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Cosmic Mario's A Douche

By: C. Mechayoshi

Created: 5/27/17

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.

Summary: No one likes this guy, including Mario and friends. Probably because he's a dangerous psychopath, but who knows?

Content warning: Mild references.

Under a sunny blue sky, Mario and friends were enjoying a wonderful picnic. In the grassy field lay a large red Mario emblem blanket, and seated on it was Mario, Peach, and Luigi. Little did they know, someone was watching from the nearby bushes.

"This is such a beautiful day! Teehee!" Peach giggled, leaning close to Mario. Mario looked her way warmly then opened the picnic basket. Inside was bread for sandwiches, ham, pasta, mushrooms, pizza, candy, Peach's cake, Shroom shakes, FungusUp, napkins, more mushrooms, a monkey wrench, a Fidget spinner, a Nintendo DS, a thousand coins, and finally, some mustard.

"Ooh, I think I'm feeling adventurous. I'm going to invent a new kind of sandwich!" Peach said excitingly after peering into the basket. She grabbed the bread as the Mario brothers looked on, wondering what she'd might pick. She pulled out the fidget spinner, Nintendo DS, and ham. "Won't this make the most delicious sandwich?"

"Wait, Princess!" Mario called out. "Uh, well..."

Crunch! Peach's beautiful and expensively taken care of teeth had no issues biting through the hard ingredients.

"I'm gonna miss my fidget spinner..." Luigi sighed.

Mario had a laugh. "Guess we shouldn't have packed all of this other stuff in the basket with the food-"

Pow! The basket exploded as if someone had shot a Bullet Bill at it and it caught on fire. Peach dropped her sandwich in shock as the Mario brothers jumped up.

"Enemy attack!" Mario shouted.

Luigi ran up to Peach and held her tight. "Princess secured!"

Mario shot him a look. "Hey, hands off, okay?" Luigi let go defeatedly. Just then another shot went off, narrowly missing Mario.

"Darn it! Why did I bring a two barrel canon?!" the bushes screamed, with a few extra profanities thrown in.

"It's coming from that bush, bro!" Luigi pointed out.

"Oh dear! I hate when talking bushes attack!" Peach shrieked.

"Paperize!" Mario yelled. The world froze in place and then went flat. Kirsti came out of nowhere and lifted Mario above the flattened world. Immediately the bushes lifted up slightly, indicating that they could be removed. Mario did so and the bush paper item appeared in his inventory. He exited the paperize world and waved goodbye to Kirsti, who rolled her eyes before returning to the Sticker Star galaxy.

Behind the bush was Cosmic Mario! Everyone gawked at the starry blue galactic impostor. Cosmic Mario threw the cannon down in a rage.

"So you found me," he spat in a gravely voice, "Race me then, you son of-"

"Nah," Mario said offhandedly. "Were trying to have a picnic, you know?"

A 'You lose!' Message popped up because Mario refused the race, so he immediately killed over.

"Mario!" Peach called out.

"Oh that's supposed to happen," Luigi said, "but it's okay because- Super Luigi to the rescue!-"

Bam! Cosmic Mario effortlessly tackled him to the ground and walloped him. After five seconds, Luigi was out, cold.

"Ha ha! You lose, loser!" Cosmic Mario mocked. "I beat the Mario brothers!" Cosmic Mario stood up victoriously.

"Please! Don't hurt me!" Peach plead, backing away.

Cosmic Mario looked at her. "What ever, babe. I'm not into women like that," he scoffed.

Peach froze. "Wait, so you're-"

"-Into revenge. Yes, uh huh!" Cosmic Mario nodded. "Nice sandwich you made, by the way. I'll have to try it sometime. Well, I'll see you around. Bwa ha ha-" Cosmic Mario's evil laugh was cut off by a coughing fit. "...Sorry, those bushes started up my allergies. Ha!"

He ran off, leaving Peach and the unconscious Mario brothers alone.

After a while, the Mario brothers woke up, confused.

"Momma Mia! What was that about? What a jerk! And where's the food?" Mario asked, looking at the charred remains of what was their picnic basket.

Peach burped. "Oh teehee! I got...hungry?"

Luigi got up, holding his aching head, and sighed, "I'm still gonna miss that fidget spinner..."

To be continued.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Cosmic Mario's A Douche

Chapter 2

Finished: 5/31/17

Disclaimer: Mario don't belong to me.

Author note: This just in, if you want Cosmic Mario to be a jerk to a character in particular, pm me.

Wario and Waluigi sat in a dark tinted black sports car parked in front of the Mushroom Regional Bank. They both wore black clothes and masks to hide their identity.

Waluigi stared at the weathered piece of paper with shaky hands. "So, uh, I just give them this note and run?"

Wario whacked Waluigi. "You idiot! Take the money before you run!"

Waluigi gave Wario a nasty look while rubbing the back of his head. "Okay, wise guy, do I give them the note before or after I take the money?"

Wario sighed. "You know what? You drive the getaway car and I'll steal the cash. Okay?!"

Waluigi banged on the dashboard in anger. "Wah! I always have to do that! When will you trust me?!"

Meanwhile Cosmic Mario was walking down the sidewalk fully engrossed in his phone. He was currently trolling people on Mario's Facebook page by posting Playstation ads. As he walked up something caught his attention. Right beside him was the nicest car he'd ever seen. A sleek shiny two door Aston Mushroom parked right in front of the bank. It was even his favorite color, black! Cosmic Mario walked up close to check it out it's big fancy spinning wheels, unaware of the passengers inside.

The drivers door swung open. "I'm stealing the money, it's final!" Wario screamed as he got out. He noticed Cosmic Mario. "Hey, don't put any scratches in my new car, weirdo!"

Cosmic Mario smirked. "I'm just admiring this beauty. How much coinage it goes for?"

Wario closed the door and continued to look suspiciously. "About half a million coins. Why?"

"Wow, Wario, you're making bank!" Cosmic Mario remarked.

Wario laughed proudly. "Well of course I am….wait, how did you know who I was?"

"Because I've seen your fat butt all over town before. Say, you wasn't trying to disguise yourself or anything, right?"

"Maybe I was! So don't you say anything while I rob this-" Wario covered his mouth with his hands.

Cosmic Mario laughed wildly. "You really are a professional, aren't you!"

Wario approached him and shook his fist. "Knock it off, loser. You really wanna mess with me?"

Cosmic Mario casually crossed his arms. "No I want to help. I could use a mill or two. Let's do it."

Wario stepped back. "What do you mean?"

"Heh. Well, someone has to distract the on duty officer. You DID know he was in there, right?"

Wario looked around nervously. "Uh, sure. We knew that!"

"So what will it be? You willing to split it?" Cosmic Mario held out his hand.

Wario thought for a moment. "Ten percent."


"Five percent."

"You're going the wrong way, fatso!"

Wario huffed. "Thirty."

Cosmic Mario shook his hand, squeezing extra tight.

Wario held on to his hand. "Ow! You got an arm on you, pal. So now what? You distract him?"

"Yeah. But uh, give me that note."

Wario raised one eyebrow. "Oh, you mean this?" He pulled the wrinkled paper from his pockets.

"Yeah, thanks." Cosmic Mario took it, holding it with only the tips of his fingers because the paper was so dirty he didn't want to catch anything from it. "Alright, then. Sit tight until the signal. Don't move until you hear it, no matter what! Got it?"

Wario nodded, not entirely happy with Cosmic Mario taking over all of the sudden. Soon Cosmic Mario disappeared into the bank. Wario got tired of standing and got back into the car. Waluigi had already gotten into the drivers seat for the getaway, so Wario ended up plopping down in his lap.

"Oof! You have the cash already?!" Waluigi said, struggling to breathe.

"No, I'm waiting on our new accomplice."

Waluigi made mumbling noises.

"No, not that Bandit guy again. It was this blue looking guy with no face or discernible features and I'm waiting for his signal."

More mumbling noises.

"Uh, no. He didn't tell me his name...or what the signal was. Why? I don't see you making business deals around here!"

Just then Cosmic Mario rushed to the car holding several bags of money. Wario immediately opened the door.

"Quick get out! I need to fit all of this money in here!" Cosmic Mario told them.

Wario jumped out and dragged Waluigi with him. "Fine, hurry up! And what happened to that signal? None of this was our plan!?"

Cosmic Mario tossed the bags in the back seat and then jumped in, locking the door behind him. Wario banged on the window as the car cranked up.

"What's going on?" Waluigi asked, picking himself off of the ground.


The window lowered slowly. Cosmic Mario was wearing Wario's designer sun glasses that he'd left on the dashboard.

"Here's your signal, buddy." He put his thumb to his nose in a rude gesture and sped off.

"NOOOOO!" Wario screamed as two cop cars pulled up.

"We have the suspects right here. Like the description said, he's dark, and he even has a friend!" One cop said to another.

The other cop snickered. "Yep. Has to be the right guy, but no one mentioned how FAT he was!"

"Well screw me!" Wario said in defeat. He raised his hands in surrender.

Waluigi looked to him. "As long as you don't sit on me in prison..."

Author note: Not everyone Cosmic Mario is douche to has to be innocent. He can screw over bad guys as well. Peace!

Title: Spooky Speedster's Quest for 'it'
Category: Games » Mario
Author: C. Mechayoshi
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K+
Genre: Humor/Horror
Published: 05-27-17, Updated: 06-30-17
Chapters: 4, Words: 4,080

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Spooky Speedster's Quest for "it"

By: C. Mechayoshi

Created: 5/27/17

Disclaimer: Mario and co. Belong to Nintendo.

Summary: The Spooky Speedster, always on the quest for "it" and never gotten over losing "it" from Mario. But he's 'never never gonna get it'!

Fun fact from present day me: I had Spooky Speedster added to the character list on for this story

Next door to Luigi's Mansion was the Boo Mansion, a community home for Boos all around. They hosted Boo parties, Boo circles, Boo hauntings, the works. It was also home to Mario's dreaded, most superior, most speediest, most feared enemy, the Spooky Speedster...According to himself at least.

"Correct, Mario has busted his pants exactly five times! Congratulations Mr. McGoomba. You win the grand prize!" Chuck Quizmo announced excitedly. The camera cut to a view of the audience, who went wild. "Take your star!"

The Spooky Speedster threw the remote angry at the results of the televised program. He narrowly missed another Boo that was watching tv as well.

"Gosh, you suck, Speedy!" Boo said.

"But why does he deserve 'it', and not me?!" the helmet wearing Boo whined.

"What? The star?"

"Yesss! I live for 'it', but I can never have it!"

"Maybe you never get it because you're pathetic?" Boo teased.

"Don't give me that. You've had a star before in the Mario Parties, you've gotten to experience it," Speedy grumbled.

"It just makes you invincible for a few seconds. What's the big deal?" Boo asked, not really following.

Speedy huffed. "Whatever, I'm going to take it out on Luigi next door by, I don't know, terrorizing him in his sleep or something. See Ya!" Speedy clicked down his visor and sped (no pun intended) away.

"Oh no!" Boo panicked. Boo pulled out a phone and dialed a number.

Next door, Luigi was setting around at his table, tinkering with a new intention Pro E. Gadd had given him to test out. Supposedly, this device could let you see Boos even if they were invisible. Since such a device would be invaluable for him and Mario, Luigi jumped at the opportunity to test it. If only he could cut the thing on...

Ring ring! Luigi picked up his phone nearby. "Hello?"

"Luigi! You're in danger, the Spooky Speedster is gonna get you!" Boo screamed very quickly.

Luigi took the phone away from his ear. "OW!"

"Opps, sorry," Boo apologized, "His star impotence is making his loony! You gotta watch your back!"

Luigi stifled a laugh. "Star impotence? Okay? Well, I do have this invention that should let me see invisible Boos. You should check it out!" Boo was Luigi's only friend in the area, and maybe Boo could help him figure out the invention.

"Really?!" Boo exclaimed.

"Yeah. I'll shut off my maximum security high voltage electrified anti-boo barriers to let you in. Come on down!"

"Sure thing!" Boo snuck out of the mansion without attracting anyone's notice. A moment later, Boo was right outside of Luigi's house. Guarding it was a tall gothic iron fence, electrified by a generator Luigi kelp to keep his Boo neighbors out. It opened slightly and Boo squeezed in.

"Dang it!" The Spooky Speedster, who had been creepily peeping at Luigi's house from across the street growled. "I missed my chance. I'm getting in there!"

Speedy took a run for it right as the gates shut and the electric barrier came back. Speedy took a leap over the tall fence, but brushed on top of it.


A million volts went through Speedy, feeling hotter and more painful than the time he tried to race a Daredevil comet around the sun. His charred body flopped into Luigi's well cared for lawn, but at least he was in.

Meanwhile back at the Boo Mansion...

An apron wearing King Boo busted out of the kitchen with a pan full of cookies. They were vaguely human shaped with chocolate chips were eyes would go.

"Who wants some?"

Big Boo, whose rear took up the entire couch started. "Oh boy! I love cookies!" He stuck out his massive tongue for the whole tray.

King Boo held them away. "Anyone else I mean? You said you were on a diet, remember? Where is Speedy? He had first dibs on them I think."

"I don't know, hon," a Red Boo said. "Oh, look at the time. I have go to a Mario Party and steal someone's star because they landed on my orb or something."

"What?" King Boo questioned.

"I don't know, hon. Mario Party has gotten weird lately. If I see Speedy outside I'll call. He likes to creep on Luigi, you know."

King Boo's eyes lit up, making the deep pink colored Boo curse herself. She'd forgotten King Boo was crazy about Luigi as well. She was now regretting having to leave the mansion with such lunatics living there, but she had a job at Mario Party ever since that Boo that was in the N64 games quit. She reluctantly left the mansion.

King Boo put the pan down. "Knock yourself out," he told the nearby Boos. "I suddenly have the urge to terrorize Luigi in his sleep or something! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

To be Continued.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

The Spooky Speedster's Quest for 'it'

Chapter 2

Completed 6/9/17

Disclaimer: Mario and co. belong know the rest!

Author note: Quick update, go!

Luigi and Boo were in the den of Luigi's Mansion, setting on a green carpeted rug. The fireplace before them glowed in the dim room. The clouds outside made it dark even though it was only evening.

Boo observed the Pro E. Gadd's contraption closely. The "Visualizer 5000" was a pair of goggles with a ton of multicolored wires sticking out.

"What do you think?" Luigi asked.

Boo held it. "Well it looks like a lot of fun, I can tell you that!" Boo put the goggles on. "Whoa!"

"What?" Luigi asked.

Boo looked around the room. "Everything looks completely normal."

Luigi leaned in. "Really?"

Boo turned to him. "Wow! You look normal too!"

Luigi pouted. "Well, I'm not a Boo so I guess that was useless. Shouldn't I try it out on you?"

Boo took the goggles off and handed them to Luigi. "Yeah, guess so. Okay, do you see me?" Boo turned invisible.

Luigi put the goggles on and looked around. "Boo? Everything looks the same, minus you. Where are you?"

"Right here, hehe!" Boo said from behind Luigi's back, making him jump.

"Yikes! Okay, clearly this doesn't just work automatically. Hmm..." Luigi looked closely at the inside of the ear strap. "Wait a minute, 'batteries not included'?"

"Do you have batteries?"

Luigi pondered for a moment. "Not really.. You'd think Professor would have mentioned that."

Boo wagged his finger (use your imagination). "Well, don't you worry Weegee. I got a trick for that!"

Luigi raised one eyebrow. "Tell me.."

Boo gave him a sly look. "You have a generator for that million volt fence of yours, right?"

The Spooky Speedster was unconscious for five minutes. "Ugh. What's cooking? Oh wait, me?! Oww!"

Speedy looked around Luigi's yard. His grass was lush and green, as opposed to the brown muddy yard of the Boo Mansion. Daisies were planted on the side of the brick path leading to the entrance of his green and white abode. In the yard was also an emerald green statue of Luigi doing a jumping pose. Speedy got closer.

The sign in front of it read: My gift to my hero, Luigi. Love, Daisy.

"Uhg! Green freak even has a girlfriend! Bet I would too if I had a star!"


Speedy turned around, and King Boo was staring at him from the other side of the fence.

"How did you get in there? Answer now!" King Boo commanded.

Speedy stuck his tongue out. "My skills, fatty!"

King Boo growled in anger. "Let me in!"

Speedy shook his head. "Nope! I'm gonna get Luigi, AND his star!" Speedy retreated to the back of Luigi's yard as rain started to fall.

"I'm glad Big Boo got your cookies!" King Boo screamed. He went back to the Boo Mansion with another plan in mind.

Meanwhile, Boo and Luigi we're in the also dimly lit basement where power generators were. Boo held a a jumper cable in one hand and the Visualiser 5000 in the other. Luigi's eyes darted from his expensive generator to the gadget to Boo and back. "Boo, isn't this TOO much power?"

Boo shook his head as he attached one end of the cable to the goggles. "Nah. Anything Professor makes is indestructible, you should know that! Now how do I plug the other side in?"

Luigi reluctantly flipped open a cover on the generator, revealing two metal prongs that stuck up. "Try here. Guess I should be wearing the Visualiser too. We can't tell if they're working otherwise!"

After giving Boo the thumbs up, Boo attached the cable to the generator side and Luigi put the goggles on. Instantly, the goggles started to spark while on his face.

"What's happening!?" Luigi asked.

Boo stepped back. "Uh-"

"Wait! Turn invisible!" Luigi said excitingly.

Boo obeyed as more sparks flew. "Okay?"

Luigi pointed to the spot he stood. "Did you do it? I still see you so it works!"

"Yay!" Boo cheered.

Click! Pop. BANG!

Capacitors popped and transistors blew before a thud from the generator resulted in the power cutting off in the whole mansion. Luigi and Boo were now in the dark.

"Nooo!" Boo cried.

Luigi took off the goggles in a panic and ran out of the basement, leaving Boo behind. When Boo caught up to him, he was in the kitchen, peeping through his window on the side facing Boo Mansion next door. Through the stormy weather, Luigi's eyes were glued to Boo Mansion.

Boo approached slowly. "Weegee?"

Luigi looked back at Boo, pale in the face. "Do you know what this means? No power, no defense! Any of my deadly neighbors could just walk in here now!"

To be continued...

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

The Spooky Speedster's Quest for 'it'

Chapter 3

Completed: 6/19/17

Disclaimer: Mario and co. (and Luigi, who can forget about him?) belong to Nintendo.

The gigantic Big Boo, shifty Dark Boo, and oddball Stretch lined up in the front yard of the Boo Mansion as the rain became a good pour. This didn't stop their liege ruler, King Boo from persisting in his billboard creating.

King Boo groaned loudly as the marker slipped from his hand to the muddy ground which was already muddy before the rain, so it was muddier than muddy now.

"Ugh, I give up! We have enough signs now. Show me what you got!"

Big Boo held up one that said, "Big boos ned big space".There was also a bite taken out of the sign for some reason.

King Boo glanced over it like he was a critic, even rubbing his chin and examining the penmanship. "Hmm. Typos, chicken scratch writing, a bite taken out of it? Perfect, but if you eat a sign again it's no more cookies for you. Next!"

Dark Boo proudly showed his. It said, "dark, not evil".

King Boo only gave it a quick cursory glance. "A bit safe. I'll let it go. Next!"

Stretch displayed his from his teeth, because he was shaped like a block and had no arms. It read, "Big (scratched out and replaced with 'long') boos need big space."

King Boo smiled widely. "Now THIS is a sign. That green idiot will have to open his gates once he sees our-"

One of Stretch's heads glanced over. "Hey look, the power is out at Luigi's house."

Luigi's mansion stood next door in its "best looking house on the block" splendor, but it was completely dark inside, and the red lights that were usually lit on his security fence were dead.

King Boo blinked a few times. "Uh, I knew that! That was the plan all along, I just wanted to test everyone's activism first just in case we ever want to protest.. something." King Boo Paused suddenly. "I know Speedy is already over Luigi's and Red Boo bounced, but where is Boo Diddley?"

Big Boo, who had taken another bite out of his sign, raised his hand. "Ooh I know! Probably with his bf Weegee!"

King Boo groaned in response. Stretch raised their hand. "Umm, we're gonna recycle these signs, right?"

King Boo glared next door again. "No, just throw them on the ground, our yard is awful anyway. We however can recycle Luigi's face when we march straight over, heh heh!"

Dark Boo bounced around giddy. "So does that mean we're having a boo party?!"

"NO! I mean yes.. the kind where Luigi dies!

"Just my kind of party!" Dark Boo cackled.

King Boo's face twisted in malice. "After that, we'll drag Speedy's spotlight stealing and Boo's traitorous self back where they belong!"

Meanwhile at Luigi's Mansion

In a montage of sorts Luigi dove into his closet and grabbed some gear. First he put on a green heavy helmet with a visor, then he snapped on a utility belt. He then jumped out of his usual brown plumber boots to black steel toed combat boots. Lastly, Luigi threw on a black leather jacket. He walked out of his room to Boo who gawked at his sudden appearance.

"Luigi?!" Boo blushed slightly.

"That's right! No Boo is gonna terrify me tonight!" Luigi pounded his fist to his chest, but a little too hard, for he almost knocked the wind out of himself.

"Okay Weegee, but how is that gonna stop one of us?"

Luigi walked to the kitchen. "Oh this? It's just to look cool. Poltergust 90001/2, activate!"

Just then Luigi's Microwave lit up. "Activated. Awaiting command," it spoke.

"Your microwave talks?!"

"It's a battery operated security system," Luigi said, pushing a few buttons on the contraption, "So like, it can't stop anyone from getting in the yard like the fence, and it won't really attack or anything, but it will alert us of any sneaky shenanigans."

"Okay but, so if they do get in, then what?" Boo asked worriedly.

"Well...I'm not sure. My Poltergust 5000, you know, the one that actually can attack boos is kind of in the repair shop!"

"What?" Boo gasped.

Luigi scratched the back of his neck. "Er, yeah. I kind of broke it while using it as a normal vacuum. What could I say? This mansion needed a clean up!"

Meanwhile, The Spooky Speedster was snooping around in Luigi's back yard. He spotted a pitchfork leaning against the house. After waving the agricultural tool around for a bit he sat it back down.

"No no, that won't terrorize Luigi. Hmm.." Speedy looked around Luigi's back yard. It didn't have much going on like the front yard, but the lawn was still green and pretty. "Ah ha!" Speedy picked up a garden gnome. "This would scare anyone!"

Speedy went straight to one of Luigi's windows and looked inside. "What the?! Why is it so dark? Is he and Boo Diddley….? Oh no!" Speedy blushed at the implications. Just then he hear someone coming near and went invisible.

"Now let's do this proper," King Boo said as he and the other boos floated to the back. "We'll all gather in the basement, because that's where all scary things come from of course, then we emerge and beat him senseless. No need for sneaky stuff, he's probably on edge already. I just want him dead, okay?"

"What do you think you're doing!?" Speedy yelled. If Luigi was dead, he'd never steal his star!

"D-did that floating garden gnome just talk?!" Stretch said.

Speedy revealed himself. "No! You are NOT killing Luigi, at least not until I get one star!"

King Boo was unimpressed. "So anyway, let's do this!"

Speedy stuck his tongue out again. "How ya gonna get in here?"

King Boo phased through the fence, unharmed. "Like this. Get him!"

Big Boo, Dark Boo, and Stretch immediately went after Speedy. Even his sprinting skills couldn't help against such a sudden attack. Stretch restrained him and he couldn't wiggle free from the grasp of the oddball boo, who had the strength of two boos.

King Boo smiled maliciously. "You stay put while we take care of Luigi. Then, when we're done, you and Boo Diddley who's with that green loser will get your punishment. Come on!"

King Boo, Dark Boo, and Big Boo entered his mansion using their incorporeal abilities to go through the wall. Speedy cursed to himself. Now he'd never get his star!

To be continued...

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

The Spooky Speedster's Quest for 'it'

Chapter 4

Created: 6/30/17

Disclaimer: Mario and co. belong to Nintendo.

Author note: Really quick update.

Boo put a bag of buttery microwave popcorn into the Poltergust 9000 ½. As Boo pressed the digits for two minutes, Luigi stumbled into the kitchen, almost tripping over his own feet.

"Boo, don't!"

"TRACKER ACTIVATED. NOW SCANNING HOUSE." A red light shot from the machine and slowly trek from the ceiling to the floor. "SCAN COMPLETE. BOOS DETECTED."

Boo took a few steps back petrified. "B-boos?"

Luigi tried pressing a few buttons to pacify the machine but it kelp beeping no matter what he pressed. "I don't know what's wrong with this. I'm sure it's glitching out again."

"Right, cause…" Boo glanced out of the kitchen window, which faced the Boo Mansion. "I'm the only boo here...I hope…"


King Boo took a good look around Luigi's basement. Using his excellent night vision, he could see that Luigi stored his laundry, dry food containers, sports equipment, a portrait of himself, another small sculpture of himself, a bookshelf filled with his own novels, powerups hung on hangers, and lastly, the dead power generator.

Dark Boo wandered near the clothes rack and was eyeing Luigi's Kitsune outfit. "Oooh, what is this furry thing? So cute!"

"Hehehe. This tastes good!" Big Boo was munching on one of Luigi's "Super Luigi Adventure" novels.

King Boo pulled them away from the miscellaneous items by the ear. (Use your imagination.) "I command both of you to focus! We can wreck Luigi's home AFTER we wreck him. Come on, here's the stairs out of here."

Creak! The door became ajar and a sliver of dim candle light leaked into the basement.

King Boo and the rest froze as Boo Diddley walked down the steps while holding a burnt bag of popcorn.

Boo suddenly stopped halfway down. "What a minute…."

"GET HIM!" King Boo screamed.

Dark Boo and Big Boo charged ahead but since they tried to go up the narrow stairway at the same time, they got stuck, allowing Boo to dash back out and shut the door tightly.

"Idiots!" King Boo snapped.

"Get off of me!" Dark Boo screeched.

"No you get off of me!" Big Boo then belched loudly. King Boo shoved them both forward, resulting in a hard faceplant on the steps.

"Now why would you do that while solid?" King Boo shook his head. "I chose the WORSE accomplices. Boo is probably warning Luigi as we speak."

"Sorry king!" Dark and Big Boo said in unison.

An evil gleam appeared in King Boo's eyes. "You will be sorry, alright. But for now, I command you to stay down here."


"No buts! I'm going to destroy Luigi and you two will only get in my way. Let me show you how to…" The camera dramatically zoomed in on his face. "...Do a real haunting…."


Rain poured and the wind blew harshly as The Spooky Speedster was still being restrained by Stretch the conjoined boo.

"Please, let me go!" Speedy cried.

"No I can't. I don't want to get punished," Stretch replied.

"But I have to have that star...I'm nothing without it!"

"That's all you want?" Stretch's second head asked mockingly.

"Yes. Don't you know what a star does to you? I use to know. I use to know before he took it from me…"

"Oh, so Luigi took your star?" the first head asked.

"No, Mario, but Luigi is guilty by association."

"Well King Boo is going to kill him anyway."

Speedy turned red in the face. "And that's a problem! I don't want him dead, I want his star! If you let me go, I'll give you a star as well. I know he has tons!"

Both head's giggled. "Why would we want that?"

"Because a star is one of the most powerful things in the universe. If you had it, well, you'd be more powerful than our King!"

Both heads looked dumbstruck. "More-" one head said.

"-Powerful?" the other head continued.

Speedy nodded slowly. "Join me, and we can be the most powerful boos ever!"

Stretch let Speedy go who in turn clicked down his water filled visor over his eyes. "Let's roll!"

Back inside.


Luigi flipped out of his seat. "HOW?!"


Luigi got up and took a deep breath. "Okay, so we have no power, just a few candles, a crazy microwave, no weapons, and it's storming something fierce outside. What can we do?"

"Run and scream and hide?"

"Sounds like a plan to-"

There was a knock on the front door. Immediately the Poltergust 9000 ½ beeped again.

"Should we answer it, Weegee?"

Luigi swallowed hard. "G-guess so. I mean, if King Boo is already in here it can't possibly get worse…"

Luigi crept towards the front door, his rapid heartbeat almost drowning out the sound of the rain pouring. He held on to the door knob for a moment and then swung it open quickly.

Speedy smiled sweetly. "Hello, would you like to buy some Booscout cookies?"

Luigi turned white as a, well, boo.

"You too?!" Boo exclaimed.

Speedy pushed the door completely open and invited himself in with Stretch close behind. "Handover the star, and no one gets hurt."

King Boo revealed himself from where he'd been hiding in the kitchen.

"You again! And Stretch too? Luigi is mine!"

"Guys?" Stretch spoke up.

"No, he's mine!"

"ENOUGH! How dare you argue with your King!"


"You're the King of my musty socks, that is!"

King Boo sighed. "We don't wear socks, imbecile!"

Speedy crossed his arms defiantly. "Maybe I do. You don't know me."

"GUYS?!" King Boo and Speedy looked at Stretch like he was a freak. "Luigi and Boo ran upstairs…."

"NOOOO!" King Boo and Speedy screamed at the same time.

Upstairs Luigi and Boo had ran into a guest bedroom and locked the door. Luigi leaned his back against it as Boo nervously pace in circles.

"I got it!" Luigi exclaimed with a smile on his face.

Boo stopped. "What?"

"I saw this extremely obscure movie once, and it was about a single kid to thwarted the efforts of professional thieves in his own house. He used all kinds of tricks and traps to kick em out. Maybe we can do that?"

Boo looked at Luigi curiously. "Think that will work?"

"Yeah, it'll work. It'll have to work. Sometimes you don't need fancy technology for home security, but instead a little ingenuity."

Boo could practically see the lightbulb above Luigi's head. "I feel you, Weegee. But uh, I'll follow your lead."

"Fine, I have some things in the attic to use. Let's scram before they realize where we went." Luigi cracked open the door to peek down the hallway. When he still heard arguing voices below from their unwelcome guests, he and Boo ran opposite of the stairs to the ladder leading to the attic.

To be continued.

Author note: Check my profile for information on how I'm going to be updating stories for the time being.

Title: Return Customer
Category: Games » Mario
Author: C. Mechayoshi
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Sci-Fi/Humor
Published: 05-21-17, Updated: 05-21-17
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,452

Chapter 1: Episode 1: Mario Pinball Land

Return Customer

Episode 1: Mario Pinball Land

Summary: Mario and friends are ever eager to Bowser to star heaven after his plans fail. It's Rosalina's job to send him back, but not before a little chat. Request from: Barbacar. Art: JamesmanTheRegenold

Created: 5/20/17. Edited 4/17/28

Edit notes: Tobacco references removed

Author note: My first request story. Very interesting to write. This will be episodic, not so much continuous.

Bowser's Pov.

My plan was flawless. Peach was almost asking for it… Well more than usual, with her not having security and what not. So her and her bozo citizens were just waiting in line to ride that new Sky Cannon thing. All it took was for some of my Goomba foot soldiers to aim the cannon loaded with Peach straight to my castle. What was Mario gonna do, roll himself into a ball and launch himself?

Well, that's just what the pesky plumber did. He went through my whole castle like a BALL and even managed to defeat me like this. I hate balls! Er, nevermind. Anyway, he used his paddle things against ME, and shot me out of my own home! Dang, shot me far too. I don't know if he was using titanium paddles or what cause he shot me into SPACE!

Eh, I'll be back next week. Cause for me, this just meant another visit with…her again….

The Comet Observatory had just made another orbit around the galaxy when Polari, the Black Luma, spotted something on the radar. "Head's up, your highness. We have another defeated villain heading this way!" He glanced back to Rosalina, who was partially obscured by smoke.

"Mario's special one must have been in danger. It's Bowser again," Rosalina mused, the platinum blonde princess lounging on her throne casually. "Oh, and you can open the window if you wish, Polari."

Polari chucked. "I'm used to it, your highness. It's only been a few thousand years!"

The two deific beings laughed as a solid thud was heard nearby, signaling Bowser's painful landing.

Watchdog Lumas worked up a frenzy, immediately swarming around the dazed and confused Bowser.

"Villain launchee alert! Protect the Princess!" A Luma screamed.

Bowser's pov

I rubbed my head as these star freaks went mad around me, making my headache worse. "Shut up, already! OW!" I screamed.

Next thing I knew, Rosalina walked up, calming her brat little children. "King Bowser," she said in a low voice.

I rolled my eyes. "You. Nice welcoming commitee you got here. They do this every time."

"It's only their job. Come along," she said, leading the way back into her observation room. I was annoyed, but she was my only ticket home. Might as well.

Her observation room was this neat little lodge area. I'll have to admit I'm impressed everytime I see it. Too bad about that smoke smell. Polari also gave me look upon seeing Rosalina return with me, but screw him. I glared back and he got the point, turning around to focus back on the radar. As I saw Rosalina returning to her fancy looking chair, I fanned the air. "Smokier than usual eh?" I groaned.

Rosalina smiled, not bothering to tame the incense. "Just tell me what you did this time." She ashed it over an ash tray that sat on the table in front of her. That was a new addition, and it was beautiful as well, elegantly sculpted out of some kind of light blue material. Wonder where she ordered her furniture from in space? My castle could use a remodel or two and- I mean, wait, what's wrong with me?

"I don't even wanna talk about it…" I exclaim, getting back to my senses.

Rosalina consequently snapped her fingers, summoning two Lumas. "Prepare the Cosmic cannon-"

"Wait, wait, okay!" I stammered. Dang, she's straight to the point today, and anything else to delay being shot through the sky AGAIN. I took a seat on her lush dark blue carpet. "So like, the Mario idiots had this pinball canon thing at the local Fun Fair."

"Pinball?" Rosalina asked.

"Yeah. It's this game we have, ahead of your time I guess." This is an older woman, I have to remind myself. Hey, I don't judge! "Anyway fungus faces were launching themselves out of it and low and behold, I get a report from some spies I sent down there that Peach was gonna try it next. I told them to aim it my way and they did! Peach was literally launched right into my palms! What could go wrong?"

"I lot…" Polari muttered. I gave him another death stare. Rosalina continued to silently listen.

"Well, you have a point, star freak. It did go horribly wrong. Turns out that fat plumber is just as surprisingly athletic as a ball. He went through all of the worlds justing using these pinball paddle things with himself as the projectile. He defeated countless members of my army that way. That's just stupid, right?"

"It's stupid to go after the same princess every time," Rosalina snarked, "but pray tell, he didn't defeat YOU the same way?"

Ugh, I knew she would ask that. "Well…he kind of did….But I was having an off day! Okay?! What?"

Rosalina and Polari laughed like mad! Rosalina just laughed harder and harder. Was it that funny?!

"Ugh! Just launch me already!" I huffed, covering my ears.

Rosalina finally stopped. "As you wish then…" She snapped and suddenly my world went dark. I was in some kind of tube and I could only look upwards to see a circular opening. I could only be inside of a giant cosmic cannon!

"What the? This one is bigger than usual?" I attempted to scream. I couldn't tell how much anyone could hear me, or where I even was.

Since Bowser wasn't in a conversing mood today, Rosalina had no choice but to grant his wish. She surely couldn't keep the Koopa King around otherwise.

"It's a new model," Rosalina said slyly after she heard Bowser causing a ruckus. This cannon was indeed bigger than usual. Rosalina had been receiving quite a lot of villains lately, and this model, invented by her and some of her most brilliant Lumas, could send multiple people at once. It was situated in the garage area and her acquaintance was going to be the cannon's madien launch.

"I enjoyed our little talk, and you were quite entertaining. There isn't always much of that in the cold depths of space after all, and for that thank you, Bowser. Do see me again."

Bowser continued in his muffled protest as Rosalina lit the fuse with one of the incense. A second later, Bowser was sent back to Earth with a deafening boom.

Polari, who had caught up just then, watched Bowser become another twinkle in the black starry sky. The two stood silently as star-bits hit the ground nearby. He finally turned to Rosalina.

"You sure you want him back, your highness?" he asked with uncertainty.

Rosalina smiled. "It doesn't matter, he will be back."

Another luma rushed to the two, bouncing up and down excitingly.

"What's the matter, dear?" Rosalina asked.

The Luma stopped and looked to the ground. "Umm. Can I visit Earth please?! There's a new video game coming out and I have to have it!"

"A new videogame?" Rosalina mused. She was not stranger to videogames. She was even in a couple, as she understood, but she had more important concerns. Still, if her children were into it. "Okay, fine. But what is it called?"

The Luma's eyes lit up. "Mario Pinball Land!"

Kamek shook the roofing company worker's hand. He'd just finished patching the hole in the roof from Bowser being launched.

"I thank you for not being afraid to venture into Dark Land for such emergency repairs," Kamek said sincerely.

The worker shrugged. "Sure, anything for the Koopa Kingdom. Say, what went through this roof anyway? That hole was the size of five Koopas!"

"Nothing!" Kamek answered quickly.

Just then there was another crash! Bowser had returned from space, making another hole in the roof. Rock and dust filled Bowser's room once more and the commotion summoned guards to the area.

"What the?!" the worker gawked.

"Her aiming skills have improved," Kamek thought to himself.

"Where were you?" Koopas asked as they swarmed Bowser, not entirely unlike before.

Bowser groggily sat up. "Just visiting an old friend..."

To be continued.

Title: Luigi's Split Personality
Category: Games » Mario
Author: C. Mechayoshi
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K+
Genre: Angst/Drama
Published: 04-23-18, Updated: 04-02-20
Chapters: 2, Words: 2,287

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Luigi's split personality (Teaser/ Tumblr exclusive)

By: C. Mechayoshi

Finished: 6/12/17,

Edited: 4/23/18

Author note: Something I made a while ago and never released here. Let me know if you'd like me to work on it again. Other than this note, and the new summary (that I changed to be less snarky) this is mostly unedited from the first date above.

Luigi's POV.

Me and my brother Mario, had Bowser cornered. It was about time, we'd traversed through seven lands to foil one of Bowser's schemes once again, and boy, it wasn't easy. Many lives were lost, and powerups ran through. We'd made it though, and now that Bowser had been bopped several times by the both of us, it was just a matter of finishing the job. Me and Mario stood on each side of the rotten King. I had my fire power up still, but Mario, being a less cautious like me as usual, got himself hit a few times. He was small Mario.

"Weegee?" Mario asked. "I'll let you do the honor."

My heart fluttered at the opportunity. He was letting me do this? But wait, why? Mario was probably just saying that because he didn't have a powerup. Yeah, that's it. Would he do the same if the situation was reversed? Probably not. That's life.

"Uh, okay bro!" I replied, trying to not let sound like he was getting to me. I shot a fireball at Bowser.

"Yow!" Bowser cried, helplessly squirming around. "Just end the game already, you useless plumbers!"

"Hey, I got an idea..." I mumbled without thinking. I approached Bowser something compelled me to start going through his pockets. Mario observed me all wierd and then jumped back when I jolted up with my prize.

A coin! Wait...that's what I was looking for?

"What is it, bro?" Mario asked.

"A...a coin?" I stared at in in my hand for a while. Why did I do this?

Mario wagged his finger in his annoying big brother way. "It's not about the treasure, Luigi!"

"Wa! It's always about the treasure! WAHA HA HA!" I blurted out. Then covered my mouth embarrassingly. What the heck?

Mario pouted. Of course, I was just annoying him. Never mind it was him who went through most of our powerup supply because he wouldn't look before he leaped, or the auto scroll wouldn't move fast enough, or he'd risk it for a Star Coin knowing we could retry the level any time for it! What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Mario bopped on Bowser one more time and the king gave up. Whatever happened to letting me finish the job?

Whatever. I was one coin richer than him, oh yeah! Go Weegee….Uhg.

Later that day, after the usual crap that happened when I..I mean Mario of course, saved the day, there was nothing to do. We were home again, and I was chilling on my bed, trying to, I don't know, WIND DOWN like normal people do after grueling adventures when Mario was still bouncing around the place.

Wonder why he's never lost weight?

Anyway, Mario barged into our room, which isn't really barging I guess if we both own it, but whatever, this is my story…

"Hey, Weegee! How about a tennis game!" Mario said in his usual strident fashion.

I put my magazine of choice "Green Magazine" down. "Today?!"

Mario nodded eagerly. I couldn't be annoyed. Mario seemed to carefree, so happy, he was like a cartoon character. "Even Bowser will play with us!"

"Bowser?" I asked. After we just beat his butt two hours ago? Was the Koopa King bipolar or stupid?

"Yeah. Come on, we can beat him. Let's-a go!" Mario did an unnecessary somersault from the doorway into the middle of our room. He dropped to his knees and reached under his bed for something. A moment later he pulled out his custom made 'M' emblem racket, and mine too. It looked like his, but with an 'L'. What did you expect my racket to have, a 'W'?

What an oddly specific letter to think of...

Mario tossed to to me, without me being ready and waltzed out of the room, like he expected me to follow or something...Well it worked, because I did. You win this time, big bro.

The match ended up being at the generic grass course that was bland and well, grassy. It offended or interested no one, so it was perfect for mindless games of tennis. The weather was nice at least and the area it was in was away from downtown Toad Town, so it was quiet as well. Maybe this wouldn't be that bad...

Mario and I went through the gates and a few friends were already on field. I saw the princesses, Yoshi, Toad, Koopa, Bowser and his bratty son of course, and a few non participants, like Kylie Koopa to reporter.

She took a million pictures, in the span of time it took to walk past her. Anyway, we had our greetings and Mario bounced around like usual.

"Grr! So you finally showed up after that beating I gave you!" Bowser gloated.

"I'm-a gonna get you!" Mario said back to his face. This was so staged, how did anyone believe it? Mario and the rest kind of grouped together on the opposite side of Bowser and Junior like a standoff of sorts. I was still standing off to the side near Kylie.

"Hey, can I get a group picture of you peeps?" Kylie asked holding her camera. I never noticed how nice those earrings of hers looked. Those pink diamond earrings. Those expensive diamond earrings...

Mario and the rest, even Bowser, grouped together for a photo with the field in the background. I was left out of it, and no one noticed of course.


"Cheese!" everyone repeated. The flash went off, and their smiles dropped so they could pretend to be angry and stuff again. Suddenly I heard Kylie gasp.

Kylie looked around her. "My earrings! Where did they go?!"

"Look on the ground," Daisy said quickly.

"Sister, they were just on! How did- what's that?" She gave me a weird look. And then I realized why.

The earrings were in my hands….

To be continued.


(Original) Summary: Luigi slowly develops a split personality, and it isn't Mr. L, or any other cliche. He isn't abused either (another cliche in itself), but there will be angst (so I guess you can't escape all cliches after all). You'll never believe what it actually is!

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Luigi's Split Personality, part 2

All of those shocked faces pointing my way! The worst part were the eyes like lasers impaling my body, including my heart.. My chest tightened as the sunlight seemed to blaze and blind me. My knees weakened as my posture slumped and the world turned sideways. I was gonna be si!-

"Oh Luigi found them!"

Kylie the Koopa reporter snatched the earrings away from my jittery palms. Oh yeah. I was kind of holding the evidence under everyone's noses. The reporter stared at the gold jewelry closely and then her lips made a thin line. "The diamonds are missing ya know," she remarked sharply. I gulped while others groaned.

"Maybe they popped out when they hit the floor," Daisy suggested, stepping up a little closer. I could tell from the look on her face is was annoyed.

Peach shook her head. "I don't think so, Daisy. Those kinds of earrings are held together by a screw. Someone would have to be a talented and natural scoundrel to do it so quickly and seamlessly.

I felt sick again and I didn't know why. Those things were NOT me so why was I so.. a mess?

Bowser emitted a low growl, stepping up and shoving everyone aside to get to Kylie. "Listen, this is going on WAY TOO LONG! Reporter chick can glue back together her tacky jewelry on the sidelines. Let's get to the flipping game already!" His outburst seemed to shake everyone to the core and the message got through. There was a game to be at hand and no one took sports more seriously than Mario!

Kylie stomped off I saw and then the crew made their may back to the court, leaving me. Sweet relief! Saved by Bowser! I plopped down on the metal sideline bench like a few others, under half of a nearby palm tree specifically so I didn't faint. That was freaking weird as heck. Only a professional thug like Larry Koopa could do that.

Larry… Hmm. NO. Unless. Why'd I think of him? Me and Koopalings mixed like blooper ink and water… Uhg. Now I know why I blotted it out. I did try to reach out but only because Larry dealt with digital currency and he had this digital casino thing. Don't judge me, Wario took my wallet last Mario Kart and I couldn't even get it back because the douche lost it himself. That was a nice wallet. I was green. You know how rare those things are?

Thinking so much uncharacteristically made me tired. I leaned on my left elbow as my eye lids got heavier than a thwomp. Very weird as heck, I reiterated as one lid dropped. Very.. very.. weird.. And that was it. I was gonna sleep through a game and that was okay.

Ouch, what the?!

I aggressively lifted back up as laying my body on the side of the bleachers got me stabbed by something in my side pocket I don't remember being there. What? A little screwdriver? How?

Next. I don't know why but my neck craned to the right and there was Bowser Junior going between watching his dad, hogging up the best shady spot, and playing his Nintendo Switch. Dare I ask?

"This isn't yours is it?" I asked him. Perhaps his six year old child not only stole the diamonds from the earrings that he snatched from the most hawk eyed reporter without anyone noticing, but maybe he slipped it in my pockets too, even though I'm extremely sensitive to the touch-

No you idiot! My hand ran through my hair, slightly matted by the sweat.

"I was having a totally super hard pro gamer Fox only Final Destination no items match. Now what?" Junior replied literally five minutes later, giving the game a rest on his lap.

I mumbled something because by then I was busy with a new activity. It was a vague feeling. I was doing 'something' and intellectually and artsy, yet a part of my consciousness was missing. I just knew it was totally cool wicked!

Junior curiously faced my way for the first time and gasped. "MY SPECIAL THINGY!" In childish rage he flung that Switch down to the ground. Clack! The Joy-Cons detached and bounced all the way to the tennis field and under Yoshi's feet. He slipped just as the ball was heading his way and it flew over his head and whacked into his doubles partner Mario's gut, which bounced it again to the left where Peach sat in the umpire seat sipping tea. The rogue controller shattered her glass and made her stumble back which meant that Toad got splashed with the liquid and with that, the score sheet was ruined. The game was over.

"Ahhh! Noooo! We were wining!" Bowser roared. He glanced to Daisy, his doubles partner, and the princess was about to blow up as well.

Peach dusted off from the back flip and with a huff snatched up the chipped Joy Con. "Who is responsible for this?" she all but piercingly screamed.

I saw Bowser's red eyes drag across the field to the bleachers and rest his son stomping the ground.

Junior's finger jut out at my face. "I only threw it because he stole my stuff!"

"Liar," I replied immediately. "We've been next to each other the entire time so how did I try anything? And look, you graffiti the entire spot in front of us with 'Mario sucks, Junior rules.' Who else would write that? Hey, you over there is a witness too," I pointed out to Kylie Koopa. She'd not entirely left the scene after all and was at the far opposite end of the bleachers, still snapping photos I'd notice some time, even if dejectedly.

The middle aged koopa woman however gave me the most pitiful look. She clicked her tongue and then folder her arms, leaving the camera to dangle around her neck. "Listen sticky-fingers. If ya gonna try to use me as a witness of your innocence, don't use the very thing ya stole to point at me."

My eyebrow shifted downwards, as I was taken back. The stuck the thing I'd pointed with under my elbow so that I could in turn fold my arms as the ridiculousness of that. Problem was, that object was the magic paintbrush, or as I once knew it the Gaddbrush or as I knew it in that moment the 'Luigi-your-screwed-brush'.

Created: 4/2/20

Author note: Hey, I just had this draft written out way since 3/20/19. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with this story but it felt a disservice to keep it forever not uploaded. Think I should pick it back up?

Title: Weird and Rude Conversation
Category: Games » Mario
Author: C. Mechayoshi
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K
Genre: Humor/Parody
Published: 01-24-16, Updated: 01-24-16
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,353

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Weird and Rude conversation: Flare meets Bowserman?

Originally completed 12/1/15

Summary: (AU) Bowserman is an entertainer and Bowser impersonator. Flare the podoboo is a plumber. What will happen when they are put in a room together? -Along with with a bit of "help" from a Boo, of course. (Contains OCs)

Disclaimer: I don't own "Bowser", "podoboo", "boo" or anything else Mario related here. I especially don't own that 'let the bodies hit the floor' song.

Bowserman entered from stage left. And by that we mean a random door into blank white room.

Bowserman (who will be called 'Bowser' for short) is a six foot Koopa wearing a black tank top with designer jeans and sunglasses. He has prominent horns and a large spiky shell, giving him an uncanny resemblance to the Koopa King Bowser, no doubt influencing his stage name. The only difference is that Bowserman has a large unkempt black beard. 'Bowser' and his sister Destructo own BM+DK, a fashion accessory line and talk show aimed at super villains. With their products and show being a huge hit, Bowser has much fame in the area.

"The one and only Bowserman is here!" he loudly announced as he approached Flare. She was sweeping with a broom around the two chairs and table in the otherwise empty room.

Flare is a podoboo with a typical podoboo appearance, that being a flaming fireball with eyes. She also co-owner of the publishing and plumbing company, Red Plum that she owns with her husband and family. They are a direct competitor with the 'Mario bros' plumbing shop. Flare is basically a nobody and far from famous.

"What are you? Some celebrity?" Flare said without looking away from the broom.

"Uh yeah! I'm the host of the Bowserman and Distructo Koopa show," Bowserman said as if it was common knowledge.

"So you are some entertainer, huh?" Flare asked sharply.

"Yo, only the best in town. BM+DK, yeah!" he replied, leaning on the tabletop.

"If you say so," Flare said as she finally took a glance at Bowserman. A flash of disgust came across her face and she returned to her self imposed chores.

"So umm, you're a plumber right?"

"Uh hmm," she mumbled fully engrossed in her work.

Sweeping was Flare's favorite necessary chore. Once her family had to stage an intervention over it. Flare was no longer 'obsessed' with it but she'd take it over interacting any farther with Bowserman. Bowser took a seat in one of the chairs. He was a true entertainer and loved meeting new people so he was determined to get to know Flare better.

"Yeah yeah. I can respect that girl," he said while simultaneously tapping his chest in an "urban" sign of respect. Flare didn't see the kindly gesture but did take offense to his comment.

"I'm old enough to be your mother," she stated matter of factly.

"Oh, I dig that."

"You dug up what?"

"No, I like your uh, age and beauty?"

"I'm married too."

He had no intention of appearing to hit on Flare. She was definitely not his type. However unlike his more charismatic sister, Destructo, Bowser often played on the responses of others; in situations where he wasn't getting much response from the other person, he was suddenly awkward. Just before he could think of a way to change the conversation Flare suddenly dropped her broom and stared upward. Bowserman also looked upwards towards the plain white ceiling and saw no source of the light. This instantly freaked him out.

"Flare, you alright?" Bowser said as he got up from the chair and made his way towards Flare.

Suddenly a beam of light appeared over her. Bowser was knocked back by an invisible force and a blinding light obscured his view of anything else.

"Hey kid, now are you alright?" Bowserman heard a familiar voice say. His vision cleared and he saw Flare standing in in front of him with a quizzical look.

"Girl, what was that?"

"What was what, hon?"

"That- that light thing. From the ceiling and? I- nevermind..." Bowser trailed off starting to believe he was more sleep deprived than he thought.

"Oh well then. I'm pleased to meet you Mr. Bowserman. Your talk show is wonderful," Flare said in an uncharacteristically sweet way. She walked to the chair on her side of the table, not giving the broom on the floor a glance. This instantly made Bowser suspicious.

"Don't you want to take a seat?" Flare suggested. Bowser complied hesitantly.



"Again, I think your show has helped improve hero villain relations."

"Yeah it has. We're all people too," He said starting to get comfortable again.

"Yes wonderful. So what's your workout routine?" Flare said now in a lower voice while staring him down.

Bowser did indeed work out. It wasn't something he's serious about but he had to keep up appearances being a male celebrity and all.

"Uh, a bit of cardio, some laps, a bit of swimming. Wait, why?"

"Let's just say if someone theoretically had a husband that's picked up a few pounds and refused to go to the gym despite the pleas of his loving, beautiful wife and blames the weight on my- I mean the wife's cooking which can't be the case because I- I mean the wife only uses low fat products and he says the gym is a ripoff but it isn't if you use a coupon that she could print if only he bothered to change the ink.-"


"-But he doesn't trust the print store because they ruined our- I mean their sales posters so basically you need to order it online but the office computer has viruses from my- I mean his, her, whatever cousins playing on it a week before. So basically this wife just wants a ripped husband to stick it to her neighborhood club leader's wife and prove he's not a loser. So, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THIS THIS THEORETICAL WIFE?" She screamed with a crazed look.

"D-dude…" Bowser was debating at this point if he should just run. All hope was lost for a normal conversation in his mind. "You don't have to make friends with everyone," he reasoned, especially the crazies. After glancing around he started to panic more when he couldn't find an door. Not even the one he entered through.

"I gotta go..." he said while getting up and backing away.

"Listen kid," she pouted "hey listen! Don't move!" she suddenly shouted. Bowserman obeyed as Flare's authoritative tone was oddly effective.

"I'm fine okay?" She continued, "I have to be like this because the plot demands so."

"The what?"

"The plot."

Then the camera dramatically zoomed in on Flare's face...

"Guess what son," she said plainly, "That light beam was a message from beyond and I tell you, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR-"


Bowserman freaked out. He ran toward one of the walls and frantically beat on it.

"Let me out let me out let me out-!"

"Just kidding. That was Amia communicating with me. She's my daughter. And that weird thing was lyrics from a song my little cousins were listening to."

Bowserman looked back unsure. Flare seemed nice if not defensive at first. Flare tilted her head.

"Hey, kids these days do have strange music tastes…"

"Okay then but, why the heel turn?" he said as he turned around.

"I just told you. We weren't engaged."

"But you said you were married right?"

"Not that kind of engage. Uhg, just whatever!" She got up from the chair and looked above. "I'm done here," she said to the ceiling.

"But MOM?!" a monstrous yet whiny voice thundered, appearing to come from nowhere.

"No 'buts' Missy. We are done here. He's just like the rest of our entertainers these days. All cheese, no ham. You know what I mean?"

Flare and the voice broke out in laughter. However the voice's laughter shook the room freaking Bowser out again.

"That voice is your daughter's? You people are crazy!" By this point, Bowser's fake urban accent was long gone and he now sounded vaguely European.

"Mr. Bowserman, you lasted a while-" the voice replied, "People usually say that about us in the first five minutes."

"C-can I just leave?!"

"Sure dude. Oh and pleased to meet you. I'm Amia, we've met before."

In a poof, Amia appeared in the middle of the room. She was a shifty eyed Boo wearing only a sergeant hat labeled "S". The force of her arrival knocked over the nearby table and chairs but it was otherwise less spectacular than the situation before with Flare. She stood stoically near the mess she made and after a quick glance around the room simply shrugged.

"Meh. Nothing is broken at least…" Her was voice no longer monstrous but monotonous.

"Who are you again?" Bowserman said now more confused than frightened.

"So you don't remember? Season 5 episode 3 during your 'call a guest' special. I was called on stage and you even shook my hand come on, dude!" Amia suddenly whined.

"Amia! He's older than you, but most importantly he's rich. You'd better respect him," Flare said in her signature authoritative tone.

"Yes ma'am," Amia instantly calmed down, presumably for her own good. Flare's tone worked again.

"So that thing before with the light," Bowser started again.

"Oh Amia just likes to show off," Flare said.

"I do not, mom."

"So like how is she your mother? You being a podoboo and her being a boo?... I mean uh, no offense?" Bowser realized he'd made a big mistake.

"What?" Amia and Flare said with distraught face.

Okay so Amia is Flare's stepdaughter. Still, that's probably something that one shouldn't bring up.

"Please I- I just want to go. Is this a hostage situation? There's no doors- do you want money? Just- just LET ME OUT!" Bowserman shrieked.


Amia pulled out an electronic device and pressed a button. The door Bowser and Flare entered in appeared once more.

"Heh, I just hid the door to 'encourage' discussion."

Bowser looked towards the door and then back to Amia with suspicion.

"So, how can you get away with that? The BM+DK show doesn't even get away with kidnapping guests, and we get away with a lot of other things"

The show indeed does. Highlights include staging a "wear no pants day", using dangerous chemicals see which one melts metal bars the quickest on stage, and hosting an unofficial Death Machine parade. Kidnapping guests however is going way too far for BM+DK.

"Hey like, don't even think about suing. It's in the contract, dude."

"What contract?!"

"Amia! Let him go!" Flare interrupted.

"Mom, I'm just establishing our legal standings here."

"Whatever, later. BM is out, yo yo!" His urban accent was back in full force as he took his leave.

Amia and Flare followed. Outside the room, they were in a Park the middle of the city park. The room they had just exited was gone, leaving only a door. The room didn't actually exist in this dimension, it was just a conference room literally in the middle of nowhere Amia could access with her own otherworldly powers.

"I think it went alright, mom"

"Never again, sweety."

"Uh, but you liked my effects right?"

Amia was deeply sensitive about her theatrics, ever since she got booed (no pun intended) off of the stage of a high school talent show. That however is another story...

"No. Oh and watch yourself with these blank white rooms. You can make people crazy with your tricks. I just- oh look at the time!"

Flare had to run off. She took her leave in a hurry towards her family plumbing shop just two blocks away from the park to attend to business. She was already a few minutes pass her break time so for once, she was the late one. Her workmates would be sure to make fun of her for that. Amia, understanding Flare's sudden leave, felt slightly guilty for making her late. She then teleported to Super Flat Zone, where she frequently hung out with her friend Mr. Game &Watch.

But what about Bowserman? He had fled to the other side of the Park and hid in a bush, an effort to avoid being seen until an special vehicle could pick him up. After hiding for twenty minutes, the car arrived. Bowser noticed it took a mad dash towards it before too many park goers could spot him and take pictures. Once inside he was greeted by his sister.

"Hey, bro h- whoa! Are you well?" Distructo asked in a European accent. The siblings didn't even bother with the fake urban accent with each other.

"Too much," he huffed.

"Well did you meet Flare? Was was this whole thing?"

"One weird and rude conversation…"

The End.

Author note: This is my first submission here, but far from my first story ever written (not that I'm saying I'm really good or anything). That being said, this is alternate universe as most of my work is. Hopefully you won't find the pace too slow. Often with my original fiction I have inside jokes and whatnot that only me and and closer acquaintances would get, but I've tried to eliminate a lot of that here, for the sake of having something that the general public can enjoy. So, if something does not make sense, please pm me or mention it in a review.

Oh, and 'Amia' is not a self insert. You'll only realize why I'm saying that if you visit my bio though. Lastly, feel free to give any feedback you deem necessary. I won't bite!