“Remember what the flyers that brought you here stated. They were going to take only toads up North. IF YOU ARE NOT A TOAD, YOU ARE NOTHING TO THEM.” Booigi dropped the podium mic to the ground, the thunk of it ringing over them.

“-Freeze! You’re under arrest!” ordered Snifit Patrol, doing a stylish barrel roll before the boo. He aimed his taser.

“Positively! I am a sworn justice enforcer for Toad TooOOOOWN!” he wailed, flying in the sky.

Booigi launched him higher than the clouds with a glowing green tennis racket. The snufit disappeared with a twinkle that dropped a ball of chaos on the castle grounds. Spectators trampled over each other down Royal Raceway and through the lake in the panic to escape, some crunching on fragmented glistening and steadily melting icy remains of the King’s representative without realizing it.

A whizzing ball of light missed by a hair, drawing the boo toward the princess’s corner of the property hedges, followed by additional erratic shots from the lone scared guard. Her backup huddled with her for cover and unleashed a fury of blasts across Peach’s yard, ripping apart all remaining bushes and trees, scorching and chipping the remains of the castle, and creating innumerable trenches in the lawn. The boo went intangible and when they reappeared away from the warzone, and lower at the sand path, a guard thought it wise to sneak behind them. Booigi backhandedly bashed his face in with the racket. As he crumpled backward to the ground, an engine started up to the right, a crowded battle tank tearing across the lake shore. A red bullet bill was shot. Booigi had a flash of trepidation before teleporting. Their beady eyes sparkled with glee upon watching the bullet arc and latch to the target, them, now standing behind the tank!

Like it was suddenly a clown car, a ridiculous amount of guards scurried out, the last and largest getting stuck halfway out the hatch. As he begged for help, two seconds away from mince meat, Booigi registered that square jawed one as one of Saul’s aides moments ago…

The explosion rocked the area a second time. Those that had managed to get miles away could spot the black plume on the horizon. As debris and smoldering shrapnel from the tank and explosives rain, a boo diddly reappeared at lake shore opposite of the castle. Booigi dropped Benedict onto his back.

“I saved you this time, but your league will blame. Torture. And kill you,” Booigi whispered matter of factly, raising afterwards and vanishing totally from the property.

Benedict remained sprawled on the mud and clay, paralyzed. He watched his comrade’s boots move in and out of the scope of his vision, in search for the killer and barking into their radios. Familiar hands of someone yanked him to his feet. He received a clear picture of Jon, panting and scowling.

“Ben you idiot. I saw you way from across the lake and I had to leave the castle brats behind to get over here. You messed up!!!”

Ignoring the other guard steadily jotting the incident down to his side, Jon speechlessly watched Ben stumble towards the lake again, continuing in the blue waters until it reached to his knees, then thigh, waist, shoulders, head… When bubbles rose from a spot, Jon opened his sweaty palm. Ben’s nickel dog tag was in it.

“Raven! Jim! It’s not like that!” Wendy shouted in between her butterfly strokes toward the pontoon.

“Gosh Wendy.. You got us shook..” The goomba girl jumped back when the koopaling princess climbed aboard. Astonishment faded away and a glare swept across her punk rebellious features, the dudette sporting spiky purple hair and gold facial piercings. “You knew what your father was doing, so don’t try to cry to us now!”

“His ploy to drive people like us out of our homes and into his clutches has fallen flat!” added her boyfriend Jim, a boomerang bro in a trench coat and white trilby. This roused the other adolescents to murmur in favor. “What cha got to say to us now?”

The princess wrung the water from her strands of hair beneath the mask flag embroidered with her own hammer bro hammer and blue winged anvil symbol of the Adolescent Anti-Monarchy Faction. She’d founded and was a nuisance with such during a ‘phase’ back in eighth grade, before, as many her age did, flip-flopping back to proud princess land. The seventeen year old was sheepishly remembering she might have neglected some friends in the process.

“So I’ll spill the tea. Yeah, I’ve been trying to rise rank in Daddy’s oppressive forces but.. This changes everything!”

“Uh, yas?? I wish the ocean was mine, but it’s not so we’re technically all equal now in this Kingdom. It’s totes gonna be great here. Dad want’s only like, one fortress and it’ll be different, especially if I become his general. I’m cereal.”

Under deafening silence, Wendy’s blue eyes breezed over everyone in the boat, the familiars and the not, awaiting their response with bated breath.

King Bowser, stuffed in the bridge, was getting feisty. “Get us to the tower already, Johnson!”

“Aye aye, King Bowser!” The cadet’s jaw clenched. His muscles burned trying to keep the ship on course, more akin to a rubber cataquack in a circling drain. It would be worse, the green koopa troopa kept reminding himself. He was against all odds still alive as a lowly navigator, the type not even deemed good enough at fighting to be placed in the early levels, and one of only one thousand officially tallied before the flood swept them away. He’d dare not say it, but it was all Kammy’s fault!

“Yowch!! Grrr… Look where you’re going!!!” Bowser roared after they crashed into the tower, pelting the small crew with bricks.

The Koopa King shook off the masonry and ordered evacuation to the exposed floor. It was dark and musty inside with web filled corridors, mousers, and rusted chains ominously piled around. Bowser froze before the hole they’d made, looking out into the water. His daughter remained on the pontoon arguing with those kids, some of whom were holding flaming molotovs. The commotion held that group up enough that other Koopa Troop overtook them. Minions began to block Bowser’s view as they abandoned ship and scuttled rapidly to safety, stepping over his toes.

The magikoopa conjured up an iron three block high Bill Blaster. “Lord Bowser, should a ship attempt to antagonize, the troop is preparing weapons on the upper floors. We can pierce her soft walls, send smoke up her aft, and leave her sinking and hopeless!”

‘Wow grandpa really hates whatever girl he’s talking about’, Bowser Junior thought, otherwise bored with the adult conversation already.

Junior wandered away, shimmying past Ludwig hustling down the damp steps against the flow of the rest of the troop. “Vater…I’m.. ready to resume command.. Is my.. Dear.. sister.. still in peril?”

Bowser approvingly nodded him over. “Not anymore now that you’re here.. Ready, aim.”

Lemmy emerged from the corridor a second later, winded as if he’d been unsuccessfully chasing someone on foot. He brushed aside whatever his problem was joined in. Shooting stuff was fun after all.. Ludwig with his brother’s assistance slid the cannon about twenty degrees to aim at the boat with the rebels and the precious koopaling hostage a quarter of a nautical mile away. Bowser stretched his dominant arm out pointing, the signal for-

“DADDY!” Wendy shouted through a megaphone. “We’re all totes cool now.”

The newly christened Bowser Tower had a constant rumble from the collective movements of minions zipping to and fro somewhere on its fifty floors. The flood rising above ground level, scavenged items from the ships were sorted through the docking station, technically that breach they’d created before, except with hazard lights tacked on. Others were furnishing rooms with amenities, repairing things, establishing quarters, etcetera.

“..Yes daddy, they’ve told all of their five million online friends about how great you are gave you five stars on Welp dot com.”

Bowser checked his slowly loading reviews on his dumbphone. His heart skipped a beat, not at ‘Bowser Castle 444 Dark Drive’ bumping from 1.5 to 4.7 stars in the past hour, rather because Mario had blown his phone up more severely than he would when they had a golfing match that didn’t go his way or lost in an eating contest. He quickly hid the screen against his plastron, flushing.

“Daddy yaaaas!” Wendy sqeed. “I’m excited too. They are gonna vote for me for governor of Neo Bowser City, which they can totes do even if we’re not in Dark Land.” Her entire little crowd smiled and waved from off to the side.

Bowser considered for a little moment if that's what Ludwig was so anxious over. What, had he admitted discontentment with Mayor Koton at some point? Or was that Mario? Yeah, seemed like something he'd vent to him rather. Bowser cleared his throat, catching heat on his face again.

“-That’s clever girl, but I can't tolerate vote solicitation... SEND THEM TO OUR NEW DUNGEON!” Bowser ordered. Immediately soldiers scooped Wendy’s friends away.

The distaff koopaling dropped to the ground kicking and screaming and bawling, “Daddy noooooo!! What do you even care? You said you were removing your name from that place anyway because it has little to do with you anymooooooore!!!”

“Weeeell,” she began, propped up on one elbow. “I wanna help with KT stuff. Make a change, ya know. Better to do something sooner than later. Make me.. Lieutenant!”

Simultaneously Ludwig and Thwomp #3, one of several minions eavesdropping while they were supposed to be working, randomly choked on something in the background.

Annoyed, Bowser stomped hard, “THIS IS FAMILY BUSINESS!!!” The rattled nonrelatives filed out. “Now, I need this drama over before our official discourse in five minutes. What are we gonna do?”

The blue haired koopaling had tucked into his shell partially, only his messy hair and busy eyebrows showing, which promptly furrowed. “Nevermind this. I am shielding everyone from my newly obtained contagion and I absolutely cannot accept-”

Wendy sniffled very loud, lip wavering. The commander’s mind raced, weighing one unfavorable option with another..

An ingrained habit, Peach felt the span of her holding space, her ungloved fingers, she’d lost them in the flood, gliding over jagged bricks. By estimate it was half the size of that gaudy waiting room at Bowser’s Castle. Somberly she slid down to the floor, facing the other occupant. Wonderful. Already downgrading. Maybe not entirely if that mustached person was awake.

“Are you still cold dear?” She’d hugged him before and received a stabbing chill in return. He’d shrunk from her touch since.

“Hm!” Toadsworth broke out of meditation and wrapped his arms around himself in an exaggerated fashion. “Brrrr, just a bit princess. I did erm, explain did I? I’ll manage… Will you ever detail that.. ‘Pillar of Understanding’ you encountered?”

It worked the mushroom up so much at first mention, it seemed like unwise discourse if he felt lousy. “It is underwater now anyway. Why are you convinced it’s supernatural?”

“I cannot recall.. I strolled close and had a daydream,” she mentioned offhandedly. “When I came to, I decided we should rejoin Bowser, and it was wise. Now rest. Please! He has dozens of ships at the ready, and we’ll be on one of them sailing away any moment.”

Toadsworth hoped so. He didn’t know if it was the deleterious effects of the Gravitational Pull or not, but something was wrong with his body.

Lemmy huffed and marched away into the cramped stairwell. It was complete poo and soooo out of left field that Wendy had coveted his position all along. If Ludwig really thought she could abet him better, so be it. To march to his ‘room’ he had to climb to the 49th floor which would be the koopaling’s eventually. It currently housed one mattress they’d reclaimed, Roy’s, so he was in fact lounging on it and no one but him was gonna touch that thang..

“My freakin what?” Larry shuddered. “Shut yo fat face! I don’t care what that creepy Sentry dug up on me. Why would I work with Peach? I was just.. tryin’ ta score!”

While the koopalings collectively fell short of a perfect record against pesky plumbers, Larry principally had the worse win rate, outright forfeiting his World 1 fortress during the last pre-Peace Pact KT siege. He retreated from the others since and like the Iggy bullying problem, Lemmy feared he’d taken notice of this too late..

Morton lazily leaned against some of the family stacked chests. “That is a more acceptable, textbook explanation I admit, however you said some ‘problematic’ things in that letter as our sister put it. Do you really wish to those stars on occasion or happenstance, about renouncing princehood and starting over in that Mushroom Kingdom??” He snorted.

Lemmy inserted himself between them, which was gutsy in hindsight when they were taller and stronger than him. He continued with resolve, “Mushroom folks are just people and there’s nothing wrong with wanting a job outside of Dad’s army either!”

That got the tanned koopaling to straighten up and wipe away those smug looks. Lemmy wasn’t expecting Larry to do anything too sappy other than grunt some form of thank you, but he didn’t even get that. The blue haired teenager brushed past him hard enough to make him lose balance.

“I’m sure you wouldn't have bothered if you still had somethin’ to lose,” Larry hissed, leaving Morton bewildered and Lemmy hating he’d made that impression with the timing of it all.

Lemmy strove to hunt him down again. Was he up or down? He tried up, the rooftop seemed like an obvious brood spot. Instead he came upon someone standing rigidly straight, unaffected by the light patter of rain. A backpack with a mechanical purr was strapped to the lanky koopaling, with an invention to ‘solve’ his memory lapse. The amalgamation of his VR headset, parts from the coin operated binocular station with digital zoom, and his cell phone, created a twisted bunch of exposed circuits and wires sprouting from his forehead, redolent of a sci-fi movie.

“-I have assimilated all idiosyncrasies of the being: Ignatius H Koopa. Status at 70 percent of memories. Currently archiving footage of first Koopa Ball try out. The one that birthed the embarrassing nickname of ‘Icky Iggy’ in High School. Awaiting further command.”

Forgetting what he was doing, Lemmy stared at the incidental patterns in the glossy stone tile. “Our sister kinda stole that privilege from me?..”

“OMG?!” Ignatius Delta gasped. The cyborg’s shoulders rolled, some life seeping in. “Hey, again. I just Alt Controlled so this really is me. Yikes, what happened?? Well no time, sorry. While that stuff is processing or whatever I’m just gonna check up on Sam and Slam all the way at Isle Delfino with my rocket attachment. You did say I should stand up to them. With these cybernetic enhancements, I now can!! Laters."

“-Here’s a decoy in the meantime. Don't worry, I will totally return to avenge you and defeat the 'Wendy Menace'. Up up and away!!!!”

Lemmy was blasted with smoke of Iggy Delta’s pack rocking him off into the stratosphere. Coughing and fanning, he bumped into a projector on the ground. It created a life-sized hologram, photorealistic of Iggy standing and cheesing goofily. Lemmy snapped towards his watch. He forgot to scribble on a new minute hand. He picked it up and backtracked to the 50th floor. He was late. His dad and the others, even Princess Peach were waiting. Bowser sat on his salvaged red and gold plush throne, only dried out a few moments ago by diligent minions with hair dryers- who managed to make it work without electricity.

“Alright, do I gotta recap? We all know a freak incident last night tore my castle up and scattered us around then we were washed here. Lost anybody? Now.. oh great for Lemmy and Iggy to show. How were you two and Ludwig knocked into another Kingdom? Y’all didn’t sneak out or nuthin last night, right?”

The commander of the Koopa Troop, sustaining that awkward half tuck, shifted slightly. “..Only to Neo Bowser City. I was restless and saw fit to make sure my brothers were safe while purchasing their video-game. Then- of course we were struck by calamity like all else!”

A portion of Lemmy’s pent up frustration fizzled away, relieved Ludwig did not view such admission ignominious for his stature. It was only too bad the unsaid portion was ‘crazy as a cracker’, involving sleepwalking, Zoo Diddley, and an evil ancient artifact..

Bowser shrugged. “Fine.. So, the purpose of this is that.. I declare that we stay in Sky Land and rebuild here!”

Five seconds later: “WHAT????” Thunder boomed and all the candles went out, the smoke from such whisked back and forth as Bowser’s repeated orders to shut up clashed against the counter-arguments involving every little thing…

Two hours later: “YES! I’ve explained a million times. I KNOW we have our heritage and junk in Dark Land. THIS DOESN’T CHANGE THAT!!! I want to have my castle HERE. Okay? Not where the old one is, not closer to Neo Bowser City where the shopping centers are, and not where it’s hot and tropical all the time.. Wendy.. We’re gonna conquer this joint as Property of Bowser starting today and… We re-kidnap Peach!!!”

A big cheer reverberated through the tower. Candles relit.. somehow, the sun came out, and birds sang outside.

Peach desperately broke out of the group and tumbled at Bowser’s feet. “This is against our agreement! You’ve made my people sick! How can you prolong this game??”

Bowser rose, the light behind him from the window creating a menacing jagged silhouette. “Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Because it’ll lure Mario and I want him to see me somewhere different for once!!” Looking less cool all of a sudden, he zoned out.. “Meeting over. Everybody scram!”

Wendy immediately huddled up to her older brother. “Alright, let’s do this general thing!”

“We shall see,” Ludwig replied, unenthused. “Your desire to control the city is dazzling is all.”

“I think not, nerd. It’s baby steps. In fact I thought that was why you wanted that Villain Badge so much!” When she teased that, she poked him, making one of his exceptionally dry scutes flake off. She hardly noticed, but Ludwig dreadfully did.

Watching himself fall apart shocked some of his old habits back. Eldstar forgive him, he was about to get selfish again. “Sister mine, yes, the badge is fresh in mind and so, lend your ear…”

Shortly, Wendy veered away from him, beaming. “Luddy, you are the best!” she exclaimed, a rare statement indeed.

Bowser paused before a smallish triangular window and watched the land. The waters receded from higher elevations, revealing green peaks and even an important looking white pillar or obelisk in the distance…In solitude, in 'safety' of sorts, Bowser identified the persistent knot in him.

He couldn't talk to Mario now, and it bothered him. Was it separation? Anxiety? Yeah, he'd officially gone too far to back down now. In some alternate universe he'd just left Peach where she was and a few days from now it would have blown over. They could finally do that laser tag thing. Somewhere in his shell there might have been crumpled reservations under the pseudonym 'FF'. He forgot what it was supposed to mean, 'Frenemies something?' or was it 'Forever something?'

Then a huge thump rippled through the tower, hard enough to jostle what little decoration he’d done for the spot adjacent to his throne. His copy of ‘Pride and Prejudice’, a giant old map, and a part of the lapis bust of his brother, were flung off, the bust rolling and spinning across the floor. It was the one object Bowser bothered to chase down. He picked it up and peered into his brother’s near identical face mug, only differently colored. The castle destruction had reduced it to the shoulder up, and that little incident just now chipped a horn. The further damage highly irritated Bowser. His brother looming around in spirit had been a constant since he began to reign in castles- and that was a long time ago!

~Anything she wants! Anything she wants! I’ll give you the key! Anything you need! What she says you know I’ll do, that’s my gift to you!

The scandalous for its day track on the B side, “Shackled” by The Pizzas fades out.

After a short journey overall, the duo reached Pleasant Path, an area of Toad Town with the highest property value second to Royal Raceway, likely due to the Mario brother’s proximity and historical significance, the first location where ‘enemy species’ submitted to Mushroom rule. There was a fortress a mile away, a tourist attraction in the summer.

“You really love that tune, eh? It’s alright I guess, haha...” Bridget trailed off in melancholy.

Toadette smiled nervously holding the button, praying the tired cassette didn’t give out. Had it been born in a different format, it’d be considered so successful with its billion plays. Instead it was an out of print dad mushroom rock thing, introduced to her through her boyfriend Bucken-Berry, who got it from his surrogate ‘father’ of sorts Mario. Disappointingly the trip was over before Toadette’s plan came to fruition. They parked at a more modest but presentable enough for the neighborhood flat. Startlingly the Mario brother’s unoccupied home was three houses away..

“Sup, baby,” greeted the pink boo floating in the mildly overgrown yard, gently assisting by hand the driver out of the car. He was steely-eyed and approaching middle-aged with patches of gray in this beard stubble. “Thought you were joking when you said you could see some of us today! Sorry for doubting ya, hehe.” They shared a brief but passionate, veering on inappropriately so, kiss.

It became apparent to the Toadette, whom Bridget excused away as just being 'some city girl with directions', that these folks weren't other guards, rather actual friends and, erm, more. The other two were a goomba with a jade beanie and a bouncy fuzzy with an electronic pipe- or vape thing.. Toadette was simultaneously realizing that she didn't get out much. Otherwise, where did that jolt come from, see the King's guard associating with these folks? It was true then. It was just a job to most toads!

“I can’t hang for long. My, uh, supervisor’s wantin’ me to travel real far, like where you work at Poshley Heights...”

Bridget detached from the extended hug, ruefully. “Oh.. what the heck Trev? You disappear a lot and not in a boo way. I’m starting to think you’re a secret agent.”

He laughed it off. “Cool fan-fiction. You know I’m just a cabbie. To make this up, G-Man over there, show her.”

The shady looking goomba unlatched a guitar shaped hard case. Bridget ogled the single cut, maple flame burst, dual humbucker instrument with.. Les of Peach’s Castle signature in gold at the headstock. Toadette quickly hid her near matching expression, assuming until then that Lester P Toad embellished old tales of artist endorsement deals..

During idle chat, a bandit slithered on the scene and tried to touch the expensive gift. Bridget whipped around and vaporized him on the spot with a zapper. Just. Like. That.

A rasp of “Bridge?” caught Toadette’s attention before the color returned to her. Obed continued, “Yo, you show em! You don’t hafta go back to babysitting, right? Meork..”

The guard lifted the weighty case. “Nah, the castle toads all went to the public address.”

“..S-sure.. Thanks for letting us meet at your brother’s front lawn. It’s outta the way like we needed!” Bridget went, seemingly to divert.

“-Funny you mention my goodie-two shoes brother paying a two-thousand coin rent just so he can be one of the ‘good’ ones on this prissy side of town-”

“‘Cause he just texted me. He was at that public address thang, like way in the back tho, and next he knew folks started runnin’ wild and nearly stomped em..”

On cue, Bridget’s radio beeped. “... Copy.” She paled, clicking off.. “Let’s bounce.” At her word, the three friends scattered in opposite directions like troublemakers at the sound of a siren. Bridget slung the guitar into the B-Dasher backseat, looking at Toadette. “So, like, this was cool of you to help me, eh. Thanks.”

Working with so many strangers was risky but enjoyable to Toadette as the guard sped up and down the streets on patrol. She gave a start when they crossed by a certain silver ex-fast food joint.

By the time they crossed traffic and pulled up, Sergeant Howie was waddling across the lot, heavy keys swinging at his waist.

Toadette jumped out, not even using the door. “Officer! I work for the princess and-”

“Com’on! I need to roll out..” The grumbling whomp grant her inside the cramped cluttered office, furnishings well worn, with a pizza crust hanging out a trash can that dazed her for a second. She recovered and pointed to the Princess’s parcel in the evidence cubby. At the last moment she remembered what Bucken-Berry wanted, lingering before a garbage bag wrapped and marked ‘Zoo S. Diddley’.

“He executed in an ‘incarnate’ way. Dunno what that means, it’s in Snifit Patrol and Douglas’s notes. That made conclusively nailing the punk harder. Besides, they were just Bowser freaks. Even the bus driver was an ex-one.. Why ya care?”

She tried to ignore that brazen view and flashed her cute smile. “I need it. It contains artwork that he.. Well stole from-”

Toadette was pushed out of the station and the officer squeezed into his shuttle vehicle, the one she once rode yesterday and sped away. She returned to the B-Dasher, bobbing along to the music as they pulled off I a better mood.

"We've always played along and let them enforce Toad Town since..." the pink toad explained. It felt pretty good in fact to have a fresh ear around, and not get called a nerd, or walked away from, or an egg tossed at her- depending on which castle staff she annoyed.. ".. We've only had named streets for forty-four years at this point, and thanks to the officers the general public has bothered to learn them."

"They trot around all day with a parasol or their purebred poochy, eh... Yeah, my mate doesn't like me in town, but I wish I lived here."

"Here?" she giggled. "My.. 'mate' was against ME moving to a more aristocratic district."

"Lol, don't. I had more action fighting off my sisters to avoid the draft than once I was in camp, except for this one time I caught the King crying about his daughter. Not allowed ta speculate too much on that, eh."

"He moved there and our princess took over at fourteen, and she doesn't discuss that either... " Welp, she better change that subject.. "Where are we going?"

Bridget's smile dropped. "I didn't want to work you up. Our rep was just murdered by a Mushroomite with a tennis racket and a freeze gun."

Toadette settled back, shivering in her seat. Anyone walking around, and there was an increase lately, could be a new killer. "Bridget, the Mario brothers should hear about this. They're just across the South border. Don't you like Mr. Toad? In serendipity he's there too."

"Toadette, that's sounds brilliant but my orders and the fact that toads rattling cages rarely works out and some of my friends here could get roped up in it and.."

She drove for a bit, visibly conflicted in a way that had Toadette on edge- the guard was well aware of the axioms of life and the repercussions of dismissing them, but also was oddly adorable.

"Alright. I'm already bending the bloody rules." The guard veered them hard left and down a major road, speeding, about to incur perhaps another infraction as they bolted towards rural land.

For once the goodie pink toad was a rebel with her. She didn't know how to thank her besides muttering such choppily.

Toadette jabbed the pause button and breathed out. How did she drown out that cheesy 80s 'seductive' rock music, unless.. that other girl wasn't so cool in a muscle car (and had a license), and a musician (purportedly), tough, older than her, and with dark spots like she liked, plus Bridget like thed color pink in return...

She snapped out of it, -thankfully- city shrinking in the distance, cacti lining the roads, sandy air hitting her face. "Sorry for whatever that was. Thank you for this." She absently leaned over and kissed the guard on the cheek.

“Psst,” the noki gestured over to the guy at the other end, hanging outside the Mushroom Flu patient room.

“...Yeah, Mushroom Flu. I’ve told you. Isn’t it in mainstream media by now?... Oh mhm. Don’t give up on 0064’s status..Serena Beach.. Yes I know communication is slow, but I saw the breaking news about what happened there. Don’t be that way, Charles. I’m not supposed to even contact you while on leave...” The orange yoshi kept his chin down, tensed. His suit coat was under his arm, what he’d worn it until the temperatures of the South got to him.

Laki continued, stooping behind his medical cart. "...I think that guy was in the YoshiMobile commercial years ago. He switched to promoting IslandMobile with my second cousin thrice removed. They bought a Festive Tree together in the competitor's version. Super progressive for its time, cept the part where supposedly the director went. 'I have no problem with a yoshi and noki couple, but the French part has ta go! Hehe."

Jr. Troopa scratched his head. “The ‘Can you hear me now?’ hipster guy? “I think you’re trippin and that’s not him. You think all yoshi’s look alike?”

“Just come with me to Vick’s then. You can gossip ‘bout Mecha-Yoshis instead. Those Macho Outlaws busted in I told ya. Also Bob the librarian missed an appointment so we might wanna check that. Get to it, newb.” Troopa elbowed him, ribbing the older recently hired nurse.

When a sizable crew filled the hallway moments later, that Yoshi stranger was nowhere to be found.

“Momma-Mia.. just in time.” Mario held the rails to Toad’s bed, grimacing. Also in the room was a yoshi, a doogan, and a koopa, though coming in, they were aware that Toad would get the single antidote prepared. He was the only one with a ‘may resuscitate with highly experimental and dangerous medicine” in his records. He also had the most dire vitals being the oldest at fifty-three. (Even Dr. Toadley’s head spun at the revelation of Toad and Toadsworth being only seven years apart.) Dr. Toadley propped himself abreast of the red plumber, one eyebrow arching.

Everyone shared a collective groan. Luigi detected a subtle shift in the purple toad doctor. Training intently on the unwell tomboy princess, he began to respect their caution. It struck him that, unlike his friend in the red-spotted cap, he could only hazard her general health.

Dr. Toad was forced to find his voice, twisting away from charts on the wall. “Doctor, elucidate please! I reverse engineered that virus sample myself.”

Dr. Topper folded his arms with disappointment. “Drew, that’s not the explanation you shared before. That’s going to potentially overstimulate his immune system. Our deciding factor in helping you here was your abstinence from stunts like that.”

“I am aware, John!” he replied exasperatedly. “If Morris has not arrived and doesn’t believe in cellular phones for us to verify his location, and we’re burning our borrowed time here, is this unjustified? I think not. For science.”

Mario’s gaze darted between Special World doctors with suspicion. “I don’t know or care who’s who with these proper names all a sudden, but should we do this or not?”

Dr. Toadley put his foot down. “Can we give the sole cure to Mr. Toad? I cannot say I am convinced.”

Bucken-Berry’s ears perked, seated in the darkest corner the entire time, maintaining a sort of barrier between him and Mr. Toad continuing to get every privilege ever, and Dr. Toad, conjecturally Zoo’s secret brother.. Now it seemed Mr. Toad might be hopeless and that doctor in hot water, for reasons not completely their fault.

The arguments stopped and seven pairs of eyes stared through him, making him feel like the biggest bluest idiot in that moment. He persisted, Mario’s question back at the park about wanting to be a hero or not echoing in his skull. And not because it was empty. He hoped.

“Doing that ‘immunization’,” he sounded out carefully, “trick on Mr. Toad can work. They did it for me once.. I was only eight and the week before my hometown was shroob invaded, and I was recovering from the Goombapox. I was told by this human doctor guy that lived in the forest alone and had glasses, whoever that was, and that’s why I survived the vim draining. My immune system was still hiked up over that..” Their blank expressions back ticked him off. “Did I share this for nothing?!? It has velocity!!!”

While that was going on Luigi began to think. “...Prof. E Gadd. As much as he wrote things down, he told me he could never publish his work for a weird reason.”

“Ah, ha. I knew I learned from someone!” Dr. Toad obscured his blush from such an outburst with a clipboard, murmuring next, “Thank you blue toad nurse. -And you are indeed more handsome without the mask, even as you brutalize that guy over there!”

Accusers Mario and Dr. Topper backed off, confused about Dr. Toad’s connection to a professor specializing in boos and, well, that other part.. They let it go when Dr. Toadley nodded sagely, satisfied with the turn of events.

The purple-clad doctor slipped up his long sleeves and rose his arms, from which a clear star with three more stars inside hovered from his fingertips. The energy gravitated to and dissipated over Toad’s body with brilliant gleam that lit the room, and blew them all back but Dr. Toad, awestruck and recording observations until Dr. Topper yanked him back by the coat. There was an additional, gentler floosh in the room that flapped everyone’s clothing as the light went out, punctuated Toad’s monitors firing up with activity. Everyone eagerly waited around his bed.

Toad’s eyes cracked open, watery, but with an unmissable spark behind them. "Did Daze and I win?.. Ha ha..” His soft raspy laugh draped the room in solace. “Guess who’s back?"

Luigi wiped some of his sweat away with a cloth. His best friend was.. back.. "You, of course!"

"The people's electoral vote this Monday in 48 of 52 participating kingdoms, homeboy.. "

They promptly gave Toad space as he vomited toxins into a bucket. Dissonantly there was a hullabaloo from spectators through the window and door haphazardly left wide open. Jr. Troopa, reeking of motor oil and clothing burnt black, burst in, the foremost of those abuzz that Mr. Toad Kinopio Toad, Earl of Mushroom Kingdom was now on the road to recovery. For everyone’s sanity he was relocated into a private space to recuperate…

Twenty minutes later, the door crept open. This room outside the main building was homely, wood paneling, metal spinning fan, a cowhide rug.. TV wouldn't stop broadcasting some situation oceans away. His patched up, broken and repaired twice, phone slipped from his hand, too weak to speak anymore. Kinopio-Kun was predictably a sycophant, but didn't know where his staff was, not the thing to hear when there was a new killer in town! Worse yet, Toad understood that no one else could be cured or even close without a missing doctor. On his belly lay a face magazine he written only a few lines on it. Outlandish stuff, artificially elevated because he happened to be who he was. Life wasn't very fair like that..

The visitors, hand in hand sauntered close enough for him to decipher with his hazy vision.

The pink toad stumbled against the side of his bed, covering her mouth. "Mr. Toad, oh my gosh they were able to help you! And no, Bridget and I … I thought I was cleverly hitching a ride here. It's complicated."

Slowly Toad leaned upwards, handing the magazine over to Bridget. "Give that to your squad, will you? From: Mr. Toad. It's important."

Bridget allowed the Koopa Kronicles to flop in her fingers. "Ookay.. nice to meet you too? Hey, I'm just weirded out and annoyed I let my eyes wander with this basic-"

"Hey!.. I mean, I didn't mean to brainwash you!" Toadette sputtered. "And myself simultaneously-"

Toad cut in, "Got a point. That cassette's only for wooing ladies, homegirl. So times two, well.."

What happened next was violent- for the television set and the wall with it, blown to smithereens by that zapper. "This never happened. Mess with me again and you're bloody dead!" Bridget stomped away through the new opening, ignoring the door and Toadette's efforts to stop her.

"Did that gambit teach you something new about yourself? I already knew you had a type!" He laughed before laying off. "Well.. maybe Bucken-Berry will get it, maybe not. I do know this. A doppelganger of mine is around, and I don't like that, and the King's about to regret sending his goons into our city."

Kylie sang praises one minute that she had an expedient way to get out of that scene, and then cursed the next. It was the originator of that lethal ice ray. She turned to stone at the wheel, she blew through a light by mistake, and every guard vehicle that passed by stuck the fear of Eldstar in her that she’d be recognized as a friend of Boo. What had gotten into them and where to start?

She flew to the Mushroom Press and parked around back, away from street view. She tiptoed inside and was clocked instantly, receiving a quizzical but not accusatory look from the red haired human, Jessie at her desk. Kylie wondered if she overreacted, plopping down in her cubicle and reviewing pictures. Unfortunately she’d stopped snapping before the carnage. Her foot slipped an inch from moisture on her chair mat. She’d gotten away so quickly slush- from the murder, was still melting from the ridges of her shoe…

When she pulled up to her co-workers condo off Pleasant Path, the Lexus that should have been there was missing and the front door was wide open. There was just enough adrenaline still pumping through her to not lose it as she propelled herself to his porch.

The green toad normally had a beautiful place, mid century meets a person who’s traveled for career, gotten acquainted with many, and collected a multitude for it, odd trinkets, signed photos, and posters. In the darkness, Kylie could perceive that Mitch’s table and sofa, even the hardwood floor was marred with papers and folders spread about. She tripped over something on the ground, the gold dislodged lock from his door.

“I paid locksmiths to do that. My keys were lost when the car went to the scrap yard.” Mitch said from the closed up adjacent room.

His normally dark silky tone was even more warbly since the hospital. Kylie calmed regardless standing at the door. In the picture on a red painted accent wall, they were young in bathing suits, having fun on some beach. The reporter began to wonder if that came off weird to anyone else Mitch dated since though.. In another below Mitch was fresh faced in a vest and white pants, the getup of any spritely castle toad. She gloomed. One day they’d discovered a letter for Mitch in the mail. It was his dream. He’d babble forever and agonized over the final interview, however..

"Huh? Oh that one. Because that was the day I began my life's mission. We've been through that. Anyway, I knew you'd show. I know what happened, babe."

Kylie got her focus back. “Righto.. Outta nowhere Boo has these species war ideas! What do you think got into them? You’re on the mends I know, but I got nobody, not even your noki intern. They’re gonna connect me eventually. I mean I was in the front row!”

"Mitch, don't be that way!" she begged. "I only need you to get into their head."

A shiver went through her spine as Boo drifted through the front wall. “Hello, Ms. Kylie. Mr. Mitch.”

The reporter proceeded with the care of traversing a minefield, trapped shell against Mitch’s door. She thought for a moment to run or enter the room, if even accessible, but held fast. “-Boo. Fella. None of this brings us closer to getting Peach back. Ain’t that the crux of this all? You can’t rampage wantonly. You’ll be like Zoo!”

The boo’s mouth became a flat line, eyes remaining slightly squinted but intense. The held object was the discarded Bowser racket from the game that Zoo initially stole. “Wrong, Ms. Kylie. Boo Diddley’s cousin killed many. I won’t kill again… Unless. I. Have. To.”

Chapter End Notes

Had to cut it there Hope the very serious and not so much parts didn’t turn off anyone. If you’d made it this far in the story, likely not.

Split from previous 7/26/22 (small portion, some ideas), 8/2/22, 8/4, 8/5, 8/7, 8/8, 8/9, 8/11, 8/12
Edited: 11.22.23, 1/17/24

16. Brutality and Complexity

The statue of Princess Mush IV, contested ruler of 444 AD, remained crumbling and unrepaired, parts and sections scattered in the grass at random places like no one cared. It reminded the boo diddly of.. well.. Everyone in Toad Town and beyond knew at this point. Puffs of smoke dotted the skyline and businesses were boarding up their windows. The last fool that challenged Booigi ii orbited above like a 'shooting star', the gleam in the boo's eye rivaling such as followers of their cause, many armed, amassed. By the power of Eldstar, every single one of those toad oppressors would be extinguished!

Chuck, the spike Booigi met yesterday approached with a new letter, more than usual discomfort across his visage. A threat? Another baseless rumor? They'd dedicated Chuck to trekking back and forth from Parakarry's office. He'd had many messages so far, none of their foes bold enough to infiltrate the park and personally confront them yet. Booigi unfolded it, written neat with a steady hand.

"Hi. You should know by now that my brother and I are after Bowser. That's the only reason I can't run down. When I do return though, we need to talk, 'buddy'."

A glimmer of 'Boo Diddley' resurfacing, Booigi ii flipped it around to the single green spotted wheelchair bound toad huddling in the group.

A snifit mask fogged up from his strained gasps in the thin air and icicles forming in his eyelashes could not blot out the nagging sense that a bad guy was in close proximity, snapping the officer out of the dizzied state the sub-orbital launch plunged him in.

"Halt! I hope you are staying on the straight and narrow!" Snift Patrol lectured, the menacing iron and flesh villain flying alongside him picking it up with super audial receptors.

Iggy Delta broke out of his campy action pose; two fists jutting forward like Super Koopa, and waved back. It was rocket thrusters that placed him in the exosphere instead of a tennis racket. "I like being bad, sorry officer. Executing: 'Find Backstabbing Friends Desu'!"

"Theft. AGAIN... I wanted to call them out but, I don't know, something stopped me..".

"..I'll let cha by with a warning," the snufit drawled, aware his citation book was long gone anyway. "Citizen, when I joined my first vigilante gang some of those friends weren't very friendly to be frank. I found a team where we respected everyone. That's most important."

Well, Iggy Delta had prepared for a patronizing session, not.. that. "-I know, but I was more confused at them with irrational pattern functions, don't worry you don't need to know what that is. Often they genuinely did some cool stuff for me, like get me out of the basement a lot and dive me to cons and get me into clubs and kicked out of clubs and almost within six feet of attractive females- a personal best!"

"Hm. If you are convinced they deserve a second chance you should see if they're willing to apologize and return your paraphernalia. If not, I can arrest them!"

Snifit Patrol patted around his holster. "I hope you mean 'taser', because yes indeedy! Meet me back up here and please don't take the law-"

Iggy Delta soared gung-ho through darkened tropical skies, activating x-ray vision to find his targets on the dolphin shaped island. Looks like their getaway/vacation was a bummer. The coastal Delfino Plaza was a ghost town. Further inland natives could be seen safely in upper floors of buildings or under ground level terraces to shelter from rain. He tuned in his hyper sensitive audio capturing..

"I swam and swam, swimmingly out of the way brah, and ouch that stuff still hurts!" some raccoon at a fruit stand was saying to a yoshi.

Useless. Iggy Delta reformulated for 3.4343 seconds. The cyborg blast off in a Westward location. Sunshine Airport was closed for weather. Ricco Harbor was also non-operational, with a colossal shipwreck at the port. It appeared the rescue of the cargo ship had already concluded. As he traveled closer to Sirena Beach the clouds grew exceptionally black and thick, the sunlight unable to penetrate at all. Dipping below, the beach, Hotel Delfino, everything had vanished, replaced with an inky shiny substance, at ocean level. The molecules of the water and other substances would not mix, making a distinct blotch of black in the water that sizzled and rippled defiantly as rain patter it. In disbelief, the cyborg dove closer, rescanning. He detected concrete and metal and inorganic followed by organic material beneath him. His heart thumped harder. The hotel was there all along, depressed at least fifty feet down with the chasm filled to the top with that- 'stuff.' Addicted to new discovery, the genius poured all his computing resources into identifying the gunk, dropping closer, two feet away.

The goop writhed, it gurgled, it acknowledged him as a tentacle like mass whipped out at the speed of lightning. Iggy Delta evaded by a millimeter, rocketing blindly to the closest land, the mountains behind the hotel site. His clumsy landing in the supple wet soil embedded half of his body. He wanted to feel like a Shōnen protagonist not.. Those other types of manga!

Woozily he unearthed, the prominence of the friendship woes fading. Something unnatural happened here. He turned to the left, catching sight of an alcove in the mountains with survivors. He couldn't believe his ocular sensors. Someone was carrying around a bell! He fired five lasers on the spot.

"Yowch!" The bellhop dropped the molten brass object, blowing over and kissing his fingers. "Stop playing around and get in here! And definitely don't try to dive in the goop!"

Developing the hypothesis from scratch it was.. The pianta kept his distance as Iggy entered, flushing from his over reaction at Hotel Delfino's old desk bell. There were others present, a few with flashlights, spotted around or behind the lava stalagmites. Swoopers screeched distantly. By a more mechanically enhanced survey, Iggy determined there were thirty here, possibly more in other caves.

"Hang tight!" The bellhop tossed a fresh hotel embroidered towel in his face. "Not to be rude, uh, mecha-koopaling brah. Some splattered on you!"

As Iggy wiped off with more embarrassment, there was a gasp. Someone heavily stomped closer, bumping others, cracking a stalagmite or two. Slamondon, alone, prostrated himself before Iggy. His shredded robe revealed cauterized spots and the lower part of his chin was discolored, like he'd bitten through his lip at one point.

Slam rose slowly, and Iggy knew. He shot out the cave, through that poisonous black cloud and into the unadulterated crest of the atmosphere. Some goop hiding beneath his calculator watch began to react, dissolving the resin band and searing him like a million soldering guns jabbing him at once. He swatted at his wrist repeatedly to make it stop. Worse, Snifit Patrol was untraceable on his radar. He could be anywhere in the solar system.

Shrewdly choosing the most empty table in the prison's outside eating court, the sight of some familiar scoundrels was like the amber sun above peeking through the clouds to the noki.

"-No, my mom is working on my bail," Azul the blue, or mostly orange in the jumpsuit, the shy guy explained from the table. "She'll only need to take like sixteen hundred more extra shifts at the Li'l Oink farm."

"You can't contribute?" snorted Dr. Terrace. His uniform, even unbuttoned, was taut around the whomp's square back. His tray was picked though, he ate the proteins, skipped the veggies.

"I converted all my gold bars to digital before that market crashed hard, so I just joined a MLM last week. After recruiting a few people I'll make bank, even from jail! Y'all will be my downline right?"

"What does that entail?" The elderly toad beside him was intrigued yet cautious. "Nothing unethical I hope? It's usually never that easy."

Azul drew out a long sigh. "Look, we're already locked up for conspiracy. Heard of that double jeopardy thing? Are you in or not?" He slumped, arms folded coolly.

"-We're getting distracted! Stop it!" exploded the toad to the right of Terrace, Nass Toad, the fourth and final at that table. Her black hair hung limp and oily, almost unrecognizable if not for her designer prescription glasses. "We are to focus on (escaping..) so we can confront Theodore over tricking us and eventually I can…" She teared up, prompting Mariam to pat her hand from the opposite side. "..Speak to my daughter.. Like I should have before." She blushed and thanked the distaff toad, then hardened particularly to the men. "Capeesh?"

"-Do you mind, Madame? I don't need directions this time. Thanks." Jelectro slid onto the bench next to the older toad, '(Mariam?)' as he'd just bothered to learn.

Her face sparkled in recognition of that 'hot' exotic visitor, causing the men to gawk and Nass to spit a little of her water.

"-I will be short." Jelectro dramatically uncovered the Couples Cake. "I am thirty-five today! Shame my useless, uh.. 'assistant' forgot about that can't-eat-alone quirk of this scrumptious dessert. Any takers?"

"I despise inept assistants." Nass slid her tray forward, the mushy food on it half eaten. "But I'm full, thank you." That was echoed by Dr. Terrace and lil rascal Azul. Meanwhile Mariam remained fixed on it, licking her lips even. A bit peculiar for an eighty year old with two empty trays before her, but it would work for him.

With the cake to them alone, both raised their safety composite material sporks together, and gave a toast with the paper water cups. "Bon appetit."

Then she impossibly dug in alone, devouring the small cake in seconds. The noki resigned himself until there were crumbs left. He sort through it with his spork, poking at an unexpectedly plastic knife within.

"Merde," he growled. Amongst the watchmen outside the fence was the strollin stu Agent 0088, his old civilian name lost in the sands of time, ogling the noki. Jelectro knew he was French, but he did not deserve betrayal THAT bad. He massaged his temple preemptively. He wouldn't be outside the cell again today. This was his only chance.

"-It's Zip Toad!" a guard squealed, with a passcode to open the floodgates to the outside world. That prompted troves to abandon their post and swarm the celebrity on the property outskirts, unseen by the public since three years ago.

Jelectro left the table with the pan. "Good luck doctors," he purred. With his short height and the abrupt lack of supervision, he closed in for a better view unhindered.

As they crowd in, the blonde celebrity backed up until his foot dipped in the air. Pebbles dislodged by his sneakers rolled down the steep hill the jail sat on.

"Oh no, it's a banana! That thing Zip T. had a relapse over! Get it away from him!"

A warden lunged into Zip T, propelling both off the precipice. They tumbled relentlessly half the way down, whacking together against a large boulder.

Her underlings scaled down the treacherous area, dreading the lawsuit certain to ensue, or conversely eager to prove how capable they were after that embarrassing fawning over a Z-lister. The most quick and sprightly of such kneeled with the dazed victims, whereupon their vision whited out for a second. Now a strollin stu was in the spot of Zip T., banged up and bruised. The officer that initially fell tugged the flabbergasted guard's arm.

A torrent of orange inmates made the earth rumble, their downward momentum breaking through the guard's attempt at a blockade. Scattering into the city below, some officers were squashed. Others like Agent 0088, were dragged along, and the unscathed remaining gave chase. The watchtower was so tall, by the time the senior warden was on the ground, she was alone in a completely silent mess hall. The tables were empty. Food trays forgotten. Papers were blown about by the wind. The woman broke a glass box, retrieving the Squirt Gun Thing encased inside. She charged away with a war cry, leaping over a covered cake pan on the floor.

The silver pan lifted. Jelectro picked the lock in the offices with his binned items, then changed into his normal getup, leisurely taking the nice pathway out of that place, blending in with tourists at least close enough. The secret agent simpered about not only getting out, but with his secret identity intact. Unfortunately he was nowhere near the Keelhaul river, rather in a maze-like shopping district. He had a drilling headache from that grand scale projection illusion, perhaps the biggest he'd ever conjured and he didn't want any shopkeeper to gape at the only noki in rural Poshley Heights scuttling around and with a worsening nosebleed. He cut through a shady tree filled park where he could sense there was only one soul around. He went all the way though, crunching on unraked leaves from last autumn, without coming up on that other person. He thought little of it until in direct sun again, it remained shadowy over his body.

The noki spun and lanced the newly materialized attacker in the abdomen with the plastic knife. They locked eyes as blue blood glistened from broken skin. Jelectro swiped under his Hawaiian shirt, his experimental freeze gun missing. The noki's turn to succumbto distraction, the attacker smashed a mini practice amplifier over his head. Later he'd realize it still worked, because it was a Peavey.

"Yeah, hehe?" The steely eyed illegal parker slammed down the trunk of his black wide bodied sedan before the toad came around and slapped a ticket on him. Shortly stuck at a blaring railroad crossing, the driver checked himself out in the side mirror, feeling around his jaw, pleased he remained below the threshold of having too much greying stubble for a snorkel to fit properly.

The rainbow haired koopaling shifted the stiff seats. If only he'd packed his travel cushion, or anything actually. This place didn't have coloring books either, making it a mild form of torture if Lemmy was honest. At least they were long past Riverside Station. Brown terrain adopted a steady gradient to green. Soon cultivated fields and asymmetrical victorian style homes with turrets and pastel colors were perceptible through the dusty glass.

Ludwig accepted a wrapped protein bar spontaneously from a steward passing by and scoffed it down. Then a second and third. Lemmy thought about how used to hate such foods, equating them to an experiment in Iggy's basement. After requesting the fourth, Ludwig caught himself and pocketed it for later in the green knitted shawl from Kammy. The change in appetite, claws darkening at the quick, and dull appearance of scales.. Lemmy silently determined his brother needed an intervention about the symptoms of his chronic lack of sleep. Could it explain even replacing him with Wendy?

"-Are ya Luddy?.. Pumped I mean?.. Fun fact: where we're going is where my troupe blew those snooty Cirque du Angry Solei jerks off the stage."

That got his brother to look at him head on, just not like how he meant. A painted hard clay mask of an Angry Sun from a costume chest was topically his disguise for the journey. "Understand.. That.." He cleared the scratchiness from his throat. "My actions up until and including now were not to vex you. In due time I will explain-"

Both were slung out of their seats by the train breaking. As the amount of passengers onboard rapidly diminished, Ludwig found his will to obey divine orders, purportedly, (he couldn't rule out being a lunatic) oozing out of him at about the same rate. A bob-omb buddy in an engineer cap had a checklist to verify everyone, miffed at the sight of a koopaling and artsy clown. No matter his opinion, Lemmy possessed a work pass to travel anywhere, even in 'wartime' so they were free. The glossy floors of the train station were slick to them yet absolutely no one else, at least if wearing shoes. Thick marble pillars held up renaissance painted high ceiling, amplifying the clamor of patrons from the market tents, locomotives shuffling, and well to do toads, bob-bomb, and bumpty walkers inclined to stop and be talkative smack in the middle anywhere they happened to be, including the revolving doors out.

"Lemmy!" Ludwig scanned for him unsuccessfully though the slits in his mask. Exasperated, he yanked it downwards some to peer at some high mounted monitors over the ticket station with train schedules, intending to read the time of day. To his horror, there was a banner scrolling on the bottom.

'LIVE Breaking news: King's representative murdered in Toad Town by Mushroomite using futuristic freezing weapon. Riots start. Mr. Toad revived from Mushroom Flu, informs King's servants that insurrection is caused by alien mind control. King's servants continue to investigate in the absence of Princess Peach, currently kidnapped by Bowser. Reports state Tatanga was at yesterday's tennis game. Journalists speculate this coincides with attack affecting beautiful Princess Daisy of Sarasaland…not that we care about her…(The writer of that portion is now fired)…Speaking of beauty, you can find the Traveling Sisters downtown at..!'

"Drink!" Someone nearly knocked him over, shoving a blue surgery slurpee drink into his face. Ludwig chugged half of it before he pushed the jumbo sized cup away from him. Lemmy gave him space then. "Better? What was that about?"

Enduring the brain freeze, Ludwig explained, "Our enemies, adept as they are in creating their own scandals, have made strides in ruining us. That is what!"

Downtown was less showy and picture estique than the celebrity villages and country offerings, rather aiming to be serene and pleasure filled, featuring brick paved sidewalks tepid by the afternoon sun and innumerable clubs, shops and inns. Citizens with top hats, canes, clutch purses, or a well groomed poochy on a leash, strolled directly in the middle of the street, vehicles rare, like they'd traveled back in time. A pedestrian overtaken by the curiosity of a koopaling and a 'clown' meandering around would step in their way with a 'pardon me' or such drivel, which Lemmy would expertly respond to with a 'talk to the hand' gesture. Too peculiar apparently to be ignored, this delayed them all the way to the bookstore, not the primary reason Ludwig wanted Lemmy to accompany him, but one of them. Ludwig's other spot was thankfully close, across a suspension bridge spanned a slightly wide yet underused canal.

The granite Auditorium for Conscientious Villainy stood behind eighth flagpoles of each major kingdom with an infamous flower arrangement of a Bowser Flag in the lawn- which some moving truck had driven trenches all over. A magikoopa with a long silver goatee, followed by a slew of others carrying suitcases and carry-on bags filed outside the auditorium, the final one dropping his keys in the hands of the toad officers manning the door.

A more middle aged magikoopa at the back of the group broke off while the others continued. The koopaling recognized that blue one as a recruiter. "Wonderful to see you, Prince Ludwig. We sent a message out rush delivery, of course Parakarry is so unreliable sometimes. We had to dissolve as of today." He sorrowfully watched his brothers load the vehicle. "The King insists on rebuilding his daughter's castle here and their tolerance of us was already tentative you know."

"-Elder, my claiming responsibility for destroying Peach's castle was a ruse, one of many unforeseen events yesterday. You have persisted here for decades! I never fathomed- that-"

The elder gave him a bittersweet smile, pressing a thin flimsy memento into his hand. "Your diabolical schemes are unmatched. Only, the fun and friendly rivalry between us and the Mushroom folk can not last."

Yes. It. Should! Eldstar, the epitome of 'fairness', requires good and bad both to exist and spar for the sake of balance. It dawned that the effects of the Great star being unreachable had rippled down to their world already.

Lemmy felt the urge to mark a more up to date minute hand on his scribbled on watch. He didn't after all, able to feel deep within that it was approximately correct. Meaning..he was late.

The old postmaster from Toad Town had a shift at the bookstore that day, organizing and sorting a vintage collection of 'Rocks: What they are and where to find them'. If Lemmy encountered the paratroopa while his troupe was in town, this being their cozy wind down spot, they kept it affable. This was someone who remembered times before his dad ever invaded the Mushroom Kingdom. Sitting on the couches the store featured, primarily only paying attention to the pictures in old books, the paratoopa would commend Lemmy for assimilating, apparently under the impression that Lemmy cut Koopa Troop ties. To his credit, the koopaling had not revealed to even family what his end goal was with the balancing act on stage and in the Troop. That was for another day. When Lemmy asked for 'Ex Spatio Obiecti Specialem Lexicon", the mature paratroopa raised his voice for the first time ever, drilling into him that it contained 'dangerous' information. Crotchety and relenting once it was all spilled out, also enticed by coins, the bookkeeper wrapped the book delicately with parchment tied with a string so 'thieves' wouldn't pry. Now this was getting kinda interesting, continuing when an escaped criminal on a bike almost flattened Lemmy outside the store, the koopaling needing to cartwheel away for safety.

Some officers carrying a giant water gun blasted the koopa off, continuing to hose him into the waiting open paddy wagon. That was neat and frightening, so much that Lemmy took the longer tranquil suspension bridge route to mellow out. He was so slow in his opinion without the ball, he might as well enjoy it. As he slid his paws over the bridge's rail, often something gold slithered around in the olive colored water thirty feet below, fish he guessed. Less ambiguous, a gondola drifted underneath with a spiffy human captaining it and a female noki on the rear holding a lorgnette, whispering a lot between them.

Paranoid from the postmaster's advisory, Lemmy hastened across to the rendezvous, a fountain with shy guy and cheep cheep statues and his brother sitting on the edge, snout buried in his hands. He was maskless, the shawl slung over his back, and had no badge fixed to him, unless it was invisible and its specific effect was making Ludwig look like a miserable corpse.

Ludwig accepted the package with a quiet thanks, holding it up, gracing the edges with his claw and then tucking it under his arm.

Eyes clenched shut, "I've only inadvertently snuffed out the institution that could have awarded me something that proves to Vater that I am worthy of succeeding him is all..."

A chill went through Lemmy. "O-oh… That's why huh? Umm.." He stepped away, pacing a bit. "You have a million talents. You can't accept things?"

Ludwig shot upwards. "We aren't children anymore! It's not about greed or ambition or arbitrarily because I am the oldest! I yearn for the salvation of our people and while I sincerely believe Vater does as well, we have seen him all our lives fall into habits that have historically brought his predecessors their downfall!" He took a deep breath. "However, I was too savy for my own good-"

"Cease it Lemmy. I bleated all about it while you took one hour two minutes. I expired last night my opportunity before we obtained our tickets here."

Lemmy again had that petrified expression. "..Can I ask you something? About last night?"

Ludwig paused solemnly. He knew this was inexorable. "Notwithstanding rational explanations, merciful gods have tasked me to locate malicious star entities whose leader possessed and executed me last night.."

Lemmy gunned down the block so quickly the gust knocked Ludwig into the fountain. He climbed out and followed his brother into a more populated spot where people shrieked or fled. Lemmy stopped at a crossroads, his thumb in the air.

"I am not being fictitious! I was not supposed to even share that with you and, and-"

This time Lemmy's powerful 'talk to the hand' gesture knocked Ludwig back like a force field, clashing into the pottery of the storefront behind him. "That is crazy Luddy. I'll take a cab home.. I can't right now. I just can't!"

On cue walking traffic thinned and a black sedan, marked 'CAB' rolled by. Lemmy swung inside. Ludwig kept close, waving for attention for another block, the pedestrians ahead holding the vehicle at single digit speeds. An animated discussion was occurring inside he could tell. He hoped the cabbie didn't take plastic. Once they'd strayed towards another rural portion of the city that river sliced through, it was a typical obstacle free road for cars.

Lemmy glared at Ludwig from the side mirror. "Hit the pedal to the metal!" he ordered the driver.

The car backfired, noxious smoke blocking Ludwig. He couldn't afford to be deader than dead. When it cleared the car was gone. He ran his claws through his hair, some of which fell out in a clump. Whittling away exponentially anguished him as well. Instantaneously he felt stretched in so many directions! Biting back trepidation he jogged again, keeping to the river bank and following the street, praying there were no turn offs. Gentlemen with sticks and ladies with parasols responding to reports of koopalings in the neighborhood began to hunt him down. This was the brutality and complexity of his existence now. As Lemmy touched on astutely, he would have to accept it.

"Get-a discount ride today. Got-a special someone? Wish I-a did.." the human carrying the ores grunted, Italian accent heavier than a Mario brother's. "50 coins."

The noki woman stubbed his toe. "Lets cut ze act. Monsieur Koopa, We are after zhat 'cab' too. Climb aboard!"

The Southern Hospital had their deluxe recovery spaces at the fringes of the Toad Town border. Consequently it was the only part of town where a native rancher or cowboy might catch a glimpse of those famous Mushroom Buses that strayed down exactly once a day, about now actually.

The spotted bus arrived at the stop, its tiny double doors opening with a perceived hesitance. Someone standing back in an adventurer's garb, a red scarf, a headlamp and weighty backpack, held his excitement by a thread as a few trickled out, excruciatingly slow. Some bus riders had brought their Yoshis on board, who did not want to step off. He would not blame them if they were as intelligent as that other notable one.

He plopped down on the bench, affording him a view that reminded him of why he didn't bother to date. Toadette and Bucken-Berry were still fighting right outside Mr. Toad's door!- the tagalong, a young red toad, quivering in a barrel. Finally, after a mutual shove, the toadette rebounding solidly against the barrel, the blue toad stormed off. The barrel flipped and rolled against the side of the house. The young toad scurried out, apologized to Toadette who didn't hear it likely over her own crying and slamming of Mr. Toad's door as she retreated in, and chased Bucken-Berry, only after looking at The Captain from afar first.. Like he might be a future problem..

The Captain whipped around, facing his most wondrous brigade standing there, the remaining departing people weaving around them. He brightened like a star festival. Two held gifts.

"You too, my crew. You shouldn't have!" When he reached for Yellow Toad's polka dot wrapped present box, he lifted it out of reach. The Captain was predictably unable to hop for it with his backpack on.

"The miraculously recovered Mr. Toad will need lots of electrolytes and supplements, Captain." Hint Toad was the second one with a gift, matched gift wrap, though taller and taped more neatly.

The Captain directed the death glare to him. "Heinemann, great tip. Sure needed that.."

"-Well, that's the only reason we, uh, like came." Mailtoad retrieved from his pocket a hidden third gift, a gift card.

"Mordecai, now you? Bowser has returned to his kidnapping ways and right now we have a grand opportunity before us to assist in her rescuing efforts! Oh and there may also be treasure involved. Ready for adventure?" The Captain triumphantly marched a little ways towards the road to Mt. Rugged, mortified that he was alone.

"-You aren't listening, Stanley," spoke up a calm yet firm speaking light green toad. Banktoad possessed a matching headlamp and a not so matching arm sling, The Captain's nephew, six months older than him in a mundanely interesting way. "Have you seen Mr. Toad yourself? They're saying he convinced the King's people that aliens have something to do with this all?"

The Captain slowly returned, gritting his teeth. "Why, of course.. until a nurse realized I was on his banned list."

"God.." the nephew groaned. "As we keep saying though, we bought overpriced tickets and rushed over from Darker Side because we want to support Mr. Toad, not to go on an adventure with you."

In the short walk, the brigade were already going 'ooh' and 'ahh' at amazing new sights like shy guys riding ostros, shanty cabins, tumbleweeds, flowering cacti, cowboys wrangling, and other so-called wonders of Southern Mushroom Kingdom. The Captain waited yet again while the brigade visited Toad, now on the steps of the porch. Idly he'd play with pressing strategic locations of arteries to block blood flow and make something go numb, what he was fascinated with on occasion. He could incapacitate an enemy without a mark, and he did hate to leave marks.. After twentyish minutes he was ticked off and leaving abrasions anyway- on himself. They had to get ahead of the Mario bros!

A door opened, unleashing a roar of laughter from Yellow and Hint Toad. The others including Toadette were in more subdued conversation. She semi supported Banktoad's left side, opposite of the broken arm, together colliding with the others when Captain Toad blocked them suddenly.

"Ms. Toadette, pleasant to see you. We not only collect Green Stars and coins, but also artifacts now."

She sort of forced curtsy as Banktoad was rolling his eyes. "Hi. You don't say, Captain?"

"-Not impressed? The 'Doom Reverb' Zoo Diddley owned was one we've encountered and disposed of in the past!"

"Is that a flex?" She stared, alarmed. "That's literally like the impetus to.. Ugh! How did Zoo get it back?"

"Ma'am, if malignant we bury artifacts in Fahr Outpost where the soil deep freezes for eight months every year!" Hint Toad impulsively volunteered. "We're still investigating!"

"-So there's more of those out there and we're running on conjecture.." Toadette leaned against a support beam, growing pale.

Not going how he planned, The Captain yanked his nephew off the porch by the ear, whispering, "You fancy her, do you not? Help me out here!"

Appalled, "She just broke up with a boyfriend of five years!" He pushed him away with his good arm. "And because of you, look at her now."

Captain Toad huffed, then spoke out loud, "Yes, look at her now, all because I recall it was William who lost track of the bell during our last Sarasaland expedition!"

"-Because you 'accidentally' shoved me off a sphinx, Stanley!.. The injury I'm currently recovering from!"

"Oh right, how could I forget? ..Well anyway, There are many more like that one, proof being the state of Bowser's Castle and this morning the out of season hurricane that hit Isle Delfino."

Yellow Toad flushed. "Captain, we were around there when our jet hit wake turbulence and lost 8000 feet of altitude! I thought we would die but then…ZZZZ.."

"Well it must not have been that scary. Mordecai, give Ms. Toadette this apocrypha. She may borrow it to learn a little more of our new specialty."

Without contestation, Mailtoad passed the thick book from The Captain's backpack to Toadette, who was not going to entertain the offer until seeing it was a lexicon of sorts, explicitly stamped as being library owned. She thought about it as weightily as she could in those few seconds.

"Thank you, but.. I'm burnt out on that now. Let me.. Check on Mr. Toad. I think he needs something.." she said, backing up into his room and shutting the door, pressing her back against it. Breathing heavily, there was no way she was getting involved with them again. Who she was more concerned of, or for rather based on previous conversation, wasn't The Captain, but his nephew.

Outside, the Captain repacked the book, successful in arguing with and pulling out of ear range his team a little ways down from those houses, alongside a farm pasture with moo moos. He was at his wits end.

Finally he picked up a rusty horseshoe, spun back to them, and bashed his own face in with it. Again and again, until blood ran down from his brow ridge.

Satisfied he dropped it. The joke was on them. He'd made that spot numb, of course the pain would return later so.. Okay maybe he didn't completely win on that one.

"It's sir to you, and uh, no I wasn't.." the stealthy, except for his blushing, lakitu muttered to the koopatrol. "Man the borders already, squirt!"

As there was swampy ground to stand on semi solidly, the Koopa Troop secured the region of Sky Land around Bowser Tower, which was coming along nicely, more space available than they possessed provisions to fill at the moment. Every KT did not have a bed exactly, but they could claim a ten by ten partition, an upgrade for many, as their own within the tower. Since the most scavenged thing was weaponry, that filled otherwise vacant floors, cannons protruding out windows and crates of ammo stacked so frequently it became like furniture, and not too shabby, as long as one didn't light a match..

"You! Take me to the gate thing! I'm totes serious! Daddy has the dry bones marking outlines EVERYWHERE! He's ruining my campaign!" The furious koopaling's arms were full of hot pink flyers, a few blowing away where Hippity Hop could see.

"Vote Princess Wendy O. for Neo Bowser City! She will be strong, fair, her beauty will pervade all, we will kidnap men for equality, and most importantly she will promote the permanent destruction of plumbers! Help her reshape the world into a beautiful place!"

Good thing she was too busy tantruming to notice Hippity's grimace. "Yes, my lady.."

She grabbed on as he flew her erratically over green hills. Five seconds in the sixteen year old regret it. Kamek or Kammy on a dollar store broom would have been quicker.. However she'd also catch old people cooties so nevermind…

Meanwhile, also high in the sky, Sentry 11 had within his crosshairs all slackers, sweeping over the thousand or so minions, abandoned boats, and building outlines, inching to find a stationary one and pounce-

"Oof!" The sentry's binoculars bounced around slippery sweaty fingers. "I mean, just clocking slouchers, Boss."

Kamek skeptically shook his head, flying along on a broken vacuum. Soak and wet, it appeared he'd been attempting to dry it out by this method. "You weren't about to pester Prince Larry?"

"Considering Lord Bowser pardoned him for conspiring with the princess, I'd hope so! Hmm.." the magikoopa went, thoughtfully. "You ever do a Turkish bath?"

"Kammy and I were given permission to dedicate a floor to it. You know, with this kind you take off your clothes and-"

"-Know what Boss? I'll just, uh, patrol ova there..." Shivering, the lakitu got away, disappointingly for him too far to spy anyone on a certain teenager with a blue mohawk.

On the ground, Larry briefly had his shell against the side of a big gravel pile, phone in hand. An unlikely account he followed actually responded to his private message, a perk of being the only Koopaling, or high ranking KT at all with an unflagged for villainous activity social media page. He declared his 'break' over and joined the workforce of the first project. The usual dynamic, the zealous, those striving to rank up, or the chatty kept close to their leaders, the koopalings in this case, and the more anti-social, shy, or one's just doing their job hung in the back precisely to avoid the first group. It was there where Larry waited behind one of the larger minions preparing sections of the frame, Thwomp #3. He was older than most KT with worn dull spikes. Not hearing him speak until just then, as he did some sort of metric conversion for the struggling fire brother in front of him, he sounded almost… Mushroomy. Larry would know with plenty of online friends there.. But he had enough on his mind..

The future fortress site was in the shadow of Bowser Tower, directed by Morton and Roy. The thunder brothers as they were being called now, had it under control in their own chaotic way, slapping together prefab parts rapidly, building a hollow and revealingly miniature structure about a fifth the size of Bowser's Castle and half the size of a typical Fortress they'd erect and uglify a seized area with. The baddies shuffled inside. Hammer bro variants joined together wooden parts, the rocky wrenches handed nuts and bolts, monty moles dug out additional landscape, goombas and buzzy beetles relay blocks from outside, whomps and thwomps pulverized slabs of stone into said blocks, and most noisy of all, a frying noise emanate from two bald heads as Roy and Morton dithered over a part of the blueprints..

"Junior wants the sandcastle over there! Quickly! Godspeed!" Morton pointed to the right.

Roy snatched the papers from him. "Dats upside down. His swimming pool's there. Let's just ask Nerd Breath. Whadya think?" Roy waggled the blueprints before Iggy, 2D looking and perpetually holding one expression. To Larry it remarkably looked like a hologram, but that would be ridiculous..

"Magnificent point, Iggster. We should do nothing for Junior, for he is spoiled rotten, pampered, coddled like a baby! Let us construct him the most monotonous castle ever!" Morton suggested, to some rarely seen praise towards him.

All the koopalings, with some penitence depending on which, had moments where they dipped into some Junior bashing. It clicked to Larry then what was going on.

Larry casually came up to the tyke, drawing in the mud outside the construction zone with a spare bone from a dry bone. He made out a crude looking pointy building or something, further affirming his suspicions.

"Dang, wish I could be one. Like, that getup is tight yo, uniform, hat, scarf.."

"You ain't hype over that? Bro, you bout to get a fresh fortress right next to our freakin dad! He's gonna share his pay-per-view and watch ya constantly and never let you leave his sight-"

"That's the problem! I miss camp and my friends and teachers and how I'm not gonna get to go back anymore.."

Bewildered, Larry tilted his view around. The drawing was of an elaborate tent. "...You miss the way it was. Don't cha?"

Junior nodded in a mopy way he hadn't seen since his pet ran off and he was told he couldn't have another. He glanced around in an unsubtle way, cupped his hands and whispered, "I'm gonna be tutored all the time and stuff now. I heard daddy and grandpa and even grandma talking about it.."

Was the grass always greener for the favorite? Larry slowly realized not. "Well, hang in there and let me take some of that weight off of you. Like literally." He pointed to the giant gold key that snuggly fit in Junior's back pocket.

"That's the key to the fortress thingy." Junior threw it to the ground, hearing 'literal' as littering. Close enough.

Larry scooped it up. "I know that. Know what else? Dad's too lazy to buy unique locks."

With bleeding ears, Hippity and his passenger landed at the KT owned boundary in Sky Land. Wendy kicked off of him six feet from the ground and stormed at the three people at the gate.

"Who is that?!" Wendy dropped her flyers down. The koopatrol Tanner, the koopa troopa Johnson, and the unknown toad girl stared and blinked. "Well?"

Tanner gave a salute. "Princess Wendy! Umm.. Emery T. just arrived, King Bowser's latest soldier from yesterday!"

The toad removed the scarlet scarf forming a hood, revealing her orange spots and messy black medium length hair. She was dirty and unbothered by it, evidently traveling some distance on foot and equally on top of that soaked painting a few yards away. "Yep, what he said. What's up- Oops I mean, I await your command… Especially if I get to see King's new getup. That'd be awesome!"

Wendy continued to scrunch her nose at the mud covered toad girl, however since that wasn't an enemy affiliated with vile plumbers after all, she could salvage this. "How about YOU folks, go to the city and hand this out?" She pressed the flyers on them.

"Princess. These are.. Brilliant. "Well trained, Johnson flashed an eager disposition, at least while she was looking. "By what means will we travel?"

"-Thanks, you are soooooo kind!" she sang, leaving them with her heaps of propaganda.

Delegating to minions like her brother Ludwig had mastered freed her to stop those fortresses from popping up everywhere. Could she see such hideousness in kingdoms she'd love to own, like Water Land? Of course not, so they were going to need to be weaned off the habit now! Next time, she might even have the confidence to contest plans directly to her father. Baby steps Wend, because another fault she was discovering was that she was abysmal at navigating, lost in the endless fog filled fields. She located the same landmark thrice now. This time at least she'd remember to snap a photo for her friends in the dungeon.

The obelisk in the middle of nowhere was captivating, so dark it sucked in light around it, like a rectangular area of the universe was cut out unless she was super close and could discern the raised small characters on it. Her attempts to get a good angle in with the camera was a failure, turning out blurry, or corrupting on memory. She flung the stupid phone against it, with a crack. Oh Wendy girl, you gotta think it through if you want to be mayor! Sheepishly she retrieved it at the foot of the obelisk, the right side of her body gracing it as she reached downward. A jolt went through her.

"I'm in.." Junior squeaked, giggling in the clothing bundle in his little hands.

They peeked around the final corner. Bowser Tower's layout was pancaked compared to the old castle, hiding spots sparse. Larry and Bowser Jr. made it to the 'dungeon', more accurately the 'prison' since it was not underground but arbitrarily on the fourth floor of the tower. The KT hadn't gotten around to individual cells, or proper shackles, only a single locked iron bar door.

With the key inches away from the lock, harsh out of tune singing echoed below them.

Larry, and Junior after he roped him along, dove behind some stacked crates next to the bars. A second later, Sentry 11 roved about, pausing at the crates. From a slit between them Larry saw the hollow eye of the smiley face etched on his cloud. He held his breath.

"Hey, we need yer help!" Thuds. Then Thwomp #3 came up to the floor. "Junior's fortress is fallin apart at the seams. We used the wrong glue."

The lakitu pivoted around, pinching between his eyebrows. "You don't use GLUE for a fortress, rockhead."

The thwomp put on a dopey, if affected, expression. "Dat splains it.. Check it out will ya?"

Growling, the sentry accompanied him. Larry could have sworn he saw the thwomp baddie wink before spinning his spiky body around. It was go time.

The gate had a strident squeal, swinging open. Larry let it crash against the wall, opening his arms wide and going, "Yo! You're free! Ruuuuunnn!"

He recalled that there was more than a dainty princess and geriatric toad entrapped when the hoard of teenagers trampled him at flat and paper-like as Iggy was looking these days.

The clack of heels next and someone else, with slower muted steps- "J-Junior?" Covering her mouth, Peach swept into Larry's view, flushing at his brother. "You are assisting us? Why, that is a pleasant surprise. Thank you I suppose." She combed her hair down, composing herself anxiously. "And I am ready."

She slipped on the familiar looking magikoopa robes. One was blue and for Toadsworth, indigo. The toad examined it.

Nobody screw this up! The princess was free just in time. It was extra moody and dreary inside, the candles the only source of light then. They had to get to the Giant Land to Sky Land boundary before it stormed again. Dr. Greg of 'BATES', the famous hiphop oriented, bass heavy headphone line was waiting for them.

Chapter End Notes

It turns out this was globs of chapter again. Whoops! The chapter titled this in 2019 Redux was a special chapter and with that in mind, this one kept blooming like crazy.

Dates: (Portion split from last 8/9/22) 8/13, 8/14, 8/15, 8/16, 8/17- 20, 21, 8/22-26
Edited: 11/23/23

17. Ouroboros 1

“-You don’t hafta bring that up. I got it handled. The toads brought our valuables from Hotel Mario. It only involved a blue polka dot bed sheet, no other color would do, five gyros from Club Gamecube, Joseph's vibrator- his alarm clock for the deaf, not.. and lastly for one of them to dress up as Pauline to distract the receptionist. Voilà .“

"Haha. Good catch. No but that's what they get for misbehaving according to Toadette. The MKDCU brought Kinopio-Kun down too. We removed his phone. Kids am I right?”

“Probabilly? He ain’t mentioned that! That makes him overqualified to sweep around. Small world..”

“Literally smaller, homeboy. Ours is half the size of the Real World Earth.”

“Oh, you remembered that! Toad’s right, with about seventy percent the population. At least when I, unlike Mario, studied humanities in the eighties.”

“The population, not the planet. I don’t think its girth works like that. It’s not your waistline!”

The toad and green plumber fist bumped, nestled in the back of the ostro drawn carriage. Toad had a blanket around him muffling the rhythmic beat of his portable heart monitor. Mario was up front with Jr. Troopa, ignoring that comment. He presented himself classically, red shirt and overalls. Clothes made the man, accompanied by a neatly trimmed beard, to be recognizable and salient yet metamorphosed. This was his swan song of an adventure on his terms, not because any action of Bowser’s was a ‘victory’, at least in the grand scheme. For Troopa the Special World doctor’s difficulties many miles away reflected on him. If he assisted Mario and gang, a complete 180 to the antics he had an old reputation for, that would prove to Mr. X that he was responsible and buy more time. Luigi was wary of his wrist watch. He promised a Boo he’d be back in Town in an hour to investigate the dilemma with the King’s guards. It wasn’t looking like that would work out. The terrain actively fought the squeaking wooden wheels and ostro boots on the four beasts, weaving around coconut filled palm trees, traveling down a beachy stretch that skirted Desert and Water Land. This rough and rowdy passage would allow them to beat the K64 to Sky Land while avoiding any major junctions. Bowser would be caught with his shell down. They would rescue Peach and Toadsworth, restore order to Toad Town, create an environment where they could cure the Mushroom Flu, and NOT waste time plundering or whatever Captain Toad’s greedy endeavors were.

Luigi cut in. “You handled those other matters, let us tackle that. You’re exerting more than you should by riding with us. Until we rescue Peach you’re the sovereign of the Mushroom Kingdom!”

“Settle down!” admonished Troopa, reigns in one hand, holding down his cowboy hat with the other. Funnily like Mario he didn’t care for banter..

“Luigi, you won’t regret picking me. I’m kinda surprised I made the cut over Daze I’m tryin to say.” Toad’s rasp was void of any humor, so much so that if he didn’t watch him utter it, he might not believe it came from him.

Of course he'd thought about her. Each life in peril was precious, fueling his determination to stomp Bowser. Hawk eyed Southerners spotted goombos, nyololins, chikakos and other Sarasaland species their dialect butchered, hovering about their princess in her new high security room. Elucidation that Toad made up aliens unphased the Southerners who insisted extraterrestrials routinely visited their crops. Her people acknowledged her stable but non improving condition in a benign way for now. They were allied. No one wanted this to threaten that.

"-Toad, don't get any survivor's guilt. I only remembered something about your medical records. You're both going to make it!" Luigi roused valiantly.

He smiled back, first real one he'd managed in a while. Though it looked odd to many, there was something there, Toad the only associate not contingent on his brother's feats, adventures or parties acquainting them first. Without getting too deep into the Earl's tumultuous past , neither of them signed up for the lot they had in life. They detected that mutual fact instantly, and their friendship was immutable, no matter how they may differed on the surface.

Now that clapped Luigi back into reality. There was no canopy on the buggy. Sweat was boiling on their foreheads. Kleptos kept circling. The seats were stiff. The ostros occasionally got sick of being driven, twisted around and pecked one of them at random as they entered Giant Land. A rural kingdom with mild to tundra conditions, that wasn't too peaceful either. The behemoths in spotted villages chased their carriage beyond brush the size of trees, trees the size of buildings, and buildings the size of skyscrapers. Mario slept through it all! Luigi poked him once they'd escaped into a brown mountainous valley. He stirred. Good, not in a coma or anything..

“Psst. Again. I love his beard..” Troopa cooed spontaneously. Mario’s hat was safely in grasp, so that the wind couldn't whisk it off and, unsubtly, so the red plumber’s spiffy fade haircut, a touch of grey adorning the sides, was out there.

"Oh you're.. Hey, I get it man. Our red plumber's not a beardfish like King Elderberry. Makes him all masculine and mature...You into that? Weird thing to say."

Troopa turned his head slightly. "And you randomly mentioning the attractiveness of some rando wasn't?"

"Whatever," Troopa continued, focusing on driving again. "Can't say it to his face when he's known me forever. Now THAT would be weird," he admitted, his natural tone peeking through.

"In the jungle?" Toad casually ducked from that stay arrow a Spear Guy tossed. "Wuss."

"What??? Okay fine! Sometimes humans, mostly toads have been my weakness for a while..."

"Oh, wow! What do you like about them? The hair, skin tones, distinct stature or?-"

Luigi covered half his face with the bifold map, embarrassed. The Earl was as partisan and feather-ruffling as Chancellor Toadsworth, just on the other side of the spectrum. Likely that's precisely what Peach was going for with those two in their positions...

"I told you before, haven't I? Peach's dad… Are you switching the subject?" Toad giggled mischievously. "Hey, how bout I ask YOU what cha think about love?"

Luigi faced him head on. He could fire that back. Toad had never been with.. anyone since they'd known each other. "Hey, I'm not jaded or repudiating this concept at all, it just that I feel it applies to 'normal' people. If you're a hero, how can you sustain a relationship? People I never thought would have a fall out: Yoshi and Birdo, Bucken-Berry and Toadette, and…our local eternal frenemies.. Eh, if I'm blessed with this outside perspective it'd be silly to walk into the trap. For now, not forever, but at least until I have no more doubts, I'm vowing to remain single."

For the first time during the trip Toad went silent. Meanwhile Luigi's world shook. Rocks tumbled down in their path with the loud rumble of fracturing sedimentary rock. Their ostros went buck wild, catapulting them out of control through the rest of the canyon. It led to a dried salt lake where the reigns severed. Their carriage dumped the four out in a ball. The mountain passage behind them was filled up with heavy rocks, blocking the way back. They were stranded.

“Wish I was dream’n too, pard.” Jr. Troopa, with an elasticity from his comparative youthfulness, rose first. He prepared a lasso. Problem was, he had one and there were four big birds to catch.

“Wait,” Mario slyly nodded to his brother and Toad. “Let’s show Jackson how we roll.” He opened the red duffle back, the interior emitted a glow visible even against the off white salt bed.

A ratty noisy kart sped down a windy road. It ran parallel to a river with its own source of commotion, blocked by a thin metal railing. Lemmy glared at his brother flailing his arms. A human was rowing frantically to keep up and a startled noki woman rigidly clutching an open umbrella was the last occupant. Ludwig must have hijacked that couple's gondola. What a douche, he thought, cranking his passenger window down for a better view. It snapped in his hands and he inwardly panicked for a moment, but the red boo didn't see. He tossed it under the seat, where it clanged against unknown objects. Now the cabbie glanced over. Quickly he made a scene-

"Oh my goodness, is so disgusting how Luddy's making those people work. Just look at him! Huh? Huh? Huh? See him? Huh? Huh?"

"Dramatic much?" Lemmy laughed until the cabbie pulled out a shotgun, SS HQ engraved on the metal barrel, aimed across his lap and out of the window. He quickly shoved it away. "You can't shoot my brother!"

"What are they cops? I'm legally here and not Ludwig. Why are they working with instead of arresting him?"

Lemmy rolled his eyes. "Does everybody have to lie today? Here," He grabbed the shotgun. "I have no qualms if this will get me home quicker."

Lemmy cocked the gun twice the length of him. "Shooting the 'enemy spies'," he quipped, sticking his head out of the window. "Luddy, duck!" He fired repeatedly, shells popping out and bouncing on the road behind them.

On the river, Ludwig fell backward on deck, the other two crouching with him. Bullets rippled the water, striking the hull. Only then did the blue haired koopaling notice that there were steel reinforcements lining the sides, deformed inwards now. There were other items stashed down there he didn’t heed earlier, clothes in a cryogenically sealed bag, a picnic basket with grenades hidden under the flap, a completely metal suitcase with a thumbprint reader that was disabled and replaced with a normal lock at some point, and a silver pistol with a shopping tag stating ‘Not a gun’.

“I should have been armed like I desired,” the noki hissed, tossing away her umbrella. “But nooo a madame like me only needs to zit and look pretty!!”

“Lady, it-a would have not made a difference with what they’re-a packin!” The human sent her a nasty look before manning the bow. His top hat was blasted away in the firefight, revealing golden brown hair and pointed ears. More shockingly however, the cab was over the horizon. “Ah, I-a had it under control. We can beach here and track them-a on foot.”

The noki resigned to his suggestion, crossing one leg over and folding her arms, confounding Ludwig regarding their overtly casual reaction. They drift against the bank. The noki and human hopped over board and barreled across the mud and reeds, not minding their expensive formal clothing. The man had shed his dress coat and the lady her hair bows and jewelry.

“You have forgotten something.” Ludwig stepped out of the gondola and into the soggy soil and rushes, revealing the ‘not gun’ in a cheeky fashion. He had his own zapper, but this one was weightier, formidable.

“Oui Monsieur Koopa, because it is not a gun,” she said, just a tiny bit like he was a daft.

“You’re-a still holding it!.. It’s not not.. Get rid of it!” They yelled at once.

"I surrender. Very well." He smirked and did no such thing as they entered an uncharted dense forest, land that was not on the Poshley city map. He soon understood why when he plucked a real estate development sign from the ground. He hid his reaction to the strangers, the maelstrom of emotions it shot through him, and regrets of yesterday crushing him. It sapped his somewhat optimistic feelings he had prior. Back on the boat, he'd combated one of those 'glitches' Geno warned about. His vision dimmed with familiarity, the faint geometric shape returned, however he bit his tongue, rather hard, and it beget control over his soul again.

(I'm a different French noki, a third and unwitting passenger in the taxi you seek. You're with Jellien are you not? Excuse me, Maria. Don't let her inflection trick you. We are French as in from Maple Treeway, not as in 'we live in view of the Awful Tower')

Ludwig itched the back of his neck where it pinged from. So desensitized at this point, every word channeled to his brain had unchallenged verity.

(.. I am not replete. Tell them M jammed his transponder. They need to.. Search.. Three miles to every degree..)

Ludwig relayed that out of the blue. The two looked at him incredulously. Ludwig decided to convince them with the pistol. Now they treated it like a real gun.

Free from harassment as the road distanced from that river, Lemmy could try to enjoy the good parts of classic land yacht style kart. Aside from the rattling, sputtering, and smoke spewing that reminded him of a short lived clunker Roy owned because he thought he was a mechanic briefly, it had deep cushions, so much that without a booster seat he had to consciously lean up to properly sight see. There was a courtyard filled with red trumpet shaped Amaryllis flowers leading to stone patios for outside dining. Statues of mushroom people were spaced perfectly apart. Then there were fairgrounds, with actual toads there, some on a carousel, the Ferris wheel, and at stands getting colorful balloons. It was a dignified occasion with only adults despite what looked like a ton of fun to Lemmy. That led to an entire palace the shape of Peach’s Castle, identical color scheme, if doubled in floors and with a golden gate surrounding it instead of a drawbridge. The stained glass in the front had the Mushroom Crest, the same for the flags flapping from poles on the spires. What. The. Heck. Secret Mushroomite territory, not on any Koopa Troop maps. It might be dangerous with them veering off road, squashing some traffic cones. More nuts and bolts flung off.

Rigidly seated, Lemmy saw a mound of that red dirt that meant construction was going on. They crossed cranes and tractor trailers. A plethora of roll off dumpsters were filled with recently cleared brush. There was a huge yellow Earth mover next to a deep trench that wrapped around some land that already had parts of a foundation laid. There was a tube going down it, the other end disappearing into the forest.

“You’re right. Probably not much of it left. Should still be deep enough, hehe.”

They wrapped around another corner, where Lemmy located that tube again at a clearing. The cab pulled up slowly to what would have been a lake, now a basin with a smaller but still deep amount of blue shimmering water at the bottom.

Lemmy muttered ‘drats’. “Seriously? I shot at so-called spies, bruised my index finger, my ears sorta ring now, and we gotta stop here? Is this because I don’t know my pin to pay you for the mileage so far?”

The koopaling laughed nervously. “That.. Yeah I forgot that I never knew the pin in the first place because it’s Ludwig’s card.”

The pink boo lunged over and choked the koopaling out. Lemmy was panicked and.. Surprised it took this long really. He did it right back until they were mutually blue in the face. The cabbie, older and slightly out of shape but brawny, wasn't giving up without his fare, and Lemmy, highly athletic despite his waifish arms, wasn't either. He didn’t have a check book so he kinda had to win this or else. Off to the side, picked up by his lazy eye, Lemmy saw three folks coming at them.

They let go, gulping for air. Lemmy recovered quicker, utilizing that armistice to replay it all with the little bit of oxygen in his brain. His determination to get away from Ludwig clouded his judgment. This couldn’t be a real cab.. He’d never shared where he wanted to go! He whipped out his phone and texted his bff, at least he hoped.

“W-what cha doing now k-kid?” the pink boo growled hoarsely, holding his scruffy neck.

Lemmy pointed a thumb backwards. “Umm. Telling my brother to leave me alone. See? See? Huh? Huh? See him?”

The cabbie gaped at the view of his side mirror. He scrambled to shift them into drive. Lemmy realized what was happening and clasped onto the cabbie’s hand mashing the pedal extender for legless drivers, too late to stop the tires from spinning in the loose soil. They were going into the pit-

The trio didn’t know what to expect following the blip on the radar all through land adjacent to the territory of the Mushroom King. When they burst out of the greenery and found the cab less than twenty feet away from that lake, it became deathly clear. Before they were on it, the car jetted off.

“Mon dieu!” The noki cried into the human’s bosom, the most genuine emotion Ludwig had seen yet.”

“Got it covered, madame.” The koopaling parted through the two and fired the pistol, aiming for the wheels. There was a bang as a long hook was fired, looping around the bumper. After a split second, he knew what was happening. The cable was running out with the vehicle less than five feet away.. “Grab on!”

The noki’s hands clutched his waist and the human hers. The trio were yanked forward as the cable stretched taut. The bottom frame violently tore off into the basin, leaving the hooked chassis to plop down and hang half over the edge. Ludwig was panged sick seeing his brother beat against the back windshield. The only doors were hanging in the air and the bumper was warping in the middle. This squeezed the frame in a way that the trunk area went convex. A small hand came out, felt around, then pressed a button next to the keyhole, popping it open. Another noki crept out, lessening the weight but not enough, in a Hawaiian shirt, belling to their feet weakly. He’d been beaten, even bound judging by deep red scars in his wrists and ankles.

“He is an in denial diabetic, zhat’s pretended to be 35 for the last few years..”

A lightbulb went off. “Madame, there’s a disgustingly sugar rich snack in my pocket!”

She felt Ludwig up, the koopaling detecting in the corner of his vision jealous eyes on him. Oh cut him a break! “Other pocket woman..” She located the protein bar from the train, dropping it into the male noki’s limp hand. He sluggishly took a bite, through the package. Like he was struck with a bolt of lightning, he launched to his feet. Ludwig knew those trashy things were lab experiments gone wrong! He made one extra tug on the rope. With a dirt flinging scrape, the sedan was scraped off the ledge. As everyone behind the male noki collapsed over each other, Lemmy tumbled out of the hoopty with a busted lip, some whiplash and sparkly glass shards coating him.

The male noki pulled Lemmy up by the plastron. “I am Detective Bond. Where is M?”

“Huh? ..Oh. Well he wasn’t wearing a seat belt sooo.” Lemmy shrugged. “Click it or ticket, right?”

Upon closer inspection, the front windshield was shattered. Bond dove to his knees, obsessively peering down the basin for traces of the pink boo until the other noki and human pulled him away.

"Mon frère! M can evanesce at will. Let it go." As he reluctantly stood with her, they were the same height and favored greatly in proximity. They embraced, kissed on the cheek, then pulled apart. She then ventured with some venom, "Now what put YOU here so zat we had to help you out of la prision?"

Bond had a flash of guilt, evident on his round sunglasses free face. "Does it matter ?" He shifted around her. "Did my brother in law know 0088 sabotaged that cake? Or did you?"

"Well it would not be the first time you've tried to kill me. I still have that scar from being dangled off of a skyscraper!"

"And why would I celebrate that when you two have been meaning to divorce for a decade?"

"Oui." His sister and her husband cornered Jelectro. "It's Agent N, isn't it? Did he know you were apprehended? No warrant from HQ sayz not! He should know now mon frère, for zhat Sirena Beach you were at is no more!"

Bond's fists balled. "Aye aye aye! Jeremy's sick niece drew me to Toad Town early. Nothing else. Not our elections coming up. Not even that dog Jeremy and I were going to adopt. HQ is turning on me because Charles is threatened. Like such internal politics matter when we are dealing with Bowser's Mushroom Flu! Where did his kids go anyway?"

Lemmy and Ludwig had silently backed to the construction zone where workers in hardhats forced them to dive behind a dumpster.

Once those toad feet had shuffled away, Lemmy knew what needed to be done. He was picking up a habit of giving up, the antithesis of a decent Koopa Troop represented. "I'm sorry I ran off like that... Oh my God," he sighed out. "Last night you were acting possessed or whatever when you hunted down Zoo, stole his bell, and rang it. That's when all heck broke loose. Since then I just.. didn't want to believe this kinda stuff was real."

Ludwig slid downwards against the metal paneling to the ground. "If that was disorienting to witness, imagine being the subject! I am held together by Rosalina's Gravitational Pull and will go nowhere until my mission is complete."

Lemmy stood around, anxiously. ".. What's gonna happen to you afterwards? Will you be dead dead?"

"For once.. I don't know." He flipped through the lexicon they'd purchased, fighting against crisp pages. "Are you with me regardless? I cannot do this without you! That is the sole reason I've let Wendy O. take prominence and placate our family, comrades, and associates who are infinitely entrenched in their ways, and certainly will not be inclined to assist until, I fear, irreparable damage is done."

Lemmy tried to accept that, focusing on a picket sign with the layout of Peach's future new castle. Now that was certainly bizarre, especially where the King wanted to place the garden. If on the side instead of the front, it could be easily invaded. He'd know by experience.

"We can't hide forever. Where should we go now, Luddy?"
"-He should go right about.. in our custody!" Jelectro snatched his cold arm towards him, far stronger than he appeared. The three spies had snuck up on them.

Waldo secured Lemmy in the air. “What the heck did we do? I wasn’t with that boo! I mean I know I shot at you and Ludwig is responsible for the Mushroom Flu but..”

The blue haired koopaling lifted his head, rife with perplexity, “It is.. In my shell.”

Jelectro huffed, realizing he was forced to play along with this obvious ploy. Alarmingly his more rookie agents were buying it. “Maria, verify.”

The brothers winked. At this rate they estimated they could hold them for hours. It was even physically affecting Jelectro they thought at first as he grimaced, releasing Ludwig.

His sister had to catch him. “I am not loco. He has done zhat all our life and he tries to deny every time zhat he is like our parents Hot Foot and Pokey who had the ability to-”

Everyone was shaken off their feet by the quake. Birds flew from trees all over, metal and machinery clanged, and in the distance toad workers screamed and fled. Water gushed from the pipe siphoning water into the new moat, broken and spewing it over the flat ground. They scattered. Behind them the torrent lifted everything in seconds, from the toads, to all but the heaviest equipment, swept away with the flow. Ludwig and Lemmy stuck together sprinting across the street. A car honked, narrowly missing them. They kept going through a riparian zone, wadding the river, then through red flower fields, the ground practically bouncing them along. They became tangled up with each other and rolled down hill, smacking against something solid...

Ludwig opened his eyes, staring at a fifteen or twenty foot statute of a human woman, in a dress. She had ringlets and a pouty expression, hands clasped in front of a brooch on her dress. What did it remind him of?

Toads had already abandoned the courtyard patios and fair rides when the earthquake began. Upon finding them it became a frenzy. An alarm sounded from hidden speakers and fake rocks. Behind golden gates, guards were spilling out of two red doors of the palace. In the stained glass there was a silhouette of a man. No doubts about who it was.

“So eni mist..” Ludwig turned to Lemmy sprawled out beside him. “This is a grave mistake!”

Lemmy lifted up woozily, paling at the sight of the guards swinging open the gates. He checked his now shattered phone again. “No. I mean yes, but.. Up here. Quick!” He vaulted up to the statue's elbow. “Come on!”

Lemmy hauled him up as Mushroom guards charged through all of the flowers, ripping the roots up in haste. About thirty gathered at the base of that statue and raised their super scopes, but could not pull the trigger, not at the image of Peach’s mother.

He’d already fired at him, so what Lemmy wanted made Ludwig apprehensive. Nevertheless, “I do.”

Ludwig plugged an ear and expended its shots in the sky. The guards below flinched, then loaded. Now Ludwig was sure they’d proceed to blast them away regardless. If not them, it might be the dots in the distance, toads on the palace roof with long range super scopes, or perhaps he might lose balance and break his own neck on the figure’s sloped and narrow shoulders- Or that rocket heading their way would do them in.

It soared over their heads the first time, then rounded back, firing a blue beam at them. Ludwig became weightless as the entirety of Poshley Heights and its devastation, crumbled buildings, glass coating the streets, pedestrians amok, a train derail, scrolled blisteringly fast one hundred beneath their floating toes.

"Kon'nichiwa, Luddy and Lemmy-sama! Fascinating place. Took a while since they'd censored coordinates from Boogle Maps, but I know that signal anywhere. You guys will totally be in the news, though. I didn't have time to fire lasers at their recording equipment."

"We already were." Ludwig having not seen the cyborg side of Iggy yet, he was excited, impressed, and afraid at once of the possibilities. For instance there was no wind or sensation of forward propulsion, the tractor beam suspending them. "Are there any adverse side effects to this method of travel?"

"It might dislodge items from your pockets. Don't let it be your wallet, okay? And let's goooo!" Iggy Delta saluted.

Being able to 'fly' in a way, Lemmy in fact held his arms out like a bird, the two elder siblings grinned at each other quite stupidly. Ludwig knew he'd always have Lemmy and Lemmy Iggy and Iggy-

"...Is he a cop or secret agent or something?" Lemmy paled. "Sorta.. burned out on that."

Meanwhile, engines went into turbo, blasting them up higher. Ludwig could have sworn there was a divide in the shrinking Earth, as if a cosmic scythe ran across the land masses in a perfect line. He was distracted shortly by something escaping his hammerspace pockets. He had to save that memento, the original business card of the Council of Conscientious Villainy signed by its founder who abandoned the project after one day, the curiously named 'Clarentine Koopa'…

Chapter End Notes

So this being a multipart ends us on a weird spot. It was necessary after consideration. As much as I wanted to show all angles of this cataclysmic event (spoiler) it was overwhelming so enjoy this ‘almost’ hope spot.

I forgot to mention last chapter: ‘Brutality and Complexity’, in addition to being a chapter title reused from the old Redux, it is also named after a demo from the experimental speedcore/metal band NOISM.

Split from previous: 8/17/22, 8/22/ parts removed added to previous, 8/27, 8/29, 9/1, 9/2-9/4, 9/5- 9/7, 9/8-9/10 (notes some dates refer to sections moved to the next part), 9/11, 9/12

edited: 11/9/23, 12/22/23

18. Ouroboros 2

The advisory failed to thwart Millennium Star, confident in his safeguarding purple aura. The ancient one had but one regret visiting the Dark Realm, the deepest channel of the universe. Leaving Rosalina in the lurch was rude and unbecoming, his marginal interpersonal skills escalating with the situation. As the Lord and inventor of time, when he promised an errand would only take a ‘split second’ it was for others an hour, week, year or eon.. Hopefully not this time..

His destination was nearly invisible against the dense clouds of dark matter pervading the sector. Argentine and reddish rutile spires rose from the planetoid, a protective hedge around a pure black sun temple. Upon landing a safe distance from that appalling sight, Millennium Star was certain the occupant was not in. No traps activated, no agony generators emerged, the occupant’s pet Underchomp did not roam, audibly confined underground and lashing against some colossal chains.

If that crafty devil was not here, where else? The Dark Ztar was, as few believed due to his unsavory character and reputation, a close relative to a Star Spirit. Might that be enough? What might that give him access to unique to other star beings?

A floating arrow platform brought the brown skinned white bearded toad in an orange and gold trimmed robe, King Ed of Sky Land, from his opulent marble castle in the cirrus clouds to the lowest where soldiers were stationed. It had been difficult to call them to coalesce and excruciating to sweep over them afterwards knowing some may be lost. The toads were like his family, the dearth of blood relatives why his weakness was seeking Elysium. A whistleblower on land under the pseudonym of ‘999’ made a vague promise of working something out. An ember of hope then, as of now too late.

He twisted his scepter to suspend the chief officer from sounding the horn, taking one last look at his Tower of Lyribiris, disfigured with a twenty mile perimeter into a Koopa Troop stronghold. They had the KT outnumbered 5000 to the 1000 his lookouts tallied, though the King’s people possessed only a helmet, parachute, and spear vs formidable cannons, hammers, and other ghastly innate capabilities. True, Water Land utilized a near identical loadout on their comparatively wimpish toads, swapping parachutes with snorkels, to blot out King Morton and his monstrous koopa clan half a century ago, but K. Ed was not half, or even a quarter of the king Omarinon was down there. After all, K. Ed allowed this in the first place by leaving his terrestrial half of the kingdom unguarded! He had no other lands aligned with him, Bowser’s hectic pace ahead of news reports for once. As far as most other kingdoms knew, Bowser was hiding somewhere with the Mushroom Kingdom’s princess and chancellor captive following that freak thunderstorm in Dark Land.

Well, time to add a hailstorm to it. Unwavering, King Ed gave the signal. His warriors charged under the horn blast.

A pale green shelled koopa troopa jumped, his suitcase dropping to the weathered wooden deck with a clack. The only of his kind in the sea of pionpi, he turned his head.

The corners of his thin lips arched downward. At the crowded dock of Surfshine Harbor, a luxurious steam liner prepared to board passengers. A motley bunch weaved around the residents or travelers at the shore beach houses to meet him. The toad ladies had mismatched shirts, pants, and shoes, the shy guy wore a baggy green hoodie covering his blue garb, and the whomp a tan trench coat and newsboy cap.

Nass T. wound a fist back, just like she’d imagined doing countless times at this point. He caught it, a touch tighter than necessary, and closed the distance by a step, kissing the back of her palm.

“I knew we’d rendezvous. It’s scheduled for Chai Kingdom, not the slum parts either, ripe for harvesting.” He leaned in, his breath tingling her ear. “Poorer record keeping and they lack those pesky laws.”

“Theo,” she mewled. “Not again. We are some of the only doctors that know about the- ‘MF’. You once cured it!”

His smile sank quicker than a thwomp in the Great Sea. “And Miss Nasir, have you the tenacity to waltz back into MK East? I presume you welcome the gallows.”

“-Replacing you will be arduous, not impossible. Good luck pleading for mercy from my dear ‘Sweet Pea’. Your funeral. The rest of you, make a decision. Quickly.” He lifted his suitcase. “Like the sailor boys said, get movin’. I will not dither,” he muttered unequivocally.

Flatlining, Nass watched the man who had slathered decades of her once exemplary life with corruption stroll away. Azul expectantly looked to Dr. Terrace. He rose a thick eyebrow to Mariam. The older toad woman became the first to spring at the proposal.

“I’m so sorry dearie,” she cried into her sleeve. “It’s not for anyone to understand.. I am.. Not what I appear and I can’t make it with any other troupe. Farewell.”

Azul pressed forward. “Did I tell anyone I’m on the do-not-hire registry? It’s like the do-not-call one, except you don’t wanna mix them up,” he joshed, poorly covering up hesitation. “And it's time I stop burdening mom..” he tacked on seriously.

Dr. Terrace let out a weighty sigh. “With my petrified joints, I'll try to supervise those two. Don’t worry doll, I’ll cajole Theo into something useful too..” He waddled onward.

Disappointment rolled over Nass like the water on the shore. During the escape from Poshley Heights, through thrift store dumpsters, in taxies, and darting down dark alleys, the mantra that they’d not split was the most common after, ‘my feet hurt’. The steam liner drifted away, passengers lingering on deck to bid farewell to the land dwellers.

This was rock bottom. A fugitive. Her daughter rumored to work for Bowser. Admittedly terrible prospects. By some inner strength dormant for years however, she was among those waving on the beach to the departing ship. Camera flashes went off. Resentment would not debase her further. Her crew, except Dr. Professor, waved back from the stern. Fitting, she didn’t know him anymore.

Drawing away, another Koopa was watching. Pink shelled, she fought against the crowd to trace the orange toad woman slipping behind beach homes and avoiding the surveillance heavy dock offices. The koopa returned to the unmarked kart with a human in it.

Kylie Koopa frowned, checking her camera. "Lost her, and the others are sailing away!"

Groaning, Inspector Douglas bopped his head against the wheel in a childish, to her, tantrum. What did he expect? No spunk. Late on the draw. She was missing her collaboration with a certain noki. She'd even take his boss Snifit Patrol who never landed back on Earth. If there was anyone aside from Luigi who could connect to Booigi the Second, it would have been Nass, and they’d bungled that up.

Wendy’s friends were like scattering ants from a flattened anthill dispersing around the Koopa Troop. The jolt that shot through the minions upon noticing was, appropriately, as if those ants had entered their shells. The princess and Toadsworth were pressed onward and Bowser Junior to act ‘normal n junk’. Larry amidst that chaos made a strenuous climb to the top level of Bowser Tower. His palm caught every little bump on the iron rails.. The sound of his own footsteps were earsplitting. The staircase stretched out in his mind. All this torment because it was integral to.. tattle on himself! Kinda. Without specifics. Sticking to carefully selected truths would protect everyone better than his bad lies . ‘Man up’ the fifteen-year-old kept repeating.

Halfway up a mega goomba and wiggler in bright yellow jumpsuits shuffled downstairs.

“-Oh shut it, Wiggs! It’s Jimmy that takes these anonymous tips, wastin our time rolling in and they’re like, ‘huh? I feel fine, whatcha talking about? How did you find me again?’” The goomba’s boomy voice bounced around. “Yeah, bet cha remember the free ride we gave ya yesterday!”

“Ah. Bowser currently owes more than ten thousand coins to us by now. Woe to him!” the wiggler mused.

Larry peeled himself from the floor, shook it off, and zipped back outside. A Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit truck had miraculously appeared, unmolested by Bowser minions more occupied with Anti-Ma rebels running around.

“Who’s jabbering?” The paratroopa in the passenger spot scratched his head.

Larry grabbed on and did a pull-up, struggling so that the top half of his head was in the window. “Erg.. Me!.. Darn it, shoulda worked out.. more.. Please. Watch for..Kamek and Kammy!!!”

Parabilly’s ballpoint gave false starts on the pad. He tapped. Tried again. Tapped. Larry’s heart thumped, muscles burning.. “Spell it, chile?”

Larry dropped to the ground and nimbly fogged up the oversized mirror to write the names out. His jumpiness made it sloppy so it took three attempts. On the last, Sebastian in the driver’s seat hung up the CB radio.

The truck left the fifteen-year-old in the dust. There was no Eldstar! His nightmares intensified. Bowser was in the tower doorway, whipping left and right at the madness, clawing through his hair.

After an anxious pause, “I was just finna tell you dad. So.. the keys got mixed up-”

“-GAAAAHH!” Bowser raged, his breath of sulfur. “I knew a shoulda converted to electronic locks by now! Good work telling me, erm, what I already knew. I appreciate cha!”

“Really, son. I mean it!” He ruffled his son’s limp blue hair, its natural state without hair gel. “I’ll be RIGHT OUT! I only need to do something..” He whisked himself back in.

Larry balled his fists, fed up with that propitiatory shtick. What was he supposed to do, preen? If this might be his last day in this dark abyss of a life called the Koopa Troop, he wanted to spill his guts. He barged inside. Bowser Tower ground level was the last to dry out and thus empty. He found Bowser immediately in the alcove under the stairway. That dumbphone was to his ear, rigidly in his hands, tapping a foot. He left a voicemail:

“Hey Mario, give me a little longer. This new kingdom’s.. taking a while to set up according to my demented dreams if ya know what I mean. This isn’t because I’ve just lost Peach right now or nothing so no rushing here, alright?-”

Bowser jumped, hiding it behind his back. “..Yeah! He is awesome. Me. Uh, what.”

He folded his arms. “I didn’t believe that back there! I'm tired of only having a tiny scrap of your appreciation and attention and stuff, whatever's left after you’ve spilled it out on the rest. I’ve always seen through this fake training crap. Us koopalings were screwed from the start because Junior looks like you. That’s why you’ve designated him successor!”

Larry expected some retaliation, a stomp that could pound rock to sand, fire that could melt steel, or at least the classic butt whooping. Instead, Bowser’s jaw hung a bit. His large clawed hands clasped as he bent, whispering in an unheard of way. “Larry, if I show you something, will you promise to not try to leave?”

Larry followed his father, mystified, all the way into the throne room. The teen stood in the middle and looked around at the countless graph papers on the floor, marked with notes or sketches of anti-plumber traps. Bowser carefully retrieved the lapis bust of a chipped up dragon koopa scowling, like it felt the dilapidation of the lordly effigy. Larry couldn’t place where he’d seen it before in their old castle, a relative clearly. Like Bowser except with shorter horns, a smaller tuft of hair, and beadier eyes.

“"That funny name Junior has.. It was an impulse move, 'cause he doesn't look like me. He looks like my brother here. I think sometimes he shoulda been king instead. I know I know but... it happens at my lowest points." Bowser placed it back on the shelf with his other one of two things and backed away with slow steps."

Time froze for the teen, it utterly surreal that, no, his father was not always perfectly boisterous and confident. The sort of guy those annoying Red-Megavitemin pill gurus Roy or Morton listened to on podcast were trying to be. To withstand so much rejection he had to be made of diamond or something. Right? Uh ...

Bowser perked up. “You hear running water? …I bet it’s gramps, old hag, and that sauna they set up! They’d better SAVE some water! A lotta minions are gonna want showers at the end of the day!! Sit tight.” Bowser ran off.

Larry had a gap in his memory regarding being outside again. It might have been to find someone, anyone, to share this with for a reality check, the haze continuing to obscure him until he was at the skeleton of Junior’s fortress site. Something was off, and it wasn’t Larry for once. It rocked in rhythm with the hammering inside and shaped like a malformed box, parts not joining correctly. He flushed, knocking heavily on the shut door. No one heard him. He knocked harder. Then it flopped like a stack of cards! Larry bolted from the scene, his old inclinations rushing back. Where was his unofficial partner in crime, Wendy? He whipped out his phone..

Minions abandoned their tools to pursue escapees. A boomerang bro rebel held the lead by several paces losing his trilby as he fled for his life. A magikoopa in blue and purple, hood down and holding the hems of the robes to not trip, broke off from the KT pack alongside some newly installed barbed wire fencing. A truck zoomed past them dazzlingly. They thought they’d imagined it until it careened into the last barrier of the Koopa Troop, smashing apart the wooden barricade. It proceeded onward into the adjacent Kingdom, creating a spot that all the rebels began to aim for.

The purple ‘magikoopa’ spontaneously dropped back from the other. “Princess Toadstool, we should not use that shortcut. Fancy this..”

He directed her to swap sides, so that she was closest to the fence. The princess turned her head subtly to avoid revealing her face. Three mega monty moles held that section of the fencing upward, with five more diligently installing support beams. The small ones pressed their ears to the ground and scurried away. The giant ones followed, and the section plummeted. Peach narrowly avoided the heavy iron barrier with a frantic drive. A wicked cackle followed, like that of someone very familiar but distorted.

“Indeed, you blithering fool,” Toadsworth’s magikoopa garb slumped off his figure, revealing grey toned skin as he pushed her towards the downed fence, the algid nature of his tiny yet secure grip startling her as much as his attitude. Her left leg scraped against a sharp barb.

“I was almost pinned! Stop this!” She was locked by his blackened pupils. “What in heavens has gotten into you?!”

“Not in heavens. On Earth.. At least now!” he growled like some rabid animal.

”Th.i.s i.sn’..t. .n.e.w?” The being in the shape of Toadsworth spoke, not even attempting to approximate mortal speech anymore. “.W.e..’ve .sp..o.k.e.n…. .b..e.f.o.r.e. ...I.t..is .. ti.m…e..f.o..r.. Y..o… u..r…e..n …d.. O..f..o..u..r..d..e.a.l…Y.o.u..a..re..a..b.i..g…g i..r.l..n…..ow…wh..y. .do.n.t ..y.o.u..... .re.m.i.n.d... me. .of. w.h.a..t.. i.t ..w..a..s?”

The princess shuddered in its frigid grasp. It toyed with her, her tongue all but withered and dry, lodged against the roof of her mouth. The chill crept up her arms, to her shoulders, down to her midsection, to her toes, stuffed in koopa issued boots. Her skin bleached like alabaster. The moisture in her eyes began to congeal. Her soul was draining.

-A company of builders barged into them, severing the fatal grapple. While most didn’t stop, Roy stooped to his knees, panting from their evacuation of the fortress. Morton arrived last, carrying people under his arms. He propped both down.

“I saved Iggster! Oh and.. Junior. I daresay. But Iggster looks great. Refreshed. Better! Best!” ‘Iggy’, flat as ever, was equally blithesome, contrasting Bowser Junior, blushing and clenching his backpack tightly at Peach and Toadsworth. Roy noticed who they’d trampled. He yanked the limp princess upwards.

“The heck dey doing here dressed like that? Especially old Mctoadyface, he’s blue!” The pink koopaling slid his sunglasses down for a better look at steadily growing dots in the sky. His seldom seen purple iris dilated for a second. “Nevermind. Run for da hills! Go take em, Mort.”

“Our Amazone Prima Guide delivery of the struts shoulda been somewhere, I dun get it,” Thwomp #3 mumbled.

The negativistic balaclava wearing elite soldier of Bowser jabbed him in the back, having been led away from Bowser Tower and into fields of leafy nothingness. “But it ain’t. THERE’S NOTHING FREAKIN HERE!!”

Thwomp #3 pivoted around. There was an unmistakable but fleeting spark behind his red eyes and perpetually disgruntled face. “Dat thing is.”

Sentry 11 found a forty-four feet tall and four feet wide obelisk planted on top the hill, like a void cut out in the universe, no visible texture. His cloud sunk a few inches. Not being there when he surveyed this quadrant earlier made its unannounced appearance phobogenic. Enough distractions. He let himself fall for this trick to nail that concrete bug. Thwomp sounded like a KT, looked it, and had the tattoo branded on a spike, but he’d inadvertently mentioned once that Bowser’s old address was ‘444 Dark Drive’. That was common knowledge to Mushroom Freaks. No actual resident of Dark Land remembered aside from Bowser himself. Secondly-

“Hold it, soldier.” Sentry 11 shook the thwomp violently, making a half dozen L shaped struts for a fortress tumble out of his pockets. “Now what’s that?!”

The sentry sliced across his neck, grinning deviously. “-Dead. You recited THEIR version. Ours, under the same name, see, got cha, is about our sworn rivalry against you pests.”

He thwomped closer. “J.D., I must ascertain how you are familiar with Mushroom curricular??”

“I.. studied.. four years only, in middle school. K? Bowser’s my idol!” he snarled.

“Your memory may be faulty. It is astounding what putting on a brainless grimace does to conceal your identity.”

The thwomp buffeted that, painfully bending back the lakitu’s finger. “Lieutenant Stone. Familiar? I flunked you out of SS HQ training, receiving a different version of that tale then.” Lt. Stone, the 9th agent ever, sometimes tripled for stylization, became the most brilliant slab of concrete there could be. He scanned the lakitu with calculating red eyes, snorting at his flabbergasted expression. “Still off-kilter and overly emotional you appear. Hmph. To your credit, I have inferred that being invidious is rewarded here. I conclude you have found your place after all! ”

The trembling lakitu, in a more fight or flight reaction than intended, cracked his knuckles. “You are my next hit. Spy,” he sputtered.

“And I’m reminded that I’ll need a ditch in the ground big enough to BURY YOU AFTER I-”

They broke their standoff as Wendy O. appeared from behind the obelisk. The koopaling princess glided down, holding her thumb and index fingers together at the tips. Her tone had an ethereal quality, wholly unlike the ‘cute’ brat.

“Truce. Chump.” After one last smirk, the thwomp transfigured into a complete idiot.

Spawning from the obelisk, a black impenetrable beam shot from the face at light speed, hacking through the rest of Sky Land into the Bowser territory, slicing Bowser Tower in half, preceding to Giant Land, Water Land, Desert Land, Grass Land or the Mushroom Kingdom, across the Great Sea, sticking directly one vessel, though Dark Land, Ice Land, Pipe Land, and returning to Sky Land. Concluding its trip around the globe, it met the opposite face of the obelisk and another planet rattling clap, the beam and the Pillar of Understanding phased away, leaving a gaping trench to the lowest depths imaginable.

Larry stumbled onto the scene, led by Wendy’s FindMyBowserPhone app reporting damage. Wide eyed, he turned around at the lip of the new canyon. No one would believe him anyway.

“Yes sir.” The grindel attendant left Mayor Koton in his moodily lit office. The long curtains were closed so that the volcano nearby, active and spouting lava today, may not blind the thwimp returning to the proclamations on his desk.

For some time now, he’d been council-weak as some say- losers that was, the workings and the revenue flow of the overlords under him fine tuned to not require constant intervention. Despite that it would be naive to passively let Monday come along without brushing up on current matters. Every four years Bowser or one of his operatives would inform him of what smuck wanted to run against him, with a roar of laughter to follow. The KT would never allow anyone to actually boot him out of office. Much like the rare disease that kept him forever a thwimp, he was destined by Kamek to forever lord over Neo Bowser City. Without that, the intrigue of who he might be up against had weighed on his square shoulders all morning.

Mayor Koton stared expectantly at the whomp in the half opened doorway. He had a blue ribbon, a Corporal, just above a toad servant.

“We have confirmed Bowser operatives with information on the competing party, sir.”

Koton lifted up and salved, visibly. “The monitor, would you please?” By the time he’d try to head down or even reach his remote with his weak little arcs, that presentation in the foyer would be over. Worsening health was what shut him in more often than not, and, a painful reminder, why the unforeseen departure of Thomas Toad, one of his best stewards, was such a blow to his regime.

The whomp cut it on the wide screen in the office, opposite to the mayor’s desk.

From the camera in the foyer of the fortress, a thwomp ushered a koopatrol, toad, para-goomba, and koopa troopa before office and registration personnel. While Koton never expected Bowser himself given the damage to his castle and the princess stealing, some unambiguously lowering ranking mooks were a quizzical choice. They passed around some pink flyers, filing in a line on his Darklandian crest rug, their nerves revealed by the clinging of the koopatrol’s armor, the rouging of the toad girl, the goomba eyeing the exits, and the koopa keeping his snout down.

After dragging themselves together into a brief huddle, Emery took the leap into the firing squad.

While she dove into the flyer’s proposals, some embezzled, some not, Tanner read the letter he’d picked up. All mail in Dark Land funneled to one place in the city, to discourage laziness or some drivel, and he was hankering to know what his buddy wrote.

One of his jokes. Ugh, he’d better solve it. Zoo would know upon return if he peeked at the answer.. Hm. He got it. Zoo visited that eye doctor. Traces of his analphabetic nature loitered, but it was impressively legible by some miracle.

“Don’t make that face. I know you are. I could be wrong, who knows what will go down. Got u something. ”

Folded in it was a Lexus emblem from some kart type they didn’t even manufacture around here. Weird.. the bottom had numbers, not on the line, and the concluding portion:

“U know I don’t say I’m liberal and gay all the time just to be a double untundra. 19 18 2 1 09 13 85 is my absentee vote for this Monday if I ain't back. See ya, bro.”

That code didn’t correspond to any candidate the koopatrol recognized. A typo? Aww, his dumb, playful, alarmingly murderous as of yesterday, but thoughtful friend…Forgetting where he was, he pressed it against his chest, sighing with his gaze at the amber chandeliers. They began to sway.

Everything surrounding Mayor Koton rattled for ten seconds, during which the monitor snapped off the mount and shattered on the floor. The clash of glass beckoned a toad servant into the room with a broom and pale, followed by the same whomp imploring desperately if the mayor, stunned in his executive chair, was okay. This Neo Bowser City fortress was reinforced so that the foundation may not suffer attrition from the twenty four thwomps, fifteen grindels, and ten whomp representatives pounding, rolling or stomping around the dozen floors all day- just not enough for this seismic event.

The private jet’s club seating, entertainment system, and cooler of champagne had an opposite effect for T. Yoshisaur. He couldn’t argue out of the overly generous provisions to his companions, the coast guard and additionally now a black shy guy pilot they’d met with in Pipe Land. Now he was 10,000 miles above the Great Sea. His son was in a pet carrier in the cargo section, it advised by the pilot. Sonny tried to advocate for Yoshi otherwise to no avail. As much as not being able to check on him was disquieting, Poochy had probably fallen asleep by now, free from the influence of his worrywart father.

Tired of staring at the wing, the engine, or the red blinking light on the spars, Yoshi’s gaze settled his plastic evidence zip lock bag, all Sonny could give him, containing the broken Bronze Egg. By tinkering with it on and off during the trip he determined he’d only meld the four pieces with a gallon of Donkey Kong Glue or professional help, like Mr. Zeror of Peach Castle or Russ T. who retired ages ago. ..More appropriately the latter. A Bowser baddie named Zoo hadn’t destroyed his home or anything... Either way, Yoshi was done. It was hard to concentrate and its powdery dust, as it had a chatoyant onyx center under the bronze coating, activated some headache inducing allergy. He began to appreciate how it was stashed in something airtight.

A toad came out from the blue curtain obscuring the cockpit area. He sat behind the fold out lounge table, the heavy tactical vest he refused to shed making it a snug fit.

“What’s up? I figured I’d come back here. That other guy won’t.. Take off his oxygen mask. Stuffy old..” He muttered. “Erm, Oh and if you’re worried about one guy flying, don’t! It’s all high tech computers these days. Wanna fly it?”

“I must politely decline!” Yoshi replied quickly. “I do appreciate everything so far,” he emphasized.

“No prob. I love this job. Usually..” The entire time Sonny played with a canteen in his hands, a noticeable slosh within. After the rendezvous with the pilot, the toad was frequently seen with whatever that was, the formalness and prudence the toad held at their introduction eroding with each sip. That decaying body in the ocean, now packed away with their cargo for identification and autopsy was perturbing Yoshi sympathized, but if this was his coping method, perhaps Sonny was better away from the controls after all.

“-So, what’s with you?” Yoshi asked in the middle of him taking another swig.

The toad lowered it, face rosey. “...Umm. Honestly. Umm.” He breathed out heavily. “I didn’t patrol last night like I should have. There’s some weird politics going on in my ‘office’ and I lingered to keep an eye on- ’the head coast guard of Toad Town water bodies.’ I can’t help but wonder if I wasn’t meddling, maybe.. I mean the tide swells yeah but I coulda saved that guy in the tacklebox..”

“Well, still looks bad. . I used to be an extra at a film studio with clones of myself essentially. We filmed some Toadtanic ripoff, that’s how I’m familiar with water and rowing. For twelve hour shifts. With only my left arm.” The toad sat the canister down flat. Flipped the other way, it curiously sported the label ‘Anti’. “I don’t know where the epiphany came from, but I wanted more. I found a dodgy ad for what I do now.. ” he trailed off vaguely. “Now I’m the weird new guy they rib over literally everything, like my crush on Wendy O.”

“I’m 19. Don’t fret. It’s that or they’re wary of the bipolar prognosis I’ve had for a while.”

Yoshi settled in the chair, not typically venturing here with just anyone. “..I understand. I’m bipolar too.”

“Foolin..” He smiled back. “I’ve.. been waiting for an opportunity to say that for an embarrassingly long time. Don’t call me a dork.”

To think this would be the random thing they’d bond over.. Yoshi didn’t know if he was becoming more acclimated to him in general, or it was Sonny’s canteen making him frolicsome (hopefully not) or a phenomena specific to air travel he’d yet to learn about (extra hopefully not). The dinosaur couldn’t stifle his giggling as he asked genuinely, “Not to pry, are you managing fine?”

“No worries. Just another label on me. Think it’s worse than ‘koopaling lover’?”

“Who am I to judge? My Special One is world famous, twenty-five years younger, and I’m certain it won’t be requited, nor can I compete against the rival and his.. boisterousness.”

Sonny appeared to ponder. “...Mario? I mean with that mustache. Mhm,” he teased. “Figured it out because he’s thirty-eightish.”

“Thirty-nine to my sixty-four in actuality..” Yoshi snuck in there, as if, in his opinion, that made a difference. “If you don’t shout that from a rooftop, perhaps you could meet Wendy one day. I guarantee nothing. You know how girls are with their types.”

The toad flexed the bigger arm. “Thanks. Don’t underestimate me, mister. I’ll be right back.” He sidestepped to a door in the back, a restroom.

Yoshi was, despite himself, drawn like a magnet to that silver canteen, not properly sealed and leaking on the table. He stood it upwards without thinking, some habit from being a father of an eight year old Poochy. That was a mistake. The toad would know he’d disturbed it now, some all over his green fingers. It struck him, there was no smell. Thinking back, Sonny never reeked of much except cheap cologne despite guzzling that for a while now. Only with his super sensitive nose did he detect fluoride. Was it chilled tap water all along? Possibly, with one fainter aroma.. Of a chemical?-

Yoshi scrambled to scoot away as the toad reentered the cabin. Before that was addressed, if even noticed, there were two beeps from the cockpit then a third, shut off prematurely by the pilot. A series of clicking noises followed.

A blast of air mashed them against the back wall like Fly Guys on a sticky trap. Cupboards burst open, unleashing papers and any other loose object as the plane lurched downwards. Sonny, upside down, turned to his left, or Yoshi’s right, mouthing something during the perilous dive. The blue curtains were blown horizontally, revealing the cockpit, the lack of a pilot, a missing ejection seat, and the glass above that spot gaped open! In vivid detail, the dinosaur focused on the nose pitched at the blue sea. Then it vanished as their aircraft surged upwards momentarily, oscillating from the warmer rising air of southern Mushroom World clashing against colder air. Toad and yoshi together collapsed with all of the amenities and objects. Sonny crawled from under the pile up, scurrying up there. He secured the control column just in time. They were low, so much that Sonny bent at the side window and could see individual faces of the passengers on a pink and white trimmed cruise ship limping along, partially slashed up from some catastrophic accident. Emergency signals were constant from the wounded vessel. The irony wasn’t lost on the ‘coast guard’.

He prioritized locating the cause of egress. The master caution was lit, disabling automation. Fuel? He squinted and leaned in. Good. Ailerons, check. Throttles. There was a gummy sort of resistance against his forward nudge of both, preventing him from pulling the engines out of idle. They were sinking as they crossed solid land, the Mushroom Kingdom, famous for tall hills with eyes! As a fraction of that adrenaline wore off, the toad noticed how heavy his muscles felt. He pressed a button..

Yoshi roused little by little under the unintelligible intercom message. Like he’d snapped out of some dream, he followed the roar of wind on his hands and knees. Breaching the cockpit revealed a toad slumped back in a co-pilot's seat so oversized for him, Yoshi had room to slip in. The toad’s ‘stronger’ left arm limply clung the controls, keeping them at a five degree bank, otherwise paralyzed aside from his panicked beady eyes, darting from Yoshi to his own appendage. Yoshi caught on, gripping the column in the same position. Why did it smell like Lemon Candy up here? -Sonny feebly tapped around on a low mounted Flight Management System, a device that resembled a calculator with a VFC screen. Instead of entering a waypoint as it was designed, he was communicating:

“--Turn --the-- blue-- knob --to --this --coordinate.-- You-- are --guiding --us --down.”

Roy emerged from his shell and peeked through the crack in his fingers. No, he wasn’t scared of nuthin! When bricks fly at your face you gotta do something.

Another heap of ammo going off. Pow pow pow, they went off like mines all over the territory, delayed triggering from the earthquake. They coulda used those! Roy’s military calls would have shot off to blank walls as hoards of the Koopa Troop, remaining at least, fled across the hills to Giant Land next door, but there weren’t really any walls standing anymore. The handful not crumbed to bits lay haphazardly in the field, tools were strewn about, some he stepped on by mistake, ouch, otherwise, the chasm had swallowed it all. If Junior’s fortress had not buckled on itself, forcing the work to cease, he and many others would have disappeared down the wide trench in the Earth that split Bower Tower down the center, the two parts laying on opposite sides. Morton would be outta his mind like, ‘the world is peeling, denuding, unraveling!’ Roy couldn't believe he recalled some of those words. His only brother rivaling him in size might also be, of course, useful right now! With barely a second to comprehend the tremors that had undone all of their hard work, dark skinned toads, native Skylandians rained on them with tiny spears.

Roy solved the problem. No Bowser! He barreled beyond the little toadys to the remains of Bowser Tower, or the Tower of Lyribiris, chucking blocks away until Sky Land soldiers closed in and dragged him away. Roy, irately cursed so much the most hardy of those soldiers blushed. He didn’t get to lift the last one!

Bowser drifted into consciousness. There was a small crack above, the light from it flickering as objects crossed over it, occasionally causing pebbles to smack him in the forehead. Well, he was alive at least. He propelled himself upwards and smacked into a heavy bulkhead, dazing himself in the cramped pocket of space. Earlier events were like some weird stew. -The kind Kammy might whip up with one-hundred different ingredients because she sent their castle cook home early for the day and desperately wanted to use her as-seen-on-tv cooking ware for once while simultaneously wanting to punish Kamek because he kept falling asleep as she recounted old wives tales to him.

What had he saved before his magnificent new tower disintegrated? Old scrolls? Ancient Maps? Money? ..Something else, held rigidly against his plastron, like he could not let go lest it float away forever.

The debris over Bowser slid away. His heart stopped. Some adventure group of toads were standing over him and through fog, everything he’d built was… GONE. The Skylandians that weren’t celebrating ‘victory’ (yeah right!) were disposing of HIS Koopa Troop paraphernalia in the bottomless pit.

“Golly! King Bowser was here all along?” The Captain muttered afterwards, “So when Mario catches up he’ll still have something to do, darn it..” He snatched Yellow Toad, the only of the Brigade without some sort of metal detector or shovel, over to him. “Jörg, retrieve that please.”

Yellow nabbed the object in a flash, piling it on an overflowing wagon. The effulgence of Bowser’s brother's bust compared to those dull chests was all Bowser could stare at.

The Koopa King shot upwards. All but the Captain flinched. As much as he wanted to melt them all into a puddle. He.. actually.. Thought it out. No minions. The climate was cooler, enough to give him shivers. All the clouds were low to the ground or gracing it, revealing more of the kingdom than he’d ever seen before. Barren fields now held villages, houses, even a marble castle. They’d plopped onto the landscape when the cloud realm dissipated. There was the bluest sky he’d ever seen, with a star in the center, high up. A black one.

Captain Toad dropped his defensive stance, blinking at him. “As we arrived they were exiled to the next kingdom over..”

Bowser glanced down. There was dried blood from a puncture wound, where he’d held that statue. Like the real version of Clarentine, it managed to stab him in the heart for one last measure.

Chapter End Notes

Another weird cut.
Regarding the tower that Bowser conquered: its name is literally the chapter title but with my keys shifted over to the left. I’d done this by mistake and it looked like a perfectly good made up name, so I kept it.

One point I missed in ‘Brutality and..’: Of the Captain Toad brigade, Jörg is German and pronounced ‘Yorg’, therefore still either punny or alliterative with the rest of the brigade. The name is from the cult horror Sega Dreamcast game ‘Illbleed’.

Yes, artistic license is at play with the ejection seat on a passenger plane. Otherwise however, I inserted a few technical details in there. If you know about aviation you might be able to guess what happened to them and their odd behavior. If not, don’t worry. It’ll be revealed soon!

Split/ dates: 9/10, 9/14, 9/15, 9/18 (other working dates are in the previous part) 9/19, 9/20- 9/23, 9/24
Very mild edits: 1/9/24

19. Ouroboros 3

The hour was up. Boiling over, the boo battered the metal mail receptacle into pieces with their nigh-indestructible green Bowser racket. This scared off their messenger, made the supporters flee the park, and made Parakarry somewhere weep, but they didn’t care. Had Luigi forgotten after Mario ‘crowned’ him the next big hero, or stopped caring about Boo’s aspirations to refold Toad Town into something better- a place all enemies would face retribution, regardless of the species they were on the outside? With a low growl settling in their throat, they jabbed some digits, ‘Mario’s new number’ as the bottom of the message stated. Waiting for the line to pick up, the shattered bricks and debris of the park scattered around Booigi II wiggled and rocked, as if their vitriol radiated physically.

“Ah hem. Yes, Sararīman-sama, it’s Kinopio-Kun again. Let’s cut to the chase. No less than five-hundred coins an hour with the paid quarterly vacations and commission for each post with the hashtag-”

The message ignited in flames, the ashes scattering from Boo’s tight grip. “Why are you making business deals with Mario’s phone? Are you with him? Don’t lie. I. Can. Find. Out.”

“...Look, Peach is sweet and kind. I enjoyed my stay at the castle despite the spotty wifi and that disaster, but yeah, I’m taking my portfolio and-”

Kinopio snorted. “I am blogging about your rampage, Boo. Check it out sometime. 128 billion followers gave the post a like.”

The boo phased their arm through the screen to the other side, clenching the neck of the toad who was at that moment, miles away relaxing in some La-Z-Boy chair somewhere in Southern Mushroom Kingdom. Frost blasted over his body, freezing solid the tears streaming down his blackening out eyes, as if peering into The Underchomp itself. The young lime green toad saw the flesh on his hands, squeezing the armrest crack off, like ice, revealing his bone and sinew frosted over in crystals. It began to roll up his arms reaching beyond his elbow.

Booigi severed the interdimensional hold with a chuckle. In Toad Town a tank was rolling by the street over with a giant Kettle Thing tied to the roof, not yet converted to a sticker. The boo began to follow, on the hunt, until it crossed down Starman Lane, close to a particular location. Booigi had slowly come around to the fact that they had trigger points around the city, places where the ‘wimp’ Boo threatened to surface, which could not be permitted, not when the other half of the duality held the strength needed to become important and rid the world of evil. They wouldn’t be like their wicked cousin, who was punishment without order. They had a purpose now. It was order. Then punishment.

Back South, the toad gulped for air, swinging his completely normal, not even chilled to the touch hands up to his face to examine. With a crash a bunch of toads poured in and they found Kinopio trembling. This rinky dink little home was a single room and housed everything they owned, including the princess’s treasures, mashed against the corners so Kinopio could stretch out in this chair and recover. Toadette assumed his cry was the hardheaded influencer trying to stand or to walk against doctor’s orders, but found nothing wrong that he didn’t leave MK East with, though there were claw marks though his armrest fabric and his lap area was dripping wet.

Bucken-Berry slapped the fear status effect out of him. Before anyone could question him, there was commotion outdoors from visitors in the shanty town. Everyone was overwhelmed, nearly knocked off their feet, by an aura of ‘crotchetiness and moldy cheese’. This was marked the third bizarre happening since the departing of the Mario brothers and Mr. Toad, the previous one being that time when a pink jewel in a crate spontaneously glimmered, followed by a mild earthquake.

“Oh daddy-kins! I.. I only hope.. I can make you proud!” sobbed the koopaling princess under the dark green sky. Allowing his heart to open up a smidgen, Roy snuggled her and Junior with a red scarf to his runny nose, and Morton sniffling alike with his large arms.

Wendy had held on so stoically before, leading the pack to reconvene safely when the majority couldn’t think that straight, most attributing her success to experience with dramatic frenemies, her high grades in home economics, and perhaps the fact that she might have been cut out to be a KT leader all along. Other members of the troop, 500ish as meticulously counted by their lead sentry, observed sorrowfully on the rocky elevations of Giant Land. An abandoned orange Mushroom House up there held their captives as Wendy saw fit, so many tended to their wounds closer to wilderness where some got reported on by natives. It was prudent they officially establish new leadership and now.

A teenager holding his queasy stomach waved to a kid he recognized from Badlands High as he reentered Camp Bowser. Jade was accompanied by Wendy’s old friends and all repelled from him, traumatized. Larry pulled his long hair white back, forgetting momentarily he was a freak as evidenced by his reflection in a pond. Wendy was the same, apparent in her eyelashes and brows, except she avoided the questioning and ostracism by such being easily missed.

To be defeated like this wasn’t new. Even losing their castle. Even losing hordes of minions. It was the other ‘happenings’. Wendy gave him a soul calcifying death stare and he knew he couldn't confess to anyone. Overhearing his siblings however, a sense of duty to his father became the angler reeling him closer anyway.

“-So we’ve chosen Wendy O.? I mean Luddy and Lemmy aren’t here and Junior is, umm, yeah still a kindergartener.” Morton threw out there, unnaturally pithily. Junior, under all that elected to keep kneading the scarf again and again.

Larry cautiously stepped up. “Yo, what are we doing? I don’t think dad is dead and even if he was you ain’t gonna convince me that Junior would pick Wendy as his placeholder!”

Roy shook his head. Without his glasses, Larry could see his reddened eyes. “Dem Skyland punks swept everything into da bottomless pit. If nobodies seen dad, gramps, or granny, we ain’t never gonna and Wendy, I hate ta say it, while we fell flat, she was on fire.”

On fire? More like on.. Whatever allows you to control a planet splitting obelisk!

Wendy lurched closer. “And I adore thy- I mean I looooove MY precious Bowser Jr.! Of course he’d pick me.” She nudged him, hissing ‘PICK ME’ through her teeth.

“Seriously sis?” Larry rolled his eyes. “You’ve locked Junior in the doghouse tons of times.”

Wendy pointed a manicured finger. “Away with him. He’ll betray us like he did our beloved Daddy-kins! ..Plus his hair is fugly.. ”

Larry was shoved off the rocks, landing in sticks and twigs and a spiny minion for good measure. At least he was not dunked in that torrential river that ran through the kingdom like the first time he ran his mouth. He sat with his head low.

The calloused yellow claw of a middle aged lakitu on a blindingly bright cloud tapped him. A torn up balaclava was balled in his other. Sporting a white rarely seen mustache in a short military style, he also had heavy bags under his shifty eyes,

“Prince Lawrence, something’s funky with my numbers. When we all marched here I had five hundred. Now I’m missing one. It might be Boss.”

“I will transport you.” Thwomp #3 with an appearance of quartz swung him onto his square head.

Local ninja kids from the Dojo waited at Tayce T’s shop, where the bus left them and where they knew their targets would make rounds. Here came the armed King’s guards on the sidewalk. They stood innocently until they were close and then revealed their lit bob-ombs. The bomb baddies in cohorts with the kids leaped at the guards, blasting the trio off their feet. Then however came a tank for backup. It swiveled around and fired back. One of the kids shot through the window and collided with a glass case of delectable sweets, scattering it all over the cakes and pies. The famous Toad Town cook dropped her bowl and slapped a bill in their face. They were paying for that.

Yoshi spun a beige, worn by previous fingers knob to the frequency of the nearest control tower. This was Sonny’s or ‘Emerson’ as the name embroidered on the back of his shirt stated, last instruction the console before he typed ‘G.G.’ and went limp.

“Mayday! My pilot is incapacitated and I am untrained! Souls on board: 3! Copy? Copy?” Yoshi held the red button down till his thumb went white. No one acknowledged.

“La la la. No one in sight just as I planned..” sung a raspyish muffled sounding person in the control tower. ~A screech of metal. “...Oh uh welcome back N. Everything's A-ok here!!”

“I did not expect to see you in the office… Step aside, Spy Guy. Who is constantly tapping in with that whirlwind noise?-”

“Nevermind Andrew in that body cast, sir…His next dose of ‘morphine’ is on the way.”

“-Well, I dislike everything about the situation here and down South. Their guest doctor caught my attention because-” ~A worn in chair was plopped on. “Ahhh. Better… As I was saying he- Why is Anti-Guy on surveillance parachuting in like that?”

The airplane dipped in a mini stall, clearing dark purple ridges so narrowly, Yoshi could count the insects trapped on a scuttlebug’s web hanging from the trees. Surprising himself that he remembered, he lowered the nose following the declining terrain to regather speed, enough to pull out of that ridge cut and continue the journey. The engines were stuck at thirty percent, not helping tame the trills of the wounded bird. He knew he had to land, just not here in the place of Mushroomite pilgrimage, the Star Hills in two halves, indigo trees torn from their roots lining the canyon down to deep in the Earth. Rapidly approaching was Toad Town, equally unsuitable terrain to land.

Yoshi was mentally hurled back to the whirlpool, funneling down to his doom until his gaze settled on a note he'd scribbled on what technical details to announce on the radio. The engine temperatures, flaps setting, and souls on board. Not two, three. In the Overthere Poochy would gun him down with a disappointed look, maybe even go on a hunger strike for giving up so soon. The ray of a new plan cut through the darkness. Beyond Toad Town, into Southern Mushroom Kingdom where the sun set, there would be flat land and sparse developments for his best shot. The gleam he was known for sporting during a kart race returned, more fierce than ever before.

The rainbow haired koopaling was mesmerized, his brother glowing brighter than the stars in the backdrop while he flipped through his lexicon. Lemmy took a green crayon and scrawled another minute hand on his hand drawn watch. He’d been at it for thirty minutes to little surprise, the commander infamous for delving into literature and musical composition sheets while surrounded by rowdy plumber-hating mooks, undeterred by their fleets’ tendency to get shot down or explode randomly. By comparison, this intergalactic tractor beam was-

Ludwig Von Koopa had a bout of panic at his form twisting, warping, and stretching, before acceptance. "Farewell, my trusted adjutant. I will.. never.. leave.. you.. all..."

Ignatius Delta rocketed onward with some earpod thingies, oblivious to Ludwig’s dissipation. Virtually alone, Lemmy shuddered at the black holes, clusters of poisonous gas, meteor showers, and angry suns. The speckled stars in the distance morphed into threatening streaks and lines from their speed, like the universe shredding itself. Lemmy pleaded that they slow down while Iggy bobbed his head. At at loss, Lemmy updated his watch with another crayon line that came out all squiggly. He felt a push, like they were going warp speed. His hair flew backwards, eyelids peeled back, and his cheeks puffed open. What. The. Heck. No, he needed a stronger word for once. He’d brave the soap later.

-Phew. His taste buds were safe. A second later they slowed before some black mist. As Iggy made computer beeps, circling the unidentified galaxy, the tractor beam graced the outer edge, where the mist snaked onto and dissolved it. Lemmy plunged onto a ghastly planetoid of pathos with a caliginous atmosphere, tombstones abound, and giant bones jutting from the ground.

After he was done screaming his head off Lemmy realized he’d landed on something soft, fresh soil that didn’t match the terrain elsewhere. Across from that mound was another of damp sand with palm branches, beach umbrellas, and travel brochures mixed in. Adjacent to that one- He swallowed the lump in his throat and investigated, suddenly respecting his father’s decision to not haul the koopalings along for that centennial Star Festival invasion that involved outer space. As he hoped he was imagining, the mound had their unique Darklandian soil in it. He picked out the old stove of Bowser Castle, the extra large refrigerator half buried, and at the surface, a sealed copy of Princess Parlor on PS4.

There was one more pile of something. He pressed onwards beyond a thick column of bones. They were corpses thirty or forty bodies high, many mutilated with puncture wounds deep, entrails hanging out and ripped away appendages. As he nauseatingly studied he recognized: a line cook, a shy guy: messenger #2, a koopa troopa: 15th infantry, and so on, along with strangers, vacationers from their tropical outerwear, now deceased and collectively draining blood and other fluids rolling down hill in a darkened goo. Lemmy avoided it by accident on his way there.

“It’s just dead people, Sumeet. How did you make it through police ac- Oh...Similar voices. Sup.”

The person hammered down a wooden sign. The letters, previously drifting around, arranged themselves into: ‘Doom Star Galaxy- Work in Progress’.

Zoo Diddley shrugged. “I dunno how they're gonna pull it off either. Do space contractors even exist? Z.A.S. better not expect ME to do, not cause I’ve learned how to do-.” While holding his temple waved his other half-severed arm upwards. Lemmy became suspended in the air.

“Zoo, I don’t know how this is happening but I’m sorry!!! Luddy’s sorry too! He didn’t mean to hurt you or cause any of this weird stuff to happen!”

He let him drop onto and crack a solid tombstone inscribed to a ‘Gill Toad’. Lemmy hallucinated goonies flying around as he tried to stand again. “I meant, how could you do this?”

“I didn’t!!!” Zoo breathed out, calming down. “Bro, they dropped here like that. Can I make people’s brains leak out of their nose? Yeah. And does it sometimes coat the sidewalk and streets in like what's happening here? Yeah, but here's deal bucko, I’m not THAT sloppy. I do leave bodies intact. I mean, duh! I'm so efficient I gathered the mess once and tricked my brother into painting with it!”

“Never fear, citizen!” ‘Sumeet’ Snufit, or professionally Snifit Patrol, ran over with the lights on his helmet flashing. He dropped a huge green anti-nausea mega-vitamin bigger than Lemmy’s head in his arms. “Take that with plenty of water, young man. Murders, pretending to be a reporter, fleeing arrest in another dimension? That Zoo Diddley is so menacing it almost makes me sick too.”

Lemmy blinked at him, brain catching up. “Thanks I guess? My brother was looking for you and I think-” He added to himself, “I know how to get him to notice senpai.” He tapped around on his phone. One minute later, a cyborg shot through the clouds, landing with a tremendous thud. A stringy purple spiny piranha plant was clinched between his teeth ‘romantically’.

“Lemmy-sama, where’s the hot Gearmo chick that wants to check me out?!” The ocular sensors found no babes. He deflated, then perked back up grooving. Fed up, Lemmy yanked those earpods out. This was when he found that they belonged to Sam and Slam.

“Hey! Whoa!” Iggy eyed the place as if for the first time. “~99 errors reported in-. Excuse that. Where’s Luddy-sama?”

“-Your tractor beam made him invisible as a side effect and hoarse, so he won’t say much right now… Isn’t this officer your target?”.

Snifit Patrol shook his hand. “Hello. How did that confrontation with your friends go?”

Iggy’s smile dropped quickly. “Hi. Um. Can we converse about that matter on the way home?”

He projected from his open palm a new hologram in the shape of a Biddybuggy, built ‘extra strength’ so that the atmosphere wouldn’t affect its integrity and red, so logically faster. While they were getting in, buckling up at the officer’s discretion, Lemmy located their straggler. Zoo had crept off to the opposite end of the planetoid, juggling some femurs in the air with telekinesis…

Lemmy paused half way. “I do jump through rings of fire on the regular,” replied dryly.

"Haha… I'm not ready to go bro, and may never be. Just move on. And watch Iggy listening to those earphones. Stars can talk to you through that.."

~BREAKING NEWS!!! Massive earthquake results in multi- Kingdom damages and unwelcome appearance of Koopa Troop in Giant Land per reports. For a recap on afternoon coverage: Mushroom King representative Saul T. was murdered by vigilante Boo E. Diddley, sparking violence in Toad Town; One of the sixty Mushroom Flu victims have been cured, Mr. Toad; Portions of Sirena Beach under black goo; Sky Land residents, post Bowser invasion, seen on the ground for the first time in centuries~

“-Doll, what I tell you bout writing scattered synopses?” Steve dropped the drafts back on the desk of Jessie the receptionist and more accurately as of now, fill-in editor. “And again you didn’t emphasize the MARIO!” The bullet bill flew away.

“Yes sir,” she muttered, tapping the backspace. At this point she’d normally prop a vase to block his line of sight to her from his office, but that had broken during the quake.

While continuously doing work she was inadequately trained for, counting her blessings, things were calm, the Mushroom Press too boring for the street fights between the King’s guards and Boo poofing in and out of scenes, freezing or thrashing on them with that unbelievably powerful tennis racket. With other reporters on the field getting pressure washed by the guard’s endless supply of water based thing stickers or caught in crossfire, she got to enjoy being the only- She spoke too soon. In came a koopa that mystifyingly left no salutations, on tuck in herself in her cubicle down the hall.

The redheaded human hid herself with a newspaper at what came next. Like a micro-goomba infestation, there remained a few guards in every pocket of the city, as seen now when one ran in, huffing and puffing. He was mildly weasley, otherwise identical to others. A B-Dasher screeched on brakes outside, making him sprint beyond the desk to the back and corner himself at the big board of phone numbers. The driver of that kart, a more stout guard barged in and menacingly closed in on him, a mix of anger and agony etched all over her ruddy features.

“Did you really think you were gonna walk about with this-” She held out a dog tag. “And expect me to not find out Benedict drowned?”

He fell to his knees. “Tried to save him, eh. I dragged his body onto the shore, alone, and nobody helped or listened! A sergeant noticed he was cold and marked his name off on some list.”

She stood there for a second, then dropped with him and cried. Jessie battled between letting them have that moment and the unfortunate reality that they might attract trouble somehow. With a small burst of fortitude she slid away from her desk and stepped closer.

“Excuse me… Hi, I, um the Press isn’t open for customers right now and I gotta ask, umm-”

The male rose first. “I understand, miss.” He unabashedly snapped a photo at their board with numbers of local eateries, shops, Mario’s old number and ‘Peach Castle’, both marked through with a sticky note stating, ‘Don’t call the castle please. It’s cursed we think- Steve.’

“I know we’re supposed to serve the King and think Mario is bad, and that the princess has too many non-toad freaks running around undermining her rule, but I don’t care. If Ben was nothing to them and he slaved every day for the King, trying to do everything right, the rest of us degenerates will be nothing too when that boo grounds us to paste! Bridget, I quit.”

“… Jon, you weren’t a dick for once, haha. Me too. I’ll move in with Trevor, maybe, and use my guitar to record custom Attack FX badges till I’m on my feet again. Sometimes I still like to shoot stuff though, I wonder if that’ll be an issue in this district.”

Wide eyed, Jessie backed away and into Kylie Koopa holding a cold mug of coffee.

"What in tarnation?" She slung the receptionist out of the way. "I heard it all. I don't know if I trust you folks, you seemed to hate Mario awfully convincingly, but if you've turned a new leaf-" Kylie paused at a bunk noise. Jessie's wild orange hair spread over her desk where she'd fainted. "... Look you can hang here till close. I'll ward Jess off when that power nap times out. After that, sorry to send ya to the slaughter, but I'm occupied with another toad's wellbein'. Or rather what he's doing to other folks."

Kylie flushed, waiting as the two guards gave an uncertain glance at each other.

The lakitu hovering ten feet over the ground lowered his binoculars. “I’ve identified 364 distinct types of flora here, Stone. Why don't they ever use a weed whacker?”

“Because they value the ecosystem in Giant Land, J.D. What species? Explain please the colors, shapes..”

“I…” He struggled with something. “-N-not a botanist, chump. Just a surveyor.”

“I see that after you moved from Toad Town, you developed that remarkable memorization talent to make up for your face blindness.”

“Don’t scream that to the heavens!!! I’m 20/20 for sure and I DO see people. Just gotta take note of em and hope they aren’t being stupid and wearing a different hat than usual or something.”

“Yes, prosopagnosia as I said. That you could not decipher who I was until I shed all pretense in voice makes it conclusive. You did not think it was literal?”

Sentry #11 wailed on Thwomp #3 with the only weapon he had left on him, a thick branch.

If they weren't fighting off giant natives wanting to brawl, it was those two belligerent yet oddly acquainted minions distracting each other..

“Yo, forgot the point of us wandering around? Hush and help me search for- Hold on..” He put his ear to the forest floor. Raising his head, the teen’s face broadened. “I know this freakin’ beat! ...Okay, I take it back. Bless y’all for never shutting your trap. I thought this guy bailed on me!”

A blue fancy convertible kart with oversized chrome spinning rims drove through some brush, the driver rolling back the heavy bass. “Whazup, DJ L4rry? Nice highlights matching your white-out crew. That’s dope.”

The lakitu and thwomp gaped at the unknown purple creature with tiny eyes, yellow lips and large circular ears that were black and pink in the center. A Hoenn Pokémon in business attire except for branded headphones hanging around his neck.

Larry sighed at his window. “Say, some crap went down since that message. We can’t find my dad nowhere and we gotta before nightfall, Dr. Greg, or-”

“I am recalling an acquaintance of an acquaintance, The Voice of the Forest, a community leader who would know where anyone is, and he is near.”

“I don’t like Rockhead’s look. He’s plotting something, Lawrence. Watch out!” Sentry 11 warned, barging forward. “If that doctor’s an ally to this traitor I busted, he’d be an enemy to us, just sayin!”

Thwomp #3 body-slammed him while Larry asked anyway, “Dr. Greg, could you bring us there?”

“Straight up.” Dr. Greg, flipped up the cover over the ‘nitro boost’ button.

Parakarry depleted the last facial tissue from the box, despising such blatant disregard for the mail system from those citizens who raided the Hot Foot Locker for tennis rackets and set out to destroy the boxes so that the guards couldn’t write off to Poshley Heights for back up. He didn’t consider himself on the King’s side, not when he was privy to his inner workings, but there was room for collaboration, even if they didn’t realize it. MK East was heavily fortified, holding most of the Mushroom Flu victims with no cure in sight. (The method that Mr. Toad was cured not publicly released.) This made their helipad, not being used for anything else, his unofficial safe spot. It was decent up there, a breezy, and a great view. He’d seen a low plane fly over. Now he was seeing more of the Booigi clan with rackets coming in. A shoot out broke out in the parking lot. Parakarry voluntarily moved away from the edge. As much as he wanted to confront Boo, to implore about what S.G. did to them, he knew inwardly it wouldn’t be civil. They were like a different person from reports and the city couldn't lose its only mailman.

On ground level, a toad grandma weaved around the young Mushroomites losing the game of rock, racket, super scope blast, to slip in, whacking against the automatic door. Correcting her crooked shaded glasses, she took heed of the sign stating they were off and pushed inside the hospital. It was as remembered remarkably the lobby, the paths down the two wings, the receptionist desk, as disarrayed as she left it. She folded her walker and sat astutely near two staff with badges that indicated they were in a particular sector speaking low.

With a start, the granny spoke up, steely and authoritatively. “Lock every patient's door. Immediately, before they violently coma walk.”

“Give it a go, sonny,” she urged, remembering to sound geriatric. “You could say I was a nurse back in the day..”

The rush of acceleration, the breeze in their face, maybe the heart of one of the pair doing funny things as indicated by that persistently beeping monitor- they’d accidentally stumbled into a picturesque view of the deepest greenest and rural parts of Giant Land, channeling the magic and wonder of the 3D maps Peach once kept in her library.

“Wish I brought..” The caped-toad turned to the kitsune-plumber and back. “Nevermind. I have it.”

*Deep toad sigh* “…Finally the page refreshed. Yeah, we weren’t imagining quote ‘Bowser Freaks’ here in Giant Land,” Toad shut off Kinopio’s phone. “Sky Land is clean.”

“And Mario thought Jr. Troopa was just showing off when he said he wanted to secure a fortress on foot!” Luigi teased. “He probably has all the intel at ground zero for Bowser.”

His brother in a tanooki suit folded his arms, half bemused, half salty. He was embarrassed enough when he’d lost track of his new phone. “I'll be a ukiki’s uncle.. Wrong animal I know. Shut up, but I see the smoke signal from Jackson.” It couldn’t be missed, a square sector of cut trees for some structure. “Ready?”

Luigi nodded eagerly. “Definitely! Why cling to the numerical kingdom by kingdom ‘find out the princess is in another castle’ shtick when the internet and those intrepid reporters can update us on the dime. As for-“

He nudged Toad, who was scratching the back of his neck, off in his own world. The tennis catastrophe canceled a haircut appointment, so in a rare moment Luigi got to see his short often shaved off platinum hair, given a blondish sheen by the sun. “Earth to Mr. Toad K. Toad.. Shoot Jr. Troopa a text that we’re on the way.”

Toad hesitated with his finger over the application. “S-sure.. So I still need to drop by Sky Land. There's no snack machines I can reach in Giant Land, and maybe also for diplomatic stuff I want out of the way before Peach has to deal with it.”

Relieved, Luigi rubbed his shoulder where the yellow and blue super cape was tied. It was foolish to find him being staid alarming. Mr. Toad had a real job, and Sky Land's peace state was the better place for him anyway. "Godspeed."

The two brothers delved into the forest before, upon closer inspection, the signal came from some guy's home. World shaking, a trap door opened up where a mechanical gloved hand emerged. It hovered over the stunned twins, found them unplumber like to certain degree, and then flicked them off the ground. Hurling across the kingdom, accepting their fate, they questioned what Jr. Troopa's definition of 'securing' was.

The great elevation of the caped-toad was no detriment to his jaw hitting the ground. A stunning blue star filled sky draped Sky Land, invoking historical sketches of the territory. The temperature dropped the closer Toad drew observing the village. There were homes, towers, even onyx outdoors monuments. Driving out Bowser and returning his kingdom to its designated land at the same time in one afternoon didn’t match the King Ed Toad knew in passing, but he hadn’t daydreamed. The Skylandian’s only battle scars were some cracks in foundations here and there and that expansive long bottleless trench. They weren’t bothered by that, rather him. Maybe. They kept pointing up and screaming. What, was something in his teeth? Then he heard a ton of wing flaps, spinning as a swarm of Heavy Para-beetles collided with him, flinging the toad out of the sky. Golden leaves exploded everywhere from the super bell tree he bunked on the way down.

An innkeeper was tipped off about a return of those ‘beige looters’. They brushed off the leaves with a rake. Toad uncrumpled himself, grateful he chose the hardier of the flight power ups. If only he made use of the rear view mirrors attachment… *Another deep toad sigh*

The innkeeper, a light blue caramel skinned toad dutifully kneeled. “Earl of Mushroom Kingdom, my apologies for the delay in assisting you! Hey Ciri, alert our King!!!”

Toad mistook that for a voice command until another toad, ‘Ciri’ leaped out of the inn and hustled away. With a closer view at their villa, there were candle holders instead of electric lines and poles, nothing motorized, and simplistic single story designs over all. The onyx structures in abstract shapes were considerably older, he suspected. Good thing he listened to his gut and relied on pen and paper for his plan.

Toad coughed up a few leaves. “Nice place, but you didn’t have to drag Ed out for me. Have him check this out somewhere comfortable.” He revealed a proper decree, on official stock and lacking tall tales. “It’s some promises I’ll make sure my kingdom keeps for once..” Like he’d promised himself when waking from the MF coma, that he would not stray from Luigi’s side. Now he had, for a worthy cause he prayed, but impossible to determine currently.

The mildly daunted villager accepted the message. “-Thank you. Um, Earl, we are also in generous spirits.”

"If not for the awesome and dynamic power, oh and sacrifice of our sacred Pillar of Understanding, our king would not have been victorious. Here is one of his inventions."

They pressed a short bronze telescope into Toad’s hand. Something unreadable was etched into the design.

“-With it we determined our enemies were limping around in Giant Land, the ones not slain by their own sword,” they added enigmatically.

Genuinely intrigued, Toad rose it to his left eye and swiveled towards the forest of the neighboring kingdom. There was a flicker of something u..n..fa.t.h.o.m..a..b.l..e. Everything muted around Toad. Lowering the telescope, he couldn't speak, recounting what that silence meant too late. The world went sideways from his vantage with many pairs of villager feet rushing over.

Chapter End Notes

Next time, what you’ve been waiting for. I hope.

I have updated the naming scheme of some previous chapters to align with the (Super) Mario Kart naming conventions. After all, this all started with a kart race. (This becomes a bookend in 2016’s Frenemies Forever Org.) Might that happen here too? You’ll have to see.

-Lemmy’s name ‘Ian’ is from.. Well I shouldn’t have to explain the musician connection.

-Emerson, Sonny’s name is from Emerson Lake & Palmer, as if it’s not obvious enough from other references I’ve snuck in that I’m a music nerd..

-Vrlrdyi Scope is like that Tower name. It was meant to be ‘Cosmos’ I think with the keys shifted. I might have cheated a bit? I can’t remember honestly.

Split from previous: 9/18, 9/20, (new) 9/25, 9/27- 9/28, 10/1, 10/2- 10/5, 10/7, 10/8- 10/10, 10/13, 10/14, 10/15- 10/18
Edited: 12/1/23

20. Love and War 3

The luma was fixed to the main console display of the Comet Observatory, flashing red as an indicator of abnormal energy in the galaxy. “What’s wrong mama? Is it King Bowser??”

Imagery sprung of Bowser’s lethal relentless doomships that stripped them of their power stars and nearly left them drifting and powerless in space.

Blushing, the goddess leaned and hugged them tight. “Nothing to worry about..”

Another lie stinging her lips. ♡♪!? stalled others by conveniently requesting a tour. She coveted how guileful he could be on a whim, pausing, pointing out a galaxy, telling a story, and using his vast experience as a heavenly justice enforcer to keep them at bay. Unfortunately everyone was rounding back around in time for the energy at the core to flicker out. Rosalina felt the pinch of a headache coming on, her experimental Gravitational Pull soul transfer technology wavering-

“I understand your affinity for the Earthlings Miss Rosalina, but surely you can do better than this..” Stuffily, Polari accelerated towards the Observatory launch pad where a new visitor, healthy, lacking sluggishness, corneal clouding, or livor mortis discoloration, regained his bearings and stalwartly faced the accusing star.

Not sparing an explanation he decked the black dwarf. Stepping over his grumbling body, he fired at his divine helpers a stern, “May we talk?”

♡♪!? Swung his arm around the Koopa Troop commander. “-About that pizza we ordered. Move along kiddos, we need to show this guy where the change is at!”

Ludwig was shuffled across a red carpet path, into a heavily decorated purple building with gold trim around the entrance. Geno had a key, suggestively, to enter that bedroom. A second later, Rosalina followed them, relocking it. Ludwig tripped over the step and fell forwards onto the soft made up canopy bed. Furiously he rose up and glared at the other two, wagging the open lexicon.

“I have familiarized myself more with those mythical ‘Special Objects’ scanning the glossary of this than your entire prep talk. I especially appreciated the lack of forewarning that I was susceptible at random to dark star influence. If reminiscences of my brother didn’t taper its hold on me, I shudder to imagine what might have occurred at that critical moment.” He shut the book, the thick pages making a bop noise. “To be concise, you two would fit in with the more lousy of my college professors..”

Rosalina, holding an indistinguishable expression, turned to the star warrior. “My, he found his Special One.”

“-It’s genuine love in general,” ‘Geno’ explained preemptively. “Romantic, family, platonic, whatev. You and Ian are tight right?.. Or Lemmy, as I just recalled he prefers. My bad. Just has to be love in its realest form, as real you are shacked up here with us. -And you are really here so shut up and sit down child!” With a flick of his fingers, he flung Ludwig across the room and into the wall next to the electric fireplace. Indeed he physically felt it!

“-Here’s a better version than that 109th edition watered down trash anyway.” Geno snapped. A spark landed on the retail book, upgrading it to ancient papyrus scrolls. “Agents of the dark star don’t usually come out of the woodwork to trigger the artifacts and sacrifice portions of your planet in one Earth day, so forgive my brevity before. Not having Millennium Star, the one that knows Great Eld the most, put a toll on us.”

The color drained from the koopaling’s face, the scrolls unraveling and bouncing around. “I..see. Could you.. Start from the top?”

Geno became resigned at this type of tale. “So in the beginning, lots of stars roamed your Earth as gods among the mortals kinda, and the morality of some weren’t so great. After Eldstar was like ‘enough’, there were artifacts left behind that, prior to the star's death, they’d infused a part of them in it. There wasn’t much of a deal ‘cause only somebody with psionic power or a really strong connection with stars could make them react in any way. Isolated situations in history where all the ingredients came together were a drop in the bucket of the ‘strange’ that’s commonplace in your universe. That’s why we weren’t that versed on it. That’s why things like the Lexicon were the only surviving articles still speaking about it, which few believe in your times, etc. Cue your janitor though, who revived a very specific star. According to Rosie’s console, it’s rallying all the other objects and amassing-”

“Higher Authority, give me strength..” Geno grumbled. Rosalina’s gentle touch on his rising shoulders kept him from Geno Blasting Polari through the door and likely setting her bedroom and part of the Observatory on fire.

Rosalina cracked it open. Her heart sank, the secrecy of this mission impossible to contain with Toadsworth’s arrival. He was curled up on the ground beside Polari.

“Eldstar forgive me...” After he didn’t respond further, they brought the elderly toad to the observatory's fountain dome, dipping him into the cool water.

"Oh, no worries. I wouldn't with out the Marios around, er, folks-" Toad kept himself from the typical 'homeboy/girl' with this very contemporary and genderless group of Skylandians. Not being able to shoot the crap with these helpful dagger carrying warriors was the least of his problems. He needed for them to leave him alone and not notice his worsening arrhythmia.

"I wish I could meet them!" Many comrades agreed, strolling off, leaving him at the bank.

Great, he waved them off until the brush hid their light blue caps. At that point he tossed away the ice pack and plunged into the river, careening him though Giant Land uncontrollably. While getting drowned nearly, he smacked against rocks and was poked by Spear Guys. His best plan this was not, but he couldn't waste time following koopa tracks, nor hit up Jr. Troopa, not with their last awkward conversion looming over him.

‘Taking that as a yes. What d u like ab them? Length, color, goatee, mustache?’ Troopa continued to press. ‘*laughing emoji* jk jk’

It hit Toad like those Iggy’s Castle pillars, that Troopa was teasing him. He had to continue the hard way, paddling like mad, to tell Luigi and Mario about what he saw with the ‘Vrlrdyi Scope’, which was…

Recalling the sight, his vision whited out- it was happening again! He lost sensation as the river swept his body further along. Coming to, floating belly up in an unknown area, a Boss Bass was on his tail. Toad rose his arms in surrender. The fish tied on a tidy clean apron. Toad then went ‘psyche’ and dipped beneath the behemoth, letting it pass over. He rose to the surface, watching it barge through a log spanning the river and over the waterfall.

Hint Toad crouched at the bank with the tranquility and shrewdness of a documentary host. "-Here in this quadrant of Giant Land, the aquatic species include the emerald cheep-cheep, boss bass, Unagi, and Mr. Toad as we see, kindly demonstrating in real time why it is unwise to swim across."

"Heinemann, thank you. That was an opportune comment for once! Jörg, you are unoccupied (as usual..) fetch the good man. Captain's orders!"

A rope landed over Toad's shoulders, his lips not quite parting enough to utter his surprise as Yellow Toad tugged him out of the rapids. Multicolored toads crowded him as he coughed up more water. They had full heavy backpacks and a treasure filled utility wagon immobilized by rocks at the wheels.

"Mr. Toad, why would you burden yourself to pursue Bowser?" Banktoad gave the wet bloated toad another once over. "That is what you were doing, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Toad rose up, picking the fancy, appeasing to the eye, Vrlrdyi scope with him. Something mysterious settled over the brigade members. They stared at it, hesitant to say anything until The Captain returned shortly, tossing a giant tree to create bridge 2.0.

Toad hid his 'treasure' behind his back consequently, noticing how Stan was far stronger than he ever was in his heyday and, unsettlingly, starting to look more like him as he was inadvertently weathered by adventures and age. Well, besides the fresh looking scar that ran down his manly brow ridge, creating a faint 'plus' symbol almost.

"Mr. Toad, take a gander at this." The Captain patted the trunk, making it rock. "Would you prefer to walk or ride?.. Ride it is!" he answered for Toad, proceeding to address Mailtoad. "We can make space by shedding those soulless commercial boxes."

Mailtoad flinched. "I ..uh.. Thought those Koopa Troop documents were fascinating and worth preservation but.. Yes Captain.." He unloaded a beige file cabinet, giving Toad a better view of their overabundance of Bowser and Skylandian materials.

Toad knew it. It wasn't about being a Mario brother aide, at least not over treasure hunting, or since many could be dead, grave robbing.

"-Everyone is digital these days anyway, Mordecai. Your bottled notes may remain however. That fits our aesthetic. Onward we go!"

Toad simmered as the others were crossing the log bridge, aware of The Captain hovering over his shoulder. "Stan, I know the long and the short of it. Luigi's gonna hear about this."

"He's.. You know he's in charge of everyone on this mission, powerups, and spoils-"

Toad went 'wtf' at The Captain's hand gracing his back, sliding where the Vrlrdyi Scope was tucked in his rear pocket. "Back off you f-."

"Nothing." Flushed, he put a little distance between them. "Look. I was given that willingly."

"NO!..." Toad thought for an uncomfortable second. "Or.. still no! I'm cool with them and I just don't know how to use it right. By the way, I'm.. antsy. Just being revived today and all. Just don't touch me."

"Very well. After this." The Captain pushed him hard, thee Earl tripping into the treasure wagon.

Toad was instantaneously carried off. It wasn't The Captain's prowess or unwavering ambition that made him intimidating. It was, to Toad at least, how casually he viewed his loyalty to the kingdom. Peach tried to knight the brigade once and- thank goodness they would go on to shrug that off. Only a couple of things made Stan click, prospecting, gallant feats that might include the former, and exploiting somebodies vulnerabilities. Toad knew he had more right then than what was physically keeping him from abandoning ship.

The Captain joined his crew in turbo mode, tramping through brush and high grass in a line. "Brigade, let's remind Mr. Toad that, yes, we can fight bad guys like we used to."

"Didn't we defer that work to Mario most of the time? And aren't we only tracing Bowser because he has an expensive looking lapis bust we want?"

The Captain punched Yellow Toad. "And isn't it time for you to simultaneously walk and sleep again?"

The evening sun tinted the haze of recently expired conflict orange. Northern Toad Town, The Post Office, the local Inn, the item shop, the library, and numerous other places were waterlogged empty shells. Booigi would like them better as soot and ashes, but a Faucet Thing sticker foiled that wish.

“-You cannot quit. You. Cannot,” they snarled at the ten or so hobbling off.

The shameful koopa dropped his racket. Banged up and chipped, it was constructed of gray graphite and branded with a ‘W’ symbol, the logo for some obscure brand. More significant for those brandishing this, it didn’t have special ‘launch victim into orbit’ or ‘shatter on contact’ powers like Booigi’s. “Yeah. -Oww.” He winced and held his neck. “We aren’t made of.. Whatever you are Boo-”

At last it appeared it had become too demoralizing for the supporters that only Booigi could engage the King’s guards and come out unscathed. Every battle around town the boo lost a few, not counting anyone arrested, fined and/or brought to the slammer, and here went the final group

The motley bunch scurried into the nooks and crannies of town. Booigi was already the change that was needed. All them. The others just. Couldn’t. See it. Puzzlingly King’s guards were scarcer to locate and they could not determine where they vanishing. They didn’t skip town was certain, nor were any more arriving per local reports on the message boards, which came out exceptionally fast and timely from the Mushroom Press. (Deciding for another layer of mystery that they’d have an internet presence now.) They were simply going to have to patrol for them, zipping up familiar childhood lanes. Familiar to ‘Boo’ at least, not so much-

They found a middle aged dark green toad in the middle of the street, the only living thing in a few blocks. Booigi ii huffed before the civilian. "I would stay indoors."

He laughed, his voice deepening. "I know we all look alike, dude.. I was at the park. Mitch. Ring a bell?"

Booigi tilted their head. Mitch had hives on some of his exposed skin, and despite his admirable effort to look sharp in a new suit, evidence remained of a nosebleed issue by the wads of towels in his pocket. His cold calculating eyes, one slightly askew, bore into the boo, their vaingloriousness draining from the puncture.

He continued, "I had to, you know deal with insurance and arrange for a new car to be dropped off today. No big deal. Now I have an offer you cannot refuse. Roll with me, baby."

He sighed, continuing down the kartless street. "Hey kid. I'm trying to make the best of this confined to a wheelchair thing. Don't."

"Great job whipping those Poshley toads into shroom shakes. Thing is, inside scoop here, some local spoiled mushrooms aren't better. Peach is a linchpin, hear? Just replace those guns and tanks with fire flowers and stones and you're looking at some of your neighbors, still around pretending to be model Mushroomites. It's an outrage!"

"Listen, you could do something about it while Peach isn't around. Think everybody knows you in Toad Town? Talk about the Mushroom World come tomorrow!" he chuckled. "I love this diner. In here."

Mitch pressed the handicap door button to Club Gamecube, that other eatery across the street of Club 64. Booigi blanked out apparently, they had strayed back into normal portions of Toad Town, where some citizens of all sorts were still walking about and only a few saw Booigi and clapped admiringly or fled to alert the police. Booigi impulsively ducked inside the eatery. There was a bartender stocking up and a dozen patrons far back, otherwise no one at the waiting room but Chuck the spike, seated like a doll or something. Odd, he said he was not going to deal with Boo anymore, rather go home to his mother. Besides that a purple Gamecube laying around in a high chair.

"Oh look who's here. See, that guy's fine with me. Actually, some toads are too, like Dr. Toad. Red capped, blonde, as quintessential as a toad comes... Not a problem tho. (Nor is he all toad anyway.) We'll get something kid, and talk about the problematic ones-"

The sentient Gamecube shuffled the menus at the podium. "Over here. I am the manager. I know it's strange," it groused.

Booigi and the others passed beyond the velvet rope, in the main room where there were dim lights and lounge music. They sat in between Mitch who rolled up to the bar edge, and the spike, drooling, dazed, before ordering tea.

"Tasty Tonic!" Mitch barked, swiveling to Booigi. "So, now that we can get into specifics, let me exclusively chronicle your war on toads connected to so and so..."

"Yes. I have access to the lists that used to work in the castle. You'll get sixty percent profit back, that's right, I'm cutting you the bigger slice. Deal?"

Booigi weightily tapped against the bar table. "And I only need to attack pedestrian toads.." It had cryptically bitter aftertaste, and they didn't know why. Logically it was sound, even if it included some toads their other personality knew, like Russ T.

"-You wouldn't question that if I showed you this." Mitch's open palm rested on Booigi's forehead. As a reflex they went intangible which failed. "Count backwards from ten," he whispered, his tone dark..

"Why?" Booigi hunkered down, fighting against the dread overtaking them. The entire room then had their faces blotted out, the lines remaining but smeared beyond recognition. They continue to scrap a plate, sip a beverage, or chat, oblivious to their struggle. Booigi submerged into the floor, through the building's pipes, into the crust of the planet, down, down, into the core, now burning, so agonizingly, no matter how much they wailed in their mind that it wasn't real. It was like dealing with- another boo.

"Boo E. Diddley" Mitch said to the boo, still in the seat and trembling in reality. "C'mon. Count."

He went, 'tisk'. "I was gonna make picking your brain pleasant. Now I'll just actually do it." His abominable abilities prevailed over their incorporeal boo biology as he physically poked their squishy frontal lobe.

“-I know better than to intrude after last time.. As I was saying wake up or you will be excluded..”

She huffed, adjusting her silver wig, clamped in a ponytail by two pins. “Dont ruin my makeup!”

He turned over, stripped of some covers and peeped with one eye. “Don’t worry, homegirl. You still look like… what are you again?”

“Goomelda? The wisest of female goombas?” She leaned against the inner door frame, indignant. “Mr. Toad, I’ve told you before that for every Rebotco Fest, I will liken myself to someone important, underappreciated, and in our mushroom genus so that I can educate the other celebrants and simultaneously remain stylish and-”

“Alright already!” He rose out of bed, revealing his snow themed red and green polka dot pajamas. He didn’t even match the holiday it was in that regard. “Sure you didn’t want an excuse to wear a kimono?”

“Certain. I better like, head down. I want to meet every guest coming in so they don’t miss out on a learning opportunity.”

The pink toad dressed as a scholarly goomba icon scampered off. Toad slid out of bed, gigglish. Toadette was adorable when worked up over nothing. A doorbell resonated though Peach Castle. Maybe it was something.

Overextending his afternoon nap, that meant it was almost eight. He debated between that much hated, meant to be renovated but hadn’t yet, medieval communal shower, where at basement level the water was more steamy or his personal bath in the third floor bedroom, where it took considerably longer for the water to become a quarter as hot. He opted for efficiency over comfort and freshen up with lukewarm water, still drying off as he hurried back to his half messy triple king sized bed. Always only the left side where he habitually slept. The opposite had never been occupied…

He laid out flat a jumper he’d purchased and accessorized to resemble Prince Froggy. Aside from collaborating with Kamek, Toad admired how chill, kind to his subjects, and carefree he was.. Also green. Looking down from his high window, costumed friends were making their way across the lawn of Peach Castle. A Mach Bike among them got him excited. He moved away to preserve the surprise a little longer. He had no qualms spilling the beans honestly, but while he and Luigi were hanging out earlier today, just out in the lawn talking (they didn’t really do exciting things or stray from the house much, and that was just fine) as Mario was on his back cursing in Italian while fixing on the motorbike for the umpteenth time, the green plumber danced around the topic of what he was arriving as.

Toad zipped up and practiced his frog hop on the way down. While the third floor had no décor, the castle steadily shifted into a pumpkin zone with orange confetti, glow sticks, autumn leaves, and frightening cut-outs by the second. Big Boo’s music box blasting through the stone walls by the ground level. In the front hall guests conversed around the tables holding refreshments or on the mezzanine, leaning over and watching others. The princess insisted they compartmentalize this year's party in here, the kitchen, the aquarium, and the second floor den. Plus at midnight they’d better scram. It wasn’t a favorite holiday for her nor Toadsworth and it went south when they got more elaborate, like hosting hide and seek tournaments. Yoshi still made off comments sometimes about how he had to spend the night on the roof…

Toad slid down the rails just in time for that distinctive rising of voices when the Mario bros entered a building. Mario’s costume... it didn’t even register really. It was Luigi he couldn’t stop staring at, a white helmet under his arm, waving shyly, eyes darting around for somewhere to escape this loud busy scene, wearing a perfect replica of a white armored Starfighter from Star Slammers, a more geeky, hard sci-fi alternative to Toad Force V. Toad thumbed towards upstairs to the left, the den, where Luigi and anyone else less social could retreat and or watch Thrills at Night: The Movie and not open themselves for potential ridicule from anyone over ‘secluding themselves from the party’. Luigi caught his signal, winked, and moved on.

Before Toad followed, partygoers parted, letting him discern the crowd more. As with many events people coupled up a lot. Mario, a pumpkin head bat thing, and fans were around a crone, Peach. Toadette had apparently educated enough so she was with Bucken-Berry, a Chargin Chuck (likely a veiled way to get to tackle folks and get away with it), and Ala-Gold was their third wheel, dressed, if it could be considered such, as a green pipe so that people could toss their candy in it and not realize it has feet, plus so on. Toad involuntarily sighed as another person cleared security and got in, the famous outdoorsmen Captain Toad, as.. ‘Mr. Toad’.

A splitting image, same shave, matching dye job, perfectly modulated voice, so complete Toad, frozen the mezzanine noticed a pattern in 'himself' and interactions with certain ones, usually taller.. with facial hair.. He concede that it would be more weird if he didn't interact with the doppelganger raising everyone's cholesterol levels at least once.

Toad caught up to him, next in line to play some dart game. "Hey, Stan. Looking handsome today."

"Says the warty frog." 'Mr. Toad' struck the red center for max points the first time. He was awarded a plastic wrapped Honey Shroom from Zeror, dressed as Merlon (ironically as laical he was).

He'd commit to the bit for sure. Creepy but.. he had to have an eye for detail to get it right, which Toad always admired in someone. It was all too easy to look at a toad, in particular the red ones and paint them with broad strokes. He knew him being not so docile made him and individual among his ilk, so was The Captain imitating him recursive? ..He was way into his own head then. Either way, long as his loony fan didn't do anything crazy he could stan, like his name.

"-Alright I'm heading upstairs. You're annoying. Rude. Hammy. Not acting your age. Yep, looks like you got my characterization as straight as possible."

"Phrasing, homeboy." The copy smirked, spinning around. "There's nothing 'straight' about you."

With a twitch, Toad socked The Captain. In slow-mo he smacked the checkerboard tiles, the prize flying out of his hand and at Zeror, who reeled backwards into a shy guy, who was actually a snifit who collided with a yoshi who was actually a birdo who knocked over a birdo who was actually a yoshi who flipped the entire drinks table over Peach and Toadsworth coincidentally walking by. Gallons of punch covered the entire room and soaked many in deep red syrup that never washed out.

'Jörg', or Yellow Toad's boots were on the soapy floor, castle toads pushing clear furniture for the next phase of cleanup behind him. He wore his adventurer's outfit, no costume and no orange pass marking him a permitted guest.

Toad was on the steps, back in his pajamas, feeling both too sick to sleep or do anything at once. The clock said it was near midnight and weightlessness took over as the yellow toad sat next to him. "W-what are you doing here?"

Yellow held this funny, slightly embarrassed, slightly something else look. "Just something I can do. Stanley is insensitive, we know. We tolerate and try to making him a benign asset because he's William's uncle principally. My sincerest apologies he ruined this event."

"In your depression you overgorged on leftover candy, didn't you?" the lazy, or ostensibly so adventurer prodded.

"Let me lighten the mood. If your dreamscape reached the rooftop, I would gladly go up there and perform all of Britney Spearguy's dance moves. It's not like my crush would know. When I'm in his dreams I don't flail like an idiot, or tell him I like him obviously, not with his religion-"

Toad tossed another wrapper into a trash bag tied to the newel post. "If this really is in my head, hush already man."

"Mine isn't out of my league!" Toad shot back. "I mean, I don't have a... It's not a toad," he muttered low. "That's the bigger deal. I can't even pull the- 'we're technically all fungi' thing."

Toad shot to his feet. "Huh, well I feel better already vaguely describing my problem without having a real solution yet... Security!"

"-This isn't happening!" Yellow Toad cried, being slung into the cold outside by Bucken-Berry.

"Couldn't take that risk." Toad downed one more lemon candy, lifting from the green wrapper to find a pressure washer nozzle 'accidentally' aimed his way. Suddenly he remembered how that crazy night ended.
…

Toad woke up- dry- but cramped in an awkward angle in the gear wagon. Looking around, they were on a cliff surrounded by chiseled rock faces, high enough where something got in his eye the moment the breeze picked up. After some somber earnest thought he discreetly texted Jr. Troopa for some gosh dang help. He replied right back with where he needed to go, no harsh feelings. Toad settled a little more and tacked on. 'Btw, beards r fine. Moustaches are bttr.'

He tumbled out and rolled against Yellow Toad, standing upright and sleeping. The other brigade members scanned around with handheld detectors. Toad grabbed the unused one of Yellow, silently thanked the pudgy weirdo, and crept to the edge. He saw the koopas far down with something ominous going on, also much smoke. The brigade could only be deliberately avoiding that, proving what he already knew. He unfolded the cape mercifully still around his neck and leapt off while they weren't looking. He flew… for twenty feet, then it was more of a free-fall.

They trekked to the fortress again on foot, over chomping munchers, sneaking around native homes, crawling through dense bush, and ducking from swoopers, until they burst upon a semi-cleared out piece of civilization, the fortress with the smoke beacon. It was actually some guy's house.

“If only I had the foresight to take the phone from Toad before he left. We could just tell Jackson to, you know, have that security system deactivated.”

“Give him some credit,” Luigi snapped, flushing. He was starting to worry about his friend, worry about if they’d make it the fortress this time, and worry about how his brother was so discombobulated, likely thinking about how it might go down with Bowser, he’d walked the last mile without his hat and with his shoes on the wrong foot.

Beyond the sign stating: “Hear ye, Voice of the Forest”, a two storied log home had satellite dishes, solar panels, and swerving surveillance cameras on the roof, highly illuminated as night crept on by the electric powered stadium lights. On the ground were laser trip wires and old fashioned barb-wires surrounding the property. While the recently cut grass held nothing, a sour greasy smell of old tools, stale oil and gas was strong.

In their normal wear, they crossed the laser barrier, anxiously preparing for anything. Mario had claimed beforehand that he’d put up a game of Roshambo to thwart that mechanical hand, and Luigi bet against that, either way that would go unresolved as nothing happened. Insects were their only fierce enemy left as they stepped on the porch. The lamp was lit. The window had a blue glow. Luigi felt his heart thump, hesitating to reach for the buzzer.

“It is safely here,” said a fellow Mushroomite by accent. The bag landed in between them.

The brothers spun into Larry Koopa, all blanched out, wearing Luigi’s spare overalls that dragged the floor, Sentry 11 in a red shirt, and Thwomp #3 with a drawn on mustache and the M cap. The bare essentials to exploit a rudimentary computer algorithm set to destroy anyone who isn’t a ‘plumber.’ To see Larry rebel or do something sneaky wasn’t unusual, it coming together here and now rather was baffling. Before Mario could comment on who they blatantly were, Luigi covered his mouth. Someone was stomping closer and a second later, a mega goomba with a hunter’s cap, busy goatee, and bloodshot eyes kicked the door off the hinge.

“I told you Bowser Freaks to stay away!!! I don’t care if y’all are wondering what to do while wandering around in the forest cause you’re lost and confused and lost three of your biggest leaders confusing my chimney smoke for the your dagnabbit ceremonial- ”

“Whoa nelly! Don't X92 these folks.” A little breathy from exercise earlier, someone with a shirtless ripped physique and camo pants and combat boots, a bandana, and a knife strapped to his thigh, squeezed outside.

He promptly shrunk into a dork. “You mean the best one yet. It can look like anything Mario, as long as you keep it sanctified… Or is that saying about temples? Anyway, why did you speak Japanese and then hang up when I tried to call you before?” He nagged. “Nevermind. This is the fortress/ home of the Voice of the Forest aka Dr. Richard Goomba Sr. PhD. This guy is an off the grid post apocalypse icon I tell ya.”

Like a switch flipped the mega goomba became almost normal with a polite if exhausted smile. “First year nurses always get so enamored.... Ah hem. I see you are indeed heroes with such getup. I hope I did not disturb you with my abhorrence of Bowser freaks. I loathe them. I wish to not see them. Ever…And I'll destroy them on sight. Anyway, welcome to my abode!"

Plastering on a smile in return, the plumber gang stepped in. Richard Sr. seated himself at a comfy couch next to a newspaper covered window. The cable television was next to it, the source of that glow, and across from that he had doctorates on the wall, a human skeleton, a vinyl player, a portrait of a younger grumpy goomba wearing a bowtie, and an additional CRT that was set to a grid with dots on it. The landline went off once while everyone filed in. He’d answered, hummed and hung it up.

“Nurse Troopa,” he went, hiding impatience. “Your presence for the past few hours was exquisite, now I must now ask you and your associates to state your purpose.”

“Where’s my- where’s.. That awful Bowser guy??” Larry volunteered first.

Richard Sr. consulted that grid screen, able to read it in a way they didn’t understand. “There are 497 KT in our mountains.”

“Yes. I cannot divulge specific identities however. Heed this. I ‘speak’ for this great proudly rural kingdom via my telecommunication. A plethora of my neighbors, and we do stick up for one another, recounted when they saw one. From this I was able to mark the spots on my digital map. I’ve already set up a portal there.”

“Oh, another thing,” Jr. Troopa spoke up. “Dr. Goomba is also responsible for the Portal Gun, which is how his son’s crew, ya know The MKDCU travel around the world in five minutes.”

Troopa turned to Luigi. “Not when a Pokémon was seen driving around here. Dr. Goomba used his special missiles for that one.”

The goomba swung back a curtain to a pantry, empty, stuffy, and with an orange oval embedding in the way. Mario believed.

Ogling around the space, the view was too wavy to validate where it was going visually. Luigi boldly surprised everyone by peeking through first. Mario held his breath, it only lasted a few seconds when leaned back in, radiant and determined.

“Doctor, since you live off the grid, do you keep a surplus? May we borrow some?”

Shortly the Mario bros dove in with a pallet under a tarp. Despite it being wider than the portal, it all fit somehow. Larry lingered behind as they disappeared, contemplating, anguishing, and panicking alike until he formed a puddle of sweat he hoped no one noticed. By the grandfather clock’s time the ceremony had commenced. If his father was gone, could he allow his family to crown his sister when the obelisk doing her bidding is what killed him? Heck no. Bracing, he dove in.

That left Thwomp #3, of which there was no such in Bowser’s army since five years ago when the real one passed away. Bowser Castle was a logistical mess before a storm made it a literal one and the identity withstood scrutiny until crossing old student J.D. He should have terminated his espionage then, but how could he when it became interesting for once. Now he was this close to contributing to the rescue of his princess? He hopped right in.

“Move along partner. (I totally see through you..),” Jr. Troopa admonished the sentry he caught in perseveration.

Sentry 11 blinked back, the fingers he was counting still held up. The lakitu cleared his throat. He could hear Richard Sr. in the kitchen chopping rapidly something meaty with knives. Indeed he did not need his identity revealed right now.

He dragged Troopa over. “Kid, listen. I know where ‘You-know-who’ is now. I’d tallied him before (Wendy) put ‘two’ people (the princess, Toadsworth) in the toad house. I just didn’t recognize his face cause he wasn’t talking and was moping in a way I’d never seen before!”

Flamed torches walled off the Koopa family from the troop as the ceremony began. A blue magikoopa, not Kamek, but one that shared freshman class with him, approached with a large golden crown, a basic design, not too heavy, only adorned with red rhinestones, on a pillow of nesting material. Wendy O. sat, legs crossed on a throne of a cut tree log, situated below the Toad House with the four others. Roy, Morton, Junior, and presumably Iggy, held their breath as the magikoopa presented the crown. Wendy slowly held it, watching her reflection in the polished gold, tracing a gem with a claw. It was pristine despite originating from many dynasties back, attractive without being overabundant, but not really special.

She gasped at the defector, a green plumber in the sea of seated minions. Roy barged ahead, through the torches, and got all in his face, towering over him.

“What do you care bout our business chump? Dere ain’t no Bowser for y’all to fight!”

Roy slapped him to the ground and sneered. “Look at this green loser, all ‘lone thinkin’ he’s bout ta stop us! Ha ha ha!!”

Only Morton joined in. Bowser Junior kept his mouth shut, knees folded, Iggy statically did what he’d always done, nothing, and Wendy gawked. Roy followed her line of sight to the additional person giggling, Luigi.

Behind him Roy noticed that his minions, suspiciously quiet, sipping and gulping down ice cold cans of soda, barely paying attention to proceedings anymore. An unusually colored thwomp was near an empty pallet.

“Give your lackeys a break. Fleeing a kingdom and staying outside all day would make anyone thirsty!”

“And.. you.. are.. distracted! Per.. your. surveyor.. minion,” Luigi explained, holding his grin despite the discomfort, “You.. have.. a.. secret. captive.. you..might.. Not.. know.. about.. in. that.. Toad House.”

Roy and his siblings whipped to the startling sight of Mario and Sentry 11 prying the boards that had been nailed on it. At the same time, some rogue swiped the crown from Wendy, Larry. He scuttled with it under his arm to the house and high jump kicked, the final blow that broke it in.

“Discard thy sweetened elixirs and taketh these blithering fools!” Wendy howled, shooting to her feet. “Cast them into the abyss!”

Reluctantly straying from their chilled Morel Moxies, koopas and dry bones charged in formation to apprehend the plumber ensemble. From a jungle vine, Jr. Troopa swooped in, bowling over many and knocking Morton away. His body bounced down hill. Junior ducked from the tree stomp Roy threw. Jr. Troopa’s training all day kicking in, chopped it out of the sky and then squared Roy in the jaw, freeing Luigi. It was a knockout and in perfect view of the one stepping out the defunct item home.

The red crust filled eyes, scanned over the scene, his pesky plumber enemies, the conspicuous crowning ceremony, awestruck minions, dumbfounded children, and Larry holding the crown before him. His pallid second youngest son looked from the crowd to his father, one tear streaming down.

“I knew you were still around, dad..” He lifted it to Bowser, the only sounds to them the sizzle of carbonated cans in the distance.

Speechless, Bowser accepted and foreginly wore it for once on his lumpy head, the unevenness of his unkempt hair crooking the placement. None the less he was King again and that was that.

“WAIT A MINUTE!” He exploded, stomping the ground. All the torches fell over and birds scattered from trees all around. “What did I just walk into??? A sham ceremony??? What the heck are you all doing??! I avoided everybody because I wanted time to think and somebody shuffled me in there for some reason then it got boarded up and then.. I don’t remember- but now you replace me and let Luigi and Mario foil a plan for world domination I haven't even made yet?!?”

“SHUT UP!!!! This is what’s up. Thanks to that time out I am a deep meditative Koop King in touch with erm.. The thingies. Where’s gramps and old hag? .. Huh?!? Gone???? No way idiots. I feel an overwhelming aura of crotchetiness and moldy cheese in my soul. Yeah they are alive and will beat you all with a switch for drinking caffeine drinks this late AND for replacing me so soon!”

The Koopa Troop shrieked in horror, running off and hiding into the trees or underground to avoid the wrath of their elders. Wendy screamed in place, eye flashing. Bowser ignoring that, only finding it strange that her tantrum wasn’t making it spontaneously rain like it always did.

Luigi confidently strolled past the shocked stupid faces of his kids. “Is Peach and Toadsworth in there?”

“And moooooore!!!” Invisible against the sky, a cape wearer landed clumsily on the roof of the home with a detector flashing and blaring.

Toad peeled his face off the mushroom tiles and slid off to the ground. Luigi caught him, perplexed and immensely relieved the same to see him again.

He turned over. "Thanks.. Haha…Was I late to the epic thing you did? Darn. I fell for like, hours.. Captain Toad held me up. I took this treasure detector thing to find you all and I was given back in Sky Land a neat tele..." He reached in his back pocket, eyes widening at what wasn't there.

Bowser off to the side rolled his eyes. “Ignore these extra characters. Yeah Peach and her old man is in there yadda yadda. Do your hero thing already..”

Back to business, Luigi prodded him back to the Toad House with Mario in the rear, making sure no one counter attacked. They entered the dark cold clay building, emptied, with and upstairs. After flashing a signal, Luigi darted for that while Mario remained with Bowser on the smaller cramped lower floor. His nemesis aware of how this post-battle interrogation went, he reversed until his spikes hit the stairwell wall. He was in view of the window and in the moonlight, and a lot of scarring popped out at Mario. There was also in there a blue statue that detector must of been beeping at.

Bowser shrugged. “So what’s so different about this millionth time I’ve been defeated?”

“Because Bowser this time...” Mario steadied, channeling disappointment and anger, along with solace that he was alive, the perceptivity that he could not judge him without accounting for his role, into an action.

Lost in the embrace that followed, something was new about it this time. Bowser wasn’t sure what it was except that it made him do this.

“Alright, I’m sorry for this stuff I guess!” he blurted out. “I mean, I took her, yeah then other crap started going wrong. Something was in my system and I thought a good fight would bring it out. It didn’t…”

They separated only a little in their embrace. “Bowser, this is where I was getting at. It’s different because.. Would you retire with me?”

Bowser appeared to let that sink in. “And …Just play tennis all day??” He released the plumber to fold his arms and stare off grouch like. “My EVERYTHING is awry in case ya can’t see. I’ve lost my home and most of my troops. Two of my sons haven’t returned from outta town. One of my sons looks like a hologram. My daughter just took being a brat too far! And my gramps is flat out missing, along with my ugly hag in-law and my clown car keys!”

“-I get that angle. Really. I had to start from scratch too once, you know. After you get situated and we cure people of Mushroom Flu- You still aren't getting out of that!” Mario punched him lightly, then eased up. “I understand just by hanging with Peach that there’s a lot involved in delegating, but if you’re willing to consider it then I’ll help you.” He reached for his claw and squeezed.

“-Cause I gotta do this!” He lunged at the red plumber, forcing him to flip backwards across the doorway and against the opposite wall, in the perfect spot for Bowser to snatch him and lift him upward, his feet dangling.

In spite of that build up, the shallow breaths of both, the inferno inside, all he could go for was a quick- strictly platonic!!! (he kept relaying in his head) -Peck on those chubby cheeks.

This toad home was deceptively large, wider at the stop and with far too many steps to tackle at night-

He felt his heart thump in his chest as he bent down to her curled in the corner with Toadsworth. She reached out and felt around until her gloveless hand rested on Luigi’s forearm.

Some fresh moonlight caught her visage, shining through a bang in her stringy blonde hair. Luigi breathed out ‘Oh God..’

Chapter End Notes

Next time. Can we make progress on this flu thing? Yes we can. Did I give up on unique chapter names? Not not at all. Is this style foreshadowing a key character coming up? Yes it is, or at least one of them.

-Yes I took the interpretation of the ‘Special One’ concept from Disney’s Maleficent, lol

-Hopefully I don’t have to explain what ‘Stan’ means?

Split from previous (note same as previous chapter as this is a double release): 9/18, 9/20, (new) 9/25, 9/27- 9/28, 10/1, 10/2- 10/5, 10/7, 10/8- 10/10, 10/13, 10/14, 10/15- 10/18

Edited: 12/4/23, 12/5

21. Verisimilitude

He just wanted to melt and he wasn't sure if it was in a good way or not, separating a swift half step before being caught by both arms.

"Alright alright, calm down!" the plumber laughed gently, not letting go yet. "Bowser... I don't think I've ever seen you in your crown before. Not a crown. That one."

Bowser stared back, flushed, cogs in his head visibly turning. (Just do it stupid. For the past six years you've had a plan going. An ethical, crowd pleasing- well 'cept for this part, way out.) "I-"

"Didn't do it!" Mario's release let Bowser shoot his arms up. "Whatever's going on! I swear!"

Luigi carefully came down, stabilizing both Toadsworth and Peach. Mario dashed over to help and, temporarily forgotten in the corner, Bowser was relieved to get out of that. Pressure might have made diamonds. He could see it in them, in how in a matter a few moments playing out in front of him, they roped Fungus Face in there and he got a whole train to come up the mountain. For him though, he kept crumbling into dust. He didn't have a decision yet.

~All are vanquished from the territories except one by the merits of their innate evasive abilities. Some revel in how they affright the toads, others wish only to lord undisturbed over the plots they've rightfully owned for generations. Their love of accumulating trinkets draws a crowd to the amphitheater where treasure is tucked amongst the catacombs. After the fourth visit, deep down, too far to teleport out, a torch was tossed behind them. They are sealed in their own tomb by a traitor. ~

The relentless blue flames reflect on their watery eyes. Cries of ancestors searingly pierces them. 'Those toads will pay', they want to growl, sobbing too incoherently to articulate.

"Such is the torture of the long game," purrs the mentor. "-I'm about to retire tonight kid. Just need ja to be a guard chomp one last time. Find me again in a few minutes."

He allows the projection screen to retract and spin, the fabricated classroom whittling away panel by panel. Bushy thick eyebrows arch in amusement. He almost wishes there was an audience to witness how he'd perfected his telepathy, skilled enough to cram decades of curated information into a subject's mind in one session. At this point he could do anything. Anything but-

The reporter snagged the fire ax of the establishment and rolled on to his destination alone. He surveyed castle grounds from across the glassy lake, the reflection it should have of Peach's Castle missing. He followed the river towards Star Hill until he found a spot where castle grounds intercepted the chasm. Evaporating the last bit of doubt in him, he tugged off his shiny left dress shoe, chopping the exposed pinky toe to the bone.

With a sacrifice for the fissure of the obelisk, he chucked it down before he bled too much. Psychically imprinted on, the appendage that was dead while attached told him everything about what was on the other side of the abyss, as immediate as a lightning bolt. He smiled. What else he needed then was buried, or submerged rather a mile down.

Covering in moss and twigs, a towel wrapped around one foot, he gestured to the lake upon returning to it. Bubbles emerged as fragments rose, white painted bricks, pink tiles… He could sort for it right then, but it'd be useless. Better to entice the 'owner' to do that for him.

Dusk hours made the blinking lights obvious to sheepish observers, realizing with a slap to the grizzled face that there wasn't supposed to be a second water tower near Mt. Rugged. One rancher was even zapped by the entity's defense system after wandering too close. A party was organized to sniff it out. Dr. Topper in the back of the candlelit town square meeting rushed to the lab with renewed zeal. It matched the description of the spaceship of none other than Prof. Morris X-Naut. If they outpaced the Southerners and used it to beam the professor in from his unknown location in Toad Town, problem solved, except… Dr. Toad was still in his atelier.

He flattened down his tie-dye jacket, resisting making a scene. The sand in the hourglass on the table drained steadily, like their time before Mr. X would expect results. "Hi. Why don't you slip on your shoes?"

Startled, Dr. Toad dropped some pastels. "It's more comfortable without them," the toad doctor replied, composed again.

The hammer brother pursed his lips. "Drew, we've found Prof. X-Naut's ship, or the locals have. Better us get to him before they slingshot him down..."

Dr. Toad brushed past to clack away on the Family BASIC PC. "-Morris would never drop his shields. No matter. I must tell Maverick and Sigmund."

Dr. Topper tried to bend around the tall toad and squint at the messages through the narrow angles on the LCD. Besides it's purpose of accessing their other facility via a terminal, it was said to host the best puzzle games ever, locked behind Dr. Toad's passwords. "Can't that wait? If Dr. Gloom and Shrinkasaurus wanted to keep on our shells, they shouldn't have stuck to online conferencing... Fine. I'll go."

He jabbed the 'send' button. "...Because doctor.. my diary is in there. Yes, mine. No one else's. And.. there's stickers on the cover, see, and... like I said, I'll do it. You can use the computer in the meantime."

The K64 was overshadowed by high speed rail services like the Toad Town 10X line, or different styles altogether, but beloved still for its rich history, dedicated staff, and rails that weaved around some of the most inhospitable of terrain.

Toad got the hint by then to leave her be. Something one would never know with the polished Lakitu Bros chronicling of their lives, the princess always had a 'calling' of home, the most traumatic of these adventures when Toad Town was utterly destroyed. He sure hoped not.

No, crossing by Jr. Troopa, able to operate a phone despite being folded into a paper swan by koopalings, it couldn't have went down like that back home. He'd told them. Sure there was untamed wilderness outside, but everyone under the age of twenty-five could find a signal if they wanted to. Mario meanwhile, twiddled thumbs. With that tarp covered object taking up the spot next to him, Toad couldn't dip over quickly and ask what any of that was about. That left Luigi in the front, alerted when Toad slid next to him.

Everything settling, that was what he planned all along. Still, he'd better be discreet. He adjusted Kinopio-Kun's iPhone on the lowest backlight setting and used the notes app..

He texted back. 'That didn't escape me either. Toadsworth was cold! What's next?'

'First thing tomorrow we- (magnifying glass emoji) on those two. ...Also I buy you a- (cake emoji). You saved the day! (streamer emoji)'

Luigi stifled a laugh. When Mario glanced over, the green plumber self consciously ducked some, replying, 'Look, WE saved the day. It really captured the zeitgeist of how it used to be. You know, us not knowing what we were doing.' He chuckled openly then. 'Even 'I'm so retired' Mario helped do whatever the heck he did so that Bowser never tried anything. My only regret is not getting back to Boo today.'

"What?" Luigi grabbed the phone. 'I mean, what? I'll tell you. You had a whopping two-hundred volleys in one set! You didn't starch your vest, you've lost ten pounds without telling me, one shoe was untied, and your fly was not quite open, but dangerously getting there. I yelled from the stands to no avail, lol.'

He blinked. 'That blunt? Sure. We're photogenic together and my fan club really (he hunted for the bold button) REALLY wanted us to be a thing, but our love languages weren't the same, and we had that omnipresent issue, that more of us have than we want to admit, of needing Mario to coalesces. If nothing extravagant was happening, we weren't if you get me. Was I the problem? Probably."

Toad kept fixed on their chatter forming one big paragraph on the display, the legal pad skeuomorphism of the application bathing him in yellow. Luigi steeled himself for some derision. He just undercut his own success, his ability to sustain a relationship, everything short of admitting that he liked some Brittney Spearguy tracks. (Some. Like the 90s ones)

Toad cleared a lot of it out, his reply interrupted by a huge bump. Actually it felt like they hit a brick wall. Everyone in the train was launched against roof, landing again on hard surfaces as amber sparks flew outside. As soon as it happened, it was over, the engineer peeking into the disarrayed cabin, apologizing over the excessive speed at a switch.

Dizzily, Luigi grabbed onto a coat rack to crawled onto the seat again. "Ugh. What?"

"I was gonna say.." Toad went blank, maybe from being banged up, or maybe.. "You're.. kind, articulate, empathic, clever, and low-key braver than your brother because you've gotten you where you are with a fraction of the support. It wasn't you, Luigi."

Toad bit his tongue. "Or Daze. She's cool too, ha ha." He reached over and flipped up the shutters. The stars were shining on him. "Oh, and look at that. We're almost back!"
Everyone, including Jr. Troopa, jumbled back into being crumpled but Koopa shaped erupted in applause. There was a shimmering sea out there while they skipped from rickety, just functional bridged islands. When Toad noticed some paratoopas working under utility lights, erecting a billboard for Wendy O. for mayor, he retracted that earlier thought, breaking into a even colder sweat.

"Bowser's daughter.." Toadsworth shook his head ruefully. "Of course, extend that stronghold will you?"

"Besides reunification, I know about all of their problems, the demographics, and the area codes by heart from you sending me there all the time, Sam! What if instead of commerce, I actually help them?"

Luigi stood slowly. "Toad's a famous face, has never been in a scandal, and knows Darklandian, a good ice-breaker to those folks. Let him cook."

"Cool, so we survived that- somehow, homeboy. Thanks, we'll talk about it," Toad shook Luigi's hand, which they mutually pulled into a hug. The toad used volume control as they finally seated, whispering. "And I was thinking, like.. Over dinner sometime? I mean, if you want.."

Luigi felt the pressure increase slightly in the clasp of the hand shake they were still holding, forgetting to breathe as they locked eyes. "Ah... You mean?-"

"A- a date, yeah. Or going somewhere if you want to think about it that way," Toad continued, low and just a bit shakily.

The plumber leaned back into the wooden seats, blushing. "Why not? Just- nothing extravagant."

"Yes, sorry." The pink toad closed a bookmarked page, the lime green toad leaving her behind. At least the 'let's stop and rest' and by 'rest' she meant 'I want to study' worked three times consecutively.

Kinopio-Kun might have had to use a walker, cocooned in heavy blankets when they all knew by then of his Yakuza tattoos, but she had breaking her neck and shoulders Peach's parcel, why she struggled to catch up on the country roads. If not for its resemblance of a purse, she'd not be asked to carry it as the female identifying castle toad. Oh wait, she specifically begged for the honor. Still though-

"Hey Kinopiko, I know you aren't on borrowed time like me, but you know this area more than me. Do keep up."

"Boos have terrified people with hallucinations for centuries. I wish you'd stop saying that."

"I'm running from kodokushi. That was a vision then. It'll be a reality if I don't resign tonight."

Ala-Gold would have known, she thought. Always with access to the imports from King Omarinon's domain. Also why Kinopio showed up with the 'bishie sparkles' and all, he was totally immune.

As they were dressed relatively like cityfolk and toting items, bags, etc, they appeared like nocturnal salesmen or evangelists when strolling down someone's driveway by mistake, it indistinguishable from forks in the road. Awkward times.. Eventually they were out of residential area, where the stars twinkled in the deep blue sky and insects chirped from high bean farms, the stalks waving frequently in the wind.

Toadette soured as they crossed a pillory belonging to the local jail at the side of the road, wooden individual cells side by side. Imprisoned Paper Macho Outlaws clamored at the bars.

"-Psst. You over there. Help us out," croaked someone in the last cell. "We don't belong here!"

"Like we're going to fall for this.." Kinopio said down low. "Who are ya anyway?"

"No, it's true! We were minding our business in our jacuzzi then- wham! We're in this smelly old vehicle of some health inspector weirdos. They locked us up because we're koopas! We're sweet 'n innocent!"

Toadette gestured to silently walk away. Kinopio in pity slipped them a business card for a good attorney. Toadette found that unexpectedly thoughtful and was inspired to spare a little mirror anyway, whatever it was wanted for. She'd not miss the cheap thing. They continued on until a bright flash casted their shadow as far as Vick's barn a quarter mile off. They spun to find two wrinkly magikoopas outside the cell, one in dark blue trunks, the other a purple one piece, the mirror at their feet and shattered from behind tossed out by them.

"We used the internet to legally change it so we could fool some schmuck!" Kammy 'Hotstuff' revealed a senior oriented phone with oversized buttons.

"You had a.." she trailed, gawking. "Excuse me, but why not just call someone for help?"

The magikoopas shrugged at each other. "Maybe our folks were in mountains or something. Sayonara!" They whisked off in the country.

"Ugh! Just what we needed." Gritting her teeth, Toadette tugged Kinopio along, chasing the baddies to a western styled theater. Spotlights lit up the advert for the traveling Paper Macho Friends Troupe. Jazzy music bled out the open swing doors and ostros of those inside were tied to stakes. Someone blocked the toads.

"Sold out," informed the noki nurse they seen around, name tag bearing the odd name 'Laki Bond'.

Kinopio whipped out a platinum VIP pass. Laki adjusted his glasses, quickly shifting out of the way for them. Indoors the lobby was devoid of anyone, the snack booth was closed, and one person was in the timed coin operated massage chairs.

"...Uh… You have no shirt or shoes! …And you used a wooden coin for the machine. I literally see the string attached to it in your hand!"

Determined Toadette stepped away, spotting someone ostensibly of authority entering the auditorium. She tracked the country toad girl down in the isle.

"Howdy!" Rou T. as the nametag stated squeezed the mess out of Toadette, pulling her with her. "Sorry Luci T., didn't think you'd wander down. I see a spot!"

Some Birdo lookalike lip synced before dancing cowboys as Toadette found herself stuffed in a front row seat with the nurse. She glanced to her left.

The intonation, drawl, all inaccurate to the real pink dinosaur. Toadette would know, Birdo being one of the few non fungi she cared to study. With infatuation and a teaching opportunity both reeling her in, she was up and on that stage in a jiffy!

Losing sight of Toadette, Kinopio backed outside again, panged with enervation. His island dwelling instincts resurged, taking note of the bright spotlights. He carefully dropped without bending his back and swiveled one towards the clouds, jiggling the plug to power switch it in a pattern. He then offered the noki approaching a wad of cash.

The toad let the bills drop, like they were worthless. "That's to not ignore me. Get me home."

"I know you can. You have spies in your family. Two of them. Actually three, unless they finally got that divorce."

“Koopalings spotted outside palace. Earthquake ruined the construction zone for daughter’s castle. Hoooold it, I’m doing the interrogation here!”

The senior guard continued, “-You’ve been absent for hours! We’ve set camp at so and so coordinates. It’s southward and not on any maps for some reason, eh. Very flat and fugitive Boo Elenor Diddley hasn’t been seen. I suggest you and Jonathan get here for discipline. Over.”

The toad guard dinked around in protest, plucking away at the guitar, hooked through an effects pedal and into the speaker of her radio via an adapter she found at a Radioshack, creating an awful screech that fit right in with her audience of cicadas in the bushes and shrubs of Toad Town park. A few coins were in her pocket from manning landlines for Kylie Koopa, phone bombing MK East, leading to the ‘scoop’ that former nurse Nass T. might be in town. Now that chapter was over, and Bridget wasn’t too invested in the ramifications of that.

The guard half tiredly fixated on the metallic green Boss Waza-Craft BS-3 ‘Blame-Shifter’ modulation pedal in the grass. It was from the pink boo Trevor, her boyfriend maybe.. He’d truthfully told her to not activate it until Festive Tree day after she found the present early during the first and only time she’d been inside his home. No telling what he’d think considering she snuck it out with her and held on to it until now, when at last she had the guitar to accompany it. She stomped on it. The ‘Check’ light came on. The knob was on the ‘bassist’ mode.

Far far away, Lemmy Koopa was smacked with depression. “I feel like everything is my fault, the thing with Iggy, you, and Wendy. I remember it as well as yesterday evening.. Because most of it was.”

Ludwig, in the backseat of the intergalactic holographic Biddybuggy, swept him closer. “Fret not. Look at this mission of what we need to gather..“ He unfolded an ancient scroll, from Geno.

The blue haired koopaling flipped the shopping list around and bashfully tucked that way. Before he retrieved the real thing, Snifit Patrol in the front passenger spot pointed to something twinkling on the approaching home planet.

“No, let's help Sumeet, Luddy,” Lemmy squeaked. “Maybe I’ll feel better..”

Bridget got bored with that and spun the knob counterclockwise to the ‘vox’ mode.

Birdo shut tight her blinds to darken the motel somewhat. In Subcon it was morning and her sleep schedule was already wrecked from traveling the entire way straight. Her luggage was dropped next to the fluffy cloud couch she flopped down on. Yoshi’s revelations were stinging but dead-on. Anxiously sitting on the side of the bed when he was on adventure, the frequent arguments, it all drained her soul. Distanced from that and the modeling, she’d be motivated to take on her greatest pleasure again, stage performing with her campy theater crew. Something she’d packed was calling to her- or delirium from guzzled tea was settling in.. She unzipped the hot pink suitcase. A golden phanto mask was on top of clothes, that other modeling prop aside from the Bronze Egg.

She relaxed again and made a call to Yoshi. It failed to even ring. He must be on airplane mode. She shook her head, gaily. No that can’t be it. He was terrified of flying! She wanted it gone like the abhorrent egg. Who could she call? She tried a fellow influencer..

“-Hello, Kinopio-Kun darling. It’s Birdo. I can’t reach Yoshi, so would you like me to mail this artifact over? I used to collect and I’m out of that game. I know you work with brokers.”

“....Uh -Hey! This is Mr. Toad, his boss.” He covered over the speaker and turned to Luigi, looking back expectantly. “We have a museum so send it. By the way have you heard of- Hello?....”

As a last ditch effort to see some effect, Bridget turned to the center ‘self’ mode, instantly getting thwomped with despair.

He slung her gear into the hard case, sat for a moment and then screamed. A cog in their machine she was no more. She ripped off her black combat helmet. It bounced into the sandpit and her auburn hair was released. She crushed the radio with her boots. She unsnapped the armor. Freed from that heavy gear, she felt weightless. All she needed was to fly in her B-Dasher. -Which was revving up on the park's curb, headlights on.

“Jon!” she howled, sprinting through the park. She flipped off the top of the jungle gym, spun in the air acrobatically and caught the kart by the bumper.

Her head banged, completely unlike during a concert like she’d dreamed, against the metal chrome parts as she was dragged around, noxious gasses from the exhaust choking her. A sharp curve flung her off into the middle of the road, where another kart swerved around her. Lifting up painfully, a few bikes went by and pedestrians were on the street. Without commotion in the city, Mushroomites made up for missed business very late or stayed out to see the princess return.

She gleaned that rather accurately from the loudmouth on the sidewalk, in front of the HotFoot Locker.

“Yeah.” The other Lakitu brother lowered the camera. They had Mushroom Press patches.

His cloud riding brother nodded, then spun around rapidly as Bridget pushed by. She found the unattended tank, not preferable and sluggish, moreso with the Kettle thing strapped to it, the reason she enrolled in the bring your own vehicle program. She took it anyway, pinching her nose for the inevitable stank of the interior and made off again. With knowledge of the city from earlier joy riding, she took a shortcut through the garden leading to Flower Fields, cut through the pipes to the tunnels, and intercepted the B-Dasher as it crossed the Shy Guy’s Toy Box amusement park portal.

“Stop!! I need your teapot or I’ll become almost unbearable to deal with!” Some crazy guy leapt in front of the tank and wrapped himself around the gun.

The small alien slid off. A mildly portly shorter grey skinned humanoid, he had a grubby white doctor's coat, a tin foil hat and thick goggles. Outside the unmarked eastern building was his ratty medical bag. Scratches on the door told her he’d been lockpicking and succeeded, as light bled through the sides of the entrance.

“-However you northerners refer to it. You would not want to venture too far up north anyway, with those psy waves abound. Ah hem. I am Prof. X-Naut, #1 scientist and secret organization target. Since you are not a proponent of the powers that be, Ms. Bridget Jane Toad, considering you reside in Poshley Heights, room 74 at the Inn, I thought you might be inclined to assist.”

Baffled, she staggered back against the armored vehicle. “Hey, dude. Just.. take it!” She released the elastic bands. The one ton cooking ware slid down the sloped tank edge and flattened him before she could intervene. “Crap.”

“Oh no, half capacity is sufficient to nuke the diabolical hideout the most dangerous covert organization in Toad Town.” Prof. X-Naut chortled, effortlessly slipping right out from underneath. The paper character flipped upwards, unharmed except a small crease on his top corner. “If SS HQ is not remediated, the documents regarding Mushroom Flu will be compromised, a fate worser than you can imagine. I am grateful for your cooperation. You may carry my MacGuffin for now. It catches Red Chomps in Neon Heights after a player has landed on the happening space, wearing a Close Call badge. I’m Feeling Fine. No, I did not have an anachronism..”

He shoved a brown leather messenger bag at her, so lightweight it wanted to lift out of her hands on its own and with a strong hoydenish aroma she enjoyed more than she should in that brief whiff.

“No, I mean a stroke.” The odd little man revealed a golf club and left her dumbfounded, all the way until she encountered her baby, her B-Dasher in a wreck a block down.

It was lodged between concrete poles designed to prevent an outlet from some E-rated gambling district. The Game Guy alley was a mini Mario Party board with less than twenty functional spaces and props of a carnival lining the sides for atmosphere. She winched, zoning in on the scratched paint. Enraged, she yanked the other guard out of the seat by the ear, standing over him as he splat flat on the pavement.

She leaned up, scowl fading. Jon had to be delusional. The squad wouldn’t keep Benedict’s body rotting in Peach's lake, would they?

Much excitement and uncertainty alike pooled in the toads waiting under the canopy of the Mt. Rugged rail station. The usual procedure during a kidnap was to stick to the castle- an impossibility. Would Princess Peach be disturbed by how desultory they were and the hijinks that ensnared them due to that? What about that they’d accepted a new steward from Dark Land that she never met? What of losing Ala-Gold Wolley Toad following Zoo’s attack? A blue toad scaled down to make a call across the globe. At Ricco Harbor it would be about sunrise now. He just wanted to talk to someone.

Not them though. Some rowdy looking shy guys and koopas with red scarves wrapped around their faces wrestled with their ostros next to the payphone stall, their steeds spooked wavy northern lights, casting over crops and fields with a rouge glow. The blue toad dodged behind a large rock and peered at a clump of lights on the horizon, the city where it wasn’t originating from. Something zipped across his vision, escaping the gang’s clutches.

He impulsively pursued the Mecha-Yoshi rider down into a moo moo pasture where the robot valleyed in a dip in the ground. The rider hopped off and pensively examined an open panel on the mecha’s neck. Bucken-Berry tip toed. The stooped low farm animals had him recall an old sailors superstition from Ala-Gold. That meant a storm was a-brewin’ brah. ..But there weren’t cows in the ocean and it was just as likely they were sleepy since it was midnight to the dot. Bucken-Berry could read the familiar looking analog watch on the red toad’s right wrist- that’s how close he was.

The other guy juggled his pda in surprise, just catching it. “I apologize. I struggle with this skittishness when..” he trailed, a spark in his eyes.

Bucken-Berry was cut off by a charging debull. Instinctively, he pulled the other toad away as the beast plowed through the Mecha, mechanical parts scattering on the farm. All the moo moos were roused into a stampede. Bucken-Berry snatched the other guy up by his collar and leapt upwards, bouncing from each one until lobbed over the perimeter together, where a big googie styled city limits billboard cast light on them with its mix of working and blown out lightbulbs. Painted purple, it stated ‘Area 64 Starts Here’. A little ways down was an army camp with a fire, tents, parked Dry-Bomber tanks.

Bucken-Berry’s heart skipped a beat. Not hunched over some screen with a white coat on, that red toad was even taller and more lively with his blond wavy medium length hair down. His revealed undershirt was tailored short sleeved button up, a sky blue with a shine sprite pattern printed on. Striking black tribal tattoos wrapped around both arms. Another layer of intrigue regarding Zoo’s..freakin…brother.

“I freaking knew it,” the blue toad hissed. “What even put you out here??”

“My myopic ways. Anyway, thank you Bucken-Berry,” he replied, suppressing inflection. “Now I’m intact to handle something long overdue-”

“Hold on!” The blue toad caught up. “You’re Drew L. Diddley, artist of.. Whatever this word means. Take the thing.”

Dr. Toad had a flicker of something and then slipped ’Assemblation’ into his back jeans pockets. “That classic.. I supposed the signature on the back uncovered some oddities. That I am of half toad and boo lineage and that Zoo Diddley, yes my younger psychotic sibling, owned it. I will explain it all some other time if we… exchange numbers,” he beamed.

Not thinking, Bucken-Berry agreed. He glanced from the digits on the slip of paper and back up- the doctor had teleported almost a third of the way up the ladder of this bulb shaped water tower, shimmering silver in the moonlight. Bucken-Berry dashed to the barbed fence around it.

“Maintain your distance!” Dr. Toad advised, still sounding pleased with himself and continuing to climb.

Yeah, right, the blue toad spat. He’d just jump that tiny gate thing. Backing up for a running start, he trampled on something hidden in tumbleweeds. He kicked some dislodged battery pack.

“Thanks, could we please have that, Blue Toad?” The polite inquirer had a sweet little voice, Darklandian accented.

He brushed against Lemmy Koopa, stature stretched out a lot, glowing like the environment.

“Eek a.. I mean.. Koopa freak. Your scheme failed bro! Piss off!!!!” he shook a fist.

Shrieking, Lemmy retreated behind Iggy, on his knees twisting a screwdriver at a heap of something that had crash landed. Ludwig was tapping a foot, busy with scrolls, and they all had a glow matching the astral phenomena. Before he got to walloping, a fourth person was revealed when a stubby arm rose from a dented up water trough. They reached over, and a snufit exhaustively spilled out of it, panting.

“State..the.. Emergency. Snifit Patrol… at.. Your.. service.. Citizen..Oof..”

Iggy Delta rose. “My Transporter-To-Convenient-Plotpoint-Location DLC downloaded!” he triumphantly announced. “Except I prematurely blasted this area with intense gamma rays when there was no distress signal, only a blinking theater spotlight. And it was to the wrong plot point.”

“Reserve that for me, Lemmy, for your shell is green and Ignatius orange, you six feet two, Ignatius four in a half, among other discrepancies in your physical appearances!” Ludwig commented.

“-Aaahhh!...Oh my God, our bodies are swapped! Or our heads. Or something!” Lemmy screamed with Iggy.

The woozy officer whipped between the two. “At least Ludwig and I came out unscathed.”

“Thank the stars. I cannot tolerate any more setbacks!” However instead of walking off in a huff, the blue haired koopaling inexplicably inched on the ground like a worm…in a huff.

Dr. Toad breached the hull of the disguised spaceship, larger on the inside, the interior a mid century living room on side, mad lab the other . Puzzled at something else present, his eyebrows lowered.

“Did Houdini Toadley conspire with you? I wonder what quenched his reservations about Miracle Cures..”

“Well.. first of all. Hi, I’m Daisy. Princess Daisy Bloom.” The human women had one leg over the other, gaming in Morris’ wicker chair. She dropped a game machine into her lap, Pac-Man played all the way to the kill screen.

“You certainly are.” Dr. Toad snatched the precious object from the counter, what he had to conceal, Zoo’s diary. That anxiety clamping at him subsided as it was apparent no one had touched it. He’d never leave it here safekeeping again, not when the x-naut insisted he never took the ship out of his hangar on the Moon when he clearly did.

He felt the tag from the gift shop on his shirt. Except on the inside. “Princess..”

Daisy tacked on, "I got x-ray vision now cause of those rays in junk. Anyway, yeah Dr. Toadley visited, my people found me and I had to hide somewhere. People be crazy here, yo."

Bucken-Berry burst the hatch open. “-Drew watch out there’s bad guys and… Daisy, you’re up??! I mean great but-”

Dr. Toad backed into the buffet, mirthfully. “I presume you are immune to heavy radiation after all.”

He plummeted all the way to the ground and curled up, trembling. Lightning flashed out of nowhere. They gathered around, Daisy staggered out, the ranchers and the ostros gaped, King’s guards a mile away snagged binoculars and Thomas at the station was awoken. Iggy Delta obsequiously faced his brothers.

"Shape up. We'll go there, alright?" she explained softly, the other guard's head in her lap. His tears soaked her pants and tank top. Jon's deterioration was shocking, draining every ounce of combativeness out of the GI. She stood him up. "We can even play this board game thing to get through the alley."

She proceeded on to the blue space. Three coins popped out, making her gasp. She saved face, cooly scooping coinage. "Brilliant."

The next space, a Game Guy spot, didn't do anything. Bridget ignorantly chose a red space, penalized by the coins poofing into dust. The Bowser was even worse. With the real guy unavailable, a Bowser Statue spawned out of mid air and crushed her before phasing away.

He exasperatedly explained the basics, almost like his old self. They only hit good spaces onward, Bridget enjoying herself while Jon lumbered at her heels. They escaped the Game Guy gala, marched through the dead flower fields, up the steep incline of Royal Raceway and to where elevation leveled off. It was so hazy over castle grounds, and so unexpectedly frosty, all they could see that castle parts were hovering around, joining on their own with uncanny precision.

Stunned, Jon snapped a photo with the standard issue polaroid. It developed and, though they couldn't see it with their naked eye, there was a white boo hanging around. The castle was known to keep a few of those, not to mention that killer was one, so they marched off quickly, so much so they triggered a happening space. Tweester spawned, forcing gale force winds down the alley. The leathered bag containing the MacGuffin was launched high in the sky along with them, dumped out into an adjacent street. Bridget whacked a mail receptacle. She grimaced from impact and through her teary eyes, she spotted Prof X-Naut's bag drift into the ether.

"Bloody wonderful," she said as Jon found her again. Whatever he'd whacked into, it gave him a black eye.

"That was important. I think." She shrugged if off. "Well, we got photo evidence of that row back there at least. Here's how the hustle can go. We avoid cops for now and-"

Someone yawned behind them, a boo wearing a floppy blue and yellow stared sleeping cap, floating under the flickering street lamp. The green Bowser racket hung from their dominant hand, also with a matching sleeping cap stretched over it. Their hair rose. It couldn't be. Must of stepped on a boo space back there.

"Steal coins or a Star?" Their eyes then blotted out white for a flash. "Let me start over. Thought I was.. Working my dismal summer job in that Game Guy board a block down.."

"Stop," they zoned in on him, freezing him. "I AM who you think. I. Am, hehe. You want to see Benedict again, don't you?"

The boo swiveled to the other. "And you want…Trevor Buddy, my neighbor. Ah, he's not home. Guess that means he broke his promise to you, yes, even with all of those texts you've sent. "

She just resisted going off on that perspicacious creep. "Hey. It's deeper than you think kid. Let's go Jon."

They wound their arm up, it obvious what they were about to do with the racket in those microseconds. Bridget was paralyzed, yet Jon smiled peacefully, unwavering until he was sliced. With a sickening crack the frame wedged in the middle of his exposed helmetless forehead. A thin line of blood ran down and dripped off his chin. The boo unjammed it from the slot it carved and he crumpled on the spot he stood, the smack of his split open head on the sidewalk splattering the other guard's boot with brain matter.

She broke out of the daze and fired her zapper from her hip, possibly the best shot in her thirty-four years, a perfect shot between the boo's widening eyes.

~Ladies and gentleman, we got 'em. No one put a scratch on the toad killer but her, and all she had to do was become some vagrant that had seen too much. Oh, and dodge. She didn't during the retaliatory swing of the racket racket. Bashed flatly in the face, there was a snap, her lifeless body fell backwards before the entrance of SS HQ

See, jokes on them! Bridget could do cooler things dead, free from her drab and compulsory society, from the verisimilar, and come back, ascend, though perhaps not literally, into a new life, as a dino-rhino next time, or some koopa species or anything. She'd be fine if a toad all over again, just a different one, but first she had to descend. Be another King's guard spat in Toad Town..

Boo snatched that photo, squinting as blood from the puncture dripped into their eyes, rolling off the body into splotchy blue puddles, and the blistering headache made them wobble. Boo phased into the Super Spy HQ waiting room to pass out there. Spy Guy might not be that mad, not even as, in their semi conscious state, they phased through the floor too, into the pitch black bunker of the maze-like hideout...

By a miracle of Eldstar, Yoshi soared over the desert dunes beyond Toad Town, but he’d lost against the clock. Trepidation seeped into his system, piloting on pure visuals, unable to determine altitude with the terrain a black sea. He turned the radio up, again for response. The cockpit was filled with the sound of banging metal, then a plunk.

‘All agents alert. Who’s this scoundrel with night vision goggles and a 3 iron??’

‘A titanium 3 iron for your information, Spy Captain Jeremy Ninten, chosen to prevent confiscation by border control AND to smash your high security locks to smithereens. Now prepare for- Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!’

There were all sorts of zapping noises, followed by the flop of something heavy.

‘No problem N, we were never in danger. I knew he was tracing us since he conversed with Boo Diddley.’

‘Ah, well, they are a citizen I initiated for espionage sir. Because of them I know the princess has a document that implies-’

‘-Stuff it Charles. Hey, N, uh, this guy.. See them papers on Mushroom Flu?’’

‘My chronic aversion to glucose food additives has made my blood impossible to boil, fellow. Surrender my documents. I am blowing the lid off your hideout.’

‘Yes you will. Yoink! By the way, all of you, including the bandit in the full body cast that has purposefully laid on the remote the entire time, broadcasting all audio live from this secret base as we speak, have been out of it for the last five minutes due to my Startrooper mind trick.‘

Yoshi’s gaze darted to the clock. There was an incision in his memory of the last five minutes.

“-Wow, I’m numb all over but alive..” hoarsely babbled someone under Yoshi, securing the yoke. “Some Startrooper mind trick must have woke me up.”

Yoshi sprung off his lap. “Sonny, my goodness..” In his own state of frenzy, he planted himself in the jumpseat behind. “Not to divulge what I shouldn’t, but the pilot abandoned us on purpose and your uh, ‘base’ has a nutjob attacking it right now.”

Emerson, already groggy, deflated with familiarity. “Mr. Munchakoopas, hate to pull a dejavu, but brace.”

A peak of Mt. Rugged was in their path. The aircraft lurched nose up, with a crunch following somewhere around the tail section, and a sharp veer downwards. The toad adjusted the flaps at the last moment. They glided erratically, avoiding another plateau. There were bursts of orange and yellow speckling the ground from warfare. Then some humongous creature pulled the plane out of the sky, it’s grasp crushing in the fuselage. The awkward angle made Yoshi tumble backwards into the cabin. A red slit pupil was trying to search inside.

A missile made the creature drop the plane, sticking dino to the ceiling until impact. Yoshi came to with flames dancing all around him, metallic scraps and loose debris pitched across the land, and crops ablaze. Gradually voices faded in. His throat seized from the nauseous fumes and billowing smoke, crawling on sharp parts, gravitated to his son’s barking, treading embers until colliding with reeds and grass. He was doused immediately by Snifit Patrol with a garden hose stretched taut from the train station.

Yoshi rolled onto his back, panting, facing red tinted stars. He rolled, observing beyond Poochy shaking water from singed fur. Tanks and black spotted mushroom guards were fighting some Kaiju that vaguely resembled a toad and even more vaguely looked like Bucken-Berry, the fight veering away from the mountain.

Thoughts of pilot ‘Emerson Lake Toad’ (he kept reiterating so it couldn’t dissipate, hoping his revival wasn’t a dream all along) swarmed his mind under the locomotive horn blasting.

Toadette burned rubber to show up, weaving through the armory, Snifit Patrol, and with the aroma of popcorn and cheap theater, only stopped by her staff blocking the station’s entrance with their jaws on the floor. “I’m here at the expected arrival time!!”

“Toadette, don’t you see what’s going on?” Joseph looked at her funny. “Even I heard the explosions.”

She paled, taking a gander. “Oh.. heavens. Really hyper focused there,” she signed and spoke simultaneously.

“-Thank you.” Peach swept the parcel straight from her fingers. The princess had squeezed out the K64 before the squeaky doors completely opened.

The pink toad tagged along, appalled at her condition. “Princess are you okay?”

The monarch simply nodded as she marched, stumbled rather, down the mountain path the way Toadette just came, equally as imperturbable.

Toadette uncomfortably put on a smile for the staff. “It appears I learned from the best.”

Chapter End Notes

Abysmal scheduling from direction changes. Also, did I just pull a crackship move? Yep.

-For Dr. Toad, technically a canon character from the Mario & Luigi RPGs, imagine he has Kerry King’s tribal tats.
-In French Dr. Toadley’s name plays off of Houdini, that’s where his first name comes from. Funnily enough his name in various languages differ and almost never draw from the same source.
-Similarly Luc T. is the name of the pink sister in the Traveling Sisters 3, only in the Spanish translation.
-Boss Blame-Shifter is a meme I did not create (just Google the phrase) , though the way I incorporated it into the story is my own. Since the plot is about mystical Special Objects and ‘MacGuffins’ I hope it fit in.
-Because there isn’t a chapter now where I don’t reference some sort of music. I was thinking of an Eminem (yeah I know..) lyric at the end of ‘Killer’ where he’s like “How do I even think of this ridiculous stuff?” I don’t know where any idea in the chapter came from.

Dates: Portions were chopped and screwed all the way since first Ouroboros. thus dates all over the place. (A part maybe?) 9/5/22- 9/8, split parts 9/10, part (10/8) 10/21

Consider these the official work dates: 10/23/22, 10/26, 10/31, 11/1- 11/3, 11/4- 11/9, 11/15, 11/16- 11/20, 11/21
Edited: 11/28/23

22. Opaque

She'd committed to hiding, now she might as well seek or try to, backing off from the last of three green buttons. The labels were in her native language, not too weird in a spaceship as much as aliens loved to stalk around Sarasaland. It was the translations making her leery, saying stuff like... 'Do not put under children of 3 years.' 'Carefully slip and fall?' 'Infinite pleasure?'

Meanwhile disturbances outside were generating deep percussive booms, rattling the world. They had to safely relocate using one of the buttons and levers scattered around the living arrangements. In desperation Daisy smacked the other two options, making that machine that had fallen on the floor spark to life and cough up dozens of screws and unidentified parts. The lights blinked, though there was no cord or power source.

After tying his blonde hair back to regain some appearance of professionalism, Dr. Toad heaved the machine back on the lab table. "Of course. Morris fully embraces his paper form! Princess, I suggest you depart while you can. I'd loathe to get you in trouble with Mr. X."

Well, if only he knew that firstly, she'd already heard of Mr. X, he like the aliens hung around her desert land, (though unlike the aliens he would ask for permissions in long detailed letters) and secondly she loathed to let 'Peachy' down way more.

"Don't worry about it doc. He recognized my name and sent me down here, but otherwise it ain't nothing, and he especially got nothing to do with the artifacts in my backyard and little jerks like Zoo Diddley using them... But you've hardly heard of that."

"No I wouldn't.." Dr. Toad murmured, quickly requesting the first tech support he could on the pda.

A proudly licensed technician beamed in, wearing a blue logo embroidered polo and matching ballcap. "Greetings, Iggy of Nerd Squad here!" The cyborg koopaling's ocular sensors retracted at the scenery. "Oooooh crap," he mouthed.

Iggy accepted the coins, wary of a princessy death glare from behind. "Sure! I'll, uh, proceed with the emergency call, only this is a liiiiittle short of my new rates. Sure I no longer need to sleep and can teleport anywhere, but I can't be a charity while saving up for the upcoming PlayStation-"

Dr. Toad shoved more at him and pushed him before the sparking and grinding fax, its death throes. Iggy skittishly unrolled a tool kit and began. The toad doctor was so engrossed as the koopaling sorted disassembled bits with expertise, he didn't notice that there were five angry Hiyoihoi, moai secret service agents, cornering them against the lab table with huge rocks dwarfing the tall pencil thin geeks.

"Hold up! That guy caused this stuff!" Daisy fussed, commanding their attention across the table with a shaking fist.

The toad doctor shrugged. "I suppose I had a more fluid idea of heroes and villains and what they do in their off time."

The princess's fist froze. "Yeah, it is weird when we're fine one moment and fighting the next week. Go on. Long as Bowser and his folks aren't being a nuisance and kidnapping people."

"-Who hasn't?" Dr. Toad covered his mouth. Thankfully Iggy's eureka moment was the prominent spectacle.

The eighteen year old raised a mangled up sheet of paper from the feed. Cleaning his glasses- "OMG. It's Dr. Mario's, page one of five-thousand!"

Dr. Toad snatched it up, scintillating as if holding Gold Bar x3, if short-lived. "�We should move out of the way of 4999."

Every document stuck in limbo was unleashed machine gun style, pages knocking some of them off their feet worse. The lamp was struck at the base, crying 'OUCH!'. The others dove for cover until the whirling fax machine slowed down for a full HD color print out. Spying through the gaps in the wicker chair he'd ducked behind, Dr. Toad witnessed the shoes, pants, white coat, and ultimately head of Prof. Morris X-Naut roll out, floating tranquility to the orange shag carpet.

"That's for disregarding my PhD in revenge, secret agents!" He flipped upward, fists raised until his younger toad friend tapped him on the shoulder, unenthused. The space alien quickly shaped up, hands behind his back. "I didn't waste eighteen hours for folly, Drew.. Oh look, I remembered to send Dr. Mario's notes ahead of myself in the queue, freshly starched."

"Wow oh wow. In the nick of time, the missing professor and the Mushroom Flu notes are found WITH the assistance of a koopaling behind the pandemic? Scoop of the CENTURY!"

The unnoticed lamp removed its shade, revealing a baggy eyed Kylie Koopa, unaffected by the nasty paper cut on her knees. "Iggy fella, was that redemption planned?"

The koopaling ripped off the shirt, puffing out his chest. "Yes! This is my arc, my true destiny! Super Mercenary Iggy Delta� Desu!" Kylie snapped more of him before she was tackled by Daisy's servants.

"I'll uh, ack! *cough* I'll change names in the reports!" The reporter gasped from the bottom of the pile up. "PLEASE! At least share the findings with MK East tonight!"

"Fine! Huff!" Prof X-Naut groaned loudly. He pulled down an industrial looking lever with the most alarming Engrish statement yet, 'Enjoy your fright'. Everyone felt a centrifugal force.

Jr. Troopa's phone was on silent while waving his brightest torch around the darkness, the magnitude of the wreckage scarily impressive for an aircraft that could have fit in his parent's garage. He wouldn't want to look like some distracted, technology bound young adult in front of such a big shot observing his efforts. Fragments of shrapnel were still warm as he picked through, trying his best. No toad pilot or tackle box. Tail between his legs, the paratroopa showed the gauze wrapped dinosaur fragments of a bronze object.

"The rest must have gotten up and walked away." He adjusted his ten-gallon, remaining shorter than the dinosaur. "That good or bad?"

Yoshi fixed the face he was making. "-It's great! I appreciate it." He accepted what was left of the Bronze Egg, mouth tightening. Sonny being some secret agent couldn't have made him immune to injury, furthermore this made an unidentified body unaccounted for twice.

A kart circumvented the koopa, yoshi, and reluctantly leashed poochy on the rural stroll to civilization, suspension squeaking from rough terrain.

The window rolled down. "Mr. Munchakoopas, I know you are eager to join Mario. Hop in."

Jr. Troopa felt for his pop gun at the sight of Captain Toad. It was one of those hair on the back of the neck raising feelings someone like Drew his, uh ex, would disregard. Well it was a thing, Troopa was as certain of it as he was that the sun would rise in a few hours. That toad would be stopped tonight.

-Or, would have. The buzzing in his pocket was unbearable, keeping him from popping a tire. Calls from all over flooding in, a real flying saucer sweeping above. He turned around and- ZOOM, rocked out of his cowboy boots.

Mushroomites in slippers and night caps clambered to windows or poured from darkened homes onto the streets to get a glimpse at their sovereign, cheering at her return. This continued without letup all the way to the chokepoint of Royal Raceway. Peach separated from the Cloud 9 of the Lakitu Bros and continued with the assistance of an aide, discovering her castle exactly how it used to be. The painted white stone was radiant in the moonlight, pink roof tiles unblemished, wrap-around sandstone driveway immaculate. The only blotch of her opulent abode was perhaps that the mysterious contractor did not get to the lawn yet, patchy parched grass, zero arrangements, and the gnome Ksitigarbha missing- that and there were a dozen pipe frame carts lined up and waiting.

�Princess, er.. Surprise!� The approaching black spotted toad tipped their officer�s cap. Like an ant trooper infestation, they could never shake these pests!

Toadette slid from behind Peach, scrutinizing �Warden Dylan� closely, uniformed in dark blue like a typical police force- blatantly not the original wave of King�s officers. While they might not have faced Booigi�s wrath, they and the rest of the squad interestingly had a few minor scuffs and scrapes. �How did you do it??�

�Our squadron arrived only an hour ago, after completion. You are not to question the King, steward. He�s already spoken.� They revealed a note, once tapped to the doors. It was the official parchment with the seal, handwritten in the middle with cursive:

With the celebrating crowd catching up and washing the rest of her friends in, there was no peace to ponder anything. The interior, some of their old belongings, the leaky faucet in the basement, all restored to a level of convincing detail. Toad was the last to arrive �home�, the vision from the Vrlrdyi scope zombifying his gait more than usual. This castle wasn�t was he saw spring from nothingness, but he wished it was so there would be less questions. The King was once known for his mastery over bricks, the famous brown kind, via his scepter, a major player in his great post WW63 kingdom expansion. Peach Castle did not contain those bricks however�

The red plumber told the lingering guards to hightail it and they did, eager to do so as there was something coming, huge. Civilian stragglers fled as a three headed eel monster, larger than an Unagi anyone had seen, slithered onto castle grounds, its glistening blue skin emitting a radioactive red glow.

Only a few feet from the open doorway, the elder�s tea cup slipped from his grasp. �T-the m-monster w-was a t-toad, eh wot?�

�I don't look like a toad anymore?� The middle head swiveled back and forth with the other heads. �We don't?� asked the leftmost head. �I�ll do a trick. Cool Blue style. Somebody come here,� said the right, seizing control. �I will.. try to speak normally. I respect privacy.�

�Curtis Mario, you secretly sold your castle after Luigi won his mansion. That�s why it never shows up in games anymore. Months after the incident, every time you heard a boo cackle you�d wet-�

The plumber spun back in, petrified. �This is definitely our Mario encyclopedia- I mean Bucken-Berry.�

�Mr. Toadsworth um.. Closer. Sam, can I say that? Your secret is..oh weird.� Slit pupils thinning out, the nostrils of all three heads flared open. �You smell like death.. I can�t describe it. Is this a trick?? I wanted Toadsworth, you phony!� Their spines rose, and their cheeks filled from something amber.

The old mushroom man screamed madly, retreating behind Mario. �He�s unstable and about to-!�

Hot lava deluged the lobby, leaving Mario and co scrambling out of the way. They gawked from the mezzanine at the searing pool, melting all of the princess�s furniture on ground level, the podium, her chairs, the sun rug.. The curtains caught fire and heat bulged out and shattered many of the windows. Peach burst open the upper level doors, breathing rapidly in her nightgown.

Later in those early hours, Toad snuck out, easily from this lonely third floor, wondering what the heck was going on with two folks. What freaked Bucken-Berry out? He waited at the lake until mosquitos drained a quarter of his blood. No answer. Okay, then what happened to Luigi on the way? Again nothing, at least by text.

During the rescue parade, Luigi diverted to the precinct upon catching stray chatter of Boo being held there. He found the desk unoccupied in the ex-fast food joint. No ostentatious if earnest Snifit Patrol, bumbling but kind Inspector Douglas, or grouchy but diligent Sergeant Howie. Luigi wandered around until at a hard corner, where an array of bars lined both sides of a hallway. He was drawn to a casted foot sticking out of one cell. Turns out it was only the cast. A cot was left behind and lots of wrappings on it, like the person crawled out and got away. The messily written note on the ground, on the back of a receipt for a shoe polish store, confirmed such.

'Yeah mane, I been healed up and bounced like SSHQ always do. Coming back for the captain too, like it or not. -0069'

Imprisoned was possibly that captain, a middle aged yoshi businessman on the bench. Sitting up, he had a hauntingly blank stare, drool from the side of his open mouth creating a puddle. Last was Boo Diddley in the corner, facing the concrete wall. A sliver of moonlight from the window hit them partially, illuminating exactly half of them from the back down to the tail.

He grabbed the bars, relief wafting over him. "Buddy! I made it. Bowser was taken care of. Everything's better, okay?"

Perspicaciously, something made him step back. "Comparatively. I realize what led to what the columnists are calling your 'day of retribution' hasn't been dealt with. Just bear with me. To be brutally honest, I'm learning as the champion of the kingdom that there are a lot of issues beneath the fa�ade we have of being so far ahead of the others and 'better'. I get it, but Peach had to be our priority or we couldn't have even begun. Do you get it?"

He let go, the pressure from his hands fogging the steel. A belated thought hit him. Why hadn't boo gotten out of here? It would surely be easier for them than whoever 'cot and wrappings' person was. They must be ridden with guilt right? Or-

The boo slowly rotated, making the green plumber's smile fade. Boo had a puncture, a perfectly centered head wound and gazing into it, something was escaping, impalpable, and clawing out for him. During his studies with Prof. E. Gadd, the mentor himself only had the briefest notes on this arcane phenomenon of the boo, the usual possessor, being possessed, creating a psionic vacuum.

They glided closer. "I'll be brutally honest too� No wait. I'll just be brutal."

Back against the opposite bars, Luigi steeled himself. His mind had to be a fortress against the wicked rays, except like the real thing, cracks were inevitable. "Why?" he croaked, sliding to the floor, eyes propped open. To resist was muscle tearing.

A response crawled out of his throat, the rest of him disintegrating from the top down. "I..don't know that yet, Boo!"

"Booigi. Boo is somewhere safe, and I know you don't. This was a warning. You won't get another."

The green plumber wasn't sure. He was somewhere in his own grassy yard. One lamp on in a window. Gill T's abode next door still dark and empty and the other house on the opposite side still for sale. An early morning paper thwacked him in the back.

Toad Town News: MK Hospital East and South join peacefully at Peach's Stadium, curing all Mushroom Flu patients with custom Dr. Mario patented mega-vitamin. Special thanks to: International Medical University of Special World, Princess Daisy Bloom, Ignatius H Koopa, and an anonymous local reporter.

And that was it. The castle would have rather they'd overshared like usual. Every bit of their routine wouldn't be so off kilter this morning. Joseph flung the covers off his bunk bed, oversleeping with his special alarm clock not vibrating the bed. Peach's car keys were thus misplaced in weeds, then the trip to the market took forever. The washing machine was overloaded and bubbles filled the castle, breakfast items were missing like the butter, jammin jelly etc, despite Chef Tim's best effort and so on. The topic of Kinopio-Kun arose from nowhere. Toadette kept her head down, blushed. They understandably didn't understand his decision, but she shelved white knighting him for the moment. Toadsworth looked horrible.

The heavy star patterned blankets just swallowed him up nearly. The only time his hoarse voice was heard was when asking the adjacent toad, Thomas, to rip open a box of something, the label marked out. The kid's head was barely above the table level, picking at the mushrooms on the china silently. No one put on a particularly strong display that they had this under control except for one, and sliding his clean plate away, he was about to leave.

"Mr. Toad, wait a moment." The princess gently patted her face with a napkin. "We are ready to see the message!"

A King's officer stepped in, impervious to all of the scathing or alarmed glances. They held a tablet fixed to a virtual meeting, the person on the other end represented by a B symbol. The toads crowded around as the camera cut on, revealing Bowser! His background indicated Dark Land with a red sky and volcanoes, though no castle was in sight, his troops bustling around in the distance from under temporary tents.

"Bwa ha ha! It is I, King Bowser! I bet you and your dumb toads are rarely surprised by stuff, so here's a treat. We started it, and we ended it. Check your papers. We, the Koopa Troop, take (partial..) responsibility for curing the Mushroom Flu! �I don't know how you got a castle already and NOT ME! But whatever, all we want for payment is.. Not to kidnap you but.." Someone off screen whispered, Bowser responding with a subdued groan. "Alright, we want all your old treasures."

"NO!" Peach replied, scaring some in the kitchen into flipping plates into the air.

Their savior was another user hopping on. Mario and Luigi were on a couch at their home, identified easily by the game collection displayed behind them. Mario was animatedly speaking with Luigi beside him, an ice pack on his head and a whole lot else off, at least Toad noticed right away.

Sheepishly the plumber reached around the screen. "Got it. Bowser, you were supposed to get on with us first. How did you threaten them so far?"

"Cut it out. You wanna get wrecked twice in twenty-four hours?" Luigi snipped, the directness of this tone having immediate effect.

"I was just throwing out facts� According to YOUR news! It's my son worried about some artifact deal.."

Toadsworth in the far rear wavered. "What is his progress?" he asked Zeror to ask the tablet, deferring attention. The green toad tried to speak up, unable to succeed with the topic moving on.

"What up what up!" Daisy sat on Luigi's side, in some baggy casual clothing, not what she wore at the game, nor the hospital smock they'd expect.

Then Yoshi flopped down next to Mario, waving. Below at his knees Poochy circled around, wagging.

"Figured we'd all want to see each other before splitting off," Mario began, his cheery tone not fooling anyone. "After all, once Peach's dad gets here..."

Mario left it like that. Possibly he caught on that a King's guard was in proximity, or he was behaving appropriately because it was like that. This was why her adoration for him would never wane, no matter how much she knew it wasn't as perfect a match as most believed, or how much she was starting to think of someone else on the Zoom call.

Someone tiptoed across the molten rock in the lobby, inconveniently blocking the basement (something to deal with later since the leak wasn't fixed..). Sun rays reached castle grounds early from the fissure in Star Hill and, he thanked the stars, no guards were hanging around anymore. He rushed to the street, carefully dodging mud with his nice shoes. A sail equipped New Donk City cab should have been there for a quick in and out. It wasn't. He sent a text every minute nagging, in the process finding a message from his doctor about the need for a pacemaker. Way to make him feel his age, just before he met his Special One at a special place..

The red, black, yellow, and green ninjas ogled every inch of the property. They had been working hard it appeared, sweaty, with tool belts on their hips and fluorescent construction hats, quite a career change for a once vicious Koopa Troop aligned gang.

The black one, Eggplant, twisted around. "We're temps for all that construction going on downtown so no, old man. Call a private contractor." The bros snickered.

Toad let them be, gravitating to his reflection in the murky lake. He hadn't worn a suit since the Mario All-Stars event, adding to it a top hat and carrying hooked white cane. He looked spiffy!.. If he kept repeating it. Better go for this now prove to himself he's not lost it, than wonder, have nerves eat him alive while also dealing with Peach's father for a week or more. Some rowdiness made his ears perk. He rolled his eyes.

Yep, the Koopa Bros were cooling off in the moat. Whatever except- Toad thought he was imagining. Their 'ball' arcing in the air was one of their precious lost garden gnomes.

With each step closer, a ninja was mysteriously pulled under. Something moved swiftly downstream and a second later, a pile of koopa bones shot onto land.

Toad staggered to the shore. "WHY? AHHH!" All of the shell colors were there, with ribs, skulls, femurs.. He went green, queasy as the surface undulated. It was right there. "Uh, hey. Let's talk� We'll tell Peach it was a mistake okay?... And weren't you vegan?"

"-I'm sorry Mr. Toad. I hadn't had breakfast and.. I don't know anymore! Just let me go. Fire me!"

The steward's baleful form was curled up, several feet below the surface. Despite that, his words came out clear and blunt enough to nearly give Toad a concussion. "Chill?!? I'm freaking killing people!!! -And it's not on a battlefield so we can't pretend it's okay!!!!"

The suited toad buttoned and unbuttoned the end of his dress coat over and over, paling. "..I see that."

"-Forget whatever plan you're cooking up. I've always been some freakazoid and unlike you, I can't get away with it."

"Stop there-" Toad cut him off. "There's nothing to envy with me. At least when you lost your family, they loved you."

He thought he perceived the slits in the water widening. "What are you talking about?"

Toad slipped off the increasingly constricting dress coat. "I never got away with being 'different' at all. I didn't just choose to stay here with Peach after her dad left, I didn't have a choice. I was disowned. I wasn't into toads. Kinda- actually a huge deal then, and triple as much for a noble purebred. I thought it wouldn't bother me like that, I hated the nobles all anyway, but it did- for a long time, to the point where.. even today I have trouble, you know, shooting my shot with anyone I like, as if they're watching. From Hell."

Toad tied on a super cape, energized enough to fly out of there if he had a running start. "Why should you be for me? Enough of that. None of us are getting younger, so don't let the past control you anymore. What's the first thing you'd wanna work on, man? Being weird or whatever doesn't count anymore."

"And we'll work on that. Hang in there. I'll be back before it gets bad. I promise, alright?"

Quite a bit daunted, the monster watched the cape feathered toad take off like a little jet in the sky. He sighed, somehow less miserable than he began.

A blur from the other side of the world beat the Sunset Express on full steam to the Tangerino Grill, a famed one paint star restaurant with contemporary styling, two floors, and a luxurious VIP area. The cape wearer scoped it out when his date appeared out of nowhere, pointing upwards and- BAM! Colliding with a billboard, he plummeted below, bouncing off the roof, an open umbrella at an outside table, and in the midst of all the tourists from the arriving train, getting trampled.

"Toad!" They parted through toads to assist him, readjusting his top hat. "People wait for months for a reservation. Don't die before our name's called."

He still didn't know what made the plumber in the tuxedo so extra snarky, but he loved it. "Totally." Toad, after coughing up dirt, offered a stringy purple piranha flower, mailed in super early today from SPACE. Hopefully that made up for how his stunt put them in the back of the line.

The violins Toad totally wasn't imagining screeched not so romantically. Thankfully the receipt was long gone.

"I'm kidding!" Luigi gave him a gift too, a bronze little egg thing, riddled with lines where it had been melded together.

"Sweet, man!" Toad rattled the Bronze Egg around. "...Wait, what does it hatch into? Peach is weird about some pets.."

Hands cooly in his pockets, Toad breathed out slowly. There is nothing to get too excited over. He'd seen Luigi like this a few times before, in that black, well-fitted tuxedo too. His full head of brown hair was gelled back and his voluptuous darker brown mustache was trimmed up, just the perfect contrast against olive skin. The only little issue, it mostly hid his lips, especially while breathing in that flower. Toad paid way too much, but it couldn't be that great.

"So how do you want to swing in? Like with swagger? Or low-key? Or roll a D12?...Luigi?"

Frazzled, Luigi rose from the plant. "-OH. Sorry I.. had a.. strange morning. Whatever you're comfortable with-."

"Perfect!" Toad boldly reached for Luigi's full gloveless hand. A spark traveled up the Earl's arm, to the rest of his nervous system, making him the happiest a toad could be while in a miserably long line, back pressed against the map boundary-

"Zhis is merde!" grumbled a toad host pressing through the crowd. "Reservations first please! Hey, zhey have one!"

Additional waiters came out and dragged Luigi and Toad in beyond countless leering toads, tossing them into the moodily lit dining room with hardwood floors, beige plaster walls, and assorted culinary knickknacks decorating the wall. A Peddler Toad with a glint in his eye ambushed, intruding on Mr. Toad in particular.

"I sell spare pizza dough. You'll never know when you'll need that around here!"

Hardly having a moment to dust himself off, "No thanks. I think I do know that I won't need that, homeboy.."

"How about salt, pepper, lemons?.. To make it zesty!..." He gave up, hiding his wares. "You don't like zest?.. I KNOW YOU! YOU"RE FAMOUS-"

Toad zoomed away in a flash. Shortly Luigi tapped gently on the door of the restroom, Toad dry heaving in there. He thought. A waiter had their table ready and on cue, Toad reappeared, playing off his blanched nature. They were led through the dining room, beyond antsy looking toads, and seated in a red themed partitioned and candle-lit VIP area with a smaller more intimate table.

When the menu was placed in Toad's paws, the selection of Italian and grilled delicacies crowded out much else. His steak request was denied suspiciously. There was no one to 'defeat' it. Luigi chose the Momma Mia Pizza and since it was the size of the table, they could share. As VIPs, a chef came along and 'entertained' by flipping the soft powdery dough in the air until it arched over and burst out their window.

The red faced chef brushed the shattered glass away with his foot. "Gentlemen, just an itty bitty wait. Dough quantity is low due to those black market fiends."

To complete the cringe package, he left the curtains half open, exposing them to the other diners with empty plates.

He paused. "At this rate like an hour...Oh, you mean. Me." Toad slapped himself. "It's when you won that mansion. I had the crap scared out of me man, along with everyone else Peach sent to find your brother. Still not sure how she thought that would work, but whatever. What did you mean by that polka dots bit?"

"That?" Luigi shifted, introspectively. "It means what you think! Huh.. that far back?"

Luigi blushed, compulsively arranging and rearranging silverware. "I- honestly I hadn't thought of us together before you asked, but I just wanna see how it goes. I always thought you're great so why not."

A waiter had come around with beverages, the wrong ones, and courtesy appetizers, even wronger. Toad gulped the fizzy drink down regardless, his throat so dry it didn't matter.

"-I hope that's not more casual than you were expecting," the plumber continued. "With you running for mayor in Neo Bowser City, and I doing my thing, would we have time for anything serious?"

Toad clinked the glass down, countenance flattening. "No it's appropriate. Ha.. I'm about to do the most subversive thing a Toad like me could and I'd better focus on that. I'm pleading to every star, even the obscure ones for this, Aurelius, Iris, Adrian, etc to make it work out. Still, don't you think they want us to be happy, responsibilities or not?"

Luigi reached over the table of small diameter, holding his semi muscled upper arm. "Yeah I do... In fact that was beautiful."

"You are more." Lost in his blue optimistic eyes, a greedy side took over. Toad gently reached around the nape of his neck and met the rest of the way, navigating around Luigi's nose, the mustache, zoning in on the plumber's lips and pressing against them with his for the briefest one in a half seconds of his life when-

Oh Eldstar- A hoard of toads violently ripped the rest of the curtain down, crowding their table. "Did we hear something about Bowser over here? That was the last problematic VIP that closed down the kitchen. Get them!"

"I'm hungry!" "My butt went to sleep!" "My husband left me." "Luigi wouldn't- or WOULD do this!" etc physically battered them.

"Ugh. Here's something for all that whine!" Toad threw a giant cheese wheel at the toads. The heavy thing rolled into the nearby kitchen, seemingly triggering a cacophony. Cooks escaped, arms in the air. On instinct, Luigi super jumped over several heads to peep in. Pots and pans littered the floor, food was dying at the pass or sizzling to carbon on the stoves, and the freezer was wide open, blasting ice. Most chillingly however was the sous chef curled up next to the cutting table, their life drained by a shy guy with a paper straw.

A crinkled yellow toad creased over a spoke of the ceiling fan, a head chef, reanimated. "Help!"

"I'm sorry alright! I'll never waste cheese again!" Toad materialized at Luigi's side. "...I caused this, right?"

Sensing an extra person, the shy guy bent backwards with an unnatural ninety degree angle, making eye contact as horror violin chords screeched from some incorporeal location.

Toadette angled it downwards at the six red eyes in the depths, a sports program on. "Is this sufficient?"

When she tripped a bit on the chord afterwards, he wanted to reach out and help her. He certainly could reach with the tendrils, even when submerged. He hesitated too much and missed his chance. She'd recovered, and had their outside joint situated, the TV, extension cords, Ksitigarbha for spiritual motivation, and anyone willing to hang with a man eating monster. That turned out to be, besides her, Thomas, and Chef Tim for a reason only he knew.

"Ms. Toadette, can I keep these?" Thomas asked all a sudden, holding a picnic basket that held picked clean white bones.

"Remember, he's used to this kinda stuff!" the monster reminded them. "Forget it Timothy. It's nothing...unlike that birdo player in the 4 jersey."

"No not like that.. they're from Donut Plains. I don't know why they keep tryin to pass them off as Yoshi Islanders. Sound nothing alike."

Ah, great subject change the pink toad thought, especially with the new kid playing catch.

"I've met a lot of different people kid, at the orphanage and on adventures now."

"Don't be. Tim should be sorry he didn't drop any snacks in that wipeout though.."

Huffing, the orange toad got up, as peevishly as his mother Zess T. "Fine, back to that empty shell of a castle. Here's something for you, by the way." He passed along the other half of the document from Hotel Mario, Toadette jolting as she accepted.

"You know I had to sneak into Zeror's room while he was showering for that. He could check that rash... Anyway, yes that is dangerous, just like other articles I was told to burn on my first day. Samuel showed which from the basement archives. That's why I sabotaged Zeror, Joe, and Les with the dessert."

She turned to Thomas, nodding. "We should analyze this indoors. Blue, need anything?"

Without questioning, she placed a cordless one at the water's edge. Once they were gone, a thin tendril surfaced and called long distance to Ricco Harbor, fulfilling that check-in he never got a chance to last night.

"Hey, Brah. It's high tide and people are everywhere, swarming. Can hardly breathe. Gotta go-"

The monster quickly stood from the lake, revealing semi-translucent skin, two tree trunk sized legs and giant swooper-like wings on his back. From his armless sides sprouted the innumerable tendrils, stretched out in surprise. "Ala-Gold.. You're okay?!"

Bucken-Berry leapt on land, stomping around out in the open, not caring. �So you reanimate at home, or however you're alive again and don't tell me?!? I loved you dude. I�m sorry I treated you like crap sometimes!�

�Yes dude!!! God, I'm so messed up inside.. I�ll stay on the meds this time and- stop blaming other people for everything. I don�t even have beef with Mr. Toad anymore like you and Toadette hated. Just come back. I'll never hurt you again, I promise.�

�Only now?? Too late to salvage, brah!� his friend jabbed. �Think Toad or Toadette or Thomas can shield you now that you�re that freak? Just give u- I mean, join me here.� The tension in the golden toad�s deep voice eased. �You�d be safe from uh, those tanks and banzai bills, Cool Blue.�

Bucken-Berry�s gargantuan strides lead him to Star Hill, the pelt of stray star bits on his scales waking him up with one three toed foot hanging off the gorge, a bottomless pit in the center of the mountain. He hurled himself backward, smashing trees.

The floodgates opened, the monster�s eyes opening. �Yeah.. I�ll stay here. Where you're at doesn�t sound fun. You know I need space.�

�-And you ALWAYS refused to call me that! I don�t think you know me anymore.�

Bucken-Berry felt the spines flare again. �You didn�t. Ala-Gold did. WHO ARE YOU, PUNK!?!� bellowed across the entire kingdom. Lowering the phone, the left head noticed they�d death-breathed it into melted plastic. Darn. That was castle property�

Toad barged forward, rolling under the fire billowing from the ovens. His klutzy skull bash undid the latch and from out of it split another shy guy with a white hat, the Tangerino Grill�s secret weapon. Luigi used the cane to hook Toad away as the Slurp Guy�s straw punctured the attacker and drained his paint. Shunned Guy twisted around at an abnormal angle, latching on the Slurp Guy to drain them back.

�Oww.. Phrasing.. I mean thanks.� Woozily, trying to grab both the plumber and the wall to stand, Toad flipped a wall switch, speeding up the fan.

Luigi caught the chef, both going down and tipping hot pans. Toad caught them in turn, only forgetting the fireball jetting across the kitchen. Melting out the freezer, a steam cloud and wave of ice water swept them out! While the paper characters panicked, the snazzy duo collided against the dessert display, layer cakes and someone�s abandoned to-go order flipping into their laps. Luigi couldn't believe how absurd this Paper Mario entry was. Why wasn�t he in it? Or was he?

During that crisis, Toad patted his shoulder, idly munching on the sweets like a starved barbarian with the other hand. It was like gravel down his throat, and the cheese curls flavorless, lacking� zest.

�Blessings unto you gentlemen.� Someone disturbed a puddle next to Toad. �Looks like this is a destination the brigade can skip,� chattered a yellow toad, not of the staff here, in adventurer�s garb with tan thick pants and hiking boots. Lifting from his crumb filled suit to J�rg, Mr. Toad�s eyes widened. He screamed.

They came to facing upwards, tied and bound to the roof of a station wagon kart. It sped treacherously and weaving around palm trees on the coastal edge of Water Land with a siren blasting police kart close behind. They were dressed like at the outing, but the time was ambiguous, Toad�s watch irretrievable and the sky purple and hazy, no sun visible as smoggy as it felt.

Luigi squeezed his eyes shut. �I knew I�d obtained a head injury at some point..�

Cool as the other side of the pillow, Toad used his free enough hand to stab through the roof beneath them with a blade, prying it open like a can. �Wasn�t a dream. Stan will wish it was��

Luigi turned to him and back, eyebrows knotting. �Knowing your sense of humor, were you carrying a straight blade everywhere to be ironic?�

Toad eyed him endearingly. �Uh, no. You were less PC than me for once, niiiice!�

He lay flat again, back of his head bopping against the metal. �I�m definitely brain damaged.�

An intense rivalry span across every kingdom and the Great Sea, where at last, at near inhabitable Inception Island of Fahr Outpost, the camo-clad thirty-fiveish aged noki was worn down by the fortyish something red boo and cornered against a frigid solid rock. In all of the detective's fifteen or twenty, depending on which he was going with that day, years of experience, he'd never had a target as dangerous and persistent as Agent M, lowering the rocket launcher to smirk and display all those sharp cascading teeth.

Jelectro tilted his sunglasses to wink. "At least I don't have to, Patchy McGraybeard."

"Hey! Heeeey�" M rubbed his chin. "I'm doing my best and chicks dig it. Now you and Jeremy are still in the condo at so and so..? How many pieces you wanna be mailed back in?"

The red boo aimed the launcher again, cackling like a maniac. A mound of snow had accumulated on the barrel that quick. If the 'friendly' chat went on, Jelectro would soon be buried alive anyway. Of the rogue gallery, he found himself longing for on and off hours friend 999, or Lt. Stone. If not spike deep in Koopa Troop espionage, he could have been around, salving the unhinged as was his unusual knack. 0064 supposed he could use his own powers and it wouldn't be hedonistic for once, but evidently M was only thinking about home at Toad Town and being with some girlfriend..

The noki mumbled some reply, trained now at something down the dark barrel, the size of his head. There was an object stuffed in, and not a bullet bill-

"-I know! What a quack. Chains are far better, you know, for gagging people. You'd be able to testify! Fine, FINE enough stalling-"

And then, the noki reached and latched onto the object, creating a backfire that blew the red boo off the cliff. The snowball containing him smacked against a cabin, sending its occupant, a bob-omb in a fur hat out to investigate. Agent M emerged before the spherical baddie, the remains of his rocket launcher in the lawn split like a banana. He decked the civilian and retrieved his backup, the SS HQ shotty, approaching the cracked up dark blue shell of a noki, surrounded by colorful fun confetti.

He froze for a bit, literally as well, an ill feeling building up until he was gently prodded.

"-Mon ami, I thought it was time to come out of my shell." Jelectro, runny nosed and in an undershirt, loaded the silenced handgun. "Last words?"

"No no-" He revealed the red boo's own cell phone he'd pilfered. "To your Mademoiselle-"

M scanned the text and cursed to himself. "I promised Bridget I was gonna be home every night from now on�"

The noki checked his dive watch, the dunce cap then on him. Unless he'd reset the calendar under the cyclops by accident, it was Sunday morning. "Aye aye aye. We can kill each other another day. Oui?"

"It wasn't. You know this whole thing was me trying to frame the Spy Guy alliance."

Jelectro made him trip on purpose. "What part of me going down a canyon in your rust bucket would accomplish that, mon ami??"

"The part where I would phase you out and fake your assassination? It was that koopaling that mucked it up Either way, this fiasco is off the books. Us boo buddies aren't terrible secret keepers like the boo diddlys... Hey Jelectro!" He scowled as the noki jumped on a rickety ski lift in the middle of his sentence. M leapt for the sidebar, dangled for a moment to catch his breath and then sloppily spilled onto the chairlift. "Don't even try to ditch me, Bond. People that turn their back to boos never make it long.."

"Rules and conventions are nothing to me or you. Are not Red Boos an all female species?"

Jelectro focused ahead only, fighting against the nosebleed coming on.. �Wrong again, Trevor. Everything is opaque.�

Around the fortress in Neo Bowser City, agitated volcanoes spew lava all around town, mesmerizing a toad girl in the window, pressed to the glass drapes fully drawn. Mayor Koton and his rock baddies gave her and the gang the conference room, the lounge chair, the computer, and an awesome snack machine.

"Emery. Uh. Emery?" A koopatrol in a pink dress suit and tie, the men's uniform companion the girl's suit of a more feminine cut, stood next to her. "That kind of thing isn't healthy for even us natives.."

Startled, she bumped into him, righted herself, and flashed an ok, smoke pouring from her eye sockets. "Noted."

Tanner fiddled with his pockets. "She'd texted me it. And then my phone died forever." Looking over the old Bowserphone with a Koopa Ball Z shell cover was bittersweet. Its abrupt end flushed down a couple of old pictures he had of Zoo.

"Oh. Umm, the basics are: if anyone doesn't want to support her 'fabulous dreams', reshaping the world, killing plumbers, being good looking, blah blah, expect death."

"I know. She sounded like her old self in it too, and to be messaged directly, I must be doin' great!"

"No I mean-" She held his elbow, she hoped, and led him toward what she was hearing . On the surveillance screens showing downstairs, Skylandians were gathering on the Dark Land crest rug, darker skinned toads with mostly light blue spots. Decorated in armor from yesterday's battle, and running on that same high by their boldness in speaking to Johnson, they were all going to march down tomorrow to vote for Toad!

"Guys guys guys! Something crazy just happened!" Hippity Hop announced in the doorway after the fact. They shrieked regardless.

Emery found the worn, hand me down desk and sat. Funny, she despised being propped behind these when at MK East, dealing with paperwork or some drivel. Now she was willing because she saw the big picture. -Once the black dots faded from her vision she would rather. She called up Wendy on the conference phone. The distaff koopaling appeared on screen. She had an influencer angle, so she wasn't too close, showing others in the background looking gaunt and tired. As for the princess, she positively glowed, like she'd spent the night in a fancy hotel, exactly like her glamor shots, infatuating the three until her low venous tone shot them back to reality.

"I am aware of encroaching dangers, disciples Emery, Tanner.. And Flippity-Flop."

"SILENCE.. hitherto unimportant travelers- a brigade, approaches with an offering, just in time for one of our celestial enemies." Bowser Jr. stopped playing with a toy train and began to point and call her out to their dad. Wendy slid the camera closer. "So for now sit pretty! Ciao!"

Her disciples, or as normal people would say, her assistants nodded obsequiously.

The cloaked figure picked up the phone in the recess of MK East, knowing the codes for the facilities intranet.

On the other end, all the way in the Sarasaland processing station, the duplighost checked around carefully, remaining in their disguise. �I know dearie. I�m great at imitation. Every document has Theodore on it, there�s no choice.�

�Something hit our ship! The Princess Peach limped on, stars bless, but Dr. Prof was seasick and half over the rails the moment before impact. We only recovered him from the hips down!�

She collected her thoughts, sliding up her glasses. �I�ve done my job. A special guess is arriving and I don�t want to become trapped. We go far back. It�s the King.�

23. Revelation

A Fighter Fly escaped the open suitcase, all that was in it. The green dinosaur wished to the stars for a reset and he got it, already having a banality free for once phone conversation with his ex-fiancé for closure. She’d tied a balloon to her problems and released the string, per her ‘elegant’ quote. The Marios could use that advice, his short tail managing to whack into everything during his respite stay. Ripping Poochy away from cartoons caused an avalanche from boxes near the TV.

Mario shot up from the kitchen table, leaving behind the toaster he was repairing. “I thought I’d shoved those Nintendo console boxes in the closet..” While assisting he discovered a music box he lost a year ago, dropping the dino all over again in his haste.

A lump on his nose, Yoshi rescued himself ultimately. A broken up statue in the pile stood out. “This is why that happens, Mario!” he lectured heatedly. A self deprecating smile almost crept on him, recalling the rafter in the eye parable. “Sorry.. What was that? Maybe we can replace it,” he offered.

The downtrodden plumber let some of the blue parts spill from his arms in defeat. “Doubt that, Yosh. It’s Bowser’s brother.”

After an enduring light speed journey through disorienting pewter colored space dust, it was only at the impenetrable gold gates where Millennium Star grumbled. The white fields of Eldstar’s court were scorched, sporadically unveiling the bare sapphire platform, and the aqueduct of the perpetual motion machine was desertic. The ancient star’s omniscience allowed him a window inside the tarnished temple:

~Mamar and Kalmar chat on a rear balcony, empty pie pans stacked two and three high. Muskular was in his ground floor gym, a pan on a bench while he lifted a dumbbell. Misstar sat at a vanity, adjusting her sun colored silk ribbon, a partially consumed pie also reflecting along with her stunning self. Kevlar and Skolar, distanced by rows of shelves in the library, identically had their workspace soiled by crumbs. Eldstar was in the hall adjacent to his room, like he’d only made it that far before he had to stop and tap on his pager, the flakes on his mustache and a berry colored smudge on the side of his mouth revealing.

“-Exactly!” From out of the fog emerged a miniature golden star. He bowed, explaining through his strained breaths. “The Mario Kart results soured my appetite, so I passed when the Absurd Apple Pies were sent.” Twink hovered again, his natural glow framing a face etched with agony. “It broke something in the Star Spirits. They’ve been dithering since. I saw the deliverer but-”

“-Uh, I.. was actually told by the star kids I was fussing over a coincidence.” Twink glanced off into the cosmos emptily. “We’ve scattered since.”

Millennium Star took his pointed arm, raising him to his level. “Shame on those insolents. They will be forgotten in the annals of this journey unlike you. Steer me to the assailant!”

The cosmic clouds almost parted for the ancient star sweeping Rosalina’s Comet Observatory until he found the idyllic zone abandoned. The console display was powered down, uncharacteristic of the watchful goddess, and there was but one luma visible, waving him down.

“-Help!” A dark brown star begged, flat on the floor. “I tried to warn that star warrior against ‘rolling up gangsta style’ on Earth. He seized Rosalina as well, Milly. Knock some sense into him!”

Polari peeled himself up. “-Excuse me, Millennium Star I'm so overwrought- Oh hurry please. I will become a launch star for you.”

“Why thank you..” Millennium Star mumbled, watching Polari spin on the spot and transform into a black colored version of that distinctive form of star powered transportation. A sense tingled as he stopped outside it, examining and in fact about to decline, when a particlized tendril captured and dragged him in with crushing gravity. He grit his teeth, the outer ring spinning rapidly counterclockwise around him.

A nerve hit, the adversary spewed him through the universe so quickly the fabrics of it warbled. Not concerning much to Millennium Star, the lord of two things, one of which the Dark Ztar was running out of.

If Mario got away with pretending small refreshes made something original, he could too. Without fortresses, bloodwood trees, banners, and other works cluttering 444 Dark Drive, fresh angles were unveiled on the swampy Badlands, the flat traditional Darklandian village, scaling modern Neo Bowser City, and the distant rural volcano range. It could be more appreciated if they weren’t drained from travel and stuck under leaking flimsy tents. Something had to be done, Bowser recognized, if he didn’t want to lose the tiny bit of morale he’d scraped up, calling for a different type of wizardry. He was going to put on his best behavior and delegate. (Unlike those ‘lazy’ Mushroomites who got everything handed to them, grrr.)

“...Hello? Yeah, this is Bowser!!” he blew the speaker out, covering his mouth afterward. “None.”

“..So it defaults to three. Noted,” It was a gravelly Mushroom accented voice. “ ….Thank you for calling 'Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc.’ This is Mr. X speaking and, unfortunately, how may I help you?”

Who asked for that sass? Bowser held his rebuttal. “I’ve returned to Dark Land and I would like to order a copy of my castle. Don’t worry, I won’t illegally rip off the REPLICA stickers.”

“No, LOSER- Erm. My point is if I hired minions to do it, which means I pay extra by the way, it’s just as much my goal to keep the few folks willing to support me from getting hypothermia!”

“Like.. I dunno.” Bowser checked around the alleyways of the camp, cupping over the speaker. “Years back. Yeah. Not too long after.. My marriage end. Is that even your business? What, need a background check? I have the money. You in or out??”

While using a dry tree stump to write on, Bowser found it quaint that someone was that out of touch with the biggest menace in the Mushroom World. X really didn’t get out. Shortly he had the checks filled, his large handwriting requiring multiple to hold the zeros. Runner minions came up, including a paragoomba in a pink officer's cap. After having the check containing the important decimal point slapped in his face, he shook it off.

“This is Hippity Hop sir, 13th aerial forces. I think Queen Wendy O. wanted me to escort her into the city.”

-Bowser parted through the Koopa Troop until he brought his only daughter to the front by the shell. “You are grounded and you CANNOT go downtown with all the malls until that election tomorrow. I’m sick of this craziness. Know what? I don’t want ANYONE by Hippityface going back right now..”

Like he’d proposed a raise, there were goombas, bob-ombs, shy guys, heck even Morton rallying until Ludwig tapped him. A drone of unaffiliated airships filled the turbulent skies.

Four carried over the KT camp a huge structure, releasing the cables over the castle plot. Bowser and others unearthed from the tidal wave of mud, blindly crawling in the direction of impact. Only when Kammy bumped Kamek into the moat did it click for the less sophomoric. Compact, boxy, non-self indulgent and with relatively low towers, it featured a parasitic fortress that was once Larry’s, and a neon board screaming BOWSER that was in fashion during the Dinosaur Land takeover era.

Consequently the Koopa King dragged his feet across the drawbridge, the others overtaking him to disperse happily. After some used that BACK DOOR however, he recalled that this was Mario’s favorite design in the day. He was just so dang athletic if he wanted to be...

“Settle down, your viciousness. You seem smitten. Should I call a medic?” A crone blocked his path.

A soot-covered magikoopa shoved her aside. “Lord Bowser would rather not when we already owe this.” Kamek handed the flustered Koopa King the MKDCU bill.

“Didn't mean to holla. Sorry.” Daisy squeezed her tight under the arched lattice entrance into the newly renovated garden. The blonde princess ignored how crumpled her fancier more exaggerated dress was getting. She also had ringlets in her hair, new opera gloves and pink shined heels. As long as Daisy didn’t mess any of that up, she’d be able to shape herself back up for later.

The tanned princess led her, hand in hand, through the leafy zig zags, at one point passing right by the gardener without recognition. As they hadn't gotten together in a while, Peach remembered how much she admired Daisy's super power. In addition to how she attracted Flutters, made buds on potted plants open, withered hedges flower, and the parched ground green, she could amble with messy shoulder length hair, an orange hoodie, blue track pants, and tennis shoes and be treated 'normally'.

Spray from the waterfall released Peach from that tangent. They'd reached the clearing at the end, a tranquil spring setting yards from the river.

"..Wonderful, dear!" Peach worked through her off kilter feeling to show her to the metal table and chairs.

A steward materialized on the spot, sliding the chairs out and setting the table expertly in five seconds, with tea in cups. Everything was easing back into what Peach envisioned for this 'business meeting', until the auburn haired princess leaned way back in the 19th century bedizened chair like it was some ratty old recliner, her long bronze legs stretching beyond where Peach's were. Peach glanced to Toadette and back, flushing, and said nothing, trying not to stare. Thusly the toad girl persisted with the 'script'.

She pulled out a violin and a bow, screeching one note before Peach stopped her. "Wrong mood we're going for, dear. It's a tea party with Daisy, not.." She whispered, "When Mario and I would do this!"

Toadette sheepishly lowered the vintage instrument. "Princess, your CD with the ambient bird sounds is misplaced."

“I know where to find another!!” A gigantic three-headed monster sprung out of the joining lake.

While the blonde princess hid behind a paper fan, Daisy shielded the sun, eager to see the kaiju sweep around Toad Town with his bat wings, cries of confusion or terror resonating out there. "That's wicked!"

Toadette stared off dreamily. "Blue has really glowed up. I love the confidence, the fire breath, how he wears a size 500 shoe …Enjoy the tea!" She inched away from that TMI admission, replaced with a taller heavyset purple toad.

Les chatted up Daisy. Unfortunately for her or him, it was enigmatic to Peach either way, she knew the discography of the band on her shirt better than he did, as she was more into 'metal' and he into 'rock'. Joseph swung in, dropping some fire and ice flowers on their table as his excuse to intrude. That didn't last however, Daisy not knowing ASL. As more toads spontaneously realized that another princess was on their property, Chef Tim informed them of cupcakes in the oven, though he blabbed so long he suddenly had to sprint away to put out a small fire. A shy kid, Thomas came up with the CD over his finger, but no player to use it.

Daisy shrugged and laughed in response. "Great. It's sorta awkward to go all out when this is nothing."

Peach abruptly sat down her emptied tiny ceramic cup. "This was an act of war against your kingdom too!"

"Nah." She patted the pink princess's poofy sleeves. "I bet they didn't even know who I was in all this mess. I'm fine, and if I get home before tomorrow I won't get chewed tf out."

"Oh." Peach didn't know how to react, especially when Daisy sat straight, somewhat serious faced.

Unable to look into the other princess's deep blue eyes, she pretended the waterfall she'd seen all her life was exceptionally interesting right then. "My father will have some very valid matters to question me on today. I can't keep peace. I keep needing assistance. I'm not engaged yet! It makes the way I took over haunt me again, because after all that, I'm still failing."

Daisy's hands covered over her wrists as she wavered. "Straight up. I know your story and all that, so was sending him out of town the right choice?"

She handed over a red and white checkered keffiyeh she'd packed. "K. Put that on. It's important. Now road trip!!!!!"

Peach found herself basking in the sights, smells, and sensations of typical life, no agents of her father ruining it with tanks. The strict classes she grew up with were vanquished, toads, koopas, other 'friendly' and 'enemy' species alike bustling around Toad Town. Together, without a steward or guide, they could do whatever. They window shopped, visited important landmarks like the coliseum, busy with helping Mushroom Flu patients in the wide space, and tried out questionable or odd items sold on the street, like a 'never-melt' snow bunny that did just that all over the place. During the last fifteen minutes of 'BUZZY: The Movie' at the one coin theater, they were asked to leave, because Daisy kept sharing far more entertaining memes on her phone. An attendant caught Peach's identity once in the lobby and prostrated, but she let the decision stand. This was all so unprincess like, yet invigorating, even when they almost died on the way back to the castle.

Okay a truck- almost- by accident surely, splashed them from a puddle, but still! No hysterics. No one hurled their body in the way to block it, nothing. It was as clear as the lake in the center of Royal Raceway that she needed to fix her perspective.

Peach didn't answer quickly enough she supposed, Daisy shaking her playfully. "In a theater, don't operate-"

"Besides that!" she laughed. "You've done more than any Toadstool ever, girl. That's what. They feel safe here, dedicate their lives to it, fight for it.. The King had better be proud!"

Daisy handed her something. After accepting, she realized it was a sweatband. "Umm."

"It's clean! Now lemme teach ya about going nuclear." She sat on the concrete barrier.

Though the flawless condition of her dress flashed in Peach's mind, whatever the Sarasalandian had to say somehow became more tantalizing, and she joined her. "What does that entail?"

"Remember when nothing was going on for a while? Back home artifacts were making pyramids fly, possessing folks, causing plagues-"

"I know. I excavated bout fifty plots, including my own backyard, and the catch was to gather them up. With the conflict, we could blow the suckers sky high. So it's literal."

"...Is it that simple? Thank you, by the way." She awkwardly returned the sweatband.

"Yeah, nothin.." Daisy stared intensely, leaning in. "Peach, I dunno if it's your perfect race track backdrop, the waters reflectin', or the darker colors of your dress, but your eyes are SO effin blue right now. Like more than the beautiful Great Sea."

The blonde princess blushed. If.. if only she wasn't complementing contacts. "I'm not used to head coverings. Yes.. and I'm a little dizzy. Let's get out of the heat," she sputtered, climbing up.

A silver Aston Mushroom drifted around the curve leading to the starting line, braking aggressively in front of them. The window lowered. “Princess! Yoohoo! Could I ask a few things?”

Kylie Koopa, famed reporter, jumped out. The way her pen hovered over the notepad made Peach’s stomach twirl- or in a bad way now rather. Her first instinct was to skip out of there until a poke in her back made her leap forward almost into her.

“You got this!” Daisy winked, moving off to blend in with some road workers in the background.

Kylie fired questions, basic ones the princess always got post rescue. The only new detail was that ‘toad destroyer’ Boo was arrested. Lo and behold, her friend called it. Nothing to be afraid of. Kylie finished jotting and, like something pinged her, glanced over her shell and back.

“One sec.” Kylie hopped in, started that kart and made a U-turn so that the passenger side was stationed at Peach.

She gasped as it rolled down and a toad she had a long history with flashed a white smile.

“I’m a quarter mile from your castle, so this is permissible right? Got one question..”

Peach struggled to not eyeroll. He was banned from her home, not specifically from herself, quite and oversight to realize now. The green toad had crinkles and since last seeing him, but with that strong deep voice for a toad and decent male fashion sense, it was undeniably Mitch Toad. “You may proceed.”

“Stuff it..” Mitch shoved her face out of the way. "A suitor, the richest guy in town is interested in ya, and he’s the one that rebuilt your castle!”

Mitch flipped his notebook like some luxurious game show prize, pink official parchment with a perfect forgery of 'THE KING'. “-And he’s right here! ...Oh you think you're safe because I can't hop out? That doesn't stop me anymore” With a loud crack, the raised dash panel section of her raceway crumbled, terrifying nearby workers. “Now eyes back to me. As king I'd show the cretins round here what fair society looks like, unlike-” He covered his mouth scandalously. “The contents of that parcel you’re hiding.. ’ve already predicted every move of yours. Give it up. Marry me.”

“-You got some nerve talking smack to her.” Daisy popped up, snatching the toad by the necktie.

Then a door was kicked shut by the irate pink shelled koopa storming out. "If you're trying to gather a harem, forget about helping me with this Nass T. case!"

“Whatever,” he snorted to her. “You don’t know ‘Peachy’ as much as ya think, Daisy. How’s she gonna explain who rebuilt the caste? Why she’s wearing colored contacts? Why she won’t be engaged when she’s embellished to her dad she was?”

Daisy stepped back from the sports car, unreadably. “No lies told, dawg!” She drew closer to Peach. “She’s… with me.” Slapping Peach’s behind with apparently an authentic enough reaction in return, applause and whistling erupted out of nowhere.

Color draining, Peach whipped left and right. Pianta, monty, and toads in hardhats lined the sides, Kylie, not quite out of ear range spinning on her heels, gawking.

A taped recipe slid from under Chancellor Samuel Toadsworth’s red door, bunching against Toadette’s shoe. He’d scrutinized it at least she hoped, he tried to destroy it decades ago after all, because as dutiful as she was, smothering himself in that room was derisive at his point. Before she went ham, she saw words on the other side, his written reply. That wasn’t the etiquette for.. She’d reluctantly accept that for now, running late. She darted downstairs, beyond Mr. Zeror digging in a supply closet, and took some keys off a hook. She got to drive a car unattended, brightening her mood considerably. See, flooding the Birthday Kart like a klutz sent it to a shop, and in an ironic way now, what was one of Peach’s newest assets pre-castle destruction now fit in better with the surviving relics sealed in the basement. She rolled it out into the driveway-

“Toadette!” The frenzied princess clung to the side of the kart, scaring the daylights out of her. “We must stop the presses, the message boards, and the gossip of the Toad Town public transportation. -Or,” Peach beamed, like she had the most brilliant idea then. “I need an invention that reverses time!”

Daisy rested her foot on the bumper, less traumatized but breathing as heavily from the mad dash. “Maybe I can work on that last one. I see the sunscreen, the sunglasses. Head’n down South?”

“It ain’t working out,” Roy wagged fingers in the face of the Koopa Troop general gazing endlessly into the overcast. “Face it, Luddy. She’s just not dat into yer meetings.”

A thorough sweep of the graveyard of upturned and nonairworthy airships behind Bowser’s New Castle did not unveil Wendy or Larry, mirroring the previous meeting. “Fine,” Ludwig grunted, settling on what crowd he did have, a dozen assorted baddies, not counting siblings.

All attention on him, woozy with a thick scarf he’d never be caught in normally hiding ‘influenza’ sores, in reality an unsubstantiated side effect from the Gravitational Pull, he shattered on the spot, his knees buckling.

A rainbow haired koopaling detached from the others who had never seen that part of their commander before, followed by a taller one with a green half shave.

“After we acquire the Special Object, how can we keep it safe?? I cannot believe I am doubting myself,” he wept onto Lemmy as he patted his shell comfortingly. Iggy's arms were out stretched and he totally didn't go for him. He knew Lemmy was the Bishōnen between them, but what the heck..

“We’re this close despite all that, though! Now we can ALL fight the dark star! We don’t even care that we can die!... Welp, I coulda..reworded that...” Lemmy watched Davey the whomp, Claude the albatoss, Annabell the pom pom, and other minions whose names only he knew scurry.

After a grateful nod of acknowledgement to his ‘trusted adjutant’, oh and that other one, Ludwig obtained his equilibrium. “You are correct. I should appreciate what I have.” He squinted at the bony beetle doubling back.

“Sup,” Leo greeted. “My cousin just texted me that Miss Wendy uh.. Left Bowser’s New Castle on an errand, clack clack.”

“But it is integral that we monitor her!!!” Ludwig demanded. “The Jewel of the Stars, WW63 relic is somewhere in Mayor Koton’s office. ‘Parallelogon’ belongs outside her clutches.”

“Ooh! I can track her with my ‘Way Awesome Intelligent Futuristic Utility’!!” Iggy Delta bounced around, waving for attention. "Lemmy, would you like for me to show you my super cool abilities?"

“He’ll wuss out anyway! Bawk bawk bawk!” Roy sneered, overdoing it blatantly to Ludwig. He was apprehensive himself!

“Knock it off! I’m Super Mercenary Iggy Delta now, cybernetically enhanced koopaling soon to get at least a two season anime and a finale episode! Or a manga volume, I’d take that too if any publishers are listening-”

“I must vouch for Iggster.” Morton was given a bizarre once over from Roy but he continued, from the safety of standing behind Ludwig. “My bookclub is raving about his tech services saying he did not budge, capitulate, or back down when they wanted a discount.”

Ludwig rubbed his chin. He observed how Neo Bowser City had a bright halo, befitting of how it was his salvation. The end of this was nigh assuming Toadsworth, kingdoms away pulled his weight. The next page for him? Likely sending postcards to his friends- no scratch that, his family only from the Overthere.

"You shall go Ignatius,” he decided, just in time for the dinner call. Roy made a dangerous ‘I see you’ gesture to Morton, Junior was still ignored and Iggy was the last remaining outdoors, despondently soaking in the rain…

The roof folded under the weight of their hostages and dumped them in the middle row, The Captain amused while Banktoad, also in the front, sunk out of view from embarrassment.

The blue geeky toad secured a sleeve of the stylish plumber. "Did you know the average toad has 2.5 times the strength of a human?-"

Luigi swung his leg up and kicked Hint Toad across that cheeky face. "No average human here, bucko."

The unconscious spectacled adventurer slumped into the lap of Mailtoad. He jut his arms up in surrender, as Toad already had a blade to his neck.

Captain tapped the wheel, thinking it over with no urgency, oblivious to Mailtoad pleading for his life.

"William!" The Captain pinched his nephew's ear and they fought in the front row like animals, the serving, tilting vehicle jumbling Toad and Luigi around without seatbelts.

Like a lit bob-omb went off, "I HATE YOU STANLEY YOU STUPID BISH! STOP MAKING EVERYTHING HELL FOR US AND STOP THE CAR! !!"

Captain Toad mashed the brakes, sand flying, before they careened into the ocean. Luigi and Toad smacked against the back of their seat and bounced off, dazed. "William, watch your language," he hissed, fingers quivering over the wheel. "I regret ever approaching you while you were down, bestowing an irregular a lucrative career and- How did this wonderous bridge get here?" He pointed to the rainbow road sprawling from the island.

Bank settled back into his seat, breathing heavily. "(I freaking heard that you..) Yeah, I did that with the telescope thing."

"Yeah. Sure." Banktoad distantly dropped that tuft of hair he'd pulled from The Captain. "And I'm sorry."

The Captain stomped the accelerator a fraction of a second before the hostages regained their bearings. The steepness and speed going up that newly formed ramp flung them into the wagon's rear cabin, colliding with glass bottles with a tremendous clang as the sirens and lights caught up.

"Pull over!" buzzed from the hovering space cruiser. Several warnings later, it unleashed super scope blasts, turning the kart into swiss cheese. A door latch was blown off, ejecting everything and everyone in the trunk. The plumber, toad, and bottles slammed the solid ground of the connected island.

The next thing Luigi remembered was being numb all over, spitting up grit while on his knees and elbows. Toad, disguised as a lump of mud to his side, or the other way around, gave a sign he was a-okay, rewarded for lying obviously when a blur buried him deeper in sand as it came across. The airtight hatch clicked, released steam, and lifted upwards.

"Have no fear Mr. Luigi, I will arrest the scum of the Earth who inverted all of your pockets-" (Stunned, the men then noticed their coats and pants like that) "-Crossed seven kingdoms illegally, and kidnapped you! Now let's kick it." He plucked the toad right up, like the vegetables in Subcon.

Toad's expression remained brittle through the invite inside the cruiser. This entire time he was worried about encountering someone that knew him while he was obviously on a date, when the real danger was another red toad who's known his secret for ages now. As much as that sucked, this patrol car's intense, rocket like ride made up for it. There were more vibrant rainbows bridging islands, red and green cheep cheeps leaping out of the water underneath in choreographed formations, and they saw it all up close.

"This is a phenomenal metaphysical projecting device." The green plumber geeked out over the Vrlrdyi Scope, eighteen inches by estimate, very light, non-telescoping, and inscribed around the barrel in a spidery language. "How does it know what to cast? Might it be sapient? Does it read nerve endings? Can I find a manual somewhere?"

To preface, I know nobody uses this platform anymore except MayMay. (Raven or Jim, if you DO dig this up, she’s the Bonneter in social studies, still thinking she’s hilarious bc she can haz cheeseburger..) Since it’s not bogged down with JavaScript my phone can’t handle it’ll hafta do. This is too embarrassing to hold in.

I had a heckin good plan for my campaign. I studied, I knew what to avoid, until the Pillar of Understanding, just, like, happened. It took over and totes tried to upstage daddy. That’s so not me. My agency, gone with all these voices all the time-”

"No more diabolical plans!" Her cyborg big brother brought the boat to an abrupt stop with his tractor beam. "It's not kawaii Wendy-chan, and it made everybody leave our Princess Parlor discord."

She crossed one leg over the other. "I'm not! I'm vibing in my salt water element. Rumors of me attacking Toad was a tarp. I'd rather talk to him."

The canoe rocked when he skeptically sat on the other end. "You got some explaining to do sis. I sorta hyped up that I'd have an epic battle with you. Besides I thought you were like King Dad. You don't like toads and hate twilight?"

His chiseled undershell made her fist rebound. 'Yowch!' She had to dip her knuckles in the water to hide the pain, nonetheless proud he'd toughened up "Here's why I'm like shook, Iggy. I've already triple crossed the line, but I gotta keep going to contrast Luddy. I'm not misanthropic like him, I do love people, if they listen to me at least.. so I wanted to take the KT and focus on 'us', our wellbeing, because that's gone by the wayside and we all know it."

He twiddled his thumbs. "Entirely so, Wendy-chan. The more of the outside world I analyze with my sensors, the less I can ignore that my talents are kinda underutilized here. Plus I think Lemmy dumped me as his BFF. I've teleported five hundred times now and no amount of coding or doing tech support calls fills the void. We have a predicament don't we?"

"Gosh, somebody gets it." She wrinkled her nose as this huge ocean liner came up, a senior oriented one with no amusement to be found, with the audacity to honk like they were in the way. She flung a ring at it, striking the hull and it didn't even sink like what the movie 'Toadtanic' taught her. "Brought headphones to drown that drab thing out?"

Iggy rotated the small plastic square case in his paw, reminded of who it came from.. If these dark stars entities could use up someone in a day or two, he had to sever their hold on sister. "Right here sis. It's playing.. 'I need 'A Doctor Mario'. Yikes, Dr. Greg got hit by a missile yesterday. Larry doesn't like to talk about it."

"PARTAKE. I YOUR NEW HELPER WILL MAKE YOU PROSPEROUS MY QUEEN. WE HAVE MUCH IN COMMON. WE ARE SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS. ONE IN HIS EAR CANAL AND ONE IN YOURS AS A BONDING SESSION BETWEEN SIBLINGS. IT WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE. AND TUBULAR!"

Her appendages roved on their own, taking the left piece. There was a jounce in the ocean princess as, eyes widened, she swiftly snatched the right earphone and inserted his. They partied and jammed from the harmony, all previous concerns abolished, even as the boat tipped on them.

From the vile and corrosive circumfluous byproduct of the wretched washed up a purple star. Millennium Star strenuously crawled to higher parts of the meteor rock where the dark matter pools could not reach, over scattered fresh bones, around larger drier ones embedded in the ground, and dodging blackening debris piles, mostly a conglomerate of ‘borrowed’ Earth soil, but with the pungent odor of death and the source of the trails of some festering liquid. Had his very very distant friends plunged as well? Pinned under the weight of those worries, he fell flat, his glow revealing every sordid detail of the crumbling graveyard he’d encroached. Right in his vantage point was a message chiseled in the rock-

..Shuffled off mortal coil, I am the rhabdomancer with imperturbability. All is floccinaucinihilipilification as..”

“-Don’t read my diary bro!!!” A dark boo dove down before the ancient star, tossing dirt over the paragraphs.

“It’s Zoo, now get out like Rosalina and ♡♪!?, however you say it..” The dark boo sat against a tomb, brows creasing. “It’s a launch star or something on the other side of that morgue. A real one.”

“Yeah no...You know they said ‘Zoo, you made a good call not coming back, ‘cause you’re stone cold crazy.’ Best compliment I’ve ever heard,” he laughed dryly.

The dark boo’s jaw tightened, forgetting he was already backed up against an object. “No!”

“You will not need them.” Millennium Star projected his Book of Casualty, a window into the past. The open middle page showed Dr. Toad swamped with study notes, wearing those sweaters, long sleeves, and khaki pants he frequented to hide his ‘tribal’ marks from hybrid boo lineage and blend in with red toads at Mushroom College.

His brother discovered Zoo’s ‘Death Ray’ made breaks in DNA cells in scientific terms, akin to radiation, and with that understanding he sought to repurpose it benevolently, or perhaps defensively. Anything but what it was then with his dark boo brother maiming or killing people randomly. Zoo felt a stab in his chest recalling his reaction to that discussion later, how on reflex, like scratching an itch, he ventured into his head. He didn’t want to be dissected like some experiment. Fleeing to their parents was no better. Lou deteriorated back home, forgetting names of his children, who was older or younger, etc, and Sue Sr., the toad parent was consumed with caregiving. Afraid of abandonment, Zoo took the first steps and high tailed on his own-

“Freakin cut it out!” He begged, resting on the tear soaked ashes underneath him. “Like, whatever anyway. Airship’s sailed.”

Millennium Star dissipated the illusions. “Your brother risked the empire he built to respond to your letter. Your old commander has acquitted you of the Special Object ordeal. Tanner is reminiscing about you perpetually and, despite his efforts to honor your wish, I will ‘cheat’ and foresee that.. Ah yes. Your vote for-” A smile overtook him. “Ho ho, you improved your literacy for him. How.. sweet. Well, the only hole you cannot dig out of is the grave.”

“-And that is why I am not one of those auspicious heroes with axioms of good will prevail blah blah. I will be truthful.” He thumped the ground hard, shaking the planetoid and the abominable mounds, flipping the tombs. “I am a god of chaos, as are you with your mind, fascinating as a broken clock once said. (I’d know. I am one!) Your resurgence would be nothing short of fun. Disregard what the others implied, you will not regret this.” There was a mutual glimmer of mischief between them following that.

“Splendid!” Millennium Star attached to the dark boo and skipped the launch star, rocketing them through the galaxy on his own, exponentially growing power.

In Bowser’s New Castle, the buzzing neon sign and squeaks of minion shoes as they settled down was the only sound outside of distant thunder claps.

“Perhaps,” he groaned. “As the stars might not align our paths again, I must confess I was wrong to dismiss your career here. It is not some ‘phase’ and you are respected and- g-g-g-” he struggled.

Spotted all along, the supernaturally bleached white haired koopaling stepped from behind the corner, pissed. At least they weren’t snitches. He tapped on the ceiling high red door with the knocker.

“Eek!” The fifteen year old crept through. Bowser’s throne, actually an office chair, was against the back wall, stacks of chests to the right, a poster of Mario doing a V sign on the left, and then an actual desk before him with a laptop. Plans and blueprints were stacked, verging on messily, but decent by his standards. Bowser lifted from his latest plan, chair compressing from his weight shift. “K?”

Larry approached the desk, staring at his toes. “Umm.. So Luddy was obsessed with those Council of Conscientious Villainy hipsters and in, umm, in their archives the motto ‘Take a slice of their pie’ came from, they claim I mean…your brother.” He dared to look at his father head on. Bowser was picture still. “Sounds like tycoon stuff. So why do you think a guy like that woulda been better leadin us?”

The king sighed and laughed simultaneously, relaxing. “Growing up, Clarentine was always running off while I was homebodied. Yeah, you’d never guess. Then the war started and never.. Stopped in a way.” He coughed the raggedness out of his voice, tossing the silver pen into the #1 villain coffee mug. “-Er, in retrospect, King Morton saw the writing on the wall and one of us two had to keep this thang going..” He typed clunkily for a sec, then swiveled the laptop around.

That artistic reproduction might have been discussed in a freshman class of Larry’s. He’d know for sure if he wasn’t skipping so much.

“In Kingly Law mythology, three cosmic koopas ‘G’, ‘O’ and ‘D’ held this planet up by never moving or listening to anyone telling them to. That’s why it's so hard for us Darklandians to be flexible at times, even when what we’re doing over and over ain’t working.” Unlocking a memory, Bowser rolled the chair, facing a window battered heavily by rain. Lighting flashed miles off, volcanos revealed in silhouette. “Erm, so it was time for dad to judge. Couldn’t be in person. He was already hafin ta run. I copied dad in my half of the territory, and Clarentine, oh boy.. He had traders comin in and out, fixed the ph balance to farm and set up a monopoly thing, the goal to literally buy our enemies out. Was never going to work, not cause we were too stupid even though we probably were, but he just wasn’t ready himself to do things different. Clarentine wept and scrammed. I won by default.” Bowser decided that he should tug that lever to raise the chair, so he wasn’t sunk to the floor. “Whenever I’d fail I’d fall back in time. Wonder if he was right.. So Lawrence.”

Bowser signed a document, his hunched posture obscuring the glistening in his eyes. “Whether you stick with the Troop, or go off and play music, I’m fine with either at this point, don’t leave question marks in your life.”

“I get it, Yosh, haha.” The red plumber locked up the screen door under the hot sun. What good it did when his home had been busted into twice in one weekend, he was uncertain. It was a habit is all he supposed, like it was for his long time dinosaur friend to leash his dog outside when he knew such measures were a suggestion at best. Mario had a heavy duty garbage bag over his shoulders, the bust pieces inside going to Russ T. (Yoshi’s suggestion, very proudly) for consultation. “Happy house hunting!”

Yoshi went tch. He could not predict him! It was only a coincidence Pleasant Path was scenic, the sidewalks so smooth, the planters brimming with flowering plants delectable to his large nose. The blue mushroom home with the lights off was Gill T.’s abode, who thought he was neighborhood watch. The Kuribo shoe styled one belonged to Dr. Fungenstein, a frizzy haired retired researcher who cackled into stormy nights and badmouthed his brother from Rogueport. Others were red toads mostly and they were unique certainly, Yoshi just had other priorities...

The dino caught the lightweight box. “Thank-” He read the label, mouth hanging. “-You?”

“It’s to Peach castle-” The mailman tapped rapidly into a scanner. "I wasn't being followed or had trouble visiting there or anything. I'm only five-hundred letters late on this scorcher of a day. That's all.." He saluted nervously. "Thank you for using Toad Town Postl!"

~’The Fabulous Birdo’, a heart drawn around the inscription, sending gifts to ‘Mr. Toad’.

At the other end of the avenue, Mario sat on a toad proportioned wooden stool, listening to the local personality, now out of the spotlight since his shtick was rendered neolithic by online message boards. No less spirited, however. Russ T. kept his space dignified and shelves of books tidy despite signs of heavy use. He knew more about Darklandian customs that Mario thought he did, or maybe until now he'd never asked. All was well until he mentioned those attacks on toads yesterday.

…Mario ran up to the dinosaur waiting on his porch. "Did Luigi mention when he'd return? It's about Boo."

"No he didn't Mario, and-" Yoshi watched Mario check that package out. He should have hid it, because with a steamy breath, Mario's grip crushed a corner of it. "Oh that. Umm, scandalous, isn't it?.."

Years ago after he splurged on a Parade Cart, he and Birdo made gratuitous trips anywhere around the kingdom (also the reason that didn't last). Visiting some club, 'Chimera', they stumbled upon Toad in the back. He was horrified at the sight of them, to the point of gagging. Judging by the speed dating cards he dropped on the way out, he had a specific type and it wasn't pink dinosaurs.

-So, with that in mind, he decided it was safer to keep Mario on that road. Adopting indignation suddenly, he punted the box away, a touch too hard. It hurled across the street, deflected off a metal mail receptacle, bumped off a passing kart, and crashed into somebody's window.

Yoshi trudged to their doorstep and knocking, noticed a mangled fingerprint keypad attached to a jiggling handle.

It swung open less than an inch, the interior dark, unleashing the rasp of a toad, "Relax. I have insurance… … …! -"

"Hold on.. What does that groundskeeper look like?" the homeowner repeated, undecipherable to Yoshi. At the same time, a magnificent glider swept across the sky, the pilot blending into the black triangle above. The tail flowing behind it spelled 'G-O-A-W-A-Y!'

Yoshi fell into their home, flopping back onto the hardwood. There were scraping sounds and the natural light was blocked. Abducted, and by- He gasped leaning up, spots in his vision from the change in lighting. The room was chock full of spy equipment, racks of weapons, radars, and monitors, the only thing that should belong the couch in front of a NES Classic equipped TV. SMB3 was paused in world 3.

“Sonny..” Yoshi caught his breath. “Ugh. Not how I thought we’d rendezvous.”

“Me neither, Mr. Munchakoopas. I’ve been here for eight months and we’d met before the coast guard thing. I didn’t expect you to pick up on it because I was an unremarkable red toad on purpose.” The nineteen year old secured bolt locks from the top to the bottom, ammo steadily spilling from his tactile vest with every movement. His left foot was in a homemade cast and an ugly deep scar split across what once movie star perfect visage. “Think this’ll hold?”

“Ah, well, Mario is less than fifty feet away.” Yoshi got a better look around. Pinup posters of koopa ‘thots’ were plastered behind the work stuff, some risqué, and bookshelf current blocked the window he’d damaged. (Said books E-rated, Phew) “We should call him.”

Yoshi swept him away by that too big vest. “This is serious Emerson! There are no old bold pilots, or coast guards, or spies, whatever you are, so get it together and stop being reckless!”

“I know!” He limped around his room, clutching at both sides of his red capped head. “That might of been a manic episode. Sorry. My HQ is in shambles and what’s left of it’s trying to kill me over a boatload of coincidences, misunderstandings, and our Spy Captain having an unscheduled lobotomy this morning.”

Yoshi saw another version of himself, softening. “Okay, wait. I’m involved now anyway, so from the top.” He retrieved the package from the shards. “Was this the impetus of the hit on you?”

“Correct Anti-Guy wants that. He and Charles probably intercepted the mail services and tracked the package into town. I’m not sure how you got it, the mail guy sounds lenient, but yeah. Therein lies the problem with the telephone game and a chain of spies.”

He ripped the package open in front of him. A golden Phantoe Mask fell to the floor with the scrap.

There was a huge bang, loud as an explosion at the entrance and with the force of such, knocking them off their feet, followed by more. Objects were shook off the walls and sheetrock cracked.

Sonny crawled backwards until the joining room. “I thought Mario out there would keep them off!”

A scream threatened to rise from Yoshi’s throat, sliding that bookcase over a tad. His plumber friend hadn’t left the scene. He was in his lawn, just sprawled out on his back, limp with a red dart in his neck.

This might incite mockery, so be it. He respected and had always wanted to allocate space for vigilantes like the Snifit Patrol to serve their citizens. It wasn’t shirking responsibility, not if he and his brother did enough work for the entire US army in the real world. Soft bed. Now.

A patio sliding door shut. “Mhm. I’d offer some adventure conclusion congratulatory champagne, but they spawn vines for some reason-”

“Yeah, don’t.” Luigi permitted himself to smile five layers of under. The muted roar of the running water and comforting smells of some baked good were sufficiently lulling without alcohol. There came the patter of feet, the sudden absence of it.. He braced instinctively as someone thunk next to him… Eh not that bad of a bounce, not with the snuggling that ensued afterwards.

Luigi glanced up at the ceiling made of bamboo rods. A redesign?... “Closer,” he whispered, peering into rich dark brown eyes, gleaming with energy. The short muscular arms of the toad pulled him in by the waist with one arm, behind his back with the other into tight, longing cuddles. Welling with serenity, warmth spread throughout the human despite their ‘unsexy’ thick woolen and long pajamas. Nothing explosive, he was pleased the same with their intimacy.

"..I was wondering that myself," Toad lifted from straddling him and they stared.

They flipped off of each other, bashfully scanning the themed suite. Tiki lights were on each side of the king bed, electric flames lighting the tatami floor, the bamboo furniture, and glass wall leading out to a patio. A telescope was propped near it, aimed at a chillingly blue moon. The ocean tide low, Sidesteppers zigzagged around innumerable objects, unplucked treasures scintillating on the beach, which also held, a netted tennis court, a golf course further back, and a water park farther, closed for the night. Back indoors, tight bleed from under the door out, objects or people blocking it occasionally. They knew they were in a full on resort.

That wasn’t a good sprint to the patio glass either. Luigi pressed against it, apparently forgetting it had a latch. “Is there an exit? What’s the parameter? Are we on a physical plane?” He reached for the fringes of Toad’s half buttoned shirt, then beyond that, feeling around his hairless chest so academically it didn’t register what he was doing. “Okay, so far this checks out.”

“If this was overstepping I’m sorry! I wanted to do something wild with you because, I know this is early but, I love you. I don’t expect to hear it back, just saying.” He forced some liveliness again. “But yeah I think we’re the only people that aren’t Skylandian that know about this.”

Luigi spun him his way by both shoulders. “-Why, is there a catch? Do you never wake up sometimes?”

Toad leaned into his ear, or as close as he could. “It’s..simpler. They were up in, you know, the clouds and pretty introverted folks. I think you can sympathize with that.”

He rolled his eyes. “Toad, I love you,” slipped out, quite easily actually. “Is it also as simple as checking out? We didn't waste any dream dollars on this room did we?”

“-Of course not!” In came the butler from before with a tray. Toad and Luigi held where they were tentatively while the cover lifted from the delicious Couples Cake. “I hoped we would share this someday.” The scowling bowtie wearing boo diddly letting the dessert splat on the floor, whipping out a racket, glinting in the moonlight.

Two objects clashed with a sonic clap! Luigi peeked over his shielding elbow where a blue mushroom emblem racket was holding it off.

Boo socked him in the stomach. Toad folded over, then pulled them down with him, releasing a carton of golf balls to trip Boo up. He stuffed a flotation tire from over their head, to blind them and another whack sent the boo over the bed. Luigi reached until he found the Bowser racket while the boo rebound all over the room, destroying everything. He made his shot with the fury of the game he never got to play in, slicing them into orbit- or through the glass, spilling onto the patio. The human and toad scrambled out, bare feet even, to catch up to the jealous ex embedded in the sand. If Saul T. was the Genesis of Booigi’s rampage, this was the Revelation.

"Boo, stop this now!! I barely knew you were pining for me like that. Look, it won't work, sorry, for reasons besides you hating toads when the bad ones have been gone now for decades. You're too young. We could be friends, but that's it, unless of you keep hanging out with vindictive toad-hating lunatics. Who could that have been, even?"

After a realization, Toad dropped the champagne bottle he was welding. "Appropriately his name rhymes with witch."

Banktoad coiled like a rusted spring the longer the search prolonged around the sand fortress of the mushroom shaped Water Land island. When the wind blew the brigade were smoldered by the burning fumes of the kart that brought them there, smoking from the engine blowing up. They’d all gotten out and pushed it the rest of the way, through knee-high marshland, some of them wishing they were in that luxury jetliner instead, yes the one that almost fell out of the sky..

“-We saved the treasure already! Why are we still sorting through that stuff??”

Unanswered, Banktoad thawed seeing blue toad with the cracked glasses implacable for once. That made sense, Bank would recall. He kept babbling, afraid of ‘sirens’ in the water earlier.

The Captain gasped, pulling his nose from the indigo vest. “Ah! Why, of course,” he chuckled, tucking it in a pocket. “Ah hem. Where is our trader?”

From around the fortress sautered a tepid koopaling. Sans her signature bow, loose bleached hair danced across her forehead with each step in the heels. She was also, the brigade all sharing the same face for a moment, not who they expected from the all caps request. They had no clue either why she’d used the pseudonym RAP (as in hip hop?). Perhaps not being able to hold a tune explained her awful mood from the jump, refusing to extend for The Captain meeting her half way. That shoulder was so cold he felt it, snow flurries speckling down. Wendy snuck a glance around. It was told to her that her weather powers took a break, so it was good they were returning.. Maybe.

“Greetings Princess Wendy! As equal opportunity artifact hunters we are in fact not perturbed over you being the client-”

“Listen sugar..One thing..I can get that Jewel of the Stars, but only after.. You do a lil’ something.. For me..”

He snapped his fingers impatiently, “We’re busy, young lady. Come on boys, time to push the car all the way back home-”

Wendy huffed, delicately holding her earpiece in. None of this was how she planned, but the voice guiding was so insistent.. “Chill! It’s in Mayor Koton’s office. Right now, my ‘informant’ said. I can trade it for your totally chic uh, ‘Bronze Egg’ if you get me in the office. How? Get Mr. Toad to drop out with your famous impression-”

“NO!” The brigade rushed the blushing Captain with complaints until he snapped.

“We must acquire that artifact! You should understand, William.” He jabbed his nephew. “(That egg is C grade anyway. If she thinks it is worth anything that’s her problem..)”

The deal revitalized, Wendy shook the leader’s hand with the enthusiasm of embracing Salvo the Slime, especially since his paws following that mention of Mr. Toad had the same icky texture. “IGGY!”

Iggy Delta beamed next to his sister, present in body only. The rhythmic bobbing of his half shaven head and mouthing of what sounded almost like coordinates gave away that his earpiece matching Wendy’s was blasting math rock or similar. The Captain ripped his hat off, headlamp, even shirt in front of everyone, to try on the indigo vest. A different toad was unveiled then, his face broadening with unbridled zeal.

“OMG, it’s like I’m in the room with that annoying little... Good job.” Wendy spared him a little applause. “Iggy, like, video record ‘Mr. Toad’ dropping out. We show this to Koton and it’s game over.”

Her brother brought a phone up lackadaisically. “Weren’t you gonna talk this out?”

Yellow Toad yawned, lumbering in the way. Before he was clobbered he caught his captain’s fist, wide awake. “Hey! Guess what.” He suddenly dumped a giant bottle of extra strength PM cough syrup, the oozing orange liquid spreading around his hiking books. “I’ve gathered all my evidence, and some of you have some interesting to put it as flatteringly as possible, dreams. I’ll take this by the way.” He plundered the egg from Mailtoad’s grasp.

“Mordecai! That was William-” (WTF, the nephew protested) “-levels of incompetence!”

“But- Captain.. I-” the purple toad stammered, not doing much of anything. His captain ran him over to get to Yellow Toad, unable to hop for it yet again.

Wendy face palmed. ‘Toadys’ fighting was like watching Junior’s little friends scrapping it out, about as close as they could get to the adorable threshold in her eyes. The folly made the ‘ally’ in her ear easier to digest at least.

“No Stan, it's time I have lines.” Steely, he rose a brow at Wendy. “Miss, would you like to learn the history of our infamous brigade?”

“Na? Don’t spoil this my dear. The Toad Brigade formed with Stan and Bill meeting for the first time in a geology college class. The remainder of us were assembled on campus. I am sure you’ve heard of the rest of our travels until the last with Toadette, after which we separated, richly rewarded. Heinemann returned to teaching. Mordecai went to the post office and those were the only months Toad Town's delivery system worked efficiently, and I- investigative research.”

“I gleaned and you and Bill took on a new and exciting position too. What was it about that middle of the night call to reassemble? You proposed we research, excavate, and catalog artifacts, not to curate for a museum, to expunge. Why? Might it be to profit off of your 'nephew’s -HWUH!”

The Captain strangled the life out of him on the spot so suddenly everyone froze.

Now this was getting good, Wendy thought until a handcuff was slapped on one wrist. “You're under arrest!” announced Snifit Patrol.

“IGGY HEEEEEELP!” she screeched, cracking the windshield of his patrol car parked downhill.

Reality rushed back to Luigi and Toad within. It took convincing that they were actually awake with the fogged up windows and snow flurries swirling in the tropics. They managed to spill out and those vertical flipping doors and tumbled over each other into slush. They clung automatically in the frigid temperatures. The palm trees and tropical foliage were dead or had icicles hanging, ice cubes bobbed in the ocean, and the sand castle ahead was frosted over.

Toad snagged the plumber before he dove into the fray. “Luigi. Let Sumeet do his job.” He was blinked at. “... Don’t worry, your internal monologue is safe with me,” he whispered huskily.

The height difference placed Toad’s head midway up his ribcage, though his disposition had no issue traveling the rest of the way up, Luigi grinning back. “I'm obligated to do something, aren’t I? I’ll just monitor,” he whined playfully.

For once Toad didn’t take it jokingly. “I don’t want it to become compulsive or hollow like what happened with Mario. That’s all. You’re freezing stiff by the way.” He slipped his hand under Luigi’s dress coat, circling his lower back.

From his tip toes, the toad eagerly pressed his lips on him, rearing them back, pinning him against the kart. He became hot, yet he shivered. They were goofing off! Wasting time! Yet it stopped. Luigi wasn’t initially sure if that’s what he was asking for, but he got the answer quickly. It was explosive.

The motionless occupant with discolored knots all over their body was going to speak up at some point from the back seat. Blushing, they borrowed the Bowser racket for one more stunt and poofed away. They got the message.

That piercing wail was Wendy’s ticket away from that masked nuisance. She flung off her heels and ran frantically, like fleeing a party she and friends had no business in, climbing up the wall of the castle until she was at the tallest spire. It hit her, what was she doing?? Looking down on them, she got vertigo seeing the entire island blanketed in white.

Iggy beamed with her again, grappling with her in the small cone shaped space. “Watashi wa makeru wake niwa ikanai!”

“I prefer Melee.” Iggy unsheathed a short newly invented Beam Sword 8000. The screen split diagonally, brother and sister on opposite sides, baring teeth, claws out, lightning bolts from one pupil to the other. In his mind at least. The Wendy menace would be defeated and he would be a star.
…

"And they considered US tire kickers.." The Captain muttered, hanging partially out the window below that skirmish.

"Stanley, quit it already!" Banktoad urged, pulling him from that precarious space. "Dismiss the brigade again, and let's move back to Mushroom City. (Like I wanted to get through to you in the car..) I'll manage my kleptomania and every other way I'm messed up. I promise."

The Captain chuckled, pinching his jaws like he was four, about twenty-five years before they ever met. "As tempting as that is William, the only thing I adore more than you is when I have an opportunity to use my Mr. Toad impression."

Bank toad rocked the Bronze Egg back and forth with his foot, retrieved during that police busting confusion. "Can't you in private..like-" He paused as the stragglers tried to push into the passage they were in from the opposite side of the sandstone door, securely propped shut with a one ton backpack. "-Like you used to drive me nuts within that thin walled apartment we had? Oh and-" He pried The Captain's fingers off, snapping them.

"OUCH yes," he shrieked, "Hah.. But you see, having it recorded and viewed by millions? You cannot ignore that we have the same spot pattern, blood type, height, and physique. I am identical to Mr. Toad K Toad, in every way," he boasted, eyes glimmering. "I'd be cemented as his number one."

"..What? Because he hates you back. Fan?" Bank stared a little harder, The Captain never learning how to human enough to interpret it. "Are you really asexual?" he asked bluntly.

"-Why?? Are you jealous over my feelings?" Skittishly The Captain took the egg again, holding it like a shield between them.

The one armed toad stopped where he was, biting his lip. "God, how you were on point for once? Yes, because I have no one else duh. But.. we can't hide how we perpetuate each other any more. You're just as dependent on me!"

The Captain swallowed that lump in his throat. "I suppose Jörg was on to something. Despite our quarrelling, I appreciate you this much-" Some part of his brain going haywire, he tossed aside that tacky egg to latch onto the green toad and give him a gentlemanly kiss on the cheek.

Bank held him there, caressing his face. "Ah. Well. I don't know why I want to do this but-" He tongued him, a soft purr escaping from The Captain spontaneously. They pulled apart then at the same time, the short encounter exactly as viscerally confusing as they'd both imagined.

"Oh come on! I gave in for nothing?" His nephew's lunge for him froze upon a small controlled detonator activation, blowing the door open. Sandstone blocks and debris from the adventure pack propagated, clouding a passage that Snifit Patrol cut through unhindered. He tased the Captain and Banktoad so that they both collapsed on the spot disoriented. Yellow Toad crept from behind the handcuffing officer for the egg in the corner. It was evil he could psychically detect.

A shiny object whizzing by koopalings. Wendy kicked off her brother, reaching out in vain from the roof as it plunged into chilly waters. "No no nooo!" He stopped her from diving into the ocean, just barely.

Hint Toad, from the shore area where his own Captain had subdued him earlier, witnessed firsthand the impact spot bubble and blacken, spreading out steadily, darkening even the icebergs.

NICE TRY. I AM GOD OF INDULGENCE RAPSCINTILLATION. I AM NOT CHAINED TO ONE MORTAL TO CARRY OUT MY PURPOSE LIKE OTHER LOSERS. HA. HA. HA.

Lips broke apart back at the police car. The toad and human, shed coats off on the snow, many buttons undone on both, stepped apart in a feverish daze before purple toad that ran up on them. As Mailtoad hauntingly directed their attention over some, the lovebirds' hearts pumped rapidly for a different reason.

Chapter End Notes

Author note: We had another form of creepiness here, hope it wasn't too much. How'd you like this double length? We’re not done yet.

-Normally I’d reserve this snippet for outside author commentary, but there are some Freudian parts at the end I do want to explain. That particular dark star was the lord of indulgence, not necessarily narcissism, or negligence or perverseness, but depending on character that was how ‘indulging’ manifested. Remember also, not to regurgitate previous plot points, that these dark stars are morally corrupt.

-For a 180 on mood, ‘Luigi's Wacky Date’ by Thegeniusyoshi spawned ‘Absurd Apple Pie’, a random thing I thought I’d reference.

Created: 12/4/22 (creation, I guess?), 12/12 (actual work date likely), 12/15, 12/17, 12/26, 12/27, 12/29 - 1/1/23 - 1/7- 1/17, 1/18, 1/20, 1/21/23
Edited and it needed it for sure- 11/8/23

24. Sloping Altars

Ignatius H Koopa was notorious for: inventing, graduating at twelve, changing his hair color genetically, believing in the Fang-Fairy, and programming a chess-playing AI so proficient it was classified self-aware and monitored by some governments.. In aggregate he should have thwarted the ‘Wendy Menace’, yet oily goop skimmed the ocean beyond his technologically aided perception, and cheep cheeps, dolphins, jelectro, and bloopers squirmed helplessly.

“Noooooooo!...Psyche!“ On the sand castle rooftop, Wendy O. Koopa lifted a megaphone. “YAAAS! All your water are belongs to me!!!”

Iggy laser eyed that to powder. “-Wendy-chan, you’re dangerously underestimating what you’re partnering with! It’s Sirena Beach all over again!!”

She pushed away from him, the sun’s resurgence through the winter storm catching her blue eyes, the only element around that color as she craned upwards, “They can have the ocean back- which was mine anyway in my opinion, if they vote for me Monday!” Suddenly one of her wrists was joined to the other with a metallic click.

“You’d better rally from the big house then. You are under arrest for conspiracy, pollution, and trading stolen property, young lady!” chimed Snifit Patrol, dragging her off the roof.

The first she had to cross on the ground was the last she wanted to see. “Next time, leave the megaphone thing to me, homegirl."

While dealing with paperwork on the spot, Snifit Patrol was pledged by the commotion of the koopaling’s aquatic enemies beating on the patrol car with palm branches. He ordered Toad and Luigi to get out of there, dumping five pounds of C-4 on them to protect themselves. It dawned that a couple- many things weren’t right, like the koopaling captive being allowed to text already.

Her bottom lip quivering, the teen silently pressed the cracked Bowserphone against the glass. A rival Badlands High posse had commented on her blog:

‘Hey emo princess. If you want that prince, be ready because we want him too and it will be on sight. If not, you will be accused of ‘teh ghey’. Either way, expect ostracism!!!’

Luigi straightened his posture, brushing against Toad whose own response was caught in the back of his throat, especially with Iggy about to creep up on them. Luigi at least managed some astute remark- “How about you focus on your bail first? Then that other stuff.”

“What stuff? Baka!” Iggy exclaimed. “‘Queen’ Wendy O. is a serial grifter, manipulator, and pity party hostess-.”

“Gosh shut up!” She beat against the back of the seat. “My life is over, for real, all because some prick took a selfie at the last prom precisely when I happened to stand too close to this Prince of Nimbus Land douche. I don’t ‘like’ him or anyone at school but even if I could fly rockets like you I don’t think I could ever outrun the rumors! I can’t toss money at this and make it go away! I can’t rely on old Anti-Ma friends. Now I won’t even be mayor, where for once I’d have some autonomy. Don’t you get it??”

Dumbstruck, Iggy shifted away from the cop car. “..So, Luigi and Toad-san.. Before you go..”

The cyborg koopaling produced his tablet again with a live satellite feed. A dark red mass orbited their planet, mass perceivably increasing in dimension. He also faxed over a passage from Ludwig, though his way probably drove the point home already.

Reading that note was the worst thing she could have done. Every country road she memorized melted together- crystallized rather in the nippy weather. The pink toad girl leaned against the ostro stop, tuckered out, wishing she endured the piercing radio Daisy kept messing with in the Birthday Girl. Her compass acting strange, she kicked the pole and then had to dodge the falling icicles.

“-Howdy, Probabilly K. here. Sorry fer the delay. Ice on the wings..” A paratroopa in a dark blue jumpsuit approached, offering his machine oil stained hand intrepidly. “Whatcha need darlin?“

She gingerly took his hand. Notably when they let go, the janitor immediately went to hugging himself up, shivering. “I was trying to locate my- a friend. He is either a blue toad and 5’0 or a fifty story tall, three headed-”

He swooped her over frosted over prairies until in the sparsely populated shanty town, where he got dicey, diving, spiraling at random, and it wasn’t like the toad girl could safely ditch him. Would he make up his mind??

Meanwhile, Paper Macho friend actors unanimously kicked out a cowboy through the swinging doors of the theater. He shook off the red dust, rushing back.

The snifit director replied, “Our head’s still split’n from yer wails of ‘YA-HOO!’. Walk on home boy!”

Disgruntled actors tossed props, paper cacti with real spikes, barrels, and the kitchen sink at him as he backed into Toadette, just dropped in. Together they escaped down another street, the toad girl finally getting a decent look at her ex. Hard to miss against the rime coating the South, Bucken-Berry glowed red still, otherwise he was sound, she estimated, as cowpoke extra, in a red and white plaid button up, denim jeans, and spurred leather boots, all a size off. Probably missed because he hadn’t been a toad for a while now, peach fuzz shade his upper lip, one of the few toads that could grow anything at all.

“Babe, lost track of time,” he sputtered. ”You know, no watch cause I didn’t have arms this morning? Mr. Toad wired Drew a ton of coins to blast more radiation off the books and it worked, I’m just ‘dimorphic’ and we’ll need more sessions to fix that, but-”

She kept her focus on her scuffed shoes, trying to pave over that perfect excuse Dr. Toad had to keep seeing him. "Oh great!...” Abruptly shifting. “What about you trying to join them back there?”

“Well, most of the scripts have a Mario impersonator. I know it sounds crazy but the theater was close and anything I’ve ever wanted to do- I just went for it.… You okay?”

They walked a little longer then she spilled, “Um. You implied you could sense disturbances while in that previous form? Like with Mr. Toadsworth? He wrote me this...”

‘~Miss Toadette, if I do not explain now, this may be lost forever. Queen Toadstool possessed an insatiable appetite for knowledge, especially regarding the spiritual. Our princess was two months old when the Queen retreated barefoot onto Star Hill. Our leaders knew losing her had to do with the Stars above, falsifying the explanation of brain fever for her demise. In retaliation, I concealed the Queen’s scrolls and ‘utensils’ from them and now retribution has arrived...

Solemnly, his rough textured hand slid over hers. “I heard Ala-Gold on Star Hill. I knew, well, his body’s waiting to be shipped to Ricco Harbor for burial, but that psycho imposter seemed so real... Far as Mr. Toadsworth goes.. Let’s not get caught up with mistakes made before we were even born, just our own. Trust me, babe.. It’ll be okay. ” He closed in for a quick kiss on the cheek.

She smiled back at him, blushing. Cutting through an ice flower orchid of ‘Lil Oink Napoleon's’, escapee Paper Macho Outlaws were chowing on brittle rusty machinery. Craving fresher mechanical parts, they stomp with a distinct rattle towards the fancy kart parked near a power station, Daisy absorbed in switching radio bands.

Using the picket fence for cover, the blue toad went one way, blasting paper freaks into paper scraps and metal wires with his prop guns. Daisy swiveled around wide eyed at the monsters, with an expletive or two. Toadette went opposite of the commotion to sneak around, jump in the car, and play GTA with those hooligans. When she smacked into a Mecha-Yoshi, the first in a league of six heading over, she played GTFO actually, scurrying away as their lasers ripped up farmland.

Pink and blue toads managed to spill into the car with only a few skin graces and burns, gritting their teeth and huddling low with Daisy under the light show. Windows shattered. Tires burst. Green particles flowing around induced weightlessness. That was new.. The princess rose her head directly above..

“Gods, finally,” she sighed. “This is why I don’t gotta FCC in my kingdom. Nobody got time for this kinda suspense!”

The small shed with a beaten BMX bike chained against it became the dino’s salvation from certain death, the rest of the yard boxed by tall wooden fences. Sonny joined him, alternatively ducking and shooting. A round later, the toad agent slammed back against the metal panels, groaning as the cartridge jammed. “Cover me!!!” He dropped a smaller handgun from his vest. Yoshi peeked around at the gumdrop shaped creature waddling close, lit cigar, guns carried by invisible arms.

Mario was always the weapons bearer in safaris. Consequently he rolled out to launch a more familiar perfectly aimed egg. With a crack of the shell, the rogue agent flipped over the next door fence. Huffin puffins clucked in distress, drawing the attention of a chain chomp. The horrific screams of 0088 becoming the stray’s chew toy began to fade in the distance.

“Thanks. I didn’t think Saleisha Koopa had pets… look I don’t stalk her, just say hi when I’m at Harry's Shop… Where she’s assistant manager. Info she volunteered willingly so-”

Yoshi spared a sympathetic glance on the youngster, his blush almost luminous with the shadow passing over him. “Riiight, Emerson. Wherever you ask her out, don’t show her those pinups you have until at least the third date..”

The dislodged dart lay in a crease of the sidewalk, Goombario carefully studying it with the aid of a book. Mario breathed raggedly, stirring every fifteen licks from Poochy on his palm. “-Mr. Yoshi, long time no see! It’s Goombario, or paladin of the Mario Anti Defamation League,” boasted a young geekish goomba with square fangs and a blue ball cap, backwards now. A touch hipper. Just a touch. “It dawned that I let this weekend's debacle happen to my man, and I had to do something, being within walking distance..”

Mario sprawled motionless in his yard garnered the attention Yoshi expected and then some, besides the old partner, neighbors casting glances he didn’t like. He quietly slipped away to ask about that poison, appalled he didn’t the first time. When he hopped into the backyard again, Sonny was face down in the lawn where he last saw him. The dino dove to his side. There was no dart this time-

“Up.. there..sir. T-too- late.. I designed Project Z with.. A.. 90%..fatality rate..”

Yoshi craned to the black triangular glider. A dark grey shy guy attached to it held a contraption with a dish on the end, invisible waves from it distorting the light purple sky and clouds. Like a bob-omb detonated in his skull, Yoshi was hurled against the shed in agony from head to toe.

(Behind ya bro! Emerson had anti-boo walls or something? Now get me out! They’re stealing my signature ability!!.. Yeah it’s who you think, sped.” Someone violently shook the shed door from the inside.

Yoshi swiped up at the latch. The entity barged out and, offense restoring lucidity, weird but it worked, Yoshi leapt from the ruckus of the glider crashing through the toad agent’s roof. The Agony ray cracked over his head into crude handmade pieces, then more fell from the sky that he dodged, heavy tactical boots, severed legs laced in them, a robed torso sliced cleanly, and the final portion, all accompanied by deep red blood splatter.

Anti-Guy’s disembodied head rotated mask up at, inches from his orange boot. “I hope the overseas forgers ruin that insolent pup..”

Whoosh. “Guess who’s back?” teased a gruff, greyish purple sphere with a short tail and sharp teeth, originating from the breached tackle box in the shed, a tray of medical equipment balancing on the lid. Their eyelids rose over the empty sockets. “For an encore. The one! The only.” They brought their arms up, one half severed- “ Ah, nevermind. You know who I am and I don’t do monologues. By the way, not cool bro.” Zoo revealed a chunk of his head missing, cut cleanly to the brain. “This is why I didn’t give my body to science ever!”

Following a tense few seconds, the toad agent grappled the dino into a chokehold. “-I know, Mr. Munchakoopas. Yes I opportunistically made that weapon. Before I was pushed into acting at Neon Heights I studied engineering. It wasn’t all fake though, Spy Guy had infiltrated the mail services- looking for the patient of MY insurance to survive in the agency until I’m in the big league. Think cars, vacations, women.. If the bullies don’t kill me by then.”

Yoshi resisted the urge to snap his pale fingers in half. “I didn’t earn respect overnight either, so I’m impressed by your composure in the face of prejudice on the job.” He kicked himself up, swinging the toad over his shoulder and away where he rolled. “But you have much to learn. Where’s Zoo??”

“-Scrapping with me while you have your little moment.” A red boo with a certain sleazy quality about him, decked in winter gear and needing a shave, held onto Zoo with great difficulty.

“Yeah yeah, bet you wish it was some hot shot like Lt. Stone. Yeah no. You get to deal with me. I hate you got rid of my poker partner 0088, but I’ll help you off Charles like you did Rodney if you throw next Thursday’s game-”

“-Forget that! I think your girlfriend ran into some problems on duty. There’s a public list of King’s guards that are.. terminated..”

Zoo got the slip vanishing into the shadows. M snapped to reality and followed underground. In less than a second he came back tugging onto a bigger boo with a gold crown, dark bags around his purple glowing eyes from jet lag, holding a full martini glass he dumped into the grass quickly. “Peon, let me go immediately! Like it’s not enough I lost my casino and I’m homeless and my bank is closed on Sunday!”

King Boo poofing away, M brought up a pale green white haired and mustached boo. As irate, he whacked the agent with the shopping bags he’d carried. “Hmph. Don’t you dare interrupt my errands for the Lady!”

M tried one last time. “-I’ll get in so much trouble if I don't complete community service!” Boo E. Diddley, his neighbor in Forever Forest, had a dull axe and a construction helmet worn down low, the struggle making it fall off.

The toad agent barged ahead, shaking the red boo.“-Why can’t you find him?!”

“Dude I can’t.. Focus enough. What the heck happened to Bridget??” M screamed back. When the toad hesitated, the red boo unleashed a cry and beat him across the head with Anti-Guy’s bamboo dart rod, breaking it.

Agent M whipped over as Boo took the arm of the dinosaur, frozen from what he’d encountered in the middle of Boo’s forehead. “Sorry. I’ll..handle this..” they slowly lead the citizen from the scene.

Good thing. There was someone hiding among the hedges, lacking the inherent stealthiness of a boo, though rivaling in talent. The agents weren’t sure how they missed it. It was bright gold.

Bowser flicked the tiny sloshing bottle aside. “Who’s never soothed, gramps.”

“Anyway, I gotta call it a day on page five it is... Hey, how the heck does anybody stare at screens for eight or nine hours??”

Kamek scuttled to retrieve the eyedrops. “Tolerance and not setting the brightness to 120 percent, my lord. I am sure your computer aided proclamation is delightfully wicked the same..”

“Duh! You think I’m some kinda-YOW!” His back cracked when he lifted off that office chair. “Just.. Here! Double check I hit the floppy thingy.” Half mangling the cables, Bowser tore the laptop off his desk, the ray from screen brightness bashing the magikoopa through the door, walls and out of the castle from the O on the BOWSER logo. Bowser blindly stepped a portion of the hole made, plummeting floors down. A rainbow haired koopaling flipped in his chair as his father mashed all his art supplies..

He growled, facing the direction of the voices. “Why are you doing here?!?” He hopped up in the Koopa Troop computer lab, kicking aside the plastic playskool table as he pressed the map previously stuck to his plastron to his face. The printers lined against the wall were steadily spitting out photocopies too. “Were you trying to sneak into the city???”

Roy jumped between them. “Dad, it’s on me. Dere’s dis concert tonite ‘n-”

“-We were gonna sell bootlegs on the street. Cha-Ching!” Larry added on the side.

“In addition to that I, myself, Morton Jr would use my cacophonic pleas to divert us to the shopping mall to buy the new Air Koopa sneakers promoted by the rapper-”

Iggy suddenly phased in. “And then I, Super Mercenary Iggy Delta with my ability to translate any lyric into Japanese on the spot-” He checked his smartphone after it played a sound effect. “-Oh geez.. Okay, BRB guys. Gotta enforce copyright right now.”

Bowser Junior wandered into the wispy spot he dematerialized from, pulling along his toy train. “Do I get to make an excuse?”

“Everybody, you ain’t in trouble!” Bowser roared. “In my dedication to being the best ever, I can’t see crap, so I need help getting around. Wendy’s locked up. Now where’s Ludwig?”

Not liking that silence, Bowser banged on a thin unmarked door, no opportunity for customization from anyone. It didn’t matter in this case, the bass keys from a piano rumbling the walls..

“Vater..” Severe dry sounding coughing followed. The Koopa King’s gut was wrenched. His big plans relied on this one. “Leave me here.” Cough. “The others will lead you to the penitentiary… No one will stray along the way, I swear!”

Bowser almost smelt a machination- but his commander would never, not in his ill health and not after all the trouble the last one caused. Eased he blindly stumbled off, giving someone a call. It didn’t go through at all. Now where would Mario be where his phone was completely shut off?

He couldn’t believe he only saw it then. The green toad instructor was mature, dressed so crisply it was intimidating. Following Mushroom Enquirer fame the journalist went under his actual Mitch J Toad, but back in the day, he was ‘Weegee’, the nickname derived from his glassy piercing gaze and impressive if pedantic ways. All for the better. Such a person should never be conflated with Luigi.

“Psst!” Mario ducked behind a propped up text book in the adjacent school desk, passing a wrinkly copy paper.

Mario’s pen poked the page for a moment, the instructor droning on. ‘If they say you only get one, how have I had multiple? If I’m missing something I need to be sure before I get into that mode of thinking, especially with ‘You Know Who.’ Another pause. ‘I guess Luigi was always braver than me in that area, because dating wise-’

The teacher seized the paper from under the plumber’s nose. “Lesson’s over dudes! Get ready for the 69th Annual Quirk Quiz!”

The class setting broke apart in puzzle pieces, transforming into a purple walled gameshow room, one side entirely blaring colorful bulbs. It was so smoldering it was almost unbreathable, likely from that. A seated audience consisting of creepy zeostars and starslaps, old ‘Weegee’ took the mic from the stand.

“Thanks for being my third and fourth contestants ever. Get three questions wrong and I..will..consume..you..” As shuffled his cards, the audience heckled. “What are the two most deceitful things in the universe, often working in tangent?”

“Wrong! It’s …Alright, half a point, but the answer was ‘humans’ and ‘toads’...”

The next question asked for the combined total of fifteen random items found around town. Yoshi shopped online exclusively, out of the loop, and Mario hadn’t needed to shop much with the dowry of his heroic services. When they guessed an x from the bulbs painted the room in red. Pettily, that counted as two wrong answers.

Under that, Yoshi thought he saw a seam line near the audience, but before he made a egg roll over-

Mitch slung the mic stand out of his way. “WRONG, Mario. I knew this would happen to you without an intrepid partner in your ear. You’ve never really had to try, have you? Well now you can try as you may- it won’t matter!” He trudged closer diabolically, shoulders hunched.

“Yeah, kickboxing, running, jumping, so innate and brainless you disassociated ages ago and your so called close friends barely noticed! Tell me, when exactly did you empty Curtis Mario out to become the vessel the town could inundate with their love- or these days, their hate?”

Mario was backed against the wall, clasping his head on both sides. “It wasn’t- the folks here were so browbeaten from war when we dropped in- They needed a perfect hero.”

“And they got it, regardless of what this little jerk’s insinuating.” Yoshi punched the journalist straight across the face, taking care to wrinkle his clothes as he pulled him back up. “Check your four o clock, Mario!”

Mario’s felt around for the indentation of the exit when evil stars from the stands piled over the heroes. The pressure forced them through the floor into roaring blue flames underneath. Everything burned, maniacal laughter in the background as the exit panel was knocked out by a previous contestant.

“If you hear me, none of this is happening! It’s all because I lost the game. Not ‘that’ game. Or do people still play The Game? -Sorry. I can’t help trapping people into phantom zones. Yoshi, I can save you but Mario..” Boo Diddley went blank. "Oh no. A bad guy, is about to take Camoztar and-!"

Mitch crawled from under the pileup primal like, eyes flashing yellow. “Enough jabbering kid. If I’m so darn reprehensible, find me right now in the real world. Punish me.”

He was in the middle of cleaning dishes from an evening lunch. At least he’d remembered to eat this time. “-Oh, early?”

The trench coat and fedora wearing guest shuffled into the adjoining, usually closed-off room.
“The princess wanted a single alteration, Russ. You know efficiency is my forte. Ha.”

The latest addition to the usual maps tacked up and filled shelves was the large banner from the last Mario Kart, draped in a temporary way, as vibrant as the spines of the game books Russ read for leisure. Contemplating their sessions with the conquest focused games gave him a pinch of bliss until he encountered the coffee table, labeled and arranged lapis lazuli bust pieces of ‘Bowser’s Brother’ covering it. He rotated the gold ring around his index finger, wedged in place..

“I know. Can we discuss something else?” The blue toad leaned against the doorway.

The seven foot tall, red curly haired dragon koopa dropped on the couch. Russ powered down the computer and slid in a chair on the way, stalling unambiguously. He joined X on the tiny portion available, resting his hand lightly on the leg the koopa crossed. “Would you be the X that is a contender for mayor?”

Mr. X finally released some of that tension. “Stars, ha hah., not necessarily!” He explained Mayor Koton’s past as a thwimp in King Morton’s castle and how an ambassador tipped him on the rampant toad slave labor. Russ was bewildered by how chaotic and spontaneous it sounded from the most restrained person he knew, X never intending to show up so any old joe could claim to be ‘X’ and usurp the thwimp. Did X have another friend now? Who had gotten to him?

The toad let go of his cold scales with some embarrassment, sliding up his glasses. “So. Ah hem.. What story shall I give Mario about-? ”

“Don’t tell him anything! Honestly this Mario and Bowser thing I keep hearing about is… It has nothing to do with me.” Standing, he clasped his claws contemplatively. “-As that second expert I can call and inform him there’s nothing more to learn. Happy?”

Following the utterance of his name, Mr. X stared down at the blue spotted toad, paralyzed. Of course he knew he knew, but- a bell went off.

“..Russ T, it’s Goombario. Quickly, does this Blue Falcon belong to you? Some mask-wearing guy..”

X’s ears perked from an alcove in the back. He lifted a curtain as the golden masked person hijacked it, stuffing a human inside. X burst outside, flailing after his nitro fueled gift to himself, splurged on less than a year ago. It hit zero to five-hundred, out of the block in one second. Mr. X dropped to his knees in the middle of the road, fedora and coat, missing, sweat beads rolling from his bumpy forehead, down his snout.

“Blue koopa sir!” Goombario had a novelty four person bike, a very woozy dinosaur with a head bandage and an alert dog taking the slack in the other positions. “Yes, that was Mario getting kidnapped. We can’t let him get slandered again!”

“EEeeeeeeeeeeek!” Toadette squeezed the daylights out of- She blinked again. It was herself.

“Daze, you cool?” The other Toadette repeated, accidentally twirling her dress. “..This isn’t my style?”

Every sensation was different, from the way feet fit in shoes, to proportions, skin color, center of gravity, weight and texture of hair. Compounding it all, they were abducted into a half lab, half kitschy furniture and orange shag carpet adorned spaceship.

‘Bucken-Berry’ got his bearings. “Guess what, I’ve had x-ray vision since yesterday so I ain’t seeing nothing new far as Toads go. All I wanted was to see the professor. Not that one tho.”

Dr. Toad removed some bulky headphones that kept him oblivious mostly, using the lab table to roll out blue prints, the corners weighed down by his phone or wallet or pda. “Ahhhhh!.. I mean hello again. Forgive me, I was finalizing designs for the new Pipe Land facility. We’ll be 6555 miles closer than the Special World branch and I know that is especially pertinent to you, Bucken-Berry.”

‘Bucken-Berry’ wandered over awkwardly. “I’m sure it’ll be. Where’s the professor?”

“Which one? John Topper, professor of behavior? You know he was pivotal when… Or you refer to Morris who majors in everything, making him so dangerous.. Of course..” and on he blabbered with anecdotes of his much older friends, occasionally tugging on the blue toad’s plaid baggy sleeve.

Bucken-Berry, the real one watching in Toadette’s form, already knew that Drew wasn’t very shy at all in the right circumstance, however the real Toadette in Daisy's body was dying inside, bronze skin as fair as the toads. Okay, it was funky to see ‘himself’ with someone else, and this was some comeuppance for her error, but it went no further. He lacked the capacity to be with anyone right now, something they’d need to sit and talk about-

“What is this? Cease that frolicking, Drew!!!” Dr. toad gawked at Prof. X-Naut, continuing, “- First John used my secret project to teleport around those farm entities-”

“To make them comfortable with the cold weather,” the green hammer bro defended.

“-Whatever, and now you use it to gather groupies? Get them out! I copied the teleporter from *classified* to locate and retrieve my MacGuffin, an inanimate object! I cannot be sued for any other side effects.”

“Dawg, wait!” ‘Bucken-Berry’ called before they got pushed into an exit shoot. “Could we reverse something with your time machine?”

Prof. X-Naut retrieved from a drawer a web covered, analog character clock ticking in a weak metallic way. The Sarasalandian princess discovered it previously with the Hiyoihoi, and no she didn’t do that damage. “That IS the MacGuffin, young man. The only safe way to escape a Red Chomp is to open a temporal portal, alas, no, you cannot resolve some relationship matter with it..”

“Sorry guys, Morris holds the belief that love is a fraud,” Dr. T chipped in from a yoga mat in the corner.

The space alien shook more screws from it, ranting, “Don’t you shut me up from exposing the ignis fatuus of the entertainment industry! ‘Crazy in Love’ is not just a hit from Beanyonce.. The real explanation is that If I repair it, a future version of myself called ‘Sirrom’ will appear and smash it to bits with a sledgehammer.” He shrugged and when his mitten was in the air somewhat, someone warped inside the ship and retrained it, like a sleek maneuver from Snifit Patrol, except failing when the handcuffs were too small for the x-naut. (He was sure the alien was about Kammy’s size. Apparently not.)

“It’s never as cool as it looks in your head.” Iggy grumbled. Resetting the intro, he slipped into his work uniform vivaciously announcing, “Iggy Delta of Nerd Squad here. Ready to fix-“ He unsheathed the Beam Sword 8000. “-Your faces for stealing my Transporter-To-Convenient-Plotpoint-Location DLC!!” He slashed random things in half.

In the panic, Dr. Toad was sure to gather his plans. Only one person could keep all his work from going down the drain, and from a sensation on the back of his neck, a sibling connection, he knew he was in town for an encore.

The driver visited every tile of the map, avoiding tire bursting pokies, violent tweesters, and headwear stealing kleptos. The tour was sold out and myths were shared at points of interest, though none as grand as this:

~Once upon a time, patooie plant engineer was framed for mauling a guy while. The Tostarena Town officers conscripted him for hard labor, during which he secretly worked on a Mecha-Yoshi prototype, loosely based on the mysterious Jaxi. He burst out and rode into the sunset until settling in the podunk down in Southern Mushroom Kingdom!

Jr. Troopa’s story for the dueling yoshi and hammer bro sphinx: the wide spot between them was definitely where an ancient civilization held sports games, the sphinx being the mascots. Camera flashes showered some nearby ruins, purportedly the afterparty zone. That would explain why they were so deteriorated after all. Wait, since when did he care? He had to get through the desert every day to get to work. Oh right. The South was frigid, but weather was more mild than ever recorded in Dry Dry Desert. He didn’t get it, as Tutankoopa’s tomb rolled up. Huge as the stadium in Toad Town, intricate stone work wrapped about the structure, a mere velvet rope blocking the blue torch lit passageway with hieroglyphs. He wanted to avoid the bottle neck out of the vehicle. That wouldn’t be an issue for another reason-

“Why litter, mon ami?” The driver waggled an empty syringe bag, one of many.

The mildly oafish King’s guard, one of many spotted around, shook his head in the face of the restless tourists. “Not our doing. We were in Area 64 and then it became so chilly this afternoon we-”

“Don't squeal!!” Another ran up. “You’re this close to being the one we send solo to carry water from the oasis.”

“Give Reginald credit. He refrained from mentioning the part where you plan on leaving your fallen comrades' bodies in there. Or how you’ve formed an independent boo-hunting faction.”

Reginald aimed his super scope, belatedly noting the shellfish creature had already aimed his silenced pistol first, above the belt. Five proximate guards drew their weapons in various states of wear and disrepair, tourists dispersing.

Jr. Troopa eagerly crouched under the van chassis, gaining more of a view than he bargained for. A chestnut horse and a speckled chicken, two recently missing animals of Bob the bob-omb buddy were in the backdrop, strolling aimlessly in the tomb. The librarian had been locked in a chest yesterday due to, quote: ‘Jefe del Escuadrón Toad’.

He whacked his head on the axel. “Buck-Wilde! Col-Turkey! Get outta there!!!”

Their commotion of trampling cedar boxes gave the noki the distraction needed to check his dive watch, smooth sweeping seconds hand striking the twelve. At the moment he divined, the two animals rounded outside, leaping over the velvet rope, knocking over the closest guards with the gun, then over the noki’s head. Troopa was picked- or nipped by Buck-Wilde like a chicken and kicked in the face by the scrawny thin legs of Col-Turkey like she was some horse. The belligerent livestock slung him away as sand shook from the crevices of the temple. The ground rumbled from a horde of gauze wrapped toads, Mummy-Mes. They cleaned out any stragglers while Noki pulled the last person lingering aside, a tourist left behind from the last tour.

“Tu es magnifique mon amour,” Agent 0064 toyed, wrestling with him. It wasn’t much of a fight with the toad unable to move his lower half of his body. “At least you discovered the revitalizing properties and not the blast this beautiful landmark away ones. How did you find Nitro Honey Syrup?”

“Like I’d tell you, handsome. Ha, even when you haven’t slept in two days. Kinda impressive. Too bad your Jeremy can’t appreciate that anymore.”

Jelectro dropped Mitch flat, growling, “You boo minion lobotomized my civil partner, Mitch… Agent N is in the hospital and I cannot even visit him or his niece Ashley without compromising.. Ahg!” (Like a mini twisted therapy session, THAT unearthed.. No wonder he was sloppy now. The noki could only down so many pills to stick in the game..)

Mitch calculatingly watched him tremble. “Boo is still a decent channeller on occasion, though I learned real quick it’s better to rely all on myself. I’d say sorry but you can read my- Oh you can’t right. Darn. Shoulda made myself look better by saying sorry- ha ha.”

The noki lashed out before he could stop it, kicking him in the gut. “What else do you know?”

Mitch winched for a bit, then smiled through it. “Too bad you didn’t break something.. There’s a reason why I let you detect me. Why I let her find me.”

The black Lexus launched off a dune, pulling up as he slid to the ground. Twisting around, the noki wished he was a boo about then.

“Get in! Your Aston Mushroom’s still safe in my driveway, Bond. As for that ol Mitch. Yeah, let’s take him too.”

“You’d better. That’s my new car..” he said, Kylie roughly hauling him in the back seat.

“Hush. As an enemy of the Kingdom, enjoy those heated leather seats one last time. Everything you’ve done is recorded, so if you hate toads so much we’ll ship you away from their town!”

Jelectro slid his shades down, evidence blaring of forced entry, scratches and bent fiberglass on the driver door. “Don’t use pet names from arch nemeses of mine, madam. Besides, arrest first, write book reports later. Mitch is willing to destroy himself for whatever he is yearning for.”

“Yikes.” She cupped over her mouth. “Let’s just get to goin’.” Unable to be as cruel as she wished, she took along and folded up his wheelchair, cut off by the agent from the drivers seat. He wanted to see something curious inside, a spectrum analyzer-like device crudely yanked from one car, to be haphazardly taped to the center console.

The pink shelled koopa reluctantly climbed in shotgun then. “That’s Dr. Houdini Toadley’s Psycho Radar that.. I’ll tell you more later. It’s too muggy to breathe.”

“Indeed..” He sped in the desert with the reporters. “Did the bus accident break both of his legs?” he asked, as if he wasn’t right behind them.

“Uh.” She turned to him anxiously. “No. Just head trauma, spinal issues.. Yep. Definitely. I saw.. And signed his papers..”

“Hm. Well they are both broken now and if you remove his shoes, aside from smelly socks, you will find no toes left. Most severed by cutting, a few by blunt twisting motion, one gnawed..”

“That was quick,” remarked the Spindel, nearly the width of the room as he stared her down.

The koopaling flipped through the packet another time for show. “Imma quick reader. Trust me..”

Afterwards, Wendy shivered on the Darklandian crest rug waiting for that final confirmation of being out of the running, the record lows frosting up the glass, clouding the rest of Neo Bowser City. Some Skylandians were hanging about in support for that lame Mr. Toad, but her worries were more with the Mayor Koton clan, thwomps guarding each door, malice radiating from each she encountered. They understood she was being forced didn’t they? By the time she got her okay, she was glad to leave the fortress that touched the poisonous clouds. Flat footed without her heels she made the trek down the icy path alone meeting her family and troop at the fortress stone gates.

“Seriously?- I mean yes sir..” Perfunctory, Emery echoed, followed by Johnson and Hippity-Hop the last of her hot pink outfitted ‘disciples’ officially rejoining the Koopa Troop they never really left.

“Why are y'all so mopey? I have GREAT news that’ll really shake ya up when we’re home! Let’s go go go!”

While they crouched into the waiting limo on one side, it was so expensive and roomy with multiple compartments, purposely chosen by Larry who knew what singers and celebrities preferred, that Lemmy, Roy, Morton, Larry, and Junior by accident snuck out, without notice. Well, too late to tell the six year old to stay home with papa now. Neo Bowser City had no speed limits and it was out of there.

Lemmy’s tentative deep breath fogged up his hand made map. It was do or die to circumvent Skylandians, Koton’s supporters, and whatever else awaited between them and the mayor’s office. He kept trying to contact Iggy, going straight to voicemail. His absence was going to sting like the ice water hitting his cold blooded body. As koopa kids comradery was effortless, then they just had to grow up and it get weird. Getting stuck in an ignore each other cycle was as frightening as the static ghastly Tox Boxes resting on raised sloping altars. They passed them while journeying through the bramble filled courtyard. It became apparent the entire building leaned some. Lemmy didn’t plan for that, nor the security system that greeted them at the thick heavy entrance doors. Larry couldn’t find usb access to hack the terminal, nor could Morton and Roy brute force it with a giant hammer and bill cannon respectively. Junior continued to play in the background, ignored.

“Lemmy, you gotta contribute man. Do we crack the code? Jimmy the lock? Ring the buzzer and ask politely?” Morton tapped his brother’s head..

The startled rainbow haired koopaling lost balance with the ball. He had to think positively. They could do it. And prioritize. Deal with interpersonal stuff later, now would endanger the world. With that he could perk right up. “Like, not that last one! We don't do anything nice, hello?” He waved around the scepter with the perfect thing in mind when there was a loud screech of metal against rock.

~The canyons, mountains, plains, and plateaus, the lowest and highest extremes of Earth result from the primordial feud of Parallelogon, god of prudence and Rapscintillation, god of indulgence, warring so intensely their demise was like a thief in the night. Before their vanquishing, Rapscintillation vowed to reward their emancipator with one wish and the pensive Parallelogon, to undo the nemesis's.

It felt random to her, but she supposed she happened to be in the one castle chamber with a fax machine for a reason, folding it to consider later. In solitude, the princess basked in the warmth of the sun through the magenta, orange, and blue stained glass before it was back to weightier matters. She tried to get through to Daisy during the moment she had to spare, hearing her voicemail for the first time. It was recently recorded too, because if older than a year it would have predated the sinus surgery she'd gotten, and also at the discretion of some official. Stating credentials formally, without slang, she couldn't suppress her cockney accent very much. Present or not, Daisy's 'just go for it' motto was her invisible guide, a ray of light that followed her even when she left that room. It was happening.

She used the recently installed drawbridge, automated to lift and seal her castle behind her, then approached the telescope on the cannon mound.

Four o clock on the dot, her father’s grossly oversized cheep cheep blimp engulfed the lot of Royal Raceway. Poshley guards let King Elderberry Toadstool out, tall, blockish head accented by a black and gold mushroom shaped crown, the sides extending to the sideburns of his dyed black beard. Diamonds twinkle from his ear lobes and matching rings near his thick knuckles, no other adornments. The moment his cog hit the pavement and he removed round shaded glasses from his aquiline nose, he thought he was boss, in his lounging look to make his daughter look foolish for overdressing comparatively. Wrong father, she hissed.

Chef Timothy had five grills smoking from Giga-carrot in the rec area of the track. The King shut the covers and apprehended the cook too late, the aroma of his most despised food permeating castle grounds. It was totally forgotten then. A purple toad careened into the caravan with a clarinet, performing until the King plugged his ears and a guard made the Lester choke on the woodwind. The next setback was less hands on, but all the more calamitous. When Joseph applied, he assured Peach he could do anything any other toad could except hear. That was an undersell. He irrigate everything. Muddy here, nipper plants thriving there. King had to put up with a slow narrow windy path or get soiled- no other options! He tapped his foot halfway at a rock in the way, too heavy for guards to move.

“I am! I left my palace. At your request. Did I not?” He cut across the weeds dirt patches to be upon her in moments, mockingly amiable. “Lovely decor. My daughter. Also I can see. How the Earl won that. Silver, Thursday.”

A L emblem kart flew off the rainbow dropping from the clouds. Peach and most of the guards and nobles braced for the big splash in the moat. Made of cardboard it floated to the top again with the occupants. Luigi and Toad swam out, dazed as Peach ran over and hugged them like mad.

“Show him your parcel and get em outta here,” Toad advised, quietly. “There’s another emergency going on and-”

Grinning impishly, The King let a long scroll unroll. Peach about launched to the second moon in the sky. How did he get it? “You are done father, done?” He read back. “You will cease infusing your wicked ideas in other lands. I beseech you to dissolve your reign and live the rest of your days HERE under my supervision, lest I ruin you? I am losing control of my institutions. I am losing Mario. I have little left, so I am more than willing to go back on my promise???” He let it float gently to the driveway, whisking around in the air a scepter next.

A ball of light lifted over stunned faces and settled on an empty green plot, many acres wide, adjacent to castle grounds and the racetrack. The yard sparkled.

“My daughter, I promised I’d not be a pain in your neck. I can go back on that too. You will be one under MY supervision!”

Toad picked his jaw up. “Elderberry, that’s mine already! I was never scratched off the paperwork.”

“This family. Earl?” The King stepped to the side and clones of Mr. Toad, down to the lack of gender indicators, absent entirely on toads of that pedigree, arrived from the leisure route.

While their black and gold robes matched the King, their demeanor differed, skittishly ogling everything, including their long lost descendant. His eldest sibling, the Duke spoke up.

Toad fought against the jellification of his legs, “Y-yeah I figured. Hey just- over here- uh please.” He motioned to be followed around the castle some.

“There was much pressure from the King, allies, other lofty ones,” Duke elaborated, other Toads nodding as they trailed the two leading aristocrats. “Forgive us.”

Mr. Toad kept his hands in his soggy pockets as they approached a barricade of downed trees. Since the Pillar of Understanding incident, the erosion of the hills made it impossible to reach the back yard that way and he knew that, hitting a dead-end mentally as physically.

“Look, you left me in a bad place. I somehow picked myself up and I forgive you, for my own sanity at least, but I just don’t get it..”

“We were devastated!” They exclaimed. “We are a line with .0001% variance. You were given the name Toad to be the paragon of us folks, Earl.”

Mr. Toad sighed out years of frustration, his family flinching when he swung around from the foliage. “Nature managed to carve out a ‘freak’ like me that’s attracted to humans, males, despite me being ostensibly so, with a crush on one in particular with a mustache- oh and two first names. Deal with it. You can selectively breed to make us look as identical as you want but you can’t regulate our personalities, behaviors, and preferences like that. That just makes you an ass-”

Something blew the heck up, so close, their ears rang. As pine cones and bits of bark rattled from the blast rain over them, Toad rose first, his blanched face glowing from orange flames.

Frantic guards scuttled downhill to Royal Raceway, the blimp on fire. Luigi’s kart, or the one the Vrlrdyi Scope conjured, had drifted downstream where the C-4 was triggered from ambers of Tim’s fiery grills. Precisely why one does not totally ignore such.

At the castle, “-Father.. Since your stay will be extended after all. Let’s take a stroll around Star Hill. Alone.”

The King cocked one eyebrow, infuriatingly impervious to the chaos.. “ I oblige.”

“Up here, urgently,” came from a room on the mezzanine, where’d Toadsworth had been all along it seemed. He unquestionably missed nothing.

Toad, in a new change of clothes, steeled himself for the lashing, tapping on the door. “K. Right here, Toadsworth.”

“If you did not pull that stunt, why, I would have tossed some dynamite myself, good chap!”

“Worked close with the Paragoomba infantry, up until they deserted. ...Master Toad, Master Luigi is exemplary, only heed that someone of your hierarchy has not chosen an unorthodox suitor since Princess Mush IV. You may have boarded the infamous Difficulties Ahead, but you can handle it, I am equally certain.”

Toad silently thanked the stars. The general reaction from staff of ‘okay whatever bro’ to everything he unfettered all he ever wanted. They were going to have to kick the housekeeping up a notch though, the lobby only marginally cleaned up from when Mr. Zeror used a jackhammer (sounded epic, which he could have seen it) to break into the basement.

“..Don’t cry, it’s…Quite alright. You will be an excellent chancellor.”

Toad feared that's what that eye burning sensation was as he stared at his reflection in the polished checkerboard tiles. “Thanks… Now. Did anyone take the furniture out of that secret slide room? You’ve been echoing like crazy…Sam? ”

He dared press into the pitch black room, a strong sour musk within. He smacked the light switch. The olive green throw Toadsworth was known to snuggle with had a lump under it, deep in the room the three stained glass panels watching over.

Toad ripped the cover from the moldy, brown spotted, curled, white haired toad, dry for some time. He staggered back, tripping over himself. “Stars! What happened to you Samuel??”

“Master Toad.. Tell no one of my body. The Jewel of the Stars, the Toadstool’s tool to puppet toads for centuries, was right here in our basement until a friend became a Judas!” the disembodied voice cried. “Strike him down and retrieve it before the Jewel of Stars meets its rival, the other Jewel of Stars!”

The squawking goonies drove the snaggle toothed officer up a wall. Not a Pushy-Wall or 'Bomp', a relative to whomps like him, a.. Never mind. Mid day Water Land was plagued with goop, unpredictable tides endangering land dwellers. It was rumored that Ice Land was melting, though he hardly gave attention to that when he was busy with local reports of property damage and injuries. Being of Snifit Patrol, not the Sumeet Snufit himself, his executive decision was to delay tedious paperwork that didn't ever help anyone. Reading a wooden sign in kanji, arrows spanning four ways, he righted it, uncovering a missed goop splotch.

Sergeant Howie whistled for one of the orange jumpsuited inmates. The toad obsequiously hosed around with the dubious 'F.L.A.U.D.' (Flash Longitudinally Articulating Utility Drencher) on his back, no Gadd seal of approval on it to be found. The onerous clean up was up to the imitations, what the other toads were using when Yellow Toad rejoined them, spraying water in neat lines over where the beach and deep jungle greens intertwined.

"Can we discuss the Elle in the room? Aside from us being convicts," Yellow spoke up.

The Toad Brigade met in a shady spot willingly, if skeptically, by The Captain's folding arms.

"Bill, we know Stan is your father's youngest brother of nine and you weren't introduced until the Berlin Byways fell in your adulthood. What I'm asking.. why are you so close to him that... I mean, why do you allow him to profit from your impulse disorder?"

Banktoad jolted like he was spat, or sprayed in the face. "Jörg, come on. If you're Mr. Psychic you know I was kicked out of home. I would have dropped out of school if Stanley and I didn't meet. I told him 'look I'm messed up'. I do stuff like this subconsciously.." They gawked when the green toad materialized a heavy set of gold keys to a boat. "And he was like-"

"William, you are the best!" The Captain unstrapped his FLAUD, holding them high over his head as he beamed at his nephew. "Let us depart and find the Darklandian Jewel of the Stars."

"Excuse me.. Um. I don't mean to give severance - I mean I promised to assist Parakarry tackle the holiday rush, but aside from that I like the ideal of this job, I just don't think how we're going about it is- uh, right."

The purple toad lifted his focus from his sand caked boots, boring into him with the faintest of embers. "I.. well I did stutter, but you understood! I will not be a disgrace, not professionally nor in our- or my old community. Zechariah was heartbroken when he heard about us, you know, my mission partner back there-"

"Ah. So it's religion, the same reason Miss Toadette had to fill in for you once." The Captain airily swung the keys around his finger. "Do you know what you two have in common?"

"-Captain, Mail's eleemosynary and proselytizing work aside, even I agree that taking a recess for treasure would be unwise!" Hint argued.

"-Two foot, three inch difference, identical BMI," The Captain chuckled. "That's all I was going to say. I know because I touched them... And by touching Heinemann, or specifically the Lexicon pdf on his phone, but yes his body too I suppose, I know that the treasure in Dark Land is the key to unlimited, world changing power-"

"That you'll never get." Banktoad ripped the key from him, pocketing it. "This is because I love you. Trust me."

The devastation on their leader could only be compared to how he might look if his accounts were wiped clean. The red toad keeled over into some bushes, gagging. When his mini break down was over and he whipped around, aiming an over-pressured rocket nozzle, he was only threatening some of the brigade.

The high tide polluted anew by shifting waters, the yellow toad on the dock found it all futile. Another sat at the edge with him.

"Hey. If this brigade thing is done for, umm, you are welcome to visit Zechariah's apiary. You wouldn't have to convert or work the bees even, there's just have a lot of unsolved mysteries in the fringes of Mushroom territories if you recall." He added in hush, leaning in, "They'd pay handsomely, being exempt from Kingdom taxes.."

Yellow Toad pat the purple spotted mailman's shoulder, getting in return a rarely seen smile. "My ramshackle plots so far make me hesitate to lend my expertise, but thanks."

"Why wasn't my offer to lecture there accepted?" Hint Toad stood in the gap between them. Yellow was silently annoyed, or more annoyed rather that 'four eyes' ruined their moment.

"They don't need someone redolent of a dialogue box, Hint," Mail answered patiently. "Are you with us or them?"

He paused. "The empath is the most elusive talent under the psychic umbrella," Hint dodged excellently. "That doesn't count as an example and to be objective, not captious, if we've slumped this far Yellow Toad must be insufficiently trained at it. "

The 'empath' stopped staring at oily waters, standing up. "No Heinemann, I can't lift you in the sky, make heads explode, or anything cool, just be a voyeur to people's effed up emotions and dreams."

His scowl melted, facing the mailman. "It's quite scary Mordecai, though thrilling might be the better word." He pointed out the cop over there. In a white and blue hammock tied between two bowed out trees, the newspaper over Sergeant Howie's head rippled from snoring. "Watch."

~..Sergeant Howard Nurikabe.. 58. From Shroom City. He placed third in a national triathlon twenty years ago! The only remaining from Snifit Patrol's original squad, joining initially to escape the humdrum of being a seasonal obstacle on Bowser's golf course. He actually hates Bowser. And evil. Don't ever mistake him for a 'baddie' or think he's too old for action. Not with someone in danger RIGHT NOW…

Yellow Toad trailed, swaying as the whomp sprung off the hammock, slapped his cap on, and barreled towards him. An orange capped toad women convict, Nass T was struggling in the swells, and Yellow was in the way, trampled by the cop and knocked into the murky water with a huge splash. Mailtoad dove agilely after him, his 'Level One Snorkel-Toad Certification' coming in handy. Just as his arm graced Yellow's, a siren, or something with red eyes and a big finned tail slapped them towards an activated underwater pipe, sucking up the toads. While Hint Toad sprinted down the dock wailing for help, it went black for the yellow and purple toads in the depths.

In hindsight the trip was rife with danger. At least neither of them were rookies. Peach and Mushroom King finessed around downed trees all the way to the jagged precipice, rewarded with a stunning view of the kingdom and restoring soul star bits, even if reduced to the slightest drizzle.

She quietly exhaled. "Like it matters now… Fine. Princess Daisy of Sarasaland."

"Do not humor me, father. Why, sure! And there is no possibility that your minions are covertly following us."

The jig up, King's guards rustled bushes stepping out, worse for wear from being unadapted to the lower gravity. Luigi's entrance was his bruised up body flailing in the air from the big boo that launched him.

He rolled against the King and princess's feet, opening his bloodshot eyes. "Run!"

King Boo pushed apart two indigo trees. His blue flames made the guards scatter like ant-troopers under a microscope as he directed his glare to the Toadstools. "Bwa ha ha ha! Stranded in your unimpressive city I have amassed your worst nightmare. COMMENCE MY ARMY!"

Seemingly every tree in the forest shook at once. Luigi had climbed up by then, sputtering to Peach that his old foe had arrived a minute ago exactly.

~“We..were..never..yours, eh...Now …move…you…fatty!” the hidden army droned.

Hoards of mummy-mes were unleashed. Pummeled, Peach was pulled away from her plumber pal, their hands gracing, just not enough. Swept forward she couldn’t miss the mummy toads forcing her father down the bottomless abyss. He caught a branch, the monsters leaping into the void to take him down with them. One spunkier than the others, landed on his shoulders and squeezed thick his neck, strangling the mushroom ruler until he was blue than the glow of the sacred land.

Huddled helplessly, she desperately petitioned to the stars, sobbing, begging, again and-

“We cannot make that wish, killer. You are under another contract with us..”

~No. I never wanted his life. Only.. to ruin his hateful influence. That is all.. I just want him back. Please.

“What of a trade? Enter the depths and become the princess of the only galaxy you deserve to rule… NO? You don’t trust me? Ha ha ha. You had a chance to use the wish I can furnish. Now that you forfeit, everything will be stripped from you, including the calm of death.”

The next sensation for the blond princess, she was on her side, being slid from the edge by a human, rough enough to scrape her up some and ruin the gown. Daisy. She made it. She finally made it. Overwhelmed she leapt into the other princess's arms. Her father was rescued it appeared, laying tiredly on a stretcher, guards surrounding. Some of her toads and Luigi was there, also some mummy-mes and King Boo.. not entirely banished but captured in various ways. Slowly, it felt like the nightmare was ending.

"Yo. I'm back baby, and as my myself! " Daisy's voice was hoarse yet riveting. "Well... that won't make sense. Long story. Actually short story: we couldn't rewind, but.. we don't need to anymore right? Peachy?"

Continuing to peer over the other princess's shoulder, the pink slowly realized she was never leaning on her side. Star Hill was crumbling apart with them on it, starbits flying from the chasm. They were washed down into town and it didn't stop there.

Chapter End Notes

I’ve had long term projects before, though never as authentic to my peculiar take on the Mario and co’s relationships or the inner workings of their world, mixed with some etheric horror as this. If you’re still hanging in here, I sincerely thank you.

-Daisy’s British accent isn’t entirely a headcanon. In Super Mario Compact Disco, Princess Daisy’s VA rapping on ‘Save me (With Your Charm)’ has one.

-Saleisha came from a very old Cycle 9 of America’s Next Top Model I was binging during the development of this chapter. I was like ‘SALE-isha? That should be a shopkeeper’s name’.

-Shout out to Mithras for the song title and Mythbusters for C-4 being used constantly in show! Also, yes that is where Hint Toad’s name is borrowed from with altered spelling.

-There was an actual photographer called ‘Weegee’ earning the name for the similar reasons I describe in the story. Mario just happens to have a meme ‘Weegee’ as well so why not tie it in?

-Difficulties Ahead is the name of a vehicle you should not ever use in Mario Party 5’s Random Ride minigame.

Created: 1/22/23, 23, 26. 27, 28- 2/2, 2/4, 2/8, 2/10- 2/16, 2/21-26, 3/6- 3/9, Mar10/23
Edited: 12/1/23

25. Ouroboros IV

Lemmy Koopa led the scatter from the trouncing ogre faced beasts. Tripping up, Larry found himself pinned against a sloping altar. With a crash louder than a doomship backfiring, his world went black. He wasn’t smashed to smithereens but trapped either way.

“Heeeeeelp!!” He walloped the tox box’s interior walls. To feel better, sorta, he remembered it was common for princes to need rescue actually. They were vulnerable and as valuable a bargaining chip as a princess, it only didn’t make headlines at the request of said distressed dudes.

Roy pried one side up enough for Larry to snake under with a hushed little ‘thanks’. The lava from the fortress towers were on their bare heels when they joined the others clanging against and shaking a closed barbed fence.

Their combined punch flipped the fence around on the pivot, flinging the five face first on the frigid sidewalk. Karts with ridiculously tiny red roller wheels screeched on the street, and nightcrawlers, ninjis, gloombas, and eeries ogled at the oozing lava show, steaming fiercely against the continual wintry mix in the area. Under that commotion Lemmy sprung up and shoved everyone into the across the street mailing center subsidiary where the staff appeared to be out. Relieved, Lemmy scratched a new number on his hand drawn watch, surreally drawn to a crumpled holoflash present box at the top of the iron bins around.

’From: Koopa Klaus. To: Ian Koopa’ the tag stated on bombsketball he’d wished for forever ago. -Or specifically before he dropped his non performing title.

He whipped around as the bell rang and someone in a dark tassel coat stepped in...

“Wasn’t born yesterday, Lem.” She advanced out of the shadows, waltzing around in soggy fuzzy slippers. With a mix matched purple sleeping gown under that coat, she’d dressed in a hurry they noticed, and not as an insult to her for once.

“None of this is for the lulz, okay?? The fortress is, like, gutted. Walls, insulation, leaving only support beams after that thwomp worker left. Koton wanted to install traps for the Sky Land toads tomorrow. I have plenty more tips that the corporations don't want ya to know.”

Larry rolled some quip on the back of his tongue before some DK bongos in the unclaimed goods pile distracted him. The distaff koopaling was thus saved from disapprobation, the rest of her brother's eyes gleaming at free stuff. Bowser Junior found a Gaddget imitation ‘Spastic Painbrush’, sloshing Morton’s freshly plucked obscure magazines. While they were chasing each other Roy settled on a book of all things with a label taped to the cover. (Seriously, who does that?)

“Usin' tunin’ forks, the scientists of the dark ages determined dat peak frequency was an indicator of ‘Obiecti Specialem’ by-” He paused, brows scrunching. “What are these? Lyrics to some lame mathcore song?”

Wendy twisted the cover around. ‘Rocks: What they are and where to find them'. “Brother, it’s a petrology textbook you are blatantly looting. Heh, and MY business prospects are sooo debased.”

“Wendy, welcome aboard but don’t say I stole because I didn’t,” Lemmy corrected, spinning the bombsketball on his finger. “This had my name on it.”

“And this has mine!” She grabbed an arm full of foundation in a faded box, recalled for allergic reactions akin to the Power Balloon treatment. This was a look folks paid for current day though, not to mention recycled for sustainability!

“-Indeed, cheat and obfuscate the ESRG for even more business funding,” Morton accused, finger wagging. “You are literally worse than those Shufflegate toads!”

Lunging at Roy and Morton, Wendy slipped in Junior’s paint, colliding into the bins. It was like the cymbal clash to the beat Larry was tapping at the moment.

“~You can call me L4rry, or call me king. Got 0.9144 meters, not ta be mean!”

Wendy rose from the pile, face completely powdered out as Roy and Morton hacked with laughter. “Disgusting and low vibrational. Stop!!!”

“That song’s just about those wands we used to use!” he spat back. “Tho, you right. It’s corny with conversions and math and junk. Overhearin those night school classes is cramping my style.” (Roy suddenly hid the textbook behind his shell.)

Roy sized his older yet littler brother up. “So you can tell us what ta do?”

“Yes.” Lemmy spat himself with some camouflaging dark blue paint. “Wait outside. Peacefully.”

Lava draining down sewer grates allowed spectators and him rolling on the bombsketball to get closer before going Koopa Jordan. Poor gift in postal purgatory, he lamented, lining up the shot with one eye closed. It was time to adopt the Festive Tree Day spirit in the month of Yam and be charitable.

Mr. Steinblock appreciated the increased maneuverability from the last minute renovations, but that unclearable until next morning molten rock was an accelerant for trouble in the form of rubbernecking citizens as the rugs and curtains.

Crash! A sizzling object burst through some. As the spindel rolled away from the reception desk, several blue ribbon wearing whomps left the elevator too late to toss it back. Ka-boom! Adjacent buildings lost their windows, park cars were smashed in, and the block was coated in glass from the pancaking explosion, driving all but six of the witnesses away.

“Lem,” Roy sputtered in the dust, patting Lemmy’s shell. “Ya went Banzai bill on em! Noice!”

“I was only trying to blow the doors off..” Lemmy shifted his weight uneasily. “Anyway.. Uh.. Search the rubble!”

Steinblock dislodged from a portion that revealed that the entire top floor remained intact. Thwomps and whomps gunned out for them from there or rose from the debris piles. Roy made KoopaBall defensive and offensive plays back to back with Morton. Larry snatched the latter’s dropped magazines to make ninja stars, striking down the baddies the ‘Thunder Brothers’ would soften up first. Junior’s brush uncontrollably spewed chocolate colored goop on all surfaces, hindering everyone really, until Lemmy actually noticed him for once and turned that around, blinding foes with the paint. Wendy chased down the cylindrical creature that dared to claim she couldn’t read paperwork. Petty, but he was slow and easily caught. The powder from the pallet slapped in his face made him sneeze and bang against a leaning wall. It sent others down with and suddenly the princess was facing into a roofless golden office. A wood panel fragment with ghostly hints of plaques was the backdrop of Mayor Koton, aggressively circling something in a tattered book with a nub of a pencil.

Koton looked up, a comparatively iridescent middle spike on his head catching the Boo Moon light just right. “Yes you will, sweetheart.”

The distaff koopaling understood the breadth of his power then, compelled to leave against her will. Thank G.O. and D. Lemmy dropped in then, interrupting his scheme by stepping over the flipped shelves to approach the desk at eye level.

“Great job sis. So Mr. Mayor. Hi, we’re.. You know who we are. Sorry it came to this. I know you’re expecting me to justify it right away and make you deal with it when we leave, but that’s not how.. I operate I guess.” He held out his paw optimistically. “Here’s the deal. We really need the Jewel of the Stars to save the world and stuff, but we’ll pay you what it’s worth and fix your building if you help us with that. I pinky promise. I know you don’t have fingers either but-”

He stared at him like prey. “-General Lemmy of the Koopa Troop offering a business deal to me, arbiter of Neo Bowser City, epicenter of all independent thinkers in Dark Land??”

“-Just like your uncle..” The thwimp mused to himself, mellowing as he detached the spike, leaving himself with a reverse mohawk. “He was blithe like you, strongly principled, but let fear or pressure to conform ebb that away. Very well. You may ‘rent’ that for now.”

Lemmy slid the heavy gem closer, sobered. “..Thanks, Mr. Mayor. What will you do in the meantime?”

The thwimp hopped out of his chair into rubble, facing the street as he laughed, “Get outta dodge!”

The World 8 Big Tanks blocked every sprawling route. The rocky wrenches allowed the bruised whomps and thwomps, and the mayor as Lemmy lost track of him, get away from the disaster zone but advanced so that the koopalings were rounded up in the center at cannon point. Lemmy knew his well of provisory leader’s luck would run empty at a time like this, stumped and sweating bullets rivaling the size about to be shot at them.

A lazy image of Ludwig appeared on the barrel of the closest tank with a book, as precariously as he did that kinda thing on airships. “Tell me you are not defeated already,” he snorted.”Tsk!”

That shocked something out of Lemmy, waggling, “No Luddy, however I’m seeing you. I-I’m just out of tools!”

He and the yellow toad crashed upon the shore of a jungly environment. Bus sized ant troopers abandoned the hill they plowed into and climbed up moss covered trees that vanished into the stormy clouds, the roars of camouflaged creatures shaking the foliage. A troop of mega goombas burst out, chasing the scampering orange clad toads inland until they made their best, short legged, leap across a murky river. The goombas smirked to each other and backed off, thunder cackling. Finally the purple toad had the opportunity to pull off the snorkel and pragmatically, the thick inmate uniform as well in favor of his thinner white undershirt, clinging to his abs. The yellow less in shape toad stopped staring. Nonetheless the emergency tracker in their kit led them to the most hostile kingdom to be in late evening.

“-Mordecai..Scheiße. This is belated. Sorry,” Yellow spoke up. “In my hubris I thought I’d honed in the psionic abilities I’ve only known I had since the brigade split up and I got myself checked out by a nose, foot, elbow, and brain specialist in Dinosaur Land..” He took another breath. “Obviously not. I’ll take an L as big as Stan and in the meantime, thanks for saving me from my idiocy. I could kiss you right now.”

“I'm joshing! We’d better.. Hurry along shouldn't we?” Yellow Toad did just that..

The threat of super sized dangers, slithering wigglers, and razor toothed piranha plants increased the deeper into the jungle they went, following the river while avoiding viscous mud and man eating frogs.. It was survival time, in more ways than one.-

“-Were you really being farcical, Jörg? I wasn’t uncomfortable or anything, just curious,” He shrugged frankly.

Before any hero moments Yellow low-key fancied Mailtoad’s ‘quiet dignity and strength of character’ - that was to be referential of Madame Flurrie, not to mention the physique born of rush deliveries and working off season at the apiary.

“-Yes and no. Princesses do that all the time when saved. I’m aware princes not so much, and it’s moot when I’m neither but it’s..The principle I guess. Okay fine and I think you’re hot,” he admitted, brushing his bicep.

Indeed with that cleared up, they could focus on the weather doing the opposite. Lightning flashed heavy rains drenched them all over again, as if they chose to take a dip in the skeeter and apparently shark infested river. Yellow took a closer look at a dorsal fin crossing by.

‘Nothing good ever lasts, as we all know,’ squeaked the matriarch of the inland pod.

‘-I didn’t know, Miss Daphne.’ The dolphin in the rear caught up. ‘I was called in for emergency lifeguarding at the Seaside Kingdom earlier.’

The family spyhopped to look at the runt like an idiot. He got that alot, the only of the Alderson pod that intermingled regularly with the non-marine world.

‘You were that close to the edge of the Earth??’ the gold ribbon wearing daughter of the leader, Dora snapped.

She rolled her eyes through those goggles. ‘The CIA conspired against our fabulous queen Wendy O., okay? Get with the program, Donald. They’re prohibited in Big Island.”

“It’s scientists that monitor us with satellites, not the government, moron!”

‘Perfect, darling,’ the leader jumped back in. ‘So in case you were ABSENT for this too, a Fish Bone found a Spear Guy village! They’re about to sacrifice four toads that look like those gawking cityboys!’

‘Yes ma’am,’ Donald cruised atop the water momentarily, apathetic to Yellow Toad reeling back from the edge. ‘One day they’ll understand what waterfalls are...’

Yellow clambered on a hanging vine to swing away quicker, but Mailtoad remained on the ground waving at him. There were ukikis on the vines too, veering it with their weight to the side and then abandoning it before Yellow smacked against a beached steam powered cruiser. He slid off the rusted hull as Mailtoad ran over though the mud, stepping on a solid part.

An unnaturally blocky part rose from the earth. “Thank Eldstar. Listen-” Sergeant Howie coughed up gravel, a bigger crack in the whomp’s back than there was supposed to be. “Yer off the hook for everything, got it? We were combing the sea for ya before pirates took over. Wouldn’ta succeeded if your brigade didn’t distract me with this ebook, see. Taking advantage of my multilingual abilities!!”

Yellow staggered up, fighting the headache. “I know. The dolphins mentioned it.”

The cop spun to him. “You talk to animals, boy?? And I’m crazy? Nevermind- shh!”

Peeking around the bow, the officer spied on some Giant Spear Guys downstream. One shined around a headlamp while another attempted to fill up a F.L.A.U.D. The third one, a guard armed with, in addition to a spear, a pickaxe with a distinctive chip in the steel tied above the grass skirt, idly thumbed through a leather postman’s satchel. As he tossed junk mail, Mailtoad welled with rage. That was no one’s call but the intended recipient!

Mailtoad stopped crunching tree bark subconsciously and observed with the others how the trio retreated, rolled a random chomp rock over, and activated a switch. The previously solid wall of tightly arranged moss covered timbers lowered, revealing a torch lit village with straw huts. The tracker’s arrow aimed right in.

They dashed- or hobbled over before the timbers timed out and shot up, sealing them in with the bustling area. Their stomachs churned while sneaking behind huts. Masked natives were enraptured by dance and tambourine, in denser numbers towards the granite rocks. The Captain, Banktoad, Hint Toad, and Nass T. were individually tied to long spears behind an amber glowing, pool sized cauldron. A stash of gold- the brigade’s was being melted in it under the direction of the chief, distinguished by an elaborate red feathered headdress and match horizontal stripes on his porcelain mask. The F.L.A.U.D. they saw earlier was used to fill up a second big pot meanwhile, no question of what was on the menu for that. The only delay for the ceremony then was the downpour snuffing the fires. Nothing a continual flow of matches couldn't fix…

“William..” The Captain’s face was green. “They can’t smelt that garbage down soon enough!”

Banktoad glanced at his uncle exasperatedly, his single earring ravished. Getting his ear pierced was the first thing he did after getting kicked out of home, so he’d rather be steam roasted with it still in, vain as it seemed. Nass agreed, throwing a huge and justifiable screechy fit when the normal sized Petal Guys found a locket they’d missed the first time, yanking it from her neck. In retaliation from the kicks sustained, they lifted the pole with her on it to the seasoning station, slathering the nurse with strange leaves and stinky herbs. The men’s protests got them pummeled with fresh tomatoes.

“-I can’t watch folks with a misdemeanor at most go through this!” Sergeant Howie seethed. “Wait for the cue, cadets.”

He stepped out into the open with a fixed default expression, as if one of the types of slab beasts susceptible to the twilight hour, waiting for the precise moment. He tipped on one villager who stumbled into another and another. The domino pileup reached the chief, who shifted so that the final one banged into the newly boiling cauldron. While it didn't flip, much of it sloshed out, a tenuous white steam cloud blinding many.

Yellow and Mailtoad burst out of the shadows to rip off knotted vines from the brigade, rewarded with a hard stare back, like they were a mirage. The hostages snapped out of it largely when the chief howled for attack. The jungle shook from the stomps of villager bare feet on hot slick granite. The Captain used his herculean strength to push away one boulder, breaking a narrow way into the jungle again, but before he got started on another, a barrage of lances scattered the toads like micro goombas in a haystack. The Captain climbed onto one of the railed platforms moving side to side for a breather, a chaotic skirmish beneath his single boot. Hint Toad’s ebook reader with the forbidden rites was long gone at this point, but as a blessing, or curse fit to be distributed by black chest inhabitants, he remembered all of the five phases the officer rather impressively translated.

With a brilliant flash brighter than his stolen headgear, a purple capped white spotted ‘DLC’ doppelganger of Captain Toad materialized on the platform.

“Ready for adventure!” The copy’s gleaming smile broadened as he dropped into the fray and flung his pickaxe at the nurse's kidnappers sneaking away. It tore through the first two pedal guys, stopping and embedded in the spine of the third. The three dropped dead, coating the nurse in gore, while the clone trotted about hacked and slashed with a field knife.

“There are no truer words than, you have met the enemy, and it is you,” The Captain said with almost self reflection.

Banktoad indignantly appeared under the platform, wanting to kill him. “A DHIUEASSMN EX,” he uttered instead.

A snapshot was taken, pausing the world. In the void of the universe, the photo was valley folded once, opened again, the top corners creased, and the sides folded one last time. A cosmic force propelled the completed paper airplane through the rest of the interdimensional sea.

“Brother, you sure were acting pretty evil, ya know, taking advantage of folks suffering DID, inciting violence against your own kinfolk, coercion on princesses, grave robbing, and lying on medical discharge documents, to be good all along as you claim.”

“I didn’t say I was ‘good’ babe,” he snipped, strapped in the backseat. “That’s too simplistic to describe my project since my accident. I’ve worked and sacrificed nonstop to put me exactly where I am right now. K, maybe I flew too close to the sun at times with that method acting but-”

“Exactly, mon ami.” Bond ended that unexciting but highly important headset call with a mysterious person. “That hatred you had for toads and humans was real, and please stop plagiarizing the madam’s book reports as well.”

“Vermin..” Kylie Koopa’s papers were quickly sealed away from prying, beady eyes. If she wasn’t tin foil hatted, no telling what else he would have stolen.

“I wasn’t, Bond. My magnum opus, the final Weegee report that’ll crack open every secret known to man is written out already in my head. Years from now they’ll be studying my posthumous discoveries in Mystery Land! My psychic defenses are up so you can’t understand!”

“Aye aye aye. Regardless, you’re paying for terrorizing Princess Peach and you will never see her again.”

“No it won’t,” Mitch corrected smugly, getting out of a rebuttal as the dark warp pipe ejected the Lexus into a bright naturalistic environment with tightly packed cottages and precipitous dips where the mist settled, shortly coasting to an inn.

Jelectro had an urgent appointment, leaving Kylie Koopa with the kart, the first Mushroomite in modern record deported for tyranny, and of course the story she was going to write on that. Nervous jitters remained after the noki spy rendezvous with a utility cart driving janitor and left, but she’d consumed an energy bar earlier and was up for any fight ‘that ol Mitch’ might put up. He plopped into the wheelchair and knocked on his own.

A caramel skinned sky blue spotted toad answered lackadaisically like. “-Oh.. The clean up dude? Really?”

They were led by another more skittish Skylandian through the town, scorched black from a jet powered kart. Besides that, there were remnants of Koopa Troop paraphernalia from yesterday, cannons, and brickwork, and flags and whatnot, the green draining the further they went. It wasn’t that Bowser funk killing all that was live and healthy however. In the copy flower farm ahead reside an half embedded, four story tall, golden phanto mask with an especially exaggerated evil grin. None of the holes could be seen through what should be a hollow entity and by the whispers of locals, anyone who dared to travel a mile down and peek on the other side either didn’t come back or were too shocked to speak about it. Kylie’s hasty reach for the camera and failure to snap a picture of it, confirmed her worst fear. The Skylandians farmers remaining wouldn’t step any closer. It was too Special.

“Camoztar escaped the Blue Falcon in the fertile soil here, literally with the natural onyx looking mineral underground,” the wheelchair bound toad said, thick eyebrows lowering. “We havta get it outta here.”

A soldier snuck up and confiscated Kylie’s camera. “Don’t publicize this!”

They were forced into the cloudy village with the restless others eager to investigate, frustrated more by the flock of confused para-beetles swinging low and bumping them around. Kylie got off her shell, finding the rival journalist missing. Calming down, she scanned left and right..

“Try up, babe.” Mitch smirked, looking down from the windmill. He wheeled away from the ledge the winged koopas helped him reach. He could not reach the floating red “!” block in the center of the room though, so maybe he shouldn’t have forced her to chase him... This edifice was constructed of the same rune inscribed glossy black substance the fated obelisk was one of the aerial structures that survived the plunge.

“Who’s up here?? Halt.” A warrior class toad came up stairs, sneezing right away from the dust.

“Listen, you’ll die soon if you keep at this, Ciri. You’ll never retire to the Cascade Kingdom like you want, so give me the low down instead dude. ”

Though they had the dagger pressed against his neck, under the jaw, they were the one shaking. Mitch didn’t get offended from people being terrified of him anymore; it’s how he got syndicated early in his career. Also why his parents tried to drown him when he was two.. Having his time wasted however was never acceptable. When the blade sunk deeper, an identical cut immaterially swiped across theirs. Startled, Ciri dropped the weapon, letting Mitch shove them back, hard against the block. It activated with a small chime, dimming lit and the tower rumbled as the blades outside began to circle. The warrior scuttled downstairs bleeding while the journalist remained, dapping at the red blotch on his dress shirt. He licked it, eyes clouding over.

Beyond the metallicness, saltiness, it tasted like- Elysium. Now who had swooped in and promised them that? If the turbine wasn’t reaching full speed he could ponder over that better.

Besides the iced over ocean, options of entry to this harsh, but rather rural and untainted environment was traveling from the maze like Pipe Land, enemy occupied Dark Land, or expedient pipes accessible by Warp Whistle only, like the sort that sprang up out in the road, forcing a snow man on a ski and a belly sliding penguin to swerve around it. The noki and thwomp were shot out into the snow. The pipe retracted and officially they were stranded there.

The red boo watching from the igloo pulled on the tanooki fur cap and hurried over to ‘greet’ them. “If it isn’t Mr. Bond.. Oh and TJ. Can I call you that now?”

Agent 999, or Lt. ‘TJ’ Stone, leaned around the boo, the tools on his janitor costume jingling from his waist. “No you cannot, M. So, you rented those accommodations?”

Jelectro grabbed him. “Trevor, I informed everyone that our secret partner cannot enter a building uninvited! Take everyone out!”

They were yanked out of that stranger’s home to a camp next door with a fire, not as warm as the igloo one was, but it would have to work.

Spy Captain Agent N was catatonic, mildly alarmed face gaped, laid back first on a thick quilt next to the fire. The two of the quieter agents sat on snow covered logs right away, Andrew Borodō or Agent 0069 and Emerson, Agent Toad. They were visibly freezing, especially the purple bandit patched up enough to lose the cast. The newly on the scene inlaws to the addled, Waldo Waldo and Jellien or ‘Maria’ Bond, not so much cocooned in winter gear.

Jelectro was tapped before joining the circle, Agent M’s touch as chilling as the scenery.

“Jeremy shouldn’t have trusted Charles from the moment it came out that y’all lived together and he started looking at us all cross eyed. This blunder ain’t commin’ off his record whether he survives or not.” M grit his jagged crowned teeth together. “-I really am sorry man.”

Jelectro thawed. “Thank you…Ultimately whatever happens from there, I can recover. We all can, as long as Charles isn’t the last one standing.”

A yellow taxi, unmissable in the whiteout conditions swooped overhead, did a loop, and landed cushiony soft on the snow. A few local bumpties waddled beyond with no further notice, rods slung over their shoulders. The human exiting the cab with spunk for his advanced age also carried a line. He had a thinnish yet mildly pot bellied build, white trilby and cardigan contrasting his peach skin, darker long wool pants, and green loafers.

“Greetings, call me D. Zastre. Nice bunch by the way,” he remarked. There was something about his thin lips curling in amusement while he slid up those repaired in the center swirly glasses. “I get it. Enough about me. The real star here is the Wakeman Spectre Rod, so here we go!”

He swung the blue glowing pole, casting the line down the spy captain’s open mouth. The old man was tugged forward violently by something lurking in the yoshi’s cavernous stomach, his shoe digging in the ice. Everyone sans Jelectro instinctively careened backwards. The winds intensified, everyone in the eye of a frosty storm.

D. Zastre was in full view of the eldritch filled abyss down the yoshi’s esophagus. He resisted, but the agents scrambling to tug with him were pierced thoroughly and paralyzed under the fear status effect. M backed off, the only one unscathed, at least physically. Mentally he was smashed to pieces, like the ice sculptures all over the place. Should he run over, unchain that buster beetle, and use it to squeeze that diddly clan out of the captain? Should he- Don’t rack up any more charges. Do this!. Duh, of course. He did what Jelectro telepathically advised, poking the secret ticklish spot on Agent N’s belly button. The hoarse chuckles to follow ripped out a torrent of boo diddlies. The agents regained control of their senses in time to get swarmed as they inundated the mountainside, causing mass pandemonium with the bumpty, chill bully, and snowman residents. Some light cut through before they conglomerate into an Atomic Boo, the offender Agent Toad. He wasn’t hurting them, but from the ground, holding N’s head gently, Jelectro noticed it distracted the boos so he ordered the agents to scramble back and follow the gung-ho rookie’s lead, luring them out of public eye.

From the mountain overlooking the village D. Zastre gave a chef’s kiss, back ‘home’ instantaneously with shadow traveling techniques. The cab driver left his groceries precisely where he asked, with no snooping about his research tent by the absence of footprints. He gathered the paper Northwinds Mart bag of dry pasta when a new presence alerted him. The small boo didn’t appear to be there to soak in the view down, fit for a Festive Tree Day postcard.

“I am not like them. I want to fix matters. I have no friends. Nothing. Just this.” The monotonous individual revealed the chipped up green Bowser racket. “Could you help me.”

“When you knew the risks of kindling those vengeful?...” He paused sympathetically. “Tell you what. That racket can be molded into something useful by ‘cursing’ it, the same principle as those Special Objects that are all the rage. I wish I could, ah hem, dabble like I used to, but if you found me, you have the resources already sonny.”

Dotty eyes narrowed behind the lenses. “Careful. Old foes stalked me to hel- heck and back, took away my ability to write or publish materials in anything but blood and made me lose the rest of my hair!” Stuffily he adjusted the trilby, facing the eerie and rare red aurora borealis. “Anyway, King Boo is penniless and I’ve heard he gets bananaed during his awful lounge singing gigs. The last laugh was mine. The racket strat is the best you can do short notice, and no one knows time better than me, besides this one other professor that created his abominable meta device. The less said of him the better. He tends to drive-”

The piranha plant ducked into the pipe before the saucer hovered over, continuing to enrage the Pipe Land populous during its invasion of the peach tinted skies. It was long spread by chatty nipper plants that the king let that chimeric head doctor pry some land from his leafy stems for a remote research facility. There were prospects of weather machines, clone generators, and genetic alteration of consumable based powerups. To their relief the ship passed over the three distinctively shaped land bodies and ultimately grounded on a strip continental to Sky Land.

Dr. Toad strolled into dark green grass, cringing at the bluntly lopped off pipes everywhere, the silver alloy of the saucer marred with extraneous paint. Prof. X-Naut got to work with lawn equipment, unbothered. Dr. Topper was dropped off to rally additional associates, so it was only them and the younger Diddley brother descending the airstair with a sickly wobble.

Dr. Toad staggered back when his brother leaned over the rail and vomited in the soil. Paling, the stylus was too unsteady in his hand to make the note he wanted on Zoo’s deterioration. He glanced up, finding the boo wandering paces away in the brush.

“Not too far, please!...” Dr. Toad sighed raggedly. “I swear. If you take more than two hours I will stop everything to search for you.”

To the dismay of goonies and river piranha plants, Prof. X-Naut trimmed all the tall reeds, his movement fortuitously creating, from the aerial view the dark boo had, a hollow semi circle about to meet its other side. A silver rotating disc zipped overhead, causing the professor to kill the motor. A hatch underneath beamed beside him another x-naut.

“My dear fellow!” Prof. X-Naut evaluated his cousin distraughtly. The alien, 2D like him, wore a baggy one piece engineering uniform, a crude arrow sign split on his left leg. "What has happened? Was it worse than us losing the base on the Moon?"

Johnson replied, “?”, conveying yes, the biggest conspiracy regarding the satellite was still being perpetuated and to worsen matters, a mishap with a Bone sticker and chain chomps meant he needed surgery only a mad hospital/ research facility like the one they were about to build would tackle without insurance.

“If only you had my MacGuffin to capture those beasts. Well, we can certainly assist anyway!” the professor assured him. “Didn’t you want to be a bombsketball player too? Why don’t we just make you six feet tall while we’re at it.”

Dr. Toad stepped in, very strung out. “Morris, this is quite preemptive on your part when we are less than 1 percent on this project.”

The doctor covered his face with the clipboard. “Magnificent. More people to manage...”

That was Zoo’s cue to stray further, through thorny labyrinthine vines between him and a mountainous cliff. Nothing seemed real except that. Mesmerized, he had to reach the peak, where the air hummed with energy. There was more laced underneath, but with his powers too dull to distill it into cognizable information, it was nothing more than the roar of a waterfall. Gazing down on the three islands he knew he’d had this view before- while hurling to his death.

“Splendid, you made it. Ho ho.” A radiant purple star descended from the clouds. “I beseech you for a favor, if you don't mind.”

“I mind, bro.” Zoo’s empty eye socket twitched. Why was HE roaming here of all places?? “I’m dying! Again!”

Millennium Star descended onto the same plane, where he towered over the boo. “Actually you are on the cusp of immortality!”

Those words were like salt on those aposematic wounds stretching across his body. “I ain’t worth it if I look like a freak without deserving it first. It doesn’t matter if it's a truism to disregard appearance. People just do. I know what I’m talking about. I’m half freaking toad!”

Millennium Star shook his head mirthfully. “Irregardless of how you appear, you are the ‘Toad Town incarnate killer’. We had a deal and you have little wiggle room.”

“Actually it is and I don’t care. Your brother isn’t far is he? Such an ambitious soul must amass many enemies.”

Zoo stood up against the ancient star. “I didn’t tell Drew anything! Leave him out of this!!”

He clicked his tongue. “Don’t tell me what to do. Where’s that quote from?”

Indistinguishable in all of the brilliant light, Zoo was pounced by an oval lightning ball. His screams of agony were devoured by a white noise in his ears as his skin melted in layers down to the internal organs. He collapsed face down, pints of deep purple blood gushing from his mouth, soaking the land while a micro fractional incision in his exposed brain exorcized the last two minutes from his memory.

Millennium Star’s experiment would make those mortal scientists down there blush. The last stage was trivial. A few more blasts and- Voila. Zoo’s physical body was renewed, a spritely yuppie with spectacles. Or what the term now ‘hipster’? Or whatever.

Zoo bewilderedly lifted up like the alarm went off two hours late. “AH I’M UP, JEEZ.... Milly? Huh, oh..you.”

“Why hello. I *just* returned you, and in better shape than you were on that Doomstar Galaxy. Hope you are pleased..” The star spoke in the smallest, meekest voice he could.

Zoo glanced around at the bristling grass and trees. It seemed legit. This was Earth, he felt… very funny, but of course he would, he guessed. Milly was the real deal, auspicious enough, totally ripping off Rosalina’s Gravitational Pull. He could relate to the rip off part! Maybe he’d listen this one time.

The momentum Mr. Toad had bursting out of Peach Castle died before he was off the drawbridge. Pewter shaded dust matte the entire sky of Toad Town and starbits, a colorful sweet like substance showered all over castle grounds. He floundered around at the mercy of the flow of the candies, often whacked painfully against stones, abandoned guard tanks, and trees. Five bruises later he stabilized on something, the cannon. He grasped for the nearby flag pole and climbed as it swayed to get the big picture. The concentration was thinner on Royal Raceway where evacuees were bigger dots against tinier ones. He faced back to the castle getting whittled away from Star Hills deterioration and made his decision. The three flags were there, a Peach, a Mushroom Crest, and a white. Symbolically surrendering what was replaceable to the angered gods, he ripped the white flag from the ropes, tied two ends to his ankles, the others to his wrist and leapt off with the makeshift parachute.

“Momma mia.” Luigi squinted at that poor albino waddlewing in a death spiral before abruptly dropping like a rock into what was left of the raceway lake. The starbits displaced it all over the pavement, even into the downtown so it was more of a crunch into a deep puddle, followed by the weak rising of a five digited wiggling hand out of it. “... Toad!?”

He scooped him out, bringing him back. “The King and his league abandoned us! We were going to chase, and some of your staff did anyway, but without verifying you and Toadsworth were safe the rest of us couldn’t. I don’t know why I assumed you two had to be out here somewhere already,” he sputtered.

Toad melted into him momentarily. “Sam did make it out. In..a distant Airbrb.”

Wishing he didn’t speak so soon, Toad slid to the ground on his own, approaching the princess. While her gown was tattered from the sprint, he knew she was semi hiding herself with the parasol because of her hair. Long, healthy as it always was in volume, it was pure white.

“This is your’s homegirl.” Toad covertly handed her a star booch from Toadsworth before piquantly spinning to the toad staff standing listlessly or afraid. “And this is for the Judas-”

“Toad!” Peach cried, “Rapscintillation elected to curse me. Not- Stars..”

Out of the green toad’s pockets spilt hundred coin bills, documents, and an object wrapped in velvet. Peach tripped back from it like it was hissing venomous cobrat, caught by the toads remaining, the chef, the new kid and the blue toad.. Bucken-Berry got the brunt of the impact, the wind knocked out of him. That was fine. His strength hadn’t waned considerably from depression or anything. Meanwhile a K64 ticket whisked over Toads shoe.

Mr. Zeror tucked his shirt back in. “I was going to get rid of that like the princess wants, Toad.”

“Hullo, I had great affection for Master Toadsworth! Doesn’t change that he was under its control as an illegitimate Toadstool himself.”

“-Mr. Toadsworth was the son of the Queen’s.. Sister in another Mushroom territory,” Toadette explained, in the rawest educational opportunity ever. Though Toad was making a face, no one stopped her so- “That’s why ‘Samuel’ had a human name before that was in vogue. It was scandalous of course, but when the war ramped up and our princess was born, the Queen was able to get Mr. Toadsworth away from the infantry and into the castle without the purity tests.. He confessed in his letter to me that that was never to be known before his death, so when this gets around to him-”

“-The nerve of that guy!” Toad screamed at the back of the venal banker. During that talking, what’s supposed to be a free action for the civilized, he’d taken the gem and bolted towards the disarrayed city.

Peach encouraged the others to go ahead, noticing something odd about this all. The Lakitu Bros and other pedestrians were approaching from the famous big ramp, meaning there were no obstacles in the way of her sneaking off via the pitstop lane.

-None except herself. The Birthday Girl skid from her phantom clutch tap, ambling around like someone too used to driving four speed manuals on a racetrack. Dreadfully she sloshed someone at the bus stop.

“S’alright!” Daisy shook the hood off, unleashing that frizz of auburn hair. “This is only like that time I was on house arrest…Kidding. Umm. What’s going on?”

Daisy was galvanized to hop in. They sped off, whippers on high to combat the starbits. Citizens sheltered inside or pulled over so it was a straight shot to the train station. Mostly.

The white haired princess snuck a few glances over. “So.. Dear..The bus? There is no shame, but for your security.”

Daisy broke out of the reverie, sitting up. “Besides King B.- that’s my dad, blowing me up to come home for the weekend, don’t I talk too much and make everything worse? Can’t forget that cringy engagement story..”

“No, it’s.. s’alright!” she mimicked earnestly, badly either way. “That old headache of mine believed it is all that matters.”

“Pfft. Imma be real,” Daisy laughed, relaxing some. “He’d better. You don’t need filters on your Tick-Tock Clock page like those e-thots. All you need is that super modest magenta (kinda old fashioned but it’s good on you) swimsuit on the beach and those round sparkle shades, oh and waving does the trick.”

“Oh Daisy,” she replied, demurely. Peach had admirers and knew this abjectly, though it hit different to hear it unfiltered, the way only a hierarchical peer could deliver. -Or to be more honest with herself, in a way only Daisy would because that was just her.

Snapping back to her surroundings, she jabbed the break on purpose. A high pitched whistle preceded the K64 shuffling under the station. Noting waiting patrons, disappointment didn’t cover it for Peach. Mr. Zeror didn’t have one confederate. Two.

A larger purple toad left the office first, clueless until the second, a pink one tapped him. It was too late to run. Joe simply admitted that his part in the scheme involved Chef Timothy living rent free in his head as much as assisting that uppity Zeror. The heist would get him attention.. Les’s excuse involved no rancor, yet publicity alike, wanting to see Gill T. and reunite classic rock band The Keptos. Peach twirled a lock, listening. It had him comfortable talking about it, all the while she knew all of her citizens and the deceased too by name. Gill T., the Mario brother’s neighbor was dead. Fact checked, the large toad bolted off onto the starbit powered sidewalk.

“Yo, mind if I cut on subtitles?” Daisy broke off the fierce cornering the remaining one pose to ask.

Peach remembered her Sarasalandian friend was probably lost with half the conversation in sign language. Joe communicated something to Daisy she did understand, replying to the rude gesture by popping him. The gardener flipped over the rail, off of the station and into bushes below.

Peach held her bronze arms, their gazes snapping together. “No. That was overdue. Like this.”

Daisy seized in place as the other princess planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, the typical post rescue display of affection, but to Daisy like the first blossoms of spring in Easton, the powerful rapids of Muda, more knee buckling than the pyramids of Birabuto, more breathtaking than soaring through the skies of Chai in a SkyPop… When Peach’s face was no longer brushing against her’s, separating governessy, the jet plunged beautifully, fiery crash included.

Daisy folded her arms, cooly. “I pop off on him alot over bets. He said I’d rescue another princess before I stop being some gym rat, collecting Funko Pops, or move out- ”

The princesses stumbled out onto Starman Lane where Mr. Zeror was on the sidewalk, holding his lower abdomen and hacking up blood. Eviscerated, a gelatinous blob left his throat, the bile from it rolling down the soft slope, beyond Daisy’s sneakers, and underneath one additional legless viewer of the sick show.

“I support this ship, and you’d better not deny that chemistry. I'm a psychologist, I think. Or some other psy word.”

Peach breathlessly twisted in the direction of Zoo S. Diddley, holding the bag containing the Jewel of the Stars. Zoo confirmed he picked the wrong word seeing her about to swat at him with the parasol but not dodging with that knowledge. The dark boo was flung out into the middle lane as Luigi, Toadette, Thomas, Chef Tim, and Mr. Toad struggling a bit, caught up. Zoo had a flash of something, a lost memory returning, overshadowed by the impulse to run. He sank underground before a trio of plasma beams ripped it all up. Luigi dropped his head to one area of the tar not melting as Bucken-Berry’s dragon form flew over.

“He just took an underground train.” He rose, mind racing. “And it’s still going. Blue! Drill down twenty feet, no more!”

He jumped out of the way as the second blast blew up the spot he was on. Dirt and concrete bits raining, the green plumber careen over to investigate, seeing the strolling compartments below of the Toad Town 104, a cargo only locomotive. A spontaneous move unlike him, he dropped down into the compartment of bananas. He heard several more impacts behind him, followed by a ‘we’re okay!’ that wasn’t entirely believable. Regaining his bearings, it gave him the courage to soldier on more than ever. During his short stunt as official protector of all, inspiring them to launch into danger so recklessly, but swiftly and resolutely made him feel like his brother.

And they were by the nerd rocketing by, the simultaneous fire of seven rockets exploding against the tractor beam barrier, smoking the city block up. Iggy Delta fanned away some, remaining in that Nerd Squad outfit, ripped up from the lightspeed travel. The joy on his visage was like the sun had emerged again.

“ZOMG, this game of chicken is over. Phew!” He swiped across his brow. “Er, I mean.. Sorry for avoiding you too. I know you were being tough with me because I just turned 18 and I’m no longer precocious and real koopa men don’t get feels-”

Lemmy sprung towards him supportively. “Don’t listen to that red-mega-vitamin rhetoric from Roy or Morton-” He ignored the snort from those two. “ I AM man enough to admit that the feels are a-okay. I’m sorry I’ve neglected you and a bunch of other stuff but first- get us home!” He brought out the horn shaped gem. “We accomplished it!”

The eighteen year old nerd propelled everyone up and away. The buildings shrunk under their feet and bullet bills shot into the nothingness, going off in a fireworks like array for the city. They flew over to Bowser’s New castle under a lovely scarlet sky, no Springo Candy needed to clear the moat. No more rain or snow, no more KT hostile bad guys, and no more trouble. Okay, a koopatrol instantly ran down to report them but other than that-

“Aww, daisuki!!!” Iggy and Lemmy pulled together into a tight squeeze with special effects, fluttering cherry blossoms and a lens flare in the pink gradient background. One by one the eye rolling sibling onlookers uttered thanks as lamely as Larry did with the tox boxes, maybe less enthusiastic, until escorted away forcibly.

Lemmy’s paw covered his mouth, oblivious to all that.. “What were you doing though Hop?”

“While this might sound like a non sequitur and in fact is, at a rate of 150% I helped a scientist switch Princess Daisy, Toadette, and Bucken-Berry-chan’s bodies back. Not just the heads like with us!”

“Wanna know, like, my favorite part?” He leaned in. “Beam me up, Iggy. A normie misquote but I LOVED IT-”

“I HATED IT! EVERY PART OF MY UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN BEING MISSING! YOUR’E GROUNDED!!” There was an earthquake, otherwise known as wrathful King Bowser Koopa waiting at the stairs.

During their sorrowful march, he ripped that jewel away, no spoils for thee. They were shoved into their rooms and that item into a chest in his throne room. Forgetting about that, he waited anxiously for news from minions he could actually count on.
…

Hoping to put a positive spin on this, he basked in the small touches that made debilitating moldy castles home. Besides the ironed crisp Mario ‘v sign’ poster, shiny iron wall mounted battle axes were mounted behind his throne, jumbo gold filled treasure chests were on sturdy shelves, territory maps were tacked up on the opposite side- of which he could lawfully visit as a neutral, and the masonry of the impending lava fountain the corner. There was a scantily filled trophy case too, of course..a project for later. Peeling back his diamond hard exterior, what brought him true joy was no longer the conquest and demonstrations of militaristic prowess as satisfied young Bowser. At the age of fifty-six and four months, it was family, when behaving, travel, time with friends. The missing piece was-

“-Lord Bowser!” Kamek left his door wide open, allowing Kammy and that proselyte sentry lakitu to trail.

Bowser choked on his coffee, slamming down the mug. “I mean- about time!!”

"-Yeah yeah. This mercenary showed up with .." Sentry 11 drummed against the Koopa King's desk excitedly. "The only freak with two first names.. Besides Luigi.. Mario. Mario!!!!...Mario."

The moment they ran out, someone burst his window out with a brick, cracking against a wall. The psychopath. It was inches from the Mario poster! He stomped to it, flames practically shooting out of his eyes at T. Yoshisaur in his red parched lawn, motor rally helmet held against his hip. Of course, with that cannon arm of his. Kamek still ranted to this day. He and three other chumps had a four rider bike. Goombario also shed the helmet, as did the poochy but not the abnormally large koopa in a trench coat. He tried to pry it off, failing. Oddly, Bowser began to sympathize. Those things weren’t made for big folks.

“Because, lizard, I ‘kidnapped’ him!” Bowser’s baritone bounced off the volcanic ranges. He moved away, ending the exchange.

On the ground. Yoshi gulped hard. They used superstars to keep up with the Blue Falcon, always with the back thrusters in view, except when the invulnerable hand traps sprung out. While they strafe to avoid the crash, the shy guy traitor could not.

“We need back up,” Goombario stressed as minions poured out of the castle.

Everyone got on the bike again to retreat, too sluggish without a power up and prime targets for bob-ombs on parachutes. After the back wheel was blown off, they were run ragged uphill, where the minions closed an electric gate behind them, locking them out of the courtyard.

“Are we, okay?” Yoshi dialed a number in between his pants. “You in particular, Mr. X. You aren’t, I believe, an adventurer are you?”

Mr. X had to be satisfied with raising the visor on the helmet, revealing eyes as deep and red as they were unreadable. “Believe it or not T. Yoshisaur, I once was very much one-”

-The call connected. “Hello? Mario is kidnapped, Luigi!... You don’t think that’s actually a big dea-…No, Bowser isn’t being ironic!”

A kingdom or two away, Luigi was inching forward through the loaded train, stealthily with his boo detection skills.. “We’ll sniff it out asap,” he said, losing it following an unexpected deceleration.
…

The camo green shy guy, trying to play off how much his left shoulder hurt, quivered when Bowser shot out of his seat.

Hammer bros dragged Spy Guy out, leaving the Koopa King with the red capped bearded plumber, silent, annoyed, and arms folded in the center of the room.

“How do I feel? Ha ha...” Mario droned, taking a few wobbly steps towards the trophy case. “All he put me through is so how I wanted the day to end.” He took Bowser and swung him against the case, his spiky shell shattering the first level of glass. “Look, I am outta here, or else!”

Mario sighed, taking his weight off the koopa. “There isn’t anything you can possibly say right now and yet.. I’m listening because I’m stupid enough to care.”

“No you're not! Come on!” Bowser argued. “I shoulda vetted more. Sorry.”

“Sorry again. I’ll get to the point. I need to talk to you about Clawdia.”

Mario fizzled somewhat. That was as treacherous a topic as Bob-omb Battlefield.

“The war going south for us shafted the elites like her into the peasant class. She was a cook at a camp I was running, overqualified, loved numbers and very particular about random stuff. She was super fair for instance. She sent gifts down to her cousins that were poorer, perfectly even in value. If not she’d send the difference in coins. That kinda stuff. Relevant to us though she had the discipline to ration the food. I was pissed off at first, but when my troop had the energy to hold squads off because we all ate I got the point. You know she could throw a spike ball better than a spike, too? Now, fast forward to my shotgun crowning. You heard me. They tried to hide it, I think not to sink or morale more, but they were so disappointed they were left with me.”

His heavy gaze was fixed on the plumber’s boots, scorched from the crash. Darn. “Tell me bout it.. I said screw that. I'll do what I want. Clawdia and I eloped and my only regret then was that Dad never got a chance to yell at me over making the ‘wrong’ choice. It’s like this, Mario.” He paused, before pressing on. “I was a doofus last night. Here’s my do-over.”

The Koopa King closed the distance, almost lounged, for a kiss before he could talk himself out of it. The softness of his beard brushing his snout, and the warmth from the human’s hands flowing around his collar to the scales beneath, the rare opportunity to comb through the plumber’s slick hair.. With the ambient temps in the nineties, Bowser had a case of the chills.

The roles switched, Bowser nodded gently, intently studying the plumber’s reddened face.

“Bowser. I like you too. Alot. It’s just, you did have a point last night. Maybe we shouldn't rush this right now. What’s causing this?”

The poignant question shook Bowser out of his blank stare. He faintly made his way to this desk again. “That meditation thing! I’m the same age my dad was when was murdered, if that’s not the time to gather yourself.. ”

Mario sat on the edge of it. “I get that, but we can’t elope if that’s where you were going.”

He shrugged casually. “I thought maybe I’d convince ya if we went somewhere romantic, like the Rainbow Cruise.”

Cute, fine he’d give him that, alas, he slid off the desk and drifted away. “Bowser.. It’s.. still a ‘not now’ for me.”

Bowser waited until he was over a certain spot and then slapped a button. “I’m kidnapping you unironically then!”

His new and improved layer’s chandelier dropped right on Mario, tangling him up before it lifted him to the ceiling again. Meanwhile lava guzzled out of the ducts for the fountain, filling the space.

Without an answer, Bowser left the throne, everything a blur. Though he didn’t throw such a fit back there, in his mind the walls peeled, the floor crumbled, and the roof disintegrated. What was coiled in him all along, it snapped. He saw himself from the outside, zombied, unsure how he got down a floor with the crone and that old tube radio in the hallway.

“Dearie,” Kammy began, dismayed “there’s word of a train accident not too far-”

Chapter End Notes

To be continued. One. Last. Time. I swear.

Author note: And the title of the next one is in the air at the moment. Still, what you were waiting for!!! No really, it’s already done except tiny bits here and there so hopefully it’s out before August is over.

-Here comes a super belated and random aside from me. Hippity Hop the paragoomba was named after the Challenge mode of Mario Super Starbaseball. When you have none of the missions for paragoomba the nickname is ‘Hippety-Hop’. Yeah, misspelled all along (or rather they altered the spelling and I did it the traditional way) because in the initial chapter that character is named I was going off of pure memory. Only during this one was I watching an old LP and saw it again. D’oh.

Created: 3/9/23 3/11/23(real start) 3/12/23, 3/16/23, 3/18, 3/21, 3/24- 3/30- 4/5- 4/12- 4/27 - 5/9, 5/20 , 5/21- 5/29- 6/6- 6/14, 6/16- 6/19, (break) 7/13, 7/17- 7/21, 7/24

(note the pre June dates are really drafts and ideals that don’t exist anymore. Consider the date beyond that the real ones for what you’re actually reading)

26. Love and War IV: Ramifications

In a cold sweat, Bowser lifted his head, greeted with a view of his stark throne room. He couldn’t ignore this anymore, conceding to hold down the buzzer. His old man might get it. He’d gone senile in reverse afterall, sane-ish now compared to the baby-obsessed, yoshi asbestos inventing nut job he once was..

Just as Bowser was gonna let it out, a steady beep he must have drowned out before was noticeable. “I’ll tell you after I take this call. Scram.”

“Vater, your line has been busy for the past hour! If not for this space- er rest stop with an outlet, my battery would have depleted,” greeted him harshly.

“..Better? Vater, my actions caught up with- Leave me alone!..” Ludwig grumbled to someone, the other party's responses distorted.

Bowser knew a tug-o-war when he heard it. “Son?” He dashed to the raindroplet-filled window for a clearer reception, his ghostly, distraught reflection staring back. “You can’t be in the slammer! How are you gonna take over in a year?”

Ludwig came back on, gasping for air, hopefully the victor of whatever that was.“- Is that position- not- occupied by ..government name: Clarentine Bowser Koopa Jr.?”

Bowser’s thoughts nearly grind to a halt. “Junior was gonna be the face of tyranny is all, why.. He’s named like that. Look, it seemed like the least selfish move without a queen anymore. You koopalings were growing up so absolved of, you know, ‘compulsory’ service, I’d know what all of you really wanted to do with your lives. Ludwig, I have no doubt about what you wanna do. Get it?”

“Vater- I..Yes, thank you. I am confined in a way, but I promise I will try to- Oh again? Grrr-” Ludwig argued again with that unknown. “Stop, or I will slap you with that scroll holder!!!.. Vater, before I go, I must tell you that.. Yes, them. Is.... actually... your.. ….. …..!”

An outdoors patrol minion resisted the urge to clip on earphones. From the dry bone’s vantage point, his lord was in the window unblinkingly. Shortly he gave in to old habits, it evident Bowser wasn’t really seeing anything.

“Can’t you help us?” one on the road begged, starbits up to their neck. Tremors raked through the city as Star Hill spewed like a volcano.

A bright arrow sliced across the ancient ruins and desert plains of Southern Mushroom Kingdom, outgunning tweesters and Mecha-Yoshi to reach the other side. Stopping the mach speed kart was more difficult, sliding beyond the rusty old factory she targeted, and almost off a coastal cliff, waves crashing below. She coaxed the kit build to a stop after a loud spinny show, scaring the King’s nobles into the gem encrusted caves. No longer in motion, she let herself breathe. The King could have fled anywhere with the headstart he had, yet he chose the old quarry she suspected. Best yet, the guards had quit it appeared, so no threat of return firepower. Rich veins connecting to the Rock Candy Mines, it was also the passage her ancestors used to follow the ‘call of the stars’ and settle in the Mushroom Kingdom, and the first labor camp she closed down upon take over. Abandoning it to locals led to the modern day dichotomy where the South had podunk yet wealthy towns, prone to mutiny to her government, but amiable with her personally.

Bam! The red hot king kicked open factory doors, broad chest rising and falling, and a sword strapped to his side. Finding his daughter pocketing a winding key, more pale than Queen Chanterelle ever got, his rage faded.

“Father, a curse is devouring me, my friends, and my kingdom. Can you help me, or will I deal with this on my own?”

Concern flitted across his hard face before he twisted off his signet ring, his beard going from straight and black to scraggly gray. “-Daughter, you got your subjects to supply you with their allegiance, labor, and love on your own. I’ll cut you slack now.”

She closed it in her palm. “Father, thank you, sincerely… Also I believe.. It’s pertinent you check on your toads right now.”

Her loud roaring escape in the gray primer painted kart bowled him over with red dust. Next he knew, the toads he could be chasing down, tugged him deeper into the fuzzy infested cave. Before he fussed at them, he was knocked off his feet again, the factory exploding into flames. Jr. Troopa’s ostro riding ranchers would sniff around after the King’s toads wore him down. Conclusion: autobomb.

The young man in the cell opposite patted the pile of gunpowder against the brick wall. “I’m good at this, trust me.”

“As much as I am running and jumping around here?” the other prisoner spoke up “If you’re at least half as much you’ll have half as much of a chance as that of getting whatever you're doing to work.”

Spy Guy whipped his way, barely able to see him in the dark candle lit dungeon. “-I thought you quit being a plumber to be a stay at home dad for the koopa kids, not some riddler.”

His explosive pile popped with a lot of smoke. The agent allotted for crumbling debris then charged for it. He smacked against the same solid brick wall, only blackened.

Mario rolled his eyes behind iron bars. “With podoboos, flame bars, and fire bros, KT gunpowder is an eighth as strong as the Mushroom Kingdom stuff..”

Spy Guy simmered on his bench as Mario snorted. 'Good try sport', that was a pretty eventful thirty second shift change to give him credit…

“See, just like that they shut up. Totally a cool job.” The koopatrol swung the key around his gauntlet covered finger, training the toad in chainmail armor by bringing her into the dungeon, usually the job of the whomp holding the torch. “Anything else?”

She distantly stared down the corridor. “Both halves were part of Princess Mush IV’s wedding vows. It’s a super messed up story. They would always focus on the bratty part, blaming her for the war. Still I respect her. She lived- and died authentically. Can I change the subject? Can we pet the chomps?”

“..It’s past feeding time,” the koopatrol probed. “Plus I almost lost an arm last week!”

“I’d always begged for one and never got it from mom, so I swore I’d adopt one myself. I know of the breeds, behaviors, how not to lose limbs.”

Mario shortly sprung up with a cup of drain cleaner. Actually orange juice, kept in the castle fridge, the least requested snack watchmen could give prisoners. Spy Guy’s choice of a processed energy bar was useless and as thick as the bricks he couldn’t blast. Mario’s was his key out of there.

“If you were sick of my math Charles, check out my chemistry.” Mario splashed the juice at the bottom of the bars and kicked them out while sizzling from the acid.

He crawled under and was out of there, sneaking to the BACK DOOR passage and around the ninjis, mecha-koopas and non light generating lava pits with ease. When fresh air and a gentle sprinkling of rain hit him, he noticed just how shallow his breaths had become during those routine maneuvers.

He gasped at the upside down clown car inching along, unsubtly dodging the sweep of spot lights.

“No worries, we’re Trojan & Co. from Isla Falsa. Check us out on Welp, old pal.”

The plumber gave them space, holding the dino’s shoulders. “I put myself in danger. I should be apologizing. Let’s scram.”

Bang! Nerves shattered by the loud disturbance, they lifted the clown car. The source was the top floor of Bowser Castle.

Bucken-Berry wished he didn’t do those cathartic, over the ocean plasma blasts while tracking the Toad Town 104. Hey, most of his games didn’t have ontological inertia. How’d he foresee them hitting some random village over the horizon. Looked like Sky Land, what came after Pipe Land that he’d torched up too.Blistering hot plasma was mostly around the mulchy outskirts, only destroying one windmill and something that was gold, the sea flowing over-

The koopa grabbed the journalist’s dress shirt, popping buttons. “Jelectro’s gone, so drop the front. You set up this Phanto Mask, or this ‘Camoztar’ thing to melt into a heap of trouble for what?”

“Remember what I predicted when we were kids?..” He pried her fingers away. “There’d be something special about Princess Peach. I admit I had a lot of wrong ideals. First trying to work for her, later trying to chop her down. I didn’t get the actual interpretation right until today, so if you don’t think I’m humbled, screw you.”

Kylie backed off and retrieved her bag, camera, other articles, disgusted. “I gave ya a chance. There’s no frenemy between us, you’re just on your own now.”

The monster popped up from behind the big warehouse. “It’s not just carrying fruit!”

The lamp of the TT104 was a mile down, illuminating how heat traveled down the rails and popped rivets on the bridge, sagging over the deep canyon. Bucken-Berry tapped the receiver stuffed into his ear.

He wrapped his tendrils around the train as it bulleted by, digging his feet in. He was dragged belly first, soil and molten gold splattering across the field and bogies sparking. The middle of the three heads noticed a compartment with lamps on. He kicked a free leg against it, derailing that while the half he was attached to tethered on. He let go, sliding as the 104 snapped the bridge and crashed against the side of the ravine. The blast shook many out of their cottages, and even more when the bright white plume rose against the black sky. Something was within it, an iridescent scintillating rapscallion slowly emerging from the heap of twisted metal, seven pointed, the size of a mushroom bus.

“FOOLISH ONE,” Rapscintillation loomed over land, blanching onlookers. After an indeterminable flash of emotion, “YOU ARE VERY LUCKY.” The powerful being launched away with a sonic, window shattering boom, just what the monster needed to snap out of it.

‘It was over, oh stars’ Bucken-Berry relayed over and over, pressed back against one of the big green hills. That’s when the triple headed beast caught a scent he couldn’t ignore, swiveling towards the wreck again.

With no feet to worry about getting on, Zoo was pushed past Luigi, Toadette, and Daisy in the heap of splintered planks and cargo, out of the pits into the wilderness. He rested back against a huge super bell tree, uncontrollably shaking. After leaves and acorns dropped on him, it only increased, finding himself under six red glowing dots above.

“I was brainwashed to steal like I told your friends! You know what it’s like to not be in control of yourself?” Zoo jumped away from under the tree, emboldened. If he could read him so easily he was untouchable. “Drew will track me down any minute anyway, bro and he don’t want anything happening to me. Hey, I caught him trying to stalk your Instaham instead of Jackson’s for once. Heads up.”

Bucken-Berry wasn't flattered, continuing to tongue flick. "You've killed a bunch of folks Drew doesn't know about, and you ain't sorry!"

Zoo casually weaved around Yoshi berry bushes. "Eh, I regret giving this one chill dude a- how'd Drew explain it once, oh yeah diffuse axonal injury. Ala-Gold was a goner before he hit the dirt and bled all over the place. The mess is always from the death ray attacking soft tissue. Ain't science neat?"

"Like I said, you aren't sorry," the monster hissed in his real voice, following his sad attempt to slip.

"Yet I'm holding your fate. You know that feeling. It's time it caught up with you."

FLOOSH! The dark boo's flesh liquefied indistinguishably into the mossy floor following the acre desecrating plasma blast.

FLOOSH! The dark boo’s flesh liquefied indistinguishably into the mossy floor following the acre desecrating plasma blast.

When Luigi and co hobbled over, there was no fugitive left to apprehend. Nothing, and the scent of burning and death striking his nostrils, he knew why. The green plumber decided that, with red and blue lights on the horizon they’d better take a detour. In the ash field, he contacted the princess about how rapidly this was spiraling. Her reaction-

“We aren’t angry!!!!!” a koopa jogger megaphoned Toad, the dummy on the outside of the barrier into Royal Raceway instead of behind it. “We are simply concerned about the state of our kingdom!!!!!”

Toad’s ears had the muted ring of a sepia toned war flashback. Fitting, when he was the last toad standing in a way. Many were leaving town, displeased over what appeared to be a stalemate between Peach and her father, or spooked by other happenings, and whoever weren’t were in the mob right here. “I’m not gonna try to convince any of you that your feelings aren’t valid. I’m just gonna say this. If I get elected in Neo Bowser City, you’ll start to have a choice. "

Then he could hear a pin drop. There it went, spelt differently rather, from the scuffed up Lakitu Bro pushing his way to the front. “Mr. Toad Kinopio Toad, for the record, what’s special about that place?“

“Mayor Koton is a jerk, greasing the roads, the enslavement obviously, and holding mail hostage, but he fought to make it a democracy so props to letting himself be challenged. Me being there, so blasphemously or whatever, and on a commoner level is important for other toads and non-toads alike to see. If I’m terrible, for once the people can haul my butt out."

Toad shrugged. If feeling better was going to be the trend the more he went mask off, maybe he could handle this. “Ask me anything."

Toadia overtook the Lakitu Bro trying to take notes in his palm. “Why did you reject the Luigi fan club offer five times?”

Toad sat up on the square barrier for that one. “It’d be creepy when I was already his best friend and I didn’t know how else I felt about him.”

Her friends raised cain. Others dispersed with the latest gossip, their thirst for vengeance quenched, Toad guessed. Thomas slyly poked his head out of a traffic barrel he'd hid in.

“I relished every moment with him.. On slow days, when life was hectic. Good times, even bad.. And I understand that’s squarely friend zone, don’t mash those together, for most, but for me I couldn’t ignore the feeling of, ‘oh I’m in love.’ Happy?-”

He loosened his collar. “Well, it’s not red. Let’s get that out of the way.”

One in the crowd dipped out after the reveal, his black kimono hiding colorful Yakuza tattoos, and shades his distinctive face. With only so many hours of daylight left, he had six or seven more old sponsors to shake down over seized assets. After actually losing a shouting match with a lowly item shop employee Saleisha, the blogger realized that the in person forum and the integrity shown by the Earl he was named after was giving him much to think about on the way back to Japan, Water Land.

Inspector Douglas’ Piranha Pipes kart took him away from the tropical, island hopping route into northern wintry conditions. A former vehicle of the Isle Delfino police, its goop proof nature made getting around easy. He struggled rather to find the sergeant and their inmates. Soon flurries were accumulating on his cap. He zipped up his coat as the regional emergency calls came in on the radio, thick accented citizens somewhere in the ice block forts reporting on a statue busting maniac.

What they described the officer found, skidding around a frozen lake where mountains were leveled. Shuddering, the human crouched, tapping one key at a time on his computer. ‘SUSPECT. ARMED. DANGEROUS,’ it blared. He pinched his hat brim, the investigator completely green at the violent cases. Whatever the boo diddly was doing, it appeared like a banzai bill had dropped.

Fighting his fears, He shakily put the spotlight on them. “Booigi.” He let the intercom stop screeching. “You prefer that, don’t cha? Come talk with us at the station.”

Booigi ii slowly spun. “I. Prefer. Concentration…But I will accept your ride home. I have ‘business’ there.”

From the cruiser rolling up, Snifit Patrol saw the suspect secured in the rear of the Pipe kart. Best of all, his fellow, and presently only other officer had his head on his body still. “Great job, Doug. No problems?”

The snufit got the hint pretending to jot notes when Booigi was facing them. “Well well. To the precinct for Mx. Diddley. I’ll pop in after I get a report from a victim at the hospital.”

The snufit nodded, revving up his more powerful engine. “Suspended inaugural investigation. I couldn’t shake the eeriest sensation of being watched.” He slipped on his headset. “And after visiting a hellish planet of literal death yesterday, not entirely convinced I didn’t dream it, I’ll take no chances.”

Sweeping the Sky Land villagers doing their meager rescue work, the ancient star pensively loomed over the lonesome toad, traveling through the adversity of mud caked wheels. Millennium Star wasn’t ignorant of Mitch’s disdain for Zoo. When ‘rebuilding’ the dark boo on a molecular level, he poured over the vivid snapshot of the green toad mangled up in a vehicle. He did not count on the reporter going so far to smudge Zoo out of this world that he’d stage a rail accident, the commotion and, oddly specific, the gamma rays emanating from another party involved keeping him from swooping in to preserve his death ray spouting pet.

Mitch stopped at the crest of a hill, the moon behind him and the mist settling below, rotating to face the purple star. He inhaled to speak, then changed his mind, lips curling into a smile. “(Look at it from another angle.)”

The most shameful moment he could remember in eons, Millennium stared dumbly at that.. toad shaped abomination. He lashed out, the zap making the journalist slump lifelessly. He telekinetically looted his body for divine articles, scrolls, anything. How did he, a mortal, psychically intercept him? There was nothing, only a crowbar to take. The journalist’s pillaged body smacking the grasslands, a sharp pain startled the star into launching up into the atmosphere, where he was caught by a very strong grip.

The star warrior stopped coddling him, one eyebrow rising. "We better conversate somewhere else. I got this situation on lock.”

‘That’s not a..’ Millennium Star plastered on a smile. “Of course, ♡♪!?”

There was a chance this wasn’t what he thought. Bowser cleared the lump in his throat. “X chump, I looked into all you do for the ‘other’ side. Why’d you build me a replica castle?”

“-Would it be inappropriate to discuss what your mercenary did to my Blue Falcon?”

“Or I'll..just.. Have a talk with my insurance!!” Mr. X added, big claws shielding himself from the scepter brought out.

If there wasn't a safety on the new models of these things, Bowser feared he might have vaporized him there. Minions, rookies as intentionally chosen, dumped the captive in his throne room. Without that clothing there was no obfuscating that Mr. X was a wimpish powder blue scaled dragon koopa with beady grayish eyes, stubby horns, curly red hair, and a pencil mustache. Advanced in years or not, Clarentine Ao Koopa. -Senior, technically. The ring wasn’t fooling him though, his brother had never wed or sired any kids. There was a look to that, unignorable, like how this was the guy that ensured the deathbed utterances of their copper scaled father were branded into his brain forever. ‘It was such a shame that his kingdom was going to the younger son.’

“So it was a favor? Do me another then - brother!” Bowser aimed against Mr. X’s flat chest. "Why did you run?!?"

X sputtered, “The Troop was going to use me as a weapon. I expressed that readily and no one listened, so I had to sever my connections forcibly Bowser, you realize that!”

He pressed harder. “What kept you away when I’d sacked all the elders? When the war was over? And after that too?? What?!?”

“I was preparing to return by the time Roy was born, until I was injured at sea. With that bout of amnesia-”

Mewling in pain, Mr. X scooted until his shell was stopped by the sealed door. “Bowser.. Believe me. You remember why I proposed we attach wings to our ships? A mine hit a ship I was in, and down it went easily. I washed up on Mushroom Territory penniless. I was spared only because no one, including myself, knew who I was.”

Bowser wished he didn’t believe him, scalding tears rolling. One emotion presided however, so quickly it surprised him, expressed by the heavy treasure chest he lobbed at his brother. Mr. X ducked as it struck and dented his iron door. The Koopa Bros grappled, bulky shells on both punching walls, feet stamping glass shards.

“Okay fine whatever you lost your memory, but why didn’t you do something- at least write me when you got it back?!?”

“I’d have- It’s generous to call them ‘partners’, but.. Ah!” X was dragged across the desk, flipping with it. “Stars that hurts…. they’d get so antsy if I dare mention Darklandian matters..” He stood up, gasping for air.. “Bowser.. If you ever lived in their world, the smallest gesture could ruin you. I was always the ‘exception’.”

Bowser lowered the bookcase he was about to bash over his head. “…Sorry man.”

Mr. X unexpectedly spat blue fire in his face. The Koopa King stumbled back while receiving several hard body blows, his room torched up. Bowser taunted, luring his brother to advance across the seared black Darkland crest rug, then- wham! Down crashed the chandelier. While the glass was still flying, Bowser hobbled closer. He tasted blood, all banged up, but X was more so, dazed under all that gold plated metal..

Mr. X latched on without hesitation. “Eh I.. I wasn’t thinking with that burst of anger.”

“The one thing we got in common... Look, like you know the Mushroom folks well, I know my guys. We’d probably have your head if you’d tried to come back.” There was a huge bang outside the room. Bowser sighed, “Scram and lemme deal with this.”

While X was taking the developer exit he’d put there- wait what? ..Bowser peeped out into the hall.

“-King Dad I know I’m grounded but heads up!” Lemmy hopped around. “Kamek heard a boss fight and authorized this!”

The doors were blown off by the battering ram, the crowd carrying it careening through the inferno. Before Bowser could scream that he had sprinklers for this, dazzling lights emerged from the charred chest pile, stronger than Iggy’s radioactive microwave meltdowns. This time, instead of forcing them to quarantine an entire floor, a jewel shattered and blew the roof off.

The anxious group rocketed across the desertic Bowser Valley. In control of the beast of a vehicle after Peach passed out and they didn’t want to take chances, Luigi wasn’t all there either in actuality. His attention darted between the narrow barrierless lanes and a crooked mirror, hoping he’d see six glowing dots somewhere following.

“We have to shape up,” he thought spontaneously. “We want Mario back without a lengthy fight.”

The princesses vis-à-vis, Daisy was allowed to hold Peach’s right hand in place, the first time they steadied, examining the emerald and gold ring, large but gorgeous on her. Thankfully Toadette broke the silence with a more astute observation.

Peach slipped it off momentarily. “-Considering I only fainted when that dark star was released, empirically yes. If I hadn’t pried it from my father..”

Peach smiled back to the only other princess she knew that was also a friend. “Yes, dear. Maybe it’s over. Shall we.. see each other more?”

-The terrain went downhill, bumps and drop-offs jumbling them up. Not over yet! Through the purple fog, Luigi got a glimpse of misspelled and drooping signs, Koopa Troop activity, before the brakes locked up.

“Peeeach!” He swerved around lava puddles and solid volcanic boulders, the kart tilting side to side.. “E-brake???”

So strapped down, Peach couldn’t reach the levers before rolling gates came up, their high speed forcing the monty moles at it to burrow as they shot through the chains and barbed metal.

“Five-o-clock? No prob.” The recruiter snapped shut his flip phone. “Sorry bout that. Don’t fret here, this job makes us say ‘hell yeah’, haha. You’ll see..” The recruiter opened the sentient, and visibly skeptical, Dorguy with alacrity.

The rookie went in on his own, pointing and firing a finger gun at his head. Away from the Twygz, weaving through the deepest darkest cavern in the universe, there was no getting out of this. He’d sorta developed a phobia for water anyway, and to be fair, he looked like the sort of guy he always wanted to be, snazzy in a pin striped suit and a pair of prescription glasses that wouldn’t fall off all the time. The d-man entered a torch lit, gothic all black alcazar with wild chomps in the backyard, home of some office space where he'd have to behave at least sixty percent less like a psychopath than he was used to. He got his cubicle, his stack of soul records to organize, was almost shown the bathroom-

Stomping down the long flight again, the one waiting for him at the bottom snatched his arms, spun him around and had him pinned against the building. Dang, that wasn't okay just cause they were in the game over realm.. And especially not from your own brother!

Face squashed against rock, Zoo managed, “Yeah but how’d you get in, Drew?!”

“It is easy to transcend when you have an extra life generator,” Prof. X-Naut informed, standing next to the swirling vortex. The sort of jugs ferry drivers had were stacked there too, filled with purple Twygz water.

Zoo pushed Dr. Toad back into that, the clash allowing him to skip out of there with their own portal. Yeah, why lose out on that extra forty?

Zoom! The scholar’s priceless scrolls slipped away into space. “Sloweth down!” she scolded.

If accurate communication was the cornerstone of advanced civilization, inaccurate was the wrecking ball. Ludwig would rather be hit by such, no matter how much carnage it’d inflict on his delicate winged body, than deal with these sages. From a disappointingly pedestrian Overthere pantheon, if they weren’t the initial spotters of Rosalina’s pilotless Observatory drifting just outside a dimensional door, they'd have been kicked into a black hole by now.

The display flickered severe warnings upon boarding, and their splitting up to the engine room, garden, etc, sapped what power lingered. With Toadsworth’s assistance, the mechanical parts so antediluvian he was vaguely familiar, it was up again. With rousing celebration the center beacon was a dim orange, the auto throttle gently pushing them towards Star Temple.

Countless galaxies strolled past without an iota of the diverse star beings Ludwig found on his initial journey. He kept searching from high up, desperate to prove his fears wrong until noxious space gas knocked him out, no one catching him. Fine, he was being a Philistine threatening to burn those scrolls.. Anyway, the Temple’s protective bubble beyond the bars was hazy, the fields were scorched away, and the sanctuary rusted copper orange.

Twink wearily watched the nimbis skirt about, lose interest and depart. “I held down the fort. I guess. But there's another problem.”

“I was horrified watching Millennium Star’s fight on that ship. Now I can only think there was something funny about it."

“Is rolling up ‘gangsta style’ another way to say ‘late’?” the ancient star quipped after they’d reached the goddess in teal at an intermediate point.

Not even brandishing the finest armor protected the star warrior ♡♪!? , or ‘Geno’ from that slap. “Sure you beat us, but you ain’t done a thang. Are you who you say you are?”

Millennium Star revealed his Band of Casualty, a colossal infinity shaped specter representing cycles of time, spanning to each edge of the universe. Rosalina’s colors drained, her elliptical past woven in that somewhere, but Geno was satisfied, forcibly pressing the ancient one onwards.

A sentient parasitic planetoid, Doomstar Galaxy, swiped by the Moon without meddling with that. It was already full of organic and inorganic material from Earth, sorted aside so that its physiognomy was revealed. Flames from the core flit between closed eyelids, and sharp teeth stuck out of a mouth, black acidic material oozing between. The monochrome star, Dark Ztar relaxed in a La-Z-Boy stationed at a peak, ordering around smaller, equally repugnant bearings: Munchztar a corpulent, murky brown shoveler, Skeptiztar, glossy onyx and meticulously crafting, and Camoztar, gold plated and in everyone’s way from being introduced moments before. They scattered as a lilac diamond shaped proponent of prudence, Parallelogon stormed onto the scene.

Whom they were actually speaking to, Rapscintillation came around from the dark side of Doomstar. “I was trying to avoid this, Shapes!”

Parallelogon used the ‘Peer of Truth’ on the adversary. Realizing it was, they bashfully cut it out. “Well.. listen up! You will do well to help me!”

Rapscintillation spat out the antenna pole they were using as a toothpick. “I COULD use a warm-up before it’s your turn..”

“-Jaydes, how'd this happen?“ Geno growled, coming up. “They're more dangerous in cahoots than duking it out!”

Dark Ztar left his steamy cup of tea on a nice glass stand and removed the blanket from his lap- revealing a gatling gun. The primordial rivals split apart before Geno could snatch either, leaving him in the crosshairs. He held out a shield, the jets of dark matter pushing him miles back and reflecting off, disintegrating anything in its path.

After that influx, the star warrior bit his lip. This was not ‘on lock’ at all.

In the surge of flying shrapnel, Bowser tucked into his shell. His spikes embedded into wet Darklandian soil, shortly buried by bricks. It was over like that, not the worst castle collapse he’d been in, because he could tell the entire thing hadn’t fallen. If it had, the faint utterances of ‘what happened’ would be far more panicky than perplexed.

Someone pulled a few planks and boards away, partially inching into the pocket he was in. “Or just follow me…”

The King burrowed out into the resulting ruckus from soggy, pajama wearing troops. Well there it was, mostly, SNES Bowser Castle in a torrential rainstorm, minus the roof and the top floors. Mario prepared for a filibuster, a fit, or a fight, not for Bowser to drape a blackened emblem flag over him and shoo him away.

“Oh no you don't,” he snapped. “Bowser, I’m sorta.. Effed up. Why’d you rubber stamp this kidnap?”

Mario pulled the flag over his shoulders, tiredly walking beyond unaware minions.

“Now you get it,” Bowser briskly followed. “It’s what I deserve when you flipped your world upside down for me, yet I haven’t even told anyone I love you-”

Mario froze. "Despite this.. I love you too.” They embraced briefly, enjoying each other’s touch.

He slung Mario towards the gates where he was surprised to see Yoshi and Goombario already over there, backing up fearfully. A flat tire and five blockades on the way to Castle Koopa had slowed the kart of Luigi and co down, nonetheless they couldn’t stop, gently tapping with the bumper against the final, most interior iron gate. Its slow swing open screeched like a banshee.

“It’s Mario!!! And Luigi!!! And everyone else get them!!” Koopa Troop rallied, gathering clubs and sticks.

Luigi slammed the lever into reverse, anything he’d rehearsed promptly tossed. “Hop on the hood!!!”
Mario and the others flopped onto the slanted surface as they lurched backward.

“Stop!!!” Bumped around by his minions, Bowser noticed where Mario and co were going. “-And watch out!!”

Luigi twisted from the lakitus about to spiny storm, lava so bright it temporarily blinded him. He spun the wheel so that the enemies bashed against the rear of the kart, pushing them. Yoshi, Poochy, and Goombario climbed in, but another bursting tire shook Mario off. Yoshi and Daisy held him as he dangled over the spoiler. Luigi couldn’t slow, he had to do the opposite.

"A-are we gonna jump this?" Daisy clicked her seat belt, one handed. "Yeah, go for it!"

The rockets blasted fire, shooting the kart up the volcano and into the air. They soared over the big Boo Moon, Mt. Koopatoa and the Badlands shrinking below them. Everyone screamed, Toadette’s in particular beckoning a giant abductor to swoop by. Everyone hung from a seat belt, the wheel, anything, precariously in the air.

Luigi thanked everyone in between his breaths. As long as Bucken-Berry didn’t fly them over any areas he hadn’t annihilated, he assumed might be in the clear…

Innocents might be hurt, planets surrounding them swiss cheesed, yet Parallelogon was left behind by Rapscintillation, wrapping around Doomstar to zap her with bolts. While the atmosphere thickened from loosened dirt and spray of acid, she kept moving. They switched to their heavy artillery, an energy beam to slice at her, uprooting the mounds, ships, bodies, all, sending them back into Earth’s orbit. Parallelogon was about to stop their chaotic frenzy when Munchztar snuck up and spat stinging goop in their face.

“Hrrg!” Parallelogon brought out a longsword of light, lacerating Munchztar in the middle. The Prudent one flung that dark star into the sun, creating a heat surge that blew them onto Cheese Land, the only planet around looking identical as it started. With cheddar dust in the air, they saw a pure black outline in the midst. They tossed the blade at Skeptiztar, the weapon caught with their palms.

Their aurora beam stabbed Parallelogon, channeling every event they’d missed since encapsulation. Death, torment and violence drilled their brain out, limply rolling off the edible planet into a thick purple and blue nebula.

“Disappear.” The Great Eldstar’s voice echoed. “Nothing can redeem you!”

Parallelogon fit themselves together, waddling towards His glow. “Great Master, reconsider...”

Meanwhile, Doomstar cracked into four pieces to nimbly evade Rapscintillation, easy when they stopped in the middle of battle, ears perked by the whimpers of their eternal rival in that gas cloud over there. Slam! The Doomstar parts converged with Rapscintillation in the center, sealing them.

“Take that, bugger.” Dark Ztar laid off the trigger, gloating cut short when his arm was twisted painfully and the tip of a star rod jabbed under his neck.

“You’re under arrest! Where’s the rest of.. Da faq??!-” Geno dove with him as Parallelogon shot out of the nebula with a short reserve dagger.

“No one can.. Defeat them.. But.. me!” The lilac star plunged it into the seams of Doomstar, wedging it apart.

Rosalina quickly bubbled Munchztar before they flanked anyone, and Camoztar in their concealment. That left-

“~Implore, please, of the fate of the Rosettas..” the onyx star toyed. “I do know.”

The goddess held firm against the phantasm, snapping up Skeptiztar too. “I am content, no thank you.” She almost felt hopeful about this, until noticing that Doomstar was too substantial to force field. “♡♪!? , someone else must handle that one.”

The star warrior continued to choke out Dark Ztar, turning to the Ancient One. “Milly, it’s up to you!”

Millennium Star zoomed almost unnecessarily fast over there, to the star warrior, a dominance display. Whatever bro. He wasn’t so fragile to care right then. What Rosalina saw however…

Bowser’s chest untightened. All the Koopa Troop could do was trickle off Mt. Koopatoa and come on home.

“Dis is so flipping weird.” Roy suppressed his shivers in the rain, too proud to ask Morton who’d been wise enough to evacuate the castle with a warm blanket, for a piece.

“Dang!” Larry slipped between the older siblings. “Tell me somebody recorded it popping off!”

Iggy slyly brought out a metal Recorder that, besides being a ticket to a Warp Zone, actually recorded per his modifications. “-Yup, including the ~lOvE profession at the finale!~”

Bowser rushed over. “Okay, gather around and listen. It’s about time... We’ve been fighting a phantom since Peach took over. Of all of the enemies we actually have these days, the least of them is Mario. That’s how.." He swallowed hard. "I started to..to like the guy.”

“Boss, I respect ya but even I got limits.” Sentry 11 led the way across the drawbridge, sweeping many with him.

Bowser shoved ahead of the mob, standing between them and the open doors. “Disagree all you want, but it’s trashed in there. Let’s take over a motel or somethin.”

“No my Lord,” Kamek hissed. “The deplorable weather matches our spirits when you're chummy with plumbers.”

Lemmy rolled up. “We’ll take over super soon and we don’t like plumbers! Not even close! We haven't been in love for like five in a half years either!”

“-But to be honest there is other good guy stuff we like, so King Dad isn’t that weird.”

Lemmy shrunk under the sudden negative attention and booing. As with a Wheel of Death rehearsal though, he was in motion and had to commit, besides it feeling like the right thing to do. “Just being honest! My troupe at Emerald Circus are mostly Mushroom people and we’re all cool. Roy, isn't your Koopa Ball coach a friendly species?”

“Anyone that’ll listen!.. Including the Mushroom Kingdom,” he volunteered impulsively.

“Iggy and Wendy, aren’t the people on that Princess Parlor Discord thing a bunch of toads?”

“Correct, Lemmy-sama, HOWEVER!” The genius held a finger up, a little too long. ”..Eh, well, we verified them irl. Everyone sent a photo with a paper and a username.”

“Who cares?” Wendy folded her arms, walking off. “So what some are okay? So what if I own a life size poster of my celebrity crush, Emerson Lake Toad, or Toad #23 from the Toadtanic rip-offs?”

“But daddy!” she bawled. “..*sigh* Anyway, that’s an exception! If you agree, join the Wendy Menace. That’s right, I’ve reclaimed that moniker.”

Pink on pink warfare, Roy shoved her aside. "Lemme clear dis up. My coach n teammates are acquaintances ONLY. Pure business’s how it’s gotta be with Mushroom brats."

That garnered a group of burlier or more elite troop, Morton, Sentry 11, and whatever Hippity Hop counted as.

"Guys!" Lemmy reasoned. "Anybody’s okay as long as they're good people- which ANYONE can be."

“Enough of this!” Bowser’s stomps shocked them into silence, allowing Junior to inch up beyond the dense group.

Kamek scooped him up, holding the tyke high over his head. “Yes my young whippersnapper, our most loyal who definitely has no enemy friends, share your insight!”

The baggy eyed six year old yawned. "Scoutmaster told me that Mushroom people act like what we’re acting like.. So.. Can I go to bed?"

The child hopped to the ground on his own in the silence, zombie walking into the puddles filling the roofless castle.

"He's so right." In the undetermined bunch, the young trooper was staring at her boots when Larry gently bumped her elbow.

Millennium Star hovered over the destroyer, jabbing a crowbar into a cross section to aid Parallelogon’s crazed tactics. Rapscintillation burst Doomstar open from the inside, the evil planet’s tortured cries ear splitting, and didn’t skip a beat, swirling up the biggest dark matter ball they could muster to aim at Dark Ztar, whether or not the star warrior was apprehending him.

“He freaking did it!” Suspect limp in his arms, it didn’t matter. Geno couldn’t let go. “Somebody do something!”

Breaking out of the daze, Parallelogon tackled the rival, the throw going wide and spatting on the Band of Casualty. Taut silver film melted away, frayed sections littering space, making it difficult to see. Parallelogon and Rapscintillation bickered their way off the scene, possibly by their voices fading. What Geno heard clearly was Rosalina’s gasp of pain. He whipped around. She was ghostly, passing out, all of her force fields breaking. Heart in his throat, he dropped Dark Ztar to lunge and catch her.

Geno yanked Millennium Star right back. “Slick, you set up this punk reunion. Besides babysitting the Ouroboros, and you make Chaos. By Higher Authorities power I detain you here.” Rosalina over his shoulder, he pressed his free palm into his forehead, spiritually bonding the troublemaker to the zone.

The way Millennium Star glared, Geno would have chuckled in any other circumstance. What, didn’t think his BS would be called out by a relatively young cadet, 250 as of last August?

“You will despise that.” The ancient one made the bands drop towards Earth like missiles, particularly towards the location said to be Eldstar’s favorite.

Milly sure was a broken clock. The only reason the star warrior didn’t snap his neck is because he couldn’t do it with one hand.

Fresh Overthere resident Ludwig was ‘righteous’, their terminology not his, enough to breach the pearly gates, yet there was no forcing open the actual entrance into Star Temple. His forehead rested against it as Toadsworth spammed the high tech doorbell with a camera and the star kid cautiously watched.

Ludwig brought his head up, eyes widening. “It would be unwise to check now, Samuel!”

A white light speed traveling triangle, a paper plane crashed into the center of the Observatory, tearing the fabric of the roof with the tail, wings scraping flat the terrace and the library, and the nose with the extinguished beacon embedded in it plowing into the temple. Furniture Twink recognized, some good stuff too, pieces from the entertainment suite, flew out the back of the building, and the plane’s momentum dying, the tail end dropped. Everyone dispersed in some random direction, sapphire cracking from impact.

Embarrassed, Banktoad and other toads slid off the wing, followed by frantic Giant Spear Guys. They detected the evil in the realm, at the Chief’s call tearing off part of the plane to fold into a smaller one. They flew away, ditching the final evacuees, tiny dolphin and a limping grimacing whomp.

“Who’s in charge?” the sergeant demanded. “A prohibited distress frequency lured us here, and now we might never leave!!!”

Waist high in crushed granite, Ludwig answered brusquely. “I am the commander of these operations. Thanks to your serendipitous paper missile, we have admission.”

“Not for you, Ludwig.” The sergeant chirked up, throwing a zapper in the nimbi’s face. “Freeze! Wings up.”

He froze on the temple’s stairs, it so tense they could hear the roar of a black hole that had to be miles away. “-How do you recognize me!?”

“You sound Deutsch like the Toad Brigade, and you’re a nimbi that just ascended. Your halo’s crooked. It’s incumbent I- …Hey, I said don’t move!!!”

“Leck mich am Arsch!” Ludwig nudged the halo while scooping up a leftover spearhead.

Bang! Followed by a ping of off a convex surface behind him, chipping tarnished bronze. The red blotch growing on his white robe, speckling opulent marble beneath him, Ludwig forced himself up the remaining steps and shattered the security box with the last of his strength. It sparked and buzzed spectacularly, the last thing he saw before the spearhead slipped from his grasp and he hit the floor. He accepted instantaneously, without regrets, that despite his effort to get to this moment, it could be over here. Sacrificing on this level was the closest he’d ever gotten to being a king.

“May I assist?” The Captain crunched a bone, or something that made the nimbi writhe.

“And I was the only Alderson that knew planets were spherical too, but nooo, I had to be abducted with y’all.” Donald thought over all of the stupidity he wouldn’t have to endure anymore. “Actually. ~Thanks guys!”

“We will get it ourselves.” Toadsworth clamped over the officer’s stony hands, an old war grapple movement he didn’t know he remembered. “Tut-tut. You started the emergency after all, sir..”

Those two floating away into deep space, Twink, wanting the ground to swallow him with all of the stress going on realized something. Taking that jagged arrowhead when the toads weren’t watching, he had to enter Star Temple. There was no time for backup.

The green plumber conjured a smile for Daisy, at least until he was dunked by a surge of water. Bucken-Berry’s monster form crossed the ocean, everyone else on his back. Though wild and uncertain, waves choppy and moonlight diminishing, they had each other, and this method beat hanging onto an undrivable kart or plummeting from the sky.

Mario braved the spray and mist for a while. “Blue, what’s your top speed?”

“Phew..” Yoshi held onto a fiercely yapping Poochy. Better the dog take a dip in water than lava as his usual habit, regardless he wasn’t allowing it.
“Can I test something?” Goombario asked. “Ah hem. Yvan ‘Bucken-Berry’ Kingpin Toad: Blue toad, born in Toadwood Forest. Age: 25, with tyrclyde, maw-ray, and blargg ancestry. Max HP of 300, Attack of 20, Defense of 10. Moves: plasma beam, flying, swimming. Hidden abilities: Allergic; immune to status effects-'

The paper goomba blushed. “It was considered cheating in college and became more of a nervous tick for me than anything.”

Mario got splashed hard from some object smacking the water, spitting out a cheep cheep. Bucken-Berry snaked around more of the flaming debris, smaller ones inescapably battering them like a heavy hailstorm.

“Take that!” Luigi pointed one of his heads over. “No you’re not imagining it!”

The dragon landed belly first on the apparitional highway, the rainbow road arching over lofty green hills. Luigi forgot to warn about the booster effect. The group were propelled through intense loops and spirals over the indigo Star Hill craters and to Castle grounds where it dumped them abruptly. The pink angled roof rapidly approaching, Yoshi told the dragon to dive, gain speed, and quote ‘pull up’. Positive g-forces squashed them down, the beast swooping low and then high. He lopped off one spire of her castle and crashed into the garden. Everyone was catapulted off into shrubbery and silver sand, the by-product of the asteroids.

“Bae.” An old sounding man shook him in a nagging get the heck out of bed way. Toad was liver spotted and wrinkly, his signature clothes wearing him, almost obscuring the Vrlrdyi Scope in his pocket. "I don’t know what’s gone on, but we gotta get out of here.”

Luigi lifted, words dying from the array of silver globs suspended over town, like a snapshot.

You meddled and you failed like the- I'm combing through your timeline.. the loser you always were, Luigi Mario. I am tired of the universe's vacillation and now it is over. I will be free to be the Lord of Chaos I once was, and nothing will ever be the same!

Tears streamed from his blackened, starry eyes, not from fear, but strain. "Maybe you're right in a way. And you can call me a loser too if you want. Get this though," he spat to the anonymous foe. "This was by the seat of my pants, and I had to rely on every friend I had.." (Or was that all of them?) "You've also threatened the wrong 'loser' because I'm not giving up."

From a realm Time couldn't touch, the rapidly aging plumber was pulled into the shadows.

“I’m dead?” He gawked at the puffy aerial landscape. Civilization was layered as the clouds were, neatly, spotted by ancient courts, strung by red doors and moving platforms. The population was dense, many coming and going.

“I don’t know, and I say it matters not. Your vow as a public servant is to protect no matter what.”

The whomp stalwartly faced the nimbi. “Why I don’t have sympathy for enemies.”

Toadsworth thrust out a scroll from an Overthere library. “I say, you might be surprised what our people’s original mission was.”

Sergeant Howie unenthusiastically examined the weathered scroll. There weren’t many lines of twice translated Shroomish at all, jumping between time periods, yet it detailed what he’d never seen on Earth. The tension in his forehead telegraphed his feelings.

The officer slapped that paper into his chest. “I’ll find a doctor per my obligation, old man. That’s it. Oh, here’s a lead.” He brought out the zapper again to clear his way to new arrivals, if by accident by their spaceship flattening sacred apple trees. They were chasing some d-man on the loose, the agent making the clouds darken, winds kick.

Climbing up some withering vines, ‘you can do it’, the star kid reassured himself. With the bars retracted over the windows, he could shatter one high up and slip into a massive orrery room. He smashed into the globe of one blue and green planet, was almost skewered by additional spokes on the way down, and splat on the weathered tile floor. This area split off to the dining room, utterly destroyed. Supports had fallen, running portraits, tables and chairs, and other valuables. On the way however, a cosmic chain on a prohibited room piqued his interest. He’d never seen anything like it, thorned, too strong to snap.

“You are too kind Heinemann,..” Out in the once Elysian fields, Nass had just discontinued the chest compressions on Ludwig. “Though, that was the sort of lip service common with my old colleagues.”

“Understood.” The bespectacled toad’s face fell. “Perhaps neither of us could easily return to our old professions, but it’s too early to toss away all prospects. ..Or I’m simply optimistic.”

Twink sprung off the porch, tumbling between them. “Who’s super strong? I need them inside!!”

The Captain barreled over Twink, disappeared for a second, then crawled back out, gagging.

Mailtoad bereaved himself of his prized satchel, tying some of the ripped leather around The Captain’s head as a blindfold. “I, umm, hope that’ll work.”

“Soo-kh!” Banktoad ordered. That appeared to work, neither their captain nor the star kid with footprints all over him returning. “Great job, Mail. No wonder Yellow crushes on you.”

The postman slowly collected his letters, feeling himself flush. “Jörg mentioned that to you?”

The purple toad stood. “..William. You’d better not lie considering where we are. Why’d you let your uncle run you mad like this?”

“He’s subject to a lot of my intrusive thoughts, ministry boy.” Bank bumped him humoredly. “That’s all. What did Yellow insinuate?”

Together they faced where the yellow capped culprit might be, marked by his snoring and the subtle bristle of the white field. Now the entire lot was blown flat, the same force tipping the platform, flicking everybody off the ground like a flea.

“Hate to interrupt this requiem- naw, I bloody love to.” Dark Ztar laughed maniacally.

He was done absorbing the color inverted world, ghastly ‘freaks’ to most, but to him merely alternative forms on their daily business, crossing signs and landmarks. Beyond the weeping willows and tombstones, was Toad Town, except it wasn’t.

He focused squarely on Booigi on the curb. “Yeah. That dream sequence went off the rails. Now, I don’t want us to hit a reset. We’d already done that when we met at the tennis game. I broke a promise, and sent you to the slaughter but-”

Concerned, Luigi stopped against the newsstand, filled with Booish language papers. “Then-”

“It’s my fault and it’s a good thing you didn’t mess with me earlier. I may have more regrets right now..” Boo lightly spun in their grasp the green Bowser racket, inflamed with the fury of their ancestors. “You don’t have to abate me with more explanations. Just tell me what I need to do in the real world.”

Luigi breathed in, thinking it out. One glance up and.. “Buddy, since you want it truncated, you’ll have to try it out in this one.”

“Halt!” Star Spirits shot out of the temple, using all of their forces, the lullabies, star storms, chill outs, up & away, the.. Actually not the smooch, not that Misstar’s hesitance appeared to matter. Without Eldstar they could not star beam the fiend, only ruin their home more. Observatory, plane, and temple separated, leaving the sapphire to all fracture in pieces with whoever was on it.

Twink hid behind the paper remnants as long as he could, taking a thick phone pole sized spear to whack it across the back of Dark Ztar’s head. While knocked forward, he recovered, grabbed the star kid and punted him over the guardian’s heads, demolishing the left half of the temple.

“Shut up, Zach. -Ah!” The blue sailor hat wearing star spirit simply hadn’t the chance to warm up. The family cringed as Dark Ztar slapped his hand against the ground so hard, he cracked through the platform. In addition to the area becoming one big debris cloud, their toughest, heaviest star was plunged into a black hole. The family went silent, staring.

For the girl in a white flowy dress, having some fresh air couldn’t subside the dread in her. Odd geometries, vivid colors, unexpected discoveries that came with traveling the cosmos- so captivating in the past, now were pointed reminders of her displacement. She kicked her legs off the edge of the ship's rounded sides, wondering how she’d admit this when the apricot luma returned.

“-Attention, whatever scientific principles are at play here, submit to the Koopa Empire, or you shall be skirting along to another planet!”

The girl staggered to her feet, the invader’s mechanicalized pidget carpet blocking her starshroom. There were koopas back home, never that big and frightening. The stranger passed over a document as if it was burning a hole in his hand, King Ludwig Von Koopa to be exact, suited up in a navy jacket full of glimmering gold medals.

“Well?” He sighed. “I should have left reconnaissance to King Roy and the fighter jets.. Don’t you know where you are?!”

The girl turned, seeing for the first time the world she hovered over. It was blue and greenish, Earth ostensibly, but not one she belonged to. All of the themed lands were free to embrace their original traditions. She only wished she knew what any of this meant, especially the strict order to ‘eschew contemporary Mushroomy ideology’.

Just as King Ludwig was about to call reinforcements on this silly, probably Mushroom aligned girl, a roof panel opened with a hiss and release of mist.

While Ludwig didn’t see the partner in crime, he heard him, accented like him, and his late mother.

Where was he? Where? Giving up, Millennium Star didn’t want to look at that Earth Geno was so didactic over. If by Eldstar’s will, seedy individuals must exist, why was he wrong to mold them into tools?

He was jolted from those musings by a sting in the back. He narrowly avoided the barrage of his Casualty bands lobbed into the air. The trick shots that hit him didn’t hurt as much as losing altitude, a byproduct of his distracted acrobatics. He was being attacked by an additional psionic source, and it terrified him.

Luigi was conscious of being dragged across Peach’s lawn with a bloodied nose, so he hadn’t whittled to dust. Great, though with everything in slow motion, he couldn’t warn his friends of the falling star. The impact was somewhere behind Peach’s Castle, but the shockwave normal, possibly triple speed. He was slung as far as Royal Raceway, his vision going entirely fluorescent traffic cone orange.

Emerging from the coma-like state, he was too weak to thrash, reaching for the closest thing. It was smooth, trying to slap him with a fin. Donald looked at the nimbi crossly, caught on, and then kept swimming with him. Tired of holding his breath, and lost in the scraps of paper and indistinguishable pieces of the temple dispersed everywhere in space, he could use the assistance. Ludwig was pointing his wing behind Dark Ztar as he approached the shocked silent star guardians.

The monochrome star fired off an over the shoulder warning shot at the d-Man fluttering over. Refitting his glasses, the agent of Queen Jaydes wasn’t deterred. Dark Ztar easily maneuvered from whatever the d-man threw, whatever it was invisibly striking Eldstar on the stretcher.

The elder made the first groan he had since being secured, turning to his side, choking up heaps of dark matter into the mist of the fields. That got his family animated, rushing over to his side.

“Nice shot, bloke!” Dark Ztar shook the blackened cretin’s hand. “You’ve never shaken me down before. Must be new.”

The accountant nodded, sweat dripping from their heavy brow. “Yeah. Could use some side work tho.”

“Dang it. Never mind.” He took the villain’s card, slouched over. “Besides, I don't think that was my death ray. It was missing that energizing aftermath. If anything I’m depleted!”

Dark Ztar’s smile dropped like rock, swiveling around. The epitome of fairness, Eldstar, stood with some support, soft features twisting in disappointment.

“Tongue tied now? Zoo Diddley learned how to Refresh from your conspirator, Zachary.”

“N-no. He..” Dark Ztar stumbled backwards, monocle swinging from his face. “He ruined me!!”

A saucer shaped spaceship zipped by, commotion visible from the curved visor window. The whomp fought with Prof. X-Naut over ray guns, Dr. Toad and Toadsworth fussed over controls, and Johnson on crutches could do little but flick on the tractor beam for Zoo and the other stragglers.

“His comeuppance has come, Zachary. Here is something you cannot deflect for once,” Eldstar declared, voice strong.

The monochrome star obtained color from the holy white light beam above, stamping him through the last sapphire slab. The black hole spat out Muskular as gravity shifted. He grabbed Dark Ztar in his dazed state and pile drove him into the void, where it collapsed onto itself. The wicked star’s screams faded before the light dissipated, and the cleansed temple, what tiny bit remained floating in space, began to sparkle and shine. Simultaneously, the Observatory’s beacon reignited above their heads, turning right side up.

Geno resolved to get here and destroy evil if it was the last thing he did. He didn’t expect Rosalina to spring to life in his arms when the sanctuary was in sight, or gracefully rise, eyes closed, to her station.

Eldstar yelled upwards. “I am sorry, my dear. Every bit will be sorted. Come back!”

The most subtle smile danced across her delicate features, towards star warrior.

Ever wonder why you are a little different in every game? 8 bits? 64. 128. Beyond. Which is the real one? Are all of them? Or any of them?

-Absolutely not. He swore he hadn’t drank, had, and we almost ended up in the Hudson. Despite rumors, that was never really a thing.. Well.. none of my anythings have ever really been a thing..

(The stream stretches from one end of his sight range to the other, with one imperfection.)

I am neither purveyor nor lord of time, merely the babysitter of a newly woven band. We cannot.

No, antecedent events. Everyone did exceptionally with how layered this catastrophe was, to be candid. I hope a similar enough reality will satisfy. There are many to ‘wrangle’ up here, and Eldstar is confident this is a quick fix…

(He was treated to her gigantic image. Given the embrace of her even tone, no surprises.)

Chirping birds and patchy light gently coaxed the man under the tree to stand up. Dizzily, he abandoned the crumbled traffic cone, leaving dew covered grass for the paved, slightly sloped downwards raceway. The electronic banner tacked to the banisters stated the temperature, a tire advert, and the date. For the first time ever, he thanked God it was Monday.

In Toad Town there were karts passing by, and foot traffic on the sidewalks. No riots, nothing burned down. North at Peach’s Castle, he grew less anesthetic. The four-hundred year old stronghold was sturdy, beautiful and vibrant, not a sandstone tile on the ground path even cracked, but behind it.. He fought off that bout of faintness, the sound of a motorcycle drowning out his thoughts.

Mario looked him over funny while looking funny. Or, he wore casual clothes on at least, sans the boots, which he’d never not wear.

Luigi kept it to, “I always was a star gazer..”
He accepted Mario’s burnt toast, the older brother not about to take him anywhere on the Mach Bike than towards the castle. Luigi crunched on it without complaint. Star Hill, holy grounds of the Mushroom Kingdom, wasn’t on the horizon.

The indigo rocky landscape held a new secret. The vent previously spewing an unlimited supply of starbits was plugged by an eldritch five pointed being. No one could get close enough to look at it directly. That’s all they knew down at the star summit path gate via a drone a toad flew up there. And a Lakitu Bro that almost died earlier. Late to the party, Luigi didn’t want to instigate. What if he said the wrong thing and willed one of them out of existence again?

He did have one safe question for the princess, in a tank top and shorts. “What do you think your dad thinks about this?”

Peach remained as calm as one could. "I imagine he’s more worried about protecting his old factory with a single sword.”

“Don’t bring one of those to a gunfight.” Toadsworth winked at the green plumber. He appeared very odd, but no one commented on it.

Luigi yearned for some outlet, like a dam about to break. He determined that everyone was going to hear about what he saw. Eventually. Later on the patio their company, ethereal or not, warmed by the sun's sprawling rays, he mentioned that he hadn't seen Toad yet. He was dragged away for campaigning matters Peach replied, about as casually as it slipped that the cruiser she was about to visit was Daisy's. In the regal yet dogeared letter to Luigi, Toad reiterated that sudden eight in the morning intrusion by auditors except with more colorful language, calling him bae at the end. Luigi was against himself starting to like that. Idly, he folded it into a paper plane.

“I swear I didn’t see them!” The driver of the black Lexus settled for using her words after communicating more than she needed to by bumping dozens of the wooden traffic rerouting barrels.

Jr. Troopa leered into her car. His face mask wasn’t all that fearsome, but the light blue smock actually showed off his arms, and she’d better heed that. “They’re Mecha-Yoshi lanes.”

“Jackson. No pet names. Not with my boss coming down soon and he’s the sort to wear fedoras.”

“Nothin. Next time Victor will send you a bill for scratching those barrels.”

“Are you taking applications? I’ll live here soon,” The ruddy dark spotted toad had a low super posh tone, contrasting her baggy traditional country clothing. She must have been dropped off by a bus or something, those sneaky bastards. “Imma marksman, when drafts went out I held off my five bigger sisters, I'm trying to learn guitar, and I got this, eh.”

She opened a brown leather messenger bag. Jr. Troopa was prepared for anything but that.

“..Haha, actually it catches Red Chomps in Neon Heights after a player has landed on…”

The Lexus proceeded to park far away from the prestigious Mushroom Kingdom East hospital before venturing in, in case the reporter’s mark had a window room. At the automatic doors was a posted neon green sign: ‘All welcome including baddies.’ So nice, like the toad lady greeting her on the way in. She had a hanging badge, marking ‘Mariam’ as a guide of sorts. Kylie avoided eye contact with any others as reception desks, nurses pushing around carts, and doctors. No matter how ‘critical’ his condition was per hearsay, he could have these folks probed for all she knew, double checking her tin foil helmet under her signature cap.

“You scammed a dang god.” She shut the heavy door of room 444 behind her, facing the patient on the bed steely. “Millennium Star’s gonna suffer as long as you do.”

The green toad remained motionless, a plethora of computers tapped into him. His body was intact at least, and expression peaceful. She hadn’t picked apart his prognosis papers yet.

“Be honest with me Mitch.” She sat on the stool with a squeak. “What’s going on? ..Well, you should know that your insurance lets me handle your crap. I took all of your research on that star stuff, hear? Not to Dr. Toadley. Too close if you ever patch yourself up.” She made the stool spin as he lifted off restlessly. Better skedaddle before one of five practitioners assigned to this mysterious case walked in. “This doc you’ll never touch. In fact, I barely can.”

“We are still forwarding shipments from the Special World branch, but.. Yes I see it was marked ‘urgent urgent urgent god please look at this stuff..’”

“Good. Phew!..” Her shell rested against the leather seat. “I’d be easier with a direct address.”

She heard the sounds of branches snapping. Dr. Toad was on the move, from the bob-omb shaped alien landing pad, to the wide open stone and moss covered ruins. His artist's eye was pleased, vibrant colors, flutters so large he'd swore Morris hit them with a growth ray.. Oh but following that ridiculous space journey, he had extras on board to deal with, certainly not a great time to be micromanaged at that by publicists.

“"No you may not, yes you can, in theory, and there is never a moment when I am unoccupied." The toad doctor stood against tall moai figures. If he lingered too long, some of his mischievous passengers might get the unwise idea to swipe an artifact or write him a citation, space-lagged or not. "Kylie, let me be clear. Circumstances have placed me in an ultra-classified location, so do not worry. Mitch's research on stars will fit right in with Mystery Land."

"-I have a lot to learn about myself, so when not on community service I'll try to get out more, with or without a Mario invite."

"I respect that, Boo. Talk to you later." Luigi closed his usually dormant, now constantly buzzing from anonymous praise text app.

Overtaking a Mushroom Bus full of tourists for Koopa Fortress, the bikers pulled into their gravel driveway. Peach let them go, she needed to pack. Who wouldn't, Luigi added. The neighborhood was tranquil, which made it not very much. Next door, Gill T.'s lights were on, the Bullet Blaster covered up and with a flat. If Mario kept speaking so loud on the phone, he might learn right away if that was a Gill T. or a Ghost T. occupying that spot now.

"Sorry. Bowser wants to do some stuff with his WHOLE family," Mario explained, unlocking their home. "I know, my ears are still ringing too.."

Stepping into the dark den, it was cleanish the younger brother estimated. He hadn't tripped yet and Mario only crunched on one unknown object before flicking the light.

"Great, Luigi. Just to make a lot of the transitions easier. Oh right." He chuckled dryly. "We're reinstituting the Peace Pact again."

Again. So.. maybe there was a lot less to explain than he thought, Luigi realized, hanging up his hat, biting back tears from- something he couldn't identify yet.

Mario continued, rummaging in the kitchen to toss some mercy scraps of bacon on a pan for Luigi. The unhealthy kind the castle doesn't stock.. "Yeah. So round two on that. Er, maybe I shouldn't make light of.. (Is Bowser rubbing off that quick?) Anyway, tour agent 'Sonny' wore me down before I picked you up. Said he was promoted and we can use a private beach his company owns. Seemed sketchy to me too until Yosh vouched for him. Maybe we can get Peach and Daisy on that boat to meet up and give us free food, heh heh."

Luigi lingered at the coat rack, back turned. "T-that's.. that's more than palatable to me. Wait, except for the food-snatching part. How'd we- or how'd it come about?"

Mario collapsed back on the couch, twirling his goatee. "Extreme sports didn't feel right, no racing or tennis or anything. For this week we needed something active but scenic where we all chill out. I came up with the perfect thing. Digging for treasure!"

"But it was vetoed!" Mario cried, "Kinda.. forgot for a sec that's how it all started."

The brothers stared perplexedly before laughter filled that block of Pleasant Path.

Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux) 15-26

15. Separation. Anxiety.

16. Brutality and Complexity

17. Ouroboros 1

18. Ouroboros 2

19. Ouroboros 3

20. Love and War 3

21. Verisimilitude

22. Opaque

23. Revelation

24. Sloping Altars

25. Ouroboros IV

26. Love and War IV: Ramifications