Boo Diddley. "Hey Buddy. How have you been?"

"Great. I thought you would be down there playing, though.."

"I was until-" He was drowned out by the Mushroom Anthem blasting. He guessed he'd have to explain himself later. The ennui of the Peace Pact combined with the hindsight realization that Boo might have interpreted that number swap the wrong way at the conclusion of a Mario Party, meant he ghosted the other half of the Scare Pair, and he hated to look like 'that' kind of hero.

"Oh, it's starting!" Boo squinted down. "And B-bowser is here!"

Luigi's attention drifted to the players getting into position, nodding. In his viewfinder, he noticed Mario had a Bowser racket. He impetuously lowered the camera. "-Boo, I have my angles up here and I need to get closer."

"Are some of those Bowser minions?"

"Sure looks like it," he replied with some irritation.


With the triumphant conclusion of the anthem, the game was on. Mario's reservations ebbed away the more he was out there, basking in the limelight. Thousands were now witness to him partnering with Bowser, so invidiously- And he wished there were more.

He served a topspin towards Toad, who returned it with no trouble. Bowser intercepted at the net and sliced hard in Daisy's direction. The ball bounced beyond her until she did a backflip into its path and connected. The ball was but a green blur slipping in the gap between Mario and Bowser.

"Love-15." Lakitu announced.

Mario served towards Toad again, who curved the ball around Bowser at the net. Mario rushed behind the king to counter. Daisy however met him and lobbed the ball over. Bowser made a mad dash to center. He smacked the ball backhanded and failed so spectacularly, someone in row F got a free souvenir.

"Out. Love-30!"

The audience thundered, and the lightning came in the form of camera flashes twinkling. Okay, maybe Mario didn't want this performance filmed for the entire world. They weren't communicating. The plumber was screaming at him and Bowser back, but meaningless words meant nothing and they tripped and tumbled over each other anyway. Toad and Daisy were in sync and their secret was simple. They shut up and sliced.

"Bowser!" he half whispered. "Keep your tail up there, stop stomping my boots, and let me clean up. And stop making my ears ring."

He grunted in acknowledgment, or close enough.

Mario hit lightly towards Daisy, who had no issues on the return. He aimed middle-ish then to test them. It was Toad who sprung ahead that time. This resulted in several volleys between him and Bowser close to the net. That was a start, stifling the hemorrhage. Mario paced from side to side until Daisy countered with the meanest topspin he'd ever seen, red flames from the ball as it bounced out of his reach by a hair.

"Game point!"

'Team Daisoad', at least according to the poster boards held by some, secured the win. Head hanging low, Mario dragged his feet over for the next set. Bowser lumbered over eventually, inclined to snap his racket or Lakitu in half...

On the defensive side, dealing with return volleys was ugly, but less of a disaster. Bowser was exerting himself extra to keep up with the speed and technique rivals. The Koopa King was drenched in sweat by now, soaking through his clothes, sticking to his scales, large muscles and broad chest. His accessories had gotten flung off ages ago, so that with every clumsy but earnest lunge for the ball, his scarlet hair flicked around. It seemed like something he'd do for Peach, but she wasn't in the other umpire chair, so the 'show' WAS to distract him. Though Luigi might have been on to something, as a big brother it was officially against the law of siblings to acknowledge that. Mario would just have to pretend he didn't see it, to Luigi and the people that would flood onto the court and open fire:

'How bad was it to work with Bowser? He did force you right? He won't return, won't he? What about all these Bowser Freaks?' The latter was tragically spat by some Mushroomites that looked identical to such 'freaks'. Lastly, Peach would rip the mask off, silent on her views of her ex-abductor since the pact, and the sly, calculated quips would make him shiver.

-Literally, ice cold Yoshi-Ade spilling over Mario spontaneously.

"Momma mia!" He spun into a group of his fans, a bob-omb buddy, a blue birdo, and Koopa, collectively holding the huge cooler.

"We wanted to celebrate.. even though you lost," one squeaked.

"No, we didn't! GHAAAAAA! I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE LOSERS!"

Mario's attention snapped towards the net as Bowser used a Power Shot. The ball transformed into a speeding bullet bill. Daisy exchanged her game face for shock before lounging, sliding belly first to the white line, and reflecting the flaming projectile over the net. The ball launched out of the stadium like a rocket.

Bowser followed the tiny dot on the court. "I got it! I got it!"

Mario shook himself out of it, the shadow rolling over him. "No, I got it!"

"Move!" Bowser pushed him aside. "You'll screw it up!"

Mario shoved back. "I said I had it!"

Meanwhile, on the opponent's court, the post-victory jamboree began early. First dismissed as a deranged fan, Toad was the source of those strange noises, gibberish, while Daisy did an impromptu handstand. The toad's vocabulary diminishing was rather heartbreaking. He was way older than he looked and lettered all decrees back in the day. Or that was made up. Daisy was known for hitting the gym, but that spinning top move was more of a break dance- and from that double date thing they did on her cruiser he knew she had two left feet.

"-Wait a minute," he gasped.

The ball fell in between Mario and Bowser with a 'thunk'. Their swings clashed their rackets, knocking them out of their grasp and into the box stands. Breaths were held as the ball made a final additional sad little bounce.

"Game, Daisy and Toad," Lakitu announced. He ducked as cabbages and rotten mushrooms soared over his head. The audience that wasn't attacking him roared at the state of the winning team, sprawled out on the astroturf.

Peach broke into a sprint onto the field. "Call the medics!"

"Good. I quit." Lakitu flew away as staff scurried on the field. Some attended to Daisy after she collapsed while others attempted to stabilize Toad.

"We need space people!" sputtered one magikoopa nurse checking Daisy's pulse.

"Could have used a pause after 'space'," remarked his Kong assistant. Just then, they spotted whom they thought was Tatanga the Space Alien in the crowds, so they began to pack up and evacuate Toad and Daisy out of the tennis court.

Bowser stomped after some of the smock-wearing shy guys and others. "Where do you think you're going? This is cheatin!"

Mario pinched the back of his shirt. "None of this is in the script, trust me. Leave them alone."

He sharply faced Mario, smoke pouring from his nostrils. "Whatever." He leaned against the stone wall of the arched tunnel. "We woulda made a friggin comeback! We woulda! ...Where's my extra green racket?"

Mario shrugged, mind elsewhere. After all, feigning an emergency was overly radical, assuming Toad and Daisy were even trying to punk Bowser like Luigi was somewhere in the sea of attendees. "Probably somebody's consolation prize."

He punched the bricks, reducing them into dust under his knuckles.

Mario inched backward, pale. "..Or I could look for it maybe."

Bowser shook his head. "Just worry about my duffle bag so I can get my clown car keys and leave before these folks grab their pitchforks!"

Mario flushed. It was so obvious Bowser had nothing to do with this catastrophe. Wasn't it?


In row C, Luigi caught Mario and Bowser losing the first set spectacularly. The crowd's gesticulations bopped him around, but that was alright. Toad and Daisy were 'on fleek' as Boo's generation might say. The Sarasaland princess had toned up since he helped her install that equipment in the rec room of her cruise liner. He could never forget. An hour later, the vessel hit a surge and a few tables almost crushed him. Great times.. Anyway, her manic partner Toad was even more excitable. He zoomed in. -Wow! He'd have to share some of these shots with him and have a laugh later. Bowser was a tryhard, but his photos were decent. Mario on the other hand was stiff, thinking too much about what Bowser was doing and not the game. Also good thing he didn't say that out loud. Someone might get the wrong-

"What's going on?" Luigi abruptly rose as the game suspended. Medics were entering the scene.

"Umm. We'd better get out of here!"

Luigi packed his camera away as Boo trembled. "If we get through the pileups at the exits."

"Then.. can I t-try this?" Boo grabbed his right hand, the green plumber yelping he was plunged into darkness while falling.

A second later, his feet were securely on the ground again and colors burnt his eyes. Outside the stadium, he knew he'd been phased through the thick walls. It wasn't the first time, not even with Boo Diddley, though he couldn't help but note that they'd improved the warp speed since that other attempt on the appropriately named Bowser's Nightmare board.

"Thanks, Buddy." Luigi checked a text. "And just in time. Mario wants me to rush ahead of him to the hospital. Sorry it's a goodbye so soon, but we can talk on the way to the lot."

".. It's serious?" Boo trailed him. "My cousin's uncle's cousin's barber might know something about this."

"About what matter, Boo?"

"I don't know. That's what they would know. About things no one else knows."

Luigi sorted through his keys, intrigued. A professor close to him knew the deepest lore like that, then he flew too close to the sun as some propagated. The real story was for another day.. "-Where are you staying now?"

"A Forever Forest cabin. I inherited it from mom.. Oh no she's not 'dead' dead, just staying with relatives in Gloomy Gulch. Since I was out of school she wanted me to.. or made me keep the family hoard up. ..We have a problem with accumulation."

"That can happen to anyone." Luigi smiled wryly, helmet in hand. This hanging out thing was turning out to do wonders for his nerves. "Ever rode a bike?"


Mario waded through the dense crowd, slipped into the locker room, and returned to the open with Bowser's army tan duffle bag. He just caught sight of Peach boarding a medical helicopter as the barriers to the court continued to erode. Security, or the closest equivalent Toad Town had, so the buriest piantas and wigglers, started to hound on the Bowser supporters and adjacent in the crowd.

"Mario!" Someone caught up with him, panting. "I convinced the bus to wait for us. Come on," urged his dinosaur friend, studying his confused expression. "Or did you make other arrangements?"

Mario felt he had to follow him for then. After boarding the Mushroom Bus, it swung around the block and deviated from its route. The red plumber stared out the windows, trying to make sense of where they were when he noticed he was being watched in the reflection. He faced Yoshi, protectively holding the bag closer. While not stamped 'Property of Bowser', it smelted like his cologne, a half-empty bottle swishing around in there somewhere.

"Was anything peculiar about Bowser?"

"Ehh, no-"

"-Was the substitution anticipated?"

"Yosh. There's no way."

The dino sat the home décor magazine on his lap. "I'm not being superfluous, only gathering evidence."

Mario leaned back. "No it wasn't supposed to happen, but I knew ahead of t-IME!"

A pothole bounced him and the rest of the passengers bounced off their seats like they were on a Pinna Park coaster. The Mushroom Bus was taking all of the narrow shortcuts at high speeds. Yoshi didn't notice that he was missing a shoe and the magazine was upside down, on the phone with his 'darlin' again. Looks like Mario dodged that blue shell for then. He agreed to pester Bowser with his friends, but they took it too seriously. His 'dastardly' job as of six months BEFORE the pact was signed was merely being a full-time dad-

"MK East: next stop," a R.O.B. voice droned.

On the Eastern side of Toad Town, the hospital was impossible to miss, a three-story structure made of the brightest whitest bricks and with the tallest mushroom flag pole off of castle grounds. Mario and Yoshi pressed their way into the bustling waiting room, surfing the crowd until they found the reception office. Head nurse 'Nass Toad', a feminine orange-capped toad didn't have a single dark hair, and her purple designer prescription glasses had slid down her face nearly, ignored as she faced a glowing computer screen.

"Excuse me. Hi, it's me Mario. Are Toad and Daisy alright?"

Her thin eyebrows lowered, clicking around with a mouse. "-Please wait until we call you."

Mario and Yoshi backed off as they noticed a bike parking close outside. There was no luck involved, lots were always mostly vacant regardless of how busy the location was, as locals preferred walking, buses, or flying with a power-up. Maybe publicizing Mario Kart races had a deleterious effect he hadn't thought about.

Luigi and a guest gawked at the madness to no surprise to Mario, waving them over to a quieter hallway with the tourist stand.

"I don't know what's crazier, this place or you beating us here."

Yoshi lowered the phone. "They say the bus system is evolving more every day."

So that explains the one Luigi saw flying off of that ramp along the way. "Nevermind. Everyone, I brought a pal that can help us out." He stepped aside, though they barely saw Boo regardless in their partially translucent state.

"Hi.. It's.. Boo E. Diddley."

Mario offered a hand. "Hey, I'm- never mind you know who I am. Didn't we invite this guy to a party or two?"

"-Umm," the boo spoke up.

"-Girl?.. I should stop, shouldn't I?"

Yoshi shrugged at him, the plumber elbowing him back. As the stickler for honorifics, the dinosaur would hit that mine too if he wasn't ensnared with that dang phone.

"-Ah hem. Well, we've hit a roadblock. It's too early."

"I'm pleased to be acquainted or reacquainted with you, Boo." Yoshi sniffed the air. "Let's wait in the cafeteria!"

Luigi took the new friend's arm. "Us somewhere else. Not hungry."


"I was sorta hungry."

"Oh really? Sorry about that." He turned to the boo with him in the grass lot. Flipping through the contents of his camera's memory card hadn't revealed anything like he was desperately hoping. "It was a quick excuse and I wasn't ready for them to see the camera. I just picked the hobby up and the instant people notice, I'm going to be pigeonholed as his action photographer or something."

"I understand. A cousin moved downtown to work in an office now, also trying to do his own thing without relatives 'buggin' as he, umm, said, plus some bad words.. So when did you pick it up?"

"Shh!.. Just kidding. There was a cool thread on the messages boards where... " They shared a laugh as for a brief moment, away from the hospital's double doors, continually swiveling opening to devour more occupied cots, things seemed alright. "Want a photo?"

Boo's continence darkened. "I wouldn't show up in it, and not for the reason you'd think. I'm alive."

Luigi blinked at them. "Of course."

"No like. Really. It's like a family curse."

"-To.. be among the living?"

They nodded. "It's backward and I think the person that did it to the Diddleys was new on the job, but it's true...So.. did I share too much?"

Luigi stood up, patting their back. "Not at all. Thanks for reminding me of something too."

Every angle of the match had to have been captured by someone out there. Why not stalk the Mushroom Press in the heart of the city, a maligned at times but necessary corporation where all intelligence -or gossip seekers congregated?

...

"I know, it's bonkers for me to believe too, but Steve called us off from covering the game and we listened to the fella. What was I thinking? At least we have some folks with brains, like you!"

Kylie Koopa, a famous local reporter, folded her arms outside her cubicle. These gray panels partitioned the open office space of the press, creating rooms of varying sizes. As the author of the Koopa Kronicles, a newspaper detailing events through an 'allied enemy species' (Luigi despised that oxymoron. Just call 'em citizens, darn it) lense, she had a big one, all sorts of future and present stories tacked up.

Luigi humbly unhooked his lanyard, opened up the camera, and passed over the SD card. "Some are blurry."

"Anythang helps, brother." Excitedly, she pulled him into her space, lowering her tone. "Remember that landmark case..." she rambled on as he plopped in her spinny chair and rolled backward to her laptop, "..And the perp is still rotting in a cell off of that toad kid's Gameboy Camera evidence. Anywho.."

When she blew up the images on screen, Luigi felt light-headed. Toad and Daisy captured mid-quiver, the audience's faces distorted in agony, the medic's desperation in the stills.. What if the hospital was filled because they weren't the only ones? He clutched the cap he'd removed as he'd stepped in.

"Earth to Weegee fella?.. Yeah I agree, doesn't look like heat stroke. I should ask that 'ol Mitch."

"~That's the name. Don't wear it out!" that person said from elsewhere.

She cryptically sighed.

Mouth dry, Luigi swiveled to the cubicle across from them. The green toad with the thick black eyebrows was suited, contrasting Kylie's causal lazy shell and green porter hat look, leaning back leisurely in his mesh chair. Everything he was working on was locked up in cabinets, at least ostensibly, and the plate on his cleared desk was solid gold. Stamped was 'Mitch' as Luigi had just heard, though he knew him as 'Weegee.' Indeed. That other Weegee.

"Don't waste that guy's time," Mitch continued in a deep, striking voice. "I'll handle this scoop."

"Never!" Kylie slung a pink eraser over there, other reporters and journalists eyeing the pair exasperatedly. A shouting match ensued, Kylie got a few people to back her up when in truth, no one hadn't anything solid to work with, and Luigi dipped out, not exactly sorry Peach's old heckler was getting dogpiled. He never thought he'd see Mitch again.

~On bike, the young toad tossed newsletters packed with acrid rumors. Once he took a 'plumber whack' like a champ- and those hurt especially when Mario delivered them, and he never capitulated. They'd rescue the princess and arrive home to find citizens in a pit of disgust and confusion over strange notions: There was another 'Jumpman' out there somewhere. SMB3 was actually a stage play. Larry Koopa was named after some talk show host. Actually that last one wasn't that bad. Either way, he packed his stories into The Kingdom Enquirer, and to give Mario and co a mild victory, he decided that targeting celebrities and influencers paid more.

What disturbed Luigi most about 'Weegee' wasn't the vindictiveness, it was his clouded, grayish black eyes, hiding macabre secrets. After all, he was 'Weegee' because he seldom lied.

Boo sipped water from a dispenser. On the corkboard nearby were artlces, some awards, and a post-it note. Signed by Mario, it had his number and Peach's Castle, to contact him if the other failed. Boo couldn't fathom being that open, their contacts list a single screen long. Unable to put it off any longer, after all Luigi was counting on them to be useful, they approached who they thought was their cousin new in town. The dark boo wore a blonde stringy wig, definitely not his flattering with his skin tone, but what did Boo know about that.

"Hi. A-are you-"

"What the-!?" The dark boo flipped their keyboard in the air. His office space was recently assigned and mostly empty short of a photo and some bougie chrome and gold-plated office supplies. "Piss off, bro. I'm trying to not let anybody know I'm a loser Diddley," drawled 'Susie Que' judging by the name tag.

Boo shrunk back, trembling. "S-sorry, I um- I um.." This wasn't the cousin they assumed it was. It was that other cousin. No, not that one. That other other one!

Boo scrambled for the exit, sending cubicle walls falling like dominos.

Luigi tore himself from Kylie's civil war, catching the front door before it clacked against the stopper. Everything was crashing back there as he took to the streets. He'd have to send a check later.


Inches away from a layout map, blocking his studies on purpose, Mario tapped a spot. "I found the room."

"...Excuse me. What room?"

"444, what all the nurses were talking about as they passed by!"

"-I know, darling. This disaster has that pernicious bastard's prints all over- What was that again, Mario?" Yoshi admitted, lowering the phone.

He wrapped his arm around the dinosaur, easing him away from the light blue walls of the west wing to the pale green of the east. Codes blared over the intercom and a constant flow of patients being wheeled around forced them to hug the sides. "You and her?... Just move here already."

Yoshi quickly covered the speaker. "Old pal, traveling here is no burden when Bowser is up to his old tricks again."

"About that-"

"No need to extrapolate. We all know it only takes one minion scum to usurp a hotel-sized facility, as in that game of yours that nominal fans like to pretend isn't 'in continuity' or some drivel. My darling and I are working on this case together."

Mario leaned in, swearing he heard Birdo going 'For the love of God, hang up already!' while a soap was on in the background. Either way, a lot less ambiguously, she begged to be let go to process this wild morning after Yoshi's thumb slipped from the speaker holes.

"No problem, daring." Yoshi hung up, just as they were at 444.

Mario pressed against the adjacent wall, scoping everything out. "Couldya some of those unlimited minutes to see where Weeg is at? Ah, nevermind-"

"I'm here!" Luigi rushed up, heavily winded, a frayed edges on his clothes. "I'll explain later. Get in before the crowds do! Everyone's suspecting Bowser!"

Mario kicked 444 open. Deathly cold air hit them as their attentions snapped to Toad and Daisy in two beds, blankets up to their necks. As if tangled in a web, IVs strung from them to machines to them again to other machines, displaying fluctuating data.

"Azul, I've had it up to here with!-" The doctor noticed Mario and co and staggered away from Daisy's bed, straightening up. "Hello, I am Doctor Professor Koopa. If you received visitation privileges, I'm afraid that was preemptive."

His unflinching walk cut them off a quarter of the way in. Mario considered his options carefully and teased raising the white flag at least.

"..Oh, whoops! Sorry doc. We'll let you do your thing."

"Perfect," the doctor replied, thin fingers curling around the dimmer. "Give us half an hour. Alright? Alright." The door shut in their faces.

"What do you make of that?" Luigi asked quietly.

Mario checked his watch. "I'll know after we chat with the head honcho 'round here."

Outside were tables for luncheons and where fundraisers or other activities may occur. They were drawn towards a blue tent furthest back, a 'Make A Wish On A Star Foundation' booth where Princess Peach was seated and pithily conversing with an old 'friend'. In some other timeline, that other guy would be donating at that booth. In this crappier one, he was simply about to make things difficult.

"I'll take that, Mushtache. Sheesh."

Bowser pulled the duffle bag off the plumber so roughly, he fell on the pavement.

"I suggest you get back before someone sees you!" Peach hissed.

"How'd he get here and dodge the pillory at the same time?" Luigi demanded.

"He bullied his way onto one of the last helicopters from the stadium, justifying it due to 'Mario stranding him'."

"Nice fan-fiction, Bowsy." Yoshi eye rolled. "Princess, your hospital is out of control. Look at what they did our boy!" He grabbed Luigi, showing off the footprints on him. He hated to be some pitying example, what he always was before he saved all of his friends twice, but the stampede from the chockablock entrance areas was real, and he coughed up a shoelace on the way here..

"I am aware, but Dr. Professor Koopa is trustworthy," the princess tried to convince them. "When I was young, he practiced at my castle."

"Aaand mine!" Bowser butt in. "I remember that wacko. Part of my outsourcing mad scientists program for a while."

Mario rose. "Bowser, don't go there."

"-Instead, go home!" Luigi pointed out to the street.

"Our tennis rivals are here! Unconscious yeah but I legally gotta hand this over-" He unrolled a yellowed scroll, the official Darklandian decree of defeat. "We DID win after all. Lakitu admitted it. Team Bowsario!"

"They're busting out the portmanteus now.." Luigi cringed.

"Huh? All I know is folks were holding signs with it at the game. Anyway, I belong on this investigation don't cha think?!"

"I think we should trounce you right here!" Yoshi snatched his shirt. Luigi was a bit taken aback but began to roll up his sleeves. Peach drew back, partially covering her face with a brochure, though her eyes couldn't hide that she wouldn't mind some brutality.

Mario's teeth clenched. Toad and Daisy and others were in peril, and yet poor, boisterous, braggadocious, but blameless Bowser was all they focused on, harpooned for nebulous crimes like a prized killer whale the size of the Toadtanic. This was it. He had to shock em, just a bit, the most distal and candid part of him longing for reprisal.

Mario appealed with calculated sweetness, "We are a fair kingdom, so Bowser should be informed as a legal participant."

There was weighty silence before Peach requested the scroll. Able to read Darklandian, Luigi knew exactly why she turned as pink as her signature dress.

"Stars... It's.. well the diction is terrible, but the big koopa ain't wrong!"


The dizziness, vertigo, the lack of oxygen.. Boo still hadn't gotten used to shoe panic attacks like some online article promised they would. Sue was so terrible, the reasons why were blotted from their mind, making them appear like a lunatic in the streets when Luigi tracked them down. It was a great thing he was the best plumber hero ever, with trying to pry and leaving there in the emptied food court to calm down. As staff poured in later, the boo had to vacate the premises without a plan, ending up in the middle of a bunch of crossroads into the cardiovascular center, psychiatric services, and business offices.

"Ugh.. shake outta it.."

Hearing squeaks of shoes, they ducked into an alcove without thinking.

"Yes sixty at this point. Why?.." a person chatted away, marking on a clipboard as he walked. "Facetious sounding or not, you don't need to worry about - Hold on, we have a code blue on floor three. If he calls back, send it to Nass' extension."

"Yes sir. I won't leave here. Even for lunch..."

The doctor left the blue shy guy nurse at an office, while the subordinate unloaded items from a cart. A minute later. "Lunch break!"

And the kid left!

Boo peeped out, the coast clear. The light flickered above the medical cart, some packaged things on top and boxes on the second rack. Suddenly 'Ashley's Theme' played from a brick phone tucked within those articles. No one told them that the empty parts of hospitals were so creepy. Boo froze on the spot, as if one more move would vaporize them.

"It's me from Isle Falsa Hospital again.." Beeps and blips of a computer game was in the background along with some clacking of a typewriter. "Is this voicemail? You think you can dip on me?! Don't get cute bro, or you'll be found in a puddle of your own blood soon!"

Shrieking, Boo fled from 'Sue' all over again.

Chapter End Notes

To be continued… Dates: 1/17, 1/18, 1/20, 1/21, 1/22/22 (a few touch ups 12/16/22), Edited, renamed: 11/13/23
RR24, renamed: 9/10/24, 9/11

Chapter 4: Life Is Strange

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

Kylie Koopa circled in red ink the stadium her personal Toad Town map, allowing her to dodge the ire of coworkers during parties and best yet, confidential. She slipped her shoes on from under the desk and grabbed her purse, ready to pretend to run to Tayce T's. In Luigi's photos, the sun's glare was creating numerous lustrous green objects in the audience, and spotting the same in Susie's snaps- indeed someone other than Luigi had the smarts to record the game, she just had to drop in now. They might have been flagrantly goofing around on the other side of the office right then, but when it got down to it, they were a bit of a prodigy, or maybe being a boo gave them an edge, getting so close in some photos that she could tell Mr. Toad's fly was almost open.

She froze one foot out the door, a small buzzing sensation in the back of her neck, a psionic beckoning.

"Watch your back, babe."

She forcibly swiveled Mitch's chair around, too annoyed to notice that his cubicle was now a hot mess with projects. "You of all people know this ain't my first rodeo. Hear?"

"No no no.." He slipped a pen into a shirt pocket. "It's whatever as far as this scoop goes. Watch your back round Susie. Hear?" he echoed playfully.

She stepped away, flippantly. He was such an envious tool and always had since they were little. "Buzz off fella. Stay outta my noggin too, there's enough goin' on in there."

After Kylie departed, Mitch did the usual, made appointments, sent a few docs to editors, and flirted with the receptionist until the lunch bell went off. Steve the Bullet Bill, head over the press rocketed his way out and others followed. After the flux, their latest dark boo employee was missing.


Across the globe, on Sirena Beach, tourists dotted the golden shore, lounging in chairs or under umbrellas to soak up the last of the daylight hours. Others lined up for the ferry to Pinna Park to join the after-dark parties. The blue noki that crossed by on the stone path to Hotel Delfino might as well have been invisible. The most average tourist imaginable, he wore a red loose-fitting Hawaiian shirt and dark sunglasses. The moodily lit lobby was thus like a blackout basement, the tiki lights on their 'eco' setting. Despite that, he behaved as if they were bolted to his head, navigating carefully to the bemused clerk. Soon his documents were stamped, he signed a slip with his non-dominant hand on purpose, and he was on his way.

"Enjoy your stay, brah."

"Merci." The guest climbed the stairs, wanting to get some cardio in after his monotonous plain ride. The deluxe suite waiting for him had a jacuzzi, a towel folded on the bed in the shape of a cataquack, a pre-stocked fridge, and more.. After the business was involved in a little adventure where an innocent plumber was accused of vandalism, they stacked on many more floors and upped the stars according to Welp. From up high, the view of the shore and the stars above the ocean was fantastic. Drawing away from the balcony, he corrected the slightly crooked watercolor painting of Noki Bay, the only imperfection his critical eye could catch. He'd been building up too much paid time off, so he was kidnapped essentially and tossed on the plane, and in the confusion he'd forgotten to bring the telescope. Among what he brought at least were additional flowery shirts, a wet suit, a wallet with a badge, and a silenced handgun…

"Here safely."

"Glad to hear, Agent 0064," Agent N, called in. "Are you relaxing as I ordered?"

"Of course, mon chéri!" The noki picked a pineapple from the bowl of fresh fruit, avoiding and scooting the sides entirely the big water bottles that were a trap and would cause a hundred coin charge miraculously appear on the bill if he opened one.

"Packed everything?"

"I have most of your ties for some reason."

"Ah! No wonder I had to settle for the bows."

"You are the snazziest at HQ regardless! Next time we're at the mall-"

"Careful, Jelectro," he laughed. "Q2 policy, remember?"

"No personal business on wiretapped lines.." Jelecto droned. That shouldn't apply when they happened to also be roommates, but N was the arbiter of procedures and was trying to keep the base in line before his retirement finally crept up on them. Plus, Jelectro didn't want to return home to find his belongings on the curb.

"So- before I go," N approached, his normally flat tone wavering. "I guess I have no choice but to break the rules myself. While you were in the air some 'Mario game' was happening. My niece was there, and might have happened to her."

Jelecro jumped up. "Jeremy, how?"

"-The news was passed to me a minute ago, so we're on it. Sit tight and try to enjoy it down there. ..And don't overdo it with that chuckola cola stuff! -Over."

The line disconnected abruptly. Excusez-moi, the noki only reduced himself to an inebriated mess once, and after a dastardly Agent M had spiked his drink, and wouldn't do that again, though wandering to the patio again, he did find his inner peace as fleeting as the light on the horizon. He tiptoed downstairs and lowered his shades. The desk guy was off his station, currently fiddling with a broken pachinko machine in the back. When not filtering the world through those dark lenses he saw all. -This included the lifeguards imagining some beachgoers with less clothing, and they really needed to not do that when he was around..


Five people, as a group, at least physically, snuck through the employee back door leading into the kitchen. In the middle of the noon lunch rush, the brigade busily prepared various meals. Peach sprinted to the head chef, a toad with a brown twirly mustache and a tall white hat, though too late to prevent pots, spoons, flour, and eggs from flying. Mario and co braced as it all crashed down.

"Ze Princess has spoken! Ignore Big Koopa!" he said, ignoring the yolk dripping off his head.

Peach spied out of a round window. "I am afraid the issues will continue in the cafeteria," she muttered.

"-Then Bowser and I will hang back until it dies down."

Mario almost flinched from their cynical looks, or Yoshi's at least, like a pent-up and flashing bob-omb. His old pal placed the reins on himself however, and was the first to leave. Luigi was about to wordlessly follow when Mario called him over.

"Hey.. Actually, both of you. Over here." He grabbed the princess and dashed into the closest secure place.

Peach wrapped her arms around herself, shivering. "W-why d-did you p-push us into the f-freezer?"

He turned to his brother. "Weege, you were in the stands, high up I think I saw at a point. What happened from your perspective?"

"Uh.." Luigi's breath fogged the space. "Why now?"

"Because the walls have ears out there."

"It's.. That's the wrong idiom."

"Answer me, bro!"

"I'm inconclusive."

"Really?"

"Er, r-really," he folded. "Again no one knows for sure, but they ARE of course convinced on the message boards that Bowser cheated."

Mario's heavy thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Peach swinging open the frozen door.

"Be Sherlock Mario elsewhere," she begged. "Frozen peaches are not a menu item here!"

They emerged, the warmth from the kitchen burning their faces. Mario reluctantly let them go to approach Bowser, leaning around the cutting station with a bored expression.

"Ah hem. Don't get too comfortable, Koopa. Helping out will make this go quicker, so what size apron will fit around your giant-?"

Bowser lost his footing, making a rack of knives clang. "-What?"


The princess surreptitiously used side passages to cut through the hospital, knowing her passive face wouldn't work under scrutiny. She wouldn't be so naive as to believe just anything from the rumor mill without investigation, so this was hers. Could it be an attack on Mr. Toad and Daisy during peace times? As much as she hated Bowser, it couldn't be true. She would never forgive herself for letting it be so easy. The sterile, brightly lit lobby was quiet now; a patient in a cot had not shot through those double doors for a quarter-hour.

"Could you direct me to Theodore?"

She'd caught Nass, incidentally the second of only three staff she knew by name, stacking up a dense stack of papers. Peach prayed they didn't represent every new patient. "Wait at his office. Do you know where that is?"

"I do, thank you." Peach flashed a self-effacing smile.

The princess power walked where she thought that was, only to end up with egg on her face like that hard-working Chef, lost and going in circles in the constantly expanding west wing 'her' own MK East.

"-Doesn't Theo know I got a bad leg? Screw the weight limit," mumbled a whomp at the end of the hall, suited in a wrinkled white doctor's coat. She just caught him trudging to the elevator.

Peach ignored the cautious voice in the back of her mind and followed him to that 'Theo', using the stairs to the third floor. She had to be proactive here, like she promised the kingdom she would be when she seized control. In the past, being ripped away from her castle and thrown into a dungeon was an obstacle to that, but now there was no excuse. 'Board room #6' drew her attention immediately up there. Out spilled some staff, an elderly toad woman, the whomp from before, a blue shy guy nurse, a first responder, several junior assistants, and lastly Doctor Professor Koopa, tapping a stylus to a pda.

She quickly came up and flattened down her hair. "Dr. Professor? Not to interrupt, but is there a prognosis now?" she asked softly.

He spun to her with a smile. He had the grandfatherly countenance down, and she was eager to listen. "Hello again, Sweet Pea. We are swamped my dear, and as a nonpartisan establishment in imitation of yourself, a few other patients required our urgent attention.."

Peach tried to hide increasing discontent. Outright preferential treatment was certainly not the alley she was going down. Also, swamped? As she'd arrived via the air, she assumed most of that ground traffic were ambulance chasers, as her castle carried a lightning rod for trouble and it springing up elsewhere in Toad Town was unprecedented. A few of the stir crazies might have started the chase and others unaware of the turn of events chased because they were chasing, more of a literal example, along with those aware and concerned over Toad and Daisy. That being said, if they weren't the sickest dogs in the infirmary she could view it as good news for her friends and those fans..

He gently lay a hand on her shoulder, scanning a pda. "Save that long face. I'm not done. Your folks need.. Precisely five minutes until visitation."

"Oh! Thank you, Doctor. I'll tell the others."

"Good girl."

As the princess departed one way, an elevator opened, a toad girl resembling a shorter version of Nass T. bursting out. She collided and collapsed with the koopa doctor.

"Sorry!" She tugged on his arm, popping his joints. "I'm Emery T., rooftop ems. Did I miss the big vote?"

Doctor Professor slapped away the girl's hands. "Your ballot would be useless, Miss Emery. Now Keep your butt out of private matters!"

As he yelled the pipe above rattled, the main water line leading below. Someone on ground level was flushing repeatedly to create a dinosaur-deterring ruckus.

...

Yoshi tapped on the stall anyway. And they thought they were sneaky with their lack of legs and feet to spot. This wasn't a rookie the boo was dealing with. He had arguably more experience than Mario! "I know you are in there. Luigi is searching everywhere, worried. My darling's worried and she doesn't even know you!"

Giving up, Boo opened the door an inch. "Y-you wouldn't understand."

"Can I try?"

"...T-the game and.. what people are saying on the message boards and.. In one day life just got really strange!"

Yoshi's face said he was carefully searching for something, only to capitulate. "Listen to this wise one."

He held out the phone, and it was squeaking too much to be discernable, then what came through, besides the popping of bubbles, likely those 'soaps' she worked with, was something like her saying, "Listen whoever you are, life is always strange, we're all a little strange, but that's what can it wonderful. From what I understand, our friends are in danger and we'll only get through this together."

Boo crept out more. "I.. get it. But.. my cousin. IF.. I never knew he was here, and now that he knows I know.."

"-Thanks, sweetheart. I'll be back... Boo, if you don't mind, how old are you?" Yoshi took over again, putting Birdo on hold. ".. Twenty-five? I'd gone through a lot by that time, including problematic family. Heroes have to support each other whether there's a physical connection or not, or we'll be flattened like Toad's Turnpike did to that forest of Super Leaf trees... Sheesh," he cringed in reminiscence. "Anyway-"

A plunger-carrying green plumber barreled into the restroom, did a roll and stopped in the center. No whirlpool to be found, dropped it. He guessed that nurse trolled him again. "Since I'm here, are you feeling better Boo?"

"Y-yeah. It was n-nothing. I mean, I didn't want to sound like crazy at first but.. I changed my name to Booigi the Second and wanted to practice saying it out loud... Also the first Booigi name was taken," they clarified nervously.

Still panting, Luigi studied his friend and then Yoshi, unable to read either really. "That's all? Well, we can join Mario now. I didn't want to be pigeonholed as his Boswell either, but I couldn't help but write down the procedure codes they've given our friends."

Yoshi found his voice. "What do they mean?"

"Unsure." Luigi lowered the memo pad. "Except that I ran out of space for them all."


A koopaling yanked off his headphones and shook his blue hair into a mohawk again. Forget lounging on the couch like normal teens liked to do on Saturdays. The misery had followed the fifteen-year-old from school.

The den was where someone wouldn't realize they were in a medieval castle, or a replica of one rather, as Bowser had his homes blown up and crushed frequently and this might have been the five-hundredth edition. Koopa Troop specialized in building quickly while paying so much attention to detail that the squeaky floorboards, phantom drafts, and leaky pipes were in the same spots, not soundproofing, so before he arrived he knew someone was using the wide-screen projection TV . That wasn't unexpected on summer break, only the sight of the 'Wendy Menace' on the shaggy rug, playing the PlayStation.

He launched a pillow at her. "Pause whatever you're downloading. We're out of bandwidth!"

The ocean princess paused on a menu, scowling back. Her makeup got smudged. Or not, he could never tell. Unable to read kanji, her games like the Princess Parlor franchise all blended together too. "I know the ISPs are lame and totally prejudiced because of where we live, but hold on gosh! I have to download my library again."

"Play the one in Iggy's joint or something! You don't own this place!"

She scrunched her nose up. "~GROSS! It was bad enough when I logged in as him by mistake and all of my friends thought I'd gone full weeb from his waifu avatar, form that totes overrated Kame-zoku Bōru Zetto!"

"You sure they weren't on point?" he snarked.

She tossed a spare controller at her brother, which hurt! "Hush. I have privileges to use this TV and you don't. ~Buh-bye!"

Larry groaned, kicking a chess table over on the way out. If only he hadn't been caught by Kamek talking to Mushroomite friends online. He'd have a slot for the good stuff and not be limited to what Lemmy would spare him, like some Nintendo games or junk for babies that he didn't care about. He decided to sit on the moat for a while, lava bubbling below his hanging toes, gaining one extra bar for his laptop signal. While a year old, the hinges were loose. It might have been because the plastics weren't made for Darklandian climates, and it was just plain worn out, his only outlet to have fun. He had a trap song he was working on under his 'Dj L4rry' profile. He could call it: Hell Valley Sky Trees. The phrase appeared in a Mario game once if one knew where to look. Or was it too edgy?

A notification sounded. "Attention! All koopalings meet in 'the room', now!" stated Ludwig's text.

"All heck no.."


After checking for prying eyes, Ludwig reentered the meeting area and seated himself on an upside-down mop bucket. A big sneeze shook the room.

"Non-denominational sentient celestial beings bless you, Morton!" he exclaimed to the wheezing 'little' brother.

For Morton to only be sixteen, he was the size of two sumo bros, his big lungs creating a hurricane of dust. "Did we really-" he sniffled, "Have to coalesce, convene, amalgamate here?"

Ludwig decided to stand after all. In the crampest area in their giant castle were them, Lemmy and Roy, the others disregarding his messages. "Morton, we shall not do the last of those. I hope. Anyway, I had to make ourselves scarce with so many of our minions drifting in and out."

"Yeeah, it sucks." Roy, a very tall and muscular koopaling, leaned on a metal rack, warping it. "All wanted ta see dat dumb tennis thing. Don't see nobody lining up fer MY Koopa Ball games.."

"Maybe don't fumble those slam dunks?" Lemmy continued to twirl the broom handle between his fingers as Roy hauled him over and gave him a noogie.

"Cease this!" Ludwig pulled them apart. "I'd prefer we all partake in that tennis frenzy, understood?"

"Sounds fun, Luddy. Hold on." Lemmy bought out a toy phone with different colored buttons and a pink plastic shell. "I have an app that can cast to our loudspeakers."

"I thought Vater purchased you a real cellular phone?"

The diminutive twenty-two-year-old did a sort of trick and uncovered his hand again, revealing a different one with a giant FHD touch screen, unused and still covered in plastic. "Psych! But seriously, it might work to get them to show up."

"No Lemmy, remember how this is all a 'surprise thingy' as you put it?"

"Oh, yeah.."

"And callow as some of us are, there should be no problem taking Airship One for a spin as they say!"

He lifted one moldy curtain, flooding the closet with the reddish light of the outdoor Badlands landscape. The shipyard was directly below.

Roy rose his pink shades. "Airship wut?"

The commander's grand expression dropped as quickly as their last castle went down, pressing his snout against the dirty glass to peer harder. A big flattened spot of soil is where their oldest ship was this morning. Now it was gone, terrorizing the skies somewhere else.

"Ooh ooh! May I ask my editors of the 'Bestest, Most Superior, Most Exquisite Thesaurus Ever' if they can spot it?" Morton hopped in excitement, making the single bulb swing in the room. "If Kammy took the ship on her spending sprees, her flea market rummaging, her marketing massacring, then my expedient, enthusiastic friends-"

"Our business must not be broadcast to out of kingdom partners," Ludwig cried. "Even if they funded, subsidized, or sponsored you!"

It got so silent, they could hear the goomba marching drills three floors up.

"Like why?" Roy asked. "You a secret sports nerd now? Ha.. ha ha ha!" he roared. "And is dis why I saw ya with Iggy's nerd buddies da other day? Ha ha ha!"

Ludwig pressed open the door, blasting everyone with much-needed fresh air. "Let us go with that for now!" he agreed. "If I have to paint one of our tanks as a Mushroom Bus and roll it into town during rush hour, we shall."

"If you really think you can play Tetris with this tetrad.." Lemmy laughed under his breath.

He was the only of the eight that could keep a license and owned a kart, a polka dot B-Dasher to be precise, but it was all in good fun for the jester. While he didn't like terms like general, being Ludwig's had been less stressful lately, and he'd be in even better spirits after today possibly, though he dreaded a bit how the commander would react if he revealed that the Emerald Circus was pleading for Lemmy to join another tour..

Lemmy whipped out his phone. If there was somebody who'd mastered bridging two worlds together recently, it was this person.


Bowser was tired of sucking his stomach in, so he tore the apron off, dropping the shredded fabric before the cook.

"Mon Dieu!" the chef scolded, wagging a rolling pin at him. "Replace that before you deliver ze koopasta."

"Whatever.." With a puff of smoke, he returned to his tasks. idly wondering if that freak from the Awful Towers or Maple Treeway. He'd never invaded either and if he didn't hold back for Mario's sake, he might do something about that..

Lunch proceeded at a breakneck pace. There were extra staff called in to handle the surge and visitors willing to pay for hospital food to avoid vacating the premises. Of course, between Mario and Bowser in the kitchen, the cuisine was editable today. Mario prepared bundle after bundle of fresh pasta. Their eyes would meet for an awkward second, the plumber checking on him or something. Bowser was fantastic at this too, thank you. Didn't he remember from their Camp Ukiki retreat? He made one Mistake, otherwise his Gorgeous Steak was cut on the grain, and the Bone-In-Cut was delectable and juicy, child's play for a grilling king!

"Zat ist it for now!" the Chef declared, hanging up his hat. "Good job on zat last ticket."

"Phew!" Bowser cathartically stabbed the sharp butcher's knife deep into the cutting board.

Mario boldly approached having witnessed that. "We have time to help with the ala carte and buffet. Get over here. Hear me? Let's-a go!"

Bowser's response was to slap him, though moments later he was serving peas anyway. It was easy to drop a scoop on plates through a small window, and as long as no one could recognize him being a goof, it was alright. He guessed. Meanwhile, Mario passed along food to tables like some waiter, where those seated would act all starstruck. It made Bowser want to vomit. No, he wasn't jealous or nothin'. It was incensing that they knew so little about the guy they worshiped. If he asked one of those puny losers what Mario's real name was, they'd tilt their heads going-

"You out of order or what?.. Typical Khalid. Yeah, bootleg or not still mad about the Tamagachi thing," some twenty-something nurse grumbled.

Waking up, Bowser gave the toad girl a giant helping. "There. Get your vitamins in."

Emery T. glanced up from her tray. "OMG, BOWSER?!"

"Me?! No way, chick!" Bowser ducked from the window, only the spikes on his green shell visible.

"Dude, I can't mistake your sprite. I cosplay as you for all the Rebotoc Fests and I'm your biggest fan!"

Bowser slowly leaned up. He'd had desperate koopa girls go through this spell before he let them down easy, no one could ever replace Clawdia, but never a toad. He'd pinch himself, but the replacement apron was doing that enough.

"I get it. Here's proof." Emery raised a gold Bowser brooch necklace. "See? Only you putting your foot down can save this hospital-"

Someone tapped her shoulder. "Excuse me ma'am-"

"Go around me then!" she barked at the panser ambulance driver, one of many being held up. "-But anyway, all we're filling out are prescriptions for a sedative mega-vitamin. You're not Koopra Wenphry, I get it. Great show by the way, but people will listen to you and- and maybe-"

"Whoa! Slow down, gal. You saying that FungusFace and Flower Chick are part of that?"

Emery paused. "..King, duh!"

"Crap.." All the while, Bowser showed himself too much and he was spotted. Angry staff became hysteric, dropping their trays and shrieking for Mario.

Bowser shoved the serving spoon to the nearest cook. "Take this. I left my clown car's lights on!"

"I have no handsssssss!" 'Khalid' the fire snake complained in his wake.

The Koopa King scrambled through the kitchen and stumbled through the back doors. Catching his breath, he grabbed a big stick in case the mob poured out behind him. A shrill ringing, a sound he'd actually been tuning out until then, made him gasp and tumble into a water fountain.

"Hey, this is Bowser! Who is it?!" he answered desperately.

...

"Hi King Dad," Lemmy greeted. There was some wind noise in his background. "I- umm."

"Hey I'm busy here!"

"Oh, well the radio is off air and the internet's slow so we don't know what's up down there. Is the game still playing?"

The Koopa King grit his teeth on the way out of the pool. Why did he have to have a robust moisture-proof dumbphone? Since using that kind of model he was getting check-ins anytime and anywhere, including while falling down a volcano shaft once. "No, I won it already. Technically!"

"Technically? Lol..."

"Erm. It's offa obscure rule ya know," he quickly amended. "Hey, make sure my minions are coming home. If they'd go after me for the crime of whooping their preferred team, they'd go after them for watching the slaughter."

"I'll ask Luddy!"

There came the oft-heard bounce of Lemmy's ball, albeit on a palatable surface, and by the baritone nearby, he'd found his eldest son in seconds.

"-Why aren't you searching? Arm yourself, General!"

"Fiiiine, I'll take the binoculars. Can I customize mine with stickers?"

"No!"

"Aww.. wait now I remember. It's Dad."

"What?!"

Then came a clatter and the sounds of struggle as seven kingdoms away, Ludwig kept an arm around Lemmy's face, his little brother tucked under his arm like a football.

"Hello, Vater?..We'll ensure our Koopa Troop operatives arrive home safely, so please! Hurry back."

*Click*

Bowser stared at the brick in his paws. He couldn't! Not yet.

...

"You're getting better with those excuses, Bowsy. Smoother than what I said to convince a dozen people that they didn't spot you serving peas."

Bowser ripped off his soggy hair net. "Yuck!"

Mario thumbed backward. "Those were tasty in fact, just salty. I had some."

"NO- Yes. But no. Don't use that name Dinosaur Breath coined. Secondly, it ain't an excuse!"

As Bowser dumped his accessories in the trash, he noticed a note near his station with a number scribbled on it. He pocketed that, Mario not noticing over whatever else he was doing in that back room. The cafeteria was empty, and if Bowser just stomped out of there right then and forgot about this being nice crap, he might make it to a count of thirty before he caused mass panic.

"Is every first day gonna be like this?" a staffer asked.

"As long as we're at max," replied an older hammer bro, washing dishes.

The young dorky lakitu that inquired wiped down the stainless steel pass, near where Mario reappeared, motioning for Bowser.

"Well, if family time is over, we can make some progress." He tossed something scarlet over Bowser head.

"Come on..." he growled, untangling himself. It was a woven cloak and surprisingly his size. "What is this?"

"Your outfit, grandmother."

He whipped back to the plumber, now holding a silver walker and a box of disposable blue face masks.

"We'll come around and reenter from the front with you as an old koopa I'm helping in." He encouragingly draped his arm around him, a little too comfortable already.

Bowser shivered. Mario wasn't just protecting him now, he was luring him down a trail of lunacy with this semi-embrace thing. Maybe, all along, he'd been a double agent and wanted his head on a platter like the rest of his psycho friends. He could feel his warmth and the bristle of his mustache tickled him a little during that brief moment where he stopped them both and was looking out into the parking lot funny, partially at an oil puddle, then shrugged in resignation and kept on. 'We have all the coins in the world to replace it. Shame for the thief I didn't get around to fixing that leak.'

Reentering the front lobby, folks were staring, Bowser feeling particularly naked. He was just about to pull the plug when Mario let his upper arm go finally. He dipped towards the receptionist's office and came back with the most genuine smile he'd seen in a while.

"Can't believe we got this far. In a funny way, thanks for not making this as hard as it coulda been. Hold tight for my signal to come to room 444, okay?" He winked. "Let's-a go."

Chapter End Notes

To be Continued….
Revise: 1/23/22, 1/24, 1/26/22 (renamed chapter) (touch ups in accordance with rest of story) 12/16/22
Edited: 11/14/23
RR24: 9/2/24

Chapter 5: Crumbled Bastion

Chapter Notes

Minor edits.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kylie Koopa sleuthed the stadium from behind a phone booth. The fact that there still was one of those around was her sign that she was meant to sneak in. Yellow banners from the police blocked the entrances, but due to there being three of them, everything was unsupervised. Camera in hand, she dashed across Starman Lane and went in. Despite the tragedy, it remained awe-inspiring as it always was to emerge from the unlit arched passageways into the area where millions once entertained the diaspora.

Snapping a few shots of the aftermath, the stands, discarded signs, trampled banners, all redolent of the rapid deterioration of order, something tingled her spine, and it had nothing to do with reverence. She tried to shake it out before snooping more thoroughly, around the umpire chair, behind some stands, and locker rooms, where she found Mario's gym bag. She made it to row F of the bleachers when a motorcycle purr made her trip the rest of the way down again. She knew her time was up. The tunnels were amplifying and distorting voices into a thunder-like rumble. Maybe the cops returning to reapply the tape she cut on the way in and being pragmatic at the same time.

The ringing of a bell was the last she heard of that. Must be a 'cat burglar' in a Lucky Bell suit. That would sure be a funny mug shot later for the busted paper.


'Grandma' covered his face with a 'Play Koopa' magazine, not the best choice, though his mind so was removed at the moment he never registered the picture- erm the 'articles' inside it, trying to channel his inner ninji and disappear. Taking up three seats, he was hard to miss while deep in enemy territory. This is why he and Mario hung out at remote locations. Places like the Waffle Kingdom wouldn't bat an eye at them.. unless someone looked up who they were.

Far down the West hospital wing, Mario abruptly stopped before room 444, making the others step on his heels. Not meaning to get caught up in himself like that, he apologized and let the others trickle in ahead of him. The doctor's large blocky form hid the status on most of the monitors between Toad and Daisy's beds. Unceremoniously, he spun to face the crew.

"Just checking records," he droned.

"Excuse me, doctor?" Peach asked.

He waddled around her and the rest as nimbly as a rock slab monster could. She gave that up momentarily, venturing closer to Toad's bed. He was like a plank of wood to her horror.

"..Mario, do they look green to you too?" Yoshi asked.

Luigi bolted to roll the mash dimmer all the way up. They hadn't imagined the greenish hue of their skin, super apparent on pale-skinned Toad, but tinting the bronze hue of the Sarasalandian as well. The bed squeaked as Luigi grabbed the rail of Daisy's bed. "He walked away with them like this? Figlio di puttana!"

Mario took it all in with great difficulty, spinning to notice that Boo had frozen in the threshold with wide eyes.

"…I'm sorry I.. it flashed before me.. memories of.." They choked up. "A morgue."

The princess and Luigi wailed sharply. She latched onto Mario. "Eldstar, it cannot be!"

Yoshi brought his ear up from Toad's chest first and then Daisy's. "They're still alive for now," he informed steadily.

On the topic of heartbeats, Mario's clashed against Peach's until he gently eased out of their embrace, securing her upper sleeves. "Peach, we can save this. Thanks to you we're seeing this now and not four hours later or something. I'll update 'You Know Who' and get someone back in here. If they act up they'll be checking themselves in from my special 'plumber whack'…"

...

"Hey, King!"

The Kart and Driver magazine slipped from the grandma in the corner with one leg crossed over the other. "H-huh?"

"Oops. Sorry." Emery flushed, scrunching down behind the row of waiting chairs before him. "Any updates, King? Someone will snitch on me if I'm anywhere but here with my mom or on my rooftop station."

Ah, Emery was a more doe-eyed and spirited version of that Nass up there, though if she insisted on mixing her business with his', she might acquire the poorly concealed cynical disposition of the mother long before thirty..

"-Nothin yet, Fangirl. I'm waiting 'round and frankly, don't want to get cha in trouble."

"Don't worry about it. I'm already a social outcast because I've liked you since you were still a villain. Yeah, I don't mean your new revision, the old stuff..Or maybe because I don't mind seeing blood and guts.. Anyway, here's all I can tell you."

She told him all she knew in a half whisper while pretending to consider options in a snack machine nearby. Besides Toad and Daisy, almost fifty more were just like them, all from around the time the game was suspended. That the staff wasn't paying attention was incorrect, they were monitoring closely, and what they were waiting for scared her. Dr. Prof. Koopa cryptically mentioned once that he was back in the saddle again. -But he was no cowboy! Or she was too young to get that phrase.

"Ahhh!" Bowser shot to his feet, ripping the cloak off in the process. A chorus of alarm from toads snapped him back to reality too late. Chairs were flipped, visitors scrambled out, and others jumped up to grab the spinning ceiling fans. He pushed beyond them, going somewhere without knowing where to start. Suddenly a plumber dropped in and was hit by the stampede. He stood up, missing his hat, confused and horrified alike at the pandemonium.

Bowser towered over his rival, screaming belligerently. "I gotta see our tennis rivals!"

Mario leaped acrobatically to Bowser's side and pulled his spiked collar down to his level, flipping into his stock character. "They're not in the mood for visitors, Koopa!"

Underneath the spontaneous applause from the grateful dozen, he dragged Bowser through the automatic doors. Once out of earshot and on the street, he signed heavily.

"Why'd you do that? I was coming to get you!"

Bowser forced himself to smirk. "Oh well, thanks. Let's go."

"We can't the easy way anymore, jerk.." He seized the koopa's arm. "We can sneak in the window, though. Hurry. It ain't pretty."

As they continued at a brisk pace, Bowser tried to divulge several times unsuccessfully. If he was breaking everything by doing absolutely nothing, what would trying to help do? Mario and co were on the right trail anyway and they'd never take his word. Plus, it was uncharted territory being together in the open in a semi-busy town, though as fate would have it, the drama had to start again.

"Bowser!" A bob-omb heading towards them on the public sidewalk spun around and ran.

"Crap! Come on!" Mario urged.

Then a birdo on a bike spotted them hand in hand from across the street and was so distracted she smacked into a stop sign.

"You can try lifting those things, you know!"

"I freakin know that!"

Snapping out of a daze, Bowser cooperated somewhat and they made it around the block to the West wing. They dove into the bushes partially obscuring Toad and Daisy's window. Mario heard some sort of alarm blaring over raised voices, all muffled by glass. He felt in vain around the sides for a latch.

"Erm. Fine." Bowser carefully applied pressure to the entire pane, making something creak. "Whoops!"

"Momma mia!" Mario's attempt to catch the glass was just as catastrophic, sliding off of his cotton gloves and shattering on the floor inside. It bumped one of the computer status monitors out of the dummy mode it was in, displaying afterward a standard Mushroomsoft 10 OS screen.

Azul had used some gobbledygook tactics to hold Peach and Yoshi's attention in the doorway, and was proficient enough at it. He said he'd gone to Mushroom College. Or maybe that was part of his ruse, but with those screens down he dismissed it as a 'darn automatic update' and sped away. While Yoshi and Luigi and others made eventually futile attempts to track him down, Bowser's big head was looking in, stomach-churning at Toad and Daisy's state.

"Mario," he sputtered. "Dr. Professor dealt with what they got. .. And it might been when he was with-"

Beep beep beep, went an alarm, drowning him out.

"We must have been spotted. Wonder how?" Mario pinched between his eyes, tone dripping in sarcasm.


Dark Land had a diversity of environments seldom recognized, torrential rains frequent in some urban areas, parched around Bowser Castle. That desertic soil became the cushion for an out-of-control airship.

Thud!

Larry yanked off his headphones, looking around. "Sis! You playing Morton records again?"

Without diverting her attention away from her dating simulator, Wendy flung a Wii Wheel at him. "Like I'd play some craptastic music he likes. Didn't I 'accidentally' drop that in the garbage disposal?"

The pulsating beats cut from a trio of big stereo cabinets Morton had wired up. "Oh no, not my limited edition, rare, seven inch from DJ Deadbone5!"

"God.." Larry groaned, falling back in defeat.

Lemmy was in the opposite corner of the room, where Junior would be if not at camp, scooping up the multicolored blocks to build with when a whiff of smoke struck his nostrils. "Dinner?" He checked his watch. Nada.

Iggy's head snapped up from the non-domestic special edition translucent Gameboy. He was a lanky eighteen-year-old, unmissable if he was around with his lime green hair, gelled to sprout from his head, though seldom seen in the den compared to the basement or his lab. "My radioactive microwave downstairs!... Hahaha, no that blew up last week because of Roy's burrito."

"Aw, shuddup, you told me I could!" Roy griped from the other more ragged couch.

Larry then stuffed his ears, only to hear the notification anyway.

"Attention! Mandatory meeting behind the castle!" the message stated, using that intercom app too. "Seriously!" Unanimously, his sister pausing her game which she would never otherwise do, the koopalings filed out.

"F!" Larry screeched.

Behind the castle, their primary airship had reappeared embedded bow first. Orangey red dirt mounds from the impact were littered up to a mile away, some making it onto the rooftop of the castle. So it turned out Morton was right, which was already an occurrence with the frequency of a Star Festival, but Kammy Koopa had stopped still she dropped. She made her egress from an emergency hatch on the top and slid down from the hull to the ground like nothing had happened, arms full of bags.

"~Dearies, I got something for you!" the crone sang, shuffling across the field.

A couple of them cheered for the 'cool grandma'. The way Larry saw it, Kamek was the 'koopalings are ordained warlords', Kammy was the 'you're just kids!' and Bowser in the middle. Sheesh.

Meanwhile, a particularly Ludwig sized dirt mound started to jiggle, scaring him.

"Freaking what is that?" he gasped.

Bloodshot eyes appeared from the mound, followed by a red hot face and then the rest of the body. "What in Eldstar's name is wrong with you crazy woman?!"

Kammy contently strolled up, her head poking around the stacks of shopping bags. "Luddy-dear, you know how I have lil problem reaching the brake pedal sometimes, ee hee hee! Now chill out, boy!" She tossed a yellow Banana Bird Republic bag full of hair spray his way.

The eldest koopaling caught it on reflex and then passed it to Wendy. As a bald (but empowered) female, she thought it was a diss and slapped him with the bag before realizing that some advanced foot care products were in there, so she saved face suddenly and tried to thank him all coyly.

"Everyone focus!" Ludwig snapped his fingers. "Time?"

Lemmy checked his wrist watch again. "There's been exactly zero minutes and no seconds since we've been standing here."

"Lemmy-sama, your watch is drawn on your wrist with crayon. Ooh, I should invent a watch that can freeze time like yours!" Iggy giggled.

With a loud aggravated huff, Ludwig dashed inside the airship so fast Kammy spun in place, shopping bags flinging off. They waited awkwardly until Ludwig emerged from the hatch. Using a thick colorful quilt, likely as seen on TV at some point to shield his nose and mouth from dust, he sat there instead of sliding down and seemed to be busy dialing a number. He screwed up a few times because everyone knew he sucked at touch screens. Eventually, he asked Iggy about the number of his friends from the Play-N-Tirade.

"So and so!" the nerd called over.

Now what was this mess about, Larry wondered, flabbergast. He wouldn't get it from the source, Iggy was already fighting with Kammy over some mall treasure.

"-Hands off, sonny! I need that to keep up with the sock, cauldron, and cooking ware collection," the elderly magikoopa slapped him with her broom.

Iggy held the pocket calculator over her short stature. "First let me borrow this and harvest the proprietary and out-of-production CPU microchip.."

Ludwig returned, pleased with himself. "-Very well, we have a ride."

"It's totes underground, Luddy!" Wendy complained.

He dropped a bundle of shovels before her heels and her brother's three-toed feet. "Words have meaning, sister-mine. It is partially underground, get it right. Now, riddle me this. What has two thumbs, a shell on its back, and a fantastic r supreme commander if I do say so myself? You. Get to work!"

Lemmy was the first to comply, followed by the others that 'might as well'.

Ludwig tied that quilt around his neck. Coastal breezes battering Darkland could get unexpectedly cold if no volcanos were erupting. Thankfully the forecast for where they were going would be mild, at least until they showed up of course.


Mitch Toad's black luxury sedan skidded to a stop at Starman Lane's second or third red light. As sharp as it was on the outside, his nosebleed was ruining the trade in value big time. He didn't have asprin for the searing headache, nor facial tissues in the glove box, so he was ruining his expensive suit and a very nice notebook he'd just bought. No matter. At least Kylie should be safe for now. He'd whipped Susie so thoroughly, he was begging for mercy like Francis the geek did after Mitch was about to leak the ending of Starship X-Naut TV that time.

The light changed to green so he mashed that pedal.

~Ding ding ding.

Then -His blood ran cold. There, he spotted it a block away, an oncoming Mushroom Bus veering into in his lane, though fingers curling around the wheel rigidly, he ran out of time and was smashed into on the front driver's side corner. His car's frame was compressing like an accordion, somersaulting into the park while the public transportation vehicle, continued to roll until overrunning a brick hedge beyond the intersection. No brakes were ever pressed by the warm corpse inside. Back in the park, within the mangled remains of the Lexus, the green toad tried to wiggle from behind the deflated airbag, but could not move nor scream. Life began to fade.

The first on the scene was Koopa. He was one of those ambulance chasers in a literal sense, not that he was fishing for a lawsuit, though Lakitu Bro might have been, of course he digressed. He left early for lunch and was five minutes from home, cutting through the city park when that horrible scene unfolded. Jogging in place, he remained on the line to emergency services line until he blacked out, whacked in the back of the head with a green Bowser tennis racket. The unconscious fitness junkie collapsed at the 'feet' of a dark floating figure.

Surveying the carnage, the attacker's eyes squinted slightly due to astigmatism. He approached anyway and leered at what was left of Mitch closely, unable to help himself.

"Never even knew who really as, bro. Heh, sounds like today's journalists.."

His lips curled upwards at the journalist's lack of reply, vocally and on that other wavelength they could access. He was about to change things forever, so to get back to that he vanished like the boo he was…


The sands of time buffeted Toad Town until it widdled down to a simple village. There were no paved roads or street signs, and the city, or what would be called a city later was so flat that from the southwest port, the robed roble could scan the horizon and see the coliseum, Mushroom Castle, a forest of Super Bell trees that mostly got in their way, and Star Hill all at once. Stars, he forgot how they were technically in a valley like that.

Snapping from meta observations, the noble drew away from the sea with an empty glass bowl, hiding it as requested before making the short sprint to the pavilion. Mushroom retainer number twenty-seven appreciated her pet being set free before it was found in her quarters and something else happened, but could not show it as the tardy nobel scooted by their floor section to sit in the high hairs. Other red toads identical to him were so engrossed in the live music on stage that they didn't notice.

The elites rarely attended small, 'podunk' stage shows, but spearheaded by the young Duke they had to see this particular afternoon program, and when one of them decided on something, they all had to follow. The purple curtains slid to the side, revealing underwater reefs built of wood and bloopers hanging on strings, accompanied by trumpet blasts from the production crew.

Ten minutes into The Ugly Mermaid, the Earl was yearning for an excuse to run. Everything was cloudy and hazy, and he couldn't quell the agitation he felt if plunged into the ocean like that pet cheep cheep. The only thing that kept his butt in his regal prestigious spot was the sight of background actor number fifteen, a tall human dressed as a Yurarinm, gawking as her line came up.

She muttered something like, "I got enough problems, dawg. I think I'm dreamin'," before a hook pulled that one off state.

After blinking, the Earl jumped down and evacuated the tent, frantically searching about behind the rear where the stage lead. She was missing among the actors staring at him like he was a freak. A director tried to shake him off, a big toad named Saul. The Earl grappled back with the ambitious orange toad. Having some underhanded deal with the last employee the King and the Earl recommended they cut, Saul had been a thorn in his side ever since. Flashest went out behind his eyes. Maybe a professor, another one in the future, would warn of these lapses or..

When the confrontation happened, the Earl barely won, lacking a weapon against the dagger carrying psycho. This time he'd just kill him. The Earl snatched the biggest heaviest tent spike and charged the orange toad.

...

Forty years in the future, a grayer haired Mr. Toad semi-consciously reached for whatever was in proximity of his bed. He grasped the metal stand propping the monitors. Luigi swiveled to his friend as he rose in bed like in the Night of the Living Pionpi.


"-I appreciate your concern for my welfare, but this was drastic. My enemy is roaming 'civilly'. What happened to the previous standard of care, organization, husbandry, and communication?"

While the ringing alarms were disabled in the lobby, they were still faintly audible in other parts of the hospital and red lights continually flashed.

"We are still determining their condition," Nass muttered to Peach, avoiding eye contact with Mario who folded his arms beside her.

"-They giving you problem-? Ah, uh, nevermind. Hmm hmm hmm.." the whomp doctor hummed in passing from the East wing to the West.

Peach forced herself to ignore that. "Nass, You stated that the call for security came from within this facility, so would you know who authorized that unnecessary measure?"

"N-no."

"...Oh why did I ever hire you back then as the receptionist!" the princess blurted, immediately regretting it.

Nass stared blankly before shooting up from her chair. "I'm just following orders!"

Mario slammed his fists down on the desk. "My brother wrote those procedure codes of yours down. Yoshi looked them up online and Bowser heard via a mole in your organization that you DO know what's wrong. Just cause you've seen me beat up baddies for years doesn't mean I won't slap a few of you around-"

The defiance visibly drained from Nass as she collapsed into her seat, holding down a button. "Dr. Terrace, please come back, thank you!"

"Aw, stop playing around' Nass," Dr. Terrace grumbled behind their backs. "The straight dope is this. We can kick them all out. The princess doesn't own us as of the vote this morning. Azul." He whistled for the blue shy guy like he was some mutt on the street.

The young nurse flashed a rude gesture as he rolled a cart by. "What dude?"

"Escort them, my child."

Mario pulled the rock baddie closer by the stereoscope. "How about no. This is your last chance to-

A yellow blur burst through the entrances. Mario severed his hold on the corrupt doc to take Peach and dive with her for cover. Azul bopped aside along with this cart of gauze and everything else blown out of the way. Whatever that was, it zoned in on the receptionist's desk.

The dust cloud settled- "Dis is Jimmy M. of the Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit!" announced a short monty mole in a bright yellow hazmat suit. "We got tipped off that there's some real bad ones 'ere."

Nass peeked over her desk. "There must be some mistake, James. We didn't-"

James hopped into her window, landing on top of the file cabinet. As it fell over he dug into the papers, flinging them around. As Mario was helping Peach to her feet, dazed, they heard tinny chatter from a radio.

"Dis is it," James said into a walkie-talkie, choice documents spread on Nass's desk before him. "Now just need ta pick 'bout five of em."

This prompted a mega goomba, a koopa paratroopa, and a wiggler to rush in with cots. Splitting off every which way, they returned seconds later with three patients, sickly green.

"Can't youse count? Five!" the MKDCU agent fussed, muddying up Nass's desk again. "Do I gots to carry em? Gimme some-"

"Heeelp!" A haunting voice commanded their attention from the west wing. Boo phased through the double doors before they were kicked open by Yoshi, eyes bloodshot and frazzled.

"Yosh?!"

Ignoring Mario, Yoshi whipped back, dashing into the hall again and returning with Luigi in his arms. His clothes were hanging off, his hat missing, skin flushed like a beet. "Look at what he did to our boy!"

Toad dragged his feet out, upright but groaning, glazed over, and green, wielding a metal pole twice the length of him. Azul made the mistake of being the nearest living thing, so he was batted across the lobby, over their heads, and out a window.

"Whatthe?" Bowser was following the commotion from outside, the nurse splitting right next to him. "FungusFace is up and wanting a rematch or-" His eyes widened. "Shoot-"

"He'll do. Says here dat one had a roommate. Get her too." James evacuated Nass's space as the goomba agent returned for Toad. He took a whack in the and cursed him out, but with the wiggler returning, they slapped him on another cot. The parakoopa and James himself wheeled Daisy's bed out. Dr. Terrace had recovered by then, and simply stood aside indifferently as they lost their fourth and fifth patients. The fiver went into a big truck parked out there. Bowser witnessed it. He might have tackled his way in with a running start, but it was driving away too quickly. Didn't stop him from chasing anyway, really giving the citizens a scare.

Back inside, where the lobby was destroyed, Peach latched on to Mario. "Stars, this can't be happening!"

The alarms everywhere were silenced as a somewhat strung-out Dr. Prof. Koopa strolled into the ruins, clothes and lab coat ruffled.

"My Dear 'Sweet Pea'," he began petulantly, "The rumors are true. You are no longer the director here. Give up."


Mario shook his head, standing and waving, trying to rile them up. "No, all we did was it the pause button. Don't say that!"

The four left the bastion that had crumbled in their eyes and regrouped at Club 64, via walking, as the Mushroom Bus was involved in a bizarre accident and they'd all temporarily stopped. The Mach Bike was stolen earlier too, but Mario didn't want to pile on the bad news, saving that to share with Luigi privately later. The landmark diner in Toad Town was known for its cozy atmosphere over the decades, a notable distinguisher against sleeker and larger competitors like Club Gamecube across the street. They sat far in the back of the restaurant, alongside the often therapeutic fish tank. He kept her arm around the princess's quivering form, the tears that once marred her face long dried. Yoshi watched a bulky old television set to closed captioned infomercials without actually watching anything at all.

"Umm," Luigi spoke up, holding the icepack to his face, "Did we really let Bowser run off like that?"

Yoshi swiveled his chair around. "That is bothering me as well."

Mario bite the inside of his cheek, unsure if his struggle was his deep seated tendency to please everybody or cognitive dissonance. "-None of this has to do with Bowser!"

"Don't be so certain.." Peach spoke just above TV volume. "As you know, I don't forget faces and during those glimpses we had from passing by rooms, the sick were attendees at the game this morning."

Yoshi patted the princess' hand before turning to Mario with fiery zeal. "What is conspicuously missing from that picture? A single koopa scum on the mends, despite being half of the audience. It's a targeted attack, Mario! Of course, we all realize the hospital is scummy in its own way, but I can't think of any other reason why they would kick the princess off the board like that except for permitting our worst enemy to stick around. "

"Yoshi!.. I.." Peach lost her words.

"It's plausible," Luigi grunted, his head low otherwise. "Boo got my text to meet here. Thank the stars. Boo said osme private chat rooms have some 'juicy' info on Bowser too."

Mario sprang up from his seat. "Bathroom."

Mario slipped out a back door, rounding the block on the lookout. He craned his neck upwards occasionally, pacing back and forth in the shaded alley. By the time he spotted a Clown Car in the sky, he was shaking, all of that anxiety morphing into rage. The instant his rival squeezed the copter into the tight space, he was about to strangle him.

"Bowser, I can't ignore the chatty crows out there anymore! The tennis game was the only event your minions could come to and that's the one where this happens? And then not a single one of your minions are sick with psychotic episodes either?"

Bowser would have normally been amused at Mario clawing through his hair, jittering all over the place. This wasn't funny though. "No I don't get it either! We shoulda drilled into Theo more, but everything was happening so fast. " He glanced off to the sky, framed by the two brick walls scaled up. "We need a do-over. Give me five minutes with Dr. Professor Creep. We'll learn something I promise."

Mario absorbed him for a while, losing tension. "I believe you... for some reason."

"For some reason?" Bowser stepped closer, his red eyes flashing with intrigue. "Did we meet yesterday? Hey, this is Bowser, pleased to meet cha. I was the BEST villain in the Mushroom World till four months ago, when I didn't lose or quit or nothin', I just retired ON MY OWN TERMS.. but maybe with the support of this hairy faced loser in red." He offered a scaly hand. "Think his name is-"

"Alright, I get it." Mario shook his hand, a smile creeping up. "I never doubted I think, it's just, getting inundated with their ideas was getting to me.." he admitted, still clasping Bowser's paw. "I'll abate the rest then we can bash some skulls in that wretched MK East. In the meantime, hide out at my house. Angry mobs will never look there."

His keys clank softly as they fell into the calloused open palm of his nemesis. That sealed it in his mind. Maybe Bowser was innocent.. but this was still a mistake, if hard to recognize with the Koopa King glowing like he was in a steakhouse.

"Though it'd have to be a Boo Moon before you did something like that. Deal, Beardy. I won't wreck the place."

When Mario snuck back into Club 64, Yoshi yanked him right back out again. Everyone was waiting on the bench, tabs already paid. It was tricky without Mario, but they had a plan!


"Jessie, have ya heard from that ol' Mitch since this afternoon? Just curious."

The redhead didn't know, returning to her job of sitting pretty. Kylie returned to her space, in deep thought. Toad and Daisy weren't photoed drinking that green soda, identified now as a non-domestic brand called FungusUp, but there was only one promo guy with them and audience members had them, so it was reasonable to infer such at this point. She made a call to the local station to collect some of them as evidence, then tried to contact to someone at MK East. They weren't picking up. In desperation she left a voicemail for Mario, cooking up an excuse that she'd found his duffle bag so if he wanted to get it, that'd be cool.. Also if he could throw some weight around with his stature that'd be great too-

"This is the latest one, sir."

Kylie rolled her chair back. The customer was a noki in a Hawaiian shirt and black sunglasses, scanning a newspaper.

"See your stories?"

The noki slapped some coins on her desk. "Merci." He waltzed out and into an Aston Mushroom sports car at a parking meter. It had a Toad Town license plate, and that was the suspicious part.

Chapter End Notes

Created: 1/28/22, 2/1- 2/3/22, 2/4, 2/5/22
Some edits: 11/15/23
RR24: 9/13/24
Some edits: 11/15/23

Chapter 6: Dying Inside

Chapter Summary

Things get real. Things get personal. Things get strange. *RR24*…

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Leaving behind the cozier section of Toad Town for the modern metro, where it was borderline hectic and the length of the buildings stretched upwards exponentially he knew he was running out of time.

Sirens rang and down the main streets, substantiating that 'juicy' news on the message boards. Bowser minions were dispersed like a micro-goomba infestation around downtown. Some were trouble, albeit with small things and justifying surveillance and alarm, though most were committing the crime of simply 'existing', which the pact condoned explicitly. A few shop's online accounts said that if they spotted that tattoo on an 'enemy species' customer, they'd bar them totally. The princess's reaction was that 'those shops were drumming for attention'...

Mario scanned the nervous but eager faces of his friends, trying to sound as spontaneous as possible. "Hey. Maybe we'd better hold off a sec."

Yoshi shook a fist. "Mario, that old creep is finished. I could even take Dr. Prof. alone if we squared off, and you know I'm no spring huffin' puffin.."

Peach's thin eyebrows furrowed. "It should not have to come to violence, nevertheless they have lost my respect. No, I will not grovel when we get there. It's not about that anymore Mario! I can build another hospital. It's about the patients, it's about Mr. Toad and Daisy, and we must end their schemes."

"..So we agree on the sabotage angle, not Bowser. ..He's not around anymore so don't worry about that."

"In our presence or not, yes Bowser!" Yoshi exclaimed.

He gave a start. "What?"

"Remember that voicemail?"

The red plumber would have rather been warped to the Minus World, trapped for all eternity. Kylie had his duffle bag. Besides that, the Fungus Ups the audience drank came from a truck with a Neo Bowser City plate. That was a massive clue passed to Snifit Patrol. Of course, all it meant was that the crook was Darklandian. Bowser didn't run that city, that was the neo part. In fact that's not even a word he'd be using naturally.

"I understand you, but my brother has a point," Luigi increased his previously slower pace to step in between the dino and princess. "We could be marching into a trap. Why don't we investigate the MDKCU to give us a buffer period? Who knows, considering how well they stole the show, a collab might be the key to victory."

Boo nodded with a little extra perk, otherwise hiding behind him.

If he was simply apprehensive after being attacked or being a genius Mario didn't know. Either way, he loved him, as his logic melted away the nearly tangible intensity of those two.

"All of this is sound, I suppose. One moment." Peach pressed one button for a speed dial, conjuring one of her loyal castle servants right away. "Thank you, dear." She snapped shut the flip phone.

"No, thank you," Luigi said. "If they could find a way to kick you out, they could find a way to do worse to us. I'll meet you all at the castle in a moment. Kylie has my memory card too."

"From our GameCube or something?"

As it would be ridiculous at this point to keep the charade, he revealed the camera. "Surprise, Mario. After this mess is over, I'll show you all the photos I took where you can spot the boogers in your nose from up on row C."


A part of him was excited to enter the uncharted territory. Yes, someone like him, who'd been all around the Mushroom World and beyond, not exactly welcomed, and often with the intentions to do some bad stuff, but still. This tiny by his standards home in this goody neighborhood, like out of a princess-approved real estate magazine, was about to be the highlight of his day. Was it a letdown? The moment he tiptoed inside and almost caused an avalanche, well, no. He was still awe-struck, just in a bad way at the hoard of brand-new and lightly used stuff piling to the ceiling in wobbly stacks. Nothing was dust coated, so the Marios were keeping everything 'clean' but not investing in a storehouse. Was some ordinance disallowing it?

He was so glad to be from Dark Land...

"Put it on meats, vegetables, everything. You have to buy it to taste it!" the chef on Zess TV broadcast. The bumpty with dyed purple tufts of hair held up bottles of Purple Sauce, all slightly different shades.

"But what does it taste like?" a live caller asked.

"It's a unique flavor."

"No seriously."

"Do you wanna buy or not? Next caller.."

Brrzt.

~On the big brightly lit stage, a wiggler country star in a stunning sparkly red dress had a double-necked guitar strapped on, about to sing.

"A true philosopher of our generation," a voiceover kicked in, "Taylor Swiggler enlightening us all with 'Love will find you when you least expect it.'...

Bowser clicked it off, disgusted with the flashy colorful box even with his mind on more present matters. A loud ruckus drew him to the window blinds. He was told to be careful about Gill T. next door, not dudes in orange hats driving a motorbike into their yard, muddying it up.

A realization slapped him across the face with a brick. It was Mario's Mach Bike. The 'I heart Sarasaland' sticker on the back, the vanity Toad Town license plate that spelled '644evar', and the oil leak he was supposed to fix last week. Heck, Bowser put most of those dents in it during races. The dark boo's hat was stamped Mushroom Press too. He knew those creeps could write some bad articles, usually maligning him, but stealing bikes and returning to the victim's house to double dip or somethin?

Bowser kicked the door open. "What do ya think you're doing?"

The guy spun at him, raising his cap with a flash of shock. The Koopa King wouldn't let him go that easily, lounging and sliding across the mud to yank the boo tail first. With the baddie snatched, he quickly rolled into the house again, pressing him against the wall.

"Quick, say the Mushroomcratic Oath. Or else!"

The diabolical stranger said the full thing, only confusing him more. "Now, I don't do monologues or write life stories. When I get to where I want in life, I might still be a wandering Zoo-"

Bowser's grip faltered unknowingly. "Who freaking are you?!"

"That was my name!" Zoo yelled back. "Stop wasting my time."

"Wait.. so you REALLY work at the press?"

"Yep, it worked out and now I'm liberal and gay."

"What kingdom has that party, and why are you happy about it?"

"God you're slow bro.."

In the blink of an eye, he'd phased through his arms and the wall. Bowser stumbled outside again, into the blinding sun to get mud flung in his face from the spinning bike wheels. Shaking it off, a bigger engine vibrated the ground, a Bill Blaster about to swing into the driveway next door. Reddening, Bowser dashed into the house again.

"GAAAH!"

Ripping his hair out, the king stomped around inside, stacks of junk crashing around. He had to sneak his way out of here and do something, and there might only be one way to do it.


Boo loitered in front of "Tennis game of Terror" as a sign on the arcade said, and then sped forward to catch back up, tugging on the green plumber.

"Weegee, hold on!"

"If it's another spike spray painting a wall, don't worry, we'll deal with it-"

"No, uh.. I have to show you something I didn't before. It's sensitive I guess. About Mario."

"Oh.. My brother's skin is pretty thick, Booigi," he mentioned, following them into the vacant Toad Town cleaners. "It can't be that bad can it?"

The boo diddly dithered between rows of washing machines, debating something. "Y-you be the judge.. Check your phone."

After clicking the link, Luigi's heart stopped. Courtesy of an anonymous message boards user with a simple caption of 'lol it's like fanfiction or something', a photo showed Mario and Bowser walking on the sidewalks casually holding hands. Mario appeared henpecked yet content while Bowser was full of glee, like he was in a steakhouse, captured today very close to the hospital. With his keen eyes there were no traces of editing, manipulation, or any other photo trickery.

Luigi kept his nose down, eyes clinched. The only sounds were the low whirl of the machines.

Boo inched closer. "Sorry."

"No, Booigi. Don't." The green plumber brushed his sleeve across his eyes. "Toad and I knew they were tight in a rivalry way. It's why my brother was squeaky wheel to Peach over forming a pact for sure as well. But it sucks that he's being selfish like this."

"..Luigi, I don't know what to say.."

"You couldn't get the full picture." Luigi folded his arms, letting the tears roll off. "My brother.. The 'Mario' you know.. When we moved here he decided to be the most blameless, most altruistic, and just hero ever, and I was skeptical, but he proved me wrong again and again. He'd never let anyone get in the way of his vow, not me when I wasn't brave enough, not even his relationships with women. But now Bowser. ..Bowser is the reason why he's off his game and lying to us. We have to go."

Boo swiveled as he marched beyond the candy machines and towards the entrance. "W-weegee?"

"Let's go."


He hopped into the backseat with Yoshi, the Birthday Girl driven by a subordinate of Peach a little tight, but the trip ahead brief. Toadette was more than a pink pigtailed toad in the vast sea that was Mario's company, this one was going places. Straight out of college, Peach let her be her personal assistant, and thus she was the one prestigiously shuttling them around.

As they shifted into gear and rolled off, slotting into the light traffic, the young girlish toad and Peach shared a glance, appeared to eye at the red plumber in the mirrors, and giggled covertly. Even Yoshi winked at him. It was distracting him from the wanted ad he was trying to post over the bike.

"Is the stubble thing really that hot now?" he whispered.

"Eh, I'll defer to the ladies," Yoshi laughed, drumming his fingers on the leathery armrest.

Interestingly HIS lady wouldn't be elucidating, as he hadn't touched his phone outside of searching news clips since Club 64. Before Mario touched on that, the castle drew near at the top of Royal Raceway. Banners in support of Toad winning waved with the wind up high. No one had gotten to those, likely due to whatever issue was causing them to splash in water like it had been a rainstorm and find more streaming from windows and doors, overflowing the moat.

...

"Too many of you are speaking. Where did it start?" Mario asked, standing around in ankle high water. Others in the background were dragging water-logged furniture from the inner rooms to the drier mezzanine.

"The kitchen. The basement. Upstairs. Outside. Inside," her toads all answered at once.

"Enough excuses!" grumbled Toadsworth at the top of the red carpeted staircase. The older brown spotted mushroom man shuffled down each step, walking stick in tote. He slid up his glasses one more time upon reaching the bottom.

"-Master Mario? I did not know you were arriving so soon to help us with this predicament. The pipe downstairs burst today. My Princess," he added gravely. "Your castle has been in a deluge for hours now. We were trying to handle the matter, for we knew you were dealing with other ordeals."

"Yeah, like the tennis game and the bus driver murderer on the loose!" a muscular blue toad added.

Toadsworth directed his glare his way. "Bucken-Berry, the latter is only hearsay at this time!"

"Oh, stars help us," Peach mumbled, shoulders slumping. Thousands of coins worth of damage was happening before her eyes.

Mario wrapped an arm around her. "Yeah, on it. You and Yosh jump on the computer."

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Some of the younger toads cooed and Peach herself flushed bright red. As Mario tread downstairs, she was half flustered half annoyed at her heart fluttering. Measures like that were for show. To prop up the image they mutually decided needed fortification, but his bravado was especially attractive today with the beard shadow thing and.. Ugh emotions..

Batting such silly notions aside, she brought Yoshi higher into the castle and through corridors, eventually into a library.

The maze of shelves went overly high for Yoshi, and his big nose was tickled by dust the toads probably couldn't reach. The entire area had still air, like a time capsule, especially the beige computer. Some handsomely salaried toads he crossed had new phones in their pockets, but the sovereign of the kingdom that? Her dad might have been in control of the kingdom when that desktop came out!

He took a seat as the princess typed away. The MKDCU was Ran by James Monty and Parabilly Koopa, a co-founder, with additional agents 'Richard G.', 'Wiggletron B.', and 'Sebastian B.'. According to a blog on them, they were commission-based health inspectors with a drop-off point at that crazed Dr. Toadley's clinic..

"That's not far at all," she mouthed.

"It's not." He made her jump. "Sorry Princess. Let's update Mario."

They printed a page or two and stood. "Computers cost a billion dragon coins on the island. If I convince my darlin that even kids here can afford the good stuff, maybe she'll want to come down more," he said lightheartedly.

"She should.. That would be wonderful."

Though she appeared passive, perhaps resolute to him, inwardly...The stars might bless Mario's oldest buddy, but for her, she'd be left pleading. The web of darkness had already ensnared them all.


"-This one's outta date, Steve! Just muddling the case!" Kylie Koopa ripped a paper from the cork board and crumpled it in her hands. "Even if he had a passport for Flipside for five years, the point is he had the tattoo. He's the eighth victim."

"My mistake, doll. Lost my reading glasses yesterday. Jessie, c'mere. You verify new submissions for now. Rest of ya, if the police rings us again, we're gonna hafta tell somebody inclined to do somethin'."

"Like Mario!" A Big Bertha chirped.

"He normally stomps turtles, not phantoms." The bob-omb buddy editor got some weird glances from some koopas working there, including Kylie, but they were right.

The green plumber lingered at the Mushroom Press's front door observing that with unease. After Steve, a bullet bill with a graying mustache, removed another slew of false clues from the board he shimmied past, Luigi pressed on. Reporters were pacing around, going in and out of a back door where the vans were parked, or for Jessie, strung out totally, like a tweester hit her desk.

"Hi, I know it's a bad time but what's the news with the truck?"

Kylie collapsed into her chair with a sigh. The plumber's stomach churned. "Nah, they escaped the kingdom. It gets worse. If we go with the theory that some Bowser-affiliated faction staged this all, there must be a cover-up going on. Something's killing em off. The police inspector just found three more bodies-"

Boo vanished behind the plumber, so quickly that he felt the wind flap his pant legs. From faaaaar way, Boo's voice was heard squeaking that 'they couldn't take it. They'd be back later'.

"I can't see a denizen going that far, even if baddie hating, and yet.. I can't see Bowser's minions going civil war either. Something far uglier is happening. I don't know. A compound attack? Strike our folks with pestilence, and wipe out Bowser's with whatever they're doing."

"Oh.." Kylie spun towards her screen again. "So that's why we're calling our perp 'Phantom', others saying 'Incarnate Killer', whatever ya wanna use. There's not a scratch on the bodies less you count the bruise from em hitting the ground dead.. Wanna check it out?"

The grizzly scenes were difficult to look at, often two sets from each victim, though with close time stamps. One was from Chief Inspector Douglas of the Snifit Patrol, grainy from an older camera (thanking his new skills), but proficiently done, and the other set courtesy of the new photographer Susie Que, in HD resolution if misframed and farther back. Indeed, the koopas and goombas and such were simply dead in a puddle of blood from the mouth, nose, ears.. Grasping for some pattern, he analyzed the time stamps, comparing it with the location..

"..I'd almost hate to say this but I wish Bowser was around. He needs to know about this. Anyway, can we get an alert out? I think.." he trailed, afraid to voice his hypothesis.

"About that. Mitch could with his reader base but that's another thang I'm worried about," she admitted, closing the computer window. "He had a problem with Susie and might be out there feuding. I cornered old Jess, his girl kinda, and she's shut up like a clampy. I used an app that pinged his location East-ish of town."

Luigi snapped out of it. "Kylie..I must go."

He dashed out, rolling up his sleeves.


After handling the two-minute repair job with ease, Mario exchanged his waterlogged boots for some spares. He wondered if Peach had replaced her soggy high heels. The idea of her prancing around in pastel fuzzy slippers entertained him while he laced a dry pair up. He unexpectedly found the slick wet mezzanine occupied by Toadsworth, propped at the front doors on lookout duty.

"Master Mario! Yes, come here for a moment, if you would be so kind."

"-Oh. Sure."

"We appreciate your selfless efforts as usual. You are a paragon Mushroom citizen, but I must caution you on a matter."

Mario listened apprehensively. "Mmhm?"

The old mushroom cast him an impish glance. "Just pulling your leg, old sport! I say, will you grow that out? Or is that 'grizzled 90s action hero' style what you are going for, Master Mario?"

A laugh escaped the bearded plumber. "Ah… not sure yet," he answered honestly. "Hey, we adjusted some things, so I'm running ahead of the rest. Keep everyone away from the slippery spots till I'm back."

Earlier he'd texted Bowser to prepare to meet him. He checked his watch, cleared out the stopwatch he forgot to before, and broke into a sprint. As he was tearing down the castle's grassy yard, he heard hushed voices. Over to the side, Peach had a mini bridge with a shallow stream underneath. Bending his head under, he found two young toads.

Toadette backed away from Bucken-Berry, waving and flushing. "We totally weren't goofing off or anything, hehe!"

"Oh that's fine.." Mario began to walk away.

"Mario, wait!" the blue toad began.

"Don't bring that up now." Toadette tugged on his dark blue vest.

"Sorry baby, I gotta. I don't mean this in a funny way but this is what Mr. Toad gets with his connections to bad guys."

"Diplomatically. Would you apply that to Princess Daisy too?" she fired back.

He shrugged. "I mean, we don't know her like that. Maybe. She has no KT history so it'd be Daisy's perigynous-"

"Prerogative?"

"That. -Unlike Mr. Toad, who's known the story of Princess Mush IV all his life. Her secret relationship with a koopa prince in 444 AD sunk an entire kingdom they say." He smirked at her little sigh of defeat. "See, I do pay attention in history class!"

She rolled her eyes. "Try the rest of them some time, Blue."

Mario backed up slowly. "Thanks for the heads up, Cool Blue. Lots to consider, ha ha. Talk to you later." He loosened up the collar around his neck a distance away, off of castle grounds.

When he made it to the city, he was getting close to Snifit Patrol's station. A whomp officer, Sergeant Howie, was waddling around the open garage doors, most of their vehicles missing.

Mario diverted to another block. There was an unwritten rule that none of the Mushroom Kingdom vigilantes stepped on each other's toes. Peach only trusted the him, Luigi, and a few toads so it just made everything awkward, even if the 'sanctioned' heroes could tell the others were just as capable and deferential to her and her empire. Too bad, he thought.


Following the MKDCU intrusion, Mushroom Kingdom Hospital reached out for help. The automatic door was permanently stuck open and leaves and dirt were constantly being blown in. Doctor Professor Koopa succumbed to attrition, and so now they had some support coming from their sister hospital in Southern Mushroom Kingdom.

Nass T. returned to her desk, combing her long black hair down. She felt she appeared normal aside from the discolored oblong bruise on her wrist. She drearily reflected on how it got to this...

"Howdy, Mr. Probabilly Koopa here," greeted a mature koopa paratroopa in a blue janitor outfit. A gray ponytail reached his winged shell.

"We asked for security as well," the nurse stressed. "The MKDCU could return. Where is that?"

"Over yander. Rope-a-dopin' ostros is hard I reckon. Give it a bit." Unceremoniously he began tidying up the debris, trying not to laugh.

Meanwhile, Mario climbed into room 444, betting on the room still being empty and the window unrepaired. He rolled exceptionally well on both dice.

He peeked down the halls, noting shut doors, a few with banging from the other side. It was as bad as he thought. He'd slip on a white coat, pretend to be his cousin Dr. Mario, and borrow an ambulance out. He could pick up Bowser at home without suspicion and return with a grumpy, sharp-toothed surprise. He found a jacket that fit in a closet space with no issue. Now to gruff up his voice, lose the hat, find a rookie staff member and tell them-

Commotion startled the stethoscope out of his sweaty palms. Momma mia, he told Bowser to sit tight! Inching around a support column to spy into the lobby, the disturbance involved someone else near and dear.. Luigi had just slipped in a mad scramble to find someone, knocking down a stand of traveling pamphlets and ads. As the janitor helped his brother and apologized, Mario felt a wave of nausea, unable to move his feet. Nass's hand hovered over the intercom, but then she simply ducked under her desk. Probabilly laid down a wet floor sign and gestured for the brothers to scatter. The Marios dodged the approaching doctors, not saying a word until they hit a secluded alcove down the hall.

"Well," Mario folded the jacket over his arm. "You first."

Luigi yanked him forward by the shirt. "I'm trying to help with a murder case! The street signs and the date stamps and.. He was moving this way, killing KT folks I think!"

Mario gasped as his brother let go, leaning against the wall as he panted.

"I know it's hard to believe but.. Wait.. so why WERE you here? Where's the team?"

Mario dropped the white coat, mortified. "I'm here because I've been dying inside this entire time. That's why. I'm.. ready to tell you everything."

Luigi stood up straight, boring into him. "You're what?!"

"Believe him. Or not. Just get outta here!"


He checked over his shoulder, massaging his temple. This headache was getting out of contro-

"-Go to the Toadley Clinic. Tell him the disease is so and so.."


Mario stabilized him as his knees threatened to buckle and he felt his nose bleed. How was this.. the killer!

"No. It's me not him. But go anyway. Just do it!"


"Oww. Toadley Clinic. Just.. spill it to me there!" Luigi groaned, taking the initiative and snatching his arm.

...

Back up front, an older toad woman in a pink dress suit approached Nass after someone tipped her off. "-And you saw those brutish Mario brothers? Girlfriend, report them as Dr. Prof said."

"N-no. I was mistaken!" Nass replied. "The wind blew that junk over, but while you cover my break you can check on that security. I'm sure Theo would rent those cowboys a kart if it came to that."

"I dislike that MKDCU, girl."

"Me too, Mariam.."

As they spoke, the janitor paused his vigorous mopping. "Hmm. Yep, fits my brother's mo."

A few moments later, in walked a noki with sunglasses and a red Hawaiian shirt. He weaved around the wet floor signs and still drying bleach, picking up one of the travel brochures Luigi knocked over along the way.

"Visitation is suspended, dearie," Mariam informed him.

"I understand," he replied, flashing a nice smile as he held up a pamphlet. "Are there more of these somewhere? I am just a tourist from somewhere exotic."

"I see.." she murmured flirtatiously. "Ah hem. Down the hall to the left."

He shortly ignored the magazine rack, diverting as soon as he wasn't being watched to scan a directory of room numbers. Agent N's niece, Ashley might be here.

"You won't save her if you don't visit me in room 26, Mr. Bond."


The noki froze in his tracks, reaching to see if the earplugs were in place.

"If you weren't so handsome, Jelectro, I'd call you stupid. Nice placebo. Never seen never seen a psychic use that."


"No one asked you!..." The detective covered his mouth.

"I'm kidding. They all do. They tend to grow out of it by your age tho. Just get to my room already."


The noki put on a stoic face and dragged his feet for N's sake. In truth, he detected this energy since he'd arrived, and wished so heartily that he could avoid it until now. The figure he navigated to was a prosaic green-capped toad under covers. A bandage was on his face, the rest of the damage hidden though his monitors indicated a sluggish heart rate and strained breathing.

"Sorry to disappoint! Heh heh,"

the toad communicated without looking or moving his mouth. "Was Sirena Beach as overcrowded as I remember, French Boy? Aw, never mind. Here's a short version of a long story. I can't jabber or Theo will kill me, but if I do nothing they'll get killed by 'Phantom' and everybody sick here might be shipped off."

Jelectro abruptly took his side. "What needs to happen?"

"You ward 'Phantom' off. Right nickname for the wrong reason. He's a 22 yr old biopsychokinesis user. Killed a bus driver so he'd grind me to paste. Super creative at times. I'd love to mentor one like that if not for the psycho part and the attaching himself to.. I'm getting off topic. Watch out also for Theo, or Dr. Prof. Koopa. He's catching onto.."

His body stirred ever so slightly. "Friggin.. 'Phantom' is already close. He'll finish me off then kill a bunch of other people that he THINKS can rat him out. I'll send over details about everything, including my research material at the office. Don't tell Kylie I'm on the mends. Ready dude? Go!-"

With a grunt the agent stumbled backwards, like Bowser bomb went off in his skull. He tripped over a recliner in the room, and bounced out into the hallway. Disorientation kept him there until someone offered a hand to the noki, dripping red onto the white tiles. He rose on his own, handkerchief pressed to his nose. The time had come.

...

"No exception to the visitation restrictions I'm afraid," the nurse told the dark boo, forcing a smile.

The dark boo snatched her lanyard, snarling, "Listen bro, you're gonna tell me which room my 'pal' is in!"

"Yes..I..will..tell..you…" she replied robotically.

Jelectro caught up. "There you are, mon ami!" He wedged himself between the dark boo and the nurse, severing their eye contact. "Don't you recognize me.. 'Zoo Diddley'? Hm?" The noki briskly flashed his Super Spy HQ badge so that only Zoo could see it. "Let us converse as we depart, oui?"

Seething, Zoo allowed himself to be dragged outside by the detective, lasting about as long as the noki knew it would. He jumped on the bike illegally parked on the sidewalk, tossing a thick heavy bundle of newspapers in the noki's face. He was flattened by the stack momentarily.

"It's on the house, Bond!" Zoo teased. "I can always come back. Not like this guy's going anywhere soon."

The detective rolled away from the dense obstacle, slid his sunglasses up, and gave chase from his sports car. He reached for the anti-boo gas, intending to tie a rubberband on it and toss it like a grenade. He found the canister empty to his immense disappointment, as he'd used it up that last time he fought off rival Agent M.


"Princess, for the fourth time, Master Mario said he will be back! You aren't thinking of traveling without his protection are you? There have been additional homicides now!"

The toads listening in behind closed doors recoiled, particularly Toadette. Yoshi had just reentered, needing to step outside to get a signal to call Birdo. Peach Castle was a dead zone for 4G, something about the concrete.. His fiancé was patient upon learning how things kept escalating, but he still detected frustration in her tone when he confirmed, carefully wording it, that he intended to stay the rest of the day. She'd understand later.

"-But Toadsworth dear, I saw where Mario fixed the problem with the pipes. He only needed tape so it should not take this long!" The pink princess huffed. "Toad and Daisy must be at the Toadley Clinic and- I'm just trapped in my own home!"

"-Stars in heaven! So no hope of recovery soon? ..Do not give me that petulant look, Princess. I feared you were censoring yourself to spare us the most severe details. Well, do not do that!"

"I am sorry.." she groused.

"Regardless, I will allow it," he continued warmly. He rang a bell. "All we need is a chauffeur for you, Princess. My sincere apologies, Master Yoshi, but there are regulations on who may transport our princess."

The dinosaur so clearly had an issue with that, but he respected the old toad. Being four years younger was apparently enough to humiliate him thoroughly in their 40-plus age-only rugby matches...

"Ah hem!... Yes, thank you Bucken-Berry, but you do not have a license. Tut tut. Since you are present you may take down the banners for Mr. Toad."

"About time," Bucken-Berry said, making Toadette leave his side and groan.

"Mr. Toadsworth, I completed the chores. Please, let me take them again."


"Welcome, do you have an appointment?" the receptionist asked right away, a younger toad woman with blonde medium length hair.

Luigi and Mario approached the desk. They hadn't spoken on the way there, which made the hitchhiking they did with a random fan of Mario's somewhat tense, likely being blogged about on those messageboards by fans right then.

"-No we don't. It's me, Mario. Tell him that."

The intern pressed a buzzer. "Doctor, I'm sending some in without an appointment. They're famous."

"Am I ready? No I am not!" A voice boomed from behind large double doors walling off the waiting area from the rest of the Toadley Clinic.

The duo were permitted through and into Dr. Toadley's lab, a dimly lit larger room partitioned into two halves. One side had beds with five patents in them. They recognized Toad and Daisy spontaneously, tinted green as before, but also connected to proper-looking equipment. Luigi felt faint, the mysterious voice true, and would have hit the floor if there weren't so many bookshelves to hang on to.

"Am I working day and night to find out what is wrong with my patients here? Yes I am. Reluctantly, can I answer anything else? Yes I can." Toadley asked impatiently. The doctor dressed in purple remained at his table, surrounded by shelves of various herbs and powders.

Luigi stepped forward. "I can help with that. It's the Mushroom Flu."

The planet stopped spinning for the red plumber. "..Luigi, they can't! That only ever broke out in Dark Land!"

"I know."

"Brilliant! Did I suspect such? Yes I did!" Dr. Toadley exclaimed, animated as he jumped onto his laptop with research.

Over his mad clacking of keys, Mario pulled his brother aside. "L-Luigi. Let me handle this call.."

Numbly Luigi obeyed, unable to discern what implications Mario saw in that that he didn't. A dry bones was at the desk while Toadley's intern shielded herself with a clipboard. "I said, no! We're not hiring, Phil!"

"Yo, but imma chemist. Got connections with Reggie J. business bro. He runs Fungus Up."

"That's been discontinued. For years."

"Fo real? I saw people drankin em though today. Specially edition, with the personalized names written on em? Like straight outta some nerd's collection-"

"Go away please!"

As the hip, backward hat wearing baddie slinked out, the next the line came up, a boo diddly.

"Umm. I'm not a bad guy. I.. uh.. Mario's fan club were saying.."

"Boo!" Luigi ran out to meet them, the two colliding in a hug.

"Weegee." the boo sobbed over his shoulder. "I'm terrible at this and I'm sorry."

Luigi held steady. No he was he supposed. A little later he took in some fresh air outside the clinic, the scorching heat lessened by a haze in the sky. He should have warned that guy of the Phantom, neither Mushroomite nor Darklandian, putatively sophisticated, maybe even attractive or at least magnetic in some way, and either floating or flying. Maybe had a P-Wing too, or some other innate way to leave the crime scenes on the dime.

Caught up in the moment, doing the same 'ousting bad guy' job he'd been doing for decades, to warn that baddie didn't cross his mind. Now his blood might be on his hands.

Well dry bones didn't bleed but-


A silver Aston Mushroom had no choice but to return to the Mushroom Press, his mark sinking underground on him, into a realm only boos could access. Walking in, the noki had a foolproof idea on how to access the items of Mitch Jamerson Toad, 'The Kingdom Enquirer' author, aged forty-one, technically 'single', living in a complex around Pleasant Path.. He kept reciting those facts, just in case he was quizzed, though the place was too deserted for that. Jelectro found the cubicle with the 'Mitch Toad' gold plate. Before he dove in, a koopa blocked him.

"What's up sir? This stuff over here's private, alright?" Kylie told him, crossing her arms.

"Ah, but I am Mitch's intern, mon ami. He was involuntarily relocated and needs me to retrieve his items. If I may.." He tried to ease around the unbudging reporter.

"No offense sir, but I know 'em a little too well to believe that. You only got this far because half the office went home early."

"On this busy day, madam?" He effortlessly unlocked one of his cabinets.

She started blankly before rubbing the back of her neck tiredly. "Maybe you do work with that ol Mitch. Gee whiz!"

"Why is this building empty?" Jelectro reiterated, locating a folder titled 'Stars' and then 'Chimes'.

"Paranoid they'll be mistaken for a 'Bowser Freak'. Since you're an associate I guess, I can tell you that I'm still working on the tennis game investigation. Me, Steve, Susie-"

Behind his dark sunglasses, the noki's beady eyes darkened. "Avoid that one."

"Sounds like a Mitch partner."

"I am serious, madame. Besides, that is my topic as well! I know what they are sick with." He revealed the answer under his breath.

Kylie nearly flipped out of her shell. "Get whatever ya need. We gotta tell the Princess!"


The Great Eldstar, high above in his great and awe-inspiring temple, had transformed into a 'couch' or 'throne potato' as they said, lethargy making it insurmountable to leave. When he did, he got nowhere, or found himself where he started. 'Simplify the layout', his celestial companions begged. 'Few of us take residence here.' Never!

Star Temple had been sculped before the strands of time were woven by the Lord he appointed. How dare he alter it simply because a haze was settling in its upper chambers. There were many potential sources for such in space, and the problem could be rectified if he found it. The Great Star continued to wander...

Chapter End Notes

Author note: The sci-fi book "Dying Inside" by Robert Silverberg was the inspiration for introducing in the original 2016 Frenemies Forever characters with telepathic abilities. It was only fitting that I acknowledge that and a fic called 'Mario's Crowbar' by Magikoopa981. In the original version that I was reading around 2016, there was a character called 'Mitch' that I referenced slightly in my Org. Frenemies Forever. Yes, that's an info dump, but I hadn't revealed these references outside of supplementary material until now, so there you go!
Created: 2/6/22ish, 2/8, 2/11/22 -2/14/22, 2/15/22
Edited: 11/15/23, minor 1/2/24
RR24: 9/15- 9/17/24

Chapter 7: Transparent

Chapter Notes

This took forever sorry, but I think it is worth.. *RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The sharp ticks of the wall clock rattled Luigi's soul as he waited for this brother's call to be over.

"Over here. Just a sec." He cut off Mario from leaving the lab. He shut them inside what he thought was another hallway but was a storage room housing bird feed, bags of stardust, and other supplies. He left the door open a sliver then, a little light bleeding in. "I could start with the photographs and Kylie and the way we pieced together this demented scheme, but none of that really matters right now does it? You were lying to protect Bowser," he declared. "Why?"

Mario inhaled deeply. "I knew that Bowser wouldn't stomp all over the pact in a deliberate attack, and I was so determined to protect him I had blinders on. I'm sorry."

"I get that! Now answer the question, Mario!" Luigi yelled, his gestures bumping a jangly box of test tubes.

"I-I did didn't I?"

Luigi spun on his heels.

"Fine- fine wait!" Mario dove for the door handle. A struggle ensued. "You really.. wanna know why.. I like him? ..It's because I can be myself.." he grunted. "He's not a bad guy. Don't forget that he went against his entire board and had commentators eat him alive to accept our treaties. He doesn't care what other people think and I like that. Sometimes.. I wish I could be like that."

"Mario!?"

"-It's not that I cared more about him than our friends or you or the kingdom. I just couldn't have us regress to where we were before, not when I wanted to retire!"

Luigi gave up the fight, the diety-like image of 'Mario' disintegrating. No, it would have been a lesser betrayal if his brother pulled out a fire flower and shot him in the face. "Don't YOU remember your vow?!"

"Yes. I was going to protect everyone.. as long as they needed a hero like that, Luigi! Letting this go on past its expiration date made people complacent. I appreciate the support from my fans but it wasn't supposed to turn into a cult that assumes I'm brainwashed by something called 'Nintendo' when I make a decision they hate- Aka like that car in Mario Party briefly. And all the mainstream media is so wrapped up in kingdom rivalries that they haven't noticed that Peach and Bowser don't have to fight. I'll be blunt, the pact wasn't just to free myself up, everybody needed that reset, and it could have worked if the Mushroom Flu didn't happen!"

Luigi had to relent a little. Eons ago when war ignited between the Mushroom and Koopa empires, they were half and half occupying the vast territories of the 'Mushroom' World as later coined. With six independent kingdoms between the ancient lands now, the goals of both were a vagary.

"Mario. Your logic is sound on some of that but...So.. why couldn't you tell me this before?" he muttered.

Mario faced the opposite corner, shadows shrouding his guilt-ridden form. "I wasn't scared of the fan club I realize. Those strangers hardly crossed my mind in fact. I didn't want to disappoint you. ..I've always been afraid of that most really."

Luigi dragged his gaze over to his brother. Somehow, Mario appeared worse, more flushed, eyes not merely glistening but running. "Warping here changed our trajectory a lot, didn't it?"

"In some ways," Mario trailed vaguely. "Again. I'm sorry."

Luigi eased him into a hug, quickly becoming a tight, cathartic squeeze. Neither could afford to wallow with precious time ebbing away, so shortly the intern saw them somewhat stoically return from wherever they'd gone, asking if bringing in a few more without an appointment would annoy Toadley too much. Mary wished for the stars to bless them both.


Toadsworth yawned at the castle entrance, eyelids growing heavy as a white haze obscured the sun. The chancellor snapped awake, straightening his posture and accepted defeat, ringing a gold bell. There was a chronic deficit of labor on weekends, Peach refusing to task too many to clean up her home all day when they could be 'out there, enjoying life' in her words.

Toadsworth almost scoffed at the thought. As if there was more to a Mushroomite's life than serving their princess.

Someone tossed away the bucket and gloves, approaching from outdoors. "I'm free, Mr. Toadsworth brah."

The elder nodded at the dependable golden-yellow toad, tanned and taller than most. "Thank you. I will return after a brief recess."

Using wifi Ala-Gold messaged another staffer. A shorter, more muscular blue toad soon raced down the steps. Having an identical track record for accompanying the Mario bros to fight the Koopa Troop or 'Bowser's Minions' or whatever they wanted to call themselves now in wars long past, they gave each other their secret handshake and laughed.

Later Ala-Gold leaned lazily against the castle's white outside walls. "Love working outside with Joe usually, but he's off lately. Giving the silent hands treatment."

Bucken-Berry sat on the bridge's edge, feet dangling down. "Must be pregnant."

"What? Ha ha.. One thing about fungi thou.."

"I'm joking Gold, don't get sciencey on me."

"Ah, yeah brah.." The gold toad deflated a little bit. "I missed a boatload of stuff today. Why did we toss all of our soda?"

"MK East released one update and it's that the diseases came from a drink. Fungus Up was spotted at the game but Mr. Toadsworth said we should trash all the 'rubbish' just in case. Then there's a serial killer out there. I was thinking about hunting Phantom down myself. Mean, if he's gonna kill baddies he doesn't need to paint our sidewalks red to do it. I have this grappling technique now and.." he went on, in excruciating detail..

"-Whatta bout Mr. Toad?"

He could faintly see heat radiate as Bucken-Berry stared straight ahead. "..Look, I don't want him to die or anything, but he's freaking overrated. Why the googly eyes? He doesn't adventure anymore. He goes on too many business trips to Neo Bowser City, which-" He cleared his throat. "Is where the soda vendor came from they say. I don't even think he likes other toads!"

"Don't say that!"

"He's never dated anyone publically and he's royalty. It's unnatural."

"...Brah our princess has never dated besides that fake thing with Mario we all see through."

The blue toad laughed cruelly. "Whatever, man. Royals are weird."

Actually sorta agreeing with that, yellow toad dropped that argument. They had a visitor walking towards the castle, a red toad. The stranger's exposed skin was marred with old abrasions and holes in his shoes were visible from a mile away.

"Greetings. I have arrived at Princess Peach Toadstool's request for additional servants." The toad held a withered pink invitation they recognized- if five years out of date.

Ala-Gold approached cautiously. "Nobody said nuthin bout interviews, but-"

"-But, get over here!" Bucken-Berry commanded.

The stranger scurried closer. "Hi, I'm Thomas." He held out his hand and received an awkward shake from both. "So, I can do whatever Princess Peach Toadstool needs and I'm ready to start now."

"-You sound funny, man. I can hardly understand you!"

Bucken-Berry shook his head exasperatedly. "Listen better, Gold. This 'Thomas' has a foreign kingdom accent, like yours except.. He sounds Darklandian!" The kid yelped as Bucken-Berry twisted his wrist around. "-Ah ha, a Koopa Troop tattoo!" He seized him then, lifting him over his head.

"Chill out!" Ala-Gold repeated as Toadsworth and two others, the cook in an apron and a banker with crumbs in his mustache, shuffled outside and onto the bridge.

"Are you having a row? Cease that, I say!" Toadsworth barged between them. "What is the matter?"

Bucken-Berry dropped the minuscule toad. "A cretin from Dark Land wanted to say hi."

"-N-no, I don't know rotten Bowser! The tattoo was to get past a checkpoint and I was already running away- t-then.. there was a caravan traveling south and.. I saw an opportunity and took it. I promise!" Thomas dropped to his scarred knees before the elder. " I only survived this long because I moved up to Mayor Koton's office in Neo Bowser City. Almost every civilian has to work for a warlord. Please!"

Toadsworth's scowl faded. "Goodness… You are a Dark Land citizen? Oh, you were kidnapped rather. When?.. Too painful to remember?.. I won't distress you further. We shall see how your onboarding unfolds."

He anticipated Chef Tim making a face. He had a bigger head than usual now that his famous mother Zess T. had a tv network. Mr. Zeror the financier in turn watched expectantly, the thirtish green toad begging for more on the payroll 'because logistically they'd save coins over a period of etc etc..' Toads and humans from allied kingdoms were the exemplary servants of the royal Toadstool line. Neutral kingdoms, territories, and of course other species were qualifiable too, only subject to more thorough checks. Since the Peace Pact, Dark Land was pointedly in the latter category and there was nothing the chancellor could do about it. Not when he signed the documents himself.

Despite the mixed reception, Thomas bounced back to his feet. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"You are welcome," Toadsworth concluded, tapping the cane.

Bucken-Berry pinched between his dark eyebrows. "No friggin WAY I just heard that. Excuse the language, Mr. Toadsworth, but since when do we just take in any runt off the street?! We live in a castle, not a halfway house!"

"We've never had these circumstances either," the elder replied tersely. "Until the Princess returns, there is no obligation or desire to repel our guest. Now Thomas, who would you prefer as chaperone?"

Thomas studied them acutely. "..Yeah, that one. Thank you again, Mr. Toadswell."

"-Ah-hem, Toadsworth. Much appreciated volunteer spirit, Ala-Gold. I will return with refreshments for you both. Tally ho!" And they went back indoors.

Bucken-Berry leaned into his friend's ear, otherwise trying to say out of it. "Have fun.." he said, brushing past his shoulder. At times like this Gold was sure Mario nicknamed his buddy 'Cool Blue' to be ironic and the entire thing flew over his head.

Once the coast was clear, Thomas dove onto the trimmed green grass, combing the blades between his fingers. "Can't believe it's real!" He rolled onto his back. "And a blue-ish sky. Oh my God!"

"Who? And how old are you, bruh?"

"Just an expression. I'm Seventeen."

Ala-Gold asked if he wanted to witness the 'opulence' of the castle. Thomas refused. The gold toad watched him skip around and play in the yard before stepping up on him. "Hey, this job is super serious, brah. You ain't hiding nothing, right?"

Thomas landed from an acrobatic leap. "Of course not."


"~Lemon lemon lemon lemon, let me see ya lemon pop that body.." was some video from MKTV, the pseudo music station, not to be confused with the Mario Kart TV channel, which was a common customer complaint. Either way, Bowser didn't mean to cut that thing on. He must have stepped on the remote in the confusion of trying to find some disguise to wear.

After tripping over a stack of 200lb weights, he flopped into the Mario Bro's bedroom. How impressive it was if Mario was deadlifting that stuff was a random intrusive thought of his while rummaging around. Inside were two made-up red and green beds with a black dresser in between. Two wooden drawers are what he targeted, flinging about shirts and overalls until he reached the lowest one on Mario's side. A robe was folded around an old album. One photo slipped out featuring someone, face obscured, cradling Bowser Junior, a helpless baby koopa belonging to a newly widowed father.

~Bowser Junior was 'Junior' because Queen Clawdia didn't get a chance to settle on one name for him. When Bowser was asked, he stated 'Junior', giving the eighth and final child his name as commonly believed. After the funeral, a stealthy robed figure crept up, evading his guards. The 'magikoopa' reached out and held his arm first, pulling it into an embrace. Opening his crusted-over eyes, he recognized the stranger illegally there, but he didn't resist. He still thought about their words of encouragement to this day.~

Back in reality, Bowser stopped kneeling, clearing up his runny nose. "Stupid Mario you.. Why do you still have that?" He shoved the items back where they were. Grabbing a bed sheet, he'd leave this joint without any style. He was desperate.


"-No not hang OUT at the mall together, just we both hang at the Mushroom Mall, uh.. at the same time coincidentally?"

"Thanks, maybe later Em," replied the handsome Boom Boom about three years Emery's senior. She had a cute face to him, super smooth with the pickup lines too, but he'd been dodging her crush forever. Workmate romances were like untamed chain chomps. Get touchy and get mauled. Dave then tossed his army jacket off and onto the coat rack, done with flying helicopters for the day.

Tail between her legs, Emery T. retreated to her workstation on the opposite side of the landing pad when her personal phone rang.

"-Hey, Fangirl… No, just allergies. So how ya doing? ..Good. I know it's crazy but I need a hand. Could ya send a wagon over for an 'emergency' at so and so?"

"Whatever you say, King. I'm on it. I'm surprised someone didn't come up with the Trojan ambulance thing earlier." Emery caught up with the boom boom at the timekeeping terminal.

"Dave, I got one more call!"

"Let the next shift get it." He winked, walking off.

Doctor Professor Koopa waited at the stairs, appearing out of nowhere. "Miss Emery? Report to my office please."

Emery followed him down into his office. Doctor Professor closed the heavy door behind her and then took a seat at his desk. Every time she was sent here the thick dusty books in old languages and shelves filled with barbaric medical equipment, fit for a dungeon, freaked her out more.

"Do you know Sebastian Bullet?"

"Sir? I- in the past I guess."

Satisfied, Doctor Professor clasped his hands. "You are a smart girl. You know unscrupulous service reports, such as those courtesy of Mr. Bullet and his 'MKDCU', harm this facility greatly. If only we could determine who incited them.."

Turning into stone, she sputtered, "Check with my mom?"

Doctor Professor leaned closer, adopting a challenging glare. "Why would a nice girl like you want to worry your mother when this is between us? Could those cellular doohickeys hold a clue? -Like the ones we've caught you on all day?"

She blushed. "Sir, I'm sorry!"

He opened a manila folder, containing perfectly intact original documents for the MKDCU's patient discharge. Emery was unquestionably the nurse that had signed it off. "Not enough. You are fired."

Her termination did not register for a moment, as she was certain, as certain as Peach hating Bowser, that she had burnt those papers hours ago and scattered the ashes from the roof.


Peach's shimmering lake awed the young toad. It was ages since he'd seen any large body of liquid that wasn't lava. Like a mirror, it reflected the sky, the vibrant pink roof of the castle, and his rather scrawny self. Every other toad he'd encountered, even old Chancellor whatchamacallit, was bigger and or more filled out. That might be a problem..

He took the last slip of the herb tea, keeping the ceramic cup in his paws while listening to the golden island toad. Apparently he got hired when his only previous experience was at a Ricco Harbor inn. Thomas learned about if Mario lived at the castle, and why not, if Princess Toadstool still had family around, how life was in Toad Town, the coin conversion rate, and the hardest one yet, if everyone was nice here..

Ala-Gold didn't answer, standing from the bank. "-Giving ya a crash course is fun and all, but I gotta ask, what do you know?"

"Nothing."

"At all brah? No offense but unless you're from Vortex Island, you should know this stuff."

Thomas dropped his cup, backing from the broken pieces. "I am! Or near enough."

He looked at the teen sternly, draining the frivolousness out of him. "...Don't mess with me. Okay? I'm being super nice, brah don't make me regret it."

"Yes sir. So.. my intentions were-"

Both were drowned out by a loud engine, unusual when the raceway was closed.

Snifit Patrol's spacey hover car dropped off a dark boo in an orange ball cap on the edge of Peach's lawn. The snufit knew of 'Susie' via his chief inspector, and picked the photographer up to get a read on him. Drove em to Tayce T's. Got some donuts. Chatted him up. Unfortunately 'Sue' wasn't that dumb and he had to let him go here, the princess feeling that flashing blue lights might 'incite panic'. The snufit would adjust his patrolling route and sweep by in fifteen minutes. Not much should happen until then.

Meanwhile, the dark boo's jagged sharp teeth were on display, smiling. "Just investigating! If there's a Bowser person round here, it's not safe you know.."

After motioning for Thomas to go inside, the yellow toad ran up to hold him off in the middle of the uphill slope to the castle. They had a strained relationship with the Press so he'd better be the best PR he could be without Kinopio-Kun around. "They call me Ala-Gold brah. Steward here. The princess is, ah, busy and stuff.." trailed, finding his words. "Anyway nobody from Bowser's army's here."

The boo produced a laminated card, 'Zoo Sue Diddley's' identification. In 2D the dark boo lacked that bottomless pit quality of his dark instead of yellow as typical eyes, but on the real him the ex-sailer wasn't a fan of that and had to avoid too much eye contact.

"Alright. I see it, brah," he said quietly.

"Good. We gotta be sure. You don't judge a book by its cover do ya? Even someone who looks just. Like. You." He poked the gold toad's toned abs with each syllable. "Could be dying to work for King Koopa. I'll be quick. I have powers bro. I can talk to animals. Want to see, Wolley?"

Zoo pointed over to a flutter, one of many that frequented Peach's garden.

Ala-Gold was hit with a wave of dizziness, throwing him to his knees, shaking as static noises made his ears want to bleed.

... ... ... 'That filthy Lemon Pop music video...' the Flutter was speaking in between chomps of leaves.

...'Yeah, did you see how those Dino Rhinos were shaking their rumps? Why am I paying for content like that?' the Fighter Fly replied, collecting pollen as a busy father of a recent clutch of twenty-five eggs. 'Why yesterday they had the Pianta Village People lip-syncing while in those costumes...'

Unable to take it, the golden toad vomited into the lawn, utterly paralyzed, like an anchor was tied to his back. Actually, back on his island people like Zoo were liable to get bound to one of those and hurled into the sea. Cruel, but local legend said that was the cure to whatever a Black Chest did to you. Ethics were moot at the moment anyway. The press boy had rendered him hyperventilating and useless without a single touch.

...

Thomas leaned on his tiptoes, unable to check the peephole. "Mr. Toadsworks, there's a-"

"I have it!" Toadsworth descended from upstairs briskly. "And it's Chancellor- Never mind." He chuckled wryly as he answered the door. "Oh, a representative of the Press are you? Due to our circumstances there is no visitation, thank you."

Zoo phased through the closed door, causing Thomas to flee into the closest inner room. "Rude bastard.. Where's he at!?"

Toadsworth jabbed his stick into the floor, holding his ground. "This is Peach Castle innit? Look elsewhere for 'he' and be warned, belonging to that meddlesome Press downtown, and not on the good side of it, does not afford you impunity to trespass! This will teach you-"

With a ferocious growl, Zoo teleported right on him and snatched the weighty bell out of his grasp. "Typical Toady. Embolded long as you know someone else'll fight your battles."

A bead of sweat rolled off the old toad's forehead. "Oh, I suppose you got me!.. May I have that back?" he ventured as benignly as possible. "It's.. quite an antique."

"Yes good sir, as an antique collector myself, you may! Catch." Zoo bashed him in the forehead with it. Toadsworth collapsed, his pince-nez cracking as his face smacked the checker-tiled floor…

Sounds of a distant, nasty scuffle sped Thomas up. After crossing by the Wet-Dry World painting twice, he accepted that the map he'd memorized was more outdated than his recruitment pamphlet. He rounded another corner, towards the nearest fire ax in a glass casing. Smashing it with his callused fist, he had a chance to assist Toadsworth, he got it right that time, if the weapon's mass didn't have him swaying all over the hallways, through a star marked door and into another servant-

The tray of clean plates and cups Bucken-Berry carried crashed everywhere. "What the?!- It's you again, you little... What are you doing with that, psycho!?"

"No! I wasn't gonna- There's a guy up there and-!"

"Shut up, kid." Bucken-Berry pinched Thomas's lips closed as some ringing became clear. "That's Mr. Toadsworth calling for something." The blue toad piled the broken china into a corner with his foot. "Gimme that ax. Now, MARCH kid!"

He forced Thomas down a long brick hallway to the front where they joined all of the other toads working today in the lobby, no one having a clue what was going on until Bucken-Berry in particular noticed a shadow blending in with the busy floor pattern. He tilted his head upwards and cries rippled through the crowd soon after. Their chancellor was suspended by his vest on the high glass chandelier, pale and limp like a doll discarded by a bored child. A line of blood ran from his bruised temple.

Zoo materialized above the sun pattern rug in the center. He tossed aside Toadsworth's bell, marred by dry blood. "I don't do monologues, so listen the first time. Someone here works for Bowser. Which?"

"It's a hobo or druggy," Chef Tim remarked snidely. "He's lost either way."

Zoo adjusted his cap. "Really? This is the 350 year old Peach Castle on 64 Royal Lane, inherited by Princess Peach Toadstool from her dad eighteen years ago. Hm what else? Oh, you brats. It's staffed by chancellor 'Samuel' Toadsworth, Earl Mr. Toad K. Toad, junior manager Toadette Kinopiko, steward 'Wolley' Ala-Gold, even dumber steward 'Yvan' Bucken-Berry, banker Mr. Zeror, tour guide Lester P. Toad, Chef Timothy- whose cooking sucks, gardener Joseph T., and PR/correspondent Lionel Kinopio-"

"-How did he do that? Someone call Mario!" the chef bellowed.

"Does he respond to this too? Nobodies gonna help you, hahaha.." Zoo rang a bell from his reporter's bag, though it was not Toadsworth's as he intended, but another antique from his bag, another bell so worn it created a dull thud with each jostle.

Bucken-Berry shook himself out of that stupor and charged the distracted boo. He rammed Zoo into the nearest wall with a thunk that shook the damp furniture in the lobby. Amongst the rain of paint chips, Zoo faded away and reappeared behind him, slapping the blue toad into the bricks. Dazed with spots in his vision, he threw out a few punches, some connecting. Zoo evened it up by going intangible, phasing both through the wall and outdoors.

A purple toad, Les lumbered over to the ax, picking it up while fixated on the wispy smoke lingering in that corner. "They gotta be in the drink. No time to call for help. It's on us now, 'aight?"

A long-sleeved lime green toad went to Les's podium and began to operate the clunky rotary phone anyway.

"Kinopio, you little... Never mind that spoilsport. Tim, use your pan to beat his brains. Joe, your pruning shears will do. Everyone else improvise, including the new guy. This your first day? Name?"

Thomas discovered that hiding behind one of Peach's house plants didn't work. "M-my n-name is.."

"-And why do you sound Darklandian?"

Outside, Bucken-Berry peddled around in the deep blue lake. He was inches from the surface when a debilitatingly painful sensation stuck him, a burn all over worse than one hundred angry suns. At the shore Zoo blasted a psionic beam from his fingertips, giggling as he sunk like a rock. That was when something with the speed of K64 running late tackled him from his blind side. Both bodies rolled around on the lakeshore. Getting the leg up, this person slammed the dark boo on rocky soil, chipping a tooth.

"It's rude to eavesdrop, brah. Keep it to yourself next time." Ala-Gold punched him again for one good measure as others burst outside, following the commotion. They carried whatever dangerous object they could, including pieces that would get them yelled at later, like expensive vases and everyone's favorite garden gnome.

"Ugh, these guys," Zoo snarled. "Since I'm half toad I can say this. You can live in a castle and not be free, bro. You're slaves."

Seemingly on cue, the castle began to rumble from the foundation, wave after wave of telekinetic forces causing bricks to crack and pink roof tiles to detach. The windows warped and wobbled before shattering, shards spraying over the yard. Thousands- no millions of coins worth of damage happening before their eyes! Too bad for their intruder, that already happened this morning, making them numb to it.

Ala-Gold pulled Zoo up. "What a troll. We work here cause we wanna. Now stop this."

"I ain't doing it!"

"Huh? Bounce!"

By then the staff circled around, jittery yet steadfast with their makeshift arms. Breathing heavily from the ordeal and his anger alike, Bucken-Berry emerged from the lake, a cough punctuating each stomp. The water on his skin and clothing began to sizzle.

"Friggin kill him!" he managed.

"NO BRAH!"

"N-no?" Bucken-Berry got held away by the gold toad, never hearing him yell like that before.

"No? Hmm.." Zoo leaned up, intrigued.

Ala-Gold supposed he deserved to be looked at like a weirdo for once, and trying to hold the blue toad back was getting dangerous, but so was letting somebody die on castle grounds, an anathema. He didn't know why nor needed to. As some skeletal-looking sailors on a rusty ship told him once, the urge 'know too much' was part of the trap.

Jolting him from those thoughts, Bucken-Berry pushed away from his grasp. "-Actually, yeah Gold's right. New kid should see this. Get a taste of what happens to freaks when they... Where did that pipsqueak run off to?-"

Zoo rose his hand as Bucken-Berry ran off, firing that ray. Ala-Gold gasped and made his next move automatically. While tackling the dark boo into Joe's new Super Happy bush, he intercepted the eviscerating beam. The yellow toad's body flopped face-first into the sandy shore, a dark pool forming from under his head. No one saw the zapper or projectile or anything, the weapon invisible. In the cacophony to follow, the toads knew they were dealing with 'Phantom'.


Bowser sat back on the couch, repeating the cycle of checking behind the blinds every thirty seconds. His kids were going to come into town PEACEFULLY and junk to gather his minions before they got death-rayed or whatever ambiguous thing they were succumbing to, the internet on his phone super lousy. Mario texted him 'Toadley Clinic' but otherwise wasn't answering calls, which was quite common, the plumber having a way to rig his phone for clandestine communication. Bowser didn't as he had to use a brand subsidized from his kingdom. Lead by example and all that. (Meanwhile everyone else were using imports anyway..)

Some funky ambulance, a multicolored truck stamped 'MKDCU' pulled up. Bowser tied on the bed sheet like some loser and rushed out to it.

"Can I have an autograph?" gushed Sebastian in the driver's seat.

The passenger, an older red shelled parakoopa troopa in a straw hat, elbowed the younger man. "Quit, this is s'pposed to be secret! Howdy, pard."

The back doors opened for Bowser. Not feeling too good about this, he stuffed himself into what suspiciously looked like a cage regardless. The truck pulled off quickly, bumping him around. He could see into the middle and back rows of the vehicle, which seated three other people.

"Hey King!"

"Hey, chick... You alright?"

She shook her head. "I covered all my tracks and that old coot caught me."

"Sorry for outing ya.." Sebastian said quietly, almost unheard under Brittney Spearguy song blasting as they tore down a rural path.

"It wasn't bc of that notebook you left with me. Thanks though," she replied to the old classmate. "Knowing that Mack is now some dork named Claymorton made my day this morning."

"Dang… Sorry gal. Wait, I need to go to some 'Toadley Clinic' place instead of the hospital." Bowser strained his eyes to see out the tiny slit windows.

"Mr. Bowza, we know. We only deliver to dere. Didn't have a choice." James' hazmat suit was replaced with a formal white shirt and black slacks with a fedora.

"Whatever, thanks I guess."

The mega goomba agent twisted around on him, revealing his sour face and bushy goatee. Decked out in armor, he took up the entire middle row. "Is this a favor shorty, or are ya feeling sick? We ain't a charity."

"I agree with Richard." Wiggletron was a bespectacled lanky guysandwiched in between Emery and James. "He owes five thousand coins for four units of mileage forward and back, plus two hundred for each additional red light-"

"I don't have a checkbook!" Bowser fussed. "Why is this so complicated?"

"We'll figure it out later," Emery spoke up. "Guys, King Bowser has to get there for the sake of the world!"

James rolled his eyes. "Pffft. Fine. We'll waive the fee AGAIN.."

Parabilly switched 'WMUSH' to 'WYMSD?' a folk gospel station. Acoustic instruments blared in the truck, covering up Bowser's growling stomach. He'd forgotten to steal some snacks from Mario and it caught up with him. Like they'd read his mind, the van hopped on the mushroom interstate and got off on Starman Lane.

"That place got NO vegan options for me," Richard griped as Club 64 appeared over the horizon.

Parabilly reduced the radio. "We're actually head'n to Club Gamecube over yonder, Dick. Probabilly gave me a coupon!"

Bowser tolerated them pulling into a drive-thru only because it might save him from ravenously eating a spare tire back there.

"This just in, partners," the radio host said in a thick, near unintelligible drawl. "Up north in Toad Town, the total body count is twenty-five baddies murdered by that there killer. If yer totin a Bowser tattoo, stay cooped up somewhere safe, hear? We'll hollar at you for the Hootenanny hour in.."

"Wait wait wait… WHAT?" Bowser shot up, his sharp horns getting stuck in the roof.


"Where are they?" A princess bum rushed the service desk.

"Over here, princess!" Yoshi scuttled beyond her into the lab with Toadette.

Moments later, Peach clung onto one of Dr. Toadley's spice racks for support. "There must be some mistake!"

"Is it? No it is not." Dr. Toadley ran some sort of calculation on his computers. "I have spoken with partners. They will assist us tomorrow to create a cure!"

After the frenzy settled, they gathered again in the waiting area. As Mario scanned their faces, his mental cue cards ineptly scattered. He made it simple. "It's not Bowser."

Sensing the storm coming, Mary the intern retrieved some headphones and put them on...

"The Mushroom Flu is from Dark Land and it only affected my people today! Why must you insult my intelligence? If my enemy is so innocent, he can tell me that to my face!" Peach jumped out of her seat, hands on hips.

"As you wish."

Slamming open the doors, Bowser stomped in, the dark bags under his eyes giving them a slightly different yet menacing no less image to quake at. "Darn right I'm here! You've drove me nuts, Mario! You suck! Don't you dare do this to me again or I'll pulverize ya! I didn't do anything! I wanted a nice clean match. Minus the clean part. THAT'S IT! We'd be at the bottom of this mess by now and I wouldn't have minions dying on me, forcing me to ask my kids to come down and pickup what's left of em if Mario let me do stuff MY way!"

Peach covered her mouth, paling. "Mario, what in star heaven is he talking about? I declare this clinic my new sanctioned facility. I will tolerate no more secrecy!"

Mario smiled weakly. "Perfect, I'm ready to be transparent. He's right, I've been terrible so far and I'm sorry. I wanted everything to be fine so badly I wasn't even in the same universe after a while, and that's unacceptable. To handle this going forward- I nominate: My brother, the real Mr. Hero. Luigi…"

Chapter End Notes

Author note: Was the opening note outdated? Yes, but I'm keeping it for posterity, as I stole the phrase from Splunky player Twiggle, who was still with us on the earliest work dates. (RIP)
Dates: 2/6/22, 2/19ish -2/22/22, 2/27/22, 3/2/22, 3/3/22, 3/4
Edited: 11/16/23, 4/22/24
RR24: 9/17/24, 9/18

Chapter 8: I've Lost My Head

Chapter Summary

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding.

Chapter Notes

Oh no. Not a spoiler in the title! *RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

'Stars..' Luigi shrunk under their looks of consternation. He had told his brother that he wanted to take over, that he had a sure way to corner 'Phantom' and learn more about the Mushroom Flu. It was all so cerebral until now though, rarely given the reins to do anything. Was he ready?

After a second's hesitation, he stepped forward. "Are we ready everyone? If we do this right-"

Bowser's humongous feet slammed down, knocking over iron chairs. "No! It's stupid!"

Dr. Toadley kicked open his lab doors, smoke billowing behind him from in-progress experiments. "Will you regret wrecking my clinic? Yes you will!"

Bowser gave the toad a glare that sent him and Birdley retreating.

"Save that attitude. YOU conspired this!" Peach snapped.

Bowser gave a start. "I DIDN'T MAKE HIM QUIT!"

Mario eased between them. "Princess, there's more to it than-"

"You don't have to explain everything to her, Plumber. What, she rings a bell and summons ya? Are you gonna start wearing a collar too like me?! Er.. not that I wear mine for THAT reason but-"

"Enough enough!" Peach cried, holding her head.

"Cut this crap out. I'm done with the freakin tears! You were a big enough girl to kick your dad out of office, you can stand-"

"Bowser! Break time." Mario tugged on the Koopa King by that collar, dragging him out before he leveled the city block.

Now the princess was a tense mess among the morass of flipped seating, Yoshi stunned at more than one thing, and Boo- They thumbed up or close enough.

"So as I was trying to say," Luigi spoke up. "If we do this right, we'll have everything under control by the end of the day.."

...

Bowser cooled off in the alley between the Toadley Clinic and a recreational center. Mario took his hands off after he was convinced he wasn't about to commit arson or anything, but ultimately left him. He better not be back with that sneaky Peach. There was a reason he hired Kammy, 'best in kidnapping business' to deal with her way back. Thinking about Mario and- and her and.. it made him see red all over again. His fist froze in the air, inches away from punching through a wall as someone crossed by.

"Yes darling, it'll be another six hours to be conservative... Then I'd sleepover with them. You know how I'm not so picky over a little clutter..." The dino stopped with his back towards the alley. "-Regardless of any treaties, this is happening, and it's my job to support Mario by keeping an eye on our boy... Hm? Luigi, dear, he's like a son to me with the green thing and..."

Bowser's left eye twitched, the needle flinging its way into the danger zone.

"Yosh, you dropped YoshiMobile, didn't you?" His 'boy' asked from out of view.

He adroitly hung up before answering, "Yes, being married to a regional carrier is always a wash."

"-But what do you use now?"

"IslandMobile. Why?"

"Because us YoshiMobile users are up the creek.." Luigi showed him the empty signal bars. "I asked three people on the street too. Same story. We have to report the outage. My plan requires a phone."

"So you must visit the mall Mr. Luigi?" Toadette asked. "Umm, I'm unsure I should-"

"Peach said you could take the Birthday Kart on errands sometimes. She doesn't care about it like her kit builds. ...Please?"

Bowser stepped out in time to see the Birthday Girl speeding off from the parking meter. So he was deserted! He stomped back into the clinic, about to give Peach a mouthful. What right did she have to be even six feet away from the plumber, engaged in casual conversation with Mary- well, not anymore at the sight of him, the intern slipping on the headphones again and Peach abruptly walking off, so quickly he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing her pouty face.

"Feel better?" Mario asked, next to a conspicuous styrofoam container on the intern's counter.

"No!"

"What about now?" He opened the lid a tad.

The pleasant, scrumptious scent striking his nostrils was familiar, like something they'd baked before. "Hey..i-is this..?"

Mario kept his paw from unleashing the surprise, teasing, "Can't eat it alone, so don't even get tempted, Koopa!"


The noki detective Jelectro Bond, now intern of a hospital-bound quasi-celebrity, felt he divined his troubles by rushing back to the Mushroom Kingdom while jetlagged. This wasn't a sophisticated mission, yet it was like he was on a looping athletic stage, running the paces and getting nowhere.

"Why'd you move the car again? You got something against Hotfoot Locker?"

"No no," the agent cruised them around the block. "I.. don't like shoes in general." Or fathers with that name, not that she needed to know that.

"..Like I said those fragments are all we got. Mitch and I were outta the museum in a New Donk minute and still Tutankoopa's necklace had us going nuts."

"To forfeit is not ace reporter behavior, madame."

"This ain't like our normal 'book reports', Bond," the reporter wagged a finger. "Special Objects are real and can kill."

"Ah. Understood." He stopped going for the jugular politely, an ex-Maple Treeway citizen after all. Still, she was clammy over the subject and he'd get to a point where he'd have to use his interrogation tools-

-On the radio, Snifit Patrol announced that he had a 'flat' and would appreciate it if a good neighbor stopped by Peach's Castle, just to say hi. His ability to sound conciliatory yet perspicacious was a rare skill Jelectro had to credit to him. As only three people officially held the unofficial badges, there was little separating him from any other 'vigilante' save for a uniform, a somewhat professional-looking station, and a few cool cars.

"Gotta be something going down to announce that the speeders can have their way. Can we just get there and tell them already?"

"Absolutely." They became one of those opportunists.

Lilies lined the sides of the ramp to castle grounds. Whenever Kylie strolled by on daily business she would admire the gardener's dedication. She'd met the pink toad once. A solid stud, if never speaking, only waving. Now all of the flowers drooped at the stalks or were withered and brown, a motley dilapidated sight. Sacrilege, she felt. They were grown like that to commemorate Peach taking the throne from her father.


"They said the tower is online. Something above the cloud layer is blocking the signal."

"Oh.. wow.."

"Yoshi will let me use his. Don't worry about it, Buddy."

The perpetual darkness and crepuscular creatures of Forever Forest, east of Toad Town, made it daunting for most, though Luigi hardly thought about it while traveling through. Their walk stopped at the last junction before their cabin.

"-I'm sorry to bail like this.."

"A curfew is a curfew. We'll be fine."

The boo stared at the overgrown path ahead. "A-are you sure?"

Luigi faced the darkness himself, as easy as it was to get pulled into it he resisted. "With what I know about our perp, this is going to be scary. More than my first solo mission. Maybe more than King Boo even, because we've never dealt with a guy like this. I'm going to try this anyway, for Toad and Daisy and everyone else's sake. If I fail no one will be able to say that I didn't give it my all, and.. I guess, that matters more than having my name lauded. See ya around, hopefully.."

Boo especially cherished that hug.

...

Later, the derelict cabin was successfully de-cobwebbed. Boo never questioned how it got like that every other day, but the broken windows allowing critters in might have had something to do with it. It wasn't that bad. The Scuttlebugs were nice and once a tanooki nested in the antic... Actually, that was a nightmare when in the dead of winter, they decided they were legally a tenant and wanted to kick them out.

Putting away the supplies into a closet, they found a box of stuff that hadn't been organized yet. Boo was confused by the dusty family album at the bottom, probably swiped from a relative that swiped it from another that swiped it from an uncle that lost it while in those notoriously long barber shop waiting rooms, because it should have been pointless. This one wasn't. Photos, a decade old at most, showed off Donut Plains. One was inside a big tent, where a dark boo in a top hat trained happily. With no whip or chairs he tamed a herd of wild red chomps, dino rhinos, and rexes by pointing at them. Flipping the photo over revealed a handwritten message.

'Dear Drew, I know you have left the art galleries to pursue that doctorate, but please catch up on your wayward older (or younger? it was scratched out, like he couldn't decide) brother. With my worsening health and (he struggled again with the name) Sue, your mother leaving work to care for me, we cannot keep up. Remind him that he can use his talents more productively with this. -Love, Lou Diddley'

The boo blushed as memories surged back. They were thinking Drew, a TOAD was that cousin in town. Instead, they stumbled upon his younger brother 'Susie' aka Zoo Sue Diddley, who was known for diatribes and the ability to...

Boo snatched the photo and bolted for the city.


~The sepia view, riddled with scratches and distortion, panned around rows of corpses lined up in a barren field, only a wiry mushroom spotted about divulging its location as the Mushroom Kingdom. The carefully preserved WW63 stock footage showcased scenes of the Mushroom World's last global war, spearheaded by tensions between King Morton Koopa Sr. of Dark Land and King [redacted] of the Mushroom Kingdom. As history went, the stars were favorable to the human king and K. Morton was cornered in Water Land and diced to pieces by allied forces.

That was a poor choice, though the in-flight entertainment system didn't have better options than a few unmarked reels from the castle archives. Their spirits recovered at the aerial view of the Waffle Kingdom, where the rivers were made of syrup and the hills of pancakes. They laid back on the high-calorie soil, watching the pink cotton candy clouds drift about until something mundane they were chatting about escalated into debate. Bowser thought he always dominated these. He was louder, scarier, stronger, but a well-timed shove sent him spinning on his shell anyway, downhill, and splashing into a soda lake. Cherry cola.~

Bowser rose from the cot, screaming and swiping at Dr. Toadley. "THAT WAS CHEATING YOU-... I mean .. I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! ...I just- It's useless.." he tacked on, coughing.

The doctor grumbled as he lowered the invention, a zapper with a dish on the end with a swirl pattern etched on it. "Did I have the switch flipped to 'happy place' and not 'sad place'? Yes I did."

Bowser irritably slung his feet out of the bed. In the lab space, he took up the sixth spot next to the others, including Toad and Daisy, remaining unconscious and now chained down, just in case either wanted to get up and fight. "You sent me back to a memory of watching a film about the first Mushroom Flu, not the actual experience.." And in a way, he was sorta glad.

"We might just have to have faith that those other doctors will help you, Houdini," Mario said, observing from the bookshelf he sat on. "I can't stand to watch Bowser mumble about food in his sleep anymore."

"What a creep!"

"It was for science, jeez! And you're adorable."

Bowser laughed dryly. "Ha ha ha... Wait, what did you just say?"

Meanwhile, the loud squeak of a cart meant that the intern was finishing up. The plumber jumped down, removed his hat, and swapped it for a worn black leather jacket with assorted patches hanging on the coat rack. He slipped it on, just a half size too large. Machine oil and beer struck his nose.

"Oh! Sir?" The intern fumbled with the last remaining vials on the rack. "That's mine. I mean-"

"-Yeah, your boyfriend or someone. I'm just borrowing it for a sec. Peach is still in Dave and Broozers and I doubt it's because she's having a blast." He heard Bowser groaning already. So clingy, he thought playfully. "Stick here, but since you gave this a fair shot you can open that box I gave you," he said on the way out.

Inside was a slice of yellow cake with white frosting, red and blue candies adorning the top. A couple's cake.


Jelectro slammed the brakes, spinning the car ninety degrees where Royal Raceway terminated. A deep crater with pipes gushing water marked where Peach Castle should have been. Kylie Koopa stumbled out of the car, towards the toads in disarray.

"Help!" Chef Tim cried, apron stained red. A lime-green toad in the lawn whimpered while holding one of his legs, clothes sparkling from broken glass. A golden yellow toad was sprawled across the lake shore, front of body coated in sand where he'd laid face flat earlier. Blood was everywhere and a mature purple toad worked busily to resuscitate him.

"What? He's. But the-" she sputtered.

"-We sent a steward out," Mr. Zeror explained.

Kylie shook herself out of it. "Start at the beginning!"

Les slowly stood up from Ala-Gold. "Phantom."

The reporter trembled. "... Where's the princess?...With Mario? We'll find them and get you help." After snapping a picture, she retreated to the car, surprised to find the noki glued in his seat. She bent down, finding him as unreadable as ever, though in a cold sweat.

"Bond, what's happening?"

"Mitch.."


The Airship One exuded noxious black smoke as it flew, and while eco-terrorism wasn't on Ludwig Von Koopa's plate at all, the imagery was integral, communicating their message with exactness, and the commander was certainly a proponent of that. Of course, lacking a Doppler radar, yaw dampeners, and cup holders, it wasn't the latest or most comfortable ship. When they hit a hurricane over Water Land, forcing everyone below deck, he never heard enough of it.

Larry's wooden bench squeaked as he stood up to peek over his older brother's phone. The MP3 player driving his red BATES by Dr. Greg headphones at full blast had run out of juice moments ago.

Iggy quickly flipped it screen down. "Oh, Larry-chan, haha just texting Sam and Slam. They're luh-olded they keep bragging online. Err, think they misplaced a decimal though on their paycheck. Puzzling when they are the top math wizards in college. "

Boring. Everyone breathed on each other among a concoction of gunpowder, soot, and toe jam. No electricity or charging ports, just wooden splintery seating. Larry checked out a foggy porthole window, still unable to see much. Wendy detached Roy and Morton to seek out Iggy. They were discussing some video games until Lemmy joined them. Until that point, he'd had been mostly hovering their 'supreme commander' and all that.

"Excuse me sis. Sup, Iggy! How much did you pay them?" Lemmy cringed at Iggy's answer. "Leeet's not tell Luddy about that."

Larry snickered quietly. 'Yeah, squirm goody two-shoes!' Sam and Slam weren't Bowser Minions, but the mischief they sparked could rival any. Once at a party they triple dared Lemmy to kiss a girl. The chain-chompette was flattered and a good sport about the obvious prank, but it was so awkward due to Lemmy's reactions that it wasn't even funny and she was definitely pregnant because of that too. Psyche! (In the spirit of 'childish' Lem.)

The doors above opened, letting fresh air roll in. A drenched Ludwig stood at the top of the stairs. "The Mushroom Kingdom welcomes us-"

They trampled him completely. The threat of suffocation gone, everyone found their vices once more on the breezy slippery deck.

Iggy leaned over the railing, virtual-reality goggles strapped to his face to enhance the signature green hills jutting upwards. Kamek sailed them cautiously high. Somehow he snuck onto the manifest, but Ludwig allowed it, as gramps didn't know anything going on really. They left the outskirts for Goomba Village, Flower Fields, then the dense capital city.

"-Luddy, could you show me that concert hall?"

He dusted himself off and stepped over. "The Royal Toadstool Opera? Direct your attention there.."

The younger brother beamed upon locating its golden dome.

"..And why do you ask, General Lemmy? I am only aware from an acquaintance of an acquaintance who is a tenor in composer Bise's acapella brigade. You would not know, unless of course YOU are invited to perform at that beautiful, glorious- tell no one I compliment it so- theater."

"- Interesting," Lemmy giggled forcibly. "...What if someone with a high position in Dark Land was invited and wanted to perform, but not disassociate themselves from the Troop or anything?"

"-Than he must never grace our homeland with his presence again! To partake at the table of the princess for any reason is a renegade maneuver. Must I explain their pedagogy?!" Ludwig ranted. "They are unable to eschew their speciest trite about non-mushroom people."

"I knew all that.. Psyche! Ha ha.."

All along, Larry was sneaking around, beyond them and snoring Kamek, rolling the wheel subtly to hide the banked turn. The seemingly listless and bored teen had been planning this since the moment their dad called them down, and seeing it work out was more exciting than finding a wallet on the ground full of cash. They'd drift north and in a few moments beach catastrophically on Star Hill. He climbed into a lookout post to bide time. He wondered what his online friends were doing in town and how they may react if they knew he was above their city about to do what they were about to do.

...

Bang! A violent stop ejected Larry into the air. When he came to, he was back on deck with a headache. Everything not nailed down was missing and their sails were shredded. Even more bizarre, they were at Peach Castle, suspended in the air. The windows were shattered, bricks missing, and the hollow darkened structure was plucked from the ground imperfectly, creating an eerie left tilt on the impenetrable floating platform they'd crashed into.

"-Come back here, please. Is it not enough that you allowed us to get blown off course?" Ludwig fussed at the geriatric magikoopa shuffling around, covered in small bandages like the others.

Kamek muttered something about being innocent, continuing to circle the deck, short of the bow that caved in from the impact. Morton hurled himself overboard to explore without looking down, smacking flat against a low point of elevation. 'I'm okay' he yelled back. Roy and Wendy decided they were accompanying him, too curious to resist. That left Iggy with a broken and loose but fully armed and operational VR headset on his face.

"Since 28.57 percent of us have deviated, how much would it upset you if it rose to 33.333? My x-ray feature might reveal the location of those rumored sealed copies of Super Mario 64."

As Ludwig sent him off with a groan, Larry fought his vertigo to stand. The trouble they were to avoid had found them, and he was desperate.

'Yo, stars above. Confuse the speech of my enemies!' He opened his eyes-

"-General Lemmy, I concern myself not with those unaccounted for delinquents! Do not covertly whisper such to me again. After I destroy the Mushroom Kingdom they will effectively be back home anyway. It is obvious that Sam and Slam accomplished their mission and we've already won!"

"Wow." Lemmy eye rolled. "You don't even realize that we've screwed up so much King Dad won't care about your 'brilliant' plan."

"He will when I have the princess!"

He sighed, very unlike himself. "What princess, Luddy? Now look!"

Wendy led the mad dash, taking her heels off to ensure it, with Morton, Iggy, and Roy, who carried an extra person under his arm in the rear. All had some sort of black 'soot' on them, though by the time they reached the ship, the wind had blown it off. Wendy climbed aboard to be pushed aside by Morton, before he collapsed under the snapped and torn rigging. Iggy had a weird, or weirder gait before the same occurred, tumbling like a stiff plank downstairs. Roy panted, the best off of the boys it seemed, though he could not speak, clawing at his throat. The extra person was a beaten black and blue Chancellor Toadsworth.

Lemmy slipped from his ball."Ahhhh! What happened?"

Wendy slowly looked around. "I'm totes confused too! I never went beyond the first big room. It was so hazy and trashed and there was this weird thunderous voice I kept hearing. I almost wanted to bounce, but y'all know I don't just bail on folks.."

Ludwig nodded rapidly, eyes wide as he turned to the rest. "Secure everyone below deck. All of you!.. And clear your mind."

"W-what?" Lemmy questioned.

"Do as I say!" Ludwig jumped on the controls, spinning their airship into a deep starboard turn. Debris broke off from their superstructure as he pushed the ship to full power in a spontaneous direction.

Stuck below deck again, Larry didn't know how to feel about this new complication. He wished he remembered to be... careful of what he wished for!


Toadette had a problem. She'd gotten distracted by temptations too strong for her, and now things were getting damp and she couldn't get Peach's top on- on her convertible rather. She would press the electric switch and nothing would happen aside from a faint mechanical buzz. Why did she let Mr. Luigi talk her into this? In the mild precipitation, she barely caught the royal blue spots and vest of her boyfriend on the sidewalk.

She swerved over. "Blue! Oh my goodness, this is random but great. I've come up with an alibi. Get in."

He made the suspension creak when he jumped in the waterlogged kart.

"Where's?!- Let's go! To Peach, Mario, all of them! The police already know."

Frowning, she pulled off. "Did I miss something?"

He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. Aside from that, he was unrecognizable. "Just go," he breathed. "Just go just- ARRRG!" He slugged the side view mirror, making it snap and dangle by a wire. "..Sorry baby.."

She blanched further. "..I'll take the fall for that if you can get the top on without breaking it."

Bucken-Berry snapped only one cheap plastic tab in his effort to pull it over manually, freeing them from the rain. That might have been a bad deal she'd just made.


"Hi there. Is this a fun place?" A man with a shy soft voice seated himself on the stool next to a blonde woman in a white doctor's coat.

Peach crossed a leg over the other, idly watching the dark laser tag room. There weren't any kids playing arcade games, skeeball, ice-hockey, and other activities today. "It seems wholesome if empty for reasons."

He refused a beverage from the bartender, turning to her again. "-Like what, doll?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do."

She stirred her hot tea, almost laughing. "These matters are too grave to bear!"

"-Not for Mario," Mario replied.

She faced him, flustered to heck and back. "-I told you that I cannot contribute to the investigation any further! Leave me be."

His gaze bore into her as he returned to her tea, drumming his fingers on the counter. "You can't get over Bowser. He didn't do anything to me! Besides, you should have gotten the gist of what I was doing with the pact above everyone else. I didn't know you had an ego like that Peach-"

"My!" She pushed away from the bar table with a screech. "You claim you haven't changed and yet you are so shocking!"

"I'm sorry that the truth shocks you!"

"Your truths Mario, and that is subjective.." Before leaving she tried to sip from a cup she'd emptied already. The bartender stayed away during that spat, and still wouldn't get her next order.

Bucken-Berry and Toadette burst inside, dodged the ticket booth, trampled velvet ropes, and tugged Peach into the private party rooms, right under Mario's nose. Startled, he waited at the door. Peach was highly upset by their news and to avoid fanning the flames, Mario didn't try to barge in. It'd be best to ring up Toadsworth with the castle landline.

Mario crept into the Dave and Broozer's back office when no staff were around. He closed the door, accidentally locking himself in. He pressed on, determined to deal with that later as he approached a grungy beige wall phone. While it rang he noticed the old promotional ads taped to the wall and some stale french fries and pizza on the counter.

"HELLO?"

He flinched. "I-is this Peach Castle?"

"YES, IT IS."

A particle-like appendage seeped from the speaker, coiling around his neck to lift and slam him against the water dispenser, toppling the stacks of paper cups, then across the counter, knocking off the microwave. His consciousness faded as he heard a distant thud of the door being kicked open. Bigger rough hands were suddenly helping him tear the entity off. After a threatening, light flickering roar of anguish, it phased away. Blue in the face, only his rescuer's support was holding him up.

"Well, say somethin'!"

"B-Bowser?!" The plumber struggled to see through the black spots in his vision. "Oh God. -A monster or something at her castle attacked over the line. I don't know what's going on!"

He sighed, wryly. "Like was was gonna let some other villain best ya. Only I get to do that."

"What? Cut it out.." He laughed weakly. "And, thanks. You.. had my back."

When Mario closed in, nestling his face against his collarbone, the king inwardly panicked. The brush of that mustache against his thick scale plates, and then his warmth in general, rare and weird but exciting, because.. wasn't this the sorta thing that.. friends did or something? With a small gasp he pushed back. "S-stop. We can't."

"Sorry."

"Nah. I- What you think I'm scared or something?" He pulled Mario closer, smothering him nearly. "Guess it went pretty bad with Peach for you to be hiding back here."

"Our little thing that never was is extra never gonna be," he droned, fighting to stay upright. He accepted that for that moment he didn't want to face the adversities waiting out there.

"I barely got that, but.. more bad news. There was another 'breakup' just now. Peach's Castle, yeah, with the Earth."

Darn it.


A little boo belched and swayed as they emerged from Club Gamecube, Club 64's competitor. They'd gotten so parched they had to drink something, and with the sodas off limits pending investigation and water costing twenty bucks, Boo thought they were being prudent to accept the Japan-imported Chuckola Cola, which didn't count as a soda curiously. Well, as the stomach began to rumble and once the buzz settled in, they learned that regional differences mattered. Trying to keep right side up on the street, they spotted an ugly spot in the sky, a Doomship diving beneath a cloud. They rubbed their reddened eyes and it was still there, going north.

The rumors were true. Bowser forces were attacking!

Boo followed it into a more rural part of town until they walked into a metal road sign. 'Watch for crossing Ostros.' Holding the throbbing spot on their forehead, they simmered. Why couldn't they stick with anything? Why did they botch it too?

Why couldn't they avoid getting run over by a truck?

A medical van honked as it swerved and slid to a stop next to them, covering them in dirt from the trail. The passenger's window rolled down. "Partner, this ain't the place to hit the sack!"

"Let's goooooo, Billy," whined the ansty toad girl in the back. "I gotta tell my King something and we can't miss him!"

"Yeah. It's just a drunk, shorty," Richard added.

Sobered from the adrenaline, Boo impetuously distanced themselves from the MKDCU, back on track. Their cousin had a weakness and only they knew it. They had to find Luigi.


"I never took an eye off of him, but disabled one of my thrusters anyway. I hit a coffee shop and got stranded. He might be a super genius."

Luigi accompanied the snufit towards his newly repaired silver patrol car, hovering near the flower bed. "In one definition of that word. I agree. We got it here, sir."

"Gotcha, Mr. Luigi!" Snifit Patrol put away his taser, convinced the area was cleared. "We'll remain on full alert for Phantom. Meanwhile, my sergeant will drop the toads off at Hotel Mario...That a problem, sir?"

"Uh. No.. Thanks for everything."

Luigi hurried back to the picnic area of Toad Town Park. Waiting for him was an agitated dinosaur sitting on a tree stump.

"Now what?"

"I'm concerned over that mingle advert."

"Your number remained anonymous, Yoshi. You know I would have used mine if-"

"Not that part, the Darklandian you interspersed and the emojis you said represent Bowser affiliation."

"What about that? It led to results like this!" He waved to a fire bro named Flare, a spike named Chuck, and Gloomba at the table, as if they weren't obvious. "Our guy will either track them or follow my bait and we covered both. Please do what I asked and don't engage him if you see him.

...

The park was a donut-shaped plot of green, the center with tightly packed shade trees and the surrounding lush grass, walking paths, resting areas, and monuments. Yoshi stiffly patrolled the weathered brickwork around the statues of patriarchs erected here and there. No pedestrians were encountered, leaving him alone with his turbulent thoughts. He was beyond peeved, first at this old lady for forgetting how hero work worked to put it less than gracefully, and then at Mario's little brother, baiting the bad guy to come to them against tradition. Besides that, he was being given simple orders, like he was some toad!

A sports car skidded to a stop at the Mushroom Press a block down. A short noki and a koopa girl argued before he left her behind. As he sped away, the girl recklessly hopped into the trunk.

Yoshi ventured inside the office building, shivering from the air-conditioned space. Birdo worked at a place like this before becoming a model and influencer. While some of his contemporaries, usually those living at the castle, didn't care for their bothersome and less-than-dutiful nature, Yoshi thought he could glean something from their diligent coverage. If Luigi didn't want him to wander off and educate himself, he should have been straight with him!

"I'll try."

He stopped outside the cubicle. "Oh, I didn't notice... Yes call me Yoshi, sorry to intrude. Will I be a bother?"

The 'yuppie' stared, his beady black eyes narrowing suspiciously behind tortoiseshell horn-rimmed prescription lenses. His desk was tidy if kitsch, though the framed abstract painting was in surprisingly decent taste. Posted up were detailed lists, sometimes photos, covering current events like everyone else was.

"Whatever," he finally answered, dry and impersonal. "This is exactly where you should be."

"Thank you. I am assuming you are referring to the topic of Phantom. I was pursuing them too."

The yuppie's lips curved just a tad. "Him."

Dang it. The old dino thought he'd gotten that down. "Ah, it's Mr. Phantom. My apologies."

"None taken. I oughta put that on a business card one day."

"Ha.. What was that?"

"-Are you stupid bro?" The boo lifted his glasses, deep black eyes connecting with wizened blue ones.

Like a veil lifted, Yoshi registered he was face to face with 'Phantom', at his throat in an instant.

"Shhhh! No screaming in the office." Zoo shoved Yoshi through the wall, phasing them both outdoors, and the dinosaur stunned on his butt. "Not so clever now are ya, T. Yoshisaur? Hahahah.."

Yoshi climbed to his feet, sprinting on instinct through the park. The grass sprouted ten feet tall, making him scale over. The statutes animated and chased him, firing off musket rounds that hummed past his ear. The trees stretched their limbs to entrap him. A sand castle in the lot rose to scale, becoming a labyrinth.

Luigi rushed to where Yoshi collapsed, eyes dilated and babbling incoherently. "Yoshi?"

Zoo appeared beside him with a whoosh. "Forget em. I'm on the clock you see, so hurry up."

Luigi's back hit the table, the baddies there recoiling and fleeing. "F-fine. First, what's the password?"

Zoo's lack of response confirmed a few things. This deep down the pipe, there was no backtracking now for the green plumber.

"You couldn't read the Darklandian in the ad, because you aren't a minion, 'Susie'. You were covering the game, then when the Mushroom Flu happened and everyone funneled their frustrations to the Koopa Troop that dodged the plague, so you decided to take them out. You investigated your own murders, not leaving a mark, and using that same power, some sorta psionic one, to make sure that there were never witnesses. This never spawned from any patriotism. You probably like to hurt people, so why not the dregs? Plus there was a void in our society for a 'Punisher' type. If you don't know who that was by the way.. read my mind. Can't you?" he asked, riding high from the serial killer's barely perceivable blush.

Suddenly, Zoo's laughter scared away the goonies in the trees. "I'll give you B+ on that assessment, Sherlock. You totally missed the snitch part."

"Hm?"

"Forget it bro! I hardly have anyone else left to kill, so split."

Luigi folded his arms. "Whether you have one or a hundred, I will not."

"I will make you," Zoo said evenly. "And this will leave a mark."

The plumber felt a piercing sensation across his midsection, like a cleaver chopped him there. His vantage rose upwards by a couple of inches, but his boots remained planted. Tilting his head down, his face twisted in agony, peering into the lower half of his lungs where his body was abruptly severed, into his stomach, liver, and upper large intestine, pockets of bile in exposed sections. He didn't bleed, the force ripping him apart holding it back, but he could still feel every bit of traumatic damage.

He was losing his body, but if he could speak he'd say he'd lost his head.

Yoshi picked himself up and trod closer, though he could barely process it. A nerve rattling noise made him twist around. He couldn't believe who it was new on the scene.

Meanwhile, Zoo caught slow sluggish Chuck right away, wedged in place after trying to hide in a tube slide. The dark boo detected that when the spike was done with that nervous breakdown, he was going to live with his mom in Ice Land and never talk about this again. Those others were the problem then.

Flare and Gloomba tore across the field, almost out of the park. The fire bro was getting left behind constantly despite his protests. They came upon a portapotty and Gloomba dove in first, shutting out Flare.

He banged a fist against it. "Soldier, you will let me in!"

"Tough!"

Zoo benignly brushed Flare aside to point and make the locking mechanism disassemble into pieces on the ground. "GET OUT!"

"Hey buddy!" Gloomba stumbled into the open. "I'm on your side, for real.. Uh. That guy stinks. Kill him instead!" Flare gave him a poignant look.

"Nah. Don't tell me what to do."

The solder appeared to perspire heavily after Zoo snapped his fingers, and maybe he was somewhat, though seconds later he was not okay. Gloomba released a short wail before falling over, gasping for air as the psychic forces crushed him, shortly becoming a shriveled corpse bleeding out into the grass.

The fire brother stopped squeezing his eyes shut just as Zoo's attention returned to him. All of the tropes he'd seen from movies with psychos didn't seem to apply here. No handsome (or beautiful) hero was going to drop in with a super scope to save him. In the end, he stood his ground in resignation.

"If this is my punishment, so be it. I came to support King Bowser's tennis game. Not to desert or quit. I've always loved the sport."

Zoo tilted his head analytically, revealing a green Bowser racket. "Prove it. Give me your best serve."

"I volunteer for him. Swap," someone said, voice clogged and gritty. They had a huge purple knot on their forehead and faintly reeked of a bar, but they were simultaneously alert and intimidating.

Zoo whipped around. "That loser Diddley Boo?"

"-Booigi. Now look at your housewarming gift."

Zoo noticed the photo of his first performance on tour. "W-where did you find this?"

"Doesn't matter. Unfortunately for you, I remember everything. I. Remember. Everything." Booigi the Second rose the racket into the sky. "By the power of Eldstar, this will be the last day you bully me."

Lightning flashed above. Yoshi was heading over when he dove under the jungle gym. Upon finding that it was nothing, his brain was screaming to get out there and do something, underpowered or not. His energy-sapped body said otherwise..

"Showing off for your plumber crush back there? Which half of em?" Zoo cooed, making kissy faces. "Ha, dweeb. Where have you been anyway? You reek. Smoking kills you know."

"I didn't-"

"Good, I kill better." He fired his death ray against his older cousin to little effect, short of inducing a nosebleed and angering Booigi more. He could only mutilate living things, so that wasn't the issue. He identified that his focus was off just as a fist smashed his face in.

The dark boo skidded backwards into a concrete base. The bust of Princess Mush IV shattered from impact. Dazed, he realized that he'd lost his glasses and his father's bell, lying between him and his cousin, racing at him.

"No!" Zoo scrambled to hover protectively over the antique.. "That's the last thing I still have from dad and I-"

Booigi teleported behind him and snatched it. "I'm gonna bat it outta here!"

Zoo chased them around the park. Even tipsy, Boo was faster, and Zoo got dozens of cuts and scrapes from bumping solid objects. Finally, his cousin held the bell hostage over a fountain.

Zoo froze. "Listen cuz. I'll leave if I can keep that. It'll be like a body under the bridge. I mean water, haha."

Booigi lowered the antique. "Tell me everything."

Their cousin trembled in rage, yet relented, barking at them, "Look, we were told that the game wouldn't have newspaper coverage so don't bother. I went for fun. I was gonna sell the proofs on the black market. There were some people in a truck there early, Sam and Slam dropping off Fungus UP. I was retarded enough to take a few and use em as an excuse to get close up to the stars. I kinda liked that Mr. Toad guy. But one of those nerds was psychic too and tricked me. I had no clue they were villains and when I caught on I realized that every minion at the game saw me give a Fungus Up to Mr. Toad and Daisy. I couldn't have that catch up with me!"

"Hm. Why were you calling MK East?"

"That was legit work. Everybody at the Press pretends to be from Isla Falsa as a pseudonym. I had enough of the hospital acting like they were. Again, I had nothing to do with the Mushroom Flu and I wanted to know what was up! Now hand it back!"

With a sly grin, Booigi shook their head. "No. I didn't show you my swing."

The dark boo roared as Booigi tossed the mysterious glowing bell into the air and whacked the antique up and away. Like a madman, Zoo bolted after it, out of the park.

Back at the picnic tables, Luigi fell to the ground whole. Numbly he kept patting where the cut was. Under his shirt, he found an ugly scar circling his midsection. That was the last he remembered. Yoshi saw him fall out and caught him. A mild earthquake lasted for a second, originating from the north. Then silence.

Then not, the air congested with the rings of citizens. Peach's Castle no longer blocked the tower of YoshiMobile, proudly, until today perhaps, Toad Town's largest wireless provider.


Lemmy dropped down a ladder at their dad's last known location, bafflingly Mario's house. Wendy came down to break in, 'cat burglar' style with a sharp nail. Empty. On the way out a toad neighbor, an overweight dude in a robe with coffee, spotted her. Not the type they'd think to own a Bullet Blaster kart, but whatever. The seventeen-year-old vaporized him on impulse with Iggy's laser gun. Once the smoke cleared, all that was left of him were his slippers.

The koopaling teen freaked. The commercials claimed it only had 'play' laser action! Before they left, a van stopped under their airship. Some toad girl was kicked out and waved desperately for them.

"What do you want? Also you totally didn't see us here or anything!" Lemmy called down.

"I'm tight with King. I've made up my mind and I will join you. A toad is your best weapon. Trust me!" she yelled upwards.

Lemmy tried to consult Ludwig, but he disallowed his concentration to be broken, going on about a 'phenomena unexplainable by accepted scientific principles, leaving only the 'unaccepted' ones'.. Wendy and Lemmy glanced at each other and allowed her on.

Emery T. hopped around excitedly, disregarding the ship's deplorable condition. She told them Bowser must still be at the Toadley Clinic then. Duh. Why didn't they call? They were too afraid Lemmy in particular explained. Larry cooperated with whatever little task, like handing the ropes, but was otherwise elsewhere in mindset until he saw an object launch from the center of the town and blast out of the city, soon just a distant twinkle.


Eldstar's gray mustache kept twitching as he searched for a pen. He ducked beneath furniture, leaned around collums, and cleared dust bunnies high and low. No blasted pen to be found. Now he could not fold a SOS message into a paper plane and fly it out of a window. His enemies had found a way to discombobulate him. The only greater question was how.

With great detail and conviction, all of Mushroomy background could explain that he primarily worked to keep the world in balance by imparting his power. There is a caveat. There is a perpetual struggle within the celestial barriers. The reason why stars fall, or even die. Eldstar detested such conflict, but as the epitome of fairness, those unsightly realities had their place on the board, the image incomplete without the unquestionable presence of stars of all dispositions.

Did that make any sense?

He wasn't sure anymore.

At last, a golden pen was freed from under some cushions. *sighs* The ancient star's arm etched something on its own, scrawled spidery on the sheet.

'I beseech you dare to leave, my dear fellow. -Z.A.S'

Chapter End Notes

Author note: (outdated) So, yet again what was an originally uncomplicated chapter became one of my most ambitious rewrites yet. It didn't help that 'I' was discombobulated for around a month (unrelated to the title, I promise).
Music reference: A Gentle Giant song.
Created: 3/6/22, 3/12, 3/17, 3/20/22, 3/23, 3/28/22 - 4/1, 4/2, 4/4/22- 4/7
Edited: 11/17/23
RR24: 9/19/24, 9/20

Chapter 9: Love and War I (Reflection)

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo
To get back on track, enjoy this two part dealio.
*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

~BREAKING NEWS! Renegade 'Zoo S. Diddley'. confirmed to attack Princess Peach's toads, was vanquished by Luigi Mario and his team, however known conspirators 'Sam and Slam' escaped the city and the castle is in total ruins. Two toads are unaccounted for, beloved Chancellor Toadsworth and an unknown steward. Multiple toads injured, one serious.~

A red-haired human languidly purged the dark boo's belongings into a white garbage bag.

"That reads like a scattered synopsis, doll." Steve the Bullet Bill lowered the rough draft from his face. "Listen. Erase this and that. Say a Mario brother saved the day instead of Luigi. See? You've been here long enough to know that you gotta emphasize the MARIO."

"Yes sir.."

She filed that to memory and then continued working, lamenting how she wound up here, one of five humans in the kingdom and yet a receptionist to anthropomorphic folks. She missed Mitch despite the spicy take or two, at minimum keeping Steve at bay by being the one to bicker with instead.

Jessie lingered on a painting Zoo had in his office. Drew L. D.'s "Assimilation" - red and black colors spiraling towards the center. She felt drawn into the vortex unwittingly. If Steve hadn't gotten curious and yanked it away, dunking it into Snifit Patrol's evidence pile after he couldn't tell what he was looking at without his glasses on, she might have been stuck there all night.


The way everyone gathered around his phone reading the latest Toad Town bulletin reminded Larry Koopa of his current freshman year. Considered antisocial by the administration of Badlands High, his milking incited brawls, fragmented cliques, and triggered after-school warfare. Hold fire! He was just the messenger.

"So clueless, foolish, naive and.. devoid of Morton's flare unfortunately, what would YOU add to it, Lawrence?" Ludwig asked, jolting the teen.

He had a ton, most offensive, though the most honest one would be plain 'depressing'. The stars had aligned diabolically and Ludwig was prevailing, in spite of complications on an astronomical scale. No Mushroomite had a clue they were about to invade, Iggy's friends the intended bait. Assuming they caught up before the day elapsed, they'd get nowhere. Mayor Koton of Neo Bowser City was so stubborn their dad couldn't force him to do anything, including change the misleading city name, let alone give up the 'deets' on profitable business owners. Toadsworth being with them was difficult to explain, but they had one regardless.

"I mistook him for my grandpa and we abducted him. Done," Emery answered, also annoyingly sticking around.

He had to stop thinking out loud.

"Can I man a cannon, just in case?"

"You?" Ludwig quirked an eyebrow at Emery.

"I meet the fitness requirements, General. I airlifted. Do you know how heavy patients are these days?" She blabbered as Ludwig tried to ignore her. "..Hello? King will get me trained on the artillery at least. I've always dreamed of setting fire to those corny mushroom houses some of us have-"

Ludwig shooed her off, strenuously navigating their humongous doomship, a symbol of evil and oppression, through Toad Town's dark evening skies. Their destination was the park, a great place for an unwieldy contraption to land, and a better place to corrupt first by inviting the princess there and-

"I'm King's best weapon, sir! Don't ignore me-"

"-Toady, we have only gotten here from MY careful planning and diligence!" Ludwig snapped, accidentally making them bank starboard side. A few more pieces fell off too, meaning the percentage of the ship left was officially about sixtyish percent. Sheepishly, he leveled them off, continuing-

"I adore thy enthusiasm and spirit, but circulation that a 'Toad has turned to the dark side' or some such drivel will detract from our purpose. Their peace was an illusion, so we shattered it. We took their disgusting and insidious decree, burnt it, and scattered it into the wind. Of course, despite their confusion, our goals are not elliptical. They used peace- a cease-fire in actuality, to continue to subjugate and malign our kind. Just see the appalling response to that Phantom rapscallion lacerating our innocent minions!"

Recovering from the blunt impact of his words, the goosebumps-ridden toad girl nodded in understanding of his 'lecture'.

"Good, Miss Emery," he smiled, for a flash. "For this attack, I used nothing they haven't seen before. The first Mushroom Flu outbreak occurred twenty-two years ago, wreaking havoc upon us. In due time, these Mushroom Freaks will be plunged into the same abject horror, with no simple fix like they are accustomed to, no one to save them. Stuck with their own company, their eyes will finally be opened to how ugly and contemptible they are!"

She saluted. "You have my support all the way, Commander."

"Start here. Shoot me now," Larry muttered, sitting with his feet dangling over a part of the ship that was missing entirely, the dark city with dotted lights scrolling below.

"Don't be so emo!" Lemmy said, coming up from below deck with Wendy. Neither seemed worn out from wrestling with Roy, Morton, and Iggy, which didn't bode well. "Think of this like one of your pranks and stuff and then it's fun! By the way, Luddy, everybody's just.. you know."

"Yeah," Wendy mentioned, immediately finding a spot to lean on a barrel and tap on her phone like a cool kid. "Like they're okay as they can be I guess.."

Lemmy changed the subject, "What was the buzz around town?"

"Oh right, so here's what the news doesn't know yet, I guess 'cause they didn't interview King," Emery mentioned, "Mario retired!"

"Oooh, they're gonna hate him for this screwup, lol. Didn't you just meet King Dad today? How'd you get him to drop all of these secrets about Mario? Ludwig kept a journal, set up cameras, and tried to bug his throne room once and didn't get anywhere close!"

As the commander at the controls flushed, the toad girl waved it off. "Easy. I asked."

Larry hopped back on his feet. Checkmate. Maybe. "Forget about Mario. Luigi saved the day as they think. What's stopping him from stopping us?" He laughed at their uncertain and anxious faces.


Deep within Dr. Toadley's clinic, the lights were dimmed once the beeps of the computers monitoring the body grew steady. X-ray scans were resoundingly normal, leaving the scar and the shock Luigi was in the only proof anything ever happened. He was on involuntary bed rest for twelve hours.

"Feeling better?"

Mario bit the inside of his cheek at the lack of response, wishing Yoshi and Boo were around. Nobody could hang at the clinic because 'coma walking' was a possibility, and his recovering brother would be alone for a few hours. Outside of his joint, Mario would have to watch his back. The people of Toad Town knew every sordid detail that got them to this point short of his admission of retirement, even of the part where he was 'harboring and protecting Bowser for some nutty reason' as the commentators gracefully put it. He was just surprised they weren't scapegoating that poor 'Nintendo' thing for his sake.

Mario gently sat on the bed's edge. "Gotta go, but you did great. I can't say it enough. When you spring right up from here you're gonna be unstoppable, I guarantee. A hero with an undivided heart always is."

He left a note: "To Luigi: Long ago, Bowser had to deal with this. His doc at the time, yes that Dr. Prof. creep, discovered the containment in food. Dr. Mario helped him back then. Houdini says some help will arrive tomorrow with our cousin's notes and a cure will be here by the end of that day. Will discuss more later."

Mario pulled the white covers up to his brother's neck and was out of there, bumping into a very agitated guest in the lobby. Holding some power tools, he didn't want to know what he was planning on doing with those he if delayed any longer.

"Well, let's get this going. I can call Toadette and get her to bring the cart down. She'll drive us a block, then we'll relay with rides so no Lakitu Bros or random fans on the streets can take god-awful pictures of us in public again."

"I looked great in that, plumber," Bowser corrected.

"Whatever. Don't worry, despite the hate mob I'm starting to gather, I found some sympathetic friends to help us get to the park, Parakarry, Eric- or you might know him as Goombario, and-"

"Beardy, nuffa that. Follow me."

Confused, Mario let Bowser walk him around back. He gasped at the reappearance of his Mach Bike, propped up against a wall. The repairs were crude and it was still leaking a little, but it was his baby for sure.

"How!?"

The Koopa King folded his arms proudly, "While you were dealing with that emergency stuff, I was busy too, duh! One of my minions on the ground, a real trooper, knew where that Zoo kid had your bike so I had em bring it here. Didya know I was a mechanic?"

Mario eyed his work closer. It wasn't any prettier, but the sentiment was making up for it. "Not really?"

"Good. Cause I ain't." Bowser dropped the cordless power drill. "Least it's running again."

The red plumber kicked it on, confirming such when the loud motor's purr became deafening in the cramped alley. "Thanks!" he yelled over it.

"Yeah yeah.."

Shutting it off then and approaching Bowser with that warm smile, the king stiffened some, fearing a hug was incoming to psyche him out and unearth strange emotions he wasn't ready for. (Un)fortunately though, Mario stopped short, eyeing him like he was a spectacle or clown.

".. Are ya alright? Come on. We can take the back roads. Should be meeting your folks at the park in fifteen minutes now."

Somehow Bowser forgot about that. He nodded awkwardly. Not having time for extra time, they crudely hacked up a spare helmet to fit over Bowser's horns and took off, tearing down bumpier secluded Toad Town streets.

Away from so many lamps, only a sliver of fuchsia left on the horizon, the stars and constellations were unmissable. Mario remembered it being just as vast and staggeringly impressive years ago, before gradually losing their luster. Now it was back, even greater. Fate had hurled a lot of misery and heartache at him, but good could resurge from the most rotten, and he was oddly content, knowing more about himself and his friends than he ever had before.


Swerving around Toad Town, Agent 0064, Jelectro Bond indulged in his spy car's utilities, starting up a hacking program built into the console.

"Research 22 Flower Lane," he ordered. After a quick search, the screen brought up an unsecured server for the Mushroom Press. He was able to peek into the inbox of computer #15, Zoo's. He played a saved voice message.

*Beep* "This is Nass Toad, head nurse and secretary of Dr. Prof. Koopa, responding to 'Mr. Z' of Isle Falsa. Due to HIPPA guidelines, we can not release information about our recent patients over the phone. Please visit in person and be sure to be on the approved visitor's list for your friend. That shall be no issue if you are a civilian and not secretly from that Mushroom Press.."*Beep*

Not enough to prosecute them for conspiracy. Since they knew what they were doing, he would indeed have to return to that bastion, if not over that crime, to at least see what Mitch was telepathically pinging him over and over for. He commanded the car to contact his friend and programmer Agent 999, but he was out of range, likely kingdoms away and undercover. Agent 0064 had to settle for his other friend, if only due to going through basic training together, agent 0069.

"~Whatup, J. Back already?"

"I'll explain later. Meet me at MK East, mon ami. Espionage. Don't tell Jeremy of course."

The purple bandit had the rhythmic thump of a club in the background, his local turf. "Fo what?"

"Est-ce que je ne parle pas anglais? You heard me, Andrew," Jelectro sighed.

"K. Fifty coins."

"No!.. Fine. Aye aye aye."

Meanwhile, Kylie Koopa snapped a latch to crawl into the cabin from the trunk. She had dibs on this MK East investigation, so what was he thinking leaving her in the lurch like this?

Jelectro calmly adjusted his mirror, making eye contact she supposed, because he abruptly accelerated, pinning Kylie against the seats. No matter. Those Snifit Patrol speed traps were waiting and ready for him.


"What products did you use? I did not see a list." Doctor Professor Koopa jabbed the paratroopa with a clipboard. "If certain allergens are present-"

"Only natural stuff. Now don't be lookin' like that. This works better than the overpriced junk with a label slapped on it. You'd know if you got out more."

"Forget it. Give our regards to the South hospital." Gritting his teeth, Dr. Prof. held open his office door for Probabilly, hissing as he crossed by, "We know your brother owns that 'MKDCU' gang."

The paratroopa janitor shuffled on, seemingly unaffected."...I reckon he does. I'll holler for ya."

True to his word, Probabilly made the facility like new in a 'jiffy'. He'd tidied up and fixed the entrance doors, even the wobbly furniture. Dr. Prof. had other issues anyway. Since expunging Mario and co, the competence of his doctors plunged deeper than the Underwhere. He could twirl his fingers in front of some of them without reaction. Fortunately for him, he needed no assistance for operation room one. Before him on the table was a huge lump under a blue towel. The koopa got suited and gloved up.

Patient: Male. Pianta. 57. Name, so and so... He glossed over the chart, too old a habit to drop despite his ticklishness and excitement. Any information it contained didn't matter for this Mushroom Flu patient experiment.

"Code blue!"

He paused, scalpel inches away from the patient's sternum. Dr. Prof. decided to deal with cleaning that spill behind the desk up front. He kept his green shell turned as Toadette, a servant of Peach showed up in their lobby. They always come back...

"Excuse me, ma'am." Her voice trembled. "We can't locate Mr. Toadsworth. He wasn't checked in here, was he?"

Mariam fumbled around on the computer. "-No dearie. Sorry." She could inform her that Kinopio was stable and Ala-Gold not at all, in fact needing to be sent down South just so that the overflow might not delay care. In the end, Toadetter left the premises an incoherent mess.

Pitifully the receptionist wrote on a sticky note to herself, as if a reminder. 'Pray for those castle toads'. Dr. Prof. wasn't going to do that, but it did remind him of an earlier patient. Mitch Toad was famous for being 'banned' from the castle. Why? Because he possessed the ability to...

Ah. Dr. Prof. decisively left the office. Getting out of your comfort zone WAS worth it sometimes..

Toadette rushed into the shuttle driven by Sergeant Howie, officer #2 of Snifit Patrol.

"He wasn't, princess!" she exclaimed to Peach, who held her steady. The stewardess was embarrassed enough over flooding the Birthday Girl and ranting at YoshiMobile when it was their own castle blocking the cell towers, so she just wanted to do something right for once. For Peach to know that she didn't make a mistake with her.. Or to look at her, cup her face and simply go 'job well done, dear'. That would be acceptable too.

"Can we get outta here?" Bucken-Berry, the only other toad on the bus remarked.

The sergeant placed down his radio receiver. "Sounds good, 'cause Inspector Douglas got an anonymous tip about our Chancellor and another missing toad."

The princess jumped up and joined him up front. "Thank the stars!"

Toadette was sobbing too hard for the mood to flip so abruptly, nonetheless she blinked in astonishment. Bucken-Berry plopped down on the other side of the bus, countenance dark.

"Good for Tom if that is him. If only that bastard wasn't the one that brought this on us."


Jelectro skidded behind MK East, running onto the curb and bouncing onto the lawn in between the dumpsters. It was pitch black and the next Kylie knew, she was thrown around, bashing her face against the middle console.

The pursuing officer they'd picked up along the way parked behind them, blowing a loud whistle. "This is Snifit Patrol. Stop!"

Jelectro eased himself out, flashing his own agency's badge. "You waste your time, mon ami. Madame might warrant your attention however. No seat belt."

Kylie spat out a tooth and glared from inside the luxury car. "No, that noki ditched me! ..Well I did climb in his trunk but..."

Snifit Patrol enthusiastically pulled out a thick ticket book. "Tell me more!"

As Kylie tried to avoid incriminating herself further, a purple bandit sporting fancy black Air Koopa sneakers and a boombox jaywalked onto the scene. He got close and deliberately blasted hip hop, distracting and drawing away the snufit. Jelectro winked at Kylie and tossed her his keys.

"It's all yours. Just avoid so and so. That's my civil partner and I's condo."

"What in blazes?! Is this some elaborate way to frame me for grand theft?"

"Only if you auction off parts or hide it from me in a garage in another kingdom. Until then that is your insurance that I will find you again. Oui?"

She hopped in, stalled for a second before muscle memory from her dad's old farm Dragonfly kicked in, and soon zoomed onto Starman lane. Snifit Patrol terminated the pursuit a block later. She thought he knew he wouldn't win. The officer on the other hand knew he'd better follow that large, airship-shaped, shadow moving around town instead.


The flags that survived were raised as Ludwig rode low and slow. As easy as he located Toad Town Park, lit by tiny mushroom-shaped lights on the walking paths, his best landing attempt lopped off the head of a statue, crushed a jungle gym, and tipped over all portable toilets.

As the dirt cloud cleared, the Koopa King stomped alongside the hull and strained to examine every broken rivet. His eyes bulged at the extent of the damage, especially since it wasn't from this landing.

"Vater, we were buffeted by a severe storm on the way with precipitation, a tornado, hail.. Other things.. My apologies."

Bowser's palm covered his face. "Did you at least pack the fresh hot lunches for the minions?"

"We did King Dad," Lemmy answered. ".. But the part where the pantry was is kinda.. missing now?"

"Ugh! Just get your butts up there, soldiers." Bowser let Flare, and a handful of other mostly vacant or skittish minions hurry onboard from a bottom hatch.

Mario stood back in the dark with fighter flies for company, heavy-hearted by how few baddies there were left, all simply wanting to watch tennis. At the same time, it was suspicious how Ludwig and Lemmy glanced at each other so often.

"Hey kids.." He drew closer. "Both of you are how old already? Huh. I remember when you two outgrew your first shell."

"Yeah, Mr. Mario. Time suuure files," Lemmy laughed with the plumber in a mutual game of feigned cordiality. "So where is Luigi?"

Mario cleared his throat. "You know he doesn't like meet n greets," he dodged aptly. "I'll tell him you asked, kid."

"Umm. Well there's another storm on the coast. I guess we'd better drop off these toads!"

Mario gave a start. "Wait, what? I didn't hear about.. Does Peach know?"

A moment later, said princess gasped. Apparently so. She and a pink toad distanced from the shuttle, advancing on the warship all while behaving like Mario was invisible. "Is Toadsworth and the other toad really here?"

"Yep. Come on!" Lemmy kindly offered his hand.

Mario fought against interjecting. She wouldn't care for his insight at the moment anyway, though like it or not he was going to follow the pink duo, unable to ignore how his hairs were standing up.

Then Bucken-Berry crossed his path out of nowhere. "-Mr. Mario, can we talk about something?"


The noki adopted a wandering tourist act and traversed the West ring, updating Agent 0069 with his smartwatch. Upon reaching Room 26, he was greeted by Mitch's full face this time. He was vitriolic, thick graying eyebrows downturned, with beady black eyes like his own, only mildly glazed from painkillers.

"What's the excuse? Why is he gone who knows where instead of vaporized by your gun or somethin?"

"Because he was a boo, full-blooded or not," Jelectro came right up on him, undaunted. "Also, no I don't have a vaporizing weapon. I might have a freeze gun, but that is experimental. That pistol that is on me now? It's a non-lethal, as those are the only sort we can reliably acquire that contains no metal parts to be detected-"

"Oh my God, shut up with the gun talk. You know what I meant, Jelectro. I gave you everything you needed."

"-Too much, like what you'd like to do to him if not for the age gap. Bleh!"

"Oh my..grrrr!" The way the journalist squirmed in his fit, the noki wondered if he might pull a miracle and rise up to fight him. "Alright whatever... And that was BEFORE did this to me btw. For now, we gotta keep that sow Peach from shooing out the clowns."

Jelectro shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Explain this advancement."

"I can't read her, so I don't got specifics, but she must feel scorned by something. Rumor has it that she called extra security to come in and take it back over. Theo and his gang will purge anything nasty and get away scott-free. You know, like she did. We can't allow-"

"What did she get away with?" Jelectro couldn't help but to question, regretting it.

"A heap. Toads had to be 'pure' once. Hypocritical little...!" He muffled some venomous words. "Anyway, Samuel Toadsworth was her secret cousin for a while. Yeah, I'm why that's known now and that's just the surface French Boy. Enough of this. You gotta act."

"Aye aye aye!" Jelectro exclaimed.

On cue, someone was jangling the door handle outside. Dr. Professor lingered before entering, dealing with a very persistent caller that routed to his personal cell somehow. "I am not interested, now hang up and stop tying up my line!"

"K. Whattabout this offer?" The bandit agent dropped the phone from the rooftop workstation to browse on the internet for something believable enough. His boombox was on the opposite side of the helipads, currently occupying the ems workers as they danced to the drill beats. "Tell ya what. We'll give you twenty-thou if you stop what chu doin and-"

"-Goodbye prankster." Dr. Professor cut the device off entirely as he entered room 26. Hand on chin, he verified the vitals on the monitors, cross-referencing with a clipboard.

Jelectro spied from the closet, behind bundles of white towels. The doctor came to the bed. "Mr. Mitch, how about I perform your scheduled operations tonight? Alright? Alright."

When he edited Mitch's procedure chart to have 'Lobotomy', that was all Jelectro needed to jump out and blindside the doctor, slamming him into the wall. The bump knocked tacked papers to the ground.

"I am Detective Bond and you are under arrest for conspiracy and unlawful procedures. Hands up!"

Doctor Professor shot his arms upwards.

"Why are you using the victims as test subjects?"

The doctor's visage contorted into a smug smile. "My, what are the odds of meeting two magikoopa-like freaks in a day, boy? If you can't pick it from my brain, give up. I can wait aaaall day."

Jelectro checked his watch, then whipped the gun out, barrel against the old doctor's temple. "You can not in fact, mon ami, so last chance-"

The intercom screeched, filled with static and distant screams from some conflict happening in the lobby. "We have another invasion! All doctors on guard!" Nass blared.

The stomp of heavy boots bounced off the hall outside. While the noki's head was turned, the doctor slipped out of Jelectro's grip, wasting not one second to hurl himself shell first against the glass and out the window to escape. The spy checked outside, groaning at the dark outlines of armored vehicles, and the sea of burly Mushroom Royal squad agents surrounding the hospital.

"Under the bed, dude!"

Jelectro rushed to prop the door closed with a steel fold-out chair that was down there. A half second later, there was a heavy thunk as a guard failed to kick it in. The noki backed away, then removed the chair, so that the guard's next shove sent them careening in. He used that to climb over the pileup and dart to the nearest empty hall. He rode an elevator to the roof, finding helipads, a boombox, and Agent 0069 peering over the edge of the parapet.

"Screw that money, Jelectro. I'm outta here."

Andrew was 'gangsta' enough to jump without scaling gear. Jelectro wasn't though, call it vanity to protect his pretty face, or call it trepidation from the crunch of the bandit a few seconds later. He let the black-spotted, armor-wearing toads snatch him without further resistance. He'd broken out of the local jail countless times. After his sunglasses were taken, he saw the writing on their tanks better. The noki gulped. He was about to take a trip instead.


Toadette was eager to escape the cramped staircase leading up the airship's four decks. She kept on Peach's heels until muted by thick walls, she heard the clamor of baddies. She almost wished she stuck with Mario, as unloyal as that sounded from her, because making up to the observation deck, the conditions were terrible. Debris littered the deck along with holes where she might plummet through to the orlop. Only Peach's steely energy at that moment held her together, the princess marching around the treacherous areas and to a rusty compartment door leading deeper into the ship.

"Would you please help me?"

Wendy had already unlocked. Out came a young toad in a wrinkled nurse uniform, orange-spotted, dorky, and sorta cute, or at least that was an intrusive thought of Toadette, semi hiding behind a broken barrel.

"Emery? ..You joined my castle today?" Peach asked animatedly.

Emery did a curtsy. "Uh, sure!"

Peach brimmed with questions, considering her other staff purported that the new recruit was 'male', but she had to press another matter. "And Toadsworth?"

"His case is kinda sensitive. Some privacy?" Lemmy made Toadette jump from her hiding spot. "Wait down there, okay?"

The so-called childish koopaling towered over her while on his green ball and ran her off deck, back into the spooky staircase. She protested as the door slammed shut in her face. The handle wouldn't budge.

Mario led the blue toad off to the wooden picnic tables. Bucken-Berry was with no embellishment his friend, student, and bravest warrior. Now he sat across from him, hallow, the flame almost always lit behind his eyes extinguished.

"What happened's not your fault," he went preemptively. "Even that stuff about a new toad that showed up? Les must had phoned Gill T. and he phoned me over it, so I know that story."

The toad wiped his nose with his sleeve. "No it is, because I hated him. I still do for drawing Zoo over, but most of all I hate myself. I want to throw in the towel."

"Yvan, that's.. Why?"

"What's the point? You know how my origin story goes, the whole sole survivor in Toadwood Forest thing. Growing up in the orphanage, I decided that I was going to be so strong that I'd never lose anyone again, yet it happened. Wolley's not gonna make it. He's not gonna, and in the Overthere his last memory of me will be acting like a complete dick. How can I stay on his hero stuff if I couldn't protect one of my only friends? If I was frozen there like a statue while Zoo slipped away, where we'll never see him again?"

Mario held his broad shoulder firmly. "It's not that this kind of work can hurt, it will hurt at some point. Fearing another failure doesn't mean you should give it up. This is all you ever wanted to do."

The blue toad looked up at him. "What did you always want to do, if it wasn't being an action star, Curtis?"

Mario released him, rattled enough to divert to the black jagged outline of the airship nearby. It had been years since he heard his other name. "I wanted to.. Well.. you know how I coach you guys? Basically that. If I'm gifted at something, I just want to share it with others. I never wanted.. you know, to be the super star." Mario began to stand. "Now let's both see that new kid together."

Bucken-Berry remained slouched, his glance withering. "Thomas isn't on that ship. Let's just say I'm the reason why he ran away before we were dumped at that gross hotel, so I'd know."

Mario didn't have a chance to parse that before being blinded as someone in the park shined torch all over. The beam settled on their picnic table like a figure of authority catching rascally teens at night. The red plumber supposed their moment just then was intimate, but not like that..

Panting, Snifit Patrol lowered the beam. "Bad news, sir. I was tracking that airship all over town, I even let my quota drop to keep up."

"In peace, Sumeet. Now could you please.."

"Peace? Not with the Bowser Flag they have raised!"

"Noooo!" Peach dropped to her knees before Toadsworth's bruised, bloodied, and unconscious body. A tattered Bowser Flag was draped over him, claiming that the Koopa Troop, fractured as it was, succeeded in claiming him.

"That was my touch. I'm Bowser's new toad actually!" Emery announced over her former princess's whimpering form.

"-Affirmative, she contributed greatly, one of our many pawns as we terrorized you and your society all day!" Ludwig declared maniacally, also looming over the princess. "Now here's a synopsis as scattered as your newspapers might put it: Sam and Slam drove into town to infect the participants of your tennis game. The Koopa Troop thus takes full responsibility for all of the following tragedies, the rapid illness of your friends, the mushroom citizens, AND the destruction of your hideous castle! Say goodbye to your backward kingdom, because you WILL come with us. Shall a plumber rescue you in a day, it will be of no matter. You are already playing an unwinnable game, with no continues!"

Bowser whipped around. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Ludwig's hand hovered over the takeoff button. "Vater, all I do is for YOUR central purpose, I promise you. Forget go-karting with that Mario." He slapped it, starting up the airship's machinery with violent vibrations. "Besides, the princess is just. Right. There!"

No, not anymore. Peach jumped into the part of the ship torn off, landing on a lower level. She dashed out and down a deck, into a cramped corridor for ammo storage. It had occupants among the cannons lining the walls, big goombas, koopas, and like.. Pale, she turned back, losing her footing when strong g-forces knocked her around and threw her against the nearest porthole- and into Toadette's screaming face on the other side. The airship lifting launched the steward out of the stair shaft and outside, where she clung to the flapped open exit door for dear life.

Peach spotted a rivet tool hung up in the room. Clash! The princess shielded herself amidst the shower of glass shards. She brushed off the cuts on her arms and lunged half her body out, dropping her personal items to do so. Their hands graced for a fraction of a second. Screaming, she watched her toad plunge. They were so high up, she was staring at the entirety of the park below. A sudden roll slung her out of the exterior room into an adjacent one with wooden crates, clashing into a stack. Someone tugged her out of the way before she was pinned and tumbled into the koopaling, Larry. She barely registered it, leaping onto her feet again and running blindly down a corridor. He stopped her again.

"Unless the stars are about to help us, we're done," he murmured.

That was it. They were done then.

On the ground, Mario pointed to a pink toad hanging precariously from an unsecured ground-level door. The decrepit Doomship had an ear-piercing backfire and shook the person off.

Bucken-Berry dove forward and caught Toadette before she spat on the ground. She continued to weep in his sturdy grasp as he repeated, "Baby, I got you.."

Peach's parcel shed its contents in the sky, white papers like confetti around the city block. Snifit Patrol commanded his sergeant to collect whatever they were and then opened a metal gun case with a super scope inside.

"No!" The plumber shut it with his boot. "That type of ship explodes just by looking at it wrong. I'll do something else."

Snifit Patrol leaned up. "Will you, sir?" The officer spun towards the encroaching crowd.

Mario found his mouth dry. "W-what's going on?"

"You tell us," spat one random and very angry Mushroomite.

They were armed with torches and phones that had just browsed the message boards. They didn't even need that though, high above, Lemmy hung a colorful crayon etched banner in 'celebration': Happy Retirement, Mario and thanks for the princess!

Chapter End Notes

Author note: Will they catch up to the weasels? Will Mario unretire? Will there be more multi-parts? Yes.
Created: 4/8/22, 4/10, 4/15, 4/16, 4/19, 4/20, 4/22, 4/23 (slit in two parts)
Edited: 11/19/23
RR24: 9/22/24 - 9/26

Chapter 10: Love and War II

Chapter Summary

Koopaling time!

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"Gah! Forget it." Bowser snapped the dumbphone shut. Mario had to be in a heap of trouble. Miles away now, flying in a void where there were no location markers save for the occasional glint of moonlight on a water body, it was his fault.

When a TO/GA button was hit on an airship, there was no turning around due to design philosophies of the past. He wasn't getting back to the Mushroom Kingdom unless he wanted to jump suicidally. At least fresher air away from the cities let him reflect.

-On how he was gonna kill everybody once the autopilot landed!

Kamek shuffled away from the controls, giving a start. "Lord Bowser, you should cut out that deranged psycho look. Girls hate that."

"I don't care what girls like or not! -Erm, I don't like Peach, so why would I want her at my castle tonight?!" he just out and admitted. The entire ship must have heard that, getting so quiet, even down to the bottom decks, that all he heard was his heavy breathing and the flaps of the ship's feathered wings.

"L-lord Bowser-"

Bowser shoved the magikoopa out of the way. "Everyone get up here and listen!" He waited, pent up and about to explode until all of them did, almost. "Where's Peach? And her grandpa?"

Emery raised her hand. "Hiding, King. And Toadsworth's her cousin btw. There was a stupid scandal over that way back. Anyway I can use a special toad wailing thing we do that tugs on the heartstrings of princesses if you want."

"No need Fangirl. We'll pretend we didn't know she was onboard and arrange a way to get her outta here tomorrow."

Many minions collectively cried in disappointment. To Bowser's surprise though, Ludwig was as cool as a freezie.

If there wasn't going to be a bunch of strife for once in his life, he'd take it. Their sputtery, smoky, barely airworthy ship limped across the six kingdoms between the Mushroom Kingdom and Dark Land. Upon landing the hull gave out and dumped them all onto the dirt, no need for a formal deboarding and all that..

There was much to do, collect witness statements, contact the family of the deceased, etc, plus investigate what went wrong with his own. Bowser detected no deceit when they claimed to be mystified by Iggy, Morton, and Roy after crashing into Peach's Castle. He might have gotten better answers regarding the preceding events, but he was tired and that was behind them now. Toadsworth appeared to be in some sort of stasis until Emery mentioned in a dispassionate hush that 'it's a lost cause'. Bowser decided that he'd rest in the dungeon till he figured out how to go over the.. delicate or 'sensitive' as Lemmy put it, matter with Peach, who screamed and kicked when a minion laid a paw on her. Typical stuff.

Besides that though, everything WAS under control!


"A few invites would fan delectable flames, even if there are no intentions to betroth."

"I was just gonna humiliate by making her THINK she'll be living in our dungeon forever. Make her forget about that Mario.."

"..Fair, Vater." Though Ludwig hadn't a clue why Mario was in this conversation all a sudden, he was pleased that his father hadn't forgotten who he was. "Either way, by the morrow those Mushroomites will be unrecoverable."

Reluctantly agreeing, Bowser marched up and down the red-carpeted stone corridors filled with statues and portraits. Prisoners were secured, their family were scattered about, likely rummaging in a kitchen, and his Troop, aside from dedicated watchers, were settled in bed if they knew what was good for them. Father and son had no current destination, simply a shared or inherited habit of pacing aimlessly after busy days.

"Ludwig.. You know they had a plan to cure that flu on the morrow or however you said it. That won't make yer scheme fall apart?"

His son took position beside him, a foot shorter and likely to never make it up at this point. He'd inherited his voice and absolute viciousness, but Clawdia's brain, fluffy stature, and messy hair. "You are perceiving my plan one-dimensionally yet again. It will not because I am the tool to dismantle the Mushroomites once and for all. Upon this realization, this urge, this burning within my bones, I could not dither."

"Like a destiny?"

"Eh.. exactly, Vater."

Bowser felt himself shudder, facing the big scary lapis lazuli bust of someone else who felt a little like that..

'Bowser's Brother', that's all the designation he tended to get if burdened to be remembered at all. King Morton Koopa Sr.'s surviving generals removed all artifacts of the old religions off royal property after Bowser's Brother deserted them, only allowing Kingly Law to propagate. This allowed peons on the fringes to trade with the 'refuse' and fast forward thirty years, Neo Bowser City was the fruitage of their investments. In a kingdom with an average ambient temp of 100 degrees F, why did everything have to snowball?

Ludwig raised an eyebrow at the silent treatment. "I shall retreat to bed, Vater." He saluted and excused himself.

"That boy ain't right," an elite minion muttered to himself, watching as the koopaling passed by. The balaclava-wearing lakitu on a shady cloud caught Bowser before he slipped into his bedroom. "Senry 11 reporting, Boss. We can have body recovery 00:40 in the morning."

"Alright," Bowser sighed in relief.

"Oh and whatta bout that Zoo Diddley? Want minions lookin' out?"

Slapped awake, Bowser shook his head. "He wouldn't be so stupid as to come to our castle looking for trouble. Mario told me that-"

"Did you say Mario, Boss?" The lakitu gave him a look not unlike a child embarrassed by their father.

"N-nuthin. Go on and lift both bridges tonight, just in case." Bowser stumbled into his room, shutting the door tight.


Larry spoofed an instant message from one of Kammy's girlfriends in the Hags Anonymous group to distract her from guarding a special room. Unlike the dungeon underground, it had a real bed with a canopy, a vanity set, and a barred window with a great view of the lava outdoors. He tip-toed around in the warm candlelight, evading the usual tattletales stationed around his royal home. He gave Ludwig his laptop to be busy on with nerd stuff, so he'd not be an issue either. He needed to check on Peach. To see that she was fine, genuinely, and not from hormone-enranged reasons. No seriously. Seeing her world crumble in a day, he'd never felt so bad for somebody that didn't do nuthin but try her best.

"-Hi, I'm Tanner. Pleased to meet you miss."

Larry ducked back, almost tripping on his own feet. He recovered, peeping around at the two dorks camping the spiral staircase.

"It's Emery T. I think my mom was going for some cringe play on 'emergency' or something.. I guess it'll be fitting when she finds out I'm a minion now. Do you guard the princesses we catch?"

"Gates usually, my dorm is just near here, ha ha."

"Gates are cool.."

"Yeah!.. Not to be confused with *gate movements. Hahaha."

"Got that right. Hey.. is it weird that I'm a toad?"

"Course not. Sorry about what happened in Toad Town. That Phantom guy, he's.. I...know Zoo. It's crazy what he can do with his mind, like a movie but real. Blames his family curse. I know I know. I knew those grunts and I'm shocked too, but he doesn't hate Bowser, he's neutral to a fault. What am I saying?" the lanky koopatrol babbled. "He's not out to be bad Miss Emery, it's his extreme pragmatism that leads to such clusters."

A shiver went through the girl. "Sounds like a sociopath, and I mean that Mr. Tanner. I hated when we gossiped about diagnoses at my old job, but I'm serious. Be careful. Whatever his effed-up reasons were he'd get sent to the gallows back home."

"Would he?" he asked, seemingly genuinely. "I don't think your people really cared much."

She chuckled grimly. "Yeah they suck like that. I guess if he makes like a boo and disappears, he'll be okay."

The koopatrol struggled with something, twiddling the spear he was armed with. "He's not. Some video game sellers? -I don't know them, but they started the whole thing and stole an heirloom, or a piece of it from him. He'll 'die'- hopefully not literally, but sometimes I don't know, if he doesn't get it back. Maybe.. I'll get into why I know somebody like that someday. When mooks whisper too much-" The gangly koopatrol made a chopping gesture across his exposed neck. "Did they set you up?"

"Yeah, but the room reeks."

"They all do. Umm. Miss Emery?" He reached out a gauntlet-covered hand. Blushing, she held it back. "Wanna... stay at my mom's place?"

She never thought any tall attractive dude would ask. "Totally!... Wait.. who's house again?"

"-Attention please, this is a secured area UNFIT for tours!" Ludwig ran up on both with an electronic torch illuminating their stunned faces.

Larry decided to back off for then, grumbling...

Meanwhile, Tanner saluted, letting his spear clash to the ground like a klutz.. "Sir! Sorry for breaching a sector.. I got carried away welcoming our guest into the troop."

Ludwig mellowed, if only because he didn't have energy to spare for this. "Miss Emery, you may accept your assigned room or you may find alternative accommodations in the city. Or take up Junior's empty dog house, it's up to you... Very well. Good night."


The commander entered the sanctuary of his bedroom, plopped down at his writing desk, crossed one leg over the other, and selected a gold pen. It was about time he did something with this journal, always etching meticulous diagrams for dangerous machinery or complex battle formations, or leaving notes to inhabitants of the castle to not touch his guilty pleasure, Yoshi Fruit in the fridge when his name was clearly stamped on it, but never for himself.

What defined 'Ludwig Von Koopa'? What was his purpose?

Love and War.

Love: Or passion to be more specific, though from a dictionary perspective, love worked just fine, as he treasured many things, his family, music, science, art, history, culture, technology.. From his literacy, he became aware of a greater issue affecting all of mankind, leading to-

War: An ugly necessity as long as the Mushroom Kingdom held dominance, and it was his duty to dismantle it. He'd repeat his reasons ad nauseam (though it should not be, as this was a reality they were living too!), but in short, the mushroom folk were the true 'villains', full of apathy towards anyone dissimilar, or downright vile ones empowered by eviler forces, some of which he was about to delve into right now.

Peach's Castle destroyed their precious Airship One this evening because of a surge of 'dark' star energy, and by combing over all the yellowed pages of the "Ex Spatio Obiecti Specialem Lexicon" from his library, he might discern which. That it affected his siblings with zero faith only reaffirmed his belief that the speciest and nationalistic concept of Mushroomy star worship was a destructive force. Per his book, the effects depended on the star's essence or 'virtue'. The star triggered there could be related to geography or weather, though nothing beyond that was conclusive. Iggy recorded from his headset during his ill-fated trip inside, and he was reviewing it right then, though identifying the Special Object responsible was as daunting if possible with the fuzzy quality. He fiddled with a few settings when-

'BZZT!' the laptop groaned, startling the commander to roll off the king-sized bed.

"Ouch! Blöder Dell X-'POS'…"

He climbed back up just as something pitch black spilled from the computer's screen, all over his bed. "Ah!" he gasped, backing up as loads of goop poured out, rolling onto ornate rud, solidifying and clumping in spots that writhed. It happened so rapidly that his shell bumped his huge trophy and medal case, cornered as the room was inundated. It was cold yet stung his flesh and the scent was pungent and nauseating. The commander took a deep breath before swimming across it to his window. It wouldn't budge! With the thickening goop near the ceiling, he tried to reach the shut door some distance away in his deluxe-sized accommodations, but he would never make it.

Y OU WA NT TO BE AN INS TRUM EN T? BE MINE.

"Yippee, found out why he didn't answer when I threatened to eat his Yoshi Fruit…" Someone said. "...Ugh, Oh my God, I forgot he's fat now. Help!"

Rough hands began to tug on his extremities very hard. Ludwig wiggled and groaned deliriously, deathly afraid for a split second that he might lose an arm or a leg.. Shortly he felt something plush and soft give under him. He slowly opened his eyes, his spotless bed and living space coming into focus. Leaning up, his first inclination, besides spouting German swears, was to be quite hot witnessing his trusted adjutants sneaking out at 11:55 PM, however a partition of his memory was blotted out. Why was it wrong that they were up? Why should he be upset?

The two koopalings chatted in his doorway, oblivious to his crisis and whatnot, "We should have used my Movematic2000 v.4 Alpha, Lemmy-sama. Her built-in gravitational distortion can lift anything."

Lemmy massaged his sprang wrist. "Sorry Hop, but your toys and props have already killed someone today. ..And how is it a 'she'?"

"Because she told me herself and she'd know!" Iggy giggled. "Mrs. Mover ain't dangerous- if I remember to set her on less than medium power."

Lemmy pivoted around on his ball. "-Oh, whoops. Hey, Luddy your door was wide open and stuff-"

What?

"-And you were all strung out next to this exploded thingy." He rolled in to drop a corroded aluminum shell next to Ludwig. If not for the blackened skull and crossbones decal, it would be unrecognizable as Larry's notebook computer.

So something had happened.. But..

Iggy hastily strapped on a flat backpack. He was pale hand a two-wheel balance scooter waiting for him outside. "We gotta skedaddle in approximately one minute and twenty-four.. thee.. two.. one seconds if we're going to be one of the fifty people that can buy a midnight release of Princess Parlor 8. Just saying!"

"Halt."

They froze in his doorway.

"I will accompany you." Ludwig slid out of bed, wobbly and light-headed. Perhaps a Turtle Tea from the 24-hour bistro across from Play-N-Tirade would do some good.

He struggled back and forth on whether to turn back when, as his feet left the bridge of Bowser Castle, there was a loud grinding noise. The drawbridge raised behind him, leaving the lava-filled crevice.

It was 12 AM then, the decision made for him.


Three young adult koopalings traversed on foot through the thick brambles of the woodlands between their stronghold and Neo Bowser City. Ludwig enforced this inadvertently when he left without keys to any of the army's vehicles, and/or Lemmy's sports car that he wasn't slightly jealous of or anything.

"-King Dad would love this new series. Most of the epic battle arenas have lava, ya know, you saw episode #4 with me, except less monotonous than his sense of level design. Hehehe, he might get motivated to switch things up and stop speedrunners from trumping him so easily with memorized button presses."

"Hop, there's no imaginary videogame logic making that happen. Clearly the frame-perfect folks are CPUs.. you know like cyborgs and stuff. Hey," Lemmy nudged him. "You didn't forget your credit card did you?"

Iggy dug in the backpack, making a sour face.

"..Can't you write a check?"

"Sam and Slam caused an overdraft. ~Uh. Kuyashii desu!" Both cautiously glanced over their shoulders, where Ludwig trailed grumpily and got whacked repeatedly by twigs.

He didn't know what that meant at the end and no, they certainly weren't going to 'finesse a check' out of him. He would give them a piece of his mind though, inserting himself between them.

"That is absurd, Ignatius. Their favor for us today was worth 500 coins, and your balance was greater than that, was it not?!"

Iggy shrugged it off with equanimity. "Yes, just uh, I'm sure it's like, just a misunderstanding, hahaha.."

"No no no. I knew they were criminals when billed me for a terabyte NVMe module, but substituted it with a cheap SATA based chip. Had I not in a dream reexamined the specifications on Lawrence's laptop, I-"

"Why were you on his, erm, kinda gross laptop anyway?" Lemmy cut in. "I'm pretty sure that was real if it melted down like that."

"Was I? No. No! It wasn't me."

"So someone else in the dream did it?"

"Yes. All I recall..instruments. So.. music I.. suppose," Ludwig explained in a woozy drawl.

"Aww.." Lemmy poked his chest teasingly. "Tuckered out already? Instead of Midnight Warrior are you more of a Quarter Till?"

Ludwig irritably marched ahead. "I'd prefer that to Philistine. I suspect whatever activity I was engaged in related to the stars those smug Mushroom freaks are indoctrinated to believe they have unequal value regarding, not that I am no longer a proponent to secular King Law either, Ian, but-"

Lemmy rolled his eyes. "In other news, we made it yay!"

The commander shook himself out of it, and rather on time, as he would have been splashed by a dirty puddle by a speeding car if not. Deeper into the Badlands, territories not under KT control flourished into smaller villages and modern cities. Neo Bowser City was dazzlingly lit despite the cruddy wet weather, high rises sprouting from every block, and armored vehicles whipping and gliding around tight curves. Ludwig felt like he had whiplash with his two feet planted on the ground. Play-N-Tirade was a small dome-shaped shop on the street corner of Dossun Road, windows stuffed with merch and posters, and soporific nerds as he'd say if in his right mind, ready to ravage once the staff inside stopped pretending to not notice the time. His brothers slipped on oversized space helmets, Cowboy Boom Boom merch, to shroud their identity, ready to become one of them. The commander covered his blue hair with a promotional flier, sprinting across the street where 'Eat. Drink. WiiConnect24' was.

The threshold of the little shop seemed impossible to cross as he stared at his miserable reflection in the glass, a ring in the back of his mind warning him not to enter. He let the sunk cost fallacy win over and stepped in. It was mostly vacant, though warm and cozy. Fresh bread and pastries filled glass cases, they had hand-carved wooden furniture, a spot with bean bags in the corner, and even as frequently occurring in those coffee shop AU fanfictions he didn't read or anything, a dark and mysterious bespectacled guy sitting alone at a table.

Ludwig asked the beanbean waiter for one Turtle Tea, changing his mind last moment and splurging for the Gadd Teeheespresso. His wait time was so short the call for his order made him jump. He carried the steaming cup across the store, facing the absolute downpour outdoors, skies flashing with lightning, dreading that he ever left the castle, and sat instead near the window, trying to blink the spots out of his eyes from orthostatic hypotension.

"Even the weather's against me. God!"

The commander craned over to the mysterious gentleman, squeezing a spoon as he bored into the gaming shop across the street. It seemed so intense that anything wandering into the beam of sight would kill over instantly. Much like-

The koopaling crushed his cup, scalding coffee leaking on the sides. Unmöglich!

Censuses said there were so and so dark boos in Dark Land... It was unremarkable... Mr. Phantom, a confirmed Mushroomite, wouldn't be here after such a massacre... Again.. Unmöglich!

The guy left a tip on his empty plate, grabbed a faux leather messenger bag, and floated outside, leaving the utensil warped beyond recognition. Ludwig dabbed at the mess he'd made with a napkin, decided to drink what was left of the expensive coffee when-

F O LL OW H I M

He spewed it everywhere.

"It's sucky that they weren't in there. Ugh.." Lemmy was heated from head to toe, fuming. Sam and Slam resided on the other side of the Bowser Badlands, so there was no way they were catching up tonight. Of course, what he would do in a confrontation with two sumo bros that could easily sit on him he didn't know, but..

"It's okay, Lemmy-sama. I'll just...Unfriend …them on.. Playstation Network. And.. that'll midgate most of.. the damage.."

"That's not enough! Please use this before that shorts out by the way." Lemmy inverted the inverted by the wind umbrella, or reverted it, or whatever, -either way passed it to his little brother. Iggy had to rely on that scooter now. He used up his strength fighting for two Princess Parlor copies after the 180 IQ clerk clocked that Lemmy was purchasing both and therefore the one-per-customer rule was being exploited.

"So, I'm sorry I missed their abuse while juggling Koopa Troop stuff and practice at the circus, but I'm stopping it now. Not just cause of the money. It's-"

"-Is that Luddy-sama? Bet he went for the Teeheespresso."

The green-haired koopaling spotted him speed-walking in the raging storm, away from civilization.

"Huh. If his sleepwalking makes us late, we're gonna be in so much more trouble than we already are!"

"...Don't worry... we can sneak in.. This Springo Candy will.. get us over the castle's moat," Iggy answered, pushing the scooter into turbo mode.

Lemmy was hoping it wouldn't come to that! Not after last time! The stilted commander led them on a slick and grimy wild chase through the dense forest, Iggy's two wheels getting stuck on every mud pile and tree root and Lemmy bouncing all over the place, head banging into low branches. They tried to call for him, even chucking some rocks and such, never able to bring him out of the trance. So sudden that they nearly ran him over, the commander froze at an abandoned mini-fortress for a second, then he dashed through the the entrance.

Forced to turn around he wanted to send a fist through a wall. Considering he was dealing with Kammy, their 'meshimazu' chef as the Iggster put it, the kitchen might be his best bet. White light bled from underneath the door already. Messing around in there secretly was impossible even for a master like him. It was located in the center of the castle, and the jumbo walk-in refrigerator was immediately right there when someone walked in.

"-GET IN HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF."

Larry dragged himself inside as Bowser was kicking the fridge shut. Besides being busted, his father was eating leftovers super late again, a bad sign. "So.. my CD went missing and-"

"-Whatever, son. Old Hag was expecting this so give it to her and then GET TO BED."

Cleaning out his ears, Larry toted the document along, beaming from a newly hatched plan. He diverted to what was collectively called the 'hall of koopalings except for Junior', who roomed on the other side of the castle. A clunky name if apt, the bedroom doors ordered by age:

Larry's room was, well, his own, with no theme. Quite tidy, made bed, no dirty clothes, school work completed and packed up neat for the summer. Actually sterile nearly aside from his stereo, turntables, and a poster of a movie he liked or two, and not even R rated one or anything, because he couldn't even be a teenage boy right.

Morton's door was wooden with steel bolted on it to be 'hardcore'. Inside, where the bookworm was snoring and hopefully recovering from Peach's evil castle, he had a mini office to write his zines, wanting to be a publisher after graduating. Otherwise he didn't have a theme either, both trying to figure themselves out.

Wendy's door was gold trimmed and smoky glass, the latest if most fragile trend. He really didn't know what was going on in there, as she never anyone in, though he knew she kept tons of shoes despite sticking with her pretty pink pumps perpetually and chic clothes despite cherishing the way of the cupid. So naked.

Iggy's door was skewed on the hinge, something he meant to fix at some point, with a 'Koopa Ball Z' banner taped to it. It was a mad lab that happened to contain a bed to crash in and a computer AI assistant 'Way Awesome Intelligent Futuristic Utility', tolerated as long as he didn't cause another nuclear melt down.

Roy's door was made of dull iron too heavy for most of them to push, with five chains and locks shut up for the night. Like Wendy, it was unknown to him what it looked like in there. He just knew it wasn't a mini gym some assumed, because Roy exclusively went to those paid ones in the city for online clout and distinctly said once that he didn't want his bedroom smelling like the college locker rooms.

Lemmy had outside his door a welcome mat that looked like an upside-down rated Mature symbol. Content warnings were: overabundant fun, fantasy violence, and suggestive themes. He kept colorful kid-sized furniture, toys and Nintendo games, and wacky knick-knacks that he would invite any inside to borrow.

This would have been Larry's destination, for an art kit with a calligraphy pen that wrote just like Bowser's, and not any games, (Though Legos slapped he had to admit), but the rainbow-haired koopaling wasn't in. Furthermore, Ludwig's bronze palace door at the end of the hall was wide open.

Larry inched his way over, glancing in. "No way!"

His laptop, toast! Of all the siblings Ludwig was the only one he trusted with his electronics and then this happens! Did he overclock it or some crap!? He snatched what was left of it and stomped out of there, grabbing the pen too from Lemmy and going on with his plan.

He struggled to articulate what he needed to with all the empty space on the page, not even bothering to read Bowser's neat little cursive towards the bottom. He was about to mark out Kammy's name and whip up an excuse to bring the letter straight to Peach when he realized Kammy at her station in body only, engrossed in conversation.

"Shh! Sonny.. I am STILL straightening Agatha out after those dreadful words she shared with the club. ..What? A letter for me? Lord Bowser probably just wants to check on the princess. You do that for me. Shoo shoo!"

The teenager was shoved up the stairs by the crone. He recalled what some of those flagrant fake messages of his said and preened a bit. Yaah that was pretty smooth of him. He could do something right.

"Go away, please!" Peach begged from her chamber.

"D-don't freak out. It's me again." Kammy had a way to teleport into the Hags Anonymus chairman's in the Badlands swamp, so if she did that and smacked a wrinkly hoe she might be shuffling back up in moments. He hurried up. "Doing alright?"

After a long while, to him at least, "I'm worried most over Toadsworth. I got one glimpse of him before they carried me here and no one will tell me what has happened to him!"

"I can check. See, I had to get to ya soon cause both Dad and Luddy's got it in for ya. For Luddy, it ain't personal. He ain't even into princesses, but you represent everything he's hating about Mushroom folks. Tell me.. is.. some of it true?"

Another long pause. Larry was sweating by then, but as long as the catty croak of a crone kept curving up the staircase, he was safe. "Larry.. Yes. That is why, for a time I was determined to approach nothing the way my predecessors did. Eventually, the short-sightedness of that caught up with me. That time is now," the princess explained so matter-of-factly, he would have wondered if she was a robot back there. Wouldn't be too crazy of a scheme.

Those fears were alleviated when, more like her waifish self, Peach tacked on. "And.. what was it about Bowser? He hadn't seemed particularly.. interested in me."

"You right on that. He's jealous. Am I on point you think or not-"

He thought he heard a rattly thunk in there. She must have been leaning on that old vanity set close to the door. Welp, that tacky thing was long overdue for the dump anyway. "Heavens!" she squeaked. "He will never take Mario from me!"

He was on point. "Umm. Well, besides that. I wanna.." He pressed his face against the door, whispering. "Help you get out of here pronto. Like tonight. If we wait for whatever they wanna do, I just know it'll be a disaster."

"Yes.. thank the stars. Yes."

"Good." Larry stepped off a bit, trying to puff his chest out. "...Just go with the flow from now on, k? Larry's got it."

The teen slipped away, a faint beep meaning that a magikoopa downstairs had hung up. His rescue, or more like distraction plan wasn't sophisticated, but it had no reason to be ineffective. All he needed to confirm was if he could drag Toadsworth out of the dungeon. Some rumors implied that he wouldn't be able to remove himself in a fire emergency..

"Halt, punk!" Tanner ordered, holding his spear across the opening into the dungeon. Guards wouldn't dare be so uncouth typically, but they were told that they could treat Larry in particular like the sneaky crook he was. "Hehe. Sorry, uh, sir. What is your business here?"

"I have some of that dank flower flower and don't wanna get caught. That's my business."

He brusquely slid on past him, easing it into a cool walk between rows of cages. He found Toadsworth in the rear, just lying there on a bench. Larry strained his eyes in the dark. The old man was off in color and stiff as a board, demonstrated starkly when the castle shook and he rolled off the bench, maintaining that position. Volcanic activity did this a lot, it was nothing to worry about until it happened again, and the ceiling began to crack.

"Yo, what's up?!" Larry yelled across the dungeon.

The koopatrol wouldn't answer right away. Larry had dropped a note from his pocket, and the contents turned him into stone.

"This is an official declaration from King Bowser Koopa to Castle Aide Kammy Baba, regarding Princess Peach Toadstool.

...

...

...

I'm kidding. The formal stuff was to ward off snoopers. Something is wrong with my brain. Don't tell your husband. Kamek wouldn't get it and doesn't know Peach like we do. I could have done more before we got to this point and I'm realizing- I wanted to snatch Peach all along! I think I thought somehow she'd worm her way into Mario's business and ruin stuff, but why do I care and what stuff is she ruining? Have I forgotten what the question was? Make a potion or something to fix me. Or make one so that I can know what the heck it is I need to fix. Don't purge your old ingredients like you do every weekend, you might need them all for this basket case."


"Luddy, stop! What are you-"

Their brother barged into the dilapidated structure, someone inside screeching incoherently. Lemmy and Iggy rushed into the square concrete room, the roof leaking in one corner and the person Ludwig was confronting in the other. The only source of light was a curious thing on the floor next to a glasses case, a bell that glowed yellow.

"I c om ma nd yo u to than d me o ver," Ludwig sputtered in a low guttural tone.

Zoo lost what little bit of shock was holding him there. "Why do you want my family property!? Aren't you rich enough? Tell your fat nerd friends to not do this either." He raised the luminous object, rotating it to show where the loop had been bent so that the solid gold chain could be stolen. "I oughta seek legal action," Zoo kept ranting. "Do you think I want it on my record that I got tied up with you reta-"

Ludwig swiftly reached for a holster hidden under his jacket and fired from a ray gun, a replica firearm from 'Cowboy Boom Boom'. Pew pew pew! Bright flashes made Lemmy and Iggy fall back on their shells.

Iggy patted around for his glasses. "Careful, Luddy-sama. That's another one with real laser action!"

"Too late." Lemmy coughed, fanning the dust. He yelped and scrambled backward, away from a bloodied stubby arm on the ground, still grasping the bell.

"YOU CRAZY BISH!" Zoo screamed, grabbing his disembodied arm with the bell, and phasing through the structure.

Ludwig wordlessly blasted the rest of the fortress wall to smithereens, stepping unflinchingly through the opening.

...

His ears were ringing, his wounds were excruciating as the rain pelted him, and he was blind, glasses fogged up from the humidity outside. He found a fork in the road and picked at random. Lasers were flying over his head, shredding the canopy of trees like he was transported into Star Slammers. Zoo tore through the deep forest area, nipper plants chewing on him until he reached a clearing where the rain let up. The dark boo collapsed at the lip of the cliff. There was a long drop down onto the ocean of neighboring Pipe Land. It was a dead end, and he'd dropped his other arm. He spun as Ludwig marched up to his served appendage, ripping his bell from its weak grasp. Without hesitation, Zoo pointed, sending over a death ray blast that would break the prince down to his atoms. It didn't matter if he started World War 64, he had to protect Lou Diddley's Doom Reverb. If the wrong person got ahold of it... The commander paused and grunted while hunched over, struck with a moderate headache at most.

Zoo's scowl faded as he trembled, finding it hard to breathe as he watched Ludwig stand upright and shake the bell in wild motions. The dark boo couldn't remember a moment in his life when he couldn't hurt anyone he wanted, or escape so that he might not have to, but now his goose cooked because he never taught himself to be ambidextrous at summoning his powers.

"-Luddy, son of a biscuit! Stop right there! Just stop." Lemmy forcibly spun his brother around. As he did so, the Doom Reverb abruptly dimmed like a blown light bulb. What was special about that? That criminal was right, they could buy their own. "What got into you?"

Iggy snuck up on them, the low whirr of his ailing scooter imperceptible. "Y-yeah.. Luddy.. and.. when.. did you.. even .. snatch my.. replica?" He inhaled. "Andpleasedon'tputascratchonit!"

"No, forget that part. I mean yeah! I mean the everything part! And-" Lemmy got a good look at his brother as lightning picked up. He gasped, losing his grip on him. His pupils were blacker than the sky and irregularly shaped, starry. "Oh my God.. W-what's wrong with your eyes?"

Ludwig pushed away, smiling in a wide if broken way as the antique disintegrated in his palms, some sort of particle or smoke releasing into the air. The gale forces kicked up as Zoo shrieked, rushing forward until he was zapped by a bolt lightning, his crispy body tumbling downhill. His eyes undiluted and blue, Ludwig speechlessly staggered towards Lemmy, who tried to catch him, though both collapsed into the high grass. Stormy clouds were shifting overhead, blanking out the stars one by one. Thunder shook the ground so strongly, Lemmy thought it might swallow them up on the spot.

"Heeeeelp!"

"S-should I use the Springo Candy now?" Iggy asked, standing over them.

He couldn't hear him over the rumble of- Actually it was a voice all along!

TH ANK YO U F OR FR E EING ME A T LAST. AS Y OUR R EW ARD, THE W IN DS THAT CRE AT ED YOU R W ORLD WILL NOW DE STR OY IT!

Hurricane strength forces carried away the four on the hill, those with spiked shells inland, the one without towards the water. As the sentient storm began its search for a missing recipient of its award, the dark boo continuously flailed. There was a very long drop into the choppy seas of Pipe Land.

Chapter End Notes

Created: 4/23, 4/24, 4/27, 4/28, 4/29/22
Edited: 11/19/23
RR42: 9/24/24 - 9/26
Edit: 7/12, 7/27, 7/28, 8/3, 8/4, 8/25, 8/26, 9/1, 9/11, 12/1/20

Chapter 11: Statutes

Chapter Summary

More event horizons, now from the other side. *RR24*

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The pink toad became exasperated by the looks received by the princess's other pink toad, his pig-tailed manager up on the second-story balcony. Was attempting to garnish the lot, spending his dawn hours carefully freeing the lilies from choking thorny weeds one by one, futile? Probably he admitted, slipping in longing over-the-shoulder glances as he drew away from the planter in the middle of the concrete lot. He was latching onto any fragment of normality to be had. Currently in the custody of Hotel Mario, under siege like all others in southwest Toad Town, there would be little more of that as the day dragged on.

Their trio of chaperons, black spotted toads chatted behind the smudged glass entrance doors. The gardener passed them by uneventfully, stopping at the receptionist's desk. At some point he bent the card key in his pocket, a terrible mistake when he was caked in mud and in need of a shower. He tapped the bell.

The bellhop goomba swiveled away from CRT tv, revealing a ridiculous amount of 'Wanted: Mario' posters tacked up behind him. "What do ya want?! Name?"

The toad signed 'Joseph'.

"I don't know what you're on about. I'm missing my strikers game and you expect me to sit here and read your mind? Speak up!" the goomba fussed belligerently, at least according to his lip movements.

Joe produced the green, newly bi-folded card and sat it down, certain that translated. He'd dealt with a lot of this 'sheepish stranger yelling at a deaf person' shtick, especially before joining Peach.

"He needs another card," one of those guards spoke up, stepping over. "I remember him. He's another Peach Castle refugee."

'Benedict T., Poshley Royal Officer' as the lanyard tag identified, was a foot and a half taller than the gardener and maybe one in a half times as wide- and Joe was no wimp or anything. The guard's jaw jutted out a bit and he needed a haircut under his helmet, but he was decidedly handsome overall with a kindness evident in his dark brown eyes towards Jospeh, not so much the clerk when he stepped to him.

Begrudgingly the goomba shoved a replacement key under the plexiglass shield. The gardener signed 'thank you' to the guard and went on his way, deeper into the hotel.

"-Don't stick up for these dummies," another guard ribbed Ben the moment he returned. He was the middle height of the three there, weaselly and of average build.

"Jon, he was just hearing impaired," Ben replied through his teeth.

"As opposed to mentally? Like this ting?" Jon nudged his elbow at the most stout guard, whose back was turned as she watched a Jumpman pinball machine set to attract mode.

She grabbed his shirt. "Wanna knuckle sandwich?"

"That's not too exemplary of ya, mate," he hissed, alluding to something Ben didn't get.

She relaxed a little. "I'm just saying you claimed you'd find that Mario guy by sunrise, eh. Who's a fool now?"

"Yeah. Shoulda been on that, stead of bossing us around!" Ben added.

"Eldstar doesn't even know where that freak is. With the surveillance cameras I drilled up on the balconies, I do know he ain't here. We'd see it on these screens!" Jon slung open the door of the arcade room they'd taken over as a base of sorts. "If you wanna be useful, stuff yourselves in there and stare at the-" he apologized when he almost slammed face-first into someone leaving.

"You're alright," the guest grunted.

The three guards straightened up their act in a flash, standing shoulder to shoulder, or approximately enough, as the portly middle-aged fellow with a short recently grown beard strolled on by. The guest smirked. A wardrobe change, white t-shirt, black pants, was all it took to fool those amateurs, Mario thought.

He rounded a corner, strategically avoided another, and proceeded down an adjacent path that he knew was unmonitored. Once the pump of adrenalin faded from the close call, he was crushed by despair all over again, for he was losing the bigger battle.

He dreaded what would have happened if Parakarry hadn't banged his door down last night, warning that the same fan club he barely escaped from while Airship One was but a twinkle in the sky, was about to arrive for a bonus round. With items this time. Besides whatever their plans were, the Mushroom King unilaterally declared him a traitor that early morning, Bowser's successful abduction of his daughter while Mario was 'standing right there the entire time' invalidating all evidence contrarily. Once humorous and largely vacuous photos of him and Bowser were now dissected with the scrutiny of some priceless relic. 'Notice the way Mario's upper sleeve brushes up against the more sparsely layered scales of Bowser's, the way he minutely overtakes the Koopa King on the sidewalk, as if to shield him from OUR PRYING EYES,' and etcetera online posts said. Peach explicitly asked for her father's toads to whip MK East Hospital into shape, but while they were here and she couldn't give further orders, they deferred to their king, and the king wanted Mario's head on a platter!

He wondered at first if he should oblige. Kill off Mario himself and continue to be the plain unassuming person he was at the moment. In other words, unironically retire, but...

Luigi was recovering in the clinic, unbeknownst to them. Mario and Luigi, the Mario Brothers. Always accompanying each other. He could kill Mario and make them redirect to his brother. He had to fight this battle with the care of crossing Bob-omb Battlefield. He'd been spying on the castle toads and only the blue-capped one he expected brought his name up. Dealing with a loyalty crisis or not, he couldn't abandon them either. After a kickstart from some off-colored orange juice the hotel served, he reached out to a highly skilled if aloof acquaintance.


A short noki stood on his stiff bed to look outside. Sunlight steadily rolled over the rooftops within Poshley Heights, a magnificent city from what little he could scope out. With three iron bars between him and it, it might stay that way indefinitely. This was certainly no cardboard prison like he was accustomed to.

"Aye aye aye.."

Jelectro had one rope out of here, though he'd have to seek it telepathically. With a complex mixture of embarrassment and consolation, he couldn't use the technique with precision. He'd tried all his life to escape his parent's shadow, to eschew the way of the scammer or psionic voyeur. His eventual alternative left him with less guilt, tacking up a psychic 'memo' for his target to pick up.

...

"Yep. I.. huh? What? You can't.. get enough of.. me can ya?" A voice faded in, maybe thirty minutes later by the advancement of the sun. "Took your watch?.. Call.. your sister, dude?.. I'm sorta in a.. bind... Good news.. the King's men.. don't.. wanna.. kill me.. let alone know.. who.. I am.. Bad news... can't.. discharge myself.. but.. help ya.. out. Describe her..."

The noki completed the picture. In serendipity, his sister should be in the town he was trapped in now, it just happened that he couldn't risk reeling her in himself.

"Got it... uh.. h-hey" Mitch chuckled somewhere far off, the noki could feel. "French Boy.. you're older than.. you.. tell people.. ha.. ha.. ha. No shame about.. being.. a..ripe-"

"Enough, mon ami!" he cried, grateful he was a solitary case.

"Haaa, fine.. Listen up.. Jelectro.." he went darkly, "I expect something.. I mean..My.. talents... have a price.. you know. K. Bye. Stay pretty.."

The noki plopped back down on the bench and signed out, staring at the brick wall. Agent 0069's daring escape broke a rib, but he still hobbled back to base, or either way wasn't here. The noki should have just jumped and endured bed rest and his partner's beratement over sneaking from vacation, because being a vacillating idiot wasn't working out any better.

Two hours later- there they were! A gentleman with a lady on his arm weaved around the stone garden leading to the jailhouse, carrying a metal-covered platter. The human male wore a tuxedo and his lady, a purple noki a red ball gown. The couple dropped off the platter and then left. After no one at the gates was looking, Agent W and Maria separated from each other, pinching their noses in visible disgust. The saddest part to Jelectro was that they weren't faking the marriage part. Right after that, a group of correctional officers for the noon shift arrived. All toads, except for one strollin' stu. Jelectro was panged with some anxiety at the sight of Agent 0088, a known buddy of Agent M, but he bit it back for then.

Shortly, that stu officer stuffed the delivery carelessly into the one-way reception cubby, ruining the succulent presentation. Jelectro placed the messy treat on the bench, a Couple's Cake he'd have to save until he found someone to share with. Meanwhile, his lack of respect for 0088 had him sapping any information he could, manners be darned. What did he miss back home?

The noki fell off his seat, giving the strollin' stu something else to smirk at. They'd turned on Mario.


A ninji porter who dreamed of being some entertainer read off numbers for their audience, anyone left in the Hotel Mario lounge. Mr. Zeror and Chef Tim played along. For the Toadsworth's odd friend, it was mostly to distract himself from bleaker matters, and for Zess T's son, he seemed to be trying to win. Either way, the paltry prizes meant little when they'd salvaged plenty of valuables from the castle. Ajar shutter doors lead to the pool deck where a purple toad, Les huddled up under the patio trying in vain to get his old bandmate Gill T. on the phone. Additional décor included couches, low tables, and potted plastic trees, the last of which concealed Mario as he tiptoed through the lounge and into the darkened bar.

He dunked under the counter, avoided tipping glasses, and slipped into a back room with boxed ingredients and a broken ice machine hooked to the wall. Bucken-Berry had pried out the water line with his bare hands a while ago, creating an opening through the cheap sheetrock. Dropping to his knees, dew-coated grass and the hotel's rusty dumpsters were in view.

Little feet dropped down, inches from his nose.. "Greetings sir!"

Mario kicked over an empty beer keg with a clang.

"Sorry, sir. Ready for adventure?" The red-spotted toad bent to level and flashed him a picture-perfect smile.

"I wish.." Mario answered. "I can hide for another hour I think max. Give my brother his phone I've been holding and his favorite morning snack." He handed off a banana and a YoshiMobile.

The red-spotted adventurer lingered after accepting the items. "-Lionel Kinopio is blogging about this situation from the hospital. It's a travesty."

"..I knew it wouldn't be long until.." Mario tried to shake those thoughts away. "Get my brother and return, Stan. We'll deal with that later.."

"Of course. Adieu," the toad replied, his clammy hand patting Mario's.


Luigi rolled to his left, expecting to reach over and touch the console between his bed and Mario's. His arm instead thrust around in empty space. His abrupt pull of the partition curtain revealed Dr. Toadley's ransacked and patient-free lab. Sheets from cots were piled in the corners. Hay, dirt, and hoof prints also marred the floors, the intern in slippers and a night bonnet sweeping and cleaning around to the best of her ability.

With a burst of energy, he leaped off his cot and dashed out, not making it farther than the lobby when he collapsed. Heart thumping in his ears, he made out the character analog clock above the intern desk, a cartoony representation of his brother. He wasn't sure what time it was when he encountered Zoo in the park, but it appeared to be evening now, so everything turned out fine?...

He regathered his strength and tried to rise again as a half-shaven, barefoot toad in a purple sleeping robe ran onto the scene. "Has my Miracle Toadley Cure worked? Yes it has!" he exclaimed, poking and prodding.

Luigi gently pried his hands off. "Thank you.. H-houdini.. W-where is everyone?"

The doctor retrieved a memo pad from Mary's desk and jotted a few things down from right to left for some reason.. "Did I transfer the patients for their safety? Yes I did. Here is the address."

The 'address' was a crude drawing of their area with a dotted line. He tried to trace it with his finger and couldn't, only able to tell it was going south. "I'm n-not following.."

"On that note, am I giving you a quick follow-up? Yes I am." He shoved a thermometer in the green plumber's mouth and made a face at the results, a rather younger-than-expected face without the usual coverings, but painted with deep sympathy one no less. He raised a hand. "Right or left?"

"Right?"

"What time is it?"

Luigi glanced at it again, squinting. "Four o-two?"

"Is Mirror Mode a temporary side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes it is."

"It doesn't matter!" Luigis scrambled to get up. "I have to coalesce with my brother, so why are they in the Southern Mushroom Kingdom?"

"My patients are, Mario, I do not know. There's a manhunt for him right now. Yes, making this an atypical Saturday morning, even for I-"

He had to grip the chairs again for stability, his digits shaking. "Saturday!?"

"Yes. The Mushroom King and many Mario fans, a few of which sent bricks through my window, are upset that he quit," the doc explained. "Is it that simple? It is. I am sorry."

He spat out the thermometer, fainting as haunting memories wrackled his brain, right into the doc's arms. Dr. Toadley sat with him in his lap for a while, and after confirming he was stable he called out to his intern to take his place, figuring the green plumber would rather wake up to someone like her rubbing the small of his back. She was coming up as a visitor arrived, a red toad.

"Blessings unto you, doctor, ma'am, and Mr. Luigi!"

Luigi jolted awake somewhat at the familiarish raspy voice. He shifted away from Dr. Toadley's lap (Why the heck was he there? He'd rather be in Mary's grasp to be honest, and he wasn't even into blondes, but he digressed), standing on wobbly feet as his 'friend' confidently strode closer, only for his vision to clear up more. This toad merely resembled his best friend on a couple of parameters. That's all they had in common actually.

"You may prefer to make a call." Captain Toad offered his YoshiMobile. "Do not bother to contact Mr. Mario however. He destroyed his phone to prevent tracking and he wants me to take you back to him."

"They wouldn't bother to hack my phone?"

"For now they have forgotten about you."

"Figures, Captain Toad." Luigi set himself up for that, but it was kinda funny. His laugh sent him to the hard floor again, gasping for air next to their feet.

Dr. Toadley had his intern dash for some ice packs. "Was there an additional side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes there was! My bad."


Luigi shivered from a blast of cold. Half awake, ripped that soggy ice pack off of his face, blinking at his surroundings. They were zipping around town in a wide-bodied kart, finished pale beige by what he saw on the hood, and older modeled by the wood panels, tarnished silver instruments on the dash, and plush burst orange interior package.

In a haze as he reclined, he observed the city scrolling by. He couldn't see who were on the sidewalks if any, but the big tanks were hard to miss, along with 'wanted' posters of Mario high on buildings. He was prepared for that now- well not really, but it did not surprise him the way this particular sign did, crossed as they approached a steep incline.

'yaW ecaR layoR'

Eyebrows furrowing, the plumber rearranged that out in his mind. "Mario is here?" he muttered. He tilted to the driver, who was biting his lip, either jumbled or dealing with something internally. "Captain? Where are we going?"

"-Not much farther, Mr. Luigi. Have you seen Kinopio-Kun's recent ramblings? He is on King Toadstool's side."

A subject change, but a doozy of one. "H-he quit?"

He shrugged. "All I can share is that he has an assortment of posts regarding Mario and his apparent inclination all along to go rogue. My favorite is blog #4563 Month ( X) Day (Circle), where apparently him having a visible budge in that Aces tennis game was an indicator of-"

"People from Japan, Water Land can fixate on some weird stuff. Secondly, our dryer went haywire and shrunk our shorts that morning."

"-Your's was better anyway." He winked. "And I mean that with no romantic implications."

"Thank God, now change the subject, Stan." Luigi flushed. "Mixed up emotions, the erosion of boundaries between friends and pseudo couples and fan-preferred couples, and ships and ugh.. all that stuff got us to this point." He hadn't seen The Captain loosen up this much before, like a fun-house mirror version of Mr. Toad, though in all fairness he was a tad older now and never seen him without his brigade. "Hey, where are your buddies?"

"Occupied!"

Luigi waited and the cart dodged an increasing amount of debris at the threshold of Castle Grounds. "What about my earlier inquiry?"

"See." The Captain drove them over the crest of the hill.

The green plumber was hoping the Mirror Mode was distorting this, but the scene across the glassy lake was real. The first level of Peach Castle had disintegrated, so that the crumbling brick on the ground level currently, intruding on the basement and being flooded by the moat water was her second floor. The roof's pink tiles were spread more on the ground than attached to the building, and all the grass and vegetation were dead, the earth murky dark brown. Because the land had sunk from this, the upward slope to Star Hill was stepper than ever, clouds settling up there.

"They weren't embellishing.." The Captain remarked, his knuckles white around the steering wheel.

Luigi snapped back to the driver. "Tell me what you know, already!"

"In due time." They cruised down the sandy driveway that used to curve to the bridge. King's guards were patrolling up here a lot, none the less people were on the property mourning in sizable groups or cuddling with a companion. There was a tendency for citizens to gather or camp out around Peach's castle when she was kidnapped, so it was happening now, more tragically.

"Captain, turn around already. Obviously you are trolling me- Oww!"

The Captain slammed on the brakes, making Luigi's face smack against the dashboard. A few around spared a glance at the kart screeching in sand, before ignoring them again.

"What was that?!" he demanded.

The Captain's eyes were.. glimmering as he sat rigidly. "I know of the forces play.. Golly, in fact I've been the curator of such."

"And?"

"You are correct, Mr. Luigi. It is expedient we depart." He shifted into reverse and floored it, honking as Mushroomites dove out of his way.

Luigi held on tight, shrieking at the innumerable near misses. The Captain careened them downhill, relying solely on the jiggling cracked in the center rear-view mirror. "Captain! Watch out for that pianta to the right! I mean left! Watch that kid too!"

A young toad tried to flag them down by standing directly in their path and waving his arms. Luigi tugged the steering wheel, avoiding them by a hair. An ejected marble column from the castle launched the kart ten feet into the sky. The landing popped off their interior panels, made sun shields flop down, the radio slide out, and the glove compartment pour its contents at Luigi's boots. For some solace, it was a first aid kit..

The two spilled out of the kart, noticing some slimy dark stuff leaking from it, rolling into the lake. Resisting the urge to wring his neck, Luigi cooperated with The Captain for a little longer. They dropped belly first into the grit of the shore, groping around the many parts shaken loose in vain for the source. Shortly someone approached, their worn-out shoes stopping on the other side of the vehicle.

"Sorry," Luigi grunted. "We are a little busy.."

"I see... Umm. You are Mr. Luigi are you?" they asked.

Captain Toad rose to look at him, not finding anything unusual about the ragged young red toad besides his dialect. "Who are you, sir?"

"I'm... That's Luigi isn't it?"

The green plumber dropped the wrench, a new fear rippling through him. People had turned on Mario, and he'd taken the Captain's word that no one would care about him. What if they'd begun to, or The Captain was negging and they had been all along? "Why.. do you want him?"

Then the toad came scuttling over, the plumber turning white. He steeled himself to slide away from under the kart and face him. He was just a kid it appeared, with torn clothes and a decidedly, now that he'd heard it more, Darklandian accent.

"I was that missing toad. Thomas... Thomas.. Kekler."

Luigi stared. "...I'm sorry, I probably missed those events while.. I.." He squeezed his eyes shut, the eidetic memories making him lightheaded. "Got injured on the job. If you're not a screwball against my brother, you should probably come with us."

"Thank you thank you.." The toad hopped up and down in a display of excitement, if affected Luigi thought.

The Captain rolled his eyes. "-After we fix the vehicle that Mr. Luigi damaged, that is."

Luigi glared. "You were the one driving the wrong way!"

"I took the correct path, thank you."

"I mean driving in reverse, you smartarse-"

"Is this the problem?" Thomas pointed to the oil slick. Without waiting for a response, he dove for one of the ejected jumbo bandages and spray adhesive bottles and disappeared under the cart for a few seconds.

"Be careful, child!" The Captain fussed, crawling to see what he was doing. "This is a rental."

That explained it.

"Try it now," the kid droned.

Luigi slipped into the driver's seat quickly, cranking it up. It worked. And he wasn't getting out of the driver's seat this time. Reversing his inputs would be awkward, but it was still safer than the alternative.


"Babe, it's nothing. Okay? Just go back to our room."

"Why you gotta do this? Stop looking for.."

"You listening to me?"

Toadette ducked under his arm, thwarting his attempt to block the bar's storage room. "As the manager, you must listen to ME, Blue."

She slipped into the dark room, rife with a stale beer smell and cheaply stored food, with an unsightly hole in the wall. The crumbly plaster matched what her boyfriend tracked into their room's carpet, incurring an extra charge. (Shortly to be waived, as their shower only had cold water working and it evened out). She'd been fed up with how secretive he'd been suddenly, though if all it was was sneaking out, it could be much worse. She spun from the property damage, folding her arms.

"Blue," she lectured playfully, "I can agree that a place like this needs demolishing, but please wait until we check out!"

He kept his head down, unnerving her. "Baby. I'm done playing around." He shuffled to the side where, behind his sneakers, she could see a red duffle bag hidden being some kegs.

Her face slowly dropped, trickling towards him. "Is that..!? Oh my gosh, do you know w-where... where 'he' is?"

"You wouldn't turn on him too, would ja?" he accused, meeting her halfway.

"Of course not! But we have an allegiance to all Toadstools and.. It's best for us and him if he leaves us out of it."

His wide stare of disbelief impaled her. "Baby, do you hear yourself? You're taking the side of guards we've never met over Mario who used to save our lives every week, just because the new freaks on the block happen to work for Peach's dad?! The same dad she kicked to the curb for a good reason probably?!"

She collected herself. "..I know it appears that way, but as the manager now I'm trying to be.. I'm trying to match the spirit of the princess's proclamation. To put sentiment aside and do whatever is best for the greater-"

"Freaking what?! There's no way those stupid pieces of paper the cops picked up tell you to betray Mario!" Something snapping, he blurted everything he'd been thinking lately. "Know what? To be so smart, you're a hypocritical brat!"

She cast him a dark look, rearing to slap him. "Illustrate, please!"

"-You get annoyed that I'm 'obsessed' with Mario, but you're more so with those weirdos minus Peach. Like you think if you capitulate- I used it right this time- enough these new guys will pick you up and make you their new head toad or something. No act right now will bring Peach back or make those folks give 'low quality' toads like freaking us that adulation you're addicted to!"

She fell back on a supply box, incredulous. "What's got you so pissed?"

He thawed, facing away. "Princess school. Ring a bell? Thought so. Parakarry must have had a late night out. He knocked on my window with the invite. It was me that dropped it on your nightstand, not Toadsworth."

Toadette could have sworn a launch star shot her into space, directly into a black hole.

~The Princess School in Jewelry Land was an elective for budding princesses and or their stewardesses of exceptional rapport. One was instructed all the ends and outs of aristocracy and stewardesses often returned to their kingdom with such elevated status, that they were eligible to be betrothed by a baron, perhaps even an earl, leaving behind all peasant-like, ordinary, or estranged. -Like Yvan 'Bucken-Berry' Toad.

She broke down, crying into her palms. The boxed Nintendo Cereal System under the toad girl popped and crackled from the tears. Did he have to bat down, one by one all the statutes she'd branded into her heart like that?

"..I'd never compare my past to yours, but I was hopeless in Shroom City, that other toad capital, as a toadette named Toadette. I was invisible, no matter what I did. The library became a refuge, both.. from authorities after I began to cheat the lottery, but also where I could place myself on the pages and be anyone traveling anywhere. Then.. Mr. Toad picked my entry letter to race at the Double Dash!, all over something as insignificant as my banal moniker, changing everything.." She looked up at him, sniffling. "I know we aren't owed exactly what we want in life, but when it happens, and you're convinced the stars did it, you can't just shun it like that."

"Babe." He dried her tears with a linen. "If your goals start to steer you on a bad course, are they really behind it? You can keep managing and stuff, but you gotta help me help Mario out. That's the only way we'll get Peach back, ya know? -And sorry for screaming at ya too. I know I get jerkish but- are we good now?"

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, she shot up to wrap her arms around him. He melted in the embrace. As stalwartly as he'd gotten towards the end, he was grateful he didn't have to do this alone.


Benedict concluded his walk-around at the reception office. Only the clerk was around, watching a super sluggers game behind the glass. He expected his squad, or at least Bridget to wait so they could take a break together. So much for that. He let that frustration go as a delicious aroma made his stomach rumble, originating from a monty-mole munching on a muku cookie crossed by with a food cart. Like a cheep cheep on a line, he followed him deeper into Hotel Mario, before getting lost in the windy layout.

"Guys, I can't thank you enough. No toad can resist that stuff." The man plopped onto a couch, every muscle in his body easing up. There was a low table between him and the two others on a parallel couch. A ceramic plate of pastries were stacked high, though his appetite hadn't returned.

"You are welcome, sir, hehe." Toadette hadn't gotten over being face to face with this plain human, totally unremarkable in appearance save for the spark behind his blue eyes, twice incidentally, none the wiser on who 'Curtis' really was. "Those promos Greedy Eats spams me with had to come in handy one of these days."

"As if you aren't using them for yourself every other weekend," Bucken-Berry toyed, making her flush.

"What works works, Blue!" Toadette countered. "This lounge has been dead since piling the food up in the other one, pfft!"

Curtis combed his fingers through his oily hair. "Not to bring ants to the picnic, but let's not celebrate too soon. I'm deadlocked by lunchtime happening in five minutes and Stan not showing up yet-"

Words died on his tongue as Ben strolled in, hungered and glazed over before snapping out of it. He distinguished himself. "Greetings. Do you mind?"

He gingerly sat next to that Curtis guy, depressing the couch with his huge figure as he judiciously reached for a Coco Candy. Ben choked on it a little as he swallowed, everyone looking at him like he was some hideous freak, or a Yux from the moon about to eat them.

"-O-oh, officer, good thing you swung on by! A mouser is loose in my room, you see. Could you help?"

"Ah. Well, I- uh well.."

Of course. He wasn't 'Mario'. If he asked someone to jump he wasn't going to get a 'how high and can you please teach me to do it the way you do'...

"I'm sure you can do it. Let's go!" he encouraged. To layer some extra on, he pulled the toad up with him. His bet that the young guy wouldn't fight worked out, and he didn't all the way to the elevator.

The human selected floor four and waited alongside the square-shouldered sentry while some old-school elevator music buzzed from a dusty speaker. He wasn't sure if he should slump or fix his posture more to obfuscate his identity better. Thankfully Benedict seemed too awkward to look at him once. He even did that cough thing once. Mario was almost feeling sorry for the lad.

Back in the lounge, Bucken-Berry broke into a sprint with Toadette, retreating to the suite. They jumped on one of the twin beds. "Mario's trick won't hold too long." He started to call a number.

"Not even with the power of his beard?"

He faced her, phone pressed to his ear. "No. Not even that." When he didn't get anyone on the line, she thought he might toss it out the window. He typed an extremely inflammatory message to The Captain instead, enough to make her blush from what she saw of it.

"You'd do WHAT to him in a fight?"

He smirked. "You know it, babe."

"Considering he invited me on an adventure only to ignore me for treasure, he'd deserve it!" She pressed her lips into his, falling back together.


The nonchalant human led the guard to room 404. Mr. Zeror wasn't superstitious of the number four, and preferred being roomed away from the rest from what he'd discerned. He knew he was a diabetic too, so he would have to be downstairs somewhere for lunch. All the human had to do to stall the guard out and get the slip was pretend this was his suite and-

"Here, sir?"

"Yes. -Wait don't!"

The guard kicked the door in with a thunderously loud bang. Curtis winched as Ben erratically swept around the twin bedroom with his super scope drawn. Salvaged items from Peach Castle were stacked along the walls in crates and boxes.

Ben lowered the gun. "Quite a haystack to find a little mouser, eh? Hmm." The guard skeptically considered a stack of goods. "Why does this say 'Property of Peach Castle'?"

Beads of sweat formed on Curtis' hatless head. "From a private auction," he guessed, unable to see what Ben was staring at a foot or so above his eye level.

"The princess would vend those precious jewels? I am not stupid, sir. She is not strapped for cash!" Ben pushed Curtis into the crate stack, pinning him tightly in place with his forearm. Some crates toppled to the floor, hoards of beautiful gems and old bronze artifacts spilling out. "You went to the disaster sight, to loot!"

"No!"

"Why did you think you'd get away with it?"

"I- didn't, son. Now-"

"Everyone in the eight continental kingdoms knows your name and reputation for shady behavior, Mr-."

"Fine, I'm Mario."

"-Waluigi!"

"...What?"

"What?" the guard echoed.

The radio strapped on the burly toad went off. "-Geez, hardly anyone owns a kart in this podunk town and they still can't find a parking spot!" That lioness with them cackled. "I just made somebody move away from the dumpster and use the lot like civilized people."

Ben fumbled to click the call button under his shirt. Before he could reply the other guard buzzed in.

"Why is this news, mate?" Jon replied.

"I dunno, I thought Luigi had a bigger IQ than that," Bridget said.

"Does he?" Ben asked Mario, lowing the radio.

"Yes. For instance, he wouldn't take his eyes and hands off the perpetrator."

Mario socked him in the jaw, then slung the stunned toad by the lanyard into the crate stack, collapsing the hoard. With the exit barricaded by the mess everywhere, Mario pressed against the sealed window. Beyond the balcony he spotted The Captain's kart, one of several junkers in front of Hotel Mario. Not a great rendezvous spot, but if old paint wasn't sealing the window shut, he'd taken it right away. Mario smashed some giant paper-wrapped pictures over the guard's head as he stirred, and then took his super scope, ramming the stock against the glass. After the second bump, the gun discharged on him, sending over his shoulder yellow energy beams at the bed. Its heavy comforter lit up in an instant, with dense smoke filling the room. Mario didn't see that he was about to be rammed until the wind was knocked out of him and he burst back first through the window, sliding on the balcony. Crash!

Stars in his vision still, he was pummeled by the giant for a moment. The second Ben's energy was expelled though, he slapped him with the barrel of the super scope, and used the momentum of his recoil to shove him onto the ground instead. Bruised and bloodied, Mario staggered up, keeping one foot on his chest and aiming the weapon at his face. Ben didn't grovel, retaliate, or anything, he stared hauntingly at the disgraced hero.

Appalled at himself, Mario chucked the gun away, leaping off the balcony and onto a camera drilled into some gutter drain pipes. Guests were evacuating beneath. Steadily, the pipe began to flex under the plumber's weight. He was sure he was about to be in trouble until out of the group he saw his angel. He dropped four stories down into the arms of Bucken-Berry, bridal style.

"Thanks, Cool Blue."

"Yeah, heh. Don't mention it." The toad carried him at a semi-brisk pace.

"-You can put me down now." Mario went, wryly. "Might be quicker."

Jon twisted as they passed by him, finding their mad dash strange and the familiarity stranger when others impatiently waited for the fire department to show up. Then some prankster toad girl with pigtails pulled a pillowcase over him, making him trip over a parking block and swear.

Meanwhile, "Come on! I know we dropped the ball at the end. Sorry! I was trying to evade that chick but left was right and- and-!" A panicky Luigi was in the driver's seat, a tense-lipped Captain Toad was his passenger, and the entire kart had the valor of surviving all sixty-three Mushroom World wars at once. Mario heard a nerve-racking grind as his brother cranked it up.

"Uh oh. It's the-"

"No, Mario. I was turning the key the wrong way. Er. Yeah, everything I see is- Oh no."

Being sitting ducks too long, here came the zapper, that 'chick' back with an ice cream cone from the parlor across the block.

Luigi faced her, hiding his grimace. "Uh. Hi again."

"What's this, eh?" Bridget's smile revealed a childish tooth gap, another way she was a little less cookie-cutter than the rest, besides her ruddy complexion and sandy hair visible under the black spotted toad cap. "You're even worse at this parking thing now. Well, at least I found Mario, hahaha."

The green plumber compulsively laughed with her, more and more, his seat giving way and kicking back. She froze, confused but flattered as he cracked apart.

"-Uh, what's happening?" Mario asked.

"Beats me. Listen, I was gonna shoot you, but I like that guy so I'll give you a five-second head start. Okay go."

"What?! O-okay! Yvan, help!"

The blue toad that had vanished into the crowd expertly barreled out with zero subtlety to help. The rear wheels hit the parking brick, getting stuck.

"You too, young lady!"

So authoritatively Mario sounded, the guard impulsively pushed the kart for a head start. Captain Toad caught on and slid over to the driver's spot, sitting on Luigi to steer as Mario jumped onto the hood. The plumber and blue toad locking eyes, both made the split decision to join each other. Mario pulled him on as the kart accelerated off the curb and onto Starman Land in reverse. Mario flashed the guard a v sign to the guard, and entered the kart with Bucken-Berry through the (shattered) open sunroof.

"You can turn around in that open driveway other there-"

"No need, sir." Captain Toad catapulted them through many red lights.

Mario side eyed. "Okay, then at least get off my brother."

"But this is comfortable!"

Mario ripped him off his brother's lap and tossed him into the back seat so that HE could do the driving by reaching for the wheel. They continued to be honked at, though the bigger concern was mushroom tanks began to track them. Trying to keep his composure, Mario made a sharp turn onto an exit to leave downtown. The ramp dumped them over bumpier terrain with barbed wire fencing lining the road. The tanks did not let up and in fact doubled in quantity on him.

"Thought I'd shake them by now," he groaned. "-Any ideas guys?"

Captain Toad all too eagerly hurled Luigi's banana out of the window, forcing the leading tanks to veer off-road and plow over cacti.

"He mighta wanted that!" Bucken-Berry punched The Captain's arm.

"He informed Mr. Kekler that he wasn't hungry, Yvan."

"...Who the heck is that?-"

"Don't let him hurt me!" someone squeaked from the station wagon's trunk. The blue toad checked back there, gaping at the young Darklandian. Before he could process it, bombs went off yards away, hurling him to the cabin floor and rattling the teeth in their heads.

Luigi recovered from his delirium as another bullet bill flew by. The tanks had stopped moving, but only to firing everything they had as the fugitives drove into the desert. Mt. Rugged and mesas, light and hazy were in the background, a taste of the inhospitable territory beyond, though what kept the heavy weaponry at bay was a single painted white line in the road, the Toad Town to Southern Mushroom Kingdom border.

"They.. they really want him dead. Oh my God," Luigi breathed, unable to stop shaking even as they escaped the missile's range.


Ludwig drifted about in the aether, where his outer layers shed piece by piece, until he was lucent, uncolored, down to his most scrupulous bits.

The future had always been his main interest, called an old koopa in a child's body, his spirit rarely blithe beyond short bursts, as there was so much wrong in the world and it was so evident to young him that his brethren's methodology was flawed..

An army could pillage a kingdom in days, and its progress may be undone just as quickly by toad subjects, 'toady' nature deeply engrained. Ludwig's purpose therefore was not chaotic endeavors, destruction for destruction's sake like the rite of his ancestors, but rather to strategically dismantle their institutions, force them to become cognizant of the true nature of their enslavement- not the whims of human monarchs and toad nobels as a few are scholarly enough to notice and even question, but the non-toad defaming culture they had created in spite of those influences. Like a beautiful orchestra, only then would all the diverse sections blend with true harmony.

Too bad he never had a chance! This was the woeful 'him' ultimately presented for judgment, approaching the gate that enclosed a square sapphire platform in space. There were white fields on it, sparkling rivers, and a stupendous golden castle, Star Temple towering high above.

The Koopaling's eyes, or whatever physical embodiment was left of them narrowed, focusing on a holographic scroll posted to the gate with a crooked nail.

'Attention, Star Temple is closed f'rev'r and f'rev'r, ya undes'rving mutts!'

-Z. A. S

Chapter End Notes

(Archived) Lost a week on schedule due to stupid sickness! Grr… But some setbacks must happen with life and other responsibilities and whatnot.
Created: 4/30/22, 5/1/22, 5/2- 5/4- 5/8, 5/10, 5/11, 5/13, 5/14, 5/15-5/19, 5/20/22
Edits: 11/20/23
RR24: 9/27/24- 9/28

Chapter 12: Pain, Unspecified

Chapter Notes

*RR24*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Trepidation crept into the caravan. After fifteen minutes of driving on the fringe of Dry Dry Desert to avoid tweesters, every part of the vehicle was turning brittle from heat or glowing like a stovetop. Luigi drove he supposed though that largely involved mashing one pedal and keeping the wheel steady. With his palms fused onto the melted plastics, he had no choice as everything faded to white. Side effects rearing or not, he had faith that soon... he'd... be...

He glanced at his brother periodically in their tidy den, containing only what it was supposed to, a large screen entertainment system, a few portraits on the walls, and comfy recliner chairs stationed side by side. Bob-omb Ross was on the public access station, the afro artist enthusiastically painting a tropical paradise scene. It was with guilt then that he had to shatter this illusion, make the surroundings fall away like jigsaw puzzle pieces, until only a small floating cut out of the living room remained in the dreamy void.

"Mario. How are you holding up?"

His brother's fingers curled on the armrest. On TV, the artist began to paint darker skies on the edges of the canvas. "So many things are running through me, I can barely put it into words. Are people with the Mushroom Flu taken care of, what if our friends don't listen to my warnings and get roped into this, if we can rescue Peach or not, if she'll ever speak to me again, and why did I trust Bowser? Why'd I get infatuated with that 'mysterious' doofus? The narrative's right. This IS my fault." By then he'd had clawed through the fabric, facing his younger brother with a flush.

"...I'm not going to go 'here here it's okay', because it's not. I wouldn't be hallucinating, or dying of heat stroke, whatever is happening right now if things were." Luigi collected his thoughts. "..You're only a portion of the equation here though. Bowser betrayed you by rubber stamping his son's attack on innocent citizens, and Peach betrayed herself by reaching out to a father she hates."

Mario's teary eyes also brimmed with confusion.

"-I know their conflict was before we moved here, but read between the lines. Does she ever mention her pop? Same for Toad and his relatives up there? Anyway, everyone had a part somewhere, and yours was as innocent as- and I'm obviously not saying this to suck up to you when this conversation isn't real, but you trusted too much and worried about offending others to the point where you couldn't be honest anymore."

"-I.. I guess."

"I can't speculate on what might happen between you guys, just help you save the day. Whether you'll be enemies or frenemies or more or after this, I'm out of my league."

"Why would you say that?" Mario asked humoredly.

He hesitated, "..When I was with Daisy, we were mutually just good friends, so I've never felt that intense about anyone yet. If I was incapable I think I'd found peace with that already, but.. I-I'm just not sure."

"Now, that's not all bad." Mario slapped his shoulder. "Spared for now from the heartache."

Luigi smiled back. "There are pros and cons to everything... Except the country station. Change it, please!"

"It's not from this." Mario hunted for the remote regardless. "Besides MKTV wouldn't play anything that girls in swimsuits can't dance to."

Luigi blankly scanned around. The television hadn't switched programs, so where was that coming from?


The banjo and 'geetar' duel was broadcasted over the shanty town with powerful pedal steel amplifiers. The work boots of koopa and shy guy ranchers and herders marked fresh tracks as they did business, trying to ignore it. After a slew of dissonant counter-melodies from the guitar, the tune concluded because no strings were left on it. At least that 'soothing' tactic worked, and the Mushroom Flu patients within the flat rural-style infirmary had stopped banging on the doors. Without frequent motor traffic, and with most 'round those parts being the strong silent type, the Southern Mushroom Kingdom got as quiet as the mousers in the fields.

"-What key was that 'sposed to be in, Junior?" the ptooie plant in the straw hat asked.

The koopa in the adjacent rocking chair, Jr. Troopa tilted up his black ten gallon. "I dunno. You asked me to improvise, pard!"

"Just go, chile. -And leave my geetar, please!"

As the protégé of the reclusive CEO 'Mr. X' as of a few months ago, Troopa would have sworn he was in charge, but the triage nurse wasn't the biggest thug on the block either in the brought south, so he fluttered along on his small awkward wings. An ostro rider zoomed by, sweeping his hat off with a cloud of dust. The twenty-year-old grumbled while snatching it back, the only thing hiding his untamable curly brown hair. The rider made a u-turn, managing to not piss him off as much the second time.

"Sir, my bad!" A nurse, a normal one, not a countrified version, skidded to a stop, sending the occupant in the back, a red toad in a white doctor's coat sliding off the leather saddle and face first into the dirt.

Troopa pulled him up, feeling sorry for the stranger before he noticed the toad wasn't at all. The noki nurse, Laki, noticed how oddly they stared at each other, so he excused himself quickly.

"You?! What are you doing here?" Troopa gasped, dropping the cowpoke act.

Dr. Toad brushed the dirt off his jacket, easing into aloofness. "Dr. Houdini Toadley's formal request had an encounter with a shredder, nonetheless one of my associates had a 'mangled fiber assembler' and I learned of your Mushroom Flu predicament this morning. I am a busy but flexible man as you well know."

"Mhm." Troopa was as red as the sun. Just as he remembered, lanky, passive-faced, with blond hair properly tucked under the red cap, except more successful now. Way more. "You doing this on your own?"

"-No, my crew are on the way. Now, why couldn't Nurse Laki contain your good rapport?" Dr. Toad smirked. "He snitched, but I admit it is wonderful to see my ex-partner level up. Finally."

Jr. Troopa seized the toad by his bony upper arm. "Get in there. Now!"

He dragged him into the closest building out of the heatwave and prying passerby, the empty Ruff Parlor. A ruff puff waitress noticed them and shuffled away to grab an apron. They slid into the bench close to the western swing door.

"Okay, help us out then. Stars know we need it. It's like trying to stop a stampede with one lasso. Just don't be funny about it!"

Dr. Toad drummed his skinny fingers against the table, looking at a pda in his left hand. "Funny? I am serious as Carroboscis. All I need from you is your office space."

"My office space?!"

Some modulation- was that playfulness- snuck into his low dryish voice. "That is your fait accompli, Jackson. I researched everything on the way, and yes I might share some of the credit with you once this is all done."

'Jackson' Troopa Jr. narrowed his eyes. "Everything, Drew?" He recounted all the different ways the world had fallen apart in one day, concluding with Mr. Phantom, aka Zoo Diddley. He intended to knock that smugness from the doctor's visage and that worked.

The expert in douchebaggery however, Dr. 'Drew' Toad sat his phone down, cold as ice once more. "I will be careful, and it appears I moved away at a great time."

There was the punch back. The waitress sat a mug of creme soda down and Jr. Troopa took a big swig of it immediately, if just so that he didn't retaliate and scare off their best bet at helping folks down here. He wiped away the fizz mustache. "I'm sure Special World is soooo much better!" he snapped.

"-Hey Hon, your radio with cha?" asked the waitress. "Vick wants ya."

Troopa shot her a look. "I told him I don't care about reading sheet music-"

"Naw, spotters saw this smoked-out kart roll'n long. Mario's in it!"


'So yeah you can uh, leave your name and number and I'll call back when I can! Seeya!'

Boo moped around in their cabin for a while, the only number on their phone, beside their mom's, routing to voicemail. In actuality though, they didn't need Luigi to know what was happening. Not even their migraine and spotty memory since leaving Club Gamecube yesterday was a detriment, as it was all over the television, radio, and messageboards. The boo scraped up some courage to venture into town, trying to avoid anyone that might point them out as a friend of Mario. These blackbelt kids outside of Tayce T.'s might not. Believe it or not the red plumber's biggest fans- or perhaps enemies now were grown-ups with lots of disposable income for his merch and games.

'I'm gonna be picked!'

'No me! I just got the third-degree card!'

A third retorted, 'Actually both of you have low probability.' *snorts* 'They prefer toads...'.

Some shadows crept over Boo from behind. They spun around, face to face with a group of scary, heavily armed toads. Boo shot back home, under the covers. A part of them was seething to find so many complacent or silent when they knew Mario had saved their lives countless times, but the boo diddly could do nothing with those emotions but perseverate until they felt sick to the stomach. As it became literal they ran outside, making a b-line for the bushes when-

"Excuse me buddy!"

The paratoopa brushed beyond Boo and sprint hopped to their neighbor, slipping a news bulletin in the door. He scuttled off before Boo could correct them. Boo was of the diddly tribe. The red boo in that pretty little oak cabin was a 'boo buddy', or at least a rejected one according to the tale he told Boo once. Might have had something to do with being a male red boo. Or him being creepy. Maybe both.. Boo followed the mailman like the lost chain chomplet they were, grabbing something to protect themselves from rogue toads. Green Bowser emblem racket in hand (no memory how they acquired it), they caught up with Parakarry as he delivered to an office building. The cubby was recessed, hiding what he was doing until Boo approached slowly. He appeared to have stacks of pink flyers.

"H-oh! Hey there. Here you go." He handed Boo a thin advert bundle. "What's that long face for? Junk mail means they know you're still alive! ..You don't get it? So somebody's always thinking about cha if you look at it that way."

"..Right. I think. Why'd you skip me the first time?"

The paratroopa's smile stretched, struggling with the locks. "Hm?"

"I-I thought I saw you deliver for Trevor Buddy?"

Parakarry secured the box with a metallic clang. "-If you'll excuse me.."

Overtaken, they snatched the paratoopa as he shimmied by, denting the metal box by shoving the koopa against it.

"STOP LYING TO MY FACE!" Booigi the Second growled. Their pressure against his scale plates chilled him to the bone. "I. Saw. You. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!"

"EElldssttar, hhholld up! Heeree!" Parakarry's shakily held out a photocopied version of the bulletin.

'To: M.'

'From: S.G. to M '

'Something funky is going on with half of our team here, man and I'm getting cabin fever stuck with with that Andrew idiot. I can't mention this to N because I bet it's got something to do with 0064. I can't stand this anymore. Pipsqueak gets sent to vacation while I slave away for N and get nothing! If you come across 0064 just kill him while you're at it.'

Booigi's eyebrows furrowed. The mail carrier winched as folded it up impatiently.

"Ddddoon't. I'm bbbeeiing bblackmmmailed!"

Booigi let him go. "Go on."

Parakarry desperately rubbed his arms together for warmth. "Does a sovereign ruler of healthy body and mind retire? Maybe that's on the record, but us old-timers know how it actually went. Why then wouldn't the Mushroom King reclaim his kingdom again with the usurper out?"

"The p-princess? O-oh no.." Boo mewled.


A heavily loaded yellow school bus rocked and squeaked on its way from Bowser Badlands, a remote portion of Dark Land abandoned by the Koopa Troop and claimed cheaply by The National Koopa Scouts of Dark Land. They provided a wholesome community and taught their scouts how to survive away from modern amenities. Being a swamp, rain was common, though the severe storm that swept through last night was unusually great. Evidence remained on the roads they were on, extra muddy and cluttered with branches, bricks, and other debris.

'Ain't No Fly Guys on Us' blared in the ears of one broody scout as he kicked his feet and mumbled along. The prince dropped his gaze to his sash covered with weighty badges, finding it futile. Freedom to be like any other kid never lasted long at all, and once he was home again he'd be babied, watched, disallowed to get dirty, and the source of hushed talk behind his back and junk.

Their Scoutmaster faced the kids. "Wow! That was our best rendition yet!" Also the twentieth in a row, the boomerang bro muttered, borrowing the GPS from the drowsy buzzy beetle driver. To his concern, there was heavy damage even as they crawled closer to urbanization. On some plots, only foundations remained. "Stay in your seats kids, this is nothing we haven't learned about. Remember that weather lesson?"

"The rain clouds get angry and then dance around in a circle!" a spiny scout way in the back answered.

"Thaaaat's right! It's called a tornado. Oh and here's.." The scoutmaster blinked at it again. "..Scout Junior's stop coming up."

Bowser Junior strapped his oversized backpack on and loitered out, staring at his toes, not wanting to face what he dreaded. Suddenly his left foot was dangling over the edge of a deep crevasse. The tyke staggered backward from the empty moat. Junior gaped at the huge pile of rubble that used to be his home until someone swept him off his feet.

"Careful, son! Are you alright? Good!"

A battle tank was flipped upside down and wedged over the moat, creating a bridge for the father and son to cross. They went down some stairs. The thick iron cages of the dungeon were swung wide open and standing around were Morton, Larry, Roy, Wendy, also some guardians, Kamek and Kammy, and some castle staff, lastly 'momma' Peach. Sheets and flipped mattresses were leaning against the walls in a tent formation.

Bowser's pointer claw darted around, doing a count while Junior remained in his other arm, his questions ignored. "Okay. Er. Right. Let's start the search!"

"Daddy?" Wendy inched over, kneading some pink sleeping wrap in her hands. "Without Ludwig how are gonna.. you know?"

Bowser didn't bother to hide his consternation at the reminder. "We just wing it like a paratroopa running late. K? We'll find everybody out there, but only if we KEEP MOVING! Go go go!"

He scanned the dungeon one last time for stragglers. Suddenly the princess was upon him. She was baggy-eyed, otherwise normal considering she was on the top floor of a collapsing lair a few hours ago. Must be that pretty armor.

"You have my condolences for this disaster and I hope you locate everyone. Sincerely. But it will be easier for my rescuers if I remain where they expect me to be. Here," she prodded gently.

"Nah, you come along, Hotness."

"-You cannot hold us captive until you locate each and every soldier! How long will that take?"

"As long as it needs!" He slung her over his shoulder. "We all get to suffer together! Least your old man is spared, sorry about that!"

"-He can hear that, you brute!" she fussed.

"Whatever you wanna believe." They'd checked him earlier, and he was stiff and moldy. There was no way he was alive.

-Or was there, judging by chest moments of the body on the mattress.

"Release me. I will handle him." Peach kicked to drop from Bowser and his head spun too much to protest.

The Koopa King let her pick a koopaling to watch her. She picked Larry and that was it. They were gone. Bowser and his minions had been in this scenario countless times, it was even a tradition for the enemy to bring their castle down after defeat, but who was the enemy? He couldn't let his liege know, but devoid of his script. Lost.

Later, in another sense as well, traveling around disorienting without landmarks. They didn't have much to help out. No maps, heck no weapons if some trouble started. His magikoopas lacked their scepters, his hammer bros their hammers, his koopas and goombas their Mario-brother-obliterating-on-contact force fields. Eventually a baddie volunteered, or Roy rather volunteered the paragoomba named Hippty Hop by slinging him into the air. The screaming nervous flyer eventually flew in an erratic pattern towards something over the horizon.

They followed the dot in the sky to a semi-rural neighborhood that might have been surrounded by trees, now uprooted and tossed about. The air was redolent of recently stirred dust and nothing else. No pungent whiffs of burnt materials, no sickening odor of death in the empty stone homes. Movement from a surviving purple bloodwood tree attracted them over, ragged scraps of cloth winging limply from its branches. Hippity landed at the base of it.

"King! (Darn I was tryina run from you lunatics..) I found a guy!" he straightened up and reported.

"Please let me help, assist, aid you!" Morton barged ahead, shaking the trunk. Roy kept trying to warn him about his bad technique until a body splat on the ground. Morton was pleased with himself anyway, pulled muscle aside. They gathered around the lakitu in a weathered balaclava, J.D. otherwise known as Bowser's eleventh sentry.

"Another casualty, Lord Bowser," Kamek muttered.

Sentry 11 rolled himself over, flashing a broken smile. "Not yet. Always of service.. Boss. And give.. that one.. a medal for... for never leaving.. his p-post, least.. in spirit." His twitchy thumb pointed left.

Very familiar debris was over there, parts torn straight out of their castle. Many minions found some items with their names on it, or at least that they claimed it did, and combed through it while the rest were drawn to a section yanked from the entrance to the dungeon. The doors were still upright and stationed at it was a suit of stuffed armor they thought, before remembering that they weren't that kind of medieval castle. Bowser whipped from that to a dorky koopa in his lineup a few times.

"Sir, I uh, don't know how that happened either," Tanner explained, in his white tanktop only. "All I remember is.." On cue from his armor's gauntlet, a paper whished from it towards Junior. Though the tyke couldn't read cursive yet, it didn't matter. Bowser always used the typewriter for the headers!

"Grandma, a letter!" The six-year-old gave it to Kammy before his father could stop him.

The crone fell on her butt, eyes rolling back. They crowded around her then. "Lord Bowser.. no.. no.. no.."

Kamek parted his way through. "Speak, my dear!"

"Do you know what this means?" she croaked, weakly handing over the paper. Bowser wanted to torch it, but he couldn't with all of those bozos in the way.

The blue magikoopa poured over the memo. "Hmf. ...Yes, I do."

"Good cause I don't. Lost my specs. 'Super Husband mind reading power, go!'" She held her temples, humming. Kamek's head began to sparkle and it was over before he could counter with this 'Super anti-wife snooping power'.

"Oh no! My precious Lord Bowser, what's gotten into you-!" she blurted out.

"Stoooooop!" Bowser interrupted, breathing heavily. The ground didn't swallow him up, so he had to press on. "Alright, I'll tell everybody. Old Hag had it on this TV station and.. they were advertising these vacation homes and, well, that's what we're doing. We're all moving! Surprise!"


Larry dropped onto a granite rock for a breather. The neighboring Sky Land was lush and cheery, a facsimile of the Mushroom Kingdom and fitting since it once held lots of toads, just with low clouds and abstract onyx monuments planted around randomly. He knew why the princess insisted on this route. It beat Pipe Land and its mazes and man-eating plant inhabitants, and Ice Land's perpetual blizzards and bob-omb villagers with big bazookas any day.

The princess got to moving again without him, so he followed in the knee-high grass. The Chancellor wasn't getting any lighter as Larry carried him over his shoulder, but he wasn't worried too much about his future chiropractic issues. Outside of asking to assist him, Peach had the silent treatment going on. He refused to make her work as he was too much a gentleman see, at least for now, but she certainly was being no lady in return. The teen got that this was abnormal, a different Ouroboros than they were used to, but it was a new start either way and she didn't need to be all rude now.

His old junky phone rang. The caller id that appeared to be a jumbled URL.

"Hey it's L4rry if you're a cute girl, nonyabusiness if you ain't!"

"Lol, you'll make an exception for me won't cha? It's Lemmy. We can talk because your hand-me-down had this high technical sciencey thing!"

"-The Darklandian space communications protocol, SCPS-SP, using voice-over IP," the other person stridently filled in, "fully operational because I helped development it in middle school! Dang, I should have earned royalties by now.."

Lemmy and Iggy were never so pleasant to hear, though it was funny about that network coming in clutch. People at school would clown you for using that. Meant you couldn't afford the Mushroom centric brands..

Lemmy jumped back on. "Are you okay? Crazy stuff happened last night."

Larry checked for Peach. She was reading the lettering on a white obelisk ahead. "I'm alright. Where you all at?"

"We're up in a tower using Iggy's headset to see you from like a million miles away. Where's King Dad and everyone else?"

"Umm.. Trying to settle down back home I guess. Is Luddy with y'all? Cause that'll be the last of the family missing."

"Yep!"

"Thank you.." Larry mouthed silently.

"So, I'll tell you more soon. Keep going north. Bye."

"Yo, don't hang up on me! Only cute girls get to do that."

"To save battery you'll have to make an exception again!" Lemmy sang. "Hop hasn't completed the solar charger yet."

Before Larry could snap Peach out of her staring contest with the obelisk, he was called back.

"-King Dad's dumbphone had this feature too! Plus Luddy woke up."

"Lem, he was unconscious?"

"Uh- so yeah. Turns out King Dad wanted to come here in Sky Land forever anyway. That's a shock for me too but... Larry?... Hello?"


Parakarry and Boo took to the streets for a while before the mailman confessed that if he didn't grab a bite quickly he was going to collapse, working nonstop since the early hours. The boo trusted him enough to buy the excuse but didn't know him enough to realize that it was a fib and that the paratroopa ran solely on the fuel of productivity. After he disappeared inside Harry's shop to get an 'overpriced Whacka Bump', the boo waited outdoors. Tanks and guards in pipe frame karts passed by, keeping an eye on citizens, either navigating the world silently or in stilted conversation. Boo would say they felt like they were stuck in a simulation if they knew what that meant. They'd only seen Mario Matrix once-

"Hello, Boo," an older blue toad greatted as he left the store. He had the baggy bohemian drab of an undercover celebrity ostensibly, long ponytail swinging, and even those reusable totes for the environment and all, filled with super shrooms.

"Eeek!.. Hi. I mean.. H-how do you know me?"

"I know everyone. I'm Russ. I was something of an off-site consultant and human encyclopedia for the princess before retirement, and if you haven't heard of me since," he chuckled. "Modern technology fills that gap."

"Oh. Then, d-do you know what's.. umm.."

"What's up? Well, the facts are as so, the King is 'representing' his daughter and his word is law, our law," he explained, quite professionally, or perhaps with machine-like disinterest, scaring the boo. Making something weird stir up in them again.. "This might be perturbing for many who have no amity for him, but from a legal standpoint, his charges against Mario are not libel. He did allow the princess to be abducted-"

"Gahhh!" Booigi raised the racket, readying to strike. "You fracking traitor!"

Russ T. glanced up, though he did not flinch as Parakarry burst outside, screaming and pulling the rabid boo away. Before the commotion attracted guards, he slipped with Booigi through an alleyway. The mailman understood having some sort of breakdown and was hoping their help came swiftly. There were some crazy things he'd dealt through today, unrelated to the monarchical drama and he should have called in sick. Or not, because his mental health would have suffered more. Soon they reached the marked building west of town the source of those other unfortunate events he'd suffered.

"It's here. I never get an address wrong, Boo."

"Uh, r-right." Gosh, Boo had a headache.

They entered a dark square room. The wood floor was hollow, evident when the paratoopa dropped to his feet and knocked on one of the blank walls.

A hidden panel at eye level slid to the side. "Password?"

"It's me," the mailman answered.

"Sure is.." the person groaned.

"Tell me your aim. Now."

"You do what I say and the King's men don't find out that you helped a fugitive skip town. Now get this to so and so by 14:45. Scram." From the slot he tossed a wrapped conical package out, plunking to the floor. "And if you want to be decommissioned, I can help with that." A bamboo dart gun aimed at him.

"Don't you get it? I'm done being blackmailed." Parakarry had the intrepidity that only came from being an ex-Mario adventuring buddy and that was infectious. That 'thing' came over the boo whimpering in the corner and the next they knew, they were yanking the dart gun away, snapping it, and then phasing through the wall to pull the spy agent out into the decoy room.

"Grrrr! ANSWER HIM ARSEHOLE!"

The green camouflage shy guy was unreadable behind his mask. "It's complicated."

Booigi was SICK of hearing that! They wanted to- they wanted to-

"-This shouldn't be, considering you wrote it, Mr. S.G." Parakarry showed S.G. the duplication of the telegram.

"It's Spy Guy," Spy Guy sighed. "Here at base we don't like what happening either. Think we want these black toads around?.. That sounded worse than I meant.. It's like this. We're short-staffed and I have to clear the plate for the public address."

Parakarry lowered the document. "What should we do?"

"Not miss what the King's rep says soon. What else do you want?"

"To be replacement fetch person," Booigi declared dapperly.

Around the Lil Oink farm were posted more ominous pink banners, two things they didn't know could go together until then. The boo tore one down to read it while floating over all the little uncollected eggs. It said nothing helpful or gave hints of the King's plans, though that made some old memories spark for the boo. They DID make an additional friend yesterday.

….

"-Hello Mr. or Mrs. Unknown Number. I'm cautious about number sharing so I must know you from somewhere." The caller's voice was phlegmed up, heavily accented even like an old Mushroomite from the more rural locations where well-to-do citizens lived in classical mushroom homes on hilly plains, contently alienated from the urbanization of Toad Town. On Booig's part, they realized they'd better try to sound like Boo more. Needed more ellipses in there. And more 'likes'.

"Why.. aren't you here, Mr. Munchakoopas?"

"-I've never heard you over the line before, Boo!" he laughed.

"Answer the question! ..I mean.. the princess was k-kidnapped."

Yoshi's gasp was followed by the clash of a shattered dish in the background and animal barking. "Excuse me.." The barking subsided. "I don't find such jokes amusing. Mario told me to stay home, meaning everything must be fine-" There was a brushing sound. More distantly, Booigi heard the dinosaur mutter, "She's back already? Oh what the he-"

"What's Poochy doing indoors again!?" someone husky yet feminine shrieked.

"-Honey, had a nice stroll out there?" Click.

The boo decided not to be babysat after all. Their thoughts bouncing back and forth between the duality were comforting even, because for once it was like someone was listening.


The dislodged consciousness flew beyond the stars, through the unfathomably vast heavens, withstanding the pelt of star bits, escaping the tug of black holes, thoroughly scanning galaxies for sentient activity, until he could find assistance. A school of lumas were encountered around a prankster comet. One had mercy, even seeming to know who he was judging by their unintelligible but squeaky and playful imitation of his father's signature 'bwa ha ha' laugh, before spinning rapidly on its axis. The newly created sling star did that just for him, through the rest of the galaxy. He landed hard on a grey mass the size of a small meteor, oblong with jagged giant bones jutting the ground. Maybe that luma wasn't humoring him. Maybe he was just now trolled!

Startled to his feet again, he crossed embedded plaques and graveyard stones, a nearby sun bleaching it all in red. He found a body laying against one, a dark boo intact except for their right arm severed from the elbow down. An inch above where the sinew was broken was an orange armband, marked as 'Mushroom Press'.

The boo jolted upright. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the visitor replied for a solid minute.

"-AHHH!... Ludwig?" Zoo Diddley questioned.

"The one and only- Erk!"

Zoo squeezed his throat. "You had to ruin everything! I could have found the Sam and Slam brothers the next day and fixed my Doom Reverb before all the evil leaked out, but no, you had to meddle bro, and make it leak ON US." He shoved the disembodied koopaling away. Ludwig tripped over a tombstone, actually feeling the hurt.

"Agh.. You mustn't-" He coughed. "See it that way!" Ludwig sprung, titling the tomb back too. He couldn't read the swiggly inscription so he better not bring on more trouble. "Though your actions were wanton, I was utterly compromised during our encounter. Fear not. If the Star Temple opens up-"

"Forget that then. Earth's screwed."

Ludwig studied him as he stared irritably into dark space. "A war is lost mentally before the armistice. Is there no comrade you long for- platonically or else back home?"

"..Oh God. You actually surprised a telepath," he chuckled. "But for me, a guy wearing a skin suit all day, yeah I had someone I guess. I even wanted to do good for him, plus it would show the rest of my paranoid family that they didn't need to lock me away from the world. I'm cool if nobody gets in my way. The only difference between me and others is that I have- or had the power to remove any obstacles in my way." He pointed at the same tomb Ludwig had just fixed and, making a strained face, it cracked in the center.

Ludwig gulped hard, a vestige reflex given his lack of a body. "I respect your honesty."

"Whatever. Go join Sam already over there. The Earth's a goner and I don't wanna be there for the howls of despair if I'm not the one causing em."

He located the Chancellor behind a column of bones at the more pointed edge of the planetoid. 'Samuel' Toadsworth appeared as himself, dressed spiffily, waiting patiently as if his Sunday morning ride would show anytime soon to pluck him away form this horrible place.

"Bygones are bygones, young man," he preemptively told him.

"Though you may be a proponent of all that I despise, fair," Ludwig nodded.

Suddenly, there was dazzling light. "Roger. Oh, scratch that, we got three now," the being spoke into a phone. Ludwig fixed his eyes a certain way to perceive his form. He was a himbo-looking star warrior in gold armor, just hanging up. "I need to get ya'll to the Grandmaster Galaxy by 893:033. C'mon."

"Pass!" Zoo yelled from the other side.

"Think that over, Zoo. I'm 250 and I ain't never heard of this. I'm gonna get my girl Rosie on the case. Don't worry."

"Hullo! Why might we need Miss Rosalina?" Toadsworth inquired.

"Some star force dissected you from your bodies. So you should be dead, but you ain't yet, instead you're empty vessels if that makes sense," he tried to explain at least, calling a number. "Good news is ♡♪!?, me's on the mission. Bad, maybe you'd still better worry. Rosie's acting like she don't know how to use a smartphone again.."


"Need another round of 'Hillbilly Hail' on the double, pard!" yelled one nurse to the other. Shortly more buckets of ice water were passed along.

Dr. Toad watched the drenched half-naked Mario brothers to get a feel of how things operated here. Only the green plumber needed it, but to be sure the locals dragged the red one over too.

"Are we acquainted? Never mind," went Captain Toad. While red toads, they couldn't appear more different, The Captain with the classic ubiquitous build, and the doctor some other taller, near hybrid sort. "Well, seeing as you are not a cowboy, you cannot belong here."

"I do in fact, and they work for me." Dr. Toad marked a diagnosis cpt code on his chart, if obligatory under The Captain's scrutiny. R52. Pain, unspecified.

Chapter End Notes

Author note: (archived) Once again, sickness delaying me plus an intentional pause of sorts. As predictable at this point, I had a rut before it all came together.
Fun fact: Utterly coincidental, but the originator of that bygones phase is Samuel Rutherford, (1636). That is NOT the origin of Toadsworth's name! His name originates from ... (get ready, this is random, Prof. Oak from Pokémon!)
Created: 5/17/22, 5/22- 5/24, 5/25, 5/27, 6/1, 6/6, 6/7, 6/8-6/10, 6/11, 6/12, 6/13
Edited: 11/20/23
RR24: 9/29/24- 10/1

13. Deluge

Chapter Summary

Guess the motif.

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to, yes me! No, just kidding again.
Wow, this was something. It has been some time since a chapter got away from me like this one did. *Very mild edits*
Content warning: It’s long. Does that count as one?

See the end of the chapter for more notes

NO you can’t see him!!!” Spit from the black spotted toad flew at the reporter.

..The manager is a woman, hehe,” the other guard added.

Jon whacked Bridget in the back of her head, skewing her combat helmet. “Who tf cares?”

Karen Koo- rather Kylie Koopa spun on her heels with an air of unbotherness, at least until she took her seat behind the wheel again. The typically spunky reporter retrieved the pink flier from where it lay on the passenger seat and reread it over: Pubic address from King’s representative- Today at Peach Castle, 64 Royal Raceway, Toad Town’ . Feeling like she was in a pit deeper than Glitzville’s, she let it slip to the floor.

That event was going to have a turnout surpassing a Star Festival! It was conjecture that the Mushroom King wanted to bring fresh faces to his palace at Poshley Heights, spooked by how easily the Koopa Troop could snatch his daughter from under Mario’s nose practically, but she wasn’t going to be there to document any official proceedings it if she couldn’t even beg Peach’s castle toads for permission while they were cooped up in that hideous Hotel Mario. She was forbidden by Snifit Patrol and league. The snufit even threatened that if he wasn’t stationed to guard the castle grounds, he’d do something about that ‘stolen’ kart she was driving.

That left- Well she wasn’t so keen on Kinopio-Kun’s blog. Digital territory was uncharted. She had dyslexia, that is how she obtained her reputation for daringly jumping into the middle of everything. Way easier to write about it if you were there compared to skimming through other sap’s experience. Poor excuse.. That didn’t stop her writing her Koopa Kronicle or a whole gosh darn novel.

It was time to hunt around for the web browser icon on her phone and check it out. Kinopio was a PR person whose content as an ‘influencer’ was flagrantly monitored by the Toadstools. How could Kylie forget when a person she was dating at the time- regrettably, was the reason that contemporary position was invented in a place as hoary as the Mushroom Kingdom.

NO you can’t see her!!” Jon shouted down another visitor.

But it’s just a package. That’s too much to accept?”

Jon rolled his eyes at the woman. “Could be dangerous, eh,” he said, twirling the yellow flattish bubble mailer around. It was addressed to the ‘Castle Manager’ in cut and glued newspaper letters..

Just like a psycho would do! The deliverer, Boo, anxiously followed every movement as they didn’t even know its contents.

It woulda blown up by now, haha..” Bridget quipped. She got whacked again. “I wish Ben was still here. You suck!” she shot back.

He pressed the packet onto her. “Then leave me alone and take care of that.”

Kylie was about ready to jump out and hurt somebody when Boo ran off down the sidewalk. Instead she struck the push button ignition and pulled off. The boo twisted around as Kylie cracked her window.

Psst. Some of those King’s guards make ya wanna commit treason, don’t they? You okay? Hop in.”

Thank you, Miss Kylie.” Boo thought the sleek Aston Mushroom interior was ‘off the chain’! Or did people still say that? Kylie drove off again in the slowest gear.

Let me cut to the chase. Kinopio-Kun has his ‘pms’ or whatever disabled ‘n I NEED executive admission to that public address. Weegee said you were a tech wiz yesterday. Any ideas?”

-Luigi what?! He.. bragged on Boo?

Boo pretended to look out the window as their face heated up. “Just speak to Mr. Kinopio. He’s at MK East. I know because Parakarry had a few sympathy cards for him.”


The blue toad marked on his little task list from Jr. Troopa(?), he didn't pay attention to the RPG folk too much, that he snagged from a counter at the S. hospital. You could take a toad out of the castle, but not the castle out of a toad. Here he was occupying himself with anything to not go crazy, including volunteer nursing duties. He escorted Dr. Toad to an overgrown plot of land with a wooden barn painted deep red. And unexpectedly large metal shutter door took up the entire front wall. Despite that the doctor beside him, cityboy as he appeared made no comment- or eye contact. The gate rose by six inches, bushy green leaves rustling against it.

Howdy. Hold it. I don’t know yer smell..” the hoarse leafy person said.

Dr. Toad suspiciously turned to the nurse who shrugged and answered, “Umm. I’m wearing new cologne? So here is Dr. Toad. You know. The guy. On the list.”

...Nailed it pard!” they laughed knowingly. Their shaking branches activated something inside the barn that was close to the door. A shrill noise and flash went off causing something to explode in there. Smoke billowed from under the gate.

Whoa, what the freaking heck??” the nurse laughed as well.

Don’t mind it. A Mecha-Yoshi needs a tweak.” Vick slid a beige old looking telephone under the door.

The nurse smirked at the doctor that had leapt high in the air and landed in his arms after the blast. “..Can I put you down now?”

From the first magnanimous greeting from ‘Mr. X’, the nurse knew he was someone that wasn’t always a Mushroomite, but was now. Dr. Toad stuttered through simple stuff like his name, which he blurted out initially as Drew L. Diddley-

~Where had that been seen before?

-The doctor swiftly corrected that his professional title was Dr. Toad and the CEO remained patient and kind through the rest of that stilted call.

A coldish hand surprised the nurse on his shoulder. “Complete.”

The ‘nurse’ lifted his head, having tuned out. “Y-yeah? Yeah. What time is it?”

Dr. Toad raised his right wrist, raising one eyebrow. “Three-Twenty Eight. Did I loiter?”

He gasped. “No, just take two lefts, a right, a left again, right right left, backwards, forwards. Then you’re there. Bye!” The blue toad broke into a sprint, his medical mask flying off. The round face of Bucken-Berry flushed deeply. If he didn’t reach the ICU in two minutes he wouldn’t be able to see his friend Ala-Gold again before the planned last-ditch surgery.

Even if it worked of course, he'd not hear his shy low voice for a while, if ever.


Task list:
‘Sweep cafeteria ( )’
‘Restock restroom ( )’
‘Hillbilly Hail -fun I promise. Seriously help! ( )’

Now that was something the junior assistant could check on the lists secretary Jr. Troopa habitually passed out. She joined the gaiety of the unorthodox ice bucketing procedure for the Mario brothers. The supervising Jr. Troopa was mindful of the spectators that weren’t his staff, leaning over the thin picket fence surrounding a small spot with hay fiber substrate and crowing as if they were watching a petting zoo at that. This was serious! Luigi silently endured his shivering. Mario was more distracted at how Jr. Troopa had matured since the last time he’d seen him, now a stretched out adult, brown coily hair instead of that egg shell..

A perfectly normal looking, and thus out of place here, nurse named Laki scampered to Troopa. “Yo. Those crazy paper things were spotted again!”

Jr. Troopa paled. He wrote a note on scrap paper, handed it to the nearest nurse, and departed with the noki. His absence brought on an immediate shift, especially when the podoboo toting the note scorched it by mistake. The ranchers and villagers began to press inwards on the Marios in curiosity.

"Ain’t that there Mario fella wanted up North?” they’d say.

The air stirred next to Luigi. His brother bolted and he did too. Unfortunately the fence wasn’t just for hecklers, but a barrier from all sorts of dangers, like the thing that made Mario ten paces ahead vanish. Luigi stopped just in time and leaned over the precipice. His brother uncontrollably tumbled down a metal drainage half pipe. Without thinking he plunged with him. They were ejected miles away on damp clay like soil. They rolled to a stop against a copper colored wall.

A locomotive horn jolted Luigi awake. The next thing Luigi remembered was a tall metal water tower glinting in the sunlight. He rolled and saw a jagged rock of Mt. Rugged. The K64 station was known to be up there somewhere. Something else ensnared his attention then, his brother quivering next to him.

M-mario!?”

Remaining curled up, he held a discolored spot on his forehead. “Ouch.”

Luigi crawled over, ignoring the painful rocks. “Bro. This is so bad. I mean I’ll get you help but- oh man. I wanted us to get to Bowser Castle before dark!”

Mario lifted upwards. On closer inspection he was otherwise okay, aside from tattered clothes. “You can be there pronto with The Captain. Cool Blue is busy.”

Luigi woefully plopped beside him. "Scratch that proposition. Weren't you coming??" At his brother's silence, he scooped up and slung a rock hard against the mountain face. It made a faint thunk. "Mario, a shortcut to World 8 isn't even that far from here. Come on, we made it out of Toad Town against all odds. Don't you see? Everyone will see you're helping and -Oh look so you aren't secretly villainous like the stupid tabloids say! PR disaster averted and you can finally retire in peace. I'm supposed to be doing the legwork right? So." He choked up. "Go with me. Please. I don't want to do this without you.."

Luigi expected to turn and see something ugly. Instead Mario's palm was on his forehead. "Yep.. Everything you're thinking, yep. The message-boards, the commentators, they're also right on one thing. In the midst of this, I was infatuated with my rival!"

The world seemed to melt around the green plumber, muttering to himself, "Mio fratello mi ha detto."

"-Yeah, and it's over. Or- er, it's not going to cloud my judgement ever again."

Luigi stood up, face to face with him.

"-Bowser not caring.. sometimes it's admirable, but he doesn't know limits. We do, and he's seventeen years older than us. Bout time he learns this lesson."

Luigi smiled cathartically. "Of course."

"Need a moment?"

"Nah, big bro."

As they retraced their path using that deathtrap drainage thing as a zigzagging guide, Mario as usual filled the air primarily, though something was different about his dryish humor and definitely the topic. Luigi assumed he was purging the senselessness he could during this half time- the sort of episodes their games skipped. They came upon a fractured concrete podium in the middle of nowhere, labeled ostro stop in a western font. It seemed to be targeting citizens departing the K64 as a pole with a wire from it leading to a powerline was stamped with bulletins and flyers from businesses and events in town.

"-Hey, what was the draw?" Luigi asked as Mario spammed a buzzer for service.

Mario brightened in recollection. "Strength. Ambition. Esteem for family. Cooking.. I know.. And if you're in that narrow range that he cares about he's super fair. His bottom line is that you can do what he wants you to do, not who or what you are."

"I see."

"Yeah. ...Luigi, thank you for listening. You coulda reacted a lotta ways and I'd deserve it, so thanks for your patience too. You had yourself figured out way before me..."

A great feeling in turn waft over the younger brother. "Mario, no. Thank you for letting me."

~He'd promised he'd never get resentful long ago, and it wasn't going to change now, whether over a trivial or mountain sized dispute. It wasn't like anything in this life would top their Papa giving Mario both brass keys to their plumbing shop. If they were Cain and Abel before then, that sealed it- he thought at least. They never shared a shift. They lived on opposite sides of Brooklyn even. And that wasn't easy then. Luigi just happened to pick up the phone and come over like his brother begged when 'something freaky was going on with the pipes'. Mario wasn't usually that humble to admit he couldn't fix things. Well, through all they'd been to get here, on the cusp of forty and each other's best friend, he'd gotten that brass key, and there was nothing holding him back.

"-I heard it the first time, dern it! It's busted."

Mario sheepishly lifted his finger from the buzzer. Staring at the back of the red shelled koopa in a blue janitorial jumper, dithering over which broom to reach for in his service cart, it was clear how he'd appeared on the spot so stealthily.

"They made you fly out here to tell us? Cabbie or not, I almost feel I should compensate you anyway."

He peeped over his shoulder again, staggering in recognition. "Shoot.." He dropped the broom. "Howdy, I'm Probabilly K. Listen here, our local wacko Vick, bless his heart, sprout these here stops evrywhere' without using high speed cabling to the signal box. I can help ya out anyway, specially this un." He lifted his right arm's sleeve to the elbow, revealing a faded with age L emblem tattoo. "Us less popular siblings gotta stick for one nuther. Whatcha need Mr. Hero?..."

"...Oh, right, me. We appreciate it," Luigi spoke up, awkwardly. "Here's what we're doing..."

As his brother spoke to the old parakoopa, Mario processed how light his chest felt. Asthma be darned, it was easier to breathe if all of these invisible problems weren't like a millstone around his neck.


The blue pianta bellhop rose from the binocular stand. “Yikes. It’ll be gnarly, sir.”

The other pianta, Hotel Delfino’s day supervisor, waddled over to the parapet with him, squinting and shielding his face from the sun partially. The shimmering Dolphin Ocean stretched out as far as one could see, marred only by some darkness on the horizon. “Feel it in the bones too, brah.”

Not that, sir.”

About a nautical mile away, there were two sumo bros drifting in a leaking foam inflatable raft surrounded by hungry sushi. One of the eccentrically clothed twins was a bump on a log while the other steadily pumped out water. Behind them was a mound of objects covered by a black tarp, strapped to the raft with cords. Unambiguously to the piantas, that was what weighed them down.

Sammy snapped out of his half nap and rubbed his eyes under his plastic helmet, sweat rolling down his black shell and onto his matching cape. "Wowzers. Are there yet?"

The younger dragon/koopa Slamondon chored himself to acknowledge him. “Nay. Not enough drag accounted for in thy math as usual,” he groaned. He held the hem of his magikoopa robe to tip toe towards their luggage. He was also a hardcore enthusiast, much like Sam was of sci-fi supervillain Darth Koopa from Star Slammers, and apparently video games too, the reason why Sam slapped his paw away before he could discard a CIB NES Classic.

No no no bro, don’t do that! Lemme do my thing. Ommmmmm!” Sam squeezed his eyelids shut and plugged both ears.

The milquetoast younger brother sat his uncomfortably wet tush down and bide. The trip from Neo Bowser City so so-called paradise vacation was in complete turmoil. At this stage in life, a semester away from graduation, Slam despised his role as his brother’s sitter. While Sam could divine the most absurd and find the hypotenuse in a blink, he had not mastered tasks of an elementary sort, like paying light bills on time. Otherwise, Slam could have taken his forty percent share of their Play-N-Tirade franchise and ran off to open the renaissance park he always wanted.

A jet ski tore through the waters, tearing him from that reverie. The rider aimed around a handheld harpoon to scare away the sharks. “Aloha.” She waved, a cute gal in a purple patterned bikini, white flowery necklace draped loosely over her shoulders. “Need help?”

Aye f-fair madame,” Slam stammered, blushing. “Saveth us, we have bountiful treasures aboard this ship!”

Sam peeped one eye open with a smug grin. “-Oh hi totally hot lifeguard I summoned.”

~Actually Hotel Delfino called me on you two, hehe.” She dropped the charade and murmur. “(Cause if it was YOU calling me on you, I wouldna shown up.)”

Sam gave her a tauntingly dorkish laugh. “Suuure? I dunno, I just felt like being rescued by a ‘Valerie’. 27. Born in a winter month like Rebmeced? Who studies finance abroad at Mushroom Collage and just bought a B-Dasher in red and whose boyfriend just got arrested for...”

Her jaw dropped expression mirrored Slam’s. His brother’s hubris never led to anything easily undone.

What happened, brah??”

Oh you don’t know why five of our lifeguards fainted like that? Eh, whatever, brah. I have a backup on call. Welcome to Hotel Delfino!”

The bellhop held the door open for the dripping wet sumo bros, inviting them into the moodily lit lobby inundated with waiting vacationers of all sorts. Slam got them onto land in the first place by stuffing his brother’s mouth with one of those body pillows so that he couldn’t freak out the six rescuer in a row. By then however, the twelve o’clock checkouts were out and these innumerable other folk were ready to pounce. The sumo bros were prompted to utilize the ticket dispenser.

#444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444’, and on, bleeding off the receipt paper in red ink.

Sam slid up his glasses, too adept at calculations to fathom that number waiting in here, let alone the entire hemisphere. It had to be a glitch. Slam caught a devious gleam behind his brother’s naturally cloudish eyes and detected trouble, redux!

The desk receptionist stamped documents in a tray. "Hey. Don’t come up brah, unless your number-”

Sam slapped down the error ticket, puffing out his thick chest. “But we’re reserved for sho. Prospectors straight outta Goldbobbington's. We gotta comb the beach and our bodies are ready.”

The stamp slipped from the pianta’s mits.. “Ooooh that, my apologies sir, I remember everything you are talking about.” He cradled a landline phone between his shoulder and neck while simultaneously clacking on his computer. “I will find space, sir. Uh, please in the meantime help yourself to the bar. On the house. Mention my name.”

Sam broke off to the adjacent tiki bar, taking up two stools as he ordered one of everything. As the bartender worked away Slam sat beside him, struggling to find the stool with the neon lights everywhere.

I dare say you dazzle even me now,” he whispered in his ear. He cherished these magical moments when that giant gob of Sam’s actually did something favorable. -Like when Sam manipulated that dark boo reporter into passing around Fungus Up yesterday. They were out that wretched Toad Town so quickly it was like they’d dropped a potion at their feet and they went ‘poof’. Slam propped his elbow on the bar and leaned on it, not a partaker of the ‘dizzying elixirs’ as he put it, watching the sports bar tv on MKNN. On the bottom banner, intertwined with stalk market data, it mentioned ‘Public Address’ at Toad Town today. Blech!

Sam slammed his empty glass down. “Urp! .. Hey, lemme have our shop wire our Princess Parlor profits over.” His fat fingers dialed their Play-N-Tirade number as additional fruity looking cocktails were lined up for him. “No answer, but coolio I’ll leave a message. Now, let’s catch up with Iggster!”


Once upon a time, Sky Land was known as the kingdom with the most marvelous view of the stars. As the composition of the atmosphere changed, those celestial bodies were blotted gradually. Increasingly common cloud coverage draped their land and their spirits. One day the people channeled all their might, one-hundred laborious years, to reach the astral realm they revered and contain it for themselves with a spiraling limestone tower taller than any before. The King and his domestics from greatest to least discarded their terrene life. The tower was thus made inaccessible from intruders and the land at its base to go rural, though it could still be seen near the coast. It was known as an impervious but awesome sight.

Lemmy Koopa brought it into focus from another altitudinous, but not nearly as much, tower of enemy origin a few miles away with a coin-operated telescope. Iggy’s VR headset ran out of power. The lankier younger brother would know, because he swapped the battery from it to his cellphone to keep it running a little longer. It paid off when it chimed suddenly of ‘Super Plumber Sonata’, his ringtone from Koopa Ball Z.

He took one step- and forgot his leg was sprung. He tripped forward, knocking the cellular phone off of the rail and down the very long staircase below. It flumped around for what felt like five minutes.

Lemmy stared down the shaft long enough to get vertigo.

It’s totally okay Lemmy-sama. I had an intemperate glass installed.”

You mean temperate glass?”

No.”

Lemmy turned to him with concern. “Is your head still feeling funny?”

Yep. Still a scratched DVD suffering loss of data integrity and sputtering right before the best part.”

..Maybe Ludwig on the ground floor is doing better..” The rainbow hair koopaling shrunk another inch. He was praying he wouldn’t have to be the sole one to break it to Larry, Bowser, virtually everyone about last night.

At the Hotel Defino tiki bar, there was nothing going on except for Sammy winning coins in bets over guessing stranger’s underwear colors.
Embarrassed second hand, Slam lifted his hood over his head. Thunder was rumbling and through one window he saw staff chaining down the beach chairs outside. Solar sensing night lights were scattered on the beach. Meanwhile, Sam’s phone buzzed on the counter from Iggy’s number. He picked it up.

Y O U R P U N I S H MENT I S IM M I N E NT,” stabbed through one ear and exited the other.

With a deafening thunder crack everything went completely dark.

Palm trees were twisting, rain was beating on the windows, and a group of petrified beach goers clambered indoors as the building moaned and creaked under high winds. The last of which, a yoshi flopped to the floor panting.

High…ground man…high ground.. NOW!”

The waiter felt her way around. “Alright. Bar closed.”

Slam obediently slid off the stool, heart thumping. He played the classics. Bad things happened in the Pitch Dark. He reached for Sam who remained slumped over the counter. Thinking he was intoxicated, Slam hunkered down, ready to carry him off when the emergency lights kicked on. The robed brother emitted a high pitched noise. From Sam’s snout flowed deep crimson blood. The glimmer in his wide open eyes had extinguished.


...

Great to see you. My plans have evolved from wishful thinking to reality and your timing is impeccable.” Dr. Toad’s words flowed smoothly, eased in the presence of the associate, fire forged to be a pseudo ‘friend’..maybe. This one had been a member of the Special World Hospital from the outset, ironically as a detractor and somewhat benighted at that. Presently however, he was the only of three Dr. Toad invited that had shown up.

That’s amazing, Drew.”

You will do the talking, will you?”

The hammer brother gave the toad a thumbs up.

They proceeded to the stage, bales of hay stacked three high with rickety wooden boards on top, plucked fresh from Nintendo Depot. The hammer brother garnered an expected reaction with his loose fitting doctor’s coat that he clearly rarely wore, and his attempt at hiding his hippyish stringy long hair in a ponytail, but he didn’t combat anything. A taciturn Dr. Toad trailed with his head down, hands tucked into deep pockets.

Greetings everyone. I’m Dr. John Topper, but you can call me Dr. T.” The jabber silenced quickly at his captivatingly excitable tone. “- So I’m with Dr. Toad here from the International Medical University of Special World. Our institution is lucky enough to have a fragment of Dr. Mario’s case study on the first outbreak of the Mushroom Flu. -Yeah- uh huh? ..No, you heard me. So, in light of that tragic Bowser attack, we have chosen to assist you the best we can with that matter!”

That previously critical snickering bunch erupted in praise. Without a proper announcement that it adjourned, many took off right away giddy with news.

By the way it should only take forty-four hours maximum to formulate a new cure!” Dr. Topper yelled at their backs essentially.

In the scuttle, they bumped the rearmost observant off the stack of library books he was using to watch over the cowboy hats in the crowd. Getting up, cursing, he would have severely hurt a few if they weren’t whisked away on an ostro by now. Instead, he dusted himself off and snapped back to his picture perfect presentation. Shoving the books into his backpack he dragged it to the nearest public bench. The longish trip back to the library was unattractive and the heat of direct sunlight did not bother him.

What, Jackson?”

You didn’t tell me you have that Dr. Mario thing! Why ain’t that in a museum? How? Where?”

An associate yet to arrive has it. He found it in his previous job with Sir Grodus.”

Troopa gasped. “Drew, your hiring is.. Questionable.”

Yes,” he beamed proudly, hooking his arm through the koopa’s. “And I will tell you more about it inside.”

Troopa seemed to play along until they reached his office door. He swung it open, letting a few boxes spring out over their heads. “Oops. We gotta problem. No room with all your junk!”

"I have not set the lab up yet! Geez! ..Besides my therapist told me if the pathways are clear I'm not a hoarder." he trailed, the door shutting behind them.

The toad watching on the bench was just about to toss a heavy book to make them get a room. Thankfully they had, but now there was something else keeping him from diving into a green bound book.

Oww! Hey no need to push me like that…. I don’t keep coins on me if that’s … Oh that was a rental for the airport.. All I have is boring medical stuff stacked here, see-?”

Quit, before we fold ya a couple times over!” They had a southern affection, yet an eerily robotic timbre. After a hollow pop lots of glass shattered.

The toad hopped off the bench and rushed toward the commotion, exhilarated by the call of action. Blocking the entirety of the back alley space were humongous amalgamations paper and metal scaffolding, one an effigy of a goomba and a snifit in outlaw getup. Dr. Topper, bleached white, was laying on top of sparkly glass shards. The hybrid electricity coup kart had a dent in the front matching his shell. The Paper Macho gang members spun at the onlooker.

Stay outta this.” Barked the other one, the snifit. In spite of their hollow emotionless gape the malice and severity was apparent. The observer should back off and get some help.

-No way! Captain Toad pretended to take a step back, then launched his heavy backpack at the Macho Snifit. It fired- 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' his way, the high velocity cork plugs bouncing off the walls. It was too late, The Captain was upon him grabbing and ripping the weapon carrying arm from the socket. The paper pieces disintegrated in his palm, leaving the cap gun. The Captain fired it back at the paper soldier, piercing holes in through its body, snapping the metal skeleton and striking the 'weak point' on his back. Its form exploded with a blast that shot the toad backwards against the shanty metal tiles of the office building. The macho goomba outlaw standing in its partner's wake had no reaction short of fleeing the opposite way.

In the excitement of chasing, the Captain stepped over the downed hammer bro absently. The outlaw barged through a wooden fence and towards a red barn with a breach in the sliding door from being jaggedly eaten into. He found inside it six foot tall dinosaur robots against the wall deactivated, a gaming pc with multi-monitor setup, and in the far rear mechanical parts from vehicles, computers, farm equipment, and radios in rusty piles. Matching teeth marks were all of those, if the outlaw discovered in the middle of the pile wasn't conclusive enough.

The Captain spun the pop gun around his finger. The outlaw's final expression as it ate cork was, again, nothing at least on the outside.

Jr. Troopa was the foremost scuttling around paranoid, paw hovering over his own pop gun like thing in a holster on his hip, obviously too late. “Laki and I didn’t see anything conclusive at the first warning man. I'm so sorry!”

It’s only the wind knocked out of me. I used to, well, be adventurous. I’ll be fine.” Dr. Topper sent away the ukiki nurse. “Thank you. I should have watched my back more. It’s my fault really and I’m ready to get back on track. The integrity of our equipment is perfect and they never touched it. I don’t know who that belongs to, however.”

A Pidgit nurse bent at a rugged backpack. “Sir it’s filled with bricks. I mean books.. Lost and found it is!”

Troopa’s disquietude got the best of him and decided to clean up the glass and paper himself, rather than try to cajole anyone else. He dropped the pan to the ground and got to sweeping stiffly, when he felt eyes on him. Lividly he lifted his head..

I get it, Drew. I suck at this.”

The doctor stepped closer. "Those gangs are common are they not? How did you err?"

"Mismanagement. Between keeping this job with Mr. X and you- who's obviously doing something right in Special World here, I had to get my junior assistants on track, watching the gates, on the roads, keeping up on patients- it ain't working! Do I need to scream more? Make more checklists? What? I can take em on in a fight, but then I really know they won't work with me."

"You do have that surly old reputation."

Troopa felt slapped recalling that. "Yeah, I know it takes time. Look I'm not hanging the saddle up Drew, just calling this day what it is. Bluesy."

"Issue two, you are laterally challenged."

"Short?!? But I'm still taller than I was!"

"We can't control people's biases, unless you allow Morris to see you. He has an experiment that can make you six feet tall."

Troopa punched him.

"Oww!"

"Fine. Sorry!" He koopa gave the toad doctor a big- overdue given the distance, bear hug, snout pressed against his pocket protector from that- ah hem, height distance. Also trying to feel him up. Not like that like that.. mostly, but from the lack of advancement there, he could indeed take Drew on too! Ha! Besides that could see through the white coat, and the doctor's undershirt had *gasp* some sort of bright pattern and color? Such progress from the old days..

"-Jackson, if this is your holistic approach I believe it might work!"

By the time The Captain returned to the scene, what was left was mostly multicolored confetti, the kart, and-

"-Oh. Hello… Blessings unto you gentlemen."

While the doctor and koopa separated quickly, his face hardened at what wasn't there.

"That, uh, that was your backpack?" Troopa asked. "Sent to lost and found. Probabilly can let you into the lockbox after his back from the coast with Mario and-"

Captain Toad wavered. "The Marios have left?!"

"Yeah.." Jr. Troopa glanced over him, worriedly. "You saved Dr. T, just now didn't ya?"

The Captain locked onto a particular detail of the kart near the alley. "And I ask only for this as compensation." He slipped into the driver's seat and slung that kart out of the alleyway.


"In the good ol days, Billy usta drive 'round with Jimmy M. like this.." Probabilly chattered as the tractor-like Dragonfly vehicle putt at its max speed. "Then the coins from the inspections came rollin in. They upgraded in a jiffy."

Old mushroom rock buzzed from the AM radio. The Keptos' 'Darkness in the Light' got the plumbers tapping to the beat. Everyone knew Les from the castle recorded that solo. A lesser known fun fact, well sorta, Gill T. their neighbor was the bassist, a super sheltered toad these days.

After one more dune, they were at the Desert Land peninsula. They thanked the paratroopa and ran the rest of the way into Water Land. The sky was cloudless and blue, waters calm, temperature mild.

They searched around the pier for a bit, hunting down a golden pipe. Toads manning the toad houses were ordered to move them ever once in a while. These versions went much further than normal, a five kingdom stretch, and weren't meant for recreational use. Just what the brothers feared, there was a gold ring below the depths of the ocean. If the coast had simply shifted over it, or if a toad was very diligent one day they couldn't determine. Either way, they'd better get ready to hold their breaths.

Luigi gingerly placed his hat, shoes, and socks in a watertight shoulder bag. "...Geronimo!" He made a running start off the edge.

Mario caught up, rolling his eyes playfully. Splashing in behind him, he was funneled into the metal tube as well. The trip wasn't completely submerged, still wild and chaotic, also quite cold. He was frozen stiff by the time it dumped them into another red-dyed body of water. He defrosted, swimming to the surface-

"Ah!" he exclaimed at the Koopa King's humongous mug- in statue form. It was the dislodged entrance to Bowser Castle, the sea level to the statue's nostrils.

"Up here!"

Luigi pulled Mario onto the structure. The red plumber rolled on his back, chest heaving. The sky was red with purple clouds and it rained in a mildly acidic way that didn't feel too great. It was Dark Land for sure. There were some higher elevations here and there, a volcano peak, tips of trees, otherwise nothing else but murky waters.

"-Ugh!" groaned an orange toad girl paddling around on a floating painting with a street sign. Through the discoloration it was a forgery of Peach's 'Lethal Lava Land', the sort of junk sold in Neo Bowser City.

"Luigi, that's Bowser's fan girl! If we got on her raft, we could take the pipe outta here."

"We want to leave?"

Mario shrugged. "Whatever happened here, Bowser's not around. I know it. Hey! (What was it?).. Emery!!!"

Luigi anxiously watched the girl turn around. Their golden pipe sprout from a dark cloud in the sky, ending about ten feet above the water, ready to time out and fade any moment. If Mario couldn't reason with this toad crazy enough to become a KT minion, they'd be stranded on that ugly replica of Bowser.

"Mario?? Luigi??"

"Yeah. Let us ride with you. I'll tell you a secret Bowser fact."

"No thanks. We're like enemies now, and King can tell me whatever!"

Mario hesitated. "He wouldn't tell you about his brother.."

And he almost had her. He saw that twinkle in the eye. Too bad, he suspected he'd offered too quickly. "I don't believe you," She giggled, remaining just too far for them to jump over.

Afraid they'd push her off the makeshift raft? No they wouldn't, but Mario would readily give her the 'plumber whack' if she acted up. She did sign up for it. Nonetheless, she held onto self-preservation unlike most baddies, and there wasn't a thing they could do to her except reason some more.

Luigi proceeded to in a harsh guttural language, Darklandian.

She flushed. "Oh.. You know that?"

"Toad taught me in the past. Yes."

"The Mr. Toad? He was once with the bad guys?"

"No, but you cannot understand what you cannot communicate with. If he was in better health, he'd tell you a lot about the culture here. He might even tell you that it's in your best interest to help us leave. You don't want to be caught letting us go, do you?"

"Are you implying you'd snitch?"

Mario shot up next to him. "You'd bet! Minions are supposed to fight us on sight, so get up here girl and brawl, or let us leave and conveniently forget we saw ya."

She squeezed her oars, glaring. "I hate you and you'll so game over at my hands someday."

While she rowed closer, Luigi subtly nudged his brother. "We'd better watch for her..."

When the Mario brothers returned to Water Land, they knew they had major reformulating to do. That must have been the wetter and sloppy Bowser Badlands they'd visited by mistake. A screw-up somewhere in the warp system, or-

"-Mr. Mario, Mr. Luigi.. Weren't you missing something on that expedition?"

Captain Toad leaned against the hood of an eco-friendly bubble-shaped kart, his glimmering smile only making its heavy damage more suspicious. They stood still, puzzled. The Captain used that opportunity to stroll past them left and right like a little sergeant, hands clasped behind his back.

"..Did something go awry? If only you had an extra partner to accompany you."

Mario pushed past, unperturbed. "Stan, Luigi and I can handle it. Thanks though!"

The Captain stared with unbridled rage before he caught himself. "But an adventurer needs a brigade! Besides for (spreading the blame during mishaps) allowing all talents to shine, extra eyes and ears are a protection!!"

Then Luigi began to leave.

The Captain followed hectically. "I know a way to teleport, straight to wherever we need to be! Including the princess!"

Luigi found his words, turning as the red toad overtook him. "And how is that possible, Stan?"

He smirked. "With your linguistic capabilities. And it's Captain Toad to you, Mr. Hero."


He folded the paper up once, then again, then several more times until it was a tiny square in the pocket of the husk in the waiting room. The wait was over, and nothing could be done for Ala-Gold like he thought he was prepared for. The talk with his family was pleasant at least. Saddened, seeking to travel over Monday, the soonest they could, they were proud their son went down in the war against that evil Bowser man..

Funny, he used to always be jealous that Gold had a big family back at Ricco Harbor, and Gold in turn would tell him not to be too much. He moved abroad for a reason. Maybe he was onto something. Bucken-Berry's family never had to be stabbed by the pain of losing him.

"Hey. You know Mr. Toad? Yes?" A stern stranger, an orange yoshi in a tux, gave Bucken-Berry's hand a perfunctory shake, holding roses in his other. "Where? I think my niece is close by," he mentioned grittily.

Bucken-Berry pointed down a hallway, where that guy shortly went. Another visitor for Mr. Toad. Did anyone care about Gold like he did though? Boiling inside, Blue fought against the pavlovian urge to smash something. He should be telling the castle staff, being active. Instead he rose to his feet, lifted the metal chair over his head and-

"Sir I- Nevermind! Eeeekkk!"

Thomas screamed and ran out of the hospital entirely, which made some others turn and look at who remained, Bucken-Berry, like he was some freak. The blue toad dropped the chair and rushed outdoors as well. His vision blacked out from the bright sun, so that he collided face first into the metal sheet siding of the adjacent building. He fell backward into a puddle of viscous mud, toppling over a high stack of metal buckets with him. Many water lines were there, evident by the large pipes going underground and a leaky faucet.

Thomas stepped up slowly. "I was going to say something but.. I f-forgot..."

Bucken-Berry leaned upwards and glared. "Chill it, kid. I wasn't gonna... Did I look like I was gonna? Well I wasn't. Okay? Now piss off!"

"Doesn't sound like it…. Sorry again sir." Thomas quickly backed off, and then changed his mind. He drew something in the soil with his heel. "I came from there and was taken by Dark Land militia when I was about five. It's been tough I suppose, though it did not dawn how much until I came here and compared my life to your kind."

Bucken-Berry was standing by then. There was once a such thing as sanctioned nomads, the reason why toads could be the exceeding demographic nonnative areas. Etched down there was Prism Island's crest. Talk about remote. "I'll be frank kid. I'm not in a state to get into toad politics, as privileged as I still am despite my tragedies. More so when one of them is in that building behind us."

"Mr. Ala-Gold, for the short time I knew him, was a cool guy."

"Kid, duh he was! He crossed over from the harbor in a canoe he carved, using his homemade compass too and the stars alone. He'd memorize level maps and let our timer run out finding hidden blocks. Mario would be pissed! He had this weird thing against screaming, so how we clicked it off I don't know…" His gaze remained on his muddy boots. "And don't regret. Look, enough yapping. Where's The Captain? I got beef with him, not gonna lie, but he's kinda meek and quiet without his brigade. He'd probably freak you out less to hang with."

"Oh, right. That was his name, I'm bad with those sir. I was with him before, at the public library but, he was too passionate about the subject."

That's not a real criticism according to Toadette, Bucken-Berry thought. Anyway, "Uh huh?"

"Yeah so, I haven't seen him in a while, but his backpack is right here."

Probabilly had returned and the lost and found items were openly displayed under the hospital's front porch. Bucken-Berry ogled at several books, an 'Ex spatio obiecti specialem lexicon', a snapping Bookend, a Dark Prognosticus reproduction, and an emerald green book on Magikoopa rites in authentic Darklandian. They were lined up like- evidence!

A memory rushed back to Blue, taking his breath away.

Snifit Patrol’s Evidence on Zoo #5, small painting, Assemblation by artist Drew L. D.

Their saving grace was Zoo’s brother.


Peach's knees briefly buckled after the first row of stairs, speckled steadily from rain, leading to the entrance of a tall tower, rising into the darkening clouds even. The kooapling quickened his pace to reach her but with Toadsworth over his sore shoulders, by the time he’d gotten there she was already scraping herself back up.

I am well, dear..” she spoke preemptively. “I've had these dizzy spells all my life.”

"Hey, hold up. Can we please just go somewhere else?”

It seems inclined to storm rather badly. We are on foot.”

But dad is coming here too!”

I may persuade him again is all.”

Did she not realize that he WANTED to get away from them and this could ‘out’ him?

The teenager bit back that rush of fear. The princess was already at the large medieval door, tapping with the knocker.

Peach,” he tried one more time. “Umm. I lost our, you know, letters from last night in that twister or whatever. What did you mean in that last one?”

The princess ceased the tapping. Larry’s breath was bated as she stood very still, so intensely when the tower’s door moved open with a loud creek, he almost lost his footing.

Ludwig stood in the arch. He was a little pallid, but he must have thought he felt great. His arms were folded and his nose raised. “Why did you come here?“

Except that voice wasn't his!

Ludwig’s head lowered, revealing his smirk, “You will soon wish you were swept away by the deluge.”

Chapter End Notes

Didn’t like the month long development time here, but there is a lot of fresh material compared to the old story, plus real life stuff happened during the date span below. Could be worse!
There are two references here to original franchises of mine, or adjacent enough. ‘Star Slammers’ and ‘Nintendo Depot’.
Created: 6/14/22, 6/15 - 6/18, 6/23, 6/24, 6/25, 6/28, 7/1, 7/3 -7/7, 7/8 -7/10, 7/11(lol), 7/13, 7/14
Edited: 11/21/23

14. Split

Chapter Summary

I'm torn *Slight edits*

Chapter Notes

Disclaimer: Mario and co belongs to Nintendo

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Without the doctor who held Dr. Mario’s case study, there was little to do but roll in a Mushroom Flu patient one by one, look them up and down and return them where they came from in the same condition. For the Special World Hospital doctors, that was perhaps the closest they’d been to “traditional” in ages. Locals began to murmur ‘something something quack, pard’ner’, and a closely listening triage nurse suspected they weren’t referring to the cataquack population. Jr. Troopa marched into the temporary tin shed lab, weaving and squeezing around the testbeds, tables with bubbling chemicals, and the hammer brother clacking at an old looking computer. Dr. Toad was found at the rearmost wall, at a clear spot he’d carved out as his atelier. A six by four canvas hung at his eye level.

-Jackson, I should recruit your blue toad nurse. I have never seen a more expedient associate who had yet only had the work experience of five minutes,” Dr. Toad droned, etching Vick's homestead with a tan pastel. His right hand held the rubber band bound remainder of the set.

That didn't used to be his style. “Erm. These are enemy species parts, Drew. You're the only toad. Also folks starting to gossip bout.. Forget it. What he look like?”

"Tormented, weathered for his age, rivaling the intensity of a Pablo Pizzacaso portrait, a slight unibrow, almost always downward…But reasonably attractive, with muscles- large ones."

Before Troopa could react, there was a cacophony. He jumped around at people barging in and barring the door closed with a spade. "Nevermind, there's a toad right there!"

Dr. Toad's playful side evaporated as Dr. Toadley and his intern invaded, glistening from what part of their exposed skin didn't have dirt stuck to it. In panic Dr. Toad barreled past Troopa and Dr. Topper to cut them off halfway.

"Stop!"

"Was my arrival unexpected? Yes it was! We hastened, even directly through villager's backyards and crops. Some had shotguns."

"An anonymous.. delivery person has given.. us a.. Mushroom Flu virus sample," the intern added in between breaths.

Dr. Toad felt the ground swallow him. "This was not a group effort, Houdini."

Jr. Troopa came up modestly. "Uh.. I can have the boys drag em out if it bothers you that much."

Dr. Toadley chuckled. "We arrive to assist, not subjugate." But first to assert that he was no joke either, Toadley opened his palm to prove the impossible. The object within scintillate.


Behold! At 893:044; the courthouse of Grandmaster Galaxy emerges from interstellar clouds of dust and gas, stationed above pillars staggering higher in elevation: the first of emerald, the second chalcedony, the third sapphire, the fourth jasper, the fifth-

The star warrior careened then into the sardonyx pillar of millennia, bouncing off like a Micro-Goomba against a Banzai Bill. Dizzyingly he identified that the obscuring fog was an organic material, eating it away. He bustled to the golden gate of the court, ajar with a holographic scroll attached: The Galaxy Courthouse is closed at this moment. Thanketh thee.'

(♡♪!?) reread in disbelief, as if he might bend the words with his will power to state something else. “Drats.. only thirteen minutes late!” His further acceleration released his passengers from the suspended state they were in during his lightspeed travels.

Ludwig and Toadsworth took a rough tumble against the glass plane the golden Greek style coliseum rested on. The koopaling had not fully regained his bearings when a threatening rumble from the vastness of space tore his attention from his bruises. Clumps of stars engaged in combat, some star warriors, others macabre seafoam colored stars, five pointed, flatter with sunken black eyes, the source of a wispy particle like material all but invisible unless if overlay a lighter colored planet or galaxy that revealed it as pure black and corrosive. It made dozens of star warriors sizzle to nothing- and the wicked forces were advancing!

Ludwig spun to take flight, colliding with Toadsworth. They split all over the place, that time into the interior. The koopaling was on his feet in seconds and sprinted blindly for miles down narrow twisting and turning halls of some light emitting yellow stone like material. Enigmatically, he met up with a familiar face who had obviously never moved. The gasp that escaped his lips was the koopaling’s last breath as he collapsed from exhaustion.

See what rash decisions just got you?” Toadsworth strolled up to his snout. “Tut tut. The rules of our old reality don’t apply. Preceding forward we must locate our guardian and get the gist of things in an orderly way.”

A low growl emitted from the back of the koopaling’s throat as he peeled his face from the floor. “And why would someone of my caliber be frazzled, Samuel??”

I was not meddling,” the elder replied, leading off in a random direction to Ludwig. “After all, I cannot fathom how it feels to be snuffed out so young.”

The Koopaling growled once more. That geriatric little.. And the emotion settled into his stomach, exhuming a poignant memory from six years ago: the arrival of the final sibling and the rapid sickness and death of their mother following. How Junior is given that very unique name and heired successor unprecedentedly. Ludwig slowly approached his father post funeral, the second that red cloaked stranger detached from his side, pleading for some explanation. He was more than old enough. He deserved it. As Bowser broke apart into wheezes and sniffles, he never got it. That was the impetus making the Koopa Troop his full time job, even over musical education. If he was militant enough, had grandiose enough strategies, had outside villain organizations recognize his efforts- could that make his father view him as worthy to govern his kingdom some day?

Apparently not.

Ludwig. Yo, your feet are making sparks. Pick it up!”

Ludwig was roused to (♡♪!?) securing him and Toadsworth by the wrist into a radiant open courtroom. Hamstrung, Ludwig plopped down in the stands, unnoticed by Toadsworth surveying with the star warrior for the missing goddess. Rows of vacant seating scaled as high as Toadsworth could crane his neck. The war had yet to tarnish the upper echelons of the transparent roof. He could still see twinkling distant stars through them, too far to wish to. The devout man reached inwards instead..

I do hope this does not offend sir,” he ventured. “But have you attempted to call her?”

The star warrior bent upwards from the judge's podium, slapping himself. “..Call me Geno and duh! We just got ‘em. Cut me a break.” He dialed a number on a brand new looking iPhone X. “Hey girl…Oh! Right on..”

Geno readdressed the two, pausing only a moment at the koopaling’s zonked out disposition. “Hold still and, voila!”

After a flash of light, the three were on a patch of grass on one of the islands that branched off from a central hi tech observatory structure with a reactor powering it. Other paths lead to living areas, buildings, and even schools from which lumas placidly carried on normal business. The sector of space here was dark blue, and eclectic galaxies were plainly visible in the distance. From Luigi’s photos, Toadsworth registered it as the Comet Observatory, and here was its owner, strolling up from the center console and fumbling on an identical to Geno’s phone in a way he might back on Earth, the elder toad was reminded ticklishly.

I intended to inform you of the new arrangements when the battles broke out over there (♡♪!?) , but could not locate the contacts app,” the goddess admitted sheepishly. She tucked the rose gold iPhone away, giving up. She was like a living jewel before them, statuesque and aglow in mature beauty and grace, from her long platinum hair to her flawless skin, to the dazzlingly vibrant blue gown that extended to the floor. Despite that she sounded ordinary, dignified, but as any other shyish woman.

Hey no biggie Rosie. I only remembered your digits cause I wrote in on my bicep the other day! Where’s the others?” Geno gave a worrying sweep of the area.

Millennium Star insisted on imperiling himself without specifics.” The goddess explained in a hush so as to not alert lumas in proximity. “There was no one else.”

Geno groaned, reluctantly turning to his guests. “Alright, so us star beings WON’T be rolling up on ‘em gangsta style. Rosalina’s Gravitational Pull will have to channel you to your bodies.”

Good show!” Toadsworth exclaimed. He pat Ludwig, who’s eyebrows furrowed, unreadable otherwise.

-But there might be glitches. Could be distance, attenuation, we dunno. It’s experimental, so do ya utmost to find the dark star’s leader quickly and discreetly. It gets wind of us on the case and it’ll switch from games to complete annihilation. We can’t afford to swoop in and miss..”

Toadsworth burst with consternation. It was only through being so well bred that he didn’t jump out and seize the star warrior going, “What are you mad???” Outwardly he steely accepted like he was a Mushroom soldier once more, agreeing to one of the serious missions whose success endeared him to the Toadstool dynasty.

Coolio. And we’ll watch from here..?” Geno gave a side glance to Rosalina. “Oh one more thing. A good start might be to watch out for ‘Special Objects’. The Dark Star had to be connected to one and anybody using it. It takes arcane knowledge to discern which are connected to good or bad stars so just don’t mess with them. ..Wait a second thing actually, don’t tell other people what you’re doing because if they’re connected to an ‘evil’ Special Object they might like, try to kill you and we can’t exactly prevent that! ..Alright, anything to add, Rosie?”

The goddess shuddered. She’d spent most of that time with her sapphire eyes trained on the koopaling. She paced over with a message just for him and leaned beyond his wild blue hair.

It’s not too late. Remember you are someone’s ‘Special One.’”



The sensation of choking woke Ludwig up- for real this time. The general coughed up murky tongue stinging water.

How can BOTH of them pass out like that?! I hate everything!”

Larry!” Princess Peach rebuked. “Stop fussing. We made it to the level we needed!”

They hauled Toadsworth and Ludwig into the center of the tower. There was a shaft with a manual powered elevator waiting for them. Just in time. They could hear the foaming waters sloshing on the floor below, even up creeping from the stairs. They hurried inside and spotted Lemmy far at the top. His rainbow mohawk disappeared and then they were shot up like a rocket, so much the basket broke at the top of the shaft, flinging everyone out onto the roof.

Whoops…” Lemmy saw his brother continually spinning the winch. “Iggy, you can stop!..”

Larry rubbed his head, knocked against the parapet. “Ouch. Thanks I freakin’ think..” The flooded over landscape below sent a shiver down his spine. The waters were high enough to obscure the pillar thing in the field Peach was mesmerized by before. An airship sailed over the horizon, followed by additional smaller boats or whatever possessed buoyancy. Spontaneously a pontoon broke off from the others and raced up to the front ship. It had a hand weaved flag waving from it. A passenger from the lead ship plunged into the ocean.

What’s Wendy thinking??” Lemmy said, materializing next to his little brother. “And I can’t place where I’ve seen that symbol before..”

Larry couldn’t cross his eyes enough to see whatever Lem could somehow. “Doesn’t Iggster have service? Boogle it.”

Lemmy cringed, avoiding eye contact, digging his foot on the stone tile.. “Iggy IS Boogle now. Kinda. He got impatient and replaced his brain with a robot.”

Larry took another look around. Peach was okay if disarranged, Toadsworth and Ludwig.. They were moving, but morbid or ‘off’ in a way he couldn’t articulate right then. What overshadowed that even was.. Iggy was a cyborg!


A lounging toad girl observed traffic from Hotel Mario’s tallest balcony. Sometimes a citizen would race down Starman Lane on foot, like in times past she could faintly remember. Before motor karts were the norm in Toad Town, everyone accordingly had less on the agenda and time in general felt slower. Toadette wished, just for today, she was shot back to those days.

She lowered the magazine after floorboards creaked.

What’s up?” signed another more tanned pink toad, with inverted spots compared to her.

Toadette plastered on a smile for the gardener. “Just coolin off.”

Joseph sat gingerly in the beach chair next to her. “You’re in direct sunlight!” He laughed with a hoarse husky voice. “There’s air conditioning indoors where we’re all waiting for you. We leave in ten minutes. It’s at four pm..”

Oh I haven’t done my hair yet! So many are already at Royal Raceway and there’s..” Dang it. She forgot the sign language for ‘too many cameras and news people’ at the worst time!

You look beautiful, darling.”

Thanks but I can’t go-”

Joe conveniently feigned ignorance of her verbalization, taking her hand and lifting her out of the seat. Toadette didn’t want to behave rudely, indecision that roped her to the ground floor reception desk. She had to admit it being lit orange from the evening sun was an improvement, hiding the dinginess of the carpet and making the game machines look cool, but she wasn’t happy to be there regardless, not with three more co-workers hanging around. She dread how they might try to cajole her.

Les yawned, back against the wall, Chef Tim chat on the phone off to the side with a pan in his other hand, and Zeror, made up spiffily and directly blocking the door, held a loupe to a yellow packet that had been ripped open and was currently a back board for a document.

Waitaminute. Toadette squinted, closing on the green capped banker and treasure curator none the wiser. “If that’s addressed to the manager only, why haven’t I seen it?” When she tried to take it from him, there was resistance on his end from his trance like state that tore it across a preexisting seam middle line.

Ma’am oh heavens I've ruined it!!”

Hearing Zeror's light voice for once was as surprising as the weathered hand written document in an antiquated Shroomish dialect. The official mushroom seal adorned the bottom from their castle, Mushroom King reign era.

What’s it say, doll?” Les asked enthusiastically.

Well Toadette’s interest was piqued knowing legalese from collage, enough to forget that Zeror should have deciphered the list of items and herbs forever ago. “What sticks out to me is ’Teeowed’ and a verb for ‘consume’ and ‘mushroom’...So like we left behind this recipe thing and somebody found it for us? So what?”

Zeror’s crafty simper to Les and Joe revealed his gold teeth. Toadette gulped, rolling up her half of the paper.

What else of the princess’s priceless possessions might we have missed?” Joe asked.

Uh, Joseph, Lester, even Mr. Zeror, there’s no way we can recomb the area. Not with that event going on,” she rebutted. There was something very strange and over elaborate with this trap they’d set, but she wasn’t falling for it. They hadn’t even tried her true weakness-

Oh Tim,” Les began. “Show her the Chocolate Cake!”

The chef removed the cover from the pan, a fresh Jelly Ultra. Toadette could thankfully refuse, temptation free. She disliked the jelly derivatives. Too sticky, much like the situation was getting.

If only that guy would listen!” Joe complained to Les and Zeror.

Excuse me flower boy,” Tim snapped. “Face me so I can see what you're saying!”

I said this, Timothy,” after signing the chef’s name, Joe swung at him.

The rotund chef slipped backward and through the entrance door and rolled to a stop at a parking brick outside. He propelled himself up as the other three staff barged out brandishing a fire extinguisher, a vase, or surprisingly nothing as far as Zeror was concerned. The chef exposed from under his apron a long silver butcher's knife and held them off with it.

You're all on drugs!!”

Stoooooop!” Toadette ran out between him. “All this just because I don’t want to go down there??”

They were all daunted, Joe broadly.. “You are the foremost of the princess’s subsidiaries and we cannot attend without you. What if officials organize a plan to rescue the princess?”

Not likely according to flyers, Toadette mused, in uncharted waters. Weird phrasing, Toad Town hadn’t had rain in weeks, also- not a homicide since fifteen years ago if the baddie influx yesterday didn’t count, yet Peach’s staff were prepared to hurt each other. What was happening to people?

What are you thinking?”

She blinked. “That…You are now castle manager. There, now you can all attend.”

Another first, she saw Zeror’s bottom lip under his bushy mustache while he gaped. “How am I qualified, ma’am?”

You were Mr. Toadsworth’s friend, has decades of history with the Toadstools, and you didn’t pack a weapon just now. Done. Oh look,” she added, under the other three’s disappointments of the missed promotion. A dark tented van was pulling up. “Totally just in time.”

Guard Jon didn’t bother with a tally of toads for Peach Castle. It only surprised Toadette that he did not bring along his partner. Bridget paced at the hotel slot machines, fidgeting constantly with the intricacies of her uniform or giggling at her reflections. Toadette wasn’t sure what drove her desire to formally introduce herself. Toadettes were rarer and she was lonely now, and the irony wasn’t lost on her that after pining for promotion she’d just demoted herself. There was nothing to lose.

Hi.”

Bridget stood straight on high alert, super scope on hand. She was a tad shorter, with entirely different and darker features and sportier, a tough one. Maybe this was a bad idea..

Uh, nothing..” Toadette bit her lip, backing away.

Wait. So you’re, haha, good with the city, eh?

..Sure. I chauffeur the princess sometimes.”

The guard’s smile widened. “I’m sooo jealous! Since that dick Jon is gone will you ride with me on some errands?”

Moments later Toadette sqeed. Around back was a shiny B-Dasher, a privately owned kart used for the job, Mushroom insignias juxtaposed on it, and still gorgeous.

Don’t drool on my seat covers,” Bridget joshed, nudging the enamored ex-manager.

I won’t!” Toadette blushed.

The guard loaded in the back some boxed army supplies that looked suspiciously like junk food while Toadette loaded a heavier larger neutral colored purse full of many objects and that Ultra Jelly. They drove off in the convertible, loving the breeze.

I have a ton of friends stationed around.. Pleasant Path. Know there?”

Sure do!”

Doesn’t a pocketbook like that break your back?”

Toadette readjusted her seat belt. “You get used to it.. Now take that right down Turtlely Road,” she said to switch the topic. Those items were what she thought was the most valuable of Zeror’s treasure stash, no longer trusting entirely any staff but her boyfriend, though even he freaked her out by ominously texting if she could bring some of Zoo’s evidence from Snifit Patrol precinct down South. How did he know that’s where she needed to get to as well? The cops more pertinently were holding Peach’s Parcel from yesterday which would surely demystify much of the commotion in town..

For step one, Toadette grabbed a well worn cassette from her pocket. This other girl was about to love the mushroom rock band ‘The Pizza’s’ whether she knew it or not. They’d gotten heat over it in later years, but none could deny they were the masters of subliminal messages.


Mario wiggled his toes that had fallen asleep in his boots. He was genuinely intrigued at the outset. Too bad the pile of books on the wooden counter proved to be insipid at best, even with that bright warning tag on them stating 'DO NOT REMOVE FROM LIBRARY'. Mario dismissed the nagging detail. Considering they were in the local librarian's trailer home while they were out on business, The Captain must have obtained permission.

"Stuck?"

"Um. Yes," The Captain replied, voice leaking with embarrassment. He massaged his strained eyes. On the page characters went backwards and forwards at random, and at times 'stylistically' spiraling to the center of the page. His attempt to read it was such a trainwreck, Luigi felt uncomfortable, left, and never came back.

Mario without prompt, had a device in his hands. "Break time. Jr. Troopa's blowing me up about something at the lab just now."

The Captain bore into the brick-like GoomPCS, a rudimentary model for species with no appendages. He'd mistook it for someone else's, but the next correct realization was equally worrisome. "You've acquired a new cellular phone, and distributed your new number, and didn't inform me?"

The mildly bewildered plumber slid it back into his pocket. "It wasn't that long ago. It's just a cheap thing from the drugstore that I used a prepaid card on. Not a big deal okay?-.."

"...I'll meet you there. Sir."

The moment the plumber was out, he flipped the entire table of books with a roar of anguish, making them fly up and into cupboards and knickknacks. That beast had been simmering since Luigi left practically LAUGHING in his face- now that humiliation in front of Mario? The Captain trembled and hyperventilated. If only he could cram enough knowledge to interpret the Darklandian in the magikoopa book… The red faded from his vision enough to notice something shiny on the floor, retrieving a silver-plated locket. Not very valuable he appraised with proficiency, nonetheless someone might want to see it.

He waltzed into the previously shut up disarrayed bedroom and opened a chest under tangled covers. The bob-omb buddy bound tightly inside mumbled through the pillowcase stuffed in his mouth and squirmed at the toad's cheeky face as he loomed over. A bad smell struck his nose from the fear-stricken victim. Miffed with him, The Captain plunked the heirloom down there and shut the trunk tight again. He wasn't planning on returning. It would be wise at this point to ask his brigade down. He had a way to insure it actually.


Yoshi played fetch with Poochy, occasionally waving to neighbors, or being forced to rescue them as the Dino Rhino and Ukiki couple that owned the berry farm down the jungle path discovered. Poochy was growing and inclined to play rough with things or people with certain scents. A quirk of the breed, but Yoshi was managing it- more or less rather.

He rallied over the dog to escape the elements for a while. Tall sumac buffeted him along the way. He'd meant to tame the land around his treehouse more. It was covering the 'For sale' sign..

Yoshi later collapsed on his striped hammock, watching nostalgically at the little leaf spinning fan. He had a dresser to the right, an icebox and nothing else that wasn't packed in boxes. The rest of the space was racks of trendy clothing and additional boxes. Even before plans to emigrate the dino tread light for less complications when crossing between Yoshi's Island and the Mushroom Kingdom. At this point he could pass as a Mushroomite by accent.

His IslandMobile ringing frightened him. He was in the midst of such a.. delicate situation involving telecommunication.

"Yoshi. Still alive? Luigi wanted to thank you for the help yesterday."

Yoshi sat up from the hammock, feeling like a thwomp hit him. That deplorable work of his in the park against Zoo? Not listening, behaving like a rookie.. What did Luigi see in that? Well, he'd make up for it double.

"Mario, you want me over now. Right???"

"Uh. Better hear what happened since from me than the news." He told him, never interrupted once, which made Mario uneasy.

"Great. I'll get over there however it takes. Train, boat, plane. -And I hate flying but I'll do it!" The dino was already pacing around, causing Poochy to drop a plush chew toy and watch.
"Didn't you hear me? You said you were about to get married didn't you? Maybe move further inland? Always talking about how your buddies on Dino island started families forever ago? With grandchildren now? Don't get yourself killed."

He froze. "What."

"I'm giving you at ticket to normalcy Yosh. Hold on." Mario seemed to move somewhere, probably secluded. "I wanted to tell you this long ago. Your old lady is sick of you crossing over all the time. We both know that."

The dinosaur plopped back down. "Mario I.. Yes, but no matter what I do, short of 'nothing', Birdo has an issue. I keep her informed every literal hour I'm out. I'm with her if I'm not with you, and of course she's not somewhere, where ever that is these days. I'm mystified."

"No you're not."

He sighed, glancing over his home emptily. "Of course. I'm not. Either I'll surprise you later, or you can surprise me with how it went down in a day or two. Good bye.."

Yoshi surprised himself by resisting the urge to move, all the way until he heard the squeaks of the ladder outside. Someone was returning to the tree home. He stood then and had the door already open for his fiancée, dolled up in a hot pink dress coat and matching church hat. Slightly taken back by his initiative, she blew a kiss at him and continued in, placing the Bronze Egg on the mantelpiece. Poochy aggressively snarled at it like he always did. Yoshi rolled his eyes a little, securing the locks. She was supposed to hide that 'prop' from 'Authentic Restorations Inc.' knowing it triggered the pet like that. Disposing of it wasn't going to fly either, not without a fight. His fiancée was enraptured with that tacky thing, insisting the modeling agencies booked her two-fold with it.

Honey, get comfortable please,” he led off, remaining standing. He watched her casually lounge on her red love sofa without alarm, already flicking around on her smartphone. He took one more breath. “It’s about that location you want us to move to.”

She snapped in his direction. “T. Yoshisaur, half the treehouse is in a box!”

Indeed, but we haven’t deposited yet on that Donut Plains condo and I would like to, if I can, present my argument differently: Prices are up and this land is paid for. If we aren’t going to worry about money, the Mushroom Kingdom would be a more appropriate fit for us. All of your highest paying agencies are based there and I’ve seen some of the letters where they ask for you to move closer. With our rapport we’d have zero issues finding a home. Just something to consider. Just trying to make you happy.” He lifted his gaze from his orange booties across the carpet and onto her longing expression at...the Bronze Egg!! A flash of anger came upon him. He’d tried so arduous, for that? He knew what she loved and it wasn’t him.

He launched it through the window.

YOSHI!!” she exploded.

He thought she might follow it, but remained at the window seal.

"-That was uncalled for and I'll rectify that." Yoshi slowly approached her side. The sun made three objects glint among the ragweed and sumac, including the cracked egg. "However, I have no better way to say this.. Birdo, there's a dagger in me and I've bled for a long time. Going forward it would be wise for us to take a break. Our lifestyles aren't compatible."

Birdo slowly faced him. He almost recoiled, not sure what to expect. "I agree and- Whew! There's too much chaos in these parts. I really wanted to move back to Subcon anyway," she mentioned about as casually as one would the weather.

"I thought Mario and crew..dreamed up.. Nevermind. Will you need help?"

"No. I'll hire movers. Old man," she teased. "And since you've ended it officially, I won't be dragged on social media."

"Who gives unsolicited commentary on other people's romantic life online?"

"I thought you were adept with technology."

"Sarcasm honey."

They laughed together, softly rather. Realization of the Abilene paradox was bittersweet at best for both of them.

The rhythmic shuffling of tracks meant there was a slumbering dinosaur for a multicolored dog to lick in the face, having escaped from a partially sized luggage bag thirty minutes ago. Soon his master mumbled about that person again.

Poochy was a good boy.

He was learning phrases.

He understood 'stop', 'go', 'fetch', and 'Here's money for a shopping spree, honey'.

He also purported what 'Mario' meant.

That name seemed to connect with elation in general for Master.

Therefore… Mario must be food. See? Poochy smart boy.

A loud steam whistle jolted Yoshi awake. He flushed at the canine nuzzling him. "No boy. Get back in quick. Quick!"

Another yoshi, the ticket checker that had been pestering everyone in that section, and with a katana too, came up. "I knew my allergies weren't lying, Larry. Found him."

"The Koopaling?"

A uniformed toad came up. "No sir, I'm the conductor. The Toad Town 101 does not allow pets in the passenger compartments," he warned sternly. Then he presented a pen and pad for an autograph. "But for the famous Mr. Munchakoopas, we'll pretend we didn't see it. We only request that you go to the rear most carriage if there's any 'accidents'."

That was a great deal as moments later, Poochy was indicating one of those were waiting to happen. That rear unmonitored room was a storage area for hay bails, the only source of light the sliding door precariously half open. Trees and jungle scrolled by in a jade blur outside. As Poochy sniffed around, Yoshi had last minute reservations. What if those belonged to someone? He chose to not think about it too hard, looking away for the dog's privacy at the adjacent wall with an Emerald Circus poster. One of Bowser's sons were on the bill. Oh yeah.. He'd seen Lemmy perform by accident about a year ago. He bounced around the stage like he had a blast. Adorable thing.

"I prefer the Cirque du Angry Solei."

His jaw dropped at the one next to him. "How did you get here?"

"Teleportation."

"Be serious or-" Yoshi grit his teeth. "Just forget it, Dr. Professor."

Doctor Professor Koopa smiled at him, continuing to hold his shoulder. Stubble spotted the corners of his face, but was otherwise just as Friday. "I'm not at my practice obviously so you may address me Theo."

"How about not."

"That's really my name."

"Look, what happened to your havok wreaking crew?"

He didn't seem particularly concerned. "I suppose apprehended while we were fleeing town."

"You are aware we're heading back to Toad Town."

"You are. I'm not." Dr. Prof checked his cracked watch and with a burst of energy threw himself into another train passing the opposite direction. Yoshi made a lightning decision, scooped his dog up and did the same. They landed in a pile of red clay. This train was rickety and vibrated like an earthquake compared to the last. Worse, he feared he was already lost. With no covering over each car he could see water on either side and the bridge ahead stretching into the unknown. He pressed on. The dino carefully made his way over the coupler and into the next car, rewarded with satisfaction from that criminal's dumb stare from atop the gravel pile.

"Surprise, Theodore."

"...You have a tenacity most don't at our age, boy! Mario for a certainty sent you to hunt me down and stomp my face. I propose an information exchange?

The dino nodded at the willingness to bargain. He might have also been, just a tiny bit, pumped up by that complement. "Fair."

"When my 'Sweet Pea' was a grammar school age I was the castle medic. One day her father and one of his high ranking red toads, can't remember the name but it's unoriginal, flipped out on me over a scientific theory that toads and humans favoring is more than a mere coincidence.... So I followed where there was a need, at a rapidly flourishing Castle Koopa. Great gig until Mushroom Flu broke out. You must understand that, while we refer to is as a 'virus' it is abstruse, from a mushroom that does not grow on Earth. Yes, those bastards sent it as an intentional attack from their evil stars. Dr. Mario confirmed it."

Yoshi blinked at him. "What are you saying??"

The wrinkles around Dr. Prof. Koopa's eyes creased. "That was my end of the bargain. Now please enlighten me on.. the touch of a human. -Oh my apologies. You never found out with him."

"Him?! I.. w-who??"

"Mario."

Yoshi had another bout of.. "That's not how 'that' works. What are you trying to leverage against me?"

"Ah ah ah." The doctor wagged a finger. "If I went there, you'd react poorly-"

Yoshi found his hands crushing the doctor's throat, demonstrating in real time. He shoved the koopa back against the sloped wall of the cart, shifting around and half burying both in gravel and powder. It shook the dinosaur out of it, stepping back, in fact wanting to be as far from the giggling, wheezing fiend as possible.

"The cops will deal with you!" He whistled for Poochy and flung himself off board and into the blue ocean waters.

A belated realization rippled through him that he was in the middle of nowhere, the suspension bridge his only aid. He counted concrete pillars as some way to track progress. His arms burned by number thirty, where a whirlpool began to pulling him. Poochy immediately left his saddle and swam away, disappearing over a rolling wave. The dinosaur accepted his fate then with equanimity. The canine was only preserving his life.

The water broke, and he refocused on the fluorescent orange object, a life preserver. For him! He encouraged his companion with the ring in his teeth until he could grab on. Some rope tethered to it swiftly towed them towards a white fishing boat so miniature, the billows obscured it easily. The toad reeling them in lauded at the bonus extra soul saved.

"No problem. That's why I pretend to be a- I mean I AM definitely a coast guard. Need another towel?" Sonny, as he introduced himself, asked his passengers. He was a youngish red toad wearing all black, with a tactical vest as large as him.

"No. Thank you again."

"Good. That was, um, my only one."

Yoshi wrapped the dog with it at the moment, being the furry creature of the two. Yoshis were resilient anyway and he didn't want Poochy getting another sinus infection. Yoshi and the coast guard chat readily for a bit, neither prying. Soon Sonny mentioned they were near Pipe Land. He reduced speed to not beach on any underground pipes, in the process acutely spotting something bobbing around. The coast guard released a ragged sigh as he reeled it in. Yoshi soon understood. It was a decaying baddie. Sonny had a different procedure for that one and it soon was respectfully stored away in a large tackle box.

Life was too fragile to leave loose ends. Yoshi thought back to the Bronze Egg pieces he'd packed with him. It was petty to take that. Best he repair or replace, and mail it back to her. Just as a way to say maturely, 'sorry it didn't work out, but here'.


"Really?" Boo eyed the heavy gift in the black carrying case.

"Yeah, lil fella. The owner of this kart doesn't deserve cool toys like that. Display only now. For safety."

Kylie Koopa was the type to make them comfortable with, well, people. Giving them the shiny ray gun found under the seat was a little jarring, and Boo had zero experience or want in such, but the implications filled them with joy. They were considered grown up, capable, cool, trustworthy. Attributes Luigi might like… Further demonstrated when Kylie made a detour for Boo to deliver ‘S.G.’s other delivery to the Toadley Clinic.

Pulling into the lot of Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, the boo found some fringes of their old diffident mood returning. Scattered around were karts like the guards drove. Boo braved following Kylie inside. The species diverse staff from yesterday were replaced with unfamiliar toads either at a desk or seated leisurely in the lobby with reading material. While in civilian clothing mostly, their black spots hinted otherwise. Boo reached the end of a hallway and noticed Kylie was missing.

Kylie, finally you show up!!”

Smack in the middle of the previous hall, the koopa reporter blanketed the toad with a hug. He winced, making her ease up. He was bloated, felt quite warm, and was dressed in the same suit he had the last time she’d seen him, now with dark stains blotting it. His lap was filled with old facial tissues stained identically.

Mitch, what are ya doing here? Does this name ring a bell? Jelectro Bond. He called himself your-”

Sign this first babe. I never took you off my power of attorney. It’s good.” Mitch jut a clipboard at her. He never did that, not even in the office when he was supposed to hand her things at times. Furthermore these sorts of ‘life matters’ were arranged back when they still dated decades ago!

Kylie read over the document in faded hard to read transfer paper ink. He could not be presently released due to- Her eyes widened. “Irregularities in frontal cortex.” That explained his slurred words, some strabismus.. “Mitch. You’re busted up. What happened to you?”

He wheeled away, sluggishly, weakly. “Just sign it, hurry.. I need to get outta here. Lay down. In my bed. Don’t worry. The docs don’t understand my nose bleed problem is normal-”

Mitch-”

For the love of God, please sign the thing!”

Was the second floor colder, or was it just her? The reporter remained unnerved proceeding towards Kinopio-Kun’s room. She had to remind herself, repeatedly, that her co-worker had to deal with his own problems. Had he ticked off someone again? Had a hit on him? She could only speculate as two piantas in black suits left the room before she entered. Weird. She slipped in.

Boo wasn’t waiting inside. Uh oh.

The lime green toad was up and awake in his bed with a laptop. A table to his left held Starmanbucks coffee cups, and a stack of sympathy cards. High end personal luggage occupied the guest recliners. Beady eyes rose from the bright screen.

- Oh Hey. It’s Kylie Koopa, ace reporter. I love your work," she fibbed. "Now as ya know there's an event today and-”

He waved ‘go on’ impatiently. Kylie’s smile tightened. Little twerp. “-In short. Could ya give the word to the ‘authorities’ that I really wanna be there and won’t cause any trouble?”

His jaw shifted from side to side, thinking it over she guessed. Seemed like an inopportune time for other burning questions, such as why he’d dragged Mario through the wringer this morning with his postings..

He flashed a symbol, and not the one she expected.

Deja vu. Boo had gotten lost again, finding their way into the cafeteria. The air was heavy of various foods and up ahead at the tables staff tidied up, discouraging Boo from bothering them. With their head down and rosey cheeks, Boo whipped around.

Where’s the packet?”

Boo froze in the café doorway, quivering at S.G.’s voice from nowhere. “I- I.. delivered it s-sir..”

There was a sound like someone banging their head against a desk. “You were supposed to deliver the soda can, but get the paper translated and returned,” he hissed. “Ahhhg…What it contained *could* have blown away everyone at the Public Address!!”

Noooooo,” they groveled. “I can get it back. I have a helper, and a ride and I won’t screw up again!”

They zoomed to the lobby, not locating Kylie. Boo went to the help desk, in line behind the belligerent, wildly gesticulating X-naut Phd.

-Because computers are untrustworthy paraphernalia compared to this!” The stout alien in white doctor coat and thick glasses, shook around a pink sticky note from his black tattered medical bag. It stated: ‘Get out of bed and help us out today at the hospital, associate!!!! -Dr. Toad’. “See? I am supposed to be here. Check for the seventeenth time. Morris has two Rs you see, like the original spelling of R.O.B before the underground robot league visited him and rewrote all the books.”

The irritated receptionist flipped a ‘temporarily out of service’ sign up and closed the shutter over the glass. Boo was backing away when the doctor sniffed the air, impressively through the scarf around his lower face. He spun, giddily, “You there. Stop. I beckon you. You won’t regret it.”

Boo almost choked on their own spit. Everyone could sense they were weirdos anyway, and gave them space outdoors. “I promise I'm not who you think-”

"Cut it out. Now, yoink, as the kids say!" He plucked a tiny tracking device from behind the boo's invisible ear, further exaggerating their stupefied look. "Mr. Charles or Spy Guy is a crafty scoundrel for this, recruiting the uninitiated so that I cannot snuff him out upon my arrival in town. Until they learn to hide the red blinking lights, Super Spy HQ will continue to be one of five million secret organizations I know of and will document one day with a best seller to shut up those naysayers," he explained importantly, simultaneously revealing an out of date atlas. "Oh, and are there any alternative hospitals in the area?"

Boo hesitantly pointed down South.

"Splendid. Hahaha." He rubbed his mittens together rapidly.

"..But who are you?"

"Professor Morris Cosmo X-naut, Dr. Toad's best scientist. The fellow once told me my intelligence scares him.. or was it my resume? Anyway I own documents from Dr. Mario, essential for curing MF safely. Did I mention we're mad scientists at the Special World Hospital?"

Sweat rolled off Boo's forehead. Were they doing something wrong all along? It all seemed like too much then.. They were split.

Kylie burst out quicker than the automatic doors could open for her. “I’m in, woot woot!“ she cheered. “Drop whatever ya doing cause we got permission. It’s gonna be the biggest thing since the Star Festival. And yes if you come, you're gonna be popular!” she sang.

Booigi the Second revolved to face her with a half smile. "I know I will.”


Saul Toad verified the order of his cheat cards one last time, then tucked them under his cuff. A roar was deafening outside the tent set up, emanating from onlookers at the bank. Any closer was prohibited and the prayer circles or whatever they were at the castle wreckage site were broken up so a PA system could be planted and some order restored. The orange capped toad in military uniform, official public speaker for the Mushroom King, had only flown down an hour ago and with a misbuttoned jacket. He was intent on making up for that graceless arrival. He’d blow them away. When it was over, they’d be speechless. Toad Town was only peasants and vagrants. Just imagine everyone at the lakefront in their underwear, worked every time!

Heading up to the mic stands on the raised area of the lawn with the cannon, he was escorted by his choice of guard on each side. The local police offered previously, however he relegated those freaks to the sidelines.

"It's gonna be good,” squeaked the left one. Their name escaped Saul, some average height toad of intermediate gender. That's the spirit.

The other more imposing one kept silent and hazily secured his right side. Saul would have delivered a lashing if not in full view of the crowd at that point. That was Benedict’s thanks for being pardoned and not sent to the gallows?

Saul began with the pleasantries and credentials and then rolled right into it. "… Pleased to declare, our King will rebuild his daughter's castle in all its splendor and beauty!" He allowed applause to reside. "-On a plot of land graciously bestowed from his estate in Poshley Heights!… Questions?”

Intentional trick question, rather. Only the handful in the front could shout something intelligible, and most of them were ‘citizens’ the Poshley guards planted. Lakitu raised his hand nervously. It was ‘the’ Lakitu, of the Lakitu Bros with a film camera running and extensive history with Mario and co’s sports.

Hm. Interesting. It’s just that the princess never expressed that desire.”

Perhaps not to you. Why wouldn’t she want her Castle closer to her father and in a ‘safer’ nicer area?” Some murmuring arose anew in the crowd, starting at the front and rolling back. About as expected.

A few more citizens expressed their views as a boo brought Kylie Koopa to the front. The ritzy reporter was nauseous from being phased through body after body, but the excitement of the destination helped her battle it. She prepared her DSLR. The backdrop was striking. Click click click. The jagged ruins of the castle.. Star Hill’s purple elevations beyond that ..the aristocrats in their midst lined up all intimidating like.. Snifit Patrol wagging a finger at her from his silver car parked by the tree..

Kylie lowered the camera and waved frivolously. Her eye wandered in the process to a semi-visible Boo crossing the prohibited tape. It must have been some residual power from before, as she noticed she was the only one who could see the boo go uphill and towards- They were NOT heading for pesky Snifit Patrol, but Saul in the middle of answering something from a Sarasaland roketon diplomat. Kylie watched in slow motion the boo solidify, reveal, and aim her gift, the ray gun, point blank at the King’s representative.

Open. Your. Ears. This is what the millions the back who you refuse to hear really think.” Booigi fired.

On instinct, the guards pivoted around at the giant, quickly evaporating poof of smoke from the barrel and into the freezie in between them. Saul was trapped inside, suspended in his wide mouthed open palmed pose of terror, and in moving, the dull iron super scope both guards held had tapped against the ice. It eerily creaked, audible to many with the surreal silence that draped over the audience, and crumbled into dozens of pieces containing his diced chunks. Some slipped down the hill and against the feet of the onlookers and others into the lake where they floated.

Not the way Booigi the Second intended to make it a wash out, but it worked.


To be continued:

Chapter End Notes

Author note continued from above : Because..this has secretly been a harem story the entire time and everyone is secretly in love with Mario or Luigi (a joke).
On serious note, a growing trend, especially as I completely rewrite events and scenarios from the 2019 version is that I never know what the chapter name is going to be until the editing process where I look back and notice a theme. Hopefully this one was obvious.
 
Dates: 7/11 (tiny portion), 7/20 (true start), 7/22/22, 25, 26, 28, 30, 31
Edited: 11/22/23
Inserted missing scene: 1/7/24



Afterword

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