Chapter Summary
*RR24*
Chapter Notes
Content warning (seriously): Heavy themes
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The Lakitu Bro's film continued to roll…
"Don't you get it? NON-ToadS ARE NOTHING TO THEM!" Booigi II took their green Bowser racket, shrouded in a white glow, and smashed the podium to bits, the microphone ringing.
"-Freeze! You're under arrest! Drop that tennis racket!"
The boo narrowed their eyes as a red dot appeared on their chest, courtesy of the cop blocking their way. "Are you with them?"
"Positively as a sworn justice enforcer for Toad Town!"
Bam! Snifit Patrol became a fleeting twinkle in the sky to the fleeing spectators. In the corner of the boo's eye, a searingly bright light flew past. They turned to the far hedges on the property where a lone guard was firing erratically. Her backup ran over to send a concentrated flurry that ripped apart the land and chipped at the castle ruins. Booigi teleported to an old tree nearby and grabbed the trunk, making it intangible. A heavy iron cannon lodged in it crushed a group of guards. They bashed in the face the last one standing. As she crumpled to the ground, tanks were starting to roll in from the city and mar the lake shore with deep tracks. They fired red bullet bills, spiraling across castle grounds, with blinding smoke trails. After a flash of trepidation, the boo vanished to let the fire rain behind them, anything left standing up to the foot of Star Hill flattened. Booigi reappeared behind the closest tank to Royal Raceway, causing the last bullet shot to arc in the air and lock onto them again.
Guard after guard scurried from the tank, the last and largest struggling to squeeze out of the hatch. Booigi quirked an eyebrow as he begged for help, two seconds away from mince meat.
The explosion was felt for miles, a black plume on Toad Town's horizon. As debris and smoldering shrapnel settled, a dazed guard landed flat on his back, on the far side of the lake.
Booigi whispered over him, "I saved you for now, but your colleagues are going to blame, torture. And. Kill. You later."
Benedict rolled to his side in the mud, watching the boots of comrades trying to hunt the killer move in and out of the scope of his vision. He was yanked to his feet, or his knees at least by Jon.
"You're an idiot!" He let go, catching his breath as shrill radio calls filled the air. "What can they do with you now, eh?"
Ben pressed something into his mate's hand.
Jon watched Ben shuffle into the lake, water reaching his thighs, waist, shoulders, and head, followed by bubbles. Slapped out of that spell, Jon finally opened his sweaty palm. He held a dog tag.
"Raven! Jim! It's not like that!" Wendy shouted in between her butterfly strokes toward the pontoon.
The group gawked, standing under a mast flag embroidered with a hammer bro hammer and an electric razor crossed in an x pattern, her commissioned design for the 'Adolescent Anti-Monarchy Faction'. The koopaling princess impetuously tangled herself with that club in middle school, enticed by their doctrine of 'aggressive self-expression'. She feared her subsequent transient association was probably about to catch up with her.
A goomba girl, a punk with spiky purple hair and facial piercings, gave Wendy room to climb aboard. Her astonishment quickly faded, glaring at her. "Gosh Wendy, you got us shook with these mixed signals. Your crew did this obviously, so don't cry to us now!"
The princess wrung the water from her strands of hair, whipping it back. "No way!"
"What? So this 'flood' isn't to drive us into your dad's clutches? Sure," added her boyfriend Jim, a boomerang bro in a trench coat and white trilby. This roused the other adolescents to murmur in favor.
"It's not! Look, I'm ready to spill the tea. Yeah I've been sitting pretty in Daddy's oppressive forces but.. That was just because an East wind was approaching. Progress. Everything's changed now!"
The punk goomba girl's lip curled. "You cereal?"
"It's totes gonna be great. Just play along with Daddy for a little longer while he builds his fortress or whatever, then the fun will begin. I'm cereal."
Wendy's blue eyes breezed over everyone in the boat, awaiting their response with bated breath.
…
"Get us to the tower already, Johnson!"
"Aye aye, King Bowser!" The cadet fought to keep the ship, more akin to a rubber cataquack circling down a drain, heading for the tower. Waves broke over their tiny old boat, threatening to wash them away. If this was his demise, he'd still be ahead of most green koopa troopas who never got the honor of navigating their king anywhere, but at the same time he wanted to live to earn that elusive Koopa Troop pension someday, so he weighed on whether to 'accidentally' slip overboard until he had no choice. Bowser ran up to keep the wheel steady with him, just as a huge surge approached. Knocked away from the insurmountable forces of nature, the wheel snapped, leaving no one in control. Their boat smashed against another and another and soon a big pile-up of wounded vessels smashed the tower.
Crash! They were pelted with bricks, the ship lodging itself inside the tower.
"Yowch! Grrr. Everyone out of the way!" Bowser flung away the masonry burying him up to the neck and ordered everyone to on that dark musty exposed floor.
Web-filled corridors, mousers, and rusted chains piled around greeted the waterlogged minions spreading about, at least until toppling over from exhaustion. Bowser scanned over the chaotic sea, giving a start at a pontoon and kids surrounding his daughter on it.
"What is wrong, my son?" Kamek ran up just as Bowser was about to jump into the water.
He faced him while jabbing a sharp claw that way. "I gotta save my daughter from those losers!"
The magikoopa conjured up an iron three-block-high Bill Blaster. "Use this, Lord Bowser. Should a ship attempt to antagonize, we can pierce her soft walls, send smoke up her aft, and leave her sinking and hopeless!"
'Wow, Grandpa really hates whatever girl he's talking about', Bowser Junior thought before slipping to the upper chambers and away from this hectic, already miserable adult situation. The tyke shimmied past Ludwig, hustling down the damp steps against the flow.
"Vater-" He cleared his throat a few times. "I'm.. ready to resume command.. Is she.. still in peril?"
Bowser held up the cannon to see through the scope attached to the side. "Not anymore. Light the fuse when I'm ready...Aim."
"DADDY!" Wendy shouted through a megaphone. "We're all totes cool now."
"-FIRE- wha huh?.." The cannon smashed his toes. "AHHH!"
…
Within the newly christened Bowser Tower, minions zipped to and fro on its fifty floors. They'd covered up the big hole they made in a wall, and used higher and drier floors to furnish rooms with scavenged amenities, repair things, and establish quarters.
"..Yes Daddy, they've told all of our five million online friends about how great you are and gave you five stars on Welp dot com."
As Wendy's friends cheered and used an annoying blowhorn, Bowser let his dumbphone load the reviews. 'Bowser Castle 444 Dark Drive' shot up from 1.5 to 4.7 stars in the past hour, a historic record and only a point shy of Peach's Castle, and his face heated up, but that was more from Mario's instant message popping up.
"Yaaaas! I'm excited too and they're gonna vote for me to join the cabinet in Neo Bowser City!"
Bowser put the phone away, straightening up. "No voting solicitation... SEND THEM TO OUR NEW DUNGEON!"
Soldiers scooped them away, causing the distaff koopaling to drop to the floor and scream in protest.
Bowser covered his ears. "We're supposed to be on vacation, Babydoll. Relax about stuff like that!"
"Interesting," she began, propped up on one elbow. "So we're not moving forever? Either way are you going to delegate or what?"
"Or what? Ludwig's back and thank freaking goodness! That's his job!"
The koopaling princess stood. "But look at him!"
Bowser swung his gaze over the busy scene and found him immediately. The commander was aware he appeared suspect, his attempt to partially tuck into his shell, revealing only his messy hair, furrowing eyebrows, and tired eyes not hiding it well, though he was hoping that the guise would last at least until the flood receded.
"Besides my contagion, I am well enough, Vater."
"Hmph!" On her way to stomp up some stairs, Wendy brushed him hard, sending him flying like a thwomp tackled him. An older minion in the soggy lower room, Thwomp #3, appropriately was the first hard immovable object he fit.
"Sorry," he grunted, starting to inch away.
"You are excused." Ludwig steadied himself with one of the rusty hanging ceiling chains, "For the first time in my career, I have just decided that using a 'sick day' would be appropriate. In the meantime, refer please to my dear sister Wendy O."
"WHAT?" Thwomp #3, Bowser, Wendy, and Lemmy the latest arrival from the rooftop, gasped.
~Anything she wants! Anything she wants!
Anything she needs, I'll give you the keys
What she says you know I'll do, that's my gift to you!~
When Bridget cut the music down her passenger feared 'Shackled' by the Pizzas was about to be ejected.
"-That's the fifth speed trap." Bridget shifted the B-Dasher down a gear, taking an adjacent street. "Excessive aren't the constables.."
"It started before my onboarding, but Snifit Patrol enforces the law and protect the city and we play along for.. security's sake I guess?"
"Interesting theory eh, but here's what's really up. You'll only get it here, luv. Modern Toads prefer a single authority figure, cause we can just blame them when we do something wrong, haha.."
Toadette leaned up in her seat, ready to launch some rebuttals, but the guard had other questions, and with a smile that wide and infectious the pink Toad girl realized that she'd much rather expound on the landmarks and such. Bridget had never visited Toad Town before as inconceivable that was, and a fresh ear, someone that wouldn't throw an egg, shut a door in her face, or insert earphones in? Sign her up, a million times over.
"..So the anti-air flagpole explosives were not as deadly as calculated. We rebranded them 'fireworks' and moved on to other projects. ..Could I stop over at the precinct over there?"
"Wanna test what I said?" she teased.
"N-no," she laughed. "I have to pick up something. Please?"
Bridget checked her watch impatiently before veering over. Toadette was incline to attribute this to the subliminal messaging of the song playing, but she secretly hoped that just maybe she still 'had it'.
As they parked, Sergeant Howie waddled across the lot, heavy keys swinging at his waist. Toadette hopped out to intercept him.
He spun from his shuttle. "What cha need?!"
"I-I was authorized to retrieve-"
"C'mon then!" The grumbling whomp let her into the basic office, with worn if well-kept furnishings, a computer with a CRT, metal lock boxes, a snack machine that someone was bothering to keep well stocked, and a hallway that led to the cells. She asked for the Princess's parcel in the evidence cubby.
"Forgot about that.." Sgt. Howie pulled up his belt. "We lost some pages to the wind. Is what it is."
Toadette was well aware of that after a thumb through, closing it up quickly to preserve her princess's privacy. "Thank you."
"Do ya want this too? He's not wanted anymore."
She paled when he showed her a black bag wrapped and marked 'Zoo S. Diddley'.
"But- he's.."
He sighed. "You know how papers are with their scattered synopses. We never had DNA or a living witness. Thank the stars he left or it'd had been a ton of work! He only got Bowser Freaks anyway, including that ex-one that was a bus driver. Sucks to suck sometime."
She rolled her eyes at his brazen words while being pushed out of the station. In the B-Dasher again, she texted Bucken-Berry about Zoo's belongings, hiding it from the guard with the big purse. He wanted to check it out after some back and forth, probably thinking it was some morbid serial killer memorabilia, though if she couldn't get a ride down it wouldn't matter. They were heading west to Pleasant Path, so she wasn't sure how she was about to stall again, rewinding the tape for the fourth play.
Peach felt the span of her holding space, ungloved fingers gliding over jagged bricks. By estimate, it was half the size of the gaudy waiting room Bowser's Castle had. Add to that colder, grimier, and gloomier. She slid down to the floor, somberly facing the other occupant.
"Don't worry about me, Princess."
"You were absolutely frigid to the touch!"
"I know and it's quite alright. Tell me, what did you encounter in the fields? Before the waters came?"
"So many things. Which?"
"Only you know that."
She held her head, shaking it. "You are speaking in riddles, Toadsworth! You cannot be well."
He hated frightening her by interrogating or flinching when she got too close, but he found her just as irritatingly clammy. If one star interaction was why his pallor was deathly, another was why she faintly glowed.
"Every fragile relic out there has to be ruined now. Please, why does it matter?"
The old mushroom held his response as someone with rainbow hair whipped by the dungeon door. "That remains to be seen..."
…
Lemmy marched up the cramped stairwell in a reverie. First Iggy was giving him the stink eye, now Ludwig let Wendy take president? He meant precedence.. He couldn't be her secretary, not because she was 'a girl' as was Roy and Morton's reasoning, or a 'grifter' as Larry said, whatever that meant, or because 'I don't know' as was Junior's statement made maybe regarding that maybe life in general. She wasn't a great student of Kingly Law because of its 'archaic' name and her go-getter ways got her in trouble all of the time. Okay, maybe there was a touch of his brothers' rhetoric in Lemmy's thoughts on the matter, but either way, the already topsy-turvy day had been flipped on a new kind of axis no one had discovered yet.
He entered the high floor where their bedrooms would be. At the moment it held some damp gross mattress and a random assortment of belongings that belonged to one of the eight, though so destroyed it was hard to distinguish who. More clearly, that lumpy thing in the corner used to be Lemmy's inflatable play house, so he collapsed on top of that.
"-Piss off, Mort!" Larry scooted away his gamer chair, weaving through the maze of junk.
"I am thinking about your downfall. Your doom. Your undoing, for conniving with Peach." Morton followed him. "Kammy said you were at her room for a long time!"
"Freakin what?!" Larry hit a wall then. "Don't listen to her! I ain't working with Peach."
"You asked a dozen minions where the dungeon key was."
"Since when are you the hall monitor? I was just tryin' ta.. score!"
Morton smugly leaned against some of the family's stacked chests. "Your behavior is painting a petulantly plain picture. And it doesn't rhyme!"
Larry was known for his bad win rate against Mario brothers and pals, outright forfeiting his World 1 fortress during the last pre-Peace Pact siege. He had to get out of this tight place somehow.
"You ain't making sense!"
Morton gave him a little room. "Yeah, got mixed up there L4rry."
He punched his shoulder. "-Only cute girls can use that!!!"
"Guys, what's going on?" Lemmy stepped over.
Morton gave a stiff salute. "I was grilling this lameo traitor!"
"Traitor? I don't know about that other stuff, but Larry can be into whatever he wants. It's not a big deal, so leave him alone."
Both Morton and Larry pushed him out of the way. Lemmy tumbled over a few things and then out of the room in a ball until she smacked a crumbly old wall. He wanted fresh air anyway he decided, climbing to the rooftop where a mere hour ago he was optimistic and longing to see his crew again. Now he didn't recognize the location anymore or who was already up there. A backpack with a mechanical purr was strapped to the lanky koopaling, and the VR headset covered most of his face, and extra multicolored wires were popping out of it.
"-I have assimilated all idiosyncrasies of Ignatius H Koopa. Status at 70 percent of memories. Currently archiving footage of disastrous Koopa Ball tryout that birthed the embarrassing nickname of 'Icky Iggy' in High School. Awaiting further command."
Lemmy stared at the incidental patterns in the glossy stone tile. "I can't respond to that, but I'm sorry for not believing in your stuff earlier."
Ignatius Delta's shoulders rolled, some life seeping in. "Oh, hey, again. I just Alt Controlled so this is me. Yeah, everything was stressy and I get it."
"Are we okay again?"
"Sure, but-" He checked his calculator watch. "I'll help you deal with the Wendy Menace after I handle some business. Use this totally hyper-realistic decoy to cover for me. Laters."
"Iggy!"
Lemmy was blasted with smoke of Iggy Delta's pack rocking him off into the stratosphere. Coughing and fanning, he bumped into a projector on the ground, temporarily distorting the life-sized hologram of Iggy standing and grinning as if for a photo shoot. If they were okay, why wasn't he brought along? He snapped towards his own watch then and discovered that he hadn't scribbled a new minute hand. He rushed down to the 50th level for his dad's meeting, so late there was no space inside the room.
"These people run later than my sisters..."
Then Bridget's arm wrapped around Toadette's headrest. The pink Toad tensed, the tape had stopped when the kart did after all and she couldn't be sure if it was working, but the guard was merely twisting around, looking for her buddies. They parked at a flat belonging to Professor Von Fungenstein, a few houses down from the Mario's residence. It had some highish grass and was modest for the prestigious area, but presentable overall.
"May I ask you something?" came upon her randomly. "What is it like in Poshley Heights?"
"As stupidly affluent as they say, lots of gold streets for the pure-bred poochies to take a piss on. Never got to pick up a guitar till I was bout thirty cause clubs aren't cool and blokes like Bise live in the opera house. He ain't bad, classical just metal without the distortion, but whatever. Oh, and don't join the King." The guard faced her squarely. "Nothing happens. The King is either mopey or faffing over Peach."
And why wouldn't he? 'Peach is amazing' she was going to counter, but-
"Sup. Had a flat, sorry. Who's that?"
"City girl with directions."
Toadette didn't like the steely look the red boo supported, probably older than Bridget judging by the speckle of grays in his stubbly beard, but it was far more distracting when he tried- and failed to secure a kiss.
"We're done with this till you stop disappearing, and not in a boo way Trev. Are you really a driver? How many coins per kilometer?"
"Not enough," a vapor-spewing fuzzy hopped over from the sidewalk. "Better off selling boo-ty at this point, meork."
"Good one!" laughed a goomba in a jade beanie, balancing a huge thing on his head.
The red boo waved a blade, the goomba quickly getting to what they were there for.
Inside the black rectangular case was a single-cut electric guitar with a sunburst flame maple top finish. The shiny chrome humbuckers, bridge, tailpiece, and tuners made it bling. Silk printed on the headstock was 'Gibbons Lester P. Toad model'.
"It's yours!" Trevor announced.
Bridget strumed lightly across the strings in a daze. "Stars.. This is way too sweet for somebody guitarded like me."
Toadette ducked into the cart, flushing. So these non-Toads were.. Bridget's friends? If it was 'just a job' for the servants of Peach's father, could it be for the directors of the Jewelry Land Princess School? Could it be for her fellow staff? Was Toadette, the precocious and verisimilitudinous girl Peach adored the weird one all along?
Bridget snapped the case shut again, sobered by a thought. "Goomfrey, is this hot?"
"Why you ask me and not Obed?"
"Cause he doesn't work at the pawn shop? Or at all?" Trevor slapped the beanie off the little mushroom man, who fell and knocked over one the the pink flamingos in the lawn.
"Well it ain't! What, you think I gotta be like Sporis so have some standards?" He got up, kicking away the innocent PVC bird. "Nope, I mean, he'll do anything to fit in with these bastards and be one of the 'good' ones but.."
While Goomfrey was ranting about his brother, a shy guy slithered onto the scene to 'check the meters'. Toadette got that prickly uncomfortable feeling again, because while he walked around with a gadget with an antenna on the end and was dressed stealth, he brashly bumped Trevor on the way to the house. The red boo's snort of anger had Toadette sinking as low as she could go and shivering as voices rose. By the time the pink Toad dared to peek again, the red boo and guard were tossing the meter checker into the street by his arms and legs. With most of his HP sucked by Obed, the shy guy lethargically scampered off.
"Nice! Hopefully Sporis gets charged for that!" The only trace of that odd encounter was the shattered smoky 'gadget' laying around.
Trevor snatched it up in a concealing way. "Shut up, G-Man. Let's bounce. -And nobody say nothing!"
Bridget pressed the radio to her ear. "...yea, good call mate."
The three friends scattered in opposite directions like they'd heard a siren. Bridget slung the guitar into the B-Dasher backseat and slung them out of the neighborhood.
"Might as well tell ya, Toadette. Some clown blew Saul into a bunch of ice cubes and then maimed us with a tennis racket. They ran an ID on the boo diddly and his or her name is.. Boo Diddley."
"Oh my gosh. They helped Mr. Luigi defeated Zoo! I can't fathom why they've done that, but in serendipity the Mario brothers are just across the border. They can assist!"
Bridget stopped at a red light (for once). "Love, they want us searching, and they might need someone who doesn't pray and spray."
"You won't get in trouble, I promise." She twirled a pigtail. "Or we'll get you out of it. You.. you were right, the consequences of delinquency has a loose grip on us. So, uh, please?" she tried again, sweeter than her favorite dessert.
The guard adopted a particularly intense look of conflict. It reminded Toadette of how Cool Blue looked when trying to talk himself out of dumb decisions, but with some guilt she had to admit that his version wasn't nearly as adorable.
The guard suddenly veered them hard left and down a major southbound road, heading towards rural land. "Fine. You aren't the first charmer to get me to break the bloody rules and I doubt you're the last."
'What?' went through the manager's head over and over while the city shrunk in the distance, cacti lining roads. She almost forgot to utter her 'thanks, you're a lifesaver', which made it out of her unexpectedly by her lean to the side, followed by a quick peck on the guard's cheek.
"Dude. Chillax!" Bridget said huskily, blushing.
Toadette snapped out of it, tapping the pause button on the all-but-forgotten tape.
How could she? Why would she? -It wasn't like this Toad had a license and a muscle car and was older and a musician, or purportedly, with dark spots as was Toadette's preference, and Toadette herself featured a lot of the color pink which was apparently to Bridget's liking, and-
Toadette prepared to sling the cassette out of the kart, stopped by- not environmental concern, though he wished it was.
Instead, they were 'Shackled' (TM).
Bowser sat on his red and gold throne, dried out a few moments ago by diligent fire snake, hot foot, and fire chomp minions. The burnt spot was hidden by it being pushed against the wall..
"-Since we don't need to recap, here's where we're at: We continue what we were doing, all that depressing stuff relating to Friday, then once there's land to stand on build a fortress or two. I declare this Property of Bowser!"
Predictably he watched his minions glance around to each other, their uneasy visages obvious in the candlelight.
"It ain't gonna look good in one day! It didn't even take that in Dark Land! Get a better attitude or else!"
"Our folk's been there for centuries and it still looked like a dump. Good luck," Larry chuckled to himself.
Peach came forward. "Bowser, what does this mean for me?"
He grinned at her, baring his sharp teeth. "You ain't going nowhere!"
"This is against our agreement! You can't prolong this game!" Peach gasped, staggering back.
"We aren't playing games!" the crowd replied, celebrating like they'd won the Koopa Bowl.
...
Bowser checked outside a smallish triangular window, watching the waters recede from green peaks, odd structures of black or white stone planted on a few. He'd have to send some scouts to reconnoiter. They didn't need to crowd up his Bowser Tower forever. Any idle thought like that helped to keep that blasted Mario from bothering him, saying stuff like, 'Wherever you're hiding. We're gonna find you before Sunday.'
Yeah right. Of course, Bowser had gone too far now to use his original batch of excuses. In some alternate universe when this never happened, he and the plumber would probably be doing that laser tag thing right then. Somewhere in his shell were crumpled reservation tickets under the pseudonym 'FF'. He forgot what it was supposed to mean, 'Frenemies' something? Or was it 'Forever' something? It didn't matter anymore anyway.
Thanks to some self-realization and a wake-up call from his eldest son, he was committed to humbling Peach. Attacking her kingdom was his modus operandi as a Koopa King until the Peace Pact, but this had nothing to do with it. He'd never mess with her people again in fact. This was all about him and Peach and Mario.
A huge thump rippled through the tower, shaking down what little decorations he had. His copy of 'Pride and Prejudice', a giant old map, and the bust of his brother were flung off from the shelf, the latter rolling and spinning across the floor. Bowser chased it down quickly, picking it up and peering into the effigy. His castle's demise had reduced it to the shoulder up, and that incident further chipped a horn. As vexed as he was, all he could do was sit it back and hope no one else blew something up downstairs. His brother had loomed around in spirit since he began to reign in castles, and even without one at the moment, he wasn't about to break that trend.
A minion stood at the door with a letter. "Sir? Note from Prince Ludwig."
Bowser jerked it away from the koopatrol. It was mostly what he already knew. Ludwig was about to sail to the next kingdom and take a train to enjoy his sick day in peace. Being the professional, it featured an itinerary. He would visit a bookstore and the office of 'Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc.'
"...he doesn't think I can build my own castle?" Bowser ordered Tanner to call the minions again. It was time to don some rain boots, slip on the rubber tubes, and get to work.
Blame his insomnia. During the short lull of waiting for Rou T. to lead them down wood paneled halls, some twisted fantasy to played out: the span between each beep increasing as masked doctors scrambled around operating table, orders barked, and maybe a defibrillator was on standby, whether pertinent or not. Mario and friends spilled into a room that was quiet, too quiet. Toad was lifeless in the bed, the others standing around, alert but not terribly busy.
"-So with his age the risk factor is.. what? Pneumonia?" Luigi asked, clinging to the bed rails whether he realized it or not. "He's fifty-three, that's not that old."
"The 'Mushroom Flu' is a colloquialism for any ailment from a fungal source. It's a hallucinogenic issue, and we wouldn't want him waking up senile." Dr. Toad cleared his throat, adopting a flatter, disinterested tone after shocking Luigi so badly. "Note that without Dr. Mario's diagrams of the progenitor of the bad mushrooms, which should be here via my associate any moment, any treatment plans are unsubstantiated."
"That's right!" Dr. Topper added emphatically. "...But since Toads have a close enough molecular structure, Houdini's fix for the Blorb disorder might alleviate a few of the symptoms the meantime. Mr. Toad is on the list of 'celebrities and notable individuals who may be resuscitated with highly experimental and dangerous medicine', and this may overshow Drew's publicity stunt- "
Dr. Toad's gaze snapped onto the rainbow-clad hammer bro in fiery betrayal. "John stop talking!"
Dr. Toadley resisted interjecting until then, laughing maniacally. To think a little more clear at least, the Marios joined Bucken-Berry in the hallway.
"As unserious as they're taking it, I think Houdini can pull something off."
"If it's even that serious." Bucken-Berry shrugged.
"He's not wrong." Luigi's arms were folded, fixed on knick-knacks on the wall, a moo moo skull, ostro shoes, and nothing at once. Prof Gadd needed an undocumented fix after King Boo's last attack and had been something of a bogey since. Heck, even his cameo in one of those Toadtanic movies cursed the franchise to suck from then on, leading to the professor gradually cutting off, in a nice way of course and retiring under a pseudonym. As extreme as that was, if it happened to Toad... Tears rolled off his face, too quickly to excuse himself.
"Ain't that a bit much, Mr. Luigi? Whatever. I'm gonna see where Tom screwed off to."
Mario followed his protégé, finally snatching him up by the arm in one of the Southern Mushroom Kingdom Hospital's lobbies. The cowpokes playing checkers at tables barely spared a glance. "Momma mia! What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing. I'm beyond the hate, Mario. I'm on apathy, the same reaction Ala-Gold's getting from everyone but Tom. Think I'm gonna look for him one more time. See ya."
He stomped off again, beyond a robe wearer seated alone at table and losing against themselves by the positions of the red and black dots. They wore a wrist band for patients.
"Sorry you had to see that," Mario muttered to them.
"S'alright, dawg- uh, Mr. Mario guy. Mr. Toad would forgive him.. I mean I don't really know him, but from what I've seen on TV and junk, I know he's a real one."
"He is." Just as Mario was around to round the table, to get another angle on that heavily bandaged face, he heard a shrill remark in the distance, and something told him it was coming from a mildly borderline Toad doctor.
"Are you sure?"
"I am. You may proceed," came from Luigi.
"Now look at this, Drew. Mr. Luigi is on the list of 'may give confirmation for the sake of celebrities and notable individuals who may be resuscitated-"
"Yes yes. Is that enough Dr. T? Yes it is, let me sign the clipboard already-"
Mario rushed to Toad room just in time to be blinded by the light of the object in Dr. Toadley's palms. The orb held three stars, a Miracle Cure slowing rising from his fingertips. Forces were flapping their clothing, shorting becoming a might gust that knocked back the occupants of the room and Mario across the hall again. He came to at the alarmed call out of some measurement by Mary the intern, maybe also the fact that she'd stepped over him in the process of having to grab readings from the printer in another room.
"Is it an accelerated process? Yes it is."
The red plumber crawled his way back in. Everyone was upright again and the ball of light had dissipated over Toad's body, his monitors flashing with activity.
"That heart rate is at 200, Houdini." Dr. Toad spun from the screen, eyes narrowing.
"Very accelerated."
"K-keep it down! He's waking up." Luigi dabbed the Earl's forehead with a cloth.
Toad blinked a bit, scanning around. "Did we win? Ha ha.." His soft laugh draped the room in solace. "Guess who's back? Me... Now gimme a can."
They promptly gave Toad space as he vomited gallons of dark toxins into a tin bucket. Spectators watching from the window and door haphazardly left wide open hollered in celebration, or some pastiche of sort for Mr. Toad Kinopio Toad, Earl of the Mushroom Kingdom.
...
Bucken-Berry was wandering Thomas-less around when a slew of folks swept him into a different lobby with La-Z-Boys and wagon wheels nailed to the walls, his face promptly smushed against it. When the bunch shifted on, he peeled away and breathed again.
"That show off does it again! Well, Houdini will need another day to create another and Morris will be here by then. We'll handle this in a more ORDERLY fashion, then they will haul me up in the air over and over, and I'll politely decline of course, because..." Dr. Toad fumed to himself, scribbling on a notepad. "Where is Jackson anyway and what did he mean by the way he said.."
Mario was right. Something off. Regardless, the blue Toad followed him into the sun. "Bro, hold up. It worked? Mr. Toad's up?"
"Yes. Do work for him?" The taller blonde fidgeted about as awkwardly as in their first encounter. "Er, pass this along will you?"
Bucken-Berry had a paper pressed on him, hastily written out procedure codes and else, signed by Dr. Drew L. Diddley.
The blue Toad's unibrow scrunched in the center, the page crunching in his grip.
Where had he just heard that?
Where did he hear that?
The koopa reporter turned to stone at the wheel, blew through a light by mistake next, and every guard vehicle that passed by stuck the fear of Eldstar in her. Pulling up to her co-worker's condo off Pleasant Path, the Lexus was missing and the front door was ajar. She propelled herself to his porch and found his living room in a mess. The sofa was flipped and papers were scattered on the hardwood floors.
"Mitch!"
"I'm fine. Had to pay locksmiths to break me in," he said from behind a shut door. "I know what happened. Hold on."
Waiting, trying to be calm, she noticed the photos on the red-painted accent wall, where they were on a beach about two decades ago. Shy Guy Beach had less piracy then. Of course their equipment then wasn't worth stealing either, and in the photo below it Mitch was even younger and coinless. He let a lease screw him over, which was a thing even back in those days too, because it wouldn't matter when he was on a Peach Castle salary. Decked out in the vest and white pants that was to be his first day. She darkened, remembering how he was abruptly shut down in the middle of training. Riding around together on bikes and solving high school mysteries didn't make him the figure he was now, it had to be that moment.
In that case, what would this make him?
Mitch wheeled himself out, the sharply dressed Toad he normally was. "I'm ready for them."
A shiver went through her spine as on cue, Boo drifted through the front wall. "Hello, Ms. Kylie. Mr. Mitch."
"-H-hi fella!" she backed up, nearly tripping on his leg rests. "This isn't an interview or nuthin. Just uh, we wanna talk."
"About what? Have I said something wrong?! Huh? What part then!?" Booigi the Second spat, waving the racket. The grip tape that once said 'Bowser' and later 'Zoo' had been scratched out in favor of two vertical lines. That was it. "I don't have time for diplomacy, Ms. Kylie, so you should have taken the interview when I thought I was in the mood for it."
"What's up then?" Mitch asked, armed with what Kylie was sure was her pad and nice pen.
"They encroached on us and Eldstar's will, I will hold them accountable."
"-This makes you no different than Zoo!"
"Wrong, Ms. Kylie. Boo Diddley's cousin killed many. I won't kill again unless. I. Have. To." Booigi II retreated into the shadows.
Though it was promised to him that that this cabin was secluded, far as it got from the hoopla, they didn't know who they were dealing with. Mr. Toad was a magnet for that. Maybe he couldn't throw a punch yet (wink), but he could thoroughly whoop someone senseless over the phone, introducing the letter L to Kinopio-Kun's vocabulary. (Too far? Yeah probably... Actually no, Lionel would laugh too any other day, he was the guy that struggled to say his own name sometimes, plus Toad had that 'pass' last time he checked-)
The door crept open, Toadette and some other person dreamily sauntering in, hand in hand. This marked the first time Mr. Toad questioned if he'd lost a bit of his mind to the Mushroom Flu.
"Hey... are you cutting out on Yvan? What's up with that?"
Toadette stumbled closer, severing their grasp. "Oh my gosh no. I- Bridget and I … We... It was the tape! I swear!"
"The bloody what?!" The guard gasped.
"It's a one hit wonder than became an unofficial gold digger anthem," Toad explained, cringing as sat up more. "Your chaste- or more chaste society prolly banned it."
Toadette wanted to shrink into nothingness, especially after hearing that weapon click.
"-But wait. Bridget is it? Homegirl can be naive and a goof despite the loquaciousness. I'm like ninety percent sure she heard the sanitized version of what it does and wanted you to give her a joy ride! That's it. Homegirl loves fast car. Oh, and you goofed by being here too, so help me out and I won't snitch."
Bridget strapped her gun away. "Seriously, Earl?"
Toad slung over a magazine he's written on and rolled up like a scroll. "This ruse helps you out too, you know. Be like a Mushroomite and play along."
"Ugh! Fine. As for this creep.." Bridget folded away the decree and made Toadette recoil. "How did my eyes wander, hypno tape or not? You're such a basic b-"
She covered her ears. "Don't!"
"Brat! I was gonna say brat! Basic either way."
"Oh..."
Bridget reared back a fist. "Actually I was gonna say cu-"
"The nurse's back already?" Toad began to rummage around the table where his pills were. He definitely took them.
Bridget kicked the door off its hinges on the way out, flying so far away it became one of many unidentified objects Southerners reported daily. "Cross me again and see if my boot doesn't end up somewhere else!"
Toad wasn't covering for her intentionally, someone kicking up a thick cloud in the prairie the cabin was adjacent to. He was one of his blue capped stewards though, not a nurse, and he might have seen most of that.
Lemmy reached the 'dock' as they were calling it, actually the fifteenth level of the tower where the troop crashed into it and made an opening. The level had dropped so that water didn't flow freely, but all he had to do was look down, and a floor lower was a leaf raft and Ludwig, packed lightly, probably because it'd sink him. All of the minions were busy with something upstairs, so he had nothing to lose.
"Waaaaaait! Can I go with you?"
Ludwig craned up with stern critical eyes. "Are you sure?"
He nodded.
He lowered the scarf, smiling weakly. "I was hoping my trusted adjutant would ask!"
Chapter End Notes
Like Bowser Junior 'I don't know'. Update: Well yah I do actually. Guess who's back!
Split from previous 7/26/22 (small portion, some ideas), 8/2/22, 8/4, 8/5, 8/7, 8/8, 8/9, 8/11, 8/12
Edited: 11/22/23, 1/17/24, (edits for clarity 8/8/24)
RR24: 10/11/24- 10/17, edits 6/27/25
Chapter Notes
I've been waiting for this one. *RR24* (Yes the rewrite too)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
"Stooooop!"
The red and green plumber pried apart the Toads in the lawn of Toad's cabin. What happened now? Bowser was somewhere out there being a freight train, on an efficient schedule, impossible to stop quickly, maybe even deadly to anyone who attempted. There was no time for this!
Toadette clung to Mario. "I d-did something so- so lurid!"
"What?" he cried.
"I crushed on someone else and.. to make it worse-"
"It wasn't a Toad," Luigi ventured.
Mario wished he didn't. The taboo came from some ancient apocrypha, pre-Shroomish times even, claiming that there were no genders or any binary in the Mushroom World but 'fungi' types and and 'non-fungi'.
"No. She was, and a King's officer! The one you all saw stomping away," Toadette confessed, producing the cassette.
Bucken-Berry swiped it from her, boring into the marker written label in rage and confusion. "W-where the frick did you get this?!"
Luigi tilted his head to read it, frowning. "Oh God, Toadette got 'Shackled'(TM). Remember that?"
The red plumber hadn't shaken himself out of the first daze. "The hypno-tape?"
"Well besides what the sensationals were claiming, you have to want the suggestions to work," he recalled. "Otherwise, it would have been out of print long before MimiToo movements. Toadette," He faced her worriedly, "wasn't that the icecream girl back at Hotel Mario? What were you up to?"
"Yes, that was Bridget," she ground out. "I endeavored to investigate matters around town- like a good manager for the Princess, that's all! ..And I guess along the way I realized she was my type."
"Wtf is that or anything with you at this point?!"
"Unrefined and dark but burgeoning," she answered waveringly. "Shining brighter than a Prankster Comet. So-" She sniffed. "It's you, Blue. -But her too I guess, because.. I'm as unscrupulous as a snifit game show host, not 'natural at this' or anything I promised I'd be when Mr. Toad whisked me from the streets, not when I'm infatuated by enemies with propositions I'm starting to accept, like that Toad allegiance is a joke and I'm not in on it!"
"Toadette." The blue Toad approached. "What about what we talked about? Forget those other losers, we know where we stand don't we?" He grabbed her shoulders. Mario twitched, but the Toad's movements were more dismal than forceful. "Don't we??"
"Yes- we do! But what if some of us," she sobbed, "maybe Mushroomites at large use the Princess? And it's mutual? That would demystify our hierarchy, or propensity to get bailed out of any situation, why we sanctify Mario, why the Toad to brick theory was hidden so long, what happened to the scrolls of.."
Something sucked up all of the air around them, the four standing still as sweat from the beaming sun gathered on their foreheads.
Finally Mario adjusted his cap. "..I'm sorry kids, but this is too heavy to get into now. A new emergency cropped up while you were beating the spores out of each other. Lil bro, did they reveal who that was that did that thing?"
Luigi reluctantly whipped out his phone. "Looks like it's.." His colors drained. "Excuse me-" He ran towards Mr. Toad's cabin, where it was an open secret that he had the only cellular hotspot in the South smuggled in there.
"Momma mia," Mario sighed, turning to the Toads. "Again, just relax. Stan can drag your coworkers here so don't worry about it. Anything else?"
Toadette passed to Bucken-Berry a square canvas, art side faced down. His attention snapped to the signature on the back, or maybe the red 'evidence of the Snifit Patrol' stamp. Either way he was flaring up the plumber saw, though the blue Toad held it in long enough to utter a teeth clenched 'thanks'.
The boo glided over the pieces of the Princess Mush IV statue scattered in the grass, the park abandoned. There were puffs of smoke dotted the skyline and boarded-up businesses. Their enemies were temporarily distracted by the a message the Earl of the kingdom had just sent down via a magazine, 'White Knuckle Scorin'. They were stuck on what it was supposed to mean, if Mr. Toad was merely being referential when underlining the 'ignorance is bliss' part or taking a jab at them. If it was all some veiled cry for help. How the heck was he in position to communicate anyway?
Boo the Second stopped listening at that point. Just get back on the prowl already so they'd have an excuse to make those Toady oppressors pay. By the power of Eldstar, every single one would!
They spun on the unexpected visitor. Chuck's head remained on his shoulders only because he was holding Booigi's own phone, cracked and slightly melted, but operational and ringing with Ashley's Theme.
A glimmer of Boo Diddley resurfacing, they answered. "Luigi?"
"Boo? What happened?"
Their eyes watered. "Luigi.. I'm sorry.. I.. all I remember is being so angry and lies and.."
"-You'd better be grateful that Toad is the king of trolls-"
"Hey!" rasped in the background. "I mean.. thanks man!"
"-don't get into any more trouble until I'm back, Boo."
"It's Booigi," they growled. "And good bye then." Booigi II stared into their fragmented reflection on the black screen, panting. So Toad- TOAD his original buddy was back?
"So he drew his line in the sand.." The second brave soul was a wheelchair-bound journalist. They felt like a part of them knew the green Toad's face. "Time for your move. Unless you're just a talker."
Booigi squeezed the racket. "Stay. Out. Of. My. Way."
"No prob," Mitch chuckled darkly. "I've always documented the truth from the sidelines."
"I never told you? I was asked. After we beat the crap out of Bowser and was left with the giant cake, I offered a good piece with a strawberry. Said she'd wanted to ask since she first saw me and here I was thinking she had the hots for.. Nevermind. I don't wanna bring Mr. Toad into this.. So if she doesn't know where she's going at this point, that's her fault," he rambled, wearing circles into cowhide rug of the chilly, otherwise modern styled hospital room. "Got a compass to spare her?"
His bedbound coworker was tucked in cozily, shrouded in comfort even if he couldn't communicate it. That was thanks to him of course.
"Ha. Thought not, bro... What? Be nicer?" He groaned at the gold Toad, but his nearly unmeasurable protest had a point. "Yeah, she's schizo-theorizing like her record's been scratched or- Listen, I just use mp3s, you get it, but those ranchers just left for lunch and I might not be able to do this later."
Bucken-Berry left his friend, neatly propping up on the counter Drew L. D.'s "Assimilation".
In a sequestered area a big googie-style billboard stated 'Area 64', bordered by bulbs that were half busted. It was a 'prohibited area or else pard'. If so, how did that silver water tower spring up out of nowhere? In causal heavily drawled conversation, of which he'd absorbed way too much of while waiting around, the locals mentioned how they couldn't find a way in without being zapped by some lasers, and the only hint of it origin was a pink sticky note on the nearest ostro stop. Something about, 'Drew, my 2003 atlas (and you do remember why that one year is trustworthy) lead me here. I will join you after those despicable secret organizations are handled!'.
"-Hey. Sorry about what happened."
He stumbled backwards from the hooded person. "Solo checkers player weirdo? Back off!"
"It's me!" She unraveled bandages, revealing red abrasions on her soft but now recognizable face. "And I can't play checkers!.. Don't laugh dawg. Anyway I woke up. Natural resistance because 'I'm already a lunatic' according to Dr. Toad."
After a pause, Bucken-Berry punched a hole through the billboard.
"Gods!"
"Stop looking at me like that, Daze. It's about Dr. Toad. 'Drew'. He's Zoo's brother," he hissed, ignoring the blood running into the creases of his hand. "Mr. Phantom, the creep that sabotaged his own investigation. Sound familiar? Why are we letting Drew sandbag with this 'my main guy hasn't shown up' story?! It has something to do with this."
She squinted at the reflective tower. "That?"
"Yeah. It's the same freaking thing. Will you help me? Good."
Daisy was misdiagnosed, or at least sane enough to understand how bad this was about to get.
Foggy mask and icicles in his eyelashes aside, there was a bad guy in his midst! The officer trapped in a sub-orbital launch armed his taser. "Halt! I hope you are staying on the straight and narrow!"
The menacing iron and flesh villain flying alongside him, or realistically just Iggy Delta broke his Super Koopa action hero pose to wave. "Nice electric behavioral correction rod, but no can do. I already picked evil genius as a career path Officer, so that might be a problem, hahaha."
"Let me read you your-" He realized he didn't have the card or citation book. "-Or I'll let cha by with a warning..." the snufit drawled. "Off the books, what are you doing young man?"
"With my enhanced abilities, now is the time to execute: Find Backstabbers Desu!"
"Who are they?"
Iggy stared at the blue and green swirls of the Earth below, sobering. "Sam and Slam, top math wizards in Koopa Kollege. After Lemmy got a job I was often ditched, and on a whim they invited me along. It was fantastic! I got my first sun tan! We got into clubs Officer, and within six feet of attractive females- a personal best! But.. they started to turn on me. I felt it was karma for ignoring the red flags and other shady machinations."
"Let me tell you something," the officer went in this fatherly tone, like if they weren't flying in space he'd have sat the koopaling down for some straight talk. "I've had partners that put on a pretense, and others had a genuine passion for vigilantism but weren't assets overall, just the first three letters. It's hard to weed individuals out of your life when they haven't always treated you unwell, or alternatively they treat everyone unwell except you, but it's worth it. Everyone I have now cares deep down. You should be upfront with your feelings and if you can't reconcile, I'll arrest them!"
"For me? ~Sugoku tanoshimi ni shiteiru!" He fist pumped. "Forget the physical property. If you tase them, make it over my dignity dipping into the critical zone!"
Snifit Patrol patted around his holster. "Yes indeedy! Just-"
He was already gone.
"-Be careful-"
….
Iggy Delta soared through the darkened tropical skies of the dolphin-shaped island, activating his X-ray vision. The coastal Delfino Plaza was a ghost town. Further inland natives could be seen huddling on the upper floors of buildings or under terraces to shelter from rain. He tuned in his hyper-sensitive audio capturing..
"I swam and swam, swimmingly out of the way brah, getting away from that 'stuff'!" some raccoon at a fruit stand said to a yoshi.
Iggy Delta reformulated and blasted off in a Westward location. Sunshine Airport was closed for weather, light rain beating on their runways. Ricco Harbor was also non-operational and stormy, with sinking or listing ships littering their coast. As he traveled closer to Sirena Beach the clouds grew exceptionally black and thick, the sunlight unable to penetrate. Dipping below, he only saw water up to the mountains. In disbelief, the cyborg dove closer, rescanning. He detected inorganic followed by organic material beneath him. Hotel Delfino, or parts of it, was there all along, with occupants. Frightened out of his shell, he poured all his computing resources into scanning for survivors, until a water spout caught him up, whipped him like a blender, and slung him towards the mountains. Landing in the supple wet soil embedded half of his body, the prominence of the friendship woes fading, and a Shōnen protagonist he was not..
Unearthing, his ocular sensors blared an alert towards an alcove. Someone was carrying around a bell! He fired five lasers on the spot.
"Yowch!" The bellhop dropped the molten brass object, blowing over and kissing his fingers. "Stop playing around and get in here! Weather's borked, mecha-koopaling brah. This is why we need more electric karts.."
"Whoops, I thought.. Well I agree Sensei, but.. Sorry."
The pianta wisely kept his distance as Iggy entered, flushing at the revelation that all he saw before was Hotel Delfino's old desk bell. There were others present, in various states of undress, a few with flashlights, spotted around or behind the lava stalagmites. Swoopers screeched distantly.
"Sam? Slam?" Iggy heard a whimper from far off and didn't need computer assistance to recognize it. At one party they almost broke their arm trying to wrestle with Roy. "I'm done standing aside while you abuse me and everyone else! Like Koru against the Super Plumbers, you will go down!"
"Aye! I submit! F'rgive me!" Slamondon crawled out of the darkness, making Iggy stagger back into a stalactite.
"-O-okay I do, but where's Sammy-sama?"
When he met his gaze slowly, Iggy knew. He shot out of the cave, and up into the unadulterated crest of the atmosphere. He had no direction on what to do or where the officer had drifted off to in the solar system.
The noki kept his head down shrewdly, though spotting a certain group of scoundrels in the court was like the amber sun above peeking through the clouds..
"-Yeah that digital coin thing crashed, so my mom is working on my bail," Azul the blue, or mostly orange in the jumpsuit, shy guy said. "She'll only need a few hundred extra shifts at the Li'l Oink farm."
"-And your part'll be what?" snorted Dr. Terrace. The whomp's unbuttoned uniform was taut around his square back, and his tray was picked over, leaving the veggies. "They need garbage pickers I heard."
"No need, Terrace. I just came up with a MLM scheme. Y'all will be my downline right?"
"Could you elaborate a little dearie?" The elderly Toad beside him mentioned cautiously. "What exactly are we selling?"
Azul drew out a long sigh. "A dream, grandma. I know you never sleep but the rest of us are familiar. We're already locked up for conspiracy so no problems with double jeopardy. Are you in or not?" He slumped, arms folded coolly.
Dr. Terrace smirked. "Put me as a maybe, child. Whatdaya think, Nass?"
"-That we're getting distracted! Stop it!" Nass Toad was on the right of Dr. Terrace. Her black hair hung limp and oily, almost unrecognizable if not for her designer prescription glasses. "We are to focus on our 'mission' so we can confront Theodore first, second we track down my.. my daughter.." She teared up, prompting Mariam to pat her hand from the opposite side. She thanked the distaff Toad, then hardened towards the men. "Capeesh?"
They nodded obediently.
"-Do you mind, doctors?" Jelectro slid onto the bench next to the older Toad, '(Mariam?)' as he'd just bothered to learn.
Her face sparkled in recognition of that hot tourist visitor, while her friends rather aggressively ignored the noki, Terrace even munching on the vegetables to avoid conversation.
Jelectro dramatically uncovered the Couples Cake. "More for us, madam. I am thirty-five today!" Or close enough. Both raised their safety composite material sporks together and gave a toast with the paper water cups. "Bon appetit."
"Thank you, dearie."
She dug in alone, devouring the small cake in seconds. The noki resigned himself until there were crumbs left. He sorted through it with his spork, poking at a.. plastic knife within.
"Merde."
Amongst the watchmen outside the fence was the strollin' stu Agent 0088, his old civilian name lost in the sands of time, leering at the noki. Jelectro knew he was French, but he did not deserve this! He massaged his temple, gathering strength.
"-It's Zip Toad!" a guard squealed, using a passcode to open the floodgates to the outside world. That prompted troves to abandon their post and swarm the celebrity on the property outskirts, unseen by the public since three years ago.
Jelectro left the table with the pan. "Good luck doctors," he purred. With his rather compact nature and the abrupt lack of supervision, he closed in for a better view unhindered.
"Get back you animals!" The agent pointed a gun at them.
"But Zip T., how did you reverse that irreversible plastic surgery? Doctor's have been hating you since!"
As they crowded in with more tabloid bait, the blonde celebrity ran out of room to back up, foot dipping in the air, sending pebbles rolling down the steep hill the jail sat on. 'Zip T.' lost his balance, tumbling against a large boulder halfway down.
"Retrieve him, idiots!" radioed the senior officer from the look-out tower.
Her underlings scaled down the treacherous area, dreading the lawsuit certain to ensue. The first one there kneeled with the dazed celeb, whereupon their vision whited out for a second. Now a strollin' stu was in the spot of Zip T., banged up and bruised.
"Hey. Umm-"
"Dylan, behind you!" someone radioed back.
A torrent of orange inmates swept everyone away, scattering into the city. By the time the senior warden slid down from the watchtower, she was alone in the court, tables flipped and trays forgotten. She broke a glass box, retrieving the Squirt Gun Thing encased inside, and with a war cry leapt over a covered cake pan on the floor to hunt down some convicts.
…
The silver pan lifted. Jelectro picked the lock in the offices to retrieve his binned items, changed into his normal getup, and leisurely took the nice pathway from the jail, blending in with tourists in the dense shopping district. If he followed the Keelhaul river, he'd find some help and do well overall. His only danger was someone wondering why the noki scuttling around was so wobbly, with a constant nosebleed.
"Here you go, sweetheart." A black ratty widebody sedan pulled over, the driver holding out a pink frilly tissue box.
"I know what is afoot, Trevor. 0088, now you? Who else has Charles sicced on me?"
He pressed the box back into the red boo's face, just as a timer went off and the sedan got gassed by the canister within. The noki bolted through a shady park, crunching on unraked leaves from last autumn. The coast seemed clear, but he knew better and spun to lace Agent M as he popped up from the shadows. The plastic knife remained in the boo's abdomen as he momentarily collapsed, hacking up a lung. Jelectro swiped under his Hawaiian shirt to finish the job, but his experimental freeze gun was missing, allowing M to smash a mini practice amplifier over his head. Later the red boo would be delighted to find that it still worked, due to that Peavey durability.
…
The parking enforcer caught suspicious scent from the sedan, but it wasn't a drug one, so at most he could wag a ticket. "Good sir, you must'n linger."
"Alright alright.." The illegal parker slammed down the trunk and got out of there. Shortly caught up in traffic, if from the apprehension of criminals shutting down streets rather than an onslaught of vehicles, he checked himself out in the side mirror, feeling around his jaw. Despite the thickening stubble, a snorkel should fit properly.
The rainbow haired koopaling shifted the stiff seats, wishing he brought his travel cushion. Without any entertainment, Lemmy had nothing much to do short of watching whatever was past the Riverside Station. Brown terrain adopted a steady gradient to green. Soon cultivated fields and asymmetrical classical homes with turrets and pastel colors were perceptible through the dusty glass.
"Can you tell me what's happening?" he asked, exhausted.
"It's convoluted."
"Can you make it simple?"
"I'm afraid not."
Lemmy leaned on his elbows, almost dozing off until-
"-Thank you miss," Ludwig accepted his third wrapped protein bar from a maid passing by and scoffed it down. He almost ate a fourth, then caught himself, or caught Lemmy catching him and pocketed it instead.
Lemmy could have sworn he compared those things to experiments in Iggy's basement, so his appetite oddity was another to add to the pile. He willed himself to push it aside and make their getaway fun. Get pumped!
"-Are ya Luddy?.. Pumped I mean?" He leaned up. "This is where my troupe blew those snooty Cirque du Angry Solei jerks off the stage. Maybe we can check the venue out and toss a cabbage or two. Those stars suck!"
Ludwig faced him, through his topical hard clay Angry Sun mask. "What?!"
"-Only if you feel like it," Lemmy added.
"No no. I.. misheard." He cleared the scratchiness from his throat. "Might this be our stop?"
Actually, their stop was their snouts against dirty floors following that heavy bout of breaking. They snuck around a bob-omb buddy engineer by taking an emergency exit, slipping into the station where thick white pillars held up a high ceiling with intricate artwork, amplifying the clamor of the Toads, bob-omb, and bumpty walkers crowding at the revolving doors out.
Lemmy held up. "BRB."
"Lemmy!" Ludwig scanned for him unsuccessfully through the slits in his mask. He yanked it downwards some to read the monitors over the ticket station. Besides train schedules there was, to his horror, breaking news scrolling at the bottom.
'LIVE Breaking news: King's representative murdered in Toad Town by Mushroomite. Mr. Toad revived from Mushroom Flu? The location of Bowser Koopa, abductor of Princess Peach as of Friday unknown. Analysts speculate on repercussions of Princess Daisy of Sarasaland being a victim of Bowser's attack…not that we care about her…(The writer of that portion is now fired)…Speaking of beauty ladies, you can find the Traveling Sisters downtown at..!'
Ludwig felt faint.
"Drink!" Someone nearly knocked him over, shoving a blue surgery slurpee drink into his face. Ludwig chugged half of it before he pushed the jumbo sized cup away from him. Lemmy gave him room then. "Better? What was that about?"
Ludwig winched through the brain freeze. "We must move on!"
The less showy outskirts was their aim, where the brick paved sidewalks were tepid by the afternoon sun and the clubs, shops, and inns were sparsely populated. Some citizens were on the streets with top hats, canes, clutch purses, or a poochy on a leash. Vehicles were rare, always cruising slowly if one appeared. A pedestrian overtaken by the curiosity of a koopaling and a 'clown' meandering around would step in their way with a 'pardon me' or such drivel, which Lemmy would expertly respond to with a 'talk to the hand' gesture. The shadows from the lamps stretched across the street by the time they made it to the first destination, so there would be no time to spare for Cirque du Angry Solei bashing.
"Will you pick up so and so for me? Good!" Ludwig passed over a thick leather wallet and hustled across a suspension bridge spanning a wide canal.
The granite auditorium for Conscientious Villainy stood behind the eighth flagpoles of each major kingdom, with an infamous flower arrangement of a Bowser Flag in the lawn. A magikoopa with a long silver goatee, followed by a slew of others carrying suitcases and carry-on bags filed outside the auditorium, the final one dropping his keys in the hands of the Toad officers manning the door.
Ludwig grabbed a flagpole before he collapsed. "Don't.. close.. up. Please! I-" He let go, trudging closer. "Beg.. Of.. You!"
A more middle aged magikoopa at the back of the group broke off to approach the apoplectic guest. "How wonderful to see Prince Ludwig. We're only moving out for remodeling."
The commander crawled to his feet. "I don't care about you wussy imbeciles. Is the Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc. office here or not?"
"The owner abandoned his location." He stroked his beard. "I don't believe he told us where to."
"Try to believe!" Ludwig snatched him closer by the robe.
"W-well uh.. it-it might be somewhere unexpected! He was getting older and trying to retire from the replica making for desk jobs-"
Ludwig let him go, dropping to the ground again. This was his last day on Earth and he'd never meet Onkel.
…
"Wouldn't expect to see a koopaling here," the old hunched paratroopa said at the door.
"Oh, we're not attacking or anything! My Dad just doesn't like Peach. We've technically quit villainy and I work at the Emerald Circus."
"Interesting. I can see that."
Such a milquetoast observation felt great at the shaky point he was at, plus he didn't seem to be a supporter of the Cirque du Angry Solei, so double score! Lemmy sat down 'Rocks: What They Are and Where to Find Them'. Well, the owner knew where to find them, in the dusty bookstore. A window was boarded up and he could still see some sparkles in the carpet under it. They had a few picture books, but no magazines or hobbyist merchandise, so there was no reason to dawdle.
"Do you have Ex Spatio Obiecti Specialem Lexicon?"
"That?" The bookkeeper abruptly set a red book on a shelf, weaving around shelves to duck behind his desk up front.
Lemmy followed him. "Did I butcher or say something offensive in another language?"
The mature paratroopa reappeared with a green, ancient-looking book. "No. Don't you recognize me?" He adjusted his glasses. "I was the postmaster in Toad Town. Yep. After attending a few funerals, this shop landed in my hands. Course, those relatives were in-laws and Amazy Dayzees at that. Do I look like a flower boy? Course not. I'm not about to let dangerous material walk out just because I'm trying to scrape up enough money to hire someone more 'presentable' for this community."
"Dangerous?" Lemmy almost laughed.
"For most folks it's benign gobbledygook, but for that one percent left, they could end the world with this!"
Unfazed, Lemmy dumped the contents of Ludwig's wallet on the desk, bills and coins scattering everywhere. "Is that enough to change your mind?"
"Stars.." Bookmaster sighed. "You don't get it."
Lemmy bit his lip. "Maybe that's why it's safe with us! We're only here because my brother is sick lately, and all I know is that he must really want this book because he never asks for help. He'd use it safely, I promise."
Bookmaster stamped something inside before closing it. The koopaling feared it was over, but then he pulled some paper from a roll and wrapped the book in that, then placed that on parchment tied with a string. "I want to see it back in a week. I know where you live!"
Leaving the store, an orange jumpsuit-wearing crazy guy almost flattened him, and if he hadn't cartwheeled for safety a second later, the officers carrying a giant Water Gun Thing would have nailed him next. He saw them hose the escaped criminal into a waiting open paddy wagon. A few gave him some funny looks so he slipped out of that scene by rushing across the bridge Ludwig took. All along he slid his paws over the railings. Often something gold, fish he guessed, slithered around in the olive-colored water below. Shortly a gondola drifted underneath with a spiffy human captaining it and a female noki on the rear holding a lorgnette, whispering a lot between them.
Paranoid, Lemmy avoided eye contract all the way to the rendezvous, a water fountain. His brother sat on the edge, snout buried in his hands, and shawl slung over his back.
Lemmy plastered on a smile. "I got the book at least!"
Ludwig accepted the package with a quiet thanks, holding it up, gracing the edges with his claw and then tucking it under his arm.
"-Sooooo. Are you okay?"
The commander shot up, hot and mad, the liveliest he'd been in a whole day. "It's.." He deflated. "Not particularly personal. Not at all. I knew of a family secret is all, located here." He waved towards the auditorium. "And with my current circumstances I had an infinitesimal chance of meeting him if I did not seize this opportunity. It's for naught. All of it."
A chill went through the rainbow-haired koopaling. "Can I ask you something? About last night?"
"What?"
"This all comes back to that, doesn't it?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me the thing you're not telling me?"
"Can you?"
"Yes."
"You first."
"Are you serious right now? I started it, so you first!" Lemmy half joked.
Ludwig stopped trying to fight, meeting his brother's gaze solemnly. "Notwithstanding rational explanations, merciful gods have tasked me to locate malicious star entities whose leader possessed and executed me last night.."
…
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH WHAT THE HECK?!"
Lemmy gunned down the block so quickly, the gust sent Ludwig into the fountain. Soaked, he traced his secretary's path into a more populated spot where people shrieked or fled. Lemmy stopped at a crossroads, his thumb in the air.
"I am not being fictitious!-"
Lemmy's powerful 'talk to the hand' gesture created a force field. Ludwig bounced off and clashed into the pottery of the storefront behind him. "That is crazy Luddy. I'll take a cab home.. I can't right now. I just can't!"
Walking traffic thinned and a black sedan marked 'CAB' rolled by. Lemmy swung inside. Ludwig kept close, waving for attention for another block, the pedestrians ahead holding the vehicle at single digit speeds. An animated discussion was occurring inside he could tell. He hoped the cabbie didn't take plastic. Once they'd strayed towards another rural portion of the city that river sliced through, the obstacles were no more.
Lemmy glared at Ludwig from the side mirror. "Hit the pedal to the metal!"
The car backfired, noxious smoke blocking Ludwig. By then gentlemen with sticks and ladies with parasols responding to reports of koopalings in the neighborhood began to hunt him down. He pushed and shoved them off of him, having a nightmare within his nightmare.
"-Monsieur Koopa," yelled a French woman.
Ludwig lugged his attention to the gondola on the river.
"Get-a discount ride today. Got-a special someone? No? (You're lucky)," the human carrying the oars grunted, Italian accent heavier than a Mario brother's. "50 coins."
The noki woman stubbed his toe. "Cut ze act. Monsieur Koopa, zit your arse in here if you want to see your brother again!"
"Worst case scenario I'd never see you again, at least personally, but you'd be healthy in mind and body, verses waiting it out and... So that's why I let those wackos help you out. I'd sacrifice that to save you."
"And you're the best," he said like his retired 'I'm the best' catchphrase. His smaller if rougher hand covered his.
"Uh.. what?"
"..Oh, uh. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Also I'm saving Peach with you."
Luigi slid his hand away, not expecting the warmth to drain so quickly, to make it difficult to say the obvious. "Toad!.. You haven't been up for an hour!" He took another count of the equipment that the nurses had piled in his room, walkers, canes, crutches, oxygen machine, MRI, a morass of other things, no expense spared. "And might need some of this stuff!"
Toad hopped out of bed, cover's flying high and sticking the landing. Barely. "Doubt it."
Luigi quickly shielded his eyes, afraid he'd be naked. (Don't ask.) But more frighteningly he was clothed already.
"Just let me borrow this," Toad snatched his tagelmust. "I'll lock my door and fuel the rumors, that's a good thing, and Mario is bringing that Jr. Troopa kid so you get one free tagalong too."
"He's not a.." Now he had Luigi questioning if Mario was trying to fill a void. He'd never fallen out with Cool Blue like this before after all, so.. "Jackson our ostro driver," he clarified. "Not a tagalong."
"But I've always wanted to ostro ride homeboy."
The green plumber face palmed-
"-'specially with you."
...
He smiled perfectly, so unlike from the beautifully imperfect one she'd be haunted by forever. "Who shall I recover again?"
"Did I omit someone?" Toadette obsessively scanned it again, feeling his beady if playful little eyes on on her.
"Oh, nevermind. I am thinking of Mr. Kekler..." The Captain tapped his chin. "What? Abruptly left?.. Golly, Thomas forgot to iron his poochy back home? Knowing Koton it might be literal."
See, this was why he did not 'date' anyone. He held his chuckle as she cried and shrunk off into one of those those mysterious recesses that were everywhere in the countryside. He was running late anyway.
The fringes of the Southern territory were the only place where a native rancher or cowboy might catch a glimpse of a Mushroom Bus. Matted with red dust, the polka dot-covered mass transport vehicle pulled up. Some tiny double doors opened, allowing mostly returning locals to mosey on home.
"There you are. For me, Jörg?" The Captain yanked aside slightly chunky Toad in a safari uniform, holding a wrapped present.
Yellow Toad drowsily rose it it above his head. "Captain, we came down to.. to... Zzzz."
"Ahhrg!" The Captain hopped around for it in vain, eventually giving up and just punching the pudgy adventuring in the stomach. He rolled in a daze as a blue capped Toad in glasses fought his way through the group with yoshis trying to board the last bus.
"Blessings unto you sir. Where is Mr. Toad? I brought him supplements from Dr. Mario World." Hint Toad revealed his more neatly wrapped gift.
"So you want to be another tease, Heinemann?" he threatened, grabbing the professor's collar. "What about you Mordecai. I've heard you are the worst at it from anonymous sources."
A tall slender purple Toad walked right past that casually, holding two get well soon cards. "Hi, Captain. Uh. No I think?"
"Stanley, not today." The firmly speaking light green Toad was The Captain's nephew, six months older than him in a mundanely interesting way. Banktoad, or 'Bill' was the odd one out in casual clothing short of the headlamp and his arm was in a sling. "We bought overpriced tickets from Darker Side to here to support Mr. Toad and that's it. We know where he should be so don't follow us."
The unfettered brigade explored Southern Mushroom Kingdom from the dusty road, passing cowboy koopa and shy guys herding moo moos, shanty cabins, local little shops, tumbleweeds and pokies in pastures, and a kart creeping up behind them.
"I said no." Banktoad seemed to intentionally lead the Toads near the rails. On cue there came the throaty whistle of the K64, and it cut Captain Toad off from his brigade, leading him sitting there for a minute until the coal carrying inconvenience had passed.
Why were they like this? All because of a little workplace accident? He trained them to be more stalwart than that! Sure the paint was sandblasted from it's afternoon desert trek, and the leather split, and all the plastics had melted, but was a proper ICE kart and his rental duration was the weekend. He was going to get his money's worth darn it. He sped to catch up with the insolents and by then they'd already slipped into a cabin to fraternize with Toadette. Mr. Toad's cabin was locked, so it was the one next door. Oh, and also locked once they spotted him coming.
The Captain bashed a fist against the wheel. Soon he idly pressed on arteries to block blood flow, anything to keep him from hurting somebody. When that wasn't quite enough, he reached out of the window and snapped off the kart's searing hot metal antenna to poke his skin for a while. He watched in a mirror as it sizzled, leaving dark freckly marks he could excuse away as the real things. This was pointless. He wasn't the issue. They needed to join him already so that they could handle what Mario and Luigi weren't taking seriously-
"No way?"
The door opened, unleashing a roar of laughter from the group. Toadette semi-supported Banktoad's left side, opposite of the broken arm, together colliding with the others when they were presented with Captain Toad on the roof of the kart, parked right up against the stairs.
"Stanley-" Banktoad began.
"Allow me to start over. I don't want you to accompany me on an adventure. Just an errand downtown. We are treasure collectors now and Peach Castle is full of that."
"Oh no," Toadette mouthed, very loudly apparently.
"Yes, Miss Toadette, hadn't I mentioned? My brigade has shifted from Green Stars and coins to artifacts. The Doom Reverb that caused your *ah hem* housing crisis was from our collection. Small world. Ha ha.."
"That is accurate Miss Toadette. We collect, categorize and quarantine artifacts, usually to Fahr Outpost when the soil freezes," Hint Toad explained. "Some objects slip through the cracks."
Toadette blanched, and suddenly it was the one-armed green Toad having to support her. Banktoad leaned in. "I know it sounds scary but we're the best at it- or we default to it by being the only team that will. Stanley and I moved into this thin-walled condo in Shroom City, and the extra dough helps too."
Captain Toad had a flash of red seeing them so close, just snapping himself out of it by biting his tongue until it bled. He yanked Banktoad off of the porch by the ear. "What's that about, William? You fancy her now?"
He pushed him away with his good arm. "Not really. She just broke up with a boyfriend of five years, by the way."
He folded his arms. "Then help me with this errand and I'll let you all go."
"You sure?"
"Of course.." He projected his voice. "Miss Toadette, my apologies for being so insensitive over the state of your home. It was William who lost the bell during our last Sarasaland expedition."
"-Because you 'accidentally' shoved me off a sphinx and fractured my radius Stanley!" For good measure, the green Toad's shove sent the Captain's head through on of the last windows of the kart that hadn't broken yet.
The others gave their Captain a withering look before sliding into the kart, reinforcing that they were helping him with ONE thing, and nothing else he might be incubating. Toadette waved them off until she couldn't any longer, working herself into a tizzy. Mario gave Captain Toad that task, but did he know that- But who was she to question- Or should she question that she's questioning-
"Hey!" A hand grabbed her wrist, spinning her around. "I know we can't be in each other's faces but this is freaking important!"
She gasped. "Blue-"
"-Remember that painting? Well..."
She listened. That he'd break Mario's orders just to pontificate- and dig his nails into her wrist too, though she was sure he didn't know he was doing that.. "..And so let's confront him. Daisy will help us."
Her recoil severed his hold on her. "They cured her too?"
"Nope. Used the crazy Daisy cure."
"Eek!"
Daisy threw her hood back on. "Sorry."
"Let's GO! Get out there! DO SOMETHING!"
"...Nice Lord Bowser impression. It's like I was in the torture chamber with him."
"Just find something to do, squirt." the lakitu muttered to the koopatrol, his stealthy nature ruined by his luminous blush.
As there was swampy ground to stand on as of the last hour, Bowser's Minions spread out with their 'Property of Bowser' flags. That was lame and everyone knew it, but with only so many fence posts that hadn't drifted away or swollen to uselessness, the good stuff had to go towards the nucleus of their conquered land, Bowser Tower, and the site soon to be Bowser Tower Junior.
"No no no no no! What is this? Omg.." The furious koopaling dashed to the opposite end of the tower, screaming at the sight of more little red flags. "Why is Daddy doing this?! Somebody haaalp!"
A paragoomba on the rooftop's edge wanted to jump, but he was a physics student once and knew he was too lightweight to die from it. He couldn't sneak away either, as movement would ruin his incidental blending in with the brown inner wall of the parapet. He decided to freeze up and pray.
"You. Oh my gosh, Flippity Flop, you're about to come in clutch!"
-And the stars hated him! She dropped some of her hot pink flyers on the way, one flying into Hippity Hop's face. Without appendages, he had to chew it up and spit it out which, unfortunately, allowed him to know all of what it said by taste alone. That was another curse from the stars.
'Vote Princess Wendy O. for Neo Bowser City Council! She will be strong, fair, and beautiful. We will kidnap men for equality and promote the permanent destruction of plumbers! Help her shape the world into a better place!'
For some actual luck, he guessed, Wendy didn't notice Hippity's grimace while stacking up her flyers again. "Fly me outta here. I'm totes serious. We have to outpace Daddy and his fortresses and junk!"
He grumbled under his breath. "-Yes, my lady.."
….
Meanwhile, another aerial minion checked and tallied up the thousand or so minions, abandoned boats, and property outlines. Once that was done, the fun could start with the couple of spike balls he'd saved up. Within his crosshairs were all of the slackers, like-
"-Ever do a Turkish bath, J.D.?"
Sentry 11 lowered his binoculars, swiveling over.. "Who?" Yuck. Couldn't see himself bathing with those giant Thing stickers, considering he knew their battle effects. "-No I ain't."
Kamek flew along on a broken soggy vacuum he was trying to dry out. "My gal and I wore Lord Bowser down and we were trying to get a bathhouse installed. You know, the kind you take off your clothes and-"
"-Know what Boss? I'll just.. patrol ova there..." Shivering, the lakitu got away, leaving a certain teenager with a blue mohawk safe at the moment.
…
Larry leaned against the side of a big gravel pile, trying to be invisible. Morton and Roy, the thunder brothers as they were being coined, had it under control in their own chaotic way, slapping together prefab parts to form a hollow structure half the size of a typical Fortress they'd uglify seized land with. The baddies shuffled inside. Hammer bro variants joined together wooden parts, rocky wrenches handled nuts and bolts, monty moles dug for the foundation, goombas and buzzy beetles handled the steady flow of blocks coming in, whomps and thwomps pulverized slabs of stone into said blocks, and most cacophonic of all, Roy and Morton's brains were audibly frying over a blueprint..
"-I know who has mastered mind benders, petulant puzzles, and complex conundrums!" Morton waggled the page before the nerd, thinner than normal, in fact 2D, just standing and holding one expression. "Tell us, quick! Godspeed!"
"..."
"-Magnificent point, Iggy. We should do nothing for Junior, for he is spoiled, pampered, and coddled like a baby! Let us construct him the most monotonous castle ever!"
Roy snatched the papers from him. "I ain't seein' it but, whatever. Let's do it."
Meanwhile, something clicked for Larry. He casually approached the future owner, using a spare bone from a dry bone to draw in the mud outside the construction zone.
"Yo, had a blast at Koopa Scouts?"
He nodded.
"Uh, cool. That getup is cool AF with uniform, hat, scarf.."
Junior stopped doodling. "I miss camp and my friends and scout master and now I'm gonna be tutored all the time here by grandpa or grandma and I can't go back anymore!"
Larry tilted his view around, getting the full picture of the crude tents and trees. "...You miss it, aww. Hey I can take some of that weight off of you. Literally." He pointed to the giant gold key that snuggly fit in Junior's back pocket.
"Yeah, take this trash!" Junior threw it to the ground, probably confusing that last word for something similar, but close enough. He scooped it up.
"Thanks. Now follow me! You'll thank me for this lesson once you start to use lockers in school. People are too lazy to change the locks, see, so as long as you have a good memory…"
"Nooooo! Noooooooooooooo!" she kept screeching as the paragoomba flew her erratically over green hills.
Deafened, Hippity dropped his passenger where the cluster of flags marked a boundary. He dropped her to her doom, but six feet up at that point, she thought he was doing her a favor. Ultimately he simmered and wrapped his wings to cover his ears as she stormed at the three already there.
"Who is that?!" Wendy dropped her flyers down before the koopatrol, koopa troopa, and apparent dryite.
Tanner gave a salute. "Princess Wendy, Emery T. just arrived, Lord Bowser's latest soldier!"
The dirty Toad removed the scarlet covering, revealing her orange spots and messy black medium-length hair, evidently traveling some distance on foot and equally on top of that soaked painting a few yards away. "What he said. I await your command!"
Wendy resisted scrunching her nose at this weird lot. She could salvage this. She always did! Maybe even this was for the best. She never liked the solo thing honestly. "Yas!" she clapped her hands in fake chippiness. "You folks are gonna join the cabinet as deputies for moi! Excited? Good." She pressed the flyers on them.
"Princess. These are.. Brilliant." Johnson flashed an eager disposition towards the 'promotion', at least while she was looking.
"Yeah yeah whatever. Now march! -Or fly for Flippity Flop-"
Hippity growled in the distance.
"-Thanks, you are soooooo kind! I'll meet ya in the city later~" she sang, leaving them with her heaps of propaganda.
~Wendy O. Koopa was on fire, unstoppable! Some said the path of the princess was pampered and privileged (and I agree if you're reading this Raven. Please don't kick me out of the club) but she wanted more, a desire no other princess ever had, especially not as a trope in popular children's media.
"This meta thing is sooo cringe. Can't do it. Ughh.."
She double-tapped on her phone, erasing that from her WIP autobiography on the dinosaur blogging platform Smashing…Live!Journal. She wondered what would work better to win over her incarcerated friends. She might want more on her side filling up the office. That's how change happened!
Brainstorming in the endless fields, she stumbled upon an onyx obelisk on the next hill. She was instantly captivated. It was like tiny void in the universe. Running up, it had a texture to it, small raised characters wrapping around it. She used an app to try to translate a portion, and the camera struggled with the 'dark' object against a 'dark' background. The latest software update was supposed to remove the racism! She had no choice but to get super close, her fingers gracing the surface for just a second.
With a jolt she fell backwards, lips parted as the secrets of millennia unraveled before her eyes.
"Umm, I don't know if-"
"You in or not? I know where snacks are."
"Okay I'm in!"
"Shhh!"
"I'm in.." Junior squeaked, giggling into the clothing bundle in his little paws.
They peeked around the final corner where the fourth-floor prison was, which they were calling a dungeon anyway. Larry wished it was the genuine thing. Those catacombs were always easy to break out of and not even that deep underground. At least there weren't individual cells to deal with, and no shackles and stocks or iron balls and such. Those probably floated off to revitalize imperialism in Water Land.
Good thing Iggy was too busy being a hologram to hear that. The teenager snickered to himself.
"~Yo ho ho, and I hope some kids aren't fooling round up here, and a yo ho ho…"
Then he almost pissed himself. He retracted the key, roped Junior along, and dove behind some stacked crates. Sentry 11 shortly roved about, pausing at the crates. From a slit between some, Larry saw the eye of the smiley face etched on his cloud. He held his breath.
"Hey, we need yer help!" Thuds. Then Thwomp #3 came up to the floor. "Junior's fortress is fallin apart at the seams. We used the wrong glue."
The lakitu pivoted around, cracking his knuckles. "You don't use GLUE for a fortress, rockhead."
The thwomp put on a dopey, if perfidious expression. "Dat splains it.. Check it out will ya?"
Growling, the sentry accompanied him. For Larry it was go time. The gate had a strident squeal, swinging open.
He let it crash against the wall, opening his arms wide and going, "Ruuuuunnn!"
A hoard of teenagers trampled him into something a flat and paper-like as Iggy was looking these days.
"Hi mama Peach!" Junior screeched. "Wear this!"
Peach crept into view, apprehensively accepting the purple 'Kammy' robe. "J-Junior?" She noticed Larry's graceless appearance. "Oh. You're together. Okay." She combed her hair down, composing herself anxiously. "Are we ready?"
Toadsworth, examined the one for him, the 'Kamek' one. "Tally ho!"
Larry's accordion-like arms popped up, one finger pointed. "Shhhh!"
For some reason it was getting dimmer, and if the whole freaking place flooded the freak out, meeting up with Dr. Greg of BATES, the famous hip hop oriented, bass heavy headphone line, would be impossible.
Chapter End Notes
Author note (archived): It turns out this was globs of chapter again. Whoops! The chapter titled this in 2019 Redux was a special chapter and with that in mind, this one kept blooming like crazy.
Dates: (Portion split from last 8/9/22) 8/13, 8/14, 8/15, 8/16, 8/17- 20, 21, 8/22-26
Edited: 11/23/23
RR24: 10/18/4- 10/24/24, edits 6/28/25
Chapter Summary
The title is the motif..
Chapter Notes
*RR24*
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The arduous search began Desert Land. With no jewel encased in a letter to protect them, the four travelers were incinerated by angry suns until the shadow of pyramids provided some respite. After weaving through pile-driver micro goomba mazes, none of the dryites, venus fire traps, fire snakes, and hammer bro variants in the tents had seen Bowser. Spontaneously it was accepted that Mr. Toad should have hired a private airship that wouldn't have stiff seats, a constant barrage of keleptos circling overhead, and the beasts of burden twisting around pecking somebody at random. Alas it was too late for the hero turned pin cushions to change plans and keep any secrecy. The pace was still respectable. White sands and sidesteppers under coconut-filled palm trees meant they'd found the third Mushroom World.
Water Land's blotches of remote territory were bridged together just steady enough to hold them at full speed, that was unless a land blooper body blocked them, followed by an ink blast. After enough of those they had to take a wash break. Their koopa navigator fed the big birds, the Toad got water, one sleep-deprived plumber continued to rest upon his duffle bag, and the other marked their progress on a map.
"See that? Think I can bid on those Japanese auction sites?"
Luigi found a 'tower', or a lone pole bobbing on the calm blue ocean. Southern Mushroom Kingdom would call that 'redneck engineering'. Daisy 'Cha bu duo'. Toadsworth 'plain unacceptable'. King Omarinon hadn't changed since WW63, where it was rumored that no. 2 pencils on a stick is what took King Morton down. That was probably Mushroomy propaganda, but he wanted to believe it for some reason..
"For what, Toad?"
"To get some authentic 'Yossy' merch for our homeboy who picked wrong."
"Are they really over?"
Mario stirred in his seat, and not because his butt was numb. "Bro."
Dumb question. He got it. The hunt continued, beyond minka homes and neatly arranged rice fields. Luigi missed most of it scribbling in red on his map.
Toad's tapped his shoulder. "We're doing awesome."
The pen poked a waypoint on the grid. "If you say so."
"-Hey. Know who didn't pick wrong? Me. I pick you to play tennis with me once this is all over."
They bumped fists. "Never change, Toad."
Further inland the fish were replaced with toads in conical hats, living under thatched roof homes. They crossed ornate ancient temples, well-preserved shrines, and small shops, replacing the ocean breezes with the heavy musk of grilled foods. The social atmosphere was standoffish, though ultimately they were allowed to snoop around for baddie activity.
"-I've never liked that 'picking' thing, especially off of one action, or fleeting moment."
"More on that? I guess we'd- or you would know as much as people fling themselves at you. So it's the journey?"
"Basically, Luigi. Yoshi played it out as long as he could and we can't grill him over it."
"Seconded." Under Luigi's scrutiny, Toad relaxed to play it off as another blasé comment. "Or, I can delineate as far as family goes. I've told you about Duke. Designated leader, full of chicanery, devoid of balls. Everyone made mistakes or had bad days, but the pattern set didn't lie. Don't be like Duke. He even made me have to sleep on the couch sometimes. Like Mario!"
Mario's lack of response tickled Luigi.
"Er, there's more to it than that. 'Papa' and 'Mama' Mario, aka Lorenzo and Concetta let him sleep in the shop. That's why he had two keys. I didn't get it at all when I was barely a man. I thought I was totally overshadowed by then, but I had it better. I had a cheap miraculously quiet apartment to myself. I got to go out, study, contemplate where I was going.. I wouldn't be where I am now if not for that."
"Beautiful... For Koopra Wenphry or somethin! Sheesh." Jr. Troopa quipped. "Anyone got metal in them? Speak now or forever lose your filling.."
Suddenly Japan didn't want to pay homage to the past and everyone had to be meticulously scanned twice to leave the city. They got through that, crossed a final red-arched bridge over a gentle stream, and entered the fourth Mushroom World, Giant Land.
The forest canopy made the midday dark, and their torches illuminated the belligerent faces of locals who didn't like Bowser nor them, giving chase through the villages of log cabins. This kind of society replaced the monarchs they were used to, and so they could never predict the reception they'd receive. Many river cut up the grounds as well, so it seemed pertinent to survey for Bowser activity from the upper mountain ranges.
"-Psst, partners... Since- since when he is a zaddy?" Troopa whispered, pouring over Mario. The plumber was slumped back, duffle bag cradled in his lap like a teddy bear. Clothes made the man and he didn't want Bowser to catch the notion that he'd won in any way, so it was the standard blue overalls and red shirt, just fitting more athletically from cutting lately. Most strikingly though, his identity-concealing headwear was off, revealing his fade haircut, brown hair contrasting the darker facial hair.
"A what?" Luigi muttered. Did he want to know? He didn't like how Toad giggled.
"It's the beard ain't it, homeboy?"
"Well it'd be weird to say it to his face. He's known me since I was still in my egg shell."
"Dang!" Toad held his torch like a mic. "Since this is the Mr. TKT show, spill more. Why are humans so hot, Koopa?"
Luigi dipped behind the bifold map. Why oh why?
"I don't like how you're talkn, Toady!" He'd dropped the cowpoke drawl, the buggy sped up around the precarious upswept curves.
"Mario calls Bowser that." Toad shrugged, oblivious to the outside wheels gracing the edge. "Don't be a pussy."
"Me?! Least I talk about it. You won't even confirm if you're supposed to be a bachelor for life or what."
"Because it just ended up that way. Never could work it out with the right guy- In a gender neutral way!"
Their caravan broke hard, bird feet digging hard into the rocky soil. Luigi froze as Jr. Troopa twisted around, the cheekiest bastard there ever was. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYEEE-"
Slap! Troopa was backhanded, the clap echoing off the crags.
"I- sorry man," Toad reached again- er, to fix Troopa's crooked ten gallon. "Mario is great. Not my thing but I get it." He breathed in, "My Special One is a human too actually and I didn't 'pick' on a whim. They're why I'm on this adventure I shouldn't be on."
The corners of Troopa's mouth twitched and a blush was about to break through, but he folded his arms and looked away, off over the treetops. "I'm sorry for getting uncouth, sir. Forget sometimes you're on the level of our princess. No disrespect though. That's a crackship if I ever heard one."
Luigi wasn't sure if they'd began to move or not. It wasn't really 'crack' or improbable like Jackson purported. King Elderberry moved with most of the Toad nobles, leaving Peach and Mr. Toad and Toadsworth. The soon to be chancellor was her cousin as it turned out, so that was their connection. All that left was... Toad stayed for her.
Trying to focus again, Luigi reached for the map. He never got to rotate it the right way, a laser traveling across the globe slicing it in half.
BOOM! In a blink they were plunging violently from the disintegrating mountain range, everything a blur to Luigi, especially when the duffle bag crashed over his head and ripped open, their super suits with delicate power endued stitching torn by sharp rocks. He was catapulted out, body flopping around on the hard dry lake, mildly tangled up in shredded reins.
Two smiley face sock cover feet blocked his view of the jungle and downed trees. There was no evidence otherwise of whatever hit them short of the air retaining a barely breathable sulfur scent. The person pinched a wrist, taking his pulse. "Good 'nuff. Mr. Toad though-"
"Toad?!" Luigi sprung upward, vision tripling of a pile of wood, the remains of the buggy.
"Skipped..death..again..." He thumbed up from under some planks. "...Too soon?"
"Guys..." Mario peeled himself up from a muddier area on his own. "We need to do inventory, Weegee. And find my hat. Now!"
Luigi limped over. "Mario, take a-"
He seized his brother. "We can't. Whatever just happened. it had to do with Bowser!"
Lemmy glared at his brother demonstrating why even he got sick of him sometimes. A human and noki were rowing the gondola frantically to keep up from the river and Ludwig flailed his arms, doing nothing to assist. The douche must have hijacked them. While cranking the window up, it snapped off and bounced under his seat, clashing against unknown objects. Lemmy quickly pointed outside, pretending that was the plan.
"Oh my goodness! Just look at Luddy over there! Huh? Huh? Huh? See him? Huh? Huh?"
"-SHUT UP!" The red boo aimed a shotgun out of the window, the long barrel inches from the koopaling's snout.
"Whoa! He's not that annoying!"
"I ain't wasting bullets on him, trust me."
Lemmy concluded those 'victims' must be plain-clothes cops. "But why would your enemies work with my brother? Please don't lie."
"Alright kid... They're enemy spies!"
Lemmy yanked the gun from him, on his own team only now. "Pfft. Fine. Luddy, duck!"
Pow! Pow! Bullets rippled the water. Ludwig fell backward, the other two crouching with him. The steel reinforcements lining the sides saved them, though he was still banged up from his not-so-soft landing spot. There was a picnic basket with grenades hidden under the flap and a metal suitcase with a disabled thumbprint reader, replaced sloppily with a normal lock, along with a silver pistol with a shopping tag tied to it, stating 'not a gun'.
"I should have packed the bazooka." The noki tossed away her umbrella, the cab down the road. "But nooo a madame like me only needs to zit and look pretty!"
The human sent her a nasty look before grabbing an oar to end their wayward drift. His top hat was blasted off, revealing golden brown hair and pointed ears. "Yes, bring out the heavy stuff. -So you can aim it afterwards at-a me! Let's-a catch cut him off on-a foot."
The noki resigned to his suggestion, overly casually in Ludwig's option. As they rode up on the river bank, it was a miracle his heart was still contained in his rib cage. The man shed his jacket entirely and his lady her jewelry and heels.
"Got it all?" the human asked ahead.
"Now we do." Ludwig stepped onto the soggy soil, revealing the 'not gun'.
"Aye aye aye, Monsieur Koopa, that is not a gun," the noki informed, just a tiny bit like he was daft.
"Correct. Not not a gun," Ludwig reiterated as they crossed the street.
"He-a needs to throw that-a back! It's-a not not not a gun."
"I concur!" Ludwig swung it around a finger. It was copacetic. And cool.
"You're still holding it!.. It's not not.. Get rid of it!" They yelled at him.
"I surrender. (Nicht!)"
He smirked as they jumped a fence and entered the outskirts of a busy developmental zone. A posted sign revealed that Peach's new abode was being built, sapping his impish energy. Ludwig would give up everything to go back one day and prevent dark star meddling. No matter how hard he grasped, his chances to rectify matters always slipped between his fingers.
'I agree. Bonjour.'
Ludwig shuddered, scratching the back of his neck where it seemed to be coming from.
'You're with Jellien are you not? Excuse me, 'Maria'. Of course we are French nokis as in from Maple Treeway, not as in 'we live in view of the Awful Tower'. Go to so and so to find us and your brother. Trevor has jammed the transponder and they are following a ghost signal...'
So desensitized at that point, every word channeled to Ludwig's brain had unchallenged verity. He relayed that out of the blue, which the noki and human didn't listen to. He pointed the pistol at them. Now they treated it like a real gun.
Lemmy tried to unwind. They rode alongside a meadow filled with red Amaryllis flowers, leading to some fairground. It featured a carousel, a Ferris wheel, a wimpish roller coaster, wooden patios, and prize stands with balloons, reasonably packed for the weekend with Toads. Neighboring was a gated palace, resembling an elongated Peach castle, except with the accent color of black instead of pink. The stained glass windows and flags on the spires featured the Mushroom Crest. The grass was so perfect he'd think it was fake if there wasn't a Toad on a riding mower in the south corner. That was only the first castle, there was a second one next to it, taller, then another, then a huge garden, then big statues of figures.
Lemmy couldn't ignore the hairy feeling in his throat any longer. The pinnacle of Mushroom society was ascetical, which would be fine if they let it be their thing and they left alone the the version Peach ran, but her dad was going to eliminate it. He switched to biting a different set of nails- Oh yeah, they kidnapped Peach and set it all off. Could it be stopped? It was playing out like Luddy's suppositions. First they number the kingdoms and conspicuously get the World 1 slot, then they start importing the Toads, then the assimilation begins. Lemmy wanted to be the anti-Ludwig, in a good way. His purpose was to show the world that a Koopa prince could fix it peacefully. What if... to change the world he loved, the only option was war?
While he was off in Nimbus Land, they squashed some traffic cones and went off-road, the nice surroundings replaced by high mounds of dirt from a construction zone. A plethora of dumpsters were filled with recently cleared brush and there was an Earth mover next to a deep trench with a tube going down it, the other end leading into the forest.
"This way kinda sucks. Could you drop me off?" Lemmy checked the meter, scrolling up and up.
The stopped at a deep if mostly depleted basin, that tube from before going down it. "Great timing. Get out. Ride was on the house."
Thank God, he didn't know Ludwig's credit card's PIN. As he clicked off his seat belt though, there came that knocking again." Lemmy apprehensively eyed the crummy backseat area.
"What?" the cabbie spat, strapping some goggles on.
"Are you gonna let that guy in the trunk out? ...Nevermind erk-!"
Hands around his throat, Lemmy was honestly surprised it took this long. He snatched the boo's scruffy neck back, as hard as he could with his waifish arms until they were both turning blue. Lemmy wasn't the secret keeping type, so he sorta had to win this or else. ..Or do this instead, spotting movement in the side mirrors.
"Okaytimeout!" he croaked.
They let go, gulping for air. Lemmy used that armistice to whip out his phone and text someone. "Don't worry. I'm just getting another ride. And not calling the cops. See? My brother's right there. Huh? See? See?-"
"GET OUT!" the red boo roared hoarsely, mashing a device for legless drivers. The wheels spun on the loose soil.
…
When the trio burst out of the greenery, the cab was less than twenty feet away from that lake, about to plunge.
"Mon dieu!"
Ludwig fired the gun at the wheels. A long hook shot out and looped around the bumper, the knot of rope on the ground pulling taut. "Grab on!"
The noki's hands clutched his waist and the human hers, all three slung forward and dragged until they banged their heads on a chopped tree stump. From that jolt the cab's bottom frame violently tore off into the basin, leaving the hooked chassis to drop and hang half over the edge, bumper warping in the middle. The trunk area of the frame went convex, allowing a small hand to slither out, and feel around for a button near the keyhole, popping it open. A flowery shirt-wearing noki crept out, beaten and with red scars on his wrists and ankles.
"Why is 0064 like-a that?"
"He is an in-denial diabetic," the noki struggled, "zhat's pretended to be 35 for the last few years.."
Ludwig never noticed him crawl closer and bite into one of his nasty Excess Express protein bars without removing the wrapper, as he was wheezing in agony at the sight of Lemmy beating against the back window of that wretched cab.
The male noki launched to his feet and tugged the rope, scraping the sedan from the ledge. As everyone behind him collapsed over each other, Lemmy tumbled out of the hoopty with a busted lip.
"Uhhh.. So glad I didn't prepay.."
He pulled Lemmy up by the plastron. "I am Detective Bond. Where is M?"
"Huh? I dunno!"
Bond obsessively searched, leaning all the way into the basin until he was pulled away.
"Mon frère! M can evanesce at will. Let it go." The nokis embraced, followed by a kiss on the cheek. "Now," she ventured with some venom, "Why did we have to help you out of la prision?"
"Because vacation is sucking," he answered inelegantly, shifting around her. "The abduction? Exhilarating, but the cake sabotage." Chef's kiss. "Favorite part so far."
She scoffed. "Excusez-moi!"
"It would not be the first time you've tried to kill me. I still have that scar from being dangled off of a skyscraper!"
"You forgot my anniversary."
"And why would I celebrate that when you and Waldo have been meaning to divorce for a decade?"
"Hey!" Waldo, the human barged in. "..It's-a complicated. Are-a you hiding where you-a are from Jeremy?"
"This isn't about him, Agent W."
"But it iz." They cornered Jelectro. "Some horrible man, some Mitch Toad told us, mon frère. You would rather die than vote for his successor?"
"Aye aye aye!" Bond placed his snapped in half sunglasses on. "It IS voting that might kill you! Help me round up Bowser's children and I will explain.."
The human glanced around. "Who again?"
...
The koopas silently backed to the construction zone, hiding behind a big tractor while Toads in hardhats worked in the field. Peach's new castle had the same square footage they estimated by the moat starting to be dug, but no weak side on the right where the real thing had a garden and stream that was Bowser's easy way to invade dozens of times. They were evolving!
"Okay, so... I'm sorry for everything, Luddy. I didn't want to believe this stuff was real, but now I'm on your side."
Ludwig slid against the vehicle to the ground, the turnaround nearly inconceivable. "..Thank the stars. Ian, hold no harsh feelings for I would have behaved identically. With no exaggeration, Rosalina's Gravitational Pull is the only force that melds my essence to this body, and there is no guarantee it will remain so before I complete my mission."
Lemmy gaped. "I thought we were talking war stuff!"
"We are, if an antecedent one."
Lemmy watched anxiously as his brother flipped through the lexicon, fighting against crisp pages. He jut it forth on a portion detailing a star, an ancient tempest god.
"That's what happened last night?"
"And it's only the start." The elder koopaling stood, pleadingly. "Forget any harangue of mine over Mushroomites and our people. If we don't stop the dark forces, neither of us will possess any territory!"
Lemmy nodded through his tears. "Where do we go?"
"-He should go right about.. in our custody!" Jelectro secured Ludwig's arm, sneaking up with the other spies.
Waldo secured Lemmy in the air. "Ahhh! I didn't do it! I mean I know I shot at you and my brother is responsible for the Mushroom Flu but not that other stuff! Luddy, show him our uncle's business card."
The blue-haired koopaling lifted his head, rife with perplexity, "Erm that is somewhere in my shell, but he is a respectable business koopa, the reason we are here!"
Bond huffed. "What is this malarkey?"
"You'd never dismiss a Toad businessman!"
The commander played up his offense, but the others were lapping it up, so clamping the koopa's wrists harder, Jelectro went, "Petite soeur, get that card so that 'uncle' can exonerate them."
"Read the number from his mind."
"Ha ha ha, no.." He flushed. "I cannot! Call Mr. X already!"
"No one ever said their uncle's name!" Maria jabbed her brother's chest. "You have powers and that is why you are a 'Jelectro' just like our parents Hot Foot and Pokey."
"-And you are a 'Jellien' so committed to fakeness that you changed your name and married an expy of Wario. I will admit to being a freak when you do!"
"C'est impossible!" Maria shoved him and he released Ludwig to shove back. There was a rip of a dress, then a whack across his face from her, and then Waldo had to drop Lemmy to chase the nokis rolling around on the red dirt.
Meanwhile, the koopalings walked away, casually at first, breaking into a sprint since some Toads were spotting them. Before a proper chase began, the ground began to quake, rattling heavy equipment and making the mounds of dirt shake apart. The koopas crossed a street where a car honked them down, and fled through a riparian zone, wadding the river, then entered red flower fields-
"Oh I was here before."
Ludwig observed the fifteen or twenty-foot statue of a human woman. She had ringlets and a pouty expression, hands clasped in front of a brooch on her dress.
"They weren't around the first time tho," Lemmy added.
Toads had already abandoned the fair rides, some silent alarm hidden in fake rocks pulled on them. Behind golden gates, guards were spilling out of two red doors of the smallest palace. In the stained glass there was a silhouette of a man. No doubts about who it was.
"So ein mist.."
Lemmy checked his watch, drawing a new minute hand with a broken crayon. "Up here. Quick!" He vaulted up to the statue's elbow. "Come on!"
Ludwig reached his arms out. "Some assistance?"
"Oh yeah.."
Lemmy hauled him up as dozens of guards trampled flowers to gather at the base and raise their super scopes, holding fire. The koopalings were on the likeness of Queen Toadstool.
"Do you have your zapper?"
The guards hurled themselves to the ground as Lemmy shot into the sky. Now Ludwig was sure they'd find a way to blast them away without hurting the statue. Guards on the palace roof had them in their crosshairs. He could see the glint in the sun. An object zoomed overhead, blowing smoke on them, then it rounded back, firing a blue beam. Ludwig became weightless, lifted up and away. Shooting resumed, though it couldn't penetrate the tractor beam as they flew over downtown Poshley Heights. The earthquake was stronger there and pedestrians ran amok in between buildings with shattered glass.
"Kon'nichiwa Luddy and Lemmy-sama!" The koopaling-cyborg twisted around and waved. "Got your signal."
"Thanks, but we're in huge trouble Hop!"
"Not this time! My sensors are picking up on a friend on the edge of the solar system. He'll drop our charges."
"Is he a cop or secret agent or something?" Lemmy asked. "Sorta.. burned out on that."
"Nononono, he's a good one."
Ludwig silently to rode along as the Earth shrunk below. He could a sworn it was disfigured, as if a cosmic scythe ran across in a perfect line. He rubbed his eyes and by then they'd gone too far. His business card from Mr. X where he ran his Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc. from 1010 Beverly Lane, Poshley Heights was almost lost in space, so he caught it quick.
Some Mushroomites sealed themselves at home, others were out with the costs of food and supplies in shops skyrocketing, with no end in sight. Under the evening sun a station wagon stood out, hitting so many fire hydrants that tanks began to swerve and clear the street for them. Anyone caught on the street didn't know it, but they were about to travel a lot lighter if that monstrosity of a kart stopped at a red light they were at.
"Eh.." he groaned. "Crap." Banktoad ejected the gold bars x3, pearls, and other valuables to the sidewalk, where the victim would find it- hopefully. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but could we avoid the reds? At least on the streets with all this foot traffic.."
The Captain laughed. "Of course."
They sent Mailtoad into MK Hospital East under the guise of delivering a parcel. He was in and out before Captain Toad got the kart off the curb he'd pulled up on.
"Mr. umm Lionel won't discharge himself yet."
"Was he the one with the 'acolytes' to look out for? No, that was Mr. Zeror.. What the heck is wrong with Kinopio, Mordecai?"
The purple Toad shifted the messenger bag strap to the other shoulder, hesitating. "Some, uh, business partners want him to forward, uh. A drug. Crabbie Grass."
"What's that?"
"It is a herb principally used to cure Bean Fever," Hint Toad explained. "It may also be used to lessen symptoms of many other ailments."
Banktoad couldn't dwell on that (though he'd look it up later), The Captain asking impatiently where to go next.
A few illegal u-turns later they found the rundown, less than auspicious Hotel Mario. The receptionist was useless for anything other than informing them that the Waluigi Spitballs were winning over the DK Kongs by two runs in the eighth inning. A monty mole with cookies pointed them in the right direction however, and to Banktoad's dismay it was north of town. Soon they were zipping down Flower Lane. Tanks had torn up the street, their kart sparking on the potholes at high speed. Blockades chopped up all most routes around Royal Raceway and rubberneckers were Thing Stickered if they got too close..
"Is that Zess T without makeup?"
They rode up on a soggy orange capped Toad. They shrieked. "Nothings on me!"
Captain Toad lowered tiny bit of window he had left. "Pay us in jelly ultras then. Mr. Mario sent us."
Chef Tim sighed in relief, dropped his noodly arms. "Thank the stars. We had a fight and I'd rather be here than with those crazy people. Les ran off, Joe and Zeror deep into the rubble of our house. By the way, if you see my wallet-"
The Captain zoomed off for Toad's Turnpike.
"Stanley.." he nephew pressed. "Still on the mission, right?"
"Indubitably. When we are tracking, by God's will we find it."
"Who?"
"I've been reading too much Darklandian literature.." he trailed vaguely.
They wrapped around the city and took an exit onto the indigo meteorite-like ranges of Star Hill, sprinkled with small shreds of the Peach's Castle. Because tanks couldn't get through the tolls on the freeway, the windy trials were open and unsupervised if smoky from the remaining fires on castle grounds. The lake had police banners around it, a crime scene, and the longest hose they had was a few feet too short to reach a hydrant. It was said some maniac in a station wagon mowed down half of them in town...
"Did anyone pack their boots?... No? That's not the adventurer's spirit!"
"Just be grateful we're still hanging in there. Compliment someone!"
"You're easy to manipulate-" He was punched. "Joking! Even in this hideously polluted atmosphere, no one's eyes sparkle like yours, William."
He sighed, tentatively following The Captain as he sliced through some bushes. A big scuttlebug jumped out and someone unleashed a scream from a horror feature.
"... sorry sir," Hint muttered.
"Shh!" The Captain tore more branches down barehanded, creating a window into a desolate seldom seen rear court of the castle. Crumbly white stone portions of the foundation survived and a green Toad was huddled beside some neatly arranged chests. His suit and styling were antiquated but he was sprightly, carrying one unassisted, or to be precise for a few seconds-
"Allow me, sir-"
Mr. Zeror struggled with Captain Toad, tugging on both ends. "Stop it! You'll damage something!"
"I'm an expert with.. fragile.. goods.." The Captain ogled the heirloom inside, a pink jaggedly cut jewel.
Suddenly he was bulldozed, bouncing all the way to remains of the Eternal Star fountain. Upon that illusive relic he was pinned by the pink gardener, or more recently Zeror's acolyte, Joseph.
"I know these guys," he signed to Zeror. He turned to the scoundrel with the goonies circling him. "The Toad Brigade."
Zeror dusted himself off. "Whoever they are, this is not their job. Keep restraining him."
Banktoad rushed between them. "Mario wanted us to-"
"-Enough. Where is it?" Zeror had a emptied chest at his feet, dazed at what he was seeing, then flushed and looking wild. "Nobody move!"
Banktoad flinched as the other green Toad steamrolled Mailtoad first. He calmly offered his satchel, devoid of loot. Hint Toad shook in his not-boots and inverted his pockets voluntarily. Yellow Toad worried him more than the rest. (Besides his uncle, but he was never not occupied with him). The Toad with no official specialty had been excessively lethargic, and now he was getting a nosebleed while drowsily babbling.
"Bill.." he held his head. "It's coming from you.."
"What!" Zeror clamped onto his bad arm in the sling. "How? I had my eye on you alone yet-" The moustached Toad ripped the jewel away, gasping.
"I-I didn't know I'd done it either. I-it's redirection and and- unconsciously! I kinda have an issue- Ouch!" It was getting unbearable, his eyes watering. "I'm sorry so don't be a jackoff- oww!"
Captain Toad pushed Joseph aside and shot over, tearing the precious gem from his paws. He launched it with speeds rivaling DK's star pitch against the battlement. The Jewel of the Stars shattered on impact, into pieces too numerous to count. That violent haze lifting from the red Toad, just a tad, and this totally didn't ruin everything.
The Jewel of the Stars had been cut to create the dazzling jewelry seen on many monarchs past. -Besides Peach perhaps. So, taking advantage of everyone's stunned silence, nothing bad should have happened when he waltzed over to pick up the biggest remaining chunk.
-Except, following a deafening crack, the world began to divide itself from where they stood.
Chapter End Notes
Author note (archived): 'Brutality and Complexity', in addition to being a chapter title reused from the old Redux, it is also named after a demo from the experimental speedcore/metal band NOISM. Split from previous: 8/17/22, 8/22/ parts removed added to previous, 8/27, 8/29, 9/1, 9/2-9/4, 9/5- 9/7, 9/8-9/10 (notes some dates refer to sections moved to the next part), 9/11, 9/12 Edited: 11/9/23, 12/22/23
RR24: 10/26/24- 10/31. Edited 6/29/25
Chapter Summary
Author note: Remember, events are simultaneous, at least in part, with Ouroboros 1. *RR24*
Chapter Notes
Disclaimer: Mario belongs to Nintendo.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Wendy's friends caused minions to either squawk or abandon their projects to give chase. Fencing, supports and cannon mounts fell apart, creating a trail of destruction wherever the fugitives fled. Larry meanwhile climbed the tower to survey from the telescope on the roof. He tried to relax about it, to stop clenching the railing like his life depended on it, but the moment he did, he was knocked flat on his shell by a crushing weight-
"-Sorry shorty!" The mega goomba that trampled him turned around. "Wiggs, since you have extra arms.."
Wiggletron peeled Larry off the ground, teasing, "Might I lend you my glasses, Richard?"
"Might be on ta something, Wiggs. I didn't see who the call was coming from. Least we can bill em more!"
"Absolutely!" When they chest bumped, Larry was released, falling and bouncing around like a ping pong ball on the way to the bottom and out of the tower, smashing finally against the Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit truck parked there.
The teenager opened his eyes. "Ahh!... Wait.. WAIT!" He climbed up. "I'll pay ya to pick someone up! Two people in a..."
After their two agents hopped in the back, the truck left the fifteen-year-old in the dust. He coughed, fanning it all away to reveal Bowser in the tower doorway, gawking at the madness.
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
Larry solidified on the spot. "(Oh shieeeeet)- So there was a mix up with the keys and-"
"-I knew trouble was coming when Gramps and Old Hag went on a shopping trip! I appreciate cha for sticking around so loyal tho!" He ruffled his son's limp blue hair. "Now I'll be RIGHT OUT!"
Bowser wasn't really, in an alcove on the first floor, tapping his foot following the beep of a voice mailbox. "Hey. Mario, don't come here yet. No I didn't just lose Peach. I'm just setting stuff up according to my demented dreams and need a few minutes. Bye!"
"Dad."
He jumped, hiding the phone behind his back. "..Yeah! He is awesome. Me. Uh, what."
Larry's feet brought him closer, but his body reacted as if he was trudging towards a noose. "I'm not really with this, okay? Not cause it's pointless with Junior being your heir, I want to travel around and DJ and party and drag race and stuff and I can't as some military general!"
Bowser's jaw hung. "Up here."
Larry met his dad in the throne room where graph papers and sketches of anti-plumber death machines littered the floor. Bowser carefully retrieved the heavily battered lapis lazuli bust of a dragon koopa. The teenager couldn't place where he'd seen it before in their old castle. It resembled his dad except with shorter horns, a smaller tuft of hair, and beadier eyes.
"Who's that?"
"My brother."
Larry felt like an idiot. Well duh. He didn't forget all the time or anything.
Bowser sat it on his desk, backing away. "Dark Land wasn't ready for him at the tail end of WW63, and he wasn't ready for it either. I was the spare ya know, so out of the way when he test ran with a village. Never visited it, just know our subjects loved it or couldn't comprehend it before that out of season 'tweester' took it all down. Clarentine disappeared the next night. It wasn't bruised ego. My older brother was creative. Careful. Conciliatory. So freaking afraid of rejection." He swept over Larry's form, sighing. "Yeah so maybe I was the best choice to get us out of a hole short term, but they kicked him out. If the world had been more patient, more, er, fair with my brother, he might be better than me at this now!"
"Dad," left the teenager like a whine. "What does this all mean?"
"-Oh yeah. I ain't super poetic but I wanted Junior to be 'Clarentine' and it is on some papers we lost in one of our castles forever ago. I wasn't going to miss what he becomes. Same goes for the rest of you, hear? You're all heirs no matter what cha do. Run on now. See what's up next door." Bowser dismissed in his typical brusque way, leading him out by the back of his spiky shell.
The skeleton of Junior's fortress was rife with activity, rocking in rhythm with the hammering inside. Right as Larry left the tower, the fortress collapsed like a stack of Hanafuda cards. 'It's Thwomp #3's fault..' a koopa troopa architect muttered, deep down in the debris. 'He recommended we use glue!'
'Ignore that Earl. I've told you before. I will be down Sunday.' -Your King.
Reginald folded away his copy, resting against the barracks. "How did that circulate anyway?"
"From within." A skinnier black-spotted trooper slung the super scope over his shoulder, hopping on top of the sandbags with him to watch the Thing Sticker usage. "Better not 'ave been you, mate.."
Under the commotion to follow, Reginald made sure his radio was muted this time. From behind the 'scene', as if the city landscape and everyone in it were props on a stage, a giant humanoid rose, giving a running start before slinging a huge aquamarine ball. It landed with a solid thunk, rolling across an intersection before smashing Dr. Toadley's clinic. Its remains rained from down in colorful confetti bits.
"Have you gone too far? Yes you have!" the owner croaked, unearthed and dragged along by his purple robe.
There was a secondary rumble from some other origin, enough to shake down the barracks. Kart alarms rang all over, a few buildings lost their windows, and parts of the street lifted and curled. They hustled to arrest Dr. Toadley and leave before their stickers got blamed for the seismic event.
One hidden onlooker had no sympathy. They floated down a block and battered a parking meter to pieces with their tennis racket. This sort of thing was happening and Luigi expected them to do nothing? They jabbed the phone for his number again. After not getting an answer they tried Mario's.
"-Kon'nichiwa, Sararīman-sama. Perfect timing. I will work with you if you give me commission for each post with the hashtags-"
Their phone cracked just a little more from their tight hold. "How.. How did you get Mario's..?"
"Is this Boo? …Bought it on black market. Just need a screen replacement and good to go, fufufu. Collector's item considering-"
"-What's going on Kinopio? Are you still in the hospital? Don't lie. I. Will. Find. Out."
"...I do not hate Peach. I just want to take my portfolio and-"
"Answer the question!"
Kinopio snorted. "I should blog about you more. Get the attention of 128 billion followers."
"You are about to garner their attention for a different reason, Lionel."
The boo jabbed their arm through the screen, emerging on the other side to punch a lime green Toad in his chest and slide his rocker against the wall of his deluxe MK East patient room. Frost blasted all over his body and he was paralyzed, tears streaming down as the Underchomp's fangs lashed at the back of his head, saliva splattering on him as it advanced closer with each lunge. He saw in a mirrored version of his room himself as his his soft and young features were disfigured by the throngs of time, leaving a geriatric, stringy gray haired Toad, too hoarse to scream as uncontrollably as Kinopio was.
"-Fuzakeru na! Hehe.."
Booigi severed the interdimensional hold before their battery died. Just when they were having fun.. A tank passed by, chasing a mixed lot of Mushroomites holding 'Boo did nothing wrong' signs. Boo threatened to surface and discourage swooping in and amassing supporters' but Booigi II was giddy in anticipation. They had a purpose, unlike Boo's wicked cousin, who was punishment without order.
For them it was order. Then punishment.
She clung to lip of the city well, whimpering as her nose ran.
"It could be true or not. Dunno to be honest, Toadette. If you see the shadows again, blast them in the face." Bucken-Berry scabbard on his hip and a pop gun for her. "Okay?"
The pigtailed Toad accepted the weapon, staring down at it.
"Toadette," he ventured. "I know Mario said it's gotta be a later conversation, but- Do you even want to stay in the castle if most of what we know is.. you know?"
She looked at him with a hint of challenge. "I'm aware of my actual purpose now Blue. And not in 'schizo' way."
Daisy caught up then, a hairs standing on end upon hearing that. She'd retrieved her serviceless phone and couldn't procrastinate any more. It started off like supervising her little cousins from Easton, late teens to her thirty-something. After the gaiety of having someone to play original Xbox with wore off, she had to keep them from wriggling into the missile bunker, glassing half the kingdom because 'it's just a prank bro'. Now she saw the fiery trails in the sky, about to rain doom.
"I'll knock. Stay back, weapons ready."
"Eek!.. affirmative." Toadette grasped the pop gun two handed.
Already at the tin office of Jr. Troopa? Too late for Daisy's plan to slip away and get a real adult to help these folks.
The door slowly swung open. "Oh!" Dr. Toad dropped and snapped a colored pencil. He was dressed down in his trendy shine sprite embroidered shirt, and while the space was prepped with stools and lab tables with beakers, it hadn't been used. Some glassware was dusty even, much unlike the atelier in the back and the numerous sketches tacked up.
"Ah hem. Hello, i-is there a problem?" he stuttered.
Bucken-Berry nodded, knife behind his back. "Just passing along a memo from your associate."
"W-what?"
"Get em!"
Daisy grabbed the stringy doctor on impulse, if to save him in a way. Dr. Toad squirmed in her arms, screaming repeatedly for 'John' the whole time, but that went nowhere for him. Ranchers encountered along the way were eager to help.. by pointing over yonder to the nearest outhouse. As for the Toads with the knifes and the guns, well, this was the country. Nothing odd bout that. The doctor had given up by the time they reached the googie Area 64 sign, a shaky if silent ball of panic when Daisy let him down.
"T-this isn't usually how the consultations go.."
Bucken-Berry snatched the shirt of the taller man, popping a button. "New management. Us. Who put that here?"
The doctor adopted a different flavor of shock. He went straight for a decrepit phone booth and peevishly tapped on the faded buttons, then stomped around the perimeter of the tower, not getting zapped by lasers once.
"Morris used the 2003 atlas didn't he?" Dr. Toad grumbled to himself. "Well, this acerbic approach was still uncalled for-"
"Was it?! Mr. Phantom was a big fan of you. Forgot to mention. He left this." Buckenberry flung the 'Assimilation' portrait, jabbing him in the chest. He collapsed under the wheat stalks.
"Is this the part where I shoot?" Toadette asked.
"Nooo!" Daisy accidentally squeezing the trigger. So, this wasn't like her video games it turned out. Her ears were still ringing from the corks she sent flying when wheat stirred a few feet away.
"Zoo Diddley is my psychotic little brother." Dr. Toad propped himself up. "Though we are estranged. I promise. There was a time when I thought I could correct his path and that did not work out.. Anyway I have every intention of fighting the Mushroom Flu. The urgency is lost however on Prof. X-Naut, non maliciously of course, but he is elusive. My surveillance cameras has caught him slipping between hair width cracks."
"Whatever then!" The blue Toad exclaimed. "You just said it's impossible to wangle him, so-" He advanced on him, the doctor flushing. "Fess up to these folks!"
"I cannot! I have not in fact extinguished my options, such as.. such as-"
"Faxing the professor here," Toadette couldn't help but to blurt. "Alex B. Toad built the first sensor lab in 1880, discovering that for the Paper race.."
"Marvelous!" the doctor sprang. "..if the fax machine in Morris' ship was online. The infrastructure isn't up to par. I've checked. Jackson's office has the throughput of dial up at best. Excellent idea nonetheless Toadette." He high fived her then spun away from them. "(Ahhg! Why didn't I think of..)"
Stars.. The blue Toad sheathed the knife. It wasn't a wash at all. He just hated where this was about to take them.
After the blast from a deep brassy horn, the green shelled koopa troopa gathered his suitcase, weeding through the crowd of Surfshine Harbor. The Princess Peach was ready for the next leg of her journey.
"Theodore!"
The koopa caught Nass T.'s wound back fist and closed the distance by a step, kissing the back of her palm. The Toad ladies had mismatched clothes, the shy guy wore a baggy green hoodie, and the whomp a tan trench coat and newsboy cap.
"Why greet me so feisty-like, Nass? I planned this rendezvous all along!"
"R-really?"
He let her go, twisting around towards a yacht, dwarfed by the ocean liners and cargo ships. Once bright and pink and white, now dingy and maroon with the portholes crying tears of rust since it was deemed an 'overly ostentatious image' for the monarch and sold off to a Lavalava based ferry service.
"We better not miss this. Though we're all licensed practitioners of course, where we're going paperwork is more of a suggestion than anything."
Jungle fuzzy sailors began to shout, "All aboard!"
Dr. Prof. leaned in, his breath tingling her ear. "It's a clean slate my dear. Don't appear so flustered." He pulled away, eyes narrowing. "Sounds alright? Alright."
"Theo," she plead. "We can't slip away. You know more about this epidemic. At least share everything you know with the-"
His smile sank quicker than a thwomp in the Great Sea. "We could have the cure to Carroboscis on us and we'd get sent to the gallows. Any history of ours with my dear Sweat Pea is void at this point. Don't be stupid."
"No, I was suggesting, anonymously-"
"-Your funeral, my dear. The rest of you, make a decision. Quickly."
Nass flatlined, watching the man who had slathered decades of her once exemplary life with corruption stroll away. Azul checked with Dr. Terrace. He rose a thick eyebrow to Mariam. The older Toad woman sprung away, the first to take an unequivocal stance.
"Mariam!" Nass ran after her. She held up for a quick if snug embrace.
"I'm so sorry dearie," Mariam sobbed over her shoulder. "You wouldn't understand. A remote location is the best for me. Farewell."
Azul pressed forward. "Welp I'm going too. Haha. I'm on the do-not-hire registry. It's like the do-not-call one, except you don't wanna mix them up. Plus," he added seriously. "My mom could use a break from me anyway.."
Dr. Terrace tossed his toothpick. "The tropics might fix these petrified joints, Nass. I'll keep us straight-ish." He gave the orange Toad nurse a one armed hug. "If we spot that firebrand daughter of yours we'll hit you up too."
She laughed as he waddled off, the crowd thinned, and the ships left with the tide. Better than crying.
…
"When Bowser's running amok, we have to limit capacity. Sorry." Larry the conductor pulled down the brim of his hat, the Toad leaving the smug yoshi ticket officer, Peter to stamp 'rejected' on Nass's spoofed form.
Listlessly she got out of line, passing both the katana on a stand Peter was way too proud to display in the train station, and a plain clothed human on the way out. Since Inspector Douglas knew where her confederates would be confined for the next few hours, he moved in to secure the nurse. -To think Sgt. Howie called him a wimp for leaving town! The officer jot down the number of the taxi she took and rode along in his kart, with all the lights off. It was worrying that she seemed to want to return to Toad Town, but he'd figure that out when they got there..
Jim the boomerang bro held the lead due to his extremely cool ninja run, though some points were lost when his trilby flew off. Most followed him, including some magikoopas in purple and blue for a while, holding the hems of the robes. When it became a little too hairy though, they split from the bunch, sprinting alongside some freshly installed barbed wire fencing. The purple one tripped and had to cling to it.
"Princess!" The blue one doubled back. "What is it?"
"It must be...activating.." She reached under her robe, yanking at something near her chest. She ripped off her sapphire brooch and threw it into the grass.
Toadsworth's thoughts veered down the dark path she was going with that, however misdirected. That brooch was just that, practically lavish costume jewelry. Could it mean then..
"Sorry dear," she recovered.
He secured her hands. "Let's move on. *ah hem* I'm rather unwell too."
He pulled her away before a MKDCU truck zoomed past them, smashing through Koopa Troop partitions and creating an expedient route for rebels to aim for.
"Thank you!"
He yanked her after him again, now with a startlingly algid grip and belated response. "Princess Toadstool, you are welcome.. Now fancy this.."
Three mega monty moles held that section of the fencing upward, with five more diligently installing support beams. The small ones pressed their ears to the ground and scurried away. The giant ones followed and the section fell. Peach narrowly avoided the heavy iron barrier with a frantic drive. A wicked cackle followed.
She hauled herself up, "Toadsworth?"
"I try to give you a nicer death and you do that. You really are a useless sow as they say. Skeptiztar can have their way with you then-" Toadsworth's magikoopa garb slumped off his figure as he slung her around, her legs scraping against sharp barbs.
"Stop this! What in heavens has gotten into you?!"
"Not in heavens. On Earth!" he growled with blackened eyes. "Yo.u'.re a. .bi.g .e. .gi.r ..l n.o.w. Hahahaha. stop.. runnin.g. f...r.o.m. us."
The princess's tongue was withered and dry, lodged against the roof of her mouth, strangling her cries for help as she drifted away in spirit, far away until a company barged into them, severing the fatal grapple. While most didn't stop, Roy stooped to his knees, panting from their evacuation of the fortress. Morton arrived last, carrying people under his arms. He propped both down.
"I saved Iggster! Oh and Junior I suppose…. But Iggster looks great. Refreshed. Better! Best!" Iggy's hologram was having the best day ever, contrasting Bowser Junior, squeezing his backpack tightly.
Roy yanked the limp princess upwards. In a blink the old Toad vanished. "The heck is happening? And-" The pink koopaling slid his sunglasses down, his seldom seen purple eyes dilating as dots steadily grew in the sky. "Take em and run, Mort!"
…
The 'calling' was a steady pulsing frequency, only discernible to those in tune with the stars. Hearing this, a floating arrow platform brought a darker skinned Toad in an orange and gold trimmed mantle, King Ed of Sky Land, from his cirrus cloud castle to the lowest. He held out his scepter to suspend the chief officer, taking one last look at his ravaged Tower of Lyribiris.
The soldiers were like his family, the dearth of blood relatives why his weakness was seeking Elysium. They had Bowser's minions outnumbered, but only possessed helmets, parachutes, and spears vs their weaponry. Water Land's Toad and aquatic population blotted out King Morton and his monstrous koopa clan with less half a century ago, but K. Ed was not half, or even a quarter as great as King Omarinon. With a final bout of reassurance from the stars, he gave the signal. Under the lilt of trumpets, warriors leapt over the edge, unfurling their parachutes.
With so much weighing on his square shoulders, he went with the tried and true stall tactic, "I'll handle questions tomorrow."
"Yes sir."
The grindel left Mayor Koton in his office. With the long curtains closed, the thwimp's center iridescent 'designer' spike possessed a faint glow he'd rather not be questioned over. The volcanos just happened to be especially active following a big quake that clattered everything in his reinforced fortress. Shaken rather literally, he had to catch up with proceedings before his council turned over Monday.
"-Mr. Mayor sir." A whomp with a blue ribbon, a corporal stood in the doorway. "Candidates here, sir."
Mayor Koton lifted up. "Get the monitor ready!" With his weak little arcs, heading down would take an eternity, that and worsening health a painful reminder of why he needed more Toads like Thomas around.
The whomp had to wheel in a bulky TV on a cart, the flat screen monitor normally there snapping off its mount and shattering earlier. Downstairs in the foyer, a koopatrol, Toad, para-goomba, and koopa troopa stood before office and registration personnel. Koton knew that much of Dark Land, his territory not exempt, was under water and Bowser jumped ship. He couldn't figure out why he was sending this sorry bunch to occupy his prestigious space, passing around kitschy pink flyers before huddling up. The Toad, Emery, eventually took the leap before the firing squad.
"Hi. I'm the King's best soldier and I'm honored to present!-"
…
While she distilled Wendy's rhetoric in a slightly less la-di-da way, enough to make Hippy-Hop stop eye rolling and Johnson to pay attention, Tanner took peeks at the letter he'd picked up. All mail in Dark Land funneled to one place in the city, to discourage laziness or something, and he was hankering to know what his buddy wrote.
"Riddlle me this, Tanner J Koopa. Y did I rite u?"
Because something heinous occurred for sure. Somewhat analphabetic from missing out on traditional schooling, Zoo talked the talk typically, not this.
"That's right. It's bad for me right now. Dad's message to brother hunting me. I dreamed I'd die tonite. What does this carp mean? He was a wierdo but in a good way like u and I should have (lots of marked out lines) But enuff. Pretend its Festive Tree Day."
Folded in it was a 'gift', a Lexus emblem. He could have sworn it was splattered with dry blood.
Having been led away from Bowser Tower and into fields of leafy nothingness, the already negativistic elite soldier of Bowser wanted to remove his balaclava to rip out his hair. "THERE'S NO FREAKING STRUTS HERE ROCKHEAD!"
"The Amazone Prima Guide delivery shoulda came. I dun get it," Thwomp #3 mumbled, behind a few paces.
He had an unmistakable but fleeting spark behind his red eyes and perpetually disgruntled face before diverting, and the sentry learned why. There was a pure black forty-four feet tall and four feet wide obelisk planted on top of that hill. Its unannounced appearance, escaping him the first time, was phobogenic he admitted, but it wouldn't distract him from the concrete rat. Thwomp #3 had a KT tattoo branded on a spike, but he'd inadvertently mentioned once that Bowser's old address was '444 Dark Drive'. That was common knowledge to Mushroom Freaks. No actual resident of Dark Land remembered aside from Bowser himself.
"Be still." Sentry 11 shook the thwomp violently, making a half dozen L shaped folding struts tumble out of his pockets. "What is that?!"
"I dunno!"
"Recite the Mushroomcratic Oath!"
"As a child of the stars, I shall cite none of you in vain-"
The sentry brought out a switchblade, grinning deviously and showing all of his numerous crowns in the back. "-You recited THEIR version, not ours."
He slid closer. "J.D., I must ascertain how you are familiar with Mushroomy curricular."
"..I studied in middle school I think. Then I moved cause Bowser's my idol!" he snarled.
"Your memory may be faulty. I was there, alas one's countenance is the cornerstone of one's identity and mine has been rather knotted up lately."
Sentry dug the blade into his sedimentary layers. "Where ya going wit this, Rockhead-"
The thwomp flicked it out of his hands. "-Lieutenant Stone. Am I recognizable now? You were in my ROTC class, in high school to correct you. Now giving credit due, I have conducted espionage here as Agent 999. -To no credit to you buffoons, I've shared my intel long ago!"
The lakitu stared flabbergast at his old teacher. Lt. Stone was on the cusp of 'young for a teacher' and 'about as expected' back then, an old soul nonetheless with encyclopedic knowledge of all sixty three Mushroom World Wars. Now the most brilliant slab of concrete he'd ever known was scanning him with calculating red eyes.
"With no invidiousness, I hope you are satisfied where you are now!"
"I-I am! This was my place all along. Get it? Just like yours was.. Well not in that gutter called school."
The thwomp snorted. "Touché."
"Don't get comfortable, Teach- uh, Rockhead." He cracked his knuckles. "You're still bout to die for treachery!"
"Hm. I am reminded of glass houses."
"And I'm reminded that I'll need a ditch in the ground big enough to BURY YOU!-"
"~Halt your warring. I need this one. Yes. That one too!" It was an ethereal tone. "My dominion shall be marked. Disband.~"
They broke their standoff as Wendy O. appeared from behind the obelisk. The koopaling princess glided down, holding her thumb and index fingers together at the tips.
"Nona this happened," Sentry 11 grunted.
"Truce. Chump." After one last smirk, the thwomp transfigured into a complete idiot.
Her eyes flared open. "I SAID MOVE THEE!"
Spawning from the obelisk, a black impenetrable beam shot from the face in a flash, hacking through the rest of Sky Land, slicing Bowser Tower in half, preceding into Giant Land, Water Land, Desert Land, the Mushroom Kingdom, Star Hill, and across the Great Sea. It wrapped around through Dark Land, Ice Land, Pipe Land, and returned to it's spawn on the opposite face of the obelisk, creating another planet rattling clap. The Pillar of Understanding phased away, gaping trenches to the lowest depths imaginable.
Larry saw it, following where so and so said someone escorted someone else and oh maybe Wendy was being a slackavist instead of supporting their dad at the far end of Bowser's property, and then he was out. Brain zapped, flipping back on his shell, sent back in time, into his uncle's village, buildings tearing to shreds around him, crops and soil stripped from the Earth from winds. He screamed as he was carried away helplessly. It was a big puffy cloud, a fwoosh hired to kill them. It was a set up! But how could they- Oh God!
And then he was back, bleached white hair in his face, lungs burning as he gasped for air.
There was no entertainment system or coolers of champagne..unfortunately, but T. Yoshisaur was 10,000 miles above the Great Sea for free, a favor from Anti-Guy, the pilot and friend of the coast guard he met. Yoshi thought he might attempt to spy on Bowser aerially until he was in the moment, trapped in a pressurized tube, a queasy far cry from the calculating machine his friends needed him to be. If Poochy wasn't in the cargo section, something the otherwise polite pilot enforced, he'd be so worried about his dad, yelping and squeezing armrests with every mild buffet from turbulence.
"~Good day. We will land momentarily," the intercom said.
"T-thank you!"
He probably wasn't supposed to respond to that. Yoshi allowed the seats to mold to his stiff body. He examined the plastic baggy on the fold out table, pieces of that Bronze Egg and it's dark powdery center filling jangling. He'd packed that, his passport, a shaver, and a menu from a Yoshi's Island restaurant. They did deliveries and he wasn't going to throw away everything from his old life..
A Toad came from the blue curtain obscuring the cockpit area. He sat behind the fold out lounge table, a snug fit with his heavy tactical vest. "Nothing mechanical, sir. Just enjoy the ride. Rodney's got it by himself."
"Does he?"
"Hey you could fly this too after a few lessons."
"Interesting.." -Ly horrifying! "-I appreciate this."
"It's not a problem." Sonny played with a canteen in his hands. Yoshi sympathized. Carrying a bloated decaying body onboard was gruesome, but.. well he was glad he had that other pilot and automation.
They landed on a strip of land so tiny the dinosaur had clicked on a seatbelt and braced for a ditching until the last moment. Few tropical tree branches whipped the fuselage as they rolled down a cramped rural runway, then turned towards a wooden hangar, almost over taken by M. Bush. Sonny left the plane and disappeared behind the mimicry grass, followed by that mysterious if polite black shy guy. They were gone for so short of a time it was almost suspicious and the plane taxied around to take off on the same little runway. By the trumpet and bellbell plants, it must have been a private Lavalava island.
"-How is work?" Yoshi asked in the middle of the Toad taking another swig.
He sat the canteen down hard. "It's going. Still learning about the job and other things. I'd take the brutal honesty here over the fakeness of Neon Heights... I see that look. I'm Emerson Lake Toad," he confessed.
No wonder Sonny looked sorta decent while unkempt to the bemused dinosaur. "But how did you get here?"
"Costume department, sir. That's how. Three years and three Toadtanics gave me an epiphany. I should be doing something more substantial. I got an engineering degree at 19."
"How old are you now?"
"19."
They laughed.
"So things are looking up then?"
"I guess."
Yoshi shook his head. Not that celebrities had to be fawned over, but this guy was tenacious, skilled-
"You're expressive Mr. Munchakoopas. Better than trained actors, but get this. I am the new kid. And bipolar. Don't worry, I've been on meds for a year now. I just try to stay calm when I'm being grilled by my agency- of coast guards and private jet pilots. You know, that coalition.."
Yeah! Yoshi knew. Actually he didn't.
"..hearing trite like 'how could I crush on Wendy O?'"
Oof.. But he fixed that 'quality' visage he was sporting. His Special One wasn't, how to say, what people would expect either. "Maybe you can meet Wendy if you stick around us, but you know how girls are with their types. No promises. That other mark against you is inane. I've worked nonstop for decades and I'm bipolar too!"
"-The sequel?.. Foolin." He smiled back. "Wanted to say that forever." A ding went off, somewhere near the cockpit. The Toad got up, curiously heading to the rear of the cabin. "Brb."
Suddenly Yoshi was drawn like a magnet to that silver canteen. He unscrewed the cap and gulped down what was water all along. Sour tasting water at that. He rolled his tongue around, frowning, shortly getting light headed.
Yoshi scooted away as the Toad reentered the cabin, eyebrows furrowing. "Is he going to make the announcement or what?"
Fwoooooosh!
Apparently not.
The jet stream mashed both against the wall like Fly Guys on a sticky trap. Cupboards burst open, unleashing tools and any other loose object as the plane lurched downwards. Sonny, upside down, turned to his left, or Yoshi's right, mouthing something during the perilous dive. The blue curtains were blown horizontally, revealing the cockpit, the lack of a pilot, a missing ejection seat, and the glass above that spot gaped open. The nose was pitched at the sea before their aircraft surged upwards, oscillating from the warm and cool air collisions. After they collapsed with all of the amenities, Sonny crawled from under the pile up, scurrying to secure the control column at less than a thousand feet. He could see individual faces of the passengers on a pink and white yacht limping along, partially slashed up from some catastrophic accident that cause there to be a straight line in the ocean, water funneling in the holes.
He prioritized silencing the beeps. All control surfaces were responsive, but the engines were near idle, the throttles stuck with a gummy sort of resistance. Lemon candy.. Ahead was the Mushroom Kingdom, the mountainous side, and he was in trouble with his adrenaline wearing off, making it apparent how heavy all of his muscles were. He mashed the intercom button with the last of his strength..
…
Yoshi roused little by little under the unintelligible message blaring over the wind. That chaos had shred away all of the nice furnishing, revealing the bare gray utilitarian walls of the military spy plane. He grabbed whatever he could to shield himself, the wind flapping open his eye lids, until his fingers curled around a smooth hard mask. A painful spark traveled from his digits to his spine, like he touched one of many exposed wires. It was strapped to his face next he knew, his body was clambering over junk to breach the cockpit.
Sonny was slumped back in a co-pilot's seat so oversized for him, Yoshi had room to slip in. The Toad's left arm limply clung the controls, keeping them from diving, otherwise paralyzed aside from his bloodshot and beady eyes. The low mounted flight Management System, a device that resembling a calculator with a VFC screen had messages instead of waypoints:
"-Push -me- into -the -sea -guide -yourself -down -away -from -town."
Yoshi accepted stoically, heaving the Toad up and out the open windows before returning to pretending he knew how to fly. He just wished he could remember how he got there.
No, he wasn't scared or nuthin! Bricks were flying- Pow pow ow! Heaps of the Koopa Troop's ammo went off like mines following the earthquake. Roy emerged from his shell and peeked through the crack in his fingers. They coulda used those! By the time the Skylandian Toads hit the ground, cut their parachutes and waved their spears, there were hardly any walls left. A big trench in the Earth split Bower Tower down the center, the two parts laying on opposite sides. The pink koopaling was practically on his own on the battlefield. He knew the problem, the lack of his father's fiery passion. He barreled beyond the little Toadys to the remains of Bowser Tower, or the Tower of Lyribiris, chucking blocks away until Sky Land soldiers closed in and dragged him away. He had one left!
...
Bowser dipped in and out of consciousness. There was a small crack above, the light bleeding from it flickering as objects crossed over, occasionally causing pebbles pelt his body. He propelled himself upwards and smacked into a heavy bulkhead, dazing himself in the cramped pocket of space. Well, he was alive at least. The last couple of minutes was a strange stew he couldn't begin to filter into something comprehensible. All he knew is that he didn't save scrolls, or money from from his tower before it disintegrated. It was something else, held rigidly against his chest, as if it might float away if he let it go.
Suddenly the debris over Bowser slid away, cyan capped Toad warriors jumping back. He rose, finding that everything he'd built was gone. The Skylandians that weren't celebrating 'victory' (yeah right!) from their 'Pillar of Understanding' were shoving his paraphernalia, flags, cannons, and laser spitting statues in the bottomless pit.
Any other time he'd release his anguish by melting these losers into a puddle, but he'd lost already. All the clouds were low to the ground or gracing it, revealing a blue sky, and barren fields now held homes and farmland, even a castle.
"Okay okay whatever! You win for now! Where'd you exile my folks!?"
One Skylandian pointed to the South.
"Good!" He stomped away for a moment.
"King Bowser," one spoke up.
He whipped around. "What?!"
"You cannot leave. Besides, you are leaving a trail," a different Toad, in flasher ribbon threaded clothes stated.
Bowser dropped his gaze to the dried blood all on him, puncture wound, where he'd held the bust. Like the real version of Clarentine, it managed to stab him in the heart.
"What do you mushroom freaks want?"
They pointed to a crumbly shine that had just survived the descent from the clouds. Meant for sacrifice, the plaque, in English unusually, was inscribed 'to unknown stars'.
As it all clicked, Bowser sat the bust on the center of the sloping altars.
Then he firebreathed the losers.
Chapter End Notes
Author's note: Another weird cut. Regarding the tower that Bowser conquered: its name is literally the chapter title but with my keys shifted over to the left. I'd done this by mistake and it looked like a perfectly good made up name, so I kept it.
One point I missed in 'Brutality and..': Of the Captain Toad brigade, Jörg is pronounced 'Yorg', therefore still either punny or alliterative with the rest of the brigade. The name is from the cult horror Sega Dreamcast game 'Illbleed'.
Split/ dates: 9/10, 9/14, 9/15, 9/18 (other working dates are in the previous part) 9/19, 9/20- 9/23, 9/24 Very mild edits: 1/9/24
RR24: 11/1/24- 11/8/24, edits 6/30/25
Chapter Summary
*RR24* Some horrorish stuffs. Edits have shuffled it up too.
Chapter Notes
Disclaimer: Mario belongs to Nintendo.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Millennium Star was confident in his safeguarding violet aura, proceeding beyond all warnings from Z.A.S with but one regret this far in the deepest channel of the universe. His marginal interpersonal skills deteriorated in crises, so he'd have to make it up some time to Rosalina. As the Lord of and inventor of such, that was a guarantee..
The Dark Realm temple was marked by argentine and reddish rutile spires, five spouting from the ground. No traps activated as Millennium Star flew over, and the Underchomp was audibly confined underground with colossal chains.
He decided to delve into the crafty devil's abode through a barred window. It was disgusting how normal it was inside. Large TV, comfy couch, a laptop on the table. A service tag was slapped on the back cover, the system recently picked up from technicians.
...
Puzzle Plank Galaxy's wooden blocks and platforms concealed what the Ancient One sought, just beyond a hive of mandibugs. Aurelius shook his hand heartily, a yellow star in the black tie. A pink star partner, Iris worked at a test bench under the tent of the traveling 'Geek Squad'. It was such a chore to solve those puzzles he could not disagree..
"Greetings. How can we help ya?"
Millennium Star presented 'Zachary A. Star's' tag. "Enlighten me on this matter, please."
Iris nabbed the ticket, squinting. "This is against policy, buster."
The Ancient Star made purple coins rain on the geeks. Of course, the ones coated with the entrails of slain cosmic clones were hidden on the bottom.
"I've paid his bill. Enlighten."
The yellow star straightened his tie, resisting swimming in the money. "-Our dear customer needed a virus removal. Fell for a scam site. Will pick up next week, he doesn't need the computer right now. Greedy Eats were willing to deliver yesterday."
Millennium Star's eyes flashed. "To where?"
"What are you doing here? How did you find me?"
He advanced on them in the grimy shady alley. "It's my job. I gave you one too, and yet you sent our kingdom into a recession over the weekend! We still have time to run them out before Sunday, so I'll make this matter water under the bridge- Erk!"
The boo roared, pinning the camo green spy guy to the ground. "DON'T SAY THAT!'
"Quiet." He quirked a brow at most. "I'm just helping your fans out kid."
Booigi the Second froze. "My-"
"Your groupies. Whatever they are." Spy Guy pointed with his free stub of an arm.
A supply crate dropped and burst open nearby, 'W' symbol rackets from the Hotfoot Locker scattering on the streets. Intuitively the Booigi supporters trickling up used the sport equipment to have a real presence on the streets, make citizens that weren't with them steer clear, and to catch some King's officers off guard. The commotion booted Booigi out there. In moments the block mirrored the aftermath of a Bowser Bomb. Structure after structure previously boarded up and safe went up in flames from the volley of tanks against literal racketeers.
-And the most insidious wouldn't slip away! Parakarry chased the crate dropping glider, some oxygen-masked shy guy strapped to it, until they found concealment against the darkest smoke. He wouldn't give up so soon, agilely dodging bricks and molten scrap metal hurled into the air from the war. He fluttered higher, ready to go deep, so focused that an object overtook him from the black noxious pillar. He was smashed against a window of a low soaring jet, one blurry look at a Phanto mask through the glass before the forces flung him off. Down the paratroopa went like a thwomp skydiver.
...
Ignoring that big bird, also the sound of a door detaching from the fuselage but who needed those, the dinosaur in the cockpit spun a beige knob to the frequency of the nearest control tower. There was no fear of the crypt of death. None over the hecticly hazy town he observed through the shattered windshield. He would land successfully and help- whoever he was helping.
~Bzzzt. Sounds of a worn in chair being plopped on. "Ahh better... Now who is broadcasting that noise?"
Oh, his cue. "Mayday. Souls on board: 2. Do you read?"
"I can't hear it, N."
"You cannot? Go home. You can vote early if you wish."
One of controllers was a yoshi by voice, so if.. The pilot could not remember a Yoshi phrase.
"Don't.. make me mane.. errg.."
"Andrew, everyone else is. Even Rodney got fresh air today."
'Rodney?' the pilot thought.
The airplane dipped in a stall. He just pulled up from the coliseum, clipping one of the vibrant banners. The wounded bird's trills were tamed and lead away from the big city, where they'd be little support when the inevitable crash came. Like before, no iota of fear from the famous the hero called... He could do this!
...
At MK East, an elderly Toad had an uneventful stroll inside without the documents visitors needed. The automatic doors were wide open. The war had claimed the second notable victim she gleaned from new staff, and they were occupied by the critical condition of the local mailman. That tragedy couldn't hinder her. She slid up her shaded glasses and navigated through unaltered passages.
"You're suggesting what, er Fred?" a wilted scruffed Crazee Dayzee asked. The extra overtime to vacation for a month type. Boy was his timing poor this week.
"I'm thinking with lotsa tape." The Cobrat wrote something down with his tail. He was a stranger. "What kind do you have here? I see Bowser tape, Toad tape, 'Olly' tape-"
"None of those. Go to room 743 on floor three. Feed each patient 1 oz of Crabbie Grass," the grandma commanded. "It will lesson the psychotic episodes for five hours per dose."
The nurses blinked at her.
"Something I read in a book sonny, hehehe.." she shuffled away into an elevator that opened, swiping all the buttons to get away.
A nondescript man was inside already, standing against the advert plastered wall. With Sumeet MIA and Howard covering the station, Inspector Douglas dread this arrest. He kept an eye on her until she slipped into a restroom, leaving him standing around conspicuously. He jolted as runaway patient shuffled by, infusion rack scraping on the ground.
"Must.. complete.. route!" cried Parakarry, stripped of his helmet and mail bag.
The nurses spilled into the hallway to apprehend him effortless, the breeze from the box fan going enough to sweep Parakarry away on its own. His undelivered letters found their way on the floor, near Douglas's boots. He scooped them them up. Maybe he could redirect his policing if his suspect was going to play so nicely in the meantime.
~BREAKING NEWS! Massive earthquake results in global Mushroom World damages. Oceans lose four percent of volume from underwater canyons.. Analysts say-
The bullet bill sat his mug of decaf down, poking at her rough draft with red ink. "Doll, it's weak. Start with something like.. 'Mario on the run and the King's folks don't care no more.. With better grammar. Is he a Friend to Foe -or- Friend to Foe to Friend again?'"
The redhead usually blocked his view of her desk with a vase or bamboo divider, even the water cooler. She could hammer something out before he picked at it, but all were broken now. The Mushroom Press barely had ceiling panels left. Beyond that, hostilities might reach them any moment. She wasn't in the mood to go the way of the Dodo, with no Valentina to drop in and save them with her assets. (Those being Aurora Flash, Light Beam, Crystal.. Great moves!)
"Yes sir."
Finger on the backspace, a B-Dasher screeched on brakes outside. In came a stout ruddy King's officer. "Can I nick a bit of your power, love?"
"S-sure." Jessie answered from behind a newspaper.
The guard grumbled mutedly. A quick check over the shoulder revealed that her phone charger was incompatible with their outlets. The guard gave up on that and tapped her constantly buzzing radio. "...I'll leg it there. Over."
The desk lady gave a start at another sound at the door. A more weaselly officer, drenched in sweat dragged himself in. "Mate."
The other met him, agitatedly. "Back off, Jon."
"Then here. Ben would've rather you kept this, Bridget."
She stared at the jangly dog tags, then wrapped her arms around his waist, clinging tightly. "I-is it true, Jon?" she sobbed. "They marked him off a list n that was it? He.. and Benedict did this to-"
Jon softened, as much as he knew how rather. "That's why this is my last deployment. I don't know when, but we lost the plot, Bridge. If Ben got treated like rubbish, what's in store for a bunch of degenerates like us? ..Well?"
Bridget stepped away from him, curling up her phone cable, trying to pretend she didn't break down like that. "Same, and we're screwed if we wait till King's arrival. Let's look busy. Get an accomplice."
"Like Miss Toadette? Or that Trevor-"
"Not them." She shook her head, flushed. "Meant..nuthin."
"You're sounding like a musician, eh. Just forgot the getting famous and good at your instrument part."
She got her dope slap in on their way out. Finally Jessie could relax.
"...Did I hear something about a castle Toad?" Steve blasted out of his office to page his ace reporter.
The world beyond the tractor beam was dazzling, passing by awe inspiring nebulas and magnificent planets, and yet their conversation was more interesting.
"So a star of that thing does that thing?"
"With less nonce words, indeed, though they can eschew their virtues for a new one. One of the most powerful ancient gods did so. Are these celestial ones so disparate? Do we not conquer inadequacies on the daily to wholly pursue our dreams?" With a dramatic sigh in his Ludwig way, he closed the lexicon. "What do you suppose your virtue would be if you were such an entity?"
It came easily. "...I'd be the blithe star. It's, well, what cha gotta do to be content. You?"
"Leucocholy."
"-Um Luddy?!"
"That means-"
"I know and that's wrong, you obsess over important stuff, but.. What was I saying? Oh yeah, something's happening to you!" Lemmy exclaimed.
Ludwig Von Koopa's faint form was twisting and warping out of their realm. "I am being summoned, my trusted adjutant. I.. trust… in you!"
Ignatius Delta rocketed onward with some earpod 'thingies', oblivious to Ludwig's dispersion. Lemmy hugged himself. There were black holes, clusters of poisonous gases, and meteor showers. Everything changed without the commander around and entering the caliginous atmosphere of a galaxy, he was suddenly falling out of the tractor beam and eventually onto soft supple soil. He'd hit practice mats harder than that during practice, so with little trouble the koopaling dug himself out. What he was greeted by-
"AHHHHH!"
There were tombstones and giant bones jutting from the ground, along with random incongruous bits. He saw mounds of beach sand, palm branches, sun umbrellas, and bottles of sunscreen. Some folks in tropical outerwear didn't make it, sprawled about. Adjacent to that one- He swallowed the lump in his throat and investigated. It was their unique Darklandian soil. He noticed the old stove of Bowser Castle, the extra large refrigerator half buried, and at the surface, a sealed copy of Princess Parlor on PS4.
He scuttled ahead, jaw tight, not permitting a gasp. He'd just scream and scream. Corpses were piled thirty or forty bodies high, mutilated often with guts hanging out and torn appendages. He recognized by name a bully line cook, a shy guy messenger #2, a koopa troopa: 15th infantry, and so on, collectively draining blood and other fluids, a dark goo rolling down hill and into a massive, ocean-like body of liquid.
"Yeah, watch your step, hehe." A dark boo hammered down a wooden sign. The letters, previously drifting around, arranged themselves into: 'Doom Star Galaxy- Work in Progress'.
Lemmy's legs gave out on him. "O-oh my God. H-how?"
Zoo Diddley shrugged. "I dunno how they're gonna pull it off either. Know what I can pull off?" While holding his temple, he waved his other half severed arm upwards. Lemmy was suspended in the air and spun around. "Your limbs for one. Tongue. Oh and your eyeballs. That'll look funny. Your- nah, not that cruel. I'll take what's left and pop you like a ketchup packet inta space hahaha!"
"I don't know how this is happening but I'm sorry Zoo! Luddy's sorry too!" he squeaked. "We didn't mean any of this and if you kill me!- Just let me save the world first! Then- then you can-"
Zoo let him faceplant, causing a domino effect of clashing tombstones.
"Psyche! Get it? Cause it's telekinesis." Zoo swapped the maniacal grin for a 'normaler' one. "I'm not with these dark stars and Ludwig and I hashed it out already. Been working on myself. I still need to squelch that maim and murder urge though, hehe."
"So, Luddy was here?" The koopaling spat out dirt. "And dark stars want a new galaxy? Why was this stuff necessary?" He couldn't help but to be drawn to those carcasses again.
"Not sure. You knew them, didn't ya? Blood glistens in a special way when you love them," he rasped creepily. "..Oops. Well, wanna hear her thoughts? The galaxy's?"
'Her'? Well, Lemmy wasn't gonna fall for the 'how does the inanimate object have a gender' thing again. "Umm. N-no not really-"
"Too bad!" Zoo tapped the koopaling's forehead. His skull might have cracked open, from the inside rather, not meant to contain the cacophony, the tidings of the cosmos violating his consciousness. The mantra of 'consume this sector for my beloved, then the next, forever..'
Bop! Lemmy was left limp and comatose on the gross environment for a third time. It- she was the dark star and her mission was to- Which sounded kinda like.. And that meant.. "Thank you. I- I see everything now." He rolled over to vomit all of the blue slurpee from his body.
"Someone finally appreciates me! ...You okay?"
"Back away from the citizen!" Snifit Patrol appeared with a huge green anti-nausea mega-vitamin. When he propped Lemmy up his eyes were deep and black, starry. Worrisome. Mesmerizing. "-Quickly. Take that with plenty of water." He gave himself a little space. "Indeed, Zoo Diddley makes me sick too. Murders, assault, impersonating a reporter, and fleeing arrest in another dimension?"
"HEY!" The boo rose a finger. "I was a real reporter. Get it right."
Lemmy managed to slap that sagacious effect out of himself just in time. A cyborg landed with a tremendous thud, stringy purple spiny piranha plant held between his fangs romantically.
"Where's the hot Gearmo chick that wants to check me out?!" His ocular sensors kept searching and he continued to jam in place from whatever he listed to. Ignoring Lemmy until he yanked the earpods out. "~99 errors reported in- Where are we?"
"Not where I'd preferred we'd rendezvous, but it's good to see you." Snifit Patrol shook his hand.
"My news isn't spectacular either, Officer. More later."
Iggy projected from his open palm a new hologram in the shape of a Biddybuggy, built extra strength so that the atmosphere wouldn't affect its integrity and red, so logically faster. Everyone had to buckle in around Snifit Patrol, whether Lemmy had his car seat or not.
He didn't mean to offend! That's why Lemmy was approaching that swarthy criminal, was it not?
"Ian, this is why I'd never rip em off." Zoo's back was to him, facing the murky ocean.
"...thanks, I think?" He shivered. "Anyway, nobody deserves to be stuck here, even you. Wanna leave with us?"
Zoo's shoulders shook in silent laughter. "Sounds counterintuitive, but it's best I hurtle around in space on this thing. The only part of people I can reach are their thoughts. Safer like that, least for now. If I want out I remember Geno's number better than he does... Who? Ask Ludwig."
He had a dizzying sensation, that intel he shouldn't hold flaring to escape. "Yeah. I will."
"Now watch your back out there. Really."
The bar was dead outside of the ninji scrolling on a phone. The fake plants were scooted to the walls and the bingo games had concluded, boards left where they were. The window was open and the spotted curtains were drawn, where the less valuable Toad of Peach, at least in his opinion, propped himself. Toad Town was intact in spite of the 'eight world disturbance', exact origin unconfirmed, except for fractured Star Hill. A sacred pilgrimage spot, not to mention adjacent to castle grounds, everyone thought the same thing. The Toad quietly decided that he wouldn't walk out, for good at least. This wasn't about their smaller problems anymore. Kinopio-Kun had a vision of his own death, got humiliated by the ghost of Mr. Toad (or actually the Earl was conscious down South now, but Kinopio saw it that way), had some expensive luggage walk out of MK East, and still made the choice to coalesce here on his sprain leg.
...
The chef sat down his plate high dudgeon. "I know Peach would let us pawn off some trinket, grab a cab, and scram. Tell Zeror to let us."
The pink Toad faced the bright screen, closed caption informing him of an indefinite delay at Red Eagles stadium. Hotel Mario had a high definition stream of the Mario Sports Channel available all of the time. It was all the crew cared about. Probably where all of the budget went.
"See if you can get him to leave 404," the gardener lazily signed with one hand.
Tim hoarded the cookies again. "If I leave my cooking unattended, porters sniff that out and get it."
Joseph laughed.
"Don't worry, I'll give them all to Les."
He'd returned from the patio, with a bad case of the 'reporter on your back'.
"Thanks for the invite, Lester. Love your, uh.. Hey I don't gotta pretend, not that I do that, I was at your concert in '85. The Kleptos rock!" The pink shelled koopa sautered on in. "Everyone scoot over here for a sec. Steve wants a big scoop."
"No!" The Toads on the stained couch exclaimed.
"Kidding, fellas. I got a fast car and you're free to hop in."
"it is futility nokodi."
The reporter felt like that should have been shouted, facing the crutches carrying lime green Toad in the doorway. "Keep it to yourself, Mr. 'I think I can call Kylie Koopa old and get away with it'. Well you ain't so hot right now in that baggy gown. Fact, you look like shi-"
A phone rang, Mario's by the ringtone, and why did that bishōnen runt have it?
"Oh daddy-kins! I hope I can make you proud!" sobbed the koopaling princess under the dark green sky.
Junior sniveled and Morton was blowing his nose with with Juniors scarf. Allowing his heart to open up a smidgen, Roy snuggled them all up. All of Camp Bowser, minions that could reconvene saw the touching display, privy into what was so frequently hidden with Bowser in charge. Wendy was now, leading the pack into the rocky elevations of Giant land. With a little deliberation, she was looking to continue to guide them for the time being and Larry couldn't let that happen. They'd seen the same things, her hair was even white like a freak, but she happened to hide it better.
"-So we've settled on our sister?" Morton threw out there.
"Aye," minions droned.
Wendy clasped her hands, giggling. Junior declined to reclaim his scarf, calling it gross. Roy saw it was shut case then-
"Yoooo L4rry's shuttin it dooown!" He sprung up in the middle of them. "Dad wouldn't pick her. You stupid? Also ain't she against pickmes? Wend is histrionic anyway! She'll try to use crystals or manifest crazy things- and thinks manifesting is a thing."
"But it is," Roy rebuffed, folding his arms with a foreignly disappointed look. "Larry, dis is gettin sexist even for me. Sis has been killin it and with her we'll find Dad. Just be less of a punk and work wit us."
Wendy pointed a manicured finger. "Now capitulate to thy choicest or scatter!"
A sledge brother and a spike pried Larry from the rocks. "No wait! Listen to her! It's not really Wendy! She's not gonna find Dad! Someone freaking help!"
"Sentry 11 reporting." A lakitu rode over. Best snarl in place, they still confused him for a teenager with short and blondish military style moustache. It sucked losing your balaclava. "Sky Land had a secret weapon disguised as a monument in quadrant 423, Boss. Princess Wendy had contact with it. Teach- uh Thwomp #3 can corroborate."
A quartz-like thwomp shuffled to the forefront, some whimpering mess. "Yuh huh. Our p-princess was there.."
There was an apparent shift with onlookers, many of which were, maybe, repressing the memory of a black planet eating beam.
Fire shot from her eyes. "They will blame a girl for anything these days. Go self destruct- In Smash Bros okay?"
Minions dumped the traiteurs trio in a muddy watering hole outside Camp Bowser. Larry clung to himself, squeezing his eyes close to keep the tears in. To be fair that was a spot on impression of Wendy at the end, especially the indirect 'KYS'. He might borrow that sometime..
"Prince Lawrence, we got this." Sentry pulled him up again. "I think Boss was here and I tallied him at a point."
"How?!"
"It is incumbent we discuss elsewhere." Thwomp #3 swung him onto his square head and carried him into the brush.
…
The lakitu lowered his binoculars. "I've identified 364 distinct types of flora so far. I ain't a botanist, but there's this and that.." he explained in sufficient enough detail for a not-botanist.
"Who accompanied Larry on the precipice?"
He had to crane up to Lt. Stone, a shorty with his cloud confiscated. "Princess Wendy, Roy…Two.. Others. School's out, Teach. Stop quizzing me."
"I will oblige." A chuckle left him. "Impressive talent you've developed to mitigate your prosopagnosia."
Sentry 11 whacked him with a thick branch. "Shut up. I just pay so much attention to how someone's SUPPOSED to look that I get mixed up if they do something stupid, like wear a hat. See? That's why I'd be the best at this plant stuff when I retire. Don't scrunch like that T.J. Can't believe you still do that. What do ya do besides espionage for those MUSHROOM FREAKS?"
Larry doubled back on them. "Cut it out. Make it up or out or whatever the heck. Who are we looking for again?"
"We are not as irrelevant as you presume, Larry. I wish to do little else perhaps for what my friend is up to, Dr. Richard, the Voice of the Forest."
"...Right, voice of the forest, who can find Dad with?"
"-Voice of the Forest. He is a stickler for proper nouns and yes, with remanufactured WW63 radar, a sibling of the Toad Sensors to be exact, no one is more likely to ascertain Bowser's whereabouts but him."
Larry froze in a certain direction. "...Either I'm going crazy or I know this beat!"
He followed it to a mirage like sight in the brushwood, a blue convertible kart with oversized chrome spinning rims. The occupant, a purple creature with tiny eyes, yellow lips, and large circular ears rolled back the bass. He wore business attire, except for branded headphones hanging around his neck.
"Whazup. Nice the new white hair look. Y'all dope."
"Dr. Greg!" Larry ran up to the Hoenn Pokémon. "Didn't think you'd wait.." He explained quickly, the hip-hop producer eager to help the up and coming musician.
"Straight up." Dr. Greg flipped up the cover over the 'nitro boost' button.
The rush of acceleration, the breeze in their face, it was great over the most lush and green part of Giant Land, picturesque, far surpassing the magic and wonder of the 3D maps Peach kept in her library.
"Wish I brought my camera!"
The cape wearer turned to the Kitsune and back. "Reminds me of slide #234. Or #45. Or the HDR adjusted #85. Luigi, I want it in my room."
"Which?"
"All of them."
"All of what?" A tanooki suited warrior swooped in between them, a paratroopa with inordinately sized wings holding on to his legs.
Mario didn't know much about his photos. They were private. Not like that. -Intimate. No.. Honestly they always seemed too boring for Mario to worry about.
"Pards?" Troopa warned.
A migratory swarm of heavy para-beetles swept them away, to realms unknown, hard dome shaped shells bouncing everyone around like pinballs until, totally unrelated but not really, the bottom half of Mario's suit ripped apart.
"Go without meeee!" Troopa wailed, holding his pants. "AlsoIloveyouMario!"
"Nooo!"
The hoard released the tanooki, kitsune, and cape wearer into the golden bushels of a tall super bell tree. With a crack the branches gave way and they crashed the rest of the way down. They lost at least 9999 HP upon impact, or else they wouldn't be hallucinating that Sky Land had a clear sky, brimming with dazzling evening stars.
…
A light blue caramel skinned Toad brushed a few leaves with a rake before hitting something, two guys holding hands, one a red Toad in a shredded up cape and the other a human in some yellow and furry costume. Oh and Mario.
The innkeeper kneeled. "Mario my apologies! Hey Ciri, alert our King! Help him! Mario! And those other guys I guess."
The sensation of his digits not being crushed any longer startled Luigi awake, hacking up 99% cotton blend fur. Then there was the sight of Mario wandering around the village of twisted beanstalk homes, dazed and pants-less. Ruins of Koopa Troop battlements, that unmistakable ugly grey brick he tended to use and some decapitated Bowser statues remained here or there.
"That's not.. Tell me that's not-" The plumber without pantaloons threw himself to the edge huge crevasse running up and down the kingdom.
"This is from our Pillar of Understanding, of which our King owes victory. Unfortunately Bowser escaped it's wrath."
Mario regained composure, or tired to. "Oh no.. So where he'd go? Where'd they'd all go?"
"Approximately that direction." That was a little runt, Ciri back from the castle. "King Ed gifts this to you, Mario."
The short bronze telescope was pressed into Luigi's hand, but fair enough. He mistook the spidery lettering etched on for Darklandian at first. It was old Skylandian, making him want to study the osmosis of this sort of thing some other time..
"Nothing for me?" Mr. Toad unfurled that haggard cape. "I'm that Mr. Toad guy. Earl of the Mushroom Kingdom? ...Alright I'll accept a bumper sticker."
"Forgive we." The light blue Toads gave him a farcical bow. "(Red Toads are difficult to distinguish. Did you?-)(Not at all.) Have this."
They gave him a partially scorched flier from Wendy O. Jokes were on them. He saw something in the obvious trash. "How can I learn more about this?"
Ciri blew a warp whistle, summoning a mini tornado to brush the three Toads away.
"Oh no!"
"Let's-a go."
Luigi was yanked off his feet, out of the village. "Do you realize you're about to run out of people to leave behind?"
Mario stopped. "Toad is safer with them than Jackson is in the jungle which, you know." He removed the remains of the Tanooki suit. Depowered, his old outfit reformed. "Is where Bowser is. Do you get it?"
All-overish, Luigi gave a nod and shed his Kitsune suit as well. It couldn't sustain flight anyway.
Mario penned the memo. Luigi let him walk away from the inn and added more to it. Mr. Toad came to make sure Peach would be safe and he'd ensure that. Toad and Peach... Darker emotions cast a shadow over all of the comfort he should feel.
...
"You have my blessings in that endeavor," chirped the nicest Skylandian around besides the lovable King Ed. The servant kept the Earl company on the way out. The castle was sunkissed and minimal if refreshing to tour. It lightened his mood until he found the memo. Spare him the most dangerous part because he was recuperating? He was fine!
"Hand that back. It's only for Mario or the other Mario."
Toad rose up, staring at the knees of several Toads with ribbons and daggers. He must have collapsed or fainted in front of the inn, right after trying to look through the Vrlrdyi Scope.
"Just for that," he muttered, "you are never ever ever ever ever getting it back."
The Earl didn't expect for them to let him limp into the wilderness that marked Giant Land, and the adrenaline he bottled up for this adventure had pretty much had all depleted, so he was praying for the stars to pick up the slack here. Give him a chance to punch one out at least, or pray for rain, a big flash flood. While blue spotted they couldn't swim. (That's what they got for that red Toad comment.)
Blam! A kart with wobbly wheels and smoke pouring from the hood teleported overhead, squashing the band of Skylandians. Everyone dropped their weapons and Ciri and their innkeeping buddy in particular were pinned underneath, not so smug now. Mr. Toad wouldn't turn down that bizzare gift horse, continuing on. The Skylandians cautiously backed away from the grotesque station wagon, some fleeing when the occupants stepped out, gawking back at them. More of the paler type of Toad like the Earl except in wrinkled clothing from a very fresh fight. One remained inside the drivers spot, red capped and tied up in cords yet giggling about it as he pushed a stolen library book under the seat with the back of his shoe.
Chapter End Notes
-Lemmy's name 'Ian' is from.. Well I shouldn't have to explain the musician connection.
-Emerson, Sonny's name is from Emerson Lake & Palmer, as if it's not obvious enough from other references I've snuck in that I'm a music nerd..
-Vrlrdyi Scope is like that Tower name. It was meant to be 'Cosmos' I think with the keys shifted. I might have cheated a bit? I can't remember honestly.
Split from previous: 9/18, 9/20, (new) 9/25, 9/27- 9/28, 10/1, 10/2- 10/5, 10/7, 10/8- 10/10, 10/13, 10/14, 10/15- 10/18 Edited: 12/1/23
RR24: 11/4/24, 11/6/24- 11/8/24 edited 6/30/25, 7/1
Chapter Summary
*RR24*
Chapter Notes
Disclaimer: Mario belongs to Nintendo.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
"See that?"
A Bowser flag over the canopy of trees, burning.
The brothers shook off nibbling muncher plants when they stumbled upon it. Jr. Troopa needed rescue somewhere around this big cabin with a bigger barbed perimeter fence. The lawn held a cluster of satellites and artillery, along with the flagpole. The Bowser flag was ashes by then. The owner displayed their Bowser hate regularly by the box of neatly folded flags Bowser insignia flags left sitting there. The crooked sign read: Hear ye, Voice of the Forest.
"I don't like this."
"I agree but you sound kinda-"
"Because we shouldn't have abandoned our friends!"
"You mean Toad." Mario weighed something. "Did you read his charts? What he might suffer-"
"It's still a betrayal."
"I know... Go on say it. I sound like Bowser with my get-there-itis. It true, I've never been more confident of what's going to go down. It's you that can't see how this will end, isn't it?"
Luigi peered into a trail camera. "Shh."
"Cop out."
"Really Mario. We're being recorded-"
Ka-boom! An explosion knocked them down, coming from westward direction. The trail from Banzai Bill lingered in the air. Goonies and para buzzy beetles scattered. The brothers ran for the cover of the two storied log home, tripping all of the wires along the way. Some sort of music was playing from within the rural stronghold, using an accordion. Luigi was going to vomit. Thank Eldstar he didn't lurch over then. A chrome bumper dropped between them, red hot.
"Yo beat this Voice of the Forest fool! He blew up Dr. Greg!" Larry was a blackened koopaling weakly crawling through the yard with a smaller koopa, a lakitu they recognized if belatedly out of the cloud and a thwomp.
"The Bowser Freaks survived?!" The music abruptly cut, followed by mega goomba with a hunter's cap, busy goatee, and bloodshot eyes kicking the door off the hinge. He waved around a decorated old sword. "I don't care if y'all are wondering what to do while wandering around in the forest cause you're lost and confused and lost three of your leaders confusing my chimney smoke for the your dagnabbit recrowning ceremonial- "
"-Don't X99.2 these folks, doc." A bandana wearing paratroopa with a shirtless ripped physique and camo pants barrel squeezed past him. "If they're cool with Mario and Luigi, they're cool with me!"
Like a switch flipped the mega goomba became 'normal' with a polite if exhausted smile. "Then greetings, I am Dr. Richard Goomba Sr. PhD and I hope I did not disturb you with my abhorrence of Bowser Freaks. I loathe them, and they are everywhere as Jackson informed me. Better in my abode than out there!"
Richard Sr. had an odd den, darkened perpetually by newspaper covered window. The cable television was on mute and the source of that glow was a monitor with a grid riddled with dots, overlaying a map of Giant Land. Besides that he had doctorates on the wall, a human skeleton, a vinyl player, and a portrait of a younger grumpy goomba wearing a bowtie, 'Richard Jr'. The thwomp, some 'TJ' fellow apparently was also familiar with the post-civilization icon, rounding the inane conversation to the urgent matter at hand.
Sentry 11 pressed his face to the glass, tapping it. "Hahg! I feakin knew it! I tallied Boss without- without realising. So.." He backed up, flushing. "I was face blind to him."
The Comet Observatory display flickered red from another abnormal source of energy in the galaxy, light years away, soon to be upon them in one Earth day.
The luma hugged the goddess, haunted by imagery of doomships and being stripped of power stars, tossed hopelessly in space. "Momma, is it King Bowser again?"
"It is not. Now run along. Play my dear."
Attrition was setting in. She was desolate in her own sanctuary. Any more questions to dodge and- She slumped against the solid console. The energy at the core was dim, her experimental Gravitational Pull soul transfer technology waning. It gave out and the first visitor arrived, gracelessly splatting on their landing pad.
"I understand your affinity for the Earthlings Miss Rosalina, but surely you can do better than this.." Polari yanked the commander up.
"Salutations to you too." Ludwig decked him, stepping over his grumbling body. "May we talk?"
Geno materialized, swinging an arm around the commander. "-About that pizza we ordered, kiddos. Rosie, let's show this guy where the change is at!"
Ludwig was shuffled across a red carpet path and into a heavily decorated purple building with gold trim. Geno unlocked the bedroom. A second later Rosalina followed them, locking it back it. Ludwig tripped over the step and onto the soft canopy bed. He rose to glare.
"You two would fit in with the more lousy of my college professors. I have more familiarized myself with 'Special Objects' by scanning the glossary than your entire prep talk." He shut the book in their faces. "Thankfully my trusted adjutant is on my side and I shall never want again!"
Rosalina turned to the star warrior. "My, he found his Special One."
Ludwig flushed bright red. "Actually I-"
"-It means genuine love in general," Geno corrected. "Not JUST romantic, the full gamut. Don't get it twisted. You and Ian are tight, right? Lemmy, excuse me. Why you think?"
He allowed himself sink on the bed, "Opposite as we are superficially, we share respect, leading to understanding and I suppose we click in the center of that venn diagram."
"-See? So being around him you were safe all along from the real nasty bits. You know, residual possession."
His eye twitched. "You NEVER hinted at such a possibility!"
Geno dropped the smile, even removed the toothpick in placatory fashion. "Forgive our brevity. Oh and here's a better version of that 109th edition watered down trash you picked up." He snapped his fingers. A spark landed on the retail book in Ludwig's pocket, upgrading it to ancient papyrus scrolls that sprung out and startled him off the bed. "You learned of those virtues? Good. So in the beginning, lots of stars roamed your Earth and that was bad for mortals. Finally Eldstar was like 'enough' and cleaned house. A few thought they were slick and hid away as those artifacts. Doomella Bellstar was one. Planet designer and disassembler. It's like this. She has an accomplice that's took care of Great Eld and crew over the weekend, so it's not a red flag yet. Don't let this escape the room but they spend some of those at a timeshare on Beach Bowl Galaxy and the drinks are popping- erm. Nevermind. The dark stars know now's the time to go yippee ki-yay on this bish. Ya feel me?"
Ludwig cradled the scrolls, trying to grasp it all. "How does this pertain to the fated 'hero' that was sealed?"
Before Geno got to it, the space goddess sprinted out of there, lumas screaming for her. It turned out to be good news in a bad way. Polari found Toadsworth curled up near kitchen dome, the talk of the observatory with his scraggly clothes. Ludwig, surprising himself with the gesture even, rubbed the old Toad's shoulder as he begged repeatedly for Eldstar's forgiveness.
"Now you see how lousy you are? Samuel might have liked to hear..."
Geno tuned out the smack talk, distracted by something. "-Rosalina! Send them back!"
"-The power levels," she stammered.
"Muster up the strength, girl!"
Without delay, without time to suit himself in his armor even, Geno propelled himself onto the floating platform of the Fountain dome and out into space, star rod at the ready to confront the approaching mass of energy and heat.
"By Higher Authority's power, you better stop it right there!"
It stopped about a mile away, clouds dissolving to reveal a four pointed onyx star, the firth spur missing. Geno pushed down trepidation. The star's 'hand' or influence was currently at work somewhere.
"Thou art but a babe on the legion. 10950 epochs? Tsk. Novice. Thy utterances? Hogwash. Nary a listener heeds!" it taunted.
Geno was hot on the pursuit, observatory shrinking in the distance.
His shortcut devolved into a terrible Wave Race clone, leaving him clung for dear life as the leaf raft whacked against rocks and Spear Guys pelted him with coconuts from the banks. The other boaters that totally promised to guide him made an last minute left at a fork and the Toad was on his own, shivering and drenched as the fin of a Boss Bass crept from behind him. He dove off the raft at the last moment. The fish overtook him and smashed against a heavy long spanning the river. He surfaced safely. -Except for the waterfall ahead. He screamed.
…
Hint Toad crouched in the mud with the tranquility and shrewdness of a documentary host. "..aquatic species include the emerald cheep-cheep, boss bass, maw-ray, and Mr. Toad, kindly demonstrating in real time why it is unwise to accept local boating tours, no matter how much they flatter."
"Heinemann, thank you for that opportune comment. Jörg, you are unoccupied (as usual..). Fetch the good man. Captain's orders!"
A rope landed over Toad's shoulders, tugging him out of the rapids. Multicolored Toads with full heavy backpacks attended to him while The Captain lugged a giant tree to create bridge 2.0. They wouldn't tell him why they were there, but he'd accept the help. The worse he'd heard of them was when 'Archivist Toadette' came home with the shakes for a week. He'd trade his fainting spells for that!
"He's out of the loop," Banktoad whispered moments later. "When we get to Mario, you will be ratted out. Where is 'it' anyway?"
"The book is gobbledygook to you William. They weren't teaching Darklandian when you were in school." He smirked, pinching his nephew's jowls.
"More like where I was in school?" He elbowed him off. "I think you forget on purpose that I was a grade above.. Look that'll be another problem Stanley. I mean that other thing I know you have."
"I'll consult the manifest later," The Captain spun on his heels. "Now let's shed those soulless commercial boxes to make space for Mr. Toad."
Mailtoad flinched. "I ..uh.. thought those, uh Koopa Troop documents were fascinating and worth preservation but.. yes, Captain.." He unloaded a beige file cabinet from the smoldering kart, one wheel replaced with milstone and the other a little coffee table. Loot was crammed in there, even had a big headed lapis lazuli Bowser. So Skylandians could go from onerous to generous just like that?
"-Everybody's digital these days anyway, Mordecai. Your bottled notes may remain however. That fits our aesthetic. Onward we go!"
"Have you hit the weight limit of that thing?"
"Don't worry about it." The Captain forcibly lead him along, gracing his back, sliding where the Vrlrdyi Scope was tucked in his rear pocket.
Toad made a tremulous leap, covering his backside. "Don't! Uh, touch me.. or stare at my-"
"I shall never decline to feast my eyes upon," The Captain opened the tailgate, more junk of their spilling out. "Booty."
"Saw that a mile away."
"Not this." He threw Mr. Toad inside.
The evening sun tinted the haze of recently expired conflict orange. Northern Toad Town, the Post Office, the local Inn, an item shop, the library, and numerous other places were waterlogged empty shells. Booigi supporters were being brought to the slammer everywhere and here went the final group, discarding warped and chipped up rackets.
"-You cannot quit. You. Cannot," the boo snarled at the ten or so hobbling off.
One koopa nursed a neck injury. "We can't do it like you can Boo-"
"-Booigi the Second."
"Oww."
"And get out of here!" they roared.
The motley bunch scurried into the nooks and crannies of town. Booigi was already the change that was needed. No one else could see it..
"Cept for me." Their patrol ended at a middle aged green Toad in the middle of the street. His cold calculating eyes bore into them back, their vaingloriousness draining from the puncture.
"W-who are you?"
"I'm the next to aid and abet cha, so follow me and wipe that drool off your face," He laughed deeply.
Booigi tilted their head as Mitch rolled down the kartless street. "What are you offering?"
"You? Clarity dude. A mission beyond demolishing the city and domestic terrorism. I gotta live here too ya know."
"Its- but it's the bad guy's fault. Those despicable Toads," the boo spat. "-And I don't need help!"
"Oh kid, you crack me up."
Mitch pressed the automatic door button of Club Gamecube, across the street from Club 64. Booigi had blanked out while straying into normal portions of town, where citizens were milling about until they sullied it. Now they were running off to call authorities. Consequently Booigi ducked inside Club GCN. There were a few dozen patrons at tables and no one at the bar but Chuck the spike, back facing them. Mitch proceeded there, slapping a one-hundred coin bill on the table. Behind there was an orange Gamecube sitting on a shelf for some reason, not hooked up to a TV.
"As I was sayin, you're burning the city, not the witch. Peach."
Booigi slammed the table. "Our Princess is in peril, besides she's with Mario and Mario with Luigi! They are negligent, not-"
"What you think they are. -Anybody gonna serve me or what?"
The Gamecube, sentient, and the manager too, slapped an ice filled glass on his counter. "What?"
"Tasty Tonic," Mitch ordered impatiently. "Back to you, proof is in the 'Love' Pudding. Peach has the incriminating evidence on her to this day. Wean off of what they regurgitate for nu-Mushroomites like you."
"I can't listen to you anymore," Booigi the Second growled.
To squelch whatever he was trying to root in them, they dipped into the shadows, to reappear at a southwest building. They roved about invisibly. Peach's Toads were there as Mitch's note from Kylie said. And that journalist jerk thought he was dealing with an..
"Ah!" Boo gasped at a ice bro rounding the corner. Next came goombas and a swoop in the same uniforms, faces smeared beyond recognition as they patter to each other, pushed rooms service carts, and hung around employee rooms where sports played.
They'd been so hectic and busy, so detached from themselves they almost forgot it was normal. This was something few knew about boos. When you couldn't see them, in a way they couldn't see you either.
The rooms Peach's Toads were in was easy to find, no one updating the rooming charts since this morning, though others had booked the room since. A couple of locals of meager means, and Booigi was part of the reason why they had to shelter there.
Brushing that off for then, they found Mr. Zeror's room, 404, which was certainly being used by Peach's Toads. It was messier than a lil oink's sty, even their cabin, furniture and chests and other things piled up, leaving only the bed accessible. The door knob jiggled shortly. Booigi watched the frantic curator dig in a drawer.
"Why am I doing this?" he vented, holding a pink shard. For some reason, Booigi could interpret his sunken in and flummoxed face. "If they keep denigrating me, we'll see how Goldbobbington's-"
"Zeror, finally. We just wanna talk," said someone, shortly dragging him out.
Booigi became solid and touched a piece of that magnetizing mineral, the smallest one, and the jolt was immediate. They bolted through the floor, missing the shadowy road of the booish realm, where it was cracked away. Down into the core of the planet they fell, where their flesh melted off their bones.
...
Mitch waggled his fingers. "Hardheaded little.. You flipped out dude. Cops on the way. Leave this to the pros. K? Stay pretty."
Booigi II found themselves on a barstool again, leaving a deep impression with their weight. Deadweight. Strangled sounds escaped them, they'd torn the whole place apart and scattered the diners, the only glass around not broken Mitch's drink.
Mitch wheeled out of there himself. He'd feature the article, not be so. He reached for a pedestrian crossing button when a frigid hand clamped over his. Even colder breath assaulted the back of his neck.
"You.. stay... alive.."
"I will. You'll be dealt with soon and if I have any luck, her too." Mitch kept his voice steady, refusing to look at the entity, even when thunder boomed from a cloudless amber sky and distantly the halves of Star Hill might have separated a little more.
"You..hate..more..than..I."
"What is hate without love? And what is love without passion? This is mine, worn it on my sleeve for decades. Go away. I'm swamped. No break in sight!"
"You presume."
"...Cut that light off hun."
"Sir, are you sleeping in? The celebration's began."
He yawned, "Okaaaay.." He paused just to surprise the kimono girl. Her swift dodge of the pillow spun the sliver wig backwards on her head.
"This took hours, sir!" She clamped it down again with pins.
He stripped off covers. "I see, homegirl. You look exactly like whoever you are."
"Goomelda, the wisest female goomba?"
"Okay but why. It's a Rebotco Fest today."
"So I can educate others about underappreciated Mushroom figures!"
"That's clever." He slid out of bed in his festive red and green snowflake pajamas. "Nothing more scary than showing up at a party and getting lectured!"
She rolled her eyes. "I better like, head down, sir. ...To socialize! Not.. annoy.."
Toadette was adorable when worked up over nothing. He checked the time. Maybe it was something. He hopped off of his king sized bed and made up the left side. The opposite had never been occupied...
On a hanger was green jumpsuit he'd modified to resemble Prince Froggy. He always chose someone or something with an affinity for green, Yoshi, Prince Peasley, even Luigi once, landing on that guy this year. Funnily Luigi never wore green on the holiday. Looking down from his high third floor window, costumed friends were making their way across castle grounds. He zipped up the suit and practiced his frog hop down stairs. Shortly it was clear he couldn't keep that up. He didn't want to have to down a bunch of aspirin later.
The castle steadily shifted into something like the Pumpkin Zone with orange confetti on the ground, autumn leaves and scary mask cut-outs taped to the walls, and creepy music as he descended. Big Boo's music box blasted, the actual antique protected by a glass dome and still loud. Guests conversed around the tables holding refreshments or on the mezzanine, leaning over and watching others. The Princess and Toadsworth insisted they compartmentalize activities this year. Yoshi still made off comments about how he had to spend the night on the roof. There he was. -No, it was an older taller Gonzales Jr. rather. He slapped the wrestler's hand before sliding down the rails, just in time for that distinctive rising of voices when the famous plumbers entered a building.
Mario's costume barely registered really. Luigi wore the white armor of a Starfighter from Star Slammers, waving shly. Toad thumbed towards upstairs to the left, the den, where 'Thrills at Night: The Movie' was playing and the better drinks were stashed. Luigi caught his signal, winked, and moved on.
As the quantity of partygoers increased, Toad couldn't ignore how quickly some coupled up. Mario, a pumpkin head bat thing, and fans were around a crone, Peach. Toadette had apparently educated enough so she was with Bucken-Berry and Ala-Gold, also costumed as some historical figure to humor her he guessed, but it was sweet either way. No fire had broken out in the first thirty minutes and so the party was a success, and yet amongst the merriment, Toad involuntarily sighed. The only thing that stopped him from gorging on candy was the next guest to clear security, 'Mr. Toad K. Toad'.
'Mr. Toad' sported his butch cut that the red cap hid except for a sliver of the blondish sideburn, perfectly modulated and scratchy voice, and swag in the walk and behavior. The Other Him was a mix of polite to brash to funny with the crowd, a novelty to view from the outside. Then Luigi had to return to the foyer, running across Other Him. Thatta boy, he wasn't- actually he was fooled but Toad wasn't offended or anything. Gradually he'd shrunk to the size of a micro-goomba it felt, not to rag on the actual thing over there with a fantastic costume no one could see without a magnifier.
Luigi tossed some rings with Other Him, scoring well. They moved on to a blindfold challenge. Other Him held Luigi's helmet while groped around, trying to pin the tail on Bowser portrait. He won a plastic wrapped honey shroom that he regifted to some kid right away. 'Mr. Toad's' attempt was a hoot as he stabbed Bowser in a way to give him an ugly piercing, on the second try sicking Luigi in the butt, the one part of a Starfighter less than armored. Luigi rolled with it though, laughing harder than Other Him. He shouldn't have been so close and stooped over, scanning for a photographer's stamp.
"What's with the quick change?"
"To screw with you. Ha ha ha.." 'Mr. Toad' replied, resting one hand on his chestplate.
That's when Mr. Toad noticed he was perspiring lightly, aggravating carpal tunnel with his grip on the rails. Luigi and Other Him were the last to join the tour walking out of the castle, limit tenish at a time. Follow the dry bone skulls to the maze where fake webs covered their garden a few Toads were pretending to be monsters and slashers.
Mr. Toad was a statue by then, unable to move until they returned. Or he returned. Other Him stuck to the main party, raising everyone's cholesterol levels with low level hijinks. Maybe to flush this out of him, he needed to interact with this doppelgänger one time.
"Hey Stan. Ha ha ha. Nice costume."
"Greetings, Wart. Same." 'Mr. Toad' took the last dart from the monty mole that was dismal and won them a mushroom with his perfect bullseye. That he had to play worse to pass for him made his stomach churn more.
"Actually I'm.. Nice seeing you, hahaha.. I'll.. be upstairs."
"One moment," Toad heard behind him in Captain Toad's voice, really just Toad's again yet simultaneously different. "How did I do?"
He slowly spun, flushed. "N-nailed it! You're annoying. Rude. Hammy. Not acting your age. Yep, got my characterization as straight as possible."
"Phrasing, homeboy." The copy smirked. "There's nothing 'straight' about you."
Toad had this twitch to sock him but held back. He remembered that he had before. That he'd ruined this party, so he wouldn't now, except seeing two of the 'same' people startled the Merlon, who was actually Zeror, who reeled backwards into a shy guy, who was actually a snifit, who collided with a yoshi, who was actually a birdo, who knocked over a birdo, who was actually a yoshi. A drink table was flipped, pouring gallons of red punch over Peach and Toadsworth. It would never wash out, and to top it all, the real Mr. Toad was blamed.
Shoulda slept in.
…
Back in his pajamas, he sat on the red carpeted steps. The checker tiled floor was soapy and reflective, where he avoided looking until someone's boots squeaked on them.
"Jörg?! WTF?!"
"Blessings unto you too." Yellow Toad leaned against the newel post, getting comfortable. "A brain specialist, Dr. Shrinkasaurus, taught me about this. No schadenfreude here, it happens randomly."
Toad skeptically scooted away. "This ain't real."
"No it isn't. Why would you have this kind of nightmare?" the adventurer probed.
"Stan. And.. my homeboy hanging out. It was funny until it wasn't and I was..."
"Hoh. Jealous. I'm sorry."
Toad retrieved a goodie bag, stuffing his face with candy.
"-I do that when I'm reminded that my crush is out of my league."
"Luigi's not out of my league! Did I just say that? Stars..." He slung away the junk food and stood. "I didn't think I'd be with anybody. It wasn't about image. It was just nobody until it was somebody."
"Like that Taylor Swiggler single where she alludes to Britney Spearguy's 'Oopsy-Daisy Did it Again.'"
Toad shuddered. "Well the OG's choreography doesn't look like a seizure so she wins."
"That's a little harsh isn't it?"
"Oh I'm starting to have them so I know, but and thanks man." He joined him on the ground level. "I needed to accept how down bad I was and make a choice. Ha ha, especially when you never know what might happen to you."
The change of lighting make Yellow Toad's eyes glint. "I agree, Mr. Toad."
'Heavens, not again,' Toadsworth groused, making with way over with a candle. Yellow Toad was forcibly ushered outside and Toad was accidentally blasted in face by a pressure washer. Then again Bucken-Berry was operating it...
…
Toad rolled from the tailgate onto a hard surface, coming to facing a dusk sky. It was breeze and cold at the peak of the mountain, kart's tilting on the fulcrum leading to his escape. Toad noticed Yellow Toad was still knocked out in last row so he checked around discreetly. The terrain was extremely steep with no flat areas to stand. He had to hold onto the back bumper. No wonder those rugged adventurers were remaining in the car.
"It's unhealthy to read in the dark. Didn't you learn in school-"
"I'm shining my headlamp directly on it, Stanley! Now read how to teleport us back!"
"But you adore hiking, William."
"You can hike to..." it muted into cursing under his breath.
"Guys, umm, if we, uh combine our single bars of service, could we do something with that?"
Toad checked his phone then, long dried out thankfully. Old messages of Jr. Troopa asked about his well being in all caps, he was emoji bombed at times, and given clickable location links as they inched closer to Bowser. He wanted him there, though he knew it wasn't likely. Toad tied a new knot in his cape, ready to teach him a lesson. With less toxicity.
Flaming torches walled off the perimeter of the stage. Minions were seated while a blue magikoopa scrolled by, holding pillow of nesting material. It cushioned a crown, destined for Wendy O. up on the freshly cut log throne, patience wearing thin and fighting to hide it.
Their best hours were wasted on superfluous shelter construction and such. The crown of gold too, a mere thing. It's- her claw traced a ruby. The emblem was well preserved and attractive without being overabundant, but not special. What it represented was worth is all the treasures on Earth at least, what she'd waited for. As the Queen, she could take this group and lead them back to Sky Land where-
"Release Peach and Toadsworth!"
Roy was on it, hurling a torch at the green plumber in the sea of minions. Luigi had a split second to cartwheel before the pole dug into the ground several feet. He flipped back up and into the koopaling. He was punched in the stomach. Roy sneered as he folded over and coughed raggedly.
"Dat's what you git for barging in at a bad time. Some chump clean this up!... Hello?" He lowered his shades. Minions were busy gulping down ice cold cans of Morel Moxie.
"..fleeing a kingdom would make anyone thirsty."
Roy lifted Luigi by his shirt. "You need to go!"
"Yes," Luigi muttered confidently. "Let's-a go."
Everyone whipped around. Mario and Sentry 11 were prying the boards off of the Toad House, the one pre-fab structure they sieged and a location Wendy claimed as her dressing room. At the same time, some rogue swiped the crown from her.
"Discard thy sweetened elixirs and taketh these blithering fools!"
Minions dropped the chilled sodas to attack, koopas, goombas, and more. Larry scuttled away with the crown as Jr. Troopa swooped down on a vine, kicking Morton over. He's big body flattened more, rolling until he knocked over more torches. Bowser Junior ducked from the tree stomp Roy tossed in a rage. Jr. Troopa chopped it out of the sky in one motion, punched Roy with the next. The big bully had a bigger more embarrassing flop in front of-
"GAAAAAAH! WHO LOCKED US IN THERE?!"
"I knew you were close, dad.."
Bowser tilted to his second youngest, holding something. His red crust filled eyes widened at the sight of the crown. The jungle ambience and sizzle of soda was deafening as he placed it on lumpy head. The King was out of hiding and minions didn't really know what to do but gawk while his kids crowded.
"I'll tell ya everything later. What's with babydoll?"
Wendy was sneaking away. He caught her eyes, anathematic, once or twice through the shrubs. Fatherly instincts taking over, he dragged her back and yanked her wispy black phone away. There was no shriek or tantrum to follow, but a collapse into his arms.
"Where's Gramps? Old Hag? Shopping? This is the THIRD TIME they've done that when we're getting attacked by plumbers! Alright Mario losers, we forfeit officially okay? This'll be the last time!"
"It will, Koopa. Over here."
Mario waited near a stream, drowning out the clamor of defeat. Light from Camp Bowser flickered through the foliage, reminding him of something. In some other universe when this never happened, he and Bowser would be doing playing laser tag. At home somewhere he had crumpled reservation tickets under the pseudonym 'FF'. He couldn't recall what that stood for though, putting on a fighter's stance as an equally indignant Koopa King stomped through some bushes.
"Ya huh?"
"Why did you do it?"
"Because Peach plays freaking games with ya. Somebody has to say it. No I didn't plan to take her, but if she was in my clutches anyway she was gonna know what it feels like to be toyed with. That there's somebody out there that freaking thinks better of you than her!"
Mario relaxed his fists. "Over here again."
"What what what?.. Oh." Bowser locked up during the embrace, like that first time. Mario detached from him, not so far that his body heat wasn't ignorable. Then Bowser realized he was talking again-
"...was a mutual charade between us and it's over, so don't get jilted over it. We know nothing else is your fault, and you don't owe a lot for damages this time so..." He reached for his larger paw. "If you don't want to be the bad guy beyond that, retire with me."
The Koopa King lunged at the red plumber, snatching and lifting him upward, leaving him punching and kicking in the air.
"Bowser!"
"I thought you loved it like this? You know it's not a tradition to ever retire where I'm from don't cha?"
"Figures." Mario stopped struggling.
He leaned in close to his ear. "Course, I'm not exactly traditional."
Ruining their moment, Mario spotted something about to drop on them. "Bowser, let me go!"
He wouldn't admit that he didn't wanna.
Mario ran over, arms stretched to catch Mr. Toad before he took his second wild rapids tour. Their following exchange was laconic, Mario not sure if he was lucid really until it got to the bronze Skylandian gift. Mario didn't think it mattered too much until Toad took the wooden throne someone had already ejected from camp and cracked it in two.
"Right on Toady!" Bowser went, tone deaf.
...
"I have it, Master Luigi."
"Just in case, Toadsworth." He gave the old mushroom a pen flashlight. It came from J.D., before the boisterous lakitu bailed to find where that 'squirrely TJ Stone who is a MUSHROOM FREAK' went. (And Luigi really hadn't noticed the presence of that quartz thwomp anywhere during the fight.) Beyond that, Toadsworth's condition was good. It was the other captive curled against the clay wall, moonlight revealing whitened hair.
"Princess. Are you okay?"
She nodded. He almost tripped in the cavernous dark upper space of the Toad Home and in a reversal she supported him momentarily. They blushed at each other, maybe, and recovered. It was over now. Mario was was slapping sense into Bowser, they got the K64 to come down, Jr. Troopa beat up by some koopalings, okay so it wasn't all swimmingly, but at least it wasn't complicated anymore.
Then Mario and Bowser returned to Camp Bowser, with an extra cape wearing Toad.
Chapter End Notes
Authors note: We did it? -Yes inspiration for the 'Special One' concept somewhat came from Disney's Maleficent, lol -Loooong over due, but hopefully I don't have to explain what 'Stan' means? Split from previous : 9/18, 9/20, (new) 9/25, 9/27- 9/28, 10/1, 10/2- 10/5, 10/7, 10/8- 10/10, 10/13, 10/14, 10/15- 10/18 Edited: 12/4/23, 12/5
RR24: 11/8/24- 11/11 Edits 7/2/25, 7/3/25
Chapter 21: Bloom
Chapter Summary
*RR24*Chapter Notes
Disclaimer: Mario and co. belongs to Nintendo.See the end of the chapter for more notes
~The tribe quarrels against officials for months. Soon their tomb at the base of the mountain is found, devoid of life and treasure, mere ashes remaining. It circulates that the Toad lords staged this, to envelope the indigo ranges into their kingdom.
'The shadowy hand of a boo chill dozens around town, gleaning a new pieces of insight from every stolen breath. Pierced by the cries of ancestors, relentless blue flames reflect against their eyes. No one would ever deceive them again.'
Wanted posters were all over the shanty town, including on the south wall of Mr. Toad's cabin. Daisy thanked the gods it wasn't on the north where they'd conspicuously axed their way in, though the actual crisis wasn't much better. A Mecha-Yoshi lasered a way in the RV for Vick the sheriff and the local librarian Bobberto Omba was discovered bound and gagged. He blamed 'Jefe del Escuadrón Toad' and wasn't alone. Probabilly claimed he was behind the kart, Dr. T's rented one, found in the watering hole. Laki said he was behind their complimentary freebies vanishing at once from the hospital. Maybe the blackouts too.
Daisy would let em believe that last one for now. Inside of Mr. Toad's cabin was a bale of hay under the covers that fooled a few nurses. Toadette mentioned that the real guy did look like that a lot when sleeping in.. But besides that without his phone the hotspot idea was devastatingly unusable. Dr. Toad and Bucken-Berry didn't even know they were working in vain elsewhere.
"Well, I can always...Dang." Daisy was bugged yet again by her folks back home, coming through without the SIM card even. Heck, her recovery wasn't 'public' and yet they were leaving messages like 'chī le ma'. Shutting it down, she noticed she was alone.
"Toadette?"
...
"Hello?"
"Uh, hello? Hey fella-"
Via a payphone she touched base with the holder of Mario's old number, Kylie Koopa, a reporter from that 'meddlesome Press downtown, and not on the good side of it'. It flashed in her mind how much Toadsworth loathed the types, and she'd adopted that view if she hadn't long batted down those pesky statutes that never really meant anything. Soon Chef Tim was jamming a knife into lock into the stairwell to the roof of the hotel, where Les and Joseph rotated the heavy satellite South. With Toadette out on an flat isolated country road, stars twinkling in the deep blue sky above beanbean farms, the sky map was clear. It took minute to coordinate where they needed to aim the beam.
She hopped up and down in triumph. They could mooch off of Hotel Mario's connection for the fax, at least until trouble brewed in the tawdry establishment. All throughout screens and televisions blanked out with the dreaded spinning circle of death in the ninth inning, or fourth quarter, or second halve, or fifth set, and etc- a window shattering roar erupting from the occupants. Porters shot to the roof and apprehended the group, kicking them out, or at everyone by one it seemed.
"Kinopio.. Hello, are you still on?" She refused to hang up, watching the stalks waving in the wind off the road. A few plots had been burned to make room for the new seasonal crops and she grok that this was their situation too.
"..i am Kinopiko."
"How much access you have right now? What are the porters doing?"
"nothing. i don't think they know that they shifted anything, just cut out programing. they will get a technician in soon.'
"-Don't let them somehow. Being an influencer-"
"i cannot waste my time. preparing for kodokushi."
She slapped the rusty metal box, flushing. "No you aren't. Kinopio.. you know how important it is that we do something without Mario for once. That we save our citizens from the Mushroom Flu. You have a talent and you're meant for greater things, like this."
"Where does THAT come from."
"Dopamine. Chemicals in my brain," she went matter of factly. "So I'll approach it logically then. The Princess is charitable and we've all faltered, Kinopio-Kun. What happened at the hospital?"
He told her everything with a distant objectivity. "...It was no hallucination, Kinopiko. I will return to Water Land. As you can see, my fate is not up to your Princess."
"Exactly. It's up to you, just.." She took another sweep of the roads, green hued from the fighter flies. There was nothing else out here. "Do the right thing."
The lime green Toad nodded with an aged quality, thin eyebrows furrowing. "I will see."
VROOOOOM.
What she saw behind the red painted fence was an airship! It crashed in the field and squashed a barn, the thunk rocking her off her feet.
"Ain't you gonna comment on something different?"
"Not now."
Bowser hated how sparkly that plumber's eyes were even in the most gloomy environment, and even when pretty irritated. He'd have to fish for a complement- er that came out wrong, on his rarely worn crown later.
Camp Bowser had a new visitor adding to the mess, a burnt out, barely operable station wagon caught up in a tree. Mario would have flipped his lid at Captain Toad, who 'didn't do what he asked' and even brought some extras with him if not for Peach getting a bad case of shivers. That occupied Mario's gang then. Someone opened a door and out dumped a lot of junk, most of it Bowsers. Steam rolling out of his ears, rivaling the K64 crawling through the jungle, he had minions reclaim it all. Suddenly he staggered like the princess at the resurgence of the lapis lazuli bust, laying around invisible to everyone but him it seemed.
"Mario! Now it's my turn. Over here!"
"Bowser, we're leaving-"
"Just do it! Here. Get it appraised or something."
...
The K64 was overshadowed by high speed rail services like the Toad Town 10X line, but beloved still for its rich history, dedicated engineer, and rails that weaved around some of the most inhospitable terrain.
"Where did you go?"
"What do you mean, Princess? It was simply dark in that layer."
"No. You weren't there for a little while."
Toadsworth swallowed thickly. "I cannot share."
Peach turned away from him, knees tucked up. "Don't worry about me. I will sleep it off the brain fever."
Toadsworth gave her another once over. "Where, my dear? That hotel is dreadful they say."
"Elsewhere. It'll work out."
Knowing Peach had the best intuition on that kept the others away. They made the brigade find their own way back, so the cabin was spacious and the princess stabilized as the hectic atmosphere tapered down to a calm if apprehensive and bumpy ride home. Jr. Troopa was a row behind them, able to operate a phone despite being folded into a paper swan by Koopalings. Mario was in the next, with a statue that he couldn't explain why he carried. Luigi was nearer to the front, discreet until Toad slid onto the bench with him. He expected him to dote on his Special One. Maybe Toadsworth was holding the floodgates shut. Yeah that was it.
"Huh?"
Toad gestured for his phone. The Toad dimmed his backlight and opened the notes app, the legal pad skeuomorphism of the application bathing them in yellow. 'You saved Peach and Sam just in time.' he tapped.
'Me?'
'Yeah you. After they (red cross), I buy you a- (cake emoji). You saved the day! (streamer emoji)' He pat his shoulder, speaking aloud. "Celebrate man!"
Despite himself, the world brightened. It was over. 'Yeah. Thanks.'
'Thought it'd get to this? I should skipped the tennis. jk. What did you snap of it?'
Memories came back, bringing more color to him. 'You having two-hundred volleys in one set. You blatantly did not starch your vest again, you've lost ten pounds without telling me, one shoe was untied, you fixed it, then other untied. Your fly was not quite open, but dangerously getting there.' He added at the end, 'lol.'
'What else?'
Train went over some particularly rickety tracks. 'Not really.' He erased that. 'Not right now'.
'Luigi. This will be random. What happened with you and Daisy?'
Oh that. 'Fans' (He hunted for the bold button) 'REALLY liked how we looked together, but the breakup brought us closer to each other because we both realized, in a good way, that we weren't the fake it till you make it sort. Now we can hang out enjoyably so it's a win. I'm kinda undateable anyway."
'Luigi-' "What's happening?"
"You hit the Darklandian keyboard."
"That's how it looks written?"
"Yeah. Wait, you can't write it?"
"No," Toad said, clearing out their chatter, "Learnt by ear if I never mentioned it. Well to stay on that train, ha ha ha you're.. kind, articulate, emphatic, clever, and low-key braver than your brother because you've gotten you where you are with a fraction of the support, so not undateable homeboy," he concluded in Badland tongue, quickly biting his own at the green plumber's reaction. It wasn't bad, or good, just- horror!
Everyone was launched against the roof and back to the floor, amber sparks flying outside. The engineer peeked into the disarrayed cabin, apologizing over the excessive speed at a switch. Shutters had ripped apart, flooding the car with unnatural light. Paratroopas were working at night, erecting a billboard for Wendy O. Koopa joining Mayor Koton's council.
"Bowser's daughter?" Toadsworth scoffed.
Mario relocated for a better view. "Oh. Koton keeps a tight leash on stuff you know. Not even she can change him I bet."
"I am unsure if that is for the better Master Mario," the counselor replied."Neo Bowser City desperately needs help."
"I could I bet. I mean I'm spit balling but it's my prerogative to not be so redundant at home." Mr. Toad filled the chilling silence to follow with, "I meant I probably could help."
"Master Toad, Mayor Koton hates us."
"I know and so did Bowser and he just a hired a Toad they say. Again, I haven't-"
Luigi stood and faced the rest, "Toad's never had scandals and knows Darklandian, a perfect ice-breaker. Let him cook!"
"You think I could?"
"Maybe, Toad. I believe in you."
Peach covered her face. "Stars, not now."
Mario darted to her seat. "Peach, they're on to something. Based on the reception we got most of the time today, we need to put some more action behind the kingdom alliances we have on paper. He has my ballot."
"Me too, partner," Jr. Troopa added.
"Me three!" was the distant shout of the conductor.
The princess and Toadsworth quieted down, seemingly giving up for then.
"Can't believe I survived that. Thanks for having my back," Toad shook Luigi's hand, which they pulled into a tight squeeze. They sat again.
"-But I need to hear more about this," Luigi tacked on, seriously. "Yes I completely trust you, but- I don't know how to say it."
He noted a shift in his friend. "Me neither, but I'll definitely find my words, tomorrow."
A short snout stuck out of an open hatch, light bleeding out. "Is this it?"
Another koopa rushed out a bottom door, trampling on the stringy stalks of mushrooms. Kammy Koopa's purple robe was of fine satin with tags still attached, she also wore some fancy head sheer scarf, and her cateye glasses were 'smart', so she could feel her way around in the dark, pointing over with a ruby tipped walking stick.
"It is! Mr. Hotstuffs, GET OVER HERE!"
"Coming, dear!"
Kamek 'Hotstuff' chopped his way through stalks and fencing with a chainsaw, wearing the usual, if more worn. "Happy, dear?... Dear?"
"HOW MUCH!?" The crone crowed, crummy paws all over the phonebooth.
Toadette picked herself up. "H-how much for what?"
"This, dearie. They are extinct elsewhere and I adore antiques."
"Kamek, Kammy, stop you can't!"
"It's Mr. and Mrs. Hotstuffs now," Kamek corrected.
"I cannot call you that seriously."
"She bought a name change too."
Her brain sputtered. "-Okay, I'll edit your wiki later, but why aren't you with King Bowser?"
"He told us to forget our worries and shop!" Kammy dragged two stuffed full luggage bags behind her. "Welp says there's a good tourist trap over here, ehehe!"
Gritting her teeth, Toad sped walk behind the threat to their Mushroom Flu curing plans. Kammy had a new vacuum to fly on, but hadn't figured out speed it up. Kamek could only shuffle in his houseshoes as they traversed a pillory belonging to the local jail at the side of the road, wooden individual cells side by side. Imprisoned Paper Macho Outlaws clamored at the bars. To Toadette's dismay, there was no jailer and nothing she could do as the magikoopa pair breached the shanty town's limits and used a senior-oriented phone with oversized buttons to order a pizza.
"What's this address? If only Lord Bowser wasn't in mountains or similar and we could use his Greedy Eats password. Hmm." He pointed out a western styled theater. Spotlights lit up the advert for the traveling Paper Macho Friends Troupe. Jazzy music bled out the open swing doors and ostros of those inside were tied to stakes. "We should eat there. (And save money.)"
"Oooh!"
In the middle of checking the licences of the ostros, Laki had a VIP pass whipped out at him, one Kamek bought from some black market. The noki quickly shifting out of the way for them. Inside, Toadette found snack booth closed and the only person in the lobby sitting in the timed coin-operated massage chairs, crusty feet leisurely in the air.
"I would have reported you like a good stewardess, but," she groaned inwardly. "You're delinquency is limited to that wooden coin for now."
"I bought the fake coin fair and square Toady, so it balances out."
"Whatever you say-" She permit herself to being a little extra spicy. "Koopa."
"~Howdy Luci T." A country girl, Rou T. pulled Toadette towards the auditorium. "Didn't think you'd wander down! I see a spot!"
Toadette was brought in and stuffed in a front row La-Z-Boy, so plush she sunk into it. On stage some Birdo lookalike lip synced with dancing cowboys. The actress' performance, drawl, and everything else was all wrong. "What is this? Help!"
"Don't know either, but it rocks!" Kammy squeed, holding a giant bag of nuts.
Toadette clamped over her ring adorned paw to climb out and breathe again. "Excuse me-"
The lead singer pointed her out. "You there, darling! Come on up!"
She was roped, literally into the show in a 'jiffy'. Maybe this could be a teaching opportunity... She shook out of it. In the middle of macho goombas doing the can-can she sprinted off through the back stage curtain. He hopped up some crates and leapt out of the window, landing and rolling on the dirt road. Escaping the black hole that was dealing with displaced Bowser people, she had to make up the time.
"Oh sir!" She approached Laki, light and chippy, also hiding behind her back a remote. "Did see that Eternal Star Solstice?"
"Huh?" He twisted around, adjusting his glasses. A certain part of the sky was flashing with dazzling colors, embers raining down on less than fire retardant southern infrastructure. "Holy crap! I thought that was an every one thousand year thing."
"It is sir, except for every millionth year when it will occur on month (Triangle) and day (Circle), which is about now-"
"Miss, thanks for the lesson and all but I gotta warn everybody before the gods burn this place down."
He abandoned the wagon full of Kamek and Kammy's stuff, allowing her to take that flying vacuum before he could turn it in. All that was out there was fireworks from the airship, triggered by remote control and she had little guilt about that, moreso over her own ineptitude on operating the cleaning tool. Peach's Castle barely had real carpet anymore, rather a kind of tile to look like the classic design. Oh well, the low sped would get there where she needed to be by the end the night. Hopefully.
"I will sternly stare at the clock, but I will not rush this so settle down..."
Beneath an unmarked building in East Toad Town, a manual operated elevator brought a pair to the bunker, identities obscured by large trench coats. Inside the main office of the cave, Captain Agent N was propped before monitors hosting fuzzy surveillance footage.
"Charles! Charles we are on to you!" Maria burst in. Anti Guy sat on a stack of desktop computers with a bag of Lemon candies, Spy Guy and 0088 were on the floor and Agent 0069 on a cot, groaning in pain.
"Jellien, not now," N ordered.
"Hmph." She stepped over boxed items and equipment destined to be moved upon N's retirement, plopping into the last empty swivel chair. Waldo also shuffled in, sitting on a desk. "I am concerned, Monsieur!"
"You should be. And present. Here's what you missed. 999 is doing espionage. Agent Toad took aircraft #4 'Paula' from hangar #7 and his tracker deactivated in the Mushroom Sea hours ago. Paula is unpiloted by the nonsensical inputs and will not last the night with five percent fuel. Spy Guy will handle the crash site. One question- 0088, you checked out the glider earlier. Why?"
The strollin stu wagged his head rapidly.
"...To reconnoiter? Good if inconsequential." Agent N clicked around with a wireless mouse, a monitor switching to local reports. "My hypothesis is as so: That 'ancient weapon' that ousted Bowser's Minions from Sky Land wracked up trillions of coins worth of damage. The plane would have been near the path of destruction. A moment of silence for Emerson Lake Toad please."
"No.." Maria mewled. She'd seen Toadtanic dozens of times and Sonny's swimming abilities weren't stage magic. He was dead or dying before he hit the water and she had a suspicion it was from a different ancient weapon, or a merely old one: a long hand carved poison dart gun!
"To change the topic, 0064 is very much alive out there. He texted 'C'est bon' to me from an unknown number. Well it's not!" he fussed.
Maria dropped down. "Zhat Trevor went after him, Jeremy! We foiled it, but mon frère wanted to hunt down zhat fool."
N ripped down a calendar with a date circled in red. "He left the vacation I sent him on to play cat and mouser with Agent M?"
Waldo coughed into his sleeve. "He was lucky to leave that-a Hotel. It's-a underwater. The other things though are Trevor's fault. Who-a asked him to?"
"Charles!" Maria accused.
"I have no idea what they mean, sir! Me? Worried about Jelectro- er 0064?" Spy Guy stammered. "Agent M hates him. Typical defamatory comments from Maria, who hates her brother too. She suspended 0064 off a skyscraper once!"
Agent N released something between a sigh and a grunt. "Let's get a read on where we're at, with whoever we have.."
"Lovely," Anti-Guy chortled with 0088.
Maria clenched her eyes shut. Even with Andrew hanging in there, the bandit in the body cast, this would be merde! Agent N's glowing silhouette before the screens never shifted while the agents scribbled on a piece of paper.
"It's done." N declared, gathering the cards. "Agent W, you project so well. Announce the results."
"Ah.. okay." He accepted the cards hesitantly. "Spy Guy-a one.. another one... Agent 999 one..another one. Spy Guy another, Agent 999 another. It's-a three to three."
With a shriek Spy Guy snatched the cards from the human. "What!"
"Interesting for the Lieutenant to get so many," N remarked. "Perhaps he knew he'd clinch it."
"Then we can flip a coin can't we?"
"No. Disperse until Sunday, agents."
Maria found a tiny bit of solace in the temperature dropping. N played with the idea of their meeting spot being elsewhere and to separate the camo clad creep from base was his known weakness, over there so sneakily, opening the vents to allow some misty nighttime air in. She ignored the faint popping sounds. More urban conflict.
"Fireworks over camp? Maybe it's just a farmer wanting to have fun, eh. Or.. another failed anti-air flagpole explosive!"
"Hoooold it, I'm doing the investigation here!"
She gave a snort, hand off the receiver button.
"-You and Jonathan should report to camp for discipline already. Boo has not been spotted here."
-Cause she knew the guards were no longer 'here' in Toad Town.
"Alright. Over." She clicked. "…My dead body."
She plucked away at the guitar, hooked into the speaker of her radio via an adapter. The awful screech fit right in with her audience of cicadas in the bushes and shrubs of Toad Town park. Half tiredly, she stomped on the metallic green Boss Waza-Craft BS-3 'Blame-Shifter' modulation pedal in the grass, the 'Check' light illuminating. The knob was on the 'bassist' mode.
…
"Luddy, I can't right now. -Not like before when I quit on you, I just mean-."
Newly together in the backseat of the intergalactic holographic Biddybuggy, Ludwig swept him closer. "What?"
"It relates to the nosebleed. On Doomstar I, well, hard to explain. I know the star stuff now."
"Every single scroll?"
"Well not that one. 'I need to pick up eggs, that Funko Pop that just dropped, and an engagement ring from Kay's?-'
The blue haired koopaling tried to swap that one, Geno's note to himself he must have accidently packed for another, causing more to spring out.
Snifit Patrol caught a few and in the process spotted something, visible from space. "A distress signal!"
"Officer, we are occupied," Ludwig said, buried under scrolls.
"Your call. It is a Bowser signal, Prince."
…
Bridget got bored with that and spun the knob counterclockwise to the 'vox' mode.
…
On Mushroom Kingdom II, Mr. Game & Watch, the flat every-man fought Samus Aran, space bounty hunter. Guns were fired, insecticide was pumped, bombs were dropped, opponents were grappled, and at least one of them was screwed as it came down to one stock each.
The Ōsama Suites shuttled guests to local Smash Bros matches for free, consequently a jet-lagged pink dinosaur was yawning in the audience. Her apartment wouldn't be ready until later, so she was wasting time. Some unflattering mechanical replica of her, a 'stage hazard' slid on stage and spat eggs, one nailing Samus following a devastating upwards toss by Mr. Game and Watch. The audience roared. Birdo too. She'd never gotten paid for this cameo since Melee times, because the 8 Bit Gang claimed royalties first!
On the center log, Samus bent down in exhaustion, Varia Suit overheating from one too many steaming hot frying pan hits. Mr. Game & Watch was hit with a missile, launching him off screen. He was at 100% and Samus at 120%.
"Beep." He landed face first on the upper right side, among planted vegetables.
"..." Samus replied.
"What potty mouths!" a gruff sounding guy in a blue tracksuit chuckled, just behind Birdo. "Guess they forgot we dropped the T rating ages ago.."
K.O.
Mr. Game and Watch surrendered his last stock to an uncharged right tilt. Samus won to the mixed response she often got with her suit. (Without it though, it was positive all the time, win or lose!)
"Wish me luck!"
The man unzipped the tracksuit before stepping onto a warp. Underneath he wore a white jacket, red tie, dress undershirt, dark jean pants, and a stethoscope. Birdo snapped awake and got up, bypassing King Dedede munching on caramel popcorn, unlike Marth. She was clearly trying to watch her figure. (Some fan corrected Birdo.) His figure, excuse her. Birdo was taken back by the notable people sitting amongst the crowd. Fox McCloud was on the far end of the stands, playing a Switch unenthused, meanwhile R.O.B. (with one R) was recording every match as he did for record keeping, and the Hylian named Link simply showed up for the morale boost, clapping modestly for the victor. Neat! -What was she doing?
Oh yes, darling. Her eggs would be cooked if her friends weren't informed of Dr. Mario's return following 'the incident'. It was unfortunate Yoshi's phone was behaving like it was on airplane mode.
…
Then Bridget turned to the center 'self' mode. Not hearing any phaser yet made her crush the radio with a boot. She slung her combat helmet into the sandpit, shaking out her auburn hair and releasing a cathartic scream. Why did she wait so late? The time was nigh to- spot her B-Dasher and driving off into the night without her.
Boiling in anger, she followed the trail of smoke, screaming Jon's name until collapse. Mushroomites made up for missed business late, stepping around her body in the middle of the street. She half-consciously gleaned that from the Lakitu Bros doing a report.
"-Good take?"
"Yeah." The other Lakitu lowered the camera. "Let's snap that abandoned tank around the block."
Bridget sprung up and found the unattended tank in the Mushroom Mall's lot. She'd take it, heavy Kettle thing strapped on top or not. She took shortcuts through Flower Fields, catching a glimpse of her B-Dasher as it crossed the Shy Guy's Toy Box amusement park portal.
"I need your teapot or I'll become almost unbearable to deal with!" Some crazy guy leapt in front of the tank and wrapped himself around the gun.
She slammed open the hatch, popping up. "Why do you need this bloody kettle?"
The portly tin foil hat wearing scientist slid off. "-Because a fellow named 'Sirrom' told me that the Super Spy HQ will compromise our work on the Mushroom Flu if they are not ousted by tonight. Pleased to meet you, Ms. Bridget Jane Toad." She shook his clammy hand reluctantly. "I am Prof. X-Naut, number one enemy of covert organizations."
"-Just take it, mate!" She released the elastic bands, the giant cooking ware sliding off the sloped edge and flattening the alien before she could intervene. "Brilliant.."
"It is, Ms. Bridget. Now I shall nuke their diabolical hideout. Muhahaha!" Prof. X-Naut effortlessly slipped from underneath, unharmed except a small crease on his top corner. "To show my gratitude, you may have my MacGuffin. Sadly it appears to be single use only for now, but normally it catches Red Chomps in Neon Heights after a player has landed on the happening space, wearing a Close Call badge. I'm Feeling Fine. That was no anachronism.."
He shoved a brown leather messenger bag at her with a strong hoydenish aroma, so lightweight it felt empty. "Hopefully you don't mean aneurysm, mate."
"No, I mean a stroke." The odd little man revealed a golf club, promptly used to whack the vent cover of the unmarked building in. "Do be careful of a different kind of 'spook' out there."
"Yeah..Thanks, eh."
She encountered her baby, her B-Dasher lodged between concrete poles designed to prevent outlet from some E-rated gambling district. She traced with a finger the deeply scratched paint before yanking Jon out of the seat, standing over him as he splat flat on the pavement.
"Explain. C'mon. Right now! Why would you do that when it was my bloody idea to leave in the first place?"
His eyes fluttered open. "Ben told me to."
Her scowl faded.
Later hours made the blinking lights obvious to sheepish observers, realizing with a slap to the grizzled face that there wasn't supposed to be a second water tower near Mt. Rugged. One rancher wandered too close and was zapped by the entity's defense system, up and running again. Well, mighty strange that it has electricity too when a quarter of the town doesn't! The blue Toad caught up with the shy guys and koopas gathered around water hole with their steeds, preparing to return and complicate their business. It was the most eventful part of working with Dr. Toad yet, where he donned a trench coat and sunglasses and went around 'borrowing' power cables, exhausting and hot but monotonous work. A necessary evil to avoid turning on the loud engines..
"Hey, about that-"
A koopa turned on him. "Hush pard. Even stranger thang's ahappenin."
Bucken-Berry ripped off his sunglasses, gaping at the crimson and wavy northern lights over the South, all the way down to the clump of lights on the horizon, the city. Drew had to know. He cut through a moo moo pasture where the animals were lying around. Ala-Gold always said that meant that 'a storm was coming brah', that or they were sleepy. He hoped the latter. Beyond the Area 64 sign was an army camp with a firepit, tents, and parked Dry-Bomber tanks. From behind the sign came an officer pulling their pants up, with a newspaper and roll of toilet tissue.
"Do you mind, mate?!"
"Me?! The frick you doing here?!" Bucken-Berry stayed on their heels until he got a zapper in the face. He surrendered for then.
Ultimately the renegade southern border breaching guards weren't causing any of that, so he rushed to the bulb shaped water tower, silver exterior blinding with moonlight and else now. Dr. Toad was almost a third of the way up the ladder.
"Drew!" Backing up for a running start to jump that tiny gate thing anyway, he trampled on a battery pack hidden in tumbleweeds.
"Could we please have that, Blue Toad?" The polite inquirer had a sweet little voice, Darklandian accented.
He brushed against Lemmy Koopa, stature stretched out a lot.
"Eek! I mean, back off Bowser Freak!"
Lemmy retreated behind Iggy, on his knees examining a smoking heap. Ludwig was struggling to bind together scrolls, unaware of those infallible cowboy knots, and all had a glow matching the astral realms. A fourth person's stubby arm rose from a dented up water trough, a snifit.
"State..the.. Emergency. Snifit Patrol… at.. Your.. service.. Citizen.."
Bucken-Berry marched to the woozy officer. "What the heck is going on?! Nevermind. Arrest those koopas, these guards, these everything! I don't have time for this!"
Iggy Delta trumpantly rose with the cat-ear headband. "Well, I do Yvan-san. My The 'Transporter-To-Convenient-Plotpoint-Location' worked!" He slipped it on, becoming stylish. " It's too bad the distress signal was a farce and my Biddybuggy broke up and released gamma rays, and will probably lose our villain cards soon."
Lemmy did a twirling gesture at his ear.
"Reserve that for me Lemmy, for your shell is green and Ignatius' orange, you are six feet two, Ignatius four in a half, among other discrepancies in your physical appearances!" Ludwig commented.
"-Ah! Oh my God our bodies are swapped! Or our heads. Or something!" Lemmy and Iggy screamed.
"Ho ho. Let get an incident report slip," Snifit Patrol pat his pocket. "Oh right."
…
Prof. X-Naut's spaceship was larger on the inside, one have dedicated to living and the other for work. Dr. Toad found Princess Daisy Bloom on the homey side, cured up in Morris' wicker chair and twirling the coily cable of the beige landline. The fax machine on the lab side didn't appear to be meddled with too much. He pressed the power button, elated to discover on the panel that it had a connection. The next step gave him and error however.
"D-did you notice this?"
"H'oh, sorry doc. Uh. No. I thought Toadette would be in there by now too. I'm dealing with my folks not leaving me tf alone."
Bucken-Berry burst the hidden entrance panel open. "-Watch out! There's koopalings here!"
"Just perfect." Dr. Toad pulled him in, his arm covered in black tribal 'tattoos', actually pigmentation of his boo linage wrapping around both arms. The blue Toad forgot what he was saying almost. "There is a mechanical issue remaining and I am afraid to admit that without your friend, the other smarter one-"
"I ain't takin that dawg!" Daisy exclaimed. "You know how easy it is to butcher Mandarin on propose to sound like a laowai for my story to work while my Brian is leik fried by radiation right now?"
"Daze, something just got lost in translation there. And what-" The blue Toad felt a prick, actually several, all over. "..radiation?"
He stumbled back and out of the ship, trembling in the pit he made in the ground. Everyone gathered around, lighting crackled, the ranchers and the ostros gawked, and King's guards a mile away snagged binoculars. Something was happening. Something huge.
"We'll dodge the spotters to take a look," she explained, standing him up. "Let's play this board game on the way!"
She proceeded on to the blue space, gasping as three coins popped out. She saved face, cooly scooping coinage. "See?"
The next space, a Game Guy spot, didn't do anything. Bridget chose a red space, penalized by the coins poofing into dust. The Bowser made a heavy statue of him spawn out of mid air and crush her before phasing away.
"You know nuthin 'bout Mario Party," Jon snarked at her back, helmet held against his hip. "I'll explain this ting."
He sounded almost like himself exasperatedly explaining the basics. They only hit good spaces onward, Bridget enjoying herself while Jon lumbered at her heels. They escaped the Game Guy gala, marched through the dead flower fields, and up the steep incline of Royal Raceway until it leveled off. Castle grounds was hazy from the lake, and with the posts from officers abandoned, it should have been serene almost, but it wasn't. It shouldn't like a frenzy in fact and they found it beyond a big pointed pink roo fragment. Something invisible was striking and smashing apart bits of the castle. They got out off there in a panic, triggering a happening space in the alley. A tweester spawned, forcing them out onto an adjacent street and the MacGuffin drifting up into the ether...
"Ahg!" Bridget lifted from the mail box he landed on, knowing she'd feel it tomorrow. She found Jon as still as the statue that hit her earlier, looking at something in his hands. "Happy? I lost whatever that cool thing was over this. Ben is.. He's not in the lake. He's in a box. Wrapped up as a mummy-me like we'll be some day. Okay mate?"
He nodded weakly, semi sitting on the mailbox.
"I'm.. sorry Jon." She saw her warped reflection the closed, remarkably intact storefront window of Harry's Shop, oblivion replacing rage. "Let's hit Toad's Turnpike already. Drive till we hit E. Whatever happens next I don't know. We just let it. Drop that already."
he did, a polaroid she didn't realized he snapped. Unseen with their naked eyes, a boo was over there, destroying property in the mist.
"That's Boo," she breathed.
The boo diddly appeared between the two, racket in hand, with so many new chips it was only half green. "Booigi the Second. Do you want to steal coins or a Star?- I had a dismal summer job in that Game Guy board once.."
"N-none. We'll be going mate-" Jon backed off the sidewalk.
"Don't," they hissed. "You were seeking Benedict, weren't you?" They swiveled to the other. "And you want… or wish you weren't afraid to commit, like with Trevor Buddy, my neighbor. "
"Stay outta that business, kid. You don't even know."
"I don't, do I? For instance," Booigi rasped, aura so cold she got shivers. "I've always wondered what's inside a Toad cap. It's not removable, so how does the hair work huh? Hehehehe."
There was a sickening crack, originating from the middle of Jon's stunned face. A thin line of blood ran from where the racket was wedged in his helmetless forehead, dripping off his chin. The boo unjammed it, bringing his body down with it, the smack of his wound on the pavement splattering Bridget's boot with brain matter. Shaken out of her daze- pow! She fired the zapper from her hip, possibly the best shot in her thirty-four years on Earth, right in between the boo's deep pits for eyes.
~Ladies and gentlemen, we got 'em. The first to put a scratch on Boo, but merely the next in dozens to get bashed across the head with a retaliatory swing. With a snap, her lifeless body was rolling to a stop against the storefront.
See, jokes on them! Bridget was severed from the reigns of a compulsory society. In another life, hopefully more decisively she'd do better. It wasn't the way she'd envisioned, but peacefully nonetheless, her consciousness slipped away.
Low on oil pressure and engines threatening to flame out, the spy plane soared over the black sea that was the desert dunes beyond Toad Town. The pilot, or at least the person occupying that seat, turned the radio up. The cockpit was filled with sound of banging metal.
'Muhahaha!"
''Who's this scoundrel with a 3 iron?''
''A titanium 3 iron for your information, Spy Captain Jeremy Ninten, chosen to prevent confiscation by border control AND to smash your locks to smithereens. Now prepare for-''
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt! Followed by the flop of something heavy.
''Excellent work, Spy Guy!''
''No problem sir. I knew he wanted to harass us since he contacted Boo Diddley.''
''The one who had 0064's freeze gun?''
''Yes sir. Makes you wonder..''
''Wonder...bout... that.. suitcase...mane..''
''What's that, 0069?.. Oh, the intruder's suitcase. Hmm... What's this on Mushroom Flu?''
For the first time during the entire flight, Yoshi worried a tiny bit about an 'airport' intent on ignoring him having that.
''Sir, he's climbing up. Let me load my dart gun.''
''Futile Charles Guy! My chronic aversion to glucose food additives has made my blood impossible to boil by tasers AND I inject myself regularly with all poisons, fellow. Surrender my documents. ~Yoink! I am blowing the lid off your hideout.''
'Who is this clown?!'
''You shall find out! All of you, including Andrew Borodō, who has purposefully laid on the remote the entire time, broadcasting all audio live from this secret base as we speak, have been out of it for the last five minutes due to my Star Slammers mind trick.''
There was a shrill sound of a sticker being peeled followed by yelps and the whistle of hot steam.
…
Yoshi ripped off the Phanto Mask, with the last few minutes of his memory carved out and the hour and a half before slathered with a dreamy, surreal quality. The dinosaur's arms shot up, off of the controls, screaming senselessly. With no grandiloquence, he was about to lay and egg filled with.. bricks! The plane dipped and scraped across a tall mesa, tearing an engine from a wing before careening towards Mt. Rugged. Besides the fire engulfing that side, there were bursts of orange and yellow speckling the ground from warfare. The plane suddenly stopped, Yoshi's snout smashing into the control column with such a force that he bounced out into the cabin, eye watering from pain. The fuselage was crushed in and suspended at an angle by a humongous creature.
A reptilian pupil searched inside from the busted windows. "...SUP, YOSH! I'll set you down- Whoops!.."
A combination of bunch of scattered super scope shots and poor coordination with slimy tendrils made the aircraft slip.
Yoshi came to with flames dancing all around him, metallic scraps and loose debris pitched across the land, and crops ablaze. Gradually voices faded in. His throat seized from the nauseous fumes and billowing smoke, crawling to reach Poochy's whimpers, treading embers until colliding with reeds and grass. He was doused by Snifit Patrol with a garden hose stretched taut from the train station.
Yoshi rolled onto his back, panting, facing red tinted stars as Poochy shook water from singed fur, his continued barks telling a thousand tales he couldn't recall. Tanks were fighting some hydra monster, the fight veering away from the mountain. By happenstance or a product of so many hot gasses, it began to rain scatterly.
...
Toadette burned rubber around the burned rubble, weaving through the madness to visit the station.
"Toadette, what happened?" the conductor gasped.
"Stars.. I really hyper focused there," she muttered, just noticing all that.
"-Thank you." Peach swept the parcel straight from her fingers. The princess had squeezed out the K64 before the squeaky doors completely opened.
The pink toad tagged along, appalled at her condition. "Princess are you okay?"
The silent monarch marched down the rocky, steadily wet and slippery path.
"Ride with me, please."
Toadette took Peach north, steadily with the flying vacuum. Onlookers found that vogue, different. Wonderful. To the princess clinging to her stewardess however, the sky cried tears and she made it that way.
Chapter End Notes
-For Dr. Toad, technically a canon character from Superstar Saga, imagine he has Kerry King's tribal tats. -In French Dr. Toadley's name plays off of Houdini, that's where his first name comes from. Funnily enough his name in various languages differ and almost never draw from the same source. (In the rewrite this shows up way earlier, but the original note was here so I keep it here)
-Similarly Luci T. is the name of the pink sister in the Traveling Sisters 3, only in the Spanish translation.
-Boss Blame-Shifter is a meme I did not create (just Google the phrase).
-Because there isn't a chapter now where I don't reference some sort of music. I was thinking of an Eminem (yeah I know..) lyric at the end of 'Killer' where he's like "How do I even think of this ridiculous stuff?" (With more language) I don't know where any idea in the chapter came from.
Dates: Portions were chopped and screwed all the way since first Ouroboros, thus dates all over the place. (A part maybe?) 9/5/22- 9/8, split parts 9/10, part (10/8) 10/21
Consider these the official work dates: 10/23/22, 10/26, 10/31, 11/1- 11/3, 11/4- 11/9, 11/15, 11/16- 11/20, 11/21
Edited 11/28/23
RR42: 11/11/24- 11/18/24 Edit: 7/4/25, 7/5
Chapter 22: Opaque
Chapter Notes
The anti-Transparent? *RR24*Mushroomites in slippers and night caps poured onto the streets as an object flew to the west. The prestigious Pleasant Path was untouched by all of the violence of the day, as least physically. One goomba resident on the fringes, baggy eyed and ill shaven strained for a second, managing to long distance tattle as it passed by. He thawed considerably. That was Peach and Toadette! All those flame wars online defending Mario, becoming the most blocked person in Toad Town was worth it. Their princess had been rescued and Eric would even be the first to announce it. To add some credibility, it was pertinent to go under his old 'Goombario' nickname.
Meanwhile, the object landed under the shady goomnut trees of Goomba Road, beyond a white gate into some hilly rural terrain scaling towards a stone tower.
"Greetings," Peach flipped her hair back, the first hint of herself yet to Toadette, who mostly remained quiet.
A tenant cracked open the door. "Eek! Goomboss doesn't live here! We didn't do anything! What do you want?"
Peach explained her plan. The young Galoomba inched out, flickering candle light revealing a little more of Goomba Tower, a historical location that palled most, and was woefully untoured to be a dedicated tourist location. There was no reason to not let her stay.
"Deal, Princess."
Lakitu yawned, capturing some B-roll as anonymous helpers moved stuff in and poked around.
A hand covered his lens. "This just in," Mario said. "Privacy much?"
Above the ground floor had exhibits portioned off by velvet ropes, but the upper floors housed decent sized rooms, closet space, and at least three bathrooms. Ahead of anyone else, Toadsworth got to work with the strength he had left, sorting the disorganized stacks of possessions Kylie got down there. It was a fraction of it, and he dread if there were unaccounted for pink shards as he sorted through with tongs. If so, or worse, it became an object of distribution - His progress was halted by commotion outdoors.
A three headed monster slithering through the forest cleared everyone out of there with screams of terror, red glow viewable miles away, and glistening blue scales absorbing all of the moonlight.
"Mr. Toadsworth! Mr. Toadsworth!"
He tumbled down stairs and outside. Peach had some paperwork and the rest were with her, leaving him alone. "D-do I know you?"
"I don't look like me?" The middle head swiveled back and forth. "We don't?" reiterate the leftmost head. "I'm Cool Blue. I'm serious," confirmed the right, seizing control. "I will try to speak normally. See?" His slit pupils thinned out and their spines rose, cheeks puffing with amber for a moment. "Something's effed up here," he trailed ominously. "Excuse the language but I can detect it. Bring it down so I can get rid of it."
Toadsworth shuddered. "That is not an option."
"Oh.. why? You know.. there's something else. Your scent. It's moldy."
"Yes, Yvan there are many peculiarities here, I am well aware," he stuttered. "But not now."
The ground shook. "It's hurting Peach right now... It's about Zeror ain't it?"
He couldn't hid his expression from those six red eyes boring into him.
"Stars, this again.." The monster's sigh threatened to blow the old mushroom over. "I'm starting to think Thomas sniffed us out and ran. Even you a WW63 vet, our chancellor and Peach's freaking cousin will hesitate to do the right thing when it's so freaking easy!"
Toadsworth picked himself up wearily. The other Toads had revealed how desperate his friend got over the Jewel of the Stars. It could perhaps be the source of his diffidence, so unlike himself unless- he was being 'influenced'. Were the tongs not enough? Ludwig's task was to summon the 'hero' and he to destroy the 'villain' that might intercept the hero's summoning, so-
"Very well."
Toadsworth tossed a velvet bag into the moat, then retreat as ultra neon red plasma shot from the dragon and deluged the area, clashing against aged stone and decimating the grass and greenery, eventually filling the moat. Others, that hadn't seen the monster at least, were confused about this new feature. They had a sweaty and restless night's sleep, all but Toadsworth.
He laid back on the thistles, releasing a soft whine as another wave of assault began, that time by tongue. Poochy leapt off as his father's eyes opened, blinking at smoky twisted plane parts in the distance.
"Mr. Munchakoopas, thank the stars you're okay." Snifit Patrol came up, red uniform blackened. "What's that? ...Thank you."
Poochy fished the phone from Master- no they only had each other now. He guessed he was 'Father', handing it over.
Poochy smart boy!
Not smart enough to understand why airplanes made his ears pop.
Or why his Father's scent was masked until that gold mask fell off..
"~Hello? I've been trying to get you all night!"
"Miss Birdo?" Snifit Patrol replied with the dinosaur's cell, "You are a dispatcher now?"
"My goodness, no."
"Sorry to bother. You were under the 'EMERGENCY CALL SO YOU DON'T GET KILLED' contact Mr. Munchakoopas had-"
"Don't hang up!" she plead, against the background noise of a booming announcer. "Dr. Mario just two-stocked some Ganondorf person!"
'Nice' he geeked out inwardly. "He's in better health now? Do you see any 'handlers' ma'am? Any evidence of..?"
"None at all, officer dear."
...
One group of ranchers in pajamas and long johns passed buckets of water to extinguish what the light rain shower wasn't. Others took pitchforks, gathering outside what was a water tower, now a blatant flying saucer. Dr. Topper inserted himself between Dr. Toad's petrified form and the mob, panting in the heavy hazmat suit.
"Okay, here's the truth!" he surrendered. "We weren't aware of this spaceship until recently and Prof. X-Naut is, well, implacable. Forgive us."
"We'll forgive ya when ya 'splain this." A koopa jabbed a fork to the night sky, lightning flashes revealing that it was crimson.
Dr. Topper sighed through his respirator. "You might want to ask the biddybuggy owners."
The mob collectively spun, illuminating three koopaling culprits in the field. Lemmy dropped the battery pack. "Run!"
"Get em!"
"No let em." A ptooie plant with a 10-gallon hat and a shiny gold buckle around a pencil thin waist shuffled on the scene. "It's part of this failed tourist trap, ain't it? Capitalizin' on Area Sixty-four!"
"No Victor, this is a real emergency and you need some PPE," Dr. T warned.
"Silence, quack! C'mon. Even yer monster ova yonder is fake. I see the zipper!"
While Dr. Topper continued to reason, shuffling after the ptooie plant that didn't notice the extra mutated buds he was growing, Lemmy the twirly ear gesture again. "I don't wanna know what they're mistaking for the zipper."
Dr. Toad scrambled to grab a clipboard and hide his flush. "Yvan's radiation sensitivity is unusual by our experimentation standards. Fascinating!"
"Do not drool, Toady. What happened? ..A broken fax machine? Quatsch!" Ludwig exclaimed. "We're over the Mushroom Flu and cannot assist."
The Sarasalandian princess hanging back wanted to vomit, and not just from radiation sickness. These koopas nonchalant over that merciless plague, leaving sixty or so delirious from nightmares?
Snifit Patrol aimed a zapper at Ludwig, aplomb. "Are you open to reciprocity now? -Sorry Iggy and Lemmy he's a bit of a Donkey Kong."
...
Two seconds inside the spaceship, Iggy tracked mud on the vintage shag carpet, Lemmy dropped a whole rack of test tubes, and Ludwig scuffed the once shiny table sliding around the All-in-One-and-Then-Some printer. The last one might have been on purpose.
Iggy rolled out a tool kit that reached the ground, went over toes, out over the furniture, lamps, and a little ways out of the hatch they left open for cool air. "Super Repairman- Desu!" Iggy gave it a whack with a wrench. It sparked, filling the room with noisy crunching, spitting out screws. "I suspect a bad power supply."
"Powder? Like this?" Lemmy snapped out a cartridge that promptly sprayed blue toner in his face. He choked and gagged, stumbling back.
"Put that back, Lemmy- OWWWW!" A gear ate Ludwig's claw, spinning with short bursts to tear it from his cuticles. He yanked the bottom assembly out with it clamped on, tripping over Lemmy and flipping over the wicker chair.
Iggy zoomed in with this goggles, oblivious to his brother's suffering. "Ah ha! PSA: This is why you unplug your electronics!.. Not that I do so but, do as I say and such, hehe. Thermal runaway from a battery. Acid ate the board here and it held on until a hard landing and- boom. Lost a capacitor..." He dabbed around with soldering gun. "~Ta da! Power check. Connection strong. It's fully armed and operational."
As the machine groaned to life, he noticed a mangled sheet in the feed. He pinched it out, flattening it on the table.
"Huh, thought I had bad handwriting on my documents, page one of five-thousand."
Ludwig's ears perked, glancing over as the fax inflated in the center. Every document in limbo was unleashed machine gun style. Razor sharp papers sliced through the cabinets, chopped down the kitschy lamp, and embedded into the wall, knocking down the classified images from the fifteenth moon landing (the one they don't want you to know about). Finally the killer fax slowed down for a full HD color print. Prof. Morris X-Naut floated tranquilly to the ground.
"Bwa ha ha! I have PhD in revenge, secret agents!" He flipped upward, adjusting his glasses. He was nice and steamy, only the blue shirt with the x pattern washed out. "Now what is this?" Before anyone explained, they heard sirens outside, and not from the snifit cop.
The five Hiyoihoi service agents of Chai Kingdom, so fresh from the port that they didn't have their 'land-legs' yet were wangling their hooky playing princess.
Sunday morning was warm and the weather perfect, Royal Raceway's stands packed for Toad Town's second public address. Hot air balloons bobbed above, swans boats circled in the lake, and star bit cannons fired periodically. Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc. had the dangerous parts of castle grounds and derelict bits worth preservation protected, so with little distraction Peach made announcements on the promenade:
The King's arrival was shouldn't frighten anyone. For one she had her Toads, who worked nonstop in her absence. Because of them they had a early morning messenger, Parakarry in a stretcher in fact, with news that the Mushroom Flu being cured that day. She thanked Luigi for leading her rescue, (The fan club provided their own fireworks) followed by 'pardoning' Mario. The applause lingered, waned, started up again a few times, her approach respecting everyone's feelings.
On that subject, the Earl seated in the lower rungs of the stands felt his face heat up. Luigi's tuxedo was a particular shade of black, contrasting so nicely against his olive skin, his hair was gelled back and that voluptuous mustache trimmed up. ...He had to make some sort of decision, either to share this him or to forget about it forever by next week. It was too hectic now, and they needed to talk business if anything, hopefully over lunch later.
Soon Peach's 'representative' took stage. Wearing a wore a black kimono and hakama, hair braided in the back, his energy was akin to void in the the colorful scenery. Toadette and rest never determined how he stalled them for their little plan, except that it might be why Hotel Mario, notorious for shaking one down didn't charge a coin even for their stay. Also why they were purportedly trying to dug up the stadium downtown looking for Jimmy Ruff Puff's body. Either way it was times like this that Mario questioned why the pact necessitated Kinopio. Sure he forgave him for the social media filibuster, but Peach was eloquent on her own and said it all already. He meanwhile gave heavily accented (not that anyone was wrong with that. Look at himself) stochastic speeches such as-
"...It is said, in your own Mushroomcratic Oath, that in the day of the stars, the mighty will be humbled. I am proof that that is now. Use your time wisely."
Kinopio abandoned the stage, limping down the street.
Well, Mario reconsidered, shaken, not like that.
Peach hurriedly took the mic. "For closing statements.."
"Peach!" Luigi grabbed her and dove.
There was a whirly sound from a flying saucer, as big as the flying balloons. It hovered over the podium and beamed down a person as the attendees scrambled for safety, across the track or under the stands.
The doctor retrieved the mic from the floor. "Greetings citizens of Toad Town... I am accustomed to that reaction. I, Dr. Drew L Diddley and the associates of the International Medical University of Special World would like to address you." The evenness in this tone and looking the part as a tall red Toad got most listening. "While I cannot share all of the details now, I will share, as it is anterior, that we have replicated the Mushroom Flu capsule with input from Dr. Mario himself."
The crowd roared thunderously.
Why did prisoners have to be so darn loud? Sure due process didn't exist but they didn't have a concept of it to complain about it either so- what was he on about? Sgt. Howie turned up the radio and stretched some headphones over his blocky head. A visitor entered.
The patriot lifted one can. "Mhm?"
"Hi. I'm asking-"
"Waitaminute!"
He waited, strident ticks of the clock stabbing him.
"A'ight so- Holy smokes you're Luigi!" Sgt. Howie shut off the radio and straightened his cap. "Sorry, sir. Boo E. Diddley has homicide charges on him or her now." He swiveled the CRT around.
Luigi loosened his bow. "O-oh.. How did they get so- And you have evidence of that already?"
"Yes we do, sir. Boo menaced the Toad diaspora and people notice-" The whomp got a call. "Lemme take this.."
Luigi's curiosity got the better of him, taking a hard corner to examine the cells. There were dozens of old Booigi supporters, in over vandalism and simple assault.
"How pleasant that you arrived before I broke out." An orange businessyoshi approached the bars, confined solitarily. He sounded proper and international, not like a Dinosaur Lander that knew English, and not like T. Yoshisaur's pseudo-Mushroomite accent either. He reached around, jamming the lock with a funny key. It fell with a ping to the floor, right in between Luigi's nice shiny shoes. "You'll soften Boo won't you?"
"F-for what? Who are you?"
"Not a supporter, quite the opposite. Follow me."
Apprehensively he did through a back exit. 'Jeremy Ninten' (as he'd read the detainee list while Sgt. Howie made him wait), disappeared on him until the slam of a 'door' revealed the wavy, light distorting pattern of a midsize sedan. Then a window rolled down, providing a portal into the invisible entity, normal for a luxury kart with leather, lots of 'screens', and technology.
"Get in."
Luigi swallowed his fear and slipped in. He had to confront Boo sooner or later anyway. Mr. Ninten drove them off on a zippy Eastern route that dodged everything. Invisibly without intangibility was interesting.. "Do you ever lose this in a parking lot?" he joked nervously.
"..We don't talk about that," he replied, dead serious.
"Oh..s-sorry."
After losing about - 20 stealth from mud patches, they arrived as Boo's cabin. Luigi knocked while Jeremy was rummaging around in nothing- or really the trunk. Luigi was hit with a waft of relief, followed by intense anxiety as the door opened, a sliver of outdoor light hitting the boo's white face.
Barely audibly, "I'm sorry, Luigi."
Luigi forced a hard stern face. "I'm sure you are but I've gotten in touch with the cops. Yes some have an agenda, but they do not lie. You're a killer... You're like Zoo."
Following a low growl in the back of their throat, Boo burst into the spotty light of outdoors. "Don't say that! Who is that anyway? You're both dressed up. Going on a date?"
Luigi tore off the bow tie, stammering, "No!"
Booigi snarled at the other guy for a moment. "Oh, Weegee. I know your type. Consummate..but ready to explode."
"This is crazy, Boo!"
"Booigi."
"Enough." Jeremy interjected, not humored. "My secretary has gone rogue and it would have nothing to do with you if not for one thing. You'd possessed us moments before that X-naut nut's attack. I know what that feels like. Aftermath's include brain fog and memory loss. Why?!"
Luigi felt his mouth go dry. Another layer to the bitter sandwich that was what Toad Town had become while they were gone.
"Why are you so irritated that your civil partner doesn't take his diabetes seriously when you've been hiding your cardiac arrhythmia?"
Jeremy pulled out a can of Boo Repellent. "Stop talking child." He blasted the entire forest it felt like, Luigi stumbling backwards in the gas cloud. Living boos were immune the plumber wanted to shout. The gas cleared.
"On note heart problems.."
Booigi pounced onto Jeremy, pinning him to the ground and gouging out his eyes with their stubby arms as he screamed, voice cracking.
Luigi ran over. "Boo stop!"
"IT'S BOOIGI!" Booigi leapt off of Jeremy's body. There was no blood or disfigurement anywhere on the businessyoshi, only his empty, gaped stare at the canopy above.
"Oh my God.."
"Shut up. I'll discover your secrets too, even if have to carve them out."
Luigi scrambled away, almost cracking his kneecaps against the partially visible car. He sprung over that and sped into the maze. His own reaction surprised him at first, but it was spot on. The secret was. The secret was..
He ducked under a log turnstile. With no light penetrating the forest the next one sneaked up on him. The hard punch in the chest left him breathless and slumped against a tree.
~Fwoosh!
A whimper escaped him as Boo appeared, inches from his face. It didn't matter. He had to protect everyone, like he vowed, that resolve keeping him from disintegrating.
"Now I will be brutally honest too… No wait. I'll just be brutal. I know of all secrets. But. Yours. That won't last. This is your last warning."
…
Luigi was awoken by a buzz in his pocket, Mario calling. Yoshi had made it to the public address by a hair and had goodies too, though a few walked away from him in the crowd. Anyway he was house hunting. Luigi was so happy for him he texted back with... with nearly frostbitten fingers. How did that happen he wondered, stumbling around for the high speed rail to Port Prisma, gritting his teeth from the migraine. He dreamed of invisible cars and yoshi businessmen and..
Goomba Village had quaint log homes, a well stocked shop, and lush green parks kept up without cutting into the woodland intrusively. Tension faded once the sun came up and locals understood Peach's intentions. Staff could explore before four o'clock, Toadsworth was even playing nice, but Mr. Toad wouldn't be one of them. He had a taxi to catch.
Brushing past some locals, the yellow he saw ahead was Ala-Gold actually, seated under the park's lattice arbor.
"Hey bro. I'll be back by four." He seemed very comfortable there, though his folks at Ricco Harbor wanted to see him soon. That was fair. "You're straight right?... Alright." Mr. Toad walked away and then came back. "What was that?"
The gold Toad seemed to watch a clump of bushes with flutters and fighter flies and nothing at all at once.
The Earl slapped his forehead. "Duh, it showed up at our old address. Thanks man!"
...
He approached the sail equipped taxi, waiting on the sandstone paths not blocked by work trucks.
"Hey I don't take cards. Cash only." The red eyed spiky creature, a Burrbo nagged.
He leaned into the tinted window. "Homeboy, do I look like I'd try something funny?" Toad had a suit on and top hat, cheesy but he was training himself to get used to this 'consummate' look as a bureaucrat.
"Well, in New Donk City the worse sneaks dress well bucko."
The Earl slipped his platinum card away, stomping beyond a crew working early to rebuild Peach's garden.
"-HI-YAA-" A red ninja koopa snapped a fresh plank in half.
"I was gonna use that, jerk," the green koopa ninja muttered, pulling another from a stack and placing it on the sawhorses.
"Needed to know I still had it." Red clicked his toolbelt back on.
"Have this." The black one, Eggplant, whacked him with the back end of his chainsaw.
"You work for Mr. X now? Nice."
The red, black, yellow, and green ninjas in fluorescent construction hats stared at the Earl. "Yeah?" Red spoke up. "That a problem old man?"
"No." Toad backed up. "That's based."
They laughed at him. Whatever. It was good to see the once vicious Koopa Troop aligned gang being productive. Most of the time. A bell rung for a break. The yellow one tossed a floaty, followed by the rest, leaving the hard hats and belts to hop the safety rails and swim.
"WOOO! Catch!"
"Over here! Over here!"
Toad just happened to noticed before he got too far that the 'ball' arcing in the air was one of their precious lost garden gnomes.
He rolled his sleeves up. "I'm gonna kill em.."
With each step closer, a ninja was pulled under. Something moved swiftly downstream and a second later, a pile of empty koopa shells shot onto land.
Toad staggered over the railing. "AHHHHH!"
His screams were joined by gurgles and coughing fits as koopas in tank tops crawled out of the water. Workers bustled over, walking the shivering incoherently babbling ninjas off the site.
"It's hard enough to find help on weekends. Who'd do this?" the pianta supervisor said.
Mr. Toad was left standing around, queasy as the surface undulated. "We'll tell Peach it was a mistake okay? ... And weren't you vegan?"
He braced as three giant serpentine heads rose to the surface, water rolling off of his grotesque features. "Hey."
"Ahhh don't eat.. I mean.. hey?"
"Relax."
Stars, he was trying, legs shaking. "A-alright homeboy."
"Where are you going?"
"Lunch. Uh. You?"
"Nowhere. Someone has to do the right thing about here."
"I agree. Ha ha ha."
"...You know I used to hate you sir. Not cause of that Luigi part tho."
If Toad stiffened any more, he might get stuck that way he guessed. "Yeah I sorta caught that vibe."
"We were just so antithetical, but that was a stupid reason I know, so I stopped caring. Kinda made it worse. I didn't know you snuck away. Why?"
"What you said. Wanted to do the right thing. Instead of class or popularity or whatever, you should have hated me for being cyclical. I was proving family right."
"You've never talked about em."
He slipped off his dress coat then, feeling so lightheaded it might float away. "For a reason. Ha ha ha. Said I'd never be useful as some freak."
Everything was silent for a while, Toad started to inch away.
"Sorry man."
"This shouldn't get emo. Are you gonna stay like that? Or do you wanna go back?"
"Yes. Take care then. Here by the way." A big tendril came up from the deep, dropping a heavy algae covered medallion from the lake.
...
The burrbo scowled following the tapping on his window. That sunken treasure was soon shoved into the cab, crushing his lap.
"Now go. I'm late!"
They fought across every kingdom and the Great Sea before reaching Inception Island of Fahr Outpost, where the camo-clad thirty-fiveish aged noki was worn down by the fortyish something red boo, and cornered against a frigid solid rock. In all of the detective's fifteen or twenty, depending which he was going with that day, years of experience, he'd never had a target like Agent M.
He lowered the rocket launcher to display all those sharp cascading teeth. "We both fabricate our age, how cute!"
Jelectro tilted his sunglasses to wink. "At least I don't have to, Patchy McGraybeard."
"Hey! Heeeey…" M whined, self consciously trying not to scratch his itchy neckbeard area. "Chicks dig this permashave thing. What's your address? I want to send Jeremy your body parts piece by piece."
The noki had a twitch. "Jeremy.."
The red boo cackled, shaking the mound of snow from the barrel."Relish in those memories while ya can Bond."
"You are despicable, Trevor!"
"That's what my old therapist said before prescribing me a rope..."
The noki was trained at something down the dark barrel.
"...But chains are far better, you know, for gagging people. You'd be able to testify! FINE, enough drawing it out-"
"Oui." Jelectro reached into the barrel, latching onto was was stuffed inside, creating a backfire that flung the red boo off the cliff. The snowball smacked against a cabin, sending a bob-omb in a fur hat out to investigate. Agent M fought his way out of the snow with a roar, the remains of his rocket launcher split like a banana. He decked the civilian and retrieved his backup, the SS HQ shotty, approaching the cracked up dark blue shell of a noki, surrounded by colorful fun confetti.
He froze in more ways than one. "Bond?!" he screamed into the wintry mix until prodded on his shoulder.
"-I thought it was time to come out of my shell, mon ami." Jelectro loaded the silenced handgun, running nosed and in his undershirt.
Agent M's lip curled. "This it?"
"No. We kill each other another day." He rose his left wrist towards the fiendish spy. Unless he'd reset the calendar under the cyclops by accident, it was Sunday morning. Unanimously they scaled their way down.
"You'd a voted for TJ, right?" M pointed the shotgun at him.
Jelectro didn't bother reacting to that gummed up garbage. "Explain why you were a double agent for Charles."
"You know how envious he is of you. I don't mind taking the rep hit for my bro, so I thought I'd 'kill' ya. Put me in a prime position to screw him over."
"How sweet." The noki added the 'aye aye aye' in his head. "And you'd go from spy to-"
"A real cab driver. They can charge whatever they want these days, and you so naturally piss me off, so I figure I might as well method act like you."
Jelectro made him trip on purpose. "I am not! Stop listening to my sister!" He jumped on a ski lift.
"I'm not judging! Us boo buddies are good secret keepers, unlike boo diddlies!" M leapt for the sidebar, dangled for a moment to catch his breath and then sloppily spilled onto the chair. "Can you get our base yet?"
0064 tried as they rode over cottages and stole their wi-fi. His receptors were gnawed at the closer they got to civilization, so who answered was no surprise. No words were said, 0069, or Andrew simply broadcast what was happening on the video call. They weren't at the base or in the precinct they were so familiar with. It seemed, as he wiped snow away repeatedly, to be a clay toad home. Something gold, a face approached, yanking the device away.
"You're both decommissioned. I am the captain now."
It disconnected. Jelectro was stationary, even as the lift leveled off. The red boo had to yank him down by the ankle.
"WTF is Charles thinking? Let's hurry up!... Bond? Bond! What's happening?" Agent M stopped shaking him around, getting worried. They were in a bad place out there, the noki already half buried in snow. "I always knew you're a PSI weirdo so- think it to me if that'll make it clear."
The noki choked up. 'Trevor, I cannot. It's opaque.'
A yellow blur from the other side of the world beat the Sunset Express to the Tangerino Grill, but due to another payment dispute, the passenger only escaped the cab as the tourists arrived, promptly trampled flat by the Paper Toads. And Luigi. In a rustic homey section of the Prism Islands, Mario's adventure there made it more popular than they expected.
Luigi pulled him up, apologizing. Toad spat out a clump of dirt. "It's cool. Reviews said it hit the spot. Now I know which one." They laughed in the miserably long line, pressed against the map boundary.
"Why are you dressed like that?"
"Why are you?" Toad asked back, with more blush. That tux.. He stopped staring, gracing over that audience of red Toads ahead of them. It dawned that they were both incognito here. Nary a spark of recognition anywhere.
"Just.. lost track of time, ha. You look nice by the way, unlike the rumpled mess I've become." Luigi buttoned up the collar, where the bow was. Despite himself, Toad snapped like a magnet to how discolored his fingers were, grabbing his left hand. What he felt next wasn't the shock of doing that, but the freezing temperature of the plumber's digits.
"What's up with that?"
Luigi stood there, eyebrows knotting. "Well-"
"Back you beasts! Back!" A host pushed through the crowd. "Any VIPs?" He scanned around for anyone important looking. "Them. FINALLY someone dresses the part."
Waiters came out and escorted Luigi and Toad in beyond countless leering toads, tossing them onto the hardwood floors of the moodily lit dining room. There were giant forks and spoons tacked onto the plaster walls, bypassed as they were slotted into a candle-lit area with a smaller more intimate table. Outside of this 'bubble' were ansty Toads, though Mr. Toad and Luigi were invisible to all but one.
"I'm starting a campaign! Need dough? Salt? Pepper? Lemons?" The Peddler Toad asked, coat open to them. "You never know what you need around here."
"No thanks. I think we do know that we won't need that, homeboy."
He gave up, hiding his wares.
"That was weird."
"Uh. Yeah."
Luigi slid his seat up more. "I have a confession."
Toad rose his gaze just as a menu was placed in their paws. He never thought he'd be jump scared by a pizza but it happened right then, along with other delicacies in a stylized font. Toad requested the steak. It was 86d, with no one around to 'defeat' it. Luigi went with the Momma Mia Pizza then. They agreed to share. A chef entertained them by flipping the soft powdery dough in the air. All along though, Toad couldn't focus on that. When it arched over and burst out their window, he didn't notice until Luigi reacted. This was a travesty. They had to get to business!
The chef nonchalantly brushed the shattered glass away with his foot. "Dough quantity is low due to the black market, so it'll be a moment gentlemen. ~Sorry!"
He left the curtains half open, exposing them to the other diners with empty plates.
Staring intensified.
Luigi started again. "So as I was saying. Last night, I was a bit confused I guess." He whispered and leaned in. "With Neo Bowser City-"
Toad clacked the glass down, countenance flattening. "Yeah I'm being edgy like I know you're thinking, but the subversiveness is for good this time. If the stars want us to be happy, the rest'll work out."
Luigi arranged and rearranged silverware idly. "Actually, umm. I had questions for you."
"What?"
"How long?"
"At this rate like an hour," he managed.
"No I mean you...You okay?"
"I am. I wondered too," he confessed a low rarely heard voice, "and I thought I first felt it at the last party, but it went further than that. Remember when Peach sent us to your mansion for some reason and it went horribly wrong? You complimented my spots. -Or 'polka dots' whatever. Couldn't stop thinking about it for a while. It was Special."
Luigi smiled a little less. "Uh, what does that have to do with Peach?"
"Nothing. Homegirl wouldn't care so it barely factored."
Luigi chewed on a bruschetta, relenting on something Toad couldn't discern.
"What?" he begged.
"Isn't she your Special One?" Luigi blurted.
"No. You are."
The flushed plumber dropped the bread, relief wafting over him. "Sorry for getting loquacious over nothing. You have my wholehearted support." He reached over the table of small diameter, holding the Toad's semi muscled upper arm. "In fact your plan was beautiful."
"You are more."
Lost in his blue eyes, Toad leaned in, zoning in on the plumber's lips and pressing against them with his. The Earl's hand slid around the nape of his neck, sliding up, ruffling dark hair for the briefest one in a half seconds of his life when a hoard of Toads violently ripped the rest of the curtain down, crowding their table.
"We've had it with VIPs closing the kitchen. Get them!"
"I'm hungry!"
"My butt went to sleep!"
"My husband left me."
"Luigi wouldn't- or WOULD do this!" etc battered them for one point of damage. It still hurt!
Toad threw a big cheese wheel. "Here's something for all that whine!"
The heavy thing rolled into the kitchen, seemingly triggering a cacophony. Cooks escaped, arms in the air. On instinct, Luigi super jumped over several heads to peep in. Pots and pans littered the floor, food was dying at the pass or sizzling to carbon on the stoves, and the freezer was wide open, blasting ice. Most chillingly, was the sous chef curled up next to the cutting table, their life drained by a shy guy with a paper straw.
A crinkled yellow toad creased over a spoke of the ceiling fan, a head chef, reanimated. "Help!"
"I'll never waste cheese again I'm sorry!" Toad materialized at Luigi's side. "...I caused this, right?"
The shy guy bent backwards at a ninety degree angle, making eye contact as horror chords screeched.
If his shadow was inauspicious to the townsfolk, that was too bad. He was up here for their own good. It was still really weird to be a three headed monster, armless too, with only long tendrils to work with, sprouting from his back, in between this large swooper-like wings. After a lot of practice though, he was convinced he would drop in on his old crew without destroying them. Of course, if they gave him a reason to-
He shook the suspicion and paranoia out of himself, particularly the middle head which seemed to be the most squirrelly. The left head was the most introspective, weighing if they should trust Dr. Toadley's offer to help, and the right head was the sharpest with the senses. A few miles away, Tim had to have cooked those roasted shrooms around the fortress. A Mario Strikers game was on, in The Vice. Weren't they burnt out on that? Toadette was speaking. Funny how he picked her voice out the most. She was nerding out, if with more confidence than he was used to. Toadsworth said their issues were over, even with Zeror, but he didn't hear him anywhere though. He ever heard evidence of Joseph who was deaf, via his distinct shuffling before he located the treasure curator. On that note, their temporary living quarters had CCTV. Via a snide comment from Tim, he learned that someone accidentally turned on one in the shower and it was hilarious except to Joseph who was in there.
"Sup!" His giant tree trunk sized legs came down, causing a small earthquake.
A television was brought outside, attached to an extension cord that was further extended and so on, but he scared everyone away. Oh well, he wouldn't get to quip that the birdo player in the number 4 jersey was poorly passed off as a Yoshi Islander for optics, when they were clearly from Donut Plains. He hated that. Accents were a dead ringer.
Just then someone called him. More accurately, Tim's discarded phone.
"Hey, Brah-"
"Gold! You're talkin!" he gasped, causing another seismic event.
"More than that."
"Where are you?! You need help?"
"You can help by saying your prayers, brah."
Without hesitation, Bucken-Berry leapt over the goomnut trees, stretched his wings and soared over Pleasant Path, inciting terror and bewilderment alike. The construction crew scattered as he landed there, flipping a tractor, and targeting Star Hill with his gargantuan strides. The indigo trees and ground were sprinkled with star bits, blown all the way there from the airflow the gorge splitting the mountain created.
He stooped down and prayed, and again.
"-Still with me?"
"Yeah. I did it. Eldstar, I'm so messed up inside... I loved you dude. I'll never hurt you again!"
"Good try Cool Blue, but it is futility as Lionel put it. With your hideously queer appearance, you better flee to the most remote Sarasa Lands, brah. There's a shortcut right in front of ya."
Standing tall he could see everything, Toad Town, its landmarks and its neighbors, the Great Sea, the desert and Goomba Village. "Why are you talkin' like that now? And you've never called me Cool Blue before."
Straining his vision, he pinpointed the garden. Ala-Gold merely stared ahead, oblivious to the flutters landing around him. No phone. No speaking.
"Are you listening anymore brah?..I should have never took that zap for you."
Bucken-Berry felt the spines flare, everything about him heating up. "Who the frick am I talking to?"
"They know nothing and will hurt themselves trying," The thing warned. "Teach them this lesson before I do."
"Unlock it!" the ceiling fan chef ordered.
Cabinets were everywhere. "Which?" Luigi asked.
"All of them!"
Toad rolled under the fire flicking from the oven, opening one after another. Among the Tupperware and takeout cartons was a shy guy in a white hat, the Tangerino Grill's secret weapon. Slurp Guy had a straw and punctured the attacker, draining his paint. Shunned Guy twisted around, latching on the Slurp Guy to drain them back.
"It's an infinite paint exchange cycle over there, an ouroboros.." Luigi observed.
'Phrasing!' Toad thought as the flames licked some wires, the short speeding up the fan. Luigi dove to catch the chef, both going down and tipping hot pans on the grill. Toad caught them in turn, but forget about the fireball shooting across the kitchen. It splat against the freezer, melting the solid block inside. The snazzy duo, the cooks, customers, even tables and such were washed away by ice water.
Paper characters flailed, meanwhile the plumber and Earl collided against the dessert display, layer cakes and someone's abandoned to-go order flipping into heads. Toad turned to find Luigi munching on the flavorless, zest-less cheese curls like a starved barbarian.
Yeah this wasn't real. Again.
"Homeboy."
He lifted from the bag, face entirely orange. "Huh?"
"We gotta get out of here. It's almost-"
"-Blessings unto you gentlemen." Someone disturbed a puddle next to him, a yellow toad in adventurer's garb with tan thick pants and hiking boots.
Recognizing Jörg, Mr. Toad was about to crack a plate over his head. Someone did it to him first.
…
They came to, bound together back to back and then to the the luggage rack on the roof of a station wagon. It sped treacherously around palm trees on a coast somewhere. Distantly they heard sirens, always there, never catching up.
"Turn over some." Toad wiggled around, retrieving his knife.
"What are you? -Oh that." Luigi tried to watch him in his peripheral. "Why are they doing this?"
He stabbed through the roof, prying it open like a can. "We're about to find out."
"Don't kill anyone over it, though!"
Toad eyed him endearingly. "No guarantees... I'm kidding, bae. Can I say that?"
"I don't know yet."
"Darn."
The grandmother, in a fresh if mix-matched change of garb, courtesy of the gift shop, picked up the phone in the recess of MK East, knowing the codes for the facility's intranet.
"Hello, this is Dr. Prof. Koopa."
She abjectly fell back against the alcove wall. "I thought this was-"
"Oh, girl. It is me. Mariam."
"You sound like him."
On the other end, all the way in the crude yoshi run LavaLava processing station, the duplighost checked around carefully, remaining in their disguise. "I know dearie. I'm an impersonator. Every document has Theodore on it, I've no choice."
"Where is he?"
"Something hit our ship! The Princess Peach limped on, stars bless, but Dr. Prof was seasick and half over the rails before impact. So much blood.. Sailors only recovered him from the hips down!"
The toad gasped.
"-Nass, why are you risking this call?"
She collected her thoughts, fixing her glasses. "I've done my job and I must get out."
Some hand covered her's. "I'll show you the way ma'am." Inspector Douglas slapped some cuffs on her. "Toad Town appreciated your work yesterday, but it's time to answer some questions."
Author note: -Bucken-Berry's form is like King Ghidorah, get it? Like his middle name? (That's also my fav Godzilla villain so..)
-The name has come up before, but I'll highlight it now. Goombario's other name of 'Eric' is a shoutout to ShadowMarioXLI. He was a LPer I watched many years ago who eventually went on to be a math teacher. Thought that was fitting enough.
-The only garden gnome in the Marioverse is a souvenir in a Warioware game. In the Japanese version however it's localized to a monk Ksitigarbha. Now you know where that name is from.
Created: 11/17/22, 11/20, 11/22 (intentional hiatus, then-) 11/26-28, 11/30- 12/2, 12/3, 12/4- 12/8, 12/9- 12/11, 12/12- 12/15, 12/16
Edited: 11/27/23, 4/22/24
RR24: 11/19/24- 11/23, 11/26/24, 11/27/24. Edited 7/6/25
Chapter 23: Sword of Damocles
Chapter Summary
*RR24* TweakedChapter Notes
Disclaimer: Mario and co. belongs to Nintendo.<See the end of the chapter for more notes
In Kingly Law mythology, three cosmic koopas 'G', 'O' and 'D' held their planet up by never moving, this stubborn act of defiance an axiom for Koopakind to come.
Arriving very late at 444 Dark Drive, the address of their waterlogged and destroyed Bowser Castle, Ludwig von Koopa and compatriots were about to challenge it. Eventually. Just as the trio were about to cross was remained of the draw bridge, a surge of baddies flowed out into the damp weather, thunder clapping behind volcanoes, having gotten a passable night's rest and following the orders to 'evacuate or get killed'.
"Why, Leo?" Lemmy asked.
"Sup Prince," the boney beetle greeted, "I dunno."
The rainbow-haired koopaling noticed more, Davey the whomp, Claude the albatoss, Annabell the pom pom, and other minions whose names only he knew scurry outside despite being the sort to never if they could.
Meanwhile, "Wrong uniform, Teach," teased the Sentry. "When in Rome.."
In a flash Thwomp # 3 was out of the Koton's fortress uniform and naked like a Bowser's Minion again. "Fair," he chuckled self effacingly.
He hopped around inconspicuously enough. The lakitu knew better than to let a spy absorb their business, especially this very unusual thing King Bowser was about to do, but he was having his own situation without realizing it, so he stayed on his tail for a while and that was it.
"I'll have no chance to chide with your comrade's commendable comradery."
"What's this, nursery hour?"
The thwomp released that low little laugh. They were at a high hill looking down, where Bowser used to watch and critique the enemy formations. "As the stars might not align our paths again, I must confess that it was wrong to dismiss your career as mere rebellion. You are respected and g-g-g-" he stuttered.
"Uh huh?"
"MorethanadequateatyourjobJ.D!"
He punched him lightly. "Feels good, Teach. Don't think you ever praised me like that in class."
"You did not give me a reason to, 'Jostling Jayden, #1 peashooter in school'."
With one last glance they separated, for Bowser was standing before his army right under the giant head at the entrance. "So here's the announcement... I'm hitting up Mr. X!"
Ludwig staggered up. "You have his number? Where is he?"
"Not on record. His Authentic Restorations and Whatevers card is from Mario. He's a Mushroom Brat, yea that does stuff for Peach, but nothing we can do about it. You wanna stay in this mess? The beds floated away, our traps and weapons, everything in cupboards and the food? Thought not. Wait, you didn't sleep here did ya? Where were you all last night?"
All eyes of the Koopa Troop bore into the commander. He uttered quickly and quietly yet deafeningly, "We were curing the Mushroom Flu Vater, resulting in a suspension of our cards of villainy."
Ludwig thought the silence to follow was going to crack him into pieces, then-
"Who cares. Was that all?"
"No, King Dad," Lemmy jumped in, explaining that Sky Land was totally cursed or something and that's why everyone went crazy. His siblings backed it up right away. Junior asked if he could have a line. He wasn't given a line. Then Wendy brought up the last thing she basically remembered, her plans of joining Mayor Koton's council. Minions of all sorts conjured up pink flyers, waving them around as they argued for or against the her. Lemmy felt a pain in his head, eyes crinkling as they went . There was something significant about.. not her 'slacktivism' but the location.
"T-there. It's.. There." His paw squeezed his brother's arm, who cast a swift glance over.
"Vater, yes I reinstate my support of her!" Ludwig announced loudly. "In fact it behooves us all to support this endeavor and travel to Neo Bowser City. Today."
Wendy stared blankly. "Are you cereal? I mean yas! Please daddy?"
"Shh!" Bowser had his flip phone mashed against his ear.
Several foreheads were clapped against. Had he heard any of that?
"-Hello caller," the company picked up, "Did you hit the 1 or the 3?"
"...Hello? Yeah, this is Bowser!" he blew the speaker out, covering his mouth afterward. "None."
"..So it defaults to three. Noted," mused the gravelly Mushroom accented voice. "...thank you for calling 'Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc.' This is Mr. X speaking and, unfortunately, how may I help you?"
Bowser bit his tongue. "-I wanna order a copy of my castle. No, I won't illegally rip off the REPLICA stickers."
"Why do I doubt that? I want no association with you."
"I get it but listen, this is for my minions and not for me really. We have funerals to plan, restitution to deal with, etc. You gotta team don't cha?'
"No."
"-Oh."
"I outsource. Always have." Long pause. "I'll see what's in the prefab inventory. You will be billed extra for the rush delivery, however with your sons assisting in curing the Mushroom Flu, this might not anathematize my company as much as I initially thought. Enjoy it.."
Bowser hug up, grinning. "Wait... did he say you cured the Mushroom Flu? And should I ground Wendy or not?"
Everyone, even Lemmy sighed. "King Dad, we just went over-"
The purr of Helicopter Yoshis of different colors filled the turbulent skies, about eight of them carrying a huge structure over the camp. They released the cables, dropping the boxy castle on the next door plot of land. Bowser and others unearthed from the tidal wave of mud, blindly crawling in the direction of impact. They officially had a home again, at 445 Dark Drive now, a compact stronghold of four low towers connected with a neon BOWSER sign on the front. The Koopa King got caught up on the new fresh drawbridge, letting the others trickle in from the rain.
"This iteration's nostalgic, ain't it gramps?"
Kamek climbed out of the empty moat someone, likely Kammy had knocked him down during the confusion. "I agree, Lord Bowser."
The Koopa King didn't know why, but it wasn't just precipitation running from his face.
"Are you okay, your viciousness?" a crone asked, handing over a crumpled MKDCU bill, zeros running off the page. "Will this wake you up?"
"WHAT?" Well that worked.
Following a lulling light speed journey through pewter space dust, the impenetrable gold gates concerned Millennium Star for once. The white fields of the court were scorched, unveiling the bare sapphire platform, and the aqueduct of the perpetual motion machine was desertic. The ancient star's omniscience allowed him a window inside the tarnished temple:
~Mamar and Kalmar were slumped over a rear balcony, empty pie pans stacked two and three high. Muskular was in the gym, a pan on a bench while he'd passed out near a dumbbell. Misstar's collapse occurred at her vanity one arm swinging down and a partially consumed pie reflected along with her stunning self. Kevlar and Skolar, distanced by rows of shelves in the library, had no visible pans, but crumbs filled their workspace. Striking him the most, Eldstar was in the hall adjacent to his room, sprawled on the ground. That was as far as he made it.
Millennium Star rattled the gate. It shouldn't be possible. It was- was- "Absurd!"
"-Exactly!" From out of the fog emerged a miniature golden star, Twink. He bowed, explaining through his strained breaths. "The Mario Kart results soured my appetite, so I passed when the Absurd Apple Pies were sent. It broke something in the Star Spirits. They've been dithering since. I saw the deliverer but-"
"Who was inside, were they?"
The little star nodded.
"He was one of them, a Star Spirit don't you understand? What did the other Star Kids do?"
"Not, uh.. worry about it. They called me fussy in fact." Twink glanced off into the cosmos emptily. "Lethargy is normal after a meal and coincidentally it was break time for us anyway. I gave up convincing them to find that I was locked out too."
Millennium Star took his pointed arm, raising him to his level. "Shame on those insolents. They will be forgotten in the annals of this journey unlike you. Steer me to the assailant!"
…
The cosmic clouds parted for the ancient star sweeping Rosalina's largely abandoned Comet Observatory. The console display flickered something he didn't have time to read before a luma waved him down.
"-Help!" A dark brown star begged, flat on the floor. "I tried to warn that star warrior against 'rolling up gangsta style' on Earth. He seized Rosalina as well, bloke. Knock some sense into him!"
Coming down, his eyebrows furrowed. "..Sure."
Polari peeled himself up. "Good. I will become a launch star for you."
Polari spun rapidly, transforming into a counter-clockwise rotating black launch star. The ancient star had no chance to back away as a particlized tendril captured and dragged him in with crushing gravity. He grit his teeth within the ring.
"That's what ya get for pokin 'round, bugger!" roared the launch star.
"You shall not create an iota of chaos without my say so, Zachary A. Star!"
A nerve hit, the adversary spewed him through the universe so quickly the fabrics of it warbled.
In Neo Bowser City, agitated volcanoes spew lava all around town, mesmerizing a Toad girl pressed against the window, drapes fully drawn. Mayor Koton and his rock baddies gave her and the gang the conference room, the lounge chair, the computer, and a vending machine hacked to work for free. They cheered, until noticing that it dispensed gravel only.
"Emery. Uh. Emery?" A koopatrol in a pink dress suit and tie, the men's uniform companion the girl's suit of a more feminine cut, stood next to her. "Yeah. Don't do that. Guess this is a bad time to discuss Queen Wendy O.'s official statement?"
Startled, she bumped into him, smoke pouring from her eye sockets. "No go ahead."
"-Guys! Look!" Hippity Hop announced in the doorway.
Everyone ran, or for Emery tumbled downstairs, joining Johnson as Skylandians gathered on the Dark Land crest rug. They shortly learned that Mr. Toad, yes that guy, might attempt to join their Queen on Koton's Council.
"No way!" Tanner aimed his spear out at the highly decorated warriors, only to earn fifteen more aimed at his and the other's throats. Meanwhile the mayor's actual staff, a few whomps and a spindel manager on duty, Mr. Steinblock passively stuck to their desk jobs, the area nice and tidy. They'd misplaced some documents though..
Wendy's disciples squealed their way upstairs, gathering at the worn hand me down conference table. Emery thought about how she swore she'd never be in an office, choosing the airlift EMS job to avoid it. Ye can't fight fate sometimes she supposed.
"Helloooo!" A distaff koopaling appeared the video phone, showing the inside of their new castle. Wendy positively glowed, giving a short tour. Shortly, it was clear she was dodging annoying brothers, the screen going sideways, showing off lava pits and leaping podoboos trying to not eavesdrop. "Oh my gosh, shut up!" she finally exploded, shutting herself in a room. "What's happening folks?"
"Umm. Trying to look busy?"
"Perfect. You are a natural. Me? Worst yesterday ever, but listen my disciples! ..I'm kidding, gosh. I'm totally not on that stuff. Don't get drunk with the secrets of the universe, kids!" she giggled. "Our dream is on again and I have a plan get rid of any Toady that wants to get in our way... No offence Emery."
"None taken princess!"
"So for now sit pretty! Ciao!"
Her assistants nodded obsequiously.
Peach was on the roof, watching green hills when a big bouquet of flowers landed next to her. She peered over the edge, where a girl waited below.
"Let's go somewhere. I'll be quick Peachy! Straight up!"
The instant she stepped outside, Daisy pulled her into the woodlands. The blonde had a fancier dress, new white opera gloves, polished pink shoes, and her hair was curled into ringlets. This was about to be a disaster to Peach, except it wasn't. Daisy was the shield along the way, hand in hand, through the leafy zig zags, at one point passing right by Kinopio meditating without recognition. That was the Sarasalandian's super power. In addition to how she attracted Flutters, made buds on goomba villager's potted plants open, withered hedges flower, and the parched ground green, she could amble with messy shoulder length hair, an orange hoodie, blue track pants, and tennis shoes and be treated 'normally'.
Spray from the waterfall released Peach from that tangent, or more or less her hand being released. They'd reached the clearing of castle grounds, Daisy gawking over the details. Some outdoor furniture remained, where they sat and watched the work. Shortly Peach had no small talk left, short of an uncomfortable-
"-You've recovered already, dear?"
The auburn haired princess leaned way back in the 19th century bedizened chair like it was some ratty old recliner, her long bronze legs stretching beyond where Peach's were properly pressed together. "Immunity and I got chewed tf out for not telling King B. Bloom earlier, but don't worry 'bout it. I can stall them for another hour before they send the secret service again." She stood up. "Let's hang out! Not another word about Bowser and creeps."
Peach found herself tugged along again, away from her projects and towards the city. "Daisy...I can't.. I have to prepare. I-"
The other princess slowed down. "For what?"
Peach pretended the stands and lake and banners of her raceway was exceptionally interesting right then. "Toadsworth assured me that something was over, but with the dread lingering it cannot be."
Daisy held her by the poofy pink sleeves. "So it's about your pops?"
Peach decided to go with that. "Well, there are many inadequacies he'll question me on, and I've not a single rebuttal yet."
"You don't regret takin' over do ya?"
She shook her head softly.
Daisy handed over a red and white checkered keffiyeh. "Then put that on. Let's do fun stuff already!"
That thin disguise was enough to allow Peach to bask in the sights, smells, and sensations of life as a civilian. The classes she grew up with were vanquished, Toads, Koopas, 'friendly' and 'enemy' species alike spread throughout Toad Town. They meandered around shops, the coliseum, the park, and tried out odd items sold on the street, like a 'never-melt' snow bunny that did just that all over the place. During the last fifteen minutes of 'BUZZY: The Movie' at the one coin theater, they were asked to leave, because Daisy kept sharing far more entertaining memes on her phone. An attendant caught Peach's identity in the lobby and prostrated, but she let the decision stand. This was all so unprincess like. A truck almost splashed them, and no steward hurled their body to block. Utterly thrilling.
"-Had fun?"
"I did."
"Bet I can make you laugh."
"How?"
"I've been dealing with a Bowser all my life. Us meeting, even tho our kingdoms normally wouldn't was meant ta be."
"R-really?"
"That's my dads name... I know, boo me off the stage."
A tear of joy she'd been holding in rolled. Daisy handed her something that she realized was a sweatband only after wiping her face.
"It's clean! So, point was you're doing great, Peach." She sat on the concrete barrier of the track, urging her to join. "Was that all?"
"I.. Thank you for everything," she trailed, squeezing Daisy's freckled forearm without realizing.
"Oh.. well no prob, Peachy!" The sporty princess checked her phone, rolling her eyes. "Shoot, gotta skip to the airport. Mom and dad blew me up while I *accidentally* had this on silent."
After no response, here eyes widened. She found Peach huddled down against the barrier, whimpering into her hands. Daisy embraced her, first delicately with the frilly dress and all, but after the blonde trembled like that she made it a real one.
"Peach," she spoke, face buried into the soft fabric, "whatever happened in the past, know that your folks love this place and feel safe here and dedicate their lives to it. You're more fly than the beautiful Great Sea. You are that girl and you got this!"
Peach slowly rose her head. "I think that's all I needed."
A silver Aston Mushroom drifted around the curve leading to the starting line, braking aggressively in front of them. "Princess! Yoohoo! Oh shoot.. bad moment?" Kylie Koopa, famed reporter stepped out, leaving the door open. All sorts of high-tech panels were open that she didn't know how to conceal to obscure that it was spy kart she shouldn't have. "If the King wants to get litigious, I've done the work for you, Princess. If he cites you, you can cite his Poshley officers for.."
Both princesses were both on their feet by then, Peach's stomach twirling- in a bad way now rather. This Koopa was well reported on and a pal or at least orbiter of Mario, though she he had to fight to trust her. "Very well, dear."
"See ya!"
The Aston Mushroom sped off, passing right by a taxi that rolled up, stopping the same spot the sports car did. The windows were totally frosted over, spooking them out until the back window rolled down. The green Toad flashed a white smile. Older or not, with that dark tone and decent male fashion sense, it was undeniably Mitch Toad.
"You."
"Yeah me. I'm banned for your castle, not you right? Just checking. I hope you'll hear me out." Something in his eyes changed after her small nod. More wisps of cold escaped, striking her ankles. "You aren't ready for your day of reckoning-"
"This interview is over!" Daisy stomped away and expected the princess to be behind her. She wasn't.
"-What do you mean?"
"That without someone like me you're toast, Peach." He pointed at the giant replica crown that was over her stands, warbling before the tips curled outwards. Its base was crushed by telekinesis. Daisy could only think 'Gods what was he?'
Peach backed from the taxi. With a different perspective, she saw a white orb in the driver's spot. They floated is all she could tell. "I will not fold to your threats. This is blackmail!"
"That's too bad. I'd love to see the look on your folk's face if they learned you found a suitor. Maybe some peasant Toad. Like me."
She cusp her hand over her mouth. The next second she was just angry. "It was foolish to go there!"
"Yeah! Nobody would believe that dawg!" Daisy drew closer to Peach. "Cause uh.. Everybody knows she's with me!" Slapping Peach's behind with apparently an authentic enough reaction in return, applause and whistling erupted out of nowhere, the workers uphill on castle grounds.
"Hehehehehe... You should report that," the mysterious driver rasped.
Mitch visibly seethed. "Shut up and get me out of here!"
"Thank you for joining us."
The roof folded under the weight of the hostages and dumped them in the middle row, The Captain amused and Banktoad, also in the front, sinking out of view.
The blue geeky Toad secured a sleeve of the stylish plumber. "Did you know the average Toad has two and a half times the strength of a human?-"
Luigi swung his leg up and kicked Hint Toad across that round deceptively youthful face. "Well I'm not an average human, bucko. Why are you doing this to us?"
The unconscious spectacled adventurer slumped into the lap of Mailtoad. He jut his arms up in surrender, as Toad already had a blade to his neck. "Uh. Well. Umm, we just stumbled upon you."
"Either way, stop this thing or paperboy gets it!"
The Captain tapped the wheel, oblivious to Mailtoad peril.
"Here! Don't hurt him!"
Luigi clumsily caught the Vrlrdyi Scope Banktoad launched.
"William!" The Captain fought his nephew, making the cart swing and fling Toad and Luigi mercilessly. They were hurled into the trunk, dazed, where glass bottles buried them.
"STOP THE CAR! STOP THE CAR STANLEY! YOU MAKE LIFE HELL!"
Captain Toad mashed the brakes, sand flying as the car spun out. With everything jumbling up in there, Luigi and Toad got squashed and pinned by Yellow Toad's slumbering dead weight. "Watch your language," he hissed, fingers quivering over the wheel. "I regret ever approaching you while you were down, bestowing an irregular like you a lucrative career and a home and- and other things!"
"Yeah so you could make everything worse? Make me worse," he replied, more exhausted than angry, dropping the clump of hair he'd ripped from The Captain's head.
"William?" The Captain's palm slid onto his left thigh. "I am sorry. You are simply spectacular."
Banktoad skeptically settled back. "..Sure."
"Seriously! This final heist- I mean deal ahead is all for you. After that Mario will be aware of everything."
The sirens caught up, making their red capped leader stomp the accelerator, shooting up a steeply inclining rainbow. He adjusted the mirror. "Who knew pigs could fly?"
"Pull over!" buzzed from the hovering space cruiser. Several warnings later, it unleashed super scope blasts, turning the kart into swiss cheese. A door latch was blown off, ejecting everything and everyone in the trunk. The plumber, Toad, and bottles slammed the ground of the connected island.
Luigi was numb all over, spitting up grit while on his knees and elbows. Toad, the 'lump' of mud to his side, gave a sign he was a-okay as the cruiser stopped. The airtight hatch clicked and released steam as it lifted upwards.
"Delta, come in when you can. I need ya." Snifit Patrol spoke into his radio. He plucked Toad out of the ground like a Subcon vegetable. "Ah hem. Have no fear, I will arrest the scum of the Earth who inverted all of your pockets-" (Stunned, the men then noticed their coats and pants like that) "-Crossed seven kingdoms illegally, and abducted you! Get in."
Toad's expression remained brittle through the intense, rocket ship-like ride-along, the world and its vibrant rainbows born of mist, tropical flora, and cheep cheeps leaping out of the water, blurring. His brain couldn't catch up with what was really happening or not, and Luigi gave him no hints, occupied with the Vrlrdyi Scope.
"I can't believe this found us again." He took another stab at reading the Skylandian. All he got was 'Elysian' on a line of spidery text. "I left it with you to help."
"..With what? Bad eyesight? Calling me old?" Toad managed to quipped.
By then Luigi was looking through it, first out and then straight at him.
Farther from the coast than the goonies roamed drifted a tiny wooden boat.
~Wendy O.'s Smashing…Live!Journal Entry #1 Month: Yam? Day: (I forgot, gimme a break)
To preface, I know nobody uses this platform anymore except MayMay. (Raven or Jim, if you DO dig this up, she's the Bonneter in social studies, still thinking she's hilarious bc she can haz cheeseburger..) Since it's not bogged down with JavaScript my phone can't handle it'll hafta do. A girl's gotta vent.
>em>I had a heckin good plan for my campaign and this Pillar of Understanding almost ruined my life! Who knew learning could go wrong, take my agency, fill me with all these voices all the time?-"
Diegetic. In fact.
"Wendy! Weeeeendy!" Her cyborg big brother brought the boat to an abrupt stop with his tractor beam. "Diabolical plans are not kawaii. Everybody left our Princess Parlor discord."
"They shouldn't! I'm vibing in my salt water element."
"That's all?"
She crossed one leg over the other. "-And trying to kick Mr. Toad out."
The canoe rocked when he sat on the other end. "You got some explaining to do sis. I sorta hyped up that I'd have an epic battle with you. We know you're like King Dad. You don't like Toads and hate twilight."
"Yes. That franchise deserves to be flamed!"
"And you think MayMay is stuck in 2008.."
His chiseled undershell made her fist rebound. 'Yowch!' She had to dip her knuckles in the water to hide the pain, nonetheless proud he'd toughened up "Here's why I'm shook, Iggy. This could have ruined everything and I'd never challenge Luddy. I don't disagree with him most of the time honestly, but he's too misanthropic. He wants his enemies gone and that's it. What about our wellbeing? You gotta build up as much as you tear down."
He twiddled his thumbs. "Entirely so, Wendy-chan. So much 'mission mission mission', and if your skills are out of that scope, you get underutilized, sorta forgotten sorta... not really Lemmy's BFF anymore. First his job taking him away, now he and Luddy have something going on and both are weird. Even visiting space with them didn't clear it up. So let's get serious," he went, clasping his paws. "I can assist Wendy-chan, just tell me how."
"Really sugar?" She took out her earphone. "I'm about to meet up with an impersonator to get that Toady out of our way. Simple deal. He's over there-"
"Hah?" Iggy zoomed in with his goggles. "Something's in the way."
She wrinkled her nose as this huge ocean liner came up, a senior oriented one with no amusement to be found, with the audacity to honk like they were in the way. She flung a ring at it, striking the hull. (Un)fortunately, Toadtanic steered her wrong and boats didn't sink in ten minutes.
"Omg, let's just fly," he offered.
He swooped her up, 'I need A Doctor Mario' by Dr. Greg playing on her mp3. Yikes, he got hit by a missile the other day. That's part of why Larry was so pissed. Then her thoughts went darker, and she wasn't sure over what exactly-
"SHARE. I WILL MAKE YOU PROSPEROUS, QUEEN. WE HAVE MUCH IN COMMON. WE ARE SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS. ONE IN HIS EAR CANAL AND ONE IN YOURS AS A BONDING SESSION BETWEEN SIBLINGS. IT WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE. AND COOL!"
Her appendages roved on their own, taking the left piece and jamming it into her brother's ear. There was a jounce in the jetpack's flight path, before it evened out over the ocean, smoother than air for both of them. Zen. Then they splashed.
He rose for a breath from the vile and corrosive circumfluous byproduct of the wretched, a washed up purple star. Millennium Star strenuously crawled to higher parts of the meteor rock where the dark matter pools could not reach, over scattered fresh bones, around larger drier ones embedded in the ground, and dodging blackening debris piles, mostly a conglomerate of Earth soil, but with the pungent odor of death and the source of the trails of festering liquid.
He quickly left that, exploring through crumbling graveyard. He found a message chiseled in the rock-
Month: (XX) Date (Circle Square) Time: 112:455 (...Don't you hate people that don't know the date? I know I do. Anyway-)
"..Shuffled off mortal coil, I am the rhabdomancer with imperturbability. My life before was floccinaucinihilipilification as.."
"-Don't read my diary!" A dark boo dove down before the ancient star, tossing dirt over the paragraphs.
"Zoo!"
The dark boo sat against a tomb, brows creasing. "One and only. Now go away. Kinda busy educating myself!"
Millennium Star noticed that there were many many tablets etched on and orthography in the dirt, novels worth, and shifted closer, concerned. "Do you not miss your family? Come with me."
The dark boo's jaw tightened. "Not too perceptive to be a god."
"Nonsense, you possess the photo from when your cousin-"
Zoo took the old picture and diced it into tiny squares with his mind, then smaller, then smaller into microscopic particles, letting the gusts carry them away. "Now I don't. The Diddleys are dead to me! -Hypothetically of course."
"Even your brother?"
Millennium Star projected his Book of Casualty, a window into the past. The open middle page showed Dr. Toad swamped with study notes, wearing those sweaters, long sleeves, and khaki pants wore to blend in with red Toads at Mushroom College. That was about the time that he discovered that Zoo's 'Death Ray' could have benevolent use. Even without finishing school, Zoo could be a mad scientist with his big brother, or something, but then Lou's health had to start to deteriorate. In the confusion of that Zoo ventured inside of one of their heads, on reflex, like scratching an itch, and they were going to feed him crabbie grass to sedate him enough, and just sell him to a freak show already.
"Cut it out!" Zoo begged, waddling in tear soaked ashes. "Airship's sailed on that stuff anyway!"
Millennium Star dissipated the illusions. "It has not. The only hole you cannot dig out of is the...Never mind. At this moment, your brother has made his relation to you known. This is the perfect time to come back, ho ho."
Zoo watched the glowing star for a while. "This is how many people I trust." He held up his stubs.
A smile overtook the ancient star.. "While I cannot prove that you can trust me I can prove that you do not have to distrust me. That is self evident, because you do not trust those heroes with their axioms of good will prevail and blah blah, and you've no definitive read on me, for I am not a hero."
"Uh.. sure."
"I am beyond those barriers. I am the god of TIME and CHAOS." He thumped the ground hard, shaking the abominable mounds and flipping tombs. "I will be surreptitious no more. Your potential fascinates me. There is a tiny voice, a conscience you are nurturing. Well I say extinguish that, lest it metastasize and you find yourself in the center of a black hole where you've pitched yourself."
Zoo's face was a straight line. "Don't quit your TIME and CHAOS stuff cause you're a trash motivational speaker, bro. I don't agree, but I'm willing to take a peek at Earth now. That's it."
"Splendid!" Following that mutual glimmer of mischief, unintentionally happening at the same time, they finally got each other.
"Already?"
"Yes. Found it online, Mario. The vacancy is a block down."
"Either something is weird about it or it costs an arm and a leg."
"It's listed as 'ask for price.'"
"Come on Yosh. So very weird and you'll need to donate an organ too!"
Yoshi laughed on the way out, Poochy on a leash. ...He wasn't serious right?
Meanwhile Mario was disappointed they wouldn't get one sleepover day or two like old times. Yoshi really wanted a home by the pep in step, able to walk off a plane crash apparently, he didn't complain. Mario would be accompanying him if not for the lapis lazuli bust at the door. The collector should pick it up at any moment.
...
Pleasant Path was scenic, the sidewalks smooth, and planters brimming with flowering plants delectable to his large nose. Yoshi didn't hatch out of an egg in this kingdom sixty-four years ago, but he worked here, knew everyone here, ate the cuisine, and sounded like them. The Mushroom Kingdom it was his home without a doubt in his mind.
"Oof!"
A mailman ran into him, a busy mustached Toad in a little blue uniform and all. His shoulder bag of a few letters and a lot of lightweight boxes spilled all over the street. The dino helped him up, everything about him weathered or scarred up, down to his hands. Knowing how much it must have tortured Parakarry to hire out, he decided ahead of time that he wouldn't report the only postal worker a bigger klutz.
"Apologizes, Mr. Munchakoopas," he went over Poochy's excessively protective barks. "For you."
Yoshi accepted a thin envelope, meant for Peach Castle, rejected due to construction work, then routed to Mario's home. He just happened to be at an intermediate point. (Not protocol, but again he'd be gracious.)
He saluted while distancing. "Thank you for using Toad Town Post!"
Yoshi rushed back. Mario was on the porch, lacing up his boots. Right then and there they poured over the contents of the pink letter, no matter how much Poochy whined of boredom.
~'The Fabulous Birdo', inside a heart, to 'Mr. Toad'.
She didn't know how to contact those Special World doctors directly, nor Snifit Patrol, so he forwarded to her 'darling' Mr. Toad. Mario's eyebrows rose during that, to Yoshi's dismay. It wasn't what he was thinking. Birdo and Toad weren't confiding in each other or anything. Her especial affinity came from, well..
He and Birdo stumbled upon Mr. Toad in some out of kingdom club, Chimera. The dinos weren't clubbers per say, the Parade Kart that brought them there was embarrassingly repossessed at the mall parking lot and they walked over for a drink. Mr. Toad was in the far back, horrified, to the point of running to a can and gagging, to be caught in such a place that was a touch seedy and a great matchup spot for mixed species daters.
-Back to present times though, the letter had Dr. Mario's room number and other details Mario had to tell people about. Yoshi was again house hunting with only Poochy as a companion, dragging him down the sidewalk to the red spotted Toad home.
The yard was empty and the back yard fenced off. The lights were off indoors and the door was cracked open, so it had to be ready to buy after all. Dusting himself off, he took a deep breath. It was surreal to be this close to his dreams.
-Or not, by the substitute mailman meeting up with him at the same time.
"Excuse me sir," he stammered, voice less gruff than before. Poochy went nuts again at his feet. "We forgot to transfer the previous owner's mail."
Mailguy trudged to the doorstep as Yoshi gave him space, not wanting a strange reputation in such a conscientious area. He made it as far as the adjacent house, dragging son when he heard a loud slam of a door. He turned around as Mailguy took out a key and jammed it into the lock. The door swung open, a stolling stu kicking him in the stomach. He then rolled Mailguy's crunched up body inside.
Why did Mario have to be right? Yoshi returned, looking into the window. Through a broken blind he observed a home that was most certainly occupied, a TV with a NES Classic hooked up and playing SMB3, paused in world 3. There was a bookshelf with DVDs and on the wood panel wall a poster of Wendy, a glamour shot of her from World Seventeen Magazine a year ago.
Yoshi gasped as Anti Guy waltz into the den. "I don't like what you've become," he lectured with his full voice. "I don't support your coup!"
He couldn't make out the low distorted reply. Yoshi pressed his head against the glass harder. All he knew was that the 'pilot' he knew to be as stoic as Statue Mario began to tremble before slinking out of view. Mailguy returned, flopped out onto the carpet, bound up. A strollin' stu in all black tactical clothes took a chain and whipped him across the head. The fake mustache and postal service cap fell off, revealing some matted sandy hair.
Yoshi put his son into a strict sit stay, shaky fingers prying open the latch. He was once again slung into the cockpit, except as himself. No crutch of the Phanto Mask, staring at him from inside.
The sliding patio door shut. "Nobody's watching, k?" Toad came in holding some foaming champagne.
Luigi couldn't relax on the thick comfy bed. Something was wrong. Not the thick wool pajamas Toad wore regardless of the season. It wasn't his bed. ...It wasn't Toad's king bed either. Tiki figures were on each side, electric flames lighting the tatami floor, the bamboo furniture, and glass wall leading out to a patio. A telescope was propped near it, aimed at a big blue moon. The tide was low and sidesteppers zigzagged around shells and gleaming bits on the beach. Beyond the resort was a netted tennis court, a golf course further back, and a water park farther, closed for the night. Back indoors, light bled from under the door out, shuffling and busy waiters blocking it occasionally.
"Where are we?"
Toad shrugged, sitting the bottle on a stand before running over. Luigi braced as he leapt up and landed next to him.
"..Toad. Where are we?"
Toad unearthed himself from the covers. "Oh. I don't know. Nothing fits my leftover Mushroom Flu hallucinations so far."
"You've what?"
"Whoops. Uh. Didn't hear that."
Luigi faced the bamboo roof, a foreboding cloud overtaking him from all the shadows. As he shuddered, he was pulled into a tight longing cuddle. "Toad."
He let go, flushing. "Sorry man! Too soon?"
The plumber flushed, unable to meet his dark eyes. "I don't know. ..I mean I think I do like you. But-"
"The timing? I get it. That thing back there wasn't supposed to go that way. It was gonna be all business I promise! Least, we're vacationing now."
What was 'now'? Luigi sprung out of bed, to the glass wall, searching intensely. The dream or dimension went on to the vista and beyond.
"AHH!"
Toad's bemused reflection appeared next to him. "Ehh, something involving dreams? It is Skylandian. Head in clouds? Get it? Your dream to be exact."
In complex penitence Luigi seized Toad's shoulders. "Then that wasn't the case for someone else. I had a secret and they were right."
"Who?"
A servant knocked. Toad and Luigi held where they were tentatively as the butler rolled in a tray. "I hoped we would share this someday," the boo said with the serenity of the sea. After lifting the cover from the highly decorated Couples Cake, they glared. "You've dashed that!" They whipped out a racket, glinting in the moonlight. "And now you'll be dashed!" Boo launched the racket, narrow point aimed above the plumber's Adam's apple.
Clash! An object blocked it, the collision causing a sonic clap. Luigi peeked over his shielding elbow, where a blue mushroom emblem racket was holding it off.
"Where'd that come from?" Booigi growled.
"Here. Shoulda read the pamphlet, kid."
Boo pounced on Toad, delivering a solid whack against his face. Toad kicked them back, flinging their body against the tiki light, then released a carton of golf balls, tripping the boo up when they charged again. Boo bashed into the glass, shattering it. Luigi shook out of it and grabbed a flotation tire, slamming it over Boo's head. He threw himself down as they blindly lunged for him. The miss left Boo bouncing against the solid steel food tray and rebounding outdoors, rolling on the sand. The human and Toad scrambled out after them.
"Falla finita! I remember everything." Luigi held Boo down, quaking in fury. "I. Remember. Everything. Now you lash out at anybody. You believed everything and now you believe nothing! You are the punishment without order! You aren't like Zoo. You're becoming something-"
"Gaaaah! No no no I'm not I'm not!" Boo sunk into the ground beneath the plumber, before Toad got to smash that champagne bottle either, banished from his-
Banktoad coiled like a rusted spring, waiting around at the sandy castle, nose and throat burning from the fumes of their kart. It overheated about a half mile after shaking the cop, and they had to push it through cold knee-high marshland to get there, then they had to unpack their junk. Then Captain Toad had to go over everything. Thoroughly.
"Captain," the blue Toad with crooked glasses prodded. "Are you having a merry time over there?"
He tucked the indigo vest he was pressing his face into away. "Indeed I am Heinemann... Is that another sea monster?"
"Ah!" Hint Toad dove for cover, behind a coconut tree.
"My bad. It's our trader! Greetings Princess Wendy! I can't believe you made it."
From around the fortress sauntered a tepid koopaling. Sans her signature bow, loose bleached hair danced across her forehead with each step in the heels. Though this was her favorite kingdom, this was the westernmost side of Water Land, where at times like this, icebergs and cold fronts migrated from Ice Land. Currently there were flurries, sprinkling the yellow sands white.
"I'm surprised YOU didn't chicken out. Listen sugar, the Jewel of the Stars is at the mayor's office. Not on me."
He snapped his fingers impatiently. "Come on boys, time to push the car all the way back home-"
"Wait!" Wendy groaned, delicately holding her earpiece in. "If you get Mr. Toad to drop out you'll get it sooner! Just impersonate him."
"Deal!" he touted, hopping up and down.
"Don't do it!" The brigade boomed, surrounded them.
"Control your Toadies. Gosh! I'm offering a lotta swag, ya know." She held a paw out. "Sweeten the deal."
Captain Toad revealed the Bronze Egg. Wendy legitimately liked what it had going on, even with the fractured patterns, so chic, and not just because the voice in the ear piece insisted it be part of the 'deal'.
The green Toad pulled him away. "Stanley, you're about to pull the trick you can only pull once. Just back out of it!"
"We need that second Jewel of the Stars to go with this." He revealed a pink shard then slipped it away before his nephew could snatch it. "Then we'll just put them away forever, okay? We're like Hooded Robin, remember? This egg we took from T. Yoshisaur is C grade and broken and not very Special, and this little brat'll find out later."
Wendy shook the leader's hand with the enthusiasm of embracing Salvo the Slime, especially since his paws since that mention of Mr. Toad had the same icky texture.
He gave her a sample of his talents with unbridled zeal. "I'm the best!"
"Omg," Wendy spared him a little applause, just like Mr. Toad dressed as Captain Toad- Which happened once didn't it? Or the other way around? "Now save the rest until we get there. Iggy can warp you guys to Neo Bowser City. Where's the real guy tho? He's dealt with isn't he?"
"We will bind him." The Captain rubbed his paws. "And his pal Luigi too!"
Iggy Delta beamed next to his sister. "Or I can use my W.A.I.F.U."
"Well, I am not exactly into anime girls doing that, Koopa but-"
"Why not?" Yellow Toad yawned, lumbering in the way. Before he was clobbered, he caught his captain's fist, wide awake. "Guess what." He dumped a giant bottle of extra strength PM cough syrup, the oozing orange liquid spreading around his hiking books. "My investigation has concluded. I'll take this by the way." He plundered the egg from Mailtoad's grasp.
"Mordecai! That was William-" (WTF he protested) "-levels of incompetence!"
"Leave them out of it. Most of the evidence I've gathered, every facet of it, is from you and I'll reveal it now. It's time I have lines, Stan." Steely, he rose a brow at Wendy. "Miss, sit for this one."
She filed her nails. "Don't havta tell me twice."
"On our last hiatus, Heinemann returned to instructing, Mordecai the post office, the only time Toad Town's delivery system worked efficiently, and Stanley and William lived off museum money. Meanwhile I honed in on my telepathic power- URK!"
Which didn't help at all as Captain Toad had him by the throat, draining the life from him.
'Now this was getting good!' Wendy thought. Suddenly a handcuff was slapped on one wrist, just under her ring bracelets.
"You're under arrest!" announced Snifit Patrol.
"IGGY HEEEEEELP!" she screeched, cracking the windshield of his patrol car parked at the other end of the island.
…
Reality rushed back to Luigi and Toad, behind some fogged up windows and snow swirling in the tropics. They managed to spill out of those vertical flipping doors and tumbled over each other into slush. The palm trees and foliage had icicles hanging, ice cubes bobbed in the ocean, and the sand castle ahead was frosted over.
"Hey."
Toad swiveled to him. "Huh?"
"...You almost die for the crime of playing tennis, have your kingdom fall apart, and you're still willing to fight my battles. Literally."
"Anytime. You- mmmf!"
Luigi gave the Toad a tight smothering squeeze against his rib cage.
"We're straight?" Toad gave him a once over.
The plumber laughed unexpectedly. "Er, no. Freezing. And funny feeling."
He slipped his hand under his dress coat, circling his lower back. "Better?"
"Now a tad warmer. And funnier feeling."
"Just once, Luigi," he asked carefully. "Can I-"
"Yes."
From his tip toes, the Toad eagerly pressed his lips on him, rearing them back against the kart. Luigi wasn't initially sure if that's what he was asking for, but he got the answer quickly. He shivered- and melted. He was panicked and frenzied yet grounded, calm. It was so very Special. And indulgent...
…
That piercing wail was Wendy's ticket away from that masked nuisance. She flung off her heels and ran frantically, just like realizing she was past curfew and on the opposite side of Dark Land she was supposed to be in, scaling up the castle towards the tallest spire. Looking down at the island blanketed in white gave her vertigo. This was a heckin horrible plan!
"Watashi wa makeru wake niwa ikanai!" Iggy climbed up, grappling with her in the small space.
"I don't know what you're saying!"
"~Someone uses dubs over subs!" he sang whimsically.
"Shut up you BACKSTABBING loser! If we're gonna brawl, brawl."
"I prefer Melee." Iggy unsheathed a short, newly invented 'Beam Sword 8000'. The screen split diagonally, brother and sister each side, baring teeth, claws out, lightning bolts from one pupil to the other. In his mind at least. The Wendy Menace had just gotten canceled, mid-season!
…
"-And they consider us tire kickers.." The Captain muttered, hanging partially out the window below that skirmish. Leaving the precarious space, he found Banktoad about as he expected. Different places, their current one the top of the tower where the sandstone door was wedged shut with a one-ton backpack, but the same tactics...
"Ugh! Always the sunk cost thing with you.."
The Captain chuckled, pinching Banktoad's jaws like he was four. "And it's always the adorable whining from you."
"Stop!" He pried his fingers off, snapping them. The Captain yelped under the noise of the stragglers down a floor, trying to break in. "-You wouldn't be here if not for my kleptomania, and you don't care. You've turned our business into an excuse to be a menace and I won't stand by it anymore. I can pull a single-use trick too Captain, and destroy you."
"That would be a zero sum game, so I suggest you don't." Proving he was impregnable enough, he boasted, eye glimmering, "I fear, not Mario, or the police, or anything else. Why should I? Everything and everyone in our world is a simulation."
"So nothing matters?"
"No. I've never loved anyone besides you, William!"
"You pushed me off a sphinx, Stanley!" Banktoad punted the Bronze Egg against the giant lighttower bulb.
Captain Toad waited until the ring subsided, wincing as he admitted, "Ah, well, you do crazy things for love. Another captain, T. Ode said as much on the sea."
Bank paused, holding some expression of anger, conflict, sadness and more, The Captain never learning how to human enough to decode it. "-Are you really asexual?"
"I- I said I didn't date anyone," he corrected.
He stepped closer. "It all adds up now."
Skittishly The Captain took the cracked egg, holding it like a shield. "What does? Tell me from over there?"
"Hey. Either you tell me or Jörg," the green Toad replied, evenly.
The Captain swallowed that lump in his throat. "...it is no secret that, despite our quarreling, I appreciate you. A lot-" He dropped the relic to latch onto the green Toad and give him a very chaste kiss on the cheek.
Bank held him there, caressing his face. "I hate myself for this. You're toxic and.. besides the other things wrong with this, but-" He tongued him, a soft purr escaping from The Captain spontaneously. They pulled apart then at the same time, ending the viscerally confusing, if gratifying encounter.
"I will," The Captain squeaked, beet red.
"I don't remember the question," Bank confessed as the entrance was blown open by a controlled detonator.
Sandstone blocks and debris from the adventure pack propagated, clouding a passage that Snifit Patrol cut through unhindered. He tased everyone in the room, while Yellow Toad crept in, targeting the forlorn relic in the corner.
"Good idea. Secure that evidence!"
Yellow Toad tried at least. Neither Toad on the ground had a gem or anything on them anymore. That left the Bronze Egg, perhaps more malignant, so much of a shock to his senses that he collapsed. It flung from his hands, out of the window.
A shiny object whizzed by koopalings. Wendy kicked off her brother, reaching out in vain from as it plunged into chilly waters. "No no nooo!"
Hint Toad near the (relatively safe) shore on lookout, witnessed the impact spot bubble and blacken, spreading out steadily into the glacial waters.
"WELL DONE FREEING MY DUMB SILENT FRIEND MUNCHZTAR."
With bated breaths, the koopaling siblings on the roof shook out the earpods.
"NICE TRY. I AM GOD OF INDULGENCE RAPSCINTILLATION. NOT CHAINED TO ONE MORTAL TO CARRY OUT PURPOSE LIKE OTHER LOSERS. HA. HA. HA."
…
Lips broke apart back at the police car. The Toad and human, shed coats off on the snow, many buttons undone on both, stepped apart in a feverish daze before purple Toad that ran up on them. As Mailtoad awkwardly directed their attention to the unfurling disaster, their hearts pumped rapidly for a different reason.
Chapter End Notes
Author note: I toned down some things, but didn't change the most disturbing part? Why? It still works with how the Lord of Indulgence warps our cast in that final scene. Now it's not just going to be shock value, stay tuned.
Created (As Revelation): 12/4/22 (creation, I guess?), 12/12 (actual work date likely), 12/15, 12/17, 12/26, 12/27, 12/29 - 1/1/23 - 1/7- 1/17, 1/18, 1/20, 1/21/23
Edited and it needed it for sure- 11/8/23
RR24: 11/25/24 - 11/30/24 edit 7/7/25
Chapter 24: Sloping Altars
Chapter Summary
Since I started this project a little over a year ago, I have one or two more gray hairs. (Update: more since) This was a more extensive rework. Enjoy. *RR24*Chapter Notes
Disclaimer: Mario belongs to… *sigh* Nintendo and not I..See the end of the chapter for more notes
Oily goopy substances skimmed the ocean beyond Ignatius H Koopa's technologically aided perception, cheep cheeps, dolphins, and bloopers squirming at the mercy of the 'Wendy Menace'.
"Noooooooo!...Psyche! YAAAS!" Wendy O. Koopa shouted through a megaphone. "All your water are belongs to me!"
Iggy sliced the cone off with his sword and laser eyed it mid-air. "-Baka! Cut it out!"
"Gosh! I'll give them MY ocean back if they vote for me!" One of her wrists was joined to the other with a metallic click. "Wait! I was kidding and- and it's a phrase and-"
"I'm not that square, young lady. You are under arrest for conspiracy, eco-terrorism, and trading stolen property. You may meme from the big house." Snifit Patrol dragged her off the roof. The Toad Brigade were already apprehended and seated back against the sand castle. The aquatic residents crawled out of the sea to take it out on the evil 'Queen', so he stuffed her temporarily in his cruiser, which they beat with fins and palm branches.
Luigi pushed his way through, calling her name. He saw the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried to ignore him. Finally she mashed her Bowserphone against the window. A rival Badlands High posse had commented on her blog:
'Hey emo princess. If you want that prince, be ready because we want him too and it will be on sight. If not, you will be accused of 'teh ghey'. Either way, expect ostracism!'
She crossed one leg over the other, accepting it all. "I fell out with the preps because I stood too close to some Nimbus Land douche at prom, and those jealous idiots thought I was stealing him or some crap. Then I lost my Anti-Ma crew because Daddy threw them into a dungeon! My 'grifting' isn't about popularity. I want autonomy and I wanna help folks, unlike that freaky voice of 'Villain', but nobody gets it!"
"Actually I do. Trust me. I'm Mario's brother, remember, but that doesn't explain the rest." Luigi leaned up, sooner than he intended. A nerd whos height sprung him over others was inching away.
Toad cut him off, cracking his knuckles. He and Luigi corroborated on thunder sounds and no voices, both flustered, so much that they'd slipped on each other's dress coats on by mistake for instance. Or it was other things, but...
"Err, Wendy-chan struck a deal with.. Darn, if only I got around to inventing an objective expository diffuser, so I don't caught caught up with my fan-theories and stuff like.."
"Homeboy." Toad tried to wind him down through the jabbering. "Just try."
"-Sirs, I forgot about your appointment!" Snifit Patrol swooped in, shoving them away. "Howard will finish up around here."
"I'll text the rest!" Iggy waved, swarms of angered fish closing in and separating them further. "What's your number? Oh wait my phone died. Umm. Ooh! Send me your- Oh yeah Sam got my social media deactivated.. I'll write- oh yeah Dark Land post sucks.. I'll figure it out!-"
One bulletin kept rubberneckers out of the way, another informed nurses to line up at that prodigious red 'x' mark on the sidewalk, where a giant instant-capsule machine dispensed blue, red, and purple striped medicine into prescription bags, ready to be carried into Mushroom Kingdom East Hospital. Reports stated that most patients hit with the Mushroom Flu cleared up moments after gulping the pills, while a few remained delirious. Since some followed him from the South, after negotiation, their La-Z-Boys became the rest places as needed for the afflicted, lined up in the stadium, so as to not trigger anyone. It was currently concealing Prof X-Naut's spaceship, not that they'd squeal anytime soon.
In all, Dr. Drew L Diddley PhD's ad hoc strategies cross all hurdles, like being unlicensed to actually enter MK East's doors, looking out for Dr. Topper to swing by in a new rental, having covered all of the 'talky' stuff. They'd high five before a white background and perhaps attend a nice dinner with the associates, except not because he required others to initiate first..
"Psst. I'd destroy those," warned a man of medium stature, with blue rimmed sunglasses, a floppy hat, a plaid shirt, khakis, and boots, tapping Dr. Toad's bundle of unused capsules. "Mystery pills put a bullseye on ya."
"Doctor! ..Back already?"
"Yeah, though some might say I never showed," Dr. Mario replied, his posture stiff with the icy-hot patch on his shoulder blade. Officially he got Warlock Punched there, but the auto-heal Smashers got for free didn't quite do it for him for reasons he was thankful the gangly Toad wasn't picking up on. "Did you hype me up? People insist I'm 'Mario Mario' pretending to be me, because apparently he was going around plain clothed yesterday. Oh well. You followed my notes to a tittle, flaws n all.."
He folded his arms. "Oh.. What were those?"
"Fifteen percent too much anti-magenta virus. That's the confusion one, so patients were overly rational for a few days. Not debilitating, but they were going 'shelf life is short' and crap. Mind you in the 90s it was!" he explained with laughter dispersed, leaning on the plastic wrapped bundle. "Allow me. I'll lose em back home. Seen Brinstar Depths?"
"They are secure at my facility. I hate waste."
"I see!" he went a little aggressively. "I have no disposal fee."
"I didn't ask. I respect your work, but you did not patient your capsules."
A loud Petey Piranha Pipes rolled up, the celebrity guest saying his goodbyes and getting away from there so hurriedly he stomped Dr. Toad's shoes, never getting a glimpse at Dr. Topper, back in his tie-dyed coats if unhappy behind the wheel of such a gas guzzler. The posterior pipe was needed for the surplus, which was definitely coming home with them.
"We've never seen him and Mario in the same room. Maybe.."
"That's not the issue, John. He was copacetic, so I'm baffled."
"Too bad I missed his body language," the hammer brother thought out loud. "By the way, that Bucken-Berry person is at the Toadley Clinic."
Dr. Toad made him swerve their kart around, spewing smoke all down Starman lane. The Toadley Clinic's outside structure survived, though the bowling ball smashed a big hole in the front. Inside, the purple clad doctor was working, his waiting room and lab in total disarray.
"Here you go." Mary gingerly placed a 'M' emblem bandage on patient's knee. He glowed red, appropriate Dr. Toad found, considering he worked for the government, (Morris's gave him that tip long ago). Most importantly, he was a blue Toad again and he was beautiful. It was beautiful, the doctor flushed.
"Stars, just in time."
A Birthday Girl parked bumper to bumper to them, Toadette springing out and leaving her impatient human passenger. She ran in the clinic and tackled Bucken-Berry with her hug, backing him into a spice rack. Dr. Toadley dramatically jumped over to stabilize his last one left.
"Will you owe me 500 coins? Yes you will!"
"-Hey Doc, where's-" Daisy, who'd jumped in with the pigtailed assistant and didn't explain why, came over the Piranha Pipes.
"I must see this!" He pushed her out of the way to listen in more.
"...I told you to bill Drew. The radiation was his fault!"
Grumbling, Toadley marched to his intern's desk, picking up the landline when a snitch in a birdcage whistled.
"Over there! Squawk!"
Daisy was left by the Piranha Pipes while the kids had their moment. Toadette followed the speed limits and slowed down at yellow lights, so she accepted that it was pointless anyway, trudging in to plop onto the only waiting chair that wasn't full of glass. She let Peachy down, venting about it online.
The lights went eye searingly green around her, the glass and debris and own body lifting in the beam. Though she'd seen this in the Muda Kingdom before, she was a screaming namby-pamby princess for today. This was an alien that browsed digibutter!
One leg in, followed by the other, the madhouse devoured him, no backing out. Yoshi dropped into the den, crouching and pouring over Sonny's condition. An ugly deep scar split across his once movie star worthy visage, the rest of the damage hidden by the uniform and ropes.
"I.. never.. Got. to..meet..Wendy O.." Agent Toad coughed to the side, staining his carpet red.
"I'll call Mario!"
"Hol on."
He was startled from that taped up person shaped thing, leaned against the corner, half way out of the closet he was stuffed in.
"Stop starin and pull this!"
His strong if hesitant tug unraveled the bandit, spinning him around and bringing down game cases of Sonny's before collapsing on the NES Classic, still paused halfway through SMB3. Agent 0069 breathed laboriously while Yoshi watched, afraid to touch his noodly body. "..I.. I ain't ready yet in shiet," he grunt. "S-see da gun?"
Yoshi removed the weighty super scope off of the stand, the only weapon he recognized somewhat in the mounted array of zappers and ray guns.
"Now git out there! Why you thank I put this address online? 0088 bout to get to Project Z!"
Yoshi peeked into the back yard, where the gumdrop shaped creature was cutting at the lock on a shed, thin trail from the lit cigar. The grass was brown and dying and there was a sturdy post in the ground, nothing else in the fenced off area besides a neon green bmx bike chained up. "Is there a dog here?"
"Sonny pet sits for Saleisha Koopa on weekdays. Some hoe workin at Harry's Shop."
"She's.. not! Shut up you!.. Dick!" Agent Toad rasped, coughing more blood.
"Understood..." Yoshi silently crept out, shakily taking aim in the same pose he remembered Mario doing on a safari once. He couldn't squeeze the trigger, not after the third try. It just wasn't him and yet he had to act and soon, the shank of the lock almost snipped.
He launched an egg, sending the rogue agent rolling across the lawn until he slapped the white fence. 0088 shook out of it before Yoshi got a chance to pounce, pudgy face full of malice. -Pop pop pop! Rays of light flew, centimeters from Yoshi's nose as he fell on his back, proceeding to swiss cheese Sonny's home. Poochy leaped over the fence, ignoring his father's calls of retreat to blindside and bite 0088's behind. His zapper flew into the air, giving 0069 time to crawl out with the super scope.
"You cornered AF. Freeze." he ordered, keeping it trained on him. "What does Spy Guy want?"
0088 squeaked and odd tale as Poochy growled, at something above. A shadow rolled over Yoshi, one second before it felt like a bob-omb detonated in his skull. He crumpled in agony from head to toe, facing upwards where a glider, tripled in his vision, circled the property. The pilot held a contraption with a dish on the end, emitting some force he couldn't see. A mere flicker towards the bandit got him to drop the gun. 0088 rolled to his zapper again, pressing it in Poochy's face. Now they were cornered 'AF', at the mercy of Project Z!.
Dissociating, this thoughts drifted beyond the mortality matters, landing for a moment on this conundrum: How did Anti-Guy have it already?
'Cause that's the crappy prototype. They stole my signature ability bro! Emerson has anti-boo walls so you gotta help me!' Someone violently shook the shed door from the inside.
Yoshi latched onto the lock, the weight of his body going limp again finally snapping it. The entity barged out, and with the lucidity to getting bashed in the nose during that, Yoshi shifted away from the ruckus of the glider crashing on the roof. The Agony Ray broke into crude handmade pieces, followed by heavy tactical boots, severed legs laced in them, a robed torso sliced cleanly, and the final portion in the lawn, all accompanied by deep red blood splatter.
"?!" 0088 cursed before the baddie on the loose, a grayish purple sphere with a short tail and sharp teeth, originating from the breached tackle box in the shed. It murdered him without a tap. The strollin' stu's nose bleeding in drips at first, soon a steady flow into the ground he promptly face plant in. The ground shook, something was barking and bouncing over. The chain-chomp with a pink bow leapt over the fencing, snagged the 'snack' of 0088 and hopped out of there, causing Anti-Guy's disembodied head to rotate mask up, inches from Yoshi's orange boot.
"I hope you insolent pups are happy now!"
The dino was going to vomit.
"I am. Guess who's back?" The dark boo reappeared, arms raised. "For an encore, the one! The only!... Never mind. You know who I am and I don't do monologues. By the way, not cool bro." Zoo S. Diddley, far more horrifying than Yoshi ever witnessed before, revealed a chunk of his cranium missing, cut cleanly to the brain. "This is why I didn't give my body to science!"
A red boo decked in winter gear, with a certain sleazy quality about him phased into the yard. "Are you-"
Zoo dipped into the shadows, Agent M giving chase.
Yoshi scooped up his son. "We're out of here!" He ran blindly through Sonny's house, tripping over cords and bringing more of the bachelor pad down with him.
"Sir.."
He froze at the door, turning back. "Emerson, I lost my fiancé over the inherent peril of being Mario's helper. And this is worse!"
Sonny pulled himself off of the ground, sprinkled in the ambient light of the holes in his walls. "From the top. I've been a resident here for eight months. Part of my cover. I know I almost got you killed again with my stupid faking death and inventions and garbage. They'd already had my funeral at HQ and I couldn't help myself. I had to capitalize. I felt invincible more than action star 'Jack Toad' on screen, working through the night. That was a manic episode in retrospect. I'm sorry. If Charles didn't have that gold mask now.."
" ...That was mine." Poochy grew so heavy he had to let him go. "Taken when some lunatics claiming to be Desert Tours inc stuffed me into a wagon. If Snifit Patrol hadn't noticed.."
"Mr. Munchakoopas, again I'm sorry. You can drop me from here."
"Don't say that." The dinosaur had the first full breath he'd had since sneaking in. "You didn't meet Wendy O. yet."
…
"What happened?" Mario gawked at his friend and dog entered his pad with a wooden gate, covered in mud and white plaster. Yoshi tried to shower that from himself and his son, albeit via a neighbor's outdoor sprinkler, but-
"The housing market's killer." Hit with more familiar, comforting smells he then noticed there was someone else present.
"-Mr. Yoshi, long time no see!"
"Huh."
"Yeah, It's 'Goombario', or the paladin of the 'Mario Anti Defamation League'," boasted a young geekish goomba with square fangs and a blue ball cap, backwards now. A touch hipper. Just a touch. "It dawned that I let this weekend's debacle happen to my man, and being within walking distance I'm here to make sure nothing funny happens."
After they left, a rocket kart almost ran them over.
"Like that!" Ever prepared, Goombario whipped out a four person bike for everyone to follow.
Along the way they stopped at a light, the goomba's insistence as they were technically a vehicle, a tractor pulling a wagon passed in the opposite lane, due South. Snifit Patrol was a life saver, but not infallible. Those could run on Sunday.
The Desert Tours Inc tractor visited every tile of the map, avoiding tire bursting pokies, violent tweesters, and head-wear stealing vultures. Myths were shared at points of interest, from a cheat sheet of the noki driving. They visited the ancient dueling yoshi and hammer bro sphinxes. Camera flashes showered it, their liveliness impressing Laki. He knew how city slickers were, being one that just happened to have skin about a millimeter thicker and prioritize growth opportunities over the comfort of being off on weekends.
He visited Tutankoopa's tomb, a huge structure, the intricate stone work preserved by being buried years ago. A velvet rope blocked the torch lit passageway, so all the tourist could do was stick their neck in to snap the hieroglyphs. Victor hadn't given Laki season passes or anything, plus Dry Bomber tanks were there, Area 64 overlapping with Dry Dry Ruins around there. One tourist wanted to remain, another noki if a weirdo, sunglasses and a tank top, tan lines visible on his reddened skin. He signed the waiver so Laki shifted into gear and go out of there.
"Drop it!" The radio buzzed. The oafish officer crumbled up the wanted poster for 'Jefe del Escuadrón Toad.'
"Why litter?" A sunglasses wearing noki waggled an empty iv solution bag.
"We didn't do that. We just got here, mate-"
"Don't share our business!" Another ran up. "I knew that was you all along. You're this close to being on oasis syphoning duty."
"Give Reginald credit, mon ami. He refrained from mentioning the part where you placed your comrade's bodies in there."
"Hey!" Reginald aimed his super scope, belatedly noting that the shellfish creature had already aimed his silenced pistol first, above the belt. Five proximate guards drew their weapons in various states of wear and disrepair, tourists in the background flashing the cameras, glad they missed out on that mess.
The noki mentally called out to the only living thing he could, getting more than he bargained for. Leaping over the velvet ropes was a mare and chicken, knocking over the closest guards with the gun, then over the noki's head. Buck-Wilde and Col-Turkey, missing animals of Bob continued on as sand shook from the crevices of the temple. A swarm of gauze wrapped Toads, Mummy-Mes, poured out, carrying the guards away with them. The noki cut inside the tomb in the confusion, were modern pried and burst open cedar boxes ruined the ancient architecture of columns and coffins lining the richly painted walls. As he suspected, Nitro Honey Syrup was used. It could have blown the landmark off of the map.
"Or not, Jelectro. I was just in a hospital remember? Fractions ain't rocket science."
He spun to the journalist the wheelchair, rolling from the darkened corner. It didn't seem real. Reviving disgruntled Kings officers to..
The agent yanked him by the collar. "What are you doing? How did you get here?"
"I don't publish my methods."
"Your boo minion lobotomized my civil partner, Mitch! I knew the instant it happened, kingdoms away. What method was that? What.. is this dark force-"
He calculatingly watched him tremble. "Hey with your feverish good looks you'll find a replacement beard, even at your big age of-"
The noki threw him on the hard polished stone flooring, whipping him the back end of his pistol once before he stopped himself, weapon frozen in the air. "Two days ago you saved dozens of lives by sedating the wicked staff of MK East. Why have you gone this way now, Mitch?!"
"You wouldn't get it, expat!"
"Then help me!"
The Toad held his jaw, the sunlight from the square window above making the Toad's cloudy eyes glow. He'd beaten some of the ego out of him, not the defiance as he scooted back to the wall, face all pinched in fury. "I'll.. We're done here. Arrest me already."
However, some part of Mitch betrayed him, as Jelectro got an eidetic glimpse of forty years ago. Someone was the dark, carrying a bundle... a small child.. nearing the river and-
"Hi!"
"Hello, Russ."
"Take a seat. I'm finishing up."
The guest found his bohemian friend in the middle of cleaning dishes. He hung his fedora as he shuffled in. Russ T. didn't have clients anymore and apparently filled that space with really getting out there. A mini temple figure of Pagoda Peak was on the tidy bookshelf in the sitting room. Above that draped a large banner from the last Mario Kart, next to some signed Rawk Hawk poster, hopefully because that was all of the merch left after the show, where he was all buff and oiled with a six pack, and nude (but covering his junk of course).
The seven foot tall, red curly haired dragon koopa sat on the couch, rotating the gold ring around his index finger idly.
"Have you heard of the curious predicament in the Koton fortress?"
Mr. X turned towards the kitchen. "No I have not."
Russ joined X on the tiny corner available. "That is the curious part! All of that purported slave labor, and they say Toads are trying to get into his council."
"Unfortunate, alas there is little more I can illuminate on Mayor Koton, considering I only knew of him as a grunt in King Morton's castle. -Where is the surprise?" he tacked on.
Not veiling his disappointment very well, Russ T. went to something on the coffee table that escaped his scrutiny, mostly due to the crochet blanket covering it. He ripped the cover off, revealing the broken up lapis lazuli bust portions. Mr. X was very glad he was seated.
"W-what does that mean?"
"Honestly nothing. Mario has lend it to me indefinitely. I just thought I'd-"
"Farewell."
Mr. X was gone in a flash. In fact that 'other guy' he was irrevocably connected to had never moved like that, Russ was sure. Scrambling over, he barely caught him retrieving his fedora and swinging open the door.
"Wait!"
"Why Russ? We've been through this!"
Drubbed by the reaction he was fearing all along, Russ switched his glasses for prescription shades. "For your safety, I will drive you. You are still staying around-"
Mr. X chuckled in his gruff if subdued way, leaning against the frame. "No need. In an hour I have to audit the warehouse in Pipe Land, and I just splurged on a kart that goes from zero to five-hundred in two seconds."
Russ stepped forward, eyebrows knotting. "With light diffusion technology while parked, Clarentine?"
Mr. X whipped around, the muscle kart, his Blue Falcon missing from the curb. He burst outside, scanning around in vain. The key fob remained in his pocket, and the alarm was armed. He dropped to his knees in the middle of the road, hat and coat paces behind, sweat beads rolling off his bumpy forehead. "Noooo!"
"Was that your vehicle?"
A four person bike rode up. So exposed and carrying those individuals, he had a spasm trying to hurry away.
"Sir, Poochy can ride in that basket. Can't you boy?... Now you can ride."
"Consider it," Mario said, squinting. "You are.. Mr. X aren't you?" He tuned to his friends and back. "We gotta pull through for him. If he has to drop Peach's contract you know what her reaction will be!"
"Ahhhhh!"
"My dear, I am here!" Prof. X-Naut assured, having the daylights squeezed out of him by his abductee.
"Oh. Whoops, hehe." The Sarasalandian stepped away, keeping her arms clasped behind her back. "Got spooked cause.. Ugh. I need help."
"Show me your third eye!"
"I ain't got one! 'HiImDaiiizy' is just my screen name on digibutter. Surprised you picked up on the pun."
"Well you should not be! Ignore those pms from user: ManinBlack, it's moot now. See, I use reverse psychology too so no one assumes that the person trolling them can actually dismantle their secret institutions. Ho ho! Step closer."
Yeah, she felt like a dolt in the middle of the familiar spaceship, half lab, half kitschy furniture and orange shag carpet adorned. He mostly picked with her hair, and when he was done it sorta looked better.
"Perfect, no hidden implants!" the stout alien sang. "Well, since we are not being monitored, you may elaborate on your request. You may even use your natural cockney accent here."
"Uh.. sure. So this guy is gonna spread rumors that I'm engaged with Peach!"
He clapped for her.
"No!" She slumped into his wicker chair. "I was just saying anything in the moment. I wish I could take it back! If ya know to get the truth out, do ya know how to stop the false? That came out weird. I just don't want to ruin Peachy's life okay?"
Prof. X-Naut retrieved from a drawer a web covered analog character clock, ticking in a weak metallic way. "All I have is my MacGuffin, my dear fellow. Usually the temporal portals are for escaping Red Chomps, not resolving such volatile 'love' matters. Even if so, while it looks operable, it is not I assure you."
"Oh gods." At a dead end, she searched for an exit, even if they were spinning above town fueling all sorts of conspiracies.
He casually slapped the device on the counter. "Don't you shut me up from exposing the ignis fatuus of the entertainment industry! 'Crazy in Love' is not just a hit from Beanyonce... What were we talking about?.. Go ahead and take my MacGuffin, I am certain you won't lose it like that Bridget officer. I warn you that 'Sirrom' smashed this with a sledgehammer after revealing his prophecy, so be careful with that." He tossed it over.
Daisy unenthusiastically caught it. "Gee thanks."
"Why the long face? I wasted all your time until the sixteenth hour, as you intended right?"
"The news just hit and here she is," remarked the Spindel, nearly the width of the room as he stared down the koopaling on their Darklandian crest rug with the flashing ankle bracelet.
"I know! That's the good thing bout being me! Ha!" Bowser grumbled under his breath, "Almost makes up for the bad stuff... Go on babydoll, sign it."
Wendy flipped through the packet another time to stall. She'd already asked to go to the ladies room, took forever, then pretended she left her purse somewhere, sending her 'disciples' on a hunt upstairs. Emery stumbled upon an exquisite one Wendy would have loved to pretend was her's, but a blue ribbon whomp corporal snatched it away. First of all it was an imported 'shoulder bag'. And men's! Anyway, she graced the form with her hen track, above her substitute of 'Ian Koopa', watching some distance away.
"Cool, now what?"
"We work for you, Prince Lemmy!" Tanner saluted. "Er, regarding work in the fortress. Outside of that we still defer to Lord Bowser."
"We know that," Hippity Hop droned. "Can we change out of these pink clown suits?"
"I liked them honestly, but do whatever. Can I visit the conference room?"
"Not yet, Mr. Lemmy." Mr. Steinblock craftily glared at the young adult and teenager on each side of a mostly oblivious and tired Bowser. "The Mayor must approve, which will happen after his servant arrives right about.. Now!"
A red Toad entered, soaked and wet from the near perpetual Neo Bowser City rainfall, steps dragging the floor. He shuffled to the thwomps guarding the elevators, and was allowed inside. Lemmy felt icky to actually encounter one of those servants, and without a single excuse that it wasn't what it looked like. Worse yet, they were shooed away from the fortress that touched the poisonous clouds into the courtyard, filled with static ghastly Tox Boxes raised on curiously sloping altars. He might not get called in until Monday!
"Baby-doll, that last one was on you. Get it?" Bowser pressed open the massive iron gates. "Now get in!"
Wendy rolled her eyes, stomping to the limousine on the sidewalk. Johnson opened the door for her. "Ladies-"
Hippity Hop fluttered in, so he could get to the champagne first.
Once everyone was in, Lemmy resorted to his backup plan: Beg to be taken to the theater, where his siblings and other minions were viewing 'BUZZY: The Movie' to escape the noxious bug bombs in their new (old stock) castle. Without any suspicion he could detect, Bowser had the driver drop him off in front of the brightly lit cinema. He rushed in as Iggy was leaving the men's room with towels, dabbing in frustration at his dripping wet VR headset.
"Hop! Vouch for me!" he yelled from the ticket booth.
"Erm, I'm busy Ian," he moaned, disappearing into a corridor to theater six.
Lemmy glumly bought the one coin ticket. Their comradery used to be so effortless, even if they had a squabble. Now their relationship was brittle, laced with unsaid yet insurmountable grievances, and it would have to stay that way as he ventured into the auditorium, cycling between pitch black and blinding during the action scenes. The showing was crowded, and he had to leave the ball and skip up and down some steps, annoying moviegoers who whacked him with popcorn and candy. On the upside free snacks, not so much however Ludwig's condition on an end row seat, slouched back until a tap jolted him to life.
"Lemmy!.." he muttered low and intensely, eyes filled with panic. "You have to.. gather it. Now. I am fading I fear."
Lemmy tumbled down the steps, theatrics covered up by a pivotal moment on screen, complete with some cheers in the crowd. It changed to boos when he mass texted his brothers, various ringtones on max volume (which wasn't usually that loud when they were living in concrete castles) going off all over the room. Crap began to rain on them, kicking them out too.
Roy lifted the rainbow haired koopaling, mashing him shell first against posters of future blockbusters. "I better not be spoiled tonight!"
"I'm sorry but we have to hurry for Luddy! All of us!.. Mostly." Dishearteningly, one brother wasn't scowling at him in the lobby, likely because his number was blocked.
Lemmy couldn't dwell on that, leading his grumpy, except for Bowser Junior maybe, crew of Roy, Morton, and Larry with him down the block to the fortress. They journeyed through the soggy bramble filled courtyard halfway without incident, then there was a loud screech of metal. They froze, looking around before slowly moving on.
"Umm guys?" Junior questioned.
Lemmy decided to not ignore him, rolling back. "Huh?"
"The face changed." He pointed over.
With another screech the tox boxes shifted completely from their altars.
Noise drove the snaggle toothed officer up a wall. Not a Pushy-Wall or 'Bomp', a relative to whomps like him, a.. Never mind. While goonies had a grand time in the heavens, Water Land's lotic 'goop' issue was about to endanger the land dwellers, community marked by the wooden sign with kanji, arrows spanning four ways. He righted it, uncovering a missed splotch.
Sergeant Howie blew a whistle. A Toad came over, hosing around with device on his back, a 'F.L.A.U.D.' (Flash Longitudinally Articulating Utility Drencher). The onerous clean up was up to the Gadd imitations, what the other Toads in orange jumpsuits used as Yellow Toad rejoined them.
"Can we discuss the Elle in the room?"
The Toad Brigade took a break from spraying in neat lines, where the beach and deep jungle greens intertwined, and met in a shady spot.
"Good. So-"
"Let's start with Mordecai!" Captain Toad cut Yellow Toad off, making his eye twitch.
Mailtoad lifted his focus from his sand caked boots, boring into him with the faintest of embers. "I loved this job, but I must announce my severance on account of, umm, you know, objectionable activities. Zechariah barely wants to speak to me now."
The Captain tilted his head quizzically at the tall purple subordinate. "Wasn't that your mission partner back at the Berlin Byways? .. Ah, so it's religion holding you back again. Must Archivist Toadette always replace you?"
"Did I stutter?"
"Yes. As always."
"-Captain, his eleemosynary and proselytizing work aside, his logic is sound," Hint argued. "I will list our work as 'odd jobs with uncle Amiibo' on my resume..." The Captain gave the professor a frightening look. "Eek! ..Or- or not considering the hospitality you've shown him."
The Captain unstrapped his FLAUD, violently slamming it against a tree. To the counterfeit's credit, it hadn't burst into bolts by the time the tree toppled over, unlike the fate of the team's 'uncle' on their last safari. "What are we doing caring about silly concepts like 'reputation' when no one knows our real names?!"
"Can I get lines again? Bill." Yellow tuned out those antics, turning to Banktoad, out of the way and arms folded, leaning against an unbrutalized palm tree. "Why do you let your father's youngest brother of nine profit from your impulse disorder?"
The green Toad stepped forward, stunned. "Jörg. Because I'm not blameless either. I'm the modern Hooded Robin and until today, when he had to mess with these jewels or whatever I didn't hate that much. Losing all that I did, getting kicked from home didn't hurt anymore cause of what's Stanley done for me. You know we didn't even know each other until walls fell, right? So.. yeah I love him."
No voices then, only the crashing waves, caws of the water fowl, and rustling from that one other parolee on the island, some nurse that didn't speak to them on the way here and no one blamed her.
"I am okay with that," Hint declared.
"Yeah umm I guess."
Yellow Toad snapped from the daze of the obvious conclusion. "I get that, but why can't you get treated?"
"Today's practitioners think it's an avian or amphibian ailment only," Captain Toad popped in. "We should consult with Nass."
"I politely decline!" The nurse sprayed away with her FLAUD, before something overtook her and she had to crawl back. "There are pretty of poorly studied maladies affecting our genus, and we don't have doctors like Dr. Mario or Prof. Koopa that really pushed anymore.. that last one very literally. You have my sympathies." She slid her glasses up and then returned to avoiding the men.
"Something like that.. By the way, Howard trusted her to hold something while he skinny dipped earlier." Flushed, Banktoad materialized a heavy set of gold keys to a boat. If he hadn't just made the staid point, that uber smooth, self demonstrating moment would have earned him some adulation, even from puritan like Mailtoad.
The Captain greedily swiped them. "I'll hold on to that, thank you. I have no plans of domination. Test me, Jörg," he challenged.
"Das ist doch alles Scheiße!"
"May I help?"
With a headache for trying, Yellow turned to Hint. "I doubt being redolent of a dialogue box will help, Heinemann."
"The empath is the most elusive talent under the psychic umbrella," Hint Toad tried anyway. "Was I close? This sounds like a skill issue."
He couldn't be mad. That was an opportune hint.
...
Sgt. Howie passed out sandwiches, pebble filled as Yellow Toad found out the hard way. The whomp apologized, chuckling. It was just the crunchy peanut butter. Losing his appetite for the first time in his life, he retreated to the dock, staring hard at oily waters.
"Hey. For future reference, you're welcome to visit Zechariah's apiary. I just used my free call on him, so, umm, disaster averted there. You wouldn't have to convert or work the bees even, we need taste testers too."
He just called him fat! -In the most innocent way possible, making him guilty to gain such a burst of confidence from that rarely seen, definitely not well practiced, but genuine smile from the mailman.
"..Or.. Umm. You can test your powers? Or something too. Must be.. uh."
"I wouldn't say scary, Mordecai, more like thrilling." He rose, pointing out recumbent cop in the white and blue hammock, tied between two strained trees. Without pressure, the info flowed to him.
'..Sergeant Howard Nurikabe.. 58. Born and bred in Shroom City. Placed third in a national triathlon twenty years ago! Impressed? Thought so boy. I- He was escaping the humdrum of being a seasonal obstacle on Bowser's golf course. Which sucked! He hates Bowser. And evil. Why he joined Snifit Patrol, the last remaining from his original lineup, who were losers anyway. Don't ever mistake me for a 'baddie' or think I'm old, not with somebody needn' help RIGHT NOW-'
The whomp sprung off the hammock. Nass T. was struggling in the swells, and Yellow was in the way, trampled by the cop and knocked into the murky water with a huge splash. Mailtoad dove agilely and just as his arm graced Yellow's, an actual sea monster chased them towards an activated underwater pipe, funneling both into the depths.
What did this mean? Peach folded that the fax spat out and lost a heel in her dash down from the tower. And why was it sent here? She read it again at the bottom.
'Okay so, Luddy told us this: The canyons, mountains, plains, and plateaus, the lowest and highest extremes of Earth result from the primordial feud of the duality of mortals, Parallelogon, god of prudence and Rapscintillation, god of indulgence. The nemeses operate, ad verbum, as propagators of their respective virtue, the original 'influencers'. Those were his cringe quotes. Anyway, omg scary right?' -Ignatius H Koopa.
She gave up, late enough, clinging to some foolish hope that she could be bailed out of her own problems. She removed the other shoe voluntarily to hightail it through the village, incurring curious and pitying glances all the way to the shortcut, a newly built bridge across the canyon. She arrived from uphill, behind the big flat effigy of her castle, life size to fill in a void in the skyline until her real one was constructed. That mysterious Mr. X included such attention to detail that she was tempted to dive inside and slip into bed like some fantasy, but her father's grossly oversized cheep cheep blimp had arrived engulfed the lot of Royal Raceway and the reality was that it was go time.
Poshley officers let a robed human, King Elderberry Toadstool out, tall and broad, blockish head accented by a black and gold mushroom shaped crown, the sides extending to the sideburns of his dyed black beard. Diamonds twinkled from his ear lobes and rings near his thick knuckles, no other adornments. The moment his cog hit the pavement and he removed the round shaded glasses from his aquiline nose, he found something to critique, the aroma permeating castle grounds.
Chef Timothy had five grills smoking in the rec area of the track for the dinner feast. The King shut the covers and had officers take the cook away. Les played the Mushroom Anthem on clarinet, but the King plugged his ears and ordered a guard to made the purple Toad choke on the woodwind. Kinopio-Kun was floating in a lotus pose on a swan boat in the lake and that was unacceptable too, the King siccing more guards on that. Work trucks made the area just off track into a muddy hill with nipper plants, and somehow that became an ally to the princess. If her dad didn't put up with the windy roundabout way to get to her, he'd get soiled. A big rock was in the way of that route too, and he'd used up the immediate officers in the area on such trite that no one could help him.
"How am I to get across this?!"
"Please father, touch grass!" she called down from the cannon mound.
Sizzling, he cut across to be upon her in moments. Nasty shoes? No problem apparently. He took them off. It only matched her she realized with embarrassment, up there and barefoot.
"What a lovely abode... for a Paper Character!"
Peach nodded stiffly. "We may speak here," directing him over a nice stone patio, some surviving shrubs Joe pruned and the sturdy metal dining set.
Before they reached it, the clouds parted and a police cruiser slammed onto the dining set. Malfunctioning thrusters shot it over their heads and into a 'window' of Peach Castle, splashing into the unfinished moat behind it. Following some cries from workers, three soggy occupants were dragged over, dazed as Peach ran over and hugged them like mad- including the cop.
"Let's make family reunion quick," Toad advised quietly. "I'll share the rest later. Where's your-"
Grinning impishly, The King let a long scroll unroll. Peach about launched to the moon.
"You are done father, done?" He read back. "You will cease infusing your wicked ideas on the impressionable. I beseech you to dissolve your reign and live the rest of your days HERE under my supervision, lest I ruin you? I am losing control of my institutions. I am losing Mario. I have little left, so I am more than willing to go back on my promise?" He let it float gently to the driveway, whisking around in the air a scepter next.
A ball of light lifted over pale faces and settled on an empty green plot, many acres wide, adjacent to castle grounds and the racetrack. The yard sparkled.
"My daughter, I promised I'd not be a pain in your neck. I can go back on that too. You will be one under MY supervision!"
Toad picked his jaw up. "It's mine already. My family never scratched off me off the paperwork."
"This family, Earl?" The King stepped to the side and some Toads in black and gold robes arrived from the leisure route, ogling everything. There were of the highest pedigree of red Toad, down to the lack of gender indicators, just like their long lost descendant.
"Earl, how have you been?" Duke asked as casually as discussing the weather.
"O-okay. Over here." Rattled, he motioned away from Peach and company. Mr. Toad imagined they'd always sound the same, and never so enervated.. "How is it there?"
"Super boring!" Some younger relative he'd never met pushed their way up at the picnicking area, where ice sculptures were ordered and wine the tyke wouldn't be getting was on the table.
Mr. Toad took a gulp straight from a bottle before swaying to address the lot. "Well? Spit it out."
After a low murmur, "Our behavior towards you was a travesty. We were pressured by the lofty ones," Duke explained, others nodding as they stayed back from the leading aristocrats.
"Like who? Elderberry never cared."
"Well.. Their identities are lost in the sands of times. Forgive us."
He sighed out years of frustration. "I do, for my own sanity at least, but admit that I was doing you a favor. That none you tried to stop me was devastating, man."
"As a line with .0001% variance, we were devastated too!" Duke paused, as if waiting for a rally and never getting it, unless that young kid who stuck their tongue to an ice sculpture and couldn't rip it off counted. "You are 'Toad' to be the paragon of us folks, Earl."
"Shut up!" The nobels flinched. "Look! It just wasn't meant and you gotta accept it, no matter how much you've selectively bred us into clones. Maybe that's where you effed up man, that's why I don't like Toads. Or like 'that' I mean. You'll never control our personalities, behaviors, and preferences like that, unless you wanna be an ass-"
Ka boom! So close was the explosion, everyone was sent to the ground, ears ringing. As the spray of water, planks, and construction material rain over them, Toad rose first, his blanched face glowing from orange flames.
"They giving you trouble?" someone asked in the Birthday Girl that rolled up, all the windows shattered.
"Oh my gosh!" Toadette jumped out as it caught fire, splat on her face, then peeled herself up. "I'm supposed to be at the princess's side! She's losing 'face'!"
Bucken-Berry slung her away so quickly, that she wondered if he thought their princess was literally in danger of that. He stuffed and fired her from the cannon, bursting another hole in Peach's 2D Castle. It would be discovered that Snifit Patrol's cruiser drifted downstream, where the fiery grills the King's officers couldn't tame set off the ammunition in the trunk. The stands were blackened, many pallets of material was incinerated, and the King's blimp burst into a million pieces.
At the garden where father and daughter stood, having nowhere to sit, "-Oh my... Since your stay will be extended, let's take a stroll around Star Hill."
The King cocked one eyebrow. " I oblige."
…
Pressing the turtley leaf wrapped bundle close, they sprint under the northern lights, avoid campsites, even if that meant remaining in the darkened icy wilderness.
(Smells come through. The earthly, the strong sting of evergreens. Then- pungently of death. Never encountered. Always near.)
In independent territories, physiognomy was inconsequential to the leagues of WW63's rivaling Kings.
Never before have they so aggressively fought to reclaim the kingdoms in-between them, lands that crafted their own identities from the ashes of previous wars.
Releasing the child to the magikoopa elders of Crystal Palace was their only hope, so pinched for time. One force was devout, the other nonsectarian, the baby and their gifts incongruous with both.
They hopped on slippery rocks across the stream, almost losing their footing. The last of their strength tossed them into the cavernous room of the palace, the child waking and fussing from the piercing low temps.
All that was left were mirrored walls and the guardian's reflection, and the reflection of that reflection..
(He peers as well into infinity, spanning into the deepest recesses of Guardian's mind. He gets it. Wherever he is, he feels it too.)
Clash! The mirrors shattered, the guardian ducking as shards pelted their head and back. Rising slowly, they recognized it was the work of the screaming child. The clatter of boots sent them out. Which army it was they did not bother to turn and find out.
Not even as they were chased through the snow. Not even as the back of their heel was jabbed by a spear, and they fell hard on their stomach, sliding a few yards from the river. Guardian's fate decided, they slid the bundle into the stream, where it was carried out of the reach of the squad.
...
The Thought Peek session abruptly concluded, the drained noki plummeting helplessly to the dusty floor. His weapon clacked next to his suspect, the journalist static against the decorated wall. Beads of tears were in the corners of Mitch's vacantly open eyes, his face otherwise mildly contorted from shock.
"-Jay c'mon!"
Once Agent 0069's window rolled down, Jelectro found him outside the tomb entrance, in Agent N's invisi-kart. The back door opened, Agent Toad spilling out with a picnic basket. Agent N was in there too, but he didn't want to even look. He tried to make up for that bout of timidity by asking about the basket, instantly regretting it.
"..You are a head in a box, Rodney!"
"Brilliant. Have a biscuit please," the severed head snapped.
Sonny closed that up. "Yeah, I'm thinking I'll make some sort of extra resilience potion from his samples in the fridge. Anyway, Agent M is tracking Zoo, 0088 was eaten by the pet of someone that's not my girlfriend, and Spy Guy is still out there. What should we do, sir?"
"Why didn't you tell me?!" A cold breeze hit them as the red boo returned from the shadows. He panted, baring jagged teeth, full of bruises from some fight, winter coat tattered and spilling cotton. "About what happened to Bridget?"
"Uh.. I was busy pretending to be dead. How could I have-"
"Gaah!" The belligerent red boo beat him across the head with the basket, incurring two instances of 'ouch'. "We're dealing with Boo before Charlie," he decided for everyone.
The noki straightened himself up. "Mon ami-"
M spun on Jelectro, quaking in rage. "Save it Bond. Who cares about Zoo either? It's Boo that tried to kill your fracking Jeremy remember?!"
"Up here, urgently," came from a room upstairs. From Goomba Tower, the elder had seen it all.
Mr. Toad tapped on the door. "Listening."
"If Sumeet did not pull that stunt, intentionally or not, why I would have tossed some dynamite myself good chap!"
"That! Yeah that was cool," he laughed lightly, though losing his eyebrows was sorta annoying. He'd have to borrow those pencils from the girls and try to make it look manly..
".. Master Toad, with a mere seven years between us, I'm not an old coot am I?"
"Naw, man!"
"-Who is he?"
"...Oh." Toad missed the shiny checker tiles of their old mezzanine, where he could stare down and give himself a silent pep talk. "It's.. I mean it's not anything yet officially, but.. Luigi."
"Very exemplary," he replied so evenly he had to have known. "If anyone can handle the infamous Difficulties Ahead, it is you two...Don't cry, it's quite alright."
Toad wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He held it back during their little gathering where he tried to ameliorate, and badly, perhaps poor for their health too with the smoky air, ultimately agreeing to wait until Peach and her dad returned. He was neither carefree and happy nor crushed. Just unadulterated.
"You will be an excellent in my wake."
"Riding Mario's wave, huh?... Sam?"
Toad pressed into the sour smelling room. He cut on a lamp, revealing an olive throw towel with a lump of the middle of the room, between two small servants beds. He ripped the cover from the moldy, brown spotted, white haired chancellor. On his back, one arm was up, stiff fingers twisted unnaturally. The Earl staggered backwards, bringing the lamp down with him. The bulb was broken, leaving him babbling in the dark.
"Master Toad, listen. Toadstools of yore believed that The Jewel of the Stars was their instrument to puppet Toads. The truth is that the hooks were in their backs. Our princess was not the first to sever the ties, it was- Oh heavens!" the disembodied voice bayed. "I'm almost out of.. Find the Judas. Now. We did NOT destroy it all. I thought he never would- and from my hands- Strike him down before the Jewel of Stars meet!"
...
The journey was rife with danger, the chasm cutting into the mountain's walking paths and forcing the pair to take treacherous detours. Peach and Mushroom King finessed around downed trees all the way to the craggy precipice, rewarded with an astonishing view of the kingdom and drizzling soul restoring star bits.
"Father," Peach began after a moment. "I didn't think you were wrong as a teenager. How could I? That horrid.. Villain told m-me to make that decision."
He slipped an arm around her. "I suspected as such and gave you minimal resistance. These beings are beyond us. With your mother's insatiable appetite for knowledge, that was the last secret she uncovered."
"..Sincerely, father?" she sniffled.
"Yes. It's gone now?"
"..I hope. I believe Villain was attempting to dismantle the kingdom. I know reports of my 'defenselessness' spread in those times, until the Marios appeared."
He faced her sharply. "If not one of them, whom were you engaged to?"
She quietly exhaled, stepping away. Way to ruin that. "..Princess Daisy Bloom of Sarasaland."
"I approve."
"Do not humor me!"
The King's snickers continued as he went off, examining the abyss ahead with little visible qualm. "My stay up North has shown me the error of my ways, daughter. Even Toads cannot be trusted! I shall invest in the latest Mecha-Yoshi technology."
"Father.. Never mind." She sighed, plopping onto a fallen log. "To get this matter out of the way, the letter in my parcel was preemptive, penned while I was in a dreadful state. My declaration now is you can stay here if you wish, however you will change nothing!"
He kept his back towards her, a silhouette against a wall of purpleish mist. "Hmph. Not even your habit of using covert watchers?"
She shot up. "You first."
The jig up, King's guards stepped out of the bushes. Toadette tried to slide down a tree trunk, the one the cannon shot her into and she'd been stranded it for a while, before Luigi helped catch her. It was just in time, as every tree in the forest shook at once, making star bits gush for a moment on everyone.
~"We.. Never.. Clocked.. Out.. And.. You.. Owe us.. bread. We'll.. Just.. Eat.. YOU!"
Hoards of mummy-mes appeared out of the foliage. Peach was swept forward and pummeled, while others pushed her father over the edge. He caught a branch, the monsters leaping into the void after him. One spunky one landed on his shoulders and squeezed his thick neck, strangling the mushroom ruler until he was blue than the glow of the sacred land.
Huddled helplessly, Peach petitioned to the stars.
"I refuse that wish. It does not fit me."
She shook her head. No Villain, she's never wanted his life, only to stifle his influence. She'd do anything to not lose him.
"Stop talking about the man you abhor. Wish for your MOTHER back. I dare you... You don't trust me? Ha ha ha. Now that you forfeit, everything will be stripped from you, including the calm of death."
What? Her heart just. Burst. It was over-
"Peachy!" Daisy said, just warping in. "Use this! What it'll do I dunno. Hail Mary."
"What is thaaaat?"
The blonde princess was tugged away from the fissure, and the rest was a haze. Strong seismic activity sent her and her friends rolling back as more of the cliff crumbled way, widening the gap. Near the bottom of Star Hill, Peach was lucid enough to unearth herself. She saw some bare feet belonging to a strange woman, with white skin and hollowed out black eyes, in identical dress, if faded. A scream crawled from her throat, climbing over downed trees and rocks as the crone advanced with a long sharp crown of a clock. As Daisy and others woke up, 'Hcaep' was pinning Peach down, screeching shrilly.
"We are done here."
The strike of black lighting created a blast bigger than the King's ship, sending the bodies flying from the pileup. Luigi didn't want to look from where he'd landed on a trailer, but he did, jumping up to find his princess still there, in the middle of melted metal that used to be Star Hill's entrance gates, shivering and covered in some dark goop. Hcaep, her future self had taken the hit.
"...What."
Chapter End Notes
-Daisy's British accent comes from Super Mario Compact Disco, where she raps on 'Save me (With Your Charm)'.
-Saleisha came from a very old Cycle 9 of America's Next Top Model I was binging during the development of this chapter. I was like 'SALE-isha? That should be a shopkeeper's name'.
-So I was tempted to revert to the original name for 'Thought Peek', called 'Psychopath', since that was used in New Frenemy Adventure (2018) which predates of course the SMRPG remake. I've already taken jabs at it earlier, and don't like remakes much, but for the sake of clarity held back my boomerisms. (No relation to that opening author note)
-Difficulties Ahead is the name of a vehicle you should not ever use in Mario Party 5's Random Ride minigame.
Created: 1/22/23, 23, 26. 27, 28- 2/2, 2/4, 2/8, 2/10- 2/16, 2/21-26, 3/6- 3/9, Mar10/23 Edited: 12/1/23
RR24: 11/30/24- 12/7/24. Edited 7/8/25
Chapter 25: Ouroboros IV
Chapter Summary
Is there an echo? *RR24*Chapter Notes
You already know. Mario and co belong to Nintendo.See the end of the chapter for more notes
"Skipped the caffeine patch, bro?"
Someone else appeared in the void, looking great for the hand that had been dealt him, though behind the horn rimmed lenses his eyes were very different. Less dark, almost shiny. "Sup."
"You're back! Oh my God."
"Yeah. To drop something on ya."
"Huh?"
"-Long story. Break free from the 'castle'. Mentally I mean, Tanner. I don't want cha to fret much if you never see me again. Just to remember that."
"O-oh, wha- what? Wait, are you?-"
Tanner ran forward as his friend's form dissipated and he was suddenly falling through scene after scene, very familiar ones: shenanigans at Bowser's boot camp, his string breaking at the Shroom City yoyo competition, how he met Zoo there, the way Zoo's tricks on stage got the police called, being a sophomore who reversed his first kart into his mom's house, winning a ribbon in middle school for playing a tree because the other actors were miraculously more wooden than him, and accidentally helping his dad win an argument by finger painting the walls with a bunch of colors, which ultimately made the household settle for plain white.
Splat! The koopatrol hit the bottom of oblivion, where upon he leaned up, conscious again in that darned limousine. He squinted, eyes watered from the headache. Emery had a bright screen in her face, playing phone games next to him. The window was down just enough to let her get a bit wet, not that she seemed to care. Johnson was tidying up some bottles laying around, probably from Hippity Hop who snored on top of the mini fridge. Bowser had his big head stuffed in little slot where the driver was, and Wendy watched the fold down television with a ridge sour stance. It was some drama, 'Yoshi's Tropical Island' where a pink and blue yoshi lovers were united by a bridge.
"Great message. It'll be perfect until next episode when it's not..." Emery was off the phone when he checked again, staring out the window.
Something poignant came the koopatrol's mind, echos of someone close, identity blotted out. In the maelstrom of the past few days, did he have any regrets? ..No, he was a minion because Lord Bowser had the right idea. It doesn't matter who you are, just do the job. Ever since joining, he wasn't some failed yoyo influencer, he was a guy that trained the lakitu in target practice (but wasn't deployed in warfare or anything. That nerve disorder.. But still Bowser found a place for the oddly shaped peg he was!) What was he missing then? What was his Toad friend missing?
"Miss Emery?"
"-Your mom's place had some bomb cookies!.. That was random. What?"
He should ask. She must have gotten a letter a some point, from Toad Town, promptly folded away. "Is that why you said what you said?"
"Oh this?..Yeah it's from my mom."
He flushed, gently reaching for her pale hand. "Uh, so I was gonna mention that, you know, this was a crazy ride and if this isn't all it's cracked up to be-"
"It is! It's want I wanted. Not perfect but- that's the part you have to work for. Am I making sense?"
"Totally! If you're gonna settle in, I'll have to show you more! Beyond.." That sting on the brain again. "..beyond Lord Bowser's castle."
She laughed at herself derisively. He rouged more. "I had to hide this from like, everybody, but I ran King's fanclub back home and won one of his karts from an auction before that Snifit Patrol jerk towed it. Think it got shipped to Bowser Land."
"That board is still open! Minions enter free! You'll probably get robbed by Baby Bowsers, but-"
She she crushed him in a hug. "I'm broke anyway. It's a date!"
"Daddy I have to get out of here! Everything's cringe!" Wendy shrieked. When that didn't work, "Daddy, think I just saw Kammy in that luxury Shufflegate Toad shop! The one that hates on us to boost their ESRG scores and accepts checks!"
Bowser fell back into the cab portion. "Where?!"
The limo skid to a stop, causing a pile up of vehicles behind them. Bowser and daughter hopped out, but she diverted down the slick sidewalks, under a broken lamp. Despite the blinking tacky bracelet on her leg, Neo Bowser City's rush hour traffic, karts with ridiculously tiny red roller wheels and ninjis, gloombas, and eeries on foot didn't care to screw with her. She just needed to walk and decompress the rain, and not be reminded of that gross Koton Fortress coming up. Now it glowed? Hideous!
...Startled, she clanged against the barbed fence. The courtyard was filled with lava, trouncing ogre faced beasts rolling on the narrow dry paths. She called repeatedly, the clamor and drones from speeding vehicles covering her up. Lemmy balanced for his life on a raised altar, bumped by the tox boxes ramming it. She knew her big bro was fine there. Junior was the worrying one, wrapped up with him and then there was the state of the rest, doing pull-ups for their lives on the edges of other altars.
"Ohmygosh! Hold on!"
She sprinted across the street to save the distressed dudes. -Not that anything was wrong with that! It was common in folklore actually for a prince to need rescue; she knew her history! Wendy dashed into a mailing center subsidiary. Her disciples gave her the deets on these black holes where the mail went, unless a janitor had a key. One in fact did, some quartz thwomp who'd gutted the walls of Koton's fortress for trap installation earlier, and looked suspiciously like one of their minions but... So, that was the weak point then, and this unclaimed mail had to help her.
The princess pushed aside reservations and climbed into the first bin. On top was a Gaddget imitation 'Spastic Painbrush', but. No power. Nooo! Then a book, 'Rocks: What they are and where to find them', a shipping label slapped on the cover. Seriously, who does that? She dug more and found foundation in a faded box, recalled for allergic reactions. Hmm, that Power Balloon look was something people paid for now. She could resell and start a trend and support recycling at the same time!..
Returning to Earth, she found a crumpled holoflash present box on the way out, caught between two heavy bins.
'From: Koopa Klaus. To: Ian Koopa' the tag on the bombsketball stated.
...
Back in the scorched courtyard, Junior kept weeping into Lemmy, his promo Buzzy figure long lost, Morton blabbed spoilers in between his wheezes to Roy, and Roy almost wished he wasn't in such good shape, so he'd be out of his misery by then. Their rainbow haired leader accepted that he was without the contingencies of their commander, without Iggy, and almost without hope, nothing to do but to plead to G, O, and D for something.
Larry began to freestyle.
"~You can call me L4rry, or call me king. I got the sickest beats in Dark Land, haters get hanged!"
Lemmy shook his head with some disapprobation.
"No Lem. Get hanged up on these facts, yo. Realities of life. I'm a bourgeoisie emo rapper, not the glam type. You know that."
Lemmy's face changed. "Yeah, if we're about to die or something because I don't have the wherewithal to get us out of this, I should let you have fun!"
"Heck yeah- What did you say?" his siblings squalled.
"Nah, he had it right.. Low vibrational like the rest." Wendy eye rolled among the onlookers before blowing around that toxic foundation to clear the area. She found her megaphone again. "Ah-hem. Are we Ready to Rumble folks!?"
She wrapped blank pages torn from the rocks book around the knock-off Gaddget brush, turning it into a battering item. She launched the bombsket ball in the air slugged it over the fortress courtyard entirely. The swim team leader wasn't sure she had it in her until that upper storied window shattered instantly. With a triumphant if nervous little gasp, Wendy dove for cover. Mayor Koton was about to adopt the Festive Tree Day spirit in the month of Yam!
Locals retreat into pipes as a saucer invaded their peach tinted skies. A chimeric doctor pried a tiny piece of land from the King's leafy stems and they found it on the western most island, in an area of lush greenery. Landing, Dr. Toad worked with the spray cans and Pro. X-Naut the weed whackers. Planned were weather machines, cloning research, and discovering the secrets of consumable based powerups, phrased well as he could without Dr. T speaking for him. Dr. Toad zoned out, missing how his associate cut the wrong shape, a big circle about to meet the other side.
A silver rotating disc zipped overhead, beaming down another x-naut. He wore a baggy one piece engineering uniform, a plank crudely used as a splint on his left leg.
"My dear fellow, what happened?" Prof. X-Naut evaluated his cousin. "We lost another moon base?"
Johnson replied, "?", conveying yes, the biggest conspiracy regarding the satellite was still being perpetuated and to worsen matters, a mishap with a Bone sticker and chain chomps meant he needed surgery only a mad hospital/ research facility like the one they were about to build would tackle without insurance.
"If only you had my MacGuffin to capture those beasts. We can certainly assist anyway!" the professor assured him. "Didn't you want to be a bombsketball player too? Why don't we just make you six feet tall while we're at it."
Dr. Toad joined him. "Morris, that is quite preemptive. He is illegal, as we are, but it is obvious with him."
"I can fix that!"
"Whatever. Come on!"
They boarded the ship and let the cousin trail them into the stratosphere.
...
The dark boo sighed heavily, nothing left across the sea but the incomplete crop circle. He meandered around the thorny labyrinthine vines of the strip of land adjacent to Pipe Land. The air was humming unusual energy, any telepathic call of his devoured by static.
"There you are." A radiant purple star drop from the clouds, cutting him off. "I beseech you, for only a little while, then," he smiled mirthfully, "you are on the cusp of immortality, ho ho!"
"I'd rather hit my brother up," Zoo replied crisply. He drifted off, his stomach growing heavier as he was trailed.
"Ambitious souls amass many enemies, Mr. Phantom. Ever got around to that business card? And none are more ambitious than Drew-"
The dark boo whipped around. "Keep him out of it!!!"
"Or?"
Quaking, Zoo's right stub of a hand was raised, this time potent with all the power he could muster, but he didn't have time to fire a beam of agony. Not even to talk himself out of it last moment and dip into the shadows again. He froze. He hesitated for a second, and the Ancient Star's oval lightning ball pounced on him first. In a flash the dark boo's skin was melting off of him, then the layer beneath as he collapsed, nothing more than a croak escaping him before he was a mound of flesh and blood soaking into the field.
"I never lose a standoff, ho ho."
Anyone less brilliant would have written this specimen off. Not Millennium Star. A micro incision on Zoo's exposed brain exorcised the last two minutes from his memory. A few more blasts and- Voila. Zoo's body was renewed, a spritely yuppie.
He flung himself off the scorched patch of ground. "AH I'M UP, JEEZ... Milly?"
"Why hello. Are you well? Our journey from Doomstar Galaxy was anything but smooth," The star spoke in the smallest, meekest voice he could.
Zoo observed the bristling grass and trees. It seemed legit. This was Earth. He felt.. very funny though. He had his glasses afterall, and he never kept those on him properly!
"Bro. You sure that Rosalina chick's Gravitational Pull got me here? Or did you rip it off?"
The Ancient Star zapped him again, knocking him out. Forget the coaching idea. He only needed him intact. He could operate the strings from there.
Peach's 'castle' was reduced to ashes, Star Hill was nearly missing from the horizon, and pewter shaded dust matte Toad Town's sky, a colorful sweet like substance, 'star bits' showering down. Despite that, the most baffling thing to the green plumber was sitting slumped in an Aston Mushroom. The 'Other Weegee', the admitted attacker via mummy-mes, destined for the hospital due to becoming unresponsive after that confession.
"He never liked the princess," Luigi said, quite an understatement, "but you're implying that this was more about publicity?"
The koopa reporter in the driver's seat tossed a notebook into the back. "Well, he's not all there.." She eyed the Toad briefly for a reaction. "Before he went all limp in that desert he said what he's doing next will be known as far as Mystery Land. I say that was the heat talkin. Heh!" she forced. "Listen, I'm sorry fella. Until Bond takes this car back, I'm gonna use it to handle his stuff. That his research can be useful ain't a delusion."
"Kylie. Yeah. Makes sense," was all Luigi could manage lamely. Did Mitch break, or was he always a bad person? Or both? Well Boo HAD snapped, his Buddy would never.. Why had his thoughts shifted to Boo anyway?
After some somber farewells, the sight of a poor albino waddlewing in a death spiral broke him from those musings. Just as he recognized it as Mr. Toad, it dropped like a rock into what was left of the starbit filled lake.
"Toad!?" He scooped his friend- or his- or where they?.. He took hold of the wiggling hand and got him out either way. Some blankets were tied around his arms and ankles and it all made sense. "You jumped from Goomba Fortress!"
"Ding ding ding.." Toad continued to be held up only by the green plumber at that point.
"You didn't need to! We handled it."
"Not all of it. Gimme a sec." With a dangerous glint, Toad detached from Luigi, hobbling towards the others.
Meanwhile, "I shall stay until Wednesday," the King declared, "and assist with this complication and the antecedents."
Peach lifted up the parasol that hid her newly whitened hair, frowning. Her father's officers were being useful for once, capturing any remaining mummified Toads and quelling the confusion in the streets. Would that last? He could be so volatile.. much like herself as this weekend revealed. "Father, you may, but Rapscintillation is cursing me. You simply cannot assist there."
"Then can you help yourself?"
"I shall endeavor," she replied firmly, just in case she imagined him sounding so sincere.
Their Earl slipped by, covertly handing her a star brooch. "Sam wants you to have that."
"Oh! Is- he is well?"
"Still holed up in his room," he dodged. "Lemme borrow the staff."
The Earl got the staff to gather on the other side of the stands. They knew from his expression that something wasn't right.
"Mr. Toad, will this be about what we witnessed?" Toadette semi hide behind Daisy, who got dragged there in the confusion.
"No homegirl. Just the Judas."
Toad sucker punched Mr. Zeror, items flinging from his pockets, coins, rolled documents, an object wrapped in velvet, and a K64 ticket scheduled for thirty minutes in the future, whisking over Daisy's sneakers. The banker hopped back up, tucking his shirt back in before the conniption really began.
"Hullo, do not lay your eyes upon me as if I am some venal flunkey. I had great affection for Master Toadsworth and did nothing to-!"
Toad slammed him against the wall, pressing him there. "You betrayed him homeboy! What's that?"
*Cough* "Helping! I am not blinded by monetary or historical value, the jewel must preserved to avoid Queen Chanterelle's fate. Our dear Samuel ToadSTOOL as he was born is not immune to the influence and you're all on the wrong path."
Mr. Toad's grip loosened, attention divided as they took his bait. Toadstools of yore followed the 'call of the stars' and used the Rock Candy Mines to discover the land the Toad lords inhabited. Or that was the narrative that replaced the old scrolls. The humans wandered into Mushroom land, Mr. Toad's ancestors knew they could use the physiognomy of that uncanny species to dazzle the other Toad breeds, and from then on they had their perfect puppet rulers until one Toadstool understood how some of the artifacts worked and the tables turned. Nothing from then was clear except the stars never had a 'side' and no one was innocent.
"-Sweet, we never agree on a plan." Bucken-Berry folded his arms.
"What are we doing again?"
"How does Sarasa Lands deal with traitors?" Kinopio-Kun dared to ask, considering his recent history.
Daisy went into elaborate detail, Japanese Toad intrigued while the others gagged.
"What? It is called for. At least I never did this." He pointed to the side.
During the 'free' action of talking, Zeror had taken the gem and bolted into the disarrayed city. Others noticed and in moments Snifit Patrol was notified, making a call to put a watch on the ports and borders. Peach didn't need to hear it all to know that she'd better follow up on this personally, procuring her own ride while the others joined the cops.
"Now this is new," her father quipped as she rode by in the limping, smoky, just drivable Birthday Girl.
Peach smiled politely. "I will show you more, Father. Join."
That was quite bold, but she had backup from Toad and Daisy and so now all four of the aristocrats were getting soaked because she couldn't keep her kart's top on. Lovely.
Downtown was a low visibility mess from the weather, and the sloshy starbit piles were worst in the back alleys the pink princess took.
"This is just like that time I snuck out with my dad's Power Flower." She waited for the King to make a face. "…Kidding!"
'Daisy!' Peach scolded, inwardly at least as they hit the main lanes again.
"Hey Elderberry. You seen Peach's Tick-Tock Clock?"
The Mushroom King's glare left the bronze toned princess for the Earl's phone with zero recollection. Peach couldn't settle on relief or disappointment that he hadn't stalked her before. She only posted incidental footage on her high follower low following account. In one video she advertised her free Peach Beach attraction by demoing a new slide. She wore a super modest magenta one-piece, so all she lost were her round sparkle shades at the bottom, soaked and flustered, yet bubbly- shining brighter than the sun that day.
"Hmm," the King remarked stuffily.
"Be impressed that she don't need filters like e-thots!" Daisy nudged him.
"Excuse me?"
"..What we used to call harlots," Toad whispered.
"O-oh that.."
Daisy high fived Toad, finally eeking out a tiny laugh from her father.
Right then Peach felt that it might be alright, or would have if they didn't spot something terrible ahead...
Four black VIP style Lexus karts were at Toad Town park and shirtless, heavily tattooed Toads were surrounding some guy at the decapitated Princess Mush IV's stone base. Peach ran the Birthday Girl over there so quickly they went airborne from the lip of the sidewalk. Mr. Zeror never made it to the K64 station. By the will of the stars, or maybe something much worse, the bad business of another staff enveloped him first.
"Where are you Lionel?" the kingpin hissed into an expensive Yoshimobile. He had a white t-shirt and heavy gold chain around his neck. "You have five minute or you- and friends are dead." He and other gangster faced Toad, Peach and Daisy.
"Yeah right. I can take em!" Daisy jumped forward, only then noticing the knifes and guns. "..In Roshambo? Best two of three?"
The kingpin released a boisterous laugh, cracking his fingers. "One game."
"But-" She found a katana to her neck. She okayed. "I mean, s-sounds sweet!"
Reducing Peach to something of a solid block, Toad pulled the Sarasalandian aside. "Daze, remember back in the locker room, where I was trying to spare you? Don't do this!"
Daisy kept her head down for a second, then faced him resolute. "I'm here for a reason, so I'm not gonna sit back. Plus, King B bet that I'd rescue another princess before I stopped being a gym rat, collecting Funko Pops, or moved out. ...Gods. So he was right. But.. I don't care!"
He gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Then, I'll let cha cook."
Sweat dripped off with each thwack of RO, SHAM, and BO against her open palm. First she went rock, like everyone does. Kingpin matched, prolly 'cause that's what he buries people under. Daisy switched to paper, matched again. Kingpin had written many a note to get a business front shot up. They switched to scissors. Daisy had nothing. It was random. For the kingpin... she didn't want to think about the grisly things he's done with sharp objects.
"Oyame nasai!"
Daisy's next 'rock' was a punch that swept him off his feet. As the yakuza charged her, she hustled through the park, leaping off of the jungle gym and hanging onto a high bar, sneakers dangling. Unable to reach her, they doubled back on the others. Peach finally stopped holding her breath when someone stood between them and the yakuza.
"Shall you attempt to harm my daughter, you must get through me first."
The Toads backed off from the King and his scimitar, mostly because a three headed dragon was swooping down. The mere gust from his massive wings blew everything over, tables, porta potties, sand from the pit, and some trees. The beast looped around and faced the huddling gang, Kinopio-Kun riding on the center head.
"Could not wait until my return? Cowards."
The recovering kingpin was the first to see the one thing he couldn't shank or intimidate, obliterated by the triple blast of plasma flitting around, disintegrating whatever it touched and ripping up the grounds from the weight of the globs. The King lost half of the sword, but made it out of there. The playset was mangled by heat and the auburn haired princess dropped with the bar in her grip still, only losing it when she made a bold leap, hands locking with Peach's. They rolled together into the street, the entire park a big blisteringly hot pit of behind them. This drew much activity within seconds, so much no one noticed who was all involved.
"Daisy."
"Peachy? I'm alive?...Or is this the Overthere? Or Hell?" she babbled. "Not in a bad way, that means something different where I'm from but I'm open minded so uh-"
Peach kept her bronze arms, their gazes snapping together. "Stop."
"Okay," she laughed, completely flushed. "Livin it is. Yeah it was dumb to stall like that."
"Daisy.. oh no dear. I've stalled on this-"
Daisy seized in place as the other princess planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, the typical post rescue display of affection, but to her like the first blossoms of spring in Easton, the powerful rapids of Muda, more knee buckling than the pyramids of Birabuto, more breathtaking than soaring through the skies of Chai in a SkyPop… When Peach's face was no longer brushing against her's, separating governessy, so stoic, the jet plunged for Daisy. Beautifully though, fiery crash included.
"Anytime you need somethin', hit me up!" Daisy winked.
"Good, get the jewel Daze." Toad held Zeror in a headlock. Said jewel had flung across the street, ignored by anxious bystanders, merely swaying as everyone heard a gentle woosh.
Mysteriously it rose and floated away on its own, reeling the shocked four down the block. It stopped and a dark boo appeared.
"You?? Drop those pieces Phantom!" Mr. Zeror weaseled out of Mr. Toad's hold. "Even if you disappear, I will follow to the end of the world!"
"Zeror Toad, is it? I like your tenacity," he purred in a voice approximating Zoo's, "but without subtlety, it leads to-"
The blindly rushing banker was already a dead man. He tripped halfway there, dropped to his knees, and hacked up blood by the time the others reached him. Just as they tried to haul him somewhere for help, a gelatinous blob left his throat, the bile from it rolling down the soft slope of the street into a drain.
They'd never get a concrete answer of what hit the treasure keeper, or if he had a point.
Mr. Steinblock appreciated the increased maneuverability from renovations, not so much the removal of the bars, allowing hooligans to send sizzling objects bursting in. The spindel rolled away, but the blue ribbon wearing whomps were too slow to toss it back. Ka-boom! Adjacent buildings lost their windows, parked karts were smashed in, and the block was coated in glass from half of the fortress pancaking, rubble smoldering out the lava and dumping those trapped in the courtyard out into traffic.
Wendy peeped out of a the cleanest trash can she could find. "Yaaas!"
Lemmy crawled out of the debris, coughing. "Agreed.. sis... Thank you."
"You're welcome!" she sang, accepting his hug. "Anything for you! (Well, and Iggy. Maybe.)" she tacked on, very low.
He faced the heap of his other siblings in the rubble, brimming with a new determination. Not just to dote on Ludwig, to be the big brother they all need. Starting with- "Ohmygod! Everybody wake up quick!"
Steinblock dislodged from a portion, revealing a pocket full of thwomps and whomps, gunning for the koopalings. Lemmy's battle command was 'do whatever' and they did. Roy made KoopaBall offensive plays with Morton. The 'Thunder Brothers' softened up enemies for Larry to sneak up behind and tip over. Junior got a hold of that brush, (which did have batteries after a tab was pulled, so Wendy wasn't smarter than a six year old, but give a girl a break..) spewing chocolate colored goop on all surfaces. With blinded baddies, Lemmy took his opportunity to scale up the top floor and enter a window, spilling into the mess of an office, cabinets, a TV, and furniture flipped. The wood panels with ghostly outlines of plaques was the backdrop of Mayor Koton, aggressively circling something in a tattered book with a nub of a pencil.
"I'm busy. Shoo!"
Lemmy gulped and drew closer, barely able to peer over his desk. "Hi Mr. Mayor. So, I never planned to attack you today, honest. We were going to sneak in and steal something, but that's it! We need your Jewel of the Stars to save the world, and if you help us I'll get this all fixed. I pinky promise." Eyed like prey, rainbow haired koopaling offered his paw anyway.
Koton scooted back with a screech. "-General Lemmy of the Koopa Troop offering a business deal to me, arbiter of Neo Bowser City, epicenter of independent thinkers in Dark Land?"
"-Well, yeah, but we share an enemy right now! So.. it was worth a try."
"..Your strategy has Ludwig Von all over it, but your blithe nature screams your uncle," Koton mused. "I will never forget him. Of course, he was noncommittal as I remember, his undoing, so do not do that. You have much to learn."
Lemmy felt so warm then, even in the miserable cold. "Clearly, Mr. Mayor."
"Anyway, here you go!"
"Really? Thanks!... Where is it?"
Realizing that he was sporting a reverse mohawk, the thwimp rotated before a broken mirror. "AHHH! Everyone out!"
He hit a button and the floors tilted, jettisoning everyone outdoors before the remainder of the fortress self destructed. The mayor ordered his lackeys to search every nook and cranny, he even conscripted the rocky wrenches that normally ran the World 8 Big Tanks. They weren't going to be compensated like the whomps, who were below the pay grade of thwomps, even though they lacked feet to get sore and etc. Fierce arguments erupt, Koton agitatingly unable to quell it like usual.
"Sir?" That red Toad from before, Thomas approached, holding a big iridescent middle spike. Each flash of lightning made it sparkle. "I believe you were looking for this.."
Confused, Lemmy accepted it. "Thanks Toad guy! But-"
"I thought I'd pull what they call a 'prank' on my last day. How did I do?"
"Freaking A." Larry assured.
The drawn on crayon watch told Lemmy it was time to bounce. Wendy returned to that dubious store, where the limo hadn't left.
"I'm so bombing this place on Welp AND in real life!" Bowser complained on the way out, dragging Kammy!
Wendy didn't even know what to say to that.. She quietly slipped in, motioning that the others better hush. The limo returned to the theater as people poured out. The koopa kids that totally saw BUZZY stuffed themselves inside. After a hushed utterance of approval from Ludwig, Lemmy scooted next to Iggy, keeping it simple.
"I'm sorry for ignoring you."
"ZOMG, this game of chicken is over. Phew!" He swiped across his brow. "I was dodging you too, trying to not have feels. Sorry."
"Hey, don't listen to that red-mega-vitamin rhetoric from Roy or Morton-" He ignored the snort from those two. " I AM man enough to admit that the feels are a-okay!"
"Aww, daisuki!" Iggy and Lemmy pulled together into a tight embrace, fluttering cherry blossoms and a lens flare in the pink gradient background. The others decided to ignore it, especially Bowser.
He'd gotten a voicemail while lost in that department store and wanted to hear it play. It was all distorted and grainy, but how many people went 'itsa me?'
One castaway warned the other in the choppy dusk waters. The two Toads crashed upon the shore of a jungly environment. Bus sized ant troopers abandoned the hill they plowed into and climbed up moss covered trees that vanished into the stormy clouds, the roars of camouflaged creatures shaking the foliage. A troop of mega goombas burst out, chasing the scampering orange clad Toads inland until they made their best short legged, leap across a murky river. The goombas bumped each other congratulatory and backed off to let deadlier ones have em. The purple Toad pulled off the snorkel and the thick inmate uniform as well in favor of his thinner white undershirt, clinging to his abs. The yellow Toad who certainly couldn't pull that off stopped himself from staring.
Neither knew why the gps in their emergency kit lead them to this hostile kingdom, but this was where their people were, not Water Land anymore, and they had to tackle the super sized threat of super sized dangers, slithering wigglers, and razor toothed piranha plants in the late evening. They followed the river mostly, while avoiding viscous mud and man eating frogs.
"-Mordecai, again, thank you for saving me from my idiocy," Yellow blurted. "I could kiss you right now... Did I say that out loud? I'm joshing!"
"Huh? Really?"
Oh no use denying it now. Besides saving his tail, he fancied Mailtoad's 'quiet dignity and strength of character' - as Madame Flurrie put it. Of course his physique, born of rush deliveries and working off season at the apiary, was great too..
"Princesses get away with that request, so it's the principle I guess," he admitted. "And.. It started when we worked the Crazy Cap a lot. Outside of our cliquish brigade, I got to see you treat people so well while knowing nothing about fashion. You took pride in that as if it was your specialty. So.. you're a good person Mordecai." And Yellow.. wasn't.
"Danke, Jörg!" he beamed. "But, uh, I'm not interested like that. I'll hold your hand though. That was acceptable in Berlin. Also you're, uh, sinking in quicksand."
"Bitte! Ha ha." Scheiße scheiße scheiße scheiße scheiße!
On cue, heavy rains drenched them so thoroughly, they'd be drier perhaps taking a dip skeeter infested river. Shortly, a slew of tall dorsal fins out paced them from the river. 'Nothing good ever lasts,' squeaked the matriarch.
'-Miss Daphne!' The dolphin in the rear caught up. 'I was called in for emergency lifeguarding at the Seaside Kingdom. What did I miss?'
The family spyhopped to look at the runt like an idiot. He got that alot, the only of the Alderson pod that intermingled regularly with the non-marine world.
'You were that close to the edge of the Earth and didn't fall?' the ribbon wearing daughter of the leader, Dora snapped.
'Avoided it again I suppose. So..?'
'The CIA conspired against our fabulous queen Wendy O. Get with the program, Donald. We have to stay in Big Island because they can't touch us here."
"It's scientists that monitor us with frickin satellites, not the government, moron!"
'What was that strange language?' Daphne inquired.
'Nothing ma'am,' the bilingual cetacean muttered.
'Anyway, a Fish Bone found a Spear Guy village! They're about to sacrifice four Toads.. like those!'
"-This way Mordecai!"
Yellow Toad suddenly tried to swung on a vine full of ukiki. The apes shifted their weight and made the Toad smack against a beached steamer, all ransacked and gutted. He slid off the rusted hull as Mailtoad fought through the muck.
"Jörg!"
"Errg... How ya spell that? Yorg? Joerg?" An unnaturally blocky part rose from the earth. "Thank Eldstar. All...charges dropped. Got it?! We..were combing the sea for ya... then pirates... I only had non-lethal loaded, not the super scope and.. no time. I turned to your Captain. Said, use that axe boy. But.. he gave me the chills. Said..he's never killed before. If he permit himself.. he knew he'd never stop." Sergeant Howie coughed up gravel, a bigger crack in the whomp's back than there was supposed to be.
"Officer, umm, are you okay?"
"Close nuff!" The whomp shook himself off. "Your Captain read something, don't know what from some ebook thang and we were all hit with status effects. Know somethin? Jungle folks are tough, so they steamrolled us anyway and took em hostage!"
Yellow staggered up by then, his turn to upchuck sludge. "The dolphins.. mentioned that part."
"You talk to animals, boy? What isn't crazy? Nevermind- shh!"
Peeking around the bow, the officer spied on some Giant Spear Guys downstream. One shined around a headlamp while another attempted to fill up a F.L.A.U.D. The third one had a pickaxe with a distinctive chip in the steel, tied above their grass skirt, idly thumbing through a leather postman's satchel. As he tossed junk mail, Mailtoad welled with seldom felt rage. That was no one's call but the intended recipient!
"Whoa nelly, son!"
Mail stopped crunching tree bark subconsciously. The tribesman retreated, rolled a chomp rock over, and activated a switch. The previously solid wall of moss covered timbers lowered, revealing a torch lit village with straw huts.
"Move your arse, cadets!"
They dashed or hobbled over before the timbers timed out and shot up, sealing them in with the bustling area, stomach churning sights abound. Masked natives were enraptured by dance and tambourine, in denser numbers towards the granite rocks. The Captain, Banktoad, Hint Toad, and Nass T. were individually tied to long spears behind a pool sized cauldron. The brigade's collected gold was smelted under the direction of the chief, distinguished by an elaborate red feathered headdress and matching horizontal stripes on his mask. The F.L.A.U.D. was used to fill up a second big pot, meant for cooking. The downpour snuffed out the fires that a continual flow of matches combat.
"What are your last words?"
Banktoad glanced at his uncle exasperatedly. "You can drop this 'nothing matters' thing."
"But it's true William. 'Nothing else matters (but money)' as that song goes."
He sighed. "To answer you, my earring was like two grams. Could have let me keep that."
"Ah, you got your ear pierced when you ran from home. First thing!"
"Ye- yeah actually.." Bank was sure he'd never divulged that, at least not intentionally. Either way some villagers got sick of the talking, began to change the order of the recipe. They'd take them down one and by and 'season' them with stinky herbs, starting with Nass on the far end. She threw a screechy fit, not when the normal sized Petal Guys took her, but when they discovered her locket and yanked it off. Hint Toad's protests got him pummeled with fresh tomatoes.
"-Save the cannibalism at least for the felons!"
Yellow and Mailtoad shared a blanched glance as the officer ordered them to wait for his signal. He inched out into the open, amongst some chomp rocks and tilted over, rolling them way. This ran down some, tripped others who stumbled into another and another. The domino pileup reached the chief, who shifted so that the final villager banged into the newly boiling cauldron. Water sloshed out, a tenuous white steam cloud blinding many.
Yellow and Mailtoad used that untie their friends, stared back at blanky. The jungle shook from the approaching army, snapping the hostages out of it. The Captain pushed against a boulder, almost making a way out when a barrage of lances scattered the Toads like micro goombas in a haystack. Captain Toad found himself the last one there, knocking out one villager before climbing onto a railed moving platform. From there he grabbed a branch and looked down at the chaotic skirmish.
"Help!" Banktoad begged at the bottom, shortly dragged away.
"On it!" The Captain cleared his throat, armed with something with the finality of violence, but with less injury. "IOILNDCARET AILTCOON EOROOCMMD!"
With a brilliant flash, a purple capped white spotted 'DLC' doppelganger of Captain Toad was summoned.
"Ready for adventure!" The copy's gleaming smile broadened as he flung his axe at the Nass' abductors. It tore through the first two pedal guys and embedded in the spine of the third. The three dropped dead, coating the nurse in gore. The clone went on to trot about hacking and slashing with a field knife. Well.. he tried.
"Call that off!" Banktoad demanded, red hot. "Then let's go!!"
He craned down again. "Ha ha. Of course. A DHIUEASSMN EX."
A snapshot was taken of the scene, valley folded once, opened again, the top corners creased, and the sides folded one last time. A cosmic force propelled the completed paper airplane through the rest of the interdimensional sea.
"What did you do to me?!"
The void swallowed his voice, and that was fine. He wasn't being possessed and he'd lost that ancient star. In the color inverted realm, he was surrounded by weeping willows, tombstones of those fallen eons ago, and snapped jagged pipes. From the precipice, he saw that his brother hadn't returned in the Light world, his teeth gritting. The Toad side of his family held that the Shadows were for weirdos and he finally got it now that he'd spent more than a minute or two in it. For his sanity he tried to find some other boos, at least that wouldn't snitch, never believing who was stalking people. They went from one to the other, the folks on the Light side mostly oblivious while searching around besides the red boo, who had a sniff of something odd, then was back to lackadaisically checking all the pipes in Pipe Land.
"Cuz?... You better be glad none of your old friends can see you like this."
Booigi's grip tightened on the racket. "I don't need them!"
"Which part's talkin?"
"Hah!"
His cousin charged him. Zoo held them off, grabbing both sides of their face and pulled them in half, forming two beings. Boo rolled away in a daze, Booigi II the other way, snarling, making 'Boo' whimper. They didn't want to see themselves like that, not ever again, so they left Zoo in the shadows, sheer terror following when the noticed that were were still 'Booigi'. With half a mind, left they approached their neighbor.
Agent M was in dusty section, where the signature tubes were sparse and it terrain could be confused for many lands, water here, floating blocks there, pyramids on the vista.
"Trevor!"
They thought he'd pull that shotgun, but he dropped it, tears rolling down his grizzled prickly face. "Why?.. Bridget had quit. S-she texted me. And you.."
"Whatever. People like her didn't show the diddlies mercy!" No- no why were they saying that?! "Why should I have, Trevor?"
"My guy..Our tribes were in combat, but the worse was usually the Eeries jumping in. The Toads weren't losing sleep over it, but they didn't- couldn't hurt us much," he explained in hush. "If you weren't such hoarders and kept oral tradition like us, you'd know that!"
Booigi II shattered into as many pieces as there was sand, leaving only the racket. Convinced the entire thing was heat stroke, he crawled back to the others, around the muncher fields, none of whom knew what the spies were looking for, and directional lifts to nowhere. He collapsed in front of the SS HQ inviso-kart, causing it to slide around.
"I can barely use my legs!" 0069 fussed when he was whacked for bad driving.
Other agents trickled back, Agent 999 leading the mission after some pressure. He had Agent M and that racket stuffed inside the kart for then, the only decision of his he was sure about, disarrayed beneath his steely facade.
"He cannot enter somewhere uninvited can he?"
"That's right. What about over there?" Sonny suggested.
Another non-walker, he was riding with 0069, Waldo and Maria's inclusion giving them enough eyes outside the vehicle. Agent Toad knowing this fellow celebrity, way bigger than their Spy Captain, was saving them, so he earned some rest. This person had a cameo in Toadtanic 2, as one of many taking a selfie as the sister ship went down, very suble commentary.. Anyway, this quirk, born of a terrible run in with King Boo, revealed that the director had no business in the fancy studio twelve and actually rented the bare cheap studio two.
After running in circles the Lieutenant hoped they'd not notice, he found an arrow and followed it on a snaking path to the pyramids and beyond, eventually to a flattened gated plot with a tent in the center. 999 had a problem of retreating into himself. The white boo diddly that might have been marking the ground vanished and he'd dare not illuminate that. They had faith in his experience, education, and tiny bit of posh flair, pronouncing his name as 'lefttenant' like the legendary spies of old- yet that boo did his work. He brushed it aside. The owner came out to collect his Greedy Eats delivery of pasta from the Northwinds Mart.
"Greetings! Call me D. Zastre for today." He slid up his swirly glasses, taped and repaired once or twice. "Don't be shy!"
They followed around back, where there was a firepit. D. Zastre had a thinnish yet mildly pot bellied build, white trilby and cardigan contrasting his peach skin, darker long wool pants, and green loafers. This was a mansion he said, a low ranking one to scout out a few potential places for his next real mansion. On vacation or not, his senses hadn't dulled, losing his thin smile before he got close to Agent N. He returned with a 'Wakeman Spectre Rod', getting to work without the coffee break he wanted. His fire pit engulfed itself with blue flames, spooking some, and it got worse when he lit the hook on the end of the rod and cast that down yoshi's open mouth.
"Monseiur?" Jelectro hung on to N as temperatures plummeted to zero, the sun snuffed out as the old professor was violently yanked forward, shoes digging in.
"Criminy! That many?" D. Zastre was in full view of the eldritch filled abyss down N's esophagus. The agents pulled with him as M spilt out the spy car. Only he could move by then, puffs of condensation pouring from his nostrils as he crept over and bypassed the tug o war, using a torture technique, poking a secret ticklish spot on Agent N's belly button. His hoarse chuckles launched a torrent of boos from him, the flurry spreading out, soon an Atomic Boo causing a pandemonium in the iced desert. D. Zastre's fencing was demolished, all agents scrambling away. The professor gave a chef's kiss in their wake. He'd love to see a counterfeit version do that well.
...
"This is why we voted for ya, TJ!"
After getting lost a few more times, they were almost out of there, riding through an area where bizarre symbols were painted in the grass and someone cut a crop semi circle. Agent N was showing signs of consciousness, mumbling about how much you could be saving if you switched to so and so, intermingled with random coordinates, and requests for sparkling yoshi juice. With everyone crammed in that one kart, the Lieutenant couldn't escape the accolades.
"Everyone! Enough. My hands, figuratively speaking, are not on the wheel, and I'd be a charlatan to let this matter fester. I cannot take over Super Spy liaison. A novice like Agent Toad would, perhaps, be more qualified than I at this exact moment. He had the connections. I do believe that Spy Guy found him so threatening he had to feign death. I also believe, actually I can confirm that he knows more from the handbook than most of you."
That sucked the air out of the kart, especially for the subject matter, shrinking in his tactical vest.
"Lieutenant, I am happy Emerson waz not taken from us, but.. He is..." Maria trailed.
"Young, petite soeur? Andrew was a year younger when he joined. You have never complained about him. A Toad? We are 'friendly species' ourselves, not an argument. On some medications? So am I!" Jelectro argued. And on the disputes began, him against her, with so many two cents given from everyone on their vote, that Agent Toad would have made his old salary in five minutes.
"That's a little X-Naut Files Mr. Luigi, but its sound when you piece it all like that. If you must find it as soon as possible, take my cruiser."
While Luigi was standing in the precinct, stunned, Daisy went on and snatched the keys. She knew her six speeds too. Shortly, they had their crew for the trip, and when the car was rolling out of the parking lot, Peach ran out. She had to persist. She would miss Mr. Zeror's bad jokes during tea time, his spatial awareness to organize a concert sized room with a single glance, even the castle dividing debates. No matter how inconceivable his last moments were with them, his death couldn't be in vain. Plus, Mario wasn't taking calls..
"Surely you aren't so subversive as to pursue your own hero," the King charged, tapping a foot.
She lingered, arms clasped. "Father, after all you've witnessed, could you spare something constructive?"
Concern flitted across his hard face before he twisted off his signet ring, his beard going from straight and black to scraggly gray. "Yes. You got your subjects to supply you with their allegiance, labor, and love without any help. With this, my daughter, you will be even greater."
She closed it in her palm. "Father, thank you.."
...
Hoping to put a positive spin on the traces of the bug bombs, he basked in the small touches that made moldy castles home. Besides the ironed crisp Mario 'v sign' poster, shiny battle axes were mounted behind his throne. He was going for the cleaner look, so gone were the maps and shelves of war books, he only kept the trophy case and the masonry in the corner where he'd have a lava fountain going. He'd peeled back his diamond hard exterior, and at the age of fifty-six and four months, his most treasured things weren't material, he only needed family, memories, and routine-
Something rattled the room. Now it was home!
"-Boss!" Sentry knocked outside. "A fancy kart crashed in. Two occupants."
Bowser choked on his coffee, slamming down the mug. "Seriously?!"
"The draw bridges were down. We haven't found the lever yet to pull it up."
"Grrr... Wait.. Maybe I was expecting somebody! W-who is it?"
"We locked up the obvious Mushroom brat, but the one that wants to see ya? Not sure, Boss." The lakitu shifted uneasily. "Sounds like I should know him but-"
"-Just bring em in."
Shortly the throne room doors swung open with a slam. Bowser scrambled to look all relaxed and crap and less like his heart was beating out of his scaly chest. The gold mask didn't conceal much, but he didn't pick minions solely on IQ...
"Mario! Wasn't expecting cha to visit like this!"
"Hey..." Mario droned. "Interesting. Place."
See, it WAS awesome. Bowser chatted away about the new joint. Mario meandered around the room, eventually settling at the glass trophy case. Thankfully the webs were cleared earlier.
"I was looking for something special..."
Bowser watched Mario bail on him like a dolt, still holding a dinky little trophy. It was all part of the plan- until a brick smashed his window, exploding against the wall, almost striking his poster. What a psychopath! In his dry parched yard, the brand new hand traps were wrecked, his big gates too, though not by the nerds on that four rider bike. They were stranded out there. The Blue Falcon broke the bridge and the moat was up to the appropriate levels.
Yoshi was the first to get the motor rally helmet off, though all were trying to get his attention. Finally the dinosaur marked in the dirt, 'Mario has b-'.
He already knew. They were so freaking late. "Get lost!"
By then Mario was back, and he was ready to give him something special, collapsing into his office chair with a loud squeak. "Listen up.. The cases are usually empty, not cause I sandbag, it goes back to Clawdia, alright?"
Unable to read the plumber at all, not even any eyes through the mask, the Koopa King read that head tilt as a 'go on'.
"-She was against the prestige thing, an elite that ended up in cooking aprons during the war. She loved it though, it was practical, teaching what we really needed to survive. Made her super fair too, down to sending the coin difference if she sent out gifts. With my 'anything goes' thang we clicked. She got me to realize I didn't like a lot of 'things' either. Eventually we eloped and yadda yadda. Dad never got a chance to tell me how much I was disappointin' him, which I woulda wanted to hear, but the past's the past, I've done a lot since, good n bad, and I'm ready to move on." He paused before pressing on. "Happy?"
"No."
Bowser took a deep breath. "Me neither. I can't stop...I was a doofus last night, and wanna do over-"
The Koopa King left his chair, lunging for him affectionately. So close, Mario caught his arms. "Is it here or not?? The jewel!" he snapped.
"I dunno what that is, and who cares? Take that off already!"
Bowser snatched the Phanto Mask, Mario blinking in some sort of haze. His push away tripped himself. "Bowser?! What the heck is this?! Did you get that guy to kidnap me?"
"No way!"
Mario rose with a huff. "Yeah right. It's not all about you sometimes! I'm only here because Spy Guy fled to Sky Land. A train was coming. I- oww," he held his temples, "made the leap, wrestled with the creep inside the car and-"
"So this is a freaking joke?!" Bowser pulled a lever, almost warping it. "Then sure, I am kidnapping you now!"
His layer's chandelier dropped right on the plumber, tangling him up before it lifted him to the ceiling again. Lava oozed out of the ducts for the fountain, spreading in the space.
"You cannot be serious right now!" the plumber growled.
"Don't play with my..grrr. Get comfy Mario!"
Bowser stomped out of the room. Mario cared less about himself right then and more about the tiny bits of memory he retained from the influence of that 'thing', tantalizingly resting on the edge of the melt-proof desk. Something it wanted was here, and it couldn't get it.
"Took long enough.."
"Too late fo smack talk! Who's a rookie now?" The star warrior grappled with the onyx star, slapping cuffs on.
"♡♪!?"
He whipped around as the goddess approached, the thrill of the chase blocking her out until then. "We done here!"
"Yes."
She didn't need to add the 'but'. They'd drifted so far in the cosmos that there wasn't a single galaxy nearby either knew. Skeptiztar, had no reaction short of chortling on the long escort back.
Chapter End Notes
To be continued! Author note:
-Super belated: Hippity Hop the paragoomba's name comes from the Challenge mode of Mario Superstar Baseball. Characters are given monikers as you clear missions and for paragoomba, his starting one is 'Hippety-Hop'. Misspelled all along? Actually they altered the spelling and I did it the traditional way, because in the initial chapter with the character I was going off of memory. Only during this one was I watching an old LP (From ShadowMarioXLI btw) and saw it again. D'oh. Yes I own the game but those missions are rough so I rarely played that mode there, as opposed to Super Sluggers that's way more fun.
Created: 3/9/23 3/11/23(real start) 3/12/23, 3/16/23, 3/18, 3/21, 3/24- 3/30- 4/5- 4/12- 4/27 - 5/9, 5/20 , 5/21- 5/29- 6/6- 6/14, 6/16- 6/19, (break) 7/13, 7/17- 7/21, 7/24
(note the pre June dates are really drafts and ideals that don't exist anymore. Consider the date beyond that the real ones for what you're actually reading)
RR24: 12/8/24- 12/12, edits 6/24/25, 6/25
Chapter 26: Love and War IV: Penance
Chapter Summary
It's here and renamed.*RR24*Chapter Notes
See bottomSee the end of the chapter for more notes
"Should we stop him?"
"Nope. Trust me, unless you wanna be bored on a shift like this."
The confined shy guy set off a pile of gunpowder against the wall. The dud of an explosion left every brick where it was before, merely blackened.
"Lol."
"I know right? So..." Tanner swung the key around his gauntlet-covered finger, showing the Toad in chainmail armor how to patrol a creepy dark dungeon. Soon they met with Whomp #5, bearing the torch. Or he should have been. He put away his Switch first.
"Thanks Lucius. Anything else?"
Emery shook her head.
"Can I ask you something random?"
The girl blushed. "What?"
"Why do we have different Mushroomcratic Oaths?"
"..It's from Princess Mush IV. Some say it's wedding vows, other's a poem. Either way it was a message to the people that took the parts they liked and called her a brat for coming up with it first. We didn't stop by the pets. Does King still raise them?"
"Course! I could show ya."
Lucius desperately shook his head. "This dungeon's shallow. They'll hear us!"
"Relax! Only Sir Snapula's super vicious-"
The whomp shrieked out of the dungeon, creating a distraction for the sole prisoner to feel around for his glass of 'orange juice', splashing it at the bars. It sizzled fiercely before he kicked them out, crawling through the opening.
From there, he sneaked around roaming baddies until he found the BACK DOOR, a passage with some tiny pits of lava that didn't create any light somehow and a tacky disco ball. The fresher air of the outdoors had his brain operating beyond rudimentary escape measures he could have negotiated with half of it missing probably. He acridly spun to the castle and to the volcanic barren landscape over and over, no clue how he got there, nor why he vaguely recognized the dinosaur running out of the flames.
Yoshi's tackle folded Spy Guy like a limp noodle. He was dragged off, face up, acidic rain stinging his eyes until he let him go under a clump of bloodwood trees.
"Why did you abduct Mario? You're on the MADL registry as a hater."
"What?"
Goombario twisted his neck to the top of the stronghold, where Bowser's window glowed bright red. "Mario's captive there!" He slapped him for good measure.
"Get away from me!" He punched the air until Poochy growled and nipped him. "Ouch! I didn't do anything! -To you I mean. If you wanna help em, use that paper guy!"
"You aren't suggesting something that would give me creases are you?"
Spy Guy leaned up, righting his crooked helmet. "When I'm not 'possessed', I'm the best at this sort of thing. You wanna listen or not?"
...
Those two busy testing his theory, Spy Guy eyed Mr. X darkly. He was the most pensive dragon koopa he'd ever seen, staying the background while on business calls.
"Big Boy. Are you who I think you may be?"
Mr. X snapped shut his old school flip phone, panic flitting across his bumpy feature. "...I am. King Bowser, yes, was a customer this morning."
"Why?"
"He's doing better."
"Are you?"
X's jaw clenched. "Do you know how many puerile individuals have tried to expose me? I would not have stuck with this arduous journey if I wasn't seeking to change my paradigm. Back, I say!"
Poochy escorted the shady spy back to base of the tree.
Poochy was a smart boy.
Just not smart enough to understand what was going on.
…
In a cold sweat, Bowser marched through the kitchen, beyond meal prepping minions for the upcoming week. He grabbed a screechy intercom stuffed in the pantry, the only one hooked up yet.
"LISTEN UP! Mario barged in to make a mockery outta us! He's never leaving! Avoid the Bowser tape in the foyer. That's the announcement!
The Koopa King simmered on the rooftop, rain evaporating from his body. He thought that ringing might be Kamek begging him to come down, since the magikoopa couldn't climb the ladder, but it was Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc. The one where he had to hit the one or the three.
"Hey. Uh.. y-yeah this is Bowser?"
"Hello again. Your check cleared."
"..(Thank God!) I mean, duh it would!"
"-And there is something else I need to tell you. Can you see me?"
Beyond the mangled traps and rubbish on his grounds, in the outskirts where he could never get his minions to trim the shrubs the way he wanted, was a fluffy, powder blue scaled dragon koopa with beady eyes, short horns, and coily red hair. The affinity for trench coats and the pencil mustache was new, but without a doubt he was staring at the subject of the deathbed utterances of their copper scaled father:
'It was such a shame the kingdom was going to the younger son.'
"You gotta be kidding me."
Just learning how ontological inertia worked, Bucken-Berry regretted those cathartic over the ocean blasts, because they hit the tracks ahead. The bridge climbed up from the Mushroom Sea to the least populated and most elevated kingdom, and he couldn't fix it, not from spitting disgusting seawater on them or blowing air. All that did was make brittle rivets snap, evident when the mere vibration of an approaching train dislodged half of them, lamp cutting through the darkness.
"F!"
He wrapped his tendrils around the train as it bulleted by, slung by it into one support after another under the bridge, molten steel splattering across his body. Couplings snapped, the cargo dropping into the ocean while the monster and locomotive rolled onto the floating island of Special World.
One the dust settled, his fears of turning it occupants into soup were abated. The conductor and two others escaped from a shattered window, running and screaming hysterically towards the only thing around, some place called Applebies. The Monster stopped crunching what was left of the train and flew away, blending into the starry heavens. He caught up with his target at the International Medical University of Special World, a boxy modern styled building of at least eight stories, lined with silver panels that reflected the sky. All windows were tinted dark and the only apparent way inside was large sliding door.
"Got the army called on ya yet?" Spotting six red eyes on all of those panels, Zoo diverted to the empty lot around the research facility, slinging aside the bloodstained velvet bag. "Take that. Whatever."
The monster cut off his route with the stomp of his big foot, the ground cracking. "Whatever?! ..You aren't sorry?"
"About? Oh Wolley. Diffuse axonal injury. He's just sucking up oxygen now. Nothing you can do for him short of changing his diapers! Know what he'd say if he could talk?"
"Been through this. Not you, not Villain on the phone, none of you know him!"
The dark boo rolled out of the way of the first blast, then the other, the dance continuing until the he lost his short tail, cut cleanly and cauterized. His scream was cut off as the next blast disintegrated the rest of him.
...
The bumpers were crumpled in from plowing through waves, and all the glass was gone short of the reinforced windshield, but they were kicking it at 500 mph consistently. After the struggle session of working with the avionics, they thanked Eldstar to be on land again. They met up with the blue Toad on the translucent rainbow colored Star Road.
In Toad form again, Bucken-Berry smiled weakly under their prolonged praise, wanting to get on with it really. All that mattered was that his princess was in possession of tiny pink gem. He did the right thing. Toadette did too. Really all of the Toads were at this point and that was all he ever wanted. With a gold and emerald ring loosely occupying her index finger, she told everyone to stand back. She retreated to the edge of one of the points and knelt. Now she could make her wish.
"Stars above, may this scintillating rapscallion never subjugate my family again!"
With bated breath, she watched the Jewel of the Stars lose its luster abruptly, crumbling into pieces, blown away by the kicking winds.
"IT IS UNWISE TO USE US AGAINST US!"
When Star Road violently quaked, Luigi, Daisy, Bucken-Berry, even Toadette with her heavy book rushed over, catching Peach as she fell back. Welkin bound Rapscintillation used Star Road as its springboard, sending Star Road plunging to the ground with everyone on it.
"Into the car!"
Luigi launched off, soaring erratically over the kingdom they happened to be over, the parched Bowser Valley, dark poisonous fog concealing a derelict terrain, sliced up by wide veins of lava. Their landing was forced after a portion of Star Road squashed a volcanic edifice, the pyroclastic flow shooting the cruiser deeper into the Badlands.
The ancient one absorbed their pleas as the aluminum of the box they were in threatened to melt, the whole thing, then worked backwards. He found the whimsically spiraling railway to Special World shut down, with Inspector Douglas on the way. He found 'Per aspera ad astra - Z', carved into the ground in Special World.
"Hmph."
...
"(I'd be mad I got outplayed too, dude. All Zoo did was play to his strengths of making people wanna kill him.)"
His sweep of the globe froze. It couldn't be...
He found that violator at Mushroom Kingdom's capital, on the roof of a hospital. More ignominious than he'd been in eons, Millennium stared dumbly at that.. Toad shaped abomination. There are things you don't do, and that was confound a star. The patient rolled around the perimeter, precariously even, giving him some ideas. In case it was some fluke though, the purple star descended, fully visible and radiant.
"Impressive feat."
Mitch faced him dead on. He inhaled to speak before changing his mind, smirking. "(You ain't seen nothing yet.)"
"Explain yourself!" Millennium Star demanded, making every window in the building shatter at once, hundreds.
Mitch resumed his idle patrol. "I knew this was true, I just wanted to see it in action, just once. See, PSI users manipulate atoms. Right? That's behind our tricks. Living things are intuitive, cause we are one. Still with me? If one learned how to 'tune in' to immortals, same thing. You just proved it."
"No! NO!"
His zap made the journalist slump lifelessly in his chair, still rolling from his last push, blood dripping as it went over white painted lines. The ancient star looted his body for divine articles, scrolls, anything, close to what he'd divulged, finding only an old crowbar he used to reach the prohibited area. In absolute frustration, he shoved Mitch's pillaged body away, where it smacked hard against solar panels with a mirrored surface. Suddenly Millennium Star ached debilitatingly, and it only subsided as he propelled himself from that wretched location. Above the clouds, able to see the curvature of the world, he breathed out.
Then someone tapped him. "Done being anti-social?"
He plastered on a smile for the star warrior. "I was.. lost! Happens to the best of us, ♡♪!?"
Geno shook his head exasperatedly. "Higher Authority give me strength.. Milly, you're lookin like crap and the Star Road just got wasted. Let's go-"
"Roll up 'gangsta style', aka late?"
Not even brandishing the finest armor protected the star warrior from that slap. He brought him to the goddess in teal, holding the cuffed onyx dark star. Without Star Road, this suborbital zone should have been dark and blue, not red, contaminated with particles. Venturing off, Geno found the lack of dialogue conspicuous between Rosalina and their new or old helper, but he had to forget it and investigate what was happening beyond the moon. Finally he had this on lock.
"Yeah yeah. We aren't angry!" a bob-omb buddy megaphoned. "We are simply concerned about the state of our kingdom!"
"-Sumeet, I don't have this and if I don't you don't. You're the one that writes half the city tickets."
Snifit Patrol would have normally be insulted by Mr. Toad, running with him from the mob of 'concerned' citizens. Without the psychological effect of his flashers and with the volume of everyone talking at once louder than his whistle however, he had to concede. They passed some bollards around the dock, and lost them around Club 64. A customer was shoved outdoors and the pack couldn't help themselves. Without a beard Dr. Mario was more Mario than Mario, and he was pinned against the yellow bricks and hounded.
"Do you really have Mr. Sakurai's number? Why did you join Smash, leave, and come back in a worse tier? Did you really go bankrupt? What happened?"
"The incident!" Dr. Mario ripped open his shirt, revealing a white patch on his side, the skin around it reddened. People gawked, invading his personal space until an off duty nurse, Jr. Troopa pulled them off.
"Shucks, doc. Yer totin' round an ICD-9 code 998.83, for the laymen, a wound that ain't bout ta heal!"
The human buttoned up again. "I know, and it's been years now. After Melee I did volunteering abroad. Shamans got sick of my competition and darted me. I have to take 1-Up X pills, which was sustainable and tournament legal until Dr. Mario World found my Mushroom Flu work in the archives. I've explained it. They don't care. I'm 'literally Bowser', except my title is acceptable to market with of course."
Even the most snooty, most proud, most card carrying Mushroomite found that outrageous.
"-And homeboys, this is what I'm gonna fight from Koton's office."
Everyone spun to Toad, just as a New Donk taxi cleared it's way by swooping in, ignoring the officer's whistle. An iron-clad clone of Mario kicked the door open, wrestling the doctor in. Toad thought hopping on the hood would stop it. It didn't, not with the same Burrbo cabbie in there and Metal Mario's no nonsense attitude. Snifit Patrol wrote down the plates before it got away, unhappy with all proceedings short of the mob scattering, almost.
"I remember you, Andy! Walk along. That's right." He shook a baton, following a limping purple bandit in Air Koopa sneakers. Without that ghetto blaster, Agent 0069 was any other jaywalker, and he prepared to terminate their little chase.
"Stay on me."
"Excuse me sir? ...Sir?"
Snifit Patrol was lead to a suburban condominium. Toad Town had only recently borrowed this from other modern towns, so it had a curious traditional design. The wide cylindrical stalk was beige with many window 'spots', and the roof was a non-structural red mushroom cap. A noki in a bonnet poked his head out of one of those around the middle, lowering his sunglasses.
"Aye aye aye. (Andrew, Jeremy is in bed! Besides that project Banzai is here.)-"
"(Cuz, they already dealt with us fifty-hundred times, J. Ain't no body takin initiative besides me and Sonny, btw he has my vote now.)
"(Really, mon ami?)"
0069 ended the apparent staring contest. "Officer. If serious ish go down. Like really. Call room 007."
The snifit jot that down. "...Sure, citizen."
"(J, you still owe fifty coins.)"
When the noki tucked himself in to deal with the pot-au-feu, the phone rung. He picked it up.
"Bond. I vote for Sonny too. Get your sister and brother in law on my side, or else. Rodney can't vote. His head's in my freezer for now and he caught a cold."
"Mon dieu!" Jelectro ran around his messy home for awhile. "Where are you, Trevor?"
"In your closet the whole time."
He was!
"Why the long face? Our motto here is 'hell yeah'! Don't believe me?" The recruiter led someone along the river Twygz, weaving through the deepest darkest cavern in the universe. He opened the visibly skeptical Dorguy with alacrity, slinging the rookie through.
Before him was gothic, torch lit alcazar, were he was assigned based on a questionnaire hastily shoved into his face. He was best fit for white-collar stuff all along. -It just took the Underwhere to appreciate that. He was shown the bathroom, his cubicle, and a computer, getting to work. The only tricky part was typing with square fingers. People posted their own dirt constantly, which his division of similarly looking purple creatures in pinstripe suits compiled to squash all of the 'I didn't do nothing' claims. Queen Jaydes now had time to go outside for those lonely walks she dearly missed.
Soon the shift was over. He trickled out with the d-men until snatched aside. First Dr. Toad squeezed him with a hug, then held him there incensed.
"You could have called about your death, Zoo, not ruin the lot I'd just paved next to my lab. Sure, no associate was using it, but with onimus latin phrases they never will."
Zoo's shoulders dropped. "I know. Long story."
"Go to Eldstar and plead your case."
"You can't. Another long story."
"Anything is possible."
"Don't use sophistries on me!"
Snapping, the doctor punched him across his big nose.
"What the?! ..I know what I'm freaking talking about!" Zoo socked him back, the doctor landing flat on the hexagon patterned stones, other workers walking over him.
"Oww. With what I've accomplished, I'm more optimistic I suppose.."
"Whatever. I'm proud of you, Drew. You're the Diddley that made it big, on your own merit and not, like we use to dismiss, because you look like a Toad.
"Was that sarcastic?"
Zoo went over to the row of carrot flavored Marioro cig machines, taking one from the slot. God, or whatever the equivalent was, he missed this kinda discourse with his brother..
"Forget amnesty then. Let's have fun." Dr. Toad flicked that away. "Just not like that. You can get Carroboscis here too."
Zoo sighed, at least until they left the cavern, where a swirling vortex was at the healing fountain. He believed the recruiter then.
He'd never hurried downstairs so quickly, where some Toadys had already broken their backs to carry a squirmy dragon koopa inside. Bowser menacingly walked Mr. X as far as he could go, into the doorway that dropped straight off into the lava filled moat.
"Want your kart back?"
"No! T-that's what's insurance is for," Mr. X sputtered, big paws shielding himself.
If there wasn't a safety on the new scepters, Bowser feared he might have vaporized Clarentine Ao Koopa right there. He instead shot that abhorrent wrecked Blue Falcon, blowing it up, not that he cared about discreetness anymore.
"Why did you do this to me?!"
"The Troop was going to use me as a weapon. I believe I had to-"
Bowser slung him over his head, crashing through door 2, where he slammed into and warped all of the climbing gates inside. Koopas hit the floor around him.
"Bowser, I know it seems heartless.. maybe I was. I assume I made my bed either way. I washed up on Mushroom Territory penniless, and was spared because no one, including myself, knew of my identity."
Bowser lobbed a statue from room 8. Mr. X ducked that time. The Koopa Bros grappled their way back into the floyer, bulky shells knocking over everything, feet stamping masonry, kart parts, and like.
"You..gave up.. EVERYTHING.. to.. be.. a NOBODY!"
"I.. am.. content...Bowser, as a 'nobody' that.. contributed... to the Space Pokey in Shroom City... the Papercraft Museum-"
"How?.. When you look.. like-"
"There.. was. discrimination.. at.. times.. but.. it.. got bettER-!"
X was lugged across the floors like a rag doll. Finally he hopped up, retreated into room 9 and came back with an inflatable football target as a shield. Bowser went into room six and came back with a giant pointy skewer to pop it. Mr X then fled into room 7, returning with a ball n chains. Bowser went into 4 and got a lil sparky to sear his eyes first, so he'd get a couple of hits in and then pound his face against the floor.
"Stars that hurts!" X curled up. "You don't believe me.."
"I do. All of it." Bowser lowered the mecha-koopa from room 3 he was about to bash over his head, scalding tears rolling. A couple, then so many he couldn't hit a target the size of a doomship. "And that's the problem. …A-alright. Sorry."
"Now you are?"
Mr. X spat a jet of blue fire. The Koopa King stumbled back while receiving several hard body blows, his carpet, draps, everything torched up before the growing audience. Bowser knew he had to end this. He pulled a long cord as his brother charged him, making a chandelier crash on him. All of that clashing cleared minions, leaving them alone as he hobbled closer.
X stirred some. "You.. win.."
Bowser offered a hand. "You weren't too shabby at the end."
Mr. X latched on without hesitation. "Thank you. I think."
Bowser kept his hand. "But why didn't you do something- at least write me when you got your memory back?!"
"... I never did." Mr. X cringed at his brother's expression. "I wove together my past with the help of friends eventually, and amassed a catalog of events that 'Clarentine' should remember. I'm sorry. In a way your brother is-"
"No! You ain't. You're in front of me and that's enough!"
X dabbed his face with the shred of the trench coat he had left. "Bowser. Honestly, I didn't think anyone was particularly yearning a resurgence. That I was little more than a bust somewhere collecting dust. Mario gave it to my dearest friend by the way."
"SERIOUSLY?!"
"Your Viciousness, the castle is on fire again. Hmm. Maybe I'll get to decorate this time," a sleepy eyed Kammy muttered like it was the most mundane observation. Minions were in a frenzy to contain it, filling the foyer and connected rooms with so much spray from extinguishers, it looked like they'd moved to Sky Land again.
"Let's continue this some other time..." X pat Bowser's back.
"Wait!"
His brother couldn't fight his Pavlovian Mushroomite response of fleeing from a big bunch of baddies, out of the FRONT DOOR, which... lead into the moat.
"It's okay! He should be lava proof like me! Just, erm, in a lotta hurt without the callouses."
Sentry 11 emerged from the propellant cloud, throwing a line that promptly burnt up like fuse.
"That s'posed to happen, J.D.?"
"I don't have my titanium lines, Boss. Went down with the old castle."
"Noooo!" Lemmy rolled up, tossing in a Jewel of the Stars. "I wish.. for my uncle to be safe even though King Dad said he is but sometimes he's wrong (sorry dad), and for Luddy's plans to all work out!"
The front of the castle turned into a light show, bigger than Iggy's radioactive microwave meltdowns. Mr. X was ejected from the moat with the lava, splashing all over the yard. Many ran through the empty trench to look around and make sure nothing else happened. On the top floors lava was overflowing, pouring out of a few windows left open to fill the moat again. The throne room was one of them...
Kamek noticed Bowser hurling into an empty barrel. "Kids! How much can Mario take?"
Lemmy and his siblings lined up, all with a different answer depending what game they were talking about.
"Prince Ludwig wouldn't make it so complicated! Where is he anyway?"
If accurate communication was the cornerstone of advanced civilization, inaccurate, what had held them up so far, was the wrecking ball. He would rather be hit by such than deal with these people.
A nimbi's priceless scrolls slipped away into space, her utterances of 'sloweth down' useless.
-Like her. Sure, some philistinism snuck into him when he separated from his Earthly body, becoming a tourist in a vast if disappointingly pedestrian Overthere pantheon, but if their determination to shame him veered into masochism by breathing down his neck, whereupon he verbally flogged them every time, so be it! He'd happy be their- er..
He left that unsaid, lest risk reassignment to the Underwhere. It was a good thing he found Rosalina's abandoned observatory instead of flying, the sight ahead would have made the commander fall straight out of the universe. Star Temple's protective bubble beyond the bars was hazy, the fields were scorched away, and the sanctuary rusted copper orange. Everything dead except the shivering yellow star lookout.
"Be careful!"
Twink watched nimbis skirt about, lose interest in the pearly gates, and depart.
"Not that careful!" He noticed two braver ones..
With a burst of anger, Ludwig found the temple locked. Toadsworth spammed the high tech doorbell for good measure.
"I say, we may have to sacrilegiously batter our way in."
Ludwig brought his head up, eyes widening. "The guilt won't be on us!"
A parchment colored triangle, a paper plane zoomed beyond the observatory, plowing into the temple. Furniture Twink recognized, some good stuff too, pieces from the entertainment suite and more flew out the back of the building, sapphire platform cracking from impact.
Doomstar Galaxy circled her prey, all of the materials sapped from Earth, organic and not now sorted, physiognomy revealed. Flames from the core flit between eyelids, and sharp teeth stuck out of a mouth, black acid oozing between. The monochrome star, Dark Ztar relaxed in a throne of thorns stationed at a peak, ordering a smaller, equally repugnant being to shovel around. The corpulent murky brown star had dug halfway to the other side, only stopping when a lilac diamond shaped proponent of prudence, Parallelogon, yanked them from the trench.
"Who put you to this, Munchztar?" The God of Prudence left them them in a daze, swinging over to Dark Ztar. "Who, Zachary? Was it Villain?"
With great offense, Rapscintillation came around from the dark side of Doomstar. "I never wanted to be tangled up in this war, Shapes!"
Parallelogon used the 'Peer of Truth' on their adversary. "Well.. listen up! You will do well to assist me!"
Rapscintillation spat out the Darklandian SCPS-SP antenna pole they were using as a toothpick. "I could use a warm-up before it's your turn.."
"-Jaydes, it ain't on lock!" Geno growled from behind the Moon.
Dark Ztar left his steamy cup of tea on a nice glass stand and removed the blanket from his lap- revealing a gatling gun. The primordial rivals split apart before Geno could rush out and snatch either, leaving him in the crosshairs. He held out a shield, the jets of dark matter pushing him miles back and reflecting off, disintegrating anything in its path.
Lowering it, the star warrior bit his lip. Surrounding planets and the chains around Skeptiztar swiss cheesed. Geno lunged for them, but they vanished in all of the loosened dirt and acid mist in the galaxy. Rapscintillation was on the assault with little care or regard to their temporary 'allies', zapping Doomstar with bolts and heavy energy beams, uprooting the soil and all foreign objects, sending them back into Earth's orbit. Parallelogon was about to stop their chaotic frenzy when Munchztar snuck up and spat stinging goop in their face.
"Hrrg!" Parallelogon swung a Longsword of Light, lacerating Munchztar in the middle. The Prudent One flung that dark star into the sun, creating a heat surge that blew them onto Cheese Land, the only planet around looking identical as it started. With cheddar dust in the atmosphere, they saw a pure black outline in the midst. They tossed the blade at Skeptiztar.
It was caught.
Some were celebratory while others almost mourned their enemy's demise, an ephemeral emptiness settling in their stomachs. A few were miffed at all the fractured, busted, or otherwise ruined stuff the castle, if not from that explosion, the fire.
"If only... I WASN'T SO HASTY trying to prove something!"
Minions braving the terrible rainstorm weren't sure if their king was crying or roaring, and mostly avoided him, huddled with the bill cannons. A pair of boots and orange booties dropped down at his snout. Bowser gasped at the red plumber, green dinosaur, and the 'parachute' they landed with, Goombario. (Crease free in fact.) "You're-"
"I heard the whole thing, doofus." Mario turned his head. "Yosh, Eric. Clear everything up there." He waited until they were out of range, gaze settling on the Koopa King with a quiet sigh. "I know I was hasty first, but then you went off the rails with me, Koopa!"
He prepared for a filibuster, a fit, or a fight, not for Bowser to drape a flag over him, briskly pushing him along. "Summed it right up! Call me tomorrow."
"Bowser! I'm not hitting the reset button just like that. I don't know about you, but I'm not so selfish as to think the world needs to stop because of us every five minutes!"
Bowser clawed through his limp hair. "..You ever separated what you loved and hated so much that they meet on the other side? A lotta things do that. Like you. Then other things happened, and I found somebody I thought I lost and arrrg! Scram already! Like you said you've sacrificed for me and yet I haven't even told anyone I love ya-"
Mario froze, mashing all was to say into, "Me too." They embraced, tightly, but no more, understanding that they'd fast tracked something that should have evolved slowly, and not noticing the person sliding up in the paper thin gap between them.
"Hey. Uh. I don't know if this is gonna be kosher with the MADL," Goombario mummered.
Meanwhile, something was approaching, melty from heat, golden under the mud, worming around for a perfect host. Someone bigger, stronger, with intellect, begging to be unfettered. Yoshi up at the gates thought he caught something in the corner of his eye, so the Thing took another route. No not that one either.. Suddenly Poochy barked from the other side of the gate, garnering Yoshi's attention. The five blockades on the way to Bowser's New Castle had slowed the fireball that was Luigi and co down. They gently tapped the cruiser against the final, most interior iron gate. Its slow swing open screeched like a banshee. Everyone stared at the patrol car, blue paint peeled off, all of the glass shattered, and passengers covered in soot.
"It's Mario! He's alive! And Luigi! And everyone else, get them!" Koopa Troop rallied, gathering clubs and sticks.
Luigi slammed the gear into reverse. "Hop on!"
Mario and the others quite literally flopped onto the slanted surface as they lurched backward, and whipped around, driving blindly in the poison fog.
"-Speed up!" Bowser warned, too far back to be heard.
The steep path was an active volcano, not they they noticed with all of the lakitu spinys, boomerangs, and hammers pelting them until they'd flew over the edge. Mt. Koopatoa's vent was as wide as a lake, spewing noxious gasses that quickly left everyone gagging while under the negative g forces, too far with a crippled speed stat. Before splashing to their doom, something snatched the kart and carried it as high as the Boo Moon, if upside down.
"Hang on!"
They did from a seat belt, the wheel, anything, over the Badlands. What little articles possessed fell out, Luigi's hat, Goombario's bike chain, Toadette's book, a railroad spike that lacked explanation at the moment, and some floppy gold mask, all into the lava. Out of the valley, Luigi got a chance to count everyone. Spy Guy could rot in a dungeon back there, but he had a feeling Mr. X didn't make it because, as some of his friends would say, he wanted to 'cook'.
"~Vacuous thy art. Indistinguishable from the rest."
Skeptiztar's aurora beam punctured Parallelogon, channeling every event they'd missed since encapsulation. Death, torment, and violence drilled their brain out, limply rolling off the edible planet into a thick purple and blue nebula.
"Nonsense!"
Eldstar's faint voice rang, "It is the truth. Nothing can redeem you!"
Parallelogon waddled towards His glow. "Great Elstar, reconsider..." Halfway there something blinded them, the flesh of Doomella Bellstar sapping the control from their celestial body.
Fresh on the scene, they were Camoztar's instrument of destruction now.
Closer to Earth, Doomstar cracked into four nimbler pieces to evade Rapscintillation. The Villain stopped in the middle of battle, ears perked by the whimpers of their eternal rival in that gas cloud over there. Slam! The Doomstar parts converged with Rapscintillation in the center, sealing them inside.
Dark Ztar laid off the trigger. "Gotcha, bugger. Huh!-" His arm was twisted around, the tip of a star rod jabbed under his neck.
"You're under arrest!" Geno hissed. "Where's the rest of.. Da faq?!-"
Munchztar returned from the sun, blackening three flourishing, innocent galaxies along the way with goop. Skeptiztar coerced the circling Green Comic into reverse its course, just as it intercept a Wooden Galaxy. This bounced into a Flame Galaxy, and like an intergalactic game of pool, dozens clashed around, their incompatible elements plunging all inhabitants into a nightmare. Rosalina dodged as much as she could to get in range. She quickly bubbled Munchztar before they flanked her, then Skeptiztar.
"~Implore, please, of the fate of the Rosettas.." the onyx star purred. "I do know."
The goddess held firm, snapping up Camoztar too, suspiciously without a fight. Still, she felt they were reining it back again, like Geno would hold her wrists steadily and assure they could as a team, but Doomstar was too substantial to force field. "♡♪!? , I need help!"
"Milly!" Geno called, continuing to choke out Dark Ztar. "Show em the big guns!"
"No need." Merely watching the show so far, Millennium Star scooted aside as Parallelogon shot out of the nebula with a short reserve dagger. Like some unhinged beast, the lilac star kept stabbing it into the seams to Doomstar, wedging her apart.
Geno used his own 'Peer of Anti-BS'. What was that on Shapes' face? "Why he doin that?"
"Dis is so flipping weird."
Roy suppressed his shivers in the rain, too proud to ask Morton who'd been wise enough to evacuate the castle with an umbrella to share. Minions were left with no options but to descend Mt. Koopatoa.
"At least it's over." Lemmy let them catch on.
Wendy over cupped her mouth. "All of that Special junk?"
Iggy checked his VR headset. "-Yup and it's all recorded, including the ~lOvE profession at the finale!~"
"The what?!" his siblings went, just in time.
"Everybody listen! It's about Mario again!" Bowser stood on the dry bones tank, wedged over the moat as a makeshift bridge. "His kingdom has some rottin' folks, but they know that and don't like them either, just like we have some knuckleheads we don't want representin' us. You don't have to like him over past stuff, but he chose to let people hate him and turn on him for defending me- for liking me. So with this admission, I wanna make us even! You can hate me too now, but I'm ready to be transparent. I like him too!"
"-Boss, my whiplash is bad enough!" Holding his neck, a groggy, baggy eyed Sentry 11 tried to go home, sweeping many with him.
Lemmy did a few tricks to bounce ahead of some of them. "Guys, King Dad isn't that weird. My troupe at Emerald Circus are mostly Mushroom people and we're all cool. Roy, you trained all last season with Mushroomites. Morton sends his fanzines to the Mushroom Kingdom. Iggy and Wendy keep a Princess Parlor Discord thing full of Toads-"
"So now you want me to be dragged?" Wendy popped off. "When you think you have an ally.. The 'Wendy Menace'- I've reclaimed that, totally doesn't care!"
"Sis, you don't just find pixelated and animated Toads cute like Hop. You swoon over that Emerson Lake Toad guy from Toadtanic. -By the way King Dad he's 19 so it could work out, sorta-"
"Where are you going with this?!" many, especially the just implicated screamed at the rainbow haired koopaling, blowing him off the ball.
Lemmy got off his butt. "I was thinking about Luddy a lot and what I didn't appreciate until now. I know his agenda focus was annoying sometimes, and it kinda seemed like he didn't like anybody, but he was never a finished product and his 'autistic' fixation on war- Hey Roy said that once, I don't know what that means, was how he showed he loved us. The only part I disagree with was how he saw alliances first, people second, and while Luddy's on 'leave' let's just say, how about we work on that?"
"Er, yeah!" Bowser agreed. "...But what's he doing sick AGAIN?"
"I know why." Withering stares transferred from Lemmy to Spy Guy in the castle's open doorway. "Mushroom Brats, Bowser Freaks, no challenge with spy tools. "
With as much confidence as he could muster, Mr. X reentered the scene ripping away his hi-tech recorder. "Until you compensate me, these are my 'spy tools'."
"You can afford twenty Blue Falcons if you want!" he chuckled.
"So you tolerate environmental waste? Greta Lakithunder would never! We spoke in the Floro Caverns. Riveting woman."
"Shut up, hippy!"
Wanting to show him, X shoved Spy Guy. To his horror that sent him stumbling off the moat. "Stars!"
Earning instant street cred, a big cheer erupted from minions, carrying him inside against his panicked protests.
Millennium Star studied his Band of Casualty, a colossal infinity shaped specter representing cycles of time, spanning to each edge of the universe. Rosalina's colors drained, her elliptical past woven in that somewhere, but she couldn't waste time deciphering the complex 'whys' of each star's behavior. She got at close as she could to the mad star, noticing the thin film stretched across their visage. Following a second's hesitation, she tried to bubble the God of Prudence, failing the first time, succeeding the second, while they were prying apart the top half of Doomstar's head. She was expecting a paroxysm, not for them to burst out instantly and fling her around space by her legs.
"Milly put away your frickin toys and help us out!" Geno exploded.
Millennium Star left his band, zipping unnecessarily fast in a dominance display. Whatever bro. He didn't care. Not when-
"There's no way he's.."
The ancient star hovered over the parasitic destroyer, jabbing a crowbar into a cross section Parallelogon picked. Rapscintillation burst Doomstar open from the inside, the evil planet's tortured cries ear splitting, and didn't skip a beat, swirling up the biggest dark matter ball they could muster to aim at the sentient quad pieces floating around.
...
Though the goddess could breathe in space, she could be asphyxiated too! Parallelogon held her against the surface of a small Water Galaxy, a jumbled battle above, distorted into more gruesome shapes by the ripple of the liquid. Some faceless one glared down at her murderously, but it wasn't Shapes. This action wasn't cautious, astute, sensible, it was sneaky, deceiving..
Before passing out, Rosalina took Camoztar's bubble, hurling it deep into space. It wouldn't kill anyone, but the shock severed that dark star's control over the Prudent one, ripping off the 'mask' following a jolt, revealing innocent little black eyes. Rosalina met them, leaping off of that planetoid.
"I feared," they mewled. "I was.. imprudent."
"No." she whispered, doubt creeping in as she held two of their points. "You are the most consistent of the proverbial stars, along with-
"-Wait. I perceive. Thank you."
-Rapscintillation hit one part of Doomstar, but as she recovered the second piece juked them, dipping behind Dark Ztar. The Indulgent One was eager to take him out too, whether or not the star warrior was apprehending him. Geno dove one way, a chirked Parallelogon the other, tackling the rival. The throw went wide.
"Shapes?"
"Villain," they replied, evenly. "We must cooperate. You agreed before."
"Yes, but don't use that tone on me!"
Geno's attention darted between the nemeses. "I'll use a worser one if y'all don't git it together!"
The God of Indulgence's dark matter swarm combined with the Prudent One's wisp of light, creating a powerful lightning shooting mass of planetary proportions, the Duality Ball.
"Sweet!" Geno switched Dark Ztar to the other arm. "I'll find Doomella."
"You are out of time, ho ho. I've got it all wrapped up."
Millennium Star's Casualty Bands were tangled around Doomstar's parts, securing them in place. The rogue galaxy nor the disabled Skeptiztar and Munchztar could do anything as the cosmic projectile smashed it into pieces. Taut silver film melted away, frayed sections littering space. The star warrior might have permitted himself to be impressed by his distant procrastinating friend if not for the humongous mess they'd made. This could put Earth into another Ice Age! He heard further bickering of Parallelogon and Rapscintillation, more of other stars, and then weeping from Rosalina. She was ghostly, passing out, all of her force fields breaking. Heart in his throat, he released Dark Ztar to catch her.
"What's it doing to her?" Geno stopped the Ancient One from chasing the others. "You hear me? Slick, why would you use the Ouroboros like that?"
"Good question, ♡♪!?. The creator of Earth and the two that molded it destroying Time? How.. Chaotic."
"By Higher Authorities power I detain you here." Rosalina over his shoulder, he pressed his free palm into his forehead, spiritually bonding the troublemaker to the zone.
Millennium Star's flusteredness was grand. What, didn't think he'd be called out by a relatively young cadet, 250 as of last August?
"You will despise that." He made all of the particles of the Casualty Band sprinkle over the Earth, turning the blue and green orb silver.
The only reason the star warrior didn't snap his neck is because he couldn't do it with one hand.
"Who's in charge here?!" the sergeant repeated. "And where we at?"
At least the Toads sliding off the wing were sorry about what they had no control over, followed by frantic Giant Spear Guys. At the Chief's call they tore off part of the plane to fold into a smaller one and flew away, ditching the final evacuee, a runt dolphin forced to flop around.
Ludwig dug himself from the pile of crushed granite. "I am the commander of these operations and this is the most Holy Star Temple," he answered brusquely. "Step aside."
"Don't think so, Ludwig." The sergeant threw a zapper in the nimbi's face. "Freeze! Wings up."
He froze on the temple's stairs, it so tense they could hear the roar of a black hole that had to be miles away. "-How do you recognize me!?"
"You sound Deutsch like the Toad Brigade, and that crooked halo has 'just ascended' all over it! Considering everythang since Friday is your fault, it's incumbent I- Hey, I said don't move!"
"Leck mich am Arsch!" Ludwig fixed the halo while scooping up a leftover spearhead.
Bang! Bang! Bang! The laser bounced all over convex surfaces. Once the smoke cleared, Ludwig noticed red blotch growing on his white robe, speckling opulent marble beneath him. He shattered the security box with the last of his strength, the sparking the last thing he saw before the spearhead slipped from his grasp and he hit the floor. He accepted whatever happened next, even if his part was over. Semper Fi.
Someone dragged him down, his skull bashing against each step on the way.
"Captain, stop! You're exacerbating his condition!" Nass cradled Ludwig's head as Banktoad pulled his uncle away by the back of his inmate uniform.
"Nurse Nasir, direct me please." Hint Toad helped her check the entry and exit wounds. As a habit he slid up his glasses, to no avail being empty frames. He rose to face her apologetically, in the same blind boat. A flummoxed laugh escaped both.
"Thank you, Heinemann. -And the rest of you. Otherwise I'd went mad."
"The Captain's umm, gotten us lost in space a couple of times," Mailtoad said. "I guess we're okay with it."
"I'm not," the dolphin grumbled. "They want me back at Seaside Monday."
"You talk?" Sobered, the officer reached..for the radio. "Requesting EMS."
"We'll have to get fetch it." Toadsworth clamped over the officer's stony hands, an old war grapple movement he didn't know he remembered. "Tut-tut. You started the emergency after all, Howard.."
Those two pitched into deep space, Twink realized something. Taking that arrowhead when the Toads weren't watching, he dashed towards the temple. There was no time for backup.
"I got a confession, Peachy. Before today I only saw this on TV."
Peach giggled softly. "That is a wonderful thing Daisy."
"Not really. Crime still happens, just without the cool cars. Awesome idea, Weegee."
The green plumber conjured a smile for her, at least until he was dunked with water. They were skirting over water again, if only to not scare the town upon return. Most of the interior survived, even the radio worked, the soft mushroom rock making Toadette pale. No, this was another song by The Pizzas. And G rated. Though wild and uncertain, waves choppy and moonlight diminishing, all seemed well enough to the nine crammed into a space for six. Bowser texted that 'almost no one died tonight'. Weirdly though, Toad texted the same. Also that he should 'make it back' by the time they did.
"Can I test something?" Goombario asked the blue Toad, withstanding the spray and mist incidentally so that he wouldn't get soggy. "Ah hem. Yvan 'Bucken-Berry' Kingpin Toad: Blue Toad, born in Toadwood Forest. Age: 25, with tyrclyde, maw-ray, and blargg ancestry. Max HP of 300, Attack of 20, Defense of 10. Moves: plasma beam, flying, swimming. Hidden abilities: Allergic; immune to status effects-"
"Neat."
"Thanks!" He blushed. "Tattling was prohibited in college. Now it comes back when I'm nervous, hehe."
"Over what?" Yoshi hesitated to venture.
Mario got splashed from some object smacking the water, then cheep cheep wiggled around, slapping everyone. Luigi had to snake around more of the flaming debris, smaller ones battering them like a hailstorm. The towering green hills of the Mushroom Kingdom took them by surprise, followed by a rough ride as he drove around the unfamiliar backside of Star Hill.
"Oh dear.. allow me!" Peach took the wheel, swerving them through dense woodland, in narrowly between trees with low branches to duck under, and finally off a short cliff. They landed hard enough to bruise, breaking through a construction barrier. It burst into ashes, and the cruiser flamed out and coasted downhill under its own weight. The doors, every screw and bolt, the seats, everything fell apart on Peach's driveway, dumping the occupants onto shrubbery and sand, the by-product of the asteroids. Luigi rolled over to his side. One cough felt like his lungs were ripped out, and then they kept coming.
"Bae." An old man swept his blurry eyes over everyone. Mr. Toad was liver spotted and wrinkly, his signature, now loosely fitting clothes flapping as the New Donk Taxi took off. "What is this?"
'~It's what you see before you die.'
"What." Luigi looked at Toad, or what he thought was him, as more of the world broke down. The greenery withered brown. The Royal Raceway stands decayed and rusted. The lake dried into a cracked bed.
'Up here, Luigi Mario. I reiterate. Do not confound a star! If everyone insists on surprises, I, Lord of Chaos, will show you the last one you'll ever see! How does it feel to fail?'
"I.. didn't." Tears streamed from the plumber's aging, blackened, starry eyes, more from mental strain than fear. He knew how he got here, by the help of all of his friends and their friends and on, even if he didn't know how all of the parts joined.
Just then, a streak tore across the night sky, heading for the purple radiant light, a literal bombshell of sorts, or else he wouldn't have heard the ancient star cursing like that.
The puffy aerial landscape was neatly layered like clouds, spotted by ancient courts, strung together by red teleporting doors and moving platforms, a blue sky draped above all. The population was dense, many coming and going.
"Ha! So it wasn't TNT that burned down your Library of Alex, but THIS redstone switch diagram!" Prof. X-Naut wagged his notebook towards the nimbis escorting him and his cousin outside. They weren't amused by him using Johnson, a minor, to get in without a card and were apathetic to the rest of his rigmarole. His theories could be true or not, just don't do it in their backyard with the sacred apples.
"I apologize. Morris has a superlative interest in history." Dr. Toad left out the 'crazy part' and took him away, stepping over the fruit that they totally didn't knock down earlier.
Shortly, two others left. The whomp stopped in the middle of it all, making everyone else weave around him.
"Am I dead?"
"I don't know, and I say it matters not. Your vow as a public servant is to protect no matter what." Toadsworth handed over a scroll. "See what our people's original mission was."
Sergeant Howie stalwartly scanned the lines of twice translated Shroomish, though the tension in his forehead telegraphed his feelings.
"See? Empathy is what aligns you with the Mushroom spirit, pre-corruption."
The officer pulled up his belt. "Let's just get to finding that doctor, Sam."
Waving around a zapper to clear his way, Toadsworth was afraid of where he might go, especially as he neared those ruffians in lab coats..
"What the?" Sgt. Howie jumped, some cretin peeping around. "A D-man. Here?!"
"Don't!" Toadsworth cried.
Climbing up withered vines, the star kid questioned with every near slip and fall if he should have tackled this on his own. The idea was magnetizing, the execution unfurling every fear he ever had. Then he'd remind himself that the Star Spirits needed him, and that the other kids had shirked all responsibility, and that Millennium Star, as perfidious as he appeared to be by his prolonged absence, gave real encouragement. Sticking with duty wasn't something everyone one could do, yet he had, so how could he give up?
Twink kept climbing, high up to the windows. The bars restracted, nothing stopped him from shattering one. He plunged into the cavernous orrery room, smashing through globe of one blue and green planet, almost getting skewered by additional spokes on the way down, and splating on the weathered tile floor. That area split off to an unrecognizable dining room. Supports had fallen, running portraits, tables and chairs, and valuables. The kid clambered around, reaching the door. It was bound with thorns he couldn't dare touch.
"Anyone h-hear me?"
"-Yes! Help! Oh please help us!..."
Twink fought his way out of the temple, pushing a lot of heavy things until he got through, leaving it open for the rest. "They're trapped in here. Soo-kh! Please!"
Captain Toad severed himself from the others in the white fields, running in. He flicked away debris Twink couldn't budge like they were made of foam. "It's a formidable chain."
"Can you break it?"
"Me? No." He brought out a sharp bloodied pickaxe, and not from that shoot out before. "This might."
...
"Hate to interrupt this requiem- naw, I bloody love to." Dark Ztar laughed super hoarsely, if maniacally the same. He struck the temple's platform, flicking everyone outside off of it.
He didn't blink behind that slightly bent out of shape monocle as the guardians of the temple shot out, using all of their forces, the lullabies, star storms, chill outs, and else. Well well, someone or something broke them from their coffins. It wouldn't matter. Twink hid behind the paper remnants as long as he could, taking a thick phone pole sized spear to whack it across the back of Dark Ztar's head. While batted around, he recovered in a blink. He grabbed the star kid and punted him over the guardian's heads, demolishing the left half of their abode.
"Pick on somebody your own size!" the blue sailor hat wearing star charged.
"Don't take the bait!-" Klevar warned.
Muskular and the crazed cousin arm wrestled, grunting.
"Tough! Just not enough!"
"Shut... UP!...Zach! -Arrg!"
Dark Ztar slapped him through the fractured sapphire. Muskular kept falling in the debris cloud, their toughest, heaviest star, into a black hole waiting beneath. The guardian's voices were stolen.
…
For the girl in a white flowy dress, fresh air couldn't subside the dread in her. Odd geometries, vivid colors, unexpected discoveries that came with traveling the cosmos- so captivating in the past, now pointed reminders of her displacement. She kicked her legs off the edge of the ship's rounded sides, wondering how she'd discuss this when the apricot luma returned.
"-Attention, whatever scientific principles are at play here, submit to the Koopa Empire, or you had better dawdle to another planet!"
The girl staggered to her feet, the koopa's mechanicalized pidget carpet blocking her Starshroom. She'd seen his kind before, though never so frightening. King Ludwig Von Koopa passed over a document as if it was burning a hole in his hand, suited up in a navy jacket, decorated with medals.
"Well?" He sighed. "I should have left reconnaissance to King Roy and the fighter jets.. Don't you know where you are?!"
The girl noticed the planet she hovered over, so familiar yet alien. All themed lands embraced their original traditions. She only wished she knew why that was so special- also about that strict order to 'eschew contemporary Mushroomy ideology'.
Just as King Ludwig was about to call reinforcements on this silly, probably Mushroom aligned girl, the Starshroom roof panel opened with a hiss and release of mist.
"Blessings unto you." It was a Yellow Toad. Ludwig was struck by the accent like his own. Like his late mother. "I mean.. Either I'm unconscious or dying right now, which probably means you guys are too!"
...
The nimbi toying with consciousness was too weak to thrash, reaching for the closest moving thing. Donald eyed him crossly before swimming in space, around the scraps of paper and indistinguishable pieces of the temple dispersed everywhere. They'd just made it out of the range of the black hole. Others were clinging to whatever they could, swirling around, funneling down under Dark Ztar's watch.
"-Nice try, you." The monochrome star fired off an over the shoulder warning shot at the d-man fluttering over. Refitting his glasses, the agent of Queen Jaydes wasn't deterred.
"I knew it. This place is a goner! Ha!" Zoo took in the impending doom. His hairs rose, his pupils widened, his heart pulsed. It felt..
"Exactly. Are you newly transfigured, bloke?" Dark Ztar noticed. "I could use aides that appreciate the macabre for once! Good with computers?"
"No thanks!" Zoo pulled up his suit coat. "There's a market for my evil powers turns out. I'll find a way to sell it as a side hustle."
"Powers?" He snorted. "Very few retain any talents of mortal life. That is why Jaydes occupies anyone not entirely idiotic and the rest are shoved into the Overthere."
Zoo pushed past him. "I hate know-it-alls that aren't my brother. Watch, bro!"
Some force from his square fingers invisibly struck Eldstar, motionless in the vortex until then. His helpless folks had a row while he trembled from the attack.
"Nice shot, er..Bollocks!"
He violently hacked heaps of dark matter, globs and blobs. Before Dark Ztar could barrel over, the Epitome of Fairness righted himself, soft features twisting in disappointment. One wave of his arm reversed the flow of the black hole, ejecting all that it eaten, Muskular, parts of their temple, and other belongings.
Dark Ztar shuddered, monocle swinging from his face. "Bastard! You ruined it!"
"Oh my God! Your beautiful plan!" Zoo rolled his eyes. "Bro. I didn't ask to have stakes in this, you forced me."
Dark Ztar's pounce missed, the d-man whisked away by a spaceship's tractor beam. He was cuffed by Sgt. Howie no matter what Dr. Toad said, so with some reluctant assistance from Prof. X-Naut, Toadsworth had them trying to take in stragglers.
"Over here. You shall more carefully select your company, Zachary," Eldstar declared, voice strong. "Here is what happens when you accept ours."
He locked hands with the Star Spirits, the monochrome star unable to dodge the light speed traveling beam of holy light, right through is center, the radius growing until his screams faded and the entire sector was cleansed. The temple remains sparkled and shined. Simultaneously, the Observatory's beacon reignited above their heads, turning right side up.
….
Geno promised vengeance if it was the last thing he did. Rosalina sprung to life in arms, a light blue aura raising to her sanctuary, just before the center console.
"Miss Rosie. We didn't scratch it did we?" Eldstar craned upwards. The golden gates were shut, the fields were growing back, and the fountains flowed. "We will sort everything! Thank you."
Geno collapsed next to the Great Star. Fantastic. Even if he was useless.
The most subtle smile danced across her delicate features.
"You were the VIP, ♡♪!?."
"More? Pfft."
Those pathetic little explosives were spawning from Toad Town, and as a constant irritant he was going to stomp it out of existence, dropping in altitude. This hilly wasteland, desertic from the silvery strands of their own history drowning them was the sort of thing his old buddy was so didactic over? If the equilibrium of the seedy and the upright was His will, Millennium Star supposed it was naughty to meddle so substantially. Or maybe not! Every citizen had the same fate.
All along, the culprit was a condo in the suburbs, the circular panels on the mushroom cap sliding away to release Banzai Bills. He hovered over as the fourth and final was lit. Staring it down defiantly, everyone in the area geriatric to the point of senility in their homes or in the streets, he braced for impact-
-As the psionic affliction returned. It bopped the star out the sky, slamming onto asphalt. He had to escape, and if he could not aerially he must take Skeptiztar's portal. He heaved his body across the terrain and used up his energy to enlarge his form, so that each stride covered miles. He'd slung half of himself down the trench of Star Hill, when he was immobilized, that side of him solidified-
Do you ever wonder why you are different in every game? 8 bits? 64. 128. Beyond. Which is the real one? Are all of them? Or any of them?
Yes.
Might there be a version of you still in Brooklyn.
Yes.
Running the shop.
..Yes.
Dating Cathy.
…Eh.
Grover.
-Absolutely not. He swore he hadn't drank, had, and we almost ended up in the Hudson. Despite rumors, that was never really a thing.. Well.. none of my anythings have ever really been a thing..
That wasn't to be insensitive. I am insufficiently trained at this.
No, it's fine. Nothing.
(The stream stretches from one end of his sight range to the other, with one imperfection.)
The knot was so damaged. Would you go back? Before the pact?
To prevent everything that happened? ... I can't say.
Why? I see a new stream from here.
(He doesn't have a body, not yet, or he would have felt his heart ache.)
Is another Ouroboros helping? Or retraumatizing? Maybe cruel since I know what it'll do... I know. I don't like how I just sounded either, but I can't be anymore honest.
No battles are more intense than those we fight within yourself.
(It had came down to that, hadn't it?)
...
(He was treated to her image, newly woven bands of time gently streaming in the backdrop)
Yes. You have convinced Him.
...Of what?
Of a new vector for Time. Eldstar is confident his people will be well from now on.
H-oh. G-good! Fantastic! Wait. Why did you all propose this with me? Like I'm Mario or something?
We didn't have to have a Mario. Only a hero.
Chirping birds and patchy light gently coaxed the man to turn over. The alarm was slept through by the blinking. He rose out of bed abruptly, scanning his hands, fronts and backs, his arms, then a tumble into the bathroom confirmed the rest. He was a tall, pale, thirty-nine year old again, a touch skinny, capable enough in a fist fight, not that he'd want that.. For once he thanked the stars that it was Monday.
Toad Town had a lot of healing to do, and no one hid that from the news he listened to, munching on burnt toast. Some randomly interviewed citizens felt that something was amiss, a lot of the vegetation around town, like in the park or around Royal Raceway more lush than it had been in decades. The sky was bluer than they remembered. Morning sun brighter. The world felt, as best as they could stammer, glittery, refreshed.
Of course, the mildly anesthetic Lakitu Bros. dismissed it as a new counter-Monday blues movement and shuffled on to other happenings. Tayce T.'s was reopening. Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East had new windows and was finally corruption free. Maybe. Baddies welcome. Dr. Toadley's clinic had new automatic doors, that automatically remained open constantly, and was bowling ball shaped. Princess Peach's castle restoration was ahead of schedule...
"-When I'm free I'll get out more and reconnect with family."
"I respect that, Booigi."
"-Just Boo E. Diddley. I realize I don't have to be someone else anymore to be happy, to put it in a dumb way."
"No, that was worded perfectly."
"Cool. Oh I'm out of minutes. Bye. Thanks. Bye."
Luigi laid flat his usually dormant, now constantly buzzing from anonymous praise Yoshimobile.
"-How's it feel to be so popular you can't finish breakfast?"
He flushed. Mario was fresh and showered, beard neatly trimmed, and dressed to go out. Luigi was meanwhile the same mess that rolled out of bed.
...
"Yes indeedy we'd consider new recruits, ma'am. You understand our mission?"
"Stand for justice and such? In a previous life I didn't always, so I wanna start now."
"..So what skills do you have?"
"Can I have my gun back?"
The ruddy dark spotted Toad shot the wall clock smack in the number twelve, the entire smoldering heap dropping neatly into the trash can beneath it. Well, he allowed it. Having a most wanted criminal turn themselves in this morning, he'd have the donations to replace it soon anyway.
"Nice! Were you a marksman in that life?"
"You know it, eh."
Maybe he shouldn't hand over an application to that Bridget person, not bothering to take off that uniform before walking in, but his next visitor was arguably as problematic recently. The pink shelled koopa possessed yet another unregistered kart he'd have to cite after she stopped chatting away on phone. Her journalist buddy that went nutty was booked at his precinct before being sent to the hospital and he held his deranged ramblings and notebooks in the evidence pile.
"-Finally, I reach cha."
"One moment," the person on the line droned.
Kylie Koopa's shell rested against the iron cage with a clang. She hated that. Meanwhile on the other end were sounds of a more organic nature, screeches of mysterious animals, branches snapping.
Far way, Dr. Toad left the bob-omb shaped alien landing pad amongst moss covered ruins. His artist's eye was pleased with this refueling spot, flutters so large he thought Morris hit them with a growth ray, and four distinct biomes bridged together, and all peppered with artifacts untouched archeologists for centuries. -As The Captain informed the doctor, breaking that streak. That begged the question of the fuel quality, no one able to definitively translate the crude hieroglyphics at the pump...
"Hello?"
"Hello, fella. I'm Kylie-"
"One moment."
"Again? What is your address already?"
"..Greetings, Miss Kylie. Email whatever you have to Drew," this completely different person urged. "Under attrition, we have him going 'digital' now!"
"Who are you? Who's with you?"
"Prof. Morris Cosmo X-Naut. I am in company with a conspiratorial homesick nurse, a cetacean twice as smart as half of the Earth's population, a philanthropist that I believe was your serial killer Friday-"
"Eldstar have mercy," the ace reporter sighed, sliding into the black Lexus. She's gotten Mitch's items by then. "Just make sure it's secure."
The alien stood against tall moai figures. "Drew is a good fellow. Certainly with the straights, also this is Mystery Land."
Mitch's prophesy of far-reaching fame striking her like lightning, she screamed, cracking the windshield. She drove to MK East like crazy, finding her co-worker in a room she couldn't visit. Something, it was all so distorted, about life support. He'd written her a day ago:
'(More about estate matters, then some personal antidotes) I remember floating on the river at 48 months, the cold, my extremities, my snot filed face, agony. I thought I knew that they dumped me to kill me. That I had a reason to sharpen every gift of mine into a weapon. My research about the greater ones, the stars, is a gift with no asterisk, babe. It might save lives for generations. Don't worry about me. Actually adopt and water my house plant. Besides that though, go forward, always. I was in a cell with the lock on the inside.
...
Spectators roared as the Helicopter Yoshis lower another portion of Peach's original castle, joined by scaffolding. The mission portions would be up in a few days and the building livable a day or so after that. There were little modifications since over a hundred years ago, so this was historical Toadette narrated to folks kinda paying attention. While the general public were occupied with that, a few more were permitted beyond some sturdy gates.
The indigo rocky holy grounds of Star Hill had retained the same fractured silhouette they'd almost gotten used to. Scars of the trench were visible, but filled with soil like normal. No Doomstar Galaxy for it to lead to. Beyond the shroud of trees, down in the pit was a eldritch five pointed being. One half of him was buried, the other expose and curling in on himself. The green plumber had to be pulled back by a group of Toads before he became like that lakitu that almost died trying to film it earlier.
Not wanting to make someone or something poof out of existence, he asked the safest question he thought he could to the platinum haired princess, in a tank top and shorts. "What do you think your dad thinks about this?"
She covered her mouth, then giggled.
"-Master Luigi, he took a liking to the warmer climates of the South and seized a country home until Wednesday. He is in one piece and sound we heard, and armed with a sword. How that will hold up in a gunfight remains to be seen." Toadsworth winked.
Luigi would not have recognized him except by voice, but no one commented on it and neither did he.
"Homeboy, over here!" Toad joined him halfway across castle grounds, landscapers continuing work on the fringes.
Luigi went back and forth in his mind. "I know what that was."
"We do too, bae. Kinopio made one more blog talking about how he had a vision of it. Zeror too from the Overthere."
"Him? I mean.."
"He's still whitewashing the star's interest in us." They shared an exasperated glance.
"- No ya don't." Luigi whipped around as Mario was about to sneak up and poke him.
"Sorry!" He rubbed his neck. "Bowser wants to do some stuff with his WHOLE family. Yeah in caps like that. That's all I was gonna say, lil bro!"
Luigi only realized after an arm slipped around him, that he was biting back tears from something he couldn't identify yet. "C-cool."
"Wanna get into it? Or later?" Toad whispered.
"Later."
Toad thumbed up. ".. Oh yeah. Want me to suggest we build some new stuff into the castle that are suspiciously things only you'd like?"
"Hahaha!"
Yoshi materialized, stealing Luigi from him. "I know a remarkable young man who was promoted today. He can get us into Neon Heights anytime."
"What's showing there, brah?" A gold Toad, about as tall as Luigi trailed.
"Cirque du Angry Solei tonight."
"Bowser's folks would riot!" Mario snatched his brother with one arm, twirling his goatee with the other. "Peach wants to cruise to Lavalava later. Said we have refugees over there. Besides that though She invited Daze! Let's sneak on and eat their food!"
The more options, the more he was convinced he'd get to explore them with all of his family, friends, some closer than that, new and old, close, across kingdoms, and beyond. With no enemies or malignant forces, it was possible.
Good times stretched, a pact of peace resumed, not by written decree, but by the armistice within.
Chapter End Notes
Author note: Well, Daisy was chewed out back home, though. And Anti-Guy was still a head trapped in an icebox...
~So it ends again. This was a simple and daunting rewrite simultaneously, as I was determined to follow the original outline as close as possible.
See: commentary on my other avenues, blah blah (cut out the old note) ...No rewrites of course. ~I said that? Gotta keep that for posterity.
-This is only a note because it's so obscure, you'll never get it. 'soo-kh' is a german command for guard and protection dogs, to track. Now you know!
Dates with a grain of salt: (The outline was done) 5/31/23, 6/10, (oh wow, i lost track 6/24) 7/2, 7/ 4,- 7/9, (Hey, the real date is here) 7/25/23, 8/11/23- 8/14, 8/15, 8/18- 9/1- 9/8- 9/17- 9/27- 10/1- 10/7, 10/14- 10/16, 10/22, 10/28- 10/3, 11/1- 11/3, 11/4. 11/15
Tiny but important tweak at the end on 4/10/24
RR24: 12/12/24- 12/17 -12/21/24